Single Ladies, All The Single Ladies
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and deals to make your budget bright. Find the perfect shoes for you and yours at a DSW store near you or DSW.com. Hey, hey, it's your favorite non-celebrity real life besties. We're still struggling and having fun in the dating scene. And we love to sit here and chat with all of you listeners and swap war stories as we are all in the same trenches.

And, you know, we just want to dive deep into a real topic, which is something Thelma and I talk about regularly, which is how do you fill the time or the gray area when you're not involved in a relationship? And I just want to point out.

that at the end of the day, Thelma is my soulmate and I will always choose Thelma. And any other guy I date is going to be number two. And tomorrow, Thelma is leaving me for two weeks. And I have to tell you, we are entering into a long distance relationship and I begin to get panicked, but heart, have no fear. I am showing up on our doorstep for New Year's Eve because we can't possibly not be together. But the truth to be told is Thelma and I are really good at connecting.

looking at our life like a huge pizza and dating is a slice of it. But we have worked really hard to find fulfillment and lots of things that find us joy and dating is just part of it. And our whole life is not about finding that partner. So Thelma, what are your thoughts on this? Do you concur that this is something that you and I have succeeded in doing? I completely agree. And I think that

I mean, this might just be me, but I feel like often...

I, when I think about the times where I might be wishing that I had somebody or I'm lonely or just wondering why I'm not in a relationship, it's often a sign of something far bigger going on within me. And it really has nothing to do with dating or finding the person. It's that something in my life is either off or I'm not happy.

I'm trying to, I'm thinking that if I find someone, it might be the solution to something that I'm not really approaching in the right way in my own, like in my own way. So for example, I think sometimes it's,

I'm bored and I'm bored. And so instead of saying, okay, I'm bored, what am I going to do about it? And taking steps to address that, that's when your mind or my mind might be like, oh, well, if I was dating somebody, it would look different. And I think the truth is, it's usually I have it within me to make a change so that I don't feel bored or that I don't feel lonely or that I am being proactive. And so often it's about just taking action and

And then I find that it's not even about missing someone. I think finding a partner has to be totally additive, right? Like I think if we make our whole life about finding our soulmate or finding our husband or finding our boyfriend, it's kind of always looking at like tomorrow and the next stop on the train, right? And I think we need to focus on the day ahead of us and say, how can we find joy? What's going to make us feel good? We don't need to fill a hole within ourselves.

with another person, right? That's never going to work. I mean, we both talked about that. Also shopping, buying a new pair of shoes isn't going to fill a hole, right? Like it's got, it's finding joy within ourselves. And I think, you know, what you and I do is, sure, we have our five minutes of saying like, oh, it would be so great if somebody was taking us out on a Saturday night, but like we can take ourselves out on a Saturday night.

Completely. And we enjoy ourselves doing it. Right. And as you and I both know, I would rather bet on our known, our unknown than our known. And I look around at 85 percent of the people in my lives who are in marriages and relationships and they're unhappy. Right. And the grass is not greener. But I have to say that every day you and I wake up, we are the architects of our own life, period.

And it's exciting. And it's an opportunity. The unknown is an opportunity. And I just think we have to look at this period of time in our life as there is a reason why we are struggling.

I'm not saying alone because we're not alone. We have each other. We have our children. We have our friends. We have whatever it is in our life. We've got the Starbucks barista, right? Like our value is not determined because we have a partner, period. Completely. And it's not about playing the waiting game. It's about what do you want in your life and taking steps today to make that happen. And you, as you said, being the architect of your own life. So I think that

A big, huge piece also is recognizing that like, it's not one thing or one person that

really meets all of your emotional needs. - Well, why are we giving that person, that unknown person, that power? - But I think it's a common misconception. I think a lot of people when they get unhappy go to, oh, well, it would look so different if I had somebody. But if you're unhappy, it's because you're unhappy or lonely in your own life. It's not because somebody else is gonna provide that for you. - Well, it's no different than when somebody's like, oh, well, if I had a million dollars more, I'd be happier. It's like, no, be happy with what you have.

and how you've achieved it, right? So at the end of the day, look, you and I do a lot of stuff. You know, here's what I do when I'm unhappy.

happy or I'm feeling lonely. I pick up the phone and I FaceTime you. I know you hate my FaceTime, but we FaceTime. We laugh, right? I read a book. There is nothing better than actually reading a book and getting lost in a story. It feels really good. Putting on a TV show, going on a walk. I mean, you and I have, I'll speak for myself, osteoporosis now. So I have to wear a weighted vest, right?

You bought me one for Christmas. I did. That was a good gift, you know, but I just feel like there are so many ways to create fulfillment within ourselves that has nothing to do with finding a partner, right? Like they're all, this is a chapter in,

When we are all searching for people, we need to just look. I think it's twofold. I think you energetically have to put it out there that you want to meet somebody. Right. But at the same time, you can't make your entire focus about meeting somebody and coming from this like desperate place about it. It's kind of like walking a tightrope. Right. Like it would be great to meet somebody. I am open to meeting somebody. But at the same time, I'm living my best life.

And because I'm living my best life, that is the energy that we're giving out there. And it's going to come back to us. And are you spending the time, I think being your best version of yourself. And I mean, I mean, on a deeper level and trying new things, I mean, getting, getting yourself comfortable with being uncomfortable. I feel like I always am saying to my kids, like,

When they say, oh, I don't want to do that. You know, I'm scared to do it. I'm scared to run for student body. I'm scared to do this. Like I spend so much time and my kids are older now, but pushing and encouraging my kids to get out there and do things that they they they kind of want to do. But then within five seconds have already talked themselves out of it. And it's it's about taking my own advice and.

and pushing myself to do things and operating not out of, I mean, not out of fear, but being proactive. And I feel like I'm really trying to say yes to more things that are unique and different and not the usual things that I do. So to that point, right? And this is something we've talked about. And I think it's a lot easier to do it when we're not in our own city, right? But, you know, so

It would be amazing to sit at a bar by ourselves because we all know guys don't approach tables of women. They just don't.

People get approached when they're either by themselves or maybe with one other person. So traveling alone, going on an eat, pray, love trip, which puts us out of our comfort zone, sitting at a hotel bar and having, you know, a pork chop and a glass of wine by yourself, right? Not on your phone, just with a big smile on your face, right? Saying like, I'm approachable. Come talk to me. Right.

Or saying hello to people in the street. Or in an elevator. Hey, you know, nice to... How are you? How's your day? I mean, it's all of those things. It's like signing up for a pickleball class without a friend and doing it by yourself and going and meeting random people that you would never have met before and showing up in that way. Or saying yes when people invite you to things that you generally would say no to or you don't think you're going to know anybody. It's like...

That's what you have to do. Well, there's a reason why these opportunities are presented to us. We don't know why. Right. Like we have no idea. Somebody might say, oh, I need you to drop off, you know, this this thing at the whatever. And all of a sudden you walk in and your soulmate is there. We just have to be open and say yes to opportunities. I mean, look, don't forget you were in Atlanta last.

and I think you were dropping one of your kids off and you went down to the Four Seasons bar and you had sat down and had dinner. And I was so struck by the story because it was you sat there and you started talking to somebody.

And I remember thinking like, oh, you and I had this whole business idea. Remember what we were going to do? Still not off the table. Right. We're going to go hotel bar to hotel bar, city to city. And, you know, kind of talk about all the different people we meet. And it's like, it's going to be fun. I had a friend here and I was really...

She actually on a Saturday night had to drop her son off at like a bar mitzvah and sat at the bar at Brentwood Katsuya by herself on a Saturday night. I was like, oh, my God. That's pretty old when you know people. And that's why I think it's so much easier when you're somewhere outside of your day to day because it's easier being anonymous and not feeling so uncomfortable kind of.

Being alone, right? I mean, not many people in their hometown will are willing to do that. But I think, like getting in the car driving to Santa Barbara, like it doesn't have to be anything major. I mean, talk about major. You remember, I told you about what my sister and I did, we got divorced within six months of each other.

And we were both just like, oh my gosh, what does our chapter two look like? Where do we pick up and start our lives? Like everything we thought and knew our life to be completely, you know, was not no longer. And we planned a trip to Ibiza. The two of us,

Literally got on a plane, went to Ibiza and traveled for two weeks together. And I seriously think that was like the best trip I've ever had in my entire life. No, you want me to do it with my sister? I just said that to you. Have you done that with your sister? It's just it was so fun. I mean, we wore clothes we would never would have worn. Right. We talked to people we never would have talked to. We stayed out until 5 a.m. It was like it was such a high.

It was such a high. Well, it was something completely different than your normal greatest tips or what's in your playbook. You know, look, I will say it's hard sometimes to sit there and I go down the rabbit hole of like,

why am I still alone? I've been divorced nine years. I've dated, I've had boyfriends, but like, why haven't I found my unicorn? Like, and sometimes you begin to say to yourself, like, what's wrong with me? Like, why can that person get themselves into a long-term relationship or get themselves remarried? I mean, I'll never forget when I was going through my divorce proceedings and my ex-husband said to me, oh, you'll be remarried in no time. And I was like, oh, okay, great.

well, that hasn't happened. And I'm like, and meanwhile, he's like engaged and living his best life. And I'm like, is something wrong with me? And you know, sometimes it makes me feel badly about myself. And then I thought, no, I'm going to not come from that place. Like I just haven't found my right person. And this has been a time where I'm becoming the best version of myself. And I know I have changed so much.

so much from the person I was when I was married to the early years of being divorced to who I am today. And I'm proud of that person and the work I've done. And I know I'm better for it. And each person that we date, whether it's one day, whether it's one month, whether it's three years, is part of our journey to we get to our final destination. And I believe it's happening and maybe took a little bit longer, but I'm also happy that you and I've been on the same timeline.

Well, but you might have not and you might not have evolved as much had you met somebody right away, right? Because as soon as you get in a relationship, that's when compromise starts. And I'm not saying it's not a great thing because I think you become less stuck in your ways and all the rest. That's the danger of being single for too long is do I elect to actually have a partner in my life because it is so good without having to make those compromises and sacrifices. But I do think that attitude is everything, right? And

And your attitude, I mean, let's be honest. I mean, there is an ask for every seat. If we wanted a boyfriend or anyone wanted a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you could have one. And it's like,

I mean, everybody could be taken or I mean, I don't want to say everybody. For sure, but we don't want to settle. I got it. I'm the queen of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, right? And so I think you're better at cutting bait sooner than I do, right? Because I'm like, oh, they're nice or they're this or that or it's good enough. But I don't want good enough because first of all, the scary thing is, is they say a lot of second marriages are

a greater percentage of ending up in divorce than first marriages. So it would, I don't want to get divorced again. Right. Or I don't, it's scary. Or you want to get married. I mean, I also think that like you look at people today and I think like,

How I view marriage and commitment and partnership is so different as a 51-year-old than as a 20-year-old. You know, I used... It's not that I spent time sitting there dreaming about like, oh, a white picket fence and, you know, getting married. I wasn't really one of those. But I just assumed that that's kind of what you did. And I think today...

Well, you also watched a great example in your parents. I mean, my parents have been married for over 60 years. My siblings, you know, I was the first in my family to get divorced. And it took me a really long time to not feel like there was this stigma. And I think I told you, like, everyone in my world and my purview, everyone I saw was married. And it wasn't until I got divorced that I realized how many people were actually divorced.

But I also think that a huge piece for me is that like back to kind of emotional needs being met by different people. I don't think that one person needs to be my be all end all. You know, as you said, it's additive. It enhances your life. But the truth is like everything.

We can have somebody, but it doesn't have to look the same. They can be, you know, an out of town. It's like friends, right? Like say we have 10 friends and one person is the person you laugh with. One person is the one you talk about makeup and jeans with. One person you tell them your deepest, darkest secret and can be your most vulnerable self, right? Like that goes back to the whole point of what we think, I think this podcast is, is finding a partner is just supposed to be part of your life.

There are so many more, there's so many equally amazing and important aspects of one's life, right? Like it's,

it's passions, it's hobbies, it's friends, it's family, it's being a parent, it's a professional, it's spiritual, right? Like what turns us on spiritual? Like I love my crystals. I love manifestation. I love listening to Gabby Bernstein. I love my 1111 numbers, right? Like it's a very big, it's a big landscape. And so I think, you know, you and I are really good at,

not making finding our partner of the utmost importance. Our life is never going to be defined by that.

look, when you're 20, 25, 30, you know, we do want to find our husband. We want to get married. We want to have children. Like those are important things. But to your point, when you're in your fifties, a partner is very different at 50 than at 20, right? Like we're looking for a companion. Yeah. It can be a once in a month partner. I mean, I think we differ a little bit. I think you ultimately would like to find one person, but for me,

I don't know. I kind of feel like it's this archaic tradition of like, and it's not that I'm opposed to monogamy, but like, I don't know if I need somebody full time in my life. And like, you know, for me, it might be finding somebody that enjoys the same things that I do and hooking up. And I don't mean literally hooking up, but like hooking up. Sure you do.

Looking up? I mean, that's never... Well, that's why long distance for you, you're very open and comfortable with the concept of a long distance relationship. Because think about it. You're getting the best of both worlds, right? Like you get your life here. You get your time to be Thelma. You get your time with your fun girls dinners. But then you would be able to go away and spend your time with your boyfriend at that time. For me, it's like getting a fix. And then after I've gotten it, I'm like, I feel good. ♪

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I will say the best thing to do in this, for me, which there's nothing I love more than our girls trips. Like I think packing up with your friends, taking a drive or hopping on a plane to go to New York. Like I just got back from a girl's trip in New York for four days and

It was the most fun. We felt so good about ourselves. And it also, when you change your, your environment and you come back, you just have a fresh kind of rejuvenated energy about you. And it's,

I don't know. Like we're all going to the pro-am in January to celebrate. We're going to have such a blast. You realize the world's also a bigger place. Kind of what you said. It's like, it's so small, but it is big. And like, how do you start doing things that aren't the usual things that you do to create excitement and novelty and, you know, have butterflies again when you're going out. But I also think we need to look at dating like fun. Like it's like, it's an opportunity. Right. And for example, like,

And it was hard to get you to start doing it, right? Like I really get to push you. And I really kind of look at it as an opportunity, even like the anticipation of getting ready and like the coordination of the date is far more fun and exciting than the actual date itself, right? It's like the wedding prep and then you have the wedding, right? So eight times out of 10, the date is like a hard pass.

But the fun that we have doing it. But for me, look, dating is hard in LA for me because I grew up here. I feel like I know everyone. I won't want a dating app because I see everyone I know on it. But there are some really funny dating stories. I mean, I just have to tell you,

it's dating fun. Like I got, remember the story I told you this weekend, this story is, I was telling my kids last night. So I have a friend who's going through a divorce and I've been pushing her to go on the dating apps. And she's set her age range to mid sixties. Cause she's like, I don't want anyone with young kids. Like I just want somebody who's like a man who can like up and go. Okay, fine. So she met, she matches with this guy. She sends me the picture and she,

He's handsome. He's cute. Right. And so she's like, okay, so they make a plan to go out this Tuesday night. And so she sends the picture to another one of our friends. And then our friend was at John and Vinny's having lunch on Sunday. And she sees this guy on another date.

But the one that my friend is going to meet. So she takes a picture of him and she says to my friend, it goes, guess he's really on the dating circuit. So he's like a total dating machine. So those are the stories that you have to laugh at and have fun with. And then the currency and the laughter we've, we've dined out on this story all weekend. I shared it with you. Like it's so funny. And that's the same thing actually, when my sister and I were,

in Ibiza, we got on the dating apps and remember I told you that we would, I mean, our profiles were very similar, but we were also seeking similar in return. And so we were texting the same people and then taking notes on like who was responding with what and were they like the same response? Were they different responses? Remember I would take her phone, put her on dates with other people. - Well, that's what I'm doing on your phone.

Look, as you know, your friend Louise is very woo woo, right? Like you had to take some of the crystals out of my place. You believe everything's a sign. But I do. But I believe in manifestation and I believe in vision boards. So, for example, every year on January 1, I don't know if you know this about me. I do a vision board.

Um, and I keep it in a space that I can see. Sometimes it's in my bathroom. Sometimes it's in my, whatever it is, because again, I believe in manifestation. As you know, when I see 1111 on a license plate or a clock or a receipt, you know, I'm busy crossing myself and making wishes and all that. So what are you manifesting for 2025? Me, I, um,

Funny that you asked that. I feel like this sounds really superficial, but it's something that I know really affects my mood. And it's basically feeling good about myself physically and aesthetically. And I know that that sounds superficial, but you know how we joke around about the bra and underwear, the matching bra and underwear? Yeah.

I feel like when I, I know this sounds really light to your big question because I actually have deeper ones, but I feel like

You get ready because you see clients all the time. And so you always kind of feel, well, I don't know if you feel good about yourself, but you look good. You present well. And I think in turn, it makes you feel good. And I think for me working from home, not having to present and be around people, do you know what I mean? In a formal setting on a day-to-day basis can really start to impact my psyche. And I feel like,

Getting dressed and liking what I see in the mirror makes me approach my day so differently. And, you know, remember you joked around with me. We were in a dressing room one time and you're like, oh, I like your bra and underwear. And this is one thing that's always a non-negotiable for me. But like I put on matching bra and underwear every single day. I do not do it for anybody else. I do it for me. At least you wear underwear. I know. Yeah.

Not everyone does. But anyway, I do it for me because I often think, you know, they, we joke around where it's like, well, if you don't like yourself and if you don't like what you see in the mirror, why do you expect somebody else to? And I really do take that to heart. I think it's a metaphor. Like if you feel good about yourself or at least you're faking it till you make it, then that's the energy you're putting out there. So even when I'm going to yoga, I, you're going to think this is weird.

but I have a Sephora store in my place. I put a little cream blush on before I go to yoga. Oh, I know. And I always feel terrible because I have nothing. It makes me feel so much better. And I always, I love to exercise.

I love getting, I'm so girly like that, right? Like I have boys. Like, could you imagine if I had daughters? But like, I love putting myself together, right? Like it makes me feel good about myself and I can put my best foot forward. So I think that's actually a really good New Year's resolution for you. Yeah. So I think on a lighter note, it's that. I also think it's like, what am I doing on a day-to-day basis?

that support my goals and what I want my life to look like. Because it's really about what's the bigger goal and then what are you doing to actually reach it? And I think for me, we always talk about gratitude is so important. And you've had a gratitude journal forever. I feel like I live in a very grateful space, but I need more of a day-to-day reminder. I'm going to buy you that journal because honestly it is...

I just sent it to a friend. It's just like dear universe manifestation journal. And it is a, it's a quick morning exercise and a quick nighttime exercise, but it is so valuable and it is so I'm centering for me as I start my day and centering for me as I go to sleep at night, it's super reflective. It takes zero time. And it talks about like, what are you manifesting for the day? What are you grateful for from the night before? And look, you know, I spend a lot of time, um,

For example, on the first of every month, I have a journal where I write, what do I have this month that I didn't have last month? What did I accomplish this month that I didn't accomplish last month? And I really believe in manifesting. And I could sit here and tell you, which would negate our entire podcast, that I am manifesting a husband, but I'm not.

I think what I'm manifesting for 2025 is the ability to stay a little more even holidays are tough for me, right? Like it's stuff in my childhood. You know, I did not grow up in the environment that you did, right? I had parents who had a really ugly divorce. Holidays were hard for me. Christmas was hard for me. And I think what I'm really manifesting

learning what I want to manifest is staying even, right? Like it's a lot of black and white with me, right? Not a lot of gray. And I think that that's my biggest, my biggest lesson that I need to do. And you're really good at it. And you really talked me off the ledge. I had some tears this week and I, that's what I really, that's what my lesson is, right? Like I can put myself together. I can load the face up with makeup. I can do all that. It's for me more of the, um,

kind of internal sturdiness. And that's so funny because I think that's why I think we are such good friends is that we, our strengths and weaknesses are very different. And for me,

which I admire about you. Yeah. And that's a, I think another question is who are we surrounding ourselves with, which I'll finish my point, but I think that that's a big piece of this, but is, is like you, I want to start saying yes to more things. And so for me, I am looking forward like one month and say, okay, what am I doing this month? That makes me feel a little uncomfortable. So start that. Like what I do started and I have your notes section.

And hold yourself accountable. Yeah. I'm going on a ski trip with these girls in February that it's totally not my usual scene. It's a different group. They're all really, really close friends. They invite me every year. And this year I said, yes. And you never know what can happen. I always say to my kids too, like, just say yes. Don't limit yourself. Right? Like, but I think to go back to your point, like,

We are who we surround yourself with. And I've had to make a lot of changes in friendships over the last few years, which has been super, super painful for me. But instead of looking at the whole or the change or the lack,

I sit there and I look at my table of five, 10, whatever it is. And I feel so grateful because you guys all light me up and fill me up that if I never found a husband again, and I just had all of you to live in an old age home, I could not love my friends more. I have cleared house. I have the greatest group of women in my life surrounding me that make me way better version of myself. Um,

and I am beyond grateful. And I think that the whole point of life other than health is gratitude, right? Like focus on what we do have, not what we don't have. Right. And then the more you focus on what we do have, the more blessings that are going to come our way and just be a kind and a good person and be nice to people. It's amazing to me in this world, how people just don't think about other people. It feels good to give. It feels good to be thoughtful. Completely. And again,

there's so much power in that, right? When you are helping other people or reaching out to other people or giving a compliment. I mean, so often my kids always make fun of me because I'll be somewhere, I'll be at the grocery store, I'll be somewhere and I'll be like, oh my gosh, you have amazing eyes. And they're always like, that is so creepy. Like, why did you tell that woman that she has beautiful eyes? And I was like, because you know what?

I felt it. I saw it. And you see how people react when you give a genuine compliment. I'm not saying compliment people for no reason. Do you know what I mean? I agree. I mean, especially women complimenting other women and supporting women. But I feel like...

you know, doing for others. I mean, I will tell you Thanksgiving, I live in a building as you know, and I have doorman and ballets and I love these guys so much. And it was Thanksgiving and there's, um, there's two, there's a turn, there's the day turnover and then the night turnover. And so I went down on Thanksgiving during the day and I said to the guys and I said, Hey, I want to order you, you know, brunch, um,

you know, for working on Thanksgiving. And they're like, oh my God, that's so nice. And then I sent Thanksgiving dinner to the dinner crew. And the next morning when I went down to get my car, they came up to me and they said, you're the only person in this building who offered to send us anything for Thanksgiving. I was, first of all, I was so sad that in a building of a hundred people, nobody else thought to send these people Thanksgiving dinner and show them our gratitude for all that they do for us.

I love for me, giving feels way more better than receiving. We did our secret Santa yesterday. I love to give, you know, and I want my kids to learn this. It's important to me because it does feel good. I think volunteering is good for the soul. I think giving, you know, the other day, you know, we always go to a restaurant and the valet for some reason remembers us. He is the nicest guy. And as we're getting out of the car, I said, Oh, you,

you know, do they serve you dinner every night? It's so cold out here. He's like, no, they don't service dinner. And I was like, oh, so in my head, I was like, what's your favorite thing on the menu? And he's like, oh, it's the, you know, it's the pulled pork. And I was like, okay. So took the boys into the restaurant, sat down at the table. We're ordering. And I said to the waitress, I'd like to get the pulled pork to go. And my kids, it was like a light bulb went off in their head. They're like, oh my God, mom, that is so nice. I walked out.

you know, after dinner, I handed him the pulled pork and I said, enjoy your dinner. And he said, he's like, oh my God. I mean, it was like, and it felt so good. Nothing made me feel higher than that. Yeah. I bet that was the greatest feeling. Probably better than any good date. You know, it's better than any good date.

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If nothing changes, nothing changes. And so I think, you know, 80% of the time, 90% of the time, I love my life. Gratitude, feel like it's full. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. But when I do find myself in contemplative or reflective periods where I do feel like something is off, I'm like,

I'm really trying to catch myself and better identify what is it that I'm really feeling, right? And if you want change, you have to be changed and nothing drops out of the sky. Like I can't, you can't fix it for me. If I'm feeling small or sad, I have to think to myself, Thelma, what can I do to make myself feel better in this moment? Right? Like it is a choice for

For me to either fall apart and wallow and feel sad or literally find an action, create an action that I can do to then, you know, change my mindset and kind of get quote re-centered.

Completely. And the key word is action. You know, it's proactively going through our lives as opposed to reactively or passively is even better. You know, I think that we can control how we feel and we can control our lens and we're not doing it. And shame on us. I mean, shame on us. If we have our health, look, guys, nothing is more important than health, period. We can change every single thing in our life.

anything. And I always say to my children too, like when you hear about these awful suicides, I say nothing is worth that. Like you can change anything in your life. And I think that

you know, sitting in pain and wallowing in pain and depression, like you have to try to snap out of it as quickly as you got to feel it. Right. Like you got to experience it. I think it's important to acknowledge it and not shove it under the rug. But at the same time, you have to mobilize. Right. And and and and push yourself. It's like a breakup. Right. Like we all get our ass handed to us in a breakup. And it is heartbreaking. Right.

You know, I was listening to that Mel Robbins breakup podcast, which is amazing. Like you got to feel it. You got to go through it. And then you got to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and you need to say rejection is redirection. There is something better coming for me. I am ready. I am open. I am excited.

Because people feel that and people want to be around that. You know, it's like, you know, you always hear about these, like, are you an energy sucker or do you know what I mean? Or, or do you give people energy? Right. You light people up or are you a victim? Nobody wants to be around a victim all the time. No, it's pathetic. And by the way, when I am around people that are sitting there complaining or wallowing about being single, I literally like, oh my God, like you are tragic.

And that's what I think. I mean, well, desperation is so obvious. I mean, honestly, like people pick up on that energy, right? Like you have to love yourself. So other people,

can love us. We fall in love with ourselves. Completely. And so looking in the mirror and taking stock of like where you could be a better version of yourself. Like, I think that's important. And, and while you are so-called waiting for somebody or Mr. Right to come along, like there's plenty of time to work on yourself. Well, be Mrs. Right yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know, man, the game of life, it's like peaks and valleys. It's learning to navigate. It's just learning to deal with the curve balls that come our way and the roadblocks and the wins and the losses. You only get one life. And so we should really be living it to the fullest, you know? And at the very least, you know, that waited best. And our whipping around Holby Park together and laughing is, you know, it gives me a lot of joy.

It gives me joy to live a parallel life

with like you or, you know, somebody as we're kind of navigating all of it together, because I don't feel alone. I don't have a partner. I don't have a husband, but I am not alone because of you or people like you in my life. You know, it's really funny when you say that. I think back to, I don't know if you watched the golden bachelor and bachelorette, but I did. I didn't. And I have to tell you, you should, because it, it is the best lesson in life. And I feel like if you line 10 people up,

I mean, I don't want to speak for everybody, but I bet the large majority of people would say that they found it far more intriguing to watch the 20 bachelors, do you know what I mean, in the room and how they interacted and found one another.

versus the standalone dates and wondering, do you know what I mean, what guy was going to get the girl? It was like, it was just, it was so representative of life. And I feel like the guys that went on that show, kind of back to the friendships are the most important thing. They found so much. They found people that they could empathize with. They could communicate with. They had similar interests. Like the friendships, when they got kicked off the show, they were most sad about leaving the,

each other and not that they didn't like the girl do you know what I mean or like the guy when it was the bachelor that was the experience and I think it helped them get them out of their comfort zone to know that in real life they could start you know taking steps to go on dates but it was like finding kindred spirits and people out there that like they could relate to it was it was seriously like it was beautiful.

So Thelma, what new things do we want to push ourselves to do in 2025? I can tell you what I think we should do. Well, I know what I would really like to do if I can somehow swing it is I would love to go live somewhere else for a month. I think that would be really good for me to experience somewhere new by myself and

for a month and see what changes can come my way. And at the very least, I can start by going to have dinner at South Beverly girl by myself at the bar, which will be absolutely terrifying. But I think that would be a really good challenge for me. And didn't you maybe see your ex-boyfriend alone at the bar there? So that might be a little awkward. I think we might need a new spot. Yes, for sure. I mean, anything, by the way, that was awful. But I think those kinds of challenges are,

we need to do. What about you? How are you going to challenge yourself? Well, I told you, I think I'm going to move for the summer, right? To where we always go, but stay there for the summer. I didn't know this. Is this true? Yeah.

Wait, no, can I come? Yeah, but that would defeat the alone purpose. But I've been thinking about doing, yeah, I mean, I'm talking about it with my youngest and she really wants to work there for the summer and she's able to get a job there. So thinking that like picking up and moving for the summer. You've just ripped the rug out from underneath my feet. Well, maybe I can visit you in your location and you can visit me. No, I'm coming with you, period. Or I might be remarried. No, I'm joking. This has been so fun. I love doing this. I love...

Talking about all of this because we are just normal. We're not celebrities. We're normal. We're older. We're bumbling along, you know, trying on a bunch of different things, winning at some succeeding at other. But I have to say, you know, it's all normal. It's all par for the course. And at the very least,

You know, I no regrets. Yeah. And hopefully, you know, these listeners find us, you know, doing what they're doing and, you know, throw us some questions, reach out to us. What do you want to hear? What do you want to talk about? We're really open books. We can be totally self-deprecating. We do not take our life ourselves too seriously. And we are here. So, you know, real people going through it and, you know, not totally winning, but

All the time. We are. We really do. Sometimes, but let's be real. There are hard moments. Yeah. But that's why you have your friends, right? So call us, email us, follow us on our socials. You know, look at the show notes. All of our info is there. Falling in love is the main objective. But while you're not in love, loving your life is the main objective and loving yourself. Agree. Happy holidays. Take care.

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