Getting You and Kelly Bensimon to Another 'I Do'
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Welcome back to I Do Part 2, the podcast that's all about finding love again. And we're some of your hosts, Amy here, along with TJ and Jana. And this is part two of our conversation with Kelly Ben-Simon from The Real Housewives of New York and Ultimate Girls Trip. Do you think girls should go out to meet guys in groups, like the Ultimate Girls Trip? You know, in the Ultimate Girls Trip, they're always like, introduce me, introduce me, introduce me. So I'm constantly introducing them to everybody. And then they don't like the guys. And I'm just like, I didn't say, like, you asked me to introduce you. I'm like, hi, hi.

this is Luann, this is Dorinda. Right. Like TJ, would you rather meet someone in a group? I mean, obviously you're in a lovely relationship, but if you were single, would you want to meet in a group or in a...

one-on-one setting. No, I'm always been... It's more of a one-on-one, an organic setting. Yeah. Like, just meet people. Sure. I don't like being set up. I don't like, well, she'll be there and we'll go with our group. No, just in day-to-day life, you just meet people. Yeah. So, to hear about dating apps, and I hear that now, that just blows my mind to where they're... I couldn't imagine doing that. I'm from... I mean, I'm 47 now. Right. So, I grew up in an era where that wasn't necessarily the case, the dating online. But I just...

I guess you hear me talking about it. A prenup is not romantic to me or you hear I just just old fashioned in that way. So I just and I organically think, why can't people just meet people? We see people all the time, but we don't give people that we see on the train or at a restaurant or down. We're looking at our phone when the love of your life might be at the end of the bar. Right. You don't even look down there. That is my mindset on it. Yeah. And Raya is so superficial, too. I mean, there's.

so many beautiful people especially on those apps and Raya specifically where it's just supermodel after supermodel and they're in the ones in Portugal or Istanbul or like and their photos I was like wait a minute I'm a model I don't even take photos like that these guys are like so they're like doing backflips off of like mountains and like these exotic places I'm like what is happening here yeah it just looks really pretty and I feel like that's where it's like oh they can get some somebody better with a swipe of a finger

Right. Wow. You're always being compared to someone's adventure or their Photoshop, this or that. That's crazy. How much more difficult is it to date in your... I mean, you've been single for a long time. Have you found it to be more difficult the older you get? Do you feel like what you have to choose from gets a smaller pool? What's that been like? So, you know, I...

I feel like, you know, I've been single. I mean, I've been single for a while from since I got divorced in 2007. So I've been single since like 2006. And, you know, I think that there was, you know, I met a lot of different people, but it was like really more about my mindset.

And that's another kind of advice. So we talked about bandwidth, but also like the mindset. So, you know, kind of really being open to dating. I was so worried about my children, about raising them from Rockford, Illinois. Like I'm living in New York City, like with all these like, you know, things. And I'm just like, how am I going to raise my kids here?

with a suburban mindset in an urban environment. That was like what I was constantly thinking about. I wasn't thinking about like, hey, that guy's hot, you know? And then I went on Housewives and Housewives really, even though I was on the cover of Playboy and I had all these, you know, beautiful accolades and everything was really exciting, you know, fighting with a woman on,

on a television show really made a lot of guys being like, what's the tea here? Like, what is going on? I'm like, by the way, I get paid a lot of money to argue with females. And like, that's not my thing. But, you know, a lot of guys are kind of like, what is going on here? Like, you know, why would someone want to marry someone who's known for arguing with women? Do you know what I mean? Like, wow, that hurt your chances in the dating pool? Do you have any regrets about doing all that?

No, because it was just, I mean, it was such a huge opportunity. I mean, I wrote, you know, I wrote two books before, three books before that, and then four books after, two novels, like a lot of different opportunities that came my way that would never, I mean, one of the reasons I'm so successful in real estate is because I know so many people. And when people see things I'm doing, they're like, oh, that's good because it's her.

So, I mean, it's been such an amazing opportunity, but it was very, very difficult for me personally. Kelly, we just watched back the Scary Island episode today, actually, before, just to be reacquainted with that. Yay! Have you watched it, re-watched it? Like, do you look back and think...

I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have said this. Or you, do you own and stay true to everything that we saw on that episode? So before I was on Housewives, I have this amazing acting coach. His name is Anthony Abeson. And he said to me, he's like, if you're going to go on this show,

He's like, you need to be 100% authentic. Because if you're going to go on the show, you can't be something else. Because later on in life, whatever's going to happen, you're going to have to acknowledge all these things. And so I was...

literally 100% authentic and I'm dealing with it would be like being in a scene with someone where you're like you're true and the other person is like looking away or like waiting for their moment for them to like have so their kind of narrative play out and so I was like wait I'm sorry what's happening right now which scene are we in because I missed that I thought we were talking about X or whatever and so you know

A lot of, you know, not a lot. One woman, just in particular, she was just like, I will do this and this is how I'm going to do it and whatever is in my way, I am going to get rid of it. And I just happened to be that person. You were in the way? Yeah, I was in the way. But the good news, too, is that I was in the way, but it also made me very successful. So, you know, it's bittersweet. But I mean, I'm proud of who I am and...

you know, I don't like it when people say like I was edited poorly because don't go on reality TV if you're going to talk about being edited. Do you know what I mean? This isn't like ABC. This isn't, you know, a podcast. This is a television show that, you know, needs to fit a certain amount of time and it's,

seven storylines, one big storyline. You know, there's things that have to happen. Would you go back on if they asked you to come? Well, I did the Ultimate Girls trip. I just finished. But the New York ones. I know they're going to reboot new characters. Well, see, I know Jenna really well from J.Crew and Uba and I know each other really well. I don't know the other ladies, but I just, I mean, I think that

Yeah, definitely. I mean, of course. I was on Million Dollar Listing. I had so much fun. I love reality TV because I'm just myself. I'm not unapologetically myself.

And I think that that's like sometimes endearing and sometimes, you know. Amy's like laughing. She's like, oh my God. No, I love it though. I mean, I think no matter what we, and we meet a lot of people who we all think we have a certain idea of whether they're actors or reality TV shows. And when you actually get to meet them, you know right away when someone is exactly who they are. They're not putting on airs. They're not performing. And you are that. You are authentic. You are unapologetically

you, which I and I think a lot of people are always appreciative of because what you see is what you get. Yeah. And that to me is mostly all you can ask for in a relationship, right? Everything else is, it's just, it's false and it's impossible to navigate. Yeah. No, I was just going to say it's hard because I don't, I don't religiously watch the housewife shows. I just kind of, you know, follow certain people on Instagram, which is, you know, how Bethany slash Brittany or whatever, how I, when I, when I,

When I look at it, but it's like, so I only know, cause like to me, I'm like, oh, she's authentically her, you know? And so I'm like, is that like, I guess, you know, cause then I look at you, I'm like, you're beautiful. You're authentically you. And so I'm like, to me, I'm like, oh, well, I think you guys would be best friends, you know? Cause like two authentic, beautiful women. But I guess, you know.

But different people have like different pathways to success. Right. And mine is to celebrate people and hers is to tear them down. So it's just different. It's not good or bad. It's just totally different. Is there no chance? Are you open to you all having a, I don't know, you all could do a reunion show with just you two going together and people would go crazy about it. Are you open to, because you all have made such an imprint on pop culture in a lot of ways and certainly with the franchise. Yeah.

But to see two people who are beloved and have such great fan bases, it would be great to see you all. I mean, I have to get paid a lot of money for that. Sorry. So no. I fight for a price.

Yeah, I mean, I would be... You know, it's funny because she asked me to be on her podcast last year before BravoCon, and this was right when... It's an olive branch. Yeah, it is. But it was right when she was having issues with Screen Actors Guild and kind of putting... ingratiating herself into an environment which actually really was bad for everybody in television. And...

I just was very not interested. I just wasn't interested in engaging when she was doing something that was hurting how we make money.

So that was like a big no-no for me. So I told her that we could do it like maybe sometime like 2028 or something. 2028? So you're saying there's a chance. I just saw a window open. Thank you. You know, I have to say as well, look, I am a, I don't watch the, didn't watch the franchise, but I am a Bethany Frank, the only time I've been around Bethany Frankel. She was wonderful to me and I spent time with her.

and grilled her and asked her all kinds of questions because I needed help at the time with something that Robach and I were going through. So I want to say that as well. We're not here beating up on Bethany, but she was wonderful to me and my daughter at a concert. So I just wanted to make sure it didn't feel like we were all just here. We're just going to shit on Bethany. No, no, no. And that's why I said, too, I was like, there's different strokes for different folks. And, you know...

had there been like you know something we'd been on air and then afterwards she would have been like oh my god that was so fun and we could have had but there was no she was just like you are bad and i am good and and i that's just and you know when and listen you know i for me it's like it's not like a trigger but it's just you know again we talk we're talking this whole thing is about like you know um

Second chapters means for me that my children come along. And I'm sure a lot of women that are in this new chapter in their life are going to have at least one child with them. And when you impede the ability for a mother to make money for her child, that is an absolute line in the sand no for me. So that's all I'm saying. There's no argument.

No argument here. We... Like, that to me is like... Hear, hear. Hear, hear. No. That's like, here's my pen right here. And what is, like, what is the ultimate dating red flags for you? And what you would help mentor our listeners to find love? I guess...

you know, just talking badly about your ex. I mean, even though the thing, there's things about my ex fiance that I didn't like, I'm saying he wasn't my lobster. Like that doesn't mean I hate him. I just was like, this is not something that we should be doing. Um, and we're learning from that experience. So like, we thank him for helping me talk to other people about, you know, possibilities for, you know, women and men alike in the future. Um,

But for red flag for me, it's just like just not being like good to your ex. Like that's an actual I remember talking to my girlfriends. I dated someone post divorce and I'm like he keeps calling his wife crazy and I'm like and I'm like that is bothering me because I'm like I'm also an ex-wife and I know that. Right. But also what also made her crazy too. You know, I'm like, yes, she can be crazy. But there's there's other sides to that story as well. Like he also probably played into that too. Like every each side has a part in that play, you

It can all make sense until you become the ex-wife, right? Right. Wait a minute. Now I get why she was crazy. I'm understanding things very differently now. But I'm always like when someone says something, I'm always like, oh, you know, maybe you didn't like that, but maybe you could just text her and just be like, hey, I didn't really like that, but see you on Thursday. I was always trying to help her

I'm always trying to help them. Because listen, my ex-husband's French and older. No one is dealing with more of a personality. He's like, Kiki, what are you doing? Why? I'm like, okay, okay, first of all. When I'm mad at you, do not call me a pet name, okay? Let's line in the sand here. Just to try to soften the blow sometimes too because sometimes

you know, we're, you know, we're with kids and we want them to be, you know, feel good about their parents, whether they're friendly or not, you know, like that's super important to like, we're responsible for our kids. We're responsible for how they are going to be seeing relationships. And so that's the other thing too.

What are you looking for? I know you're out there. You've said that. What are the qualities that are, you have to have these things for me to actually want to spend the rest of my life with you? And are you looking for that life partner? Oh my God. Yes, of course. I'm looking for that. I mean, I have a twin brother. Like I, uh,

I love being around men. And my twin brother was just like, he's such a great father and human. And I'm just like... And I had such a great dad. I had such a great dad. And so I'm just looking for those... I mean, I know that I set the bar really high because they were so awesome. But I'm just looking for that kind of partner in crime. To do everything together. Good, bad, and ugly. Days are going to be shitty. But you guys. You guys are literally...

I mean, just like the cutest, like there's like hearts around here. Oh my God. Everyone's going to hate us now. Thank you. That's very sweet. Cartoon hearts. No. And it's like, okay, you guys are very unique and special and like, I'm so excited for you. But, you know, for me, I just want to be around someone that's just, just genuinely cares about my wellbeing and not like how I can help them. Hmm.

Well, you're going to be giving advice to obviously our listeners to help find love. Is there any advice that you want in the dating world that you're looking for? Like, what am I doing wrong? Like, I've been single for such a long time. Like, what am I doing wrong? Like, am I

what am I doing wrong? That's so funny. Isn't that a woman thing? I just want to say like that like hurts my heart hearing because I always was like, it's me. It's something I'm doing wrong. And I'm like, I hate, and I'm like, it makes me sad that that's where women go because it's like, there's nothing that you are doing wrong. Nothing. I mean, you might be picking certain men, but there's,

There might be a reason because you've got something unhealed or you have to work through something personally, but you're beautiful, you're showing up, and it's just not the right person to meet you there. I don't know. And again, as complimentary as you were to Robach and I here and how sweet and how wonderful, things are great, and it is amazing. We went through hell to get here. Mm-hmm.

And that's unfortunately too often people don't want to go through the hell, don't think they should have to go through the hell to get that last thing. So sometimes after two or three months when they see that warning sign, they say, I'm going to stick with this because I don't want to start over. But this is four divorces down here. This is lost careers, public shame. All this hell had to happen.

For us to be smiling the way we're smiling now. But we are. And I am grateful for what we did have to go through. Not at the time. But damn, I'm sitting here with you two in this studio with the love of my life. My kids are great. Families are all together. And happy and healthy. Yeah.

for the first time in my adult life. And yes, hell was required. Hope is an important part of it when you're going through the divorce or the struggle of trying to find someone, knowing that there is the potential, right? That's what we all are wanting to know and believe. And I'm hoping we can provide some of that, but it doesn't always come easily. And I think something I've learned, I'm curious what you think about this, Kelly, is

And I've said this before, the big distinction with TJ and me is our friendship. There is just this unbelievable friendship and respect, mutual respect. And I think everything built from there. Have you thought about looking for that friend first that could develop into something passionate later? I love that. I think that what happens to me is that guys see me and they're just like, you, mine.

Like, I'm just going to, I'm just their Jane and they're just going to pull my hair off into the sunset. Like, that's just like, okay. They're like, that's mine. And yeah, every single man has been like, that's your mind and I'm going to... You're a possession. Yes. And I just don't want that. That's not respect. I don't want that. And I, you know, I think, and then another thing too, people are, you know, a lot of men are like, well, you're educated, so you're intimidating. I'm just like, why...

Why? So they're intimidating. They're educated. They're doing all these things. Like, why am I intimidating? You know, it's like, I'm not doing anything. That should be like, like I call a value add. Like, I want to be around people that make you better. I don't want to be around people that are like, oh...

you know, you're not good enough or, you know, I don't want to do that. Well, if a man's intimidated by your education or your success, then that means he's got insecurity issues and you don't want to deal with that. So he's eliminated now at this point, right? I mean, I feel like that's actually a good way to filter some of the guys you might meet because if that's even an issue, then it's a non-starter. Right.

I will say that too, like for the, the what's wrong with you. For me, it's always been the timing. Like if I would have met my husband a few, even just five years ago, there was so much stuff I personally had to work on myself. I would have ruined that relationship in a, in a heartbeat. Yeah.

Like with all of my unhealed traumas and past and stuff, I would have 1000% ruined it. So I had to meet him later at 40 to appreciate, to know that I actually do deserve this love. I don't need something toxic. I don't have to walk this walk. So like, I think too, I don't know if there's anything that you can do in the meantime to

whatever pieces that you feel that you want to work on that way then you're meeting the person healthy and healthy attracts and you know it's actually the right timing for both of you in that time of life and I love that I mean I believe in you know kinetic not frenetic I've always been like that and that's one reason why I was like okay I'm going to learn to play polo because it's like okay I know how to ride horses but that's like a

totally different environment. It'll like put my mind in a different space. Like getting another license will be good for me. Like just, you know, like for my own personal self and I'll feel like I've accomplished things.

And I think that you're right. I think it's just like meeting people at the right time. And, you know, it's funny because like, you know, a lot of women are like, you know, don't go back to like old exes. And it's like, sometime, you know, one time I was like, oh, okay, I'll go and like, you know, revisit, you know, this friend of mine, banker, like really successful guy. And he's amazing.

But I'm just like, no, like I were friends and we're just going to stay as friends because we can't go back there. Like that just didn't it just it didn't work the first time and it's not going to work now. I just I guess you're right. I just like, why don't why do I have to say why do I have to be like, what's wrong with me? I am like I like when I'm starting with therapists.

And just to talk to her about like, just literally, you know, everything like the trauma, like maybe there's trauma from, you know, there's trauma, trauma from my past and then trauma from just, you know, from being on TV. I mean, I know that there's a lot of trauma from that. You might be blocking yourself up from, you know, and guarding yourself and you don't even know that you're doing that. Right. Right.

Did you know Tide has been upgraded to provide an even better clean in cold water? Tide is specifically designed to fight any stain you throw at it, even in cold. Butter? Yep. Chocolate ice cream? Sure thing. Barbecue sauce? Tide's got you covered. You don't need to use warm water. Additionally, Tide Pods let you confidently fight tough stains with new Coldzyme technology. Just remember, if it's

If it's got to be clean, it's got to be tied. This election season, the stakes are higher than ever. I think the choice is clear in this election. Join me, Charlemagne Tha God, for We The People, an audio town hall with Vice President Kamala Harris and you, live from Detroit, Michigan, exclusively on iHeartRadio. They'll tackle the tough questions, depressing issues, and the future of our nation. We may not see eye to eye on every issue, but America, we are not going back.

Don't miss this powerful conversation with Vice President Kamala Harris. Tomorrow at 5 p.m. Eastern, 2 p.m. Pacific on the free iHeartRadio app's Hip Hop Beat Station. Hey, it's Mike and Ian. We're the hosts of How to Do Everything from NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Each week we take your questions and find someone much smarter than us to answer them. Questions like, how do you survive the Bermuda Triangle? How do you find a date inside the Bermuda Triangle? We can't help you.

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Are you ready for the relationship you're talking about, right? Because to her point about being younger, and I know we were the same way, we'd have met and started dating in our 30s or early 40s. This would have been a disaster. Right. He says that to me a lot. Oh, it's been a disaster. You're like, wait a minute, what? He's like, it all had to happen when it happened. It all had to happen. It sucks it had to happen how it happened, but when it happened is probably right. But are you ready? Yes. Do you think you're in the right space and you're ready to...

That's a really good question. And I feel like after spending time with my girls, which I hadn't done since really COVID, like I just felt like that...

family part of me is really solid and so like I said like I feel like I'm 18 years old again I feel like I'm like ready to go out there and I mean if you remember like I started modeling when I was 15 from Rockford Illinois it's not like you know just like I had this like random life I had this very specific strange upbringing and

that most people don't have. Like, I didn't, like, go to high school with, like, 500 kids. You know, my twin brother was my date at our prom. You know, it's like I went to a very small school. I mean, I was in a very, you know, high-profile industry at a very young age. And so I just had a different life than most people. And I've had a lot of really bad experiences

bad men like attract me to be attracted to me not saying that my ex was like it was a bad man he's not a bad man um he's just not my lobster but um i love that so much but uh you know just like i just have been around a lot of people so now i'm like now that i'm trusting myself with like my education where i am with my work where i am i had so much fun on the ultimate girls trip i really did i had a great time and i tried to tell them what was going on but they were like obsessed with scary island too i'm like no no

something bigger than scary island 2 is happening and you guys are missing out and they were like why didn't you tell us i'm like i did that was the times kelly he comes back he says he calls today i'll sign whatever prenup you want i want you back i love you i miss you he better talk to those girls first yeah and make it right with your with your daughters huh yeah exactly yes but if he does that and sign it are you open if he calls and says that you know it's like i'm one thing that i learned um

recently is like to just close doors. Like, just really close them. Not like lock them. You don't have to be mean, but like close them and say, like,

You know what I mean? Close them and just be like, thank you. Nice to see you. Like, hope you're well. Don't slam it shut. Just gently. If it didn't work, walk away. Because people are like, slamming things. I'm like, oh God, no, no. Don't housewife slam door. Just nicely, nicely closed door. No throwing tables. No slamming door. Exactly. Just be like, oh, okay. But Kelly, it actually, you know, it hasn't been that long, right? Your marriage was supposed to take place what date? June?

The summer, right? It was the summer. So it's only been a couple months. Have you had a moment where you wished you had gone through with it? Have you had a moment where you think, God, I miss him?

You know, it's funny that you say that because, you know, right after we called it off, I had to move out. So because he made me move out of my apartment. So I rented my apartment and we moved into another apartment. So then I had to move out of that apartment into another apartment. I work in real estate. There's no apartments. So it's like awful to try to find something and to move everything and get everything organized and work and do everything. So I just have a really fast.

Can you help me understand why you had to move out of your place? He, I had an apartment and he didn't want to live there. He wanted to start fresh. So I was like, okay. So I rented that apartment and then we were in another apartment and then I had to leave that and find another apartment, which was like, there's no apartments available in New York. Like there is nothing. I mean, you have to buy something. I'm like, I'm not like, this is not what's happening right now. So that was just all that stress and,

It was just, it was like my life was so messy that I now, I'm just like, I'm feeling very emotional with you guys. First of all, thank you so much. Like, I love all your insight. You're gonna make me cry. But I'm just like starting to like process it.

Yeah. I mean, you were, the logistics, like you said, of having, we know, we just recently lived this, where you're moving and packing and the memories and then your life is upended and you don't have a solid foundation or a safe place. I'm like, what do you do with the photos? It's like, oh, am I going to be like a teenager and rip up the photos? I'm just like, what do I do with these? Do I keep them? Do I not keep them? I've been in the same exact place. It's just a very unsettling time and

Is the emotion the piece too of like, because obviously you want your person, you want your lobster, you want to, you want companionship. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I do. Of course I do. And like, have you had a moment to miss him? I'm sorry to interrupt. No, no, no. I, and that's what I'm just saying is like, I'm just starting to like get back into the swing of things. Like, you know, everything is like now calm in New York and,

And like, I've just been kind of like thinking through like, what do I want? And just preparing for today, I was kind of like thinking to myself, like, what do I want? I'm hearing all these stories from other people, but what do I want? And to your point, like, I want someone that is like, just really genuinely, genuinely cares about me and wants me to be happy and well.

Any chance that person is already in your life? I don't know. Why? Do you know him? I don't know. I was wondering if you might know him. I don't know. Maybe. Who have you been friends with for about eight years? Hmm.

It worked for us, I'm just saying. It's so funny, like on TikTok, you're like on TikTok, and I was like, this is so weird. Why are all these psychics coming there? Like, you will find the man. He is right in front of you. He's trying to call you, but he can't call you in his hand. His phone is in his hand. And I'm like, who? What? I'm like, is she real? Wait, let's play a lightning round. We're all going to answer. First question is, should men pay for the first date? I say absolutely yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Okay, that's 100%. Yes. How long till you text someone after a date? Three day rule? Question mark. That evening. Right away. I agree. Immediately. I think once you leave them, be like, that was an amazing night.

If you want a second date, you let them know. Does the girl text or the guy text first? Whoever is the adult. Whoever is the adult in the room? What I'm saying is we're all in here 40s, 50s, and we ain't got time for this crap to be playing around. I'm a grown-ass man. You're a grown-ass woman. If you like me, tell me. I ain't got time for games. Right.

We're going to need a group chat. I'm going to need a group chat. I'm going to be like, okay, you guys, I'm at the restaurant. What do I do? I'm helping a lot of my single girlfriends right now with their responses. I'm like, no, just text them back. Stop waiting. Why are you waiting? There's no point in waiting. Just be like, I had a lot of fun. Swinky face. Yes. You know, like, thank you. TJ told me one time, he was like, the biggest mistake y'all make, meaning us girls, is that you think we want to chase you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We don't. And you want to get the text too. We appreciate the text. Yes. And if a guy doesn't appreciate that text and does the right thing with it, you don't need to be with him in the first place. How long till you're intimate?

I mean, for me, there wouldn't be a rule for me. It would be when I felt like I wanted to be. You don't want to hear that from your girlfriend. There's no rule. Well, there are rules in place now, baby. There are rules in place now. They say like the third date or is, you know. I think whenever you're feeling it and...

Yeah. This is another, we're grown folks. Yeah. And you can make whatever decision you want to. I think if someone is going, cause some people say like, Oh, well if you give it to them right away, I'm like, no, if, if the guy just wants that, then you're going to know that right off the bat. You,

Why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free? I mean, come on. Who grew up? I heard that growing up. I did. It's so demeaning. But it actually is true, though. I think younger, maybe that is more. But when you're older, it's like, okay, you're going to... I would hope that...

it's not the case where... I think it's just more... It's so difficult dating in general. And for my kids that are in their 20s and for me, dating is just really, really hard. And there's just so much expectation and what do you want to do in life? What's going to happen? And people have had so many issues in the past. And

I am just very open and easygoing. If I like something, I'm just like, I like you! Is ghosting ever acceptable, and have you guys been ghosted before? No, I don't think it's acceptable, and I have not been ghosted, and I have not ghosted anyone.

I was accused of ghosting, but it wasn't like that. I was actually ghosting. I was just away for the week working. And I'm just kind of like, I'm kind of, you were busy now. Well, I'm also like when I'm working, I'm like work. I'm trying to like stay focused on what I'm doing. I can't. And no, it's like you get, I mean, when I was in, I was, when I was on housewives, like people, they would be screaming at me like, you don't respond. I'm like, I'm filming. I'm getting yelled at. Like, just stop. Give me two minutes. Like Kelly, I love you. I,

I didn't ghost you. I was just busy. I was just busy. I mean, I was getting yelled and screamed at. I'm like, oh my God, I'll call you in a minute. I know, Jenna. I have not. And I think it's never acceptable. I mean, somebody deserves the decency of a response. Right. I mean, I agree, but I will have to say probably in my 20s dating in Los Angeles, I'm sure I ghosted.

I'm almost 100% positive. I've been ghosted. I'm sure I've ghosted. But post-divorce... Wait, you've been ghosted? You're so beautiful. Oh, I've been ghosted many times. And even post-divorce, ghosted many times from... Well, not many times. There was two guys I can think of that ghosted me on Raya. We were supposed to meet at the Soho house, and then they never ended up showing up. Really? Never heard from her yet. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. And he was like a pretty like known person too. And I'm like, that's so, yeah. You've never heard a response from these people? Never. Wow. That was just the one. That is awful. Um, but I will not say who it is now. I so want to know who it is. I will not say who it is. You don't have to do some research. But, um,

But yeah, so I don't, but I said post-divorce, like I will be very mindful and respectful about saying, I don't feel like this is going to go anywhere. This isn't for me. So like I would text and say, like just one person like, hey, I had a lovely time with you and I could tell that they would want to hang out again. But I said, for me, this just isn't what I'm looking for. And then what was frustrating was some guys would be like, but I was still like another chance. Why don't you? I'm like, I don't have time. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, I've said, please see above basically. Yeah.

Just put the little arrow emoji. I'm like, sometimes they don't even accept the response. But even so, I knew I did the right thing by at least. So I grew in that aspect. Because I'm pretty sure I've ghosted in the past. Wait, that's a good thing. I should say that. If there's someone I don't like, I should say that. Because I'm a mom, too. It needs to align with my family. You know? Like, I'm not. Like, I used to appease and go out on second dates when I knew it wasn't the thing. But now, older, I'm like, this is not. I'd rather be here with my children. This is a waste of everyone's time. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. That was that. Lightning round. Over. Lightning round. Over. I was waiting for the next question. I'm like, what's next? I was enjoying that. I like the responding. I like what TJ was saying. I like what everyone is saying. Just like to respond and be the adult in the room. And I need to also be more like adult with texting too. I'm not a good texter.

So I need to be more, I know I'm just not, some people are just really good at it. Like I'm on my phone so much for work that the last thing I want to do is like text someone. Like, I just, you know, it's like a lot.

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If it's got to be clean, it's got to be tied. This election season, the stakes are higher than ever. I think the choice is clear in this election. Join me, Charlemagne Tha God, for We The People, an audio town hall with Vice President Kamala Harris and you, live from Detroit, Michigan, exclusively on iHeartRadio. They'll tackle the tough questions, depressing issues, and the future of our nation. We may not see eye to eye on every issue, but America, we are not going back.

Don't miss this powerful conversation with Vice President Kamala Harris. Tomorrow at 5 p.m. Eastern, 2 p.m. Pacific on the free iHeartRadio app's Hip Hop Beat Station. Hey, it's Mike and Ian. We're the hosts of How to Do Everything from NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Each week we take your questions and find someone much smarter than us to answer them. Questions like, how do you survive the Bermuda Triangle? How do you find a date inside the Bermuda Triangle? We can't help you.

But we will find someone who can. Listen to the How to Do Everything podcast on iHeartRadio. Wait, I have one more. I'm sorry. What is everyone's deal breaker? Smoking. Yeah. Period. Have you ever smoked before? No, never been a smoker. Never? Never smoked one cigarette? Oh, yeah. I've smoked a cigarette before in life. But if somebody was an actual smoker, it's just not, we are not going to work out. I don't care who...

It is. Yep. A deal breaker for me is anyone who has anger issues. I just, I can't deal with the yelling and the name calling. I'm over that in my life completely. So that's a deal breaker. And if it's an angry smoker, Ooh, she's really smoking is high on my list. Yes. Yeah. Mine would be, I've got to just because, and I'm not saying if you cheat, you can't fix your relationship. But for me, knowing how I react now in those situations and given my past, I couldn't be in a relationship if someone,

cheated again. And then any sort of abuse, whether it's insinuating aggression, getting in my face, or actual physical touches, you're out. I could not agree more. I think physical touch is absolutely out. Anger is absolutely out. I just will not put up with that. Kelly, can you tell folks, because some are going to, folks are going to hear this,

And there are going to be some guys who might be interested in you that are going to hear this. And they might not jump on Raya. Maybe they just, wow, do I have a shot at Kelly? You said you don't text. You don't like to text. You're not good on text. What is the right way to court Kelly?

Yeah, just ask me out and... Slide into your DMs. Does that work, sir? No, it does not work. My husband got me that way. Oh, he did? I love that. Yeah, please don't slide into my DMs. I feel like it's better than Raya, though. I've got to be honest with you. Instagram is like the better dating app, I think. Is it? I think so. Be open to it. I would just say be open to it. I just get so many weird people doing so many weird things. Well, you got to make sure they're verified. Check a check. We need the little blue check mark. Not a paycheck either. Yeah.

I'm like, no, like, I don't know you. I'm like, I try to be nice, but I'm like, Oh God. Um, I guess, um,

You know, just if you knew someone that I knew just to give me some comfort. Because, like, we talked about that before. Like, trust is really important to me. And so just for me to, like, feel like I'm, you know, like you're not trying to, like, use me is, like, that's just, like, my big thing, too. I mean, outside of, like, you know, aggressive behavior or, like, aggression towards your exes or anything like that. But just feeling like I'm being used is just not.

Like, I've had so many guys be like, oh, yeah, I'm with Kelly. You know, like, Kelly will handle the reservation or Kelly will do this. I'm like, oh, who's Kelly? You want to be... I mean, doesn't every woman... I don't want to speak for everyone, but...

I'm going to say it anyway and just ask you two what you think. Don't we all just, at the end of the day, no matter how much money we have or how much success we've had, don't we just want to be taken care of? Yes. You guys, I had this guy post-divorce where he took me on a nice little weekend getaway and at the very end he goes, hey, do you mind posting this? And I go, and I said, and I knew exactly what was coming and I said,

what do you mean why? And he goes, well, because if you post, we get it for free. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. That's awful. You're like, yeah, let me just post this for you. That's terrible. But then my problem was I continued

this person like that's like those are things that now you see then i'm like you know but i'm like no that's you don't want to you want someone to take care of you and not take advantage of you yeah there you go yeah you always say she does it all the time it's just about safety you just make feel safe it's not just financial just emotional safety emotional safety feel like you somebody's got you in that way so that's nuts that's where y'all finding these dudes

What is wrong with us? I said no PJ at TJ. That's great. Nothing's wrong with y'all. Something sometimes is terribly wrong with us. We want to, yeah. I think we hold on to people because we think maybe that's our best shot. And that's the only person out there. But it's not. But it's not. It's not. And we're so excited to have Kelly be a part of our celebrity mentor team on I Do Part 2. We know our single listeners are going to learn so much from you. So if you are single and ready to find love again, call us.

1-844-4IDUPOD. That's 844-443-6763. Or email us at idupod at iheartradio.com. And obviously follow us on Instagram at idupart2.com.

Love that. Love you. This is so fun. You guys are the best. It's like a big hug in here. This is great. Now, I just want everyone to be happy and in love and have the hearts. I'm just like crying with you guys. Oh, my God. You guys are so, you are, you're like a huge hug. I love you guys. Look, we can't say it enough. You said a lot of kind words to us here. And look, I will be honest with you that my first introduction to you

I read plenty, but the first time I've ever saw you on television was when I watched season three, episode 12, which was the... Scary Island. Scary Island episode. Scary Island. So that was my first exposure to you was...

It was a wild scene. Yeah. But then you walked into this place and you were the warmest, the big smile, big hug. So I know you say that's authentically you, but it's unfortunate. Sometimes people think that you're a caricature or that's only you. We're seeing you sit here and talk passionately and authentically and with tears in your eyes about life. You're just going through it like everybody else. So...

We thank you for your words, and it's a pleasure to meet you here. But if you were with me on Scary Island, you would have been like, wait, what is going on? You'd be like, Kelly, give me one of those gummy bears. I mean, you still are a single mom. You're a mama bear, like so many of us are. And yes, you'd like to protect your heart, but more importantly, you want to protect your daughter's hearts. And so you can see that, you can feel that. That is true and real. And I guess any advice for anyone who wants to date you is they need to make sure

your two, the loves of your life are okay with him first. That's probably the biggest test they have to pass. Yes, 100%. Because, I mean, don't you want like one big, happy, fun family? And it's just so easy. It's so easy to do. I think that sometimes like men or women do, like they create drama so that there's energy towards that person. I'm like, no, no, no, this is like, this is a unit.

We want the unit. We don't want, you know, like fractured. We want it to be one big unit. So that's what I'm looking for.

My missing piece. Well, we're excited. The listeners are going to be so lucky to have you be a mentor. So thank you. I'm excited. You're going to find love in the process with them. I know. I'm going to be crying. I'm going to be finding love. It's going to be like this huge journey for me. It's like. At the end of the, you end up in a relationship, end up married. We need to get on a group message so you can tell us anything. So we can be like, no red flag. Nope. We got to help. We got to help you too. So here we go.

I was actually supposed to be with Luann right now. She's on a dating show in Cabo and I was supposed to be giving her advice today. And then I was thinking to myself, like, what if I met one of the guys and I was interested in him? What if it was a client?

Is that a no-no? So I actually met one client who was really attractive, who was so great. And I just said, I was honest with them. I was like, you know, my reputation is everything. And so, you know, later on, but not while you're working. I can't do that. Well, sometimes you can find love at work. I was going to say, I'm like, work, hello. Yeah, just letting you know that that is actually a...

A great place sometimes to meet someone. But I feel like in my business, because it's a transaction business, you can't, I mean, if you do start down, that's a very slippery slope. And I just, trust is everything. And I want my clients to feel like they are getting, you know, that I'm there for them in that financial transaction. And if later on something happens, like I'm open to that, but not while we're in the middle of...

you know, dealing with their money. Thank you for saying transaction because, John, I meant to ask you, I know we're wrapping here, but we talked about protecting your finances, right, with a prenup. How do you, do women, do you protect your heart? How do you go about that? You talk about that step you're going to take because I've got to protect what I've built. Are women so often trying to protect their heart and does that get in the way sometimes, possibly, of opportunity? I don't know if it's so much heart. I think it's just like there's so much more ego now than there ever has been.

Yeah, and I think... Just the ego. It's just... As a parent, too, my protection is first and foremost my baby. It's like that's... I'll always protect my family. And then I feel like I'm kind of second to that. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think we definitely...

I'm so scared of, for me personally, the unsteadiness of things and fearful of what could happen because of what I've been used to. But I think now it's like I have to just lean into trusting that it's a different situation and to open my heart up to know that this isn't

going to be the same thing because this is a different person and I don't have to mirror that. Yeah, I agree. And yes, I think TJ, we all do try to protect our hearts, but it can't be at the cost of the other persons. I think that's the big, that's the big takeaway. But you know what, Kelly, we're looking forward to, we love weddings here.

So we are looking forward to celebrating yours at the end of all of this. The one that actually happens. It's so funny because the wedding business is so huge. I would love to... I will be married. I will get married. Yes, you will. I think next year is a very big year for me. I'm feeling very, very... I love it. Well, it's just because I'm going to put the work in. I love it. You're manifesting it. Wait, I actually have someone for you, I think. Oh my God, fire.

Yeah. Wait, can I, on sidebar, kind of set you up potentially? Okay. I think it would be great. All right. That's just the beginning of setups and potential new romances. I'm putting the work in. I'm putting the work in. I was like, no, no, my person first. Okay.

I don't know, but putting the work in, you have to put the work in. You have to know what your bandwidth is and you have to put the work in. You can't just be like, yeah, I'm open and available. You have to put the work in. Amen to that. If you are single and ready to find love again, call us at 1-844-4IDOOPOD. That's 844-443-6763.

Or you can email us at idopod at iheartradio.com. That's idopod at iheartradio.com. Or you can follow us on Instagram at idopart2pod. That's idopart2. That's the digit 2 in the middle there. idopart2pod. And iHeartRadio podcast, where falling in love is the main objective.

Did you know Tide has been upgraded to provide an even better clean in cold water? Tide is specifically designed to fight any stain you throw at it, even in cold. Butter? Yep. Chocolate ice cream? Sure thing. Barbecue sauce? Tide's got you covered. You don't need to use warm water. Additionally, Tide Pods let you confidently fight tough stains with new Coldzyme technology. Just remember...

If it's got to be clean, it's got to be tied. This election season, the stakes are higher than ever. I think the choice is clear in this election. Join me, Charlemagne Tha God, for We The People, an audio town hall with Vice President Kamala Harris and you, live from Detroit, Michigan, exclusively on iHeartRadio. They'll tackle the tough questions, depressing issues, and the future of our nation. We may not see eye to eye on every issue, but America, we are not going back.

Don't miss this powerful conversation with Vice President Kamala Harris. Tomorrow at 5 p.m. Eastern, 2 p.m. Pacific on the free iHeartRadio app's Hip Hop Beat Station. In California during the summer of 1975, within the span of 17 days and less than 90 miles, two women did something no other woman had done before. Tried to assassinate the President of the United States.

One was the protege of Charles Manson. 26-year-old Lynette Fromm, nicknamed Squeaky. The other, a middle-aged housewife working undercover for the FBI. Identified by police as Sarah Jean Moore. The story of one strange and violent summer, this season on the new podcast, Rip Current. Hear episodes of Rip Current early and completely ad-free and receive exclusive bonus content by subscribing to iHeart True Crime Plus, only on Apple Podcasts.