Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
I've said this before, I don't mind a guy being short. I'll put him in a cage on my pocket like Mulan with the cricket. I will carry his little ass around. It's not a problem to me. Do you think you would survive in war? I wouldn't. Oh, beyond belief, yes. And not because I have any skills. I think about the apocalypse a lot because it's near. And I am like, I don't have any skills. I have no trades. But what I am is a people person.
Period. And I believe that I could get an army to fight for me. Charming, if you will. Charming. Yeah. I think that you and I would, I'd probably come out to where you live. I'd grab you, your mom, Dace. I'd grab everybody. And I'd say, hey, all of us together are going to go find soldiers. And we're going to run it as a collective. Yep. Absolutely. And I would grab y'all. And I think we would, yeah, we would find a clean water source to protect. Yeah.
And I think we would be fine. Yeah. I already know the plan. Enough gay people love both of us. I think we'd be okay. Yeah, and gay people are, of course, by and large, useless. Oh, my God.
However, they're spirited. Right. And with the right direction, I think they could do something. Right. And if not, we'd have a good time and party till we die. Party till you die is kind of what I'm up to. Right. When I say party till I die, I mostly mean like go to restaurants with your friends until you die. But that's, I'm partying over there. That reminds me, I went to the People's Choice Awards last weekend. Thank you. It was a key. It was fun. But I did get trashed. And I never really get drunk at work events. I trashed the People's Choice Awards. Yeah.
Yeah, why? Okay, queen. I'm sitting next to Patrick Tom. I'm like, yeah, it's so crazy. I know. You're like, it's literally the best one because the people choose. I start giving a speech. Falling out of your chair. I'm like, and another thing. You're like, let me talk to Billie Eilish.
Billie Eilish, I am right to be here. And I had a blast. It was really fun. But I was hungover for two days after that, girl. Two fucking days. Can you believe that shit? I cannot. I was so arrogant. The next day I woke up, I was like, I don't feel that bad. I'm good. Now I'm convinced I was just drunk all day. You were drunk again. And I had meetings that day. For a second time. What was I talking about? You were drunk at work. Yep. You have a problem, girl. On the clock. Hey, we brought you here for a reason. No.
We all love you so much. We're going to read impact statements. All right. True. When you got drunk at the People's Choice Awards, I have never felt so mistreated. And then when I woke up Tuesday, I was like, oh, I feel like I'm going to die. And then when I was going through the motions of it, I was like, oh, I'm fucking hungover still. I'm so old. You are. I'm a million and one years old, girl. You're 21. We're the same age. Yes.
I feel so much older than people my age. Me too. Like, I talk to another 28, 29-year-old, and I go, oh, God, you're just a baby. Yeah, me too. Same age as me. Do you know what I mean? But I'm sure you get this, too. Especially online people. If you talk to them and they're younger than, I don't know, 28, anything younger than us, they're like,
Okay, you're like almost 30. First of all, relax. Hold up. First of all, shut the fuck up. Second of all, what's that supposed to mean? What does it mean? I've started, I know that I'm getting too, I can't, a friend of mine was describing this as dating PSR to PSR, post Saturn return to post Saturn return. Right. Is this friend gay? Of course. Of course, yeah. If you think I have a straight friend, you're out of your mind. No.
Sorry, John. It's just me and Brittany. Sorry, John. You, Brittany, and John. Yeah, you, Brittany, and John. But again, the way I attribute Midwestern-ness to people I like, I also attribute gayness. Period. The fact that you're in a heterosexual relationship to me is, I'm like, yeah, but she's doing it in a queer way. That's so real. That's the hoops I go through for people I love.
I like when John wears a funky t-shirt. I'm like, he's gay with it. You know what I mean? I'm like, sure, he's straight, but he's gay with it. Sure, straight. Sure, sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure. No, what were we talking about?
I was on some kind of tangent. What was I talking about? Oh, someone young. You were talking to someone young. Oh my God. Why got to stop dating young people? I went on a date with a 24 year old the other day and he called me pookie. Okay. And I said, and I said, we're friends at best and more likely enemies. He said, don't call me a pookie. I'm pookie. No, sir.
No, sir. Yeah, there are some things that younger people, like, I don't know. Even when I see people who are like 28, 29, and they're dating someone that's like 21. Yeah. I'm like, I don't even, I don't have friends who are 21, let alone a partner. Like, I can't wrap my head around that. We have nothing in common. You know who pisses me the fuck off? Oh my gosh, let's talk about it. Brittany Renee Broski. God, you fucker. Because this bitch will be goofing off and just sing something heavenly.
Don't piss me off. Have you ever seen her do that? I hate when she does this. Hell yeah, I have. And for a day since her 30th birthday that you so conveniently did not come to. Yeah. And then in return, you guys skipped my birthday. Clocked that. Clocked that punishment. Clocked that punishment, by the way. Clocked that punishment big. I got the 11th hour text. Not going to make it to your birthday, love. So sorry. Yeah, I clocked that punishment. I honestly forgot about that. That was...
that we were like one for one. Hey, we both got one. Yeah, everybody gets one. You know what's so funny though is we were both working and that's why we both couldn't make it. Uh-huh. Yeah, because I had just gotten back from London and then that was the day of your party and then I was going to South Carolina at fucking 5 a.m. the next day. Yeah, you just got back from feuding with the whites in the UK. Yeah, I sure did, girl. God, you tore them up. I sure did. You said bangers and mash more like bangers and ass. What about that? And they said, what if we fucking kill you, bitch? Yeah.
They got pissed. They take that shit so personal. They wanted the guys in the tall hats who can't talk to people to come for you. Girl, I posted one picture of like, you know, that battle of the masters episode of game of Thrones where Jon Snow's fighting the whole thing. I literally put that in my story and I was like me taking on every single one of these motherfucking red coats because they're pissed off that I don't like their holographic meatloaf head ass food. Yeah.
Girl, come on now. I was like, look at the color of my skin. Yeah, that's why I don't like it. Please. Please, next. Please, please, please. The best food in London is, yeah, it's not British food. We've discussed. Absolutely not. We've discussed. We have, at length. And also, back to Brittany's stupid ass. Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
When we did Jason's birthday party, we did karaoke one night. I went to sleep early because I'm 100 years old as we've gone over, but she was singing with our cousin Josh, who also has a beautiful voice, and it was magical. I hate it. I got mad immediately. Went to bed, clearly. Beautiful voice. Enjoy prison. Enjoy that jail time I'm sending your way. I hope there's good acoustics in that cell, bitch. Yeah, you're going to get a lot of riffing in there. Yeah, have fun in there. Yeah.
I'm so pissed off that she's so talented. It's annoying. It's stupid. It is. I feel this way about both of you. I am rooting on both of your downfalls. In fact, I'm planning it. Every time y'all win, I'm in the comments like, girl, you better. And this is me typing it. God damn it. Me, every time someone tells me, Caleb's the funniest episode you've ever had. And I'm like, I don't know, 50 past you at this point. Don't need it.
How about deleted? How's that sound? By the way, I haven't even told you this, but my episodes are on Delta. Small flex. Hey, my choice of airline. Yeah. And your episode's on there now. What? Yeah, it is. On Delta Airlines? It sure is. I'm taking a Delta flight in literally 12 hours. You have to look. You better believe I'll be in there. Period, bitch. Like swimwear. Checking myself out. I'm going to put myself on the screen and go. You're laughing really loud. Ha ha. Ha ha.
You should really tune in. It's really good. Everybody tune in. This fat gay guy's got her number. They're a good match, chemistry-wise. Your episode was actually my most shared episode of all of 2023. Ugh, God. Period. That means the fucking world to me. Because the way I fucking ride for you, to like literally for you to fucking say that right now. And it means the most to me because the people choose. Seriously.
That is up to the people for sure. Up to the people. I listen to the people. When the people choose, I listen. When you were on our Two Idiot Girls podcast and I was telling you how I made friends with all the workers before I got fired from the NFL. And you're all, woman of the people. Woman of the people. My president. Said, I don't know. My coworkers at the desks and computers, I don't know their names, but me and the security guard are like this. Me and the lunch lady. You believe it. Every time I came in, she goes, hey. I was like, hey.
Hate my job. What's up? Me with tears in my eyes because I cried every day I was at work. Horrible. Period. We have similar origin stories too. Oh my God. Do we have similar origin stories? I want to say something about you. Please do. And it's a negative thing. No. You did one of the, I'm going to, I have to tell this story. Please. Because you did one of the most fucked up things anyone's ever done to me. And you already know where I'm going. Which time? Because I keep bringing this up. Period. You came to my show in New York. I did.
did in fact you brought the whole crew all my favorite people you bring out and then you went and bought every single item of merch at my show I sure did and gave it out to fans how dare you to upstage me at my sold out New York show you did too good I was like I gotta do something crazy you pull a fire alarm I yell fire in the crowd you said no go
Get the SUVs, go. I was like, well, the gun I ordered wasn't here in time, so. Well, I was going to do something way crazier, but Amazon wasn't cooperating. But I guess Amazon Prime doesn't mean Amazon Prime anymore. Yeah, Prime used to mean Prime. And now I guess it means whenever they're ready. Ordering a gun on Amazon. We were being like, I had to cart the ship.
What's up, y'all? A few quick things from me. I'm going on tour. I'll be in New York, D.C., Philly, Chicago, Nashville, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, and Fort Worth in the coming weeks. So please go get tickets and come see me live. If you're enjoying the podcast, there is so much more of it exclusively on Patreon, including monthly bonus episodes from me and additional segments with every guest. So go check that out if you want more So True. And finally, if you're enjoying the show, please tell your friends, subscribe everywhere, leave a five-star review and all that stuff. Okay.
Love you. Ciao. You know Shannon Sharp? Yeah. Do you ever see his stuff? Club Shay Shay? Yeah. Oh, I watch it like it's the Bible.
Club Shay Shay. I don't know what he puts in those guest strings, but honestly, I'm hoping you'll give me some stuff like this. A truth-telling serum? Club Shay Shay, people go on there and say, let me tell you about every person who's ever fucking wronged me in private. And they pay two, three hours on that. No, for I was just telling Billy, I was like, that show fascinates me because he is a living, breathing cartoon character. The fact that they're airing out 25-year-old beef, and he's like, and you know what it is? It is what it is. Okay.
Like the way they're telling him trade secrets and he's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. And that's all he says. He hasn't talked for the next two and a half hours. He also, on the Monique episode. Girl. Monique, I have ridden for Monique my whole life and you will not get me off of this. A living legend. But Monique literally on the episode with him is like, Shannon, you need to stop dating younger women. And he's like, Monique, don't air me out.
now. You know she's going to. Monique's like, you need a fat, old, ugly bitch like me to cook you some dinner, get those young girls out of your bed. And the whole time he's just like, no, Monique, don't do me. Don't do me like this.
And I'm like, she is. I don't have enough isms to handle this conversation. Have you seen his like, you know how he does like me just talking about Shannon Sharp, but like him and Ocho Cinco, you know how they have like, they hookos. One of my favorite clips ever that Jason sent me was like, Ocho Cinco was talking about how he's like, oh, I had all these special remedies when I was in the league and that's why I never got hurt. And he was like,
Like what? And he goes, oh, well, first, you know, you know, I would if let's say I hurt my ankle. He's like, I would get some urine. And he goes, who that urine for? And I swear to God, I say it every time, all the time, every day. No one knows what the fuck I'm talking about. He says, who that urine for? And then he goes, stay with me, stay with me. And he was like going through his process of getting urine to soak his foot in. And then he was like, whose urine? Yours?
And then he goes and talks for 20 more minutes. And at the very end, he goes, yeah, I'm gonna miss that game. And that's it. That's the whole clip. Bitch, the way I was in tears when I saw it. I was like, this guy's so funny. He's unintentionally hilarious. Yeah, he doesn't know. A lot of the sports commentators are funny in a way that they're not in on. Yes.
Like, at all. You know what I mean? Everyone's dragging Tony Romo right now because of the way he called the Super Bowl. Tony Romo sucks. I hate you, Tony Romo. Yeah, yeah. I get tired of hearing this bitch talk. Every time he commentates a game, he's like, oh, he's throwing it long. He's got a man. Shit! Every time it's like he's being progressively stabbed more and more.
I don't know if I'd do that one, Bob. Oh my God, he's gonna try and fuck! You know, it's so intense. Billy literally told me, he's like, he's the worst commentator ever because he literally, he's like, if I was the opposing team, I would just tune into the feed that Tony Romo's on. Yeah. He's like, because he literally, he says their plays out loud. Yeah. He's like, well, clearly they're gonna run a slant here because obviously you can see they're lined up and everything. Yeah, and like I thought it was a slant. Yeah,
There it is. There it is. There it is. There it goes. And he was like, he's just predicting what's going to happen and it happens. Just put him in their in-ears on the field. Yeah, he was like, I would just tune into that feed and just listen to what he's saying because that's probably true. Absolutely. Oh my God. And we love sports. We're sports girls. Me and you are sports girls. We are in fact. We're sports girlinas. Yeah, we sure are. That's the real tea about, I've seen you drag a couple straight guys on the internet in this way. And I, talking about you dragging straight guys is like,
It's like one small part of your genius. But one of my favorite times of you doing it is when they make these little comments where they're like, you should be a linebacker. And it's like, and I would do better than you because I know the sport, bitch. I could walk on in this outfit exactly at USC and I'd make the starting... Outplay you. The starting lineup next week. I have football IQ in a way you can't imagine. And you don't even want to know. You can't comprehend it. Because you're not smart, baby. When I was interviewing for the NFL, they literally...
had me do like fucking four or five rounds of interviews. One of them, the initial one, is purely a quiz. Yeah. Like they just test your football IQ for like over an hour. And they ask you questions about what's going on now. Like, what are things that you think people should be talking about? What about this? What about that? Like it's literally just to see if you actually know what you're talking about when it comes to football. Yeah. I ace that shit, bitch. 100%. Period. Did I cheat a little bit? Yeah. Sure. Sure I did. And all winners do. Ask Tom Brady. How do you think I got in there? Ask Tom Brady. Why do you think I was fired? Why?
I have a friend. I have a friend who consistently gets fired from jobs. Oh, nice. And they will never see themselves in the wrong at all. Like, literally one time to me, they were like, yeah, I was stealing from work and they fucking fired me. What?
And it's like, it's literally because I think, I think it's because I question authority in meetings. And I'm like, I think it's because you steal from work. Well, no. Well, actually, I think that answer is probably a lot simpler than that. No, I think it's that you admittedly steal from the job. You don't think the stealing has anything to do with that? Maybe you're stealing from the job. I mean,
I'm just, it's always, and it's not ironic. They're not kidding. It's like completely. And I'm like, I fucking literally love you. I love a delusional friend. Oh my God. Oh, I love that. Especially when they're dating and they're like, well, he only, he slept with me once and then he never talks to me or sees me in the daytime. But I think it's just because he's afraid of commitment. Pfft.
Sure. Yeah, babe. Sure. I bet it is. Yeah, I bet. I literally admire my delusional friends so much because I'm painfully in touch with reality. Like, I know what's going on all too well. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, actually, I know what's up. I would like to live in the fantasy land a little bit. Hey, we got some voicemails for you. Oh, let's listen to them. We got two voicemails from the listeners. You know the prompt. Period. What's something you want to know the truth about? Let's hear it.
Hi, Caleb and esteemed guest. Something I would love to know the truth about is how the fuck do planes fly? I feel like I heard something once, aka watched a TikTok, about how there's like no real scientific evidence.
done about how planes fly, like how they actually get into the air. And I've never once fact-checked that, but I do believe that to be true, that it's impossible to know. And it just doesn't feel right. It just doesn't feel like they should actually fly. It doesn't make sense. Also, the recent research
coming out of the plane has terrified me okay by XOXO first of all I like when they're like I once saw a TikTok literally me whenever I'm referencing anything I'm like oh I actually read an article I'm talking about a TikTok every time I'm not talking about an article yeah I think it was the Atlantic I think Washington Post actually posted a study on I'm literally talking about a TikTok there's a new dance trend on the Atlantic where I read all my videos where I get my fact checking done
Also, I just want to say, my fans, obviously, homosexual and mentally ill, her claim is that they have no scientific evidence for why planes fly. I think they do. The Wright brothers are churning in their graves. Yeah, I think we pretty much know what's... Now, I don't know what it is, but...
But I'm sure someone knows. The way I'm like, my brain immediately goes, oh, I don't care. Oh, yeah. Like about planes, about car. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, however it flies, I don't know, Jesus. I don't have a curious perspective. No, not at all. I don't need to know. I don't want to know.
There has been an uptick in people trying to open doors on planes, though, while they're in the air. And that's where I think homicides should be legal. Yeah. Kill them. At least in the air. Count it as international waters if we're in the air. Yeah. Because I'm killing you if that's the case. Yeah, you're going down. Yeah, girl.
Yeah, girl, no. You're going down. We're rushing you. You know what I mean? Oh, I wouldn't be a hero on a plane. I'll tell you that right now. I'd accept my fate immediately. That's true. Immediately. If a guy got up on a plane and was like, hey, it's the thing you hoped it wouldn't be, and we're all going down, I'd be like, fuck, he got us. I'm not rushing him. That's for some dad in the third row. I know, and then he's getting knocked out immediately. Now what? Yeah, and I'm still in my seat watching Ratatouille. What?
And I never had to deal with the terrorists. I'm perched. I'm watching The Wedding Planner. I'm perched. And you can't stop me. You can't stop me from watching all of J-Lo's hits. I'm watching Monster-in-Law in my seat, sipping on a mimosa. You're like, I can't be bothered. That's it. Monster-in-Law, mimosa time. Because you know it's happening behind the curtain. Oh, yeah. And it's none of my business if it's behind the curtain. I wipe my hands of it.
I have nothing to do with it. I think, well, yeah, I don't know about opening doors on planes. That's fucking nuts. I did see that, that shit about the plane, like the thing flying out. Oh, the door flying off. And ripping off. Or the window, yeah. And I saw someone being, this is why I don't fly on, you know, 747 plane. Girl, I'm not doing all that. I'm not checking the plane. I'm not checking the plane. What do,
what the fuck do I know? I need to land. That the pilot doesn't. I need to land at JFK before 3 p.m. on this day. What plane's doing that? Well, I'm trying to know what snacks you got on board. Like, I don't give a fuck about what kind. And I wouldn't know. I'd be like, I'd like to know what kind of plane this is. And then they show me and I'm like, yep, that sounds about right. I don't know anything about fucking planes.
Well, you know what's scary? I watched a documentary on the deregulation going on at Boeing and basically – Yeah, I heard it was a Boeing where the shit flew off. Planes are about to be very fucked. Boeing basically just sold all their – they just gutted their quality, their compliance department over the last couple of years. And so all the planes that are coming out now that are like the new planes, they're way less quality.
Damn. Yeah, it's just corporate greed, as always, which is what ruins everything. But it's like, yeah, we're in for a weird, there's going to be a spell of time where the planes are really bad. Oh my god. And you are getting on a flight. Oh, I'm getting on a, and I can't wait. Yeah.
I like three years ago, I conquered my fear of death. And now I used to get so, I had a big fear of death and I would get so scared when the plane got turbulent. Yeah. And now when the plane gets turbulent, I just go, if it is, it is, it'll be what it'll be. Who am I to question God's plan? Don't know. Don't know what's meant for me. We'll find me.
And if that's a plane crash, well, baby, here I am. Well, you know what? Would you survive in a plane crash? Absolutely not. No, me either. Absolutely not. I don't think I would either. I think it's kind of a... My body's not meant to go through anything. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I was built weak. I have a strong mind.
But I, my body is not. And even that, barely. Barely. You said it, sister. I was making this joke the other day because, you know, they're like, oh, if you went through a plane crash, like what are three things you would hope that you had on you or whatever the fuck, like if you're stranded on a desert island, whatever. And I was like, I'll tell you the three things I'm bringing if I can. I'm bringing my phone. By the way. A charger, like a battery pack thing that doesn't need to be charged. It's like fully charged. And a gun. Because as soon as my phone dies and that battery pack dies, I'm shooting myself.
I only need one bullet. I'm out. I'll be getting it right on the first try. Yeah, no, I'm good. I promise you that. I'm good. That's what there's. Have you ever done the New York times questions to fall in love? I've actually, I've seen them. I I've done it with friends. I've never done it with, uh, Billy actually. Yeah. I've only done it with like friends and like, uh, yeah, like basically friends. But I love that set of questions. And one of the questions is like,
It's something in the realm of like what's one thing you couldn't live without? And I did it with a group of gay friends and my friend Holmes, like one of the gayest people I know spiritually, was like, oh, trees. I just love trees. And I was like, my iPhone. Like, are you crazy? Trees? My phone. It directs me. It gives me – but she means it. Like they mean it. It's crazy. Yeah.
And I'm like, no, the thing that provides me music connection, directions, recipes. I feel like, especially in the last year, I've been like, I need my phone and that's a bad thing. And I can't stop it. For sure. Sorry. It's where we're at. That's what I said. It's just, have you ever like your phone's updating and you're like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Yeah. Sit here? Yeah. And exist? I have started going out for like full afternoons and evenings without my phone. And the way I literally feel like Lewis and Clark.
Like I'm literally like Sacagawea, come find me. We need to go. We need to find the river. Like I'm like, this is crazy. I'm living like this. I'm like fucking Moana. I'm literally like this to the stars. I'm like the way if my phone doesn't have signal, I'm like, what do you, what even is the point of living? I don't know. Walking around LA without a phone. I'm like the sunset Arby's is there. So that means my house. Like three clicks to the left. Truly. I'm like five knots from where I'm supposed to be.
I'm just guessing. I'm so useless without it. It's crazy. Yeah, we need them back. And that being said, fuck planes, I guess. That being said to the voicemail, fuck planes, we don't know. And what's the next voicemail, by the way? Hi, Caleb. Love you. Love your show. You're the best. Well, I guess this is like a new show, but I've loved everything you've ever done. Hi. Anyways, I...
I really, really want to know the truth about two things. I don't know if I'm allowed to say two. One being the moon landing. I live in D.C. I've been to the Space Museum. I still like... What's going on? What's going on?
Why have we not been back in recent history? What's going on there? And number two, I want to know the truth about how the internet works. Like, yeah, fiber optic cables, whatever, sure. Like, okay, cool. Make it make sense. Okay. Love you. Bye. Can I just say, I'm obsessed. I love...
When normal civilians are like,
That didn't happen. About the moon landing? Yeah. They go to a museum, they look at one thing, and they're like, clearly, clearly this is fake. Yeah, try this on someone else. I'm not buying this. You're not fooling me, bitch. Yeah, nice try. One of my friends in college, she is so smart, and she's just so up there. She's so intellectual, so funny, so smart. And I used to love making her so angry, because I'd be like, well, how do we know?
about the moon landing something about that in particular would make her so irate like she'd be like of course we know it's real of course like she would get so passionate and i don't give a fuck whether we've been there or not couldn't care less but it used to make me cackle how angry she would get about the moon landing i don't know what it was about that but that used to piss her off like if sometimes i would tell people at parties i'd be like you should go over there
And you should tell her, have you ever thought about maybe we haven't landed on the moon? Just go ahead and go tell her. Walk over to that bitch right there. I literally would make people go, cause it made me laugh every time. She gets so passionate. You know what? She put her dream. This is why, this is why this pisses me off. And she would just go into a whole lecture about how the moon landing is real. Of course it is. And blah, blah, blah. And I didn't give a fuck either way, but that used to make me laugh. But I love, I don't, I feel like it happened. I,
I, yeah. And you know, what's funny is I still at this point could see why people don't think it happened. For sure. Given the circumstance, I'm like, America lies about everything. So yeah, I mean, yeah. And we were in the middle of the cold war and we had to like prove it. But isn't that so funny that they were like, look, I did it.
Take that, Russia. And the flag to me is so like, okay. You know what I mean? Like, all right. Well, one thing about America, they're going to colonize. They're going to colonize. Even in space, girl. They're going to do it. That's our place. I think, in fact, I think we did go to space and I think we learned some shit. I think they're not telling us the full truth. I think we went and they learned some stuff and they came back down and said, enough of that. Actually, I don't want to touch that. They said, you know what? Change of plans. Take these backseas. Shit's real up there. Yeah.
Because you know every astronaut that comes back is like, I can't bear being alive anymore.
Have you ever listened to astronaut interviews when they come back? They're like, I saw the world for what it is, and I didn't like what I found. I was like, whoa, okay. Well, maybe we don't send these fucking guys up there anymore. Yeah, they came back with the PTSD, too. Oh, yeah. Well, astronaut training? Hey, I'm not doing that. Hey. Hey, no. I'm good. If I'm standing in a room, the gravity better stay the way it is. Totally.
Don't float me around. It's funny because when I was attacking British people just violently, I even said, I'm like, I don't want to eat food that looks like the food that Matthew McConaughey had to muscle through on the spaceship in Interstellar. Like, I'm good. I don't want to eat shit that looks like what he was forced to eat. That just looks like plasma. It's like those fucking MRI or ERI, whatever the fuck those things are called, the military eats. They put hot water in it and they're like, it's a roast dinner. Is it?
In a pouch? They mix it like a martini. Shaking that skirt. Like, I'm having bolognese. Cavatappi. Yeah. And they're fucking sifting it. They pour sludge out. Like, ooh, rotisserie chicken.
Okay, she has to put the moon. You think it happened, right? I think it happened. I think it happened too, but I'm pretty agnostic about a lot of things in American history. Yeah. Could have happened, could have not. I could believe it either way. Not big on America, personally. Same. That's kind of what makes me think it's not, because if there are beings of some kind on the moon, we absolutely would have colonized that shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And maybe we went up there and got our ass whooped, and then, like you said, they came back down, and they were like, hey, actually, I don't...
They're good. I didn't leave space alone. You know what? They got it. They actually got this one. Yeah. They've handled it. It is at the end of the day. No worries. Y'all got, y'all got this one. Y'all got, you're good. You're good. You're good. What was her second question? She said the moon landing and then I forget. Oh, internet. She wants to know about fiber optics. Oh, okay. Well, fiber optics. You lost me already. Yeah, sure. I mean, I'm inclined to believe you first internet was wireless and now it's very wired. I don't know.
All I know is I have Google Fiber and the shit runs quick. I'm grateful for them. I don't know what they're doing to the environment. I'm sure they're somehow poisoning the earth with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they come fast when I call.
And I want to thank them for that. That's again, like with planes, I'm just like, I don't know. Got me where I needed to go. Yeah. I mean, as long as it works on my phone, I have no other questions, your honor. Zero questions. No further questions, your honor. Yeah. I don't worry about these things. I don't worry about the planes, you know, the American history. I read two books about American history. It changed my life. People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn. Oh, period. And Michelle Alexander's New Jim Crow. And I'm all good. Period.
It just is an evil enterprise. I learned I am intimately familiar with the evil and I'm like, I'm all good on this place. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, Oh, actually I've seen all I needed to see. I'm good. We'll make it better. However I can.
But done tuning in to what has occurred. I think, and I think the government has lied to us so frequently, I wouldn't be surprised if they were lying to us even before the internet. Oh yeah. Like well before the internet. Of course they fucking were. Sure they lied about, I'm sure they lied about the moon. They were saying all kinds of shit. They were saying, they used to say cigarettes wouldn't kill you. Dude. They used to say to smoke while you're pregnant. And a lot of those, a lot of those smoke babies are senators now. Uh,
I think lying had to be so sick before the internet. Like lying in the 70s had to hit like Tyson. Because it's just like, prove me wrong. Go ahead. You're going to go down to the library and check out five books and peel through them? Prove me wrong. Good luck. I feel like in the 70s you could just be like, I'm a famous poet and the earth is made of gumdrops. And what are they going to tell me?
Hello? Like, Earth is flat type shit. Type. I'm like, I'm inclined. Type B immediately. Yeah, I just, that's honestly, not to like shift, but kind of about, that's how I feel about cults. When I see cults, like especially ones that were started back in the day, I'm like, well, of course, because anyone can lie. Like, and that's where I think this is me being like just overly confident, but I don't think I could ever be in a cult because I'm too smart. Because I'm like, okay, there's this five, six white dude and he's telling me that he's Jesus. I don't believe you.
Yeah, I also kind of like, how do you get so many people to follow you? Because then he's like, and I also need to marry your wife and your 11 year old child. Yeah. Thoughts. Well, I'm Jesus and he told me so. It always gets that way. It always gets some people can have sex and some people can't. If I ever had a cult, everyone would be allowed to have sex all the time. Go ahead. Have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not well, but here's the deal.
People join them when they're at their most broken. Yeah, that's what I... If I ever get to a place that I'm so broken that a guy who's obsessed with volleyball and headbands tells me he's the messiah, I think I know a different way out. You know what I mean? And it rhymes with snooicide. You know what I mean? Yeah.
I'm not going to be like, oh, yeah. And I'll tell you what. I'm putting a gun in my mouth before I follow a white dude. Before I look. I'll tell you that much. A dork in wireframe glasses. Tell me that he's the Messiah. Let's say someone with a patchy five o'clock shadow. Tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. Also, why does the Messiah never have enough money to set up a compound in LA? I have to go to Wyoming. Christ is being affected by the price of real estate. What? Jesus.
suffering under the boot of capitalism. Come on. As soon as they tell me I have to move to fucking St. George, Utah, oh, I'm out. Not my messiah. Hey, I've actually wised up. I think I'm going to go home instead. Turns out I have a different god, and it's me. Oh, actually, I found out I'm busy that day, so I can't make it to the con... Ugh. I wanted to confess you as my savior so bad. I hate scheduling conflicts. I really do. But me and Dacent actually have to work early tomorrow, so we...
I actually have to catch a flight to South Carolina. We can't make it. And that's period. Period. That's period. That's on period. That's around and surrounding period. Doing poetry about period. And in other words, we're going to start a cult. Oh, we're starting a cult. Yeah. But before we do, I have a game for you. Oh my gosh, let's do it. Now, here's the surprise. I told you I had a surprise for you during the episode. Yes. The surprise is this. When I recorded Brittany, broski, terrorist, bad person with bad intentions, I was like,
I did the true or false segment with her and she said, I want to do this to you. I want to put you on the thing. And so she did. And I let her ask me the true or false questions that we had written for you. And now I'm going to ask you those same ones and we're going to see how you and I stack up. So I'm about to give you 15 statements.
that have an objective answer, and you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. - Gotcha. - And baby, you already know that if you get 10 or more correct, I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars. - Period. - Period. - Period, I'm gonna buy all, everyone gets Dr. Pepper.
Everyone's getting Dutch member in the U.S. On me. Family Guy premiered on January 31st, 1999. True. True. The ice cream cone was invented in Chicago. True. False. St. Louis. There are 13 stripes on the United States flag. True. True. Roger Goodell is the eighth commissioner of the NFL. True. True. The largest outdoor amphitheater in the U.S. is in Fresno, California. False. False. San Bernardino. Dolphins sleep with one eye open. True. True. The Eiffel Tower was originally supposed to be in London. True.
True. False. False. Barcelona. Volleyball was invented in 1895. False. True. The fish taco was invented in San Francisco, California. True. False. Baja, California, Mexico. Oreos are made with dairy. False. False. LaDainian Tomlinson is an avid beekeeper. True. False. Japan is made up of over 6,000 islands. True. True. The X in LAX is just a filler letter and means nothing. False. True. There are 25 holes on each pair of Crocs. False.
False. False, 13. Janet Jackson has won five Grammy Awards. False. True. How'd she do?
Oh, no, Drew. Are you going to be okay, babe? No Dr. Peppers for nobody. Sorry. Can't swing it. Sorry. The budget's tight. Sorry. Have you ever watched The Other Guys with Will Ferrell? Yeah. When Dancing in Highsmith, The Rock, and Samuel L. Jackson are outside and the hot dog vendor goes, Dancing in Highsmith, free hot dogs for life! And everyone cheers and then it cuts back to him and he goes, no drinks, I can't do it. And the crowd boos him. He's like, I can't do it. No drinks. You want it or not?
it or not. Hey, that fucking movie is so goddamn funny. That's literally one of Billy's favorite movies too. And that's my boy. He thinks that's one of the funniest movies ever. It is beat for beat, bit for bit. One of the funniest comment studio comedies made in
In the last 20 years. Zero. Michael Keaton being a police chief who works part-time at a Bed Bath & Beyond to put his son through NYU so he can be a DJ and explore his bisexuality. And that's so real. Like, come on. That's the most real character description ever. Mark Wahlberg, canceled forever. But Mark Wahlberg's character in that movie, learning to dance really beautifully, ironically, to make fun of gay people...
Is there anything funnier than that? Adam McKay to me, Adam McKay, if you're listening, I want to talk. I love you so much. Adam McKay, come on the pod. If you're real. If you're real. And I bet you're not. People are saying you're not. Yeah. Prove it. Prove it. People are saying you're gay. Come on the pod. Prove you're not. Dispel the rumors. I fucking love that guy. That movie is so funny. It is so funny. What is your favorite comedy?
Like what's in that category for you? I would say one of my favorite comedies of all time is Uncle Buck. Thank you. That is one of my favorite movies of all time. God, I love that man. That movie is so funny. My family and I rewatched it recently. Bitch, I was cackling. Like it's the first time I've ever seen it. He's so real. And he also is from a time when we let fat people be in movies. Period. Which was awesome. Period. Doesn't happen anymore. What do you mean? You're in. Oh, come on. Where's my Uncle Buck?
That would be so good. I've been pitching. Nobody take this. Yeah. I've been pitching gay uncle buck for years. TM. TM. TM by the way. Uncle buck TM. I am. Or with a circle. The way I got chills down my spine. Cause I think that would be so amazing. Gay uncle buck would be amazing. Uncle buck. Uncle buck. And hello. Guy Branum. Put the fucking phone down. This one's for me.
The kids are so mean to each other in that fucking movie. It's so funny. He's like, like who? Like what? Hang out with friends you don't have? I said, damn. Damn, bitch. He's like seven years old. Wrapped her up tightly. Shit. Period. I would say Uncle Buck's one of the wedding singers. One of my favorite comedies. The Heat with Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock.
Girl. I love Sandy. You have to watch the heat. I literally bought it because I was like, when I'm sad, I'll go watch it. She fucking kills me. Melissa McCarthy is so funny. She is beyond funny. I love that. Like my favorite part about her is that she doesn't give a fuck about looking like crazy or ugly or whatever people perceive to be ugly in movies. Like she just throws herself into roles. Like,
The heat is so funny. You should watch it. She's committing. She commits to the bit and she's so funny. Have you ever seen the Melissa McCarthy outtakes? I don't remember what movie it's from, but she's in a principal's office talking to another parent. Oh, this is 40. And she's like, I'll slit your goddamn throat and I'll drag you behind my truck. She was like, fuck you. Everybody hates your haircut, by the way. I will light you on fucking fire. Yeah, but she's like, and I'm glad your husband died. Truly. And it's just bloopers of the whole cast being like. She's just going and going.
She just goes like a machine, dude. She kills me. That's a comedian. And her movie Spy, too, is really good, by the way. If you're going to watch The Heat. Someone told me on a podcast once that they love Spy. It might have been all of Muna. Who? It was Muna. It was Muna. Jason, I fucking love you, girl. Gay. Gay. First of all, gay. Gay. Okay, homo alert. Okay.
No, but you're right. It was all of Muna being like, we love Spy. It's such a stupid movie, but there's so many famous people in it too. Who stars? Who's the guy in it? Yeah, him, but the other guy. Oh, Jude Law. Jude Law, yeah. I'm obsessed with Dacian. IMDB and the D stands for Dacian. For real. She said, did you want to know the key grip's name? I know that too. I'm friends with the girl who pulled Focus on that. You know what's funny is one time I went to an event, I took Dace with me, and we always joke that she's like,
I'm Miranda Priestly and the devil wears Prada and she's Andy behind me reminding me who everybody is. Yeah. Cause I have terrible vision and forget. She leans in Jason Statham. She literally was with me somewhere and I'll tell you who it was after, but she told me, Oh, that's so-and-so. And I was like, Oh, okay. And I'm talking to this person as if they're the person she just told me. Yeah. And then I asked them a question, which told me immediately that was not them. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, and they're like, yeah, we've never met.
I thought we had because that other person I had met. Yeah. And I don't remember anything else he fucking said because all I was seeing was that fucking bitch. Because she told me the wrong information like I'm supposed to remember but I'm counting on her to remember. What is something that is so true to you, babe? Oh, what's so true to me? What is so true to Drew? I'm trying to think. So true. You give me an example. So true. Let me clock the fuck in real quick. I keep a note.
I keep a note. What's so true to me? What do I have in here lately? Um,
Oh shit. I haven't written any new ones. Oh wait, I actually do have one. What? Um, with like dating age gaps. Yeah. Uh, with when it's women, like literally like lesbian relationships or just women. I'm like, that's so cute. Right? Like, so for example, like Sarah Paulson and her wife, she's like way older than her. Yeah. And I'm like, well, clearly soulmates just born at different times. Yeah. When a man dates someone like five or more years younger, pedophile. Period. Sorry. You know what I always find? Actually, you're a pedophile. Okay.
I'm with you on this because you know what I always find so convenient is these older men that are like, you just can't control who you love. And I'm like, right, but for you it does always happen to be someone who can't rent a car. And that feels intentional and on purpose. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, isn't that weird? And when women do it, I'm like, oh my God, so sweet. And then when men are doing it, I'm like, disgusting. Truly. You disgust me. And you know what the real kicker is? Older men who date 20-year-old women, all their friends are their age.
And I go, oh, so the guys that you talk to because you just platonically want to hear their thoughts on the world all seem to be your age. No.
But all of a sudden you can only have this deep spiritual kind of soul connection. But most importantly, sexual. By the way. Yeah. I'm like, you're just, that's, that's to me, that's the like, there's the proof. Yeah. Literally you're a pedophile. Yeah. So I'm like any with, with lesbians. I'm like, Oh my God. Soulmates. I love it. That's so true. You guys are soulmates. And I love that you feel that way. With men, any, any sort of gap that's five or more years. I'm like pedophile. Pedophile. You're disgusting actually. Gross.
Gross. Grow up, sicko. I don't like it when lesbians do it either. I'll be honest with you. Age gaps freak me out. No, me too. Age gaps too. Honestly, if I'm being honest, most things that women do, I'm like so cute. But when men do it, I'm like, hate crime. Hate crime. My friend tried to set me up the other day with her 37-year-old friend. And I was like, set me up to do what?
Drive him to his appointments? Talk to his doctors about the treatment plan? Get some tips on the best IRA to invest in? Yeah, drop him off and pick him up from dialysis? What am I doing with him?
I feel that too. Sometimes my girlfriends will go on dates with dudes in their 30s or 40s when we're early 20s. I'm like, what are you talking about? Taxes? Right. Are you talking about the 2008 housing crisis? Honey, that's not a boyfriend. That's a mentor. You got me in the Big Brother program. It's a TA, Mitch. What the fuck? That's my TA. My lab report is due. Girl, what are you talking about? I know. I think age gaps are so... I can't do them. I can't do it. Older men annoy me.
do with a 37 year old man at my young spry age what are we gonna talk about we have nothing in yeah well it's like first of all i grew up with the internet yeah and you grew you were doing the phones that you had to go like three five four yeah seven i was calling an uber and you were catching a cable car like two different things yeah i'm sorry peepaw
Sorry, horse and buggies aren't a thing anymore. Yeah, you lost friends to dysentery. What? On the Oregon Trail. I wasn't there. I'm like, men who were alive before the polio vaccine was alive, I'm good. Skate on out of here. Yeah, no thank you. I'll send you on your way, pimp. When you had mumps as a child and we're supposed to have something in common? Yeah. No thanks. Hey, but when I need to understand escrow, I'll give you a call. No.
I'll hit you up, brother. Do I need to close some deals? Yeah. I'll send you an email. Yeah, I'll let you know. Don't call me, I'll call you. But until then, you go back to the assisted care facility.
and I'll just be out living my life. 37 is crazy. My friend said that to me. She goes, I really think you'd like him. He's really creative. And I was like, you've lost it. You think creativity is putting me over? What? Getting out of the old folks home to go to the next? He's gotten real creative at escaping hospice? Yeah, I don't think so. Creatively getting out of a chair so he doesn't hurt himself.
He has one of those walkers that you could turn around and sit on too. Yeah. And we're supposed to go to dinner. But he knows who he is. But he knows what he wants. So it's Jesus Christ because he was there when he was washing feet. That is so true. God, that's so true. I didn't intend for this podcast to end up talking about God so much. I think every episode there has come a point where I turn to the guests and go, what do you think? Yes or no on God. And guess what? Here we are.
Drew, what do you think? Yes or no? I feel pretty agnostic again. Good. To be honest. Like, I'd like to believe there is a higher being. Yeah. I just don't think it's what everybody, like, who uses God as, like, a way to, you know, smite or, like, excommunicate people. I don't think that's God at all. Yeah. Also, God's genderless. By the way. Yeah. You guys got problems? I think God's a boy. Sorry, God's a boy. Sorry.
I think God's non-binary, to be honest. God, yeah, I think God has no gender, but I don't want to call God non-binary because I doubt that they've ever made a coffee. You know what I mean? Something tells me. Genderless is different than non-binary. That's true. Non-binary knows lattes. And what if you went up there and God had a wolf cut, then what? God's in a wild thing suit. Then what? Then what? Then what?
Yeah, no, I feel pretty agnostic, honestly. I'd like to believe there is a higher power. I just wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't. That's kind of how I feel. Yeah. Me just needing to be right, so I have to stay in the middle. Yeah. So whatever happens. You refusing to be wrong. Not even in the afterlife will I be one-upped. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Even at the very end, I'm going to be like, and I knew it. And by the way. And I knew it, so what about you? Oh, everything, well, um...
No, yeah, but no, in many ways. I mean, I think the listeners are going to get tired of hearing me do this, but yeah, I think God, I see, I think the universe is God. I agree. I think there is a power that exists among us. Totally. I think the divisions between us are artificial. Totally, and man-made. Yeah, the idea that I'm different than a black person or that a black person is different than an Asian person. Yeah. Or even the idea that like,
Even the idea that you and I are sitting in two separate bodies right now and that we are not the same thing, that we're not all just made up of the same atoms. Yeah. And we haven't just like, it's not just an illusion making us see separation. Yeah, absolutely. That to me is like, that's all made up. I agree. But this is like a hooey, fooey, you know, I think people would be surprised. Yeah.
I think so too. To hear me say that answer. I think spirituality is very real. Yeah. I believe in, like you said, I believe in the same, the universe. I believe in the universe so severely and I believe in like,
you know, timing and like, uh, manifestation and, you know, not manifest destiny. Don't get confused. Different. Different. Uh, but yeah, I believe in like energy and love so much more cause it's more tangible, I guess. Yeah. And also if I think too, too much about what lies beyond, I'll freak the fuck out. So it's for everyone's best interests that I bury my head in the sand. I can't go there anymore. That was the biggest part of my depression when I was like 20. Mm hmm.
was that I kept thinking about the size of everything and the scope and my place in it all. And then when I just stopped doing that, I was like, life's pretty manageable when you get out of that. Yeah, totally. Like when I focus on now, like my therapist tells me that all the time. Cause she's like, cause my boyfriend is so, he is so grounded in reality that I'm like, what ifs? Like I worry and I'm like, what if, what if, what if this, what if that? And he's like, but it'll be fine. Yeah. And I will, I'm like, well, how do you know? He goes, cause it always is. Yeah. I can't relate to that at all. I'm like,
Back to that. I need that. I don't need him. He's yours, but I need, I need that. Yeah. It's really nice to have someone like that. Who's very grounded in today. Yeah. Focuses on today. I need like a cool, sane man to bring me down to earth. I need like a cool, sane, hot guy who lives in my house and goes, you're good. Everything. Cool. Who's your, who's your like dream guy? Like, like, like celeb. Like if it's a tangible person, you could tell me that.
Here's the issue. Yeah. Okay? I have many types. Yeah, totally. So I always get scared in these conversations because there is a guy that comes to my mind that I've had a crush on from afar since childhood. Oh, period. And of course it's Dave Franco. Oh, yeah.
I have such a crush on Dave Franco. You love him little. I don't. The thing is. I mean short, like short. Because you're so tall. I'll pick a short guy up and carry him around for a couple months. No problem. Period. Put him on your shoulder like a parrot, bitch. I have many types. I've, you know, I'll just, I'll carry him. I've said this before. I don't mind a guy being short. I'll put him in a cage on my pocket like Mulan with the cricket. I will carry his little ass around. It's not a problem to me.
He can slither around in my backpack like Mushu and pop out during times of adversity. No worries. Give me some stage advice. Crack a couple jokes, go back in. Yeah, feed me porridge and send me off to war. It's not a problem. But I do have many types. I'm like, I'm into, I run the gamut. Period. No shape, no size. I'm into all kinds of things. I feel that. Sometimes femme guys, sometimes mask guys. Yeah, it just depends. It is what it is. You're just like, who want me? I'm a whore.
And I want to keep my options open. I want these gay men listening to know, maybe. I don't know. Maybe, and in fact, probably. Throw your hat in the ring. Let's see what happens. Yeah. Someone propose. I am waiting for someone to propose. I am waiting for someone to propose. I'm tired of these gay men. I've had it with these. Put me on my misery. I've had it. I've had it. Either propose to me or shoot me. Fuck me or kill me.
What are we doing? That's so Brittany. I want kids, dude. I want kids. I want a little house. I have the little house. I bought us a house already. I, that step is done. Moving. Okay.
Let's start on kids, dude. I'm trying to create, oh, okay, so I'm a dumbass because I'm trying to create a happy and beautiful life for myself? Great. You're so lesbian coded. I'm big lesbian coded. I want to meet a man and be like, next week, it's like, let's go to the adoption agency. Let's start this life, brother. Did you know I was a security guard once? No, I didn't, but I believe it. I was a security guard. Because you're so tall, too. For one night, I was a security guard for Aaron Carter.
Are you lying to me? No, I'm dead ass serious. You're being serious? I'm dead ass serious. You lie all the time. I can't tell if you're lying to me. Baby, you know I'm telling the truth. I think I can find, maybe we can put it up on the screen later in the episode. But let me try to find the picture. For what? He came to my college and he couldn't, he didn't have security.
And so... Who's the biggest guy we know? Let's call Caleb. They were like, get your fat ass in here immediately. Immediately. I'm trying to find it so bad. I might have to show you afterwards. Yeah, just show me. You can show me after. I believe you now because... Oh, yeah. We bring that over and show Drew. So this is going to go ahead and be me and my buddy Doyle posted up with Aaron Cotter as his security guards. Ha ha!
Caleb, you're so gay. He also, by the way, and be careful, and...
He posted a photo. So we bodyguarded it for him and me and my friend were treating it as a bit. So the whole day we're like sweeping campus being ridiculous. We get walkie talkies. It was like you gave comedians an opportunity to be bodyguards. That's on you. That's on you. Yeah. And then at the concert, it actually was scary because there was just like three of us and these girls were rabid for him. You being scared as the senior. No, it was. So me, there's me and my friend are just standing in front of Aaron's behind us performing, standing in front of the stage like this. Yeah.
Because these girls are mauling us. You're trembling. They want like a kiss. And he, they want a kiss from Aaron. And so then he, after the show, he posts a picture that's like, it's him singing right behind me being like, and then all the women, all the young girls like jumping at him. And then in the picture, it's just me going, so scared. And the caption he posted with was, that security guard in the front though, straight G. Yeah.
And I was like, well, you know you shouldn't be talking like that. And you shouldn't implicate me. Oh, by the way, straight F-A-G-O-T. It was crazy. That's an insane story. That security guard in the front, though, straight G. I wonder, I wonder. I'm looking at your outfit. Hey, I doubt that. Hey, now.
You're getting a little comfy in here, Drew. No, I want to know if I can find... Oh, here's the picture. The security guard in the front, though? Straight G. And then here's the picture. And you can go ahead and zoom in. You can go ahead and zoom in on my face to the right. How do I make it not be highlighted like this? Whatever. You'll figure it out. It's crazy, dude. Can you see? It's just a profile shot of me being like,
terrified for my life. That security guard. 81 likes. Yeah, this was back in the day. Damn. And it was a quick screenshot. He might have gotten more likes on it. I don't know. This is on such an early version of Instagram too. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm not a young man anymore. That's insane. But if the camera picks this up, this is what I'm looking like in that picture.
And then Aaron's right here going ahead and doing his thing. That's what I was going to ask. What year? Because if women are going rabid, I'm like, what year? It was like nostalgic rabid. Yeah, I feel that. This would have been in 2015. Oh, okay, okay. It was like, yeah, they were huge Aaron fans when we were kids. It was like the resurgence. Yeah, and they were like, oh my God, a kiss from Aaron. I can't believe he's at Missouri State. What's he doing? Go Bears. Go Bears.
Dude, it was crazy. Oh my God. I never worked security though. I wish I did. I wish you did too. And maybe we can make it happen someday. You and me. We put, we put you in prosthetics and have you, me and you go undercover. You, I'll dress as you and you dress as me. Period. And I only see one of us getting in trouble in that scenario. I see that going very badly for me.
but I love it I can't wait to go down the ship we'll go down together period is there anything you want to promote to tell the fans where to find you ooh yeah you can find me at Drew Off Wallow on literally everything I got two podcasts two idiot girls with my sister Dason which Caleb has been on and it was a key it was very fun speaking of the Oregon Trail you had to trek that to come to my house yes I did and I would do it a million times
And then my other show, The Comment Section, which is also a podcast and a very fun kiki. And Caleb has also been on that show. Period. Like I said earlier, my most shared episode of 2023. Not nothing. Love that for us. It's not nothing. And my book, Loud, comes out July 30th. Yeah! Woohoo!
Get the book. Go follow Drew on everything as if you don't already. Dude, I love you so much. I love you. Thank you for doing it. Oh my God. Anything for you. We got to be done. Cause you know, if we hang out too long, you and I start to fight and then I have to hit you and then, and then I come.