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2025/2/13
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Cheryl Burke: 离婚后,我开始重新审视自己。过去,我总是害怕孤独,所以不断地寻找伴侣,从13岁开始就一直处于恋爱状态,从未间断。我是一个连续约会者,总是需要一个备胎。现在,我意识到我需要改变这种模式,我需要学会爱自己,享受独处的时光。我需要把精力放在自己身上,而不是依赖别人来填补内心的空虚。我需要改变过去恋爱中不安全感和嫉妒的模式。我需要先做好自己,才能与他人分享生活。我需要改变过去恋爱中不安全感和嫉妒的模式。我需要先做好自己,才能与他人分享生活。我需要改变过去恋爱中不安全感和嫉妒的模式。我需要先做好自己,才能与他人分享生活。我需要改变过去恋爱中不安全感和嫉妒的模式。我需要先做好自己,才能与他人分享生活。我需要改变过去恋爱中不安全感和嫉妒的模式。我需要先做好自己,才能与他人分享生活。我需要改变过去恋爱中不安全感和嫉妒的模式。我需要先做好自己,才能与他人分享生活。 Cheryl Burke: 我现在对约会不感兴趣,因为我没有精力。过去,我总是主动安排约会,但现在我更喜欢独处。我喜欢安静而自信的男人,但我不会随便和人上床,因为我会很快爱上对方。我决定禁欲,这很自然,因为我没有约会,而且我尊重和爱自己。我是一个非常投入的人,如果我和你发生了性关系,我就会完全被你占据。我需要安全感,才能真正亲密。我在Zoom上比在现实中更脆弱,在Zoom上谈论这些事情时,我的身体会感到不舒服。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。我喜欢独自旅行,但现在因为我的狗,我不能出国旅行。

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Who do you know on Anxempic or semaglutide right now? Probably a ton of people. I know a ton of people too because it's everywhere. And for good reason. These groundbreaking GLP-1 medications are changing the weight loss game. At Future Health, they make accessing them simple, safe, and affordable.

Their program connects you with licensed doctors who specialize in GLP-1 treatments, including ozempic and semaglutide, so you can get the support you need to reach your weight loss goals. With Future Health, you'll have access to these trusted weight loss meds, plus ongoing care through their network of over 6,000 doctors and pharmacies nationwide. And it's easy to get started. Just go to tryfh.com. That's tryfh.com.

Find out if weight loss meds are for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. Tryfh.com. Future Health is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health. Don't miss Real Life Amigos, Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez in their new podcast, Dos Amigos, where they have candid conversations with special guests about anything and everything.

Join them in Wilmer's speakeasy for genuine moments, laughter, and a toast to good times. Remember hearing this commercial. Are you between the ages of 14 and 16 years old? Do you think you got it take to be a TV personality at commercials and Saturday morning shows? Listen to Dos Amigos on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. ♪

Welcome to I Do, part two, the pod for people who didn't get it right the first time when it came to love and now find themselves picking up the pieces and putting themselves back together. I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors, and I'm just like you guys. I'm divorced. I've been divorced.

Hi Cheryl. Hi.

Hey, girl. Welcome. Hi. Thank you. So I want to talk, obviously, about your experience a little bit. So kind of like run us through the highlights. I know you had the big wedding, but like talk about how long were you married for and how long has it been since your divorce? Okay. Well,

I was married, first of all. So this was a relationship that, you know, we started dating when I first moved to L.A., but I'm not going to talk too much about him, but I'll definitely talk more about just my experience. And I I love comfort in any way, shape and form. So like I just I was really it's always been weird for me to like date and just to meet people.

people, especially in the business that I am. But even before this business, it wasn't that it was just that I'm naturally introverted. Right. So when I feel comfortable around somebody, you know, the and if let's say we break up, which I did with my ex at that time after dating for the like for a year back in 2006 or seven, and then we reunited and it just felt comfortable, you know, and it was just like, OK, we don't have to do the whole like it's a small talk that just gets me anyway. Yeah.

Then, yes, then we get married and we were married for we started dating again for another year, I believe, year and a half before we got married or engaged. And then we got married very soon later. Can I jump in and ask you this? Whose idea was it to get married? Totally mine. I'll take full accountability. Yeah, I don't think he was. I mean, look.

There was the conversations, but every time it was me starting the conversation. Right. Because I also was like older. So it was 10 years of that gap between when we first dated and then started again. But it was kind of like, okay, but when you're older, you know, you're kind of thinking like, well, if this person's not serious, then like why waste time? Right. And I get, I'm like, what is time now? Now I'm a different woman. And I'm like, well,

It's just so interesting how we put so much pressure on, especially women, because we think that there's this schedule that we need to follow as far as getting married and having kids. It's like it's the conventional way, right? It's what society expects from you, but it doesn't have to be in any order or at any time. Amen. Or it doesn't ever have to happen, period. Did you ever consider not getting married and just being in a long term partnership? No.

Not then, not back then. No, that was my goal. The goal was to get married. Like it was literally to get married. I wasn't even thinking kids. I was just to get married. It was just to get married. And so where did you feel like that came from? Was that about the environment you were raised in or was it about all of your friends were getting married, like pressure being in the public eye and not being married yet? Like where or was it just you just wanted that you just grew up wanting to get married? Where do you think it came from?

It came from like all those movies, like, you know, those rom-coms. But also, honestly, if you really want to get deep here and in a quick soundbite, but it was...

for my feeling at that time, I definitely didn't love myself. I didn't even start that work, nor was I interested, even though I was in therapy and I have been forever. You know, there's certain things that, you know, my therapist now brings to my attention that I'll just change the subject if it's something that I don't want to talk about. And that was one of them, you know, and it was so much about what, you know,

uh, the, the person outside sources, what can fill my cup up. And one of that, and one of my goals was to see if I can get married and I'm not, it has nothing to do with the person I married. It has everything to do with how, no matter what I did, it doesn't matter. Like you can't fill, no one is going to fill your cup up. Shopping's not going to fill your cup up. You are, you need to do the internal work. And that did not make any sense to me until recently. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that makes a lot of sense though. I want to know now post-divorce, what has kind of...

Or right after the divorce, let's say, let's go back to that right after the divorce. What was the focus? Was it to get into therapy? Was it to build? I was already in therapy. Okay. Was it, was it to build a new circle of friends? Was it to focus more on yourself? Was it to start a new life or what was kind of like the, when you first got divorced, what was the focus right then and there?

I didn't have any type of goal, like to be quite like just transparent with you. It was really about surviving day after day. And it was one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. And I'm very goal oriented, right? But it naturally, honestly, it naturally became about me surviving.

ghosting everybody around me and doing the work myself because what I realized naturally and I don't think I was able to put it into words at that time but I can't be vulnerable with other people sometimes like that vulnerable like when it comes to like really feeling grief and

I even have trouble doing that, but when I'm by myself, you know, so it's like, because it's so painful that like, I am a professional disassociator and I definitely numb. And though it's not through alcohol anymore, there's so many other things I can do. Right. So the list goes on and I am in order for me to really make progress and to really feel okay in my own skin and to feel like,

not lonely. Like I sound like a broken record, but like it's, it really does start within. And first, my first priority to be quite honest was staying sober. So that was definitely something that I was aware of at that time. Yeah. That's an important, um,

that you channeled a lot of energy into. And I do want to commend you for being so open about that because I do think that that's a huge step for anybody in life choosing to be sober. And you choosing to share that on a large platform, I think is really incredible. I want to talk about the fact that you are a childless woman. My Frenchie counts though. Don't count her out. Her babies always count. Um,

but I want to talk about this because I think it's something that sometimes gets overlooked when it comes to divorce. I think a lot of people focus on divorce, single parent aspect and what that kind of entails. But, you know, just because you don't have children doesn't make this experience that you went through any less painful or meaningful. But I kind of want to know from your perspective and what you've gone through, um,

Did it feel different because you didn't have children and you didn't have somebody? I mean, you had a fur baby to take care of, right? But you didn't have a human being to take care of. You didn't have somebody to put on a brave face for. Sometimes we hear a lot about single parents having to do that. Yeah.

I guess I don't know because I've never had kids, right? Like, I don't know what that is. Did you feel supported? I guess I want to know. I think a lot of times we hear about stories of people being rallied around because they need that extra support. And sometimes a single girls that don't have kids, I feel like we're viewed as you got this. You're strong.

What was your perspective? Like, did you have that? I don't, I have never, that's never crossed my mind and I had never felt that, but I like, you know, I mentioned earlier if I needed the support, absolutely. And I did. And I, and though she is on someone I pay my therapist for me, cause I am so sensitive to bias, right? Like I don't want, um,

At that time in my life, I needed just to hear the truth. Right. And I really needed just to hear it and not because of any type of politics being played. Like I and for me, that person was my therapist. I really leaned on her a lot. And, you know, I've been with her for 15 years. And I have to say the reason I have been with her because I'm sensitive, as I said, to bias is because she's not biased, like by any means.

And I have to say that she definitely, you know, it was hard. It was hard truths because like she also is very much all about taking accountability. And that is a thing that, you know, and sometimes that's the last thing you want to do, right? When you have all this anger and rage, but it, I leaned on her a lot and I also lean. And then with that, you know, it was my choice to leave Los Angeles and move and, and,

I don't believe a lot of people would choose that after a divorce, not just with their partner, but also leaving a job that they've done for 17 years of their life.

and the same year choose to move, right? So those are three huge changes that I think it's my addict brain that's like, okay, I have to, if I'm gonna just change my whole life, then I'm changing my whole life. That house I was in for 16 years just reminded me of everything, right? So it was like, it was very important for me to do this. And I don't know,

If I were to like, if I'm like thinking about those decisions now and I'm like, whoa, that was bold. That was like three life changes. Like they say, if you go up to five in one year, you need to like go to the nearest mental and it'll make you mental. Right. Like, cause it's just so much change. But then also with that, you know, my friends have changed. Right. Too. And naturally, but like, I've never felt so grounded and so, um,

look, there's days where I don't feel like this. Okay. I'm not trying to say like I have served, like, you know, no, there's days. Absolutely. But I've never felt lonely. I just, I love to hear that. Let me ask you something super personal. You can be like, sure. I want to answer that or no, I don't. Okay. What are your views on,

on children. Is that something that you think about something that you want in your lifetime? Still don't know, like kind of where you are. I actually talked about it with my therapist recently. And she's like the way you treat your dog. Are you sure you want to have kids? Cause my dog is a spoiled brat, like literally spoiled 24 hour care over here. Cause she needs it, but, or I think she needs it. But you know,

I believe, and I've just, okay, I believe, okay, of course it's great to raise a kid with two people, right? Like obviously. Because I come from a divorced family and because I know how much it affected me and other stories I've heard, even if I was so young, it doesn't matter. It still is ingrained in my freaking identity, right? And this is not going to be popular. I don't, I believe that

It's okay to raise kids on your own. Like, and actually to start it off like that would probably be healthier than having to rely on another partner, not knowing what mood that person's going to wake up in and not knowing what this kid is going to observe. And at least you have control for the most part over yourself and your kid. I will say, Cheryl, you say that that's unpopular. I think that's becoming more popular as time goes on. I mean, I could draw

a conclusion right now to like, Lala on Vanderpump rules. After having one child in that relationship decided, I still want to be a mom that is still really important to me. And she opted to have a sperm donor and had that second child and is raising it on her own because she does not want to go through kind of the conflict that she went through with her child's father.

How has people, I guess, it's been celebrated at all or only celebrated. She had a baby shower. She has been, you know, embraced by her family. Yeah. So, I mean, that was a journey that she went on on her own. And I think, you know, I I'm

I know in my professional life, I have worked with women that, you know, were in their fifties and decided to adopt on their own and become mothers later in life. And one of them, I actually know ended up then meeting a spouse later on after bringing, you know, adopting a child on her own. I know like Hoda on the Today Show, she's done it on her own as well. So I think it's

it is becoming, I think, a more popular and mainstream decision for women because they feel similar to what you're expressing, you know, like they don't want the risk, you know, they've maybe gone through something. I mean, I'm a product of divorce too. So when you talk about that, I totally understand those feelings and how that sticks with you. And it

I do think that, you know, yes, ideally it's, it's, I think it's less about that a child necessarily needs two parents as it's more, it's a tough job. So if you have somebody to share the workload with that, I think does sound great, but I think that you and I both know that there's a lot of single parents out there in the world that are kicking ass right now and doing, you know, for sure. Yeah. And also look, um,

I didn't freeze. I've chosen not to freeze my eggs and I don't plan on ever doing that. So, nor I don't think it'll be possible soon or if it's not possible now, it's not possible. It doesn't matter either way. That's not happening. So what my therapist and I were talking about was like, okay, she does have a friend that she was able to, you know, get a donor and then like have a surrogate.

and do that whole thing. And at first I was like, okay, adopt. But then I'm like, oh wait, I didn't even realize that that was an option. But I'm not clearly, I'm not that like, okay, tomorrow we're doing this. I'm not ready yet. And this is the beauty of

Also in a way where we are today in this world, as far as, you know, technology and it's scary, but also very helpful for women who feel like they haven't finished what they're trying to do, whatever that is. And I don't feel like I have started my second chapter yet in my career yet. So like, I don't want to, I don't think it would be responsible for me to bring in a kid who,

Um, right now, if I don't feel, I mean, I guess I'm never going to be ready. No one is. And I guess I'm never going to feel settled because like, how boring is that? Um, but I, I know that there's more that I need to do as an individual before sharing my life with somebody.

And Cheryl, I know I'm not your mom, but I can also say this to you. You are allowed to change your mind at any time. Yeah. Any of this too. But not when you have the kid. Not once you have the kid. That's what I mean. You have children for sure. So I think that's important. Right. Because I think sometimes, um,

People are put a lot of pressure on themselves to make a decision and stick to that answer. You know, we are allowed to change our minds about things. You could want to get married again someday. You do not want to have children again someday. And life changes. How about just the dating? Like, I'm not dating and I'm choosing not to date. Like, forget the marriage. How about just meeting somebody? I'm like, I am perfectly content in this home with these four walls. I never have to leave.

Who do you know on Anxempic or semaglutide right now? Probably a ton of people. I know a ton of people too because it's everywhere. And for good reason. These groundbreaking GLP-1 medications are changing the weight loss game. At Future Health, they make accessing them simple, safe, and affordable.

Their program connects you with licensed doctors who specialize in GLP-1 treatments, including Ozempic and semaglutide, so you can get the support you need to reach your weight loss goals. With Future Health, you'll have access to these trusted weight loss meds, plus ongoing care through their network of over 6,000 doctors and pharmacies nationwide. And it's easy to get started. Just go to tryfh.com. That's tryfh.com.

Find out if weight loss meds are for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. Tryfh.com. Future Health is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health. This is it.

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Don't miss Real Life Amigos, Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez in their new podcast, Dos Amigos. Each episode is a party where the good friends get real with each other about life, careers and everything about everything. And you're right there with them. When I discovered acting, I've just found my calling. But a lot of that was just because I wasn't I wasn't good at anything else, you know.

Join the two amigos straight from Wilmer's Speakeasy for a toast to good times. Don't be surprised if some special guests and good friends drop in. And always expect lively, candid discussions, plenty of genuine moments, and lots of laughter. I remember hearing this commercial. Are you between the ages of 16? What is it?

Oh, man. Are you between the ages of 14 and 16 years old? Do you think you got what it takes to be a TV personality and commercials and, you know, morning, Saturday morning shows? Listen to Dos Amigos as part of the My Cultura podcast network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Let's talk about it, Cheryl, because I do want to talk about what's going on with the not dating. I knew this was a note from Amy Sugarman, wasn't it? No.

Yeah, right. It wasn't. Yeah, right. All y'all think it's so weird. Like, well, what is happening? It's not weird. Hello. I'm not dating either, Cheryl. I bet you you leave your house more than I do, though. Probably not, Cheryl. But I want to know when was your last date? Amy, share from that dude. That's Kelly's dating. Yeah. Mr. Tennis. Wait, is she still dating him? I forgot what you said. I don't know. I haven't gotten an update, but I want to know when was that date? So your last date was when? Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I can check my calendar. Hold on. Are we talking over 365 days? Like over... Oh, for sure. It was when I was just moving. Okay. Zero interest. Don't even try. But no, but tell me where...

Like, I want to know as a single, you're gorgeous. You're talented. You have, like you just said, you're so busy right now. It's like so hard to even lock you down. No, but I'm not like, I'm not, I just, I want to know like when Cheryl goes out to the bank or to run errands,

Do you turn your head to me? They come to me. Look at attractive men. Are we not even looking at men? Are we blinders on? Oh, hell yeah. Like I'm following some hot dudes on and mind you, like errands come to me. Like this is the invention. This is what I mean. Technology like Instacart, like, you know, bank, like you can do everything. I don't remember the last time I set foot in a bank anyway. Um,

Yeah, no, of course. I still think guys are hot. That doesn't mean, though, that they deserve me. Of course. Wait, are guys sliding into your DMs ever? Old, creepy ones. But, like, think about it. I'm not one to post, like, my tits are not out. Like, I don't do that, right? No, but you're still stunning and you're still active on social media. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean, no, but to answer, I mean, I don't know. I don't check like the other, you know, there's messages. There's so many sections of messages. The others. No, that's not what I meant. But like, you know, I know what you mean. The other messages, the non, the non blue check messages that come through. I got you. I'm also not giving off that vibe. I truly believe that like my energy is not like DM me. Sure. But listen, like I said,

I think you're glowing. You're gorgeous. I know I am. I am in the best shape in the world right now. More than when I was on Dancing with the Stars. And you have great content that you're putting out about loving yourself. It's not like it's not crossing any men's hats. That's intimidating for men. You know what? I don't know. I've never been attracted to beta men. So I've never been like into a guy that like was ever intimidated by me anyways. That's just never how I roll. I don't ever tend to like

So are you attracted to the opposite then? I'm attracted to strong, quiet confidence. So I'm not attracted to alpha males that are super loud and boisterous about it. I'm attracted to more of a quiet confidence that doesn't need to put that out to the world. That's great considering you came from a divorced family. Yeah. I mean, I also...

Cheryl, this is not my therapy session. What? It's so true, though. I mean, come on. People can learn from you, too, girl. We are normal people. I'm normal. We're normal humans. I do part two phase, Cheryl. I'm still in my... Yes, you are. I'm not. In your mid-30s, you just got out of a very long relationship. You just moved as well. Like, this is a very similar path. Similar, but...

had the marital relationships and haven't. But you would have. Don't lie. I would have for sure. I would have had my relationship progress, but it did not. Correct. Until you bounced. Good girl.

Yes. But I want to, I want to go back to you because we touched on this a minute ago about the not dating, but I want to go back on celibacy. So you have been very open on the podcast about your decision to be celibate. And so I want to know though, where did that come from? Was that a decision that you made on your own? Were you inspired by somebody else that was talking about celibacy? Was that something that,

came hand in hand with your sobriety, like kind of about where the celibacy came from. I mean, all of the above, but really what I started laughing because it's like, well, if I'm not dating, right. And I'm not necessarily like, I'm not even texting like anyone that I'm interested in. Right. Like whatever. Yeah.

It comes natural, obviously. Like I'm also not the girl that does like, I would never, I never have. I mean, maybe who cares, but the one night stands, like I just don't, especially as a sober woman and just respecting and loving myself. Like I don't do that shit. So it comes natural.

It couldn't have just happened. Anybody who does, if they're into that. I wish I could do, I wish I could separate. Like the thing is you have sex with me. I, I, I fall in love fast. So like, this is not a good thing. Right. So we're working through this. We're like, okay, well maybe it doesn't have to be so intense. Like I am such an intense person.

you know, woman, like whatever it is, what it is. I mean, I also think that, but it hurts. Like it hurt. Like literally like you have sex with me. It's like, you're screwed. And this was in the past and I'm talking past tense. Right. And it's, and the obsession, the, uh,

Not obsession, like scary, like those weird movies. That's not what I'm talking about. But the fact that it'll completely take over my thought process. You ruminate. The fantasy of this person. You ruminate on it. Because it's not real. None of it is real.

The only thing that was real was whatever happened physically that you allowed for it to happen, right? And I think a lot of that maybe back in the day when I would have casual maybe relationships or intimacy, it really just continued to chip away at my soul. Because at the end of the day, that says a lot about me, right? Well...

Yes. It's also important to have sex with feelings, though. I mean, I just personally, I think everybody can have casual sex. That means nothing. And that's fine and dandy. But we all know that the best kind of sex is when you have that emotional connection to somebody, too. Well, I don't think that's what I'm talking about because I don't think that's ever happened. Wait, Cheryl, unpack that.

for me what do you mean that has nothing it has nothing to do with the person that and I've had sex with more than one person people people are going to always everything that I say always relates to my ex like you guys I am I have dated more than enough yes we're being very clear Cheryl is a grown woman yeah I don't I'm not just referring to one for every time I do a stupid talk you're like oh my god you're not over it I'm like

Wait, what? I've had like 20 relationships. Yeah. Like actually. Anyway. So what is another thing that has been an ongoing conversation in my therapy session is have I ever been vulnerable enough, right? To, you know, be truly intimate. And no, because I think it was because of my sexual abuse as a kid.

So for me, certain things are very intimate that I don't do unless, and I'm talking about physical things, unless I am a hundred percent feeling safe and which is very rare.

I don't remember when the last time that happened, actually. I think that all of that makes total sense. It's interesting to hear you say that you struggle with vulnerability because just in the brief amount of time. Intimacy, physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is what you struggle with. You don't feel like you struggle with vulnerability.

It depends. I'm more vulnerable. This is another thing my therapist pointed out via Zoom than I am in person. Well, I was just about to say in the short amount of time that we've been each other's lives, I feel like you've been incredibly vulnerable and an open book. You know what I mean? Like you just when you saw me in person.

I felt like that when I saw you in person, you were trying to talk to me about what was going on with me, of course. But I still think that I didn't feel any part of you that was close.

closed off or evasive or anything like that. I don't think it's so dramatic, right? I don't think it's black and white, but I understand. Like, I mean, like if you, if me and you were like by ourselves, like I am like with my therapist, if I saw her face to face, which I have just recently versus zoom, I think that it's interesting. Cause I can feel it. My body's uncomfortable in person. When I talk about stuff like this on one-on-one, let's say in person versus zoom.

Okay. That's interesting. Well, I kind of want to talk about date. I know dating is not at the forefront of your mind right now. Is it on you? Is it on yours?

No, but my situation has not been 365 plus days. Who's counting? But honestly, who's counting? Why count? No, but also, Cheryl, if I'm just being totally honest, I am not a bombshell like you. Yeah, you are. Shut up. That's the number one thing that has to change. What's the number one thing that has to change? You need to say to yourself, because you are a freaking bomb. You're a catch.

Anyways, Cheryl, I want to know, though, because this is what happens with me. I I'm of the mindset in this moment right now for me. I don't know if I will ever date again. And I know that that sounds really dramatic and really. Whoa, because I am.

Not middle-aged yet and whatnot. And somebody listening right now might be like, that is... But why are you thinking so far? Because I think similar to what you said, that it's hard for me to connect. And it's really difficult for me to connect with men, particularly. I have...

tons of girlfriends. I have about zero male friends and it is just not something that I just, I don't like the small chat with men. I don't, they don't want to talk about the things that I want to talk about. Hi, housewives, Bravo, like that kind of stuff. And no, I've had a new part too. I've had gay male friends in my life and I, that's not what I'm talking about, but it's like, it's very, it was dating was, um,

Always was a struggle for me. It was really hard. What part of the dating was the struggle? Oh my gosh. The fact that I wasn't willing to get intimate right away. Is this prior to your boyfriend? Prior, yeah. When I was dating, like heavily dating. But how long ago was that? 10 years ago. Yeah. Things have changed, I think, supposedly. Who do you know on Unzempic or Semigluchide right now?

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Do you believe that you're making it impossible for yourself because you feel like you need to say why you're not willing to date instead of just saying, I'm not, I'm just not into dating period. No explanation needed. Well, I'm pretty open. I think also with my therapist and with my circle that I'm not interested in dating at all right now. I don't think I have the capacity anyways, but, um,

Because also I remember how much effort it took when I did date. So when I was single, I did the blind dates. I did the setups. I did online dating. I did group dating. I did set up with people for work. What's group dating? Oh, there used to be a website back in the 2000s that was called Grouper. And you went on and signed up to go on a group date. And what they would do is you paid for it in advance. That's weird.

And the company made the reservation and you all met up at said place. Wow. You really put way more effort than I ever have or will. That's why I think that to me is the overwhelming thing that makes me not want to get back out there is I know how much effort I put in to get to my 10 year relationship and

And I don't have the stamina and the mental energy to put myself through that again. Right now, today, you don't. Today, right now in this moment. But that's why I want to know for you that has had the time physically, the distance, you have more distance between your relationship than I do right now. I want to know why you're at this place where you're not putting the effort into dating or interested in putting into it right now in your life. Because

Because I'm putting it into me because I was a serial dater, right? So I dated from the age, good old ripe age of 13 until three years ago, back to back. I'm not even joking. Not even a day. Okay. Like it was back to back to back. And these are all serious relationships, but because I was so scared of being lonely, I

I always had a backup plan. That sounds so bad, but it's true. But Cheryl, I know people exactly like you. I know a lot of women specifically just like that. It's scary. It's fear of being alone in your own head, your voice and your voices in your head, the thoughts that you think about about yourself.

it isn't necessarily enticing, right? You're not like, I look forward to it. No, but then you do it and then you realize, oh, it's not that bad. And by the way, everyone thinks like this about themselves and it's normal, but it's so empowering. And I, you know, like,

Like how the time is really just an illusion. Like for me, I, I see, I was just saying this to my sister. She wants me to do her makeup for her wedding. And I've been like freaking out about that. Anyway, that's a whole nother podcast. But I have been like saying to my sister, I was like, I don't even know how much time has gone by since my last relationship or whatever. But I also, it's like, you know, when something is just not in your zeitgeist. Yeah. Yeah.

Like it is not, not even close to a priority right now. And I, I am being so selfish in a good way that I've never done this before in my life. Like I said, I was a serial dater for 20 years of my life, 30, just kidding. 30 years. Can I say, cause I, during my single period last time, I felt like I got really good at being single. Do you feel lonely ever? Uh,

I felt lonely a lot of times, but I still pushed through and made myself do things alone because I wasn't going to miss out on activities and memories because I didn't have somebody. And I felt that my relationship came into my life

when I was fully secure in being alone and throughout my relationship, I still did things alone and never allowed myself to become codependent. Now, maybe that was a problem. Maybe it wasn't, I don't know, but that's who I was and am still. But I want to ask you, cause some of the things I did when I was single was like, I went traveled overseas by myself and

Went to the movies by myself. I just did this last Sunday. I went to a restaurant, sat outside at a table by myself, had my lunch, had my coffee, did not look at my cell phone, did not bring a book.

fully sat there in the sun around around mind you this was a crowded restaurant people all around me so I want to know when's the last time you did any of those things Cheryl I always I mean the ballroom dancer in me right so like I traveled the world alone all the time but um so that's just like was that for work or for pleasure no for pleasure I was dating someone in England okay but no no so you were dating somebody so now I won't travel around the world because of my dog

They don't let the dogs go internationally. Okay. But yes, I always, I mean, I don't always cause I don't always leave, but yeah, I have no fear with, uh, I just don't like the movies. I think it's a dirty place and I just can't sit still and I have no interest in watching a movie elsewhere when I can watch it here if I wanted to. Um, but I'd rather watch the OJ Simpson docu-series at this moment. Any who, um, but as far as restaurants go, yeah, I mean, I have no fear with that. Like that is okay for me. Okay.

But I don't know if I could do the whole no phone thing. It's part of it. It's part of it. And it's intentional. That's very intentional of you. Intentional. But yeah, I guess I could. I mean, I could definitely keep, I mean, people watching it's a thing, you know, I will say I fully was invested in the people sitting next to me and their conversation that they were having when I was dropping, having,

I mean, I couldn't help. The guy was sitting next to me and talking. So when you're not looking at your phone, I just, I just listened. And did people come up to you? Did like any hot dudes? No, no, nobody came up to me, but I'm just saying that,

that for anybody listening, those are some small kinds of challenges that you can do for yourself while you're in this before this, I do part two era, because you don't know what's going to happen if you don't put yourself out there. And I know Cheryl doesn't like going to the movies by herself. I don't like to go to the movies period, even with somebody. Sure. But going

to the movies alone is I think one of the easiest entry points to doing things alone because it is a dark theater. It is quiet. Nobody is going to notice. And nobody's going to be there. No one goes to the movies but you and my sister. Some people go to the movies, Cheryl, but I'm just

say that's an easy way to start because some people are like, go to a restaurant alone. That is way too daunting. You know what I mean? And by the way, do everything in safety first. So don't go to environments that make you feel uncomfortable or at night or

Drinking alcohol alone. Parking in underground garages. Yeah. Don't put yourself, I'm not saying put yourself in uncomfortable situations where your safety is jeopardized, but I think that's part of, you know, doing this whole experience of your next chapter in life is putting yourself into situations where you are alone. I will say I traveled to Greece by myself and it was, I've also traveled to Paris by myself, but I will say Greece was really,

really exciting trip for me because it was inexpensive. It was warm and the people were incredibly friendly. So nobody asked me, where is my husband? Where is my boyfriend? It was all about being by myself, having this experience. I will say it was difficult to take pictures of myself on vacation. That wasn't fun.

But I really do encourage everybody to have some sort of eat, pray, love experience, you know, post breakup, post divorce, whatever it might be, because you do get a sense of that the world is so big that maybe your problems are your problems, but there's so much more out there to experience in life.

And I just encourage anybody that maybe is going through that too. I started with a small weekend trip, honestly, before I went overseas. So I went from Los Angeles to Big Sur one weekend. I went on Valentine's Day once. I love Big Sur. I also think you should do all of this when you're in relationships. I don't think it's just about post anything or prior to anything. It's like, because it just reminds you that you...

are loved by yourself. Like, like this is part of self care. And I just remember in my past relationships, not just this last one, sorry, I have to like make it clear.

I remember that those moments of like, okay, you know, you do your thing. I do my thing. There was a lot of insecurity there. Like a lot of like, what ifs, what ifs, what ifs, what ifs, they're going to do whatever they're going to do with, with you being like in a relationship with you or without you. Like there's no control over that. But,

This is this, if you really want to ask, like, why are you so single? Because there's so much of the patterns that I want to change first and foremost for myself that I don't want to be feeling or like not believing the thoughts in my head that start to get worried that someone's going to cheat. Someone's going to do this. Someone's going to lie. And there's always that, like that fear instilled in my mind.

Because of, you know, my first memory with seeing my father with another woman, like at two and like, there's just all of that. Like, regardless, like I'm not, it is what it is. That's my past. And I've moved forward. But in order for me to move forward, I need to, first of all, put that to rest, like all those feelings of insecurity and jealousy and all of it.

Yeah. I mean, this is what's so great about you, Cheryl, is that you are doing the work and you know what your lines are. And I think that that's great. We touched on it just a second ago, but I do want to talk about it is Valentine's Day this week. How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Do you did you have thoughts about Valentine's Day when you were in a relationship versus what you have now? Like, what do you think about it? I have no thoughts about it, except that when I was in a relationship, the amount of pressure, it was always like we had to go on a trip. Yeah.

You have to get me like, you're gonna get me a bunch of roses, right? Like, and if you're with somebody, mind you, I've been in other relationships. And if you are with somebody who may not be so good at planning ahead or like always comes up with the, oh, I just haven't had the time. It's like, it's just a Debbie Downer because the expectations, you see all these Instagram, like rose petals, like going from a mile away to their, you know, whatever, whatever.

wherever they're staying. Anyway, their sanctuary, it's like so romantic and picture perfect. And then you're like, great, I got 12. I got a dozen roses. Great. Right. And it's just like, it's just me. It's for me because of my expectations. Now, if I were a yogi and I had no expectations, then man, would it be amazing? It'd probably be amazing. I mean, I hear that. I think that social media has really,

turned the dial on so many people and how we view our relationships through this fake lens. I want to know, what do you think somebody should be doing this Valentine's Day that is single? Like, should, I don't know, should they have a journaling session? Should they be having- Not if they don't want to. What is that, like, burning the intentions? Like, writing stuff down and burning it? They should be doing that tonight. It's a full moon, so-

Love it. Love it. Yeah. So you should be doing that tonight. Okay, Heather. But as far as I think, honestly, when you give anything so much energy, right? Like it's just, I don't know. Maybe you do want to do something. Maybe you want to do Galentine's. Like for me, I have a little sweater that I was gifted from PR. It says Isabella on it. It's pink and it has a heart. That's what I'm doing to celebrate. And I'll be probably in this room, maybe shooting content on a...

How to do Valentine's Day makeup. Like, I don't freaking know. I don't know. You know what I'm doing? I'm probably working. Most likely I don't have my calendar in front of me. It's just another day and another dollar. Yeah. And listen, I think anybody who maybe this is their first Valentine's Day post split. Stop looking on social media then. Don't even do it.

Agree. Don't open the app. And if you do it, realize that it's not picture perfect. They're probably fighting right now as you're looking at their posts. Okay. They're probably literally like, that's not enough rose petals. How dare you? It wasn't white enough. Those white roses, like stuff like that. Like you don't want, you should just be counting your blessings. You're single.

Or take a page out of Cheryl's book and maybe like order something for yourself to be delivered. Yeah, just go shopping. I do it every day. Every day is Valentine's Day. Buy yourself the flowers or have some ice cream delivered. You can get a person delivered too, supposedly. Who knows? I said to myself, I need some cute jammies. So I just ordered jammies, ordered some new slippers. There's some great sales right now. You guys go on my shop LTK for more info.

I love that, Cheryl. Cheryl's a hustler. I just had to plug that in. No, I love it. How about this? Just hug yourself. Like you don't understand that that's powerful. It is a powerful thing. You know, you hug, you hug, you hugging yourself is really like all you need. I'm not joking. I'm not trying to be corny, but that's the easiest thing. And then also in the mirror, when you're brushing your teeth, you need to say,

how much you love yourself. Like I, you know what, you know what? Don't even say I love you. You need to do what Mel Robbins does. And she does this. She gives herself literally like this, a high five. And it just gets her to laugh. And it has, I've did that straight for like six months. It really changed my day.

Before we go, Cheryl, is just because we are in the Valentine's Day zone. Do you have any forcing this down my throat? Are you have any funny Valentine's Day stories from your opponent? It's not necessarily funny. It's more like why? Like, it's almost like I was always the type and I'm speaking past tense where I would be in a relationship and it's like, OK, clearly he's not going to do it for me. So I'm going to do it. And then it's going to look like that he did it for me. Like I so I was like the

person who micromanaged, right? Like,

The Instagram girlfriend. I planned the Cancun trips. I planned the, you know, it's Valentine's Day. And then it was like, it's always something day to celebrate. And it was always like, you know, free trips. Because when you're in a relationship and, you know, you have a following, they offer free sandals, St. Lucia. It's like, it's always. And then like, guess who does all the booking? Like, I might as well be a travel agent, you know, and just organizing everything. And then you're like, wait a second.

This is supposed to be celebrated together. Like this day is not just about right. And then resentment built. It's a whole thing, you guys. And I don't think when we scroll through Instagram, though, our lazy brain is active. Right. When we're doing this, just remind yourself that this is probably what's happening in their relationship. Remind yourself, everybody. It ain't that romantic. It looks beautiful. Instagram is not reality. No, because it's really, I mean, just remind yourself.

remember all those times where you were just like, really? You just didn't feel loved. You didn't feel seen. You didn't feel heard. And you know what? You're going to have to do that for yourself or learn how to because then you'll never need it from anybody. And then that's when your superhero soulmate, there's no such thing, comes into your life. This kind of felt like a mini therapy session, Cheryl. So thank you for that. It did, Heather.

You know what? Thanks for joining me. This was, it went by so fast. Like, and I really believe, I know it was about me, but it's not. It's about anybody who wants to talk about their story. So thank you. And, um, you know, a lot of people are going to be able to relate to this and you've helped so many. I know that for a fact, including myself. So if you're like me or like Heather,

single, navigating life, post-divorce in my case. Do you want some advice? Call us or email us. Follow us on socials. All the information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Maybe. Maybe.

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