"Monstro SarahNicole" (w/ Sarah Sherman)
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Look, Matt. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. We needed some laughter today. Oh, yes. On a week like this.

I used to dream better days. I used to dream and I hoped I'd never wake up. I have had my first amazing sleep of, I guess the year, but I guess the last like six months.

I've been sleeping so bad. What would you attribute your good sleep to? No more eye mask. No more. Oh, you're not using it anymore? It's crazy. I think it's the winter time. This is so deeply boring to talk about. Then let's just skip it. Let's skip. We need to talk about. I want to hear. No, no, no. Don't come in yet. I don't like the posture that you have right now.

Frog ass bitch. You're a frog ass bitch. Because I have an explanation as to why I'm sitting like this. What's the explanation? Go ahead. So you had a first thing you wanted to say in quotes. Is this the first thing? Sarah brought a gun to the studio. That's what she wanted us to say. I have a first thing to say and you better ask me again, even though this is not what we do with our repeat guests. Ask me again what was the culture that we say culture is for me. What's your explanation for this?

have to sit like this because as you know I came to the studio today with a triangle head which means what is my is my hair a triangle a pyramid head like in Silent Hill I couldn't tell if you wanted to be told yes or no I just like know if you guys were my friends

You could be like, girl, you do have triangle hearts, but that's okay and just rock it. - I told you what you have. It's not a triangle shape. It's an isosceles hedron, a 20 sided figure. - Not the name. - 'Cause I said, an isosceles hedron, boots. - Can you look that up? - 20 sided. - A 20 sided figure I think is an isosceles hedron. - Oh my God. I thought you were kidding for being hilarious points.

I saw Sagan. I saw Sagan? I saw the TV Sagan.

I saw the TV glow-sugong. I saw the TV glow-sugong. I had a drink the other night, a sauce-sugong. Sure. Our guest is a cast member on Saturday Night Live. She's been on the show before. Yes. And she is, you know, just one of our great friends. One of our great friends. Although this is, can I just say, The Power of the Room, directed by Jane Champion. The Power of the Room, this is the first time the three of us have been in the room together. Yeah.

No! That's crazy. I took a very short hiatus. I believe it was a one episode hiatus. You were in Vegas seeing Kelly Clarkson. I was in Vegas doing my thing and you were the guest and I was like, great. Now I have to have her turn obviously right back around and come back. That's actually crazy. Why? Because there was one episode you weren't on and it just happened to be the episode that your sister was on. I know. Long Island. I really did. High seas. Running. High seas.

We like the same things. I guess your thing is going to Vegas to see Kelly Clarkson. It could be yours. It could be yours too. You want to come? I'm going again to see Mariah Shania. I literally just found out that I'm available and I'm going. Mariah Shania? Does that mean I'm available too? Yes. It means you're available too. You want to come? Come. Wait, Vegas? Vegas lost. We're going to have such a ball. Vegas comma lost.

Sarah's favorite thing is, and let's examine this, what could be troubling is she always, every week is going, we're blacking out this week at the after party. By the way, first of all, never once happens. And number two, guess how much it takes me to black out? Maybe four and a half point two sips of one gin and tonic. You're not a tank at all. Oh, no, not a Sherman tank, as they would like to think. Pancakes on the ceiling after a sip. You're kidding me. That's disgusting. Well, two.

to black out immediately. I thought, wait, is pancakes on the ceiling? Meaning you throw up so hard, projectile, it hits the ceiling and never comes down. No, it just means like random sauce. Wait, what's the reason you were sitting like that? So I could just like, kind of like, you wouldn't really see the triangle. There's no triangle. Yeah.

- You know what I'm saying? Like guys, I'm just like, - It's an isosahedron, the correct name of it. - No, isosagon. - It's not an isosagon. She clearly said, Becca clearly said she couldn't pronounce it. She threw a bunch of sounds together in her mouth and wished for the best. - You Rebecca-splained it. That's for sure. - Rebecca. - I've never even thought of you as being a Rebecca. - You're Becca. - Wait, your necklace literally not to be like this. - Oh, whoa. She's wearing a Rebecca necklace. - Explain that.

was like, this is my gift to you in very Latin fashion. I'm going to give you a giant... With your name on it. So cool. But I always go by that name. It's

Rebecca is sort of like how you forget that my full name is Matthew. If you really think about it for even two seconds, you'll remember. Right. But you wouldn't have known. Well, wait until you find out about the power of Sarah Nicole. Sarah Nicole. Sarah Nicole should be your stage name. Sarah Nicole. That's my like alley.

It's like, I just want to see like an Angelina's photo and like all over it was just Sarah Nicole. You big titties.

Rocking it out. I want a Rebecca nameplate that says Jewish American Princess while I'm Sarah Nicole. Present. Pump it up with Sarah Nicole, Jewish American Princess. Don't you know, pump it up. We have to get into it. Everyone, please welcome into your ears, Sarah Sherman. Sarah Triangle Sherman. Sarah Nicole. Sarah Nicole, what was the first thing you had to say?

That was it, the triangle. I tried to get it out of the way. Because I knew everybody was going to be like, sorry, your readers are going to be opening the book and seeing that I had a triangle. I don't like the way that you had poison venom wrapped around every word of that. Your readers are going to open the book. I'm feeling naughty today. Okay, so serious.

There's something I can't stop thinking about as we're watching the new season of The Traitors. Sarah has boiled it down to that show basically being people saying to each other... What? People saying to each other this, this.

- You're being evil. - It's like all reality and like pretense melts away and you forget where it is. - It's all pretense. - But it's like they're forgetting that it's a game. - Right. - No, I love that. I love when the lines blur and people are really crying hard and feel betrayed. Like when, okay, so spoiler alert for the traders, if you haven't watched it, we're gonna talk a little bit about it. When Tony got voted out, he was like, "You're a sellout." - You're a sellout. - You're a sellout, Rob. - You're a cop. - Shut up.

Who left last year because he was so overwhelmed? Oh, my God. Yes. I forgot the gentleman's name. The boxer. Yeah. And that was like the encapsulation of the problem, which is like people, they're forgetting that it's a game and they're like literally like you're literally being evil. And I'm thinking you're a traitor. You are evil. And your behavior is evil. And it's been evil ever since the traitors were chosen. Yeah.

Ever since Alan made his choice. I love whenever they say since Alan made his choice. Like, is it Alan coming himself is actually picking. But there's something important in the tone that Sarah is embodying, which is you're being evil. You're being evil right now. Wait, do you guys think, like, it's like Dorinda's acting evil right now. Dorinda's acting really evil.

forgetting the fact that it was well that's why they have to say Alan Cumming chose so that they remember that evil is not inherent it's a construction it's a construction because then they get lost in the sauce and they go like they start crying they're like I have to leave because evil is afoot to think that people could possess evil well here's a question do you believe people are born wicked or do they have wickedness thrust upon them

And this actually goes into the other second thing I had to say with coming into the studio with a gun. We didn't even know you had a second thing. Right. You didn't tell us your second thing. We just knew there was a first thing. Well, remember when I texted you guys and I was like, so when are you going to ask me what culture is for me? We already asked you the first time you were on the show. This is your third appearance. Quite frankly, we've had it.

Pee-wee, we understand. Pee-wee. Do you want to talk about it again? There is a difference, and it explains actually how I feel about the nature of good and evil. Okay, good. So what was the culture that made you say culture was for you, Sarah? This is the laughing episode. This is the laughing episode.

Well, it can be explained. Let's just take a moment because we're about to miss the worldwide meditation because we're recording this podcast in honor of David Lynch's memory. I was just going to say, you're the perfect person to have on this week to talk about David Lynch. For many reasons. For so many reasons. Because it's the laughing episode. It's the laughing episode. The substance is about to rack up lots of Oscar nom. It's about to rack up.

I think I was literally thinking I was sitting on the toilet as I, you know, as I do, as we all do. Where you do your best thinking and shitting. Of course. And actually, did you find out? That's what I was going to say. What? Did you know you're supposed to sit on the toilet for longer than 10 minutes? Have you ever? Or something more unfair? It's really, it's such a beautiful place. It's the best place to sit. Remain. Yeah. I love remaining there.

I sit there sometimes and I'm like, I'm going to remain. Remain. Not exit. Remain. No, I will remain. What am I thinking of What Remains? Is that an Oprah's bestseller? What Remains? Oprah's bestseller. Is that an Oprah's bestseller? What Remains? Do you, does anyone have the capability of Googling? You're thinking of What Lies Beneath. What Lies Beneath? You're thinking of What Happened by Hillary Clinton. Which was about the election. But her remains. You're thinking of What Remains? What Remains?

What remains? You're thinking of... You're thinking of The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. I legit think that's what I'm thinking of.

So what was the culture that made you say culture? I do think I really, I think we do have to be taking a moment for Last Culture East to say David Lynch. Okay. So I think I, I admitted to you that I basically know nothing. I am so illiterate with David Lynch. We've actually been saying now for several months that we're going to get into Twin Peaks. You should. You know why you guys should? You love beautiful women and you love intrigue.

- Love. - Yeah, that's actually true on both channels. - That's actually so true. - And I don't want to spoil anything, but basically in the larger, in the three season arc of Twin Peaks, you guys are looking at me so seriously. - Because you're a true expert. - I just think that it's like, you guys really take women's like voices seriously. - You literally go, you guys are being evil. You guys are being evil. - You guys are actually like really evil. - Do you think you'd be a good traitor or a bad traitor?

You'd be an amazing trader. I think I would be.

- No, because remember every time in a sketch I have to act serious. - Well, you're like Carolyn in a way. Like you're so hard to pin down. - Thank you for saying that. It's like, she's acting crazy. She's not acting evil. - But she's a genius. It's like, you're both the same in that way. Everyone's like, oh, Sarah's being Sarah. But in fact, she is deep down a genius. - But do the face that I do when I'm trying to act serious. - If you tell Sarah she has to like be like serious or keep a straight face in a sketch, this is the best she can do.

Can I tell you? I noticed it. You doing a straight man role is my favorite thing. We are on stage doing a comedy show, by the way. And we're supposed to. But Sarah is truly joy personified. I happen to be laughing. And then they're like, oh, you're in a court scene. And so I'm like. Can you do your court face, please?

But Sarah was in the Nosferatu prosthetics this Saturday. She's slayed, by the way. And meanwhile, she's supposed to look terrifying, but everyone's like, that's the most adorable person I've ever seen. Ruby McAllister did call me at 10 a.m. the next morning and said, did you know that you actually looked like a supermodel? It was insane. You did. You were so captivating. You've never looked more beautiful. Ruby calling to say that?

- Did you know you actually look like a model? - And I was like, no, I know my arms are just so skinny. It was like insane. 'Cause like when you have a hunchback, it like kind of like does the optical illusion where it's like your arm actually starts here. - Oh, you do like the Lea Michele thing, like the vest. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She can really ride. - You were monstro. - But like skinny chic, hot.

Right. Cigarette dangling from the lips. Nosfer Sarah. Nosfer Sarah. Monstro Nosfer Sarah. Heroin chic. Nosfer Sarah too. Monstro Nosfer Sarah. Monstro Sarah Nicole Sue. Title of ep. Title of ep. Monstro Sarah Nicole. When you say title of ep, this is how I know you're a professional. The way it rolls off the tongue without barrier. That's how you know he's a professional. That's how you know I'm professional. The way it rolls off my tongue. I know when we get the title.

And Monstro Sarah Nicole is the title. The first thing that happens when I'm having a laughing attack is sweating before laughing coming out of my mouth. That's amazing. So I'm like, you can probably see it glistening and think it's like a dewy sheen, but I'm profusely sweating because I'm laughing so hard. Wait, on sweating. On. Just to talk about the traders one more time. What is going on with Sarah Nicole? She's on like crack. Yeah.

Is he having some sort of withdrawal? Oh, it's withdrawal. That's what it is. He never acts like that. He goes to a Scottish palace where they have no phones. He has to travel internationally. Yeah, and then suddenly he can't sit still and he's sweating so much more than ever. Can I tell you guys actually something that I was too afraid to admit like four minutes ago? You don't have to be afraid in here. Spoiler alert!

As soon as they voted after Rinda, I literally, this was, I was watching with my boyfriend. I went like this. What's the point? I can't keep, I can't hold my attention. It was actually really rough because they voted out some good people really quickly. They fucked up. That is fucking up. The survivor people that have gone, it's kind of a shame. Yeah. Wait, who? Because then. Tony and Jeremy. Tony.

I'm sorry. That's crazy. Are you not caught up? No, I'm not kidding. Every time my boyfriend, and I'm straight, by the way. That's okay. Don't let the shirt betray you. I'm standing with my straight girl. We sort of all chose fashion today. What did I say about your shirt? Tell them. It's giving Spongebob? Because look. Oh, I don't.

I was like, what SpongeBob is this? Is this sponge-like character on your shirt? Oh, you thought I was calling you random crazy? He thought you were just being a bitch. I take back what I said about how you guys feel about women. I don't think so, honey. Gay guys. What about us?

What about gay guys? Go on. Rights being taken away. No, it's not just Katie's that listen. Some gay guys do listen still. Hot ones too. Yeah, Kyle's. That's so cold. There's a subgroup that we actually, we said that we would officially induct them. No, we can't have five. What do you mean? They said we couldn't have two.

They said we couldn't have three. They said we couldn't have four. Kyle's welcome. Welcome. We love the Kyle. It's crazy. I think about Sarah every day and I smile. I,

I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I just want to sit here and smile. Shut up. I just want to go, guys. Can I tell you who'd be so furious about that? All the Kyles. They want to hear from you so bad. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you know that you're a gay icon? Are you? I'm not kidding. Like, I don't take that lightly. You shouldn't. If you did, that would be fucked up. I know.

Especially now in the time that we're in. He's sworn in like right. He's getting sworn in like right. Oh no, I watched the whole thing. How is, was he serving? Can I tell you something? Here's my three takeaways. It was hell and like a funeral. Two, one nice thing I'll say, I did like Melania's hat. Yeah.

Three, Carrie Underwood sounded bad. Oh, thank God. And for all of that to go down and for her to sound strained and shouty. Really? Yeah, it was not good at all. And are you a Carrie girl? I can't say I was ever identified as a Carrie girl. I've never really given her the propers on this show. You want to know what it is? I've always not had the best feeling about Carrie.

- Yeah, yeah. The vibes have always been weird. But does this make you go buyer's remorse on Bo Bice? Do we as a culture need to bring Bo Bice back? - Well, I was a Vonzel Solomon girlie from the beginning. - Vonzel, we love Vonzel. - And I love Vonzel and Vonzel was the singer for Game Show on Quibi, period. - Wait, who was Longhair? - Bo Bice. - I got my first period while Bo Bice. - And that's the culture that made you say, "Minarchy, I'm bleeding."

And I acted like it wasn't happening. Do you remember what song he was singing? It was always the variation of, Oh, little mama, let me get your handle. Cause mama, I'm so hot to handle. Now I guess I'm out. Was it that? Because the way that just sent like a reptilian, like chills to the base of my spine.

brown suede jacket on and was holding a guitar. He was always like- The moment it happened? Tone on tone, perfectly like flat ironed hair, like really straight stuff. When you guys said Bo Bice, I thought the guy with the gray hair who was-

Taylor Hicks. Taylor Hicks. He was hot to you? Sarah, you need to describe your perfect looking man. Yeah, describe your perfect man. Do you know what I think it is? I want to preface this by saying, I think because I've been a lot of prefacing and pretencing today. I think because my boyfriend...

Put your weapons down. Put your weapons down. I come in peace, gay guys. They're called Kyles. I come in peace, Kyles and Katie's alike. And Mariah's and Shania's. They're not listening. Mariah forgot she did this. 100%.

Deathbed vibes, when y'all are on your deathbed like this, you can go like, we did that. Well, we're going to say we ate that. When we're 79. We're still going to be like, twerk and serve and slay. We ate that down. Deathbed for you two is going to be 115 years old.

I can actually see it. I can see it. I don't want to live that long. He's going to look the same. I'm going to look like Nosferatu. And not the chic heroine chic. Honey, I'm so old. I'm Nosferatu 3. Oh, bitch. Damn, you dragged yourself there. Old bitch. Old bitch. Okay, wait. So... We were on a thing. The perfect man. The perfect man. Oh, the perfect man. Oh, I think because my... Taylor Hicks. Taylor Hicks.

My beautiful long suffering boyfriend is so like, he's so like standard, cute, attractive. And you know, he invented a new term. What? It's cutiful. It's when something's cute and beautiful. Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that lovely? That's really good. Isn't that crazy? Where is he from? We want to hear about him. Where's he from originally? Where's he from? South side of Chicago. All right. All right.

And like he's from a town called Flossmoor. So, of course, you get built in jokes like I wish you'd floss less. Oh, sure. Bleeding. I don't floss. You don't. You're a liar. I don't. You have the nicest teeth in show business. So it just goes to show what they're telling you is not true. You don't have to do it. Oh, but did you ever have braces? No. You're lying. And some people think I have crooked teeth, but it's because I talk out of one side of my mouth.

With a smirk. Like Rachel Maddow, something I found out when I had to do my research, of course. You ate that, by the way. No, by the way, you know, at the second my toe came off stage, every single person was like, hey, you messed up all your words. Fuck off. Who said that? It's live television. Try saying MSNBC ten times fast. MSNBC, MSNBC, MSNBC, MSNBC. Well, okay, I had to say it one time, and I said M-F-N-B-A-B-C. You're trying not to say it.

You could do it if you really applied yourself. You were straining so hard playing a lesbian. I know. Because you're such a straggot. I think that's what happened. And then my brain just started fritzing out. You are a straggot. You really are. Literally, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Can I ask you something? Before, you got emotional when we said that you were a gay icon and that you really don't take it lightly. Talk about that. Because...

I mean, not to be like this. Who do you think, besides David Lynch, built culture as we know it? Gay guys. Literally gay guys. I was going to say Oprah. It feels like you took that away from her. From black women. That sucks for you to rob black women of that. Especially this week. Does anyone know? It really is really hurtful. Didn't she... Okay.

I dreamed this or it was real. And I'm not gonna look it up because that's, I don't need to be like interfacing with screens right now. Didn't she have an episode where she had a bunch of pedophiles on? - Well, she had an episode where she had a bunch of pedophiles on and then I think she had another episode where she had like victims of like- - Today we're hearing the other side. - I just have this like strong memory of her being like, I was like two or whatever, like this big.

there was like a bunch of pedophiles on and she was like, it sucks that you guys like want to have sex with kids. And then I was like watching being like, that does suck. God, that sucks. Speaking as a kid, I agree with Oprah. I have to say, in this dialogue, I'm Oprah. I'm here for Oprah. It just sucks. Even as a two-year-old. Meanwhile, me being eight, being like, I wish an adult wanted to have sex with me.

I was in love with all my teachers. Hey, really? Of course. I was like precocious little bitch. Who was the, who was the one? Oh,

Wow. She's moaning and groaning. So is this out of shame or out of pure sexual frustration? It is just like... You're sweating. You're sweating in your other lips. Jesus. Hello, nurse. Hello, nurse. I'm afraid of saying his full name because you could find him. Don't say his full name. Just say what he taught and what his vibe was. I had an English teacher. This is going to send you guys to the moon...

In a not SpaceX rocket ship, in a normal rocket ship. Okay, normal. Yeah, one that uses American gas. Drill, baby, drill. Something Trump said today at the inauguration. About what? About Kraken. He said drill, baby, drill. Anyway, what were you saying? Okay, so this teacher, English teacher. English teacher. He had a gray and red long beard. Okay.

Red, gray hair combed over to the side, much like our president. Combed over. Age demographic? 100. Like, legit 100 years old. Every day would wear, like, a Snoopy tie.

And would the character Snoopy, the character Snoopy humor, a funny little tie. And he, me and my best friend in high school, Emily would sit in the parking lot and watch him smoke his pipe in his car during lunch break. And just be like, that is so fucking hot. It's giving what's the guy's name? Um, the giver, the give it's doing the giver. Oh my God. Giving the giver. And I was, I was saying Vincent van Gogh in my head.

Not dissimilar. He actually quite looked like him. Who's the Watchmen guy? Alan? Moore. Alan Moore. It's giving Alan Moore. With a Snoopy tie. That's hot. And he would smoke a fucking pipe in his car and me and Emily would just like watch him in his car. Are you still in touch with Emily? Oh, of course. Yeah. Emily, hello. If you're listening. This is the thing about Long Island is that y'all keep in touch with high school. Definitely. Oh,

I texted my friend Allison last night. And said, hey. I said, hey. We had a mutual friend at the birthday party we were at. Oh, cute. Oh. And said, let's go to Roosevelt Field, get our ears pierced. Oh, my God. I wish I could go to Roosevelt Field, but it was too far. Were you at Whitman Mall? No, I was Sunrise Mall. Like South Shore vibes. I have to give respect to you because like,

Honestly, something crazier, even more iconic to say than you're a gay icon, you are an actual Long Island legend. You are not from, we're fucking around Long Island. You are from Long Island, Long Island. I'm for real. You're for real. Definitely for real. You're new to this. He's new to this. I'm always new to this. Anytime I go to Long Island, I go, whoa. No one knows what happened to us. Yeah. It's so crazy, the things that we saw and the things that we did. Yeah, and the things that we aspired to be.

- Name the craziest thing from childhood. - Nikki Blonsky. - I mean, just, what did you say? - Nikki Blonsky. - Nikki Blonsky. She's a Long Island legend. - Her mom once came up to me. - You're kidding. - Wait, I actually have the chills are back. - Nikki Blonsky's mother came up to you where? - Came up to me at my school. I think she came to my school. - To perform? - I felt like they were scouting and I was like. - For hairspray? Oh my God, that's perfect.

- I don't actually be good. - What did she say? - You're living in a perfect penny. - That's fucking Little Shop. - What did she say? - I was doing hairspray. - The movie Nikki Blondie was in. - What did she say? - Doing like two musical songs. - We gotta take her to a Broadway show. - Sarah. - I just know I would die for Kinky Boots.

- What was our kinky boot sketch idea? - What was our kinky, oh yeah, yeah, sure. - What was it? Why didn't it make sense? - We wanted a sequel to the Shrek the Musical sketch that we wrote with Charlie. - What was the kinky boot bit gonna be? - You come out with glitter and you're clearly putting on the kinky boots. What is it? - Matilde, you clearly put on the kinky boots.

Writing that sketch was a highlight of my life. It's so rare to channel. Oh, we channeled. Did you? To let the muse visit you. We literally plopped it down in one run and we were like, it's perfect. Have you ever seen Hamilton the musical?

I know that. How could a bastard orphan? That's not, you would love it. Really? It's a great show. It's a great show. And also if nothing else, like it's production value. Yes. I don't, don't get me started on that. Cause I'm feeling really emotional about production value lately. What's what's going on? What do you think? It's just like, give it to me.

And I'm not, you guys know who you are, who aren't giving it to me. Just in general, I want to see lights, camera, sound, sets, costume. Can we get really into this though? We watched The Substance together and I did think of you a lot. Bitch!

Thank you. Did you love that movie? I basically loved it more than words can even express. Same. And I finally watched that 30 minute featurette that's on YouTube. It's so good. You have to check that out if you haven't. Her fucking holding the camera, running backwards, hosing everyone down with blood. I'm like, if you want to know how it's done, that's how it's done. You need to work with her. Literally, let this be a message. Do you want to talk about this?

Coralie, I love you. And what you've done and what you will continue to do and what has happened and what will soon to be happening all over until like the perpetuity, until the end of time. Like, what was I saying? You were saying a lot and all of it is impacting. Exactly. She's hearing you. Coralie, you did it. Yeah. Can I correct you? You did that. You did that. That. That. She did it. What?

it kept going when it just kept going and then the teeth and then the ear and then the blood hose and the music and the lights camera sound costume whatever as we were just saying it didn't for one second stop it gave us everything relentlessly and more

It's incredible. It's a perfect film. It's a perfect film. It's hilarious down. Yeah. It's as you say, feast for the eyes. Feast for the eyes. It's everything. She's my favorite. She's everything. Yeah. There's been little meetings. There's a, listen. You've met a couple of times. We met one time. Oh really? And I was struck by her beauty. Yes, she is. She's gorgeous. She's stunning. And she's hilarious. Yeah. When did you meet her?

I've been like stalking her for real. Cause I just like, I'm like, you're amazing. Were you a fan prior to seeing the substance? Like, did you see revenge? I love revenge. Yeah. And I love every, every,

You know when you like see someone's movie and you're like, I hope, see words escape me. That's how much I care. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. And like you could just see like it's like she's such a like fan of horror movies too. Yeah. And so it's like as a fan of the thing, as a fan of like Basket Case or whatever, you watch that movie and you're like, yay, thank you. This feels like a Christmas tree. Oh, that's amazing. I know. And just like.

Yeah. Listen, I'm free. You're at a loss for words. I'm at a loss for words. Were you a Demi and Margaret fan prior to this or did this expose you to their gifts? Both of them fans. Yeah. Both of them fans, but like...

Now I am on my knees forever in their debt, basically. I'm going to see their names called tomorrow. Yeah, I hope so too. Who's calling? Do you know who's calling? I'm calling. Bowen and Rachel Sennett are announcing Oscar nominations. Can you fucking believe that? Big day for Union Hall. We had a huge day for Union Hall. Union Hall truly won.

- Oh my God. - It's so real. - Should I come? - Wait, you're going tomorrow? - No, no, this comes out Wednesday and then I'm literally leaving read through and catching a plane to LA and then Thursday morning, 5:30 AM PT, we're announcing and then I gotta fly back for Block It. - I wouldn't miss it. I think it's such an honor to be asked to do that. - No, I know, I'm so honored. - It's like literally the coolest thing. - I love that. I aspire to announce the nominations one day. - He smallens things. - He always does. - Smallens? - You smallen because you go like- - Is Jesse smallen?

First of all, we're not talking about him. Harmful individuals today. Who gave us a laugh? If we're talking about the laughing. Oh, he gave us a laugh. A couple laughs. Yeah.

- It's like, he goes, "Oh, I'm gonna be announcing the Oscars." Like that's how he says it. This is how he delivers it. - That's not how I deliver it. - But I know you have to small on it because you're just trying to keep your head on your shoulders and you're like clocking in and clocking, like it's like if things were too big, like you would almost be scared to do it. - Totally. - But it's like, that is major. - You're right, he does, he smallens things, but he's excited. - I'm excited.

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There's so many things I want to do differently this year, Bowen. I have to get into a routine of waking up earlier on time the same day. I want to get my day started really early. I need the energy for that. Me too. And I need the hydration for that as well. When it comes to energy and hydration and the team up of the two, I know a quick way to get into both. And that is by using liquid IV. Seriously, I swear by it.

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You know, I don't have kids and neither do you last time I checked that I know of that I can't imagine what it's like running a home with kids. It's a lot. It's a lot. And half the battle is just knowing where everyone is, if they're safe, if they're okay, if they need something. And no matter what stage of family life you're in, you should family proof your family life with the Life360 app, a location sharing app that works whether you're an iPhone or Android.

It makes coordinating your family's daily routines and activities so much smoother and even fun. Just open up the app to see real-time locations for everyone in your family, eliminating the stress of wondering where everyone is and saving you from constantly asking where they are. It's amazing how much more coordinated your family can be when you know where everyone is at any given time. And the peace of mind that provides is a game changer. Look, I'm not saying that you should be afraid of being in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in a family that's not in

I love location sharing apps. And I used to think, oh, it's a weird surveillance thing. I don't want to know where other people are. I don't want my friends to know where I am at all times. But it's just actually a great way to make sure that people are okay. You never know what's going to come up. I have nothing to hide.

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Because did you notice that my girl has a leaf on her head? No, it's not on. Well, it's very close to your ear. Triangle head, leaf head, what's going to be your head? What's going to be yours? Cool. Gorgeous head. Gorgeous head. Stunning head. Say this. Toe head. I'm changing that. What? Say this. Say this. Say this. But this is my theory. The word that is so powerful. So powerful. The way it hits the ear is just different. I was watching a body language expert talk about Blake Lively. Just let that sink in.

I was watching a body language expert talk about Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. And there was a moment where an interview says to Blake Lively, like, well, you actually had to be the intimacy coordinator on set. Like you had to show him how to grab you and kiss you. And she goes, where did you see this? And the body language expert said that use of the word this is usually to like show that you would disdain whatever it is they brought up. Oh, what's all this?

What do you mean by this? What's all this then? The word this

is rarely used positively or inclusively. I'm picturing, when you say this, something that's just coming to mind is like peeling dirty underwear off the floor. What is this? Yeah, a wife coming home, peels a woman's underwear from the bottom of the basket and going, what is this? To my husband, I've been working all day and whose is this? You would say, what is that? You just ate that line read by the way.

Dude, what is this again? No, again. To the directors out there, I'm free. Think about this. Who did this? Okay, now say that. Sorry. Who did this? Now do the other one. Who did that? See, I'm not threatened by that. Who did this? What's up with that? What's up with this? Although, we were talking about the scene from Mad Men, Joan confronting the man. I wouldn't care if you died. That pornographic drawing. That pornographic drawing.

I actually, I've been watching so much Mad Men clips. The number one best scene in television history. I'm kidding you not. Joan and Don. Joan and Don. It's the episode where Joan gets served with divorce papers in the office that like front desk secretary gives, like allows the last server. It's the fifth season, which by the way has no skips.

It's the rumors of Mad Men. So Don and Joan go to like, they go to the Jaguar dealership and then like they pretend to be a couple and then they go to the bar and they get a little drunk and they turn on the jukebox music and they have this scene at the bar that talks about like the kind of people they are and the kind of people that are in the bar. It's beautiful. It's about them, but it's not. The writing and the acting is so...

They're both so good. Christina Hendricks, no Emmy for that role. Well, by the way, like, can... I don't want to say anything disrespectful, but it's like, let's get her out there more. I would agree. I would definitely agree. Do you think... I'm going to say something on behalf of all women. Yeah. Is she so...

Is she so... Is she so stunningly Jessica Rabbit that people are afraid? And this is just about misogyny on a larger scale. Are people afraid to give her like challenging roles because they're like, she's so bodacious we couldn't even... I don't think it's distracting. I think it's... I think she... With Joan, I guess, like it is so one with like...

The character. But I guess that sounds... I think it has a lot less to do with that and more to do with the fact that it's almost like the reason why January Jones and Jessica Paré also don't work a ton. It's because I feel like they're very identifiable with those roles and they were so well done that maybe it counts against them sometimes. Fuck. Damn. Typecast. Because I think all of those performances...

unreal. I think Jessica Perret actually gets disrespected. She's amazing. Megan was incredible. Zubi Zubi Zoo is an iconic moment. Zubi Zubi Zoo is in the first episode of season five and it gets better from there. Zubi Zubi Zoo is the craziest thing to ever happen on television. It is the craziest thing

It is the craziest thing ever. It is so insane. And then you see Twin Peaks and you go, that's okay. Some crazy things are happening here that are basically like defying all like logic between like the living and the dreaming and the dead. Right. And then you're like, and still Zubi Zubi Zoo. And still Zubi Zubi Zoo. The fact that Zubi Zubi Zoo was supposed to happen in a grounded world and it still reads as being like realistic and you believe that she would do that. And it says pretty much everything you need to know about her character. But Zubi Zubi Zoo happened on AMC.

Twin Peaks happened on ABC. Which is, that's the craziest part. Take that risk now. Challenge. You guys are actually going to lose your gourd. Basically. The top of your hat is going to fly off. Clean off. Clean off. I just have no stamina when it comes to watching shit. So like, I'm still on the pilot. I've been on the pilot episode of Twin Peaks for like eight years. Yeah.

It's so bad. That is so... But I started from the beginning, like, recently, even before he passed away, just, like, when the mom, like, realizes that, like, she's dead, it's, like, the most...

devastating thing and the Laura Palmer's theme like the music that score is crazy I think once you enter episode two then it's full lubrication and it's a non-stop roller coaster ride like I don't think you're gonna find any resistance there I think it's just like slip into that second episode allow it to just it's just it's the way it feels all over your body when you're watching it it's it's astounding and I will say and not to belabor this point belabor

No, that was right. That was right. No, I just, I'm going to be needing a PhD tonight. Well, you know what? You clearly weren't paying attention in English class because you were so horned up with trying to get your rocks off with Vincent Van Gogh.

Vincent Van Soup. If you saw who I was talking about, you'd go, oh, okay. In a good way? Or in a horrified way? Anytime Sarah's like that fucking guy, oh, what I would do. I'm like the craziest looking human being ever. You're like the Crypt Keeper? The Crypt Keeper. Yeah. Taylor Hicks. Taylor Hicks. No disrespect. Billy Bob Thornton now.

Keep going. And this is how, because I think my beautiful, long-suffering boyfriend is so conventionally cute, cutiful, that it's like, I think it's like, it's a loud, yes, it's a counterweight. Counterweight. I love that.

So you're so bored with traditional beauty because you get that every day. In fact, you have sex with him. In fact, if he's lucky. You're the kind of girl who holds out. This becomes like a whole other alt-right podcast. You're the kind of girl who leaves it on the shelf. You know what I mean? Ew. I made that expression up. You leave it on the shelf at night? On the shelf at night? You let it stink up the place? You have to crack a window after because it stinks so bad?

The expiry date is long past. Well, if you leave it on the shelf too long, you know, it starts to stink. They say that about women. They don't have sex. That's when their pussy starts to really smell bad. When was the last time you smelled one? Me? Face to face. I've never seen a vagina up close. It's one of the, and they cover this in many movies, it's one of the most craziest things you could see. Well, how would we know? How would we know? Zoopy, zoopy, zoopy. Wait.

I didn't bring mine today. It's in the car. What's your least favorite body part to depict in your art? Oh, interesting. This is going to be a surprise. Please. I don't like, as someone who loves blood, guts, shit, piss, boogers, I'm like, what are we, two? I was going to guess nose stuff. You don't like nose?

- I love nose. - But you don't like booger. - I think it's like, we're older than that. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - That's so, I love this. That there is one thing that you go, that's off. Like I'm leaving that. - It's pastay. - Yeah. - Or it's just, there's an edit there. - There's an edit. - Literally. - There's an edit. - That's so chic. - And I love, I love mucoid membranes. So I love like a slick mucus, like. - You don't like a clump. You don't like a clump of booger.

Again, it's like, guys, really? When you see someone pick your nose, are you horrified? Pick their nose, rather. No, I do this. That's part of my practice. I think it's a medical procedure. It's like, do you want me to clean? You have to clear that out. You're going to die. Sometimes it's not as easy as blowing your nose. No, no, you can get in there. Sometimes you have to get knuckle deep, and that's okay. This was really healing, actually. Thank you. Thank you for coming. You're welcome.

Oh, I was going to say they should make a nasal bidet, but that is what a neti pot is. That's what a neti pot is. That's what a neomed is. You know, of course. Oh, this was going to be my last on my hands and knees begging for you guys to watch Twin Peaks. In its three season arc, it posits a theory of everything spiritually,

like religiously metaphysically that I legitimately agree with in life. Everything is love or love is the most important thing. What is it? Or you don't know, you don't want to spoil it. I think you should. Cause I don't think this is spoiling necessarily. Necessarily. Necessarily. I don't think this is necessarily spoiling anything. Necessarily. But it's necessary. Yeah.

Necessarius is my favorite dinosaur. That's why they call me Necessarius. Necessarius was so good. She was cutiful. She was cutiful. You guys, readers, please draw Necessarius and send us in your pictures. Tag us, all three of us, and the Atlas Codrisus with your photos that you've drawn of Necessarius. But you have to then write it Necessarius.

You know how to spell it. Necessarinecoliously. Necessarinecoliously. Monstrosarinecol. Monstrosarinecol. Keep going. What's the theory of everything? So, like, yes, that love is actually the greatest unifying force in the universe. But, you know, Twin Peaks is the... I'm going to be so serious right now that it's going to make you laugh. Okay.

That it's like the story of like who killed Laura Palmer, right? And I'm not going to spoil the great reveal of who killed Laura Palmer for you. Cause that'll keep you on the hook for at least a season and a half. But like, you know, there's so much like pain and violence and trauma towards this like young high school girl and towards like all the women in this universe or whatever. And there's like great pain and trauma. And while like love prevails, um,

Basically in the great episode eight, season three of Twin Peaks, which is like the return, which happened. What was that? Like 2016. Yeah. Really? A Las Colterista. You just know. I don't know. I just hold it out of my hand. Don't small it. Don't small it. You are amazing. Thank you.

Basically, he posits that true evil was unleashed into every dimension and realm of the universe when the first atomic bomb exploded. Oh.

So that a new kind of man-made evil basically fractured all of the fabric of time-space and unleashed a new form of evil in the form of Bob, who is this demon that, you know, whatever, in Twin Peaks. It unleashed a new form of evil that, like, wreaked a new form of havoc

havoc on every universe, every universe of every timeline, blah, blah, blah. Yes. And so like, that is the, the like central conflict of twin peaks, which is said by, you know, uh, general Briggs when he says, you know, there's this, um, Bobby Briggs, hottest man alive. His dad is like a crazy, like military, like general who's like does shit with space or whatever. Oh, oh,

I'm not sounding smart anymore. Help! I need to drink Diet Coke. Can you imagine if that was the answer? Diet Coke. We'd be geniuses. President Trump wouldn't be trying to buy Austria or whatever. You don't need the Diet Coke. You sound amazing.

Basically, he's worried. He's this general who is in charge of investigating the link between American military hegemony and nuclear mysticism, whatever, whatever. And he's like, my fear is that love is not enough. So that basically when mankind, emphasis on man, basically unleashed a new kind of evil into the world when we created the nuclear bomb, he's worried that love is not enough. And then that's kind of what the return follows is like...

all these characters that you remember from 20 years ago, feeling this trauma in every dimension and every like time-space continuum, whatever. And, you know, and this is why, you know, it's why Oppenheimer won the Oscar. And this is ultimately why, but this is what's crazy. Go ahead. Get angry. Yep. Come on. I can feel it. Use this rage in a positive way. Wait,

We all need to do that, especially now. It's more than ever. Let's organize starting now. Use this female rage about Oppenheimer. That's crazy. Use your female rage against Oppenheimer to make a big point. Episode 8 should have won the Oscar. I'll say that. Yeah. No, it couldn't have been nominated for Oscar. Maybe if you were announcing the Oscars, you could have just said. Season 3, Episode 8.

Yes, that is what I believe about the universe and like about religion and everything. It's something that David Lynch put in a fucking TV show that anyone could watch. That's amazing. And that's what culture is for me and for you and for you and for everybody. It's culture that's for everybody. Yeah. It's not culture that you find in a little box at like Bucket of Blood Records in Chicago. Cool weirdo store with a bunch of, you know, like freaks, fags, weirdos, weirdos.

The outcasts, the misfits, those who haven't belonged once in their life that can find community in a place like that. In a place like this, quite frankly. This. And I don't say this in a pejorative sense. I say it in an inclusive way. Really not giving much credence to my point earlier, which shows that people can change. You're saying people can change? I've changed, obviously, in the last 20 minutes. Here I am using this in a beautiful, inclusive way when before I said it was usually in a dismissive way.

It's just really interesting. I credit you with bringing up, not bringing up, with bringing yourself to the conversation today. Period. No, I was going to keep going. The queerdos. It is a culture. It's not just for the queerdos. For once. For once. The queerdos have had it too good for too long. And this is what brings me back to traders. When you...

Lots of queer does running around. Yes. A lot of queer does. Yes, man. Yeah. When you ask me, are people inherently good or evil? It can be answered in episode eight. That's what an incredible callback. And the answer would get, they're saying is no, people are born good.

People were born good until the nuclear bomb. Until the Great Disruption. The Great Disruption. And there were so many fractures and fissures in time-space that this demonic force can really crawl in.

of whether or not you invite it because we've created man-made fissure. We're not happy that you used that word. Because of remaining on the toilet? It made our buttholes hurt when you said fissure. Nobody in this room has more hemorrhoids than me.

- It's the worst pain. I feel like, it feels apocalyptic when I have one. - It's a disability, I'm not kidding. - This might be a little gross. This is me on the toilet with a hemorrhoid. - Oh my, this might be a little gross. - Okay. - Are you jacking off? - No, it hurts so much that I have to, I'm somber. - Meanwhile, you're supposed to get up. You're not supposed to be sitting there with that off. - No, I'm sitting there and I'm like,

If you keep moving, then it won't like... Yeah, then it's a way to get it out, but it's just... My foot has to move. I get restless leg. I hate this. There's literally nothing worse than a localized injury. It's not concentrated pain. Wait, was that going to be your answer to what was the culture that made you say culture is for me? But then you also said over text that you had opinions about housewives. And this is my great reveal? Yes. Can I show you what I have?

Stop. Wait, can I even guess what it is? Yes. It's Heather Gay's Mormon book shirt. Here we go. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. What is it? I feel for me too.

- Wow, Lisa. - I feel for me too. - Come on the pod, Lisa. Lisa Barlow. - At this point, they really are all invited. - They're all invited, truly. After all the work, the public service they did, including Brittany Bateman. - Oh my. - Give it up for Brittany. - Honestly, yeah. Honestly, watch when Brittany comes on the podcast and is like low key funnier and smarter than us. - No, wait. - The thing about culture is it actually started

And she tells us, she comes in like a true cultural anthropologist, like a full 10 MBAs. Talking about like culture and like cavemen. Yeah, she's like, well, actually fire began when a caveman actually, really it was collaborative and it was really the first collaboration. Wait, who am I? Actually, Abraham Lincoln had Greek Versace plates. Are you Angie? That was anthropology. That was anthropology. Angie Katzenavis, the queen of America. Did you listen to her episode of Lost Gulch?

She was on Last Call. She was the last guest before you. You're so fucking stupid. You know what's so interesting? Well, I told you this. And I actually don't want to say this on the podcast. What? Edit.

I'm only listening to music from now on. Leave that in. Leave that in. I think we would all benefit from that. I just am like worried about replacing my inner chatter with outer chatter. And so I have been replacing all talking in the ears with singing. Actual structured sound. You don't listen to the episode? Make sure you don't say anything bad. I listen to this after for edits.

to make sure that nothing slips through the cracks. Right. Because this one's always spouting off some problematic stuff. Every third word is a big slur. Big slur. I said, listen, unedited Lost Gulch, you'll be taking a vacation in a big slur. You'll leave a pussy on the shelf for too long and it'll start to leak.

Pussy is not a slur that doesn't count. Pussy, pussy, pussy, come for me. My brother, when I was growing up, he said that he thought pussy was a vegetable because my dad said it so much. Why would he think it was a vegetable? Because my dad would be like, get back on the field, you fucking pussy. So he thought it was a vegetable? Because it was in the fields where vegetables grow.

Right? Wow. Am I warm? This might be Long Island lifestyle. Yeah, totally. You'll never believe this story. So my sister comes home one day when she's five. She's had to write a book about her family. So it's like, this is my mom. I love my mom a lot.

This is what my mom says to me. I love you. This is my dad. I love my dad a lot. This is what my dad says to me. It's a picture of him on the couch and it says, Peanut, go grab me a beer from the fridge. Girl. Hey, Peanut, go grab me a beer from the fridge. Talk about it, Arden. She wrote it as a five-year-old and brought it back to our family and was like,

This is what my mom says. This is what my dad says. Because my dad would send us into the back fridge. The garage fridge. You know how I just said that there's only been one artist who has presented my theory of everything? I was wrong. It's your sister. There was something in there that spoke to the universe for sure. My mom says, I love you. My dad says, hey peanut, go grab me a beer from the fridge. I can't believe I've never heard this before.

That's incredible. It's unbelievable. It's so good. Peanut, my dad used to say. Were you peanut? I was peanut and also yo sports fan. Oh, wow. Is that something? Yo sport fan, get me in whatever. Sports fan is a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. I was bug. Bug. Because I would crawl around all the time and never sit still. Still to this day.

You know how hard it is for me to sit right here? Unbearable. I want to be crawling all over this place. You're about to be like bowing on the toilet. I want to crawl over this place, spread my skin. I got to come, quite frankly. Oh, I want to do it now. Oh, what color would it be when it came out? You don't want to know. Fine, I'll tell you. White. I'm a normal guy. White.

white as snow, my cum. You guys should do a Manosphere episode. All right, today we're actually going to cum, and then we're going to see what colors it is. All right. And then we're going to figure out the hex code for the cum color. So who thinks this one is Bowen's cum? We immediately get a huge deal with Barstool Sports. We leave iHeart. We leave iHeart. We go to Barstool. For some reason, on Barstool, now they're talking about

Japanese pizzas. I got a thing on my feet. What is a Japanese pizza? The pizza in Japan is next level. And talk about that. Oh, it's amazing pizza. That's all I can say, really. That's all you can say? Talk about it. What is it? What makes it so good? The dough, the sauce, the toppings. Would it be as amazing as Mary Cosby's avocado pizza looked? Thoughts on Mary Cosby this year?

And her behavior in the finale. What can you say about a philosopher king? A lot. That's actually a great point. You can say a lot about a philosopher king. Yeah, I agree with both. You can say a lot. I get why people join the cult. She speaks with such

I just felt like she was speaking with such clarity this season that I thought that she was channeling spirit. For real. But weren't you upset at the end when she was really trying it with Angie? She was like, I was wrong about you. That was so insane. It was absurd. But then she was like, Angie was like, hey. And she was like, you're right, I have abandonment issues. And it was like, great. But...

So she needed Angie to get there. Right. So Angie is the real star here, I think. Angie is the star of the show. Yes, I would agree. She's top five housewife for me. Truly for me. Now you have to say her top five. Carlton. She's so crazy. She loves Carlton. You need to be in an asylum. The witch. Ra. Mona. Okay. Singer. Singer.

singer. Ra. Carlton. Singer. Angie. Angie. Okay. Who is rounding out this five? Karen. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That can't be my five. Karen. One more. Oh, fuck.

I feel like I have it on my phone. I feel like I wrote this down on my phone. It's like there's a folder with drag names. There's a folder with my favorite housewives. My favorite karaoke songs. This is a nice spread. You have Roni, Beverly Hills, Potomac, Salt Lake. You're missing what? You need a Miami girl in there. You need Adriana in. You know what? Actually, Marisol's mom.

Oh yeah. Elsa. Yeah. Elsa. Wait, so what do I Carlton Ramona actually Mary Cosby, Angie. Wow. And then no Karen Elsa, not, not even this week. You're going to knock Karen out.

Yeah, put her back in there. Because does it count? Does the body cam footage count as an episode of Housewives? I think so. I think it's canon. Because that is just like... It's so sad. When she's sitting in the jail cell getting interrogated and she just has... She's babbling and then she goes, Thomas Jefferson's concubine.

don't get that kind of genius anywhere else in this world. No, she is one of the funniest people to ever live. Talk about channeling the muse in the room. Like, be in the room where that happens. Like, that is a top five. My top five? Are we all doing this? Sure. Can we just point out, Sarah, you have a stand-up go to Karen's body cam footage and Brittany B.

My top five is Brittany Bateman. No, just kidding. I would respect that immensely. I do think she's had an incredible season. It is funny. You guys, I've never recorded in my life. I was trying to send a video to my daughter. She got a good grade on her math test. She just started speaking to me again. You guys. My daughter's speaking to me. What? I don't want you.

What's a... What you're singing Pink Pony Club throughout the airport? It's amazing. It's brilliant. To all housewives past, future... Past, future, and present, take notes. What you...

This is what happens when you're off your phone. So we're actually referring to someone who literally just made a TikTok. But like when you're off your phone and just being you. And you're not like worried about how people perceive you. No podcast, no outer chatter in your inner chat. When you're off your phone and just being you, it's incredible what you can do on your phone. That's essentially what you just said.

When you really clear that when you just let the music speak and you just put away your phone, pick up your phone. See what happens. Amazing shit. The content, especially now in the new era of TikTok. It's back, baby. And outcasts and vagabonds and dragulators. Dragulators. Dragulators. It's like, it's like, that is like, there are so many people who are trying to manufacture housewifedom. Yes. And they're trying to like. Bronwyn. Bronwyn.

I don't think Bronwyn is as guilty of that as other. I mean, let's call a spade a spade. Yes. My critique for the finale of Salt Lake. I did not need them to do that stupid thing. That game was made about her. That game was so. So Heather is, we'll put Heather. I don't think she even believed in it. I think, I think they told her like to do this. And then she was like, yeah, fine. And then it just, not one element of the show felt like they were pushing that hard for drama until that moment. And I was just like,

I just don't believe this. It tripped at the finish line a little bit. I think it's like we're at a point with Housewives where push has come to shove. And it's like in order for anything to be... I think New York is evidence of this. It just has to be crazy. And that's why I do respect Heather doing that because she's like, well, it's the finale episode. We're all sitting at the table and it has to be insane. Because what I...

What was my favorite was her cadence. We're going to take out our phones. We're going to find the worst thing we've ever said about someone here.

And then we're going to hand over our phone and we're going to read it. Diabolical. And we're going to move forward. Do you think she scripted that? No, I don't. You don't think she had a notes app on her phone that was like, guys. What I find suspicious was that they all, like remember when Lisa like zoomed the fuck in? Yeah. And like was like swiping, swiping, swiping. So it was like they screenshot, they had text at the ready. I think that's.

that was prepared there was something produced it was very produced it was very it was the only moment of the season that i felt was like inorganic yeah and i didn't like it i i did like it because i just felt like heather was like i have i fucking left not a single chrome last season and she's just like she actually deserves an emmy she does she does because she wrote that and

It's like, she was like the way I fucking tore that last year. Like the only way I can one up myself is if I do the craziest thing possible, which is she did the craziest thing. There was a moment there where the language was even kind of like mirroring last season where she goes, we're all obsessed with receipts. We're all obsessed. Like she's constantly,

caught herself mid list being like oh I gotta change up the words a little bit but it was receipts proof timeline I actually like earlier in the year like in our group chat people were like oh Heather's not having a great season she's not like in it I'm like actually I totally disagree because I think Heather Gay is the audience and she's the best narrator on the show

And she's the lead of the show. She's the protagonist. So it's fine by me that she's not like totally like racked with whatever is going on. I feel like she's had a lot of that and I kind of enjoy watching her watch what's happening. That's how I feel about Miss Gay. Miss Gay. I was talking about you. I wasn't talking about her. That's how I feel about Miss Gay. As everyone knows, my straight power fist. Even this week. Limp wristed somehow. Even this week.

YMCA, him dancing to the YMCA is like, is Brittany Bateman level. It's like, we are laughing. Give him a standing O. To the village people. You tore that. You tore this. You tore this. And you know this. To be true. But like, Brittany Bateman, they're a perfect cast because they're every archetype of housewife. And they're themselves. But Heather Gay is not. And that is what Mary was saying, too.

Mary, when Mary was like, Heather, you've changed and you're not, you know, you're not yourself. She's like, you are becoming too aware and too into the fandom and like you're Rihanna's favorite and you're performing and you're producing. But Heather like kind of needs to do that a little bit. Yeah, I think it's unfair.

I think you do need Heather to do what Heather has done. Right. Because you have Brittany Bateman. Like if everyone was Brittany Bateman. It would be unwatchable. Well, the rest of them are not capable of doing that. Like Lisa Barlow is not capable. And I'm wearing her on my shirt. Over your heart. Over my heart. She's not capable of being like, hey, guys, to the producers, what do you guys need? Let me execute that for you. One person can do that in the cast besides Heather, which is MJ.

Oh. You think? I think Angie too is a chaos agent. And she's living, she's truthfully living her life as the wife of a beautiful gay man. She's more grounded. But Angie can like zoom out and like the way she handled the Mary thing, I'm like she can...

She can do this. Yeah. She's so aware in the best and the exact right way. Yes. She has an understanding of that, of the situations in a way where she's like, you know, when it's time to put your foot on the gas and like whenever it's Meredith spinning in a circle at her own bat mitzvah being like, it's that time!

Like Angie knows like I'm upset, but this is good. Meanwhile, it's like Mary melting down. Like there's a bone in every housewives body that if they were to scratch that bone, it would just be like, let me continue fighting this woman. But Angie knew it is not. I'm not arguing with Mary Cosby about this. Saying high body count hair. It's like I actually take back what I said about Miss Gay because

needing an Emmy for her writing, it is Angie because we're getting lines like high body count hair and we're getting lines like one foot in the grave and another. And then she even wrote something for this show where her I don't think so honey was I don't think so honey high body count hair and then she goes, if you come to Lunatic Fringe Salon. By the way, the name.

Oh, no. First of all, when we saw... I didn't know it was called Lunatic Fringe. Triangle hair vibes. Lunatic Fringe. I saw Sauron vibes. I didn't know that it was actually a phrase. The Lunatic Fringe references actually groups of people. It's not just two words that sound great together. So she's like a full...

I worship this. The text. Yeah, we do. And she was great on the show. You should listen to that. She also like, she looks perfect. This is the right, the joke level writing. Yeah. Yeah. This is good. She goes, you come to lunatic fringe. You have a get laid guarantee. If you don't have sex, come back. I'll fuck you myself. Girl. Yeah. Then they say they, Rome was not built in a day. No. What can you possibly mean by that? And you're talking about a Greek woman. So watch it.

So don't stop with this Rome imagery. We're talking about a Greek legend. She built a hair empire because she was laying brick by brick. And the cultural wasteland of Salt Lake City. By the way. A goddamn pillar. I'm a pillar of the community. Oh my God. Do I have an Angie? Go, go, go.

Meredith? Well, Meredith, I thought it was really interesting how you attacked me and you were very rude to me. There's not much I'm specific. I have to work on it. It's there. It's a healing journey.

I'm in a real place of healing. I fucking love her. I fucking love her. She needs to have a better season next year, and I actually blame the... I think the producers cut out a lot of her shit. Oh, interesting. We love Whitney. I fucking love her. I think she's the most stunning woman alive. Period. She's one of the only housewives I've done a shot with. Oh. Oh. And how did that present itself? Well, we were both at high tops West Hollywood. Good for her. Likely place for us to be.

- She is a gay guy. - She's a gay guy. - She is. She's a gay guy. She's not as much of a gay guy as Angie Kay. - Oh, sure. Well. - But when, when, when Sudie and I were at Chuck, she was in the audience and then Sudie was like, say hi to her. I was like, I'm too shy. - Bowen, this is, Bowen is so, you guys work with the biggest A-listers week in and week out. - These are our A-listers. - Meredith Marsh came to the Fire Island premiere years ago with Seth and Brooks.

I went over to her. That was the first time we had ever met. I said, Bowen, come over here. He said, no, I'm not doing that. No, he's like, he was scared. I get that. I love these people with all my heart. And her scratch cornea really concerned me. Meredith doesn't stop creating content. Yeah.

- I'm saying this is someone who will be buying her, what is it? Pink microphones that she's selling? - If you don't think I have the entire Meredith Marks collection and have been to the store in Park City, you're incorrect. - What is it pink? - You'd be deeply mistaken. - Okay, do you remember at the end when it was like during the finale, when they put the title cards up, like what they're doing now and they came by so fast. - Yeah, it was way too fast. - Listen, we're all professional readers. Could not read that. - Yeah, I love reading. - Fluent in language. - I love reading queer. - Love. - So good at it. - This is my first language.

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And if you think you've been to a wedding where crazy things happen, prepare for alligator attacks, sabotage, shipwrecks, cornhole, and all kinds of things.

Watch January 30th on Prime Video. Lately on the NPR Politics Podcast, we're talking about a big question.

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like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Top five housewives. Should we do it? What are yours?

Stacey Rush. You are crazy. I watch her QVC videos. He does. It's like ASMR. It's ASMR to me. They're so soothing. Jesus bracelet. And it's a proud Christian woman. I love having God right here on my wrist. That's a proud Christian woman. No, she is actually a revolutionary housewife because she is showing you that you can be

a positive, loving person and still succeed. - And you could have the most beautiful boobs on TV. - And you're the most gorgeously stacked person to ever be on television. Her body is insane body tea. - Her body is tea, her body is Celsius, her body is Diet Coke. - Look at that. I mean, Becca, that's the most gorgeous woman alive. - Yeah, and to think she's dating a man who will not have sex with her. - That's crazy. And that's part of her ass vipery.

What is going on there with Miss Thing? Let me think about it. Let me think about it for even more than one or two seconds. Miss Gay. I think, I think. But we love Stacey. I love Stacey Rush is in my top five. Listen, I'm never going to shame an actor who wants camera time. Sure. And you are never going to do that. Never going to do that. You respect the fuck out of those guys. I respect the fuck out of those guys. Any actor out here who's grinding? Doing their best?

Putting one foot in front of the other in this grind we call Hollywood. I respect the fuck out of those guys. Excuse my language, but it's true. And it's really difficult. Say it for the hard of hearing Meredith Marxist people in the back. Well, I thought you just said Meredith Marxist. And I thought that's a good drag name. That's a great drag name. Meredith Marxist. Oh my God. iPhone list. iPhone list. Wait, can I just say when I was in Denver for the holidays-

It was this huge event all over Grindr. People were like, we're going to Meredith Marks. Meredith Marks is going to show up at Trax, this nightclub by the train tracks. It was like the entire town was getting ready for a presidential visit. That's an A-list Trax appearance. No, of course. And I was like, I'm going to sit this one out. Because of fear. Because of fear. No, but we love Meredith. Meredith came... Obviously, Meredith famously, as the readers know, came to the cultural awards and delivered a...

great performance and accepted an award in person on behalf of all the ladies and then came out to the after party afterwards and was hanging out. She is a good hand. This is what I was saying about the title card. When it said at the end of the title cards, it said that she's coming out with listening pink listening devices. Yeah. Well, she's a handicapped microphone. She's a handicapped woman.

- 'Cause Brit, she thought- - Oh, so we're making fun of the differently abled. I understand. We make fun of disabilities now. - My family and my- - Matt's here on a really underappreciated line during the whole recording freak out in the Sprinter van. What is it? - I invited you into my home. - No, that and then she's been saying lies. - And spreading lies.

She goes, for saying lies and spreading lies. Like saying and spreading being two different things. For saying lies and spreading lies. She absolutely rocks. She rocks. So, Meredith Marks. Meredith, Stacey, Luann, and then I'm going to say I fucking Luann. Oh, fuck.

Oh, Luann and Sonia. We can share the list. Sharae. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sharae Whitfield. This is the list. And I'm going to say Alexia. Alexia is pretty good. Alexia is huge for me. I'm going to say Adriana tomorrow. Okay. Adriana's amazing. I'm going to say Meredith. Yes. Yeah. I'm going to say... If you say Meredith, I'll say... Oh, I'm going to say Dolores Catania. Oh, you love Dolores. Shit.

And I'm going to say, who do I laugh at? Sonia. Like how was Sonia not my number one? Honestly, Sonia to me is diminishing returns. Kenya. Sure. Kenya is tough for me because as incredibly fabulous as she is, I don't think I'm like chuckling and laughing along. Honestly, in good times, Portia. I was going to say Portia. You like Portia. Portia's unbelievable. And also, you know who I think is actually a top five housewife? And I take the good and the bad. Nene. Erika Jayne. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Totally. Erica Jane is unforgettable character on television. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like if we're like paying homage to what the show homage for the Zuby Zeus in the room. It's like that is what the show is. It's a soap opera and she is a soap opera character. I mean, literally named after Erica Kane. Wow. My soul left my body. Yeah. You met her.

No. Wait, I don't know who Erica Kane is. I did General Hospital. Right. Erica Kane is Susan Lucci's character on All My Children. Probably the most famous soap opera character. But Sarah was on General Hospital. Yes. That is the most iconic thing anyone's ever done. Well, and talk about- You were on General Hospital? You didn't know this? I bet. I literally, I said, hey, I-

Please. And they were like, are you kidding? Because you're a comedian. Are you kidding? And I was like, I'm 1 million percent. What did you do on General Hospital? They were like, so they. She's a speech. She's a speech therapist. You're fucking kidding me. She's amazing. I come in for one episode. Can't do a serious face going. Because, you know, it is true what they say. And so like that in soap operas, you know, at the end of a scene, it holds on everyone's facial reaction. Yeah. Like this.

I really do want to go. You should get in there. You would be amazing. All I want to do is act. And guess what they do? 100 pages of dialogue a fucking day. It's crazy. Do your respect speech. Put respect on that with the soap opera actors. What were you saying? Respect speech? That you just did earlier. I respect the hell out of those. I respect the hell out of those actresses. Think about how many greats we've got from soaps. Julianne Moore. Lisa Rinna.

Tali Ripa? I did when I hosted my game show, my hamster game show. Let that sink in. You don't even know the half of it with this hamster game show. Who was competing, the hamsters? Yes, they were. But the humans too. And therein lies the rub. And therein lies the rub.

I was my co-host, Kyle. Shout out. Shout out. He did soap operas and he was like, bitch, you have no idea the level of acting talent. He said that all of his co-stars could, when they were like, hey, you know, the director would be like, can we get one single tear rolling down your cheek? They would go, which eye? Fuck. Which eye? Which eye?

Which I, bitch. Yeah. You could do that, though. You could. Which I, you could. I certainly couldn't. Which I. So at the end of every scene, like, they literally do the whole, like, hold for reaction, hold for reaction. But my crunchy ass literally doing this in my reaction shots. Yeah.

- They're fucking amazing. I couldn't believe everyone is so fucking amazing at acting in general hospital. It's like in. - Okay, you know what? I'm throwing it out there. I want to be on general hospital. - Easy. - I'm serious. - I would love to come in and do whatever you guys need. - They're not gonna want to let you go. - That's fine. I'll do a recurring role. - Period. - I would love to. - It is like one take, everyone done. Everyone's off book. Day of, day of.

And then they go, got it. Wow. And I, I've never, I legit never been more nervous in my life. Cause you're actually with pros who are like, they do this every. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't, I don't mean to make this about me. I want to put something out there. What? I want to do a pro wrestling thing. That would be really good.

- I went to New Japan Pro Wrestling at the Tokyo Dome. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life. From children to elderly women screaming. - Screaming. - Hilarious. - Hilarious. - Acrobatic.

I just, it's all my favorite things. Costume. Ask John Cena for tips. John. John. Mandarin speaker, John Cena. Yeah. Have you seen him do the ads for La Garnma? I guess not. For the Chili Crisp? Cam knows. Oh, for the Chili Crisp. He's in his trailer. He's like, it's crazy. Good. Okay. So for those reading, listening, watching,

Matt wants me in general hospital badly done. Bowens general hospital done substance. Like, Hey, substance to substance to, Hey, you find out monstro is not dead. Monsters slurps up and it's you. I mean, and then you have to go into SNL and it's meta.

Oh my god. And then Monstro Eliasso goes to work at Starbucks and she's just got to be a girl getting her shit together in West Hollywood and like roommates. How did, I want you to, could you possibly conjure up how you felt when you saw Monstro Elissasoo and when the text came on the screen that said Monstro Elissasoo? How did you feel? You're going to like think I'm joshing around or kiling around or whatever you guys say on this show. I don't know.

But like, so I went to the movie with my friend Eris who like does like amazing. I'm sorry, Eris? How do you spell the name Eris? Eris Tor? Oh, wow. If his name was Eris, he's had a hard two years. E-R-I-S, Eris, they. Eris, but like the Final Fantasy character. Yes. My friend Eris who does practical effects, who did all the practical effects in Sarah Maxine. Oh.

- We went together and when that happened, legit stood up. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The more you do it the less. - And we literally stood in this.

I think people in the theater we saw it with were like screaming, laughing the whole time, but I don't think they, they didn't, they, they didn't feel like they had permission to stand and cheer, but it's cheer. It's cheering. It's cheering. Yeah. Yeah. Monstro. I think because I saw it from home. I saw, I saw it at home and I kept, and mind you, I was stoned, but it was the perfect way to watch it. Cause I kept turning to Matt. It's okay. I kept turning to Matt. Oh, wait,

I turned him out and I was like, I slowly sobbed. And now this is a circuit. We did say we couldn't do holding space jokes anymore. For Sarah, we can. This is the last time. Only for you, you little rascal. So this is like, you know what I mean? It's different.

I kept saying to Matt, I was like, this is fucking awesome. Yeah, he did. Minutes in, he was like, this is the best movie ever. I was like, this rules. I love that movie. It's so fun. And I loved Demi. Oh, I loved Demi. She's the most beautiful woman who's ever graced the planet. 62. Can you believe? That's crazy. Yep.

How old is anyone? I don't know. You'd have to ask them. And it's rude in some cultures. Yeah, in some cultures that's rude. Do you want to hear something? I'm bouncing around. I'm so crazy. But I was like, it just scared me to think that we wouldn't be bringing this up. My neighbor. Wait, this is so back. This is not what we're talking about. No, say it. Say it. I'm not. No, I'm flatlining. No, say it. Say it. What? My neighbor is a brain scientist. Wow. I don't think that's what they're called.

Neighbor hack. Neighbor hack. Legit. Sometimes I am kind of like, should I knock on her door and ask her if it's normal that I can feel the veins in my eyes? Knock, knock, knock. Hi. How are you? Not getting an aura ring and refreshing the app every five seconds. I had a question about... I know you're off the clock. I can feel the veins in my eyes. Is this normal? Which is not the brain. Yeah, no. No, I'm not saying the brain. But everything is.

Everything is because actually isn't all reality. That's your real culture number 94. It's not the brain, but everything is. We've never had a rule like that, like the gate itself. Yeah. Yeah. All I'm saying is that all reality is consciousness. So period. Wait, can you walk through that? It's just like we could all be like literally in my dream right now.

So you're an egomaniac narcissist. So you're a solipsist. Sorry, we could all be in like Trump's dream. That you threw it on him. It's his day. It is. This is all his dream, isn't it? It's like, I just, I'm sorry, I can't get over that he had fucking YMCA. You have to watch The Apprentice.

- The movie. - Oh, wait. No, the movie. The movie with Sebastian. I love "The Apprentice" with the TV show. So does "Bone Yang." - I loved it. Well, it was like the back in the day. - I liked it too. - It was the best show. - I did like "The Apprentice" back in the day when it was all fun and games. - Yes. - I'm talking about "The Apprentice" 2024 with Sebastian Stan and Jeremy Strong. Essentially "The Apprentice" referring to the fact that Trump was Roy Cohn's apprentice. - You know, I pledge to watch that. - It's really an interesting movie. - And did it get like a lot of attention

- I feel like a little bit where people worried about it. - Yes, definitely. They're still worried about it. - Why? - And Sebastian Stan's Oscars, I'm sorry, Golden Globes speech was like, we cannot move in fear. Is this leaf distracting? - No. - Are you distracting? - As long as you're okay with it. - There is rustling afoot. - I mean, certainly.

And I just feel like if I were to have a leaf on my head throughout the entirety of me doing my job, that's crazy that this is actually our job. If I had a leaf on my head during my entire workspace, I would think. Well, good thing you're not a Pokemon. Because I think there's a Pokemon with a leaf on his head. There's leaf type Pokemon and you better watch your mouth. Chikorita. Yeah, hello. Bitch. I just.

I have more proof that that's the funniest word in history. Chikorita. That. That. That. I was your friend and you were offended by that. And I was offended by that. Lisa Barlow. Wait, what was it? Hi, I'm your friend. I'm your friend and I was offended by that. Yeah, I can't quote that. That's one of the craziest moments.

Garbage horror? Garbage horror. The fact that she came back from that with Meredith. It's unbelievable. Did I ever tell you about, I was at Sundance one year and this is the same year I went to her store and I saw Meredith at an after party and I turned to her and I just go, Meredith, I root for you and Lisa. And she literally turns to me and she goes, well, explain to me how that would work. And I was like, oh my God.

then how have they healed from that? I think you just kind of get over things when you're a housewife. Girl, when fucking Heather said about Whitney, like, she's a piece of shit. Yeah. You're a piece of shit. That's crazy. You're a fucking liar. You're a bitch. That's literally what she says to her. Like, looking her in the eyes. No, you are...

You're a liar, Lisa. You're a liar, Lisa. You talked to Whitney last season and you're like, how are you with the girl? How are you doing? And she goes, I'm good because the girls are all good. She said something like, everyone knows how to do the show and we're a good cast and we're together. And also I did hear, I think Joel saw Meredith somewhere and he was like, so how are you feeling about the season? And Meredith fully with a big smile was like, I loved it. Everyone really came to work this year.

Like they're loving it. They're amazing. Like Angie Kay came on the show and you could tell she felt like a queen. As she should. As she should. Oh, two things I want to say. Please tell me when, I'm afraid that when people see me, they see. Why? Like when Bronwyn walks into the room wearing Ronald McDonald. It's like costume. Not costume, honey. Yeah.

- Well, she kept saying mama. Mama, this is fashion. - I'm a Bronwyn fan. I don't get this Bronwyn hatred. - But you don't see, that's not what I'm like, right? When I walk in with my eyes on Sully's head, it's like you don't see like hot dog on a stick. - If you're anyone on Salt Lake. - You're Lisa Barlow. - No. - No. - You're not. - Who am I? - Get this right. - You know. - I think that you're Lisa and you're Meredith. - That is exactly what it is. - Yeah.

We saw ourselves in the first season when Meredith tells Lisa, Seth and I are separated. And Lisa was like, oh my God, wait, I'm going to cry. I'm crying. Wait, I'm crying. Meredith, I love you guys so much. I'm really close with them. It's just really hurting me because we're always friends, you know? Meredith's like, it's okay. Wait, I'm going to cry. I'm crying. You look like a trampoline with eyes.

Angie. Trampoline with eyes. Trampoline with eyes. She's underrated. Trampoline with eyes. Crying. Crying. Angie. One foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. How does that even work? Where does she come up with that? That's amazing. And Bronwyn reading it. She's got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.

Can you not laugh? It's like, I feel that way, by the way. That you have one foot in the grave and another one up in the... Which means what to you? Half clown, half dead. Pagliacci's curse. Yeah, Pagliacci. Oh, Pagliacci. Who's Pagliacci? Can you do me a really big favor? Can you look up Doctor Who...

Like a skin stretched out person. Oh, I know what you're talking about. That's trampoline with eyes. That's trampoline with eyes. No, and then. Wait, can you do this thing? Insert image here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop. And also make sure it says subscribe to Lost Culture Recess underneath it. Do it again, in fact. Do it again. Oh, yeah. Subscribe to Lost Culture Recess here. Or should we say subscribe to iHeart?

Y'all. I can't with y'all. Y'all are some clowns. Really for real. Really for real. What? Okay. My neighbor who's a brain scientist. Yeah, yeah. Get into this. Should this be a two-part episode? Yes.

Should this be called Monstro Serenical Part 1? Hell, oh my god. And then we'll do Monstro Serenical Part 2. If we're brave enough. No. We have to go to work. Oh, Jesus Christ, I forgot about that. Me, by the way, me really too. Me really too. Take it back. Especially this week. Me really too.

It's not #MeToo, it's the sequel. Me really too. Hashtag. You thought we were stomping it out the first time? No, no. Me really too. Pussy grabs back. You thought pussy was sitting on the shelf? Well, guess what? It was sitting on the shelf so long in the cabinet in the dark that it became one of those potatoes with the little arms growing out. Pussy grabs back and this time it reeks. That's actually really good.

- Scare him off a little bit. - Rule of culture number 1,000. - We've never gone that high, you fucking freak. - You really came in here and said, you really said it's Sarah's culture. - I'm gonna say the culture that was for me. When the pussy's on the shelf, David Lynch, we should get you like that. - Well, he passed. - He's dead, dead man. - Okay, so my neighbor's brain size. - Yeah, yeah, get into this, sorry. - She said,

That global warming. Oh no. What does she know? She's a brain scientist, not a climate scientist. Global is not brain. Just because they're shaped the same. A big circle. A brain and a globe. That's why my brain's always rolling around in my head like a marble. Yeah, exactly. Did you tell her all this? Peanut-headed bitch. What did she say? One time my boyfriend drew a picture of me and that was little peanut head.

And me screaming, pay attention to me. And he called it peanut head bitch. And now Sarah, whenever she's in a wig, it's like, oh, that's the most peanut headed bitch I've ever seen. Peanut head bitch. With a little head. You have such a good head for wigs. He's a great head for wigs. I love seeing you in a wig. It's a full transformation. It makes me laugh immediately when I see you in like a red bob. Or like. Wait, you guys.

that one bomber she's like you as a blonde i love to oh there's something like amazing about i had no it's it's an amazing moment when you transform i just it's like ever it's just like listen i am grateful for this job because so many things but the fact that for a job i get to wear a wig and go

Who is she? There was a wig that was so perfect on Sarah that, and I don't mean to like out you as anything like narcissistic. It's just, it was like, I got it because you just kept, Sarah and I sit next to each other on Saturdays for our makeup and hair. And it really was a moment of Sarah just being like looking at herself for at least five minutes. I'm the pretty girl, mama. Being like, I'm beautiful. Yeah. I did the substance mirror thing. But positive. But positive. You did it, but you were like, oh, oh, oh.

You were like so happy. I felt about when I had my Tina Turner wig. I had a Tina Turner wig in that Pongo sketch. It was insert image here. Oh, Tina Turner wig. One time I had to wear a Reba wig. Oh, that was great. And it was like, I was kind of like. Were you playing Reba? Not at all. But it was a Reba wig. Not per se. Yeah.

Well, all actresses have, you know, I was kind of channeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't really put a Reba wig on without doing a little Reba. I'm a survivor, at least once. That was amazing. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good at singing. I work hard. When you were singing in the hallway and it was resounding and reverberating, I was like,

The all funny drained out of my body and I was just living in like pure honest moment. I was just like, wow, that's really kind. What did your neighbor say? Oh, what are you?

That's beautiful. What did your neighbor say? Because he's done with me. I need to pee so bad. Go pee, girl. How bad is it? Pretty bad. I've been holding it in for at least a half hour. You've been dealing with a lot. Should I go now? We've been on momentum this whole time. My neighbor said that climate change is here.

Trump. Really, Trump? Come on now, girl. Greenland. Trump. Girl. Get real, girl. Get real. Greenland. Really? Leave it alone. Really? What did your climate... Sorry, brain scientist say about the climate? She said that global warming... You know that global warming is happening because dogs have... Dog bites are up.

Because the ozone, dogs are breathing in ozone and it's making them go crazy. And the first thing I said was Bronwyn. Oh my God. And then your neighbor was like, who? Yeah, no, literally. You know what's crazy? Brains, I just apparently don't watch Real Housewives. What's crazy about the Bronwyn dog attack is she got attacked by her favorite thing because she's got all those dogs named after the House of Cards characters. This show is the best show on television, I'm sorry. It is.

All my dogs are named after characters from my favorite show, House of Cards. An insane show. Let me be frank. Let me be frank. You are so funny. I'm going to light you on fire. Let me be frank. You know those dogs were named after Let Me Be Frank.

Like they're young dogs. And this girl is naming. I mean, how's no cards was like 2013. It's an old show. So she must've started binging like a few years ago. Dogs look like newer than that. Yeah. They're not like housebroken. I mean, if she had started the show when it came on, like many of us did, and then she

I guess she might have named her dog. I would imagine her first dog was named Frank and you'd think the second one was Claire. Those dogs are old now. Those are old dogs. Really old. 13-year-old dogs. I thought all of her dogs looked really young and I was like, that's crazy that she named them that recently. I mean. So bless up. She started watching House of Cards after everything came out.

After everything came out about Kevin Spacey, she said, not only am I going to start streaming, I'm going to name all my pets after this. This is just conjecture. We don't know. They could be. They got money. You know, those dogs have money. They can get everything replaced. They took the substance. Group minds, group minds. Group minds, group minds. When you can get in a rhythm, ride the wave, babe. One foot in the grave and another on a peel.

Look at that melody. Another on appeal. You know what I mean, Banana. You need to be in the Minions movies. Wait, Eric and Jane, we're on appeal for legal reasons. We're on appeal. We're on appeal. For legal reasons. Tom was an evil man. Oh, no. Tom was driving. He's iconic. The car flipped over how many times? Three times.

Because it was smelling like bedspin. Kyle was like, what? Or what? Or what? Or what? Or what? Your leather pants. Exactly. So shut the fuck up. Kyle, hey, girl. Girl. What do you have to say to Kyle Richards? Talk to the camera. Because after you say it, we're going to do I Don't Think So Honey, and then we're going to let him pee finally. Please. Girl, you got to speak truth to power. Yeah. Who's the power? I think, unfortunately, she's the power, and we've given her too much of it. I agree. Just speak.

Yeah. Say, okay, say I'm gay or say I was gay for a second. Yeah. Or say Mauricio cheated on me with Dorit. Just say it. My take on Kyle is she...

Literally, the cameras are only there for her own comfort because I do think she's dealing with a pretty real thing, which is that she's separated from her husband. He's not around and none of her kids are around. So I think the cameras are there more so that she can have the voices of people that she knows there. So she doesn't spin out, but she shouldn't be on the reality show anymore. She's not willing to portray her reality, which she's not willing to do in any shape or form. No, you're so you're very right.

Philosopher King. Tell your brain scientist neighbor to chew on that for once. The ozone's making him spit fire. Yeah. Dog attacks are up, you know. And you know what? I changed everything. That woman was mauled. Yes, she was. And you made a joke out of it. You made humor out of it. And it sucked. It wasn't comedy. It was humor. And Sarah, it sucked to sit here while you did that. Cheering on violence against women.

This week. This week. If you don't laugh, you'll cry, I believe the phrase goes. The old adage. You said that like Yoda. The phrase goes, I'll believe. Just someone looking you dead in your eyes. Too funny. That's too funny. Too funny, too furious. That's all you had to say to Kyle? Did you just give him time? Yeah. Bye, Eileen. Like and subscribe to Lost Culture. Kyle by Nosferatu.

- Oh, Kyle would have been good in that. - She should have been Lily Rose Depp's role. - Goldie Rose Depp? - Lily Rose Depp. - I thought you said Goldie Rose Depp. - Goldie Rose Depp would be funny. - Britney could have played that. - Britney Bateman?

Did you see Nosferatu? Yes, clearly. You saw it. It was awesome. You loved it. Your top two of the year are Nosferatu and Substance. My top two of the year are the Substance and the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City finale. Period. Great. Target made Up and Up for you. Help

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Watch January 30th on Prime Video. Lately on the NPR Politics Podcast, we're talking about a big question.

How much can one guy change? They want change. What will change look like for energy? Drill, baby, drill. Schools. Take the Department of Education closer. Health care. Better and less expensive. Follow coverage of a changing country. Promises made, promises kept. We're going to keep our promises. On the NPR Politics Podcast. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So it's time for I Don't Think So, Honey. This is our famous segment, Sarah, where we take one minute to really take down something in a culture that we feel deserves it. This is our moment to do that. Yes. Matt, do you have something? I don't really have anything. Okay. But do you? I really do. And you actually know about mine, too.

I know about it. Yeah, okay, then it's going to be amazing. I can go first. Okay. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey, and his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey Humidifier. I'm waking up in the morning. You're blasting off all night in the corner. I'm waking up in the morning, lips still chapped. How come is that? How come is that humidifier? If you're not...

doing the do, then I can't give the give in my everyday life. I'm walking around with chapped lips and a chapped ass while we're at it. All because the droplets, the mist, whatever you do. What do you do? What do you do well? Successfully. Successfully, in the words of Bianca Del Rio to LaGuardia Estrada. What do you do successfully? Humidifier, I ask you this. To Trinity K. Bonet, to be honest. To Trinity. To Trinity.

Oh, I thought it was still a ganja. 15 seconds. That's an amazing season of television. Great season. RuPaul's Drag Race season six. And we're going to be reviewing it. And we're going to be reviewing it. We're doing a recap podcast on our Patreon. Just kidding. Drag Race review. Review. Five seconds.

Humidifier, do your job. Thank you. That was one minute. Bowen, would you say that you were dry as your mother's vagina? Sort of like your vagina. Sort of like your vagina. Laganja should have won that season. That was an amazing season. For her impact on culture, she should have won. Oh, absolutely. You know what? What?

Put my time on. This is Matt Rodgers. I don't think so. Any time starts now. I don't think so, honey, that Lugandra did win season six of the post drag race. You're still quoting it. You're still obsessed. Yeah. Bianca, we love you.

We're not quoting. I guess I just did. Not today, Sting. We still say. You know what, Bianca? You deserve your victory. It should have been a tie. The Monet X Change Trinity K Bonet tie shouldn't have been the one tie. Laganja should have tore up that win just like she tore up the whole season. And I feel very attacked that she didn't win. In fact,

You know what? I've actually hung out with Laganja Estrada, a lovely person. Of course. And let the girls have their marijuana if they needed to be right, because she probably would have actually ate down on that season. Truly. Even more than she already did if they had allowed her her little medicinal marijuana. And you know what? Of all weeks to not let Laganja smoke weed on season six, of all weeks, you pick this week.

I don't think so, honey. And we're not headed in the right direction in this country. We're not. And that's one minute. Does anyone know? Could anyone do the stand up set by heart? Sort of like over John. Can we? Can we? All right. Get your lighters up. My name is Legand. Hold on. We need to do it. We need to pull up and do it and do a reading. Legand just stand up.

And also, I respect the hell out of her that she will not return to the show. Oh, really? Yeah, but I'm sure they've asked many times because who wouldn't want to see that? She came back to absolutely slay a lip sync to Dua Lipa's physical. Yes, that was amazing. It was a total knockout. But...

She won't return to the show to compete because it's like she's had it. Good. Okay. What is it? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Put your lighters up. Gondra's in the house. As you can tell from my accent, I'm from Dallas, Texas. And it was not very easy.

Growing up. Looking like this. Whether I was playing in my grandma's clothes or putting on a show for my well-organized alphabetically ordered baby babies. I was good, good, good, good. Gay. But it wasn't until I moved to Los Angeles that I discovered marijuana. I mean, I like to smoke y'all. I'm just flying highs. You're receding hairline. Oh, Kerr. Marijuana really does help me calm down. So,

So y'all, I went to Valencia where they filmed the TV show Weeds. Now y'all, it's very dry. It's almost kind of like your vagina. Can I get an amen? Amen! Now y'all, I'm a tree hugger because if it ain't green, I'm not interested. Can I tell you something? Had she done this in a way that like at the time really owned it, like had she been high, this would have been like...

Like, it to me is funny. Because if it ain't green, I'm not interested. That's a killer. But this is what I'm saying is she created what comedy is. Right. Like, this podcast wouldn't exist. You think this podcast would exist? You think the comedy cellar was built in a day?

- Angie K needs a set at the comedy set. - We need Angie K and Laganja Estranja doing like a travel show together. - Yes! - Yeah. - Absolutely. - I bet Angie K smokes some reefer. Don't laugh, Rebecca. - Her house is too pointy. - You with the shapes of tips of things. - The shapes of tips of things. - What else, what else? - Your head. - What else, what else? - You said it Maya triangle, Maya triangle, you asked like 15 times. - I'm a visual learner.

Are you? In many ways.

When I look at her house, I go, if I was too high, I would fall and hit my head on one of those pointy marble slabs. I know. I appreciate a house that's really dangerous to live in. That's actually my aesthetic. A hazardous place where if you even think about bringing your kids, they're going to get hurt. Right. Don't bring kids into my house. Don't bring kids into my refrigerator house. Exactly. My house is ice cold and pointy as shit.

Remember when Monica fell down the stairs? Oh my god, yeah. And then her mom ate guacamole and said, my green ice cream or something. Monica's mother, we forgot how crazy that was. The craziest woman. What was her name? I don't know. Tippi Hedren or something? That's what it was, Tippi Hedren. Yes, thank you. I feel like it kind of was that. What was it? What the hell was Monica's mom's name?

What did I say? Linda Darnell. You were right. Tippi Hedren. All right. So this is Sarah. Mine's like, you guys are going to have to edit it out. It's going to be so fucking brutal. Okay. Oh, shit. This is Sarah Sherman's. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. And I'm speaking my truth. This is, you know, this is true. I know the clock is running out. I'll take my time. How much I wonder. Santa Maria novella. I don't think so, honey, that you reformulated.

patchouli. I've been wearing the same patchouli from Santa Maria Novella for five years. I went to go buy another bottle. Spray it on me. I go, I'm sorry. Why is it not spraying sticky? Why is it not so sticky? Why is it not coming out smelling like balsamic vinaigrette and stank and rank? Why does it not? Why does it smell nice? Why does it smell like a dog peed on me? You changed it. I called the office in Italy. They

Making perfumes? Hot to carry. Monks make the perfumes since the 1600s in Tuscany. Five seconds. I call them and I say, you reformulated? They said, no, we didn't. I go, but when I spray my shirt, it's not stained brown because that was old formula. That's funny. Keep going, though.

My old patchouli formulation. You used to spray it on your shirt. There would be a big brown stain like you spilled soy sauce on you. Just the way I like it. This is just too brutal. The bottle would be so sticky, brown, sticky all over like syrup. You couldn't even touch it. I used to be able to walk into a fucking elevator and everyone would go, whoa, whoa. Get a job, hippie. And now it smells nice. Hey, you stupid monks.

Change it back, you freaks, you queerdos. Freakish monks. Get fucked, monks. There's a 10-woman who's like, no, it's the same. I email every email. Do the accent. Buongiorno. Okay. No. Oh, my God, that sucks. Mamma mia, that's a patchouli pizza. You're on SNL. Hey. No, I'm not.

Actra down. Actra. So you know what I have to do? I have to go on eBay. I have to Google Santa Maria Novella patchouli. And guess what comes up? Bottles literally with one tablespoon of the patchouli left. And I'm buying it for $150 because that's how badly I want it. And everybody knows. And that's why everyone on eBay is upcharging. Literally, I bought it. Because Sarah's buying. Because Sarah's buying. And they are trying to upsell Fanta.

thimbles left of this old patchouli formulation. So I beg you, Santa Miranda, I know the platform that this podcast has. Oh no, I stopped the talk. I know what the power of Las Culturitas is. So in conclusion, I don't think so, honey. The gaslighting of women on a day, week like this week. Yeah, on a week like this. Wow. No, this was a saga. But I thought it had been resolved. I thought you had found the patchouli again.

Well, I found this is what fucking happened. Then I found the bottles on eBay that people were reselling the half empty bottle. But now everybody's caught on that the patchouli is different. But how does everyone... So now there's less on eBay. But how do all these eBay people have a little droplet left over? Like, who are these people? I don't know. I literally... There's like... There's...

There's someone for everyone out there. There is someone for everyone. And it just, they change it and it smells like nice. And I liked when I smelled like vinegar. Yeah. I used to smell, when I used to come into my office. I used to smell like patchouli. Just keep, I smell like patchouli. You should just put vinegar in the bottle. Vinegar and soy sauce. Well, I just put vinegar, soy sauce, stinky socks, dog pee, cat pee.

And now it smells like grass. I don't think so, honey. It's smelling like nice grass. It smells like pussy on the shelf. It smells like pussy on the shelf. Am I time restarted? I got a UTI.

From holding in this piss. The hemorrhoid of the penis hole. Is it that bad? Well, you know, I've been holding it in for a while. I asked for the third time if it's that bad. More time has passed. It could be Logan Roy going to the brain and drive you piss crazy. What? Is that what happened to Logan Roy? He went piss crazy on that one episode. Is that where he died? Who's your favorite Roy? Oh, Kendall.

Kendall. That's Long Island. Kendall Roy triggers me in an insane way. That is every person we grew up with. Down. Yeah. If they had had money, which around me, well, whatever. Yeah, you're right. That's why it triggers me. You know what I just remembered that you guys are... That he has to pee really bad? No, wait, what did you remember? Great talent show my friends did at T.

And they were like, Sarah, you can be in the back and press play on the boom box. That's a traumatic memory. Fuck them. They have to switch out the cards because we've been going for two hours. So we're going to end it. This has been so wonderful. It was great to get to know you a little bit better. I don't want to end this. Trust and believe I'm having the time of my life. The great thing about you guys having boomers

Booked SNL is now you get to go hang out with each other even more. And you know what I want you guys to do? Ride something together this week. We are. Trust and believe. We are. I legit am tired from laughing. It's crazy. We end every episode with a song. Hey! Hey, y'all! Hey, Sarah. You can push the boom box in the back. For more, listen to Outkast. Speaker box. Speaker box. Love Below. Love Below. The classic album. Double album. Double album.

ATLians.

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Lately on the NPR Politics Podcast, we're talking about a big question.

How much can one guy change? They want change. What will change look like for energy? Drill, baby, drill. Schools. Take the Department of Education, close it. Health care. Better and less expensive. Follow coverage of a changing country. Promises made, promises kept. We're going to keep our promises. On the NPR Politics Podcast. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear? I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to. I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success. Listening is a form of love.

Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal.