If You Wanna Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life
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So experience the joy of certainty at California psychics.com. Hey guys, it's your celebrity mentor, Cheryl Burke back again with Alexia and Kelly. And we're going to dive back into our conversation with divorce attorney, Dennis Vitrano. What profession has the highest divorce rate? I find, uh,

firefighters, law enforcement. Firefighters? They're so hot. Casino players. I think the service industry is difficult. Oh yeah, military. Military. Military? What about, I would say finance. You wouldn't say finance? I feel like a lot of- Finance too. I think, look, I think with my experience with the finance world is they're just like, there is so much money and so much-

So the women put up with it. Well, yeah. I mean, that's part of it too. I don't know if it's necessarily the money, but right now, like people, you know, these guys in finance or women, people in finance, people in finance are working 22 hours a day right now. That too. And you don't even know what you're doing.

Your bonus is going to be. And I just think that the stress of that is really, obviously the firefighters as well. I mean, just any like super high stressful environment. I just to jump back to separation, like I'm actually surprised by that because I would assume that, I mean, I understand the play ball part of it, but I would assume that if sometimes people it's, it's an either or scenario, you're either like, okay, you've, you've separated, you've been apart from each other. You either miss each other or,

Or, you know, you've been separated and the other person or, you know, we're both like seeing other people and then it's just over. So I thought that was actually interesting. I agree, Kelly. I know, but I feel like you too, because that's like my situation. I also think that maybe women, it takes longer for them to just get over it. Maybe. I get it. I get this whole new era of women just wanting to be alone and...

and healing and just self-love. I totally get it. They do say that women who are alone, child-free, single women, that they are the happiest population. Why do you think that is? And the stat also says that they tend to live longer, correct? Hell yeah, we do. This is my third life. I'm already like 150. Yeah, I feel like men...

when they age, like they really need the men that stay married, that stay married or have a companion. They live longer because us women take care of them. Thank you. They don't know how to wipe their own. And I was about to say, are you familiar with the phrase man child? So, so you get it. It doesn't matter the age. Of course. Right. The mommy, the mommy complex.

It's a real thing. It's a real thing. How important is it emotionally and legally to get divorced? I guess, you know, you hear a lot of people who take so long to get divorced five years, all of that. So what is your take on that? Well, it's a couple of different things. I think that, um,

I think part of the reason why the divorce rate has spiked and part of the reason why I think, you know, women are filing for divorce more frequently is because they realize how short life is and they realize how important it is to be happy and they realize how important it is to model what a strong, meaningful, fulfilling relationship should look like for their kids. Okay. So, so, so to talk about how important that is mentally and emotionally, you can't put a price tag on that.

And it's funny because the ladies that come into my office, the vast majority of them, I don't care about his retirement plan or whether he takes the more expensive car. I care about my freedom, my sanity, my happiness. And before all of those my's typically comes number one, my kids. Right.

So they're seeing that. In your case, since you're a divorce lawyer, obviously all the women that come in there are women that are sharing these stories, you know, where they've probably been in relationships with men that have been controlling that, you know, now they want, you know,

their freedom and now they're in a different stage in their lives with children older etc obviously these are the women that you're seeing nobody's been happy in their relationship because that's why they're there to see you and to file for divorce I mean also like coming from a divorced family it was not I'm grateful my mom got a divorce from my father I think it would have been so traumatic

Right. And it happened when I was two, but still two really, those are like vital years of a child's life. And no matter if they can communicate it or not, it, your, the body keeps a score and it is held in their body. And then it then reflects their dating pattern. It's a freaking domino effect. And that's,

No wonder like it is, of course, you have to kind of change the environment if it's toxic, because you can't have kids around that environment unless you want your kids to continue on that, you know, generational trauma as far as I'm concerned.

The body keeps score. I like that. I'm going to use that as long as you don't mind. Well, it's so funny because people are always talking about generational health, but I love that. I, I mean, I think that's really smart. The generational trauma. I mean, I think that's something that people are down. Um,

you know, with one, you know, you're seeing your role models and how they respond and react. And that was another thing too, you know, outside of just like the fundamentals of divorce. Like, you know, when Cheryl and I spoke about this, it's just like, she always asked me like, how do you feel? And people don't ask you how you feel after you've gotten divorced or you're in the process of getting divorced.

It's kind of like when you say you're getting divorced, they're like, oh, wow. Like you're just kind of some kind of baller. And it's not like, no, no, no. Like I have real feelings and I'm traumatized and I need to figure out how to move forward. And it took me so long to, to like, you know, that's why one thing I hated about the, this award, the word uncoupling, I just thought that was so like generic and it's just so difficult to, to,

you know, when you're so used to style. And, you know, it's not the lifestyle. It's not the money. It's just like, you know, waking up with the person, talking to the person. It's comfortable. It's comfortable. You know, like you just say, we're saying before, like time does pass so fast.

quickly. I mean, we've all like, you know, seen so much happen. And it's just like, I just constantly now thinking to myself, like, how do I feel every day? I'm like, how do I feel? How do I feel? And again, it's funny. It's people ask you so many other things like they want to talk about, you know, they want to ask what's going on with your divorce. I want to talk about this. Oh, my God. Can we talk about that? How people are so nosy, right? You have to really block out the noise because everyone has an opinion. Of course,

You know, especially if you're a public person, you know, like myself and Kelly and Cher, actually the three of us. So it's really hard. You have to, you know, just forget about everyone's opinion because according to how they've lived their life, you know, I have friends that have put up with their husbands cheating in all their lives. And then they're the first ones to say, oh, you can't put up with that. Yet you've done it. You know what I mean? And it was worth it to you. So, you know, I feel like it gets really, really difficult to understand.

you know, to be, you know, who we are and have a relationship these days because, you know, our lives are out there. And, and I think that makes marriage so much more difficult, you know, and that, that was my question. Do you, do you think there's more pressure on the idea of marriage?

And that's why they fail. You know, I feel like everybody's just so caught up on like, okay, like get married and what if it doesn't work? Like, so how do you feel about that? Then we'll be considering just like lifelong companionship versus the traditional marriage. I think, look, I think let's start by going back to one thing that you mentioned. I think being in the public eye is very difficult when you're going through a divorce.

Everybody has an opinion. Everybody's weighing in. Everybody's watching you. But I think the best thing you can do in those sorts of circumstances is surround yourself with those people in your life who are going to ask you the question exactly like you said, Kelly, are you okay? And really give a shit about what the answer is. Okay. Really care what your answer is.

And not that they want to judge and not that they want to scuttlebutt and not that they want to tell you what you should have done and the mistakes that you made or judge you, that they just want to listen to you and really care about how you're doing. I mean, the thing is that the people that love and protect you, everybody has like an opinion. But for people who really like what you were saying, genuinely ask the question, there's not a lot out there, you know, so maybe it's quality over quantity.

Right. They don't want to know how you feel. They want to know like what's going on, like what's like what's really going on. But you're right. I mean, I am lucky, though. I do have a lot of, you know, friends that are like my family. I don't actually. I could say that I have I can count on one hand my friends if like seriously. And for me, that's OK. It's not again, it's not about quantity, but it's

since I've gotten sober for the past six years, you know, and since I have continued to work on myself and is so overused now, the work, but like it is what it is. It has, you know, I have,

actually axed out a lot of people because it's not so much about them. I'm saying that I, for me, this is just, everyone comes into your life at a certain time in your life, I believe. And then also we all evolve and sometimes it's together and sometimes it's not. Same in a marriage. And I can't even judge that. Like that's just human nature. Yeah.

Yeah, but even as you said before, I know you were kidding a little bit. You're like, I'm your only friend, but here's the thing, Cheryl. My defense mechanism. If you have one...

one good one, that's enough. Yeah. One good one is enough. And that takes a lot of effort too. You know, it's a relationship. It is. Yeah. It's even interesting. Like when you're, when you're going through almost getting married and then you break off that marriage. I mean, being on this podcast has, like I said before, has been so cathartic for me because it's a safe place for me to talk honestly. And, you know, I,

I wrote a letter to my future husband. Oh my God, I saw that. Oh, I want to see that. It made me cry. What does he look like, Kelly? How is he? Not like what he looks like. Girl, you're asking the wrong question. No, but not look like. No, no, no. Not like, not physically. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Like to you, what does he look like? Not physically.

But like, what are the qualities that what are the top? I hear you. I was just joking. Yeah. Someone who's very nurturing, like I need nurturing. People are always like saying to me how strong I am. And actually, I'm actually the opposite. I just project being strong, just kind of like, you know, Cheryl talks about. It's a defense mechanism. I'm like that too. I'm like that too.

And we're really soft inside. I'm going to take care of everybody. Yes. Protect everybody. But actually, I'm the one that never gets protected or taken care of. So I would like someone who's...

strong, emotionally, and someone who has a lot of personal value, not just who they are as a person and what they do and just have a lot of integrity because that's something that after going through all of these different situations for so long since I got divorced and

I've just noticed that a lot of men that I've been around, they just have no personal value. And that was something that I was always like,

honestly offended by I just was like you can't even like stand up personal value like self-respect or like right and just like you know it was always like they were like playing they used to like a lot of guys like play a victim role around me oh god I hate that just because I'm projecting strength is not strong well right like people call me a bitch always like she's just so it's

That means you're strong, Cheryl. Dennis, you're such a good listener. Are you saying both of your ears, Dennis? This is, yeah, but listen, honestly, this conversation we're having right now and, and we're talking about like, Hey, how we're sharing our experiences and, you know, talking back before they ask them questions.

People listening to these podcasts need these podcasts. They need to know what to do through the divorce process. They need to know there's hope after the divorce process. And they're not alone. Right. Yeah. This is it.

Your moment. This is your time to make your comeback with Purdue Global. When you come back with a Purdue Global degree, you create opportunity for yourself, your family, and your future. It's a degree you can be proud of, a degree that employers will trust and respect. Purdue Global offers working adults like you over 175 flexible degree programs to meet your specific career goal.

goals. These include associate, bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees and certificates. Purdue Global degree programs range from nursing to business to communication and more. Whatever your interests, we have the degree that will move you forward.

You have the knowledge. You have the experience. Now it's time to get credit for the work you've done and earn the recognition you deserve with Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. You know you're worth it. We do too. So don't wait another second to get the degree that will take your career to the next level. Start your comeback today at purdueglobal.edu.

Hey, it's Lunchbox from the Bobby Bones Show, and I'm here to tell you the national sales event is on at your local Toyota dealer, making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new car like a legendary Camry built for performance and available with all

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Tune out whatever is around you. Close your eyes if you can. And let's just sink into sound. This mindful moment has been brought to you by Apple Music Chill. Listen now on Apple Music Radio. Okay, so then I have a question. What do people need to know in order to make a divorce smooth? Now that you're saying that people need to know. Smooth? Is there such a thing? Right. A smooth divorce? Yes, of course there is.

I think divorces are difficult. So, again, I know I'm full of stories, but I represented someone years ago. This woman was at a point where she loathed her husband with every fiber of her being, couldn't stand him.

The case took longer than anticipated. Into court. Now, you know, the way you do settlements in divorce cases is you either do a written contract or you will do it on the record in the courthouse in front of the judge and actually say orally, like, yes, this is our agreement. This is what we did, blah, blah, blah. And they do what we call an elocution, which means you swear them and say, you know, nobody's threatened you, you know, coerced you into reaching this agreement. And when they said, okay, we're issuing a judgment of divorce, you're divorced. My client just said,

sat at the table and openly wept, cried hysterically. And I think to a certain degree, it was about being relieved to be through the process. But to a certain degree, like you were saying before, Kelly, it's every aspect of your life is going to change. You wake up next to the person or you don't. Your situation with your kids has changed, where you live may change.

So many things are changing. All the things you came to know as your life will now change. So when you say, yes, let's say we have the most amicable divorce possible. It's a mediation. We reach an agreement. Everybody's happy still. So your sense of normalcy is going to change 180 degrees, even in the most amicable divorce. So it's a very stressful process. No, no matter how you look at it, even when it's quote unquote easy, right? Um,

And I think the biggest thing people need to do through the process is to prepare themselves before the divorce. What you do in the divorce process is important, but I think it's more important to prepare yourself in advance. And when I say prepare yourself in advance, you know, we talked about that one person you can count on. You know, you need to have a support system, which will include...

a therapist, which will include friends. And I always say, sometimes you want that friend who's going to kick you in the ass when you need it. And you want that friend who's going to be a shoulder to cry and give you a hug when you need it. That's what therapists are. They're not supposed to be biased, right? Therapists too. But I think sometimes, you know, friends and support system do something slightly different.

What? Cause I didn't find that. What? Well, I mean, listen, like I said, everybody's situation is different, but I think a therapist is going to listen, but they're going to give you a professional eye. It's different than, than your best friend. It's just a different thing. It's going to sound strange, but right before I broke off my engagement, I started working out with a new trainer and he was pushing me so hard. And right before I was going to be getting, uh,

getting married. Like I was drinking, I'm not a big drinker and I was drinking every single night a lot. Not me a lot, like not thousands of drinks, but I would definitely drink, you know, definitely two or three glasses of wine a night and wasn't sleeping a lot, was taking melatonin every night and just, you know, not eating a lot and not like trying to fit into a dress or anything. I just was like,

trying to navigate that I had to be up in the morning because I had to work because I had to make money. But I need at the end of the day, I needed to like figure out like how I could, you know, Cheryl and I talk about this, like numb myself. And I started working out with this trainer right before I was getting married, a new trainer. This is like maybe like two weeks before. And the way that he was training me was so taxing that I'm going to literally start crying.

It was so taxing that my whole body was just like releasing from everything. And I was just like, I can't do this. I just can't do this. And it wasn't the exercise. It was that my whole body was saying, no.

You need, your body needs to like, I mean, Cheryl, you're a dancer. So you want, you understand this. Yeah, no, it's true. The body keeps a score. Like you're, you're letting trauma release trauma off your body. Exactly. It was a trauma release. And so I suggest anyone who is getting through a divorce to, to enlist, if you can, if you can afford it. Hire a hot trainer. Hire, no, no, no, just anyone.

Just a trainer, do something different, like whatever it is. Pick a dance class. You got to move your body. Do something for yourself and move your body. I agree. Literally. Long walks are good. Long walks are really good. It was an absolute game changer. And then I remember the day after I had called it off, my whole head, I was having these chronic headaches and my whole head was just clear.

I didn't have, I mean, with it like that. You didn't feel stagnant energy anywhere. Gone. Yeah. It was like, that's done. We're done. Wow. So I think that that's really important outside of obviously coming to see you, Dennis, but just to have someone who is physically helping you

Like move and just have that kinetic energy and not that, you know, frenetic energy. That was one thing that really was a game changer for me. How do you not take the emotions from us, like from not us, but from your clients? Like, how do you not take that home with you?

I think the way I do that best is to make sure that I'm giving the right advice to people. I mean, it is, it is a taxing area of law, but I think if you approach it with care and concern and not like you're just, you know, I, I say that our industry has become files on a conveyor belt.

It's become, hey, this is what I did. Like we said at the outset. Oh, hey, you got to make a living somehow. You're going to make money. And you're going to, you know, it's going to be a sacrifice. Yeah. And the court system, too. So, OK, we've got this couple. We're going to we're going to divide the assets. We're going to get the car, going to get a house. OK, we're going to sign a judgment divorce. OK, goodbye.

And you're like, what the hell? My whole life is in shambles. This whole process, because this area of law, there's so many emotions mixed in with law, so different than any other area of law. That's what makes it so difficult to navigate. I agree, and there's children involved. There's a family involved and children. I could never do it, honestly. I mean, I really admire and respect what you do, even though sometimes it doesn't work out for the man or for the woman, whatever it may be. But it's just a really tough specialty.

Because family law involving children. Yeah, thank you. I want to give advice that's like, you know, listen, when you come into my office, I want to make sure that divorce is where you're going. I want to make sure that you're absolutely certain that's where you want to go. I want to make sure you if you need counseling, that you have a counselor involved, that if you know, you're seeking out friends and family to support you, you're thinking out the logistics of it.

I mean, I can't make, you know, listen, there are things that remember your lawyer. And here's an important point to make. I think when people think of divorce, they think, oh, I get a divorce lawyer. I'm good. I get a divorce lawyer.

Your divorce lawyer is going to give you legal advice and then you're going to leave their office. And they're good. And if they're a good one, they're going to do the best they can to represent you. And sometimes it's not even such good advice, by the way, with all your respect. Right. Right. It depends. You have to go home and try to manage and navigate. Just saying. But yeah. Yeah. But Kelly, what you just said right there, then then we send you home to go home and navigate.

And you're going to do everything you can to shield your kids from the process like you did. And you're going to put your kids first and put yourself second. And then what we want you to do is try to find a way to put yourself first. Try to find a way to get yourself through the process where you're intact when you come out the other side. And that's those are the things that we can't help you with. But didn't they by calling you, didn't they put themselves first? You know, they did. And I think that's a good point. I think that's the starting point. But I think it goes so much deeper than that.

But even so, don't you think if the woman's going to see you, she's already made up her mind. I mean, it could be difficult.

But I believe that she's the one that initiates it and she goes to see it. It's something that she already wanted. So like, I don't know why they want to continue this. Cause I mean, I mean, I'm a woman, but I know a lot of women that just want to like drag out the divorce. I don't know if it's because of the money. I'll be straight up. My divorce attorneys asked me those questions. Like, are you, you know, what is going, like wanted to make sure that I wasn't reacting and yet instead responding. Right. So like,

this was you know something that we had long discussions about it wasn't like it wasn't a let's just go you know no you know he appreciated the fact that i've been in therapy since i was literally four years old and that i've been with this last one that i'm still with for 15 years consistently so it's like you know this wasn't a pure reaction this was over time obviously and then there's a time when it's just no longer working so what do i do what's the next step the

The vast majority of those cases, absolutely right. In fact, the overwhelming majority. However, you're having conversations with clients in these consultations, not like you're a lawyer trying to get a case to put their case on a conveyor belt and make money off of it. I hope not. You're trying to have a conversation with clients like you give a crap about what's happening in their life and them individually. So that's, again, I think that's the primary focus. But that's hard to find.

It is. And that's a shame. And you know what the big what I'm hearing is like the big void is that there's information of like how to get divorced and there's information of why to get divorced. And there's information of, you know, the the unraveling or the finance or the settlement agreements, the contract. But there's no next chapter there.

advice. That's what we're here for girl. Dennis, are you working on your new book? I am actually, I feel like you need to write a book. But there isn't only one way legal and then the therapeutic so that could be you know, you definitely have the audience that like day one, you signed your agreement. You're divorced. What do you do now? Don't go have a divorce party like that's ridiculous.

I think, look, there's so much that, I mean, you touched on it and Kelly, you're 100% right. It's the tip of the iceberg. And you're right, Cheryl, it isn't one path only for one person. But I think for people, we need to do the best we can as professionals in this space or people with experience and having been through the process in this space. Have a podcast, yeah. Well, right, to get the word out. Because I tell clients when they come into my office, like,

okay, what I want you to do throughout the process, consume information. Listen to podcasts, talk to friends who've been through it, watch Instagram shows, watch things on TikTok, listen to videos. Does it mean that everything they tell you is 100% accurate? No. But as you gain more information, what you gain is calm, right?

And that's the most valuable thing you can have through the process. Okay. Speaking of, I'll come, how come there are these, these divorces or these, you know, that last like months,

five, seven years? Like what, what is the value of that? Uh, you just want to get back at the person. You just fight the person because I know those divorces and it's ridiculous. Could it be money situation? It could be situational though, in that sense where like they have, like if they wait a certain amount of years, they could pay less. Alexia just answered it. She got it right. From my experience. Yeah,

Yeah, it's despite, of course, it's despite they want to spite them. And what do you hit them? What do you hit the man with the money? It's like, why do people go back to abusive relationships? No,

No, when you hit the mill, the money, that's where it hurts. The men don't have the feelings and emotions that we do. For us, it's like, okay, you can take away our car, but don't take away like, you know, something that's meaningful to us, you know, maybe like a picture or an art or something that meant something to us when we were together with my children. I tell judges this on a regular basis. Women want to get the men back for whatever it was they did.

I mean, vice versa can happen. I think and vice versa. Listen, I tell judges and opposing counsel in these cases and clients regularly, I say most of these divorces are math problems when it comes to the finances. There is nothing more than a math problem. Not if you have a clear prenup. Well, and the prenup keeps it

The prenup keeps it clearer, but generally speaking, at least in New York state, it's pretty straightforward. A lot of the issues, what, what tends to complicate things are when there are remnants of a broken relationship that you never resolved for yourself and feel like you need to, you need to get like, like, you know, she always did this during their relationship. And now I'm, and I never really sought this out. So now I'm going to figure it out.

We've got to let go of that stuff. Let go. Let go and let God, folks. Let go and let God. Dennis, we can talk to you all damn day. Thank you so much. Thank you, Dennis. It was so much fun. Thank you, Dennis. Yes. Listen, I love hearing your stories, though. It's amazing. I just love it. When I get married again, I'll make sure to move to New York and hire you.

Do her prenup. For my next divorce. I think, listen, if you haven't heard this before, the fact that you've made it through the divorce process intact says to me, you're incredibly brave because it's so difficult to have that level of courage to get through that. People don't realize how difficult it is. It's so difficult that I'm a virgin. I'm a born again and I am single for the rest of my life because I'm loving it.

But you love you. That's the key. That is true. That's all that matters. That will take you everywhere. I love Cheryl too. I love Cheryl. No, you love you. You love you. And I love you. We're all one, okay, folks? We're all one.

Good to talk to you, ladies. We know you're good when you can handle three strong women. His wife is a strong woman, too, because he likes. Oh, yeah. And your mom was your mom strong. Yes. My my mother in law and my mom and top of the craft. My wife is she's she's a she's a tough, strong willed, successful, confident lady. And I wouldn't have it any other way. So

So now that you're saying that, do you think that marriages last longer when the woman is a strong woman like that or a weak woman? Only if you're him. Only if you have the right partner. Only if your mother was strong. Only if... Like, seriously.

I always thought that because I was a big personality, very confident person, very strong-willed, I needed somebody who was going to kind of like acquiesce to me. And what I realized over time, I'm 53 years old now, what I realized over time, oh, thank you, when I met my wife is,

I need the opposite of that. I need someone who inspires me, who matches my energy, who I can look up to, who I don't feel like needs to live in my shadow. Sometimes I live in hers. Sometimes she lives in mine and we stand together with. The fact that you are, you're aware of that is amazing. Amazing. My wife is pretty amazing. So I'm very lucky. So.

I'll interview her next. We'll see. Yes. Thank you, Dennis. Happy holidays. Thank you. Happy holidays, Dennis. Bye, Dennis. This is it.

Your moment. This is your time to make your comeback with Purdue Global. When you come back with a Purdue Global degree, you create opportunity for yourself, your family, and your future. It's a degree you can be proud of, a degree that employers will trust and respect. Purdue Global offers working adults like you over 175 flexible degree programs to meet your specific career goals. These include associate, bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees and certificates.

Purdue Global degree programs range from nursing to business to communication and more. Whatever your interest, we have the degree that will move you forward.

You have the knowledge. You have the experience. Now it's time to get credit for the work you've done and earn the recognition you deserve with Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. You know you're worth it. We do too. So don't wait another second to get the degree that will take your career to the next level. Start your comeback today at purdueglobal.edu.

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Tune out whatever is around you. Close your eyes if you can. And let's just sink into sound. This mindful moment has been brought to you by Apple Music Chill. Listen now on Apple Music Radio. What do you guys think of Dennis? Isn't he great? He's great. He's great. I really enjoyed talking to him. What did you learn?

Well, I learned that apparently you have to be prepared. I was like, what? Like, I never thought that. Okay. Yeah, I guess I've always been caught off guard. And so that was basically for me, like, the most striking thing to listen to.

was that, that you need to be prepared. At first, you didn't agree with that. You know, I still kind of don't because that's not the way that I've lived my life. I hear you. And then some people will say, well, how has it worked out for you? Right? I have like some friends that say, okay, well, how has it worked out for you?

But, you know, I do everything from my heart. And I know I would feel bad as a person if if I were to do something like that. You know, however, the type of person that I like to sit down and I like to have the conversation. If you're my friend, if you're my lover, if you're my whatever you are, that's ideal. That's ideal. But intellectually, do you understand it?

Oh, 100%. Yeah. You have to be prepared for everything in life, you know, right? Yeah, I hear you. That's the most important thing that I took. So ladies, prepare. I am for my next failed marriage. I'm kidding. Stop it. Stop saying that, Cheryl. I'm not going to let Cheryl say that anymore. Hey, it's all good. I can joke because I'm not even dating. We're good. Okay. So we went into this podcast and we're talking about divorce, but I really, my biggest takeaway from this entire podcast

obviously just like being able to like talk and hear the stories. I love that so much. It just brings me like so much peace. But just kind of like the thought of, you know, what it is that, what does that, what are those next steps after you get divorced? Like,

I think that's what's like who wants to get married again. Right. I mean, it's like, it's, you know, it's like one, it's like kind of like when you're in the divorce, what he was, what Dennis was saying is that people are asking questions or coming to see him. There's a lot of energy that's into the contract and,

But the minute that contract is over and those phone calls are over and the conversations are over and the fighting is over on both sides, like where do people, what do people do? What are the next steps? I think it's sitting in the uncomfortable feelings. It's feeling the feelings, but feeling them in a way where,

You have to understand in general, God, I wish I could take my own advice, but like, this is what I'm going to be. This is my goal for 2025 is to be able to not, cause I'm addicted to productivity now at Kelly, you know that, but like, so with that, um,

comes me numbing. That's my new numbing device. So it used to be people, it used to be alcohol, and I'm sober. So now what do I do to numb and not have to sit in my shit is work. I just work. My to-do list is so long, but I'm going to have to, because I don't want to one, die early or two, check myself into the nearest mental institution. I have to feel my feelings. And

Knowing that feelings come and go like the waves of the ocean literally is what is going to help me get through it. And I think the sooner you feel, the sooner it won't be held in your body. And God knows what that causes as far as diseases go or sickness or whatever. But it is so important to just wherever safe space you feel. And it may not include other people. This is why I ghosted myself literally from everybody when I moved out of L.A.

Cause like, I know that I can't feel with other people surrounding me, let alone feel alone. Right? Like, so how am I ever going to feel if I don't really force that? And you know, it's interesting that you said that because that's something that's been happening to me and before, or if I was ever in a situation that was uncomfortable, whether it was work related or life related, I would just push those feelings down. And now I'm just very open to everything. And I,

because we've been having these conversations now for, you know, for the last couple of months and, you know, I'll be with clients and I can feel like getting overwhelmed. Like it's like, I can feel that I'm going to start to cry and I don't know why. Oh, that's great. But I'm actually, that's great. That's good. No, it's good. I'm actually okay with it. I'm like, and you don't need to know why who cares. And I'm,

And I don't know why. And I'm just like, I'm actually okay with it. And it just feels good. It's good to cry. It feels good to feel good, Alexa. Good to feel good inside. You know what's so fascinating? I still stop myself from crying. It's like, it wasn't, it's, I have to untrain that part of my brain because crying to me, it's like,

It's the scariest thing when I'm not present with it, meaning like it's not scary. Obviously, I know that in my brain, but I've always stopped myself from crying. It's interesting. But it's okay. Sometimes it's good just to let it out. It's okay. I mean, we all have different like outlets, you know, we all deal with things differently. Yeah.

I like to just be a sarcastic bitch, but I don't know if that's my version. We like that too. You're the warmest human. Oh my God. I totally related to you, Kelly. When you're like, people think I'm so confident and it's this hard. I've got the wall of China. Now, if you could break my brick wall of China, then we're, then you're,

You deserve self. You deserve the time together because it is a defense mechanism for me, but I get it. Like I get approached by people who are like so intimidated. I'm like, by who? Like, who are you talking to? You know, but I do have a resting bitch face. So that helps. No, you do not. That is not true. You're always smiling and you're always like, you're just a warm human. I think that's how I see you. Thank you. And same with you, by the way.

Thank you. It's just, you know, they're not ready for us. That's why. Yeah. We need to own our space and take up the space. I feel like just men today, they just...

They don't want, they don't want to, they don't have a commitment, you know, they just don't want the commitment. Yeah. And, you know, and if you're committed to yourself, like in being better and just, you know, growing and getting stronger and, you know, you're doing things that are gratifying to you. It's like, you really don't need men anymore. I mean, really, it's like if you...

I don't want to get to the point where I don't need men anymore because, you know, like... Well, me neither. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Me neither. But I'm just saying that society can look at it. Look at your Instagram feed. Everything is about... Thank you.

and self-care instead of love. And like, so that's what I was saying. So it's like, it's really hard actually. - I have an amazing twin brother. I had an unbelievable father. Like I have a lot of admiration. So I don't ever want to feel like I'm alone on an island anymore. 'Cause I've been on my own island, Alexia, for so long.

Like I literally have been like, it's, it's, it's, I'm done. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to feel good. I said, like I was saying, I go, I want to continue feeling good about feeling good. And I, and I want to be open to that right person who's there. And whether he sees me walking across the street because I'm smiling, because I'm actually like just genuinely happy or wherever or however, but you know, I do feel like I, I,

It's an energy thing. I know that sounds like so like... No, no, but it's true. Good energy attracts good energy. Wait, what do you mean you're done? Being on an island. I'm done with being... No, don't say that out loud because then you're attracting desperation. Don't do that. You're not alone. You're not done. No, I know, but I'm saying that I put myself on that island. Just like you were saying that you go...

Everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. But like, I'm also alone and ghosting people and I'm ready for human connection. But this is the problem. I'm picky now with like before it was just more bodies, more bodies, more bodies. Like I feel like the more time you're by yourself, you get pickier. And that's like, I feel like a lot of my friends has happened to they're so selective, you know, and they're so good with like managing their time and what they want.

You don't even realize it. Like for you, you know, it's been two or three years, whatever. And you're so good with yourself and you don't need that. But when you're not there, like I'm not there. I don't know that I ever will be there because I, for me, people are important. Like I have a lot of people in my life.

And, you know, I have friends and, and, you know, and, you know, young and old. It's just for me, it's, it's part of my life. I don't think that I could ever be in that island by myself. Like, honestly, I can't. Well, it's a choice, right? Like, and by the way, to each their own. Absolutely. There's so many different ways. Kelly, let's have a Zoom friendship. Okay. I'm so down for that. I have my own Zoom account.

Come on. I love you girls. You too. I really love talking to both of you. You can call me whenever you want. We'll keep in touch. Yes, please. Yes, I will do that. And if you see, if there's any hot dudes, you know, holler at your girls.

Yeah, well, you know, in Miami, it's really hard to find men here. Really? But, oh my God, yeah. Everybody, well, there's hot people here, but I mean, it's so fake and transitional. Correct. Transitional is the word. It's like, I don't know that you can find, there's like 25 women for each guy. Oh, gross. And they're all fighting for the same guy. It's really gross. The guys here are so entitled to us. And in LA, by the way. Mm-hmm.

You know what? This whole world. I wish I was a lesbian, but I don't like girls. You know, that's what it is. I'm surprised there's not more lesbians, honestly, after having these conversations about men. I mean, I love girls, but you know what I'm saying? I've tried. It just doesn't, no, doesn't tickle my pickle.

How about you, Kelly? This is another episode. Yeah, it's another episode. I just, again, like I just really, I know that I'm going to have this amazing love story. I do. I know. We're going to be there with you, Kelly. We're going to write a book about it. And it's going to be on fiction, not fiction. You know, I love that you believe in love, Kelly. So do I.

And that's why like I could go through all, you know, people would be like, oh my God, but aren't you like, because other women will be that way and will be like, why are you still open to love? You know what? And I always will. Nobody's going to take that away from me. Good for you. I love love. I'm in love with love. I love to be in love. Love is overrated. Just kidding. No,

No, I mean, there's different, right? No, I know. But I get what you say, you know, but with love comes pain also, you know, joy, you know, with joy comes sadness. How do you know sadness if you don't know joy? So it's very complicated. You're right. But it's about my fear. It's my fear. So, so high as far as like wanting, not wanting to get hurt again, that I, you're protecting yourself. And I hear course. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, we love you. You're going to be just fine.

Oh, thank you. It's so good to see you after it's been over a decade. So good to see you. Happy New Year. Good to see you. We wish you all like the healthiest and happiest holiday and good feelings and good vibes. And Cheryl, I'll see you on your island. I'm going to come to your island. Come to my island. You should all come to Miami and then we'll go to an island. Hell yeah. I love Miami.

Bye, girls. Happy holidays. Bye. Happy holidays. I just love talking to these women, Alexia and Kelly. They're such just strong, independent women who have gone through divorce. And it just makes me feel like I'm not alone.

But do you guys have any questions about divorce maybe? Or are you looking for advice now that your relationship or marriage is over? Make sure to call us or email us and follow us on all social platforms. And the information will be in the show notes. So make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part Two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.

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