Shownotes Transcript
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Time is precious, and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24-7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow-ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments, and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year-round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.
Hey, when's the last time you've listened to Hot 99.5? Because we have all of the hit music, but also a lot more. Like Intern John and your morning show. I'm Elizabethany. I want to make sure you always know about the latest events, deals, and things we're making fun of around the DMV. I love this station. You talk about real stuff. And Nick Gomez gets you access to all of your favorite artists. And we're all giving a bunch of things away every day. In fact, you might even be able to win a million dollars. Oh, snap. I want to kill. Awesome. We're DC.
I choose me.
She became a salon owner, a fashion designer, and the mother of two female musical powerhouses.
And in recent years, she launched the hair care brand Sacred with one of her daughters. Her incredible memoir, Matriarch, is out now. And it is so interesting to hear her story. Through this book, she weaves not only the history of her own family, but historical moments that shaped the woman she became. I cannot wait to talk with her all about it.
Please welcome Ms. Tina Knowles to the podcast. Well, hello. Hi. It is such an honor to have you here. Your book is so beautifully written. Oh, thank you. I mean, the way you intertwined your own history and your life journey with the experiences you've
You had growing up during the civil rights movement as well as sharing the racism you and your family endured and all the hardships that you all overcame. You painted such a vivid picture for me as a reader, and it was truly an honor to read it.
Thank you so much. I mean it. One of the things that I loved about your memoir was being able to take a look into your past, your parents' past, your aunts and your uncles, really sharing so much about the family that made you who you are. It was very interesting to me, I have to be honest. Being the youngest child,
I feel like you learned so much by observing your older sisters and your brother's life choices, but you were kind of your own thing. You were a tenacious little girl and so beautifully curious. You had a strength in you from the very beginning, which I identified with. You describe a defining moment with the mean nuns at your school.
When you stood up for yourself and you said, I belong wherever I want to be. That made me get the goosies to have that kind of confidence and that voice at such a young age like that. Do you think that you got that from your mom and the women before her in your life? Or do you really feel like you learned so much of that from your siblings? I think that for me, honestly, my mother was not the most outspoken person, but she
But I know that I have that lineage because of both, both of my great grandmothers were slaves, but they managed to keep their family together. And in time when, you know, families were totally separated. And so, although I never got to meet them or talk to them or whatever, I would imagine that that fighting spirit was there just passed down from generation to generation. And that,
The other thing that I've often thought, because sometimes, you know, I talk to people about my history with the nuns and how I stood up to them as much as I could being a five-year-old and not really being
greatly protected by my mother because she was, I just felt like she was a little brainwashed by the Catholic religion. And I also was born to 44 year old parents and talking to my siblings, they're like, you got away with murder. I think they were tired. They were tired. My mama had- Oh my gosh, that's so true. With the baby of a family, they get away with so much. And I would talk back all the time. And, you know, I was like, that's how I got the name Badass Teenie B because-
older people, I was having a conversation with my friend, Holly P and she was saying, you know, when I was a kid, no adults like me. I was like, that's an understatement for me. They would be like that little teeny is got the smartest mouth, but thank God for that because it gave me the ability to fight these nuns and for them not to kill my spirit because they told me constantly that
you have an evil spirit and we're going to take that spirit down. We're going to, you know, like they were helping me because I was like, you know, evil or whatever. And I was only five years old. I didn't even know what they were talking about. But I did know that when they told me these things about me that I had to fight them. And it has prepared me for my whole life because I've been fighting my whole life. Mm-hmm.
I'm 71 years old and I still have to fight all the time for respect sometimes, you know? Yep. Yep. I can definitely relate.
While you were writing this book, did you let your daughters read anything early on so you could get their feedback? Well, I didn't. But what I did do is I gathered together all of their parts and I sent them to them to listen to on voice. And actually, the guy, Kevin O'Leary, who became like family to me, who helped me write the book, he did all the fact checking and, you know, the things that good writers do. Yeah.
He he did it in his voice and I sent it to them and they were able to tell me if they approved. And if they didn't approve, I wouldn't have put it in a book because I terrified, like always terrified to write a book.
And to give, to tell somebody else's story, I don't want to do that. You know, have their story to tell themselves. Especially with my kids, because there's been so many crazy rumors and craziness that's been out there. You know, I really wanted them to approve. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah.
I'm a mother of three daughters, too, and I value my position as a mother more than any accomplishment I think I've ever had or will have. Absolutely. Yeah. What do you think the biggest blessing is when it comes to having daughters?
Oh, it's the best. I mean, you get to watch them grow and learn and they teach you things every day. I'm sure you're teaching you things every day and you get to kind of get a, um,
you know, just all the things that, you know, as a kid and growing up that affected you adversely, you get to not do those things to your daughters. How amazing is that? So I think, um,
You know, they teach me things every day. I'm learning things from my daughters, always have since they were kids. They taught me so much, too. So I just think it's the best gift in the world, too. I thought I wanted a boy, but I'm just so happy that God blessed me with those girls. You know what? I thought I was going to have three boys. Really? From when I was a little girl, and I turned out having three girls.
And I'm so grateful. I don't know what I would do with a boy. I know. Same here. You have grandsons? I have grandsons. And one of them is 20. And he is a joy to have around. He actually, I got the pleasure of he's been living with me for the last couple of years. And, you know, it's been new for me because like you said, I don't really, I haven't been around much.
boys that much. And even from when he was a little kid, I kept him a lot and it was totally different with a boy. I didn't know what I was doing. I imagine. It's joyful as well. But I'm glad God gave me girls. Ditto. I loved in your book how you acknowledge that you didn't want Solange to be overshadowed by Beyonce's music career when it was first starting out. And I think that's
That feeling is universal for moms and I can really relate to that not only as a mom, but also as a daughter who broke into fame and had my own feelings about overshadowing my sisters. How did you manage that? And how do you make all of your kids feel equally loved and equally supported?
I think the first thing is that you have to see the differences in them. My kids are so, you know, I claim Kelly Rowland as my daughter as well. And, you know, all three of them couldn't have been more different.
And I think looking at each kid as an individual and not just lumping them because, you know, I'm the youngest of seven. My sister had eight children. So I remember my sister spending group time with her kids. You know, she used to call them sisters.
Lena, Denise, Tommy, Rodney, she, you know, she had so many kids. She would call them all the wrong names. Yeah. Run through the room. You know who I mean? And my mom used to get so upset about that. And she would say, you can't do that. Your kids are individuals and you have to look at them as different kids. Don't ever do that. And she would like, yeah, that's because you don't have all these kids. But I learned that very early to look at my kids as individuals and not
not to, you know, Beyonce was like this little superstar by the time she was eight or nine years old performing everywhere. And Solange was, came along and was just as talented, but she didn't have that experience. And so I didn't want that. I started seeing,
Beyonce being irritated by her and not being so nice to her little sister because she had this group around her and other friends and they would all say, be quiet Solange and Solange would be trying to boss everybody around and teach them the choreography and make up steps. And they were like, you are sick, sit down and be quiet.
And Beyonce was not all of a sudden not defending her. So it scared me. So I got them in therapy really early on so that they could learn. Beyonce could be learned to be sensitive to what her sister was going through. And for Solange to be respectful of her big sister. And, you know, they've been close ever since. I was terrified of.
there being a divide with them and close. Yeah, definitely. I mean, you said you put the girls in therapy at one point. I'm a huge advocate for mental health and therapy. So I commend you for that, especially back then during a time when it wasn't that widely accepted. No. And my family was not very happy about it. They kept saying, you know, I'm crazy. You know, you're so weird. And why are you doing this? And even my husband didn't.
complain about it, but he didn't really, I don't think he really believed in it. So I just said, I'm going to do it myself. I don't need a team of people to do this. I'm going to find a therapist and I'm going to get my kids in therapy. And it was the best move I could have ever made. Yeah, definitely. Because
What's so important to me is that when I'm gone, that they have each other and they're not just sisters, but they're friends, you know? How old are your girls? My oldest is 27. I have a 22-year-old and an 18-year-old. But 27 yourself, girl. Haha.
Good. I love it. Thank you. How old is the youngest? 18. 18. Wow. Oh, you got grown girls. I do. I'm almost free. How did you see, though, your girls benefit from having therapy at such a young age? Because I definitely had some times when my girls were in therapy, too. Yeah. I saw the benefit immediately with all of a sudden Beyonce understood that
her little sister what she was going through. She just became so much more protective and sensitive because that's how they were. She was so happy to have a little sister and she was such a great big sister. And then around 10 when she got in the singing group, it was like, you know, a five-year-old taking your stuff and coming
coming in and buttoning in and tagging along. And it made her more sensitive. And as she became more sensitive to Solange, Solange felt like she didn't have to do so much to get her attention. And they just got to be close and protective of each other. And they still are today. So it worked. I'm so happy that you did that, honestly. Thank you.
Hi, it's Jenny Garth. Feeling confident in my skin is non-negotiable, and that's why I choose Perricone MD. Perricone MD's triple retinol renewal face and eye serums are powerful but gentle, boosting cell turnover for visibly smoother, firmer skin. Since I've started using these serums exclusively, I've noticed that my skin is more radiant, it's glowing, and people are asking me more and more, why?
What do you use on your skin? Having confidence in the way your skin looks starts with Perricone MD. Visit perriconemd.com and use code JENNIE for 40% off your order for a limited time. perriconemd.com code J-E-N-N-I-E. We love LA. We have lived in LA for almost 40 years, you guys.
And it never gets boring because there's so much to do. When it comes to LA, for me, it's definitely the food. There's so much food here. So many options. The walk-up windows and the rooftop bars. The year-end alfresco dining. That's my favorite. Los Angeles is really a culinary thrill ride. Sure, to leave visitors hungry for more. You never know. You could have tacos for breakfast, sushi for lunch.
Italian for dinner. There's so many options here. Or maybe you're more into shopping. From exclusive streetwear drops to high-end boutiques, Los Angeles tastemakers offer up an array of styles in a single city block, contributing to the bold, wildly creative style that gives Los Angeles its own look. I love vintage shopping, and there are so many amazing vintage shops here. You gotta check them out.
Find more ways to love LA at discoverla.com. Aging is a natural process, as we all know. And we, at The Deep Dive, we embrace it. But I will tell you one thing about aging that I don't care for. It's the symptoms that stem from changing hormones, especially as you get closer to perimenopause and menopause. That's why, listeners, I want to tell you about Happy Mammoth's Hormone Harmony. It's all over social media.
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Time is precious, and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24-7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow-ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments, and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year-round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.
Before reading your book, I knew that you had had a successful career in the fashion industry. You were known for making such beautiful, gorgeous outfits for Destiny's Child and then your fashion line, House of Darian. But I didn't know that being a seamstress ran so deeply in your family. Yeah, from generations after generations. You know, everyone in my family, both my sisters sewed, they could really sew, and I
It's our legacy. And it's the thing that I think kept us from, you know, I grew up really poor. But when you have a skill like sewing or doing hair or something like that, you're never broke. That's what my mama's philosophy was. And it was very true because you can always make money.
So true. And I think sewing is sort of a dying art. I know my mom taught me how to make pies and I taught my daughters how to make pies. And I feel like nobody knows how to make pies anymore. And it's kind of the same. I know how to sew and I've taught my daughters how to sew, but I don't feel like other people know how to sew anymore. No. And you know, it's funny because even with stylist, I was a stylist, but I also was a seamstress. So I know the construction of clothes. I know how they're supposed to fit and
And I was always surprised that I would get stylists and they wouldn't even know how to put a pin in. No, they pin it. They barely know how to pin things sometimes. Yeah. I like double stick, but it's only there for so long. No, it doesn't work forever. Choosing to share your life with the world is a very brave decision. I'm curious, as you were going back through the moments of your life,
What were the things that were harder for you to relive than others? The pain of losing my mom, my dad, my
my best friend, Johnny. Those are hard. You know, I just finished, I did that, the audio book. And I tell you that there was so many tears. I'm like, Tina, you've read this book. I don't know how many times and you're still crying. You know, those were the hardest things to, to talk about and to talk about that experience and not feel like
so sad and so empty when it came to just losing the people that I love. It definitely was the hardest part. I know that reading the audio version of the book can bring up so much. How many days did you take to do your recording? I think it took me like three weeks, but not every day, all day. Some days were long, some were shorter. And some days got so emotional for me that I had to
stop, you know, because I'm like, they don't want you to have the emotion in the book. They're like, okay, blow your nose and, you know, clear your throat and drink something. So they don't really want you to have that voice of emotion. But I actually wanted my book to have, that would have been okay with me. Yeah, I would think so.
I mean, because I feel you mentioned the loss of your mom and your dad and Johnny. I feel like I know them because you wrote about them so vividly. That's a real compliment. Yeah, I do. Was there ever a point when you were writing the book that you thought...
oh, this is too much. I'm not sure that being this open with the world is a good idea. All the time. And another thing is this book had a thousand pages and they were like, Ms. Tina, you got to make this book 500. Nobody's going to read a thousand page book. And so I had to go in and take a lot. And it's so much that I had to take out that I thought was so great. But a lot of things I was...
relieved to take them out because this is scary. This is like having a baby. You know, I know that, you know, some people are, you know, they're going to use things to try to tear you apart. You know, it's just the nature of the beast and it's very scary for me. And I'm being such a private person and from a private family. This is a lot. It's a lot. It is a lot. I mean, you were really open and
In the book, you talk about the ups and the downs of your first marriage and how you chose to not be dependent on him. I think Beyonce was already born and you were pregnant with Solange. And you had that moment when you said to yourself, you'll have to be your own boss. Yeah. Because I knew that I was not cut out to be
I don't know how to say this without sounding obnoxious, but like I know I couldn't go and work for somebody at that time in my life. It was too much going on and I had to be in charge of my life. I was so out of control.
charged with everything else that I had to be in charge of my destiny, you know, in my job. And I knew I wanted to have a hair salon, but I couldn't go work for somebody else first. And I didn't. I went straight into my own salon, which I wouldn't suggest to anybody else. But it worked for me. It worked for me because when I was in beauty school, I
I already built my clientele. I had been planning and planning and I had a great plan and it worked, but it doesn't work for everybody. Right. Do you feel like you got lucky in some respects? I was blessed. I feel that God opened up a door for me and he made it all work smooth because when I told the story in the book, I was like,
You had a lot of nerve, like you had a lot of nerve to go open a salon and you didn't have like you didn't have enough clientele. You didn't have you had never worked for another salon and you had the audacity to say, I'm not going to work for anybody else. I'm open my own business. And it worked.
It did work. Miss Dina, this is crazy because my mom, when I was younger, a little girl growing up in Illinois, she had a very similar sounding path to you in the respect that she knew she needed to take control of her life and she opened up a hair salon just like you. Yeah.
You're kidding me. No, it's just all coming back to me. As a little girl, I would go to work with her in her salon. It was called Cabette's. It was in a very small town in rural Illinois. And I would go and just play with all the brushes and paint my nails all the way up to my wrist, you know, and play with everything in there. It was such a cool way to grow up. Yeah, it is. I mean, my kids have great memories of that. Not only, you know, that part of it, but like,
I'm sure you remember the camaraderie that was in the salon because that's been such a, you know, anytime they interview my kids,
they'll talk about that time and that salon and how empowering it was to them to see these professional women from all walks of life and just them getting along. And it took away all of that competitiveness that some girls have that they can't trust other women. You can trust the most. Yeah.
You know, but they didn't they they don't experience competing. My girls, they they compete with themselves. And that's because they saw that camaraderie in that salon. So I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I think it's a great way for kids to grow up seeing that.
Yes. You talked also about that in your book. It just reminded me you talked about when they I think it was Beyonce, if I'm not mistaken, she was doing a pageant and you told her to not be competitive with other girls, to only compete with herself. Because, I mean, you're going to waste all your energy on that.
someone else and being jealous of them or trying to be them and not spend that time focusing on getting better at what you do. That's the truth. I mean, I live by that every day. Like I just want everybody to win because it just helps me to win. Absolutely. Absolutely. Back to what we were talking about before about
in your marriage, knowing that you needed to take control. I just, that is such a powerful message to women listening to this today, knowing your worth when you're not being valued in a relationship. Why do you think it's so important for women to retain independence in a relationship or in a marriage? Well, I think it's important because in those five years that I was
Not putting down being a housewife or being a, you know, a mother. But I lost touch with so much of myself. Like when you have a kid and that's your life and that's your best friend, you know, your vocabulary shrinks. You know, your life is different. I wouldn't go a lot of places because I didn't want to leave my daughter with anyone. And I missed out on so much of the outside world.
That's a part of it. But also just for me, which is a tricky situation, because even though I got myself together financially and I never have been in a position since that day to depend on a man to take care of me.
I've never been in that position ever again since then. But what I didn't do is have the courage to leave. So once he got better and we went to counseling and our relationship got better, I was like, oh, this is going to work. You know, so I didn't do so good with that lesson. I kind of went back and forth with that one. But what I did know is that you have to have your own life. And I've always had my life. I've always had my priorities. I've always
Since that time, I've always had girlfriends that surround me and, you know, nothing can come between us. And once you got your crew, then, you know, you've got all the power in the world. You can do anything. Yeah, that support, Nat. Mm-hmm.
So important. Like you said, it took you many years to leave your first marriage. Many years. 33 years. 33 years. Long time. Yeah. All of that time was not bad times. Right. There were long periods of great times.
And that's how, you know, I was able to stay for that long because it, you know, it wasn't all bad. And he was my protector. I had never been protected in my life, really protected the way I was protected in that. And sometimes you kind of confuse that with, and there was always love there. It wasn't about love. It was just about, you know, whatever happened.
created that situation where, you know, my husband just had a problem with infidelity. Yeah. It took you that many years to leave your marriage. What advice would you give to women listening right now who are contemplating leaving a marriage?
Well, I think you should do all you can to work through it. But, you know, I don't believe at this point in my life of 71, it took me a long time to come to the conclusion that if you are not happy, that for whatever reason you're staying,
for me right now in my life, is not enough. What I realized after I got a divorce was that I never would stay in a marriage that wasn't fulfilling me
And that I wasn't a top priority in. I wouldn't be, you know, stay in a marriage that was unhappy or unfulfilled. And but, you know, I got a lot of nerves saying that because when I made this observation, I was 60 years old. And so I did get remarried. And, you know, for a time, it was great.
I married one of my really good friends and it was great. But when I felt like it wasn't good for me and it wasn't ever going to be what I need for me, it didn't take me long to make the decision to get out of it. And my reaction to it was very, very different.
From the first time, the first time I was like so sad. And so, you know, this time, you know, I, I just got out there and live my life. And I feel like I'm not only did I survive, but,
But I've thrived. I'm thriving now. You are thriving. I'm glad that I'm 70. By the time I got that message, I was like 69 years old. I know, but you got it. That's all that matters. Better late than never, right? Exactly. I mean, I think, you know, I've certainly experienced as I've turned 50 and have gone in my 50s here, there's such a different...
And I cannot wait for my 60s and my 70s because the significant difference I notice in myself, I'm so proud of it. Like, I feel like I've grown so much. Yeah. And it's a great example for your daughters. That's right. Yeah, for sure. And just at the right time, too, because when they were littler, they didn't even understand what I was going through or anything.
the work that it took or the pain that was exchanged, you know, they didn't see any of that, or at least I tried. The shelter. Yes, exactly. But now as young adults, they really see like my work ethic differently. They see the things that I've made priorities. And I think that it lands so differently on them now. Sure. I'm very proud of you. Yes. And I'm sure yours are very proud of you too. Yeah.
Hi, it's Jenny Garth. Feeling confident in my skin is non-negotiable, and that's why I choose Perricone MD. Perricone MD's triple retinol renewal face and eye serums are powerful but gentle, boosting cell turnover for visibly smoother, firmer skin. Since I've started using these serums exclusively, I've noticed that my skin is more radiant, it's glowing, and people are asking me more and more, why?
What do you use on your skin? Having confidence in the way your skin looks starts with Perricone MD. Visit perriconemd.com and use code JENNIE for 40% off your order for a limited time. perriconemd.com code J-E-N-N-I-E. We love LA. We have lived in LA for almost 40 years, you guys.
And it never gets boring because there's so much to do. When it comes to LA, for me, it's definitely the food. There's so much food here. So many options. The walk-up windows and the rooftop bars. The year-end alfresco dining. That's my favorite. Los Angeles is really a culinary thrill ride.
sure to leave visitors hungry for more. You never know. You could have tacos for breakfast, sushi for lunch, Italian for dinner. There's so many options here. Or maybe you're more into shopping from exclusive streetwear drops to high-end boutiques
Los Angeles tastemakers offer up an array of styles in a single city block, contributing to the bold, wildly creative style that gives Los Angeles its own look. I love vintage shopping, and there are so many amazing vintage shops here. You gotta check them out. Find more ways to love LA at discoverla.com. We all know how important it is to take care of our physical and mental health.
But what about our sexual health? I've been there, feeling stuck and frustrated because I was never in the mood. That's why I started taking Addy. And let me tell you,
I've seen firsthand what a difference it can make. Addi is the only FDA-approved pill for certain premenopausal women frustrated by low libido that's clinically proven to increase our interest in sex, give us more satisfying sex, and lower the stress we feel from low libido. Reconnect and rediscover your sexy self. Talk to your doctor or visit Addi.com.
That's A-D-D-Y-I dot com to learn more. Individual results may vary.
Thank you.
Addy. That's A-D-D-Y-I dot com to learn more.
Time is precious and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24/7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow-ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.
One of the last chapters in your book is called Choosing Me. Obviously, I love that.
And you talk about your decision to leave your second marriage. You say in the book, as you were sort of alluding to before, if I stayed in this relationship, I would never feel whole, loved, cherished, and respected and seen. Nothing else in a marriage matters if you are not first priority with each other. There was also the pressure of being an example for so many people who hoped to find a second chance at love.
But I had to choose and I chose me. Yeah, because, you know, you stay sometimes in situations because especially when you're in a public eye like this, it's a lot of pressure on you. I can't tell you how many times people told me, oh, my God.
you were my hope, you know, cause they were over 60 and they just felt like they could find love. And, and my ex was, you know, I've known him for 40 years. His sister was my best friend and, um, and he's a great guy. It's just that together we were not suited for each other. Well, after a time, we just didn't bring out the best in each other. And I think, um,
That if you don't bring out the best in each other, then you, you know, it's no reason to stay together. I mean, I've been divorced twice. I know it's not easy. It's not easy. Especially in the public eye. Looking back now, how has your life been positively impacted by you choosing yourself?
Well, it's positive because I focus on, you know, because I'm surrounded by love every day. I'm surrounded by people that are when I walk into a room, they get excited and happy. That's choosing me. I'm choosing myself over others.
someone else and I'm choosing my happiness and my fulfillment. And, you know, why shouldn't you walk into a room at 71 years old and somebody is happy to see you? Oh, yeah. And that when they talk to me and I talk to them, that we bring out the very best in each other. Like, that's a choice. Absolutely. You allow it in and you receive it and then it just projects.
Absolutely. How do you feel about love today? Do you think you want to find it again? I would love to find love again. I'm a hopeless romantic love. But again, I want to...
Make sure that if I don't find it, I know I will be just fine. And, you know, I say in the book that that's unfortunate that I had to be 69, 70 years old before I realized that I am enough by myself. And I have so many people that love me. It doesn't have to be a man. You know, I'm so loved by so many people and I love myself.
You know, for the I think I've always had a love for myself. But was our first priority? No, but I am at least at the top of my priorities, you know, where I wasn't before. I was like way down the list. Right. What do you say to people who when we talk about choosing ourselves, I hear sometimes that maybe that's selfish or selfish.
You know, you're not thinking for your family anymore. What do you say to those people? I say that my kids are 43 and 44 and 37 and they are grown and got their own lives. And I don't feel selfish at all.
I give so much to so many people. There's no way I would consider myself selfish. So I don't care about that. Anybody that says that doesn't know me. They don't even matter. No, they don't even matter. Yeah. I think it's so interesting, too, what you said earlier about when you were a mom, a young mom, and
And how you felt like you lost yourself. I think that's just like the way it is for the mom. It is. Because think about it. You wake up every day and what's your first priority? Your kids. You got to bathe them. You got to, you know, if they go get a little boo-boo on them, they act like it's the end of the world. And you got to, oh my gosh. It takes all of your energy and energy.
You know, and it's the best thing in the world. It's beautiful. But also, you are not your first priority.
And you don't know, you don't have like I didn't have a road map of what to do and what not to do. So what I chose to do was everything she wanted to do. Whatever about me or taking care of me or to go take that day and have a massage and get a facial and do those things. That wasn't even an objective for me. And.
All of my focus and all of my life. And that's not a bad thing, but it's also not the greatest thing for you either. Because if I had it to do all over again, I would have asked for help from other people, people that I trusted with my kid because I didn't trust anybody. You know, it's a funny story in there about me asking my sister to keep telling my sister that I'm going to let her keep Beyonce while I go on this trip for a couple of days. She's really good.
you know, hard baby. And my husband says to me, come go to South Padre Island. You can be on the beach. You need to look so tired. You need two days. And I was like, well, I got to take the baby. And he said, no, no, no, no. That's the idea is for you to get some rest and really sleep. And so I called my sister and I'm like, hi.
I got a surprise for you. I'm going to let you keep my baby. And my sister was like, let me keep your baby. Will I keep your baby? And I'm like, no, I'm going to let you keep her. And, you know, she was like, girl, I mean, you ain't doing me no favor. And so then I called my older sister and I said, I can't stand her sometimes. I thought I was going to let her keep my baby. And she said, I don't care about keeping your baby. And my sister started laughing. She's like, teeny, this is your first baby.
It is not a privilege and an honor to keep your baby. That baby is just the baby. Everybody got a bunch of kids. Like that baby ain't nothing special. And I was like, what? I was like, goodbye.
That's your first baby. That's right. But I went down the line until I found somebody who just thought of it as a big honor to, and they probably didn't, but they humored me. You know, you think that your baby is the, you know, that's like a world shattering event. And that's what you do is you put everything into it and you don't give yourself much. So I just think with new mothers,
They got a better handle these days. They will take that baby and take them to somebody that they trust and go and take care of themselves. You don't just read little children's books every day that you take the time to read a novel or go to a movie and talk to an adult. Right. You know, your vocabulary doesn't evolve around my little pony. Right.
It's so true. I mean, if anything, young moms, take it from us who lost ourselves completely, gave ourselves completely to our children. I mean, I felt like for all of my 20s, all of my 30s, I was a mom first and foremost. And I loved it. But you're right. Like if I could have done it again, I probably would have taken some more time for myself.
I would have felt more comfortable leaving them with other people who I knew loved them. And I would have focused a little bit more on making myself whole because I probably would have been a better mom. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And a better wife. Better wife. No, because you're not, you can't be your very, I remember just, you know, my children always taking care.
You know, I don't care what was going on with my husband. If my kids had a little bobo, I was just all on it and not paying any attention. So there's a lot of things I would have done differently in that space as well. Yeah. It's so interesting to look back on my marriage to my girl's dad and see those moments where I should have, could have, should have been more attentive to his needs and to our relationship. Yeah.
And maybe things would have ended up differently. True. Yeah. Now, I know that being a mom and a grandmother also means being a protector. And time and time again, people have come for your family. How do you continue to protect your family when the entire world knows who you are? They think they know who you are.
How do you protect your grandchildren who are born into this life? I just do the best I can do. But what I have come to realize is that I can only protect them so much.
And that I don't make it my responsibility as much as I used to. Like anytime somebody said something that was untrue about my kids, you know, I'm the first, I'm a mama bear and I'm going to go for you. And I want the truth to be out there. And, you know, it's not always best for my kids. The outcome is not always best for them. So I have really tried to work hard on just,
controlling the things that I can. And that is blocking out as much of the negativity as I can for as long as I can, because sometimes I can't control it. My fingers just go on that, you know, posting that post to let somebody have it because they are lying. Because, you know, I understand that we're public figures and it comes along with the territory.
I had an interview and the lady on there asked me something very inappropriate. And I asked her, why would you do that? You know why we've had such a nice conversation. Why would you do that? And she said, because you're a public figure and I could ask you whatever I want to ask you. So basically the thought process is that because you have, you're a public figure that the sky's the limit. I could just ask you,
anything and you just got to put up with my crap. And, you know, that's not true. I mean, and I said to her, I took the time to, I had time that day, as they say, and I said, I'm a human being. And how would you feel if I asked you that question that you just asked me? And she said, well, I said, because you're a public figure too.
You know, you're interviewing me. So how would you feel if I did that to you? And I think that she thought about it and she apologized. And, you know, that's all we can do is try to educate people on the fact that we are human beings and that my grandchildren, especially, I'm ready to fight because they are asked to be in this. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly.
vision. So I think kids should be off limits, but I just do the best I can do. Well, this book will undoubtedly leave a legacy for your grandchildren. What is one lesson you hope your grandkids take away from you or this book even? I think a couple of things. One is that
to treat people the way you want to be treated. That is just as easy to be kind. You know, that's really, really key with me. And then I think the second thing is that when it's all said and done, if you have your family, the rest of that don't matter. You know, I feel honestly, it sounds like a cliche, but if I lost every single person
monetary thing that I have in my life. If I had my family, my crew, I'm going to be fine. You'll be fine. I can get through it. And that's just the truth. That's a sign of a good family and a good mama.
Right there. Okay, I really think that this book needs to be a movie. Who is going to play you? I love this young actress. Her name is Andra Day. Andra Day. I don't know. There's something in her that's a quiet storm.
are just somebody that I feel is so strong, but they don't have to always be the center of attention. And I don't know, it's just so much about her that resonates with me and who I am and who I was at her age. And so I would love for, you know, for her to play me.
Oh, I'm sure she would love it, too. I don't know if you're familiar with her, but she played Billie Holiday. Yes. She killed that. She's wonderful. Beautiful, too. Wow. Well, you know we always pick somebody cute. Oh, yeah. Come on. They have to represent. Before I let you go, Ms. Dina Knowles, what was your last I Choose Me moment? Probably...
doing this book, you know, putting this book out because all along making the decision to do this book was definitely a, I choose me moment because I'm still, you know, I mean, it's scary. Yeah. Um, and it was hard. This book, writing this book was really hard. Uh, emotionally I had to relive a lot of stuff that, you know, it was very painful for me. And, um,
So I think and I kept saying, oh, everybody's going to be mad at me. You know, the Catholic Church is going to be mad at me. The hospital is going to be mad at me. My kids are going to be mad at me. You know, my exes are going to be mad at me. And at the end, I said, this is my story and I'm choosing me.
Yeah. I got goosebumps again. I'm so excited for everybody to read this beautiful book. If nothing else, just have it on your shelf. Your cover is so gorgeous. Thank you so much. I mean, next level. Thank you. So I wish you all the best and such an honor to have you on the show. Thank you. It was an honor to talk to you too.
And I really enjoyed this conversation. I'm so glad. It was great. Good. Okay. I'm so glad. Thank you. Good luck. Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.
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Time is precious, and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24-7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow-ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments, and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year-round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.