S2 Ep10: Poledancing, book clubs, and gay men's chorus: Your niche gossip
50:10 Share

Before we get going today, I wanted to tell you about another Radiotopia podcast you should be listening to, Song Exploder. Song Exploder is an award-winning show about the creative process behind music. Artists break down one of their songs, letting you hear all the different layers in the recording, from instruments to beats to vocals. And most importantly, they talk about why they made the creative choices they did. Song Exploder is not just for music nerds. It's for anybody who cares about creativity or wants to feel inspired to create something.

It's hosted by Rishi Keshe Hiraway, who you might know from the podcast Home Cooking or the West Wing Weekly. The episodes are short, about 20 minutes each, and my recommendation is to start with an episode featuring an artist you love. And then listen to one with an artist you don't know at all. There are over 250 episodes with guests like Fleetwood Mac, Madonna, Solange, Beats,

Billy Eilish, Phoebe Bridgers, FK Twigs, The Killers, Dua Lipa, and John Batiste, and more. Each episode is really a miniature portrait of an artist and how their creative mind works, with the song as the lens we see them through. It's also a great way to discover new music. It's a different kind of experience to get introduced to a song this way, learning how and why each piece and idea came together before you hear the whole song at the end.

Find your favorite episode of Song Exploder and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or at songexploder.net. Imagine this grasshopper is like Ratatouille on top of one of the guy's heads. He's like, come on, go kiss. Kiss, kiss.

Hello, Gossip Monsters, and welcome to the second bonus episode of Season 2. Today, we are going to listen to your niche community gossip, which I have not heard, but I have been told is extremely good and wild. Alex is here. Alex, say hello. Hello. Hello.

Before we get into it and you tell me all about these gossips, I just want to do a really quick shout out for subscriptions. If you're, you know, missing us, telling yourself every Wednesday, oh my God, I wish I had more gossip. I'm dying without gossip. One way to have more gossip while we're on break is to become a subscriber, which you can do at support normal gossip.com.

You can go there. If you become a friend or a friend of a friend, you'll get a bonus episode every month. And if you become our friend, you can come into our close friends on Instagram where we are doing secrets every Monday. Evil laugh. It's so fun. We love it. Okay, enough business. Let's do it. Alex, what are we doing today? What are we doing here? How's this going to work? Okay, how this is going to work is I have picked out five niche community gossip stories that are submitted by listeners.

They will be anonymized to various degrees and we're going to go through them. Are you ready? I'm amped. Let's do it. This has been the delight of my week. Jay and I have been going through everybody's emails and voice messages and just like losing it.

I also just want the listeners to know that you and I are in rare form today because neither of us slept at all last night. So this should be a real chaotic time. Extremely fun. Let's go. Let's go. That's a Game of Roses reference for those paying attention. For those in the pit. Those of us stuck in the pit for life can't get out.

Okay. As a reminder, you can like yell pause if you want to pause. Okay. Okay. We're going to scream. Never been known to hold back in my life. So great. Okay. Ready? Okay. Have I got some goss for you.

Let me introduce you to the very dramatic world of the Gay Man's Choir. Oh, my God. So I joined our local Gay Man's Chorus. I won't tell you which one. But I joined a while back. And shortly after I joined, there was an opening in the much more exclusive quartet that was a part of the choir. I'm so sorry. I have to pause already. I just – what?

Exclusive quartet. See, this is why we were so excited for niche community drama, because like we did not know that there could be an exclusive quartet. You know, I didn't even know that like multiple cities had gay men choruses, much less that they had exclusive quartets that you had to like audition for or something. OK, I'm ready. Keep going. OK, I can't wait to figure out where this is going.

So there's an opening in the quartet. I auditioned and I got. Congratulations. The president of the quartet, which I later found out was referred to as the cheaters quartet. Oh, my God. OK, I love the idea that I'm assuming quartet means for people because that's what core means.

So what I it's very funny to me that one of them is the president. Like they're all they're only four of you. Yeah, I know. You need a leader. And a president like such an official title. Yeah. Oh, I'm the president of these three people. My power short begins now. Okay, continue.

But we'll get into that. So the president sings bass, and he is there with his husband, who's also in the quartet, who sings baritone. The baritone and I became fast friends. We have similar senses of humor. We like the same things. We're hanging out a lot.

Okay, so our caller has called in. I don't know what his position is, but the president is bass. His husband is baritone. We have one more person that we have not heard about yet. Yes, got it. Okay. Also, imbalance of power to have two members of your couple in the quartet, in my opinion. But whatever. Continue. Okay.

Fast forward a couple of months, the baritone and the bass, their dog passes away, which was very, very sad. And it was very clear that the baritone was much more upset about this than the bass. I just would like to apologize to the listeners of this podcast, as I have promised you in the past that nothing bad will happen to dogs and something bad has now happened to a dog. You know,

mortality is difficult. I feel so sad for them. Yeah, I'm sorry. I should have included a content warning there. I think that it will live, but it's unclear. The base was sad, but apparently the baritone had this dog with his ex and they had raised him as a puppy and the new husband, the base, was just in this dog's life for a couple of years.

So I decided because my day job, I am a portrait artist and I wanted to kind of practice getting some pet portraits done before the Christmas season. So I did a portrait of their dog. Oh my God, Gorge. So I reached out to the president, the base, and I asked him when the baritone's birthday was and I could give him this gift as a birthday present or maybe I could wait until Christmas.

And he says, well, you just missed his birthday and Christmas might be a problem because if you gave him this gift outside of the secret Santa thing, then the tenor is going to be really upset about that. I'm like, okay.

Okay. Pause. All right. So we've got a secret Santa that is clearly an establishment within this quartet. Okay. So also we've now figured out that our callers may be like an alto because of the quartet options, right? Yeah.

This is I just OK. I don't understand why you need this level of coordination for four people like you do not need a president if there are four of you to. Why are you having a secret Santa? Why don't you just draw names out of a cup like there are only three other people and two of you are married? Yeah. Yeah. OK. Like just have a nice dinner.

Yeah, just go to dinner. Just buy everyone a gift. There are only three of you. So the bassist is like, don't worry. Uh-huh.

I am in charge of the secret Santa. So I'll just rig it to where you get the baritone. And then you can give him the painting as a gift. And he asked me, like, how much the materials were. And I think the rough materials came out to, like, $30, which was great because the max was $50. So that should be perfect. Okay, buddy, your labor is worth more than $20. Truly. Sure. So...

Fast forward two weeks before Christmas. An email goes out from the tenor. And I wish I still had this email.

But it was addressed not only to the Cheaters Quartet, but it was also addressed to the director of the choir overall. It was CC'd on the conductor. Like all the important people were CC'd on this email. And it said something like, I have direct proof that the spirit of Secret Santa is

And our quartet has been violated. And in fact, this violation happened months ago when there was an agreement made that the selections would not be random. And this was done so that there would be time for a custom gift to be created.

Which retails for thousands of dollars, much higher than the $50 limit for the Secret Santa. So I, the tenor, will not be participating in Secret Santa this year. I will not be participating in the quartet. And I will not be participating in the Gay Men's Chorus at all. Wow, so he fully quit over this.

Okay, I do respect that the tenor is valuing our hauler's work so highly. Like, I do think that your time is worth more than $20, but I like the complete jump of this man is making a custom portrait, and therefore this is thousands of dollars worth of labor. Incredible. Violating the spirit of the secret Santa. Also, like...

Not to play who's the villain so early, but I'm a little mad at the president about this because based on what he told our caller, he clearly knew that this was going to be a problem by being like, don't tell the tenor. But just rig the competition and don't tell the caller that you're going to do it.

One thing that struck me funny about this is that the signature on it listed him as president of the quartet. And I found this confusing because the bass is the president of the quartet. So I asked somebody that was there for a while and he says, oh, well, I guess the tenor hadn't changed his signature because he used to be president of the quartet until his divorce from the baritone. Ah!

I'm pausing for a moment. Cheaters Quartet. Oh, my God. I just, you know, chef's kiss on the timing of this reveal. Incredible. Beautiful storytelling. Okay. So also, okay. So I just want to make sure I have it straight here. The baritone and the tenor used to be together and they had a dog together.

Then at some point they broke up, which I'm sure we're about to find out about. And then the baritone and the bass are together. And now the dog was the bass's step dog. So the dog was kind of everyone's dog. But also, but also the tenor lost his presidency to the bass when he lost his husband. Yes. And his dog. Voting blocks. I went over this earlier. Yes. So apparently the,

The baritone was married to the tenor, was having a full-on affair with the base for almost two years, and then ended up leaving the tenor for the base. And the base and the baritone got married just a couple of weeks before I got there. What? So the dog was the tenor's dog up until two years ago. I know.

And I did this whole thing behind his back. Anyway, that's the end of the drawdown. Okay. Okay. This has also made me really aware though, of the fact that like the tenor did not quit this group. Yes. When his husband divorced him, married another member of the group and installed that person as president. That was not the line that was crossed. The line that was crossed was the sanctity of a secret. Okay.

It's just, it's very, very good. I just, bless our caller's heart, he did not know what he was walking into and he auditioned for this, like, high profile, um,

Yeah, I was kind of, I mean, I assume that our caller is very talented and that they're both a portrait artist and able to make it into this quartet. But I was kind of curious because these groups usually have a lot of politics in them. I was like, oh, it seems kind of rare to me that someone who just walked in would make it onto this quartet. Because even if you're the most talented person there, usually there's a lot of fucking drama around getting elected to these quartets. And now I am understanding that perhaps the people who were not on the quartet

knew a little more about the construction of the quartet. They're like, yeah, go ahead, buddy. Join the elite quartet. It's a really selective group. Good luck, sweetie. Yikes. This is already incredible. I love this. Okay. So that was, that was story one. Story two. It's going to take us. Yeah. You good? Yeah.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, I'm going to live, I think. Okay.

You know they say anyone can bake bread but few can rock it. Dave's Killer Bread are champions of killer taste, killer texture, and those who rise above cardboard tasting anything. It's America's number one organic bread for a reason. It tastes so darn good. I like to keep two loaves in my house, one on the counter and one in the freezer. So I'm never without power packed bread with whole grains, fiber, protein, and killer taste and texture.

My favorite is the 21 whole grains and seeds loaf. It has a subtle sweetness and a seed coated crust. It's great for toast sandwiches and even by itself. But excitingly Dave's killer bread also has rolls now rock and rolls. It's a dinner roll done the Dave's way soft and slightly sweet, but packed with seeds and grains. You'll love find them in the bread aisle.

Visit daveskillerbread.com to learn more and look for Dave's Killer Bread in the bread aisle of your local grocery store. Dave's Killer Bread. Bread. Amplified. From the producers of Anything for Selena and the Pulitzer Prize-winning podcast Suave comes My Divo, a podcast about roots. Dive into the legendary life, music, and lasting influence of Latin America's most prolific songwriter and showman, Juan Gabriel El Divo de Juarez.

Hosted by Maria Garcia, this is My Devo, an Apple original podcast produced by Futuro Studios. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts. Story two, we are going to go on a journey to a pole dancing community.

Hell yeah. Let's go. I am in the pole dance fitness community. Okay. And years ago, some drama went down at my home studio. I'm anonymizing nothing. Okay, so I'm going to try to go fast. ****** was a teacher. She had a cult-like following. She would give you a nickname after you came to classes a few times. She acted like your best friend. She was so cool. She had the best playlist and the biggest series. What?

I just love that line so much. Anyways, after a while, she had to pick on certain people in her classes, mostly the people that were progressing very fast and possibly progressing faster than she was. Oh, my God. We got along great until I hit a move that she had never gotten, and I hit it on my first try.

And then our relationship changed. She did this to a few people. So it just kind of got weird. But if you were still in her good graces, you loved her and you only went to her classes. Anyways, she just progressively kind of got weirder and weirder. She had like a meltdown during a show. We had a show one time. She made the DJ restart the music.

So she has this like great aunt who's dying in another country. She goes, she takes a couple weeks off the studio. She's like, I've got to be gone, you guys. She goes, she visits the great aunt. The aunt dies. She gets some sort of inheritance. She comes back to the studio. She walks right in. She walks to the computer. She downloads the entire studio's email listserv list. All of the students. Oh my God. Which is owned by the studio. Oh my God.

Okay, we've learned a lot already about this woman, right? Like we've learned that she has huge earrings and great playlists. She is the type to become, you become her enemy the minute you exceed her talent. And she does not respect any kind of business rules. Yes. And apparently she's rich now. Yes. And now she's rich. Okay. All right. Okay.

She drops the mic, she quit, she walks out, she starts her own studio down the street. Some people go there, some people don't. Some people are pissed about how she handled it. Some people already were not liking her.

She starts a Facebook group complaining about the people that from the old studio that never came to her new studio. I had to like message her to request to be removed because at that point in Facebook, you couldn't like leave these certain kind of groups on your own. Pause. We have been over this over and over and over again. The minute you are creating a Facebook group, you are doing something wrong. Yes. It doesn't matter. It always ends poorly. It,

It always ends poorly, especially to talk shit. If you're going to talk shit about students who paid you money, I assume, do it in voice memo. Yes. Do it in person. Do not create a Facebook group. No.

So the original people that stayed loyal to our original studio, we call ourselves the OGs for obvious reasons. We started fundraising because it was getting really competitive because it was offering crazy low packages. Like you could never pay rent with the money. It's like $4 classes. Like there was no way you could sustain it.

So our original studio was like suffering because of all of this and the drama and everything. So the OG started doing fundraising. We did a bake sale. We did this like pirate pool party where we sold tickets and everybody volunteered to work it. I love a bake sale for a pole dancing studio. It's so wholesome. I personally believe that all of these women are also jacked.

So it's like very funny to me to imagine a lot of like very fit women being like, can you please buy these cupcakes to support our pole dancing fitness studio? I love it so much. Incredible. We did like a clothing swap sale. We did all kinds of stuff. Anyways, and it helped. It kept us afloat. Turns out the defector never actually paid her rent for her space. So eventually she gets evicted. Classic.

So her studio closes down abruptly with no word on her. Students don't know. So her studio shuts down without a word. She stops responding to people calling, texting, Facebook messaging her for a long time, maybe six months or longer. And eventually I hear through the rumor mill.

that she is responding to some Facebook messages but won't call anyone, won't meet up with anyone in person. And so then we start to suspect that her weird husband who was like always kind of around, who everyone called Mr. S***.

was just replying for her. And we were like, is she even okay? Like none of us like her anymore, but also if she's lost in her closet. Anyways, this year, 2022, she starts Instagram requesting a bunch of us with her new Instagram handle, teaches swimming lessons.

Oh, my God.

I love this. The great thing about niche community, Jabba, is like if you're like a low key scammer like this woman is, like you're not trying to make a gajillion dollars. You're just trying to like not really work and like do whatever you want. Niche communities are really the place for you. Right. Because what is the overlap in pole dancing fitness class attendees and swimming lesson attendees? Like I assume it is very small. Yeah.

Yeah, not a lot of overlap. We're on to story number three. So this story has a cast of characters whose names will be changed. So listeners, stay tuned for my really expert in automation. Wow, beautiful. Hi. So I live in a subdivision that was built in the 1990s with a bunch of farms. And the subdivision is actually five dirt driveways.

Each driveway has three to five houses, and it's like between a quarter and a half mile long. And the entire neighborhood has a monthly women's book club. And most of the book club members are the original owners that built the houses in the 1990s, and they're in their 50s and 60s now. But there are three or four of us who are like 10 to 20 years younger now.

who've moved in. I'm one of these ladies. And at the last book club meeting, I mentioned that I hadn't seen Cindy, Laura at book clubs in a long time. And what, you know, what are they up to? Are they okay? And Nora is one of the original owners and is this like business mom and

hilarious wry lady was like, oh, they're not coming because of the cat. And I was like, what? And everybody was just like, oh God, you didn't hear about the cat. And so last September, I was having a baby and had no idea what was going on. And

One of the book club members has three kids, and the three kids came home from school. They were like between eight and 14, and there was this beautiful but sickly looking cat hanging around their porch. Dibs. And so they're dumb kids, so they brought it inside and gave it milk and carrots and didn't know what to do with it. Obviously. And they didn't know what to do with it, and they thought about calling their mom, but she was like, don't call me. I'm in a big meeting. Pause.

A mood. They thought about calling their mom. No, they didn't. Later, they said they thought about calling their mom. They 100% were like, maybe if we get the cat really cozy and we give it a bath and it looks really nice, mom will let us keep it. Yeah, yeah.

But I love this. Don't call me. I'm in a big meeting. That's like, that's very like mom's special juice. Yeah. That's me to my dog as she throws her whole body weight against the door while we're recording. Yeah.

So they call their emergency contact their next door neighbor. Laura. Laura. Is this their next door neighbor. And she's this lady in her 60s. In the book club, she likes nonfiction and like doesn't like it when people chat or have fun at the book club. I mean, same. I am this person in a book club. Are you really? I actually am. Okay. I do like this dynamic of like,

Your emergency contact is whichever adult is closest, right? I like that. That's good. Okay. And so she arrives immediately and assesses the cat. And she takes a picture of the cat. She says this cat does look sick. And she puts it on the town's Facebook page. Amazing. And this is like everything that the town loves.

loves hearing about is like animals found and so the town the facebook page goes crazy and martha this lady in town who's the crazy cat lady immediately direct messages laura and it's like look i have a microchip detector i'm gonna come over and check out this cat okay thank you martha and so um at that time diane the mom of the three kids um who's an engineer and like always drinks too much of

the book club. She comes home. Hell yeah. Let's go. Thank you. Thank you for posting this on the Facebook group. She starts interacting with the Facebook group. And by this point, there's like 20 messages like, oh, cute kitty. Oh, I hope the cat is okay. Okay. I love the fact that Diane is quote in a big meeting, cannot return her child's call, but can comment on the Facebook page icon. So

Martha comes and looks for the cat and is like, "Something is wrong with this cat. I need to get it to a rescue organization." So she calls her contact at a rescue organization. They come and they're like, "This cat is sick," and they whisk the cat away. At like 9:00 PM that night, the cat has been whisked away to the emergency vet and this girl comments and is like, "That's our cat Daisy. She's a 20-year-old barn cat and we have been looking for her all day."

Dakota is 25 years old. She's home helping her mom shear sheep. So, and her mom is Cindy, the other lady in the book club, who's really, really into her sheep and loves talking about her sheep and doesn't have baseball.

Okay. Oh, I see. You know, honestly, life goal for me. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine this life where you're just like sick. So I don't have Facebook. I am involved in this book club where we drink wine. And I am just out here living in bliss, sharing my sheep, not knowing about the internet. Cindy, teach me. So luckily, her daughter does. She comments. This is our cat. We've been looking for her. This is great. And she reaches out to me. Martha.

Martha. Uh-huh. Cindy. Hi.

I think because they both lived in town for like 40 years. They have beef because Cindy is very pragmatic about animals. And Martha, like every animal needs to be treated as if it were a king and queen. Okay. So they get on the phone and Cindy was furious that somebody has taken her cat to the emergency vet. Martha. Furious that the cat was in the condition that it was in. And so Cindy says, what have you done with my cat? Where's my cat? I need to go pick it up. She says, well, it's at the emergency vet. They get into a fight.

And basically, she accuses Cindy of treating this 20-year-old cat very badly. Oh, God. Cindy. So she cannot pick up this cat until it has been determined whether or not she is treating her animals well. What? So she has these prized Shetland sheep. She's an active farmer. So the animal control people come out and they say, yes, obviously, you care very much about your animals. Yes.

and this is a 20-year-old cat, it's fine. So you can go and pick up the cat at the rescue or at the animal hospital. Okay, pause. I was told at the beginning of this story that there are, what, four driveways? And that each driveway has three to five houses? So we're talking about a maximum of 20 houses in this neighborhood. Yeah.

If you know that Cindy is not on Facebook, why not reach out to Cindy before you call animal control? I'm also like shocked that everybody didn't recognize this cat. Right. If we're in such a close knit community. Maybe it's because the houses are spread out. Yeah, I wouldn't know about that. I can see into five of my neighbor's windows right now. Yeah, same. That's how I know about all their cats. Okay. Here she goes.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. I should have included another content warning. Alex, I swear to God. Okay. Content warning. Poor animals. We got a couple animal deaths. Man, this is brutal because I do understand the mindset of like, this cat is 20. Right? Like, leave her be in the barn. Let her die in peace. Right? Like, I understand that concept.

And I also understand the concept of like, oh, I have to buy my cat back. My cat now costs $1,200. Yes. Oh, this is brutal. And then she dies four hours later. That's so sad. Absolutely brutal for your pocket and your heart. It's a lot of stress, I'm sure. I'm sure it was a lot of stress on this cat. Her 20-year-old cat who's never been anywhere. And then she went on her big adventure, showed up at someone else's house, met some kids, and then had to go to the hospital.

nightmare. She's like, I'm done. Goodbye. She's like, I found a place with carrots and milk and a bunch of suckers and then I got whisked away to a terrible place with fluorescent lights. I'm out. Oh, my heart. Poor Daisy. Because the cat was obviously going off into the woods to die and was picked up by these kids coming off the bus. Yes. She got whisked into what she thought was heaven. Yes.

Turned out to be fucking hell. Poor Daisy. So. Cindy. Is furious that. Laura. The woman who is the emergency contact for the children did not recognize this cat as her cat. And she refuses to speak to. Laura. Because. Laura. Should have known the cat. Laura.

is disgusted that Cindy was mad at her because she feels that she did the right thing by this cat and Cindy has been fertilizing her lawn for years and she thinks that that is inconsiderate to the environment. So the two will not speak to each other and have not attended book club in over six months. Also, nobody is mad at the kids, but Laura is no longer the emergency contact because Laura

Laura. Diane. Cindy. Laura.

And that's the story of the book club and the cat. I do like that our friend, like, I'm too busy in my meeting. I'm drinking all this wine at book club. Diane is the one who somehow got custody of the book club, right? Like, no one else in this triangle of drama gets to come to book club, only Diane. Congrats to Diane. ♪♪♪

You know, we do ads for Rocket Money pretty consistently every month. You would think by now I would have canceled every subscription that I don't use. But guess what? I haven't. Rocket Money reminded me recently that I was subscribed to something I didn't even know I was subscribed to. But it's because it was like an annual subscription. I unsubscribed. And by I, I mean Rocket Money unsubscribed for me. Alex, is this relatable to you?

It is so relatable to me. I would like never check my bank account unless I really, really have to because it gives me so much anxiety. And is there a reason that you check your bank account now? Yeah, I get these awesome emails from Rocket Money that are like, hey, FYI, this is how much you spent last week. And it feels like a gentle person holding my hand as I go to my bank account. Oh, yeah.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. They also send you beautiful emails that tell you what your bank balance is, which we love. Thanks, Rocket Money. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash gossip. That's rocketmoney.com slash gossip. rocketmoney.com slash gossip.

Even though podcasts are famously an audio medium, sometimes people do have to see me, which is upsetting. And that can be really hard if your skin isn't looking exactly the way you want it to. Apostrophe's goal is to help you feel confident in your own skin. Through Apostrophe, you can get access to oral and topical medications that use clinically proven ingredients to help clear acne.

Simply fill out an online consultation about your skin goals and medical history, snap a few selfies, and a dermatology provider will create a customized treatment plan just for you. Famously, my skincare goals are to have absolutely perfect skin like a beautiful little doll. I want no scars. I want no dark spots. I want absolutely zero pores. So, you know, I told this to the expert derm team at Apostrophe, and they tailored a treatment plan for me. They gave me all this stuff that would help me have perfect skin.

I love that. It was so simple to sign up and I didn't even have to go anywhere. We have a special deal for our audience. Get your first visit for only $5 at apostrophe.com slash gossip when you use our code gossip.

That's a savings of $15, and this code is only available to our listeners. To get started, just go to apostrophe.com slash gossip and click get started. Then use our code gossip at sign up, and you'll get your first visit for only $5. Thank you, Apostrophe, for sponsoring this episode. Okay, this next story is short and sweet, but freaking delightful. I love a short and sweet story that's freaking delightful.

My normal gossip, this is from the world of organic garden pest management. Oh my God. So specific. Oh my God.

organic garden. You know a lot more about gardens than me, Alex. I have my first garden currently and I'm doing a lot of things like Googling, are slugs bad? Yeah. And do snails mean plants dying? Right? Like that's the kind of level that I'm operating at. Do you know anything about this before we get into it about organic pest prevention? I

I only know that like there are things you can do. So, you know, if you notice that there are pests in your garden, you can do like pesticides, you know. Sure. That's not organic. And so you can do things like plant certain types of flowers nearby because they attract the types of bugs. Oh, yeah.

That will eat the past. I learned about this on Pinterest. Yeah. Have I done it? No. Are my tomatoes completely overrun with cabbage moths and fungus? Yes. Oh, no.

It's fine, though. One of the ways that you can manage pests organically is biological intervention. There are a lot of things that this means. One of those is introducing a predator insect that will eat the insect that is currently decimating your veggies. Pause. I hate this. I can't. I can't. This is what I just talked about.

I know, but the like pet introducing another pest to kill pest. No, I don't like that. That seems bad to me. That's too many pests. Like, no, I thought this was going to be about like cutting up half a grapefruit and dropping it into your garden to like get slugs into it. Okay, continue. So there is a business out here in the West who, um,

makes, grows, breeds these predator insects for your use in your garden to protect your crops.

And they have a production that includes several very, very isolated greenhouses because not only do they have to grow and breed their predator insects, they also have to breed the prey insects. Prey. Because the predators have to eat. So the drama occurred when

one worker from a predator greenhouse and one worker from a prey greenhouse met in the lunchroom and fell in love. And their fraternization

led to a contamination of the prey insect greenhouse. Not where I thought this was going. A predator completely demolished that entire cycle of pests.

And so they lost just thousands and thousands of product and bugs. And now this business has a very strict no romance between the greenhouses rule. Is this legal? I don't know. Oh, my God. I love an organic gardening. It's amazing. I love the idea of like.

Just two people being like, haha, we're smooching. And then some little bug piggybacking on one of them into what is the greatest feast of its life. You arrive in this greenhouse just full of your favorite food and you're like, haha. Imagine this grasshopper is ratatouille on top of one of the guy's heads. And he's like, come on, go kiss her. And then he jumps and

Oh my God. Wow. That was such a delightful turn. For some reason after the cat, I was like, this is going to result in like someone's garden being destroyed. But the only person whose garden was destroyed was a company. Yeah, exactly. I hope those two people are still in love. And I hope that the new ban on smooching leads to more illicit affairs. Yes.

Okay, we are now to our last story. Now... Okay, you and Jay have been amping this story up for weeks, to be honest. I will be honest and say that the first time I listened to this, I screamed so loud that Dana came into my office and said, is everything okay? Oh my god! And I said, yes. But also no. This story isn't quite niche community gossip in the sense of the other stories. However...

It takes place in a smallish city where everybody knows each other. So this is a story that has been floating around for months, maybe years. I don't know. And so it feels like, you know, of the spirit of niche community. I'll just say before we go any further, content warning for scatological content. Oh my god, no!

Oh, the poor listeners. Poor me. Okay. Yeah, this is what Michael Hobbs calls a BAMU story. Oh, no. Okay. This girl...

I don't know. Let's call her Ellen. She went on a date with this guy. And it was not a first date. It was like a second or a third date. And she was like, oh, my God, you know, you know, you get that really good, like giddy feeling, you know, like pretty soon, like, oh, I really have the have the feels for this guy. Everything feels right.

They were really, really having success in the beginning. He was really into it. I hate this setup. I'm so stressed. They hooked up. She stayed the night at his house. And the next morning he was, I think it was leaving town, actually. That's why this situation got so bad.

But, you know, they wake up the next morning and he's like, look, I've got to go. You know, but feel free to sleep in, take your time, whatever. Just leave whenever you're ready. The door locks on your way out. So, you know, you don't need to hear anything, but just sleep in and, you know, kiss goodbye. Good vibes from a date, though. Great vibes here. Alex, are you going to be OK? Are you going to make it?

I just, I want the listeners to know that Alex is like hyperventilating. Like she's hiding from the mic because she's already laughing so hard. I've just, I've only heard this story once and hearing it the second time, it just, it hurts.

Okay, I think this is nice, though. He's like, I have to go out of town, stay in my bed, hang out in my what I assume is nice apartment since it has a self locking door. What's this guy live in a fucking hotel? Sounds great. Okay. Yeah, feels like rom com, you know, like she's walking around his apartment in an oversized white button down.

Yeah, but I'm concerned because usually in a rom-com, this is where things go awry. Okay. So anyway, he leaves and she sleeps in, takes her time. I think she, you know, probably snooped around, took a look at the apartment, all that. You got it. And she's like, oh, shit, I got to use the bathroom.

Glad he's not here. Go to the bathroom for real. She has to take a shit. It'll happen to you. Unfortunately, his toilet clogs. Oh, no. It creates this big mess. And her. Oh, got a call back. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Okay. Are you ready to keep going? Oh, I don't know. I have like a lot of tension in my chest. Okay. Okay. I'm just so sad because they were having a good time. Yeah. I mean, it could still end well. I know how it ends, but you don't.

Yeah, true. Okay. The toilet is like clogged or broken or something. And it creates this big mess. And her like literal shit is like overflowed out of the toilet onto the floor. And she's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have nowhere to put this. Cut the water. The toilet is not going to accept this. What you're supposed to do is cut the water. I don't know what that means. Okay, my children, listen to me. All right.

There are two, like if the water is going up and not down, there is a little knob on the toilet, like piping that will cut the water off. Oh. So turn it one way. And if it doesn't cut it off, turn it the other way. Wow. Cut the water. Life hacks with Kelsey. Okay. This girl, go back in time now that you've heard this episode. Okay. Get ready.

So what she does, she's like, I guess my only option is she cleans up as best she can. And she goes into the kitchen and finds a Ziploc bag. And she's like, I'm just going to have to carry this shit out of here with me. I just love, like...

Of all the options. I'm just going to have to carry this shit out with me. Okay. All right. She's committed. This man doesn't have a garbage. Like put this in the garbage and take the whole garbage bag. Like do not be walking out of this apartment with shit. Those are clear. Because there's no fucking way I'm going to leave it in the toilet. And that's a great. She puts it in the, um,

She is committed to the future of this relationship, and I love it. To be honest, nothing says I'm committed to the future of this relationship more than carrying your own shit out of an apartment in a Ziploc bag in order to protect the illusion that you have never pooped in your life. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

So she's like, you know, you know, miss you already. Can't wait to see you when you get back. Very sweet. Kiss, kiss. Adorable. And so she grabs her bag. She grabs her phone, keys, wallet. Boom. Leaves. Door shuts behind her. Locks automatically. She did not unfortunately grab the bag of shit. I think she left it next to the note. Oh my God.

my god i'm so sorry but you have to disappear you you have to go away forever you can't come back she left it on the counter oh no no no beside the note where she wrote you know have the best time whatever miss you i'll see you soon xo and here's my xoxo

And she could not get back into the apartment. Door locked automatically. You gotta break in. Like a smaller building or something. There's not like a front desk person who she could go and be like, "Hey, can you let me in?" But also she couldn't, I think it was like an electronic like fob lock or something. So she couldn't call a locksmith and be like, "Oh, I'm locked out of my apartment."

you know, help me, you know, and pay someone $150 to let her in. She is truly shit out of luck. Oh my God. She has no way to get in. Pause.

lie this is you have to lie you have to call this guy on the phone and be like hi so sorry left your apartment my keys are in there i can't get back into my own apartment is there anyone who has a key to your apartment is there any way to open it remotely yes if you cannot leave this should be openable remotely

Yes. Or someone else will have a key, right? Like that seems likely to me. Or there's a management number. There's something that he has that can get him into that apartment. Alternatively, there are people who know how to hack those and you could find them for a price. Oh my God.

there had to have been a way like to contact him and just say like before you go in I left something really important on the counter like you stay out in the hallway like while I go get it I don't understand how

how she didn't figure something out, but she didn't. Whatever she thought were all of her options, she tried them. I feel like I would have gone to the most desperate end to avoid what ends up happening, but, um...

But she didn't. She couldn't get in. So she just had to go home and wait and see if, you know, he would reach out. And unfortunately, he just never, ever spoke to her again.

And I can understand why, because that would be pretty disturbing. And how do you bounce back from that? Like, even if he was like the coolest guy ever, like I personally couldn't look someone else in the eye after that, even if they loved me. Like, I just, I just couldn't bounce back from this.

Yeah, no shit he didn't talk to you again. You left a baggie of poop on his counter. Can you imagine? He's like, getting back from my little business trip to my very nice apartment. If you're going to let this guy walk in there, which I think you should set that building on fire before you do. Yeah.

If you're gonna let this guy walk back in there, you need to be on the phone with him when he walks in to explain yourself. Honestly, this is a thing that could be gotten past. It could be a hilarious story to tell one day. It could even be a hilarious story to tell in the moment.

Yes. This is like objectively funny that you are like trying to save yourself from humiliation and yet have created a situation in which not only are you humiliated, but now years later, we're talking about it on a popular podcast. Like...

This could be a funny story, but by pretending it didn't happen, you are now poop bag girl to that man and all of his friends forever. Forever. Oh my God. My heart goes out. This girl's friends let her down. That's my opinion here. I think there are ways out of this scenario that were not attempted. I think...

If there is not a way out of this scenario, you should be in front of his door when he gets home. Whatever that requires. You need to be there. If you have to have someone else tackle him while you run in and get that bag and run out and never speak to him again, that's fine. Yeah.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I just, I'll never be the same. I just don't have, like, I do admire the kind of strength of this and being like, well, I can't get it out. I guess I'll just wait and see if he texts me. I would literally, no, I would not survive those five days. I would die. Yes.

Yep. So that's the story. That's it. That's the story. And those are our gossip stories. Wow. Jeez. Thank you to everybody who sent in your stories. We enjoyed listening to all of them, but especially these. Oh my God.

A lot of morals here. You know, talk to your neighbors. Lie when you have to. What else? Don't go on Facebook. Yeah, never go on Facebook. Find out the relationships between other people before you join exclusive gay men's chorus quartets. And choose love over pests. Yeah.

We hope that you enjoyed this bonus episode and that you are not dead of secondhand embarrassment. But we will also, we have a little treat for you, which is an announcement that we will be back soon. Season three premieres two weeks from today. So buckle up. Buckle up. Buckle up.

Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at normalgossip at defector.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679-GOSSIP. If you love this podcast and want us to keep making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow me on all social media at McKinneyKelsey.com.

This podcast was produced by Alex Sujan Laughlin. Defector's projects editor is Justin Ellis. Our editor-in-chief is Tom Ley. Jay Toll is our production assistant. Thanks to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company. I'm Kelsey McKinney. And remember, you did not hear this from me.

I'm going to quickly record just myself saying all of these names and then I'm going to do like a bad copy paste. I love that. I love Cindy. Yeah, exactly. Cindy, Laura, Nora, Diane, Martha, Dakota. I'm going to rule. I can't wait. I love it. Radiotopia.

From PRX.