When You Fall In Love...And He's Not Divorced Yet with Dolores Catania and Paul Connell
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When you haven't found love, it can feel like everyone else has. It's in every movie, every song, and all the PDA.

California Psychics.

It's I Do Part Two, and I'm Jennifer Fessler, one of your celebrity mentors from The Real Housewives of New Jersey and the podcast Two Jersey Jays. Today is going to be so much fun because I'm going to connect with a couple that have both gone through divorce.

and found love in each other in their chapter two. My guests today, you know, because you've seen their love while watching Jersey Housewives. So here we go. Please welcome my friends, Dolores Catania and Polly Connell to the podcast. All right, my loves. Hello. Hi. Hi, you guys. Hi, dog.

Dogs here. Hi, dog. Hi, baby. Part of part two also. Oh, right. Very true. Right. This is dogs. Part two. What was dogs? Part one.

A backyard, a junkyard, actually. Oh, better part two. It's a happy ending. And they're in love. They're in love. I'm a third wheel. Listen, I mean, you guys already know this, but this podcast is about second time, third time. Well, if you ask my family, fourth time around. Oh, you know, we're going to talk a little bit about your we're going to call it second time around. Listen, you guys met. How old were you guys when you met? Well,

12? No, what was I? I was 50 and you were... Yeah, 50. So we're four years apart. Four years apart. Younger men.

This is a first for me. I don't like it. But Paul's a man. Yeah. Honey, you can say a lot of things about Paul O'Connell. He is all man. You have no feminine. There's nothing feminine about Paul O'Connell. Paul's a man. Yeah. But he typically dates 28-year-olds.

So let's go there. All right. So a little bit, you guys, about relationship history. I thought it was something good, right? The second part said to be better. Oh, honey, this is good to our listeners. We want to know. We want to know it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. OK, so just tell us a little bit, Pauly, about we're just going to touch on it about your relationship history pre-Dolores.

And after, well, okay, so you and your wife separated, broke up. And did you have, what kind of, did you have a lot of relationships between the time that you guys split up and the time you met Dolores? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I definitely, you know, met a bunch of different people, you know, sometimes somewhat serious, not so serious. Because you're finding yourself, right? Yeah. It can't be serious until you find yourself. So by default, you know, you go through these patterns of being with people and then,

This relationship's not working out until you find the right person. Do you think there was something that a common thread in terms of like the women that you were dating that where it just didn't work out because, I don't know, they all dot, dot, dot? Yeah, I think the biggest common thread was I was immature. Really? Yeah, definitely. So I matured when I met the right person.

I love that. Well, it's also somebody, sometimes you morph into the person you, you kind of adopt to who you're with. Like if you were with a girl who wanted to go out every night and drinking every night, you're going to stay in that. I love that. But I, I'm just thinking like, also there is, there was something about Dolores from the get go. When you first saw her, met her, tell us a little bit about that. Tell us about, I think you guys met in the Apple store. Yeah.

Yeah, she, yeah, that's, so I was a friend of ours, neutral friend that introduced me by text to Dolores. And she's like, my friend is, you know, recently single and is, you know, would you want to date with her? And I'm like, of course. I'm like, you know,

didn't know what she looked like. And I honestly, people keep on saying, Oh, he's followed her. I never knew. The horse in the show. Now people say that you followed me. No, because he's bitter because your housewife blah, blah, blah, right? So yeah, you follow me, by the way. Wait a second. So Paul, had you ever watched the show? You know, my ex wife used to watch the show. I think she she liked the lores. Yeah, everyone likes Dolores. Dolores. I think she you know,

I used to look at her and go, what the f*** are you watching? It was the time Carol Alimanzo, Threes of Judas, was turning over tables. So I was like in and out going to work, you know, whatever. And there was kids running around and I couldn't understand it. I was like, I don't understand what that is. So, yeah, so it was obviously then I got to see a photograph of Dolores. And, you know, of course, I'm like, yes, I will absolutely go on a date with this person. And then we...

Yeah, it's just it's a small, silly story. But I went to Apple store because my phone was broken. We were texting at this time because there was like a message about us all going for like a double date to meet everybody. And Dolores, I don't do that. I'm not going on a double date. My girl. Here's my number. I don't do double dates. Here's my number. No first dates. No, no. Man up, baby.

Man up. She goes, here's my number. This is my passcode. She goes, here's my number if you want to reach out. So we start talking. So I just come to say to her, my phone is broke. I have to go to the Apple store. Jen, I'm not a bullshitter. I'm sitting in the Apple store. I had a mask on.

I wish the mask could just cover my whole existence. In walks this chick with hair, it's everywhere. It was like everybody in the store turns around looking at her and I can hear the bracelets jingle. And I'm like, please don't tell me that's Dolores. Get the hell out of here. She walks literally. She walks right up to me and she goes, hey, is that your car outside? Get the hell. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Back this shit.

Hold on. You saw her coming and you thought, let that not be Dolores? I shat my pants. Oh, because she was, oh, because you were sitting there feeling, oh, because she was so gorgeous. You're saying you like were flustered. She was a billboard for Lululemon. There were like, I was like, with the body, the box, the body, the legs. Right. Like there was a, I mean, there was just so much going on at one moment that I'm like, sweat was dripping down. The guy was like,

Can I help you, sir? And I'm like, yeah, where's the exit? So this is for a different podcast, but I'm just going to say, and Dolores, you've heard me say this before. That's the best way for, in my opinion, for couples to start out. I like when the man just loses his shit. I feel that 100%. So, yeah, I do too. It disarmed me completely. And...

You know, I think kind of as well for her because she was like, you know, well, obviously she premeditated because she knew I was there. But I didn't.

But when she came in, it was from that point forward, it was just. Everybody feels that way. Dolores has walks in a room and I don't know. The air gets everybody stands still. The air gets. Yeah. I don't know. Sucked out of the room. Is that the expression? Wait, don't look. Tell me a little bit about why you think the other relationships didn't work out. And and here you are with Polly. Because, again, not the right person. Just not.

Not a lot of, you know, at the end of the day, you both have to want the same thing. And that's what keeps it going. Not every, it's not always easy, but if you're with the person that has the same intentions as you, there's something to work through an argument. There's something to work through a fight. There's, you know, it's worth staying around. What are the, what do you guys think your common intentions are a little bit? Well, we both were dating with a purpose.

What's your comment for our relationship? Yeah.

I mean, long-duty. Permanent, yeah, longevity, right? Yeah, it's like it's, you know, I know there's a lot of criticism about put a ring on it and all this kind of stuff with marriage, and we're getting a little bit far ahead now, but, you know, that's our goal is that, regardless to the piece of paper and regardless to the piece of jewelry. Our goal is to that. Obviously, them things are all coming in due time, you know? Yeah. You got a lot of crap about...

being married when you guys were first together. I know you're divorced now. And it's funny. I had my own opinions on it. Like, we're not babies anymore. And for me, watching Dolores, like, who gives a shit? Like, I knew you were going to get divorced. How many people, Jen, are buying a married man that are saying I'm still married? Like, give me a break.

Amen. Amen, brother. So please, girls, settle down. Yeah, yeah. No, I felt like that, too. I mean, Dole, did you have any trepidation just being with a man who was still married? I ask these questions, you guys. I know that a lot of there are a lot of viewers who are going to listen to the podcast, but a lot who who haven't watched. Anybody should. Yeah, I did. But he had told me that his divorce was going to be sooner than it was.

But as time went on, you know, time goes very fast. I wasn't, I wasn't keeping tabs. I was never going to force his hand on it. Eventually. Yeah. I smart. I eventually, I would have made a stand on it, but I, it wasn't anytime soon. I mean, it was like three years. Yeah. But you know, of course that's not the ideal situation, but at our age, you're going to come across things that,

That are going to be around. Listen, I agree a hundred percent. Like I was when Jeff and I were separated, we both had partners, other partners. We were married and we still had significant others in our life. Right. And so we were separated at the time with the intention of getting divorced. And I didn't have any.

I didn't feel any guilt about that. It just, you know, it was in my mind. Obviously, things did not work out that way, thank God. But in my mind, we were separated. We were two separate single people. So I don't know. And I don't, I never sort of ran into an instance where even when I was first dating, anybody really gave a shit. Like as long as you're separated, not living in the same house, blah, blah, blah. Right. I think credit to Dolores is that

Credit to Dolores. He took a lot of shit on the chin because there was no reason for it. And people will always look for a reason to put the attention on it. I didn't look at it as...

that critical because of it. To me, it's ending of, you know, it's dissolving some paperwork and the relationship was already over. We've already moved on. We're all in different parts of our life. So to me, it was like the final frontier. Yeah.

By the end of it, Jen, it was bothering me so much. Like to the point of that, I was very, you know, upset to see that people would say this to Dolores or come after her that way because now I felt responsible, which I should be because I should have, you know, I should have cleared that up beforehand, but

But I wasn't at a position in my life where it was that top priority. And when me and Dolores became that item, that became a priority. It took some – these things take time. And I don't care if someone says it should only take one year or two years. I don't care. It took what it took.

And that's what it's all about. Well, it's not just you, you know, trying to work it through. There's someone else in this scenario. Okay, so factor you guys out of it. But from what you've been through to our listeners who might be dating someone who's separated, do you think there's any absolutes like cut it off if

If this person doesn't seem to want to get divorced, is there any red flags in terms of dating somebody who's not fully divorced? If someone has no intention of getting divorced, do not stay with that person in a serious relationship. Because at the end of the day, this was my problem. I had met his ex. I liked his ex. It's not like this was like a real marriage, but technically, yes.

legally, if something happened to Paul, I would be calling his ex to get my stuff out of the house. Like that was my biggest problem. And, and, or God forbid something happened to Paul and there needed to be a life or death decision. I wouldn't be able to have made it because I wasn't his wife yet. I'm giving him my life every day, my family, my job. I'm sharing my time, my youth with whatever's left of my, my age with him. And I,

At the end of the day, the important, important things you are not a part of. Because I've been in the hospital with my mom one time and the person in the next room choked on a hamburger. And his girlfriend, he had never gotten formally divorced, legally divorced. And his girlfriend was thrown out of the room. And his ex that he had been separated with for so long came in and took over. So that always weighed heavy on me. And that's why I say...

not to let that drag out too long. If you're in a serious relationship with someone that has to be done. I knew Paul was legally working on it because I was here for the conversations. I was here for the phone calls with the attorney. At one point, his attorney got sick and had a heart attack and that pushed it off. So none of this was Paul's fault. This was what was my fault initially for getting back to your question.

is if you're out, you should be out. Yeah, he dragged his feet long before. My advice is I wish I had have done it sooner, not because of anything to do with my ex, but because of the situation in my life. And really, if you're out, get out. Put the paperwork together. That's it. Get the Uber. And if you're serious, listen, people meet other people and that's the reason they split up and they move on and that's the direction. If you're with somebody, I think the best advice somebody can have, if you're with somebody who is still married,

As long as you, the person that you're dating and the person that they are married to are all on the same page and you understand the process and the goal is, hey, we're getting divorced. This is my new life, blah, blah, blah. Doesn't always work that way. If that's the scenario, then everybody should be comfortable. Then the noise on the outside shouldn't really matter. First of all, that is what you just said is so key because the truth is when I was separated, Jeff did not want to get divorced.

And the person I was with at the time knew that. And so we would go around about that. But I think that's so interesting that Dolores, you know, knew that that's where you were both headed because Dolores being Dolores, of course, became friendly with you.

with your ex. Yeah. Like only Dolores could in these scenarios. Yeah. But knowing that you were both, that everybody was on the same page, I think that's probably huge, right? That's to me, it was a big part, even though, listen, there's some tricky moments to that as well. Like,

Like it's not a walk in the park, right? How long it's been separated or not. It's still like, it's, it's the pressure, right? Attorneys get involved. There's money involved. And that's always obviously. And then there's also, then there's like you as a person for Dolores, I felt guilty. I felt bad. I felt like this is not going fast enough. I have to ask you, did you feel less bad because I didn't fight with you? Would it have been? That's a great question.

Would you have done it quicker? No. Had I put pressure on you? No, because I went as quick as I could actually go. I did not. So I didn't go slow because of any reason. Listen, unfortunately, the attorney had a heart attack going into court with the documents. That's so crazy. I was like, that's a sign. But,

Get better. Let's go back at it again because we have to finish this. Actually, her attorney called the hospital, called the ambulance for him. It was a very young. Come on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what was I going to do? I was getting frustrated. But he's healthy now. He's back. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. But I was getting frustrated, but I held my tongue because of a couple things. Number one is pride. And I feel if I have to ask someone to do the right thing, it's already too late.

And the other reason is because there's a lot of things to fight over. And I did see that he was moving along with that.

You could have lost 10 pounds already if you started one month ago. So are you ready to start today? 92% of users have achieved weight loss that lasts. Finally, a program that works and works fast. You could lose 10.4 pounds in one month with future health. These weight loss meds really work.

My friend who tried Future Health after I told them about it likes that they can get access to meds like Ozempic and that everything is online with no doctor visits. I like that they offer oral semaglutide too because a lot of people, like my friend, don't like needles. So find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes at tryfh.com. That's tryfh.com. ♪ Tryfh.com ♪

Results vary based on start weight and adherence to diet, exercise, and program goals. Data based on independent study sponsored by Future Health. Future Health is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion.

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I love all of this, especially for our listeners. I don't pretend to know what to tell people when I got separated and then back together. I told the story that like the entire neighborhood, all the women, people, strangers started calling me to ask how that happened and how I did it. I was like, I don't know how I did it. I got lucky. I don't know what to say, but I think that's so what you just said, like Dolo about, if you have to make it happen, you know, if you're pushing, maybe, maybe that's key, right? Like,

For those of us, for listeners who are maybe in relationships after having been divorced or one is still married to not, if you're pushing, pushing, get divorced, get divorced, get divorced. Maybe that is a red flag. I think if you're with somebody. But also, Paul, some people do need a fire lit under their ass. Like, I don't blame anyone for pushing that issue.

Depends on the relationship that you're coming from, the marriage you're coming from. It's so. There can be manipulation on different sides. It is really honestly so different for each couple and each person. You just have to read the room. You have to read. Paul wasn't shady about anything. You know, the guy's shady at our age. Part two. Right. You know, being shady. Right. If you don't.

Then you're in trouble being out in this world. Not knowing. Yeah. And listen to your friends. Listen to your mom. My mom wasn't happy to get divorced. I had friends saying he'll never get divorced. We had very close friends, actually. Oh, he'll never get divorced. He'll

never marry her. Now, I could have taken that and fought with him about it, but there's no way I let other people's opinions define my decisions in life, ever. Can I say something, right? People say he will never marry her. I don't think that's a reflection, that's a bad reflection on the law, it's not me. I know. I don't think they're, you know, if somebody says that,

Why would you, why would you, what, what makes you believe that this is probably the best woman in the world to be with. She's supportive. She'll do anything for you. She does everything for everybody. She doesn't want anything back. Right. So as, as perspective, that person who's writing that or who's saying that about her, it's insulting. Yeah. It's insulting to Laura. You were stuck and you called, she would. So I can't fathom it. Sometimes I'm like,

There is... That's why you don't listen to people, Paul. I don't listen to people. Some of them are closer. Were you affected sometimes by opinions that you read and think people that called you and got you worked up about things? Were you affected sometimes

I can't say to you to be the way I am. I don't expect that from you. The truth is being effective is how it affects you, not me. To me, I don't care about reality lifestyle. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I came into this as a person that's already accomplished. I've done my thing and I'm going to keep on doing it. This is her position in life and I'm going to support that.

Yeah. Or not care less. I don't really care. No, I get that. I love that. I get that. It is like insulting. Like who wouldn't feel like they stepped in a golden pile of shit if they get Dolores, right? So like, of course you want to end. Who would it? I love that you said that. What I want to say to couples listening, part two,

Second time around, there is by now a lot of people in your life that have a lot of opinions about how you live your life, because there's times you've reached out when you're single and you don't have that person. So you reach out to your friends, you reach out to your family, and then that gives them the right to weigh in on the decisions you make in your life because you've gone to them. So I want.

People to also understand, although people you can allow them because they've been there for you to have their opinion, you don't have to listen to them because the real people will be there in the end. You should hear them. This is the opinion. You should hear them. But they're not always right. Listen, and especially if you're on your second time around or your third, you know, stuff now that you didn't know when you were young and dumb.

And you do things right at our age after you've had this life experience and you've been through the pain of going through breakup or breakups, right? You are wiser than ever and know what's better for you than anyone else does. At least, right? Because I had people say to me, don't get back together. You haven't really tried yet. You haven't put yourself out there. And I'm talking about people that were my closer, who loved me, said it to me out of love.

but Jen, why would you do this yet? Even if it didn't work out with this first guy, you haven't given yourself a chance. And saying it to me out of, again, out of love and care, but I had to trust myself. And I had, I knew what was right for me. I might not have, if I was 25 going into my first marriage. And you may have been wrong too. And that would have been okay. Somebody who's been married for 25, 30 years is telling you, oh,

oh, maybe you should do some more. Maybe you weren't really out there. It's them that wants to go out there. Yeah, right? They want to live through your eyes because they know that they're miserable. At the end. Yeah. Why aren't you having a good old time, right? Don't do it. But...

It's hard being single. It's really hard being single. It is. Agreed. It's hard being single as a woman. It's hard being single as a man. It's hard starting over. All of it is a bitch. It's true. Honestly, I could say it is.

Being single or being with the right person, there's no comparison. Yeah. Being single, having fun, I get it. It's great. You go around. I bet you did. You show your own to do what's well. Yeah. Having a companion, having that person that's your... Yeah. Everything, right? There's nothing better than that. I agree with you. On the worst day, there's nothing better than that. Well, so let's just get into for a minute to the kids of it all. So...

Different second time around for you both, obviously, because you have these children, these adult children in Dolores' world and a little different for you, Paul. So how was that, right? So was that difficult to navigate? Because I know now that the children, no big shock here, love that Dolores' kids love you, Paul, and Paul's kids love you, Dolo. But was that ever hard? Was that ever tricky? Was it hard because Dolores' kids were older or because yours were younger? Yeah.

No, it was meant to be. It's organic. Kids never had an issue, huh? My kids love, my Brooklyn and Cameron love Frankie and Gabby and vice versa. They hang out. It's so rewarding to see how well they get on and the way they talk to each other and they push each other up and it's so organic. But the thing about it is,

You would swear to have a really long-term relationship. You wouldn't think it's just like new, like our relationship. And they're in the same circle of like understanding what they want in life. So it's so cool. How long did you guys wait to introduce each other to your kids? Very quick, actually. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So, you know,

I mean, that's, I guess, what do you suggest? Wait to meet, introduce somebody or. So I lived in the premise that keep everything away from your kids. Don't let them know. I think my kids were still married. I was still married. The kid, my kids never knew me to date anybody. I never, you never introduced any other, any of the other women you were dating. Someone at a diner, like casually, there was no like, Hey, dad's friends coming over. Right. None of that. That was a mistake. Interesting. I,

I do believe I try to protect my children, but they know they're not stupid. You know what I mean? Like some of the comments they made to me like that. Seriously, come on that. I think if you try to protect your children, actually, I understand it, but I don't think it really works. Well, like, would you suggest to listeners that they should wait until they like, obviously you guys knew pretty quickly that it was going to get serious.

and that you guys had something. But other people that you date, would you suggest to our listeners to wait if they, I mean, is it just so individual? Is it depending upon? Don't forget, we'd probably been with different people, right? So Dolores had been with other people for long relationships. I had been with other people, just not met my kids. I chose not to do that for the reason was because I thought the benefit was that my children would be less damaged

I guess there's so much guilt. Yeah, there is. You know something actually to add to that? I think by doing that penalized me to not force the divorce. Because, you know, you're living this, everything's cool, this family's nice. You live in two lives.

I don't want to say I was living two lives because I think that's a lot of tax in your brain. But I think I was living a lie, but living a lie. Interesting. Wow. You know, there's a lot of people culturally that say Irish people don't get divorced. Most a lot of Irish people don't even get married. They just live together forever. Right. Well, listen, you know, you were brought up in a way to believe that no matter what you make a work.

Well, you feel like it's like you just kind of compartmentalize. This is going on here. This is going on here. They're separate.

And Ireland's like this size and you break up, they all talk about it. It's like, it's like, yeah. You think Irish people like are very like concerned about what other people say? It's like a small European. I think everybody's concerned about what everybody says. Ireland, Jamaica, US. What about, so speaking of other people as well. And again, I know a lot of listeners watch the show, but in terms of meeting the ex and Paul,

Paul, for you with Frank, the first time, was that difficult? I mean, I know a little bit myself, but tell us, the listeners that don't know. The first time I met Frank, you know what the first time I met Frank? Family meeting? I was summoned to a family meeting. No way. At the house where they were casting, and it was about, it was about bills. Ha!

The kids were leaving the lights on. The lights on. It was garbage. It was whatever. So I walked into a family feud. Get out. But I was invited to get out. You know, we still like even though we're divorced, we still parent together and we are on the same page. He'll call me. I could back me up on this. I'm like, it's like, you know, yeah, it's a lot to understand.

Listen, I mean, you have such a unique situation with Frank Dolores, and it's been obviously the topic of many discussions and on the show and off the show. So but do you think that that was easier for you, Pauly, than because they got along so well at the beginning? Was that more difficult? Yeah.

I guess so. Again, I didn't watch the show. I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know who Frank was. To me, he was just another guy in the gym pumping iron, right? To me. So when I met him, I had to understand that he was her ex, right? And then people troll comments at me. And this world is great. People like to tell you a lot of shit, by the way. Close friends did not want to see us all get along. Close friends weighed in on both sides.

Behind, you know, I would never have allowed that. They didn't win. So they didn't win. I know that, Paul. But like people like, bro, you're putting up with, bro. So anyway, so it wasn't that it was hard. It was just very unusual. And I really and I know I came off. I think it was like the first time I filmed and I was like, Frank needs to, you know, maybe Frank needs to rethink the situation. Right. Because I really didn't understand it.

But I'm not the only person that didn't understand it. There's a whole audience that didn't understand it as well. But you also get to be the person that's in love with Dolores. So even more so than the audience, you're trying to reconcile the fact that it's a different thing than usual. But the weird thing is Paul works with his ex. They get along. They've gone to family weddings together over all these years. I don't see a big difference. So the big thing was...

And the big thing was, I think Frank seen Dolores in a different light from her past maybe relationships, right? And he maybe seen a different trend in Dolores, right? And I think maybe Frank's an alpha male, right? And I'm kind of one of the guys as well to be like, hey, listen, this is, you know, I'm here now. See you later, bro. We're good, right? Right.

I don't need to go and stick a dick on my head and drink fucking cocktails, right? We're good, right? But we can hang out. So I think Frank was having a hard time knowing that the dynamic of his relationship with Dolores may change, but not in a bad way. Just in the normalcy of what's happening. And I think at that point, maybe we were feeding off each other, and it kind of got a little bit hit for tap. But at the end of the day, we're...

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Okay, so how about this kind of hotspot? Right now, we're hearing a lot about prenups. So I want to know your thoughts on prenups. I can just, let me just start out. I'll share my own thoughts. If Jeff and I were divorced and I was getting married again, I would absolutely have a prenup. But also, I don't even know if I'd want to get married again. So that's whatever. Who cares? That's me. But how do you guys feel? Honestly, we haven't even spoken about a prenup. Only because...

i mean it's not even a people say it's a real conversation but it's really not i i mean you you go into something with that mindset you're already you're in a different place already i'm not thinking like that are you like and i'm not saying that i'm watching what's going on in the world and all these things that are happening i'm not saying they're not good for you and they don't protect you but

I'm not... We're not there. It's not... Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing that we have to figure out is, you know, where we go on vacation. That's, you know, we're not... We like that right now. That...

I'm good. I do think that's partially because, I mean, you both are coming to the table very independently. You know, nobody, you know, neither one of you needs the other financially. At least that's that's what I know. So maybe that's also you think that makes a difference? When I met Dolores, I'm going to say this because I want to be on record because this is what happened when I met Dolores. Another thing, Frank did a lot of stuff for her.

And I wanted her to be independent of that. Not because I didn't want Frank doing it, because she's able to own that herself. And I feel that a woman that's independent gets more confident within herself to be able to like, you know, just be in a moment. Every woman should handle their own finances. Every woman should handle their own things that they own. They need to understand it.

They really do, because God knows what happens. Amen. I think that is so key. I love that you're saying that out loud. I think that is so important. And I can tell you, yes, I could tell you before Jeff and I got separated, he put a paper in front of me and said, sign. I signed. Not that I don't. And I trust Jeff implicitly, but I'm an adult and I need to know.

Factor out everything else. It's my responsibility to know what I'm doing, what I'm signing, what my finances are. 100%. And you have the right to know and it's not wrong to ask. Right. I think, you know what? And I'll just say, Dolores, you said to me many times how much you care

like Paul really supported you being independent and financially responsible and which I think is so great, you know, like that he wants that for you. Um, and I think it's easy for women to give up that power and it's dangerous regardless of prenups or anything else, you know, it's very dangerous because it also puts them on the, on the back. Yeah. Right. So,

spur-of-the-moment deal or anything, a scenario comes up, she's well capable of handling that situation. Not that she couldn't, but now she's more reassured that... And also, God forbid something happens, you know, if a million years from now,

somebody's partner passes away or my part, like I need to know what happens next. How am I going to survive? You can only depend on yourself. Amen. That is it. Not that you're not there for me, but no, listen, I'm all for it. Yeah. Listen, you guys are so on the same page with so much. What do you think it is? If you were just to name a couple of things, the reason that your relationship works so well, like you're going to pinpoint it's this really stands out.

There's a there's a lot of compromise. I feel like in every relationship, compromise is so important because if it's just one person always bending over backwards, bending over it, there's always one person that does it more than the other. It has to be both give and take on both. It really does. Like, what do you think? Like, give us an example. Like, Dolo, tell us something that you feel like you guys have compromised on.

The thermostat? No. Yeah, that's true. Is it true, Dolores? Because you are always complaining you're too hot. You pour, and I'm like, because Jeff and I fight, that's like one of the main, we can go to war over that. I can't take it. It's war. It's war. I don't compromise well on that. It's day to day. You know, even on the things that we like to eat. There was compromise on...

how we spent the holidays or, you know, just... Listen, everything is a compromise because it's new, right? Like, he hates Italian food, but I want to eat it sometimes. So I'll eat steak five nights a week and then when I finally say I want Italian food, he has to go and eat with me. I don't want to eat it alone. Who hates Italian food? What does that even mean? It makes me so violently sick. There's no... Pasta? Violently sick. Really? I don't feel... I eat it. I don't...

I look at her and I'm going to go, we need to go. I can't. Are you serious? But no, but even if there were different things in our relationships or our lives when we came into it, that wasn't ideal for us or that we didn't love. There's certain things I had to put up with. And then he would, you know, he would say, okay, well, you did that. So let me come and do this. Then I don't want to do it. You have to do it. I believe the biggest thing is.

Letting it go straight away. Oh, that's the, yeah. So we, so something comes up and it could be anything and it could be absolutely anything.

You have that moment. I love that because I'm stubborn. I and I have learned to be less stubborn. It's just so much easier if you can let it go. But do you think in terms of the hurdles that you've had? Well, I have two questions. First, was the show a big hurdle for you, Paul? And and also just outside of the show, what would you say is was one of the major hurdles for both of you?

I think for me, the show was because I didn't know what I was getting involved in because I never taught it true because I was just with her. So I was just like, oh, I'm just with Dolores having fun. And then it becomes reality. You're on a TV, right? And you see all these things that come out and you listen to all the nice...

So that was a problem for us. It did play an effect because I think that emphasized with the whole Frank situation. So now does it, you know, then I've got these guys, friends of mine, people I don't even know. Oh, my God. How could you let this guy be in her life? So disrespectful because they don't know the scenario. Right. So it's like anything, man. Can you imagine talking to somebody like that who's happy going about their business and then you got to call him?

Well, it's about learning, right? So you have to learn the process. So the show was a big learning curve to me. Now, water off my back. Now, it's water off his back. But when it wasn't, it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to the point where... We piled through that. Listen, the show is... And I've only been a friend of for two years. It's all encompassing. It changes. It definitely changes everything. The biggest part of that as well is letting go. At the start, I couldn't figure out how to let it go. Interesting.

And then as you realize, wait, this is just a show. Then you go, okay. Actually, you know what? I think the show helped us become a much better couple. Really? Yeah. Wow. What do you think? And then on the outside, I mean, sorry again. On the outside, I mean, everywhere I go, people come up to me like, you know, we love Dolores. We love Dolores. Oh, my God. Like, I FaceTime all the time of people coming up to me everywhere. I'm not going to say it.

Yeah, no, it's pretty cool. And I do like it. Yes. I mean, you get some other. He's very good with his friends. I like it too. I like to know that I want people to know that Dolores and I are not only friends, but such close friends. I'm very proud of that. We're very close friends. Tell me about you, Dolores. What is you think one of your biggest hurdles was? What in the relationship? Paul was very temperamental.

in the beginning of filming regarding like, what would people think? What did what they said? I felt like he was definitely influenced by something he read saying one comment, there'll be 25 good comments than one bad comment he would harp on. So my biggest hurdle was patience for that. Yeah.

It really was. That was my biggest hurdle. You were teaching me. You were also advising me not to fall into the trap. But the fact that you were on the other side of it, sometimes I didn't think that you would. I will tell you, Jan, people very close were the worst of the common stand, people far away. I am very sad. I know that to be true, and it makes me sad and confused, really. It's depressing a little bit.

It just goes to show you how many people are really unhappy for someone else's happiness. So when you see people happy, they try to make it an unhappy situation. And that's the part about the second part of being I do. When you've been through this, that kind of stuff doesn't really affect you. Yeah. Because you're in the second part. And the second part of I do is the insecurity of the exes, right? They're the least in the room. They're talked about. It's old news.

Keep your eye on the new people around, not the exes. I hate to say it, but I actually think that's good advice. That's so good. The exes know them better than you. Get to know the ex. Get to know the ex. No one knows the ex better. The new snoopies. What does that mean? Snoopy, snoopies. Do you know what that means? What does that mean? Snooping. Snooping around. I'm picturing Charlie Brown. Me too. No, the new people snooping around. Tell me something, guys, and then I'm going to let you go, but...

And I'm sorry to ask the question because you just get asked all the time, but I know that listeners want to know. So you think you're going to get probably hit sometime soon? Do you have a timeframe?

Being married? I mean, I'd say we're having to get engaged first, right? Yep. I have to ask because I know what people want to know. And I've heard you ask so many times. It's not like, you know. Oh my God, Ian's not mad at me. I watch what happens. He's like, so what's that? I said, he goes, what's your goal? I said, getting married isn't the goal. Peace and harmony is the goal. And I could tell you, we've never been so good.

No. I'm ready to go. I need time. Listen, there's no backing out now. I look at you guys and I can't imagine one without the other. But there's always like the Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell of it. You know, I mean, literally.

look how long they've lasted. People do believe in that. Yeah. You know, not needing to actually sign a paper. We're good and we're going to get better. That's all. Yeah. I mean, what I love to say, Paul's my husband. I slipped yesterday and I said that, who was I talking to? I said, my husband, I'm like, oh, oh, I mean my boyfriend. You know, I say that, I say that sometimes to Paul. I'll be like, yeah, I spoke to your wife.

And maybe even to you, Dolores, it's just like, for me, it just makes sense. Yeah. I just couldn't love either one of you any more than I do. It's a nice title to have. But I wish anybody the second time around all the best. It's so hard. Be careful who you wind up with. Don't make decisions at a vulnerable time. Going through divorce is very vulnerable, very scary. Being single is very scary, very vulnerable.

Take off, you know, look at the red flags, take off the rose colored glasses. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from your age and your experiences. Don't be afraid of being somewhat private with some of your boundaries. That's interesting. You know, I want to impart. I'm sure you feel like this, too. Frankie just got engaged today.

And I know how much you love your soon-to-be new daughter-in-law. And I find myself with my kids wanting to control who they're dating, seeing things that I know that they don't see because they're too young to see it. I have to give that up. That's what therapy is for. I give up that control. Who knows? I don't know everything. You know, I have to trust that they're going to pick partners because it's so important. That will...

you know, enrich their lives and make them happy and peaceful and feel good about themselves. It doesn't always work though, as we all know the first time around, but I want them to know what I know and they just won't. And they don't, I wish they did. I wish that I could go back and, you know, they can know what I know now. Right. They need to hear it. Yeah.

Don't stop saying it. Not once. You say it twice and it's in their head. And when those times happen where they're like, does this seem right? And then they hear your little voice in their head. That's great. I love that because they both get really, really pissed at me. They want me out of their business when it comes to their love lives. Say it and drop it. Say it and drop it. Yep. Thank you, both of you. I love you so much.

Thank you. Love you. All right. Bye, you guys. Bye-bye. Bye. So are you in the midst of a divorce or feeling stuck on what to do when it comes to your love life? Call us or email us or follow us on social. All of the information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two at iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.

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