Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Wheezy. Okay, we got the R&B Money Podcast with Tank and J. Valentine.
We got the Woman of All podcast with Sarah Jake Roberts, the Funky Friday podcast with Cam Newton, the Naked Sports podcast with Carrie Champion, Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, the Trap Nerd podcast, and many more will be on that stage live. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect marketplace with Black-owned businesses, plus...
the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at black effect.com slash podcast festival. Proudly sponsored by Nissan.
Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them.
Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. Sister Wives returns at last. And while the Browns have gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other.
Mary and Janelle form an unlikely alliance. Christine is off living in a newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are left wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship? And after all the joy and drama, they hit the hot seat and answer the questions everyone has been begging to know. Sister Wives, all new Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.
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We've got the biggest giveaways, the day's top headlines and everything trending in the Bay to start your day. It's all on the JV show weekday mornings on wild 94.9. And if you're busy in the morning, you can catch the JV show podcast anytime, anywhere. Just save wild 94.9 and the JV show podcast as your top. I heart radio preset. Hey guys, it's Jana and I am back with my bestie Pam and we are going to talk all things dating and how it's going for my girl. All right, girl, let's dive back into our convo.
So whenever I ever get someone that DMs me about them going through a divorce, I'm so sad for them because I know the feeling and we know how awful it is, but I always end it with, and I'm so excited for you because there's going to be a brighter version, a lighter version of yourself. You get to, you get to fall in love again. You get to receive what you really deserve and not settle for less, but that doesn't mean that it's not hard in the process.
And that is what we continue on with this conversation and, you know, in our walks and our talks. And that's why, you know, I'm excited to talk to you about it because it is, dating isn't easy. No, but it doesn't have to be horrible. Exactly. So I think there's the ebbs and the flows, right? So for you now that you have, because how many years now has it been? Two. Two years. So you're two years divorced. When do you think actually it's appropriate to start dating again?
I never really follow timelines. Yeah. I think it's like a feeling thing, but... Well, I think you have to be honest with yourself. I think, you know, like, are we dating to mask feelings and not processing things? You know, or maybe, you know...
somebody truly that you would really, you know, like really want to be in a relationship just happened to come into your life at, you know, maybe the two month mark. I mean, I don't think there's like, I don't like to ever put timelines on it like that either. For me, I didn't even really think about it. Like when I was getting divorced and then like months and months after I didn't even really, again, I was just like so focused on my growing my company and my kids and, you
Like that's kind of, that's what I did. I didn't jump into dating. I jumped into travel. Right. That was my, that's what I did. And so I don't have an answer for that. For me, it was, it was a while. I mean, my goodness. Oh, what? Eight months maybe or something. And it was because of you anyway, that even,
prompted me to even entertain anything, you know? So I probably wouldn't have like started until later. Well, I just, cause I think it's one of those things, like we said early on, it's, it's a bit of a numbers game, but it's also go out there and feel the feelings of like, like I, when I started dating, I was like, oh wow. I, people think I'm sexy. Like, I don't know. I mean, there's a, there's this,
And feeling you get post-divorce. Yeah, I mean, and sometimes you do need like a stroke of your ego, I guess, right? After, you know, kind of a long, you know, marriage or whatever. And I, whenever I did kind of start dating, I was ready. Sure. Like I felt good about it. I felt, you know, just in a positive light. And I was excited because for me,
The type of energy I'm going to put into something is exactly what I'm going to get out of it. So I am never going to be like, this sucks. Men are awful. My gosh, dating like that will never come out of my mouth. I actually love it. I love men. I think they're amazing. I think that I am learning something new.
about myself every time I talk to or go on a date with somebody. And that is what I take away from it. So I, I think it's fun. And we have some lows with it. What are the lows? Do you think that I've said it's, it's discouraging, right? At times because it's,
I mean, I don't know. Is it? So the last date maybe? Hey, but discouraging, discouraging. I mean, that was an amazing date. Sure, sure, sure. But so- You did send me a text that was like, I'm like, this sucks. Oh, well, okay. But let me explain this to everybody. So I-
have not had any type of bad experience at all. Okay. I feel like, you know, any man that I've talked to or been on a date with or jumped off boats. I mean, that was, Oh Lord. Okay. Moving on. So,
I think I can, you know, sniff them out pretty good. So I've, I've only, I've only had really interesting men that like are doing really cool things and I'm super intrigued by. So that's been great to like, see that, you know, this whole different world out there. Cause you, when you're married for 10 years, you know, you don't, you're not exploring that. You don't know. And so,
that's been a blessing for me is just like, whoa, you know, like this is super refreshing. This, this can be fun and, um, just kind of evolving, you know, and learning from each one of them, the little things I want to take away from each one of them. I mean, you know, and try to write, you're trying to piece them all together to find like this magic person. I think that's where I'm at that I've had, haven't had anything bad. It's just, hasn't been like the, um,
Do you have moments where you wonder if you'll ever find love again? No. No. So you believe that you will. 1000%. And what is, cause there's times when we walk and you're like, I don't want to have, I don't need to have the, I don't need to get married again. I don't need to. So it's like, well, that's true. I mean, that's exactly. Is it though? Cause then you're like the other day you just said, but what do I want?
Right. I mean, what do you want? So here's the deal. I 1000% am so freaking happy in my life. Like I really, I could find a word for you. It's joyful. You're like, I hit the jackpot. I am, you know, I have this
company that fills me with such joy and, you know, inspiration and that continues to grow. I have these beautiful children. I have the most amazing friendships. My family's so freaking great. You know, I get to travel. I get to have all of these beautiful experiences. So when I tell you I'm at a high, I'm really at a high.
But that doesn't mean that I don't have space or that I don't necessarily want somebody to elevate me even higher. Like, can I think, do I think that I can be even that much happier with an amazing partner? I do. I want, I totally do. And I do want that. However, if it's not that I'm not doing it. Mm-hmm.
I don't have to do it. I don't, I don't need it. I want it. Yeah. But I really don't. I mean, I'm, I'm happy at my home on a Saturday night with music and a good book. Right.
Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Wheezy. Okay, we got...
We'll be right back.
the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us, alright? Listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at blackeffect.com slash podcast festival. There's a lot in life that feels like it should be guaranteed that just isn't. Fortunately, AT&T guarantees connectivity you can depend on. Or they'll make it right. AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.com slash guarantee to learn more.
In-network covered care for most major insurance pay as little as $15 per session.
Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.
Sister Wives returns at last and while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land.
But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?
And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody's end out? Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back.
You've got to catch Sister Wives, all new, Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.
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Aging is a natural process, as we all know, and we, at The Deep Dive, we embrace it. But I will tell you one thing about aging that I don't care for. It's the symptoms that stem from changing hormones, especially as you get closer to perimenopause and menopause. That's why, listeners, I want to tell you about Happy Mammoth's Hormone Harmony. It's all over social media.
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I've noticed a little extra pep in my step since I started taking the Hormone Harmony supplement and I love feeling more energetic. For a limited time, you can get 15% off your entire first order at happymammoth.com. Just use the code Jenny at checkout. I think it's important too because there's no point in settling when it, like I would have never settled again because what is the point?
I have two beautiful, I had two beautiful children. I would rather be alone than be in an unhappy marriage again, because we know how that feels to be in an unhappy marriage. And then why go through that again if it's not the right person? I know. And that's just where I feel so powerful. And so like, honestly, in control of it. And I just think there's something to be said about that.
It's this combination of divorced mom energy and perimenopausal type of situation that is like the most powerful thing I've ever experienced in my life. It causes you to ask for what you want, not give a shit what people think.
And just kind of, you're coming into your own, honestly. And, and it's the best place to be. If I could bottle it up and sell this feeling that I have right now, we would be billionaires. What is your biggest, when you, now that you're in the dating world again, what is, what do you love the most about it and what defeats you?
from it. Well, is it that it's Raya's the worst or? No, I mean, oh my gosh. I convinced you to get on that one. Yes, you did. And that's all that I've, between, you know, friends introducing me to people and Raya, I mean, that's really all there is. I don't go out much. So I'm not meeting somebody, you know, at a bar or
So I think that's the thing, right? Where, okay, so now you're a mom, you know, you're trying to run this, you know, house by yourself and you're, you know, working and doing all the things. It's challenging to find the time to put forth, you know, the effort. So I think that's, that's really hard.
So that's what's discouraging a little bit. Because we can just talk about what happened. I'm like, all right, when's your second date? You're like, I've got a volleyball game here, a softball game there. And then I got the kids and then it's just like, and then my business. And it's like, when? You know, it's, so that is super challenging and it's definitely a thing, but I have to believe that there are men out there with the exact same problem as me and are, you
you know, willing to maybe be a little bit like non-traditional in their approach to I do part two. Right. Right. What has been like, what, what gives you the most ick on a date? Oh Lord. Dating in your forties. What is the ickiest thing? You know, the funny thing about X or is that they can just come out of nowhere. I mean, you are like, Whoa, what?
I was totally vibing with you and you said one thing and I'm done. I'm out. Like you said, you like an all inclusive and I'm outtie 500. It can happen that quick. And so it's, it's, it's a scary place sometimes. Cause you're like, whoa, I'm like, girl, I love it. All inclusive. Let's do. I am such a detailed, curated, experiential person.
Like if I'm leaving my house and I'm traveling, it's going to be perfectly curated and boutique-y. But anyway, we digress. Yes. So the biggest ick, oh, I have a couple actually. Go for it. So listen up dudes. Getting drunk or having
more than like two glasses of wine or a cocktail. I mean, I remember I was on a date and we were, I was there for 50 minutes cause I couldn't stand the guy once I got there. And so I was, you know, trying to kind of like move it fast. And in 50 minutes he had three cocktails on a Tuesday night.
It's just not, I'm just not about that. I don't like it. It's a total ick to me. Yeah, like just getting drunk in general at this age, you know, I'm 46 years old. I'm, you know,
dating my age or older, I just, it's just not something that I want to be in that environment. Totally cool if you do, and that's what you love to do in your spare time. It's not. I mean, well, I enjoy like a, you know, amazing glass of wine with somebody on a date, of course. But I don't like if alcohol is- The driving force. Yeah, or like their identity or something that like has to be done all the time. I just do not like that. Mm-hmm.
Is there height requirements? Oh, I feel so bad when I say this stuff because I know, I mean, I definitely do, but I hate to, I hate to say it aloud. I think, I just think there's so many, you know, I think if you're going to be again, you know, picking the one it's, I never liked dating shorter guys and I couldn't, I tried. I totally tried.
But I just, I like a dude that's taller than me and I'm 5'4". So that's really not asking for a lot. But I did try it and someone was like, he was like, maybe, maybe 5'4". Maybe 5'5". He was like 5'5". And I was like, I just can't do it. Right. So I think though, at this point, maybe that makes me shallow. No, no, not at all. I mean, my whole life I've, you know, it's been very tall men, but...
What I am learning, and this is a process. I mean, I am learning what gets me going and what I like and, you know, the type of feeling I want. And so I think there's a world where I could totally, you know,
fall for somebody if they weren't, you know, so tall, if like I had this amazing feeling and it was like supportive and there was beautiful communication and, you know, I was attracted to you. I think it all comes down to attraction really. So, um, but typically, you know, I've dated like six foot and above. Yeah. Just if we were going off of charts past. Yeah.
I mean, my ex-husband was actually the smallest, I mean, not smallest, the shortest person that I ever knew was six foot. Right. And again, I think if as long as you have that attraction. Yeah. It's the attraction for me. You know, that. And I'd like to wear like a small heel. Yeah.
No, I do agree. But people make it work. I mean, there's, I totally for our name, but I follow her on socials. I mean, she's taller than her husband, you know? But again, they're attracted to each other and it's not. Yeah. I don't think any of it's like a hard no for me. Sure.
Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Wheezy. Okay, we got the R&B Money Podcast with Tank and J. Valentine.
We got the Woman Evolved podcast with Sarah Jake Roberts, the Funky Friday podcast with Cam Newton, the Naked Sports podcast with Carrie Champion, Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, the Trap Nerd podcast, and many more will be on that stage live. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect marketplace with Black-owned businesses, plus...
the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at black effect.com slash podcast. There's a lot in life that feels like it should be guaranteed that just isn't. Fortunately, AT&T guarantees connectivity. You can depend on or they'll make it right. AT&T connecting changes everything. Terms and conditions apply. Visit ATT.com slash guarantee to learn more.
Sister wives returns at last. And while the Browns have all gone their own separate ways, that doesn't mean they're done with each other. Mary and Janelle are looking for love and land.
But first, form an unlikely alliance. Janelle is also hanging with her bestie, Christine, who's off living in newly married bliss. And Cody and Robin are all that's left out there on the Coyote Pass wondering, can they be happy in a monogamous relationship?
And after all the joy and drama, they hit the tell-all hot seat and must answer the questions everyone has been begging to know and maybe just serving up some spicy answers of their own. Has Cody zenned out? Is Robin owning her moment? Have Mary and Janelle finally found a special someone? And you know Christine isn't going to hold anything back.
You've got to catch Sister Wives, all new Sunday at 10, 9 central on TLC.
We'll be right back.
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Because you are quite the cougar. Oh my. You could be. Well, everybody always asks me that and they certainly are. They love Pam. Yeah. The younger are bold. I mean, they are bold. They are communicative, which I totally appreciate. I do love a good, bold, you know, subtle, swaggy type of person. Mm-hmm.
But I never dated younger ever. And I just, I don't know why. I think maybe there's a couple like things that are happening in my brain where I'm like, they want kids. The kid train is, we're done. Yeah, we're done. Closed. Yeah. So you've got two kids. I have two kids. Right. So, but you know, I'm like, you know, do they want a child of their own? And then I kind of would feel, you know, like guilty about that. So I think there's a little bit of that.
And I've just, I really like an older sophistication, but I am telling you these younger men coming up, I mean, they have some tools like with communication and awareness and evolving and, you know, really kind of like tuning into a woman that is admirable and exciting. And so I just...
really haven't gone there yet because I really do. I'm super intentional and I probably think too much. Do you want to get married again? I don't know if I have to get married. I mean, I am open to, you know, that, but I don't think that it's something that is...
Like on the top of my, of my list of feeling like I've found the one in, or, you know, to marry them. Like, I don't, I don't have to do that. Do I want like this beautiful long-term monogamous exceptional relationship? Yes. Right. And, and listen, dudes, they don't have, you don't have to live here in Nashville. Like she's, she loves traveling. No, I've never like seriously dated anybody in Nashville. I actually maybe prefer not. Yeah.
Nothing wrong with that. Would you sign a prenup if you did get married? Yeah. I feel like at our age, it's like, yeah. I have my, I'm good. Talk to us about your business. Okay. Well, I have a health and wellness coaching company that is global. It can reach anybody because it is global.
virtual. I have my own app and I am really focused on transforming women's bodies, minds, and spirits really in the 40 plus age group through weight training and nutrition and, you know, gut health and mindset. And I am a
I mean, I could cry thinking about how grateful I am that I'm in this space, that I was able to develop this company and grow it to where it is. And now, you know, just continue to scale it. I don't know what I would have done without it. Yeah. I mean, it was, and hey, I went through the program. It's a great program. Helped me get my body back from,
Yeah. From pregnancy or, you know, from being pregnant and everything. So, but also what I learned too about foods and. Sure. It's the education. Yeah. And I think for you too, moving into your dating world, you need a man that supports your drive, lets you shine there. Cause I don't know if you've had that. And then also that takes care of themselves. Like you said, not drinking so much. Like you want someone that,
takes care of themselves. Well, I just want them to first and foremost, like acknowledge the importance of being, you know, fit in their body, mind and spirit. I mean, you know, you don't have to be, you know, some big buff guy, you know, at all. And I don't, I'm not even really into that, but
I just, yeah, I love the awareness and the, and people having like the understanding of why that's so important and how it's going to help with longevity and just making your life, like living your life as optimally as possible is really my message. Like we don't want to just feel okay. We want to feel freaking amazing. And I want somebody to be on that journey with me so that when we're 70, 80, like we can still be traveling through Europe together. Yeah.
Speaking of traveling through Europe, what is your hope on this dating journey? Like if you could go, this is, this is what I'd love to see in the end. I know you don't know if you want to get married or not, but cause I feel like travel obviously is a huge piece of that. So you want someone that can be worldly, can go travel with you. Yes. I, you know, for me right now, like what I visualize and I'm open to different things, but
for me currently, like what I'm capable of, right? We talk about what everybody else is capable of, but what I'm capable of is
maybe something that doesn't look so cut and dry like people are used to where there can be a beautiful relationship that doesn't have to be so like in the same city. And so maybe like 24 seven, right? Where it can be where we meet and we travel together and we support each other and we can see each other like when we don't have our kids or whatever like timing that looks like.
Because that's the reality with co-parenting. I can't change that. You know, they have to be with their dad. They want to be with their dad. He wants to be with them. And then I have space to, you know, either focus on my company or travel or do whatever I want to do. And I take full advantage of that. And so I think there's a world where it could be this amazing, like non-traditional view of partnership where I don't have to live in the same home as you.
24 seven. I mean, could that overlap and in, would that be cool? Absolutely. But I, I don't think that, you know, it has to be so, so full on. Yeah. And I, and I too, like for the, you know, for people that are dating and I just did this little Google search here and I'm going to read it in a sec, but
not to be discouraged because a lot of people are like, oh, this, you know, Nashville sucks for men or it's so hard. There's not men here. And there are roughly, it's Google, 4 billion men on earth, slightly more than half of the planet's total population. So 4 billion men. Oh yeah. I think, and again, I met my husband, he's was overseas, different, different country. And so it's like,
The reality of your soulmate being in your same state, I'm like, you can go to any state. And I know it's hard, right? So I say that. I love it. But it's like, maybe change your Googles or your dating search to a different city. Just try it. Like, I don't know. Remember I was like, girl, try Dallas or try like, who cares? You know, cause I'm like, people will move.
If you find the right one. The only people that I've dated. Why just are you, why are you in a 25 mile radius? Yeah. You're not going to find anybody in a 25 mile radius. No. I had to go overseas. Yeah. I mean, do you see what I mean though? Totally. Like, oh, that's what I do. I mean, that's exactly what I do. I'm, you know, and yeah. I mean, the only people I've dated were,
LA, New York, you know, just not here. Not that I'm opposed to it. It's just, I think for Nashville, if I will say, it is more of a younger male demographic. You know, I mean, I live in Franklin, Tennessee, you guys. It's like the capital of beautiful families living in this dream of all, you know, these wonderful moms and dads and kids. And so there's no, I mean-
There's no single men, really, right? So you got to look elsewhere. Best tip for dating. Don't take everything so personal. I mean, who cares if somebody doesn't like you? Who cares if they don't like you back? Who cares if they even don't call you back or ghost you? Like,
I am never going to let somebody doing that affect like how I think about myself or that or make me feel like I'm less than or not worthy. I mean, there's the chances of there being a connection.
are really slim. I mean, that's why we have to keep trying and never give up hope, but not letting, you know, some guy you barely know dictate how you're going to feel and then go about your life. It's, it's just insane to me. Such a good tip. I would say the,
a tip that I've given you. Oh, I know. Because we don't have a lot of time. We are moms. We are busy. Girl, FaceTime before you go on a date because you will know pretty much if you're attracted on a FaceTime and if there's any sort of connection over a FaceTime and you're going to not waste your time. No, you've helped me for that for sure. I've definitely...
Put that into my routine. Yeah. I got to FaceTime you first. Cause it's just really, I mean, that's why I'm like, I,
Blind dates, you're just. No, I'm not interested in a blind date. I mean, at this, it's. But what I think we should be interested in, what we should do is this summer, we go to New York and we just, you know, cause you gotta, you gotta get out, right? Gotta get out, gotta meet people. You have to be vulnerable. Let's go, let's just go on a little girls weekend. And you know, to anyone listening, Pamela, where can they find you? Slide into her DMs.
House of Pamela on Instagram. Pamela, you are the best. Thanks for being on the pod, sharing your experience. I love you so much. And I know that you are going to get the ending that you deserve and the love that you've always deserved to have. Thank you. I love you friend. Appreciate you. Okay. So we're going to put some info up on our socials at I do part two pod. So you can see my gorgeous friend inside and out, and I want you to share it. So send it to your brothers or your coworkers or your husband's best friends or
And we're going to try and make an actual love connection because that is why we created this show. So let's help my bestie find her true love. I love you. Thank you again for just being open to chatting about this. I'm excited for your love journey and I'm glad you are actually taking me along on this process now, not...
Not how you did with the divorce. So thank you. And listeners, are you like Pamela and navigating after divorce? Call us and email us. Maybe we'll work on setting you up next. I do part two and I heart radio podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective.
Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Wheezy. Okay, we got the R&B Money Podcast with Tank and J. Valentine.
We got the Woman Evolved podcast with Sarah Jake Roberts, the Funky Friday podcast with Cam Newton, the Naked Sports podcast with Carrie Champion, Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast, the Trap Nerd podcast, and many more will be on that stage live. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect marketplace with Black-owned businesses, plus...
the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your tickets now at black effect.com slash podcast festival. Proudly sponsored by Nissan.