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Oh, Jake. Merry Christmas. And we say that because it's Christmas Day. We wish everyone happy holidays. We know not everyone celebrates the same one. And we also know that this is going to be a spot.
We know that everybody on this day is looking for a half hour to 42 minutes to get away from the family. And we actually have a Christmas themed.
you know what we're going to call it? A holiday themed. Yeah. Because they're called Christmas cards, but they're holiday cards. Yeah, they're holiday cards. Well, actually, they dress like Santa. Well, some of them do. I mean, we don't want to give too... Listen. Chill out. Just relax, everybody. All right? We have a great episode with a follow-up, so stick around for this one. It's a sweet one. It's a fun one. And we know that it's the giving season, whatever you celebrate, so we are asking people to do us a favor at
this show and your friends or your family and give them the gift of we're here to help. We want you to recommend the podcast to someone, friends or family, just anyone. Just give them the hard sell. Give them the old Gil Buchanan. Hey Gil, get out of here. It's Gareth time. That was amazing. Give them the hard sell. Dude, how did you do that? Don't you worry about it, Jake. Gareth and I sometimes ride in a van together.
You're a man of a billion. You're like the police academy guy. Can you do buttons and sounds? What does an elevator sound like? No, not the same. Like the police academy guy. So do the sound of a coffee maker. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm going to have a little bit of a hard drip coffee right now.
Oh, that's a little spicy. Can you do the sound of a lawnmower turning on? Boy, I'll tell you what. Someone's got to trim this lawn. I guess it's going to have to be old Gil Buchanan. Oh, my God. This thing will never start. I know you're not supposed to use gas in Los Angeles, but I still do. Oh, my God.
How about last before we get out of here, can you make the sound of a motorboat and a lion roaring? Oh, boy. I think I'm going to take the boat out for a little while. Boy, I better do this quickly. It looks like there's a lion over there.
Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the show. Oh, wait, you didn't even let me finish the pitch. Goodbye, everybody. Send us a screenshot of when you recommended it and send it to the podcast or send it to the Instagram. We're going to do it on social media without further ado.
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Hi, everybody. This is Kevin, the producer of the show. Hi, Kevin. Thanks so much for doing this. Jake and Gareth have no idea what's going on. Okay. And if one of you would like to take the lead with setting this up, that'd be great.
Hey, so I'm Claire. I'm 35 and live in Atlanta. And I'm the oldest of four adult siblings. We're all big fans of the podcast. Thanks, guys. So we're hoping to get your help with a little family issue, if you don't mind. So we have on the call all of the siblings, just to be clear. We sure do. We're all here. Can we get everyone's name really fast? We've got Claire. Yep, oldest to youngest. Next is Quinn. That's me.
Carrot here. What's your name? Carrot. Carrot? Yeah, it's like if you think of the name Eric and then put a C in front of it, you've got Carrot.
Carrick, okay. And then I'm Bridget, the youngest. A very Brady start. And where are we going? Claire, you want to keep taking the reins? Yes, all right. So we're lucky to have a wonderful family. We have two loving parents who've been married for over 40 years now. Our dad, who is otherwise a very smart and normal man, he has this one thing that he's a little bit crazy about, and that's our family Christmas card. Okay.
So our mom, who's otherwise the nicest person you can imagine, very not confrontational. This is the one time of year when we're prepping for the Christmas card that she threatens to file for a divorce from our dad. Every year around this time, we start to get some texts, putting some feelers out there. He has a vision about what the Christmas card will look like this year. And it's usually very specific and sort of odd.
And he goes a little nuts and spends hours with these cards. After all of that, we are told by family and friends that they really do enjoy our Christmas cards. I believe Kevin has some for you to look at if you'd like to see some. This is like a court case. Oh, my Lord. Gareth, walk us through to the audience. Okay. Explain what we're seeing. We've got...
I won't say the name, but it is a Brady Bunch ripoff. We have different blocks. It's like a tic-tac-toe square. In the middle, it says the family name. And it is designed to look like the Brady Bunch. People are looking at each other. We see mom and dad, and dad has a bow tie. Seemingly a very sweet, loving relationship. And yet, when you know the behind the scenes, it's great context. All right, so that's the Brady one. Let's see the next one.
This one much more standard. Add a piano, black and white. Why so serious? More tasteful. There's a dog at the piano. Everyone looks very serious. I think it's good for you to know that none of us play piano. Of course. And I'd assume the dog is the same. And the parents aren't in this one. That
That was probably a year that my mom refused to be any part of it. Okay. So this was maybe a year when mom said no. Okay. Okay. By the pier. Okay. Now it seems like everybody's been having babies. Yeah.
You are all with hats and mittens and scarves and holding babies near the water. Merry Christmas. Again, what we're noticing is there is a real variance to these. You're not married to any traditional thing. So it seems like dad is drawing up blueprints each year to kind of get this right. Exactly. OK, so, Claire, what's the problemo?
So unfortunately this year we're spread out all across the country. And for the first time, we're not going to be together before Christmas. So our dad, we,
adore him. And as much as this drives us crazy, we're really worried we're going to let him down this year and not be able to get a Christmas card done. So we're hoping you can give us some help in how to get a Christmas card for the ages, one that will make him very happy despite us being spread out around the country. Wow. It's a hell of a problem. So this is the first year you guys are not going to be able to be there for the photo.
Yes. And we now know it means a lot to dad. Yes. So essentially what we're and you guys logistically, there's no way that this can get done, right? That's not a possibility. No, unfortunately. OK, so how do we how do we come up with a concept that you guys can pull off without having to be together?
I mean, I have an idea. Jake, do you have anything jumping out at you? I'm still trying to wrap my head around the question. The problem of this one is just that they're not going to be in the same space. Yeah. And do we have a way to give them a way to compensate for the fact that there's a logistical issue by coming up with a really good Christmas card? And there should be something to honor dad.
And the fact that every year he gives a lot of effort to this and there should be something comedic to honor mom that she hates it. That would be wonderful. There's gotta be something in this premise that it's, uh, you know, my first kind of thought is almost like a, uh,
you know, unusual suspects kind of thing where you guys are all fleeing the photo where it's almost like, you know, the, you know, like when you go to like an old Western thing, wanted dead or alive, where everybody's got to send their kind of headshot in. Let me ask this. Is dad a Christmas freak? Dad loves Christmas.
No, this is specifically his only thing about Christmas that he's passionate about. So interesting. What a wild man. Does dad have a favorite Christmas movie? Any and every Hallmark movie would work for him. My pitch was going to be, let's do a Christmas vacation takeoff where he's Clark Griswold, or let's do a Christmas story one. Let's rip off a Christmas...
to some extent, but it looks like these are all very boring. So my follow-up pitch would be, why don't we make it so that you guys are elves and you can kind of have someone edit it together so that it looks like... So Dad would be Santa, Mom would be Mrs. Claus, you guys are elves, and we sort of like...
Have that Photoshop together, which wouldn't be too hard to do, I don't think. But you kind of give it more since you can't be together instead of location based or having a dog at a piano. Let's make it. Let's let's costume it up a little. Jake, let's Hollywood it. Let's give it a little zhuzh. I'm going to pitch a little something to the four kids a little bit. I'm going to give a little tough love here. This means a lot to your dad, right?
Oh, yes. Definitely. The biggest thing about his ear. Yeah. Okay. That's where I was kind of going. Now, we've seen through the photos of you guys at the beach in those caps. You guys all have kids. And I know from having kids myself and with travel, it just becomes a nightmare, right? So here's what I would pitch to you guys.
I would do something for your dad where I would say, we need you to go to this place. We're having something dropped off. You got to all be wearing all white. Oh boy. And I would get your mom in on the plan. And I would, here's what I would do. You guys can fly in for one day without your whole families.
I would do a sneak attack photo shoot for your dad that you work with your mom and give him the gift that he's given you guys for all these years. You start a new tradition. You find a way where you flying in the morning, you fly out at night, but you guys all get to a place.
You're all wearing white or something ridiculous. The dad doesn't know why he's doing it. You set him up. So when he gets to the spot, he goes, what is this? What's with that photographer? You guys all come out in that moment of elation and emotion. You snap the fucking photo. Am I out of line here, guys? Where are we at, siblings? Wow. We're pitching stuff where you're going to dress up like elves or help wanted and your dad's going to go.
It's disappointing. This means the world to him. And he understands his kids are growing up and they're moving away. And what a nightmare. And you guys go one last chance, dad, we're all here. I mean, my wife's going to kill me. My husband's going to kill me, but I'm here for 12 hours.
Let's take the photos. If you do that, well, speak to the reality of that in a section in a second. But that is the hallmark version of this problem. This is what he's wanted all these years is giving him the hallmark. This movie would be called the Christmas card because
And it would be about a father saddened that in the first time in a long time, his family can't get together for because they've all grown up and moved away. And we find a way to make the hallmark ending where we sell that on the fact that it's not going to happen only to make it happen. And if one of you but if one of you can't make it, then all you need to do is somebody puts their arm up over nothing and you photoshop that person. You get a mannequin and you put a green hood over it.
But whoever can make it in siblings where we're at. Is there a chance you guys can do this with mom and you can surprise dad? Because if not, I feel like you're just going to break the poor man's heart. Where are we at? Claire Quinn, Carrick Bridge. Where are we at here? Carrick, I'm going to ask you since you're the furthest away. Yeah. Yeah, I think that sounds beautiful. I honestly started tearing up because I can picture my dad so, so happy in that moment.
Uh, the logistics would be tough. Logistics would be tough, but I like it. But I like it. This is, we can roll with this. Is it possible, Carrick? Could that happen?
I think so. I mean, we might have to run a lot of times. Quinn is the guy who gets the inventory ready for trips like this. This would be a little bit of a different one. Quinn, you think we could do it? Yes. The inventory is available. Yes. Okay. Okay. Let's lean in harder then. If we're going to do the surprise, what we need to do is sell dad on the fact that it's not going to happen this year. 100% right. Make that
I don't want to say sad, but break his heart. Lean into the disappointment he's going to feel because that's how we're going to hallmark the shit out of this end. That's exactly right. So I think what you guys need to do is you guys need to figure out the day you can do it. Most likely on a weekend, if it's got to be a last second fly in the morning, fly out the next day. This is not about we're all now hanging for a few days. You're doing this entire trip.
to give your dad his real Christmas gift this year. Yep. And that is the card. It's beautiful. I love that. Then we're off the hook. And here's what we're also going to do. You're going to say the pitch is going to be
We're really sad that we can't do this, but we're going to do the next best thing. We've set up a green screen and just have your mother get a green piece of fabric, set it up in the garage and say, so we're going to Photoshop in everybody in the family afterwards. We figured out a way to do it. Hold on, Gareth. But Gareth, here's the move because you're going to want some comedy in this.
You say, Dad, here's what we're doing. We're going to green screen it and we're doing a Pirates of the Caribbean theme. So you have to dress like a big pirate. So then you guys are not dressed as pirates. Yes. You are hidden behind the green screen. So Dad goes out. This is going to be great. So Dad goes out there dressed as Jack Sparrow.
Maybe he doesn't eat, whatever it is. And he stands in front of the green screen. Your mom's there. You set up the camera. When you say three, two, drop the green screen and your whole family's behind there. You get that moment. Actually, I'm going to take it back. You know what? Cause I don't want dad feeling bad. You guys are dressed up too.
And you say to him, if you can, you're all Jack Sparrow. You say, Dad, you pick the theme, but let's make it really silly and funny. Since and then since we can't be there together, Dad, you pick the theme. We're all going to lean into it to make it up to you. I think. And then the green screens there. You drop the green screen. The family's there. You get the Christmas card and it's arguably going to be the best one ever.
What do you think? Did we just hallmark the shit out of this or did we just hallmark the shit out of this? I love it. If we were making this a hallmark themed event, what would you call it? What would be the cheesy hallmark movie so that we can label the card? I mean, it's got to be something of the kids saved Christmas or one last card. The card way. I'll back off.
I wanted to say the Christmas hard, but we all know that's the wrong direction. That's not going to work. We're not going to Christmas hard. I want you to hear that the wheels are spinning. I'm not silently spinning. Dad's tradition. Dad's tradition. So one last title, Gareth. Take us out. After this, we're saying goodbye. Gareth, go ahead. All right. It's called... What's your dad's name? Kevin. Kevin.
It's called... Not Home Alone. No. Wow. That is 100% it. Nope, Gareth, he got it. Sorry, buddy. No, no, no, no. See you guys later. Thank you guys so much. No, no, no. No, there's a... No! No!
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Good. How are you? Good. This is Kevin, the producer. I got Jake and Gareth with me and they know we're doing a follow up. Would you like to remind them who you are and your initial call?
Yes. Hi, I'm Claire. I'm the oldest of those four siblings that we're trying to figure out our Christmas card to potentially surprise our dad. Right. We were wondering, you all couldn't get together. What happened? Claire, take over. Well, so I'll start by saying that we were on a pretty tight timeline and we weren't sure it was going to work out, but we did make it happen. So you all got together to do this?
We did. We did. I have the video. Do we want to watch it? Oh, yeah. So pretend you're on the talk show, Claire, and we are Kimmel. Is there anything you want to say to set up this clip?
Okay, well, I'll tell you that. So this just happened a few days ago that we made it happen. And I had to leave my son's preschool Christmas budget and go straight to the airport. It all happened on my end within about 24 hours. And it seemed rather cursed because I met my sister Bridget at Thanksgiving.
the airport she took me to a lovely dinner a few doors down all of a sudden a huge fire broke out there were like eight fire trucks um so we had to get out of there the next morning we're so excited we're all on schedule we have the whole plan laid out and we get to pick up my brother karek and get to the airport don't see him don't see him he's taking a red eye we're um you know just feel so badly he's had to wait for us he says he's in zone four and finally i asked him if he
If he was at the airport, we thought he was at, and he was actually at the other airport. Oh, no. So knowing that we were on a tight timeline, this was a little extra stressful. I wonder if Carrick was sitting on that red eye thinking, boy, it would have been a lot better if she didn't call that podcast. Yeah, we had...
My amazing future brother-in-law, Sunil, who got roped into helping us is sitting in the front seat, just like cracking up that we cannot get this together. And we finally made it down and to my parents' house. And I think this would be a good time to show you the video. I think we have a clip. Yeah. We have a clip of that actually. For the listener, I'm going to put a link in the description too. So you can follow along if you're listening.
Say cookies! Cookies! Cookies! Perfect, it's looking great. Look at how confused Santa is. Santa is lost. Are you guys ready? Ready? We'll explain everything.
Will explain everything is the greatest thing to say. When your dad is in a Santa outfit where a green screen just got ripped down, his kids joined him and they're dressed like buccaneers. That is really nice stuff. How did it all end, Claire? Oh, my God. The Christmas card is amazing.
Amazing. OK, so you have the pre when they're on the green screen, the moment when they're you guys are coming out to shock them, the first Christmas card, which is them surprised still taking the picture and then a kind of nicer one where you guys are all sitting on the stairs probably after they've had a minute to compose themselves. Do you feel like this was a success?
Oh, huge success. We were sort of surprised that their reaction was not bigger, but they still say this was, you know, just over 24 hours ago. They still say that they're in shock and they think that they dreamt this whole thing. Yeah. Sometimes when people are super surprised, it feels not like what you would think necessarily. And so what did mom and dad say afterwards about the card?
I mean, I know you guys popped in and popped out. I will say as kids, you guys deliver. Oh, yeah. You brought it. That's just going to be something when the dust settles for mom and dad. I think it's going to mean a lot to them. It is a Christmas miracle. You guys all flew in. You left your families. You went back to the original core six. Yeah. You created something great. So from our end, what a massive win for the kids.
Well done. The card is really great. It's a great card. Yes. It's so good. It's a great card. There is a problem, though. Which is? What do we do next year? Right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is untoppable. Too early to pitch. Too early to pitch. I got some, no. So, Claire, what do you guys feel in the end? Where are you guys at? How's the family feeling? We're good.
We loved it and we all want to thank you, including my parents for our best Christmas card yet. I will tell you, I said this to my husband when I got home and he's been taking care of kids that have stomach bugs all weekend. Why wouldn't do this card? And he's,
The feedback has been, what's the deal with the pirates? So we just told them that they have to listen to the podcast. And I think we might, on the back of the card, we might say, yo, ho, ho, ho. And you know what I would also do on the card is I would tell, I would put the link to this episode. Yeah.
Because I think people are going to get it and go, yo, ho, ho. Okay, so pirate. I don't get it. But then when they listen, I think they're going to have a really nice. The full story. It's a Christmas card and a podcast. And a little promotion. I love it. And the funniest part is how little I remember our pirate pitch part of it. But it's hilarious. Yes.
Yeah, we really took that and ran with it. You sure did. Before we say goodbye, just how great of a job did Jake and I do on this one? Just so we can cut this, Kevin. Thank you so much, Claire. Thanks, Claire. You're the best. I'm assuming we did a great job. Appreciate it. Take care. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Take care. Thanks.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.
The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HateGum Podcast.