Hannah Berner Loves Girlhood
01:16:40 Share

This is a HeadGum Podcast. The new McCrispy Strip is here. Dip approved by ketchup, tangy barbecue, honey, mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in buffalo and ranch, more ranch, and creamy chili McCrispy Strip dip. Now at McDonald's. Mom's have such a knack, I feel, for just dropping one of the most devastating things you've ever heard.

You know, you'll just like, you'll truly just be at like a cookout, like sitting by the pool. And your mom will just be like, yeah, I mean, I just wonder what I would have been capable of if anyone had ever believed in me. Anyway.

What's going on with you? What the hell is going on with you? We're rolling. Hannah, we're rolling. Put me on the spot. What's going on with you, dude? Look, I have to say, we have so many mutual friends. It's sick. And were we both playing the cards again with each other? Stop. Stop. Because I was like nervous. Stop. I was nervous. Stop.

Stop, what are we doing? How have we not collided? Was the energy too strong between us? It's like sick. Like the chemistry was going to blow out of the world? Well, when two people like you and I get together, it's like, it's just, it really can be scary. Yeah, earthquake-ish. It can go one way. It's kind of like, do you remember when Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un, they met at the demilitarized zone? Who's who? Obviously, I'm Kim Jong-un.

Clearly. I did just get a spray tan. It's a little dark, right? Come on. We're shaking hands in the demilitarized zone. You invite me over into North Korea. I come through. I love that. Or I invite you over, I guess. I have to be Kim Jong-un. I forgot. Now we have to stick to that character for the rest of the pod. Everyone stay with your character. Yeah. I love So True. It's too powerful. The best. I love So True. Gay podcasting.

Oh, God. You ever think about him and Melania touching each other? They never have. You think about that? No, they did. They have a kid. Had to happen at least once. Mm.

I love her Eastern European just hatred for everything. Her just like dead behind the eyes. Yeah. Like showing up in like the cuntiest hat you've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah, there's a realness to her for sure. Why do we say, we just want to talk shit on all the most famous people ever. How about the Pope? What's the vibe with him? New Pope? Yeah, what do you, because you were posting a little. Can I say something about New Pope? Yeah. It's so funny to me that people are like, I wonder if he's progressive. He's the head of an international ring. What?

I love that you go right into it. I Googled. I was like, I literally Googled, what is his stance on gay marriage? Me too. I was like, new Pope gay. I was like, I do want to know. And then I was like upset. And then I was like, okay, he's the Pope. They have to stand for something. They have to stand against something. That's their thing. Yeah. Hating gays. Hating gays. I mean, it was so funny. People being like, trying to recruit him to be a Republican or a Democrat. It's like,

I think the proof's probably in the pudding. They don't allow women to serve. It's like we've already kind of figured out the whole deal. But I love how we're so excited about it. But yeah, we've lost the plot. Oh, we've lost the plot for sure. We've lost the plot, but also I'm just obsessed with how gay the Pope is. The Pope, the papacy itself is so f***ed. So gay. It's so f***ed.

It's nuts. It's like robes and hats and like everyone like making everyone gather while you give a speech is like, come on. That's what you and I do every night. Straight men don't read books. No. Like the Pope is going through the Bible, highlighting, repeating quotes he likes. Like that's just book club.

It's also so funny watching conservatives react to something like the new pope because they're like, oh, damn it. He criticized J.D. Vance. I wonder what – and it's like he speaks like five languages. He was like a missionary in Peru. It's like that's not good enough for like Kevin in Oklahoma. You know what I mean? It's like what have you done, bitch? Not to be in defense of the pope. Obviously that makes me sick to think about. Did you watch Conclave? No. It's the gayest movie you've ever seen. But like –

honestly queens yeah like by the end you're like i respect all of them everyone got mad at pope francis for saying there was a f***ness in the vatican when he said that quote it was kind of like that he said it was something in that air chance to get the exact quote when he said it i was like i could be catholic i mean i was like literally that's the most like that's the first time i've ever seen myself in catholicism yeah being the head of the catholic church and being like sorry the vatican's feeling this week

Can everyone straighten up your wrists? Unlimp your wrists, everybody. I feel like they don't even try to be straight. No. No. No, they're just being cunty in their little world. What was the quote, Chance? Oh, I'm looking for it here. He was like, there's a

among the Vatican. He literally said, it was like, there was like an Italian word. Although Italian is gay. Yeah, first of all. You can't be straight and speak Italian. Yeah, you can't do that. Quedici, saying dichi. Allonglin. It's like, stop. You clearly want to be penetrated anally.

Chance, did we find it? Yeah, I've got it here. Sorry, it's just a lot of people being like, we can't believe the Holy Father would say this. It's like fragadocia or whatever. There's an air of f*** tree in the Vatican. No! He said this. What? He said this, but it was Italian. Him saying air of anything is gay. Yeah, there's an air. No straight man even knows that there's air. There's a hint of f*** tree in the Vatican. He said it twice. So funny. He kept repeating it. He

He got in trouble and he said it again. I was like, that's my boy. Don't say that word. And you're like, which word? This one? That one? You said it again. Yeah, there it is again. The church cannot allow the order. There's a gay climate in the seminary. Look how cunty his hat is. And by the way, he's saying exactly what you're saying. He's like, guys, we're doing too much with the hats and robes. I'm sitting here. I'm looking at Chance. He's wearing the Kansas City Chiefs shirt. I'm recently on this obsession over how gay football is. Thank you.

Welcome honey, let's talk about it. Can we like buckle the fuck up? Yeah. Why do they wear a Britney Spears headset on the sidelines? Yes. Yes. How is that necessary? Yes. Well, they need to be calling plays to each other, but I love where you're headed. I feel like there's straighter ways to do it. Yeah, for sure. Like a walkie talkie. Use a big thick walkie talkie like a man. Make a walkie talkie that looks like a grenade. Yeah. Yeah. Why'd you have to do the cunty little. No, you little. Oops. Like why is it? Why is it that?

And then he loves to rip it off when it's not working, you know, and you're like, someone's getting fired. That's the vibe. Yes, literally that. Of the coaches. Literally that. Who did the someone's getting fired? Beyonce. Beyonce with the pyrotechnics, right? Someone's getting fired tonight. That's how I fire people.

I don't have a job. I fire so many people. Your last episode was about why you're going to fire your producer. Do you know what's so funny is Chance, I was just telling Chance when I came in today, there was a comment on somewhere like the TikTok or the YouTube or something that was like,

Chance and I did that bit. And people will so confidently misinterpret an obvious joke. Someone commented and was like, the fact that Caleb's sitting there fucking giggling and laughing in his face while this man is clearly concerned about his job and his income. Like Caleb has obviously lost the plot and gotten too rich to under, I'm like, are you fucking insane? Like,

Are you fucking insane? If you have to say mattress firm ads, they do pay. They do pay. This guy is not worried about his job at the moment. I do say I walked in. There was a fear in the office a little. There's a culture of fear. There's a culture of fear. There's a culture of fear. It's so true. You walked in and everyone was like bowing to me. I asked to use the bathroom and you were like, that's my toilet. Yeah. You're not allowed to use that toilet. Well, that is...

It's my toilet. I don't know what it's like. Did you sit on the subway with that asshole? Did you not have one at home? You're not from far from here. No, I know. I should have peed before I got here. That was irresponsible. Use the toilet before you come to my high rise. Yeah. I own this building. What? Back to home.

I was also thinking how they, I love football by the way. This is like, I didn't want Chase. Chase. Wait, I turned you into a frat boy with HPV. Yeah. Chase. The number of people, I've been friends with Chance for many, many years, 13, 14 years now. And people, people who have known him for a decade will slip up and say Chase. Wait, I love that you're a literal NBA player, like bringing your friends with you. Well, to hear the fucking comments, he's scared for his job.

But also people perform better when they're a little scared. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes. And that's a Mel Robbins quote. Yeah. People perform better when they're a little scared. That's why I keep everyone guessing. Yeah. I keep everyone guessing. So with the NFL, they have... Wait, who's your favorite team? You didn't tell me. Look, I'm Giants. But when the Giants are doing bad, the Jets...

I'm bandwagon. I'm New York. That sucks. I know it sucks, but the Jets have fucking sucked for a long time. When you first said Giants, I had a lot of respect for you because they've been going through it the last couple years. And I thought, that's a fan. That's a real one. And then you said, I'm jumping over to Jets, which also isn't going well. No, I'm now with the Mets. I'm turning wherever. I'm moving sports. I'm moving whole sports. I'm moving whole sports.

But it's all like, we're New York. Like, let me embrace that I have multiple teams. Like, you don't know what you would do if Kansas City. Well, also, I thought Kansas City was multiple states. You know, it's confusing. Kansas City is on both sides of the state line. So I guess you could be fluid if you want. I am. I'm state fluid. I'm state fluid. Kansas, Missouri, who knows? Who's to say?

- So they had to make rules to get the guys to stop dancing so much. They're like, you can't dance that hard. Like you can't eat that much. - Dude, this is something I've been saying for years. One of the craziest things is that our most hyper masculine, like macho examples of manhood, every time you see them do an end zone dance, you need to remember they practice that.

They asked their friend, is this good? They looked in the mirror with a friend in the locker room, probably shirtless in their underwear. And they're like, what if I did this? And five, six, seven, eight. And again, again. And they asked their buddy, would that eat? And he said, yes. And then when they do a group one, like when someone pretends to bowl and it knocks over all the other guys, they had to go to their buddies at practice and be like, hey, if I get a touchdown this week, I was thinking we'd do bowling. No, they had a...

That is so... There's an Arab country in the Vatican. No, they had a group text. Yes, yes. Where they said, can you come to practice 40 minutes early? Yes. Because we need to hit every fucking beat. Yes, can you guys stick around after practice today? I want to practice bowling celebration. I literally see them being like, James, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. You're not fucking committed to the bit. So when I tell you to be a bowling pin and fall over, what does it mean to you? Yeah, what is your motive right now? Because it's clearly not this. I'm not seeing the commitment. I can't see it.

I'm not seeing the dedication. You're not making the pyramid. But this is the thing. Let them go. Like, let them live. Let them be gay. Because it's like, they can do certain dances, but if like they go too hard, they're like, okay, now it's exposing. Yeah. Also the whole concept of calling a guy a tight end.

When no, I get it. If it's like loose end, tight end, wide end. No, it's all running back, quarterback, fullback. Tight end seems like some gay guy in the back just like put it in. Yeah. And no one said anything. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. And they were like, we love it. Me and me. One thing. There are like a couple of areas of debate where me and like the straightest, most Republican guy you know are like this. Yeah.

And one of them is, we need to bring back football being violent and nasty. Let those boys taunt. Let them celebrate. Yeah. Let them hit people they're not supposed to hit when they're not supposed to hit them. I want them all to have Britney Spears mics. I want to know the little shit they whisper to each other after a hit. Like, yeah, you like that. They are mic'd up sometimes. You ever watch those? Yes. Go on YouTube and search mic'd up NFL best moments. But it does get me upset because then you see the CTE in full effect. Totally. And here's what I'm saying. Either...

I was like, that's not a word. Either we're getting rid of football because we're scared of CTE. Either we're getting rid of it, which I would live with. Or if we're doing violence, if we're doing violence as entertainment, let's fucking do it. Let's commit. Lean in. Go full gladiator. Stop with the guardian thing, the fucking shields. Stop with the penalties for taunting. If we're doing violence, let's do violence. Let them have swords. Let them have swords. Let them have brass knuckles. I don't care. It's like...

That's their choice. Let them play. Let the boys play. Wait, did you ever play football? I did. Because it's giving Green Bay Packer linemen sturdy. Thank you. Like strong. I didn't realize when I walked in, you're tall. Thank you. Do you want to feel my muscles? Yeah.

When was the last time a girl felt your muscles? Like probably a week ago. Wait, no, I knew it. I saw athlete in you. Clip that. That's the only clip. Clip that. I saw athlete. I'm low-key strong. Have you like beat up a bitch before? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm beating people up all the time. I can see you like shoving. No. Well, sometimes on the train because here's what I'll say.

When a pregnant woman tries to take your seat. It's like, stand up, bitch. I didn't get you pregnant. No, that's not. Sorry, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Obviously, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, guys. I'm kidding. Every pregnant woman online, you don't support. It's like, you're elderly. Sorry. Congratulations. The privilege is that you're still with us. Stand up. Sorry, we're pro-abortion. Yeah, whoops. Sorry, I'm a woman's right to choose. Sorry. You had a choice. You didn't make it. Now stand up. No, when you're fat on the train. Yeah.

When you're fat on public transit, people feel so comfortable pushing and elbowing you. They think that you're also an idiot. You don't know how to move. I'm like, I am trying to move. There are people in my way. I'm 6'2 and 350 pounds. Wait, hot take. The subway seats are not wide enough for anyone. No. Because I have a booty. Yeah, thank you. I have child, what is it called? Childbearing hips. Yeah. I've been saying that about you.

We all thought it when I walked in. - I've been saying that about you. - And when I sit down, I'm like, I don't need my hips rubbing against someone else's hips when I'm just trying to go to work. - Here's what I'm saying. If we made, I mean, disability activists have been saying this forever. If we made the whole world accessible for fat and also disabled people, it would only make everyone's lives better.

thin people would benefit from fat infrastructure. Like, if you would stop making the fucking plane seats this big, thin people would also benefit from that comfort. It doesn't make any sense. It's silly. It doesn't make any sense. I also am guilty of, like...

I bloat very easily, not to brag. Some people are getting jealous at home. You're just like me for real. And I don't know why I bloat. Like I'll eat a whole rotisserie chicken or I'll like sniff a chip. Like I don't know what the reason, and it's not in my business why. When you said the chicken part, I was like, it's probably just the sodium. Yeah, but like it's literally anything. And I'm not, what am I going to do like,

what's that thing where people take out stuff from their diet? Like you live once. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not slowly eliminating food. I'm not a social experiment. I'm just trying to survive. So I'll, I'll blow. And I realized like, if you just put your hand below the bloat, like you're a full, you look like a fertile angel. Yeah. So I'll be on the subway and just be like, excuse me. You're a pregnant queen. Yeah. Yeah. And you should, that's your right. I'm dead serious. That's your right. Don't ever stop. And also at any time I could be pregnant. Yeah.

That's so completely true about you. And that's just like womanhood. You're married. It's so off brand for me. It's really insane. When I learned that, I was like, that doesn't match. No offense. No, it wasn't in, it wasn't in my chart. It wasn't supposed to happen. I met a guy during COVID. Crazy. And people make crazy decisions during COVID. Yeah. But he's, he's really like a good one where he's like my partner in crime and supportive and like,

It's nice. How'd you meet during COVID? I feel like it's so choogy that I'm married. It's really choogy. It's not a good look. It's actually a slur. No, being married is like... I'm not saying I thought less of you when I learned it. No, like your eyes... I thought differently. Yeah. You lost all respect. My eyes narrowed a little bit where I was like, oh. And I'm not trying to be like, I never wanted to get married. But it wasn't the best night of my life. It was...

It wasn't a goal for me. I just feel like if you find someone that enhances your life, awesome. And I happen to. And he's older, so he will die soon. So it's not like a full commitment. Yeah. That would be nice when he goes. I mean, when you meet a guy in his 30s, he has way too much energy, way too much time. Does he have Irish citizenship? He's Irish. Yes. Yeah. So, well, he actually is. He was born in the UK. Yeah.

Lived in New York, then moved to Ireland. So yeah, we can leave at any time. Is he not Irish? He's Irish-American. He's from Queens. He talks like a trucker. Does he have any other citizenship that you could cash in on? I'm just trying to look out for you. No, yeah. Nice. There's reasons. Does he have assets that will be bequeathed to you when he passes? I believe so. Nice. Yeah, that's the word. When he passes. There's no reason to marry a man if he doesn't have stuff to leave you.

100%. I just, I feel that way. Yeah. Well, it's like, what value are you bringing? Yeah. What's your dowry for me? Yeah, exactly. It is not to quote the great Bethany Frankel. Yeah. Not to do that. My money is my money. Your money is my money. Exactly. Correct.

Because I had to work harder for it. Yeah. I think all the time about if I have money when I die, like if I have stuff to give away, I really do think I would be one of those... Like if I was ever a rich, rich, rich person, I think I'd be one of those people who gave it away to strangers. Yeah. Like what, my kids who did nothing? Yeah, I love when I hear that they're like...

They didn't give it to the kids and the kids are upset. But you know, what's more fucked up is when they give it to the pet. Yeah. That's like, that's some petty shit. I'm like, who hurt you? That's silly, weird, goofy bullshit. Yeah. Do you have any pets? No, I can't. I want to. I love dogs, but I just am never, I'm never in one place. And it's people, when I say this, people are always like, get a small dog. It can go with you. What do I look like to you? Paris Hilton. That would piss me. Do you know how hard it is?

Do you know how hard it is for me to presently show up to the things I'm supposed to go to? Could you imagine me adding a chihuahua into the mix? My favorite is, I mean, not a lot of comics have it, but if they come with a dog and then they go on stage and whoever the opener is, it's like, you're a father now. You're watching the dog, yeah. Yeah.

Which, look, I like. It's probably more pleasant than hanging out with some comedians. Yeah. But, yeah, you'd have to take it on the plane. There's some older comics in L.A. who have gotten a really nice deal where when they do Largo, they always request to go up second, and they're like...

I gotta get home to the cats. They need shots or something. I'm like, they've got some backstory about the pets that I'm like, you know what? You could just be honest and say you don't want to watch the other sets and you want to go home. You've put in your time. So I have a cat, Butter. Shout out, Butter. Shout out to Butter for real. Someone gave me a gift and it was full of catnip toys. And I was like, Butter, you ready to go fucking buck wild tonight? And I thought I was the best mom ever,

She woke me up at 5 a.m. tonight and she never does that. I'm like, what? I'm talking to my husband. Even me saying husband is weird, but I'm like, what's going on? And then I'm like, this bitch is high as a kite right now. So apparently you have to supervise them when they play with their catnip toys. So I have to take Butter to rehab tomorrow.

Do you know what catnip is? I fully thought it was food. It's basically like a natural crack for cats. But you give them a toy and they're just like, yeah, this is fun. But my cats went too hard last night. I thought she would just take a hit and chill. She's an addict. She's an addict. She has a problem. Yeah. That's okay. Many people have a problem. The opposite of addiction is community.

So just be there for her. And I came on this pod to raise awareness about catnip addiction. Yeah. And watch out for it. Dude, it would be so cool as an animal if your owner gave you drugs. Like, you have no other way to get it. That's what I said. I was like, you're welcome, bitch. And then she woke me up all night. You have no other way to get it. It's like, yeah, your owner has to be cool as fuck or else you have to be sober your whole life. Yeah. But I also feel like she was like, I'm not partying alone. Yeah. That was her vibe. She's like, this is getting sad looking. She was like, get up. This is a bad look. Yeah.

She's like, bitch, I'm turning. Let's go out. And I was like, mama's old. Let her stay in. She's like, get up, girl. We're only young once. She's really like. She said, YOLO. We're going to go to the kitchen. Then we're going to go to the living room. She said, kill your fucking husband, bitch. We're going out.

literally butter. But the best is that I wake up this morning, this bitch is passed out. Can't wake her up. And I'm like, glad you had fun. She's on the come down. I was like, mom's going on so true in the morning and now I'm tired as shit. She's fucking shaking. Yeah. She's going to be going through fucking withdrawals. Like Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Lines. Her makeup's everywhere. Fucking shaking and crying. She's like, please, just a little to even me out. You're like, stop. Stop. You have a problem. Butter. Quit. Okay.

this pink squid toy too like it's actually cunty like she just tossing it around well it's not so cute when she ruins her life about it she's lost her job she's lost her family at this point you're like butter there's $20 missing from my purse did you steal from me to score she's like you're a fucking crazy bitch I would never do that I go you push away all the people who love you no but it's not funny addiction is very serious it's not it's not to understand we're talking about a cat I know

Before you get upset with us. I love how after every joke you have to go, and that was a bet. Guys, we're kidding. That's a cat we're talking about. Oh, God, I'm so happy I got to bring Butter up. Yeah, that's a new affect I'm trying out for the show today, where after every joke I go, guys...

That is how it feels sometimes, though, don't you feel? I mean, you podcast. Don't you feel sometimes that you could say truly anything and some of these dumb fucking morons will be like, they'll just take anything seriously. Do you ever feel like you need to clarify? Everything I say, I do think we recently were talking about Amber Alerts.

I don't know why that's pretty funny to me. And just like how like the second you're trying to do something probably stupid, like I'm like just refreshing my Instagram and then an Amber Alert comes up and you're like, wow, you just fucked up my entire day because that scared me. And there's a kid and then, yeah, that people didn't like that. People are mad about that. I think what would be cool is if every single person alive got to use the Amber Alert system for personal reasons one time.

You get to cash in one in your lifetime. Well, we were like, first of all, it's always the dad. Yeah. Also, why does everyone on the Citizen app have a machete? Citizen app.

What is this? Is that like next door? Don't get it. Okay. It's like I don't have it. I don't participate in any of that kind of shit. Because I have high functioning anxiety. Like I wake up and I feel it. I don't need to get reminded of like everything that's going wrong in the city. Yeah. So like people's moms make them download the Citizen app when they move to New York for the first time. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it's one of those. See, I'm a New Yorker. I'm like, welcome to the party. Yeah. Yeah.

So it alerts you of stuff going on. So it just seems like every day outside your door is like a rogue man with a machete. I didn't get this version of Caucasian. There's a white person tendency towards Facebook groups about neighborhood watching and next door. I don't care. The lore?

You are missing the fuck out because the lore of a local neighborhood Facebook group is better than any TMZ. Here's what I'll tell you. I did it once when I first moved to Chicago. I joined a neighborhood Facebook group and it was just a bunch of white people basically alerting me that black and brown people exist. No.

- There's a black guy on the block. I was like, yeah, I know that guy. I'm not really concerned about that. - I'm more like community drama being like, the coffee shop opened and their matcha tastes like shit. - No! - And then they'll be like, so and so, like just really like,

drama of the community of people who know each other and trying to like low key take each other down. It's only that I don't want to hear from, I don't want to hear from conservatives about crime. They decided like to use this bush and plant this type of bush. And then people were like, do you know my dog is allergic to that kind of bush? Like that's the kind of, and like it gets heightened. The drama is intense.

I have a question for you. You're born and raised in Brooklyn. Born and raised New Yorker. I keep getting served a lot of videos about transplants. What do you make of it? What do you think of all these people moving? I do feel like there's a new kind of person moving to New York.

What do you think? I think it used to be, New York used to be for freaks and weirdos and artists. Yes. And gay people and people who didn't fit in where they were from. Yes. And now I feel that there are a bunch of like sorority girls and fraternity presidents moving here. Not that there wasn't always like a finance firm. No, because they saw an influencer moved here and posted a couple things and got punched in the face and got some traction. Yeah. And now they're like, I need to move to New York. Shout out to whoever you're talking about. I don't know who that is. Iconic. So I try to...

This is not my battle to fight, you know? I'm fighting a lot of inner demons. Yeah, you got your own shit going on. I like to be like...

You've got anxiety. Your cat's on the fucking brink. You can't be worried about Jessica from Oklahoma. No, I try to be empowering. I like to be like, if you live in New York and you're surviving here, I accept you. I'm very like your New Yorker. When you ask me where I'm from and I say Brooklyn, do I think I'm better than you? Yes. And that's, again, out of my control. Y'all, life doesn't happen biweekly, so why should payday?

The money you earn can be in your hands today with Earning. Earning is an app that gives you access to your pay as you work up to $150 per day with a max of $750 between paydays. Just download the Earning app and verify your paycheck.

Then, access up to $150 a day as you work and leave an optional tip. Any money you access, plus tips, are automatically repaid from your next paycheck.

Anytime I get a little extra money I wasn't expecting to have, I always try and treat myself with something like a fun dinner with a friend or shopping at my favorite store, snatching up that new shirt I've had my eye on. Earnin' makes moments like that possible. Make Earnin' a part of your financial routine and join Earnin's over 4 million customers who say things like,

When I think about earning, I think about financial stability, security. It gives me a lot of peace of mind. Download Earning today. Spelled E-A-R-N-I-N in the Google Play or Apple App Store.

When you download the Earning app, type in So True with Caleb Heron under podcast when you sign up. It'll really help the show. So True with Caleb Heron under podcast. Earning is a financial technology company, not a bank.

Cashouts are based on your available earnings. Standard cashouts take 1-2 business days with no mandatory fees. Option to expedite your transfer for a fee. Tips are voluntary and don't affect the service. See the cashout user agreement for details. Service is not available in all states. Y'all know how much I love a comfy couch. Or a comfy chair. Having the right furniture is a key ingredient to turning a house

into a home. So I want to talk to you about my friends at Cozy, whose motto is everyday home furnishings made easy. Cozy is built for real life. Their pieces are modern, adaptable, and worry-free. And they're designed to make your day-to-day feel a little lighter, just like me, with functional innovation at every step. And if you're like me and can barely assemble a house of cards, let alone a coffee table, don't

Don't worry. Cozy provides easy assembly, easy mix and match, and versatile, multifunctional style that adapts to you. Cozy helps you open up new home possibilities. Furniture shopping should be an exciting experience. Cozy helps make the whole process from shopping to purchasing to set up an absolute breeze.

Cozy is dedicated to the idea of easy everything and offers modular design options so your furniture can change with each season that life brings you. Mix and match different styles and colors, swap out the old and add in the new with stylish selections and design assistance to help you as you explore new options on your personal interior design journey. Transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit Cozy.com. That's

C-O-Z-E-Y dot com. The home of possibilities. Made easy. What's up, y'all? It's time for my favorite part of the episode, the ads. This episode of So True is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Y'all, summer is just around the corner, and you guys deserve to really treat yourselves this year with a great place to stay when you take that big trip.

From vacation rentals to hotels across the U.S., Booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anyone, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your early-to-bed, early-to-rise brother-in-law...

or your high maintenance group chat. You can find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com. Booking.com makes it easy to find places to stay that can accommodate your specific needs. Like imagine you're a band with a very particular soundproofing need, or you're looking for maximum relaxation with a hot tub and sauna to turn your vacation rental into your

own private spa. When I'm looking for a place to stay, I simply must have a beautiful full kitchen so I can whip up some of my world-famous spicy baked beans with bacon bits. I simply must have a beautiful full kitchen so I can whip up some of my world-famous spicy baked beans with bacon bits. If I can find my perfect stay on Booking.com, anyone can.

Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com, booking.yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. But I like to be like, if you're here and you're fucking surviving, especially people who are like, I've been here five years, whatever. I'm like, welcome, babe. You're part of us. We're a melting pot. We're a community. That's what New York City is. I don't like when I'll meet a comic who's like, yeah, I'm a Brooklyn comic, and they judge me, and I'm like...

Babe. Yeah. I'm a Brooklyn comic. I'm a Brooklyn comic. I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn. Yeah. And, but yeah, I love like accepting New Yorkers. I'm also a weird New Yorker where like, I like LA. Oh my God. Do I talk shit about it? Yes. Yeah. But am I like, I'm not comparing LA like they're equal. I'm more like,

Yeah. Like, I can appreciate this. If anything, you're comparing LA to, like, Palm Springs. Yeah. It's on its own little axis that it gets compared to other things. It doesn't get compared to New York. Exactly. Like, I'm not competitive with it. I'm like, it's gorgeous, stunning, beautiful. Could I live there? Maybe not, because I don't have a driver's license, because I'm from New York. You have never gotten a driver's license? No. No, wait. I did. I'd like to teach you how to drive if you ever need help with that. Caleb, I would love that, because...

I did have a driver's license. My dad made me get it at 24 years old. But I ended it by like ramming the curb. But the lady already passed me. Get out the car. My dad's like, no. And I'm like, dad, she passed me. And he's like, you shouldn't be out. King. No, he was like, tell her. He said, no.

You know some dads, you're perfect. My dad was like, you were a flawed individual and you should not be out in these streets. It's unsafe for people, which is so valid. So I never really had the confidence. And then during COVID, I didn't know I had to click a button to renew it because I'm not a fucking woman in STEM. And I lost it. You're not Marie Curie. So then I tried to get my license again and I failed the test, which is disappointing. And then I got in my head about it.

No, we can get you out of there. When I got my driver's license, I was 16. I've been driving since I was like 13. But when I got my driver's license... I just envisioned you smoking a cig, picking up people. That's iconic. 13. There's farmer's licenses. Kids can drive if they live on a farm. And I didn't have one. But if you were driving at that age, sometimes the cops would just assume you had one.

And so I was driving when I was like 13. Because you have to move corn around or something? Yeah, basically. That's pretty much it. Yeah. You need to be able to move a vehicle from point A to point B because you're working on the farm. The seeds. Yeah, the seeds, of course. The yields. The yields, et cetera. What you've reaped and sown, et cetera.

Period. But when I got my driver's license, there was like a snowstorm. My birthday's in January. And so my mom had taken the day off work. And she was like, I took off work. We've got to find a way to make this happen. I can't take off work again. And so my town wasn't doing the driver's test that day because there was too much snow. But a town like an hour and a half over that I hadn't spent a lot of time in was doing them. My mom's like, we're going to drive over there and try to get your license. So we went over there.

And I had to do the driver's test in a town I'm not familiar with. So I didn't understand some of the one ways and some of the turns and stuff. I think you have to get like a, I don't know what it was. Maybe you had to get like a 70% to pass or something. The woman literally, I think I got like two points shy of it. And I was like, we like finished it. And I was like, I don't know what to do. Like my mom took off work. I'm not going to be able to get my license for a year. I like, I have a job. Like I need to be able to drive. Wait, you literally were like, I'm fucking adorable. I was like, I'm a single father. Yeah.

I was like, I need to be able to drive to my job at Golden Corral. - You go, Carol. - Carol, hear me out. She passed me. She added four points. She added four points. - Wait, I'm so obsessed with you. I love how you go, this is why I brought you here today. I go, what you just saw is not a reflection of my character. - Yeah, I was like, this is not who I am. You know my swag, not my story.

I was like, I need four points. And she did it. She was like, oh, okay. You go, have you ever been, has anyone ever gone down on you, Karen? Karen, hey, what do you need? There's lots of different ways that people can show appreciation for things. How's your day going? Karen, I like your hair. I love the way you look, girl. The half updo is murdering. This job seems tough. You probably need help relaxing every once in a while. You go, no.

Have you ever tried a foot massage? There's pressure points. You ever been with a young man? You ever been with a young man who spends his days decorating cakes at Golden Corral? It takes an intricate and gentle hand. You go, you know I'm hairless. Come on. What are you into? I just hit puberty. Shit's wild over here.

My energy is crazy. She's like, I will give you four points to get the fuck out of this car. And she did. It's funny because when I took my driver's license test again, I don't even know what it's called. As I'm just, it's chaos. The guy looks at me and he goes, you passed this before. And I was like, I don't need the shade. Like I'm clearly fighting for my life here in this car.

He's like, I am too. He's like, we're all fighting for our lives if you're behind the wheel. We got it. I said, buckle up, bitch. Honey. I just feel like they're not rooting for me. Like, I want positive energy around me at all times. And I get in. I feel like the guy's like, first of all, he's like, she's a woman. Yeah. And that's a battle that like. Yeah. And then I'm trying to be out here fighting for female pilots, but I can't even drive. And like, it's been difficult for me because I should. I don't know if I should drive. Sorry, I'm going to cry. The bravery that you're.

Fuck, I promise I wouldn't cry. Sorry. I didn't cry over my cat literally relapsing. I didn't care about that. Just the bravery you're exhibiting in being a woman. Thank you for being a woman and speaking on that. Thank you. Because women to me are like, you know. Well, like a lot of, not to talk about pilots. Obviously not to talk about pilots so much. People are always accusing me of this. I bring it up every fucking time I see you. Yeah.

But I feel like we need more empathy over the mic. Yeah. Do you ever feel like the male pilots, they'll be like, we're delayed, and then don't communicate with you? Well, the way that the male pilots, I have a lot of problems with flying. I do it often enough to have a lot of opinions on it. I mean, yeah, that's all my opinions. And I think some people don't care, but when a male pilot comes over, first of all, male pilot, whoa. You have to say male pilot. You know, to have those words together. You have to say male pilot. Did that feel right?

You know they never once said sorry for turbulence? They don't apologize. They go, hey, this is your captain speaking. Yeah, it's going to be 45 minutes until we push back. Just kind of how it is. The skies are what they are today. And got to get approval from the tower. And we'll get you out of here when we can. Thanks for choosing Delta. I'm like, Jesus Christ. You know how they try to throw in a little joke, and you're not in the mood? And I'm like, start a podcast or crash this fucking plane. Leave me alone. Do you know what I do love, though? What?

I love a gay flight attendant who's doing too much. See, the stewardess? Yeah. That is my entertainment. I don't think you're supposed to call them that. Oh, sorry. Sorry, the steward-eye? The steward-eye. When it's plural, steward-eye. Fuck, did I just get canceled? Steward-eye, yeah, you're over. Wait, I feel like they identify as stewardesses, though. Dude, flight attendant? No. Have you ever met a steward? Dude, flight attendant, flight attendant. Because I go... Twitter's about to go off on you.

You don't want to get on the wrong side of flight attendant Twitter. They've got those ascots wrapped tight. They're upset, dude. Shit's not been the same since COVID. Am I right, flight attendants?

I like when they're annoyed. Yeah. Because when they're nice, I'm like, you're too good to us. Also, you don't even tip them. Everyone, including the barista who didn't do anything is getting tipped, but a flight attendant who's fucking taking care of you so much, they don't get tips. Well, a lot of them don't act like they want a tip. I love when they judge your order. Start acting like you want a tip, flight attendants. I love when they judge my order. I'm like, orange juice, and they're like, it's 3 p.m. And they're like, ice? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like,

You fool. They don't give me enough good options. I want a fun drink. I want a lavender green tea, but they don't have it. I will say, me and I would say 98% of flight attendants I have, we form a special connection. I really do love them. We get so close. I like to ask them inside baseball questions.

Wait, you like to be their favorite. I go, I go, this is my, I'm like this. I can't help. I want to be everyone's. Like he says something looks at you and you give him the look like that was good. Yeah. Like I'll get on and I'll be like, like if there's a, if there's been a delay or something, I'll be like, I'll be like, you guys have had better days. You go full dad joke with them. Disgusting. You have the same jokes every flight. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, do you guys get, do you guys get to go home after this or are you staying, you staying over somewhere?

And they're like, ah, yeah, 12-hour stay in Chicago. And then we head back to Atlanta. I love the inside baseball. I go, back to Atlanta? Are you a Braves fan? I'm like, there's something wrong with me. Wait, so he's going through everyone. But when he sees you, he's like, Caleb. Yeah, truly. You have a handshake with him. One of my greatest joys in life is that I've gotten a lot of, you know, when a flight attendant likes you, they can write you a note on a postcard and give it to you. I've gotten a lot of those. Have you gotten the, they put all the snacks in the Ziploc? Yeah. Yeah.

That shit. I've never gotten wings, though. I think they only do it for kids. Oh, interesting. What if I get it and I go, no wings? No wings, yeah. I do want wings. I do want them to say, I want to be a member of the Delta family. I'm a huge proponent of Delta headphones. Yeah. Because I don't believe in Bluetooth. I think it's kind of... Be careful. Just be careful. Just be careful, because we had a guest recently who floated some ideas and...

Hey, I'm just going to tell you to be careful. That's all I'm going to say. Don't float any ideas on this spot. I got scared for you. I got scared for you. No, I believe in science. I believe in science. Yeah. I would just stick with that. My thing with blue, I just feel like someone's going to be like, hello. Like someone's going to come in to it. And also, I lose it all the time. So I've also, you know, like the frat boys that had the like.

I don't know. I don't trust. I don't like it. Yeah. It looks lame to me. It's cool. Yeah, looking lame is totally cool. I...

I just went to a really dark place because I remembered I tried at a cafe recently. Like this week. Yeah. There's a cafe where I'm friendly with the people who work there. And I opened my Spotify to play music into my headphones while I was working. And the jam for the cafe. Do you have AirPods or headphones? I do the AirPod Max. Okay. Those I'm okay with. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. It's different. But the jam popped up that was like, do you want to join? Yeah.

you know, so-and-so, I don't want to say his name, but the barista whose name I know, like, do you want to join his jam? And so I could control the music in the cafe, and I did. I, like, hopped on and added a song, and I thought it would be funny, and I'm, like, smiling at him, and he looks at me and goes...

You lost your privileges? Because I changed the vibe a little bit, but I thought it was fun. What vibe did you change it to? Well, he was playing dancey salsa music. Okay. And I did put on, well, I put on Big Thief, but...

And I just say, it didn't play. I thought it was going to be funny. I'd be like, oh my God, what if we were listening to Big Thief now instead? Wait, should we make DJing the coffee shop a thing? Dude, I would, literally me and you, let's DJ a coffee shop. 9 a.m., so-and-so's DJing. We got to come through. Meet me at Prima, yeah. Me and Hannah are going to be on the phone. We're going to be fucking spinning at Prima. And we're all thinking,

I'm just putting on Big Thief over and over again. I'm like, y'all are going to listen to the Fruitbats and enjoy it. What's your opinion on DJs? DJs? You got scared. I don't care much about them. There's a couple that I like. If you're not trans, you shouldn't be a DJ.

Is my opinion. If you're not a doll, it's like only dolls should be DJs. They have an innate understanding of what music can and should be. Yes. If you're not a doll, get off. Doll DJ. Doll DJ. That's it. If you're not a doll, you can't be a DJ. And I'm like, even trans masks. I'm sorry, brother. You can't be back there. Okay. So it's specifically a doll. Yeah. Specifically a doll. I love that. Yeah. I'm sorry to Emmett and Liam, but you guys need to hop off. Names are being thrown around. That's just any trans guy. Yeah.

No, I'm like, sorry, brother. I love you to death. I respect you more than you'll ever know. You need to let the dolls back there.

It's just how it is. I just envisioned us DJing a coffee shop while snorting catnip, and it was lit. I do think we should. I had a vision. I think actually DJing a coffee shop would be a really fun something for us. We could do something really fun with that. Yeah. We're touring across the nation. It's like how Trixie does Solid Pink Disco. We do a coffee shop version where I'm just playing acoustic covers. People are just in the bathroom shitting.

shitting themselves. I do prefer that. Yeah. I would prefer that over like a dance party or a rave. I'm like, obviously just come to the coffee shop. We'll have some lattes together. Like, welcome to your 30s. Today's episode is brought to you by Alma. Alma is on a mission to simplify access to high quality, affordable mental health care. Alma has built a community of over 20,000 diverse therapists. Therapists on the platform offer both

in person and virtual care. While online tools and resources can be a useful starting point or supplement, human relationships are an irreplaceable part of mental health care. Alma can help you find someone who will work with you on your specific needs and goals and support you in making real progress in improving your mental health, love.

Alma also makes things real simple to find a therapist. Some people turn to impersonal online resources like forums or chatbots, oh my, because they think finding a therapist is expensive and difficult. Well, think again. The directory makes it easy to find therapists that take your insurance and meet your unique needs with filters like gender, race, therapeutic approach, and more. Know the cost of your sessions up front using Alma's cost-estimated tool at Alma.

97% of therapists accept insurance, including Aetna, Cigna, and more. Better with people, better with Alma. Visit HelloAlma.com slash SOTRUE to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's HelloAlma.com slash S-O-T-R-U-E.

Thanks, Alma. I'm not big on trends, but I am big on clothes that feel good and last. So check out Quint's. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples can work for you as everyday essentials. Folks, summer's upon us, so it's time to spruce up those wardrobes and look good having some fun in the sun. Quint's has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. The best part? Caleb, what's the best part?

Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. We love that. I personally love my Merino Crew socks I got from Quince a while back. I wear them all the time and they still feel like brand new.

I was never a barista.

I love how you're like, this is going to be the craziest thing you've ever heard. I was never a barista. I have regret about it. Well, baristas, it's an art. Yeah. Like you have to have actual skill. It's a real skill. And I have, I have regret about never being a barista. It was never one of my survival jobs. I never trusted myself to be a barista. I have very thick fingers and I feel like I would fuck up. And you're, it's,

It's one thing when people are drunk and you're fucking up people's orders at a bartender. They don't know. This is setting up people's day for success or failure. And that's too much to have on my shoulders. There's two occupations I have never dabbled in because I respect them too much. One is musicians. One is baristas. I never touched it. I stayed out of there. I was a good host.

Like, I came in and I was warm. I know you were. And then I was doing some side deals. I was like, you guys are three, but I could get you in a two-top. Whoa. You sit at the corner. Whoa. Like, I was doing some illegal shit. You were brokering deals. I was brokering to have some.

You're making shit happen. A guy gave me a 20 and I was like, oh, this is not going towards my taxes. Dude, in my hometown, there was only an Applebee's. Wait, I'm obsessed with our upbringing being so different. But in this moment, we're so connected. Yeah, now we're the same. Yeah. But in many ways, we were different. Yeah. I did not grow up in Brooklyn. Yeah. Not close. But now you're in Brooklyn. I'm out of Brooklyn. Yeah. Now you live in Missouri, don't you? Don't you live in Missouri? Yeah.

Are you in a small town in Missouri? You live in a farming community in Missouri, don't you? Do you know years ago you almost opened for me? No, I did not. No, wait, listen. I'm talking years ago. What is this? You DM'd me. What? And you were like, can I come through to like drop in to do a spot? Oh, yes, when you played the Truman. I was trying to do time because you were in Kansas City. And then it never happened. I know. That was sick. That was sick. I do that.

- You were open, you're dropping by. - I do that. No, no, no, but yeah, I would love to open for you. - That's your thing? - I just know, when people are in Kansas City, I'll message them sometimes and be like, hey, can I come do time? - No, I was like so excited. - I know, I'm sorry, I do that. That's really fucked up of me. - Wait, that's so funny though that that's like your thing. It's more like you're like, hey, I'm here. - Yeah. - And I could. - It's more that I, really I think often what I'm doing is-- - You get excited. - I get excited. When I send the message, I want to do time, and then the time comes around and I've either left town or I don't wanna do a show.

And so I'm like, oh, I can't bother them by just coming and being a fan now. That's a problem.

Michelle Obama. Say it. To quote her. Say it. It's like, this is not the quote. I butcher every quote. But she basically was like, learn how to say no. And if it's not a hell yes, say no. Yeah. And I wasn't a hell yes to doing my show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I tried to be like, if I don't want to do it tonight, don't say yes. But I've never wanted to do anything. I never want to do anything. We would never do anything if we lived. I never want to do anything. You have to force yourself. I hate doing everything.

I hate doing everything. I hate seeing my favorite people in the world. I hate going to... Everything is an inconvenience. For sure. And I do it all. I do all of it. I literally... I wanted to cancel a dinner yesterday. I was going to see a friend I haven't seen in a long time at a restaurant I love where I know the food is incredible. Yeah. And I know like...

the staff at the restaurant, I was like, it's gonna be a great night. - Everything was set up. - Wanted to cancel. Almost canceled on my way to the thing. - 'Cause you know what, the cancellation high is better than any high you get from going. - And I'll never be let down, here's the thing, I can be let down by a plan, I've been let down by plenty of plans. I've never been let down by getting high on my couch.

Ever. Well, because every horrible thing that's ever happened in my life has been when I went outside. Yes. So statistically, why would I go outside again? Yeah. Yeah. And that's just science. Yeah. And yet I need to go outside. The only time I go outside is to fart. Yeah. You fart outside. And inside. You're a husband. And inside. I do inside too. But like farting outside, there's a freedom. There is a freedom to farting outside. And especially as a woman, we are privileged that like...

You can get away with so much. I'm going to cry again. The way you talk about girlhood is so beautiful. No, like I represent all women. No, keep it in. Keep it in. I am woman. I am woman. Hear me roar.

This is my fight song. Oh, I did Katy Perry. Fuck, I did This Is My Fight Song. Who is now very smart and successful. Who? Rachel Blatton? Yeah. What's happening? What do you mean? Wait, have you? You're not up on your Rachel, you're not up on your white girl Rachel fight song shit? I don't know her last name, but I know she's up to shit because I support women. What's she up to? I don't. She has chance. I'm looking it up. I don't support women. Has that been a misstep? He's like, women don't come up on my feed. Women on Google. My computer doesn't register women. Right.

A cis white woman? Nope. Delete. She's doing philanthropy? Is that what you're talking about? No, she has like, she's like a rocket scientist now. So, hey, you made this up. Hey, it's obviously all love. You made that up. What if someone's like, that's different, Rachel. And I send you my support.

What is she doing? Hey, it's nothing personal. You made that up. I googled rocket science, Rachel Platten, and a band called Rocket Science covered one of her songs. And that's all that's coming up. Oh, Hannah. Somebody send me, okay? Oh, Hannah. Her LinkedIn. Oh, Hannah. Her LinkedIn. That was millennial as shit. Her LinkedIn. That was so embarrassing. Her LinkedIn. Hannah Burner. Not her LinkedIn. Oh, Hannah.

Not her being covered by a band called Rocket Science and you thought she worked at NASA. Hannah Burner. Okay, I think he's not even Googling. He's trying to help you, honey. There's nothing on the internet that can help. You just made something up completely and we're all having to live in it. She just has a new album. If you talk bad about women one more time...

I don't like women. I thought I'd been so clear about that. Everyone likes Rachel Platten, though. I like Rachel Platten. Because she had a one-hit wonder. One-hit wonder is fun. She's represented by Red Light Bandage. Wait, is it not Rachel Platten? You're thinking of someone else. Wait, no, I'm thinking of someone else. I am Rachel Platten. She's in the studio. She's gorgeous, by the way. Stunning. She's gorgeous. It's giving Blake Lively Cousin.

Yeah. Controversial take. No, I want to thank you for saying that. Okay, it's not Rachel Platten that I'm thinking of. Who are you thinking of? Can you Google... Woman successful? Woman who did something once. Woman astronaut career change.

See what that brings up. Female pilot, pop star. Yeah, Google. Anyway, we do the rest of the pod. Just me asking him to Google. I was I think I was anti-woman recently. What happened? I did something or I thought something. I did this pod with you. I did this pod with you. No, I saw a video that really got under my skin. I wonder how you'll feel about it. It was a video. Did I talk about this already on the pod chance?

I don't remember. I love that that's his job. Kind of. It's like, did I already say this? You know, we do so many of these. I'm like, who knows what I've said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I saw this TikTok that was like seven girls in a kitchen. And it was cute. It was like seven girls in a kitchen dancing and singing along to a song. And they were clearly a little drunk. And it was late at night. And it was like, how would you ever even explain this to a boy? And I was like, that's one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. I love women. But sometimes we've lost the plot. I think boys have listened to a song before.

Like, can we get a little bit of a grip? Also, I want to know the actual tea. Like, who's mad at who? Like, let's be honest. Who didn't want to do that TikTok? And you're like, we're doing this TikTok to show that we are happy. We're having so much fun. We don't need men. It's like, I just feel like there's so many beautiful things about female friendship. And one of them is not that you uniquely understand listening to a song. And I'm a particular girl. You know when your friends would break out in song? I didn't fuck with that. That's where I signed up. I think that's so beautiful. You don't like that?

Because I'm... You're a pick me. Okay. Can we...

I'm a butch straight girl. You're a butch straight girl. Like, I didn't like it. I didn't... Have you ever trafficked in pick-me behaviors? Be honest. Yes. Really? Well, also, I'm a girl who likes sports. Like, I'm that girl that knows, I'm like, in this moment, if I say, like, anything that I know about this sport, like, oh, he just had a double-double, a guy will get an erection. Yeah. They're very easy. Yeah. And in your 20s, I think...

Let's be honest. I didn't have TikTok. I didn't know what a pick me was. In your 20s as millennials, we all were pick me's. We were raised by Disney movies. It was literally you wake up and I go, who's my crush and how do I find him? And how do I trick him? And then in my 30s, I woke up one morning. I said, we've been doing this all wrong. We are backwards and this is fucked up. And my whole life has changed. But I also...

I'm married. And that is the ultimate pick me behavior. I got picked. That's gross. But now I'm embarrassed by it. No, it's disgusting. It's horrible. I sucked up to a guy so much that he was like, I want to spend...

Eternity. Eternity with you. Plots next to each other. Burial vibes. Literally. Yeah. So, but no, pick me shit. I had a whole bit about like, yeah, stuff that you have done and pretended to like because of a man. Yeah. You know, girls are like anal. You think anal is pick me behavior? I don't want to say something homophobic. No, I don't think it would be homophobic. I've, I've said a lot of homophobic stuff. That's the least homophobic. Yeah. Before you got on, you were very much like,

Saying some very off-color stuff about gay people. So I don't think this is where it's going to be. I tried anal once. Nice. The first time. How'd it go? In a shower. Yikes. Talk about...

making the wrong decisions in life. You shouldn't have sex in a shower, period. Somehow it gets drier as you go. And the one thing you need to have with anal is a little bit of... Water's not lubricant. No. You guys have to understand this. Water is not lubricant. So I was just like, ow, this is hurting me. But I mean, I didn't...

I didn't commit. Like it was like, it didn't even have a chance. Yeah. And I said, no, thank you. Yeah. And then I was triggered. Yeah. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's okay. That can be so tough. It's okay. But I, I want people to have fun. Ain't all such an ordeal. Yeah.

Yeah, there's prep. Sex is really a production in general. It's like sex is like, obviously it's fun and like I have to do it like a couple times a week or else I'll die. But it's such a production. It's like such a, I just can't believe how much goes into it. As an eater, it doesn't like work with my lifestyle. Like I hate when you start dating someone and you have to like

think twice about what you're about to eat because of what you're about to do. And I feel like that's, it's controlling. It's, it's no, like it's gaslighting. Yeah. I don't like it at all. Yeah. It is gaslighting. Say that, say that by the way, this taco is gaslighting me. And, and yeah, I also think that,

People normalize that sex is just like everyone's coming all the time. Yeah. And it's just not like that, especially, you know, for women. Thank you. For women. I'm going to cry again. The way you stand up for women is so beautiful. It almost makes me like women. Like the way you talk about women almost makes me go like, wait a minute. Wait.

They need help. These people deserve respect, potentially. They need help. Yeah. I'm like, I'm actually low-key going to respect women soon, I think. I know. But yeah, right now, I feel like there's a lot of...

Just like sex on TV that just looks so fucking hot. And then when you don't have that experience, you feel bad. Yeah. So I think we'd have to have messier. I mean, my whole my first stand up special, I had a whole just thing about like normalizing queefing. We have zero queef representation. Yeah. When it happens, you feel guilty. I don't know what that is.

It's like I know the pussy makes a noise, but I don't know why it's happening or what we should feel about it. Wait, so I'm like a queef. I'm not. This is so like classic gay guy, but this is making me sick.

Sorry, it's already kind of hot in here. And it's like, actually, I'm getting a little nauseous. Well, it's just like, why would it? No, but this is the thing. It's kind of hot in here. It happens, right? Yeah. And then the girl feels bad. And I'm trying to, because I'm a proponent for women. I'm saying, he queefed you. She feels bad that the pussy makes noise? Yeah, he queefed you. And I know that because I've never queefed alone. Yeah. And he goes, you queefed.

And then you're like, I'm sorry. What's wrong with that? He started stuffing you with air. I'm sorry. He gets... Sorry, the guy... Because you made a noise. But he made a noise on you. The guy gets mad that your pussy made a noise? Well, it's embarrassing. When you're the girl in sex, if, God forbid, you fart or you make a weird sound, it's like...

It's on you. But men could be like disgusting and it's like hot. Why is it on with straight people? No, wait. This, it's a problem. I don't understand why it would be a problem for the body to make a noise when you're fucking. No, because it's, I guess it's normalized for girls to just be like,

blow up dolls. Yeah. Which blow up dolls would queef. But don't those make noise? That would queef. I would think they would squeak a little. But yeah, I'm trying to normalize girls, you know, being like you queefed. I didn't queef, you queefed motherfucker. Yeah. Okay. But it's honestly, it's a struggle. I don't like this. No. I don't like this. So buttholes don't queef? I don't, I don't, I don't know if buttholes queef. I mean, they make noise, of course, when things are happening, but I'm like, I don't know if we have terminology for it. Yeah. I think it's,

it's a particular thing with a vagina that I'm not going to get into. I just don't feel like this is the right time or place. It's not. I'm never the person to talk about pussy with. I just don't, it's like, obviously I've tried it and it wasn't, you know, it wasn't my thing. I've said that before. So you're not gold star. No, no, I've done pussy here and there. Do you get less respect in the community for not being a gold star? My community doesn't respect me. Okay.

It was never going to be about that. My community doesn't respect me. My community does not respect me. Gay men, I have almost no hold over gay men. I could mobilize lesbians to a border if I needed to. What?

I could get them armed at the border if I needed to. Gay men would barely hold a door open for me. Wait, so lesbians love you? Lesbians, I could move certain segments of the queer community. There are hundreds of trans women who would go to war for me. Gay men would, I think if I was on fire in front of a gay man to get him to spit on me would be a challenge.

I just don't move gay men in that way. I move straight men more than I move gay men. Interesting. I don't know what it is. Interesting. It's funny because I'm trying to be kind of like the Sheryl Crow of lesbians. Thank you. Missouri, by the way. Shout out. I'm Missourian. Iconic. Sheryl Crow, a famous Missourian. Shout out, Sheryl. We love you. I just, um, I connect. I think lesbians. It makes you happy. To speak for women. And love me my best.

So I was going to do an under track while you were talking, but I ended up just cutting you off. I was trying to harmonize. And the second I started, you were like, this is a one person. No. OK. I love how I just said I don't like singing, too. And I jumped the fuck in because it's fun. I know. I feel bad. I didn't mean to disrupt your thought. What were you saying? Don't ever be upset about disrupting me. That is called conversation. OK, thank you. And don't put that on you.

Leave that in. What did we just do? You're like gesturing to me like you're fucking Polly Walnuts. Like, don't ever fucking be mean. Don't ever fucking feel bad about interrupting me. You're perfect. It's conversation. If I don't interrupt you, it means I wasn't listening. I don't respect you. Oh, my own. You want to be the Sheryl Crow of lesbians? I feel like lesbians...

have done everything to like break down barriers for straight women because they don't care what men think yeah so like anything from stand-up comedy politics like it's the lesbians that lead the way and then the straight girls are like oh shit maybe we could do this too yeah so i um i fucking love lesbians thank you for your service and i feel like i i feel like oh i was a gay man in a past life did you know that you think so that's i was told i was a dandy in a past life

By who? A Salem witch. And you could bring that up with her, because that's... I just am wondering, you went to Salem to meet with a witch, and she informs you that in a past life you were, quote, a dandy. She goes, well, she goes, you've been a man in your past life. And I said, no. No, please, please. And then I said, what kind of man? And she goes, a flaming gay dandy. Okay. And I was like... All right. I don't know if she...

I'd have to meet her, but I don't know if she should be talking like that. With an air of... Yeah, with an air of... There's an air of dandyism in the Vatican.

to watch Conclave you'll die I'll love it I know I will you need to do like a YouTube of you doing commentary I would love to watch that yeah while you're watching Conclave do you know my mom just dropped on me last week at lunch she was like she was like my mom will do this shit we were at lunch in Kansas City last week and she goes she goes well you know I saw a psychic when I was pregnant with you

And I go, no, I don't. What are you talking about? You're like, I wasn't there. I go, no, you've never told me that. She goes, yeah, I saw a psychic. They told me you were going to have eyes. They said you were going to have so much wisdom in your eyes that it would scare me. And it did. When you were born, I looked in your eyes and I felt scared. I said, hey, it's two o'clock. What?

It's two o'clock in the afternoon. What are you talking about? What is going on? You ever see those videos of the mom being like, my kid knows things and the kid will be like, I died in a burning building. That's the shit my mom's accusing me of.

She's like, yeah, she told me you'd have wisdom in your eyes that would be scary to look into. In World War II, I took a bullet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, it's 2 p.m. Yeah, hey, it's lunch. She really will in the middle. Moms have such a knack, I feel, for just dropping one of the most devastating things you've ever heard. You know, you'll truly just be at a cookout, sitting by the pool, and your mom will just be like, yeah, I mean, I just wonder what I would have been capable of if anyone had ever believed in me. Anyway...

Anybody want another margarita? It's like, Jesus, bitch. What the hell? Good lord. Don't you feel they'll just drop the most harrowing shit ever? It's like when you realize that your mom is just a girl. Yeah. Oh, God. The girlhood stuff.

If you say the G word, I'll fucking lose it. Well, it's just some of that stuff where it's like people, the trends online that are like, they're like, they're like, please, please don't ask me to do something. I'm just a girl. By the way, you're 37 and people get mad when I use that as the number, but it's like, that's really by the time you should probably, people should be able to ask you to do stuff. And I'm not there yet. You're not there. That's not you. I'm just a girl. Yeah. I'm just a girl. But like being a girl is a mindset. Yeah. What if, what if I slowly got red pilled on this podcast?

What if like over the next like 80 episodes it just like slowly became obvious that I was getting red pilled? Wouldn't that be fun? That'd be hilarious. I mean, that would be so funny to switch up on people in that way. Well, because when you have that kind of chokehold over the lesbian community, you can turn them like that. Yeah, it is so fun. Men's rights people are so funny to me because their thing is always like, nobody cares, the boys commit.

It's like, stop doing it. No. I don't know what to tell you. Girls aren't doing it. Maybe boys should quit. What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to tell you. Stop playing video games and go be part of something. I don't know what we're talking about. You're like, guys work in construction. Stop. Stop.

Go be an accountant. I don't know what to tell. What do you want me to do? No, it's just like they've never given us empathy and now they want empathy, but we're not even involved in it. Yeah. They did it all on their own. Also, I'm a boy and I thought it was pretty sick. I didn't feel that abused by it. I don't know. I just think it's kind of pathetic. These guys that are like, no one cares about the plight of boys. I'm like, yeah, I think it's probably because girls have it worse. Does that make any sense? Look at you turning into...

I don't want to sound like a woke asshole, but women low-key have it hard. No, like, have you ever been fingered on the side of your leg? Right. Thank you. What do you mean? What do you mean? Someone was fingering your inner thigh? That's just a Tuesday. I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon? This is why I'm jealous of lesbians. Right. They're... They are. They are. Like...

I asked my friend who's lesbian, like, how do you know when the sex is done? Yeah. It's never done. You ask? Yeah, nice. Or like the sun rises? Yeah, fuck. We're like, first of all, I was like, what's it like to communicate during sex? That's fucking crazy. Yeah. But with dudes, it's just when he's done. Yeah. He's done. He's like twitching or whatever. He's like, yeah.

Get that nut. Nice. Get that nut. Hell yeah. But yeah, with lesbians, it's like, you know your body, you know it feels good. You know what you're working with. Yeah. With the men, they have to be like taught. You know what I always want to ask lesbian couples? Yeah. I like his body language has changed. Who's a girl and who's a guy? Oh. Do you know Emma Willman?

I know. You'd love Emma, won't you? I know Emma. She goes, I'm the man one. Yeah. That's my Emma impression. Yeah, that was a good Emma, by the way. It's actually my only impression that I can do. That was really good Emma. Yeah, that was really good Emma. I didn't realize that lesbians have tops and bottoms. They totally do. They do. They totally do. They do. And then they have switch or, you know, but it's...

A lot of times they call themselves Switch, but it's a lot of bombing. Like Nintendo? Yeah, exactly like Nintendo. And they play Nintendo while they do that. And they have Wii. They have Wii. They have Switch and Wii. Say it. You're safe. Are you top or bottom? Me? I'm a dedicated team player. I like to get the job done. People say, are you a top or a bottom? I say, I thrive in a fast-paced environment. Ha ha ha!

I deal with adversity. I love a challenge. I love a challenge. I deal with what comes my way. My issue is I work too hard. I want everyone to come. If that's something that we're capable of and interested in, I want everyone to come. Why do the gay guys tell me that no gay... That being said, I'm not bottoming. No. I'm not. Wait, wait, wait. Why do gay guys tell me that everyone's a bottom, but they say they're not? Why?

Well, because there's shame. Wait, I've never met a real top before. Well, I wouldn't say I'm a top. I just don't. I'm not that interested. I'm not. I don't like. I would. Is saying you're a top like kind of like. No, I just am not that interested in that. I don't. It's not like penetration to me is such a. Neanderthal. Not really. But the reason that there's shame around being a bottom is because people don't like to be associated with femininity.

And so they're forced to play the role of a woman. You're such a feminist. You're such a feminist. I mean, I think that's just pretty known. Yeah. Like, I think that's, it's like obvious. It's like, yeah, you feel shame because you feel like you're being dominated by a man, which is something we have historically done to women and shamed them for. Yes. And like, you're getting chosen. Like you're the weaker one. Bottom shame is insane. It's like, everyone should just be coming and having fun. Oh, a hundred percent. I, we're going to have to mute every single word that's been said for the last 10 minutes. Wait,

We brought this out of each other. I like it. I'm curious about it. I like the way your brain works. I like the way your brain works. I do like the way your brain works. That was actually the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Do you know what I just realized? We're going to make out? First of all, let's start there. This whole pod is me low-key flirting with Caleb. I really like guys who aren't into me. That's kind of my type. Yeah, me, you, and your husband could have some incredible memories.

Let me get over there. You and I would be an incredible flight attendant duo. I was thinking that earlier and forgot it. I see the sitcom right now. You and I running a fucking plane like the Navy. Slinging bits. I'm going...

Yeah, truly. You're throwing me Biscoff cookies. I'm handing it off to 1A. I got headphones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pilot needs to go to the bathroom. I pull the cart and walk away. But also we have people we don't like in the crowd where I'll be like, not again, not you. I go, don't give him the biscotti. Yeah, no biscotti. Get out of here. You can't have any. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I love that. Yeah, it'd be fun.

Because we work hard. We do work hard. And we're focused, but we also have fun. We're focused and driven, but ultimately we're silly. Yes. You can't take life too seriously, but we also do have dreams and goals. And welcome to Delta Airlines. In many ways. This is our pre-flight announcement. You guys have to work hard. You have to have goals. You can't take things too seriously. You have to be silly. There are exits to your left and your right.

Also, like, don't be mad when the flight's delayed. Yeah. Like, hold my hand. Low key, we're dragging ass today, guys. We had a big night out last night. Also, is it cold in here? Like, I'm cold. Are you cold? Okay, show of hands, who's cold? Also, Caleb didn't just put on Big Thief. Also, yeah, low key, does anyone have playlist requests?

They are always playing the most psychotic music. Also, when you fly a lot, you start to know the words. Yeah. And you go through, it's like stages of grief. At first, you're angry about it. Yeah. Then you accept it. Yeah. Then you're like, wait, okay, this is my bop. This is my bop. Well, it'll be something, it's not even necessarily bad music. It'll just be something so unexpected. It scratches your brain in the worst way, I would say. It's 7 a.m., the lights are on full blast. You're getting on a flight. They're going to keep the windows closed so you can sleep. But before that, they're just playing...

And it's so loud. And it's too positive, yeah. Well, they're trying to keep people from fighting and realizing how bad the circumstances are. They're putting you in prison for a while. I recently had an experience of getting on a flight and the lady was blackout at 8 a.m. and recognized me. Whoa. And she looks up and she goes, I know you.

And I was like, I'm getting into a shark tank right now. Yeah, this is bad. And it was like an hour and a half flight. And at first, she was poking me and pushing me, but being funny. And then I realized halfway in, I go...

This bitch is actually kind of funny. Yeah, she's actually a key. You know when you sit next to someone at the bar and at first you're like, oh no, and then you're like, wait, I want the tea. Yeah. So she was showing me her kitchen renovation, and I'm thinking of renovating my kitchen, so I was like, wait, that is fucking fire. That's actually sick, yeah. So I had a whole flight. She's blackout, I'm sober, but at the end of the day, anyone can get along if you believe in love. That's community. I had a guy, one of the funniest things that's happened to me recently, I was sitting...

next to this stranger and he was ignoring me and I was ignoring him which is amazing I like that yeah a girl walks past and she goes don't want to bother you just want to say I'm a huge fan have a great flight keeps walking like a nice one beautiful and the guy who's like an older straight guy next to me he goes I just watch him say you're me and he's him he goes what are you your worst fucking nightmare what are you what are you sent me and I truly laughed so hard that was really really cracked me up he didn't even know he couldn't even what are you the game was

What are you? Say now. What you did. Yeah. What'd you do to deserve that? What's been done. Why'd she say that? Who is this? What happened? Who is she to you? How? Who are you to me? What's going on? Who am I to myself? Why? What do I mean? What is life? What's my purpose here? What planet are we on? What is happening?

Hannah, what's so true to you? You have to have one. Come on. Walk in. What's so true? Walk in for once, dude. Wait, now I'm so nervous. What is so true to you? I'm a fan of the pod. And this is happening. You can manifest anything. You can manifest anything. What's so true to me? I feel like you will connect with this. Come on. Instead of working on all these things like, oh, you rub your temple a certain way and your jawline will get snatched and this cream, whatever. Yeah.

Let's normalize working on our personalities. By the way. Yeah. Whatever happened to being like, what a conversationalist. Yeah. Whatever happened to you being like, tonight I'm staying home and doing some self-care. But I think you have some good stories I could tell at a party. Yeah. Like getting some tags. It's very clear to me at a lot of social situations that a lot of people are not feeling the pressure I feel, which is that if it gets quiet, it's my responsibility to fix it. And I want everyone to feel. No, I'm exhausted after a party because if I'm invited...

I come to serve. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to commit. I'm giving my all, my heart, my soul to performing at this. If I showed up, I showed up. I showed up. Yeah. And, but do you ever feel though at a group dinner, you don't know, you're like, do you guys want me to take this away? Yeah. Do you want me to take the mic and I'll handle it and you guys can sit back or do you want me to sit back while other people speak? Yeah. I just need to know the vibes. I don't know what you guys have prepared. I'll host, I'll perform. I'll need whatever you, I'll do whatever you need me to do. Yes. I'll be, I'll be the crowd. In that vein. Also, let's bring back aging normally. Yeah.

Let's let yourself age normally. Well, there's a trend now where people are trying to call out actresses who are doing these old movies in the 1800s, but they have lip filler and cheek filler. And it's like, whatever happened to caring about the role? Whatever happened to an expression during a scene? Yeah. I will say, everyone do whatever you want to do. I do not like the way everyone looks on camera now.

Everyone looks so unbelievably stiff. The faces are fake. The hairlines are fucking pulled back. It's like, what happened to people who look appropriate and human? What happened to people who look...

their age. Well, some people feel like there might be a twist because everyone's morphing into the same like looking lizard. Yeah. That it might be like chic as fuck to have your wrinkles out. Yeah. I also, as someone who hasn't had work done, but we'll probably get a facelift when I'm 40. It's like, I like showing I've seen some shit. Yeah. Like I like when you're in your twenties, you don't get respect.

I want to walk into a room and people to look at me and be like, oh, she's experienced things. She's wise. She survived things. See it on my face. I've, I've, I've survived to be here. Yeah. As a woman. Thank you. Thank you. Cause I'm just a girl. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But like it, it's not, not beautiful to have a face that, that moves and

And to look different. I also just don't understand the obsession with like, you don't look younger. You just look weird. You look different. You look different, but not younger. Yeah. And I don't, especially as actors. It really pisses me off that actors are getting so much work done that their face is like made of clay at this point. I'm like, what is, do you give a fuck about this profession then? I'm like, we're supposed to be like communicating emotion. You're playing roles of real people. Yeah. And it's hard when you're an AI version of yourself. Yeah.

I also, this could be completely false and made up because I just saw it on TikTok.

But people are saying if moms are getting too much Botox, that the kids aren't learning proper reactions and expressions. That's really funny. And that they're raising psychopaths. That's really funny. They don't know what empathy is. That's really funny. And they don't know what anger is or sadness. So they don't know how to react to situations. This could be all made up, but I thought it was hilarious. That's really funny. So it's like mom is very happy right now. Kids don't know how to express joy because mommy got too much work. Yeah.

That's really fucking funny. Because mommy's been under the needle. Yeah, mommy's gone under the knife too many times. And I know that there's people that are like, look, if it makes me feel better about myself, let me do it. And I'm a proponent of that. However, just like everything in the beauty industry, you think something's going to solve your problems. It doesn't. And then it's like, at what end? Well, let me ask you this. If it makes you happy, why the hell are you so sad? If it makes you happy. Why the hell are you so sad?

A little twist. Fucking mic drop. Cheryl's real as fuck. Cheryl's real as fuck and a badass and she pulls off a vest like no other straight woman can. I also would argue that some of these girls are going to be worked on. Do they need a gay on their team? An honest gay? Yeah. And those are hard to come by. And those are so hard to come by. An honest gay is hard to come by. An honest gay who's going to read you for filth and be like, you look insane. Well, gay people are... Gay guys specifically are...

born with honesty in their DNA and then they are conditioned to value power more than honesty. So then if you get a beautiful woman who's powerful around you, that's kind of like a siren to the rocks for us. And so we stop being honest and start being flattering. And then the real housewives exist. Yeah. And so then there's your housewives and then you think there's like Bank of America and obviously BP oil, like many things. Yeah.

Many things are within that. It's systemic. Delta Airlines. It's systemic with Delta Airlines and Cisco and all that kind of stuff. And it all plays a role. Yeah, 100%. And of course Walmart. Walmart is behind everything. Of course Walmart. Walmart's involved. Where they sell walls. That's a really good so true. I want to thank you for bringing that today. Thank you. I was worried it was too deep, but I feel like you did it. No, we're allowed to do whatever we want on here. Let's go get Botox now. Guess what? I have a segment for you.

Wait, you with the paper is intimidating as fuck. You said you might want to be doing a kitchen renovation. We might be able to help you out a little bit with the budget. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said was true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, Hannah, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Wait, so people have gotten too chatty during it, I could tell. You're like, we're doing concise. Almost every single guest will fail at concision. Every single guest, I'll be like, the sky is blue, and they'll be like, okay.

I've been outside. Of course, I'm from Ohio. So these answers, this isn't subjective. This is fact. It's true or false. Okay. That's all. Okay. So I say so true? That's really funny. People have suggested that. You say just true or false. And if you want to say so true or so false, hey, you go nuts. I have too many questions in this game already. No, it's good that you're getting it out before because people usually do this in the middle. Okay. Superman's real name is Kevin Kent. False. False. It's Clark Kent. The Statue of Liberty has seven points on her crown. False. True. True.

The largest indoor water park in the world is in Texas. This is so not up my alley. I don't know anything about anything. I don't care. No. That won't work. False. That won't work. False. It's in Germany. You're doing good. Look, it's 50-50. Under Armour was founded in 2003. True. False. 1996. Sudan has more pyramids than any other country. False. True. Venus and Serena Williams were born in Michigan.

True. True. You're a big tennis fan. Yeah. Cats have fewer toes on their back paws. Oh, no. Butter's going to be so pissed if I get this wrong. It depends on the cat because some cats have like six hands, but false. It's true. St. Patrick was born in Ireland. False. False. John Cusack graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. True. Sorry, Joan, Joan, Joan. Yes, true. True, because I'm a badger. Pickleball was invented in Romania. True.

Oh my god. This is like, I only have so much information I can keep in my head, like I reject it. Um, true. False. Drake and Josh ran for eight seasons. God, wait, as a millennial, I need to know this. True. False. Four. Turkeys can blush. Felt like eight. Turkeys can blush? Can blush. False. True. Ha!

Who the fuck chants did you come up with these? This is so straight man shit though. I know. This is straight. Wait, this is homophobic. No, it's not. Because you're not gay. Okay. There is a...

No, but making us on this pod as an ally answer these straight male questions of like, who wants to fight, tiger or bear? Like, that's what it's giving. Continue. You're right. You're right. You're right. Sorry, Chance. You got got. You got got. There is a fungus that can turn ants into mindless zombies. True. That is true. I watched The Last of Us. Franklin Delano Roosevelt had a pet hyena. I hope it's true. False. Teddy Roosevelt did. Oh. Bats have six limbs. True. False. Four. How'd she do? No.

Wait, what's the best anyone's gotten? Like 14, 13, 14. They have to get a hobby. They need to get a life. Sorry I've been on TikTok. And a husband in a kitchen. They need a cat, a husband, and a kitchen. And one of those things needs to be addicted to something.

I'm not going to prescribe which. And that's Full Circle, baby. You know, we love you. Thank you so much for doing this. I love you so much. Congrats on everything. And I'm obsessed with you. Thanks, buddy. You want to tell people where they can find you? Oh, yeah. Go to, um, follow me on Hannah Burner. You'll enjoy Giggly Squad if you enjoy giggling. Giggly Squad. And y'all have a new book. You're a giggler. And we've

a new book how to giggle and i'm announcing my tour dates in the fall hannahburn.com i'll be coming to city near you you're announcing them in the fall or you're going i'm gonna it'll be announced by now okay and watch my netflix special if you haven't we ride at dawn hell yeah thank you thanks dude that was a hate gum podcast

Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, and I host the HeadGum podcast, We're Here to Help, with my partner, Gareth Reynolds. We're Here to Help is a call-in advice show. Think car talk from back in the day. We're determined to help fix life's dumbest problems. We also have guest helpers join us from the entire cast of New Girl to Michael Cera, Andy Samberg, Jimmy Kimmel, just to name a few. So do me a favor and come check out an episode and then bounce around our catalog. We're over 150 episodes so far, so there's plenty of stories for you to discover.

Subscribe to We're Here to Help on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday and bonus episodes drop on Wednesdays.

Hey Gorge, it's me Got Mick and me Violet Chachki and we want you to listen to our podcast No Gorge now on HeadGum. Each episode we will be bringing you vlogs answering burning questions discussing what's going on right now and diving into all things fashion, hookups, gossip, and more. With past guests such as Heidi Klum and Dita Von Teese, No Gorge always keeps things hot.

Listen to No Gorge on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday. Bye, Gorge.