Shownotes Transcript
Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to
rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.
March is here and Macy's is celebrating Women's History Month with a special focus on supporting women creators, brands, and causes all year long. You can shop women-owned and founded brands like Sunday Riley, Fashion Fair, Patricia Nash, and Katy Perry, each contributing something unique and empowering. And if you want to make a difference, Macy's is also partnering with Girls Inc. to help young girls grow through mentorship. You can donate in-store or online during checkout.
Join Macy's in supporting Women's History Month and making a lasting impact. Shop and support Women's History Month at macys.com slash purpose from March 1st through March 31st.
Time is precious, and so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24-7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow-ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments, and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year-round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.
Hey, all you women's hoops fans and folks who just don't know yet that they're women's hoops fans. We've got a big week over at Good Game with Sarah Spain as we near the end of one of the most exciting women's college basketball seasons ever. The most parody we've seen in years with games coming down to the wire and everyone wondering which team will be crowned national champions this weekend in Tampa. Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spain on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you? Why is my cat not here? And I go in and she's eating my lunch. Or if hypnotism is real. You will use the suggestion in order to enhance your cognitive control. But what's inside a black hole? Black holes could be a consequence of the way that we understand the universe. Well, we have answers for you in the new iHeart original podcast, Science Stuff. Join me or Hicham as we answer questions about animals, space, our brains, and our bodies. So give yourself permission to be a science geek and listen to Science Stuff.
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
It's I Do Part Two. I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors here on the podcast. And today I'm excited because I'm going to chat with someone who has successfully found love again in their chapter two. She's an award-winning journalist, author of How to Metapause, women's health advocate and host of her own podcast, The Tamsen Show. Everyone, please welcome Tamsen Fadal to the podcast. Thank you. So you're in your I Do Part Two. I am. And? I am.
I do think it's going well. I like it. I like it. I do think it's going well. Let's go back to the I do part one first, though. Yes, okay. Okay, we can do that one. I'm also divorced, and I am, I would say, maybe heading that direction to that part two. Okay, oh good. Part of things, but I'm not dating, nor do I have any interest, so I don't know if I'm heading that direction, but right now, I'm dating myself. How, so your first marriage, you guys worked together. You were matchmakers. Mm-hmm.
Say more. Yes. Yeah. There was a lot to say. Yeah. You know, I met my first husband and I was at an age where I'm like, oh my gosh, I have to like hustle this up and get married. Like, you know, because then I thought there was this real critical timeline I kind of had a hit and I was a little bit older than the regular timeline. And so I met him and it was just like kind of fast and furious. And now we call it maybe love bombing. But then I was like, he must love me a lot. Yeah.
So we got together. We had started a business. We had moved to New York. I was at the time working as a news anchor. And then he was working this business, a matchmaking business called The Love Consultants. And we were having a great time. We were setting people up. We were socializing. It was wonderful for a while. And then I think you realize at some point, like, wow, I feel very lonely now.
in this place. And that's what had happened to me. And, um, I was like, this is not working. And I'm scared now to admit that like, this is not working because now I have failed. And so that was very worrisome to me for a long time. Um, eventually it came to a place where, you know, divorce was the only option. And, um, I went through that and I thought to myself, oh my gosh, I'm, I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. Now I look back and I was like, what was wrong with
wrong with you? This didn't work out and it's okay. And it really took my father coming to New York, visiting me, and we took a long walk in the village one day and he was like, it's okay. You don't always have to win at everything. Like, it's okay. That's where it is right now. And I felt like it gave me a little bit of grace to
And I left that relationship and I was like, I'm never getting married again. I'm never falling in love again. I never, never, never. And then, you know, fast forward 10 years later. 10 years. You were single for 10 years. I was. I went through the divorce separation. I was 41. So it was about, it was 40 actually was the separation. So I started at 40 and I got married again at the age of 50. And even then,
I was a little like, oh, am I allowed to wear white? Am I allowed to wear a pretty dress? Can I have a big wedding? And then I was like, you know what? I'm doing all those things. And so it's been pretty amazing. But I really did have that in my mind, like, I'm never doing that again. When you were single, was it like, oh, I feel so lonely? Or were you thriving?
I did both. I did both. So I always had remembered, my dad had said, he's given me a lot of these one-liners that I live by. I love your dad. He's pretty amazing. He's 85 right now. And he's gone through so much. He lost my mother at a young age, when he was young. And then he lost my stepmother about three years ago. But to watch how he deals with grief and then moves forward has just been an incredible moment.
part of my life. But he had said to me, it's better to be alone than lonely with somebody. And that was what was happening. I was lonely with somebody. And so when I left that marriage, I had some of those tough times. It was like, oh gosh, this is awful. I feel like I failed. I'm never going to meet anybody. Everybody's coupled up. Everyone's having children. And so I went through a lot of that struggle for a long time. Why didn't it work for me?
And then I got to about my mid-40s, like 44, a few years in of eating pizza with my two chihuahuas on the couch on Friday nights. Sounds like a party to me. It was great. We were on Netflix. Guys, I don't know what I was watching. Blockbuster, remember that? Probably Blockbuster. I was probably renting a movie. But, you know, I got to a place where I'm like, okay, I can go out there and enjoy dating again or at least have fun. But...
I'm never going to get married again. And that's really what I thought. Oh, okay. See, I'm not opposed to that. I'm not opposed to getting married again. No? It's just that probably I should date. Like, this is my thing. You should probably date before you get married. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's good. How long since the divorce? So it's been almost three years.
Three and a half years. All right, but that's good. I was a serial dater prior to my marriage, meaning I wasn't single from age 13 until now 40. Or now, since we got separated, so 37. Is this the first time that you've been not? How do you feel about it? And I ghosted everyone. I'm no longer in Los Angeles. It's me and my Frenchie. But now you have Netflix, at least. Well, Netflix and my...
addiction to productivity. I'm an addict as well. I've been sober for six years, but like, it is an addiction, you know, just numbing. Of course. But going back to your first marriage, how did, do you believe that working together was one of many issues? Yeah.
Definitely one of many issues. Here's what I think the big issue was. I think that I didn't realize how important it was to not just have that initial spark, but to also be able to want to walk the world with somebody. And that's how I feel about my husband now. Like I want to walk the world with him.
And so whatever that means to anybody else, but to me, it means like, this is the, this is a person I want by my side. And I think then when I got married that first time and we were grinding, you know, we were like, oh my gosh, we got our job. And as long as, as long as this works out and that works out. And we did a reality show together and we did a book together. And what defines success in that relationship was very different than what I have defined success now. But working together was hard. It was hard to shut it off, you know, because we did a lot of it out of the apartment in New York, which we all.
No, we're not big apartments. And that was difficult. You know, it was. And then I also think what was difficult is I didn't know –
I knew my value system, but I didn't know what was really important to me because I had worked so much. Like my hustle was always my job. I worked in TV news for a very long time, my whole career. And television news is, you know, 24-7 you're kind of on. And you're always worried about the next job and the next job and the success of it all. And that's what my focus was. And so when it came time to, you know, that I was getting married, I was like,
yeah, I think this is the right person and we would have fun together and it sounds good. I just didn't realize all the other nuances that you really have to pay attention to during that time. And if I look now, I'm like, wow, I can't even imagine Tamsen today could have ever gone into a marriage like that. And so I didn't blame myself then, but I was very aware of what I never wanted to do again.
And are you, do you, are you in therapy or did you do a lot of work? So therapy was a big part of it. Taking care of that mental part and really understanding, here's what I needed to understand in therapy. Why did I do that? Like, why did I, why did I do that? And why did I put up with that for so long? So, you know, I was in a relationship that really had become abusive and there were, you
pink flags and not quite red yet. And I would look around and I'd be like, okay, this is a problem, but maybe there's a reason for it. And this is probably a problem, but we can talk that one away. And now going back and looking at it, I was like, wow, why did you talk yourself into that? Not out of it, into it.
You're not alone. Yeah, and I did that, and that was what I had to grapple with in therapy. Like, why did I talk myself into something that probably at the core I knew was inherently wrong for me? Yeah, thanks for being so vulnerable. I can totally relate, and yeah, I will be in forever therapy. I was in therapy since I was four until now.
I die. Like, it's just so helpful for me just to put a language to it, my feelings, because it's really, like you, you know, I'm addicted to work and, you know,
And it's just another form of a drug that is just more, I guess, accepted in society today. It's cheered on. It's revered in some cases. Are you kidding? Yeah. And if you go on vacation, you're just lazy. Yeah. How dare you? You tune out for a little while. Self-care? So selfish. Yeah. So selfish of you. You really need that time. Yeah.
You're right. But I really do. Therapy changed everything for me. I had an eating disorder when I was younger and I started therapy in my mid twenties. And so that was always something that really helped me through obviously really difficult places, but now it's not an on off now it's an on. And that's what I do. It's not a, it's not a question of should I, or shouldn't I it's that's a part of my life and I don't think about it. I just do it. Yeah. And it's, it's,
Having a language to things is important. Having an understanding of it at the core. Because it's not just that one thing. It relates to some of the other areas of your life. For sure. And so you're able to deal with things, I think...
in a different way, proactively. Just being aware of it. Just awareness. And sometimes it's like the AA program. It's like one step at a time, one minute, sometimes one minute, sometimes one day. It just depends on the day. It's a daily practice. It is. And it's what my father told me about grief. I said, how did you deal with this? Like, you've dealt with so much. And he said, it's one day at a time. And that's it.
Like that is it. It's not what happens in a week and what happens in a month and what happens in a year and why aren't we here at Christmas. Because all we have is now, right? That's what we have. And I think it's a precious lesson that a lot of us are learning. I think that...
And I also think we have to be appreciative for this day. You know, I'm sure you're the same way. I was like, someday I'll go on vacation. Someday I'll, someday I'll, someday I'll, someday I'll. And I was like, oh, this is someday. This is your day. We're in someday right now. And we have to remember that. Yeah. And if we don't remember it, somebody needs to be around us that reminds us. For sure. For sure. I mean, just like that, you know. Just like that. Just like that. Yeah.
Wow. Okay. So now moving into, first of all, congratulations on your book. I'm halfway through it, as I told you prior to this interview. And your Good Morning America interview was amazing. Is it weird to be on the other side now? Now that you're a journalist. It's so funny you asked me that. The teleprompter had like something about a fire in it. Were you about to read it? I was like, oh my gosh, should I be doing something? Like, I think I got like this feeling of like, I think, does anybody, you want me to take this?
And then I was like, oh, no, no, you're here for your menopause book, not for the breaking news fire. But it's such an automatic reaction to things. Have any of your older colleagues interviewed you yet? Yes, two of them did. I actually went back to my old station where the first incident happened. Oh, right. Do you want to tell them? Yeah. So I worked at a television station in New York City, WPIX, for about 15 years.
And one night in 2019, I was anchoring the news like I did every other night. And it was the 10 o'clock newscast. It was live. All of a sudden, I got what I now understood to be a hot flash. Then I didn't know. I didn't have the language. Heart racing out of control. Felt like I was going to fall over. The lights making it even worse. I could hear my heartbeat like in my ear. And I said, I got to get off the set. So I was let off the set. A coworker realized what was going on. And I just went down to the bathroom floor in the ladies' room.
And I got up like 15 minutes later. One of my coworkers was putting like little packs on my head of cold water. It was two guys, you know, because it was mostly guys at night. So they're like, can we come into the bathroom and help you? And I'm like, yeah, I'm so embarrassed. So anyway, so fast forward. So that happened. And that's how I realized I was in menopause because I wound up going to a doctor, doing some blood work, not knowing it was menopause. I was like, is it anxiety? I was given antidepressants. It was all these things.
And it turns out I got him a note in my patient portal that said, in menopause, any questions? And that was it. That was in my patient portal, four words. That started me on this journey.
So I went back to the television. I left my job about a year and a half ago to full-time advocate for women and women's health, work on a documentary that was released about six months ago on PBS called The M Factor, Shredding the Silence on Menopause. It's now been seen in over 42 countries. And so I know the need. I always knew the need was there. Once I started on this journey, I had no idea what that would bring me, you know, seeing women be helped. And so I went back to the television.
And so I wound up going back to the television station where that happened earlier this week. And it was, I don't know, it was just. Did it feel right though? It did. It felt so right. Thank you. It felt like, wow. Because I was so scared when I stepped away from my job. I'm sure. My job was everything. I get it. And I was afraid that I would be irrelevant and that I'd worked so hard. What am I doing? And I'm afraid. And I just had a lot of fear.
A lot of fear wrapped up in my identity with that, sure. So yeah, I went in and it was like, that appearance for me, it was great for whatever, to talk about it, but for me it was reassuring that I made the right decision. It really, it told me it was all okay.
Wow. Yeah. I can, I'm like have chills because it's the same thing when, you know, I was on Dancing with the Stars for so many years. It's like, yeah, I hear you. Yeah. Now what? It's a very scary thing. But you know, it's had to be done. 100%. But like, even if there is like, now what? And maybe I don't have the exact answer, but it's like, that's okay. Yeah.
I didn't. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do. All I knew is that's not what I should do. So you didn't have this plan set up? No, but I knew I was working on the documentary, but we had gotten so many no's. We had no idea where it was going to be, where it was going to be on. Did you invest yourself? I did invest in myself with the group of women I was working with. Good for you. Yeah, and then we had some people come after and help with some different parts of the doc. But yeah, we put our own money into it. We were told there was no interest in a documentary about menopause.
And there was it was a niche audience. One billion women, by the way, are in menopause as of this year. So not too niche. Right. And yeah, no, I really didn't know where the path was going to go. So even if you do, I think it's scary. Like, I don't ever think that we walk away from something that is the only thing forever. No, nothing is forever. And we think it is when we're young. You know, we think it is.
And so I think that that's a lesson I've learned. And I've had to learn how to, like, be okay with, you know, that movement. The unknown. The unknown. The unknown can keep you up at night. It's really scary. It can keep you up a lot of nights. And so even after I left, I was like, what the hell did I do? But now I know, like, every woman I meet, every woman I talk to, every screening I see, everybody that comes up and says, like, look, I found a doctor. I walked away from the doctor that didn't help me. It helped me save my marriage. It helped...
Every single one, I'm like, there's the sign. There's the movement of women helping each other and helping each other. Absolutely. Like really, not just the hashtag. Not just the hashtag, no. Really sitting in a room with 100 women or five women. It's like...
It's like I never understood really what grass movements, you know, I understood them, but I never was part of anything like that. And now I understand how that happens because there's such a need and an anger and an engagement and an action has to be taken. ♪
Hey everyone, it's Amy and TJ. I know that I certainly have had plenty of therapy over the years and it's helped me get to where I am today. Yeah, and with Rula, you can find the right therapist for you. Rula partners with a network of over 10,000 therapists and psychiatrists nationwide, enabling you to find your personalized solution and the right therapist for you based on your needs, preferences, and state requirements. In-network covered care for most major insurance pay as little as $15 per session.
Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash idopod to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to rula.com slash idopod and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares.
My name is Brendan Patrick Hughes, host of Divine Intervention.
This is a story about radical nuns in combat boots and wild-haired priests trading blows with J. Edgar Hoover in a hell-bent effort to sabotage a war. J. Edgar Hoover was furious. Somebody violated the FBI, and he wanted to bring the Catholic left to its knees. The FBI went around to all their neighbors and said to them, do you think these people are good Americans? It's got heists, tragedy...
a trial of the century, and the goddamnedest love story you've ever heard. I picked up the phone, and my thought was, this is the most important phone call I'll ever make in my life. I couldn't believe it. I mean, Brendan, it was divine intervention. Listen to Divine Intervention on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Are we ready to fight? I'm ready to fight. I thought it was, oh, this is fighting words. Okay, I'll put the hammer back. Hi, I'm George M. Johnson, a best-selling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our voices to fight back. And that's what we're doing on Fighting Words.
We're not going to let anyone silence us. That's the reason why they're banning books like yours, George. That's the reason why they're trying to stop the teaching of Black history or queer history, any history that challenges the whitewashed norm. Or put us in a box. Black people have never, ever depended on the so-called mainstream to support us. That's why we are great. We are the greatest culture makers in world history.
Listen to Fighting Words on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I always had to be so good, no one could ignore me. Carve my path with data and drive. But some people only see who I am on paper. The paper ceiling. The limitations from degree screens to stereotypes that are holding back over 70 million stars. Workers skilled through alternative routes rather than a bachelor's degree. It's time for skills to speak for themselves.
Find resources for breaking through barriers at taylorpapersilling.org. Brought to you by Opportunity at Work and the Ad Council.
Hey, this is Mel Reid, LPGA Tour winner and six-time Ladies European Tour winner. And Kira Kay Dixon, NBC Sports reporter and host. You forgot to say all my Miss America, by the way. And we've got a new podcast, Quiet Please, with Mel. And Kira. We are bringing you spicy takes on sports and pop culture, some golf haps, and interviews with incredible people who have figured out how to make golf their superpower. ♪
Yeah, it's actually life's cheat code and we're not going to be quiet about it. Honestly.
on or off the course. We're bringing on some of our friends like Michelle Wee, Heather McMahon, Amanda Balyonis. So, if you want to keep up with us and here is your app, tune into our new podcast. Listen to Quiet Please with Mel and Kira, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. ♪
Also, I think we're just so in a way built and it could be generational, obviously, that asking for help, for me at least, I was raised by a very, I would say, Filipina mother, started her own company, rags to riches story, and she never asked for help.
And when you are kind of observing hustle culture right in front of your eyes from when you're a little girl, that's all you know. That defines success. Yes. So to undo all those things can be very hard. That's what's hard, yeah. It's very hard. Untraining. There's no question. Rewiring. Yeah, it's a rewiring, and it's also being able to say, like,
This is how I'm going to do it. And this is because everything is very different. The world is different now, right? How, what we're able to do someplace else, like used to be how to live in New York or LA and that was it. Right. That's not what it's like anymore. And so there's, there's ways and different definitions of success. And look to me right now, success is a balance in my life. It's an understanding of what is important to get me up every morning, um,
I loved my job, but I wouldn't say that I sprung out of bed every day and couldn't wait to go, you know, and hated to go to sleep at night. I would say that now I have...
I've just realized that untapped like whatever it was inside of me that I could never quite feel you know I couldn't feel like I loved what I was doing people on the outside loved what I was doing they they were like are you crazy you you work so hard to get this job why would you leave this this oh that must have been hard it was very hard you know I'm sure you know it's it's um but wow do I realize are you crazy are those words those words are just awful and I at some days thought of
It felt like that, you know. And I do think it's also this time in our lives as women when we look at this as 40 and 50 and 60 and we have been ingrained that, like, at this age, you know, oh, boy, you know, your best years are behind you. And that's just bullshit.
Like that is not, that is not, it's not true in any way. You're so right. I get, I am so filled by women that I see doing incredible and they have, they're amazing. And so they, I feel like I'm like kind of in that title wave of women. But your intention, like now you have purpose, you know, like I'm not saying you didn't before. No, no, no, but you're right. But that must feel so different. It feels so different. And somebody, when I first started this conversation, they said to me like,
Are you really going to talk about menopause? Like that is not a career. You know, that's not great for your career because menopause
age and youth were all the revered things for a long time. And so I really, I was like, what? You're a woman telling me that. How are you saying that? But I knew that's what has been ingrained in our society for so long. What's been ingrained is that our best years are behind us and that we only matter if we're having children. We've been ingrained with so many of these belief systems and that if we ask for help, that we're weak. And if we don't suffer through it or if
I was just at an event and a woman got up and we were talking about solutions for menopause and perimenopause. And she said, how bad do I have to feel before I pull the trigger and take hormone therapy? And I said, how bad do I have to feel? Like what's enough pain for me to go through before I decide to help myself? Right.
But that's what all of our words have been in our minds. Yeah. Especially with not a lot of education. I mean, like listening, I was listening to the Audible version. I drove from LA to San Francisco the other day and I was just shocked. And my jaw dropped to the floor of my car. And literally when you said that even doctors have zero education. By their own admission. Yeah.
By their own admission, they're like, I got two weeks, one month, two days. And for the patient, it's kind of like, well, you know, I've always thought, because I, you know, I don't, I am not a doctor, obviously, but I got my, I went through my menstrual cycle at age nine and I'm still on birth control. And I have been since I was 16, 17. I'm not sexually active. I'm on birth control for other reasons. Sure. And I went into my yearly checkup
I went to go see a new OPGIN because I moved. And when I asked her about perimenopause, she's like, I can't check because you're on birth control. I'm like, what? What do you mean you can't check? Like, you need to check. Wait, what do you even need to check? What are you checking? What do you check? What does that even mean? Do I have to go inside me to check? No. Right? No. These are symptoms. Symptoms. Right. Symptoms. Like, you can put your hand up and say, if I've got five of these symptoms. And here's what perimenopause is.
Perimenopause is the time before menopause. That's what it is. Right. Period. Right. Like you still have your period. In fact, as a matter of fact, I haven't had mine for like 10 years, but that's a choice because of mine was so bad. Of course. But I'm saying up till, you know, now menopause is when you have, you know, 12 months without your cycle. But if you are dealing with
I don't feel like myself anymore. That those words, if you were dealing with brain fog where you're in the middle of something and you stop being able to understand what it is and you're reaching for words. If you are the person that used to sleep at night and it was amazing and now you can't fall asleep or stay asleep. If you are dealing with, uh,
body that is changing and you're eating the same and you're exercising maybe even more and you don't know why joint pain, obviously irregular periods for some women. These are the symptoms of menopause. Estrogen receptors are all over our body.
And if you are in that age range, which is the average age of menopause. Mid-30s? Well, yeah, the average age of menopause is 51. So back that up. Right. So you start here with hormone fluctuations. That's basically what that means. Yes. It can be in your 30s. Right. Go right up into your 40s. So if you just back up the timeline and say perimenopause are the years of 4 to 7 to 10 years.
Then it makes sense that in your late 30s into your 40s, you're most likely perimenopausal. Now the question is, do you have symptoms that you need to have treated? So birth control, obviously, is, you know, you're not going to get pregnant with birth control. Having sex either. That's also another form of birth control. Yeah.
But if you look at hormone therapy, which a lot of people question, it only has a third to a fifth of the dose of what birth control has in terms of estrogen. So I'm not a doctor either, but I've learned all these facts because most doctors aren't talking about these things.
And that's the reason I wrote the book. That's the reason I did the documentary, because we're going into doctors asking for help, and a lot of them have not been trained, and it's not their fault. But, like, I'm not going to look, like, until I've read your book, but, like, I'm not going to go and go out of my way to find another OB-GYN. Right.
It's not necessarily because like, yes, I have symptoms, but I'm also a dancer. So do I have joint pain? Yes. From pushing celebrities around the dance floor. Absolutely. From pushing like football players. Yeah. That don't move. Right. That, I mean, of course I have arthritis. Right. And then as far as sweats go, like, yeah, I mean, whenever I'm active, I was always that dancer that sweats so much. Dripping wet. Never smelled, but I sweat. Right.
Oh, body odor is another symptom. Okay, okay, okay. But like what if you're an athlete or a retired athlete in my case, and how do you know? How do you know the difference between those? I mean, that's when you're looking at all those symptoms. And some of the symptoms are the bigger symptoms that we talk about, right? It's not that I have joint pain, so I'm probably in perimenopause. Of course.
Of course. But I would look at that age of where you're at. It makes sense. It totally makes sense. It's just, and all women, if you're lucky enough, are going to go through it. I think what I would. You said if you're lucky enough? If you're lucky enough to live that long to go through it. Yeah. Right? If not, then you're not here. And so. You're right. I think about those things. All women. All women. All women.
All women, if you're lucky enough. Women, we need to stick together because this is something we all have in common. We will. And I think there are some great doctors out there that are really learning. They're in practice. They're seeing patients every seven minutes, 15 minutes with a patient. They're grinding all the time and then going out of their way to have to learn this now because they didn't learn this in medical school most often. And so I would say to somebody that has a doctor that's either...
saying it's all part of aging, saying, you know, are you really suffering?
Is it really that bad? That's not the doctor to be going to. It is finding another doctor. And there are so many great ones out there. There's a lot of telehealth companies out there too that make it very, very easy to jump on and get an appointment because we know that it can be very difficult to leave your work, put time aside to go see a doctor, go find a doctor, but at least to kind of know where you are with that baseline. But there's not really a blood test that's going to tell you because during this time, your hormones are going all over the place if you're on premenopause. Right.
There should be a blood test. I know. I wish. I wish. But you know what? It makes sense because if you look at the chart, it just goes like this. So you can do your blood test here and your blood test here and have different numbers. Now, once you get into menopause, if you decide you're doing estrogen and progesterone and testosterone, if you're doing testosterone, which I do as well, then there's a test because you want to make sure you have the right amount, not too much. Now, do you do this when you're also on birth control?
Well, that depends. I don't know about testosterone with that. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I'm a journalist. But I do think it's important for you to know that, especially if you're not sleeping. If you're not sleeping and that's a part of it, progesterone will be helpful with that. I think my sobriety, though, has really...
But as soon as I, big time. Of course. I'm sure it has. I'm sure it has. I wonder if I've always had problems sleeping, but then it was because I was so drunk that I would just pass out. Right. And stay asleep? And stay asleep? Oh, yeah. Oh, because we were like just. I was so exhausted because I was training, dancing with the stars like seven days a week. And then I would just go out seven nights a week. Yeah.
ballroom dancer by day, club goer by night girl. I will tell you, not having alcohol will be so helpful of not triggering other symptoms. And it's a really big deal because most women realize that they just can't drink anymore. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it is. It's a very big difference. Oh, that's a lot of change. Being able to stay asleep, it's a lot of change. And so I think that what's interesting this time is it really allows you to take a bit of a beat and say like, okay, I'm going to take care of this.
Because this is going to be around for another third to half of my life. And I have to really take care of it the right way. That's the plan. And okay, so moving on to your now marriage. Yes. And menopause. Yes. What was that like?
Well, you know, I didn't understand perimenopause when I was going through it. So I was having erratic, crazy periods, you know, bleeding through things left and right. No, not knowing what was going on. I had endometrium polyps. So I didn't also know that that hallmark of 12 months without a period because I would be bleeding during that time. But I was dating my now husband then, and we were actually standing in the airport, not married, when I got that note in my patient portal in menopausing questions. And I was like, oh,
I'm in menopause. Like, I don't know that any guy knows really what to say with that, you know, proclamation. I don't know what to say when you have a menstrual cramp. Right, boarding a flight. I don't know what to say about any of that. Yeah, no. I didn't know what to say. But I will say that, you know, I...
A lot of things changed. And during that time, like, libido was... My libido was, like, not around. It was, like, MIA. And so the girl that, like, he met versus the girl that, you know, he married were... It was different. And so you're going through this in your second marriage. Oh, sure. Yeah, I was 50 when we got married. And so I was, like...
hi, here comes the menopausal bride. And that was really what, you know, what was going on. And so I had to learn about libido, learn about why I was like, cause it was a little scary. I was like, oh my God, I got married and now I have no, I mean, I don't want to have sex. I don't want to think about sex. Don't come near me. And so, um, I had to understand what that, you know, that was and how communication played a role and how, uh, vaginal estrogen plays a role and how, uh, you know, painful sex is a real thing because you're,
You know, estrogen is all over your body and your tissues are getting thinner and it's painful. And so those are conversations that we have to be having way earlier than 50 years old. And so that's why I'm really on a mission to help women take charge of their health starting in their mid-30s or before that so they know what to expect and it's not sad.
scary when they get there. I mean, they should teach us in school. I mean, we would have to. They totally should. Yeah, that's part of sexual education. If there's even such a thing nowadays, I don't even know. But women fall off the timeline. Like, once more past reproductive years, we're not there anymore. And that's a real problem. That's so rude. That's a real problem. Yeah. Are we ready to fight? I'm ready to fight. I thought it was, oh, this is fighting words. Okay. I'll put the hammer back.
Hi, I'm George M. Johnson, a best-selling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our voices to fight back. And that's what we're doing on Fighting Words. We're not going to let anyone silence us. That's the reason why they're banning books like yours, George. That's the reason why they're trying to stop the teaching of Black history, queer history, any history that challenges the whitewashed norm.
My name is Brendan Patrick Hughes, host of Divine Intervention.
This is a story about radical nuns in combat boots and wild-haired priests trading blows with J. Edgar Hoover in a hell-bent effort to sabotage a war. J. Edgar Hoover was furious. Somebody violated the FBI, and he wanted to bring the Catholic left to its knees. The FBI went around to all their neighbors and said to them, do you think these people are good Americans? It's got heists, tragedy...
a trial of the century, and the goddamnedest love story you've ever heard. I picked up the phone, and my thought was, this is the most important phone call I'll ever make in my life. I couldn't believe it. I mean, Brendan, it was divine intervention. Listen to Divine Intervention on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Sometimes as dads, I think we're too hard on ourselves. We get down on ourselves on not being able to, you know, we're the providers, but we also have to learn to take care of ourselves. A wrap-away, you got to pray for yourself as well as for everybody else, but never forget yourself. Self-love made me a better dad because I realized my worth.
Never stop being a dad. That's that occasion. Find out more at fatherhood.gov. Brought to you by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council.
Hey, this is Mel Reid, LPGA Tour winner and six-time Ladies European Tour winner. And Kira Kay Dixon, NBC Sports reporter and host. You forgot to say all my Miss America, by the way. And we've got a new podcast, Quiet Please, with Mel. And Kira. We are bringing you spicy takes on sports and pop culture, some golf haps, and interviews with incredible people who have figured out how to make golf their superpower. ♪
Yeah, it's actually life's cheat code and we're not going to be quiet about it. Honestly.
on or off the course we're bringing on some of our friends like michelle wee heather mcmahon amanda baliotis so if you want to keep up with us and here is your app tune into our new podcast listen to quiet please with mel and kira an iheart women's sports production in partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment you can find us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts presented by capital one founding partner of iheart women's sports i'm coming
I'm Camila Ramon, Peloton's first Spanish-speaking cycling and tread instructor. I'm an athlete, entrepreneur, and almost most importantly, a perreo enthusiast. And I'm Liz Ortiz, former pro soccer player and Olympian, and like Kami, a perreo enthusiast. Come on, who is it? Our podcast, Hasta Bajo, is where sports, music, and fitness collide. And we cover it all. De arriba hasta abajo.
Sit-downs with real game-changers in the sports world, like Miami Dolphins CMO Priscilla Shumate, who is redefining what it means to be a Latina leader. It all changed when I had this guy come to me. He said to me, you know, you're not Latina enough. First of all, what does that mean? My mouth is wide open. Yeah. History makers like the Sucar family, who became the first
First Peruvians to win a Grammy. It was a very special moment for us. It's been 15 years for me in this career. Finally, things are starting to shift into a different level. Listen to Hasta Bajo on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. ♪
So as far as educating ourselves more, I guess, what are the first steps? Because like in my case, you know, is it to find someone that specializes in menopause as far as a doctor goes? I think first and foremost, it's educate yourself, right? It's really to educate yourself and being curious and asking the questions and knowing that you, if you are a woman and you're listening to this and you're in your thirties or even in your twenties, I mean,
any woman, but let's just say in your 30s, you can assume that very soon in the next 10 years, you're going to be in that perimenopausal period. It's not like, oh, I'm 46, but when I'm 47, I'm good. You're going to be in there because those are the years leading up to menopause. The average age of menopause is 51. So most likely around that time, could it be 54? Sure. Could it be 49? In my case, it was 48 years old. So
that, understanding what those symptoms are, and then understanding you kind of have a few options. You have hormonal or non-hormonal solutions to them. The hormonal would be hormone therapy. The non-hormonal, there are supplements, there are lifestyle changes. There are different ways, like if you want to do magnesium at night to help you sleep, if you want to make sure you up your protein, there's all those. Some
Sometimes progesterone really is the one that helped me. Progesterone helped me. Oh, okay. Good to know. But if you have problems sleeping, then that is one of those sure signs. Like, that's who you should be talking about. You're not my therapist. Is that ongoing? But there's this weird thing that I take satisfaction in staying up when everyone's sleeping. It's a weird thing. It's okay. I get it. I get it. I used to take satisfaction in getting up in the morning early, and I was like, I have so succeeded now above everybody. I'm up four hours earlier than everybody. I don't know if I've succeeded, but...
But I'm like, oh my God, it's quiet. Like I can actually, I get easily distracted. So yeah, it's that. That's okay. Just more work. It's like, what work? That's okay though. That's okay though. But I think educating yourself is so important. And here's why.
You have to educate yourself so you know when you go into your doctor, whether or not your doctor is educated to talk to you about this. And so, you know, in the book, that's what I go through. I go through understanding, educate so you know what's going on, understanding the different symptoms. I hit the 34 kind of big symptoms of it. There can be upwards of 50 to 100 symptoms of menopause because estrogen is all over our body and we start to lose it during this time. That's what happens. Those hormones go down.
And then I think it's important to know what kind of script that you need once you go into a doctor's office and either find a person that is educated about menopause or feels comfortable talking about it. Because some doctors don't even feel comfortable talking about it. I think also it's like, what do we ask as patients? And by the way, if anyone's like me, which I know there are people that hate doctors, to even get in there is a big deal. I'm not going to go researching things.
more doctors. It is. Telehealth is a good one. You know, there's mini health, there's alloy health, there's Maven health. And I appreciate those because that is what they do day in and day out. And so it's not that you have to go and go, hi, do you guys feel comfortable talking about it? Like that is what they do. Show me what you know about menopause. No, that's what they do. And so I feel like that's, that's,
a good way to do it. And I think it's important. And yes, you don't want to have to interview your doctor, but at the same time, you don't want to be gaslit by a doctor either. No, true, true. You don't want to be gaslit by a doctor because that just causes all other, you know, sorts of issues. Would it be easier to say, stick to women doctors or? You know, I,
I found some great men practitioners too. I think that I have a woman doctor right now because she also does surgery. I have endometrium polyps, so I have to go and get surgery. And she wound up just being really amazing about that.
me being able to talk to easier about it. But I do think men are becoming more and more part of the conversation, which I'm encouraged by. And there are some incredible male doctors out there and researchers out there. So I think it takes all of us. But I would say that telehealth is a great option that we didn't have five years ago, really like we have now.
I mean, it really has grown into something where I feel encouraged by and excited about being able to recommend and offer. And also, if you guys listen to your book, obviously in Audible, there's a PDF attachment that has all this information. Yeah, I have a PDF of all the resources. And I wanted to do that because I didn't want...
Listen, the reason I wrote this book is because there was no girlfriend's guide to this time in life. None. What to expect when you're expensing. We had, you know, are you there? God, it's me, Margaret. We didn't have, are you there? God, it's me, menopause. So How to Menopause is that book. And I wanted to make sure it was easy. I wanted to make sure. You should do something with that title. Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Second book? Second book of the worst. Second podcast? It was just really, really important for me to give women a guide to help them to make decisions. And so I want that to be kind of that resource that they can open up and say like, okay, I'm not having a problem sleeping, but my sex life is taking a dive. So I'm turning to the sex chapter.
Or, hey, these things are going well, but mindset is really difficult for me. I even have a dating chapter because we're dating in perimenopause. Are you still matchmaking on the side? I'm not still matchmaking on the side. I was like, are you going to help me? But you know what? You can tell me what you're looking for and I'm always going to look out. That's the problem. Okay. That's all right. That's all right. You might have to look for your mindset eyes. I might just have to like just look for you. But I'm a picky one. Okay. That's all right. Well, trust me. I'm not. Trust me.
Okay. So first of all, thank you for your service because this is really helpful. It is beyond helpful. I mean, even for just to spark curiosity in me. I don't like doctors. It's not the first stop for me. I lost my mother to breast cancer. I couldn't go into a hospital without feeling like I was going to pass out.
I couldn't go to a doctor's office without smelling that smell. So I really understand what you're saying. I think that if I encourage any woman to do anything, it's start looking at your lifestyle and back into it if that's the best way to do it and don't suffer. God. Unnecessary. Here's why.
Because it's not just about hot flashes. It's not just about not being able to sleep or a little belly fat. It's about long-term health ramifications. And if we don't start dealing with this now, and we are going to live to 70 years old or 65 years old or whatever these ages are, we are talking about protecting our bones, protecting our minds. I've abused my body so hardcore as a dancer. I know you have. You do say something in your book where you wrote, like, whatever –
The way you treated yourself in the earlier years is you're going to feel it. Yeah. And I'm good. Then I, you know what? This is going to be painful. I felt it, but it's never too late. It's never too late. Yeah. It's upping your, you know, to protect your bones. Greens.
You got to eat like crap. Your protein. Yeah, I know. I did too. I had Diet Coke and Fritos the entire college career. I love Diet Coke. Me too. I had Snackwells because they were fat free. Everyone thought they were good. My stepdad's a dentist. And literally, I was raised with like, remember those Jenny Craig TV dinners? Yes. And like Hot Pocket. Everything processed. Yeah, Hot Pockets were so good. Oh my God. Uncrustables. Like, hello, people. All of it. All of it. Like, process, process, process. Burger King was there once a week. One night a week out. We didn't know.
We didn't know. Oh, my goodness. We didn't know. No. I know. Gosh, but now we do. Now we do. Protein is the other big one. Oh, okay. Protein, protein, protein, protein. You can't get it from Burger King. You can't get it from Burger King. Well, I mean, maybe, but I got some other sources for you in the book. Okay, thanks. So what would you say the most common questions are from other women? Yeah.
Um, I think that one of the big questions is what, you know, exactly what you asked, like, am I, how do I know I'm in perimenopause? And so, um, in looking at those symptoms, the tracking those symptoms is the most important. I think the next big question is also always like, um, are there really lifestyle changes that you can make? And the answer is yes. My big focus and my big, uh, you know, if, if I push for anything, it's like trying to focus on sleep and trying to make sure you're getting that because of the fact that your hormones are so erratic. That chapter scared the
I'm sure it did. You have to listen to it twice. Actually, as I was unpacking, it was like three in the morning. I was like, oh, great, great. Thanks, Jansen. Thanks, thanks. Now I have to go talk to you. Literally, it's not even like, you said like every night that you lose sleep. I'm like, oh my God. I know.
that chapter, I had to scale back. It was so long and you know, it's still the long, one of the longest chapters in the book, right? It was, you're talking at me. You're not even talking to me. You're at me. It was crazy. It's really important. It's really important. Can you, can you just, just reiterate, I guess, sleep hygiene, getting to bed at the same time every night, waking up at the same time as best you can within reason, not making yourself crazy. Um, blacking out your room. Um,
making sure that you do a wind down that you're not, huh? My dog snores. I refuse to not sleep with her. Well, I know. I think I'm, I, that's hard for me. Like that was not, that was not a deal breaker for me. I had my dog in my bed all the time. I mean, I sleep with my AirPods, which is probably another problem that I know. I try to like, I try to unwind that, but if even if you can just like set the alarm and then turn it off, if you can, if you can keep the blue lights out of there, I mean,
the sleep hygiene part and understanding it and understanding what those different hormones do to our sleep to disrupt it is so, so important. So that's, that's one of the big ones. And then I think the other thing that women ask is like, is it ever, am I ever going to feel like myself again? And
And the answer is not really. I think you're going to feel like a better version of yourself. You're going to feel very different on the other side of this. And it's in part, yes, because you've gone through the symptoms. But I think the bigger part of it is that there's a freedom that comes with all of this. There's a freedom that comes with this lack of timelines in life that we feel like we have to, shoulda, coulda.
I feel like we got to a place where our minds are not trying to be the caretakers of everybody else and we're giving ourself a little more attention. So that would be the other question and that would definitely be my answer. Let's talk a little bit more about the, I guess, the positive aspects of all this, though it may not seem like that to most. I know, I know. I always want to start at the end of a good note. Yeah. So what...
Do you feel empowered? What type of freedom did you feel? I mean, not to say that because you're still going through it. Yeah, right. You're a menopause for the rest of your life. For the rest of your life, right. The second half. My life part two. Yes, exactly. So what is that like, that feeling? You know, I mean, you get past that hard part of the symptoms. Like, perimenopause is really the most confusing, chaotic part of things.
I think the symptoms, right? Menopause, I felt like I was a little more in control. It's like I understood what was happening. My brain fog that dipped down here and was debilitating at times, you know, came back up. So I can memorize. I wouldn't have been able to have a conversation with you. I literally would have been like struggling for words. Like stutter? Like what? No, like what's your book about? Yeah, so there's a chapter. No way. Literally. No way. Literally. And I would just stop. And you'd be like, eh.
Help me. Wait, was this happening when you were still a journalist? Of course it was. It was happening. So I'd see the teleprompter in front of me. No, I'd look at a word. I'd recognize the word. And then some days I couldn't get it out of my mouth. Just randomly. Not all the time. But just enough to just kill my confidence at a certain point. I always have brain fog. Forgetting why you go into a room. And that's why a lot of women have a lot of fear. They have a lot of fear. Where's my phone? It's in my hand. Where's my phone? Here it is.
But that would happen constantly. So I would say that that comes out on the other side where it sort of levels back out to where you were before perimenopause. And so that's exciting. I think a lot of the freedom comes with not being that caretaker anymore, even though we do have a lot of aging parents that we're taking care of. Many women have children they're taking care of. But I do feel like we come out of the other side and say like, okay,
I have to put me first. I have to put me first. And then the lack of filter comes with it all. Of like, you know, my lack of filter has started. I've always had that, but now it's even better. Well, get ready for it to be even more prominent. I'm not even trying to hide it. Get ready.
I'm waiting for it to be more prominent. I'm not even saying sorry afterwards. But those are some real gifts. Yeah. Those are some real gifts. And we see women do incredible things. And so I get excited about this time in life versus fearful that my best years are behind me. But also like why, you know, we all evolve whether you like it or not. We're human and we are evolving every second of the every day. And so to say that, when am I going to feel like myself? Regardless, right? Like regardless, I mean, why would you want to?
I could not agree more. I could not agree more. Thank you for your work. Thank you so much. This has been such an amazing conversation. I've learned so much from Tamsen. Seriously, this is something that
you know, is needed, especially in the world of just menopause. We need to be educated. Be sure to grab her new book, How to Menopause, out right now. Listeners, we want to hear from you. So call us or email us, follow us on socials. All the information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two in iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Hey, all you women's hoops fans and folks who just don't know yet that they're women's hoops fans. We've got a big week over at Good Game with Sarah Spain as we near the end of one of the most exciting women's college basketball seasons ever. The most parody we've seen in years with games coming down to the wire and everyone wondering which team will be crowned national champions this weekend in Tampa. Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spain on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you? Why is my cat not here? And I go in and she's eating my lunch. Or if hypnotism is real. You will use the suggestion in order to enhance your cognitive control. But what's inside a black hole? Black holes could be a consequence of the way that we understand the universe. Well, we have answers for you in the new iHeart original podcast, Science Stuff. Join me or Hicham as we answer questions about animals, space, our brains, and our bodies. So give yourself permission to be a science geek and listen to Science Stuff.
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, y'all? I'm AJ Andrews, pro softball player, sports analyst, and the first woman to win a Rawlings gold glove. On my new podcast, Dropping Diamonds, we dive headfirst into the world of softball by sharing powerful stories, insights, and conversations that inspire and empower. It's time to drop bombs and diamonds.
Dropping Diamonds with AJ Andrews is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Athletes Unlimited Softball League and Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Dropping Diamonds with AJ Andrews on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brought to you by Novartis, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports Network. My husband cheated on me with two women. He wants to stay together because he has cancer. Should I stay? Okay, Sam, that has to be the craziest story in OK Storytime podcast history. Well, John, that's because it's Dump'Em Week, and this user writes, last week we had an attempted break-in. I asked my husband, who was supposed to be at his mom's, to come over and change the locks, but his mom told me he wasn't with her. And it took me less than an
hour to find the first two women he was cheating on me with. Did you leave them? Well, to find out how this story ends, follow the OK Storytime podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In 2020, a group of young women found themselves in an AI-fueled nightmare. Someone was posting photos. It was just me naked. Well, not me, but me with someone else's body parts.
This is Levittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg and Kaleidoscope about the rise of deepfake pornography and the battle to stop it. Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.