‘Toy Soldiers’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt
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is brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network, where a few times a year we bring in this guy, Kyle Brandt, to break down some Oscar winners from the 80s and 90s, and I don't even think we've done the 2000s. This is the worst one we've done yet. I can't wait. Toy Soldiers is next. Terrorists just took over their school.

The students have no weapons. Are you with me or not? Of course we're with you. And no way out. Look at everybody killed. It's too late to back out now. The only chance they've got We're really gonna do this? You bet. is each other. Toy Soldiers. Rated R. Starts Friday at a theater near you.

All right, Kyle Brant is here. We keep up in the bar when we do these. We've got Seagal, we've done Stallone, we've done Schwarzenegger. Not a lot of Aston yet for us. I think this is the first one, but super excited. How are you feeling?

Bill, I mean, I'm feeling great. I got to tell you, I'm a little bit fucked up right now. I had a little mouthwash before we started. So like it's I'm flying with eagles, baby. It's good stuff. That is a classic boarding school trick. The the replace the mouthwash. I was like, they moved that one in there. That's incredible.

This was the Die Hard in a blank era. Yep. Which we've covered in other pods. Die Hard hits in 88. They start trying to figure out what other locations can we do Die Hard in. Toy Soldiers merges the Die Hard concept with Dead Poets Society. I don't know how they do it. The unintentional comedy is out of control. I watched with my wife last night. She was just like,

Do they know they're doing this stuff intentionally? I'm like, no. That's the beauty of toy soldiers. Will Wheaton is like, you know, I think maybe I'll use a New York mafioso accent. They're like, you go, Will. You do your thing. This movie has aged...

even better than I expected. I watched it every couple years, but what is it about this movie that just has made it age so well in 2023? Look, the formula's great. It's dead post society meets die hard with a healthy dose of Red Dawn. And then it's like, here's

Here's the thing, though. It's an R, which really earns its R rating. And it's got so many things that a growing boy needs. You got violence, sex, profanity, masturbation, drinking, smoking, just a little bit of sports. And in the final act of this, you've got the army, you have the drug cartel, and you have the mafia showing up as well in this critical

post Goodfellas, pre Sopranos window. And then the Sean Astin piece of it is massive. We all grew up in one way with Astin and we get to find out like, imagine if Rudy, instead of being a working class dork was a privileged dick and Astin kind of kills it.

Aston kills it and the distance between toy soldiers and Rudy feels like it's about 12 years. It does. It's two. Really, it's like two. But he, I don't know how they cast this movie. I don't know if they moved everybody kind of closer to his height or what they did, but he really does seem Bruce Willis-y in this movie.

Dare I say, I think he's kind of great in this movie. I think he is the full leading man. He's driving Humvees, dude. He's fighting guys. He is ripped. The Willis thing actually is spot on because he's got like the same amount of chest hair. He wears the tank top at one point. He even has the sleeveless frayed jean jacket. He looks like he's in Double Dragon. Absolutely.

Aston is good here, and I can't believe there's not been an Aston rewatchables. As you know, I listen to every episode. This is the first one, and there's a lot to talk about with them. That's true. We have not done the Goonies, and we have not done Rudy. I think Rudy is happening at some point this year. I...

I think he does a lot in a movie that if he's not good, this movie immediately is just destined to... Not even Cable. It's on Fubo or Tubi or whatever. Fuba Tubi? Is it Fubi and Tubo or vice versa? And then maybe some Pluto. But I think this was on HBO and Cinemax and TNT for, I'm going to say, 12 years. Yeah. And this is when...

It's the rewatchability of this movie that you really start picking up stuff. Like the villain, who I know we're going to talk about. The cast of characters. There's a guy named Yogurt who has...

I, he might've just been like the director's kid or somebody they pulled in who is an extra and they gave lines who's prominently involved in major scenes. Uh, who's never seen again. And, uh, I've always liked boarding school movies. What is it about like scent of a woman, uh, dead poet society, you name it. I like being in the boarding school. It's like a confined place. It's happy. It's outdoors. Class was another one with Rob Lowe. I just like being in that world.

I did too. And I wasn't in it. I went to massive, massive public high school. My window into boarding school was school ties and dead poets and all those things. And it always just feels like they're having a good time and they're constantly busting balls and they got that kind of loose tie. They got to study for this test, but like, screw it. Like, let's just go find beer and like find the woman. There's always this dick professor and let's go mess with them. And I do think this movie, because they have the R rating, they get to do things that other boarding school movies can't.

Like their little banter as a crew is so blue and so R-rated. And it's like, there's at one point when they're sneaking through the hole to go into the secret basement. And one of them's like, hey, speaking of holes, anybody have a sister? And you're like, damn, that's the least subtle thing I've ever heard. Like, no, but I do have your mom's number. And it's just, it's wild. And it seems like you get to go to college before you get to go to college. Like they get to go to college twice, but it's kind of been jealous.

Yeah, there's like a prequel aspect to this where I totally would have wanted to see a couple soccer games and maybe a school dance. And maybe somebody goes home with somebody for Thanksgiving. There's an hour they could have done as deleted scenes. Really good premise, by the way, for this movie. As cheesy and ridiculous as it is. But I kind of believed it. You have a Colombian drug lord.

He gets taken and he gets extradited to America. His son is pissed off about it. He wants revenge. He knows the judge's son is at this boarding school. He's like, let's go in. We'll take, we'll grab the kid. And now we have something to bargain with. Kid's not there because they get rid of the kid. Cause there's, you know, Lou Gossett, headmaster thinking ahead, uh,

But then he's like, oh, I got some other heavy hitters here. Maybe I'll use these kids as the bargaining chips. I've never seen more files just comb through and hand it over to a leader. It's like, who's this kid? And the guy, Michael Champion, just has every file at his disposal right there at the right page. But I believe the premise. You're in, right? Oh, way in. And

I'm not sure why there's one American guy amongst the group. I think maybe they just need someone who's good at filing. I don't even know if that guy's a terrorist. He might be just a receptionist or like a temp because he's constantly hitting them. He's like history of asthma. I got it right here on line five document. He's been the infirmary three times. Like, I think that guy might be a receptionist, but we're going to dress this up bill because people are going to want to belittle this movie. There's some real important things going on. You were just mentioning.

There's this beautiful poetic thing where you have these preppy, privileged kids, and a lot of them seem to hate their dads. And they're being held hostage by someone who's doing it for the love of his father. Like, Luis Cali is a terrible dirtbag, but he loves his dad, man. He was going to do it all for his dad. There's a lot of things that worked.

And out of nowhere, when you think, all right, I think I get this movie, you know, in swings, Jerry Orbach just collecting a check to be the mob leader. And you're like, we got mafia stuff here. It's just going to be rules. Yeah. He was a real actor back in the day. Hey, well, we had history with a couple of the kid actors too, right? Aston has the Goonies. He, everybody knows who he is by the time this movie comes out and it comes out, I think 91. Um,

Then Keith Coogan, he'd bounced around. He'd been in a bunch of things. He ends up, he's an adventure and babysitting eventually. But he had a nice little run there. And then Wil Wheaton, who was in Stand By Me, which we've already done on the rewatchables, one of the great kids' movies. But now it's a different Wil Wheaton. And when you talk about the legacy of Toy Soldiers and the reasons, like top five reasons I love this movie,

Everything Wil Wheaton is doing in this movie is just fantastic. And I don't think for the reasons he thinks, I'm sure there's some choices he'd take back. First of all, this dangling cross earring on the left ear, which I think was supposed to be edgy in 1991.

You want to talk about the accent? Let's go. Is it like he saw an Andrew Dice Clay comedy special and was just like, that's what I'm going to do right here. Why didn't anyone talk him out of it? I have some research on this later. Really? But I just...

His name's Wil Wheaton. I mean, he looks like he should have been like one of the kids in the breakfast club. What made them think he was going to pull off Joey Trotto with a mafioso accent? Yeah, there's one scene where he goes, hickory dickory dock, the terrorists run up the clock. Oh, and he smokes a cigarette over his head. And what's great about the accent, you can do a bad accent. It's fine. It happens all the time. Yeah.

really makes it bad is the inconsistency. And when you dial it up to 11 out of 10 a few times, like, come on, we can get a gun. We can take these terrorists. Like, dude, that's not the same guy in the last scene. Where are you going with this? But he did his best, I guess. I don't know why he was cast other than he's a likable guy. And I don't want to split hairs here, Bill, but I know that people will scream at us. I believe the earring, which I consider like the third lead of this movie after Aston and Gaza, I believe it's an ankh, which...

which is like, I don't think it's the Barry Bonds cross. I think it's an Ankh and it's one of my favorite parts of the whole movie. I would rewatch it just to watch the earring. I found a long feature about this movie that had a lot of details. God only knows what's true, but I'm going to read from it. Wheaton threw himself into the role. He prepared by creating an autobiography for his character and also rented all the Godfather movies.

He also attempted to give Joey a New York accent, a request from director Daniel Petrie. And Wheaton said, this is the actual quote. I was only 18 and didn't think to actually study up on a specific one. So I just did what sounded right in my head.

Mission accomplished. Imagine what you thought, like, especially if you're not, if you're from California or something, what you think a New York accent is at 18. It's just like you said, it's the stupid cartoonist, Dice Clay. Oh, hey. So he's watching like the Clemenza scene in the Godfather. Why don't you tell that girl you love her? And he's like, oh, I'll write that down. So anyway, they needed him because he was a recognizable name.

I'm not sure that's the part he should have played. We also have, I really liked the crew. The other two guys, I don't think have been seen again. We have the black guys. Good. Yep. And then the guy who's like Mario Lopez turned it down six days before the shoot. And they had to scramble and get somebody else to kind of look like he's just in a tank top and underwear with a very serious look on his face for two hours. And I like him. I'm in on him. He's got, he's got cool hair. He's got a cool look. He spends most of the movie in his panties.

And like, he kind of just does the thing. I will say for the guy, I don't remember the character's name, the black guy, like I bet he was laughing at Will Wheaton's Ankh earring when the wardrobe guy gave it to him. And the wardrobe guy's like, wait till you see your glasses, dude. Why don't you put these on? They're just as bad.

The reason we can't remember his name is I'm not positive they ever said his name. I guess his name was Hank. Do you ever remember them saying the name Hank? No, they're not. The names I remember are Billy and Yogurt. Yeah, Yogurt were the only one. And Joey Trotta. Don't forget the great Joey Trotta. Yeah, so that was Hank. And then the other guy was Ricardo. I guess they said him because the bad guy said him. Let's talk about the bad guy. Okay, let's go. So, Luis Cali.

He's dipping into a couple different bad guys, right? There's, there's just a little, there's a hint of Thomas Ian Griffith, Karate Kid 3, stealing that. He's pulling that over. Is that Terry Silver? Yeah, Terry Silver. Okay, I got him. Um,

There's a little like watch Scarface a couple of times and tried to craft a character out of maybe some people, Robert Loggia's crew. Yeah. And then other than that, a lot of freelancing from our guy, Andrew DiValli, who I'm pretty sure is not Colombian. I'm more, we, the last time we talked about, we did, we did sudden death and we did a scale for villains. And I had toy soldiers guys, a one out of 10 for the scale.

And I had Powers Booth as a three. I think I'm going to flip that. I think I'd like him more than Powers Booth. I thought he had some moments. He had the unintentional comedy pieces with him. There was no unintentional comedy with Powers Booth. I think this guy, I'm going to jump him. So now I have Powers Booth as a one out of 10. Passenger 57 guy is a two out of 10. And I think Toy Soldiers is a three. What was your list? I know you're working on it. You want me to go from 10 down or one up? Yeah.

Let's go from one up. Go from one up so we get the drama. I got a choice, so I'll just go at one. Okay, make the case. Why was he the worst? All right. He messes up the fundamental thing and what you got to do here. So in the Hans Gruber formula, you got four chapters that you got to hit.

You got chapter one is the entrance, which he nails. He's very violent opening scene. You know, he means business. Chapter two, I'll come back to. Chapter three is when the plan isn't going right. Then I have to pivot and it's blow the roof and all that. He's good at that. And chapter four is the final battle. When the good guy kills you, he's good at that. Chapter two, though, is the most important.

that's when you got the ballroom and it's time to dance. And it's usually- That's intimidation time. Yes. It's usually the first time you're speaking to the hostages. Here's what I'm about. Here's what's going to happen. You think of Hans Gruber's, ladies and gentlemen, and he's like, oh, cool. This guy is talking to some terrified kids and the acting is bad. The thing that we keep talking about where he screams at the end of sentences, I think he totally whiffs on chapter two, which is the most important chapter.

I think the other problem is that he raises his voice! Out of nowhere and you don't know when to expect that he's gonna do it! You have seen these orange wires running throughout this building and outside. These are wired to explosives. If any one of these wires is cut, the explosives will go off automatically. If any of the individual explosives are tampered with, they will explode! So, don't touch the wires.

It's like Austin Powers is making fun of. If you touch the bombs, and you're like, oh, that was fun for one scene. And then at the end of the movie, it's a, I told you what would happen if one of you escaped. I told you what would happen if one of you escaped. Did you think I was kidding? So that's him. So he's my two. Well, he also, I got to say, he does pull off the, I'm going to punish you, Sean Astin, for being

Not reporting back for the count of 92 in time. With the antenna or that pointer? Yeah. There's a split second there where you start getting worried it's going to be a scene from Oz. Because Sean Askin is throwing it on the table. It's like, what's going to happen here? But no, he's just going to hit him with a metal rod. But it is... I was frightened there for a split second. Well, we got our rating. We can do whatever we want. You can make him sadistic too, but thank God. He just whips the crap out of him. So let me fly through it. So I got...

Sudden Death, I got three with our guy Powers Booth. Number four, I have Speed 2 with Willem Dafoe, who puts leeches on his body. Five, I have Speed 1 with Dennis Hopper.

Six, I have Cliffhanger with John Lithgow, which we've also done together on Rewatchables. Seven, I got Under Siege, Tommy Lee Jones. Eight, I got General Hummel on The Rock, our guy Ed Hart, amazing. And then number nine, the closest thing I think, Bill, to Gruber, Gary Oldman in Air Force One is an absolute maniac and terrifying and scared the crap out of me watching that movie. And I think he would have killed the guy's daughter if Harrison Ford doesn't tell him to make the call. That's my scale.

That's a really good one. Thank you. And Rickman is 10. Rickman's 10. Yeah, Gruber's 10. I think Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege is my nine.

He's great. He's great. It's really good. It was such a nice Tommy Lee Jones run there for a couple of years. It was just, I don't know if you've seen The Fugitive or have heard about it. It's a Harrison Ford movie. What color were his eyes? Just marveling at Tommy Lee Jones in that movie. Like just a nothing part. He's amazing. That's the same director. He's just kind of chasing around. That's how he got it. You know, Air Force One, or rather The Under Siege, Andrew Davis. I love this guy. I'm doing this movie called The Fugitive. You gotta be Gerard. It's the best.

I'm higher on Lithgow and cliffhanger than you. And I'm a little higher on hopper and speed only because I

Of the running part when he has to run and it's like his body just gets weird when he slips around corners. I don't know how they had to edit that. I'm not sure his legs worked. But I think that's a pretty fair list for the most part. So you have Toy Soldier's guy as the worst. Yeah, the worst. I dislike Powers Booth the most. He does have that one part at the end when it's falling apart when the plane doesn't work and he does that kind of like...

And I don't know if that worked or if it was the worst thing he did in the movie. And I'm still debating it 32 years later. I like that you're taking up for Powers. In all the episodes you and I have done, Bill, there's been two people, two characters we've not liked that people have given me shit for on the street. They said we were too hard on Powers Booth. And then ironically, they said we were too hard on Booth and Teen Wolf. So it was Booth and Booth. And I'm like, I'm not a Booth fan. I'm like Pamela. I don't care. I'm not in the Booth hives.

What was the case for Boof and Teen Wolf, just out of curiosity? I think she's girl next door likable, and she's smart and cute. And I'm like, that's great. I'm here for Pamela. That's who I want in the closet. Yeah. Sorry. I'm going to go when you're never seen again as an actor, probably a bad sign for how you did the movie. So this movie was based on a book. Were you aware of this? No, not really. A 1988 novel by William P. Kennedy.

Which now I'm going to have to get on eBay, I think. I have no other recourse. Orion bought the film. It's directed by Daniel Petrie, who had done, he had produced some stuff. And I think he had written one of the Beverly Hills Cop movies. The first one. Yeah. $10 million budget. It made $15 million. Hmm.

but probably a lot in rewatchables. I don't remember buying this on DVD because it was always on. So I don't think I ever actually spent real money on it until the Amazon rental last night. Some disappointing news from our guy, Roger Ebert, though. One star. What's he got? Hey, Craig, how many times have we done a one-star movie on the rewatchables? Less than four, right? Yeah, easily. I can't remember a one.

I think this might be the first one. It's very possible. He said, since the plot of the movie is utterly predictable, we hope at least for some cleverness in the gimmicks. Here, the movie is so disappointing that I wonder if the screenwriters were really trying. First of all, that's a personal attack. I felt like some of the scenes were actually pretty well written. And you know what, Raj? Nobody wants your snooty.

You know, this movie wasn't good enough for you. It's a little too reminiscent. Diehard. Obviously, Aston didn't connect with him at all. I don't know. My feelings were hurt. Yeah, right. You saw them yogurt switching the microchips to turn a nuclear bomb into an airplane. No, get out of here. You can see that shit, Raj. Rest in peace. What about you got the mafia and the Colombians and the FBI? Raj is like, I'm left cold. Where's my popcorn? All right. So we are going to do the most rewatchable scene. It's brought to you by the Home Depot.

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Give yourself the gift of a stress-free holiday season with the Home Depot. There's nothing bigger than that. Visit homedepot.com to learn more. When do you think Toy Soldiers was set? What part of the calendar year? Soccer? So maybe like October, early October range? Yeah, I think the school year is pretty new. So I think it's mid-October, autumnal, almost like where we're sitting right now in late September recording this.

What's the soccer team's record? Maybe like four and two. Listen, based on that guy's kicked in time with Sean Astin breaking the glass on a very, very close shot. I think they're five and one. I think they have a star striker. Five and one. Yeah. Okay. Most rewatchable scene. Yeah. I just wrote down Billy's gang has a mouthwash basement party. Let's go. This better not be mouthwash. Trust me. Trust me.

Trust me, asshole, this is mouthwash. No, it's not. It tastes like mouthwash. What the hell is it? Four parts 100 proof vodka, two parts peppermint schnapps for that mouthwash flavor, and one part creme de menthe to make it green. Damn. Sick, man. I hope you know that. That's the beauty of this concept. It looks and smells and tastes just like mouthwash. I mean, we can keep liquor in plain sight in our dorm rooms, right? And the best part, I sold eight bottles of this stuff for 35 bucks a piece. We're rich. No. You is a genius.

We learned about the rules of prep school etiquette. They kind of gave up on this bit, but we did learn, wait until your roommate falls asleep to jerk off and don't fart in a basement with no windows. Two decent things to know, but they could have kept going for longer than that. We also get Lou Gossett Jr., an Oscar winner. Mm-hmm.

tapping into the phone and overhearing phone sex and making a disturbed Luke Asa Jr. face. This scene's really fun. It's a really fun four minutes. I'm wearing black lace bra and panties that look really hot against my skin. Would you like me to take bra? Yes. Yes, please. Okay.

I got some thoughts on Lou Gossett picking up the phone for later. It also starts with that cool device where Aston bangs on the radiator and that signals his friends before cell phones. That was kind of cool. But you get down there and he's got booze and...

and you're like, all right, they're just going to drink in the basement. That's funny. He's like, no, now it's time for the entertainment. And then he hacks the phone line. Of all the great parties, Bill, like the weird science party and the Teen Wolf party, I respect what the school ties boys are doing down there in the basement. And they're smoking cigs and busting balls. I love that hang, and I want that drink so bad. Yeah, dead poets, they go to a cave. School ties, they basically just danced in the...

In the shower or whatever the hell they did. This was easily the best boarding school hang. And a really important, because it kind of established all the relationships. You could see a little give and take, but I enjoyed that part. Next one. I mean, nothing better than the roll call. Let's go. Come on. After the hostages has been taken, we get...

We get Luis Cala versus Joey Trotta. Immediately, it's like, okay, let's go. This is Hagler Hearns. One of the two of the best actors we have. We get him asking Ricardo if he speaks Spanish and he says no. And then he says, put a bullet in him in Spanish. And he's like, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. So tell me, Ricardo, are you a Mexican? Mexican-American. Do you speak Spanish? No, not really. No, wait. Wait, what? You don't speak Spanish? No.

Sorry, I do speak a little Spanish. I thought you didn't speak Spanish. I speak a little. Great stuff. We get, then Ricardo gets kicked and we get Billy immediately trying to get to like the terrorists, which is like the hockey fighter being pulled back by the three referees. There's a lot of good stuff happening in this scene.

It's great. And it establishes all the characters and it sets up the Wheaton. I hate my father thing later in the thing. And it's tense as hell. I just listen. If I'm being completely honest, I, I, this is when, you know, I gave the guy a two on the Gruber scale. I wish it was a little more. I don't feel like they're that scared of him. These kids would be terrified. I feel like he needs to style it up a little bit. Yeah. There's at least cut a finger. Maybe that's a move. Like take an earlobe.

He's got, it's hard to be scared when there's not a lot of physical threats and your henchman, your main guy is basically like an accountant. He looks like he's like in backstage at the Oscars about to hand somebody the best supporting actor. I couldn't help but think Bill, as I'm watching it, like,

You got Arlie Ermey just sitting there on set, like in the director's chair. Could we just like, let's take five and Arlie take us through and like, you're the father's chairman of the Republican Reserve? Bullshit, I bet you can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Like, you gotta give it to him here. Like, coach him up a little bit. It's a little underwhelming.

I think if they could have taken our notes, I also would have had the sniveling crying kid, basically like Fresh Fish and Shawshank. I would have had the one like crying ninth grader. And it seems like

It seems like our guy, uh, Louise Cowley is going to come over to see if he's all right, but instead he like makes it worse and humiliates him. Like it definitely needs like two more things like that. How's that horse of mine doing dad? Yeah. We need one kid like that. It just can't make the first night. Perfect. They kind of gloss over the, uh, the phone booth teacher getting shot to execute. We have a murder there. Like, like pull that guy in and bring them in the middle of the room and be like, remember this guy, your social studies teacher.

Yeah. This is what happens if you fuck with him. That teacher sucked anyway. Too much homework. Do I get an A in his class now? Next scene, Wil Wheaton, which I sent you and Craig this video last night. Wil Wheaton decides to get a little mafia on the crew, right? Here's what we got to do. We got to do this. Craig will play the clip. So we make some noise and we get him in here and then we jump him. Then what? Billy.

He's got a fucking machine gun. With a fucking machine gun, we could shred these fuckers. And then his buddy makes the, oh, I guess it does run in the family joke. You know, this machine gun stuff must run in mafia families. Son of a bitch. Joey, out. Joey. Come on. That was a joke, okay? I'm your friend. I can call you a fucking wop if I want to. And Wheaton jumps over. Yep.

and kind of jumps him and then throws like a series of one-inch punches at him that I can't believe they didn't do a retake. He's not punching him. He's not slapping him. His arms are moving in the way a punch might go, but it doesn't look like that at all. And then they pull him off. It's like, ah, you got to get him off. He's going to kill him. And his hands are just kind of

capping his hips it's one of the weirdest scenes i think in the 90s they pull them off like it's it's it's a ufc guy hammer fisting someone into death whereas the punches are so pathetic one of two things happened bill either it was the end of a long day of shooting and they're like we got a rap or they did many takes and that's the best that they got them but you're right it's one inch little rabbit punches and they're like whoa tyson's in the stands punching people it was it's not like that

I can't believe they do another take. And I can't believe the guy that Keith, Keith Coogan, the guy that he jumps. I can't believe it's like, well, just it's okay. You can punch me in the arms. Like Jesus, he can throw a couple. The whole thing is great. I love that. I love that. It establishes his hot Italian temper. That's going to circle back later. Just in general. Great stuff. Next one. I mean, this is great. Billy escaping is just great stuff.

Hey, this alone should have gotten a half star from Raj. This at least pulled it to one and a half. Nothing better than the guy trying to time the escape with the two bodyguards and the guns and waiting and waiting and then like basically running for your life. Like, how is that not a great two minutes, Roger Ebert? Come on.

I also think it's also something that's sweetly, sadly authentic about it is that when he gets that gun, he's got the drop on the guy who's going to shoot him and he can't handle it. And it goes up in the air and that's how it would go. When William dies. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's, that's just how it would go. Um, so Billy escapes. Yeah. Gets jumped by the dude with the, with the, uh, whatever the guy. Yeah.

Like you're talking about the army guys. Yes. For some reason they're there. Like, like anybody's going to even come out that way. Yeah. And then he's got to convince them.

that he's got to go back within and we get the shower thing. There's just a lot of suspense there for 10 minutes. I think my favorite part though, is that Gossett, who's like, this kid's the biggest fuck up in our school. He's been kicked out of three schools. All he's done is bust my balls, give us shit, et cetera, et cetera. And then he tells the FBI like, no, no, if it's Billy, I trust him. It's like, what? What?

What do you mean? Because he sold some mouthwash to some ninth graders. Now he's earned your trust in a hostage crisis. That's that's a big part of the diehard formula is there's always someone on the outside who's like, no, no, no. I got a feeling about this guy. Like that's that's Al Powell talking about McLean. Like, I think he's a badge. Like, I remember it also in Passenger 57. There's Tom Sizemore's and he's on the ground and they're making all these plans. And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.

that's John Carter on that airplane. Like he can handle this. Like they always stick up for him. But then this point is like a 16 year old idiot. And he's like, he's got guts. I think he can pull it off. Really? No, that's Billy. He sold eight bottles of mouthwash for 35 bucks. This guy can pull this up. Somehow he makes a bag, does the shower thing and, uh, and then gets a red ball put in his mouth and gets molested by Lewis Cowley. Uh,

Next one I have, Joey doesn't want to leave. We pull a mafia Colombian deal. They're going to pull Wil Wheaton's character out of the boarding school. He doesn't want to go. Doesn't want to leave his friends. And then what happens the next two minutes is one of the funniest moments of the movie.

For some reason, he surprise attacks the guys taking about. Does like a big heavy chop. It's like judo chop! He does the Austin Powers, hits him with the gun, and then doesn't seem to have a plan and just kind of runs out like Rambo. And does the thing and then shoots up in the air as he gets shot to death. What was he thinking? What's happening here?

Well, it starts off with, I think, my favorite five seconds of the movie, and it is some real rewatchable as the action is the juice where you're in close up on Wheaton and it's fuck my father and fuck you. And he kills that line. Why me? Because we respect your father. Fuck my father and fuck you.

Like that's why we hired Wheaton. But he kills that line. And then he's just going to go, he's just going to like commando the whole thing. He's going to kill every terrorist. We're going to disarm them. And he can't even get off one shot and it's just gone. It's a tough moment. Can I give you a rewrite suggestion? Yeah. Like maybe he kills one of the guys and like, there's a way that seems 90 seconds longer. And we're kind of thinking he might be able to pull this off versus how pathetic it ends up being.

Yeah. A little hope. Yeah. So what happened with Joey Trotta? Well, stole a gun and just immediately got shot to death within like two seconds. I mean, he had a better shot at that guy. That guy wasn't even looking.

And he fires like three bullets at him before the guys even fire him back. I don't know. I felt like they did Wheaton kind of wrong in that scene. Yeah. He didn't need like an 80 yard touchdown, but like he can move the chains a few times, you know, like a couple of first downs. Maybe he clips the guy and then they jump on like it's, it was really, it's a sad death though. Like it's, it really is like, oh damn. And he's lying there on the steps like that. And they close his eyes, which is another action movie trope. But I would have liked to see him at least get one duck, one, one skin on the wall.

It's a, basically it was a Zach Wilson scene. He's just scrambling to the right and throwing out of bounds. And then finally takes the sack for the safety. And you're like, ah, couldn't you have let him scramble for like eight yards? Uh, one other part I love with this scene is the, uh, our guy Hank, now that we know his name, Hank holding back Billy, putting his hand over his mouth for some reason. Uh-huh.

Which, and he's just swinging him in the air with his hand over his mouth like this. And it's like, why are you covering his mouth? How is that going to help things? But that part is pretty funny. As a parent, Bill, my kids are pretty young. Sometimes my son will do that to my daughter if she's talking back to us because he doesn't want her to get in trouble. And he knows, and so he puts his hand over his mouth. He thought that Billy was going to say some shit that was going to get him shot. Yeah, maybe. Maybe Hank. Hank wins this whole movie. I'm a big Hank fan. You like Hank?

Billy's switching the chips coming out of a, I always love it. This is another action movie trope. Go on. When people can crawl through the ceilings and they're just like perfectly, it looks like the maid was in there like the day earlier, just dusting everything out. There's no, there's no spider webs. There's no rats. There's no rat shit. It's perfectly lit.

I just don't know where vents exist like that in real life. But in action movies, you can always just like, all right, we'll go right here. And you just have a lot of light. You know exactly where to drop down. And that building's 140 years old. It probably riddled with asbestos and rat shit and all that. But it's pristine. Pristine. Like the main crew was there the night before. I like when people dangle...

from ceilings or then have to climb back up. Because I think it's a little harder than maybe the movies give it credit for. I think I'm like 50-50, I'd be able to pull it off. - Well, he looks good doing it. It begs the question, like a different conversation, Bill, like what kind of athlete are we dealing here with Aston? Like we know the Rudy piece of it, but like when he jumps up, it's definitely not a stunt double. He looks strong and spry. Like I'm really impressed with the guy. - Yeah, well, he also, the running scene,

Was impressed by the running. I thought like he actually looked Tom Cruise level, like legitimately fast. Running, sliding, diving, getting up through water. Like I think. Yeah, the sliding was good. Pretty good. Driving, driving the Humvees. Yeah, man, let's go, Sean. I didn't know you had that in you.

Would Rudy have been more fun for you if it was just Billy Tepper as Rudy and they merged the two movies and Billy Tepper went to Notre Dame and became the first guy? It would be great. And maybe he ends up going there after he doesn't get kicked out of his fourth prep school. The expanded Rudy world may come together. It would have been a lot more fun. I think that's a better movie. The ending, the model plane going off is fun in the reaction. But then...

The ending's pretty good too. The where's Billy? That's another thing I like in these movies. Where is he? Where is he? No, he's going to run from the back. There he is. Oh, group hug. And then the movie just ends. We don't have that last scene of, you know, Billy in class two days later or him trying to pull some last thing over Lugas at nothing. We're just done. Helicopter shot. We're out. So what was your favorite scene?

I like any time there's a roll call and they're lined up and you come out. And the way that he hits them with what their parents do, and their parents always do really impressive stuff, and you can see him getting a bigger, bigger idea, and then some of them are kind of ashamed of their parents. I love that scene. But I will say...

That thing about, that device, you talked about the writing of this movie, that device about if one of you leaves, five of you die. If two of you leaves, 10 of you die. I remember being genuinely sweaty palm terrified when I was younger watching this movie that he wasn't going to get back in time. Right. No, you're right. That's a good call. The roll call, I'm trying to think how they could have extended it and made it better. We could have this sniveling kid. I would have liked to have heard a couple more jobs of the dads. I know. Those jobs were great. Was there like a Channel 4 sports anchor?

This is set in like Virginia. Like that was George Michael sports machine was his son there.

I love that show. The Redskins GM at the time, like his son, like I just would have loved to hear more. I could have got 20 more jobs. Yes. Your father hosted Jim Rome is burning on ESPN. He has takes. He has his final burn. Stand over here. Like just anybody from sports. That would have been great. Your father is George Michael. The George Michael.

Not the singer, but he pushes giant button and plays highlight Mike Madonna. Your father's Warner Wolf? My favorite as well is Billy Escapes. So that's it. Once again, today's most rewatchable scene brought to you by The Home Depot. Finish the movie marathon. That is your holiday season prep with the help of The Home Depot. They've got everything you need to add some joy to your home with outdoor decor.

like bold inflatables and your favorite characters of great values. Give yourself the gift of a stress-free holiday season with the Home Depot, a grand finale if there ever was one. Visit homedepot.com to learn more. When do you get your tree? Just out of curiosity. The day after Thanksgiving, we go to a lot. Oh, you're a day after Thanksgiving guy. Oh yeah, love it, love it.

I want to be a day after Thanksgiving guy, but I feel like I'm a Sunday night. If the Sunday night football is not good guy and then I'll go with my wife. But if the game's good, maybe she's just so what do we need to get the tree? Well, Panthers, the Texans are on Sunday night. So let's go then. Let me check the schedule. All right. What's age the best? Any movie that starts in Barranquilla, Columbia. I mean, let's go. Come on. Like you were just showing me that graphic. I'm like, good done. What else is going to happen?

throwing judges out of helicopters. I've been in for a long time, just a fun device to watch anyone getting thrown out of a helicopter. I think Scarface maybe was the Neil Armstrong of it, but in general, the bad guy, Hey, come on in the helicopter. And then knowing somebody is going to get tossed out. I like seeing the judge outfit though, really pushed the guy, the guy with the judge cape, um,

We mentioned this, but the, they will explode. A kid named yogurt. We have that. I wrote down Wil Wheaton's accent, earring and general demeanor. The score is really good in this movie. My wife pointed it out. Great score. Solid. I think it's like a B plus. Yeah. And it has to be because there's no music. Like, I don't know what you have coming up for needle drop. There's really no pop music at all. I punted on it. Yeah.

I also thought for what's aged the best, the there's some good gyrating shooting victim stuff in here where the, the, the bullets, when the guys do the jerk up and down with their hands up. Like I, I really thought they put some TLC into that. I like the, uh, the plan to figure out where the terrorists are, that the, that are our big six put together with coloring and maps and portraits and, uh,

Just really elite. Like, you know, this school got a bad rap. It was the Regis School, which was called the Reject School. I don't know. I was impressed by the kids. Don't you think when the FBI and the Army got that folder, they were probably like, holy shit. Look at this. This is our whole battle. We're going to walk in the park. Wow. It's really impressive. I like...

If we expelled you, that would make four prep schools in four years. You trying for the Guinness Book of World Records? I feel like that specific line has been in like seven action movies that we like. You trying to be next to those two fat twins on the mopeds and the guy who eats metal and the fingernails lady? What else do you have for what stage is the best? Phone sex lines? Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's like, there's a woman there and it's probably a sad story. She's probably got kids to feed and stuff, but she started asking what your name is. And like, it was, we didn't have anything on our phone. We, there was no erotica pornography, none of that, maybe a playboy. And then if you were really white, crazy dial phone sex line and they did it. They had the playboy under the mattress. Oh yeah. Can I ask you guys a question about the phone sex? Go ahead. Yeah. What's up with, I don't think kids do this anymore. I never did it. What's up with people doing it as like in a group?

All right. Well, was that a thing back in the day where you guys like looking at playboys and on phone sex lines as a group? Like, I don't really understand that. There was a lot of groups enjoying pornography back then that none of us realized was kind of weird. Well, cause it was a communal experience. There wasn't a lot of porn. So you shared it. It was like a buffet. Yeah.

But you weren't, you know, participating in anything. You were just watching. It was just interesting. Bill, isn't it fascinating? This must be so strange for Craig. I had, he said, what age is the worst? Porn with your buddies. I promise you, Craig, someone got a VHS tape and you would go in the basement and like five guys, we would just sit there and watch hardcore porn. And then what?

It is. And then listen, if I'm being honest, then you'd put in like commando, you put in commando or like sometimes Craig, like some of the guys would sneak off and I'm telling you, it'll get weird. That's where I was at last night. It struck me because it's been a while because I'm like, this is a full basement, just a boners. Like what's the next stage of this party? That's how desperate everybody was to see a nipple.

That's what the 80s and 90s were like. It's just the way it was. Sorry, Craig. All right. Thanks, guys. You can't judge. The Big Kahuna Burger Award for best use of food or drink. Spitting in the sandwiches always gets me.

Yeah. And they do it. We did, we got a casino. They do it, the spitting in the sandwich. But I mean, I got to go, uh, I got to go to the drink at the bot in the basements. We got four parts of 100 proof vodka, which is wild. I mean, Tito's is 80 proof, two parts schnapps, one part creme de menthe. I feel like those lightweights who never drink after one cap pull of that would have been blasted. I had it for picking nits. Like they would be way more drunk after the hundred proof vodka stuff, but I liked it. Yeah, you're right. It's like half a sip and

and you're halfway there to being a zombie. - Yeah, you're gone. 16 years old, forget it. - Yeah. "Den of Thieves, Benihana, where foreseen stealing location?" Probably the boarding school. I don't really, we don't have a lot of options here. - Yeah. I said specifically the dorms. Like, their dorm, they got a basketball hoop, they got a U2 poster. Like, I was trying to make out a lot of their posters in the background, like, as kind of a sozay. - I did that as well. - And I saw U2 and I think Burton snowboards, and that's all I could make out. - Yeah. I have a poster I noticed for what stage they're worth, so I'll save. - Okay, okay, good.

Great shot, Gordo Ward. I do like the ending group hug with the helicopter shot where they go Affleck with the, all of a sudden it turns into town. It's pretty solid. You know what I had, Bill? I had the judge getting thrown out of the helicopter. That's incredible. I feel like they spent 10% of the budget on that shot. They got somebody falling, shooting up at the judge. Like, was that necessary? You could have just shot him. Why did you have to go with that? It's like, it's boating Utah scene, like skydiving. I thought that was amazing. Yeah, that's a good call.

The Vincent Chase Award for Are We Sure This Character Was Actually Good at His Job. Everybody running the FBI when they're just like, no, Billy. All right, all right, fine. Lou Gossett vouches for you. Go back in. Sounds great. We'll be totally able to explain this to your dad later. Terrible. Just nuts. The Butch's Girlfriend Award for Weak Link of the Film. That's not Wilwyn's accent. Mm-hmm. So...

They kind of gloss over this and it is the early nineties. We didn't really understand computers, but it was something they immediately realized that the same chip for the paper for the airplane thing was

and the terrorist remote control. It's just going to be a perfect match if you just swap those. Even in 1991, I didn't understand this. In 2023, I'm more confused. It's very convenient. I think you hit on something earlier. When I was a kid, I thought that switching microchips was going to be a much bigger part of my life. And I've never done it. It was like that quick.

quicksand down power lines. That's all we learned about as kids. And I've never come across quicksand or down power lines, let alone replace some chips. So it's a lot.

That's a great point about quicksand. Always. I think that was in like 8% of the shows I watched. There was a quicksand episode where like, oh my God, that looks like I've never, where are the quicksand stories? Like we have Instagram and TikTok, all these different places to learn about weird shit. I don't think I've seen a quicksand clip.

It's does not exist. I don't think, I don't think it exists. It's like when I was a kid, I still don't know how to do my taxes as an adult, but I can tell you how to survive quick quicksand. Like I learned as a child, I was educated. And then in like, and then we watched princess bride and there's a quicksand scene. So I think it kind of exacerbated it. Like you were afraid of it. There's no quicksand out there guys. It's just, it's not happening. Yeah. Craig, do you have any quicksand? Like the, does your generation have quicksand experience?

Not at all. The only quicksand thing, you know, Indiana Jones quicksand, that's where my mind goes. Yeah, quicksand just went out. We need to bring quicksand back. I mean, I'm pretty sure quicksand doesn't even really work. I think quicksand was like really dramatized by movies. I'm pretty sure it's actually not really a deadly issue. But we've had, I don't know, 50 movies about like an underwater dive or some sort of dive gone wrong.

We can't, I can't rent a movie called quicksand with like Kate Bosworth or Jennifer love you at an ice cube. We could do a quicksand movie. I don't know. We can workshop in two minutes. Yeah. I'm going to have to go on quicksand Reddit and see what those folks are saying. I don't. There's a quicksand Reddit. That would be unbelievable. Let's let's take a break on that. This episode is supported by a state farm.

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All right, coming back, there is a quicksand Reddit. Good. I'm not sure it's what we're thinking because it just, not really sure what's going on here. It seems a little kind of foreign porn-ish. All right. There you go. If you want to check that out later, r slash quicksand. What's aged the worst? So from a 2023 standpoint, no internet, no cell phones. This is a completely different movie, which actually makes me wonder if there's remake potential there.

with this movie in the internet cell phone age, but it is weird to watch. Like nobody has it. So I mentioned the posters. I did freeze frame and went frame by frame. What do you got? Billy's room had a Pogues poster. I don't know what that is. The Pogues was a Irish band. Okay. That I know about. Cause Jacko, my Irish roommate, loved the Pogues. And yeah,

I'm just trying to figure out why anybody in this boarding school getting to know these characters would have liked the Pogues because we know Wil Wheaton, like he's deep mafia. Right, exactly. He's basically a Corleone. So he's not a Pogues fan. He's in a Sinatra, that's it. Right. The Rat Pack, a little Dino Martin. And I think it was just those two in the room. It was just Billy and Wil Wheaton's character. So that means Billy must've been the Pogues fan. So then, so that tells me Billy's half Irish?

I was left with a lot of questions. The other possibility is the set director just grabbed the poster. Did the Pogues have a hit or something that is played to this day or they were a suit indie or something? They were very, very hardcore Irish indie. It was kind of like a crazier version of the Dropkick Murphys. They had a lead singer who was the most drunk person who would ever go on stage. That sounds cool. Maybe that's why he liked them. I don't know, but I noticed that.

Michael Champion, who is the henchman, being in a Colombian gang, I just... Was he... I'm just trying to retrace the steps here of how he ended up in this movie and how they didn't think we were going to notice. Shouldn't all of his gang have been Colombians? And if this guy was the one non-Colombian, how did they meet? Was this guy... How did he end up there? How did they...

end up working together? What were his qualifications? I just have a lot of questions, Kyle. Well, typically, this is a good question. Typically, in this pattern, you have your one outlier who is your computer technology expert. Go back to Die Hard. Very slick Eastern European terrorist

Then there's an American black guy who's in charge of the computers. Why is he in that group? He has a special set of skills. But the one I'm seeing from Champion is like, again, just the filing. And then maybe he does counting too. He counts and files. So I think he's basically like an accountant. That's all he does. And then he gets blown away the second he tries to get violent at the end. So you think they found him on like the 1991 Zip Recruiter? Where he's like, I need a filer slash basically a secretary who can look tough in a vest.

I have been reviewing your LinkedIn. It says you are excellent with files. I'm going to take you to school. I need you. I need you right now. Have you ever held a gun? Morawitz aged the worst. Why is the trading place's butler in this? All right, go on. He should be on an island with Ophelia and Billy Ray. Denholm, Elliot, Marcus Brody.

It's just a bizarre casting and I'm not sure what he's supposed to be doing in this movie. And he doesn't really offer any insight, counsel, leadership. It just seems like his one role is during the day to bring the kids out and read them books and give them some semblance of some sort of teaching infrastructure. Yes. I just personally, if that was me at that point in my career, I'm probably trying to figure how we can get out of this hostage crisis would have been my number one goal. I don't know.

But I just don't understand why he's in this movie. Why spend your budget on the Denholm Elliott character? I just didn't get it. You often have conspiracy theories about how these movies are financed.

The fact that Denholm came in and they're like, oh, and then there's one scene where we're going to hit the shit out of you with the walkie talkie. He's like, that's kind of beneath me. That's undignified. The fact that Orbach was in it, he shows up for a nothing part. Like there must've been some sort of financial deal going. Cause this is Denholm Elliot post indie trilogy. Like he's a known guy to people who like movies like this. And his part is kind of ridiculous. Might've thrown a check at him. Well, I'm glad you mentioned Jerry Orbach uncredited. Is that true? In this movie. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's a what's aged the worst. First of all, what do you think? You're too good for the movie? Jerry Orbach. He's in crimes of misdemeanors right around this, this point, like he's having a good career and I don't understand, was he embarrassed by the movie or was it just like he did it as a favor? I mean, he basically, if you really study his parts, he's in two scenes and they easily could have filmed both scenes in like four hours. Yeah.

So maybe the original Albert Trotta didn't work out and they had to like bring in some more Italian people. I don't know. What do you think? Well, I do have a theory on this. Back to back credits in this same year for Jerry Orbach.

He does toy soldiers. His next film is a major motion picture called out for justice with Steven Seagal in which he has a nothing part. And he shows up, he's like, ah, do you know, you made a mess of this thing and we got to find Richie. And then he walks up. It's a, he's obviously collecting checks or doing favors. That's a hell of a back to back, but zero parts from a venerable theater actor. Who's done all the Dick Wolf stuff. Like everybody knows him. And these are nothing parts. It's gotta be a check or something. I don't know.

Cause he's in crimes and misdemeanors in either 89 or 90 that, and that's, I think that movie is elite. Like we're going to do that on rewatchables at some point. And then to just go from that to uncredited Albert, Albert Trotta and Steven Seagal. Like I, I just don't understand it.

What other What's Aged the Worst did you have? Uncredited in the sense that Spacey is uncredited in Seven. We have to keep it a secret that Orbach shows in this. People's minds are going to be fucking blown. Jerry O, I don't know why he's uncredited either. But two quick ones. You mentioned the 2023 piece of it. All right. In this entire film, there are two females.

The first one is pushed off a balcony in the first 30 seconds to a gory death. And the second one is a phone sex operator. So like that's rough. And I think if you were to remake it, I think the school's co-ed. I think Billy has a girlfriend. I think there's all sorts of other things going on. But that is a tough one. And my other one, Bill, is like, well, wait, hold on on that. We easily could have the head of the FBI could have been a woman.

Yes. Lou Gossett's character or the Den Hall-Melliette character, one of them could have been a woman. Yeah, it's as if Dame Judi Dench shows up, like she kills it. There's nothing there. I wonder if that's a record for a mainstream movie to have two female characters. Well, I guess there's some in that one scene when they're meeting with the parents. We get to see some moms.

There's a mom who stands up and says, we don't have rich people. You're right. And she's probably an extra. She doesn't have a character name. But there's no female actual character who speaks on camera. The only one is the phone sex operator who talks about her lingerie. It's unheard of. It would never happen. Yeah, you're right. And then just the last one...

Maybe we're seeing this through like the lens of school violence and stuff, but like the tone is off amongst the student body. They're being held captive by ruthless killers. They're like kicking the hacky sack and playing Frisbee and they're busting chops and like there's no tension at all.

Even the point when Denholm is trying to teach the class and one of the terrorists walks by, he's like, oh, don't look at them. Pay attention to me. You're like, you're talking about FDR. I'm fucking terrified. This guy has an AK walking by me. There's no palpable terror. They're still kicking the soccer ball around. I don't think it's realistic. I had that as well as like the, you know, since they made this movie, the school shooting epidemic that happened. And I think people would react differently when...

in 20, and this is getting dark, but in 2023, I think it would be a little different than, oh my God, there's some terrorists with machine guns, which I think is the reaction. I'm with you. I think people would be way more scared, especially-

you know, at a boarding school, it's ninth graders. Those kids are 14. And it's like, they're scared anyway. It's like the fifth week of the school year. And now we have 12 Colombian terrorists walking around with whatever. I don't know. There's definitely a lot of, they gloss over some stuff in this movie. Ron Burgundy flew to work. Best time for a pee break. There is no best time. This movie just is humming.

If you're buying in, you got to buy in for every scene. I don't, there's not a section where I'd be like, all right, you can back off here. Every, every piece of this is, is rich in some way. Did you have a scene, a moment you would have jumped out on? I think you can get a quick one. Post, post Wil Wheaton death.

Ashton's crying on the floor of his room and like, it's just very sad. And like, you know, Sean Ashton's acting his ass off, but like, that's just such a downer after that. I don't need the guys crying and hugging each other and their underwear and all that. Like, it's just, everything is weird about it and sad and depressing. So that would be my only one. Other than that, it cooks and you need every scene.

So I like that scene because it's, there's some funny elements to it. There's a kid sitting on the other bed. Who's just staring at Sean Astin as he, as he goes through this book, two people are in their underwear. Yep. And you know, this was in some of the research too. Um, I think as the years passed, some of the underwear scenes have been interpreted a little, you know, maybe, maybe people have taken some liberties. Um,

I think what they were going for was this was Virginia. It's hot people, but I, I gotta say it was a little underwear ish. Yeah. Especially like that was the banana hammocks era of the kind of underwear. It wasn't even a boxer shorts era. This was like, you're basically wearing Speedos and it, it is a little odd. Yeah.

It's noticeable. Like I did, like my wife and I are both like, man, a lot of underwear shots with discount Mera Lopez. I think they're just going for guys being dudes. You walk around in your underwear, you don't give a shit. But it's what you're on is accurate is that I probably did that in college, but I had giant boxers on. That was at the time. It's the Speedo Fruit of the Loom briefs. It's very revealing. And like, it's very, very sexually charged. So I think they're just trying to be like, these guys don't care. They're comfortable. They're college kids or high school kids.

Yeah. Was there a better title for this movie? Obviously not. But I do want to mention in Germany, the title was Boy Soldiers. Now I'm back to the underwear. I like Toy Soldiers better. I don't want to hear Boy Soldiers. I like Toy Soldiers too. The Judd Nelson New Jack City Award for Is Someone in the Wrong Movie. You could make a case for Wil Wheaton in this. Make it, make it. Or...

I don't want to officially say this is a new category. I just, I want to test drive it. The Wil Wheaton and toy soldiers award for most egregious miscasting. We don't, we never really had a miscasting award. Yeah. And just whoever thought like they could sneak him by as, as the son of this hardcore John Gotti type son, Joey Trotta.

the mafia's next generation. It's just bizarre. I don't even blame Wil Wheaton for it. Wil Wheaton, you did nothing wrong. This is on the producers. No, and it just occurred to me, the guy who should have gotten it, and I don't know how the chronology lines up, I just listened to Rewatchables of Bronx Tale. C in that movie would have been amazing in that part. If C is in that part, it's like, oh my God, I get this. This guy could definitely be running the mafia. There's no piece of Wil Wheaton in this movie where you're like,

I could see that there's some Michael Corleone here. I could see it. Maybe that's why he got shot to death. The Dr. Richard Kimball Inappropriate Body Award, which we don't get to give out that often, but discount Mara Lopez and Hank.

are both fucking jacked. They're like 16. Then there's that other scene. They go to get advice from the dude doing the sit-ups. The guy's like 34. He's a junior. He looks like Franco Colombo. I don't understand the bodies of this movie. I'm sorry. I just need to take a step back as a Rewatchables fan. I wasn't aware of this category, but it's fucking awesome. That part where Richard Kimball gives himself the shot in his rock-hard ass, and he's got abs like John Bastow. I was like, dude, what kind of HGH are you on, doc? What?

What's pro-rastic doing to you? I didn't know this category existed. It's a perfect category. Thank you. We don't get to use it that often. It's a great one. Best quote, the school gets taken over by terrorists and I'm still on pots and pans. Really solid. I like it. All right, so hottest take award. I don't know if you did a hottest take. Oh, I got a hottest take.

I'm in for a sequel at a girls' boarding school that I wish had happened in like 1994. And I think it would have been incredible. And you could have even talked to me and it's like perfect Reese Witherspoon range. Maybe even a little early Sarah Michelle Gellar. But we just, we run it back. Now we're in a girls' school. Girls' headmaster, whole thing. And maybe it's like female and male terrorists or however we want to do it. But we're just, we're basically back. It's Toy Soldiers 2.

Greenwich Academy or whatever we want to say. I'm in, I would have watched it. That's my point. Boy soldiers to a diehard poet society. That's what we're going to call it. Or, or school dies. Like we're just going to keep going with the prep school thing. It's a great take. Um, mine, mine is, I know something, Bill, you're always really observant about in these movies is hairstyles.

I think they were setting to cast this movie and they got their villain and they got their hero and they're thinking, this is some action movie. Let's look around in this early 90s. Who are the biggest up-and-comers in action right now? What if we paired them against each other? Sean Astin's hairstyle is exactly, exactly Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon and Kali's hairstyle is exactly Steven Seagal from his first few movies down to the ponytail and the tie. It is like the two of them are like, let's just go with Riggs-

and Gino Foligno, and that can be our good and our bad. It's so obvious if you look at it. That was the hot hair at the time, and they went with it. Who else had that hair? Because I feel like Larry Bird invented it around 86, 87, and then people drafted off his fumes. But one guy that jumps to mind,

One of the bad guys in roadhouse had it. Oh, Jimmy. And I, yeah, I don't. Cause then Yager, Yarmir Yager on the penguins, he pulled off this new advanced and everybody, he scared everyone off. Then everybody just moved on to other hairdos. Um,

but there is a moment there. So it's like, it's a little thick on the top. You have to have full head of hair and then you need it to go in the back. Cause the, the Adam Baldwin, the, what, what was the guy's name in bad boys with Sean Penn Viking Viking had a version of it too.

Where it's got to go, you got to go down the neck, but it's got to have some girth. Yeah. It can't be like stringy. It's almost got to be like a Afro in the back and puff out. And it's got to seem like almost it's accumulating from the ears to the neck.

And I don't think a lot of people can pull it off. Frankly, I don't think Aston got enough credit. It's an incredible breakdown. There's a lot of density. There's hairspray, not gel. There's blow drying. You want a really deep pull who has it? In the movie, just one of the guys, her wacky brother. Billy Jacoby. Yeah. Is this your audition tape for just one of the guys?

Cause it's on the list. I didn't realize. Big fan. Zabka. Unbelievable movie. Oh my, I can't. If we do just one of the guys, that might be the one that breaks Craig's brain. Officially. Craig, you've never seen just one of the guys, right?

No, I haven't even heard of it. Okay. Yeah, that might be the next one, Kyle. We might have to lock that one down. Just one of the guys is drinking buddies with a movie called Soul Man with Steve Thomas Howell. Those two movies get fucked up at the bar together. Let's do that. Soul Man, I think, has been extinguished, though. Soul Man, even in the 80s, we were like, whoa, I think this crosses a line. This is like 87. Yeah, I don't even think you could find Soul Man. Just one of the guys, though. Wow. Yeah, it's great.

I think the little brother in that movie,

Is in the behind Eddie Murphy, obviously, but maybe number two for funniest person in the eighties. That's your Stephen, a take right there. That guy, you would have thought after that movie, that guy's like, what's next for Billy Jacoby. I don't know where it goes from here, but it's going to be great. Buy it. Stock. Funnier than Bill Murray. The Dan. Yeah. Is he the next Bill Murray? Is the next Chevy chase? Who is he? It's somebody. Uh, casting. What ifs? Yeah. Um,

So John Schlesinger was supposed to be the director and then he dropped out to do Pacific Heights. I love that one. I can't kill him on it. I kind of like Pacific Heights. I think that was a solid move. So Coogan got hired first and then they auditioned a bunch of people for the Billy role. And this is in the research. Coogan was already cast. So he sat down opposite Aston because they're buddies for his audition. And he said, quote,

Sean brought it. He was on fire. Actual quote. Can see it. It's just immediately. Couldn't miss. And then Corey Feldman wrote a book where he said how he auditioned for Toy Soldiers and it seemed like he was in for one of the parts, but he said he was not in the right place. And they decided to look another way. I don't know what Corey Feldman part would have, who he plays in this movie. It's a good question.

Cause it's not the Wheaton roll. Maybe it is the Wheaton roll. It's Wheaton or somebody else. It's all you got. I mean, I think he was too old for yogurt. He and him were coming off the rails. I think a little bit, once you round into the nineties, you know, but now he does a really impressive music and dancing. So he's, he's on to bigger things.

I'm not against an alternate universe where toy soldiers exist with Corey Feldman as the Billy part. I mean, it's easily going to be one of the worst movies ever made if that happened, but I'm not against it. The, uh, the Ruffalo Hannah Rubinick Partridge overacting word. They knew and they let it happen. Don't you call me lady. I come in here. I give these things to you. Give it all you got. Give it all you got.

I treated you like a son! You fucking stabbed me in the heart! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Mm-hmm. At Louise Callie. Like, just lock it down. I don't even know. Let's go. I think Wheaton takes a little run at it for a second. He does. But Callie just swats him like Mutombo. He's like, no, no, no. This is my award. That's what I put here. The screaming, the everything. At the end, he's coming unhinged. And he has that brutal gunshot to the head that they really spent some special effects money on. Yeah. He sells it. They put some, glob some blood on Sean Astin's perm fro, whatever the hell he had going. They got it right out there. It's the Jacoby. Yeah. Yeah.

Billy Jacoby. What a fucking genius that guy was. Best That Guy Award. Well, we have Mason Adams, Michael Champion, and Arlie Ermey. And I don't even know who wins. It might be three winners. Yeah, I think Arlie Ermey is Arlie Ermey. He's in too many things at this point. Yeah, you're right. Good call. Yeah, I think it's Champion. You know, I love Champion in Total Recall. He's always running around with Ironside. He's got that tracker. He's playing the same role, basically.

Yeah, he was a staple. The Dion Waiters Award. Joey Trotter's dad, maybe? I don't know. I don't even... Or Louis Colley's dad. One of the dads. I think it's Orbach. I think he has two scenes. Yeah, it's Orbach. You're kind of intoxicated because he's famous. No, this is no accident. It works. My son hates me. Yeah, my son hates me. Recasting couch. Mm-hmm. So I hesitate to do this, and I feel like he's been thrown in a few recasting couches, but...

This is like a perfect Leo DiCaprio age right now. Let's talk about it. Leo is yogurt? Oh, is yogurt. I guess he can't play Billy. Because he's like 15 at that point. Yeah. He's like too young for Billy.

He's also 15 and he looks like he's 10. That was the magic of Leo. So I would think right around 91 is growing pains. He would have to be one of the younger kids. He can't do the action piece. He's not driving the Humvees like Billy. There's no way. So he'd only roll with some free yogurt and it's kind of beneath him. They'd have to flush it out. Not against it. I was trying to think who else could be Joey Trotta. I think you nailed it with the Bronx Tale kid. I think that's the right age for him. I like it.

What about for our guy, Kali? Like, I just feel like

You know, you say who's going to replace him. And again, I'll go to Zach Wilson. They're like, who's going to be the backup? Who's better? And you're just like, just fucking anybody. Just a warm body. Just give me any Spanish speaking actor. If you had a really young Leguizamo, if you had Andy Garcia, that's a much, much better movie. I'm way into that. There's a lot of guys you could have gone with. I would have loved Leguizamo. He'd be a madman.

Do you consider Stephen Bauer here? Is it too close to Scarface? Bauer can do it. Bauer can do it. I like Bauer for sure. It's not that close. Jimmy Smits had just been in Running Scared like five years earlier, but maybe that's enough distance. Smits is great. LA Law is way behind him. That's the idea I was searching for. Smits is good. I like that. All right. Half-assed internet research.

So the scene where Billy eats a banana and throws the peel in the trash was improvised. Lou Gossett ran with it. And that's the magic of those two great actors. They filmed the helicopter stuff in San Antonio, which I thought was funny. There's a real Regis school, but it's in Manhattan. This fictional school was located supposedly in Virginia. The kid who got named Yogurt

That was a real life story where they were all traveling in a van on a way to begin filming. And the kid was eating yogurt and the vehicle hit a bump and covered him in yogurt. They started calling him yogurt and they just went with it. They changed his name in the movie to yogurt. And that's how he became yogurt. Yeah. His at the actor's name is Sean Phelan. Um, so Petrie blames the R rating for toy soldiers getting hurt at the box office. Yeah. Yeah.

Aston said, Keith Coogan and I grew up together because their dads were both in the business. We've always known each other. And Coogan said, he's like a brother. And then Aston said, he also was excited to work with Wil Wheaton. Aston said, I really wanted you to stand by me. I really loved that movie. He went for the River Phoenix role. And River Phoenix was like, get the fuck out of here. That ain't happening either, dude. No way. Then some Keith Coogan research. He had more success with Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, which was...

Dishes are done, man. Pretty beloved early 90s movie. Applegate. Applegate, like early peak for her. And then it says, but a dispute over billing in that film and the firing of his agent would plague Coogan for the rest of his career. He would never recapture the level of success. So I don't know what happened there. What do you have for a body count for this movie? It's actually pretty low, I think. And I'm not going to start counting. I know the security guard, I'm going to say it's 12th.

18. What? Really? 18 people in this thing? Body count. Everyone always goes low on body count. Yeah. Damn. That's a lot. All right. We'll take one more break and then we'll come back for Apex Mountain.

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All right. Apex Mountain. I mean, the great thing about this movie is probably nobody except for the guy who played Louise Kelly. Sean Astin, no. Luke Austin, definitely not. The guy who won an Oscar. The iconic officer and gentleman performance. Will Wheaton, no. Jerry Auerbach, definitely not. Boarding school hostage movies? I'm going to say yes. Hell yeah. Can't even think of another one. Throwing judges out of helicopters, yes.

Boarding school kids bonding in banana hammock underwear? I'm going to say yes. Thumbs up. Whatever, those Sean Astin shirts that he's wearing, are those like cutoff Marlboro Man shirts? How would you describe those? I had it earlier as Double Dragon Chic. He looks like he's in an old Nintendo game. It's a look for sure, but yeah. Old Nintendo Chic. Just punching and kicking and throwing knives. That's what he looks like.

So we're going to run this on Monday. I don't know why you wouldn't dress like the toy soldiers guy on Monday to promote, to promote the rewatchables that night. I'd be happy to wear the cutoff. Sean asked him, Kyle, what's happening? And you're just like, guys, a big, big rewatchables today. I thought I dress in character. And why do you have a bottle of mouthwash with you? What is that about? Okay.

Best racehorse name? I kind of like Joey Trotta as a racehorse name. Joey Trotta sounds fast. Toy Soldier? Toy Soldier works. I have 100 Proof Vodka. I'm in on that. Bill, I think it's important. I did have one Apex Mountain. Oh, okay.

cool ass teachers or educators in movies. Like, is there anybody cooler than Gossett in this movie? They zag so hard from the dick prep school disciplinarian that like every time he catches them, they're spray painting.

cop cars. They're defacing school property. So I was like, ah, these kids these days. And then when he catches him with the booze at the end, he's like, you think you're the first one to drink out of mouthwash? I used to get fucked up back in the day too. Like no one is that cool. And then even the Denholm Elliot character is like, don't be so hard on them. It's creative. Like they are so easy going and so nice and so fun that never happens in this. And I can't think of be it,

you know, lean on me or dangerous minds or whatever. Like, I think it's the coolest educators I've ever seen in a movie. I want to go to school there. Great topic. Thank you. I'm going to unfortunately probably have my answer seven hours from now. I don't think you can sleep on, on a Mrs. Garrett from facts of life though. I love Mrs. G and the joy and wisdom she brought to the life of the girls. She did in that school who somehow stayed in school for three extra years beyond senior. Um,

That's a good one, though. I'm with you. I love Luke Gossett, and I do feel like he had a good career, but actually it was during this era where there probably weren't enough parts for somebody like him. And now I think he would have thrived 30 years later. But his Officer and a Gentleman, that's one of the great supporting roles. He's fucking awesome in that movie. Mayo! Pickin' Nits. Yep.

I don't mean to be a dick, but man, moving all that Dean's furniture into the quad with the bookshelves. And it's just, God damn, that's a lot of work. I mean, a lot. And also you don't have a camera phone to record the order that it's in and the space that it's in. Like, how did they even remember where the pencil holder is and where the end table is? Now we would just take pictures. I'm with you completely. They should have done a lot of books. Yeah. It's like five hours, six hours. I don't know.

So the cigarette sets off the fire alarm. Yeah. Keith Coogan's character puts the cigarette in the matches and puts it under the fire alarm. And the cigarette just burns and burns and burns. I might have smoked a few cigarettes in my day. Understood. I've never seen a cigarette just continue to burn for one third of the cigarette like that. It's impossible. It's never happened, ever. If you put it down lit, it doesn't just burn itself out? I don't know. It will...

It will burn itself out almost immediately, but it would not in time to set the matches off, you know? Cause you're not puffing it. It won't go all the way down to the filter. It'll just die. It'll just, and it's just not gonna work. So the kids can tap into a phone line and then, so I'm guessing they kill all the phone lines in the building. Yeah.

but they have skills to communicate that we've established early. There's no spitballing about what if we tap into this or the school wires because they have that Hank the Genius guy, right? Yeah.

Where was that scene? Deleted? Yeah, gone. I don't know what happened with that. They had a better plan. Let's crawl through the air shaft and switch the microchips. That should work. Fair enough. When you have to switch the chips part. So the Morse code dialogue where you're just sending numbers to your dad in Spanish is like, How from that, from those numbers,

Does the guy understand that Trotta's son is in the boarding school? What numbers are those? Is that like 67 is Mafia's son? Unbelievable. I just don't understand how they got there. The number, the number quarantine Uno means boarding school. And they, they had, they, they just, they designated that term to that number. I don't know how that thing works. It's a cool ass device. I liked that they came up with that and that's how he talks to his dad, but it doesn't make any sense.

So mafia son, but then it's like, well, which mafia guy? I just don't know how they got there. I think there's way more digits. The terrorists brought no clothes. Champions rock in the same vest shirt thing for like six days. Little suitcase, maybe three day packing job. Nothing. No. I mean, this guy's must have stunk. Doesn't change shit. How many days do you think they're there? I think like, yeah, I think four, four, maybe four days. It's a long time. Tough.

Any pick and nits for you? Two little ones. One, when Billy finally makes it back and he's always in the shower, he's in the shower, and then our guy, Champion, feels his hair and he goes, he is wet, which is a terrible line. Also, he just fell in, like, sewer runoff. He's covered in shit. Like, there's no way they wouldn't notice all this raw sewage draining all over him. Come on. That's tough. That's a good point. But, all right, the other one, this is more of a maybe...

This is a little different note. You're telling me that Gossett Jr. is having a late evening in his private quarters. He's sitting there. He's lonely. There's no internet. There doesn't apparently be any woman in his life. He's maybe having a scotch. Oh, what's this? There's someone on line five. He picks up the phone and that woman is going for it. Like she's almost at the end of her routine. You're telling me he hangs up the phone? You're telling me he's like, he hangs up in the hell? No, he doesn't. He's going to sit back, enjoy the show. And then he's going to find out what's going on with the phone line. That guy has a lonely life.

An incredible call. Come on. Couldn't agree more. At least give it like five minutes and maybe really get to the culmination. Right. Sequel, prequel, prestige TV, all black cast are untouchable. I would, I would have done a 90 sequel for this and I would do a sequel. Now there's been rumors about, uh, Jason Blum potentially doing a sequel. This, but I,

I think I'm actually surprised with the amount of terrible prestige television we have. I know. And kidnapping stuff that we have and hostage stuff that nobody has ever just said, hey, Hulu, one season, Toy Soldiers, let's go. Because I feel like I would watch at least the first episode. And I know you would. Oh, I'm weighing. I think it's a 10-episode run. It feels a little bit like that show Prison Break that used to be on. And maybe it's Kali's son and he's trying to avenge his dad. That shit always works.

Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Catherine Hahn, Steve Buscemi, Sam Jackson, JT Welsh, Frank Vincent, or Philip Baker Hall? We probably need to expand the category here and throw in somebody in the Denholm Elliot part. Oh,

I was thinking Helen Mirren. Dame Helen Mirren. That's good. Helen Mirren would be great. Let's get her in there. I also think Philip Baker Hall absolutely could have played the older FBI guy. I mean, that's where I go. We got a 96-year-old Orville Redenbacher-looking FBI guy. But I

I always answer this question of Philip Baker Hall, Bill, and I do it only as Philip Baker Hall playing the role of Floyd Gondoli. And he calls it. Look, we got we got a power out in the whole county. And I like watching people on film fucking. And I like lollipops in my mouth and butter in my ass. And it would just make sense. Gondoli. Yes. Great call.

Just one Oscar who gets it. I think the better question is, should this have been Lou Gossett's Oscar and not officer and a gentleman? What would you have gone with? Probably still officer and a gentleman. Uh, I, I would say Sean Astin for a just one Oscar. Either he or best supporting actress to the phone sex operator. Hmm. Okay. Really goes for it. Probably an answerable questions. I didn't put a lot of time into this and I didn't want to make a whole list. I didn't want to spend, cause I knew I would have taken three hours.

Best 90s mafia guys. The mafia had a real resurgence in Hollywood, right? Yeah. So we had like Jimmy Conway would be a 10 out of 10. Paul Sorvino's Goodfellas character is probably a nine. Bronx Tales' Sonny is probably an eight. And you go on down the line. Where's Albert Trotter for you?

For mafia characters. Like, four out of ten, would you go? Yeah. Three and a half? He's, like, below Richie Aprile in Sopranos. Below all those. It's pretty low. Pretty low. There's a lot. I mean, we got some heavy hitters, dude.

Well, there was like Mad Dog and Glory. Oh yeah. Basically a mafia. Like for some reason, there's a million mafia characters for five. Then we get to like analyze, analyze this, analyze that. We get in that move, but people, Hollywood loved the mafia for like 10 years. And I think we talked about a little on the Bronx tale pod, like,

It was that generation that had grown up with the Godfather that now had the money to make movies. And we're just like mafia, mafia, mafia, let's go. Culminating the Sopranos. But even to the point here where they're just like for no reason at all, the mafia's in Toy Soldiers. Makes no sense. Best double features choice with this movie. Would you go the Goonies?

You know what? Goonies would be great. Like these, these are the grownup Goonies. These are like post pubescent Goonies. I, I, you mentioned Lou Gossett a few times. I, the Gossett I grew up on was iron Eagle. I'm going to watch iron Eagle. I'm not going to go the Ashton route. I'm going to iron Eagle, which if anybody doesn't know, double Gossett post top gun and Gossett's like the sort of Obi-Wan pilot. And then Gedrick is the Maverick. It's bad-ass. I love iron Eagle.

I'm changing my answer. I'm going just one of the guys and then toy soldiers. You got to see just one of the guys. It's amazing. On the cover, the female has two football helmets over her breasts. Like it's really subtle. You'll love it. The movie's amazing. The Indian Reds want an A award for what happened the next day.

I think everyone gets a 4-0. Probably start there, right? 4-0s. Oh, yeah. Jesus. 4-0s for everybody. Yeah. Does Billy make it the rest of the year without getting kicked out? Probably yes. Yeah. He's even on a path to become Dean one day. That's how the story will go. That might be the sequel. Oh, Sean Astin is the Dean in the sequel. That's interesting. Yeah. It's like when Iceman goes on to become the Admiral in the Navy. That's the way he goes. Yeah. And you think there's a let it go scene with him? Yeah.

And Joey Trotter's death? You know what it is? He has Joey Trotter's Ankh earring in his hand and he just takes it and sidearm throws it right into the mucky sewer water that was draining off of him. That's what he does. I like it. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie? I don't even need to ask. You'd take the earring. I'd take the earring. I don't even have my ear pierced. Remind me, Bill, did you have your ears pierced? Did you have an earring guy back in the day? No, never. Me neither. I mean, I asked my dad once and he's like, no, you're not doing that shit. So I would go with the earring. It's badass.

I would do the earring or I would do the model plane, I think would be fun. But it would be only you and three other people that even understood it. The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson. Don't try a New York Italian accent if your name is Will Wheaton. I think that's a really good lesson. But for Best Life Lesson,

You know, the most enterprising kid in the school, he might be a little bit of a fuck up, might not have the best grades, but watch out for that kid in a good way. That might be the kid who saves you during a terrorist attack. He might be the one. He's got guts. And I like the life lesson about him that comes in a form of a line where when he says to his friends, he's like, you're fucking morons. You know that? And they go, that's why we hang with you, Billy. And they do. I'm like, hell yeah, baby. I like those guys.

There's some good, or we forgot to do this at one stage, some of the early 90s kind of chest bump, elbow bump stuff that had trickled in from basketball and nobody knew how to pull off anything. Who won the movie? Sean Astin. Sean Astin, man. I think it's like a runaway, right? He's doing it. He does Rudy two years later. Eventually he's going to get to Lord of the Rings. But yeah, he really showed us something here, man. I believe him. I think he's really good in this movie. I'm going to end on this note before we bring in Craig.

Is Sean Astin kind of like underrated? Okay. I had a question about this. Like in a real way, is Sean Astin like legitimately underrated as a good actor? I think the answer is yes. And I would, I want to send a question back to you.

is if we combine the Hollywood and sports world, is Sean Astin a hall of famer? Is he in the hall of fame? And I'll, I'll just lay out the facts. So iconic Goonies movie where he is the lead in the eighties, um, iconic Rudy movie. He's the lead there. The entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, best picture winning massive. He has a crucial role in that. Don't count out Encino man, which now is this injection of legacy because of the two Oscar winners. He's in stranger things with the biggest TV show of all time. Like,

I think it's a debate. I really do. It's like when Curtis Martin came up for the Hall of Fame. Like, he's really good. It's like Frank Gore or Marshawn. Is he a Hall of Famer, do you think? I think Frank Gore is a great analogy where you can't say there was the peak. But the body of work, it's long. It's impressive. I'm not a Lord of the Rings guy, but he's one of the three most important people in Lord of the Rings, right? I'm a massive Lord of the Rings guy, and the movies don't work without him.

Rudy is one of the big sports movies of the last 30 years. Yeah. He's got this. Goonies is an iconic 80s movie. What else did he have? Yeah, I don't know

I don't know if he's a Hall of Famer, but I do think he gets brought up. Oh, he was in 24 too. He had a really fun 24 season. I do think if he gets brought up, you don't get laughed out of the room. He's one of those guys like Torrey Holt who keeps making the finalist list and then never gets in. They never get the knock on the door. And then Peter King writes about how heated it got when Sean Astin's name comes up. It's like, oh my God. The room was very contentious. 20 minutes of just screaming. Yeah, very contentious.

Bill, I know you're a huge body switch movie enthusiast. Did you ever mess around with Like Father, Like Son or Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore? Because Aston is Kirk Cameron's best friend in that. He's a trigger. It's great. Not going to get him in the hall, but it's part of the work. Yeah. Better career than you think, Sean Aston. Yeah. All right. Let's bring in Craig. Can't wait for his... What do you got, buddy? He had no idea this movie existed.

And we didn't tell him anything. And he just, he, you watched it last night, late night. Yep. Late night screening. What were your thoughts? Ebert's review really makes me question his taste. I'm going to be honest. I'm offended on behalf of Roger Ebert's review. I couldn't believe how much this movie grew on me. Like, you know, this is not in the sudden death category for me. Like this is a level up. This is up there with the vanishing for me. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is in the vanishing zone. By the end, it was like I found myself defending this movie, and I don't know why. Liz, my wife, would be sitting next to me, and she would laugh and make fun of something. And I'd be like, hey, this is actually a pretty good plot. I'd be like, this is actually well-constructed here. This is better than it could have been, all right? I was sitting there being like, this sounds like Indiana Jones from a score perspective. John Williams, look out. You know what I mean? Kind of an incredible score. But...

Yeah, I don't know. I kind of loved every aspect of this movie. I think the premise is phenomenal. And it made me realize that I think people trapped in one location is the best movie format. You got the prison movies. You got your terrorist takeovers. You got the nonviolent versions like Breakfast Club. You got the legal versions like the 12 Angry Men. You got the solitary version in Cast Away.

The kind of nature one, like Yellow Jackets. Yeah. It's just the Lord of the Flies blueprint, I think, is the best movie format. It's good. Kyle, see how well we've raised Craig here in the rewatchables the last five years? He just gets it. I really blossomed. I feel like we've really conditioned him. Craig, when you were in high school, did you and your friends put up your iPad and just all five of you go to the Pornhub and just watch it together? Yeah, yeah. We each went to a different website. We tried to pick the best one. It was like Red Zone. Yeah.

It's like the red zone. Red zone. I have a movie question. Red zone for porn is a good idea. Craig, were you shocked when Wil Wheaton just got shot to death? To be honest, yeah. I didn't see that coming. I kind of expected him to go out and really make something happen. But I respect it. I respect the choice of having to shoot the gun in the air. They don't usually do that with people. Usually in most movies when somebody picks up a machine gun, they

They treat it as though they immediately become like an army soldier. But I actually like how they went with the realism move there and had him shoot the sky.

Yeah, and it was kind of shocking in the moment because he was the stand-by me kid, and that was such a big influential movie. And this is only like a couple years later. It was like, oh my God, Wilwyn's just got brutally shot to death. It's wild. I can't believe this happened. By the way, Craig, we already have a name for the red zone porn. It's the Octobox. They're already using it. It's already there. So just repurpose that and you're set. You're set. Octobox.

Picking Knit, Lou Gossett gets shot in the heart. We just kind of find immediately. He just gets up. Forgot to mention that. Great job. Yeah, it's

It's basically saying just miss the heart, but I still, I still feel like he's not a stretcher. He's like 60. He's like on his feet, like 30 seconds later, he got shot in the chest and he's just going, you're still on pots and pans though. You know, you're still on pots and pans. It's rough, rough ending. No one's ever, no one ever gets shot on the right side of the chest. Everyone always gets shot on the left and survives. That's what we do. It's great. It's a great point. Well, this podcast was produced by Craig Horlbeck. Kyle Brandt, what do you got to plug?

Good morning, football. Watch it. I don't like to come in here and plug pods. I come here for pleasure. This is not business. This is personal. Watch good morning, football. Bill always has observations that he texts me about it that I won't release to the public. But this is the time of my life, Bill. I love doing this. It's my favorite podcast. Rewatch was thrilled to be on. Well, we already know what your next movie is going to be. Although, what classic actor have we not done yet now? We've done Van Damme. We did Arnold. We did

We've done Sagaal, obviously. Yeah. We did Sagaal. Listen, there's a couple that I think we got to quit playing games and take care of. There's some things hanging there. Over the Top is there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's some low-hanging fruit. Under Siege is there. The Running Man has a really interesting Richard Dawson angle to it. There's a lot of them. A lot. The real question is going to be... See, I can't talk about this yet. What do you mean? There's...

There's going to be a live rewatchable show in Chicago. Okay. That I'll be really interested to see if you figure out how to get there in time for the show. So give me this. It's a Chicago-based movie? It's a Chicago-based movie. I'll be interested to see if you figure out how to get there in time for it. That's all I can tell you. I can't tell you anything more, but there's going to be some dialogue on text and it'll be interesting.

I'm just trying to think of the movie. I know you can't tell me. Does it have Conor O'Reilly wearing a Gordon Howe jersey? I'll tell you after we hop off the Zoom. Gotcha. All right. We'll see you next week on The Rewatchables. Thanks, guys. Thank you.