Date Jana Kramer's Best Friend
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You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Wheezy. Okay, we got the R&B Money Podcast with Tank and J. Valentine.

We got the Woman of All podcast with Sarah Jake Roberts, the Funky Friday podcast with Cam Newton, the Naked Sports podcast with Carrie Champion, Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, the Trap Nerd podcast, and many more will be on that stage live. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect marketplace with Black-owned businesses, plus...

the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at black effect.com slash podcast festival. Proudly sponsored by Nissan.

Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them.

Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. Sister Wives returns at last. And while the Browns have gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other.

Mary and Janelle form an unlikely alliance. Christine is off living in a newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are left wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship? And after all the joy and drama, they hit the hot seat and answer the questions everyone has been begging to know. Sister Wives, all new Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.

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Wild 94.9

Welcome back to I Do Part Two. I'm one of your hosts, Jana Kramer. And today is a very exciting episode because we talk a lot about celebrities and what's going on in their lives. But today I wanted to bring in my own real life, regular, divorced, single friend, who's amazing and open to finding love. So everyone, welcome Pamelyn onto the podcast. So I'm just so excited about this for a few reasons. One, because...

I mean, look, I love doing the show when I'm able to come on and interview people. And this is no offense to the bachelorette people out there, the models. I mean, we love Kelly Benzema. We love her. I mean, she's a beautiful, stunning model. And she's going through her journey of being divorced and finding love. And we've got bachelorettes and bachelorettes. So it's like, love all of them. But I had this...

thought when we, I mean, you're my best friend. Yes. Number one, number two, we were walking and I'm, I've obviously been on this journey with you and I'm like, why isn't Pamela on I do part two, because this is again, no offense to the, to the other amazing hosts that we've had on here and the celebrities that we've had on here, but

You are dealing with this not in, you know, not like that. Didn't you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm trying to say? Not in the public eye. I'm a real normal person view of, you know, what's really happening. Yeah. And I think it's for me, I relate more to people

that are really going through it, not in the public eye. Right. Well, I think that sometimes when you're in the public eye, you do have a different experience because you may be more accessible to more people. Right. Because your story's out there. Right. I mean, you, I mean, I was like, I didn't want to say it, but I mean, you know, more people maybe would have found me from like, I found my husband on Instagram because he found, you know, so, um,

And at this point, it kind of comes down to a numbers game. I feel like a lot of things are numbers games. I had to date a lot of people. Yeah, you do. To find the right one. Yeah. And you start to, you know, figure out what you actually want instead of, you know, just trying to have somebody choose you or you be the one that somebody likes. Like, no, what exactly do I want? Well, so...

We're obviously going to talk about dating because that is one of our hot topics on our walks around the neighborhood because we're also, not only are we best friends, but we're neighbors. And so we go on walks and I'm hearing it all. And we're going to talk about all that. But first I want to back up because I know Pamela and I am honored to know you, but I want other people listening. And I also want

a potential suitor to be hearing this too, to get a little piece into who you are, what has been your journey thus far and before the dating world. So let's back it up. Give us the, where are you from along where you married? Let's do it. Do it. Well, I'm originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and I'm very proud of that. You also know the version of Pittsburgh Pam and she comes out and

Let me tell you about Pittsburgh Pam. She's a good friend to have. So, you know, I have these kind of blue collared roots. And then I came here to Nashville from Los Angeles. I lived there for 11 years. And that's where I met my ex-husband. And I had my two beautiful daughters there. And we moved here in 2019. I was married for 10 years.

And you had quite a dating history too. I mean, with the fact that you didn't really date a lot of people. True. Yeah. I, since as far as I can remember, I've just been very intentional about dating or boyfriends. I would have a boyfriend for three, four years and then I wouldn't date at all for three, four years. It was kind of like,

It was just something I would feel an energy and then I just knew that it was going to be it. And if I didn't have that feeling, I just didn't entertain. I didn't need to be, you know, going on dates. I was building my career. I had amazing friendships. And so it wasn't ever really anything that I felt like I had to have if it fell into my lap. And, you know, it was an amazing experience. I totally put forth all of my effort into that.

But it was never, it was really always, always quality over quantity. For sure. Yeah. So, I mean, I really only had, I don't know. Cause I know the hockey, there was a hockey guy, there was a football, right? I mean, I had a really, I had a four and a half year relationship and he was finance. He was not an athlete, but, and we lived together and we had a business together and all the things.

But he just wasn't the one. Yeah. When I thought about my future, I just didn't think that he was going to be, you know, the one to love me like I wanted to be loved. Which is interesting in hindsight. In hindsight. Oh my gosh. I mean, it was crazy. We lived together. I mean, I loved his family. It was crazy.

It was great in a lot of ways. It just, I don't think he was capable of loving me enough. And so I think that's a big takeaway with a lot of people trying to like navigate this whole world is you can have beautiful relationships. You can really, really want that person in your life forever. But if they are not capable of meeting where meeting you, where you're at, then

Then there's this just lost hope. And then we're wasting time and we're, we're wanting somebody to give us something that they cannot give us. And, you know, we have to get out of that cycle and really understanding like, what is, what are they capable of? What can they do instead of just like romanticizing or being excited about the potential that

Right. Of somebody. Isn't that an interesting thought though? Because that's the majority of why we get divorced is because they can't meet our needs. Yeah. So really what we're wanting, you realizing the person that you pick didn't meet your needs. I mean, my ex-husband didn't meet my needs.

Sure. And I think, you know, a lot of that does come down to communication too. So if we are not properly communicating, you know, to somebody what exactly we need, and especially to men, we almost have to like lay it out in bullet points, like on a silver platter and hand it to them and say, you know, this is actually what I need. And a lot of men will then give it to you. I mean, if you're really laying it out, I mean, some, you know, of course, some are not going to, but

we cannot expect anybody to read our minds and know what we want because we all are so different. And so maybe in a past relationship, a woman or a man needed X, Y, and Z. Well, we're not the same person. And so I think that when it comes down to it, it's the communication that is first lacking that then causes, you know, the needs aren't being met. ♪

Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got...

We'll be right back.

the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us, all right? Listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at blackeffect.com slash podcastfest. There's a lot in life that feels like it should be guaranteed that just isn't. Fortunately, AT&T guarantees connectivity you can depend on, or they'll make it right. AT&T, connecting changes everything. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.com slash guarantee to learn more.

Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Yeah, and with Rula, you can find the right therapist for you. Rula partners with a network of over 10,000 therapists and psychiatrists nationwide, enabling you to find your personalized solution and the right therapist for you based on your needs, preferences, and state requirements. In-network covered care for most major insurance pay as little as $15 per session.

Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.

Sister wives returns at last and while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land. But

But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?

And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody zenned out? Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back.

You've got to catch Sister Wives, all new Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.

We'll be right back.

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him and y'all's divorce. This is about you and your journey. But I'm just curious to see, because a lot of people that listen are around that 30 to 40 age range, which if they don't have kids, they're wanting to have kids. And I always kind of wonder, and I've never asked you this, so you can pass if you want. But for me, and I've spoken openly about this where

I looked away from flags because I wanted to be a mom. You know, I still think I probably would have ended up with my ex just because I was so not, I didn't think I deserved certain things, but I truly at my core, I was like, I need to be a mom. And this is my best option that I have right here as I, you know, as at 30. And what's so sad is now I look back, I'm like, man, 30 is so young. Yeah.

You know? So young. I'm like, oh, like you, you, you, and you don't realize how fast things can change on a dime at 34, 35. So it's like, but it was a true, like, well, I do want, I want kids. And I thought I'd already have kids. Cause I come from Michigan and all my friends have like five-year-olds and six-year-olds at this point now. And right. Oh my gosh. So I'm just curious for you, obviously there was love for your ex, but when you step aside from that,

do you look at it and go, maybe I looked away from certain things because I wanted to be a mom because you have two beautiful children. Yes. So, and you're an amazing mom. Thank you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And you know, I, I'm not sure about that. Um, I was never the person that was so obsessed with being a mom. I just trusted that like my path was going to kind of align for me. Um,

And then, I mean, it is true. I mean, I didn't meet, you know, my ex-husband until I was 33. So I was, you know, there's that subconscious time clock that is going on in your head. We also had a really fast,

before engagement in marriage. So that was like really fast. We just kind of, you know, really fell for each other. We were both from Pennsylvania and it was just like this awesome kind of, we came from the same mold connection. And so, you know, I don't know if I thought like that. I think so many of us, when we find our, you know, first husbands, I mean, at this age, you either got one or three, so.

I don't think, and I, I didn't, I don't think we go into it. Um, I mean, I was going at it as a whole picture. Like this was amazing. This was, you know, my love. This was my, this was, you know, going to be the father of my children. Like this was my forever. I don't recall going into it, um, you know, hesitant about anything, um,

And I think a lot of people, right? We don't go into marriage thinking it's going to be not the one. We don't go in thinking it's going to be a divorce. I remember my mom telling me that because my parents are divorced. And she said, Pam, you know, I didn't marry your dad thinking I was going to divorce him. Like I married him like this is the greatest man ever. So that's kind of, you know, yeah, the plan was clearly to never get divorced, but here we are. Right. And look, it's, you know, it's interesting too, because

We're two obviously very different people when it comes to what we share and what we don't share. And even when I was married to my ex, when I would bring up, like you didn't talk about your marriage hardly at all. I mean, I didn't know there were any issues ever, you know, which then leads me to shock when, and nobody knows the story. So this is a, am I allowed to share? Sure. I had just met Alan and I,

not just met, but we were dating and then I got pregnant and I remember, or obviously so close, but I remember there was this distance and I'm like, did I do something wrong? And I just kept thinking like, what did I do wrong? Pam's not really talking to me. This is so weird. And I don't understand. And so I just kept thinking I did something wrong. So I'm like, okay, but I didn't want to say anything, but should I? And then

I'm also like trying not to vomit every two seconds because I'm pregnant. I'm trying to like not tell everybody. Obviously you knew, but, and I, yeah. So then as the summer goes on,

you came over to our Airbnb that we were at and, uh, we hadn't moved into the new house and you're like, I have to talk to you. And I'm like, here it is. She's breaking up with me. I don't know why or what I did. And I'm like, I, I've at this, I, um, at this point I feel looking at it, Hunter, I feel so bad. Cause I was, I made it so about me and like what I did wrong. I should have looked, you know, asked you, but yeah,

You literally said, are you breaking up with me? I did. You sat down and you're like, so I have to talk to you. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did, but are we breaking up? Because that's what I thought. That's what I felt. And instead of why didn't I come to you and ask you, are you okay? But you said. Well, I think it took me like 20 minutes. Yeah. Which is, I'm like, just tell me you hate me. Yeah. And you couldn't spit it out. Right. Yeah. I just said. I still remember that. Like, I think, you know, I just said three words, maybe two, two words.

I'm divorced. And you said like past tense. I was like, like ED. Like I was shocked. Yeah. I'm divorced. I'm sorry. What? And then I, then I felt terrible. Cause I'm like, you went through this, like you were like, you said nobody knew you told nobody that your therapist. Only that. And then I just felt awful. Cause I'm like, man, I should have asked if I have a question, if I would have asked if you and your ex were okay, like, do you think you would have said or no?

I don't know because this is what was happening in my brain at that time. Talk to us. Tell us the thought process. And I am very aware that I am unique in this way. And it's not for everybody, but it works for me. So this is how I roll. I didn't talk to anybody about it because I needed...

to maintain joy in every other aspect of my life that I could. And I didn't want people to know because then it would have been the constant topic of conversation and everybody would have been asking me, are you okay? What's going on now? I would be walking to the bus stop. Everybody's thinking, oh my gosh, she's sad. She's going through a divorce. And so I wanted to maintain joy

some sense of normalcy in my life and know that I can go and, you know, hang out with you and all of our friends and just be normal. And I've always been the type of person that I trust my brain so much. I trust the thoughts in my head more than not against anybody else, but more than anybody can give me advice on. And so I,

what my friends, you know, didn't realize is they were supporting me more than they ever could by just being normal and just being, you know, there for me. And so that's just how I went through it. And I mean, maybe part of it was just, it was painful to talk, you know, I didn't want to talk about, I mean, that stuff's painful. And so I just sat in my emotions and I just sat in my feelings and, you know, just kind of,

I think it's helpful when you don't have other people in their opinions and their voices constantly in your head. I think you have to be alone in your thoughts a lot of the time. And I think that people don't take that time to do that. And so I know it was weird, but I'm proud of myself for doing it like that.

Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Wheezy. Okay, we got...

The R&B Money Podcast with Tank and J. Valentine. We got the Woman Evolved Podcast with Sarah J. Roberts. The Funky Friday Podcast with Cam Newton. The Naked Sports Podcast with Carrie Champion. Good Mom's Bad Choices Podcast. The Trap Nerd Podcast. And many more will be on that stage live. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with Black-owned businesses. Plus...

the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us, alright? Listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at blackeffect.com slash podcastfest. There's a lot in life that feels like it should be guaranteed that just isn't. Fortunately, AT&T guarantees connectivity you can depend on. Or they'll make it right. AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.com slash guarantee to learn more.

Sister Wives returns at last and while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land.

But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?

And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody's end out? Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back.

You've got to catch Sister Wives, all new, Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.

We'll be right back.

There are zero commissions, zero fees, plus no banks, no realtors, no repairs, and no waiting to close. We buy your house as is, all cash. Just go to OsborneHomes.com right now to get your free, no obligation, all cash offer. We are here and ready to buy your house 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Just go to OsborneHomes.com. Go to OsborneHomes.com right now. Don't wait. Sell your house to Osborne Homes and put the cash in your pocket right away. Just go to OsborneHomes.com. That's OsborneHomes.com. OsborneHomes.com. OsborneHomes.com. I just think we all felt bad. And I hear what you're saying that we supported you without really even knowing. But I also know how...

devastating divorces and the like guttural tears and the sadness. And to know that you went through that alone, that just makes me sad as a friend that I couldn't like you laid in bed with me while I would scream, cry, you know? And it's like, you were alone doing that. And that still makes me sad to this day that you, I, it makes me sad knowing that you were alone through that.

I am a little bit sad for that version of myself. Like when I look back, but I think just at that moment, it was just, I was just doing the best that I thought, you know, was, was good for like, you know, my mental health for my kids for, you know, all that stuff and just, yeah, not involving anybody else there. Yeah. So when she said that, obviously there was sadness that I felt for you because you

A little relief that you weren't breaking up with me. You broke up with someone else. And then my third thing was, is I was like, damn it, Pam, why couldn't you do this? When I was getting divorced, we would have been on fire in Miami together. Yeah. We were on totally opposite trajectories. You were pregnant as could be. And I was, yeah. I was like, I needed you. But then I'm like, well, so we would have gotten in too much trouble, but you know,

Now that is so, okay. So to wrap that piece up, looking back, what are some of the, obviously you went through it different than probably most did. Is there anything for women that are going through a divorce that you found solace in? I think I just, I,

kept trusting the universe's plan for me. And knowing that I, there's only two things I can control in this world. And it is how I treat myself and how I treat other people. And I cannot control any other part of my surroundings, my environment. And so I just put my head down. You guys, I took care of myself. I

built a company from nothing while going through a divorce. I put my energy into my children and I just did not lose hope in anything.

you know, like what, where I meant to be. Again, did I ever see this, you know, happening or even expect, you know, that, that, that I would be in that place? No, but I just trust so much in this like beautiful freaking world that I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now for whatever reason it is. And I don't even need to know the reason.

I just release all of that control. And I mean, you know, it was the craziest, hardest thing ever. But I think it did give me the space and the almost the like just determination to build this freaking company. Now I'm scaling this company like all by myself, you know, from nothing. And so I almost turned like, you know,

a sad thing into as much of a powerful, powerful finding my voice where I'm supposed to be type of situation. I think a lot of women too, they always ask me, when did you know? Like, was there a moment for you where you were like, either I don't want to spend my life like this the rest of my, or I don't want, what was it for you're like, I know that this is the right choice and I'm making the right choice?

Was it a feeling? Was it a... I think a lot of women wrestle with that piece of it. Like, how do you know that you're making the right decision or that this is... Well, I will say that I don't think that many, I mean, I think there are a percentage, but I don't think that many divorces just happen overnight. Sure. I think a lot of the time it is a slow burn, whether you want to admit it or not. And I also think it's a situation where...

When you know, you know, and it could be the littlest thing. It could be the biggest thing. It could be, you know, a multitude of, you know, kind of like, again, just like, you know, building up of things. But was there like some crazy pivotal moment? Not really. Yeah.

It's interesting you say that because that's, that is so true. There is this feeling when you just go and I'm done and you, and I always was wondering if I would ever feel that. And then when you do, you're like, oh, that is what people always say that feeling is. Yeah. You can't really explain it. And you can't go back from it either. No, there's no, there's no, um, take back button. It's like, or take back the feelings, you know, that's it's done. And then you just got to

put your head down and go through it. Well, and you know, I mean, and it wasn't like, oh, it was just me saying I'm done. I mean, there was a, you know, a discussion, there was, you know, a combination of both of us. So it wasn't just like, you know, some type of situation like that either. But yeah, I mean, I think just maybe two people realizing that maybe each other don't make

the other person, you know, as happy as they could, as they could be. And that everybody deserves to, you know, live in this world with an abundance of happiness and joy. And so, so,

That was, you know, a bit of the backstory with the divorce. But what I'm excited to talk about is what's happening now. And I'm just loving this conversation. So let's pause this one and let's do part two next week.

Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got...

The R&B Money Podcast with Tank and J. Valentine. We got the Woman Evolved Podcast with Sarah J. Roberts. The Funky Friday Podcast with Cam Newton. The Naked Sports Podcast with Carrie Champion. Good Mom's Bad Choices Podcast. The Trap Nerd Podcast. And many more will be on that stage live. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with Black-owned businesses. Plus...

the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at black effect.com slash podcast festival. Proudly sponsored by Nissan.