Gramma's Nightgown is not the Way to Go…but do we have to dress SEXY when we SLEEP?!?!?! COME ON!
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Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to

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Sister Wives returns at last, and while the Browns have gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle form an unlikely alliance, Christine is off living in a newly married bliss, and Cody and Robin are left wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?

And after all the joy and drama, they hit the hot seat and answer the questions everyone has been begging to know. Sister Wives returns Sunday, April 20th at 10, 9 central on TLC.

Bring spring to your door with Target Circle 360. Get all you need for Easter hosting, spring get-togethers, and more with unlimited same-day delivery through Target Circle 360. From Easter basket goodies to fresh florals, getting everything the same day is easy. Open the Target app and bring the magic of the season to your door with unlimited same-day delivery through Target Circle 360. Visit Target.com slash Circle or the Target app for more details. Subscription required. Same-day delivery is subject to terms. Applies to orders over $35.

When you haven't found love, it can feel like everyone else has. It's in every movie, every song.

California Psychics.

It's I Do Part Two and we're your favorite besties, Thelma and Louise. Today we're going to quote jump into bed and talk about all the things that come with sex and chapter two dating. It can be scary and intimidating, but oh so fun to get intimate after being with one partner for so long. So today we're joined by relationship coach, Dr. Shanna Bromley to talk all about it.

Hi, Dr. Shanna. We are so excited to talk to you today, like have been anticipating this all afternoon. So thank you for meeting with us. First of all, you're so pretty. I would think like everybody is like knocking down your door to date you. I'd want to have sex with you.

You guys are sweet. I think gorgeous too. So Dr. Shanna, you recently contributed to an article titled, Are Pajamas Ruining Your Sex Life? And absolutely phenomenal title, by the way. And a question for you, what did you mean by that?

So your bedtime routine is so much more than just a habit. It is a reflection of how you see yourself. And if you stop treating yourself, somebody was desiring, then that energy just seeps into everything. It's so much more than just how your partner sees you. It's how you feel when you look in the mirror, when you're going to bed. And let me ask you guys, what do you wear to bed these days? Louise, why don't you start? Cause you have a very specific outfit. Okay. So,

So, I thought a lot about this when I read your article because my experience with my husband first and then different guys I've dated in the nine years that I've been divorced was –

I think because when I go out for work or I go out to dinner, I'm very put together, right? I have the blow dries, the makeup, kind of like this glamorous affect. But I found that when I came home and put on the more soft kind of Thelma way, that my husband or my boyfriends would be all over me. For example...

When I was married, I used to wear, now granted, I hadn't yet had menopause. I was cold at night. Now it's a whole different ballgame. And I would wear these like thermal waffle pajamas that were like Cindy Lou's, like the Grinch, okay? I swear to God, when I had those on, he was ripping them off of me. And I think he felt I was maybe more manageable, more adorable. Maybe it was more of a dominant submissive thing. I don't know. He loved it.

Another boyfriend I had loved like the little booty shorts and like nothing on top, whatever. Okay, fine. But I was always worried about if there was like a fire or an earthquake and what would I do, right? And then most recently I had a boyfriend. So I somehow stumbled upon these like

Thelma knows because we've shared many a bed on trips together. These like very unshapely, loose, thin cotton nighties that go to my knee in pastel colors. They're probably from Gap or the Navy. I think I bought 20 of them. Not hot. I just need to clarify, not hot. Not hot, but...

So comfortable, so adorable. I don't sleep with panties, so maybe they ride up in the night. Don't know. But like Robbie loved them. You know what I'm saying? He thought they were absolutely adorable. So I am not sleeping in sexy, tight, constricting things. What about you, Louise?

So, well, it depends if I have a boyfriend or if I don't have a boyfriend. Although I actually really agree with your article that you set the tone. I always kind of joke around. If you're not attracted to yourself or looking at yourself like you're attractive, why would you think that somebody else would find you attractive? So I do subscribe to that.

I can really speak to my last long relationship post my husband. And it was about four years. And I slept, every time we were together, I slept naked every night, which was very unique for me because similar to Louise, I do worry. Like if a burglar breaks in or you have to leave in the middle of the night or something, like it really, you're really on the defensive. But as soon as I got over that,

He was super comfortable with his body and I historically have not been, but he made me feel so comfortable. And I also think that when I got in bed and I was naked, like, I don't know, it did. It felt more like we were both kind of coming to

- No pun intended. - But that anything could happen. And I think, especially in the morning, like I think in the morning waking up naked, it was like a natural way to kind of greet each other in the morning. - Well, it also promotes oxytocin as well. Touching on skin for women, especially it promotes bonding and that feeling of closeness. - I totally agree. But you know what's interesting to what you said?

Thelma is I think it leads also to the point of like everybody at different points in their life have preferred times of day that they like to be intimate so for example morning and me we're not that's not my I am that four o'clock afternoon person where I'm way more relaxed the day is done I'm

Prior to going out, prior to perhaps having a big meal, too many cocktails, whatever. So that's my golden hour. Do you think timing has anything to do also with it? Yeah.

I think timing's important, but I think it's like the biggest relationship killer. It's not conflict like most people think. It's actually comfort, which leads to complacency. And I think the difference with what you were sharing, how in the daytime you'd have to blow out and you'd be all done together, you are still putting a lot of intention into yourself. If you are wearing that unflattering Smurf shirt

outfit that you described all the time. Now she's going to call me smart. Yeah. I don't know that that would have been appealing to your partners in the evening. But I think because you have the contrast and you had that period of time where, you know, you are this put together version and then they get to see this

variety of you and you are softer. So, but I think it really just comes down to your nightwear is an energy shift. It's really not just an outfit and it's what's making you shift into the version of you that feels essential and that feels sexual and it feels really good about yourself. Well, I've said on a previous podcast that,

I always wear matching bra and underwear. And it really, to me, is everything because I think that it just makes me start my day. And when I get dressed, I definitely feel put together, even though the majority of the time these days, no one is seeing that. It definitely makes me feel different and and I think gives me more confidence and feel sexier, so to speak.

Yeah. Are you both in relationships, dating? What's your statuses right now? We're with each other pretty much like a lot. Just kidding. Tell them what your ex-husband said this week about us. Last night we had dinner with my ex-husband and he was laughing. He's like, so are you two dating? I feel like you've been together like four nights. It was like our fourth dinner together this week. But...

we're living parallel lives and we're so aligned on so many things, but we have such a difference of opinions on a lot of things, which are, you know, kind of relevant to your question that it's actually always very interesting and it helps each other look through different lenses as we're navigating kind of chapter two and, and what we're looking for. Um, which is, I mean, we're, we're actively dating, um, um,

And I can say most recently, I had a very interesting situation this past weekend where I'd gone on a couple dates with this one guy to dinners, which felt really safe for me. So

I guess what I've learned about myself is my mind moves fast, but my body moves slow. So I'm the kind of, I think the phrase is sapiosexual. Like I need to feel an emotional connection and safety before I can cross the line to the physical part. Other people, like I have a friend who got divorced and I think she was like on her back and knees within 24 hours, seven days a week. I mean, it's like, everybody's different. Zero judgment. I sometimes wish I,

I was a little bit easier and looser, but it takes me three quarters of a bottle of wine and, you know, kind of a different tool set. But what happened was, was we'd gone out a few times and he said to me, I'd love to just, you know, hang out and order in. And I immediately started to panic immediately. And I called up,

And we had a conversation and I was like, I'm going to have a very direct conversation and basically say, I know you didn't mean anything by it, but this is who I am, right? Like it takes me a minute to get to that party. I don't even know if I'm getting to that party, but hope that works for you. And if it doesn't, whatever.

He was so classy. He was like so cool about it. He, I, and then after the conversation, I felt comfortable. I was like, yeah, you could totally come over, came over. We had the best night. We ordered in, we had cocktails. It was,

So great. So fun. And I was comfortable because I had basically called out the elephant in my room. Yeah. And he had accepted it. Did you think about what you were going to wear that night when he was coming over? Great question. That's a great question. So it's very interesting when you're hosting at your house. Like, for example, I'm wearing a sweater, but I have my pajama bottoms and my slippers on underneath, which you can't see because I'm home. The minute I get home, the bra comes off and...

full disclosure, I don't wear underwear. So that's just me and her have a whole different thing. Do not wear underwear. And so I was like, okay, what am I going to wear? Like, I'm not going to wear tight jeans. That looks ridiculous. I can't really wear shoes. I'm in my own house. So I wore workout leggings. And then I wore like a cashmere, big off the shoulder V-neck sweater. And then I had on like just cute socks. And it was, he walked in and he's like,

Oh my God, I love your outfit. You look so adorable. And I think, again, it was so different than like the leather. It just was a different side of me. And it was perfect. It was super comfortable. But you put a lot of intention into actually thinking about what you were going to wear. You were basically discerning, no, this doesn't work. This doesn't work. This works. So it was still an energy shift that you were choosing in that moment. Yes, exactly. Shanna, what role do you think

alcohol plays positively or negatively when it comes to sex, initiating sex, the bedroom, all of that? I think it depends on the person, really. Some people are really happy drunks. And when their inhibitions come down, they let go in a very positive way that maybe they're insecure or shy that they would take them longer to get there. And then that's me. That's exactly me.

And then other people, it can set them into a depression because it is a downer and they can have things that are on their mind that maybe they haven't spoken and it ends up being a negative situation. For me, alcohol should always be a celebration. So if we are celebrating something, if we are, yay, let's have movie night and have a good club.

fine. It's the mindset I think that goes into it, but I think it really depends on the person if it's a positive or a negative experience. And I think people can look at their reservoir of what their past experience has been and decide if it's positive or negative for them. I think for me, because it takes a minute for me to get comfortable and you're in that new stage and

I think the drink or the cocktail gives me a little bit more of a comfort level. But then as you're involved with the person, because I'm only sleeping with one person at one time and I've never had a one night stand. So for me, it's like I'm in a relationship with that person. If...

I've started sleeping with them and I like when they have an STD test and, you know, all these different things. And then I feel safe and I feel comfortable. And then you get to what's that kind of comfort, really deep, amazing, sober sex, which is so connecting and so real, but I definitely need the, you know, I can't go from A to Z. I need the A, the B, the C, the D, the E. And especially after being in a marriage, the first person, um,

Actually, each time. I mean, when you're with somebody new each time, it creates some anxiety for me. My rule of thumb is if you don't feel emotionally naked with someone and comfortable, then it's not time to take the clothes off and be physically naked with them. But what do you do when...

you think your own body image is getting in the way? Because I think historically that is a huge issue and it's nothing to do with my partner. It's my issue. And what can you speak to that? I think it's difficult for women. I mean, it's 2025. And still, if we look at the marketing in the world, it says you're not enough unless you buy this red lipstick. You're not- Or you're on Ozempic.

Yeah, it's constantly you're not enough unless you're meeting this usually unrealistic standard of what beauty is. And as smart as we are, as educated as we are, as funny as we can be, there's still this value that is placed in our beauty. And I think that we can be our own worst critics. And as we age, our metabolism changes and the image that we see in the mirror isn't what we used to. So I do think it's difficult for women. ♪

Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Yeah, and with Rula, you can find the right therapist for you. Rula partners with a network of over 10,000 therapists and psychiatrists nationwide, enabling you to find your personalized solution and the right therapist for you based on your needs, preferences, and state requirements. In-network covered care for most major insurance pay as little as $15 per session.

Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.

Sister Wives returns at last and while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land. But

But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?

And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody Zend out?

Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back. You have got to catch The Return of Sister Wives, Sunday, April 20th at 10, 9 Central on TLC.

Bring spring to your door with Target Circle 360. Get all you need for Easter hosting, spring get-togethers, and more with unlimited same-day delivery through Target Circle 360. From Easter basket goodies to fresh florals, getting everything the same day is easy. Open the Target app and bring the magic of the season to your door with unlimited same-day delivery through Target Circle 360. Visit Target.com slash Circle or the Target app for more details. Subscription required. Same-day delivery is subject to terms. Applies to orders over $35.

When you haven't found love, it can feel like everyone else has. It's in every movie, every song.

and all the PDA. Looking for love sucks. Thankfully, California Psychics can give you the guidance you need to find the one. We guarantee if your reading isn't life-changing, it's free. And new customers receive 20 minutes for just $20. Visit CaliforniaPsychics.com and experience the joy of certainty. California Psychics. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty.

Well, I don't know about you, but like I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age? That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com.

You know what I noticed is sometimes there are certain girls that will be at a restaurant or in a bar and they're not the prettiest and they don't have the best body, but they have such an inner confidence that they literally light up the room and men and women are looking at them and they control it. And there is something about them that is so sexual and so attractive. And that person, I think, just has a really strong sense of self. And to your initial point, which is

If I think I'm hot, regardless of who I am, then everybody else around me, it's going to start from my own inner belief system. So I think the work is on us accepting us for who we are, warts and all, weight gain and all, because of our life experiences. And somebody is going to appreciate it. And if they don't, that's not the person for us. I hear you. But the only thing I'll say, and my sister...

Louise, you've met my sister and she is so confident. I mean, she's attractive, but her confidence just radiates. And it's, it, it is. It's so sexy. I want to have sex with her. I think for, for me though,

Back to the body image issues, I think you're right that I agree it is this standard that's unrealistic and crazy, and it's so sad. It's sad for us, but even more sad, I think, for our children who, you know, through social media and all the rest are seeing it everywhere. But, like, it is real in the sense that

I got out of a marriage and looking at my chapter two, had three children, three children that I breastfed, you know, all of a sudden I was sitting there saying, okay, I don't feel like I need to explain my body to anybody.

my husband who I've been with for 20 years, but to all of a sudden sleep with somebody new who might be looking at my chest and, you know, maybe his, maybe he had a wife that had kids and all the rest, but it's just, it's really uncomfortable, you know, to think about, okay, well, what are they going to see? Cause they don't know everything that's gone into making this body, the body that it is positive or negative. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it comes back to really how you're feeling because I see the same people that are just exuding all of this confidence. I'll admit I'm super insecure. I live in Costa Rica and I'll be at the beach on sunset and I'm my own worst critic thinking like 20 years ago, like I wish I had that body back and just my own self critic. And you see these people that are just radiating with that confidence and that is the thing that's sexy. It's their own belief system that they have about themselves.

And really what it comes down to, if you're knowing that you have this insecurity, it's about how you see you not having to justify how you think somebody else sees you. And I think the secret is really trying to find the gratitude for our bodies, looking at things that our bodies do for us instead of just the reflection in the mirror and the super first the surface level version of it.

So what are other ways, for example, sleeping naked that can give you a shift? What are other ways to create that friction and excitement, whether it be for your partner or even starting for yourself? You know, you can dress up. I mean, you can wear like a kitty cat suit. I want to be a bunny rabbit. No, I've done that before. A kitty cat for your partner? No, like a whole thing. I'll tell you when we get off the phone. Oh, I had I had for Valentine's Day one time. I

I got this get up and I mean, it had so many things going on. Like, thank the Lord I had a partner because I never would have gotten out of it. I do think like when you do something unexpected, like a crotchless catsuit, for example, right? Like it's, it's different or, you know, a vibrator or different toys or different places to have sex that maybe you're, you know, not what, you know, I mean, that's, I think what changes this long-term very, you know, kind of formulaic

sex that happens a lot of times in these long-term relationships where it's easy to be like, I'm tired or I'm not in the mood. And I think sometimes when you actually just

get there and you're doing it. And you're like, oh my God, this feels so good. Why don't I do this more often? It really is about intention. And it's about looking at what the ingredients of desire is because the ingredients of desire is essentially a paradox to love in a long-term relationship. If you have just togetherness, you lose the mystery and you lose

have that mystery. You need to have that spontaneity. You need to have that sense of novelty. You need to have that excitement. And what happens in long-term relationships, it's actually the law of thermodynamics that states all systems disorganize over time, unless you put the right energy back into the system. This is why cars rust, unless you take care of them. Bodies decay, unless you take care of them. And all systems

relationships, the natural tendency is that they're going to lose their passion, lose their zest, lose the desire, because people, their lives become cannibalized by the roles, the responsibilities, the labels, and we come home and we're the lazy, tired, comfortable versions of ourselves. And so we lay down, we put the show on Netflix, and we're not putting the right ingredients into the system.

So you do need to come up with novelty and exciting things. Not everything you come up with is going to be a home run, but putting the effort into it and trying to be creative. If you don't have the creativity, the relationship and the desire is going to die. Do you remember my all-time favorite movie was about last night with Rob Lowe and Demi Moore? And there was that one line, they're like,

Monday night is spaghetti. Tuesday night is taco bar. Wednesday night is sandwich night. And somebody goes, sandwich night? Is that when you guys have missionary sex once a week? It really stuck out in my mind, to your point, is A, intention. I love that. That's the phrase you've used throughout this podcast. But I also think what's harder too, which we should talk about, I think we're older than you, but

Our hormone levels, our sex drive, our desire, it changes for men and women, right? And whether they have a hard time, you know, or we, you know, it's hard because you want to come off as like still ready to go and at your prime. But there are times where, you know, I had a situation with a boyfriend and

where it had been a long time and it really hurt. And it was still a new relationship. And I was in my head, like super embarrassed. And I didn't really know how to say to him, like,

I think I need to use some lubrication to make it more comfortable. Like I felt like something was wrong with me by having to say that I was ashamed. And he was like, great, let's go get it right now. Flip and slide, baby. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But it doesn't matter because that falls into the category of our own being our own worst critic. And we need to like seize ourselves and be authentic to who we are and be

And kind of say like this, I guess what we need to do at our age where we're at, or as anyone who's in a sexual relationship is kind of like stand up and say, I have needs too. And this is what I like. And this is what turns me on. And this is what I need. Instead of coming from that place of, I think I used to operate a little bit more out of fear until I was super, super comfortable. And by the time I was super, super comfortable with the person, I was like,

I was over it and I didn't want to sleep with them anymore anyways. Well, or you were prioritizing their needs over yours, right? It's like wanting to make sure that it was good for them because that was like you had done a good job, right? As opposed to, am I enjoying this? Do I want to do this?

I think that that is an outdated mindset that us as women haven't released yet, that we are only sexual beings when we are in partnership and having sex with our partner, where I believe that we should have our own sensuality practice. And it doesn't even sensuality doesn't even have to be sexual. It can mean we take a bubble bath and we enjoy all the essential oils that we put

in or we get a nice cream and we just rub it onto our body. We stretch and we enjoy how it feels good. Like we've just tuned into our senses and celebrate our feminine energy. Yeah, I don't think we do that enough. I think we wait until he's good to go. And then we're trying to please him instead of having our own practice in addition to our partnerships. Or if there isn't a partnership, because I feel like I always say to Louise, it's like,

For me, it's like working out. Like if you never work out, you don't miss working out, right? But if you work out every day and all of a sudden you don't work out, it's really frustrating and you really see what's missing. And that is kind of how sex is with me. Like when I'm having sex, I want a lot of sex. I mean, I enjoy it and I want more sex. But when I am not having sex or engaged with a partner and I am the same, I only sleep with one person in a committed way.

then it's kind of like out of sight out of mind and so for me my question to you and I think you kind of alluded to it with just you know taking more time for yourself whether it be bath or whatnot is how do I feel in the mood when I don't have another person because I then think I give off a very different energy and I'm probably again oxytocin I'm not getting that anymore.

I think choice is the most potent energy on the planet. And I think it's about choosing that you're going to honor your sensuality. So it's not about being in the mood right now. It's about investing into yourself to create that shift and create that energy. So it's about choosing. I'm going to listen to, you know, an erotic audio book, or I'm going to choose to just go enjoy a nice bath. It's about just choosing to invest into you. Yeah.

desire and sensuality. It's not just like this. It's literally the most important component is your imagination. And for women also, anticipation. You know, there's a saying how men watch porn and women read Harlequin novels. Fifty Shades of Grey. That was funny. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. So I think it's about choosing if you want to maintain your sensuality. It's the same if you want to maintain your body, you have to choose to go to the gym, you have to choose to invest into yourself in that way. It's the same with your sensuality. It's about making habits that are going to create the outcome that you're trying to desire.

So you have kind of a set practice or habit, so to speak? Yeah, I have a health care practice. Can you publish it? We buy it. So do you have any special as the expert that you are and the doctor, like any like suggestions to people navigating chapter two that are older, that are maybe a little hormonally changed, like any magic vitamin we could take or something? Yeah.

I think it is really, it's the same as meditation. It's the same with your workouts. There's a million different ways and methodologies. I think it's about experimenting and exploring. A lot of women, when they come out of relationships, especially long-term relationships, they really have no idea what it is that they like anymore because they've just been conditioned to have a certain role and people pleasing tendencies. And so I think having the mindset of like, this is,

an excellent time for self-discovery and just really exploring a lot of different things. Explore looking at graphic art, explore looking at erotic novels, explore just feeling your own body, explore vibrators, explore lube. There's so many things to explore, but I think it's a very personal practice that each person needs to create for themselves. It's a self-ritual. Mm-hmm.

Sister Wives returns at last and while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land. But

But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?

And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody's end out?

Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back. You have got to catch The Return of Sister Wives, Sunday, April 20th at 10, 9 Central on TLC.

Bring spring to your door with Target Circle 360. Get all you need for Easter hosting, spring get-togethers, and more with unlimited same-day delivery through Target Circle 360. From Easter basket goodies to fresh florals, getting everything the same day is easy. Open the Target app and bring the magic of the season to your door with unlimited same-day delivery through Target Circle 360. Visit Target.com slash Circle or the Target app for more details. Subscription required. Same-day delivery is subject to terms. Applies to orders over $35.

When you haven't found love, it can feel like everyone else has. It's in every movie, every song.

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty.

When Dr. Sabah and I decided to do a skincare line together, he said to me, we are going to give women meaningful beauty. And I said, that's exactly right. We want to give women meaningful beauty, which means each and every product is meaningful. It has a reason to exist. It's efficacious. You're going to get results. And then you just go out and live your life. Meaningful beauty. Confidence is beautiful. Learn more at meaningfulbeauty.com.

Hey, it's Amy Brown from The Bobby Bones Show. Join me in supporting St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for a chance to win a trip to meet Megan Maroney at the 2025 iHeart Country Festival in Austin, Texas on May 3rd, hosted by Bobby Bones. We're going to hook you up with tickets, flights, hotel, food credits, and a meet and greet with Megan Maroney. Take action now to support St. Jude and help cure childhood cancer. And you're going to be entered for a free

for a chance to win. Visit iHeartCountryTrip.com to learn more. You guys, you want to know what's really funny? So I texted my ex-husband before this podcast because he used to call my sexy pajamas that weren't sexy like a certain name and he'd be like, where are the all-stars tonight? He couldn't remember and he just texted me. He's like, the all-stars. How did I remember? He is so proud of himself. They were called the all-stars. But I really do think that Shanna is right about

Louise, that you are always so on that I think the reason people are turned on by that look is it just shows that it's almost like they're getting to see the real, true you and at complete leisure and comfort. And I think that that's why it's like flattering for them to be able to see you in your kind of raw, natural state. Yeah.

Yes, exactly. And I think that that's why I haven't had pushback except for one person on what I wore at night. And he was a whole other ball of wax. Like he used to do really...

very kinky stuff. And I think for him, he had his, that was just going to be a non-starter for him, but pretty much almost every other person I've been with has found that comfortable, softer look, which included, you know, the cotton night shirts as almost sexier than if I were to come out in actually the, the, uh, cat suit was with,

that guy. Isn't that interesting? That is interesting. Do you find that men initiated more with you when you would come home and you'd be all put together? Or do you feel that they initiated more with you when you were the toned down, comfy version of yourself? That's a great question. I think it's interesting because I work full time and, um,

in a field where you're like making deals and, you know, I'm pretty on and, um, pretty like done up. Right. And, and,

And then when I come home and I'm more in a relaxed, kind of softer, more almost approachable state maybe. And I love chivalry because I think so much during the day, I'm pretty alpha, the field I operate in, whatever it is, the role I have in a lot of my relationships. That when it comes to my relationships with men emotionally and physically, I like...

a trigger puller. I like chivalry. I like a person who is aggressive and sexy and takes charge in the bedroom and all of that stuff. So maybe I get, I actually subconsciously enter into that role of being a little more

softer and approachable. So I think you're right. Like when I come home or it's that four o'clock before going out and putting on the look and I'm just sitting around after like a chill day reading and that they, they really, that's when they really come at me and I'm more receptive, you know, in the morning I have too much in my mind, too much to do. Like I'm just, I'm not, I'm just not where my body and my mind is.

And I find that when I get home after dinner and I've eaten dinner and I've had a few drinks and I'm kind of tired. It's tough for me also. That is a very tough window for me to become...

In the mood, quite frankly, to have sex. Well, and it's interesting you say that because I also we've talked about this, Louise, but I feel like vacation. What is it about when you're on vacation? You're so much more in the mood, right? To be intimate. And how do you shift and have that vacation mindset change?

when you're at home. Stop, don't work, sit by a pool and play Rummy Cuban, drink rosé. Sit naked in bed, have a couple drinks. Sleep late, no alarms. No, I think you're right. We need to have a vacation sex mentality 24-7 because I think it would eliminate stress. I think it would eliminate health issues. I think it would actually eliminate a lot of stuff. I don't know, Shanna, do you have any suggestions on that? Because your energy...

is very calming. Your aura is very soothing. Like you've got this mother earth way about you. So there is something that you're doing that I don't think I'm doing. And I don't, I don't know actually if Thelma you're doing it either.

Well, for me, it actually took a lot for me to get to this place. I used to be very go, go, go, go, go, go. And I had to force myself to have work-life balance, force myself to play. I'm very strict with my work hours now. First of all, I moved to Costa Rica. From where? From Canada. I moved to Costa Rica. So my work hours are 7 to 12.

And I will not work past that. And then I have my workout. And then I have the day where I go to the beach. I watch sunset every day. And I just encompass the Pura Vida. But it was...

so difficult for like that little voice in my head to be like what are you doing watching a sunset on the beach right now you could be doing this and you should be taking more clients and you need to do this and it was really difficult for me to get to the point where I was like no I am not living my life to work I'm working to live and

And so it was a mindset that I really had to force myself into. And still I have that voice chirping at me a lot of the time, like do more, be more. And I have to be like, no, my priority this year, like my New Year's resolution was work less, play more. And I'm making sure that I do that. I take adventures every weekend. But 12 o'clock, I'm done. I'm done. I don't know.

No matter what, that's my boundary. And it's really worked for me because before my life was literally just being cannibalized with all of the roles and the responsibilities and everything I thought that I had to be doing instead of just being. And did that and do you feel like your sex life and intimacy and all the rest changed?

is vastly different now that you live your life very differently? Huge, huge. I feel that definitely, you know, in the mornings before I'm working, it's never the time to initiate because I'm like, I got to get at it. I got to get dressed. So you and I are aligned on that? Very much. And then I need to have my hour right after work where I release and I work out.

Then I have my shower and then I'm relaxed. I'm in the mood. I probably put on more of my sexy attire though when I relax because here I can wear like the little spaghetti dresses but climb at mostly.

Whereas during the day, I'm more put together and professional. So when I just decide to let loose, yeah, it's made me feel so much more desire than I used to because I'm actually connecting to myself now. I never had time to connect to myself previously. Are there certain sexual flirting techniques or something that we as women could be doing that will help get us connected?

to the bedroom, like other than pajamas.

I think there's lots of techniques that work, but it's really also about being authentic to yourself as well, right? It's not about putting on a facade in order to get to the bedroom. Both of you are gorgeous. I don't think you have any problem getting to the bedroom if you want to get to the bedroom. It's more about putting yourself into the mood where you want to get to the bedroom. And I think it's really just, again, about finding your own sensuality practice and finding ways to

connect to yourself. If you're not connected to yourself, you're not going to be able to connect to somebody else sexually. And that falls under what we were saying earlier about the girl that everybody...

notices who just has that she's like in love with herself. She basically wants to have sex with herself. But Shanna, like, do you believe strongly in a masturbation practice? Like, let's really get down to it because I think we talk about these girls that are really confident and whether I don't want to dismiss that they haven't worked really hard on that confidence, but I think it comes innately for some and it comes less innately for others. And especially, you know, the topic of our podcast is,

is second chapters often coming back after divorce. Even if you're confident, it's definitely a new experience for you. And so I know you, you know, you have given examples, but like, talk to us about masturbation.

Yeah, I mean, I do strongly believe in having a masturbation practice. I do think, though, it should be with your own curated fantasies and your imagination. I don't think it should be with pornography. I think if we're using external stimulus, then it makes it harder to orgasm with a partner. I think it's about, again, masturbation.

taking time to feel your own body, feel the sensations, think about what your fantasies are and enjoy that as a process. I think in sex with a partner, a lot of us are in our heads a lot thinking, oh, is he liking it? Am I taking too long? And we have all of these thoughts going on. So I think the ability to just get really comfortable and taking your time and

Thinking about your own fantasies, feeling your own body and allowing yourself to reach orgasm is essential because if you don't have that confidence getting yourself off, again, you're not going to be able to get to that place when you're in a partnership, nor are you going to be able to help people and guide people to get you there in partnership either.

I think your point about, I mean, again, am I getting there? You know, is it taking too long? I think that that resonates with me. And it's interesting because my last partner was the most attentive, amazing lover, so to speak. And,

I mean, it made such a difference in terms of my enjoyment. He also made you feel from day one really good about yourself physically. It's crazy. I attribute 100% of my body confidence to him, which...

I will never be able to repay him. And I'm so incredibly grateful. And I often think, you know, you can't, somebody else can't make you feel a different way, but I would argue that like he spent so much time and was so attentive and complimentary and all of these things that, I mean, I believed it. Like I was cruising around naked where I never used to do that feeling like I was God's gift. And I mean, I,

I hope there weren't a lot of mirrors around, but let me tell you, I felt amazing. And as a result, I've never had sex like that. And I am worried I'm never going to have it again. It was like so sad. Well, he'd still have sex with you. He's dying to still have sex with you.

Anyway, and I get tempted often. I do. Part of the vacation mentality is this slowing down, right? And I think for so long in our chapter ones, we were spending so much, whether people have young children or jobs or this, like the best thing about getting older is that hopefully if we're lucky enough, we don't have such pressing schedules in an ideal world, right? But like the children, the nine to five jobs, everything. So as a result of

We should be finding more gratitude and the ability to slow down, especially when it comes to sex. Because if you slow down and there's no like tapping out for who got the first orgasm and how quickly it came, like it can be really enjoyable. And a partner also, when we are talking about sex with partnerships, a partner who also

respects a woman's pleasure. You know, unfortunately, men, a lot of men learn about sex through porn. So they have the mentality that it's very performance based and very just wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. It's that they're not prioritizing our pleasure. So again, you need to prioritize your own pleasure so that you have the confidence that that is a standard that needs to be set with your partner.

And communicate with them, right? Communicate, but also if it's not as important to him, your pleasure. I mean, that's a big red flag.

I think what my experience has been as we've gotten older and the men have gotten older is I actually have felt that the men that I've been with, they do care about my pleasure. Now, it could be more a function of their ego of like, oh, my God, did I not make you have an orgasm? And maybe less about me having orgasm. But I think that either I have noticed that most men that I have been with and granted their age appropriate.

They are able to have conversations. They want to know what makes me feel good. And there's definitely more open communication. I totally agree with you, Louise. I 100% think that at this stage in life, most men, if they're generally good guys, they're

I do think it's an age and a maturity thing and that they are really into wanting to make sure that it's pleasurable. And they have their own insecurities as well, right? Like we sit there and think that it's just us who feel shitty about our bodies or feel shitty about

potentially about, you know, our dryness or whatever, but they maybe worry about like, can they get it up or how long will it take them to come or not come or, you know, all these different things. So I think open communication kind of creates the ability to even have more intense sex because it's almost more raw and vulnerable. Um,

I don't know. It's a lot of, it's a lot of, it's definitely a lot of food for thought. I think it's such an interesting conversation, Shanna. You must love what you do and helping people and, and talking about it because at the end of the day, you know, people are physical beings and they want to love and they want to touch and be touched. And I, I mean, that's, that's what you do. Yeah. It's very, it's very rewarding. It's also very stimulating. It's people are very complex. So it also keeps me on my toes to, to,

I mean, I learn, I learn about people every day. People surprise me every day with something I haven't heard before. But it's very rewarding to be able to help people find their, find their happy and find their pleasure.

Well, you have been amazing to talk to. Honestly, we were really excited to have this conversation with you today. Definitely. Well, thank you very much for having me. It's been awesome talking with the two of you. Thank you. Take care. Bye. There is definitely so much to consider when it comes to our intersex units that I know I will definitely be thinking about for weeks.

For all of you out there, are you navigating sex for the first time post-divorce, finding dating hard now that you are single again? We would love to hear from you. Call us or email us. Follow us on socials. All the information will be in the show notes. And make sure to rate and review this podcast. I do part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. When you haven't found love, it can feel like everyone else has. It's in every movie, every song.

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