We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together with Brittany Cartwright
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We offer tools and strategies to enjoy better mental health and find the best way to work for you. Listen to The Anxious Achiever on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey there, folks, and welcome to I Do Part Two. And if you got love right the first time around, this podcast ain't for you. I am one of your hosts, TJ Holmes, sitting next to Amy Raubach. And between the two of us, we have four divorces.

So no judgment here. Welcome everybody to the pocket. And really, I think Robes, we have talked to a lot of people on, I do part two, a lot of people who are going to a, on a second marriage or maybe even a third or trying to get out there and date again. This is going to be the first time we've talked to somebody who's actually going through it while we're talking to them. And not just going through a divorce, which is hard enough privately, but going through a divorce publicly is a whole other thing. And, uh,

Well, we know a little bit about that as well. So I was actually just telling our next guest that she is in a very safe space because we... Can't get safer than this one. What are we going to say? While everyone's experience is unique and specific to them, there are some shared experiences when you go through something this traumatic with children, with the public watching. That is something that I would not wish on anyone.

anyone. And it's certainly a rocky road to travel. But I will say when you get to the other side, you learn so much about yourself.

You learn what you want. You learn what you don't want. And that is that's winning, actually, to know where you stand, not only internally, but just what is next in life. And that's awesome. And with that, folks, you are now listening to a boy from Arkansas and a girl from Georgia introducing another girl from Kentucky. And with that, everybody, we do want to welcome.

much talked about sensation, Brittany Cartwright. You know her from Vanderpump Rules. You know her now with the second season of The Valley coming up. How are you doing, sister? Hi, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Look at that smile. Yeah. I love it.

And I love that you said a girl from Kentucky because you can hear it right away. Immediately. We are also Southerners. I love it. We love hearing a Southern drawl. And I love y'all's love. It's so cute. It's so obvious. Oh, okay. Yeah. But isn't it funny the way life takes you? Yeah. Where it takes you. Kentucky, Arkansas, Georgia are sitting in a hotel in Los Angeles, in Hollywood right now. Yeah, like don't y'all hate that Kentucky basketball is just so much better? Oh, yeah.

We're going to start at the beginning. I'd prefer to start talking about football. Just personally. Okay, okay. Football, you might got it. But Kentucky, come on. It's true. No, we didn't come to talk about SEC stuff. I'm just kidding. Can we ask? Look, there's a lot to get to with you, but we want to start with something that, look, Robach and I both have gone through recently divorces in a very public way. The first thing we were concerned about was our kids. The first thing we want to make sure they're okay. People saying all kinds of shit about us in

Public, our priority was that. So can I start with that with you as a mom? All that's going on, the show, whatever, social media, this and that, and the back and forth. How is Cruz, your three-year-old who's about to be four? But just tell us how he's doing through what has been upheaval in his life. He is absolutely amazing. He is thriving, I feel like. He wants to see his mom happy. And I think that actually...

affects him more to see a happy mom and a happy household and everything than having negativity around 24-7. He's amazing. He's only three, so luckily he doesn't really get everything that's going on at this moment, but I just feel like he's so much happier. I honestly do. I really do. That's

That's real.

then what are you showing them? So I just wanted to give that to you as well. I know we all have mom guilt, dad guilt. You're putting your kids first and yet you're also trying to navigate your own life. So I think that's brave and admirable that you're doing that. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, it was definitely hard, but...

Also, Cruz is my driving force to be happier and to be a better person and to be in this space where I feel comfortable and I can be the better mom for him. Because I feel like I just had so much stress and pressure every day in my life. The energy was just so bad and so off in our house. So I just felt like I had to

I had to get out and I had to do it for my son. If I didn't have him, I would probably stay with Jax for the rest of my life. Really? Really. I mean, we're used to hearing the opposite. People want to stay together for the kid. No. No. Wow. Like, I feel like I loved Jax so much.

And I really was into this life and this marriage with him. I thought he was going to be my forever person. And having Cruz and seeing how I was treated in front of my son really opened my eyes. And I think for a lot of women, like you just are so blinded by love that you don't really realize that.

everything that you're going through. Like I held everything in for so long, so long. And I just think that he just like really like opened me up and was just like, okay, this is not okay. I need to do this for my son. I need to be happy for my son. I'm curious because cameras were rolling. Mm-hmm.

Was there something, what was the epiphany for you? Was it off camera? Was it on camera where you said, I have to get out? This is not healthy for me or for my child. There was a lot of things off camera that I can speak on because now we've had all these podcasts come out, Alice Baskin, like everything, like it's been all over the place. But there was a lot of things that were happening before I ever moved out. Like

He admitted that he had a cocaine addiction. And you knew about that the whole time? I knew about it, but it was like he would never admit that it was a problem. He always acted like this was normal. This was this. This was that. But I knew it was. So after I had my child, obviously things changed. And I started noticing more and more and more and more and more. And once we separated...

Because I had to leave him after a bad night. That was like a come down after like a party night. What was a bad night? What did that look like? Just the next morning was so bad. Just like coming into the room, yelling and doing this and doing that. And just made me feel like I lost all my confidence. I lost all my sparkle in that relationship. And after 10 years, I finally started to notice that. You know, it took me a while. But...

I just felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. So I was like, either you leave or I leave. And he wouldn't leave. So I had to leave. As we sit here, you're a full year plus from when you filed for divorce. No, separate. Separate. You've been separated at least a year. In the past year, how close have you been, if at all, to getting back together? Hmm.

I've had, I'm not going to lie, I've had like a couple of times where I was like lonely and was like, whoa, what might happen? But we never got back together and we will never, ever get back together. I just feel like after you're with somebody for 10 years, sometimes there's going to be times where you feel weak, you know, and you miss them and you feel lonely. And that's happened to me a lot. But I know I'm worth so much more. And I know that like I can do so much better than what he put me through.

And that's a confidence that I never had before. So, yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Has he tried to get you back? Sometimes, but not always. Like, I feel like he's done the bare minimum. So, like, it's like, what am I supposed to do? You know? You left, right? Yeah. So, he's still in the house. So, I moved into rental homes for about seven months. Wow.

And then he finally got a condo after a long time. And this was after his rehab stay and everything. So it was just kind of like, you know, I begged him and like I even said, I will pay for the rental house and you can live there and I can stay at the house with our son. He still wouldn't do that.

So, but now I can probably say, yes, I have my house. It's 100% mine. He's moved out. I am taking over everything. And like, I feel like that's like so empowering for me. Like, I'm so proud of myself that I have that. And me and Cruz are back in our house where we started, where he was born, where he grew up. You know, I was gone for seven months, but I'm back on my own. I love that. Yeah.

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My friend who tried Future Health after I told them about it likes that they can get access to meds like Ozempic and that everything is online with no doctor visits. I like that they offer oral semaglutide too because a lot of people, like my friend, don't like needles. So find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. That's tryfh.com. ♪ Tryfh.com ♪

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Do you feel like he, what if he got right? Because we always say there's no way I can be good for somebody else if I'm not good myself first. But talk about his mental health issues. Talk about his substance abuse issues. If he got right, I mean, does he need to get right before you could possibly consider taking him back or reconciliation or reconciliation off the table? I won't ask another follow up about it. That's hard because.

I don't think that, I think he's hurt me so much between this, especially after our separation. It's been bad. You were finding like women's thongs. And DMs, like I'm getting sent DMs from women where I have to read their text threads.

And like, could you imagine? That's tough. Like, I don't want to read that. So now, like, there's no way that we could ever be back together. Not that I even wanted that. But like, how could I ever be back with that person?

After reading all these things and knowing everything he said and done. And I just would feel so dumb if I ever went back with him, honestly. And I feel like I've gained so much more strength and I'm getting into such a better headspace and so much happier and so much more confidence since I've left him. So if I went back into that, I just feel like...

my peace would be all messed up again. You know, like it just doesn't, it doesn't fit. You have, you do have a sparkle. Thank you. And, and you are, I can tell the shine and the sparkle are coming from you. Not because someone, not from an external source. Yeah. Isn't that what it's all about to finding yourself and then building back. So from that perspective, I don't know, are you, how do you get to a place where you can trust yourself?

who you choose again, because I had mentioned to you, hey, find your best friend. Just saying that we've been through a few issues ourselves. And when I finally found my best friend, that was- That's how you want to put it? We've been through a few issues? This is what you want to put? But you said to me, and this was interesting, you said, I thought I had. Yes. So how do you trust the next relationship? How do you trust the next person?

friendship that builds into something more weird. How do you reconcile that? I think it's going to be hard because I definitely have my guard up. Yeah. I definitely thought Jax was my best friend. I said that for years.

10 years. He's my best friend. Anytime people would warn me or say like, what are you doing? Or why would you go do this or forgive him for this? And I'm like, he's my best friend. He makes me happy. He is my everyday person. So it is very hard to lose that. But I feel like the red flags, I like will notice them all, you know, like there is a new,

you know, a new, a new thing that I'm looking for in a man, you know, and I'm not like ready to date again yet. It's going to take me a little bit. I want to have fun right now. And I am, I want to have fun and I am, but I think, um, what do you mean by that? Brittany? What do you mean? I want to have fun. And I am, what does that mean? Just like hanging out with

Hot guys. You know what? You have not struggled or hesitated on a single word the whole time. This is the first time you paused. You know, just, you know, hanging out. This is the first time she tripped over a word, Rose. What does that mean? Yeah, just hanging out. But yeah, I think the red flags are up. Like, you notice so much more after you've been in a relationship like that, like, especially with a narcissist, like,

I will never be able to be with a narcissist ever again. And I don't think any woman ever should. But, you know, there's just different things that have happened along the way. And I've learned so much. I've gotten so much stronger.

So I just see so many different things. I don't know what you were like before. No, we didn't get a chance to meet you while you were married, while you were going through whatever you're going through. But you have walked it. You just have a light to you. I don't know what it was before. And it's an interesting thing with roads that you're the only example I have. But folks in your life, once you start getting divorced or you get out of a relationship, all of a sudden they come out and say, wow.

It's good to have you back. Yeah. What have you or maybe your friends or family noticing anything about you any different? Are they relieved even that you are now out of that relationship? Yeah. I think a lot of my friends, my family, especially they're they're happy for me. You know, they want me to succeed. They want me to be happy. They want me to be the best mom I could be and live in that, you know, like just a happier space because it's been hard. Not going to lie. It's been a lot.

But I think I've, you know, I'm gradually getting better and

day by day because it's so hard. I'm not going to lie. I got my sparkle back for sure, but this is not even as sparkly as I could be. I feel like I got a little ways to go. But you're on the right path. Yes. You were on the right path. Now you are. DJ was referring to my mom saying, I feel like I have my Amy back. I feel like I have my daughter back from high school. That

exuberant, happy, anything's possible Amy. And it was weird to hear that from a, I don't know if your mom can ever be objective, but from somebody who always has your best interest at heart, saying something like that was really impactful and I didn't even realize that that

was the change in me. Have people in your life noticed a change in you? And do you see, whoa, was I a shell of who I was? You don't even realize it's happening while it's happening. Yeah. I mean, Jaina is one of my best friends. She's over there shaking her head like, yes. Yeah. Really? I feel like, yeah, I just...

God, whenever that energy is in your house every single day, it like really brings you down. And I think that my friends and family have really noticed like, okay, she, you know, she's feeling so much better. She's doing so much better. No. You mentioned Jenna. What's her name again? Janet. Yeah, she's on the Valley too. Okay. Janet's in the room with us. Maybe she can say the answer better. I'm on...

I'm going to be honest. It's not easy for me to talk about myself like that. This was not the plan, and I apologize. But, Janet, can you speak to what she's saying? What did you notice in your friend once, I guess, she decided the relationship was over, I guess, from a year ago to now? What have you noticed? Definitely. I will say the biggest difference is a lot of our conversations went from consoling her and trying to cheer her up to laughing with her and making plans to have fun. Mm-hmm.

That's I mean, it really went from like, hey, everything's going to be OK to like everything is OK. Yeah. And I see her being absolutely her best, best self now. And I'm so proud of you. I love you. Do you feel like you're I know this sounds maybe a little cheesy, but when you're trying to please someone or you're trying to.

to keep something working that isn't, you end up not even feeling comfortable being yourself or saying what you really think or what you really feel, but just trying to keep the peace at all costs. Are you now able to be like yourself? Were you ever feeling like you couldn't be? Oh, 100%. Like I felt like I was never allowed to vent to my friends or talk about what was going on in my relationship, even though we're on a public platform, even just like,

one-on-one like dinners with my girls like it was always you know a negative thing once I went out with my friends it was like what are you talking about what are you doing are you are you doing this are you talking about this it was it was it was bad so I feel like I've had such a relief and a like a lift off my shoulders like especially once the divorce was filed and then like once he finally announced his addiction issues because then I could finally be like

Like this, this is what I had to deal with every day. And I hit a lot because he was my husband and I did love him, but it was, it was a lot for me to go through. And, you know, I tried, I tried my best, but I feel like I'm proud of myself for, for how far I've come. Honestly. Yeah. You said you did love him. Do you still love him?

I love him in a weird way. Okay. Like, I can't stand him. I cannot stand him. I love him as the father of my child, who co-parenting is super hard with somebody that you can't stand. Okay.

So, I mean, I don't know how better to explain it than that. Like, it's like, I think it's relatable. Yeah. I missed that in some of the articles I read. Really? You can't stand him? No, I did not love, like, I'm not in love with him anymore. I think that I'm like grieving the life I thought we were going to have together.

And it's still hard because we were together for 10 years. So it's hard, you know? You're no longer putting the fires out too. Yes. I think I see with Jax, he was kind of always burning bridges with her friends, with people in our friend group. And Brittany was always going behind him and fixing everything.

and making it all right with everybody. And it's like one less job you have to do now. And you can really concentrate on being yourself and the best mom. And I'm seeing the full best version of you. And it's like the most wonderful thing to see, truly. Thank you. Is that the version? Did your relationship have a better chance if cameras were not in your face?

So Jax and I started off basically on camera. I mean, not the day we met, but as soon as I moved to L.A., I was on a TV show. And that was crazy. That was a whole experience within itself.

But everybody kept saying, you are you're making Jack so much better. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him. You're you know, and I really felt that, too, for a very long time. We were together for 10 years. It wasn't all terrible, you know, obviously. But yeah, it's been my I feel like our whole relationship was on camera. And then it wasn't after Vanderpump Rules. And that was a really hard time in our life as well.

And then we started the valley and I thought everything was going to be better. And he was going to get like more of his confidence even back at that point. But I feel like he turned it around and used it against me.

Yeah. Do you ever do you ever look back or even as you're thinking forward and think maybe the TV has hurt versus helped? Or do you think it's the opposite? I think for my growth as a woman, especially this last season, having the cameras there held me accountable.

in ways that I don't know if I would be strong enough to do on my own. And I, yeah, I mean, it's like, it holds a mirror up to yourself. So it's like, oh my gosh, everybody's saying how horrible I was treated and they're going to watch it all season two, how horrible I was treated. Like it like really holds up like a mirror to yourself and like,

I fell for divorce and I did that, and I feel so much better now and I'm never going back, never going back ever. - They say never say never, but that sounded pretty convincing. - But it's not the exception. - I was gonna say, I think you and I can say never too sometimes. - I believe that now. - We live enough life, actually I think I've lived enough life to absolutely say never.

You could have lost 10 pounds already if you started one month ago. So are you ready to start today? 92% of users have achieved weight loss that lasts. Finally, a program that works and works fast. You could lose 10.4 pounds in one month with future health. These weight loss meds really work.

My friend who tried Future Health after I told them about it likes that they can get access to meds like Ozempic and that everything is online with no doctor visits. I like that they offer oral semaglutide too because a lot of people, like my friend, don't like needles. So find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. That's tryfh.com. ♪ Tryfh.com ♪

Results vary based on start weight and adherence to diet, exercise, and program goals. Data based on independent study sponsored by Future Health. Future Health is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion.

Hey, Mike. Glad you could join me for some great seafood. Me too. Wait, why are you dressed in fishing gear? You said we were going out to catch great seafood, right? Yes, to Popeye's. Do you even know how to fish? No, I thought you did. Oh, yeah. I could catch good seafood at Popeye's. Let's go. Let Popeye's do the fishing while you enjoy our delicious signature seafood. Get Popeye's flounder fish sandwich or shrimp tackle box before they're gone. Limited time at participating U.S. restaurants. ♪♪

Did you get from friends? I'm sitting next to one of yours now. But how do you support a friend through that? Right. You don't want to just say, hey, you've got to get out. You want to support. Again, I didn't watch enough or seen enough to know if you were giving that advice. But what does a friend do? Were they telling you to get out or they were sitting there? Mm hmm. Holding your hand while you cry. No, a lot of my friends were like, you need to get a lawyer. You need to protect yourself. You need because he's not a normal person like that was like.

You need to protect yourself. Normal. Yeah. I'm sorry. I mean, I'm not telling a lie. What is the day to day with you all now? What's the relationship you have? Of course, you got a co-parent. So, yeah, it's back and forth. It's back and forth. It's we don't talk for a while. We talk for a little bit. We don't talk. It's a lot. But how's that go with Cruz, your son? I mean, you have to talk. I'm a great mom. But wait, he says he's a great dad, but it was a bad husband. That was in the clip. Is that accurate?

I think that if you're a great dad, you don't harass and talk horribly to the mother of your child. So, you know, I'm not saying that he is a horrible dad, but I'm not saying that he is. I'm 95 percent. He's 5 percent. Let's just say that.

That's an imbalance. So that's the visitation or that's the custody situation? That's just our life. Like, it's every day. You know, we're still working on everything through the divorce. So custody is not, like, in order yet. So I'm still...

doing everything. Yeah. We know how that process can get drawn out. Do you have a timeline about when your divorce will be finalized?

It's a great day when that does happen when you're going through it. I don't have a time on just yet, but it is moving forward for sure. It is moving forward. And I'm like, please, come on. Like, I'm ready. Sorry to say, but from our experience, this will not be quick. Sorry to have to tell you. And I know you're obviously passionate.

getting through that first and foremost and not doing anything serious in terms of dating. But I know at one point on the show, you mentioned that you

Definitely wanted to have more kids. Is that factoring into your timeline about how you're living your life and how intentional you're being in terms of maybe trying to find that next person? I think that I thought that Jax and I were aligned on that. Like we were we had said both of us that we were going to have another child. And that was my husband. Like I thought that was going to happen.

And now we're going through a divorce and everything else. It's like, listen, I love kids so much. Of course, I would love for Cruz to have a brother or sister. But if that's not my future anymore, it's not my future anymore. I'm not like pressuring that. I'm not.

I just want to be happy, you know, and Cruz makes me happy. And if I ever find somebody else that like makes me happy, great. If we fall in love and want to have kids, great. I've got time, a little bit of time. Not too much, but a little bit. So it's not out of the picture, but it's not something that I'm like,

Yes, I have to do that for my future. You know, I'm very satisfied and I love my son. So I feel very lucky that I have him, you know? Yes, we do. And am I the one that has to ask this question about this whole mess? How about you hooking up with somebody in the friend group? OK, because there's a difference of opinion on you two side, whether or not you all said that was right.

against the rules or not. So have you all settled this? So was it against the rules for you to hook up with someone who was a friend of his, essentially in your friend group? Okay. So I will tell you that he still brings him up to me almost every single day. Like he can not get over it. I have not talked to that man for months and months and months. Um,

But no, like, no, what our rules were. And I said this on the show and on the podcast was don't bring girls into our marital home and don't have anybody around Cruz. And how is he done with those rules? Well, as far as I know, nobody's been around my son. But I found many women in my house before I took it over. I mentioned the thong. Yeah, the thong, the thong.

And I get DMs all the time. So it's just like, oh, I have to read it. Somebody sent me a screenshot of them in my bed with my son's photo behind them. Yeah. Yes. Why would they do that? What? Because they don't care. They just want like...

I don't know what they wanted, but I don't know what they thought. Yeah. Or wow. But send it to me. And like how heartbreaking for me. That was like, it was awful. Wait to rub it in or say, I'm sorry. I had no idea. I mean, it was, or was to poke at you. It's been a lot of different things. It's been, oh, he, he loves bombs and then throws them away. And then they come to me and I'm like, well, am I supposed to be a therapist now? Like what the hell? Yeah.

What the hell do you think I'm going to do? I hate to say his castaways, but that's kind of what you're saying. Or coming to you to seek solace or to say, I understand. I mean, well. Yeah. I mean, they're being like, I don't know what else to do. It's just crazy. Wow. Yeah. All right. I want to ask you this after everything you've been through. Do you still believe in love? Always. And would you like to get married again someday? I always believe in love. I think that...

Like, you know, I was the girl that was like, oh, I'm going to get married in the castle and this and that. You know, that was like how I've always been. Yes. Yeah. I love all of that. Do I think I will ever get married again? No.

I don't know. I would have, you know, all the things set up before. Like a prenup? Yes. Yeah. I mean, I just like after going through this divorce with Jax, it's like, my goodness. So, you know, I hate that because I never wanted that before. I was like, no, you don't need a prenup. You're in love. You don't need any of that. And I'm like, hell yeah.

yeah, you need that. Like, are you kidding me? Like, this is like crazy. Like you need to protect yourself because if they get mad, they come after everything and it's ridiculous. So, but I never felt that way before, but I still believe in love and I still want to be in love and I'm a relationship person. Like I'm not, yeah,

you know, I would rather be in a relationship than be like single and lonely and doing, you know, this and that. So we're going to go party tonight. We're going to introduce you to some people tonight. No, I don't want that. Of course, you can see Brittany and all the crew on the new season of the Valley, April 15th on

Bravo. We want you to know if you're navigating the next chapter of your life or divorce, need some guidance when it comes to dating again, we are here to help as much as we can. You can call or email us, follow us on our socials. All the information will be on the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. It's I do part two at I heart radio podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective. Let me say, Janet, thank you. You didn't plan on being on. Thank you. Thanks for having me guys. Thank you, Brittany. We adore you. Look, we meet a whole lot.

Thank you. And when they walk out, we look at each other and go, whew, what a treat. It's not what I expected. You are just a treat. And you know what? The energy from Kentucky, we feel it. Thank you. Absolutely. We might even root for Kentucky. Yes!

B-A-T-S. Cats, cats, cats. Because, you know, Arkansas and Georgia, we're really on the low end of things right now going into the brackets. But all of our teams made it into the tournament. Yeah. Yeah. We're all in the tournament. That's all right. But, Brittany, it is an absolute treat. Thank you. We root for you. Nice to meet you guys. Thank you so much. Hey, you could have lost 10 pounds already if you started one month ago. So are you ready to start today?

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Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you? Why is my cat not here? And I go in and she's eating my lunch. Or if hypnotism is real. You will use the suggestion in order to enhance your cognitive control. But what's inside a black hole? Black holes could be a consequence of the way that we understand the universe. Well, we have answers for you in the new iHeart original podcast, Science Stuff. Join me or Hicham as we answer questions about animals, space, our brains, and our bodies. So give yourself permission to be a science geek and listen to Science Stuff.

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One.

I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Maura Ahrens-Mealy, host of The Anxious Achiever.

On the show, business leaders and experts unpack the intersection of mental well-being, neurodiversity, leadership, and career. We offer tools and strategies to enjoy better mental health and find the best way to work for you. Listen to The Anxious Achiever on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.