Have You Got Game?
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Hey there, everybody. Welcome to I Do Part 2. If you got love right the first time around, this is not...

the podcast for you we are here for the folks who didn't get it right the first time and maybe you're on your second go around third go around fourth whatever it may be but this is the place and we are trying to help you find love again and maybe again and i'm here and i can't and ladies i have to say it jenna kramer jenny garth i have this has been an absolute pleasure when we launched this

We were going to all do this together as hosts. I didn't think I'd get a chance to be actually in the room as much with you all as I have. So this has been fun. So it was good to be here in LA with you all in this room as we were about to go party tonight. That's the plan. That is the plan. Very excited. This is so fun. It is fun to be in the room though, because a lot of times it's over Zoom, all these podcasts that we do. So it's nice to actually...

give hugs and the whole thing. We are here now. We, we, we haven't, we're not only one of the four of us here are sitting at Mike's and the fourth person is the only one who showed up dressed with the occasion. Uh, Kelly Benzema. She's one of our celebrity. She's a model. She's always showing up. She is looking good. Of course. Like I would expect nothing less. Like truly nothing less. But she's been one of our celebrity mentors. Um, how,

How has this experience been for you? We chatted with you in New York not too long ago for an episode, and that was a blast. But since then, how have things been going? It's been so incredible. Like this podcast, coupled with therapy, has been so unbelievably therapeutic.

And I've changed so much as a human. I think that my solo was just so, it was, you know, I dug deep into something that I probably wouldn't have thought about or even had the courage to talk about and manifesting the man of my dreams, which was so great and writing a love letter to him, which was like, oh my God, I'm getting emotional. Okay.

It's been very, very cathartic for me. And just, it's also just nice to be around a community where people like understand like what I'm talking about and what I'm going through. That makes it even better for me. So I've just been like, it's like a big hug. Can I just ask a question? Because I just have to. Has anyone slid into your DMs? Yes. Yes. I've met a lot of really nice. No, I mean like a man. Several very nice men. Okay. So like good people. Not like a sliding in. Um,

Anybody good? Like of interest? Yeah. Yes, I've met like two really nice guys who are great. One is younger, one is like around my age. And they're just been really, that's also been something else that's been different is that the way that I'm approaching dating is so different than before. Before I would just be like,

Just, you know, oh, okay, he likes me. Okay, I'll date him. But also I have two young kids and a single parent. So like dating for me was always a little bit like, how am I going to do this? I don't want to get involved. I don't want to be emotionally available to them because I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. What am I going to be doing?

And so it's just nice to really be like more settled and just like calmer and more relaxed. Do I seem more relaxed, EJ? Well, how do you, so are you like deciding? Because you guys saw me at the very beginning, so I'm like. Are you trying to decide between the two now? No.

I'm not really trying to decide. I'm just open to everything. Possibilities of both. Right. Okay. That's fine. I think you're more intentional. Right. Much more intentional. That's great. And tonight is going to be very intentional. We are out here together now because of the iHeart Jingle Ball taking place. And part of this, we have two folks we've been helping guide along on this podcast that reached out to us. And they're going to be out here. You're going to actually coach, teach, help us.

Then tonight as they go out and try. Wait, wait, what is she helping them with? She's going to help them flirt. Okay. Done. Really? No.

Now, you seemed confident. Are you a good flirter? I am excellent. Whoa. No pause. No pause there. Zero pause. Like, just, yes. What makes you good at it? I was like, what makes you good at it? Do tell. Just because I don't really flirt. I'm just kind of chatty, lots of smiles, very engaging, ask a lot of questions. How are you? You look great. Compliments. Yada, yada, yada. Okay. See, I feel like I'm good. I'm a bad... I think I'm a bad flirter when I'm actually wanting to flirt with someone.

And I think I'm better for other people. So that's why I'm excited to, I like to help other people flirt when it comes to me. Actually, like I remember seeing this one guy at a bar a couple years ago and my girlfriend's like, go talk to him. I was like, absolutely not. I will not. I will. I, and she's like, no, let's go. Come on. I'm like, I'm like, Sarah, please stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, Sarah, please. I ran down the stairs. I was like, it was so uncomfortable. I'm like, if he wants to talk to me, he can come talk to me. I just, I was so uncomfortable. Couldn't do it. Oh, how did that story end? What's,

She ran down the stairs. My friend Sarah went to go talk to him and she's like, he had a girlfriend. And that was it. That was the story. End of story. But I just think I'm a better wing woman than ever for myself. And that's why I'm going to be good with that too because I'm like that as well. I'm good at helping my friends. Were you a good flirt back in the day? Oh, I had some game. Did you? Yes. I'm going to tell you about it. But this episode is going to be all about who has the game. We want to hear...

About your game. Yes. Both of you all very confidently said you have game. And this is what this is about, this particular episode. What is it for you that you just said, yep, I knew how to flirt. I had game. How so? I'm confident in...

You know, I know how to work it. And I'm the kind of person, if I want something, I go get it. Right. And there's a lot out there that I don't want. So when I do find something that I'm interested in, look out. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you all say to women? Because there's so much advice out there that's telling women you have to do this or try this technique. And it almost seems like you need to be something maybe even you're not or try to manipulate a situation in some way. That's the way the advice often comes. Do some people need that type of advice and structure and technique and all these things? Do you need that? I think a little advice, but I also think that it's kind of like when people tell you what to do and then you do the opposite. Yeah.

So instead of like, you know, like really like listening to people, like, you know, tonight we're going to talk to our new friends and I want to know what they're interested in so that when we go out there, I can be like, okay, go smile at this person. Or I think when you get advice sometimes, you're like, oh my God, am I doing it right? Am I doing it right? You know, maybe that was wrong. It's so individual. Like it's no right and wrong, I don't feel like. Yeah. Yeah. I'm more of like the let it happen. If it's meant to manifest together, then it'll, you will meet the person and it,

Just let it happen. There's not really game in that respect. I'm with you a hundred percent, but it seems like there's not really game. I think a woman should just be confident. And smile. And be open. I feel like that's so much easier said than done though. What? Just be confident. Maybe that's because, I mean, now I feel like I'm more confident, but back in like twenties and thirties, I was like,

a mess because I was so not confident. And it's, it's so easy for somebody to be like, well, be confident. Well, how can I be confident when I don't even know who I am? Or I'm afraid this person's going to hurt me. Or like you have all this stuff that you're still trying to figure out as a human. So it's like, I just feel like saying like, be confident is so much easier said than done. Go back to that bar with your friend, Sarah. What then was the right

How do you let a guy know you're interested? Well, so I was confident. I was more confident then even though I was divorced, but I also knew what I wanted. And I didn't want to meet him. I personally did not want to meet a guy in a bar. I just didn't. I didn't think that was going to be where I was going to meet my person. So I didn't want to force a situation. So that's where, and I didn't want to force it. You know, I didn't want, if he was not coming over and we didn't have the lock eye thing, like I'm not,

I don't know. I just, I was like, this feels too young for me to be doing this game where my girlfriend's going over there to talk to him. It just feels uncomfortable. If I want to go talk to him, I'll go talk to him. That's where I'm at now in my forties. Right. But besides, so now there's that confidence piece, but before, you know, I think it's, and that's a,

I earned that through the things that I've gone through. You all are both married now. Yeah. So talking about flirting is a little weird for me because I've been married for forever to someone. Right. And then there was a day I wasn't married or pregnant or something. So flirting was a little weird. Just talking about it, I'm like, I don't flirt anymore unless it's with my husband. And I don't really do that. I mean, I probably should do more than that. Maybe we should do an episode about that.

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LifeLock, for the threats you can't control. We have one more act for you this evening. I don't even need to say his name. Mr. Bob Dylan! From the director of Walk the Line and Ford vs. Ferrari. If anyone is going to hold your attention on stage, you have to kind of be a freak. And starring Timothee Chalamet as Bob Dylan. Are you a freak? Hope so. Inspired by the true story. I want to know which side he's on.

This Christmas. They just want me singing Blowing in the Wind for the rest of my life. Bobby, what do you want to be? Whatever it is, they don't want me to be. He defied everyone. Turn it down! Play it loud. To change everything. He's our Elvis. With no direction. Make some noise, BD. Track some mud on the carpet.

A complete unknown. Only in theaters Christmas Day. Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parent. How do you let a guy know that you're... If you can go back to those days. Let me go back. How do you let a guy know you're interested? Eye contact. Like you said, Kelly, a smile. And a friendly demeanor. And then you ignore them. So I ignored my husband for like three weeks. And I think that's the only reason why... He was the first man that I've...

like dated that I ignored for, because I honestly didn't, I forgot to reply back to him because I didn't have WhatsApp. So like, I didn't know he was texting me, but I would be like, oh yeah, sorry. I forgot that I had this WhatsApp thing, you know? And then three weeks later I would text him again. Oh, sorry. But I think my lack of communication was actually how I,

he hooked me like how I hooked him or whatever. You were playing the game without, I didn't even know I was doing it. I had no idea. But I was also like, man, like he lives there. Like what's the, like he was in London. How is that even going to work anyways? Like, you know what I mean? Like whatever. But then, you know, obviously then you go into it. So I think again, it's like you're, I wasn't that available. Is everyone here, you all seem to nod, but everybody agree with that, that strategy, if you will, that,

let them chase a little bit. I mean, you tell us. Yeah, let's ask you. What flirting techniques do you prefer? Or is that too much of a game? Or is that too much of an unavailable women thing?

Did. Before. Yes. When you were not married. Go back in like your 30s, 40s. Yeah. I was always, certainly when I get, I was age 30, 35, 40. I mean, we're just adults. Like I'm a grown ass man. I don't have time to play games. If I'm interested, I will let you know. If I want to talk to you, I will text you. You don't respond. Okay. And that's fine. Right. I just don't. And I hate we keep saying game. I know we say when we mentioned that, but I don't like the idea of

grown ass folks messing around and playing around we don't have time I can tell you exactly what I want you can tell me and that's it that's okay right so I don't like never was a fan of any kind of chase or trying to do yeah I think when I said to

I said ignore them, I was kind of joking because I'm with you. I've got a lot to do. If this is going to work out, let's make it work. If it's not, move on. Like, you know, I don't have a lot of time to waste. I think that people don't need to waste their time on the wrong people. I think also today in this era of social media, like everyone's either on their phone or they're connecting with someone, you know, through social media. And, you know, people are like, hi, I'm

I'm like, what does that mean? Like, how about, do you want to go get a drink? Hi. Okay. Hi. Like, I'm not your pen pal. You know what I mean? Like, so it's like, if you're going to, I guess like texting with intention is also a good part of like the game. Like, obviously, you know, like we were talking about like smiling, be happy, but also like a little distant, but then texting with intention, like making it happen and making a date because how do you know what these people are like until you meet them?

Yeah. And it's just hard too for like a lot of, you know, women and men alike, you know, in their 40s and 50s, like if you're on like Raya or any of these things, like most of these people like on Raya, they're like, hi, I'm in Melbourne. It's like, that's nice for you. Like, what do you mean you're in Melbourne? Like, what does that mean? That's geographically undesirable. Thank you. Bye-bye. Exactly.

Having said that, though, I did meet my husband. He was living in England. So I think, you know, you have to open up the pond a little bit. You know, you got to like, you'd open up. Yeah. So, you know, hey, you make a way if it's worth it. That's right. That's right. Well, we talked before on another episode about the first date uniform.

If you haven't listened to that episode, by the way, you should. What do you think women should wear when they're going out there and they're trying to flirt with guys? I personally always say less is more. Don't do the full hair and makeup thing. Every time I've gone on a date, I do the minimal makeup because I'm like, you're going to wake up with even less than this. So putting on the full face, I would never do this or anything like that I have on right now. Because I don't wear makeup.

I hate wearing makeup. In real life, no. In real life. They need to know what they're getting. Exactly. For real. This is who I am and I don't, even when I met my husband, I didn't wear anything like revealing. Like I had like on a sweater and jeans and like a little boot and that was it. It's like this is... What do you think, Kelly? I mean, you're also drop-dead gorgeous too. That doesn't hurt. Exactly. I totally think that less is more. Every single guy that's ever told me about like men or now that, because I've been talking to so many people about like relationships and

they all see the same thing, jeans and a t-shirt. Oh, I saw her when she was in jeans and a t-shirt. Oh, she looks so cute in a hoodie. You know, guys, you tell us. No, what you're saying is a hundred, because that's, I've always said that. If a woman can't put on jeans and a t-shirt,

belly up to a bar, have a draft beer and watch an SEC football game with me, we're probably not going to work out. And it's not just about what she's wearing, but there's a confidence in a woman who can just put that on and is cool with like, hey, let's do it. It's just, it sends a signal of some kind. And even though you all are saying like you didn't like makeup, you don't like, do you all think generally that's the case though? I think women go full,

with makeup and hair. Well, but here's also the problem too. And this is, I talked to my ex-husband about this because he, in the dating world, like I'm like, how's, you know, how's it going? The women use too many filters and I've actually stopped doing filters because, because my daughter, I'm like, I don't want my daughter. I'm like, why am I doing this filter when this is not what my nose looks like or this is not what I look like. I wouldn't want my daughter to do this. So I've completely stopped doing filters.

on like the story things but he was saying he's like women filter themselves so much with their photos too that when you meet them you're like that is not what they look like so also like present who you are I think guys do that too do they really do they do filters I've heard from a lot of women friends that they show up to dates and they don't look anything like they do well I think they lie the only time I've ever it was like they lie about their height but besides that like I didn't know men filter their faces I didn't know

Wow. Someone told me that you can tell a guy's height by their standing next to a car kind of look and fever. Oh, you've got to gauge it?

That's amazing. And guys always have like a picture with their car. I was like, that is actually really good advice. Check that out. That's amazing. Is that the number one thing you all have found that maybe that's the thing guys lie about? You saw about filters with the face or something, but is that the thing guys will lie about their height more than anything on, if you're online or- Well, I think that they just think it's like that whole adage of tall, dark, and handsome is like what women are looking for. And that's not true at all. I mean, my ex-husband was short, great curly hair, like-

Like, that's not tall, dark, and handsome. But it's just, you know, you just never know who you're going to like or why. I'm trying to think what, like, the biggest lie. I mean, I can think of a few, but like... If they're wearing a ball cap in every picture. Oh, yeah. Yeah, telltale. Which is totally fine. I love, we love ball caps.

Yes, of course. Who doesn't? Right. I think we have a point. Like natural, comfortable in your own skin is the right message to put out to people. Do not wear a sequined dress. Stop. You look beautiful. You look stunning. You just said, I like to be understated and now you look glamorous. I'm so understated. We are going to. Right? We look great. Yeah, I blend in. It's jingle ball. It's jingle ball. Yeah, exactly.

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i don't even need to say his name mr bob dylan from the director of walk the line and ford versus ferrari if anyone is going to hold your attention on stage you have to kind of be a freak and starring timothy chalamet as bob dylan are you a freak hope so once upon a time you're just so inspired by the true story i want to know which side he's on this christmas they just want me singing blowing in the wind for the rest of my life

Bobby, what do you want to be? Whatever it is, they don't want me to be. He defied everyone. Turn it down! Play it loud! To change everything. He's our Elvis. With no direction! Make some noise, BD. Track some mud on the carpet. A Complete Unknown. Only in theaters Christmas Day. Rated R. Under $17.99 without parent.

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How do you know when a guy is interested in you? Is it clear? Is it obvious from across the room? Do we have a difficult time, you all have found, giving the right signals? I think from when you first meet. Yeah, or before you even meet, if you know that person or you think that person is interested in you. Or you're flirting. I think it's definitely the eye contact, how they approach you.

I think that's a telltale sign. But I think moving forward from that, the biggest thing that I learned from my dating was there was a guy that I was kind of chasing a little bit and he seemed to like me and all those things and say he liked me and we would hung out. But he, you know, I felt like I was pursuing him more than he was pursuing me. And when I kind of stopped, I'm like, oh, I didn't really hear from him. So I'm like, I think you will know that.

Like if the guy, if the guy wants to be with you, they're going to pursue you and you shouldn't, I don't think you should always be the pursuer because then you realize that maybe that guy doesn't want to be with you. So. Yeah. Listen, it's, it's okay to listen to somebody. We, we will absolutely give you,

an answer without giving you an answer exactly but i wish you'd give us the answer that's the piece that's always frustrating it's like why can't you just say you don't you like my company when you like my company and when you want my company but not like but you like i had that's the part that guys that you know drive me crazy maybe girls do it too i don't know but jenny was it always clear with you like you could okay i know that guy's interested or were there mixed signals did you find it confusing sometimes with the signals guys are giving oh my god let me think back

I feel like you know, you just know there's that little spark, little tingle inside, and you just know instinctively, oh, that person's giving me some vibes. Yeah. Let's see what that means and explore it if you are into it. Right.

Right. So I have two daughters. They're 24 and they're 26. They're always on my phone. I'm like, what are you guys looking for? There's nothing in there. And they'll see when I'm texting someone that I like and they're like, mom, oh my God, it's just, you're so much blue. Oh my God, you're so much. All you do is like bubble, bubble, bubble, bubble. Like just one text and then let them. But I'm the kind of person that's like, hi, how are you?

good question. You know, I'm like, I'm like, she's like, Oh my God. He's like, he's one. And you're like, wait, wait, wait. So is there a technique to texting guys? They say that you should be less blue than like, so yeah, it should be. They,

They should be more than young. Then that's where the game thing comes with it. But yeah, that shows that it's more interest if there's more from them. That's confusing because my ex-husband sends me paragraphs. Well, maybe he still loves you. Don't do that. I don't think that's the case. But also...

You know, some people are good over the phone and some people are good texters. So like, you know, I would never like randomly FaceTime someone, but some people like to do that or they like to like be on the phone. I mean, I'm not a phone person just because in my work life, like I'm always on the phone. So I'm not going to, I'd rather be like, hey, I'm thinking of you, which is my way of being nice. And some guys are like, you don't even call me. I'm like, well, I'm kind of on the phone, but I was trying to be nice and-

So it's just like, I feel like there's like, you can't really win. You kind of have to like feel out the person and get a sense of like where they are. But I guess over texting and it's not good. Or over sharing is not good too. Well, over texting, but how do you, do you monitor, do you find yourself editing your texts? Like you're right then. Okay, wait, did I say that the right way? Is that the right emoji? Should I? Thank God they made that edit option now. You can, you can, and you can unsend. Right. Yeah.

Are you like, I love you. I mean, I like you. Yeah.

Exactly. But you don't find yourself doing that. You don't try to get it just right. If you don't like me the way that I am, then you're never going to like me. I mean, like, I'm not going to, like, start to, like, change things up and, like, because I'll probably forget. So say you've met someone and you're feeling the vibes, right? What happens at the end of the night? Like, do you give him your digits? Is that what they still say? No. Do you give him your number or do you give him your email address or what? How's that work?

because I, you guys, if I told you how I met my husband, it's the exact opposite way of how you tell us. Oh, God. I heard this. No, no, I need to hear this. I need to hear this. Well, who told you? He told you? You did. Oh, jeez. Was it on air? I was in the room and you're like, I don't know anything to do with that guy. Well, when we met, I was, yeah, I didn't like him, but at the end of the night. Wait, you didn't like him when you first met him? No,

No. No. No. No. He was tall and actor-y looking. And I was like, ugh. He was handsome. He was taller than his son. Yes. Right. And that was a problem. Actor-y. And young. So he said at the valet, we were waiting for our cars at the end of the awkward dinner. And he said, so...

So, should I call you? And I said, no. And I said, but you can follow me. And he goes, you mean like on Instagram? I said, no, idiot. Follow me. Get in your car and follow me. Like home? No, not home. Oh, where? Because that's where. Like sexy and bold. I know. That was later. That was later. I was like, wow, okay. I know. I told you I was going to say it. I told you when I want something, I get it. Okay.

But no, follow me to, I went to another bar. I didn't tell him where, I just said, follow me. And I zoomed off. So I had to see if he could keep up with me. I wanted to see like, gauge his like, you know, adventure. Cause I like adventure. And he kept up with me and we went to another bar and that's where we got to know each other without the people who had set us up. So we were, we were at a double date before. We needed to have some time. I needed to have some time just one-on-one with them to know what's, what I was interested, you know? Right.

So are you supposed to, you know, people are like, this isn't, this dating is like an interview. So you have to have your interview questions. I'm like, what are my interview questions? Like, I just kind of like let men like tell me their story. I just kind of listen. I ask them like, I ask them like leading questions, but I don't say like-

Why were you married? Who were you married? How long was the divorce? What's your five-year plan? How much money do you have in your bank? Do you have 401K? I don't care about that. But the other stuff, I'm like, I do those questions. Yeah. Right out of the gate. And telling me I should do that. I can't do that. What do you want? What are you looking for? What are you interested in? Yeah. Because I'm like, I'm not wasting anyone's time. I feel so awkward.

I'd be like, oh my God. And that would make me feel uncomfortable. They were like, I was like leading the dance. TJ, your best advice for the winners, Elizabeth and Rebecca tonight, because they are at the concert in the VIP section. So, I mean, what is your best advice from, from a man?

for them? When you take advantage of the opportunity, you don't get this enough to be in. It's one thing to be in a social setting, but this is a closed social setting, meaning most of the people in the room are there for one reason. They've kind of been vetted already. They know somebody who knows somebody. You know, everybody's here for the same reason. Right. Walk up, meet, talk to everybody. That guy might not be single, but he might have a friend who is. That woman might not be

I mean, she might not have a friend available. She has her sister. You've got to take advantage of the opportunity and do not pass it up tonight. You've got to be out there. You've got to be open. You've got to be confident. You might meet a guy that has a really wonderful wife and you could have a new friend. A hundred percent. Look at it that way. That's why I say to my friends too, I'm like, go on a lot of different dates because they also might know people that you might be like, oh, you know, I really like you, but your friend is hot. Right.

Right. Yeah. There's a connection to everyone. Are you supposed to ask them about their 401k like right out of the gate? No. No, no, no. I'm joking. I'm joking. Yeah.

You know, don't follow Jana's. No, I don't do that. I just am like, what do you want? No, Jana doesn't care about the money. She said. I don't care about the money. No, she cares. No, but I mean, I could never say like, oh, you were divorced. How long were you? I mean, I would feel like I was literally like bulleting questions. I think it's important that you just make them feel like you're talking and you're not grilling them. Right. You know, like just be easy on the questions and listen. Yeah. Yeah.

But I have gone on a couple of dates, sorry, quickly, where the guys talk so much and they tell me so many stories and they're trying to like get like the sympathy from me. And I'm just like, wow, that's really great. I'm sitting there like, oh my God, like what? Like, wait, another story? Wait, how many stories do I have to listen to in like a two hour dinner?

So you will be there with Elizabeth and Rebecca tonight. So we will continue to check in. But this is going to be a fun night. So folks, we want all of you to keep checking in here with us. Do not give up on finding your person tonight.

And maybe you'll find them by using this podcast. If you need dating advice, want help finding love, we're here. The number is 1-844-4IDOOPOD. That's 844-443-6763. The email is idopod at iheartradio.com. That's idopod at iheartradio.com. All this is going to be in the show notes. You can rate and review the podcast as well. iDOOPOD, too, is an iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in love. The main objective, ladies, is an absolute pleasure. Oh, yeah.

It's so fun. I'll be sure to get an update on how the night goes. So stay tuned for that. Good luck. Good luck.

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