Shownotes Transcript
Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to
rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. Sister Wives returns at last. And while the Browns have gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other.
Mary and Janelle form an unlikely alliance, Christine is off living in a newly married bliss, and Cody and Robin are left wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship? And after all the joy and drama, they hit the hot seat and answer the questions everyone has been begging to know. You've got to catch Sister Wives, all new Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.
It's I Do Part Two. I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Jen Fessler from Real Housewives of New Jersey and the podcast I co-host, Two Jersey Jays. And this is very exciting. You all heard me probably tell my story of how my husband Jeff and I met, got married and then took a little marriage detour and then found our way back to each other. So today I am bringing in my husband Jeff because we're going to chat a little bit more about the part two of it all.
Hi, Jeff Fessler. Hello. How are you doing? I'm doing fine. So let me just tell our listeners that this is not necessarily your venue of choice. No. No. So to know us both is to know that Jeff Fessler is way more of an introvert than I am. Would you say that that's true? Um...
Certain social situations, yes. Really? Yes. Well, I mean, right. Social situations, work situations. All of a sudden, my husband becomes Chatty Cathy, which has served to annoy me. So, yeah, this is not really your thing. So thank you for joining me. I will tell you guys, though, that being on TV and...
part of the Housewives of New Jersey. Jeff has enjoyed just as much, if not more, than I have. No one really gets it, but right? Well, yeah. It's a little bit different than what I do on a daily basis. It is. It's very interesting. It is. Jeff's an attorney. It's fun. Right, right.
So, all right, just to kind of refresh you guys, I'll tell you a little bit in case you haven't heard the story about our marriage, separation, reconciliation. Jump in at any point if I get anything wrong. I will. So seven years into our marriage, which was so cliche, right? The seven year itch. We hit a rough patch. And I don't know, we were not communicating, right? We were kind of...
Doing our own thing. You had two young children. Yes. I was working all the time. Yes. And I was... With the two young children. Excuse me? You were with the two young children. Oh, I thought you said you were working with the two young children. No, you were with the two young children at home. I was definitely with the two young children. And I was kind of doing this...
cougar thing where, and I, there were a lot of women who I was friends with, um, in my town. And for whatever reason, like we were always going out on Thursday nights, right. Getting decked out, going out for, I don't know, birthdays, but also just to go out and flirt. And I tell you all about, because it's not to justify it, but there was, um,
So there was some infidelity in our marriage and it did actually, which no one ever believes, it did start with Jeff Fessler. It did. It did. So, I mean, I don't know. Well, let me tell you the story first and I'll tell you the sort of full picture. So that happened and that definitely happened. So let's just leave it at that. That happened and that's it. Just keep moving on. That was not it. What's next? That was not it. So that happened and that was...
Obviously, devastating. Yes. Sorry, dude, but you know. No. You play your day. For both. Yes. For both of us. Yes. We stayed together for a little while after it happened. Right? Yeah. That's the rough patch. That was definitely rough. Yes. Yes, it was. Yes. And then at some point, I went to Florida with the kids. Not at some point. Over the summer that year. You went for the summer. Uh-huh. And I went to go...
see my sister, my best friend. I was like, I'm just going to stay for the summer. Got this, rented this little townhouse and put the kids in camp with some of their friends and just had myself a good old time. Yeah. I guess. I guess. Because I wasn't there. Yes, you weren't there. And I whooped it up. Yes. And ended up meeting this guy. Nice guy. And
And basically Jeff came to visit that summer and I said, listen, it's over. We... No. Yes. Not that summer. Remember we went to Disney, we took the kids to Disney. Yeah, but that wasn't that summer. Yes, it was. It continued until like December. You mean we stayed together until December? Yeah. But I remember that conversation because it was not an easy conversation anyway. Yeah.
So we were officially separated as of that December. Jeff moved into the city for- In March of 2009. See, I don't remember the dates. I actually think it's very sweet that you remember the exact dates. Everything. So Jeff moved out, moved into the city, and my boyfriend moved from Florida to New Jersey. Can I just say, by the way, there's a lot that went down that-
I regret, although, you know, not supposed to really believe in regrets, but I would do things very differently today. But so my boyfriend at the time moved to New Jersey and Jeff was in the city doing his thing with his girlfriend and the kids were going back and forth. And the truth is the entire time that we were separated, it wasn't, I guess, what... Wait, wait, wait, wait. You skipped. So I moved into the city and...
And then was, you know, I was working and doing whatever. And then I started going out and then found somebody. It wasn't like. What's the difference? It wasn't the person. What? It wasn't the person. Oh, no. Oh, God. Right. No, it wasn't. Yes. Yes. No, it definitely wasn't that person. That's a whole other. Yeah. That's a whole other. Right. Yes. So, yes, exactly. That's true. But I will say that the whole time.
Jeff never wanted to get separated. Um, no. And so, you know, it, it wasn't, I don't think it was typical and that like you look at peak, the PK and Dorit of it all. Right. Well, yeah, you watch Beverly Hills. Um, and the way that they're starting to go after each other. We just never had that. Uh,
We didn't really even get into the money, right? We just didn't, like we were like getting, we were going to get divorced and it wasn't like this. Well, I do remember one thing. Oh God. Is we did go. You know what, enough of you on this podcast. We did go to a mediator. Right.
And it was the only time we went, I think. No, we went more than once. There's one. Okay. Went to a mediator. And then you were like, basically, well, this is what I want. And then she said, well, you have to leave something for him.
That's 50-50. Me. Wait, what? Oh, that's true. That's true. I hate that you remember that because I blocked it. Yes, I do remember that. Yeah, so I guess apparently I was being very piggish about it. But, you know, you're scared when you're in the middle of that.
As you can imagine, it's very scary, very scary to not have worked for, you know, seven years, although I did work part time and not know, you know, how the future will pan out. And other than GLP-1s, it's a great weight loss. Oh, Jeff got very, very skinny. Very skinny. Yeah. I remember feeling so badly about that. But you were actually happy about that part. I was thrilled.
But we just like, we never fought. I remember once like the kids were in the car and they called me to complain about him. I don't know where you guys were going, but Rachel called and she was like, daddy's doing this or whatever. And I'm like, honey, you got the wrong number. You think that you're going to complain about Jeff Vessler to me, the world's greatest father? So,
You know, there was never really this horrible animosity, even with the cheating and whatever else had gone down. No, there was something underlying it. We were sad. Yes. We were just both so sad. And so we would, whatever, talk on the phone. And I would tell my boyfriend at the time, like, I'm going to mediation. And I would meet Jeff at Chili's and talk.
Like I'm thinking I'm cheating on my boyfriend with my husband. Actually, on the border. On the border. You're right. Wasn't there one time, Chili's, when we met? We saw Leon. No, it was on the border. No, it wasn't. Chili's? Let's not fight. When we saw Leon that time. Anyway, it doesn't matter. TGI Fridays. Yes, it was TGI Fridays. Anyway, so, you know, and...
The guy I was seeing was very invested in the relationship and we were serious. And, you know, he was very good to me and Jeff and his girlfriend were maybe not that serious. I don't know. But it just wasn't right. Like, I just didn't want to ever pull the plug. And I knew that Jeff didn't. And my entire family, by the way, I will tell you this, they all sided with Jeff, which was totally... Jeff was never closer to my mother than during this time. No, no, yeah, absolutely. They all supported him. Everybody. Oh, yeah. No.
Not everybody. Pretty much everybody. Our friends. Why is that? Why do you think that was? I'm me. You're you. That's very likable. I'm not. At that point, maybe you weren't. Okay. I think that they all also, I guess they knew how badly you wanted to get back together. So I would say long story short, but this is turning out to be long story long. We are on a boat going to...
Martha's Vineyard, Nantucket. We were meeting Janine. The kids were with her. Do you remember this? Yeah. We were on the ferry. And I don't know why we were together because we weren't at that point back together. But you said something to me. You're like, I don't know. You don't understand what we're doing now is such a shame. Shonda is a Jewish word for it. Because we can be so good and we can have the best life. Yeah.
That just, I don't know, it resonated with me. And so soon after that, I just got to the point where I was like, I just want my life back. Well, it happened when we were in Jamaica. Well, I went on vacation twice.
With my boyfriend to St. Barts, the most glorious island in the world. And Jeff took the kids to Jamaica, like beaches Jamaica. And I just wanted to be in Jamaica with my husband and my kids. I feel bad about it because, again, my boyfriend was a very nice guy. But he's married now, so that's okay. Anyway, so we got back together.
We did. We did. We got picked up summer 2010, 2010. We were separated for how long? Like a year and a half? Summer 2010. A year and a half, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, things definitely have changed in our marriage. We got back together and we immediately moved out of our house to another house in the same town that we live in. We just wanted to kind of move on. The kids, I will say, we told them while they were away at sleepaway camp at visiting day.
And they were so happy. One thing I never predicted because I come from a family of lots and lots of divorce. So my parents have been divorced, not just from each other, but more than once. And so I don't know why I thought they got divorced when I was three. And I didn't predict how I would feel afterwards.
In terms of the kids and their sadness, because for me, I guess I thought I adjusted. I don't maybe I just didn't remember, but I don't remember ever being sad about it. It was just my way of life, you know, and the kids were so sad. And that was certainly that was the hardest part, watching them miss their dad. And it broke my heart. And I'm sure anybody who's been divorced, you know, feels that.
Of course. But I remember telling them that we're getting back together on visiting day and promising them that it would never happen again. Right. I remember that. And then we left visiting day when they got home. Right. I don't know if that was the best time. They got home to a new house, basically. Yes, they got home to a new house. I don't know if that was the healthiest way to handle it, but we did it.
We did the best we could. By buying a new house? No, just like, okay, we're getting back together. Okay, go back to soccer and theater and we'll see you in three weeks. It seemed to have worked out well. It did work out. Thankfully, it did work out. So anyway, that was our journey. So, but let's talk about what it's like now. So,
What would you say has been the biggest change? I mean, we've been back together for quite some time. We've married 25 years. But what do you think is different than those initial seven? We definitely communicate better. And I said that the other day, but you laughed at me. Because. Oh, come on. No way. I don't know if that's it. I don't know if we communicate. I mean, I don't even know what that means. I don't remember the first seven years. Did we not communicate? I mean, I guess we were just so busy doing our own thing. Yes. It was working. I mean.
Yes. I mean, having the kids in the house and young at that age. Yeah, but we still had the kids in the house. Not now. I don't know. So you think it was communication? I feel like it was just gratitude. The thing is, it was like getting my best friend back. Yeah, it's like, I still think about it. You do? Sure. You never ever say that to me. It takes a podcast for you to say that to me. Of course I think about it. When do you think about it? I mean, you think about it and you're like, you're relieved that you didn't go through with that.
Well, time. That's a nice thing to say. I do think about it too. And I think that the people that love us think about it because they're always, you know, my aunt is always like, you made the best choice ever. You went through hell when you came out the other side. Yeah, I know.
Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Yeah, and with Rula, you can find the right therapist for you. Rula partners with a network of over 10,000 therapists and psychiatrists nationwide, enabling you to find your personalized solution and the right therapist for you based on your needs, preferences, and state requirements. In-network covered care for most major insurance pay as little as $15 per session.
Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.
Sister wives returns at last. And while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land.
But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?
And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody's end out?
Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back. You have got to catch The Return of Sister Wives, Sunday at 10, 9 Central on TLC.
Hey, it's Kelly Bentham. Have you ever been on a road trip where one person insists on controlling the music? You're just trying to enjoy the ride, but now you're stuck listening to nothing but their favorite band. No discussions, no compromises, just their way or the highway. It's kind of what's happening with Christian nationalism. Some folks want to take over the wheel and force everyone to follow their beliefs, shoving religion into our laws, our schools, and even our personal choices. But hey, this country was built for everyone, not just one group.
That's where Freedom From Religion Foundation comes in. Think of them as the GPS keeping church and state in separate lanes, just like the founders actually intended. So whether you've always been secular or left religion behind, if you don't want someone else dictating the trip for you, FFRF has your back. Join them.
Go to ffrf.us slash freedom or text the word church to 511-511 and become a member today. Text church to 511-511 or go to ffrf.us slash freedom. Because when it comes to freedom, we all deserve to choose our own route. For membership information, text church to 511-511. Text fees may apply.
Welcome to It Takes Energy, presented by Energy Transfer, where we talk all things oil and natural gas. Oil and gas drive our economy, ensure our country's security, and open pathways to brighter futures.
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A lot of married couples, we always hear saying that, you know, you have to date your spouse and there has to, you have to put aside, I guess, some time, I don't know, once a week to go out on a date. And people always ask me like how we got back together and why is it different? And I mean, I don't think that we do that.
What date? Date night. No. I don't think so either. No. I mean, we have like, well now. I mean, Fridays and Saturdays, maybe we'll go out, but during the week, no. But it's not like a planned date night. And plus we're empty nesters. Yeah. So you can do anything you want. That's different. But we never did that. We never had like an official date night. And the truth is, we felt like going out. Date night's forced kind of. You think? People swear by it.
I don't know. I mean, we... You're forcing yourself to do it. No, I know what date night means. It's forced. Yeah, we're all connecting. I don't actually... I don't know. And the other piece is that like...
We would get, we get to Saturday night and half the time. And Jeff is like always excited to go out and be social because he, he doesn't get to during the week and he's just work, work, work. And I'm just, all I want to do on Saturday night is sit on the couch, which is always what I want to do every day, sit on the couch and watch a movie and lay in the bed. Yes. So that's okay. So I'm not, by the way, I'm not advocating for any of this. We are just telling you what works for us. So, um,
I don't know if you're thinking of a separation or you're in the middle of one. So, you know, half the time we make plans, then I feel guilty because I just don't want to go out. Right? Yes. Yeah. We make, we'll make plans. And then at like, you know, four or five o'clock, like, yeah, I don't feel like going. I know. And I do feel badly about that. There's that song though, by Luke Holmes. Yes. Luke Holmes. What is it called?
Beautiful, beautiful, crazy. Yes. Beautiful, crazy. I think that it describes me perfectly. Not the beautiful part. It does. The coffee and the whole thing. Yes. Coffee every morning, wine at night. Anyway.
I digress. So I don't know that we do date night, but the thing is, and also in, so Jeff works from home, maybe Fridays, Fridays, maybe occasionally more than that. So during the week he's up and like a robot every day since the day I met him, five 30, boom, up, take the shower, do the pushups, get dressed, go to work,
Comes home late, usually around what, 8 o'clock? 8, yeah. Comes upstairs, says hi, goes back downstairs, back to the office. So I'm always in bed. That's something else. But watching TV and eating or whatever it is I'm doing. So it's not like we're on top of each other all week. No. Talk a couple times during the day on the phone. Mm-hmm.
I don't know that that's good or bad. It's just us. It works. It just does, right? Yes. I don't know why it works, but we don't, we're not on top of each other all week. And even when you're home working, like we come out, we see each other, back to the office, back to the bedroom. Maybe that separation works. If we work together like all day. If we were together, no, I'd kill you. You're right. That wouldn't work. Yeah. No, it wouldn't work. We had one during COVID. Yeah.
I think. You're forced to. That's very true. Yes. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, that's, and then on the weekends we go out, we don't, I never feel like, one thing that I love about you is that I never feel pressed to do anything. Like you're so easy. Growing up, I, all I wanted to do was like lay in the bed and read books. And I remember my mom would get so frustrated with me and I,
I always had this feeling that I was so lazy, but you just don't seem to care. You never shame me. You do your own thing. I eat in the bed. You don't care. When those crumbs get on my side of the bed, I do care. You know, that's. I don't know. We don't pressure each other. I feel like we don't. It's very just kind of like accepting. And then when something happens during the day.
So either I'm rushing downstairs to the office to tell you about it or you're rushing upstairs to tell me about it. It could be anything. It could be something about the kids. It could be something about work. It could be something about the housewives. Now Jeff is like a reality show aficionado. Not really. Which is just weird. Okay. Not really. You 100% stop it.
Just not really. Okay. Anyway, a couple I watch and that's a couple. Okay. He like he's into The Bachelor. He watches it with my daughter. Anyway, we're not on top of each other, but we're always kind of connecting, checking in. And we laugh a lot. Like we make fun of each other a lot. Jeff and I, we have this shtick.
where and people are always i don't know i think sometimes people are like taken aback by it you know what i'm talking about no yes you do it's such that we give each other all the time let me give you like what make fun of each other go okay simmer down like that like i don't know like people that he walks in the room i'm like oh hello jeffrey
And then he'll, he just makes fun of me constantly. Sometimes he'll come up to the bedroom and he'll like,
Tuck me in, like press it around there just to make fun. We make fun of each other a lot. You know that we do. Why are you lying? That's what you're talking about, yes. Well, as opposed to what? I don't know. I didn't know. I don't say you're short and- Well, you do. I do. Yeah. Yeah. My daughter is dating someone who is on, he's not short like you're short, on the shorter side. So I'm constantly looking at Jeff being like, why would you date a short guy?
Like, aren't you looking for someone tall and dashing? No. No, apparently not. Well, he's very cute, her boyfriend. But anyway, and he's not, God forbid they're listening, he's not short. He's taller than Jack, but he's not tall. My one requirement when I was dating back in the day, maybe it was fixing me up on a blind date. I would be like, he doesn't have to be tall.
extraordinarily well he doesn't have to be wealthy he has to be ambitious he doesn't have to be the life of the party he just has to be tall well there you go you missed out on all those my thought you're very ambitious yes I am okay yes so I don't know do you think that the separation saved our marriage like would you do it again would I go through that again knowing what I know now no
But it was hell. But do you think we would be like, like you said, you still think about it. I still think about it. There's so much gratitude for it. Not great. I wouldn't say it's gratitude. I would say it's it's it's it helped. It helped the relationship. I mean, would it maybe maybe this would have happened later? Maybe this would have happened later on.
And we wouldn't be able to go through with it. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know. I don't know. I am not, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Right. And I wouldn't want to experience it again. But you said, would I go through it again? No. No, I wouldn't. I'm saying if it was a choice between going through it or not going through it, because I think our marriage wouldn't have changed. Like we wouldn't have had this gratitude necessarily. That's correct. Right. So. Yeah.
Am I grateful? We're grateful to have gone through it. Okay. Anyway, moving. Yes. Yeah. I don't know about that. I know you don't. Sometimes I say to him, I don't know how you get through your day. He can't connect the dots. No, I can't. Except in work. I don't know. I don't, again, I wouldn't want to go through it again, but I think that it did change everything. Yes. You guys, I don't know. Whoever's listening, they say that you get divorced and not for everybody, but
When nothing else matters, like you just can't, you don't care about the money. You know, you think to yourself, I don't want to set this example for my kids. Or you go into the marriage and you know it's not going to work. Plenty of people have that happen. Say what? You go into a marriage and you know it's not going to work. Who goes into a marriage and knows it's not going to work? Plenty. Like who? I know other people. Like who?
I'm not saying, but I know. It happens. Well, back at our, so Jeff was, I was 31 when we got married. Yeah. Jeff was 36. Right. And so we were both dying to get married. I was like, my biological clock was ticking. Like I wanted to get knocked up before we walked down the aisle just so I could trap him. I didn't want him backing out.
Right. Right. We waited four months later. We were pregnant. Right. Right. But listen, I'm not advocating for separation or divorce, but I think it's not just for us, for the kids. I'm so grateful that we found our way back. There's something to be said for having, being together for all of these years, especially, I guess, when it comes to the kids, right? Right. There's other, right? There's other celebrity couples who've done the same thing.
that we went separated got separated and came back we're not just fyi we're not really a celebrity couple as much as you like to tell you no i'm just saying not other celebrity there's there's other examples of this out there so for instance um ben stiller and his wife i love them right right they separated and got back together yeah i mean i don't know the details of it who else
As you as it JLo and Ben. Yes. But that's not a great example. Thank you, Heather. I appreciate that, but we're not aspiring to that. And I don't know. I mean, it's not easy. I got tons of phone calls from women in my town after we got back together and women that I did not know and saying, hi, my name is.
Jane Doe, your daughter was in preschool with my daughter. I'm really sorry to bother you, but do you think we can talk? I'm considering a divorce or separation. Maybe you should write a book. Maybe I'll do a podcast. Why don't you write a book? You write a book. You write a book. So I think that divorce is brutal. And I think if you think that there's a shot
There is really something to be said for staying together and it's not perfect. So let me just say that. People ask all the time, you know, what is it like now? Are you hanging from the chandeliers? Like, you know, we didn't start, we didn't get back together. And all of a sudden we're, we're,
having sex three times a day and jetting off to exotic locations. Oh, we travel a lot together. Yes. That's one of our things. We did jet off to Vietnam. We did recently jet off to Vietnam for our 25th anniversary. I would highly recommend Vietnam for anyone. Anyway, but I mean, it didn't change like that. I think that, but I think if you can make it work and think that there is still a chance, I would recommend it. Yeah, I mean, yeah, but I mean, there's people who,
should be divorced. Of course. And they know it. Yes. And of course, you know, this wouldn't work for them. But if there's still a chance, there's still a possibility you should definitely give it a shot. I have friends who got divorced and I look at it and I think you were going through very similar things that we were. And I do think to myself that they probably regret it. Yeah, they probably do. Right. And when we admit it,
And don't think that we're telling anyone what to do. We're not experts on anything. But, well, Jeff is an expert in some things. So am I. More things than you. I don't know about that. Anyway, but we're not experts on this. So, again, I would just say it's been my life. I can't imagine my life if we had gotten divorced. And I am so proud of us. I agree. I am too.
That's nice. And we have our stuff that's like, it's not like our relationship changed so dramatically. I think we got just grateful. Like we were always best friends. That's what it is. It's grateful for each other. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud that you're my husband. I'm proud that we have been together this long. I respect you so much. Like...
I don't, I feel very lucky to have you for so many reasons and stop picking your nails. And that's not one of the reasons, but I definitely think about that all the time. And I'm proud of how smart you are. I'm proud of how hard you work. I'm the most proud of the kind of father you are. Okay, now it's your turn. Jump in.
I'm proud you got this wonderful job with Real Housewives of Jersey. You are. You are. And it's a great podcast. And no, I'm actually proud of your achievements, what you've done. I appreciate that. Sister Wives returns at last. And while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land. But.
But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?
And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody Zend out?
Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back. You have got to catch The Return of Sister Wives Sunday at 10, 9 Central on TLC.
Hi, it's Kelly Ben-Simon. Did you ever notice how more and more people are stepping away from organized religion? It's like they're collectively realized, wait, I don't actually have to go to synagogue on Friday or church on Sundays and boom, sleeping in one. And here's the thing. Not everyone's cool with this shift. Christian nationalism is on the rise and they're working overtime to shove their beliefs into our laws, our schools, and even our personal lives. It's like, hey, I respect your right to believe whatever you want. Just don't make me live by it.
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Domestic data roaming at 2G speeds. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply. Also, like, we're so used to each other. So when we travel, for instance, we have the same rhythm. Like... Yeah, we probably couldn't travel with other people. Our friends travel and they travel in groups sometimes. And we've said no. Okay, he said no more than I have. But yeah, we travel. We have the same rhythm. Like we know we...
both of us we get up in the morning there's only a certain amount of sightseeing that we do we're very centered around our meals it's all about breakfast lunch and dinner where are we eating them what's and where when right yes i mean we sightsee but i i don't know we have a plan beforehand everything out and then we hit those spots and and he has to push me sometimes like i'm like okay i cannot do one more museum
Right. Or whatever. One more landmark. Right. And if you don't want to go, then I'll go by myself. Yes. And that's fine. It's not always fine. And then I'll come back and I'll tell you about it. And you'll be like, oh. We're in Paris and you wanted to go to, what do you call it? Paris. You wanted to go to...
We were in Paris. Oh, Normandy. Normandy. Sorry. And I was dreading it. We're supposed to get up at five o'clock in the morning and go to Normandy. It was the last thing I felt like doing. I'm not really a history buff. Yeah, we literally flew in, got there early in the morning to Paris, fell asleep for the entire day. And then that night, couldn't sleep. Nope. Nope.
And at 5 a.m., we were like, yeah, forget it. Yep. Well, you were like, forget it. Because I have to say. You were going to go. I was going to go. Yeah. I would have complained the entire time. But I was going to. There was one time that we were in Charleston. And we love Charleston. We ended up buying a house there that we unfortunately recently just sold. But anyway, we were in Charleston. And Jeff wanted to do a historical tour of the city. And it was hot out. And we got a tour guide. And.
For whatever reason, I was getting mosquito bites. And he was so into it. And they were walking, him and our tour guide were walking ahead of me. And every time he turned around, I like shot in the bird. Every time. Every time. I was so furious. He was very angry. I know. But it was very interesting. For Jeff. So I don't care. I know. Yes. But like that's part of it. He does laugh at me.
We do. I mean, we laugh at each other. Yes, we laugh at each other. Especially when I trip and, you know, fall. Oh, the best thing is when he falls, I die. That's it. There's nothing better than when he trips and falls. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, I love it. Yeah. Soon I'll be like, you know, in like, what, 18 years, I'll be 80. I'm going to trip and fall, break my hip, and she'll be there laughing. It's good. No, no, I won't because then I'll have to take care of you.
Also, this is interesting, I think, but like Jeff's parents were together until they both very, very unfortunately and sadly passed. But I don't think a man ever loved a woman as much as Max Vessler loved Phyllis Vessler. I mean, he was the best example of a father and a husband together.
And there are certain things that he always did that I, with Phyllis, that I, my mother-in-law, that I just admired. Like he always, always kissed her on the lips, hello and goodbye. And every morning, with the bad, my bad breath and the whole thing. I kiss you goodbye. Every morning. Every morning. That's silly, but like for some reason it's like a thing. He always brings me coffee when he's home.
When I'm home. And when we're away. This morning at the hotel. Like it's just, he goes and gets the coffee every time. And every morning that he's home. And we sit in bed, especially on the weekends. Sunday we watch Saturday Night Live. And we watch the news, Saturdays and Sundays, even Fridays. We watch Saturday Night Live because we can't watch it on Saturday night because... I'm sleeping. Well, at 5 o'clock when we were having plans, she canceled them. And we went up to bed. And went to sleep. And we missed everything. Yeah, I sleep a lot.
Yes. I can't help it. You do sleep a lot. I do sleep a lot. I sleep. And he sleeps not at all. No. Yeah. What do you think that, I'm going to ask you this question and you're just going to give me an annoying answer, but what do you think the, what are the keys to having a long lasting marriage? You're going to say communication and I'm going to throw up a little. Yeah.
I don't know. I mean... If we fight, we don't make sure we wake up before we go to bed. No, no. I don't care. I go to bed holding a crutch all the time. All the time. I don't give a shit. Yes, which I don't like. I don't know that I'm going to be able to change that at 56 years old. No. You get upset that we go to sleep angry? Yeah. Yeah.
But then I go to sleep and then you wake up and you're like, it's like nothing ever happened. No, I'm not. And I do apologize. I'm a good apologizer. You wake up in the morning like nothing ever happened. That's not true. Yeah, you do. But you give me that face sometimes. He does this thing and the kids make fun of him too. He's like, oh, he's upset. You wake up in the morning. Depends on the fight. And then I'll remind you, oh, yeah. Sometimes. Well, that's also when I'm drinking.
At night, I've had too much wine and we get into a fight and then I'm like, yeah, I was a bitch last night. Or alternatively, I am mad. That's not true in the morning. If I but I do try to take accountability. So do you.
Mm-hmm. That's a key. It's never me. Except that it's never him. Right. Not my fault. Same frickin' Jeffrey. And everyone thinks he's a saint. I am. I have to say, that's annoying. You are not a saint. We have very different views when it comes to money. I believe in spending it. He believes in not spending it. Right.
And that's definitely been a challenge in our marriage. That's been a challenge. It continues to be a challenge. It continues to be a challenge. The good news is, I mean, I worked as a recruiter. Then I started a business, and I certainly didn't make money off of F-Major. But, well, now I sort of am. No. Okay. Well, anyway, I have a business. A couple of sales doesn't recover a lot of costs. Okay, shopfmajor.com. There were just a lot of costs.
But you were very supportive. Yeah. But yeah, it always worked though. But yes, now I'm making some money and so I feel no obligation to save a dime.
Right. With all the glam, the dresses and all that. I say to him, I'm like, what do you want from me? You want me to do this? I have to do it. Right. That's your excuse. That's why you're doing it because you get dresses every time. Thank you. An outfit. Thank you. A new outfit. Thank you. It's like there's rooms with cloth. There is. We have a couple.
rooms that I had to put up those hanging things. Yeah, it's crazy. But I'm also, I can also spend on very stupid things, but Jeff is such a saver. So we balanced each other out. It was up to me. I would have bankrupted us by now. So we recently discussed on this Potter. It's been not we, it's been recently discussed on this pod that there is this topic of being sleep divorced, right? Where like couples who sleep in separate bedrooms have, um,
get along better, have stronger marriages. What do you think of that? Maybe because it's separation. Maybe because that's why I go to work. That's why I'm at work all day. That's not why you go to work. No, it's not why I go to work. But because of that... But I'm talking about, would you be interested in sleeping... But that's the separation. Would you be interested in sleeping in separate bedrooms? No. Me neither. I don't know. People love that. I mean, but we also... I don't know. You stay on your side. I stay on my side. I do sometimes in the middle of the night get...
worked up thinking that he might be dead and so I kick him sometimes hard yeah that's something to wake up that's definitely a wake up I just want to make sure he's breathing or like it's hard enough to go to sleep but then in the middle of the night to get kicked and wake up it's like okay now I'm up I try not to do it too hard but yeah I get nervous or I tend to like be wake up because I'm just riddled with anxiety so I could feasibly wake up screaming at some point
Some nightmare. Well, that happens, yes. That happens, but I still wouldn't want to sleep in a different room. Also, when you travel, I hate when you travel and I have to sleep alone at night. I don't know why because you are a very, you're a strong man, but if somebody breaks in, I don't see you being able to fight
I don't want to insult you, but... No, we got two cats. We have two cats. So, we'll take care of it. Yes, but like, I can't. I'm so... I get so nervous when you travel. I hate it. Okay. I don't like sleeping alone. That's why there's an alarm. Whatever. Yeah. But, so, I don't know, you guys. This is, you know, this is our story. I...
I always get people that are just love to hear it because maybe it's encouraging. And I think it's interesting. It doesn't happen every day. No. I mean, I do part two. This whole podcast is about the second time around. And this is sort of our second time.
Around? I don't know if it's the second time around. It is the second. There was a break. There was a break. Well, that's the second time around. Okay. I mean, you know. But you did it differently the second time around. We did. Maybe. Yeah. I think it's all, it was just gratitude. Yes. It's gratitude for what you have and a realization of what you have. Yeah. And we also, again, the best friend thing. I think that's personally more than anything else is that I like you.
I don't, I love you, but I really like you. And I don't like anybody else the way I like you. Like I am not my friend. I have really close friends who I can be my complete self with, but not in the same way we are.
We just, I just enjoy you. Not always. Sometimes I can't stand you. But for the most part, I mean, that's the part that I think is the strongest. I think that is the strongest. Yes. Anyway, you guys, that's us. That's all the time we have. But this is us. We love each other and we love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you. This is a big date night. First date night we've had in. Well, you've been to award shows. I've never been to one. Yeah, I've never taken you before. No. You owe me big.
Right. Okay. Here's to date night. All right. So are you thinking about getting back together with your ex or reconciling after a separation and need some advice? Call us or email us. Follow us on socials. All the information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast, please. I do part two and I heart podcast where falling in love is the main objective.