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Stand and fight on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5, and PC. Available now. Rated M for Mature. The Rewatchables is brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. I'm Bill Simmons. Kyle Brandt is here. Great to see you. Hope your off-season of the NFL is going fantastic. And we've done, this will be our third Steven Seagal movie. It is called...
Out for justice. Part of the three word titles. Um, we're also doing Seagal out of order, which I can't wait to talk about. Um, but it's your favorite of the collection. This is it. This is if they asked you to a director's commentary of any Steven Seagal movie,
This would be it with no football. Did this give you the fuel post draft that you needed to just survive as you headed into the summer? The Superbowl was terrible. The Eagles destroyed the chiefs. This is way, way better. And I got fired up, Bill. I walked around the neighborhood today, just hitting people in the face with a cue ball and in a towel. It was awesome. So I'm ready to go right now.
Did you have a guy named Sticks and a guy named Tattoo with you or no? Yeah, the Sticks guy had sticks and the Tattoo guy was covered in tattoos. That's my crew up here in the burbs. I am so excited to do this movie. This is a big one. Well, we're going to take a break. We're going to run the trailer and then Out for Justice is next.
Steven Seagal. He can take a compliment. This guy's good, Richie. He can take an insult. One of these days, your wise mouth is gonna get the rest of your body in a whole lot of trouble. He can even take a punch. But what this cop's really best at is taking out the garbage. Steven Seagal, out for justice. Rated R. Now playing at a theater near you.
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All right, here we go. Special request by Kyle Brandt. We did not have him on Big Ass 70s Month. It's been a while since we've done a rewatchables. I sent you a list. And every time I send you a list, you just, you swat the list away by Mutombo, like to come to Mutombo and you go, let's do Out for Justice. Why aren't we doing Out for Justice? How have we not done it yet? You've been so passionate about it. It's almost like Tom Cruise. It's your version of Scientology. Why? Yeah.
Because I've been lobbying this for five years. Bill, you and I did our first rewatchables in 2020. It was Teen Wolf. It was COVID. It was all that. And I'm like, after Teen Wolf, I'm like, now that we've done that, how about Out for Justice? And five years later, we're still doing it because it's my favorite Seagal movie because it's the most Seagal of the Seagal movies. And let me just put it in the rewatchables what we've done. So we've done Hard to Kill, which we love, but it's idiotic and we make fun of it. We've done Under Siege,
But Seagal is not the star of Under Siege. The set pieces are. And then Tommy Lee Jones steals it at the end. Seagal has no ponytail. He's kind of understated. And then we get to this out for justice. And it's just give me an unmarked and a shotgun. And it is full off the leash Seagal. And it's so fun to watch. I'm so happy.
So we did Hard to Kill because I had been obsessed with that movie since college when he wakes up out of the five-year coma and hears the guy and goes, I'm going to take you to the bank, the blood bank. And then immediately gets back in incredible shape so he can fight even though he's been in a coma. And I really wanted to talk about that with you. Under Siege is a classic. Yep. As you mentioned, I think he's in it 41 minutes. Mm-hmm.
here's why I offer just, and I'm so glad you rekindled my love for this movie. And I watched it twice in the last four days and I'd seen it a bunch of times on cable. We did Cobra together, which I think is one of the best ones we've ever done. And one of the reasons we enjoyed it so much is it was sliced alone. It was kind of his version of apex mountain where it's just like, nobody's saying no to anything. He's just, it's sliced alone, running amok.
for an entire action movie and nobody telling him like you shouldn't do that i don't know if that's a good idea he's just left to his own devices running amok and that's seagal now for justice he is out of control some of the research for it is fantastic um just how out of control he was he really seems to think he's italian i know you couldn't have put it better it's
The Cobra thing was we were like, there's a part where Cobra, where he takes a piece of pizza out and cuts it with scissors and eats it. And no one was like, Sly, that doesn't make any fucking sense. You can't do that. Case in point.
You can't roll up to a murder scene as a narcotics cop with a fucking beret and a sleeveless shirt. It doesn't make sense. But no one was like, Steve, are you sure you should wear that beret? He's like, I like the beret. The beret stays. There's no one who could tell him no. And the reason why, Bill, is because he's fucking cranking out hits right now. He is cranking out number one movies every single time. And it's like...
You can't tell him no because everything he says is turning to gold. It's the fourth of the Seagal movies, and we have not done Above the Law yet. It's looming. Sure. It's not like we're not going to do Above the Law, but that was the first one. And we told the story in the previous Seagal Pods that he was a martial arts instructor for Mike Ovitz, who was the most famous agent in Hollywood. Yeah.
And he somehow decided you should be in a movie. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, all these guys were super duper expensive. It's like, what if we could just create our own version of those guys? Which somehow they did. So he makes Above the Law in 88 successful. Hard to Kill in 90, Mason Storm, successful. Also that, was that the one where we have the intimacy coordinator, right? Oh yeah, oh yeah. He goes way over the line in that movie with an actress we've never heard from since because she's probably a padded cell. It's a...
She's just under a series of NDAs. He does Mark for Death. Yep. Probably the weakest of these first five. Number one movie in America, Bill. Number one again. Him and Screwface. It's all hits. Hard to Kill and Mark for Death, both 1990. And at that point, they're like, what's next, Steve? Yeah, whatever you want. He's like, you know what's next for me? I'm fascinated by The Godfather.
Brooklyn. I was a big welcome back. Cotter fan. Once upon a time, I would like to play Gino Torino and go into that world. And if I can wear a beret and look like Curtis Lee, one of the guardian angels bonus. And also nobody can land a punch in me for my four straight movie ever, ever. And understand this movie, what you just described that stupid shit. You just laid out. No,
Number one movie in America, two weeks in a row. And let's remember the context of 91. This is a year we're doing sounds of lambs, Terminator two point break home alone, city slicker, just bangers. Like cinema is massive. And for two straight weeks until it was knocked out by Ninja turtles, it
This was the number one movie in the world. And it started in Brooklyn with Gino Foligno. And people liked it. The critics fucking hated it. We'll get into it. But people were paying money to see this guy. And I was one of them. $14 million budget made $39.6 million and then was on cable for the next...
I would say 20 years straight. So probably even more than that. And as you said, the critics hated it. They hated Seagal there. This was already, there's pieces. I think he's hosting SNL right around this time where he became the most reviled host in SNL history. The arrogance that he has during this movie is you can't believe it. You can't believe it. Cobra. It's funny. Cause I really thought we peaked with Cobra, but we just didn't.
He just adopts a dog randomly during the movie. He goes into a pool bar. He fights 15 guys. Nobody lands a punch on him. He's divorced, but then seemingly just gets his wife back over the course of 60 seconds. She says one nice thing to him and he goes, we're talking reconciliation over here. And then they're back together. Yeah.
And also like the Stallone thing with Cobra, he has a lot of skins on the wall. Sly. He's done all of the Rocky and he's done Rambo. It's like, I'm going to do this crazy thing. Seagal's first acting experience was above the law. Never any little cameo, never some sitcom walk on. He had never done anything until he was the star of a movie. That's almost unheard of. So he plays Nico Disconi in above the law. Yeah. His first foray into pretending he was Italian, but he's just not Italian. Yeah.
Then he's Mason storm. Great name. He plays Hatcher and Mark for death Hatcher. And he just couldn't get the Italian out of his system. And he had to be Gino Foligno. I like, first of all, did he come up with that? Was there a spitball session? Did he like the name Gino? Is he a Papa Gino's guy? How do we even get to that point? And why did they think it should rhyme?
It's a great question. Gino Toretto was, I think, big at the time. The Miami Hurricanes quarterbacks, I think that could have been an inspiration. Why not just name him Gino Toretto? Fine. Gino Toretto would have been a better name. The thing with Gino Foligno is,
It's a fictional character. You can name him anything you want. You're not married to the name. Of all the options they picked, they went with Gino Foligno. And the Italian thing is so fun in this because as we've talked about, we've seen Seagal as like he's Italian here. We've seen him as Japanese. We're going to see him as Native American. He's Russian now. Oh, we're doing that too in Undeadly Ground. Yeah, we'll do that.
And I think in 2025, he's Russian. I think at one point he was also black. So he's done it all. Like they say Daniel Day is the chameleon, but Stegall will play any ethnicity or race ever. And he is playing the shit out of the Italian here. It's so turned up. It's out of control. One of the fun things about how rewatchable this movie is,
He really Italians it up for the first 15 minutes. Okay. It's like he was in acting class or he was practicing it in front of a mirror. So when this movie kicks off, he's like this. He's like this.
And then about the 45 minute mark, he starts sounding more like Seagal. It's so true. With like a little, and he just, he never lands on what the accent should be. But that first 15 minutes where he's basically singing his dialogue is it? Who the fuck are you? Why are you doing this? It reminds me of the Costner Prince of thieves where occasionally I'll just do a scene in British for some reason. But when Seagal is doing it, he's like, his acting coach is like, Steve,
Try to be the most Italian person who ever lived. It's like Roberto Benigni meets Chef Boyardee with like Super Mario. Like it's a me, a Gino. Hey, it's so much. Take it easy, Steve. But he doesn't see my theory in this is he watched the first Godfather movie ends of the Baker when he cut. We see him in the beginning.
Or Enzo the florist, whatever he was. And then he comes in later when the Godfather's been shot. Yeah. And Michael Corleone is trying to figure out why there's no guards for his dad. And he's like, it's me, it's Enzo. And he just has that Italian thing. And I think Seagal's like, I think that's the accent. I know. And he goes so big. Nobody in Brooklyn has an accent this crazy. Yeah.
Like nobody. And what's funny is in the research, William Forsyth, who's great in this movie, he's the bad guy. Richie. Seagal at one point gives him pointers. He's like, I think that your Brooklyn accent, I think it needs some work. Here are my thoughts. And Forsyth's like, my accent needs to eat. Forsyth was from Brooklyn. It was actually how we talked.
And he was like, you're giving me pointers at a Brooklyn accent? But that's how reviled Seagal was. He has so much power and sway that one of the stories in the research that's too good to wait for half-assed research. Yeah, give it what you got. I love this stuff. He feels like foresight is stealing the movie from him.
And one of the reasons this movie is only an hour 27 is because there's multiple Forsythe scenes cut. Oh, that's great. Because Seagal saw some cut of it and was like, I think we need to tone down Forsythe.
Because he's too good. I think he's dialing it up too much. But basically, so Forsythe has multiple scenes and you can see it in the trailer and then the commercials. There's extra scenes that they just cut. So can you, I'm trying to think of a comp. Can you imagine they're shooting The Dark Knight
And Bale goes to Nolan is like, hate the stealing the movie, Chris. You got to cut his scenes. It's a bloody Batman movie, not Joker. Cause he was so insecure because ledger was stealing the movie. And that is a perfect Seagal anecdote. This guy that we found to play the villain in my stupid movie is killing it. So take him out. And he's from Brooklyn. So now I'm insecure and he's going to make fun of my accent, get him out. And yet he's the best part of the movie. Richie's amazing.
I've tried to do this with old rewatchables episodes. I talked to Craig. I was like, we've got to cut out like 20 minutes of Russolo in the town. Just cut out a lot of his best parts. He's upstaging me. Like, I can't imagine what kind of ego you would have to have to, instead of thinking-
The villain in this movie is so good. It will make the movie much better to Seagal immediately being threatened by it. It was like, we got to cut some of these guys scenes. Listen, it's a classic, classic trend. Let's not listen. How badly did Tom Brady want Jimmy Garoppolo off the Patriots? Let's call it what it is. It's this guy is good. He's probably better looking than me. He's younger than me. Get him the fuck out of here. And he was gone and never heard from a new England again. That's the kind of thing that happens.
So Forsyth, and you can feel it the more you watch this movie, because there's a 25-minute stretch where Seagal's like, has anyone seen Richie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we don't have, we're missing like two Forsyth scenes. And every time it goes to Forsyth, it's like, I couldn't be more interested. I know. This guy's a fucking crack cocaine...
Homicidal maniac When he kills that lady in the car That's clearly I'll do an award now That's clearly the Okay motherfucker That's like whoa He just fucking killed this poor lady Who's just trying to make a right And then we don't see him for 20 minutes So this is the first R rated movie I ever saw in the theater I was 12 years old and I went with my dad And so he kills Bobby And it sucks and it's really intense And I'd seen shit like that before
Two seconds later, when he drags that soccer mom out of the station wagon and blows her head off, I was so disturbed and so scared. And to this day, it's really fucked up to watch. But it's the most important part of the movie because for the rest of the movie, you're terrified of Richie because he's a psychopath and he doesn't care what happens to him. That's a classic.
okay, motherfucker. This, that's less, you know, this isn't some bullshit marked for death. It is not hard to kill. This is out for justice and we're breaking the rules here. That's why this movie is amazing. It's gritty as shit. Let's not forget, Bill, the opening frames of the movie are a man beating the shit out of a pregnant woman while Seagal watches. Like it is really, really dark and on the edge. It's not, I'm out of a coma and I have a fake mustache, you know? These are all great points. I almost have nothing to add. I do want to, I do want to,
Do a little extra on Seagal, though. Let's go. Because I was trying to think during this one, especially to watch this movie twice in three days is like a real sickness. You could say it's for your job. I could have watched it once and tried to cut corners. You wanted to. I was like, you know what? I kind of want to watch this a second time. Yeah.
I don't know what this says about me as a human being. And I don't really feel this way anymore with a lot of people because I think our culture is so self-aware now at all times. We're just constantly self-aware with very few exceptions. Like Stan Van Gundy is not self-aware. Like he'll just...
Just, just, just talk for three hours during a basketball game. And he's just not, not aware that we're meant to lay. Maybe, maybe tone it back. Which one's self-aware. I feel like Jeff, Jeff is self-aware. Stan doesn't seem to be self-aware enough. Regardless.
We had this era of eighties, nineties, where you have all of these stars who were just not self-aware. That's kind of my unintentional comedy sweet spot. I know. I love it the most. And I always felt like one of the things with Arnold, he was always aware. Smart. He was always like, this is how I'm perceived. This is what I'm going to dole out. I always felt like this was one of the most interesting things about Mike Tyson, who was, you know, a maniac, but, uh,
I always felt like he understood how he was being perceived. And then you take Stallone who loses his mind because he comes too famous. And then over here is Seagal who is such an egomaniac without the same kind of success.
but has no idea that he's a maniac. And that scene, I put it on the rewatchables Twitter feed when he's just walking through doing anyone seen Richie and the camera's coming close to him. And I don't know how you don't do a second take of that. It's like, this is too over the top, Steve. I know you just come off like a huge douchebag. Like you're the star of the movie. You sure you want to do this? And he's just like, no, run it. I really like it. I like the way that camera looks.
I think you're onto something of also why this movie is so fun. I think this is when Seagal landed on the self-awareness. This is the, they had a few ramp up movies. This is a full Seagal movie where he's in almost every scene. He's very serious. And I think like Schwarzenegger was literally a politician. Like he became the governor because he was tactical and smart. Seagal was this martial arts guy who stumbled into a movie career. And I think now is when he's like, I'm a star. Every shot needs to be about me. The, the SNL thing we've talked about a lot and it's so amazing is
The Odenkirk tells this story about Seagal that is so perfect. And Bob Odenkirk's writing at the time, and he's writing a Hans and Franz sketch. Hans and Franz, huge deal at the time. Seagal is going to be in it. He presents it to Seagal and Seagal says,
if i do the sketch if i have to beat up hans and franz at the end of it and that's steven seagal it's these two morons and stuffed sweatsuits and it's dana carvey and kevin nealon but he's like i won't do the sketch unless at the end of it i beat them up and i know we're going to talk about how seagal doesn't take hits in these movies it's all intentional it's all part of his plan that like i always win and it's just insecurity and ego and this movie is the apex of it i think by
By the way, that's one of the things. It's not just about movies. Even in podcasting, you have to be able to sell other people. I know. And you win if the episode's good or if the podcast is good. And the people that don't understand that usually have bad podcasts or podcasts you don't ultimately want to listen to or go on. Seagal, it's a zero-sum game. So the Forsythe thing is so funny because...
He's threatened because Forsythe might upstage him. He's not thinking about this is actually great for my movie. But it's the same thing with the fights. He's the only action star out of all these movies, really ever,
That is never threatened. The way he basically approaches his career as an action movie star is like Goldberg in the WCW or Ultimate Warrior, where it's, I come out, the crowd goes nuts. I clothesline somebody a couple of times. They sell everything I do. And then I pin them and I never even take a punch. And he thought that was his career. I know.
He, one guy hits him with a stick with a pool cue out of the 15 people. So one time he takes a hit. I know.
but I don't know why, but why wouldn't he think like, it's actually better for the fight scenes. Maybe if it looks like I'm in trouble a couple of times, he's like, I never want to be in trouble. It's a sign of weakness, especially since there is a money-making number one movie in the world template right now, Arnold Sly Van Damme, get the shit kicked out of them and they're drooling bloody pulps. And then they make a comeback.
Seagal said, no, no, no, I'm not going to do that. And it's like, when you don't have any risk of being hurt, like what is the, what is the stakes there's. And I can bring this up now, Bill, because now that you've done the star Wars rewatchables, you're like one of you're like one of ours. Now you're like a friend of ours instead of a friend of mine. It really won me over. I'm almost, I'm thinking about empire, dude, but maybe dive into that pretty soon. We can do a side podcast. I would do a podcast about the star Wars. I was so proud of you guys. I, it was such a triumph.
And it had my favorite thing that happens in the rewatchables universe is when you take fantasy to a part where he's just kind of too uncomfortable and is looking to move past the topic. When you were talking about Chewbacca's balls and shitting and fantasy is like, Oh, let's move on. I was like, no, stay with this. I want to talk about Chewbacca taking shits on the Falcon. I want to hear about this. So,
So I loved it. I loved it. But there's a classic moment where George Lucas is showing off to Steven Spielberg the new droids that would be in the prequels. And he says to them, yeah, the Jedis will cut through these like butter. And all the fans are like, that's not an enemy. If the Jedis can beat them with zero resistance, there's no stakes. And Seagal kind of has that. He won't even so much as take a punch and then make a comeback. His face is clean after fighting 15 guys. That's him.
So do you think Chewbacca had an asshole or no?
Not only do I think he had one bill, it's a great question. I think Chewbacca took disgusting, huge Wookiee shits. And I'll tell you that because Chewbacca is an eater because in episode six, return of the Jedi, he falls into a trap that the Ewok set where there's meat hanging. He grabs it, they get in the net. And then Han Solo says, always thinking with your stomach. So Chewie likes to eat. And I bet he has destroyed the millennium Falcon laboratory before. So yes, I think he has all that stuff. And it's, it's a disgusting Wookiee dumps that he takes. Yeah. Yeah.
Listen, if you're going to eat human food, it somehow has to leave your body at some point. It's just the law of digestion. A couple more Steven Seagal things that I wrote down. I love this. Well, it's just, if you're just talking about like just small pieces, little breadcrumbs that he spreads through the movie.
At one point he says, Ma Don, Ma Don, which is usually the Italian say Ma Don. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he does like the Ma Don. Like he mangles that, but feels like he had to do it because he's Italian. There's a baseball dad moment. Oh, come on. Come on. That's the most disappointing non-film scene, I think, of the 90s. I know. He's got the glove. He's holding it.
He's holding it like, I don't know what his arm's doing, but it's not kind of how you hold it. Damn it, Bill. You stole my flex category. All right. Come on, Craig. Oh, do it, Craig. Do it now. Come on to Zoom. Just join us right now. Okay. My flex category is the Tom Cruise Award for the most valiant attempt to emulate a normal human. And it's Seagal acting like he knows how to play catch with his son, which includes the quote, when his son walks out, you got the mitt, I got the ball, you got the bat, let's go. Okay.
So I had the Ed Norton reverse dunk award for did this movie need to have a random sports scene crammed into it? I know. Just take us to the park. I know. Why does the son have a bat? Who plays catch with an eight-year-old where it's like, yeah, take some cuts. Is he hitting grounders to him? I don't know. They have a baseball. He's just going to be pelting line drives into crowds.
I wanted to see Seagal, Kyle, I wanted to see him throw a baseball so badly that I hadn't seen this movie in a couple years. When he got the glove, I was like...
I can't remember. Does he have a catch? I was like, I was out of my mind. I wanted to ask you guys, you guys have seen every Seagal movie. Does he play sports in any movie ever? No, no, no martial arts. Yes. He plays the sport of martial arts, Craig. And I listen, the real shame of the murder of Bobby Lupo was not that he was killed in front of his wife and kids.
is that it just interrupted us getting to see Steven Frederick Seagal throw a baseball. I have a feeling that Seagal would have made Tom Cruise look like Pedro Martinez. We needed to see that shit so bad. You don't go and hit grounders with your son with one baseball. You got to bring a bucket. It's ridiculous. Right, you need at least 10 baseballs. And the listing of items that you hit on, Craig, it's so, you've never done this before. Let's see, baseball, bat.
glove. I had this unanswerable question. Bring your bat, Bobby. Yeah, you got a bat, I got a ball. It's baseball. My unanswerable question was, has Steven Seagal ever in his life ever held a baseball in his hand? Let alone thrown one. And I don't know what the answer is. I think it may be no. We've just thrown away all the categories because one of my unanswerable questions is would the greatest scene of the 90s have been there was a cop softball game at the five-minute mark and Seagal's playing short
but he's wearing like his beret and his outfit. And he has the ponytail out the back of his little beret. Yeah. It's basically the cruise few good men, but it's Seagal and Bobby's on the team and a bunch of the cops and Seagal of course would have to hit the game winning grand slam. Of course. Yeah. And I think there'd be a lot of sun around third base. Hey, I had a bad, a,
He's pitching. He's pitching. He's doing like this crazy underhand thing where they have to cut to the stuntman throwing the ball. It would have been the greatest six minutes of the night. Well, Bill, how about when he hits one in the gap and he's running around the bases and he's running second like this and sliding into home and they're sending Seagal. Oh, we need that. There's just never been a more inauthentic sports scene and he's not even playing sports in the scene. No.
Even the way he's on the phone, just the way he's holding the mitt, it's just clear he had never held a baseball glove ever in his life. I got the ball. You got the bat. Let's go. The glove's too small. He looks like he's in the 1920s playing with, like, Rogers Hornsby. Like...
Immediately, he should have been like, I need a bigger glove. This glove's too small. I can barely fit my hand in it. But he's never touched a baseball glove, so he doesn't know. No, he's got Shoeless Joe's glove, and they're walking out to have a catch. And the whole scene is like, did you finish your homework? No. All right, who cares? Let's go play catch. Come on. And he doesn't know what he's doing. His dad never played catch with him. It's such a great call, Craig. Well, it also says Craig doesn't have kids yet.
He will at some point. I have over under for... I'm going to say two and a half kids over under for Craig. I would also bet the alt three and a half on FanDuel for plus 150. I feel like you have inside info, but okay. Yeah, I bet the alt. But when you have kids, they have this scene...
before they played baseball were, what's the kid's name? Bobby? Tony. Tony? Yeah, his name's Tony. Tony walks by a cigar. He's like, go, let's go get your stuff. Yeah. And then he just kicks him in the ass. Yep. Do you notice that? Yep.
I've never in a million years would just kick my son in the ass as they walk by me. It's like Seagal had like never been around a little kid before. Yeah. Say, well, how do I interact? Do it? Maybe I'll kick him in the ass. By the way, Bill, he only sees his son one weekend out of the month per his agreement. Yeah. Probably the courts decided he, you know, it's abusive. It wasn't because he's wrapped up in his job. It's because he actually kicks the child and that actually kicked him down one weekend. That's a great call.
I promise you, if you've ever had a little boy, if you kick your little boy in the ass as he walks by you, he would stop and immediately come back with fists because that's when little kids have that superpower. They'll punch you right in the balls. Like they'll, they're ready to go. They just want to fight.
So I don't know. It struck me. It's a great shame. If we could have never mind the Norton dunk, like Norton would have been Dominique Wilkins. Like if, if we could have seen Seagal make one throw with a baseball, it's all we needed. We didn't get it. So the sports movie consults cults consultancy group that I've always wanted to start. I'd like to cross that with, if we had a time machine and we could take that back into the late eighties, early nineties, and we were on this set, um,
We would talk them into a softball game. I would actually want two scenes.
And then like with the Seagal never had like a basketball scene, right? No, that would be another one. That would be amazing. He's got the size. Yeah. Yeah. The closest thing is he's beaten people with a baseball bat, but I don't count that. I would want to be in the, the out for justice universe and take the bullet for Bobby just so they can go and have the game. So just tell me how it was guys. I'll dive in front of it. I want this game. Seagal top five celebrity all time. You would have wanted to see shoot hoops. Number one, 40 seconds. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I saw Peter Schrager firing some shots on some set this week. And I got to say, his jump shot looks so good that Joe House texted me randomly and said, did you see Schrager's jump shot? Yeah, he's good. That's a really nice jump shot. Peter is varsity basketball in high school. Like, Peter knows what he's doing. And he just asked him. He'll tell you. He can play. I think he would have been a huge favorite against Seagal. Okay, thanks, guys. No, thank you, Craig. We're going to take a break. Thank you. No, we're going to take a break. And then we're going to do more about this movie.
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All right, come back. We could talk about Seagal all day. We got to talk about our guy, Billy Forsyth. Please. Who completely upstages Seagal, who was way in this movie, probably 20 extra minutes. And then Seagal complained. But this movie apparently had more plot, more characters, and was like a two-plus hour. The writer-director, this guy, John Flynn, who wrote Rolling Thunder, a beloved movie for Sean and Chris. Yeah.
He directed Best Seller. He directed Lock Up, a movie that we're probably going to do in the rewatchables. One of the great sports scenes in a non-sports movie. And I feel like this was, he was thinking this could be like a discount Godfather 3 type. Like, I'm going to dive into Brooklyn and Italian culture and people who grew up together. And one guy's on the wrong side of the tracks and one guy's on the right. And then it somehow turns into a Seagal movie.
And I don't know what else happened, but I know this. There's two montage scenes in this movie. And the reason they have them is because at some point Warner Brothers decided you got to go under 90 minutes because the head of Warner Brothers, Craig Horlbeck, was like, I don't ever want to sit in a movie theater for more than 90 minutes. So they either cut scenes or made montage scenes. And that's why we have those two montage scenes.
And that's why there's all this William Forsythe footage where it's like, boy, that would have been cool to see. Yeah. I would have liked to have seen that. And that's the answer. There's actually a scene that's in the montage, which is William Forsythe killing John Leguizamo and
And it's like, shit, that's a scene in the movie. Can we watch that? No, it's five seconds. You barely see Leguizamo's face. But as we've talked about, like, I don't want to see the two hour, 11 minute version of this. I really don't. It's awesome how it is. I like the montages. I wish they'd do more montages now. I just saw the Mission Impossible movie. It was great. Could have used some montages like this one. They clean things up.
quickly and we get in and get out. I like them. You wouldn't have gone two hours and 50 minutes for the new Mission Impossible movie if you were in charge. No. And I saw that in the theater like it was 20 years ago. And like the first hour is slow first hour and then it gets cooking. But yeah, I could have used a few montages in that first hour. Well, this movie is half as long as the Mission Impossible movie. Forsyth
I mean, he had a, he had a big role early in his career, Dick Tracy. Yep. Before this movie. Yeah. Um, and then kind of eventually settled into, he was on cable a lot. He was usually a bad guy. Uh, it never a hundred percent happened for him. And I honestly think this is the best he's ever been in a movie. He,
He's unbelievable. He's terrifying. He's scary. He's totally bought in. And you know this because if you see an interview with William Forsyth, he's like a nice nerdy guy. There's no Richie about him. I love my Forsyth. He's great seen in The Rock in the interrogation room with Sean Connery when he throws him the quarter. And then he's a super badass in that.
He had a great, he was like a cool, like violent butcher in the Boardwalk Empire show on HBO. But classic character actor. And like, I've seen interviews with him where people, Bill, like to this day, 30 years later, when he's like at the grocery store, someone will walk out and go, hey, Richie. People know he's Richie. And if I saw Foresight, I'd be like, hey, it's Richie. You have to do it.
You would definitely get the picture and then do the Instagram post with, has anyone seen Richie? Oh, wait, I did. Or whatever. I would go up to him and say, Richie, why did you do Bobby Lupo? I would be an asshole. Why did he do Bobby Lupo? I watched the movie twice. I still don't 100% have an answer. It's a little unclear. I just think they were having sex with the same woman. It's not clear, though. And who cares? Well, there were definitely some scenes missing. So...
So on the, uh, what do I have? What else do I have here? Oh, John Flynn. We did, we did the budget. And then, um, the only other thing is it's disappointing. Honestly, it hurts. Ebert didn't review this. Didn't even review it. Didn't review it. They did some, uh, they did some, some Cisco and Ebert TV show and you're not going to believe it, but he wasn't a huge fan. Two thumbs down.
Just I think he was pretty done with Seagal at this point. Number one movie, Raj. Sorry, the people like it. Listen, this wasn't Raj's cup of tea. So that's where we go. All right. Most rewatchable scene. Yeah. You mentioned the opening credits where the movie is just clearly saying right away, we're going for a ride. Look, it's ridiculous. It's like the stereotypical 1970s pimp.
getting a little frisky with a hooker and then Seagal has to come in and literally beat the hell out of him. But it ends with him flipping the guy over into a car. And then you see from the car angle, a shot of Seagal peeking in and it freeze frames with the credits, Steven Seagal. It is the most 80s, 90s moment of the movie. I got to say, it's amazing. It's one of the better opening credits things that I could gimmicks that I can remember.
Gino, you son of a bitch! You laugh. You say, fuck yeah. And it's like the pimp's red socks are in the frame. And there's just Seagal. Freeze frame. Let's go! I want to watch it again right now. It's my great shot, Gordo. We can do that topic right now, too. Because it's the best shot in the movie. It makes me so happy. No question. Next one I have is... It's the beret scene. It's Gino sees Bobby's body...
He tells Sarge he's going to hunt the killers down and he's doing everything as Enzo in The Godfather 1. I'm going to hunt them down. It's going to be fine. It's just... And the regard that he's held by the rest of the police force, because we see this in 80s movies where it's like, you think you're bigger than the force. You think you're bigger than your badge. You're not playing by the rules. Everybody in this movie is like, Gino's got it. He doesn't play by the rules. Let's let him cook.
There's one cop, a black and white, that comes over and gives him a shotgun. He's like, go get him, Gino. And he's like, I got him. He's on Gino's team. It's so fun. Yeah, it's just like, no rules apply to Gino. Don't worry about him not playing. We don't have the... Every one of these movies has the cop who's on the other side who's like, I'm watching you, Gino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This time you're going to have to play by the rules or I'm going to come get you myself. We don't have that guy. It doesn't exist. You have Jerry Orbach...
the venerable Tony Award winning thespian being like, I don't know, Gino, maybe you stay out of this one. He's like, fuck that. Give me the shotgun. All right. He doesn't do anything. It's so great. I love that character. It would have been funny if Jerry Warbeck is like, Gino, you've carte blanche to do whatever you want, but the beret...
It's just weird. I gotta draw the line. It's just weird. I just don't... Why are you doing it? Gino, the guys are talking about the beret. It's making everybody uncomfortable. I don't understand. Can I have... I don't want your peace and shield, but give me the beret. I gotta take it from... The guardian angels aren't even cool anymore. I know. Gino, just stop. The funny thing is, before that scene even starts, how hilarious is it that this movie starts with a dead serious Arthur Miller quote? Oh, I forgot to mention that. I had that for the top. It's like...
It's such a great, jarring way to start this ridiculous movie. I'm so glad you mentioned that. It starts with an Arthur Miller quote, and within two and a half minutes, Seagal is beating up a pimp. Ha!
Do you think when Arthur Miller was writing Death of a Salesman, he's like, someday Gino Foligno will kill Richie with a corkscrew. I actually heard Arthur Miller did a treatment of the script and he's like, no, no, no, no. You need Richie to kill a guy who's a paraplegic who hasn't had any pussy since 1969. We got to get that guy in there. And they're like, all right, you're the goat. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
While to the stranger's eye, one street was no different from one another. We all knew where our neighborhood somehow ended. Beyond that, a person was a stranger. And then it says Arthur Miller, playwright raised in Brooklyn. This movie has high ambitions for 10 seconds and then it goes straight down. Do you think Arthur Miller was like, he's just in the movie theater. He's a Seagal guy. And he's like, wait, what the fuck? Why am I being quoted in this?
He wanted it disavowed because you're right. 10 seconds later, there's a pimp beating up a pregnant woman. Also, we have one, this whole, this entire movie is about Gino and Bobby's friendship and the revenge. We get one scene with Gino and Bobby and it is the worst scene in the movie. It's two people that act like they have never spoken to each other before. And Gino's like, hey, hey, hey, Bobby,
you kind of seem off no I'm fine Gino absolutely it's like you're talking to someone in a dentist's office that's like the Gino and Bobby guys can we get one more take award because it's so so stiff and bad and that's supposed to be the whole movie well it's also funny that Gino would notice anything about another human being he's like the most conceited self-serving guy it's true he's like oh man Bobby like you don't even know Bobby's sitting next to you I know in that scene with the beret yeah
At some point, for some reason, his soon-to-be ex-wife is in the scene. Yep. She shows up. To check in on Bobby's ex-wife. Uh-huh. And then they have like a weird exchange and Seagal goes, don't worry, Vic. I'll make it to the divorce hearing on time, okay? It's like a dig. Yep.
It's like, why? Petty. Really petty. Just petty. The real story is Geno sucks. Sucks as a dad. Sucks as a husband, obviously. Terrible best friend. No idea that his best friend was going through anything. And just a bull in a china shop. Sucks. And we got to have some conversations about that actress that plays the wife. That's got to come up later. I had her in recasting. I would have thought maybe she might end up there. I got her too.
So, Gino decides to rescue a dog. All right, let's talk about it. You're talking about Coraggio? He names him Coraggio. Great name for a dog. But it leads to the next rewatchable scene where...
He has a chase. He's adopted this dog. He's had this dog for 10 minutes. This dog, God only knows what's happened to this dog. Like God only knows. Whatever happened to the dog led to the dog in a burlap bag being thrown out of a terrible car. Gino picks the dog up, puts him in the passenger seat, starts talking to the dog. Dog seems like, all right, I'm a little rattled.
Gino proceeds to go on a car chase where he's on the side of the road where you're just going up and down. Like you're on like a rollercoaster, but the car is just jumping up and down. We don't see the dog. There's no cuts to the dog. We have no idea. Is the dog throwing up? Is the dog like, can you just throw me back in the street? I was happier in a burlap bag.
We don't see the dog for another half hour. The dog's in the car. They're in this car chase. Gino doesn't care. No. Poor Coraggio. Not buckled in. It'd be like having a car seat in the back. Like, nothing. Did he get knocked out of the car? We don't see the dog, like, jumping during the bumps. It's so great. I didn't even think about that. And then he goes into the Italian store and wipes out six guys and breaks two arms. Yep. Because at that point, Seagal's like, this is my move. People want it. Yeah. I get... I do a cross. I turn...
A lot of wrist, a lot of arm. And as usual in that deli shop,
The strategy when you got numbers on Seagal is, all right, guys, let's surround them. And then somebody goes, should we all jump in at once? And it's like, no, no, no. Let's each take turns sprinting as fast as we can one by one. It reminds me of when the debate was going on of like the hundred guys versus the gorilla. And everyone's like, could the humans do it? Not if they go one by one. Those morons, they never just jump him and beat the shit out of him. It's they take turns in every movie. That's scripted. This was how the baseball furies fell apart against the three warriors and the warriors.
No doubt. They caught up to him. The one guy, the weak guy couldn't run anymore. Probably too many parliaments. Yep. And they stopped and it's three against seven. But then the baseball theories tried to have honor with the fight and they just thought they all baseball bats. Just like, let's all jump on these guys and beat them to death. No, they went one by one, which was the mistake. I know. Same thing in the Italian store. And they had weapons too. They had like a machete. Yeah. Yeah.
Lose this fucking guy already. Hang him on a hook. See, Richie's so good in every scene. The pool table scene, which is the scene of the movie. Yeah. Can we agree this is the most rewatchable scene or would you have something else? No, no. This is the best scene of Seagal's career.
I have, look how long my list is of notes that I have. Let's get into, I have a lot of notes too. First of all, here's my big picture question. Eddie Murphy, his star making role in 48 hours, the big scene was the torches scene. Yeah, sure. When he goes in and like wipes out this redneck bar. Yeah. Do you think Seagal was influenced by that scene with this scene?
I feel like Seagal doesn't watch movies. He doesn't even know who Eddie Murphy is. The other thing about him on SNL is all the cast members said that all week he would just kept saying, I've never seen the show before. I don't know the show. And they're like, you don't know fucking Saturday Night Live? I don't think he knows who Eddie Murphy is. I don't know if he knows. Fair. Hey, Officer Big Shot, coming to bust my balls. Anyway, this launches. Has anyone seen Richie? Yep. Anybody seen Richie?
I'm going to keep coming back until somebody remembers seeing Richie. Which is your favorite line probably of any movie ever? Non-Star Wars? Yeah. It's his I'll be back. It's the line that is associated with Steven Seagal. And he gets it yelled at him, too. I've read about it in public. He'll go. It'll be literally with Vladimir Putin. And some Russian guy goes, anybody seen Richie? It's all around him. People yell that.
This is like, I'm not doing shtick. I'm not exaggerating. I don't think there's a movie scene in history that I enjoy more than I enjoy this scene. You could take any, the Copacabana and Goodfellas, anything in Boogie Nights, all my favorite movies. This start to finish is maybe my favorite movie scene ever made. It's so perfect and so fun and so entertaining. The characters, it's like the slimy bookie, tattoos, slick guy in a jacket, sticks. Sticks. All, and it's like,
He just takes them one down after another. And the funny thing about Sticks is that Vinny calls Sticks in like Joe Torre calling in Mariano, like out of the bowl. He literally snaps his fingers and goes, all right, he's worked his way through the rotation. Sticks, you take him. And then they have a stick fight in the middle of the bar. And I'm just riveted every single time. Sticks is the classic, you only have one job. Ha ha.
You're in the corner. Your name is probably never going to need you. But if we do need you, it's time for sticks. And then stick somehow gets beaten. I was thinking about, I'm trying to think if there's a funnier scene in the nineties. It wasn't as funny in the moment as it is now. But like when I watch,
If I watch like, I think we both really like there's something about Mary and has some really funny scenes in it. Right. Dumb and dumber. There's, there's some great comedies in the nineties where you're like, oh man, I love that part. Tommy boy. Tommy boy still makes me laugh. So I don't think this is funnier than Tommy boy. And it's probably not in the elite elite top, top level of comedy, but nothing is funnier than when he goes behind the bar and starts breaking glasses and gets to the who's hot dog. Is this yours? I know.
It's just the weirdest, craziest ad lib he's ever done in his career. What made him pick up the hot dog and then go, who's hot dog is this? Is this it? It's just a hot dog on a hot dog burner. I know.
It's like the actors say, they use the expression, explore the space. Right. He's just ad-libbing there. That's obviously not, he found a hot dog. Who's hot? He doesn't even, he's not even in a bun. It's the naked wiener and he's flashing it and then just tosses it at somebody. And then seconds later, it's, who's the boxer here? You got the gloves over here, pictures. And that's like, you're a tough guy. It's the exchange is so good. Yeah, you're tough.
I was thinking when he grabs the hot dog, the director was probably, you know, doing the thing where he's looking through the square. And when he grabs the hot dog and he's like, whose hot dog is this? Is this yours? The director is probably like,
looked at the guy next to him like, the fuck is he doing? Just let him keep going. We got to wrap. No, no, just don't. We'll cut it later. We'll cut it later. And then he's like, I fucking hate this guy. I'm keeping the hot dog in. I know. And the hot dog, we're talking about it. It's memorable. When I watched it this last time, I landed on something that I've never before. This scene reminds me of the Alec Baldwin, Glenn Gary scene.
And it's like you have this super slick, dark haired guy walk into this room full of kind of losers sitting around and he just puts them all in their place one after another. Then they kind of try to fight back and he dies.
takes them out at the knees. Like Ed Harris is the bartender who boxes. And he's basically like, a anybody S seen our Richie, anybody seen Richie and walks out of there. And it's like, that guy just dominated this entire fucking room. What a scene. I love it. Well, hit that one guy. There's some great bad guys. You did a good job of laying out all the different, but there's the one guy with the long beard who Seagal knocks out his teeth. Tattoo.
From Attica. Yeah. And when they start looking at each other and the guy goes, there's only two things, there's only two things stopping you, fear and common sense. I'm like, great line. I know. Wait, kind of, it's a borderline, might be able to use that for your high school yearbook. Just like do that and say, attribute it to tattoos. And at the time, I mean, listen, there's so many things going on
Right before that line, he is very steadily and quietly taking the cue ball and wrapped it in a bar towel, a move that he's clearly done before. And it's the most amazing thing ever. He's beating the shit out of these people with the bar, with the bar towel right across the face. Like he has definitely done it. And like,
God, it's so good. It's so good. And let's not forget, in the middle of the scene, it comes to 5,000 for that badge right now. And then the place goes nuts. They set a bounty in the middle of the scene and guys just start throwing haymakers. God, it's good. Craig, can you come back for a second? Come on, Craig. Yeah. Because you've produced a lot of these, including a lot of action movies you never saw before. Is there a better action movie trick
than wrapping something in a towel, whether it's a soda can, a pool ball, softball. He had the quarters in the sock and death wish. It's the number one move, right? Like if we ever write an action movie, somebody's wrapping something into a sock or a towel. It feels like, I feel like I could take down a bar of like 10 guys if I had like a cue ball wrapped in a sock. I really do. It just seems like you immediately have a superpower. Yeah, it's like a makeshift nunchuck. And it feels like you can,
pretty much fashion it out of anything in any room you're in. You can create that type of weapon, which is why it's so great. It's boring to have a sword or a knife, but a cue ball and a towel, quarters and a sock,
I would think if you had to rank things you would rack wrap in a sock, cue ball is really high. Perfect. I don't know what's better than cue ball. Well, I'll shout out to the Kubrick full metal jacket. When they haze private pile, they put bars of soap in a sock and just smash the soap. And I think the cue ball way more painful than, than the bar of soap. Cause quarters can like jingle around. Maybe they break the, all the quarters spill out. Like you get, you wrap that cue ball in there. I know.
Those things are hard. What would be better than a cue ball? You could do a glass, but the glass would break. The glass would break and then it shards. The best one we see tattooed later in the movie, he has a perfect cue ball-shaped wound in his forehead from right where that thing caromed off his fucking melon. It's just a gaping hole. There's gangrene all over it. Hasn't gone to the ER yet.
And the nuance of Seagal in the towel is there's this close-up where he is getting it really tight, and then he makes it perfect, like crisp, like a Marine folding his sheets, and then just bam! God, it's so cool. I keep saying it. I was thinking that would be a good SNL sketch, and God knows SNL needs the help lately. Sure.
It would just be an ER scene where all the guys are in the waiting room in the ER after they've been beaten up by Steven Seagal. One guy's just got a hole in his head. The other guy's missing teeth. It's like, what happened? Gino Torino came into our bar. I want a Seagal MacGyver sketch where he has to create weapons out of different rooms he's in. That would be great, too. They need to bring him back to be the host again. All right. Thanks, Craig. Thanks for the cameo. Seagal cleans out 12 guys in this scene.
Also in the middle of the scene, we hear, we hear words like Jadrule and Mama Luke. Like he's doing all this Italian slang that I don't know what those words mean, but he's all over the place. And he refers to Richie as a chicken shit, fucking pussy asshole. It,
This is Shakespeare. That's his description. And then like a minute later, somebody says a swear word. He goes, whoa, whoa, this is no time for profanity. And the swear word is prick. It's like an entry level swear word. It's nothing. It's exactly right. A pussy asshole. He also does the last guy. There's a phone booth. Yeah. Twice he gets them.
And he gets him and he just shoves him into the phone booth and it's somehow completely incapacitates this guy. He's gone. I don't know. I don't know if he got knocked out by the, but the phone hits him in the back of the head, but that guy's just. And loads two rounds into the ceiling. And Vinny says, you could have killed somebody upstairs. And he goes, but there ain't nobody up. And you laugh out loud. It's a nonstop tour de force scene. Everything about it works. When they do Harold Letterman, when he's scoring the bar fight and he comes in. Okay, Jim.
I had a 10-7 round for Steven Seagal. He knocked out 12 guys, took a stick to the leg, and that's it. Jim, whatever happened to that hot dog? I want to get that hot dog, Jim. Thank you, Harold Letterman at ringside. HBO Boxing. Yeah, we needed Letterman on the CompuBox. Well, runners-up for most rewatchable scene. Oh, by the way, Seagal said that the movie Barbaral in the pool hall was his personal favorite among all the fight scenes he's ever done. That's his only good take. That's Seagal's only good take ever.
He's watching it with friends. He's like, do you see what I did with the hot dog? That wasn't in the script. I had lived that. I saw the hot dog. I was just like, it'd be funny if I did something with the hot dog. And he was probably eating 12 hot dogs when he was watching the movie too, if you've seen him lately. Yeah, dying is his Fu Manchu. Next we watch, we'll see Gina Gershon's first scene. Great to have her. It's awesome. What's up, Gina? The combo of this and cocktail in the same year. Oh, wow.
It's not an apex mountain, but it was for me. Anyway, he says, how you doing, Patty? And she says, I can still get it wet. Hot. Unbelievable. That might be the peak exchange we've ever had in an action movie. I can still get it wet. I know. I'm guessing. I think I know what she means. I think she's talking about a vagina, Bill. I think she might be.
And then Gino goes, I can't believe you can still eat with that mouth. It's all out of the gates where I can still get it wet is a vile thing to say. Well, it gets worse because after he's trying to get information about Richie. Yeah. Because he's trying to find Richie. By the way, Bill, on text, you bottom line the story of this movie. What was your text? If you had to tell someone what this movie is about, what is it about?
Let me see. Cause you had it very on the nose, very brief and concise. If no one's ever seen out for justice, how would you describe the plot of the movie?
So I texted you. The key to this movie is he's trying to find Richie and he wants to know if anyone's seen him. That's it. It's all you need to know. That's what the IMDB thing should say. It's imperative that he find Richie and he's doing everything he can, including going to his sister and talking about, uh, what the blow job that she gives, right? Well, this is the exchange. What do you got? She, uh,
She goes, what do you want? You want me to go give you a little head in the corner and make you forget? And he goes, it's not going to make me forget. You weren't, you were never that good. Incredible. And then she goes, go fuck yourself, Gino. Like that, like really hit home, but it's not going to make me forget. You were never that good. How does it work, Gino? I was supposed to give you a little head in the corner and you could forget about the whole thing. It's not going to make me forget, Patty. We're never that good. Yeah. Go fuck yourself, Gino. You're under arrest.
Seagal is a great line. He might've written that himself. Anyway, it's fun to see him with Gina Gershon, but it's even more fun to see him with Cinemax legend, Shannon worry. Talk about it. Let's go. This is her first movie. Shannon worry was like, if Shannon tweed was Hulk Hogan in the Skin and Max era, who she macho. No, she's, she's ultimate warrior. She was like, they thought they thought she could be the champ and sell out arenas for five, six years.
This is her breakout scene. This is her first match, basically. She's the buxom strip joint waitress. She's the one who Seagal says, the one whose nipples you could dial a phone with. The dialogue in this scene is really colorful. And it brings to mind all the workplace things we hear about Seagal. I'm sure it was a ripe spot to work on. I'm sure he loved Shannon Worry. Jesus.
Anyway, I think she has a scene with her where she's giving information. I got to say, really good acting by her. I thought she did a good job. I thought she was excellent. She did a good job. I was a little worried because when you move into the Skinamax catalog in the mid-90s, maybe not really as concerned with her acting chops. But in this movie, she's really going for it. She has an accent.
The small characters in this movie cook. The eight and nine hitters in this lineup hit. We haven't even gotten a Corrado Soprano yet. There are people cooking in every role in this movie. No question. You got to hold your own. Two more scenes. Richie goes nuts in the bar, which is just Forsyth just cooking. I know. And then the final shootout.
When Seagal just kills everybody, he shoots somebody's leg off, which I think he invented. I don't remember seeing that in a movie before with a shotgun where the guy, basically from his ankle down, just comes off his body. Yeah, and his reaction is very funny. He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
For like 20 seconds. I know. It's awesome. And then Seagal, unfortunately, fights William Forsythe and doesn't let Forsythe get even one punch in. Not one. Just annihilates him. But what's funny about that fight scene is Forsythe is Richie. Every single time he gets thrown, he keeps landing next to a new weapon.
It's like a rolling pin, a knife, a corkscrew. He gets hit over the head with a frying pan like it's like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. It's almost like when Nordberg steps in the bear trap and the wet paint and the wedding cake. He just keeps getting weapons like it's Double Dragon or something, but none of them work.
So we have the pool hall for the most rewatchable. My most rewatchable scene in the history of cinema. It's my favorite scene ever. So yes. All right. We're taking one more break and then I have an unbelievable brand new category for you. Let's go. This episode is brought to you by Focus Features and Indian Paintbrush presenting The Phoenician Scheme, an epic comedy adventure from director Wes Anderson, starring Benicio Del Toro, Mia Threpleton, Michael Cera, and an all-star cast. Follow Zsa Zsa Korda,
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All right, rest of the categories. What is the most 1991 thing about this movie for you?
Mine's a fucking ringer. This is Bobby Lupo is murdered on the sidewalk in the middle of a very busy city street. And in the wide shot and as well as the closeups of this beautiful scene in Brooklyn, but a horrific murder is a giant, giant Joe Montana, LA gear billboard for LA gear sneakers. And it says unstoppable with Joe Montana throwing a football. And it's like, this is so perfect. So 1991, this is smiling over Bobby's dead body. It's great.
I had Young Shannon Worry. And I had the winner for me is the early 90s rap songs. All of a sudden...
The Beastie Boys come in and it's like, wow. But then there's another one that I have it later on my notes, but it was, it just feels very rooted in 1991. And you hear the first two songs and it's like, oh, anything's possible. We might, it's a little like how King of New York, same thing where it's just like, it was a really distinct time for music. And the movie actually weirdly captures it for whatever reason. Okay. New category. Yeah. What do you got?
I mean, Seagal already has a category named after him and you could argue he should have the Steven Seagal running award should be a category as well. The Steven Seagal shitting on himself award for most unbelievable anecdote from the actual film shoot. I can't believe 380 plus movies that this wasn't a category. Um, here's the thing. And there's been a ton of stuff about this and I'm sure you've read and watched a bunch of it, including our guy, Ariel Hawane did an interview with the stunt coordinator. Um,
During filming, here's what we know. During the filming of this movie, Seagal allegedly claims that because of his training, his martial arts, whatever the highest level he had gotten to, that nobody could choke him unconscious. And as the story goes, the stunt coordinator, whose name was Gene LaBelle, he was a 10th degree red belt in judo.
And somehow this became an argument about whether he could choke Seagal out or not. And Seagal was like, all right, let's do it. He does it. He chokes him out. Not only is it unconscious, but he pees and shits on himself. Yeah. And Seagal has denied since then. The incident never took place. He has a witness. LaBelle has been like pretty...
not confirming it, but not denying it either. And then he said in 2012, sometimes Steven has a tendency to cheese off the wrong people and you can get hurt doing that. And then this is Ariel's interview with him. Actually, he said, well, you're going to confirm this story. And LaBelle said, well, if 30 people are watching, let them talk about it. And then another stunt man who was there said a confrontation did happen and
And that Seagal was trying to get out of the chokehold, swung his forearm into the crouch, and then LaBelle used a foot sweep to sweep him off the floor. We don't have a direct confirmation that he shit on himself. But honestly, I want to live in a world where he did. Yeah. Yeah, I choose to believe. Which to you is more believable, that Steven Seagal got choked out and shit on himself or the Richard Gere gerbil thing?
this by easily by far. Yeah. Richard gear was doing anything he wanted. I'm sure with any woman he wanted this. I never believed that. I thought the Richard gear thing seemed pretty brazenly, you know, you could just make something up and it spreads. We had a bunch of those from the seventies and early eighties. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This something clearly happened and whether he's shitting himself or not, nobody has come forward and said, Oh,
I saw it. I smelled the shit. I cleaned his pants. We haven't gone that far, but nobody has also denied that it happened. I would assume the only way, because he wears black in the whole movie. It's not like he'd be wearing white pants. The only way you could confirm that he in fact defecated in his pants, you just have to go by a smell test and he clearly did it. I haven't been around someone who shit himself, I think, since college. So I guess that would be it. Let's bring producer Craig in one more time. Craig, get in here. Third party. Yeah.
Craig, did you know this story? And what do you want to believe hearing it for the first time? He 100% should himself. I have not heard this story, but knowing everything I know about Seagal, I mean, you can clearly see why the guy can't lose in any single fight in the movie. And he's just doing the same thing off camera. He can't lose off camera either. This is 100% true. So one of my rules when I hear stories like this is if the story is so crazy that
Then I default to how would somebody have made that up? So if you, if you're making this up, we start with, you can't choke me out. And the guy chokes Seagal out for a little bit and whatever, and maybe that's what happened. And then all these other people hate Seagal so much that the story then takes the life of its own and becomes, Oh, then he shit on himself. Then that takes hold. Um,
The fact that nobody has denied the story kind of makes me think it's true. Do we know if you can shit yourself when you get choked out? Is that a common symptom? All right, I just Googled. I Googled while we're talking. And AI says, while it's possible, it's not a guaranteed or common occurrence to lose bowel control when someone is choked unconscious. So we're still in the, we don't know if it's true or not. But it is possible.
Yeah, it says also known as being choked out and shitting yourself. It is definitely possible. And with the amount of hot dogs he was slamming. Talk about it. That's right. I would think he had a huge lunch at craft services. Well, have you ever been in the room with anybody who passed out from like...
i don't know drugs mushrooms or whatever sometimes they will pee on themselves yeah absolutely your body i feel like shitting yourself is is a much harder excretion than just you get piss leakage like you'd make a full bowel movement in your pants well because you think like it would happen in ufc all the time that's true right because they're getting choked down ufc you don't just shit in your trunks when it happens they usually they usually tap before they're unconscious though
That's true. True. Craig, see if anybody's ever shit themselves in the UFC. Well, in the NFL, when guys get knocked out, they don't shit themselves. Yeah. I'm going to say. I have jokes about that, but I can't make them. I'm going to Google if you shit yourself in UFC. So Fando odds, Seagal shit himself minus 125. I think it might be the underdog, but I'm still taking it. You think it's underdog? Like plus 130? I think it's plus odds. Yeah. Yeah.
So if we can find out the exact story, would you bet he did shit on himself or he didn't? I want to believe that he did. Yeah. What is it? Life's too short to bet the under? I'd be very disappointed if he didn't at this point.
His intestines were out for justice. What an awesome lie to make up and that everybody just immediately believes, you know? You know you hate somebody's guts or that he was hated on a movie set when this becomes a story that comes out of the set. What's the worst thing to spread about somebody? Nothing. I mean, that's tough. All right. Thanks, Craig. You're killing it today, Craig. New category.
I can't wait for more examples in future rewatchables. What's aged the best? Julianna Margulies. Yeah. First movie. She looks young and great and very young person on ER kind of vibe to her and is one of the best actors in this movie. Clearly talented. She tears up immediately. She's terrified of Richie. You know she's going places and she was in ER a few years later and she's great.
Uh, here's another, what's aged the best Kyle Brandt, the director's thoughts on Steven Seagal, John Flynn. What's he got to say? I really liked working with Bill Forsyth and Jerry Orbach and all those guys in the car played the killers, but I didn't get along with Steven. He was always about an hour late for work and caused a lot of delays. That's his Steven Seagal scouting report.
But to say that he's late, that's mild. Like that's, that's a win for Zagal. You're late. A lot of people are late. This is the guy who has way worse stuff said about him. I had a couple more. What'd you have for what stage the best? It's just the cast in general. We've talked about it. It's just Margulies, Uncle June, Vinny, like just wonderful actors everywhere. And they don't belong in a piece of shit action movie, allegedly, although it is, it's a great movie. So the cast and we've covered the rest.
I have a couple more. Uh, I like when he says he's killing people like it's free. No, no. Never heard that line before. I enjoyed it. It's not a good line. I like that. Gino has an awesome relationship with mob boss, Don Vittorio. Yep. They go way back. I know he can just go in there. Everybody's like, Hey, Gino, like Gino's like apparently the most powerful person in Brooklyn. Don Vittorio is just sitting around waiting to hang out for him. And then, uh,
What's age the best? You could also say it's a what's age the worst in the baseball catch scene, which is a tour de force. He gets a call that his best friend has been murdered. Yeah. Could not be less upset. Doesn't even try to act like doesn't do the what? He's just like, okay, Bobby's dead.
Yeah. And talk about, we needed one more take for the scene. This is like leader in the clubhouse. That tells me that that was the one more take. They probably gave it a few times and then Seagal probably thought it was good. And this is the best we're going to get. And then he calls Vicky and tells her the same news. And her reaction is just as bad. Like all the, there's amazing actors in this, except for the people in the main, in the lead and his wife, they're not the best. How many times do you think he says anyone's seen Richie or, or,
Some sort of variation in a sentence during the movie. I'd say like 10. Eight. Eight, yeah. More what's aged the best. Any movie where a police sergeant says in an 80s or 90s movie, I'm getting too old for this shit. Love it. Because Jerry Orbach rips it off. It's almost like they were playing the hits. And then I have Jerry Orbach's peak from...
87, 89 is a what's aged the best. He's in dirty dancing. Yep. A phenomenon of a movie. He's in crimes and misdemeanors. So Woody Allen movie. That's really good. He's in someone to watch over me, which we just did on rewatchables. And he's in last exit to Brooklyn. Yeah. Another respected drama. So he's like a really respected actor.
Way up there, working with good directors. Ridley Scott is in Dirty Dancing, working with Woody Allen. And during this time, it all leads to 1991, where he does Out for Justice and Toy Soldiers. Fuck yes! Two rewatchables. He uses his power, his cachet, to make the movies that we care about. God bless Jerry Orbach. He does the one for them, and then he does the one for himself. I found myself watching it the other night, and I'm like, God, why the fuck is Orbach in this?
But then you look and it's like, it just clicks right after this. He gets Law and Order right after this season, Beauty and the Beast, which is a massive hit. And he's old because he did years of theater. He's not slumming it. He just hasn't blown up that big yet. Big Kahuna burger where best use of food and drink, the hot dog. Come on.
I was going to go with the six pack of seltzer he buys from the kid in the cooler. That's pretty good too, but it has to be the hot dog. You had great Chuck Gordo. You nailed it. Through the windshield. Kid Cudi pursued happiness where best needle drop. Beastie Boys, no sleep for Brooklyn right after Gina rescues the puppy. Yeah.
It's good. Or we got Shake the Firm from Cool JT. Shake the Firm! That one's not very good. It's very 91. And he's not sleeping until he kills Richie. So it's perfect. License to Ill had been out four years at that point. And it's still just awesome. That's a great needle drop. Was there a better title for this movie? John Flynn said that the movie was originally called The Price of Our Blood. Nah, not that. And that was the title that Stephen and I wanted.
And Warner Brothers said no. It had to be a three-word title like the other Steven Seagal films. And that's how we ended up with Out for Justice. The rule with Seagal is you have to be able to say in the trailer, Steven Seagal is... Dot, dot, dot. Out for Death, Out for Justice, On Deadly Ground, all that. So that doesn't work with The Price of Blood. Your choice for a flex category, Kyle Brandt.
Okay. I'm going to go with the Vinny Chase Award for are we sure these guys are really good at their job. Worst mobsters of all time. Pathetic, loser, weak mobsters. Not only do they can't find Richie in their own neighborhood, their only strategy is to keep beating up his brother.
why do they take so much shit from gino the boss says to him gino we love you but let us handle this and he's like nope then the boss just laughs the capo says you know we got to do this our way and he's like i don't care i'm gonna kill him you're never gonna change are you gino right you can do and then at the end he sits down with the mob boss and is like look i don't like you uh i hope you fall off a bridge they're supposed to kill him at the fucking table right there
These mobsters are such wusses and they're completely inept as well. Richie's running a mock, ruining Brooklyn. They do nothing. They can't even control their own sidewalks. So like they're not even good at being mobsters. They're all well cast.
but they're terrible mobsters. So if you're like an actual Brooklyn mobster, you probably hate this movie. I would think it would be so, I would have killed Gino. I would have killed Richie. Yes. You know, these things happen. It's a great one. Totally agree. Uh, the butcher's girlfriend award for weak link of the film. So go on. I'm waiting. I can't wait for this. What do you got? There's a bunch of obvious ones. There's the one that I feel, I don't know if I'm right. Um, and then you might have a different opinion. Um,
Everything about Gino's puppy adoption as a dog lover, not a psycho dog lover. I'm not, not one of those who, you know, I'm not, I'm not a 10 out of 10, but I do think there comes a certain response. Like my wife found our dog, Jesse, who's now 11 on the streets. And, you know, it's a rough first rough, rough first couple of weeks there for the dog that's been abandoned on the streets. This movie doesn't acknowledge any of this.
And as I mentioned earlier, in the first 20 minutes of the adoption, he's in a car chase with the thing bouncing. He goes to buy food. At one point in his homie Italian story, he's like, I'm not buying anything from Jersey. Just immediately gets the puppy, like the worst dog food possible. Who's watching the puppy? He's a single dad. Who's home? Is there a crate?
How many times is that puppy pissed and shit in the car? Like six times? There must be piss and shit all over that car. Right. Is the puppy sick? The puppy needs shots. Has the puppy ever had shots? How old is the puppy? Is it a female puppy? Does the dog need to be like Gino Torino? Gino Foligno has no answers for any of these questions. I can tell you, I got a dog. Yeah. You're protective of the dog. I can tell. Like, yeah, I get it. You should be. It's but you can be a dog parent or not, Gino.
He it's it's an interesting device in the movie, and I think it's put in there to make Seagal likable because everybody loves dogs. Everybody loves puppies. And when he's not killing people, oh, look, Seagal is soft and he's got a softer side and he loves this little dog and it works. I love little Coraggio. He's so cute. But you're right. It's kind of fucked up. Yeah. Just give us a crate. What did you have for the weak link? Well, are we going to talk about recasting parts here? Because now later, OK, we'll save it. We'll save it. Seagal's wife is the weak link for me.
The Steven Seagal hard to kill award. I felt like we had to give this out for, did this movie need a better intimacy coordinator? Yeah. Maybe for the Polaroids. And I still don't really understand the Polaroids in general. Polaroids are hot, man. I love those Polaroids. But they're posing, but somebody else is taking the pictures and it's like, Hey, it almost seems like naked gun.
I was young. I needed the work. It's not somebody like in mid-thrust or it's actual people with a third party filming. I don't get it. Such a great point. Because now it would be a selfie, but they're Polaroids that are perfectly framed where they're clearly not holding it. Maybe their Polaroid camera had a timer on it. Back in the day, we used to use timers a lot. Oh, that's a great... That's the answer. And maybe that's what it is. But Bobby and Roxanne... And by the way, but...
Bobby seems like a fucking great time. Like what a party. Bobby was a maniac. Right. Drugs and women and that women like Bobby would have been fun to party with if you're young. Jesus. The only other time I was thinking of better intimacy coordinator is he goes to see the, uh, the dead stripper. Roxanne doesn't realize he's dead. It goes in and she's dead in the bed, but naked. Cause they clearly were trying to lock down that R rating. Yep.
I wanted an intimacy coordinator for the actress playing the dead stripper. Just cause Seagal, you never know. He might be like, what's going on here? And just like grabbing like a feel somehow. If anyone doesn't know the origin story, when we did the hard to kill rewatchables, there's a scene with Seagal, Mason Storm and his wife in which, in my opinion, Seagal seems to ad lib Seagal.
uh, mouth to breast contact, which you just don't fucking do. Lines are crossed. Yeah. That's not exploring the space. That's not the hot dog in the bar. They're going at it in a, in a real uncomfortable way that, yeah. So that was when we were worried for the actress. So that's how that kind of happened. So that's the award. It's not a good one. What's aged the worst. We've mentioned, um, so many of them. Yeah.
Is there anything left on the, any meat on the bone left? Well, I mean, listen, obviously Seagal has aged the worst in every single way. It's almost like a disclaimer when we do Seagal podcast. Just Google the last 20 years of Seagal. It's been tough. At best, he's highly problematic. At worst, he's reprehensible human garbage. We've said that. I'll go on a terribly different note.
Richie's cruise fashion is so fucking 91. Richie, the baddest guy in Brooklyn, is wearing a top button silk shirt from Structure in the mall that never becomes untucked. He's got his bro in the wind suit like a mall walking mom. That's all stuff that's just so early 90s. It looks ridiculous for like this crew of psycho badasses.
We should have had that in the 1991 part of this podcast. I blew that one. I think that's fair. The rough low hand and rabbinic partridge overacting word obviously has to go to Seagal. I don't know how anyone beats him. Did you have anyone else? There's only one way to refer to him, but like,
No pussy since 1969 guys is, is at a thousand out of 10 in that wheelchair. He has so worked up. No Richie. No, he's, he's so nervous the whole time. He's clearly on drugs. They're fucking with them. That guy has 30 seconds of screen time and owns every second of it. And I love that, that line that he says, it always makes me laugh. The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford. Hottest take a word. Do you have one? I sure do.
My hottest take comes in the form of, Bill, you and I wondering what life would have been like if Seagal was a great guy who people loved working with and his career continued to flourish. And if that was the case, I think Steven Seagal should have played Tony Soprano.
and it's all right there in front of you. David Chase, obviously a fan of this movie. Half the Sopranos call sheet is in this movie. We have a de facto screen test where he does a beautiful scene with Uncle June right there at Corrado's house where tears are shed and emotions are shared. I think he has the physicality. I think he has the unsettling sexual presence of Tony. And you might say, yeah, well, Seagal's not Italian.
who gives a shit? Neither is Marlon Brando. Neither is James Caan. And you might say, yeah, but Tony is a big fat guy. Well, that's coming for Seagal. Don't worry about that. He'll get there. I think he plays Tony. And I think Johnny Sack, who runs the New York Mafia, is played by a great young actor named James Gandolfini. Seagal as Tony Soprano is where his life should have gone. So I had a similar, very good one, by the way. I had a similar one because...
So David Caruso finally settles in the CSI Miami much later in life and really leans into the unintentional comedy of David Caruso and kind of owns it. It's great. And I just wonder if CSI Brooklyn was sitting there for Steven Seagal in like 1999. Oh, no way for Seagal. All right. For Seagal. How's it look?
Well, so CSI comes out in the mid nineties, right? Then they start doing the spinoff ones. They do New York. I can't remember how many done at this point. New Orleans, LA, all of them. Like they're everywhere. And part of the key is like, you want the unintentional comedy piece. And I just feel like if the, if the CSI guy had seen out for justice and be like, Hey, is it a crazy idea to do this in Brooklyn with Seagal? But I think Seagal's reputation was so bad. I just don't think anyone's doing a TV show with him. People wanted to get in and out at night in a 90 minute movie with him.
And that's it. But he would have been so good at the stupid one-liners, you know, like if somebody gets like chopped up by a ceiling fan, he'd be like, I guess he met his biggest fan. And they'd be like, wow, I won't get fooled again. Like Seagal would be so good at that. He's basically, uh, which Baldwin was in the end of forgetting Sarah Marshall, Daniel Baldwin. It,
Billy with Kristen Bell. Yeah. Or one of them. Yeah. Crime scene, scene of the crime. Yeah. That would have been the entire Seagal Brooklyn thing. New category, best IND stat padding. I thought of this because it's a movie that also co-stars Julian and Marguerite's John Leguizamo and Shannon worry. And if you just put that on an Amazon thing, it seems, but meanwhile, they're in for a combined like two scenes. I will say with Shannon worry starts here from 92 to 94.
rips off animal instincts, body of influence, mirror images to an animal instincts to there's two animal instincts, mirror images to not her franchise came in, did that. So those were her next four movies. Um,
And then this is another IMDb tidbit. Seagal cast Julian and Margulies. They're pulling credit for it. Oh, I don't like where this is going. You're not going to believe this, but she didn't really enjoy working with them. I don't like where this is going at all. She later said in an interview she regularly saw Seagal working on projects for Warner Brothers when she was doing ER. And he would say to her, Margulies, come over here and show me some respect.
And she says in the interview, he's not someone I keep in contact with. Oh, Christ.
See, where's Noah Wiley to step in and defend? Where's Eric LaSalle? Like somebody needs to stand up for Margulies. That does not surprise me at all. Yeah, Noah Wiley should have taken a crack at Earth 6. I like that. If Stick was there. The stat padding is a great call because you can put all those names on there. It's like it makes me think of like Frank Gore is like a top five all time rush or something. And they count his rushing yards with like the Bills and the Dolphins. I hate that. That's like what we're doing here.
That's that guy word. Uncle Junior's in this. Dominic Chianese. So is he Dominic Chianese or is he Uncle Junior? No, he's Uncle Junior. I think for just about everybody, he's Uncle Junior. So I think he qualifies. 100% Uncle Junior. And by the way, you mentioned this earlier. He has one scene...
he's like fucking De Niro and raging bull in the one scene. He's great. He's as good as like any, the other weird thing is he seems older in this movie than he does in the first season of the Sopranos, even though it's 10 years earlier. I don't know how you pulled that up. Um, it's 90 mid nineties right now. Still with us still performing, like still doing his thing. It's it's, I love, I mean, uncle June, it to me is the funniest character in the Sopranos.
And it's so weird to see him. He's so serious here and he cries. And it's like, what can I do to keep you from killing my son? I want him to fall in the shower and say, sister's cunt and order Bobby around. He's the best. I love June. So you said his name was Dominic Chianese? Yeah, I think that's how you say it. I'm butchering it. I think he's 94 years old. I'm looking this up because I was thinking, I always get mad at this when IMDb, they have the thing where
When you click on their IMDb, it tells you the four things they're the most known for. No, I want to see them all. I don't want that. And I want to see if they have this for him. Because Johnny Ola, Godfather 2. Sure. Basically leads to Fredo's death. He's the catalyst. Soprano's Uncle Junior...
And then I wonder if this is three. So we're going to find out. I have it. His top four is Godfather Part II, Sopranos, Dog Day Afternoon, and then And Justice For All. I think that's fair. It's a good four, man. So Out For Justice doesn't crack it. It's a really strong four. Damn. Yeah, that's good. Okay. Recasting couch director or city. We do not have any casting what-ifs for this movie, by the way. Not a ton of...
reporting slash journalism about the making of this movie. You'd be shocked to know. Recasting couch director of City. I agree with you on Gino's wife. I had Annabelle Shura there. I think at perfect time in her career, I think we could have snuck her in. What did you have? I got something I think you might like. I'm looking at a young Mia Sara.
who mia sarah's real name bill is mia sarah pochiello and she was born and raised in brooklyn and i think it's just sitting right there i looked it up she's the exact same age as the actress who plays vicky in this movie so in this in five years she could go from ferris bueller's girlfriend to fucking gino felino's wife i would have loved to see sloan peterson in that role amazing better than mine
I also, I think Paul Sorvino should have been the head of the crime family because he could have done good fellas in 90, this movie 91. And then the guy in the firm in 93, he just could have just kept playing heads of crime families. Yes. Triple crown. I forgot to do Dion waiters. I can give you the pimp in the beginning. I can give you Shannon worry. I can give you Gina Gershon. I can give you sticks or I can give you tattoos.
Sticks? I think it's Sticks. I think Sticks wins. What was Sticks doing? He's just in the back, reading the newspaper. Sticks also in a jogging suit. He's just there in case there's a stick fight. And if it escalates to stick fight, Vinny calls him in and he wins the stick fight, but he loses this one. Yeah, let's give it to Sticks. I love Sticks. So do you think Sticks, he had his Sticks...
In like a case, like how you would carry, like Vincent in Color Money had his case for his pool cue. You think Styx, there's like, oh shit, stuff's going down. He opens his case, gets his Styx. Yeah, it's like Walter Subcheck with his bowling ball. Like it's like he goes to the Styx when it's time and he loses. But Styx getting the Dion Waiters in a cast full of Tony and Emmy award winning actors is why we do this. Fucking, fucking hey Styx.
Craig, you have a flex category. Well, I already did my Tom Cruise one. Oh, you did baseball. Yeah. Well, I was going to shout out. I love the...
Just all the homages to great Italian movies that I think they thought they were honoring when in reality, it's just like the cheapest references of all. Like what's his name dying in front of the fruit, like the godfather. There's also a line where Seagal says like, basically all my life, I always wanted to be a gangster coming right out of Goodfellas. And then you have the too old for this shit. But there's like all these references where I think he thinks this is the next version of those films. Yeah.
So this could be an interesting rewatchables category. Most insulting homage to better movies. Biggest. Unheard. Check. Yeah. Check. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like a little good fellas. It's a little godfather too.
It's like, no, it's actually not. Because he tells the story about when he was a kid. He's like, and since that day, I always wanted to be a gangster. And I'm like, this is just Ray Liotta from Goodfellas. God, you're right. And instead of Vicky, your name should have been Karen. That's a great one. The calendar with Goodfellas is really interesting. Goodfellas comes out the same year, September 17th.
They this is 1990 out for justice was shooting for about a month and a half after Goodfellas came out. Yep. So you got to imagine like, holy shit, Scorsese's killing it. Let's rip off the guy. The guy who's the mobster who's looking for Richie all the time, who keeps meeting up with Gino has a total peshy thing going on. The shirt collar, the blow dried hair. Like it's it looks very close.
We got to rip through. We're on pace to be longer than the movie, so I'm going to go faster. Let's do two-part, Bill. Two-part out for justice. He names the German Shepherd puppy Coraggio. That's Italian for courage or bravery. Richie was inspired by Gus Faraci, a Bonanno family associate, subject of a manhunt.
uh, eventually caught and killed by a mob hit man. So that's where they got that. The theatrical trailer shows two deleted scenes. Richie shooting inside a clothing store from where he took a new shirt, which is somehow he shirt changes during this course of day. We don't know structure.
And then another scene where the police captain tells Gino that his body count is coming up. We also see Richie and the guys breaking into the house for Gino's wife is trying to find her leaving when the neighbors show up and some other stuff. Uh,
Leg was Amo who doesn't interact with Seagal in this movie, but did an executive decision, not a fan complained after that skull is an asshole. And he actually hurt him slamming him against the wall. And then force. I said the same thing that he got hurt during the fight scene. Yeah. Uh, Seagal, much like a wrestler works, works rough. It's like why people didn't like Goldberg. And then, uh, this is a story, uh, again, have faster in your research, but this is Shannon worry telling this story.
She wore that outfit with the short, tight black shirt with the yellow ribbon around her neck. She said when Seagal walked in, he asked, what the fuck is the ribbon for? And she replied, I'm trying to dry your eyes upwards. So when you say you're looking at my ribbon and you're really looking at my tits, then I don't have to beat the shit out of you. And she said from that moment on, they really got along because he liked her sense of humor. That's another one where I don't, it's too elaborate to be made up.
But Seagal's like, I like this. I like the math on this one. This is a good one. Yeah. Tough one. Apex Mountain. Seagal, maybe. It's either this or Under Siege. This leads to Under Siege. It's his next movie. And Under Siege is his biggest movie. So it's probably Under Siege. He's going toe-to-toe with Tommy Lee. He gets a sequel. I think it's that. Foresight, I'm going to say yes. Coming up, Dick Tracy. It's looking great for him at this point. Gershon, no.
I had Cocktails 88. This is 90. I forgot that wasn't the same year, but it's probably later. She's in some good stuff in the 90s. She's in Face Off. She did that movie Bound with Jennifer Tilly, which was a real conversation piece. I love that movie. Brooklyn as a TV movie location, I'm going to say no. Mob movies, no. No. Pool Hall fight scenes...
You have my attention. I was trying to think of a better one. I have it as Apex Mountain for ad-libbed weapons, and that beats a lot of competition from Bourne. The Joker in the Dark Knight uses a pencil. I still will go with the cue ball and the Talva.
Well, that's another one. Things wrapped in a towel or a blanket or some sort of weapon. I think this might be it. Sean Penn in Bad Boys with the sodas and the pillowcases. Pillowcase is another good weapon. Yeah, it is. That's really all I have. I mean, I could keep going any pegs, but we don't need to. That's okay. Cruiser Hanks.
We, I can't have Cruz doing an Italian accent. I actually, I'm going to go Hanks on this and I know it's hard, but I think in this category, the movie that gets overlooked a lot is road to perdition where Hanks kicks ass and has machine guns and kills people in cold blood. It's a, it's a tough role for either of them, but I'll take Hanks over Cruz. I couldn't hear Cruz doing that accent. I have Cruz. So Craig's the tiebreaker. Craig, come in the zoom as Gino. Stop depriving us. Oh man.
I kind of want to abstain. This is one of the hardest. You can't. You can't abstain. This is a true, like, either scenario is terrible. Yes. Hanks or Cruz as Gino? I think Cruz is much funnier.
Cruise has the unintentional comedy. Yeah. Hanks is perhaps a little... I was leaning Hanks, but Hanks would be too aware to do this movie. Cruise might be that perfect blend of unaware to pull it off. We're still in the cocktail kind of far away, far and away era of Cruise where he...
wasn't self-aware with with the stuff he was picking i think cruz i think he tries to do an italian accent you guys can sit there and hear cruz say there ain't nobody upstairs like i don't know he did an irish accent in a movie for two hours in the same year it was rough and he does wear a beret and taps so that there is that for that if if craig says says cruz i'll respect it cruz wins i hate both sides yeah thanks craig scorsese or spielberg i'm gonna say scorsese
Since they're ripping the movie off. Yeah. I just, I wish in The Color of Money there was a part where Paul Newman put a cue ball in one of the towels and just started beating the shit out of everybody. That was missing from that movie. But no, you just replace No Sleep Till Brooklyn with Paint It Black and it's a Scorsese movie.
We did a lot of picking nits already. I only have two more. Gino goes and checks out Bobby's desk and finds cocaine, money, and sex Polaroids. Hell yeah. This is the biggest cop murder in New York City of the year. Nobody looks at his desk for three days. And he opens it with a switchblade. Like they always do that dumb shit. There's just a big bag of cocaine. Oh, he must be dirty. Here's a bag of cocaine. The Polaroids themselves, I just don't understand why they were shot that way. Yep. Timer.
And then Bobby's widow just keeps a dirty sex Polaroid of her dead husband in her purse. She's carrying that around the grocery store. Like they didn't want to just put that in a book in the library. Nothing. I'm trying to protect them in your purse. The easiest thing to steal from you. That's where you're keeping the Polaroid. Yeah. Not good. What do you have? Any nitpicks?
I'll do one quick one in the back to the baseball scene. You thought we've covered everything. He kicks his son. He's got the glove there in Steven Seagal's house is the samurai sword at the eye level of the child is a 10 year old child. There's a fucking sword in the hallway. Like when that kid's friends come over, they're going to kill each other with that. You cannot have a sword. If you do, it better be way up on top of a cabinet. It's about three feet in the main hallway of the house. Get out of here. Terrible dog father, terrible father. Yep.
sequel prequel prestige tv all black cast are untouchable uh untouchable obviously great is this movie better with wayne jenkins danny trey out doris burke sam jackson nell byron mayo barney cousins tony romo harling mays chris collins were at daniel plainview long legs or wilford brimley in the firm any thoughts we started with an arthur miller quote um arthur miller's daughter is
is married to Daniel Day-Lewis. That is his son-in-law. I'd like to see Plainview walk into the bar and say, ladies and gentlemen, if I say I'm looking for Richie, you'll agree. I've traveled over half of Brooklyn to be here tonight. This is my son, Tony. We'll keep coming back here till one of you builds a pipeline or remembers seeing Richie. I want to see him with the cue ball and the towel and all that. Plainview would fuck those people up.
That was great. I was really captivated by that for a second. We need it. I just think Doris Burke probably has to be in this.
Who does she see? This young man, Richie, has just been running amok in Brooklyn. It's like France and Germany in World War II. I don't know. It just feels like we need Doris to set the scene with Richie. There's a lot of scene setting these days. We see you, Vicky. We see you at home with Tony. I get it. We see you, Styx, and we see you, tattoos. Styx.
This young man, Richie, has lost his mind. I'm so excited to who won the movie because I know it's going to be Styx at this point. Styx is sweeping the Oscars. Just one Oscar who gets it. Forsythe? Yeah, Forsythe for best supporting. He would have had to beat Jack Palance and City Slickers and two nominees from Bugsy. I think we could at least give him a nomination. I think it's fair. Probably unanswerable questions. Has anyone seen Richie? They did answer it.
But why did Richie kill Bobby? Even when you mentioned it was because they sleep with the same girl, I think. None of us know. Not really. He's on drugs. There was a sex thing. I think he's always hated Bobby since childhood, but it's because he's Richie. What piece of memorabilia would you want or not want from this movie? I'm going with the baseball glove that Seagal uses, that he puts on his hand.
A game, a movie game, movie set game, Warren Seagal baseball glove. Cause that's the only time his hand has ever gone into one.
That he holds his hand like Cuado from Total Recall, like backwards. All right, listen, this is tougher than Cruiser Hanks. I either want the beret or I want the towel with the cue ball. Oh, the beret is a good one. That's probably the answer. I like the bar towel so much. I'll be like, this is the actual cue ball that he hits tattoos in the face with. I'm going to go with that. So maybe it's the cue ball.
But I need the towel as well. Yeah. Cube ball with the towel. Okay. I like it. It's part and parcel. Coach Finstock award. Best life lesson. We got. Just tell Gino. If you saw Richie save us all a lot of time. If you've seen Richie, will you tell Gino, please just tell him he's asking. He's been asking around. Just tell him. You saw Richie. Richie did Bobby Lupo. Tell him that too. He's helping me info. He's going to find out. He's Gino. What do you have for best double feature choice?
The one that came before this, Mark for Death and Gino fighting, Hatcher fighting Screwface. The slogan is, he's a good cop in a bad mood, which took three seconds to think of. I like Mark for Death. What do you got? I think Hard to Kill. Yeah, it's excellent. Because you can watch him with a normal accent and him trying to do it. And I said, hey! Who won the movie? It's hard not to give it to...
To our guy, Seagal. It led to Under Siege. And he was another number one movie, and you can't take your eyes off him. I think it's fun to say this at the end. We make fun of him. But in like three or four movies, I really like watching him. And I'll watch those movies until the day that I die. And so I thank him for that, for all his faults. It's Seagal. And now we're going to bring in producer Craig. Let's go, Craig. We have a feeling that he enjoys not only this movie, but this entire...
that we've introduced to him and brought into his life. Craig, your thoughts. I really have fallen in love with these movies. It's some of Seagal's best work, I have to say. And it's usually, it's because it's trying the hardest to make him seem cool, which I think directly correlates with how enjoyable the movie is.
Um, he's really the only movie star that you could more easily convince somebody who's never heard of him, that he is an adult film star acting in a porn parody of a real movie than actually acting in a legit Hollywood film. Yeah. He's like, it's like a Truman show experiment with Seagal. Like this whole thing of like, can we convince a random guy that he's a good actor and an action star and,
While just making like the worst movies possible. I love it. I also think the stick fighting is legitimately good. It is. We joke about sticks. I thought that back and forth was legit, well done action. The people are going to freak out. The guy who plays sticks has a deep, deep martial arts background and is considered a legend in those circles. Like that's not just some actor. You can tell. Both of them. That's a real guy. Yeah, they were really good.
going at it that was impressive i know so that's another case for cruz versus hanks for cruz because i think cruz would have spent three four or five months trying to figure out the stick fight yeah i don't think hanks puts in that kind of time um i also love that not many movies like immediately as the second the movie ends the credits are just back to cool shots yeah yes yes
Which like, that would be like if the second Mission Impossible ended, it's just like back to earlier scenes from the movie of Tom Cruise running and punching people, which is just trying to jam as much Seagal into the movie as possible. So they had to fit him into the credits as well. I wish, Craig, there was a post-credits scene of him just hitting jacks with his son at some local baseball field. That's what I want to see more than anything. I want to see him in a batter's cage. Yeah. Yeah. You know.
We really fucked up not bringing that post credit scene up because it immediately comes in. And the first thing we see is him running. And of course, every time he runs, it's the worst thing that he does. It's him with the beret at the beginning with the pimp. They cut right back to that in the credit. Running on empty. So I wonder if the director hated him so much.
that he put that in. And again, Seagal not self-aware is a, yeah, that's cool. I like that. I like when I'm running, but meanwhile, he's running. Like, it's almost like he doesn't have any vertebrae. Like he's, he's like a bobblehead. Uh,
I don't know what he does with his hands when he runs. It's hilarious. Can I give like a soft hottest take? Yeah. I think we need to bring back kind of movie dictators. I think we need to bring back when one person just had kind of complete control because I think it goes back to what you were saying, Bill, about we've lost the unintentional comedy. We had that because Seagal was just like running the show.
And he thought he was awesome. And what he said goes, and now everything is so market tested now where when movies are bad,
they're watered down bad. There's nothing random about them. You know, it's like, I just watched that movie, the fountain of youth with John Krasinski. It's terrible on Apple, but there's nothing, there's no unintentional comedy. She's a bad movie that has been glossed over on the edges. We need to bring back movie dictators who are just like, it is only me and my brain decides what goes in this film. Cause then you get gems like this. Well, so what Craig just said, so we were all running Apple, we get Jason Momoa and we're like, we want you to be a cop.
It's a blank slate. We're going to give you no notes and we're not going to test the movie after it's done. Yeah, that's what I want. You do your thing. We trust you. We think you're a thinker and an actor. And then it just goes completely wrong and we let it happen. Yeah, we'll give you 30, $40 million and just do whatever you want. And then, you know, our culture has changed so much as a society. I can't believe that just 30 years ago,
The opening scene with him in the beret and the freeze frame on his face, that's just unbelievable that that happened. It worked and it made a lot of money. And we wouldn't even get close to allowing something like that to happen. The hot dog wouldn't be in the movie now. It's too stupid. I think some focus group would have said it doesn't work. You're right, Craig. I missed it. The closest we have now is ESPN hiring Schrager and then having people on a split screen not selling his jokes.
That's the closest we have now to unintentional comedy. Well, you don't know how right you are. There's that scene in the movie where Richie says, you got the balls for it? The guy goes, yeah. Well, now you got the bread. That's how Peter was hired away from Good Morning Football. Someone from ESPN walked in and said, do you want to go and get up with Greeny? He's like, yeah, I got the balls for it. Well, now you got the bread, Schrager. And I haven't talked to him since. Now we have guys in a split screen just scowling at your takes.
Stone faced. Also, can I just say, me having to pay $3.99 for this movie is a fucking joke. That's ridiculous. This movie should be free on a streaming service. Not free, but if I have a subscription to most of streaming services. You got to pay more. I have to pay for this movie? So I'm going the other way. I rented it for $3.99. And after I rented it, I regretted not buying it.
And I think the $399 should have gone to the purchase price on Amazon. So it's like, if you want to buy this movie for six more dollars, you can take it down completely. Because I think I would have done it, but I didn't want to spend more than the price. If we're trying to spread the gospel of Seagal movies, it can't be $399. It's got to be on Tubi. Here's my question. You see those bundles like they have on Fandango and some of these, Amazon will have them where it's like,
you know, Apatow movies and you could buy five streaming Apatow movies for like 1999. You get like super bad and four-year-old virgin.
Why isn't the Seagal five pack out yet? Or seven pack? Every Seagal movie for seven bucks. Yeah, for $14.99. I just get the complete Seagal catalog. You know, you need like, I think five movies, maybe four, and you're set. You get the whole thing. I mean, he's made 100 directed DVD. You don't need that shit. It's not a big collection. I don't want anything past 95. There's a great app called Just Watch, and you can type in any movie or TV show, and it tells you where you can watch it on Starz.
streaming where you can rent it, where you can buy it. And I'm always, you know, I always punch it in before every watchables. And I was like, I, you know, I'm assuming I can watch out for justice for free somewhere. Of course, three 99, three 99, baby.
I go on just watch every week to see if this is the week that kiss of death and Eddie and the cruisers are back on cable. And the answer is always no. It's like a sure thing. When they come back, people freak out and they put it up there. You look, you check for it. Yeah. All right. Kyle Brandt. What are you up to all summer?
right now i'm looking at my google results that say does the ufc stop a fight if a fighter shits his pants that's what i'm looking at um i'm still doing good morning football and nfl network i'm there he's come check us out um i'm coaching little league baseball coaching lacrosse i'm just doing my thing up here bill in the east coast suburb you got your mitt you got your ball and kick my son in the head
Well, you're coming. I know we have a couple more on the list, so we'll see you a couple more times this summer. But it was great to see you. Thanks to producer Greg Horvath as well. And we'll be back on the rewatchables next week. Thank you.