"Joyful Joyful" (w/ Constantine Rousouli)
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a hilarious and heartfelt love letter to long-term relationships. Based on the original Alan Alda film. Watch the four seasons streaming now only on Netflix. Hey, readers. It is so thrilling to tell you about a new podcast from the iconic, the incomparable Michelle Obama and her big brother Craig called Alibaba.

You know, on Lost Culture Recess, we dive deep into the culture and get real with our guests. Likewise, on IMO, Michelle, Craig, and their guests tackle questions from listeners just like you, offering practical advice, personal storytelling, and plenty of laughs. From dating and relationships to family and faith, Michelle and Craig give their candid perspectives to the everyday questions shaping our lives and the world.

and the world around us. Like their first episode where Issa Rae laments friendships that need to go. You'll hear Michelle and Craig's stories about being there for each other throughout their lives, from first crushes and fraught college years to landing at the White House to losing their mom. For six decades, they've been each other's most trusted counsel and now they want to be that counsel for you.

So if you want to know about the culture that made Michelle and Craig say culture is for them, check out IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas. And are you a small business owner launching a company or dreaming of starting one? Then check out season three of Mind the Business, Small Business Success Stories from Ruby Studio and Intuit QuickBooks.

Join hosts Austin Hankowitz and Janice Torres as they talk to small business owners about how they've grown and maintained their businesses. You don't want to miss these inspiring stories of small business journeys. Listen to Mind the Business, Small Business Success Stories on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Look, Matt. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Las Culturistas.

Ding dong, Lost Culture East is calling. Before we got on, I said, Lost Culture, like as if we had to snap into it. I feel like we've never had to really hit the dials before in that way, but we were coming off of like a spirited discussion about what we will never tell. We will never tell what we just told. It's actually really culture number nine. We will never tell what we just told.

And I'm also in my literal morning show bag right now. You are warmed up, chatterbox. You are doing a great job. You look so good on that TV. Thank you, sister. Something about those cameras is really... I gotta say, I looked pretty good too. You looked so snatched. And you wore like a blue moment. Yeah. Blue? Yeah.

is the warmest color. It's actually real culture number 10. Blue is the warmest color. How has it been so far? You just finished day two of five. I'm having the best time. Isn't it wonderful? I told Matt this. We checked in yesterday. I was like, how was it? He was like, it's great. It's so fun. And I go, I like

totally get why people do this. I get it. This is a nice gig. It's so much fun. And by the way, the sound dude who's an icon loves you. Oh, I love him. And your beloved, get this, Bowen Yang, beloved in 30 Rock. It's actually real culture number 11. Get this, Bowen Yang, beloved in 30 Rock. And, you know, 30 Rockefeller Center is in the heart of one of the greatest cities in the world, New York City. And there has been an off-Broadway musical. You're never going to believe this. I really do feel like I'm doing the morning show.

You're never going to believe this. You're never going to believe this. You need to, there has to be a list somewhere of like little filler phrases for talk shows in general, but especially morning shows where you're like,

It's never going to be this. Have you heard about this yet? I found myself doing it today. Coming up, we have a cooking demo from... No, no, no. My segments were makeover. Loved that. Oh, we're getting a makeover on Friday. I love the makeovers. Yeah, this is going to be fun. And then Guy who showed us how to properly use a plunger.

That's actually really good. And you know what I asked him? Guys, listen up. You can wash the plunger with your toilet water. What? After you plunge, make sure you flush, obviously. Put a little bit of bleach or whatever toilet bowl cleaner you have in there. And then just like you just dip it in, kind of rinse it out. And then that's all you have to do.

I always got so stressed out after my shit-covered plungers would come out the toilet. Yeah, I'm now thinking, I just want to apologize. I just moved out of my apartment that I had been renting from one Matt Risch. And I just want to say, apologies, dude. That...

Plunger's covered in poop. You could have rinsed it. No, I couldn't have. Because I didn't. I didn't know. I didn't have you here to tell me what to do. Morning TV is so important. But I could never talk about poop covered Plunger on morning TV. You know what I'm saying? I know. This is why I'm so happy to be here. I feel like I can finally breathe. Because I'm with my sister and this is not morning TV. Although people do listen to it in the morning. Can you imagine? Listening to us in the morning? No. No. No.

I would say, well, I guess maybe if you want to be like shocked into the day. I mean, get the fag off the airwaves. I'm not listening to that. You know what I almost did today is my I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey, that this podcast has become popular. I just feel like maybe I will do it later. Do it later. Because then people are like, why are they screaming during I don't think so, honey? And I'm like, babe.

You're joining us in progress. It's in media res. It's in media res. We scream during that part of the podcast and during a lot of the other parts of it too. Here's what I scream for. Oh, wait, I just cut you off. I'm never going to believe this was an off-Broadway show in New York. Can I say you literally did not cut me off? I feel like I diverted. Well, your feelings aren't facts, bitch. Okay. Hey, Trump. Anyway.

That's a call. Hey, Trump. Hey, Trump. Your feelings aren't facts, bitch. That's rule of code number 12. Hey, Trump. Your feelings aren't facts, bitch. Watch that be the headline. I would love that. Yeah, I mean. Should Lost Coach start a feud with Trump?

We have to move to Ireland like Rosie. Mm-hmm. Well, listen. So what do you scream for? I scream for this off-Broadway show that's been in New York for a few years now. It has been truly a community-building cornerstone for theater, for theater-goers, for people in the community, for tourists from all over the world.

My own mother saw this show. And raved. I would never take my mom to any Broadway show. She slept through Hamilton. See, I don't get that because it's so loud. It's a loud show. But we went on a Sunday after an SNL and we were all tired. Lin-Manuel, this has nothing to do with you. This has nothing to do with you, Lin-Manuel. All right, sweetie. So you did amazing work on Hamilton. It's actually really close. Number 13. Lin-Manuel, you did amazing work on Hamilton. Has nothing to do with you. That is mom fell asleep.

But listen, I think I know what show you're talking about. And that show is Titanic. And I know that because, well, our guest is not only one of the original stars of it, but also the co-creator, co-writer. And I feel as though I have to harken back to the very first time I saw our guest, which was at La Poisson Rouge.

In a iconic production of Cruel Intentions, the musical, Unauthorized, which also starred Amanda Shechtman. She was playing Sarah Michelle Gellar and our guest was playing Ryan Phillippe. And one of the first things I ever saw was your bare ass. And now he shows his ass every goddamn night out in public. But no, this is like truly a moment.

in time because we saw this show Titanic and we were literally talking to the mics and just let everybody know and I've been so proud to see what it's done I just saw it in the West End it's in Australia it's in Canada it's like it's

All over the place. I mean, this is a true success story. It's now an Olivier Award winning musical. Our guest is an Olivier Award winner. Drama desk, Lucia Lortel. Come on, all the ones except Tony's until they get their shit together. But they kind of just nailed it on some of the nominations. They did. We can talk about that. We can talk about that. He's so wonderful. What a funny writer, performer, talent, voice.

Friend. Traveler. World traveler. We're talking about this. Always around the world. Always around the world with his hot little friends. Everyone, please talk into your ears. Constantine! Oh my God. First of all, LOL to that introduction. I am so gooped and gagged to be here with my girls. We forgot to say the big news, which is that Titanic, you can see it in New York until June 15th. And then do you want to tell them what's so special about those final weeks? Yeah, hot off the press, everyone. Hot off the press?

Marla Mandela and I will be coming back into the show for the final two weeks. And if we, you know, sell out lots and lots and lots of tickets, maybe we'll pull a Phantom of the Opera and extend for another six months. You're willing to say that on this show? I don't know. We'll see. Maybe, you know, all of these Lost Cult people

There's now so many readers, Katie's publicists and finalists, like, and I think that, Ken Kiles, you have an opportunity here. You have a big opportunity here. Yes. Because how many times did you do it in the new space, the bigger space? The bigger space, like a year, a year. Yeah. Because it was like half a year. It was like six months at the old UCB space. Asylum. That you guys know, the asylum. You know, in the basement of a Gristiti's. Yeah.

Which was wild, just mold, rats. It smelled awful. It was disgusting. It smelled really bad. But you know what? It was like our favorite time. Yeah. Where did you guys do changes? What was the dressing room situation? Behind a curtain, literally, or in like a closet. But there's no space. No, there's absolutely nothing. It was those two rooms, and we split all the boys in one and all the girls in the other.

And then there were the guts, like those gray brick hallways, not brick even. It was just like those, but those were the smelly parts. That was gross. Because there was always an inch of water on the floor. Oh, absolutely. It was the actual Titanic. I was like, oh, this is very on brand. Let's go here. Weren't there like Grissidis basement specific jokes in the original show? Yes. At the end of the show, Marlo would say, thank you all for coming tonight in the basement of a Grissidis. And then we had to switch it when we lost it.

left when you moved when we moved to the Daryl Roth Theater which is in Union Square yes I knew that Fuerza Bruta Fuerza Bruta oh

Oh my God. The Fuerza Bruta shook. Oh my God. The water. Fuerza is watching. The ghost. The ghost of Fuerza. What is Fuerza Bruta? I don't remember. All I remember is taking a gummy and I was so... Can I curse? Yeah. Oh, come on. It's iHeartRadio. I was so fucking high that I looked up and remember they had this like water crazy thing? I never saw it. Okay. Well, anyway, there was this immersive crazy... No one knows what it is. It was like...

they're up in the rafters in this water thing and I thought I was A, drowning, B, panic attack, C, immediately left and got food. And got food. You gotta go. You went to Republic. I put myself to bed because I was like, I've got to get my ass. I've got to get the fuck out of Forza Bruta before I drown. Before I drown and die. Meanwhile, I'm on the floor. Like, get it together, queen. It happens sometimes. I remember one time I was too high in the pool and I had to get out because I was positive I was going to be attacked by a shark. Mmm.

That's these gummies. Babe, I think that was meth. That was meth. Sorry, babe. That was a meth attack. With a Vyvanse pill nestled inside. A little rainbow sprinkle. Y'all don't fuck with water, though. But y'all are so tied to water in so many ways. From being Greek. From being Greek.

Sister. Honestly. Wait, though. You know what I mean? I do think I'm a Pisces person. You know what I mean? Greek. Also, you're a Titanic. I'm Titanic water. I mean, I'm an Aries, so she's fire as hell. Is that cusp? No, I'm full Aries. Okay. Full Aries. No, cusp is the 21st, which is Pisces Aries. Yeah, okay. Because my sister's the 21st, so she's a cuspy bitch. Yeah, cuspy. But we love her. Hi, Ren. Hi, Ren.

Hi, Ren. Hi, Ren. You cuspy ass shady bitch. I love you. You and Ren are the sibs? Are the Brazilian sibs? She's two years older. Best friend. Amazing. Love. You kind of give little brother. Oh, I'm the child baby. No, yeah. I mean, it's perfect. It's Aries. I'm the baby of the Zodiac.

She's a monster. Is Ares the baby of the Zodiac? Yeah, you can either look at it as like baby of the Zodiac or like the super like grandmother. Who's grandmother then? Who's on the other side of Ares that it's supposed to like be like the end of the world? I don't know. Well, that's Pisces. Is it? Oh. Yeah. I'm last. So you're my grandmother. I am the wise grandmother. Hey, G-Ma. Hi, baby. I love you, baby. Hi, baby boy. Thank you so much. So proud of you. You've done well. I die. I've immediately died. Death by grandma.

God, death, it's so awful.

And so why did you want to capitalize on it with Titanic? On death. On death? Because you know what? It's going to be a brutal death when we leave New York City. And that's because you people didn't want to buy tickets. You're not closing because it's not buying tickets. No, I'm kidding. I mean, listen, we've lasted three years, which is in these in-dem streets now and in dem times. Can you believe that a little tiny ass off-Broadway show could literally survive three years of a pandemic into...

Yeah. It's just absolutely mind boggling that we still have been here and we've now gone all over the world. And I have to say, I have to say, and I always say this, it's

It's literally because of you two. No, it's not. I'm sorry. It's true. Okay, let's assume that's true. What is not true is that it's both of us. I think it does squarely fall on Matt, the credit. No, listen to me. Both of you. All I know is, and we're both going to take this. We saw the show and it was like, it just reminded me. It actually literally inspired me because I was like, A,

I'm not dragging what goes on on Broadway. In fact, I think it's been a great few last couple of years. Yeah. But I also think...

that the influence of that show and how much joy it brought and how much real comedy it brought as well as like the incredible music obviously of Celine Dion it just feels like it was a joyful idea that then became a joyful process that then became a joyful performance that then resulted in all this like joyful like discussion and consumption of it yeah yeah

I mean, listen. Joyful Consumption is a frontrunner for a title of that. Thank you. Thank you. Joyful Joyful. Sysrack 2. Go into it now. Really good. It was easy to talk about. You guys were so wonderful. I mean, granted, like I had known of you. We had met a couple times. And then you guys were just so lovely and you really like changed.

this little tiny baby project in the bottom of a Mercedes. And you put the word out there. So we are so grateful. I am so grateful. I love you. I mean, I just want to reiterate that to the listeners because it's really true. You have people who champion you and push you forward. And you guys are so incredible at that and always paving the way for other people

other people and it's not just one-sided, you are just uplifting and I am so inspired by both of you and I love you to death. - Honey. - And that is my, I don't think so honey.

- Oh my God, a positive. I don't think it's only Mitch. - Sorry, it's true. I mean, I always tell you, but I really need everybody to know that like everybody has their own path and like people can be nice and help each other out in this crazy ass business in the world. Everybody just be kind and be nice. - Yeah, absolutely. - And it really just goes a long way. And we are, you know, we're just, we love you and we're so thankful. - Well, we have always, I've seen the show.

I can count on two hands now the number of times I've seen it. But I think across the world, I know losers. Nothing to do on the weekend. We were in London for how many days? Two, three. And you had to go? We had to go. We had to see what it was giving us. Yeah, it's giving. You have to know it's great. Our babies are giving. I love them so much. It's really good. The vocals? The vocals. I mean, everybody's vocals are insane in this show. Like, truly unbelievable. But, like, the vocals in London, I'm like, you, mom.

monsters know how to sing. Yeah. It's giving Olivier Award winning and nominated performers all up and down the cast. All up and down. Yeah. But an iceberg bitch won. Ugh, Leighton. Olivier. Yes. Clap for iceberg Leighton. Clap. Leighton Williams. Congratulations. Leighton is truly unbelievable. Yeah. I mean, the whole cast is unbelievable. I love them to death. I just saw them. I was in London last night and got back.

- I can't believe. - Did you actually? - World traveler. - Paris, London, New York. - London, Milan. - Yeah. - Bus, plane. - Bus, club, not a club. - No sleep. - Yeah. Anyway, but yeah, the London production's unbelievable. It's at the Criterion. Go see it if you're in London. - And that's ongoing. - That is running until as of now, I think January of 2026. So work, work. And now it's in Paris as well.

work. Unbelievable. You just went to the theater in Paris? Went to the theater in Paris, the Lido Theater. It's at the Champs-Élysées in that fierce area. Fierce. Oh my God. Didn't I go to Crazy Horse? Oh my God. Can you talk about that? Crazy Horse. I think we should go. You guys? Let's go. No, no, no, no. It's...

We're going to France next month. Okay, well, period. It has to be first on your list. It's one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. We're going. Wow. The women are, I'm gay as hell. The women are the hottest things I've ever seen. Love. I get it. Truly, like, stunning. Tits. Good tits. But, like, not fake. It's just, like, natural, gorgeous bodies. Yeah. And I heard that from their tit to their navel, they all have to have the exact same inches.

But they can have like little like kitten heels and like, I know. That sounds devastating. Sorry, Beth. Sorry, Beth. You're half an inch off, baby. Hit the road. Queen. Literally, you can choke, Beth. Wow. You'll never get this job. But yeah, no, it's unbelievable. But it's so precise in the lighting. It's the art. It is art. It is art. It's like Picasso. I'm like, what the fuck am I seeing? It is crazy. I love. The most unreal horse.

I've ever seen. No, do they bring out a horse? No, I wish. Look at that. Look at that horse. Look at that horse. Yeah. We should see Cowboy Carter in Paris and then go to Paris. We are. We are. Yeah, make it a horse day. We were told someone was getting the tickets. Matt Whitaker is supposed to buy us tickets. Whitaker's going to go? Okay, whatever. Yes. Okay, so our plan. You tell me everything. So we're going to be in Cannes from

from the 15th to the 19th because we're promoting our culture awards, which you have performed on. We won. We won. Best indoor live performance. Indoor live performance, yep. Went to Titanic two years ago. Best night of my life, by the way. That was so fun. That was so much fun. You guys, if you can ever get to a live taping, live taping. Live taping. Live taping. Well, now it is a live taping. It is a live taping. I know. Isn't it crazy? I felt like it was like the gay Super Bowl. It was so fun. I came out and they were like, yeah.

And I was like, wait, you have A, no idea who I am, but I love this. And I was eating it up. But they did know. They did know. Because our audience was just as excited for Titanic as they were for like when Julia Fox came out. Exactly. You guys, I felt it. I mean, my pussy fell out. I was like, oh my God, this is what it's like to like be Lady Gaga in front of like everybody. There were at least 200 people in that crowd who have seen you

Be Fierro. Show your ass. I've seen you be Link. You know what I mean? I've seen you on Cruel Intentions. Wait, literally, let's talk about this. So you've been Fierro and Link. And Link. And Jack. And Jack. And Ryan Phillippe.

And I'm gay as hell. Yeah. Looking for a husband. That means that you can do it. You can do it too. I mean, gay actors work. First of all, let's talk about that. Fiyero, which is Jonathan Bailey in the movie. Then we got Link, who's Zac Efron in the movie. Then we have Leo DiCaprio, heard of him, who's Jack in the film. And then we have Ryan Phillippe. That's a bang off if I've ever. Bang off. That is a demon twink. That is a demon twink's dream come true. Like,

Lollapalooza. Listen, I don't take it for granted, honey. Okay? It's wild. Come on. And you are tying it all together. You did so well. Yeah, the mentally ill, broke-ass version. Cool. Stop. Holler at me. At Konstantin Rizzuli. They will and you know they will. They will.

They will. They holler. They holler. You come up on my hinge a lot because it's like, these are the hot guys. Wow. Top, top shelf. And you don't say hello? How dare you? Well, because I'm like, first of all, someone I know, it's like, okay. No, I know it's so weird. It's weird. It is a weird walk. It's a weird thing because some people then take it. Because you've done this before. When you see a friend and you're like, hey, stupid, I see you. Totally. And you're like, whatever. And then it stays at that. Yep. Then there's other people who take it too far and they're like, wow.

actually Matt is really into me. And then you're like, wait, actually that was a joke. I know. And then you have to

I know, I know. You can't even be like too clear about it. You can't clarify, by the way, I am attracted to you, but I don't think we would be a good match. It's like, but why would you? I'll give you a call later. Hey, I know that we just did this crazy bit on Hinge, but this is me really calling to say I'd be down. I get less demisexual as I get older because I just value my friendship so much. So do I. You know what I'm saying? So do I. But it's hard. It's a hard thing to figure out when you're,

a gay guy with fun, cool, attractive friends because, of course... It's really hard to be a gay guy with fun, cool, attractive friends. It's so hard. Look at us. What I mean is like, it's a difficult thing mentally because it's like you sort of get in your head of like, okay, well, why not? Well, then it's like, and friendships are important. Of course. You know what I mean? They're number one. It's like I said to a friend recently, I was talking about like a mutual friend of ours and I was like, yeah, I don't know. I just had kind of a thought and my friend goes, you know what that is? Friendship.

That's actually okay. And I was like, okay, yeah. It doesn't have to be a thing I do gymnastics in my head about. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's like, yeah, I have a friend that I'm like a little attracted to and it's my friend and I can have that boundary. Absolutely. How long, what's the tradition of you and Jake and Gus and like those pals? Oh my God, my besties. Your besties. You guys have so much fun. The crew. You guys are always having a blast. I know we are. It's just they're monsters. They're truly absolute monsters and I wish them nothing but love.

But negativity. Yeah. That's a shout out to my girls, my hermanas. We have our thread as just sisters. We're all getting tattoos that say hermanas, but like one's getting her, I'm ma, and I think...

Gus is not. Not? LOL. Can you believe that? He's like a hot super fan. You guys, okay. Someone's taking a side in the battle against Jay-Z. Please welcome to the stage, her. Yeah, they're the best. I mean, they're my brothers. Like, they're the brothers I never had. I've known Jake for like 20 years now, which is insane. We met on...

on facebook because everybody said we used to look alike which we do um when we have the same hair we're like very twinning twinning yes but back in the day when we were actual twinks um people would stop me on the street and be like are you jake wilson go big blue and i'm like what are you talking about and then they go to him like are you constantine and he was like who is that and then he found me on facebook and he was like whoa i think we should go out for a drink yeah and then he

MySpace. MySpace. Stroke. Then he Facebooks me and he's like, let's go out for a drink. And I'm like, okay. I was like, everybody says we look alike. Doppelganger. I met him. We go to, wait for this, Bourbon Street. Bourbon Street. On 46th Street. Remember that place? Wow.

Yeah, back in the day. Dating in that area. Wild. A vibe. I used to live on 52nd and 9th, like above therapy, which is hush now. Wow. Good luck with my project. Go to sleep, honey. Like literally go to sleep. Go to sleep. No, can't. No. Too much thumping and hush. So yeah, that's how we met. And I was like, LOL, you are rich and we'll never date again.

And then, you know, years later, we cross paths again. So wait, you went on a date though initially. Initially. And I was like, haha, this is fun. Cool. Bye. So there was no smooching? Nothing. And then two years later, I'm on tour with Legally Blonde in LA. Who are you in Legally Blonde? I was Nikos. That one. And then I wore her after.

So yeah. Wow, you're doing it all. Connie. This is theatrical weird man vibes. Yeah, with no career. You better shut the fuck up. Flying my way to the middle. Well, then I was like, wait, okay, so you guys meet up two years later. Two years later, my roommate at the time and other very good friend Courtney, she was like, hey, my best friend from college is coming. And I was like, yeah, cool, whatever. He can stay in our apartment. And she goes, well, there's no bed. So like, you have a king size bed. So I guess he's going to have to stay in your room. And I was like, cool.

And I was like, Courtney, that's crazy. - Courtney, take your break. - Yeah, Courtney, take your break, literally. And then she was like, I was like, who is it? And she's like, oh, it's Jake Wilson. And I was like, are you kidding me? I was like, that guy who's like my doppelganger. - And how long had it been again since the last time? - Two years. - Okay, okay. - Then she shows up to LA like a bat out of hell, comes into like into the fucking Oakwood suite apartments. And I was like, hun, what is happening? And then, you know. - Besties. - Besties ever since slept in my bed. We like turned, it was like one of those movies.

I think we're going to be best friends. I think we're going to be best friends. And then we were like, kiki gaggle. Oh, I love it. It was the best ever. And then Gus came in, you know, 10 years later. Yeah. And just wreaked havoc. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Three of y'all are the best. It's a jam. But there's like the right amount of chaos there from each of you. Oh, beyond. You know what I mean? Beyond. I think like, yeah. It's a good buddy system three. Great. You know what I mean? I can never travel with anybody else. There's three of us. That's it. Wait, but did you feel seen by White Lotus?

We were just in Paris and London, LOL. Talking about this. And I brought them as my dates to opening. And we were like, we are the basic bitches from White Lotus. And I was like, which ones are you? I was like, go. We just did that last week with Joel Kim.

Yeah, we cast ourselves. Who are you in the three? I'm... I would probably be... Michelle. Yeah. You're Michelle. I'm Michelle. I'm Michelle too. I'm a Michelle. And then... Who are you? Who are you? I think I'm Carrie Han.

out of me, Joel and Bowen. Yeah, go off. I think Joel is just so Leslie Bibb that, well, big Trumper that Joel Kim. Hey, Trump, you got a fan in Joel Kim Booster. T-R-U-M-P, more like J-K-B. It's actually really good for number 14. T-R-U-M-P, more like J-K-B. He's gonna hate that. He's gonna hate it. He is going to punch all of us in the face. Yeah. But we'll like it. Yeah, we'll love it. Totally. Punch me. Punch me. Yeah.

This is Bowen Yang. And Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers. And Bowen Yang. This podcast is sponsored by PayPal. All right, readers, Katie's publicist finalist, Kyle's, it's time to talk about one of the most iconic payment brands out there. That's right. It's PayPal. PayPal lets you do you, meaning you can pay your own way with just a click. Once you click the PayPal button, you can choose from a bunch of different ways to pay.

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She's on hand. Single as hell. Single as hell. What do you want? What's on the list? What do you want? What do you want? I need to do a pros and cons list, and I feel like I've been told it's the thing you're supposed to do, and I still haven't gotten around to doing it. So give us yours. Pros. Be an actual human. Be a legit person. I need you to do the fucking work. Get up every day. Meditate. Go to therapy. I mean, know who you are. Have a great relationship with your family and friends and...

Just like respect yourself and respect people, love people, care about people. I don't know. Have something that...

makes you wake up every morning. That is a huge thing. I want gratitude. I want a funny person. I want a kind, respectful human who gets it. Yeah. Just don't play games. Like these, these fucking gays are wild. Let me tell you. They're wild. And it's always like, what's, what's, you know, around the corner. And it's like, you know what? How about you just look in front of you and get to know a human and like pull back a fucking layer instead of sitting there and being like, you're really cool for the moment. And then, but I'm,

Completely looking around the corner. Well, that's like all of LA, which is why I moved back. Well, that's why I had to leave. You had to leave. You're a little incensed about this. I am. I'm pissed. Yeah. No. Okay. So talk about this. Have you been given the runaround? Oh, for years. A million times. Yeah. For years, the runaround. Or the ghosting is actually... Can we not ghost anymore? Can we not ghost? Why would someone ghost you? Because I feel like people, they think that they know what they want. They think that they're ready for a relationship or they're ready to open up and they have

it's no idea it's all you know it's like it's face value it's it's a facade it's like okay i get it you're insecure and this is how you go about doing that but you should also be respectful human and say i don't know it's communication if you're not feeling it if you're asking me out and you're pursuing me and you've dm'd me and slid into my dms and found my phone number and sent a letter by stork and then then you have the audacity

to not even respond after we go out on a date and it was actually good and you're telling me these things like, wow, this was incredible. You're really an amazing person. I'm so happy we met. And then a full-on ghost.

At least grow the fucking balls. We are too old. We are too old for this shit. Too old! You can easily... I would respect you so much more if you came to me and said, hey, that was incredible. You're an amazing person. I just don't think we're a match. Yeah. I would love to be friends. And if not, you know, I'm happy we got to do that. I totally get that. And I'd be like, you know what? Incredible. Thank you. And I have to say, like...

I think people are doing it more than they were, but I get those messages and I'm not upset. Me neither. All I feel is fine about it. I'm like, wow, that's awesome. Maybe we could be friends.

- I do have a lot of friends. - I have a lot of friends, but still I'm happy you're honest and open. - Totally. - Instead of, well, that's also coming from people who actually, you know, are not gonna freak out and go insane because we're not insecure. - Totally. - So it's like, if you do the work, whatever, I would love to, I'd rather hear that. And I feel like the other people who are ghosting are so insecure

that they're probably afraid of the other persons that they're going to yell at in confrontation. And it's like, I get it, but like, you will be better off. Trust me, because I'm going to see your ass at a fucking party. And I'm going to see you all over New York City and or all over the world. Yeah. So, why make it awkward? That's what sucks sometimes. The thing that chaps my ass is like how small the gay community is. Oh, yeah. Where it's like,

yeah, I dated this person and I did not well or whatever. I'm dealing with this. And someone was like, well, who is it? I'm like, you don't know him. They do. Who is it? And then I say the name and it's like, oh yeah, this person. And I'm just like, I'm in hell. Yeah. Because I'm just like, it makes you feel like you're in like a rat maze.

You know what I mean? Like no matter what, you're going to end up at like a dead end or like you're going to run out of like, which is a crazy thought. Yeah. But I do think it's worse in LA than New York. Like my bit is like there's like six million gays in New York and 33 in Los Angeles. Like so broadening scope in terms of dating has become like important to me because I kind of do want ultimately my partner to be someone that's like

Like, I don't really want to hear about their history. You know what I'm saying? Totally. Yeah, because there can be a hundred gays in a room and if 99. And 99 have fucked each other. 99 literally have all fucked each other. That's a real culture over 15. There can be a hundred gays in a room and 99 have fucked each other. But it only takes one to believe in you and that's Bradley Cooper. Well, yes. No.

Wait. Hard launch with Gigi though. Hard launch with Gigi. Dispel the rumors. They hard launched their relationship on one of those. So she posted a carousel and it was number 18 in the carousel. We just talked about this. A carousel? A carousel? A carousel?

Did I say it weird? Carousel. You good, sis? You good, sis? Carousel. You find out I'm having a full-blown stroke. Both of yous. I had strokes today, this morning. I mean, God forbid, but literally. You just got off a plane. I'm still jet-lagged as hell. Yeah, well, I understand. We just did the best carousel. At Epic Universe. At Epic Universe in Orlando. You have to go. It's in Celestial Park. Can't wait.

Hermana should go to Orlando. Hermana should go to Orlando. Orlando. Why haven't you been in that show? I originally auditioned for it to be What's-His-Face's Standby. Andrew Reynolds? Andrew Reynolds. Wow. And Andrew actually got me the audition. Oh, I love that. And then I went in, but it was, or he had told him, he was like, you should really see Connie for this. But it was like back in the day when I was so young. And

It was the time when they weren't giving scripts out to anybody. I don't like that. So I had to go in at 10 a.m., learn that crazy song. That's so stupid. And then they're like, bye, see you at noon or two when you audition in front of the whole team without knowing any material. You're just like, have fun, like sight read this. And then here's the side and just cold read. I was like, are you kidding me?

And then they were like, you're not the right type of funny. And I said, are you? Not the right type of funny? I go, I am comedy. It's like you've become Fanny Bryce. Yeah. I'll show you. Pratfall. Why would you? Why would you? See, that's a devastating thing to be told that you're not the right kind of funny. I know. Isn't that sad? Do you? That was the Book of Mormon. Yes. We missed if people weren't listening. They did miss, of course. They did miss.

No, it was totally fine. It was too... Andrew was incredible. All of them were incredible. So incredible. Too fucking high. I am a high baritone, okay? I'm not going to pussy pop these notes and have a mental breakdown. Yeah. Eight shows a week on stage. I mean, like...

Like, I'm not going to do that. It's crazy. It's too, I'm like, also, can we lower the keys for men? That's an I don't think so that I'm going to get to later. Yeah. The jig is up. We all do not have to be screaming fucking, like, mixy bitches. Bowen just said, no, no, no, no, no. Bowen is a countertenor. No, I'm not. I know. First of all, you said something so prescient the other day, which is being born with an AMAB voice is a curse.

It's true. It's true. It's true. Did we make that a rule of culture? We did not make that a rule of culture. It's rule of culture number 15. Being born with an AMAB voice is a curse. We're off to the races on rules today. Absolutely. The rules are coming in hot. Can I say something, though? Someone commented, and I made the mistake of reading the comments on the sketch I did with Gaga where we sang Wonderful Tonight. And someone was like, Bowen's only a scream singer.

I'm like, okay. How dare you? Can I just pull back the curtain and say that I am proud of myself for just being present with

one of our great rehearsers, Lady Gaga, she wanted to run that song a bajillion times and we delayed rehearsals for it because I was like, no, we're getting this right because she looks at me and she goes, I think it'll be funnier if we're really good at it. And I said, absolutely. I always think that about musical comedy. If it's so much funnier. I agree. And then we just, we had to find, we like auditioned like seven different keys and I was,

somehow kept my shit together next to Stephanie Germanotta. And I was like, I'm with you wherever you want to go. And...

Whatever. I'm not like, I'm only bringing this up because the keys are hard and any, any AMAB voice that has to adapt to a key is doing a lot of, a lot of emotional labor just for, for themselves in the audience. And I'm just saying that Gaga was fucking incredible. First of all, that was not, that was not easy and it was not scream singing. I actually was impressed by how effortless it felt.

Like you were kind of just like tossing it up there and I was just like really proud of you. But the last time I felt that way that I was like tossing it up was at Chromatic Ball. Well, you want to know why? Because when you're on Mushrooms, you're the best singer in the world. It's actually really close to number 16. When you're on Mushrooms, you're the best singer in the world. Did you hear that? Yep. So you're, would you say counter baritone? No, I'm a high baritone. High baritone. Sorry, sorry. I mean, I can like, with a fierce mix though, my mix is unbelievable. But,

Yeah, but like everybody is like screaming. I know. And they're like, can you full voice that? I'm like, how about you full voice your own fucking voice? My foot in your ass. Yeah, how about you shut up? I wrote a lot of my Christmas music when I was 27. Which is genius, by the way. You can tell. You can fucking tell. What do you mean? Because like Lube for the Sleigh, my song, the bridge is a belted like ooh vowel on Lube.

It's just like, it's crazy. Totally, totally. And you know what's funny is it's like, I didn't realize, I didn't know how to sing my own music until I started with a voice coach. And it broke it all open for me. Now I like,

love going there, like warming up your voice. Like, do you stay on top of your vocal health? I do. I mean, yes and no. I mean, I feel like after doing eight shows a week is insane. And you're just like mentally and physically drained. So you're like, I need like a month or two off between gigs or like whatever. But yeah, I mean, there's definitely those moments where you have to be on it. Like I'll always check. It's like a sick and sick and twisted like space that you wake up and you're like, hmm, hmm.

Yeah. You wake up every day and you're like, I have to check. Even it's like three months the show's done. You're like, oh, I'm still checking to see if my voice is there. It's crazy. Sure. We call it musical theater mental illness. Yeah. But it's wonderful. It's not mental illness. No. But you've got to stay on it for sure. You're keeping your chops up. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, you don't know when, you know, Broadway is going to call and say, hey, you're on. It's time to shred, bitch. Time to shred, bitch. I mean, this literally just happened after pandemic. Do you remember like the height of Broadway coming back and everything was canceled? Everybody was getting COVID for the eighth time. Right, right, right, right, right. They're like trying to get these shows back open and blah, blah, blah. I hadn't done Wicked for seven years.

And I got a phone call. It's Christmas Eve, like two days before Christmas Eve. And I'm back in Jersey at my mom's and I'm at the gym because, you know, got to get the workout in before the Christmas. So I go to the gym up the street and I get a phone call from my stage manager from Wicked, who I hadn't spoken to in forever, Mary Beth Abel, who I love. And she was like, she calls me Stan.

If you guys didn't catch that. So then she literally calls me. She goes, Stan. And I go, MB. She goes, what are you doing? I was like, what are you doing? She's like, well, what are you doing? I was like, I'm at the gym. She's like, so...

do you want to come back into the show tomorrow night? I was like, tomorrow night? I was like, what? No, not even to be Viero because I first started as The Understudy. And she goes, in your original track from 12 years. It had been like 12 years, but I hadn't been back in the show for like seven. Got it. And I was like, ma'am, you want me to put that skirt track on and you want me to like

I don't know, lift a bitch, stage right for in the dark and be a cog in a wheel. And she was like, yep. Yep. Basically. She's like, you remember it, right? I was like, are you kidding me? She goes, you'll be fine.

I marched my ass to that theater, got back into my old costumes because the best thing about Wicked is these motherfuckers have your costumes in crazy Ziploc bags in a warehouse. Stop. And they just call an assistant. They're like, get Connie Rosselli's costume from circa 2010, blah, blah, blah, shoes and all. Literally in a beautiful package. Oh my God. It's belayed out on this dressing room table. And you're like, wait, this is LOL. Am I going to fit into this? Because I was a twink back then.

You did. You know what? I have a fat ass and a bad attitude and I went right into it. Wow. Great attitude. Great attitude. No, it was great. But it was crazy. I was like, this is psychotic. Speaking of, you know, just getting random phone calls and having to be ready. Well. Oh my God.

Oh my God. You're describing two impossible situations. One involving sight reading, which is, that's an, I don't think so. That was crazy. True. I don't read music. So I just like, I know I'm one of those. I don't even understand what they thought. Like my thing is like, okay, so, and probably this is a little bit,

the deal, but it's like, do you want it to be good or do you want it to be not good? And maybe sometimes they want it to be not good so they can just like, like invalidate people. But like, that's so awful. Can you speak a little bit? What the fuck is auditioning for a musical theater? I did it twice and I wanted to kill myself. It's hell. They give you like,

87 fucking packets of material. And you're like, haha, learn this in one day. And you're like, wait a second. I have to now, back in the day when we started, I had to hire a pianist, put it down on a stupid voice keyboard

Which is money, by the way. And time. Money and time. And like, you know, going to just hire a penis is like at least $100. And I'm like, cool, can you just play this for me and like plunk this out so I can learn it within four hours? I mean, it's crazy. They give you the stuff and then they want you to be as off book as possible. So it's like you're epically going in and failing.

so challenging so that's such a setup and then it's like you're like wow i'm really good for this part i remember being like oh wow this is really something that i'm dying to do and i'm really good for it and it's just written musically a little bit too high right because the person who did it in the workshop or the reading you know has a higher voice than you and there's this thing in musical theater that the higher you sing the better vocalist you are and i we have to stop that yeah and it makes me crazy because like well all these little like

Meow Mixie girls who are like screaming tits. They're like, she's the best voice in the world. I'm like, she sounds generic as hell. You sound basic. You sound like Sir Mix-a-Lot, Mighty Mouse. I don't want to hear that. Like, where's like, give me a Bernadette Peters. Give me like, give me a legit, give me Audra. Give me a...

Give me like Carol Channing. I don't know. Give me a fucking actor again. Like give me somebody who can act the fuck out of something and then be able to sing and then put it in their key. So that's why when I wrote Titanic, I said, I never want anybody in this business. I'm looking at you. Okay. To come in for me. If I ever read another musical again, I want you to, I want, I want them to feel as comfortable as possible because I never want that feeling of like, I am so right for this, but I just can't sing it. What key do you want it in? I'd be like,

hey, you're incredible. I want you. So what is going to be so comfortable for you eight shows a week? I want you to be able to sing that. I could cry. Literally, I was like, and people were like, I've never been in a room like this before. And I was like, I know I've been there and I've had like full on

crazy panic attacks after being like i you know i myself and i'll never get seen for this casting director again and they saw the worst of me because i was too high and i cracked and like then you just go through a spiral and then you hate your instrument and you're like no no you should love your instrument absolutely this is what you were like blessed with yeah so like i don't know i want to show you the actual true self of my of you know my voice and my talent so like

having a fucking key and changing it is not a big deal. No. I don't think so, honey. Wait a minute. That's like, round of applause. I mean, that was really important for everyone. I remember like,

Like Henry is so, and like these musical directors, they can do it. They can. You know what I mean? It's hard. But it's their ego too. They're like, no, it's going to sound better like that. And they just, then they fight you. And I'm like, hey, actually, to the naked ear, sorry, babe. Yeah. No one's going to know the difference. Yeah, no. If you lower this half a step, no one's going to know because in your voice, in your voice,

whatever key is going to be your climactic belt or like the climax of the song is going to sound unbelievable because it's in your rants. And it's in context of what the song has been. And it's in context of the song and it's in context of your talent and of your gift. It's like...

Hello. Yeah. No one knows if I'm hitting a fucking A or a D. Unless they're like those people with like perfect pitch that are like that want to tell you about it. I don't need to know. Yeah, I don't need to know. Can I say something? Yeah, I don't need to know. I don't need to know that you have perfect pitch. It's actually really culture number 17. I don't need to know that you have perfect pitch. That's great. And that's on period. And that's on period and culture.

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We should ask the question. Yeah. Constantine Rizzoli, what is the culture that made you say culture is for me? The formative culture that made you move in a positive direction? The formative culture. Okay. There can be many answers. There's many. Yeah. I just will always remember, I mean, clearly TRL. Oh! I saw Carson Dilley this morning and I'm so gagged. He just walks around today and I'm like, that's what he's doing now. And I'm like, that's Carson Dilley. I know. That was like, for me, I remember coming home, rushing home, getting off the bus. Yeah.

throwing my backpack on the counter being like, oh, here's a sandwich, ma. And then grabbing like a Diet Coke and sitting my fat ass on the couch with a bag of chips. You had a fat ass back then too? Oh, I was a fat kid growing up. Oh, really? Yeah, she was a husky mama. Husky mama. We shopped at the husky section. I love. So you drank a Diet Coke, ate chips, and like turned on TRL. Ate chips and turned on TRL. And then I'd be like, yes!

And I'd be like, learning choreo, putting in the VHS to be like, oh my God, oh my God, the video's going to play. And then my sister would come in and then she would annoy me and I'm like, shut up, the video's playing, it's Britney. You and Jake are besties. I mean, yeah, same person. That's sick. I love it. He's number one Britney fan. Of course. Like, I'm not going to take that. You can't even try. You can't even try. I mean, it's, she'll,

literally blow me up and throw poop at my face. Oh my God. Okay, so TRL. God, don't you miss that? A baboon. On the carousel. The carousel. TRL rocks. TRL was like,

That let me have it. Yeah. Truly let me have it. And it like shaped everything. I mean, I wanted, you know, highlights. And I went to the local CVS and like had this whole hair dyeing fiasco in my bathroom. Who was the person that inspired that the most? Was there like a, because there was JT doing his like frosted curls. I think it was, I think it was, it was Nick Backstreet Boys. Nick Carter. Nick Carter.

Wow. That was the first concert I ever saw. It was Backstreet Boys. It's a good one. Great one. But they let me have it. Yeah, they sing. They were fantastic. They sang down. Backstreet Boys. And choreo. And choreo. We'd have to explain something to... Because I guess there are younger listeners who don't understand the impact of Backstreet Boys. Oh, the boy bands. It was girl bands, boy bands. Yeah. You guys have no idea what it did to us. First email I ever sent...

from a computer in the business center of like some stranger's apartment building that we went to for like a family dinner in Canada.

was to the official Backstreet Boys fan site account. Like, hi, I want to say hi to Nick Carter. I love you. This is Bowen. And my first email I ever sent. You sent a little gay email? A little gay email to Nick Carter. He really was the one. He was the one. And then as you get older... Although Kevin. Kevin! Kevin can get it. Kevin, you can get it now. Howie, I met backstage at SNL 50. The sweetest guy. You know who I wanted to fuck bad? Who? AJ. Oh, he's...

bad boy AJ could get it with his little beanie and his goatee and his tattoos also the also that the vocals on AJ yeah he was the he was kind of the sound of that group it was not Nick it was not Nick Nick would float in with his little nasally tenor well it's like Justin Timberlake yeah it's the same thing JC has the voice JC

JC taught me everything I know. Same. Kevin was mysterious. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I need to correct it. It was not Howie that I met backstage. It was AJ. And AJ was so sweet. Yeah, AJ is a doll. AJ's a doll. But Kevin, I think... Kevin is hot. Kevin's gorge. Like, stunning. Stunning. Like, hasn't changed at all. Backstreet Boys, TRL. Backstreet Boys, TRL. Ricky Martin also. Ricky. Let me have it.

Did he do something to his face? Because she looks unbelievable. He looks amazing. I think he's just always been beautiful. No, I mean, he is the vibe. He was my vibe. Livin' La Vida, fuckin' loca. Fuckin' loca. Punched me in the clown so hard back in the day. And I could only go to Coconuts and or Sam Goody, if you remember that. Sam Goody. Where we had to, I don't know, go to a place to receive music, everybody. You know, Gen A. Yeah. Who...

You just get it on your phone. I had to wait and I would be pissed. I would go to every like CD store to like try and get this album when Ricky Martin came out. And it could be sold out. It was sold out. Just so you know. Yeah, you guys, you get it. With streaming now, it's like, oh, I can pre-save it. There's like leaks early. It's like,

No. No, you had to wait weeks. This was truly, I remember like needing desperately to get there on the day Oops, I Did It Again came out the album because I was like, it might not be there for a week. It's going to be gone. You had to wait in line. You had to drive to Borders and yeah, the CD wouldn't be there. You had to go to another, a Sam Goody, a fucking... Yeah. It was... Coconuts. Coke...

What's... Is that a Jersey thing? I think that's a Jersey thing. Or maybe it's Tri-State. Do you remember coconuts? I don't remember coconuts. What's coconuts? Same thing. It was a CD store. I love that. It was crazy. But yeah, I would be pissed. And the only thing that I...

my scroungy little hands got on was Ricky Martin's Live in La Vida Loca on cassette. So I had to then wait. Okay, then you guys, we got to wait. When the cassette ended, you had to rewind it. You had to rewind it. Flip it and reverse it. Having to flip it and reverse it. Wait. And then the other side was like the Spanish side. So I was like, okay, now I'm going to listen to this in Spanish. If you think I'm not off book on No Me Ames by Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, I have news for you. I'm kind of not.

But I was at one point. Guys, now that's comedy. That's called a reversal. No, it's everything. Also, my favorite Ricky Martin song is a ballad. Which one? She's all I ever had.

That one. Guys, vocals, it is 1255 and we are singing down. I'm not singing. Y'all are. But you could be. I could be. Yeah, I gotta lube up. But wait. She's all I ever had. That was everything. Titanic, a jukebox musical for Ricky. For Rick Stigley? Would you do a jukebox musical again or is that...

Yeah. No, but you would want to write your own. No, write your own. I mean, I'm not going to write my own music. We'll do the book. That's right. Yeah, we'll do the book for sure. I mean, yeah, MGM, Fox, everybody come to us. We have Guru. I mean, just hire us. Wait, can I ask a question? How can Titanic be on the West End but not Broadway? Good question. But I don't get it. Tell us. I don't know. I think here's the thing. You know, you...

There's different models. I would say there's different models for every show. You know, we were this random jukebox musical that came out right after pandemic. So I think our producer was, you know, trying to keep it small in the sense of like, let's build the brand and not go too hard too soon. You know, and then it started like really picking up speed and momentum. And I think we had an opportunity to,

in the height of it, like when Marlon and I were gonna leave, it was like June of 2023. I mean, it was like, I looked out in the audience and it was like, you guys again. And like, that's it. You guys again, again. And it was like, you know, Marco Robbie and Matt Bomer, who is the hottest person I've ever seen. He listens to the show. Hey, girl. Shout out. Matt, it's...

- I'm Connie from Titanic. We never met backstage 'cause you left and I was pissed, but you made me so nervous and nobody ever does. So I love you. - He's pretty beautiful. - Yeah, Gorge. And then it was like, you know, Lorne and then Lorne was there. - I know. - And RuPaul and just like all these people and you're like looking out in the audience, you're like, what the fuck?

fuck is happening? Like this was, we never expected any of that to happen. So you're sitting there and you're just like, okay, maybe this is going to transfer and this is going to go to Broadway and

i just you know i don't know what happened you know there's never a it could possibly happen again i think we were we were fighting the parody of it all you know people especially in the business are like oh snooty this is broadway we don't do parodies when i'm like i know it's but it's a new comedy and clearly the world loves it and we just won an olivier which is like the tonys of london yeah and for you know it's bringing theater back and i'm like can we just like have fun again

And just laugh. And we don't have to always learn lessons when we go to the theater. Sure, sure. And it doesn't have to be this like highbrow crazy story about mental illness and pills. My cycle for a macula just didn't die.

Yeah, exactly. So it's, I mean... That was my Alice Ripley. Lauren. Really good. Lauren. Hello. Hello. Really pertinent now. So I just think there's room for everything. There's room for everything on Broadway. And I wish sometimes the...

the big wigs of Broadway didn't like look down to a comedy that is just like, oh, this is a dumb comedy. Meanwhile, like... Meanwhile, comedy's harder than dramas, you guys. 100%. Meanwhile, O'Mary is like a Pulitzer Prize finalist. I mean, look at... I mean, example. Cole, I am so... It's beyond amazing. Inspired by them. It...

That was one of the craziest things and most incredible things I've ever seen in my entire life. That whole cast, everything. So it's like, yes, cool, fun, crazy, weird, new work is allowed. We're allowed to play. And clearly it's working. The people want it. So yeah, I don't know. Hopefully maybe we will one day get there. But I think right now it was just we kept it as an off-Broadway show. And I think it just sat there.

And I think we were building the brand and it just was like our little baby that just is waiting in the wings. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like it's like there's something about it that felt like,

You got to, especially when it is a cool underground theater. It was a cool underground thing. Yeah. Like if you saw it, it will always be a unicorn. Yeah. Like it was a magical unicorn. Like the, like whatever, like this is the, what Catherine O'Hara says about movies. It's like a great movie is great forever. Like a great show like that is literally great forever. And you are, it is literally around the world. Thank you. You should be so proud. That's so beautiful. Like to have an extension of you. Like I always, this is the stupidest, dumbest,

comparison that I'm going to make. And look, I'm looking in the camera. I know how dumb I am. Okay. I know. I don't need you to tell me that this podcast is popular because I have people telling me how dumb I am. I know that I'm for years. What I'm going to say is it's like when you book a pre-show at a theme park.

And you perform hundreds of times a day and you don't even know it. Like Titanic is every night around the world. Sometimes twice a day. It's making people happy. You are like writing and performing all the time without even doing that. And that is such a beautiful thing about art and theme parks. Thank you. Honestly, that is the best compliment ever. I am.

So like I was watching, I went to Universal when we were there. I was there the day before with my sister and they have the Bourne Stuntacular, which is yes, a Jason Bourne stunt show. And Julia Stiles does the pre-show serving jacket. And Julia Stiles serves this pre-show so hard. Yeah. And I'm like, she has to know, Julia, you have to know you're giving it to the girls.

Every 20 minutes. Dozens of times a day, every 20 minutes. You're up there giving the jacket of a lifetime. Work. My favorite part of it, and then we don't talk about this anymore, is she's dead in the movie series. Like, spoiler alert, like, Julia Stiles is fully dead. She gets blown up and, like, literally lays in the street like this. Uh-oh. And then in the pre-show, she goes, Jason believes I'm dead. And they show her death, like...

And I'm like, because you are. Canonically, she's alive, though. I guess now. So if you were a huge fan of the Julia Stiles character in the Bourne movies, she's alive. Wow. She's alive and well. She lived. Also, Bring Back Save the Last Dance. Can I tell you something? Yes. I think that might be our next musical.

Why not? Okay, you're coming up with that idea right now? I'm coming up with that idea right now. Because you know what they're literally doing? 10 Things I Hate About You. I know. Also, you know what else is going to be good and I'm going to throw it out there? Center Stage. Full parody of Center Stage. Really good. That's niche. It's a niche market, everybody. Go watch it. Go watch it. Niche is over. It doesn't matter. It's everything. It's everything. Yeah, it's everything. It was... That shaped me back in the day too. Talk about culture. Okay, so let's go back to this. TRL, Center Stage. Center Stage.

Is it always Saldana's sort of entrance into the mainstream? The mainstream. Didn't we put it on on Fire Island one year? We just had it playing in the background where we were making music. And Donna Murphy, come on. I was just talking about this with Christopher Wheldon, who is a very good friend, who's our girl from MJ. You know, ballet dancer to the stars. Come on now. And we were chatting about it, and he was just like, yeah, he worked on that movie. So he told me all the tea.

Which we'll talk about after. Honestly. Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. Wow. Unbelievable. So we saw Danya's beginning of her career was literally center stage and then crossroads. And then crossroads. Wasn't she pregnant in it? In crossroads? Was she? Was she the pregnant one or was that Taryn Manning? Taryn. Taryn.

Think about that trio. Kim Cattrall. Oh, my God. Karen Manning, Britney Spears, and Zoe Saldana. And Kim Cattrall as the mom. That's Britney's mom. I mean, that is crazy. Amazing. I need the world history now. And then Coyote Ugly. This is like the year of movies. Oh, my God. Coyote Ugly is something I watch whenever it's on. It also has one of the hottest sex scenes ever if you watch the extended version. Okay, wait. Do you remember that? My favorite scene. What? What's your favorite scene from Coyote Ugly? I'm about to blow your damn mind. Is it...

Wow. I don't know. What is it? Nope. Mine is the sex scene. No, I'm asking you what yours is. Oh, no. Mine is the sex scene. The sex scene period. It's like, his name is Adam Garcia. He was also a Fiero. He was in London. Yes. This guy is, he is the hottest guy ever. Look him up right now. Beautiful hair. He was beautiful, like dark, like black hair. Honestly, kind of looks like Matt Bomer. Yes. But like a little bit more like. No, he had curly, like those, didn't he have like the curly locks? I almost used the word supple. Right.

Stuffle? Locks? Yeah, this one. I've seen him. Everything. Show the camera. Let me see. Show the camera. Like, get into it. Hold on, hold on. I gotta zoom in. Okay, yeah, and there was a whole scene where he did the striptease. This is the best scene. Body. Yes. Yes. What's the best scene? My favorite scene, do you remember? Wait, do you have a favorite scene? I've never seen it. Okay, Bowen, we're literally gonna go. Sorry, Tyra. We're gonna jack off. Yeah, go home now. Sorry, Tyra. Sorry, Tyra.

Do you remember when she goes and brings her cassette tape to the label? Yes, I do. And it's that fierce black woman who's sitting there and she's like on her phone and then she gives her thing. She goes, hey, I'm so sorry. Can I leave this for you? And she was like, honey, let me tell you something. My daughter tells me that she's a bisexual and that she hates me more than anybody else in the whole motherfucking world. Now let me tell you, how can I make your dreams come true? Because I am Zion to know. Monologue for the stars. Oh!

Oh my God. Best part of the whole movie. TikTok. Let me have it. I need to find her. My best, my sexual daughter. She is unbelievable. Tells me she hates me more than anyone else in the world. Yeah.

Now tell me how I can make your dreams come true because I am dying to know. Where is the Oscar for that? It was the best monologue I have ever seen in a movie. That's like one of those like doubt style like actress pops in. She needed an Oscar nomination. She needed an Oscar nom. It was my... I mean, I still remember it. That was what? Like 25 years ago? Something's just living in your bones. From that era though. From this era that we're specifically talking about. Like Oscar...

Our brains being like truly spongy in a way where it's like now I can put on movies from that time or movies that I was watching at that time, like Grease. Off book. Off book. Off book on Clueless, off book on like Bring It On. Oh my God. You can quote anything from Bring It On. Truly. Anything.

We met Big Red. I know we've said it before. I'm still... We did meet Big Red. We literally... Big Red... Who's also on TV, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes, she was. Yep, that's right. Lindsay. She came up and she... We were at Coachella. We were leaving, I think, Charlie XCX. And she came up. This year. This woman comes up and she's so kind. And she goes, oh my God, I just want to say, I listened to your podcast with my daughter. She's right over here. And the daughter's so cute and waves. And then we're like, oh my God, thank you so much. And then she goes...

She goes, I played Big Red and then we bring it on. And we both... Does she look the same? What does she look like? She looks the same. So you're like, girl, we know it's you. No, no, no. In fact, I think it was a little dark or whatever, but I'm so happy she said that. Yes, me too. Because the second she did, I literally like... You were like, I sizzle. I scorch. And now I pass the torch. The ballots are in. And one girl has to win. She's perky. She's fun. And now she's number one. Torrance. Torrance. The whole thing...

We've done it on this podcast before in these very chairs. We are gay as hell. As hell. I love it. She was so nice. And then I had this like lovely DM exchange with her after what I really, because I didn't realize in the moment that she was also on Sabrina, which I watched. Religiously. Oh yeah. I wore that show out. Harvey. And then bring it on. My first like fantasy boyfriend. You kind of favor Harvey. Yeah.

- Okay. - You're a Harvey type. - Where's Harvey? - Where is Harvey? - Oh, he's the most handsome boy. - You there, Harv? - Well, you know what happened to General Lee Green?

Nessa. Nessa Rose. Also, she was, I think, she understudied Elphaba. Yes, she did. We were very good friends in LA. Love Jenna Lee Green. She is a talent. Like her, Libby. Libby. But do you remember when she was in, what was that? Oh my God, I'm having a blank. Off-Broadway show with John Hill and Michael Arden. Oh. And Natalie Joy Johnson. And,

Oh my God. This is a great group. I would see that show today. It was about like the two gay boys in Catholic high school and they fall in love. Oh my God. What is it called? I don't remember it either. Gay boys in Catholic high school and fall in love. I like that as a title. Wicked. Wicked. I like that as a title. What is this feeling? I can't remember what the name. Sudden and gay. Anyway, but Jenna was in it. She was leading that. Vocals down. Yeah, vocals down. I will sometimes watch like a...

I'm sure I'm with the right people to share this with. I love it. Alphabet. Just a compilation of Wicked Witch of the East, which I think is the best. Shoshana. Sorry, Shoshana is the best, Sean. Period. That's my girl. I will say, Jenna Lee Green gives you a big full belt run for her money. Oh, she does. Jenna's incredible. Don't.

I love it. It's the best. Why isn't it on the album? That's why I don't think so, honey. Slime Tutorial is of Wicked Witch of the East. That is an explored territory that I have not seen. Wait, what is? Slime Tutorial? That's unexplored territory. Oh, yes. Does that count as a slime tutorial? Yeah. What's slime tutorial? It's like bootleg cuts of things. It's like Christmas haunting you. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. I might be misusing the term.

I like it, though. I like it, though. Let's use it. Let's use it. Speaking of slime, this was Nickelodeon culture. This was also around that time. TRL Nickelodeon. This was 1999, 2000. Yeah, yeah. This was the millennium. Yeah, this was the time. What was Sabrina on? Sabrina was on Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon. Or was it Disney? No, no, no. Was it ABC? Was it part of TGIF? It was TGIF. Yeah, it was. TGIF went so hard. Oh, I know. I couldn't wait.

Because what were we going to do on a Friday? Let's go to our friend's house. No. No way. Not me. No. I would get on the bus on Friday and my mom, who had just walked me to the bus, I would look out the window because I was, this is a weird thing, I was really afraid of the bus. Really? I used to have anxiety attacks about getting on the bus and not having anyone to sit with. So I would get on the bus through middle school and high school. Not through high school, through elementary school and middle school. This was the thing. So I'd get on the bus and look out the window, like terrified, like me, like dying, shaking. And my mom would go,

to remind me that it was coming on later. I need to hug her. I love her. It would make me feel so much better because I knew that if I just could get through school, I could watch TGIF. Oh, I love that. Boy Meets World. Boy Meets World. Topanga. Topanga. That hair, those tits. Gorgeous. Can you imagine a woman named Topanga? Yeah, literally like, get out of here. Get out.

I love that. I love Topanga. Yeah, Topanga. Like, who thought that was a good idea? Obviously someone genius. Topanga Canyon. Topanga Canyon. I'm sure they lived in Topanga. Do you think she was named after the canyon in which she was born? Where else are they pulling that from? Yeah, where are you pulling that from? Because Topanga was a slut, okay? Topanga. From the canyon. No, Corey and Topanga, that was, they were the first power couple. They really were. And then Dawson's Creek came after. Yeah.

Oh my God. All of it. And then Buffy and Charmed. Were you a Buffy gay? Oh my God. Was I a Buffy gay? So when Sarah Michelle Gellar came to see the show, were you dead? Oh my God. I'm so, I was so dead. I mean, and Sarah came like three times. Oh really? That's so nice. Yeah. Sarah, Selma, Reese. Did Brian come?

Yes, Ryan came in. He was the best. Oh, of course. He was so... He was really nice. The most lovely person. He came up to me after and he was like, way to keep the Valmont name alive, man. And I was like, I'm going to make out with you now. I'm literally obsessed. Oh my God. He's so wonderful. Sarah is so wonderful. I only hear the best things about Sarah Michelle. Sarah Michelle Gellar also looks exactly the same. She's having like...

She's having a renaissance. Yeah, she's the best. I love her so much. You know what I would like to see? I know they're doing a new season of Buffy. I would like to see SMG in the new season of White Lotus. I feel like Sarah Michelle Gellar... She will let you have it. ...would tear up some... Absolutely. Because people forget...

how dramatically good she is. Yeah. Oh. I feel like people don't remember that she was giving you versatility. I'm sorry. Cruel Intentions, she was like, what, 21? Iconic. The best performance I have still to this day. One of the best performances I've ever seen on film. All three of them. Honestly, all of them. When they find her coke vial at the end and just a single tear comes down her face because she knows that they fucked her up. Yeah.

Is there a new season of Buffy or a new... I think it's a new... I think they're rebooting it as a show, right? I thought it was I Know What You Did Last Summer. Same thing. I still know what you did last summer. Do you remember the thrillers? Like when we were... I know. Like those scary movies and Scream. Yes. Jen Kate and Robinson. Jen Kate and Robinson. Did I still know either? She Did Someone Great, et cetera. Those were... Guys, we lived in great times. We did. We didn't know how good we had. Napster. God, remember Kazaa?

Kazaa, LimeWire. Did you ever have Rhapsody? Of course I had all of them. I would, they would all go, I would, I would completely fuck up my mother's computer every five minutes. We'd have to take it to Toshiba and she'd be like, you crashed the computer again, Khan. And I was like, sorry girl, I had to download that song that took four

It took 48 hours. Wow. Are you deeply connected to your Greek roots? 1000%. Yes. I am the Greekest person ever. Yeah. Because I don't have like Greek culture in my life, but I feel like you do. Here you go. I'm right in front of you. There you are. She is. I am the epitome of my big fat Greek wedding. Yeah. There are columns. You're Joey Fatone. I am Joey Fatone. No, I'm Nia Vidalos. You're Nia. Oh. There are columns in front of my house. Yes. I love it. Greek columns. Yeah. Yeah.

There was plastic on the furniture my entire fucking life. Love it. In that room that nobody can go in. Plastic on the remote? No. No, but that's crazy. Sorry. That's an Asian thing maybe. Cool, cool, cool. Why? Because germs? Because germs. Germs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's more germs on the plastic. I'll keep going. No, we would, we still to this day, there's a baby lamb for Easter that's on a spit roasted outside of my fucking house in the backyard. Beautiful. And people are like, what is that smell? And I'm like, it's just a

The baby lamb. The baby lamb. And my mom's just like making stew from like the insides of the lamb. And I'm like, girl, are you okay? Like, what is happening? We are this Greek. I mean, it's sick. My sister lives behind my parents' house. That's beautiful. Because that's amazing. And also...

Wait, what's her name? What's her name? Renee. Renee. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Okay. And also, I cut you off. What? Oh, no. Also, just that. I'm so Greek. Like, I went to Greek school every... Were you Greek Orthodox? Greek Orthodox. Me too. Holler. So, I only... It was the first eight years of my life. I've told you this. We were Greek Orthodox. Yes. And we moved to a different town. And we switched to Roman Catholicism because my dad goes, it's basically the same. Ha!

And it was, the Greek Orthodox, it's all in Greek. It's all in Greek. So I couldn't understand it. And it's three hours long. You want to go to church for three hours every Sunday? I don't think so, honey. That was crazy. Crazy. I would have to sit there and be like, dozing off. And my mom's like, pay attention. I'm like, to what? I can't even understand this. I remember like, because it was all in Greek, I didn't understand it. And then we, they were like, basically the same. We became Roman Catholic. And then I could hear what they were saying. And I'm like, oh, fuck this. Well. This sucks. This sucks.

Well, because also like there's something beautiful about going to a Greek church. It's like stunning, like Byzantine art, like things and art. I live next to one. I mean, it's stunning. It's beautiful. That's the church next to me. Oh, that's a Greek Orthodox church. Yeah. Speaking of when you transferred to Catholicism, my parents, when we were going to high school, we had no high school in our town. You would have to like go private or go somewhere else.

And so they were like, we're going to put you in Catholic school. And I was like, wait, what? I was like, but I'm not Catholic. They're like, same thing. Same thing. So then me, like having to go to mass...

whatever, Friday. And then I was like, okay. And then I got bamboozled into singing in the choir. So then everybody called me the gay singing kid. They're like, hey, gay singing kid, great job on Our God is an Awesome God. And I'm like, cool, don't even know that song. And I'm sitting here like singing like McDonald's fucking songs. That's what it felt like because I was like, I grew up in the Greek church which was like all like Byzantine, ancient Greek like hymns. The best one? What is it? Did you ever sing Hosanna in the highest? Of course. Hosanna!

It's actually kind of cunty. Blessed is he who comes from the name of the Lord. No, it's actually, they need to put it in a pop song. I think Lorde should do it. Lorde should do it. Honestly, with a mashup with Charli X. It should be on their album, Virgin. Yes, absolutely. Did you ever remember Sweet Redeemer? That song was a banger. Give it to us.

I don't know. Sweet redeemer, I surrender all I am to you. Yeah. It was wild. And then I used to get in trouble by the priest because my mentor in high school, two guys, Frank and Ed, who I fucking love still to this day, they would always make me just go off American Idol style. And I was like, okay. And then the priest would be like,

listen, son, this is an American idol. Stop singing like that. This is church. And I was like, okay. I was like, I'm

I'm not even Catholic. Because did you end up wearing an extended belt? Oh, I used to hold, I would hold things out. People would be like, yo, gay singing kid, that was so fierce today. Yeah. And I'm like, thanks, man. That was so fierce today. And I was like, well, I'm actually not gay. And they're like, ha ha, sure. But yeah, I would just like go off at mass because I was like, I'm not Catholic. What is this? This is like fun, crazy music. We're all just goofing off here. We're goofing off, yeah, at church. But don't you love that you have this sort of pop star narrative of,

He got to start singing in the church choir. I sure did.

I mean, I sang in the church choir in Greek church too. So like, but that was like, you know, hymns and shit. So that was wild. Speaking of all these movies that remember every line, remember Sister Act 2 where there's that iconic scene. That's the best movie in the world. Iconic scene where Lauryn Hill and her friend are singing. I sing because I'm happy. And I sing because I'm happy. So then at the end, they're singing and the one girl goes to, Lauryn Hill goes to the one girl, girl, you could really make it. And she goes, mm-mm.

This is for church. Or when she was like, she was like, or you clearly know that she has a better voice than Lauryn Hill. Sorry. She literally was like, girl, I just can't. I can't get that. You have it. I can't get that low note. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. This is for church. Yeah, you could really make it. You could really make it. That movie is so special. Rita Marie Watkins, get your behind upstairs.

Get your nose out of the books and your head in the clouds. Aren't they making the third one? What's the boomerang? Okay, so we need to sit Whoopi down in that chair, actually. Yeah, Whoopi needs to get here now. First of all, why hasn't that happened? You guys need to get that immediately. I bet we can. You will. In fact, I know we can. By the way, Whoopi tore up the Met Gala. Yeah, she looked amazing. Did you see that? Can we talk about the fashions? Yes, let's talk about the fashions. Let's talk about the fashions because, you know, it's current. Highlights. Highlights. Who let me have it? Teyana Pratt.

Tiana. Yes. Tiana Taylor. Tiana Taylor. It was more and more in the best way. Janelle Monáe, everything. Everything, always. Period, always. Bad Bunny. Looking like the scarecrow from The Wiz, and I was so here for it. Yeah, absolutely. With a Michael Jackson glove, I was like, bitch, go off. What did you feel about Zendaya and Anasai being in the same look?

Was it the same? It was the exact same. I don't know if the designer was the same. I thought it was different takes on this. I mean, you look at it side by side. I will...

She can wear anything. I mean, Zendaya is the most stunning human in the world. But it reminded me of like, you know, old Celine. Was that a granny look? The behind with the backwards suit. Oh my God. Which was iconic, but I'm like, okay, we've seen it. Let's maybe do something else. Sure, sure, sure. Rihanna announcing baby number three. Rihanna, baby number three. Fully pregnant. I'm obsessed with zero fucks. I said R9, more like R3. Rihanna.

Rihanna third birth. Also, is that album actually going to happen? I don't think so. I hate that. I hate that. I hate hearing that. Terrible. I just don't. What the streets are saying is that she really just likes to smoke weed and watch Housewives and do the fashion thing. That's what the streets are saying. Honestly, who among us? I mean, we're here for that, but also I just need one more. Just give me one more. Of course. One more. But to Anna and Ty is pretty cool.

Here's the thing. I don't think it's that she doesn't want to. I just think she feels she set a really high fucking bar with anti. I also think she genuinely enjoys these other aspects of her life. And if it's coming, it is on her time, which is, as we know, late. Yeah. Yeah. The way she rolled up. She made everyone on that carpet wait 45 minutes after the last person to take her fucking picture.

Unreal. Good. Good. Unreal. Do we like Dua Lipa's look? Yes. I did like Dua Lipa's look. I liked Coleman, obviously. Coleman can do no wrong. Amazing. Coleman can do no wrong. Also, shout out Hunter Schaefer. Yes. Crushed. Oh my God. But always. Always. Just perfection. And who else?

Lorde looked amazing too. Lorde looks amazing. And Lorde is like really, I think making like an announcement about their gender. Yes. I feel like it's saying they feel like a man and a woman. And a woman. But not like dropping the pronouns just yet. Right. Yeah. I love the new song. It's great. It grew on me. It's great. The first time I heard it, I was like, oh, come on. And then like the second or third time I heard it, I was like, what was that?

I love it. Miss it. I miss that crazy voice. Me too. I miss that crazy voice. I saw Charlie again at Barclays. Was it amazing? Yes. Full rain on stage. I was dead. I think it's my third time in a month seeing her because both times at Coachella. And then Barclays. Now this. And I saw Sweat.

When the girl so confusing Lord verse comes on it's like Hosanna in the highest It's sweet Redeemer Wow By the time she gets to say we have the same hair by the time that part is going you're just like you're jumping Oh, yeah, you're a full cardiac arrest. Yes. It's it's good and guess I

Let me tell you something about Guess. And I told you this. Guess, people thought, and this is no disrespect to Rain On Me by Ariana Grande and Lady Gaga. That is a classic. People thought that that was like the female duet of our time to rival Enough Is Enough, No More Tears, Donna Summer, Barbra Streisand. It's Guess. Guess is so...

Big statement. Yeah. There's room for everything. I'm just saying the feeling that you get during guests. Yeah. There's nothing like that. Also, I don't know if I told you this. Maybe I've told you this before. On my, you know, world traveling extravaganzas, we went to the boiler room set in Ibiza. Oh my God. I was there with Armanas. With Armanas? With Armanas. We were there. Armanas saw Charlie XCX boiler room set? We were there.

I lost my mind. Of course you did. I bet you guys were rolling tits. I was so high. Yeah. It was crazy. I made out with some gorgeous hot man from Ibiza. And I was like, cool, I'll never see you again. But also, let's make out. I'd love to do that all around the world. Oh, same. Just grab a man. Come over here. Get over here. Yeah, it was wild. Wow. Crazy. That's like a historic moment. It's a historic moment. People are like, I still listen to that. And I'm like, I was there. We're there. Oh.

I can't believe it. I still can't believe it. Thanks. I mean, that was all Gus. Gus made it happen. Yeah. Thank God to our girl. Our baby girl, baby bride. Baby bride? Baby bride. No, he's not married. It's like breaking news. Breaking news. She's married. Breaking gay news on a gay podcast. Yes. Gus Kenworthy, a baby bride.

We would slay the news. Yeah, you're slaying the transitions into the news. You know what they did tell me on today? They were like, you're so good at transitions. And I was like, it's because we're used to doing it. We're used to doing it. They didn't tell me that. Well, that's because they felt they don't need to. Because you know it all. You hear it all the time. I was. I did slay. Are you doing Prompto Wars, by the way? I asked to do Prompto Wars, and I don't think we're doing it. Because Tina just did it.

But I'm going to ask again. You need to do it. I need to see you be prompter worse. I want to do it. The teleprompter is so... They do tongue twisters on the teleprompter and they go really, really fast. It's like a battle with Jenna and whoever else. Well, my dyslexia would really kick in hard. All good. You know what, though? Who's to say that's not what's on the board? So what? Who cares? Have fun. Let them. Let them. Let them. Ah! Ah!

- BFGW, Big Fat Greek Wedding. - Wedding. - BFGW. - One of the great movies. - One of the great problems. - Still, I think a comedy breakthrough moment for me was Andrew Martin talking about her, the lump on her neck. - Yes. - That is one of the funniest things in movie history. - There was a spinal cord and teeth. - I got a... - B-bopsy. - B-bopsy. - B-bopsy. - B-bopsy. - B-bopsy. - Inside the lump was my twin. - Was what? - Full set of teeth and hair. - Yeah.

What's my twin? I'm like, this is great. Andrew Martin is so forever. It's not even funny. I love that movie. It's so good. It's good every single time. I remember I went with my Greek grandmother. Who's Greek? Your mom's side or dad's side? So this is the controversy. Oh, yeah. No one knows. No, no, no. But have you heard this? So I live my entire life thinking like,

almost 50% Greek. Like that's kind of what the vibe is. Like my mother's side of the family, like there's a lot of Greek there. In fact, we had even seen the movie and my nana who's now passed, she was like, this is my culture. I'm so happy they made a movie about this and it was just a huge success, like et cetera. So then I think like two years ago, I do the 23andMe. Spit in the tube, send it in, comes back. 0.0% Greek. Almost 40% Turkish. What is it?

But it's giving medicine. It's giving right next door. It's giving right next door. It's giving, let's just call it a culture clash. Grandma grew up in Greece. And my mother's maiden name is Claritas. Yeah. So it's like, they're Greek. Santa Claritas. Very that. Right? Yeah.

But the Drew Barrymore hit show. Love you, Drew. We do. I do love you, Drew. We do. But yeah, no, that was, so that was like, I was kind of like, thank God that she passed before. She would have had a heart attack. I don't think she would have loved the news. Wouldn't have loved it. No. She is Greek. You are Greek though. Like that, you come from Greece. Yeah. I mean, it's, you're there. It's fine. But then, so then I looked at a picture of like a Turkish person. I like Googled like Turkish man. Yeah.

And everything that came up was like, it was kind of like, I got it. I was like, yeah, I think I am. You see it. A little bit. You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's so, they're so close. It is what it is. Like my father's village where he grew up is like this tiny little place called Kasturia, which is right next to, you know, Albania and Turkey and everything. So it's like,

Do you speak it? Yeah. Oh, fluently. Love. LOL. Oh my God. Yeah, that was the best part. Stan. Great part now knowing that you're like, okay, cool. We're past like Greek school and like the shit that I had to go through my whole life. Every Sunday? No, no, no. Every Tuesday and Thursday for three hours after American school. No. Yeah. Talk about then having to study for American school, do your homework and then do Greek homework. You can't watch CRL. You can't watch CRL. I had to tape it.

You had to tape it. Tape it. Oh, we had to press record on a VCR for that. Anyway. No, manually I had to press it. You had to press, oh, wow. DHS. I actually, us talking about this makes me realize I do know my, I don't think so, honey. Great. Okay, good. I think it's time.

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PayPal debit card terms and limits apply. This card is issued by the Bancorp Bank and a pursuant to a license by MasterCard International Inc. Full terms at paypal.com forward slash rewards pal. We love LA. What do you love about Los Angeles? How about the food and drink options? Los Angeles chefs and mixologists draw inspiration from their varied cultural backgrounds and the city's diverse neighborhoods, making for exciting food scene.

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Pay your way with Klarna. Choose Klarna at checkout or go to Klarna.com to learn more and join the smart squad. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license. NMLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms, and conditions apply. I think it's time for I Don't Think So, Honey. And this is going to be a throwback. It actually is applicable to all times. By the way, I Don't Think So, Honey is our 60-second segment where we take a minute

to rants, rail, and more against something in culture that deserves it. And I have that thing. Okay. This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So, Honey, and his time starts now. I Don't Think So, Honey, people who fast forward and cannot start it on time, and when it comes back from commercial, you've had years now to understand the timing on this. And it happened back in the day. And it's years and years and years, because I'm saying it's not just the DVR. It's also...

rewind culture from VCR culture. You know, you hit the button to resume a little before

I hate going back, going forth, going back, going forth. I hate it. You know when it's over. I guess you wouldn't know because you have to guess. But like, develop your instincts. Develop your internal clock. And then like, just get it right. Like, I hate this about fast forwarding through things. I would rather watch a commercial. Sorry.

I don't think so, honey. That's one minute. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. What are the lotions of the world doing to help us in any... Like, why can't we have lotions that just work? I'm putting hand cream on and I still have cracked palms. I'm putting lip balm on. I still have cracked lips. So cracked. There's nothing... There's...

My body is a sponge and there's nothing in the world that can actually hydrate me to its fullest potential. I think this is something that is accelerating my age. I think this is something that I can't stay on top of and that it will eventually...

It will show in my hands. There are people out there, you know the stars out there who are aging from their hands first. And I think I will be one of those people. He'll be one of those stars. You know who I'm talking about. You know who I'm talking about. Don't you know who I'm talking about? Not really. Aging from their hands first? Marlon.

Marla Mandel. Five seconds. That's actually great company. If I get any closer to being like Marla Mandel, then you know what? You never help me anyway.

Am I the only person who's like, what's the point? First of all, let me see your gorgeous soft hands. Are you fucking kidding me? Look at this. Look at how beautiful his hands are. Mine are fucking decrepit. I have little baby hands like T-Rex hands. Look how small these hands are. Smaller hands than you. You're cheating. My hands are smaller than I was. Do I have the biggest hands here? You have huge hands. That means you got a big dude. He goes, you have huge hands.

What does that mean? Big penis. Big show us. Penis and toes. That's what they say about the Greeks. Yes. Show it now. You know what I mean? Like, what's the point?

I'm saying what's, I just, I put on lotion today. I'm still dry. Yeah. Talking about. Look at that. Bowen, no. You have a gorgeous. Bowen, no. You're luminous. I just, I can't. I don't know what humidity means in terms of like how it affects my body at this point. I feel like I do think sometimes like with hand cream and stuff, it's like, I wonder if it's a little bit of like,

Once you start using it, you need it more. And that to me makes it feel like a scam. Like sometimes I've been using skincare. It's like shitty lip balm. It's like shitty lip balm. People will compliment me on my skin and I'll be like, oh, I haven't used anything in weeks and months. And then I'll like break out or I'll have skin purging because I've been using like the best products. I don't do anything but put my face under hot water. Are you serious? Is that true? Hot water? Yeah. No, but.

I don't do anything but burn off my face. Burn off my face. No, I've... Cold water. No, in the shower. I literally have... I mean, I have like a washer. You have beautiful skin. Well, because we're Greek, we have oily skin. Yeah. Olive skin tones. Yeah.

Do you tan like a motherfucker? Like a motherfucker. I do too. That's nice. But I can get pasty as hell during the winter. Everyone's like, you okay? You sick? The answer is no. And I'm like, yes, I am. I have like gangrenous face like October through December. Yeah, green. Yeah. That's good. No, that's not. But yeah, but then like I get, you know, go in that sun and boom. But then what? Because if you go in the sun too much, that's when...

Yeah, but that's when we're going to get the Lindsay Lohan. I know. I can't wait. We have to find out all this information. So if anybody has information about this. Who do we have to fuck to get the Lindsay Lohan face? Jesus Christ. I'm getting up there and I want to be revealed. If you out there know who we have to fuck to get the Lindsay Lohan face, dial in 1-866-

6666. Idols03. Connie, I don't think you... Idols03. I think you get into the daddy identity. Okay, we're going to get there. You, I think, out of anybody that I know, have had the best twink death to daddyhood. Honestly, I'll take it. Do you remember your twink death? Yeah. It was... It's like a little trauma. Yeah. I do. People are posting their twink death photos. The twink death was... I got to do that. I want to say...

When was that? Like right... There's a picture of a hairspray on Broadway after we closed and then I did Legally Blonde and then something happened. I moved to LA and the twink death was really hard. It was beautiful. And I was like, bye girl. But like...

It was wild. The twink death is the return to Saturn. Yeah. It's real culture number 17. Yes. The twink death is the return to Saturn. They coincide. Because I remember mine was also when I moved to LA, 27, 28. I got to LA and was trying to like do that thing, that twinkie thing of like, I tuck my ringer t-shirt into my jeans. And all of a sudden it was like, oh, that's not looking like it used to. Like, and then you're like, it's because you're not a twink anymore. Yeah.

It's okay. It's okay. We all have to, like a fine wine. Yeah. Like a fine wine. Fine wine. All right. So listen, speaking of fine wine, we're about to have a fine, I don't think so, Eddie, from Connie. Oh my God, I'm nervous. Don't be. Don't be. Go off this. You're made for this. I am made for this. Have you ever done this? Have you done a lot? We didn't know you back when we did live shows. No.

No, but this would have been one for the books. Okay. Live. Yeah. No, that was honestly, maybe we should bring it back. Like a special big thing. I think it'd be very fun. Maybe that's our radio city show.

Oh, yeah. You guys, 1,000%. We don't have it booked anymore. Okay, so you want to know the tea? We had Radio City Music Hall booked for the Culture Awards, but because we're doing it on Peacock, it's just like too expensive and insane. Too many cooks in the kitchen. So we're doing it in LA at the Orpheum, but we literally had a date for it. It would have been next month. We were doing it at Radio City Music Hall, and now I'm thinking, let's do, I don't think so, honey. At Radio City. With 50 people. I would love that. Oh my God. And they can all fit on stage.

Oh my God. They can all fit on stage. That stage is huge. It's a humongous stage. And also, it's Radio City. It's the most iconic place in the world. Well, you know, Giggly Squad sold it out twice. And I'm like, okay, so it's possible for two girls that have a podcast to do that. That's true. We're almost that. Yeah. You guys are two fantastic girls. Hey, thanks.

Wait a minute. We have one fantastic girl before us. He's about to do it. One fantastic girl stands before me. I only have one phone in my hands. We have Ma from Hermanos. We have Octavia Spencer. You have Octavia Spencer in Ma. The best film of all time. Best film of all time. Great Fire Island movie. Honestly, put it on. I'm going to put it on. Put it on this summer. I'm going to put it on. When are you going? I don't know. We have to figure it out in August.

Should we all go together? So August. Anybody want to give us a house? Do we have something for August? We have. We gave it up because we're going to P-Town for a carnival. Wait, we gave it up? Because it's the same week as P-Town. What about July? Maybe I'll go to P-Town. I have to decide. Let's just. We'll talk off air. We need to. Yeah. We'll talk off air. We have to be there together. We have to. It's a must. That would be so fun. It'd be very fun.

This is... Oh my God. I don't think so, honey. I can't wait for that. Oh Jesus. This is Constantine Rizzulli's I Don't Think So Honey's Time Starts Now. Okay, you know what? I don't think so, honey. Being private on Instagram. Yeah. We're going to talk about this right now because if I see you DM me and then I click on your fucking picture and that tiny little fucking picture and there's nothing to go to and you have 800 followers. What are you, a Quaker? You can't...

You can't just be out in public. Then why are you on Instagram? I need you to share your life. Share everything. Sorry, I'm keeping it for my close friends and family. What? The 200 people that you know? Why don't you fucking text them? I want to scan your pictures. I want to creep on you. I want to see exactly who you are. I want to hear your voice. I want to get the fucking tea. Because if we're going to bone, I want to see if you're man enough. Yes! He wasn't man enough!

for me. Also, best song ever, Meow Mix. Meow Mix, I don't know the best song in the world. 15 seconds, but like seriously, and then I click on another picture and then it's like this gorgeous group of people and you fucking private and we're never going to meet because you're never going to see my DM or the message. So it's,

A lost cause. Okay? So you can choke, get that shit off private, and fucking DM me. Thank you so much. And that's one minute. You're so right. Yeah. Right? I don't know how people expect something to get going when it's like, all I can do is click your little profile picture. And it doesn't even, also, when it's private, another I don't think so, it doesn't expand. No. It doesn't expand. You don't see the...

And I'm not giving you the follow right away. No. I got to see what I'm signing up for. I got to do the creep of like, I'm going to like two pictures and then you're going to see it because you're going to scan. You're going to make me be the pick me when you're the pick me? Exactly. No way. No way. First of all, just beware of the pick me's because even if they seem cool, that's what they are. Yeah, they think they're so cool. I'm like, you're not cool.

Because you're a private. Yeah, no. Shut up. Here's the thing. If you want to be private, fine. You're being I don't think so, but whatever. There's also this. And a lot of gays that I truly respect these girls, they'll have a private profile, but then pretty much all of their stories will be close friends. Right, right. So do that.

Have like your little whatever. Like it can be nothing. Right. But then just like engage with, because you can also do grid close friends. You can do grid close friends. Exactly. But I'll keep all the grid posts close friends if you don't want anyone to see anything. Literally. But private is, I mean, in this context. Then don't be on Instagram. Then don't be on Instagram. Or just don't be flirting. Don't be suggestive in the DMs with a private person. Exactly. How very dare you. How very dare you.

- I very dare you. This is not quite the same. This is all very justified. My original I Don't Think So Honey before I blanked on it and went to lotions because I saw a bottle of lotion right there. - Oh my God, that Aveeno give you the idea. - That Aveeno give me the idea 'cause I'm stroking. But my original I Don't Think So Honey was if you're on a dating app and you have a LinkedIn,

Do you private that? Because I got to see what you do and where you went to school because it's fun. It's good information. I'm not going to judge you. What sucks about LinkedIn, which I learned the hard way, people can see when you go look. No, but you don't log in. No, you log off your LinkedIn, open a private browser, go to their LinkedIn. And if it blocks you, if you have to log in, then you go, well, I'm not going that far. I'm not going to like have them see that I viewed their profile. But I hate that. You know what I mean? Why can't I just like,

I like to do a little stalking. Yeah, I like to creep in like a creepy crawler, as we like to call it. A little online creepy crawly. I love that. When you get like fucking busted on by like... Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Wow. I don't mind that. I would love a busted on. I say that with Jenna Bush Hager tomorrow. You know when you get busted on? She's like, hey!

Well, I could bust all over this episode. Me too. I love you guys. This was so fun. We love you and adore you. Day one, love you. Does that make sense? Day five, hate. Day five, hate. Day six, love again. Day six, maybe. Day seven, upset. So what, who cares? So what, who cares?

This has been fabulous. You're the best. Listen, June 3rd, he goes back in. June 15th, they all go out. Unless you make this undeniable, it must continue. You could not see a better show. And the good news for you if you are international is Trump's not your president! And also you can probably see Tyson Eakin. Harris.

Australia. We're in Australia. Sydney? Sydney. Great town. And we're going to Brazil in October. Wow! Gustoso, baby. Bom dia. Ah!

Are you guys performing in the Copa? I hope so. 2.5 million? Yeah, 2.5 million people. I would love to see that. We're going to be in Sao Paulo and then we're going to take a trip to Rio. So just maybe come. When? October something. Early October. Oh, bro. Good day.

I know. There's so much gay shit to talk about. A Celine song came on on my way here. I can't believe I didn't even tell you. I think it should be the song that we sing. I Surrender. I Surrender everything to give a chance to live. I reach to you. I know.

Wow. To hear that song, go to Titanic. Closing June 15th. Maybe. Bye. Yay! Yay!

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Pay your way with Klarna at checkout or visit Klarna.com. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license. NMLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms, and conditions apply. It's almost Mother's Day, and you can now get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't order a relaxing shower, but some beautiful flowers, you bet we deliver those.

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