Kiry Shabazz is an Artist
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The only white shows growing up I really got was, like, Friends. You got Friends? Yeah, I kind of got to see how they were, like, funny. Like, what was Joey's thing? Like, what up? What was his thing? What up, dude? Or whatever the fuck. You're so... It's so funny for you to try and be an introvert when you're just, like, one of the funniest stand-ups alive right now. But, yeah, it's on stage, not on the couch. This is a stage. Staying here with a fucking, you know...

With a Chance with a laptop? Stages. You were about to say with lights and a microphone, but you just realized that stage. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to randomly attack Chance for no reason. No, that's the point of the show. Got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chance is, he's a complicated figure on the show. The clip's not sharing. So why are you being a diva not sharing your screen time with him? Sharing what? He needs FaceTime. I don't like him. Do you?

I don't like this guy. I keep trying to tell people. Oh, man. I don't like this guy. I don't believe that. It's a bromance budding. You think so? Yeah.

I think we have a bromance, you and I. Yeah, somewhat, yeah. Until that time you tried to not give me Joes, I think I was very upset. Okay, talk about it. You've been wanting to bring this up. I did. I don't want to do it. Are we recording or no? Oh, we're recording. This is awkward. Can y'all edit that out, please? Yeah. All right. See what I'm doing? It's not like I'm on stage doing it. No, um...

I do. This is one of my fondest memories in Kansas City, my only memory. Uh-huh. And you have this thing where you have to take people to the most delicious places in Kansas. It's my thing. Yeah. We did the KC Tennis Show, which was fucking amazing. Yeah.

And I was like, I can't leave here unless I get some barbecue. And I think Joe's was... You named a few. Yeah. I think one of them was something, Slappy's or... Slaps. Okay, here, look, I'm making it all extra racist. Yeah. Slappy's ribs. Whatever the fuck. That sounds Kansas City-ish. Yeah. But...

I love this photo, man, because it, I don't know, what is his girlfriend's name? First of all, your friend, he's like a hetero you. Yep, Anthony. And then his partner, their name is Sid. Sid, okay. Anthony and Sid, love them to death. They were cool. But poor Sid looks like our nurse. Looks like what? Our nurse. Yeah.

She looks like she's there in case one of us goes into cardiac arrest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They look like they're about to put the paddles on us after charging. Yeah, on my bad day, I'm sorry. No, you're good. Yeah, no, definitely. Like, this was a group home outing. Group home outing!

And the worst part is, y'all know Caleb is like beaming with confidence. You don't give a fuck. No. So you had to sit right in front where people come in and go to the register. Yeah. And I'm like, they're thinking one of three things. One, they're like,

we picked the right place. Yeah. That's exactly what they're thinking. Yeah. They see me, you, and Anthony sitting at a barbecue place. They're like, these about to be some good ribs. I've been saying this. If you walk into a restaurant and I'm in there with a smile on my face, you better have a seat. You made the best decision. You made the best choice you could make. So they were either thinking that when they walked up and saw our big backs devouring ribs. Yeah. And Sid being nervous as hell. Or they were like, maybe I shouldn't have a cheat day today. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Maybe I should stick to my diet because the way the black one is breathing laboriously is not... You know what I mean? We're sitting right in front, so the owner either wants us to leave or he wants to stay. You think the owner's thin? No, not at all. You think those chairs aren't triple steel reinforced? Oh, they definitely were. Everyone in Kansas City is fat. That's why I love it there. Yeah, true. It's a great place to be. You're at Kansas City, what, 6th?

I'm a Kansas City. Size six. Not like looks. Okay. I was like, Kyrie. Oh, God damn. Fuck. What are we doing here? Oh, my God. No, I'm a Kansas City double zero. Double zero? I'm one of the smallest guys in town. Yeah. Yeah.

Got the Pepto out. Oh, definitely. Yeah, definitely had the Pepto. Yeah. Because I knew the macaroni and cheese was going to fuck me. And I had to fly right out after. You did. Yeah. Caleb was a very kind host. But when it's time to kick people out, you don't play. I say it's time to go. It's time to get the fuck out. And I knew it. It was like, look, we got 30 minutes to get to Joe's. Yeah. So I knew I needed the Pepto for the flight. Or they were just thinking like Joe's is that dope. We don't care who's in here. We're going to eat no matter what.

And the food was good. I'm not ever thinking about what other people are thinking of me. How often is it running through your mind, do you think? When I'm sitting in front of the register at a ribs joint. That's when, okay. When I'm center stage trying to devour ribs. Because then, now I feel self-conscious I have to eat them all. Because I want to devour them. I want to get messy and dirty. But I'm in front of this establishment and I've got to be dainty with the ribs and use a fork. No one's doing that, though.

Yeah, because they're animals. Yeah, but not us. They're from Kansas City, yeah. I'm trying to represent. I'm civilized, so I'm coming into your city. You're from Cleveland, so you're. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, thanks for having me. Real buttoned up. Yeah, real buttoned up. We, yeah, us lake people are very, you know, classy. Pinkies out with the ribs. Formal wear. Exactly. Tuxedo tails. Yeah.

I keep forgetting I'm from Cleveland. It makes sense when I remember. It makes sense. When I look at this shit that's happened in my life, I'm like, yeah, you from Cleveland, bro. You're from Cleveland, yeah. 100%. How long were you in Cleveland? I grew up there, so I think from probably about age four to 17, so elementary, middle school, high school. Yeah. And then I came out here to California and then just been off and on since then. Did you start comedy right away?

I didn't. Unfortunately, I did improv. No. Yeah, fucking man. You did improv? Did improv. No. Don't tell any stand-ups. I started doing improv. I was walking down, because where I used to go from to get home, there was a small improv club. And I was like, why are these weird adults walking?

standing on chairs, doing windmills. Like, what the fuck? It looked like an insane asylum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I want to be in there. Like, what the fuck is that? So I went in there and started taking classes, doing improv, and it was your typical improv place, no matter where you go. I have a thing where every improver does this. I can tell you.

It made me feel like it's a wonky one. All the little games, the zip, zap, zops, and the big booty, big booty, big booty, all of that shit. It was all of the usual improv things, and I loved improv. It was a lot of fun, but I didn't fit in with improvisers.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a compliment. But you're like a day walker. You could walk both worlds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fit in over there. Yeah, you can talk to the improvisers and then stand-ups. I can't. You just knew immediately, like, this is not... And then culturally, too, like, I think because, like, I grew up in the hood, so...

When I went there, I was the guy going for the easy jokes. I always wanted to be the loud character. And the guy who taught the class was always like, don't go for the joke. And I'm like, what the fuck do you mean I don't go for the joke? You got to be funny. I'm up here trying to make people laugh. I found that difficult too in improv, I'll be honest. I understood the mentality, but it did annoy me because the teacher's always some middle-aged white guy, straight. And he would be like, don't go for the easy stuff. And I'd be like, I want to laugh.

I want an immediate laugh. They make you chase this clever shit and then... For real, that's how I feel. Like, this clever, boring, white bullshit. Like, I'm trying to be a hood pirate. Like, just ruling in the fucking team. Like...

Not taking any suggestions, no yes and. Yeah. Just rail rolling the scene. Somebody's like, hey, did you make the cookies? We're in space. Like just a stereotype of a shitty improviser. Yeah. And just, I just need to want to get better at shit and perfect it. I was like, okay, you got to learn the format. And then I found it was fun actually playing grounded and going for that clever white shit. It actually paid off. The clever white shit.

Because, you know that like Seinfeld, like Frasier-y type shit? I used to hate that when I was a kid. Yeah. I didn't understand Frasier at all. I was like, what the fuck is this? What are these three gay white men talking about in his fucking apartment? Frasier was so boring and Seinfeld...

But now that I'm, you know, grown, I watch Frasier. It's a hoot. I fucking love Frasier. Yeah, I fucking... It's a rip-roar time. I love me some Frasier now, man. What were your shows? What were you enjoying? The typical shit like Martin, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Jamie Foxx. This is what I was watching. Right. Yeah, I was watching... Oh, yeah, I was watching Martin. We were watching the Bernie Mac show. No, you wasn't. Yes, I was. In Missouri? What do you mean in Missouri? You were in Ohio! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

I guess Ohio does think we're better than Missouri for no reason at all. No reason at all. No reason at all. It's unjustified bougie-ness. It's not fair. Yeah. We're doing the same shit. Well, y'all got better barbecue.

That's absolutely true. Yeah. That's absolutely true. I'm struggling to think of what Ohio has that's better than Missouri. Corned beef sandwiches, I don't know, a fucking lake. Yeah, well, lakes, that's real. That's really real. Basketball team, I don't think y'all got a good team, do y'all? We don't have an NBA team at all. Okay, cool. It really stresses me out. It's coming, huh? I'd love one. I thought about you, too. How did you feel about the Super Bowl? What are you doing?

What are you doing? Was this a thing? What are you doing? Look, everybody, y'all can't see the staff. They're like, no, don't. What are you doing? What are you doing? This is a gotcha interview you're trying to get me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to get me right now? Yeah, hot takes. Who's your NFL team? The Browns, unfortunately. So it goes back to... So how was your postseason? Oh, man. Oh, bro. You know what? It really didn't bother me that much. We did play the worst game we played in five years in the Super Bowl. That was nuts.

But what cracks me up is the number of people who... Everyone hates the Chiefs now. I get it. It's annoying to you guys. They forget that just a couple years ago we were horrible and this is all new and fun to us. But the number of people that are like, bam.

Bengals fans or like Rams fans that are being like, yeah, fuck yeah. Eagles beating the shit out of the chiefs. I'm like, your team is in Cancun. Your team is on vacation right now. They're not on the main stage. Y'all are not playing. You're not, it's like, they're getting so, it just cracks me up. They're being so like uppity and self-righteous about the, by the way, I like Jalen hurts. I like Saquon Barkley. I'm very happy for a lot of people on that organization.

But the sport, the football. Don't slide that in. What's that? Don't slide that in now. I am. Okay. But I have to say specific names because I fucking hate Nick Sirianni. Okay. Nick Sirianni is such a stupid little fucking dweeb. Yeah. The head coach of the Eagles. I think anybody who's an Eagles fan, come on. You have to admit that guy's a loser. No, I don't think. The only people who should be Eagle fans are people from Philly. Yeah. All these people rooting for him. I'm like, you guys are fake. No one likes Philly.

Oh, I love Philly. No, the city? I love Philly, the city. You're insane. No, what do you not like about Philly? I love Philly. Philly, I don't fucking... Have you been there? Yes! I like the food, right? I like the skibbles. Great food. But it's the way they kind of... People in Philly don't know they're from Philly. I was doing the show and I was trying to find out where a good Philly cheesesteak was and...

I was like, I'm going to go to Pat's and Gino just because I didn't know. I'm not fucking with them. And they lost their mind. Like, don't fucking go there. You got to go to Itch Kabibbles. And I was like, well, I was confused. And they were like, they didn't understand why I was confused. I was like, what? It was like, Itch Kabibbles. I'm like, what the fuck is an Itch Kabibbles? Yeah. They're saying it like, go to the cheesesteak station. Like.

You have to explain what the fuck an it's cabibble is. It ended up being amazing. Turns out. Yeah, it turns out it was great. But just everything about it, like the downtown area, there was like an abandoned, like burned out building there. It looked kind of like post-apocalyptic. Yeah. As opposed to the new age oasis that is Cleveland. I can't wait for the other Cleveland. We got two new buildings. What?

We got two new buildings and the Cavs is doing better now. So, yeah. Things are on the up. Things are on the up. Yeah. Cleveland, yeah. But Philly's a major city. So it's like that's, you know, Cleveland is, you know, the mistake by the lake. Yeah. So. Did you ever watch the Drew, the Drew Carey show? I did. I did. Was it important to you? No. Because it fell into that line of just white shows I didn't get. Right. Okay. The only white shows going up I really got was like Friends. Yeah.

You got friends. Yeah, I kind of got to see how they were, like, funny. Like, what was Joey's thing? Like, what up? What was his thing? What up, dude? Or whatever the fuck. Y'all know what I mean. How you doing? Joey had to, you know, so you get in Chandler. Monica, like, you can't. And Phoebe. So to me, that was...

And what was Phoebe's thing? Smelly cats. But, like, it was like, Francis, you could get it. So...

The idea of you watching Friends and just being like, Chandler's about to do his thing. Like, you're just really locked in with the characters of Friends. Yeah, and then that theme song locked you in, too. Yeah. You're sitting there in the living room. I'll be there for you. Exactly. Yeah, that was fun. You're hooked immediately. It's like the CSI thing. Yeah, they're in the fucking fountain. Yeah. Why not?

Drew Carey was one of those where I was like, I don't know. You taking phone calls right now? I'm trying to. I thought it was on airplane mode. I really, I'm only doing this because I love you, man. I really, I hate podcasts so much. No, you do not. Stop it. I watch them. I watch this podcast, but I'm like, I wouldn't want to be on there. Why? Because, like, it's a podcast, man. It's just like, you know. I want to get to the bottom of this. No.

When it's a friend, it's okay. Like when it's you, it's fine. Yeah. But like the idea of somebody hitting you up like, hey, let's have our first two hour long conversation together. Yeah. No. You and I have had a couple conversations though. We've had, yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's easier when it's a friend, like comedians I know. Yeah. But the idea of just hopping on somebody's podcast and talking for two hours, you don't know if they're a fucking idiot or. Oh, I'm not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Do you consider podcasting to be white nonsense? No.

No, because it's some good black podcast. Okay. Is there a black podcast you'd like to be on more than mine? I could maybe make some calls. The Joe Budden Podcast. Yeah, if you could hook that up. Okay. Yeah. Joe, I know you watch. He probably do, man. Please have Kyrie on your show. Or one of those ones where like, you know, where it's like those really just like intellectual black women and the name of the podcast is like the Mm-Hmm Podcast. Like just something...

Something where they just, you know, do that, you know. Yeah, I don't think I know what you're talking about. You were on Z-Way, Nick. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think that's the Z-Way tagline. Yeah, probably not. Z-Way's mm-hmm show. Mm-hmm podcast. Please edit that out. Oh, that's going in. Oh, no. Would you go on Z-Way?

I would. She intimidates me. How was it, though? Were you like... Z-Way intimidates you? Yeah. Okay. In the most brilliant way, though. Yeah, I understand that. I think a lot of people were intimidated by Z-Way. You weren't, though. I'm not intimidated by Z-Way. I respect Z-Way. Well, not intimidated in a negative way. You know what I mean? Like, she's just smart in that way if she can trip you up. I think Z-Way, yeah, Z-Way, if people are intimidated by Z-Way, it's not because of any reason other than she created a show that is centered around getting the guest.

tripping the guest up. That's what I'm saying. It's not like a bad thing. It's not intimidating where she's like a horrible person. I think if you're a white person going on Z-Way's show, you should be afraid. Nah, she had Michael Shea on the... Did she get him? She did one with him, yeah. What'd she get him on? I don't know, some shit. Some shit. I think you were saying like he couldn't... I'm paraphrasing him.

Something about like, I'm just a nigga. I can't read or write. And she was like, aren't you the head writer of SNL? It was something in that vein, but I'm paraphrasing, but it was something along that. Yeah. But he was trying to just be all like, I ain't intellectual. Yeah. And she got him. Yeah. She was like, you write for Lorne Michaels. Yeah. Yeah.

You write for a live fucking sketch show every week. So actually. Yeah. I think you'd be great at having a podcast. I want me. I don't know what I would talk about, though. What do you talk about on stage? Mental illness. Yeah. Yeah, just. Babies at the grocery store. Babies at the grocery store. Indian parents. Politics are right right now. I hate because I go to a show and I have a.

a roadmap of what I want to talk about, stuff that's relatable, just everyday things that aren't about politics. Then I just go on a mad rant and I just start talking about politics. Because I get triggered every time I see like Elon Musk do a salute. And then, you know, I got to write jokes about it. Like I did one, I was like, we're going to have Tesla concentration camps and people are going to take self-driving trains to Auschwitz. And

We're going to be in the gas chambers like, hey, what's the Wi-Fi password? Just imagine what a Tesla concentration camp would look like. And I love the response because half of the audience is horrified. The other half is laughing. Yeah. Who do you think is getting sent over there first? I think it's going to be equal opportunity. I think we're all, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Even the poor whites that voted for him, I think, are going to go to, yeah. Well, the nice thing about the Trump regime is when they start rounding us all up, it'll be any political defectors. It'll be just political enemies in general. Oh, yeah, for sure. I don't think it'll actually be an identity base. It'll be anyone who goes against the guy. But see, I do this thing, too, where I think when I kind of met you and Holmes at first—

I was on this push about making fun of Biden because he had just got elected. And there was this thing where, like, if you make fun of Biden, you support Trump. And I think SNL pissed me off because Brad Pitt did a sketch about Fauci. And at the end of it, he ripped his mask off and he was like, Fauci, I just want to let you know you're a hero. Like, why are you kissing his ass? Like, it was a point where they were too afraid to make fun of him. So I was like, I'm going to make fun of Biden. I'm going to talk shit about him. And so now my act, I'm reminding people, like,

There used to be a time when we just made fun of the presidents and talked shit. I think it's weird when Trump supporters come in and they're like, you can't make fun of him. I like the Trump supporters who are just like, hey, I voted for him. I'm just a regular dude. Like, make fun of him like any other president. Same way I would joke about Obama or Kamala, if that makes sense. Like, we've lost that way. I feel like we're too...

Dividing down to issues where we can't just make fun of presidents. And I think that's kind of what America is for and what comedy is for. Just to shit on whoever's in charge. Yeah, there's always someone evil in the White House. Exactly. Everyone in the White House is evil. I had a bit where I was talking about, like, you know, we judge them for the wrong things. Like, people...

would say, Kamala's a liar, Trump's a liar. And I'm like, yeah, no shit. They're applying for a job. Who tells the truth in the job interview? You're supposed to lie about solutions at the border. I don't know what the fuck to do at the border. Solutions at the border. You know what I mean? But if I was getting a job at Target and they asked me if I had a plan for the border, I would lie. Yeah, what would you say? Go ahead, tell us. Oh, God, no. I would say let them all in. You don't think so?

No, I do. I'm doing the Z-Way thing now. You're trying to... You already tried to do it with the halftime show. The halftime show. Well, we weren't recording when we talked about that. Okay, I shouldn't have brought it up. You didn't like Kendrick's halftime show. I loved it. I thought it was a work of art. Oh, you're sick. Was this my camera? It was an absolute work of art, and I think...

More super halftime shows should be like that. I think there should be a deep message and it should really make us think. And I love what he did. What was the deep message that really spoke to you about his? Well, you know, the one message, the first one he did. And then the one after the third message, that one really set. That like went home. Yeah, that that that hit home. Yeah. OK. And so before the recording, just so everyone knows, you were kind of saying that you didn't like the halftime show.

I wasn't entertained by the set list. Yeah. And as I was badgered online and forced to understand that it wasn't supposed to be entertaining. But I'm also like, I'm doing this thing where I'm not like on social media as much. So when I'm criticizing the Halftime Show, I didn't know there was like a mob

Well, I should have known of racist white people just shitting on the performance. So the conversation got mingled in with this, you know, we couldn't understand what Kendrick was saying and it was the worst show ever. So the people defending him, it looked like he was just on some coon shit because-

here you are trashing Kendrick and he got all these Republicans, you know, trashing them too. Kind of looking at who you're surrounded by. Exactly. So I shouldn't have, I should have just did what I normally do. Just scroll online and not post. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

I was interested in your opinion. I really liked it. And I really, truly... Caleb, you did it. I did. And that's what's upsetting to me. I really did. What did you love about it? I loved Samuel L. Jackson in it. I loved everything that he did. I loved his outfit. I loved his fun energy. I loved Kendrick's outfit. His fun energy. I loved his fun energy. That's what you call deep. I loved Serena.

I love her fun energy. I love SZA. I love her fun energy. I thought everyone was having fun energy. I like the American flag with the bodies. I think you enjoyed the halftime show because you knew it was going to take attention off of KC. Mm-hmm.

That's an interesting theory. I'm open to it. Okay. I think I enjoy all of... I liked the set list. I like Kendrick's songs. I like... Name three of the songs. Name three of Kendrick's songs that he did on that set list. He did... He did Dodger Blue. He did... No, he did Peekaboo. He did Peekaboo and not Dodger Blue. He did Peekaboo. He did... I actually don't know the name of Not Like Us. The Drake song. Not Like Us. Is it just Not Like Us? He did Peekaboo. He did Not Like Us. And he did fucking...

I can't think of the name of it. My left stroke just went viral. Humble. Yeah. And I like all those songs. I'll mail you my black card. I'm not saying I'm a kid. What? I'll mail you my black card. Thank you. I've been waiting. I've been waiting for that. No, here's my beat. Fuck it, because it happened off camera. Then you accused me of being a Drake fan. Well, that's what it's looking like.

I'm a 100% J. Cole first, J. Cole fan, and then Kendrick and then Drake. You seem like a J. Cole is number one guy. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You got those vibes. I want to ride my bike. You came in here in a big scarf. Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait. J. Cole gives you big scarf vibes? You, a guy, a sweet, sensitive guy like you who walks in here in sunglasses and a big scarf. If you said name his number one, I'd say J. Cole. I'm like how you had to zhuzh it up like a big scarf and sunglasses. You had a big diva moment. You walked in here in a fabulous coat. I was coming from Target. I shouldn't say that on the line. I'm boycotting Target, but yeah. What are you boycotting Target for? Because they got rid of it. The internet told me to. That had racial undertones.

Yeah. What you just said about Target. Because they got rid of DEI or some shit. I'm trying to turn it back on you now. Exactly. No, I did because first of all, look, this is what y'all need to know about Caleb. Okay. He's talking all this shit about me coming in, feeling fly, loving myself on this rainy day.

And his mural, I don't even know how to say it, mural is hanging right on the wall, right on Sunset. They have my face painted out front right now, yeah. If you come down Sunset, it's a big face of Caleb. Okay. Right there on the wall. Did that bother you? It intimidated me. It was giving dictator.

I wish. The people at HeadGum, wink if you are safe. And there's not a wink in the room. And there's not a wink in the room. I think I'd be a good dictator. You'd be safe. I would be. I'd take care of you. I appreciate that. I'd take care of you in that situation. Is this like a Kim Jong-il, Dennis Rodman type thing? No.

Yeah. Okay, cool. All right, yeah. I like their bromance. That's it. You're my Dennis Rodman in that scenario, yep. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to fly you out, play basketball with you. In Sweethearts, you did a good job in that. You watched that? I did, and I watched it. I didn't let my cousin know I knew you because I wanted their honest opinion. Because I don't want to say, oh, I know they lied. Like, oh, okay. So what happened? Your cousin, what did they think? They liked it. Did they like me in it? Yeah. What did you think of the movie? I was...

No, okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because it's hard talking to Caleb because he takes everything as a disc. I liked it because it wasn't you. Yeah. And the thing I was worried about, I was like, I wonder if people who don't know you will see you and be like, oh, he's that gay dude. Yeah. And that's tip to you acting like you're so not the guy like...

I'm in France, I'm making batons, and no one wants to come to my party. Like, you're not that, you know. I'm honestly glad to hear you say that, because there were a lot of people in the comments and the fucking, you know, I had to share some of the posts from HBO. A lot of people being like, oh my God, not Caleb Heron just playing himself.

They're idiots. I was like, are you sure? They're fucking idiots. Anybody who knows you know that wasn't. And that's what I liked. I'm like, oh, he's really acting. Did you like the movie? I did like the movie. I'm being genuine. And then, because I know the, I don't know her name, but the actress. Kiernan? Yeah, so I've seen her before. I was very familiar with her. I think she was in Mad Men and she's done a few other stuff. And then I was happy to be introduced to the actor. Nico? Because I had seen him before and I'm like, okay, this is cool. I don't know what ethnicity is.

But I was like, that's cool to see, you know, something different. Because they could have easily just wadded it up. Yeah. So I don't know if he's, like, Filipino or, like, Bruno Mars. His...

I don't know if his... Which is another rant, by the way. His ethnicity might be Filipino. His ethnicity might be Bruno Mars. But he was good. I believe his dad's Japanese. I'm being genuine. It was good. But I'm also biased because you're just watching your friends and people you like and you want to see win in it. So I'm watching it from that. I didn't know... I'm a butcher. It's a fucking name. But I love his stuff. Stravis. Stravis. Stavi.

Yes. It was fun seeing them in there. You know what I mean? Like, things like that. Yeah. So I enjoyed it from a biased lens, but I really liked that you were acting because now...

I'm starting to make that transition into film and TV, and I'm realizing, oh, this is a whole other beast. I just played a mechanic, and I don't know shit about being a mechanic at all. What'd you play a mechanic in? Just a project. I can't talk about it yet. Okay. My bad. I don't want something like that. That sounds so fucking stupid. No, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad. No, no, no, my bad. I'll tell you, it ain't that fucking big.

They didn't give me the check yet. If they would have gave me the check, then I'll tell you. You played a mechanic. I played a mechanic. Did you have to talk a lot about car shit? Worse, right? All I had to do was, because they had a B-roll thing, and all I had to do was go around the shop outside of my lines. My lines weren't really mechanic-y.

But I had to go around the shop and do mechanic things. Yeah. And they had to call in like an actual mechanic to show me what to do. Because at first they were like, all right, we'll go over there and just work in that station. And I'm like, and do what? What the fuck am I over here doing? I don't know what the fuck to do. So they called the guy and he was showing me like, so he was off to the side like, grab the screwdriver and look at it and...

grab a this and this and that. But he got frustrated because at one point I'm under a car with like a flashlight looking at, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at. And he's like, twist the oil rig or something. I'm making, I don't know what the fuck it was. He was like, twist the oil rig. And I snapped. I was like, what the fuck is that? Like, I don't know. Point to it, nigga. I don't know where the fuck the oil rig is at.

He's just saying, so then I had to do it looking like an idiot. So I had to grab it and like pretend I knew what I was doing. And then I was like, oh, okay, this is why Daniel Day-Lewis prepares. My small mechanic scene made me identify with my peer, Daniel Day-Lewis. Your peer, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was then I wish I had done the research and the backstory to be a mechanic. What's the dream? What would you, what would you, what was like the role you'd love to have?

A lawyer. A fat, corrupt lawyer. You'd be good at that. Yeah, I'd love a good... Fuck you. Well, I guess that's a compliment. That's a compliment. Yeah. I just love a fat, corrupt lawyer. You're going to be Southern?

I wish I could. I don't think there's black Southern ones. Black Southern lawyers? No, like the type of the fat black white Southern, like Colonel Sanders lawyer. Oh, there's those guys for sure. Are there? There's corrupt Southern black lawyers, I believe. I believe you could be that. I haven't seen one. You could be corrupt black and Southern. People can do that these days. Do you mean like a Johnny Cochran type Southern? Johnny Cochran, was he corrupt? I mean...

You're getting me in trouble. This is Black History Month. What the fuck? Edit all this shit out. I'm not... I didn't talk shit about Kendra. I'm not doing this on Black History Month. I didn't. And to be clear, I didn't ask you to. You did really good, though. I'm volunteering. When I said fun energy, you did almost get me on that. And that was good for Black History Month, I thought. Oh, fuck you, man. Just...

You could take me down a peg during Black History Month. Maybe insult me or something. No, I want to go after the real. I'm tired of this California attacking white guys who clearly aren't racist. I want to go for a swastika on the forehead. That's the ones you want. Yeah, he could do UFC and kick my ass. I want to go for the real. When I'm in the South, when I'm in Austin doing shows in a room full of

Conservatives, I go fucking hard, dude. I don't hold back. On the material? Yeah, I talk about all that shit. Because I talk about how, like, I just think they're afraid of irrational shit, right? Like drag queen bus drivers and, you know, whatever. Things that aren't happening, yeah. Things that aren't happening, so I wouldn't take you down a peg. How do you feel about drag queens? You like drag queens? I respect them because if I was a drag queen, I would be very lazy.

This would be my aesthetic. This would be my drag look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just lazy butch drag. I know drag queens that do shit like this. Do they? You book them and they show up and they're like, I wasn't feeling it today. I'm like, then don't say yes to the gig. Jesus. This episode of So True is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S.,

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That Hot, Juicy, and Wet is the worst fucking song. I've never heard that. Oh, Jesus Christ. Can we play a snippet of it? Hot, Juicy, and Wet? I don't know. It's, man. It's new.

Oh, it's new. Well, you know, he's on that new song, you know that one? What is that, with Gaga or something? I fucking hate that song. The fuck is that? The one with Gaga? I hate that song. We can play a little bit of it. We'll bleep it in the actual thing. Yeah, okay, just get him playing the music. Yeah, but it's so, I hate that. It's taken over from that. Someone pull me up a double shot of whiskey. I hate that song.

Now you're going after the one black country singer. I like that he's doing. Now you have a fucking issue with Shaboosie. Sorry. Didn't Beyonce just win a country Grammy? Yeah. So he's not the only one. No, I like that he's doing country music, but I don't like that song. I don't like it at all. Why not? Why? Yeah. I think it's fucking annoying. Got you. Someone put me up a double shadow. I just don't. The whole thing about it grinds my gears. It feels like a Florida Georgia Lions song.

And I don't like Florida Georgia Line. Yeah. And they're white. Do they got that song about day drinking or no? Florida Georgia Line? Yeah. What's their big one?

Is it, make me want to roll my windows down and cruise? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see that. Yeah, that's it. You like country music? I grew up on it. My grandma loved country music. She was from the South, so I grew up on, like, 90s country and shit. Yeah. So, to me, that was, like, a really good era. Love her. Yeah. Love grandma. Me and her, we'd get along. No, y'all would. Y'all would, yeah. We'd get along. She was cool. She, uh...

Just that whole country music era. They had a boom or a blow up in that 90s era. People was coming out with all kinds of shit. Garth Brooks was the biggest. They were shutting down cities for him. Yeah, people like Tracy Lawrence and...

There was this one chick, I think she got caught doing coke, Jodie Messina. Jodie Messina's real as fuck. You remember Jodie Messina? Heads Carolina, tails California. Right, right. Ooh, I love Jodie Messina. So that whole era, the house I grew up in, too, we had so many different generations, so...

My grandma played blues and country. She was from the South. My dad was really big into jazz and, like, Sarah Vaughan, which I tease him for because he's, like, an older black homophobic man. Yeah. But his music taste was like every young black gay dude in Brooklyn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just playing jazz and Sarah Vaughan and shit. And then my cousins, you know, was just all, like, hip-hop, rap, and R&B. Yeah. So we kind of really grew up in, like, this, like, just musical household of just all these different genres. Yeah. So, yeah, country was one of them, like...

I pretend to hate it in public, but... Of course, but behind closed doors, it's like, Jody's hitting. And I also have another beef with you. You, that show, and KC is the reason why I like the song Wonderball. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So at the end of the show, sorry if I butcher their name, I think it was Snail Mail and Waxahachie. Waxahachie, yep. I've always heard the song Wonderball, but I've just dismissed it. And then they did a...

cover of it and I heard the lyrics for the first fucking time and I fell in love I went back home playing that shit all of my life are you my wonderwall all that shit yeah it's now stuck in my head I love that but it's always you luring me into white shenanigans I don't want you to engage in

I think the first shot I did with you, somebody was getting a tattoo of an apple on stage. Yeah, they got a tattoo on stage. That took way too long. That took way too long. That was a bad idea. But the intentions were good behind it. It was fun. Someone getting a tattoo on stage was fun. But it took way too long. I was doing different stuff back then. Yeah. I was trying things out. How's the shows now? Are they...

Conservative. Oh, shit. Are you turning on the other side now? You going conservative? Yeah. That's where the money's at, though, man. Exactly. I got a little bit of money, and I said, hey, I was kidding earlier. I was playing around in my 20s. Are there conservative Trump lesbians? Are they out there? Oh, yeah. I'll find them. I'll find them. Oh, God. Yeah, I'll find them. Yeah. No, the show's now. I would like to get back to doing some experimental stuff. I'm just so tired.

I don't know how you... You do so many shows, dude. I don't know how you do that. I want to stop. I want to stop. I think this last project I did was the first time I just...

Because they flew us out to Miami, and we had down days. I think I was on set like two days. So for the rest of the week, I just got to just chill out in Miami, which to me is one of the most beautiful cities with the worst people. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's fucking hate Floridans, but they don't deserve that metropolis and that beauty, that haven they're in. Yeah. But that was the first time I just got to chill, relax.

not do anything but i i do know what you mean like when you out doing shows on the road you think you're gonna take time to sleep take care of your health you don't yeah you're in a hotel room till the show starts you know i mean at least you try to socialize from what i hear and go out and like have dinners and meet up with friends yeah i do that yeah but i that's because i do less shows i don't do shows really anymore yeah the road sucks i'm not built for the road but it's how i make a living so yeah i do it yeah do you drive ever or do you mostly fly it

I like to drive when it's from, if it's the Bay Area to L.A., I like to drive. But I'll fly, like, if it's from here to the, you know, like, if it's way too far.

Texas or Arizona or something like that. But I like to drive because that's the only time I get to play my setback. So you can listen to an hour of your set, a podcast. You could play a whole album. I miss just playing whole albums. I never have the attention span to do it. So when I'm driving, I could just review somebody's whole album. I like driving. It just puts me in a peaceful mode. You're driving and listening to your whole set?

Yeah. Wow. I'd love to see that. Oh, fuck. You making it sound like narcissistic as fuck. No, I know the comics do that. I know the comics do that. It makes me cringe, though. I hate it. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, when I watch this, I'm like, what the fuck? I hate hearing and listening to myself. Yeah. But because I stage write, so I'll take a joke on stage and I'll work it out. I know where I want to start and finish.

And I'll just play it out on stage and then I'll listen back and then I'll refine it. Yeah. Because I hate stage writers who pretend they're stage writers and they just go up and bullshit. Yeah. Like, no, you're just fucking around and you're lazy. Like, I actually go up there, let the jokes play out and then go back and be like, okay, this worked, this worked. They didn't like that and I'll listen to it. So it's a painful task, but I have to do it to get the jokes refined. The good stuff, yeah. Yeah.

But I'm not just listening like, oh, I crushed it. Let me hear this. The couple times I've listened back to my set, it's only for that. Oh, Jesus. It's only so I can be like, killed it, killed it, murdered. You a dope stand-up. I think when I first met you, you kind of undersold it. What do you mean? You're not really a stand-up or something. I'm not a stand-up-y stand-up. But you're good at it, though. Thanks, dude. I thought you were bad. Because the way you were saying it, I believed you.

I was like, oh, this is a cool dude. Probably sucks at stand-up. Yeah. Then I fucking saw you light it up, dude. And the Largo, I think the Largo is when I was really impressed. You had this long bit about this weird tour guide at the Holocaust. Uh-huh. Yeah, some crazy lady. I'm like, this nigga's brilliant. Thank you, Kyrie. No, but you undersold it, though. So I was like, oh, he sucks. What's the worst show you've ever had? You know it? You think of it? Damn. Oh, it probably was during the pandemic. Like,

Just any show where, like, the heating lamps will go out. You're bombing outside of a winery. Yeah. Your voice is echoing through the fucking alley. Yeah. Probably those shows, man. I think those outdoor pandemic shows. That's probably everybody, though. Yeah. I didn't do any of the Zoom things. You didn't? No. Every Zoom thing, I was like, absolutely not. You missed out on absolute pain. Yeah. Yeah. Your soul needed that little. The confidence you have today is probably because you skipped.

The reason we all don't have the confidence you have is probably because we went through that gauntlet of... You don't think you have the confidence I have? You know, I'm just saying that on face value. I think I have a different kind of confidence. I have, like, a grounded confidence of, like... No, that sounds... Let me explain. No. It's grounded in, like, cynicism, like...

So, for example, when I'm on set, when you, actors don't tell themselves they're doing bad. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, they just like, oh, I'm crushing it. It's fake until you make it. Yeah. I'm in a stand-up way of like, I like bombing and sucking because then I get to go in and like fix it and get it right. Yeah. So when I'm on set, I want to know like, oh, is this bad or what can I work on and how can I do this?

So my confidence comes from the fact, I don't know if that makes sense or that sounds like jabber. My confidence comes from the sense of like, I'm self-aware enough to go in and prove and make it right and then it will be good. Yeah. But I don't do the delusional shit like, oh, I'm just killing it. And I do. No, you, oh my fucking God, no. Well, maybe you do, I don't know, but you back it up though. It'd be different if you didn't back it up.

The confidence thing has come up a couple times. I just thought that was kind of an interesting thing. Man, look, I hate to break it to you all. I remember back to Joe's, there was this fucking older white man who looked like he just got done dropping his son off at gay conversion camp.

And you chatted him up. Oh, I'll talk. He became a fan of yours immediately. I'll chit chat. Like, it's like a politician energy, though. You think? Not in a negative way, like in a good way. You think I could run for office?

Yes. Would you ever run for office? Fuck no. No, hell no. I think you'd be good at it. I couldn't hold it together. You'd hate it, but I think you'd be good at it. Yeah, no, I couldn't hold it together. He was like a city councilman. Oh, I could see it. Oh, yeah. No, if it's lower level, definitely. I'd vote for you in a heartbeat. Like, there was this guy on TikTok named Eric Mays.

And he was so unhinged. He was like an older black man. And there was this white lady who just used to irritate him. They used to argue back and forth. Yeah. But it's like lower-level government, so no one gave a fuck. I could do that. Yeah. I could be on city council and just argue with people. I see that for you. Yeah. I really see that for you. Oh, God. I see you doing comedy more, but I could see you be— I'd vote for you to be my city council person. Man, I want to. Maybe I'll come to Missouri and try. Come to Missouri and try. Yeah. I don't see why not. Yeah.

What do you think the... There's a lot of like... You perform for all kinds of rooms. I've seen you kill for all kinds of rooms. A lot of white folks, a lot of black folks. I've seen you kill everywhere. I think there's a lot of white comics in LA who have never performed for a black audience. Do you think... What is the difference between performing for a black audience and a white audience? Is there a big one? Going back to confidence, I think when I'm in...

Black audiences, they're rooting for you, right? They want to see you win. So self-deprecation doesn't work as much. Yeah. In white rooms, you can self-deprecate. Yeah. Oh, that joke sucked. I'm a fucking loser. Yeah.

In black rooms, they don't want to hear that. Just a little bit of confidence, owning what you're saying, get into the jokes, get into the pure funny. None of that shit I learned in the improv class of chasing the clever and, you know. Yeah. Not saying that black rooms aren't clever, but they just want you to be funny. Yeah. It's like, hey, we came here to laugh. Don't do... I had a phase where I was doing wokes. I would do these, like, really, like, wokey-dee-woke...

like just preachy ass jokes and people like what the fuck we don't want to hear that shit when was that you were you you feel like your material was really like woke and just like preachy it during the pandemic right around that pandemic era okay that's when a lot of protests was going around so i just had this thought of like i gotta have the most prolific you know uh the view on this and yeah just there was a lot of imitating that chapelle era of like you know

My grandfather. You know, that kind of... Yeah. I don't know if that makes sense. It does. It just was surprising to me because I've been watching you for years and I've never felt that you were going for the woke. What you only see me in good settings, like shows at the Largo, stuff like that, I forced myself to sneak up to Sacramento, Northern California, where I could bomb in peace. Yeah. Because...

They know me up there. They know I can do well. So when I bomb, there's no judgment. You know what I mean? I can bomb in peace. I can make all the mistakes I want to make. Then when I come out and do the good shows, the jokes are polished and written out. But to me, it's all about, like, if I can't be creative and be ugly in a moment while I'm creating, I don't like it. Yeah. And that's what L.A. had became for a while. I felt like I couldn't create here. Yeah. So I would sneak away and go back to...

I'm back to Sacramento. But that's what I think is appealing about New York right now. New York feels like a city you could create and just be about to stand up and be in the moment. I think so. Yeah. I think so for sure. Yeah. What's so true to you, Keri? To me, something that's so true, I'm finding now, man, is health as well. Yeah. And I know that's kind of like a – that might seem like a downer, but just I'm loving what I'm doing right now. I like where my career –

It's starting to go and I want to be alive and healthy and energetic for it. Yeah. I did. I was on set one day and it got really late and I'm like, I'm ready to fucking go. I don't give a fuck about the rest of the scene. My feet hurt. I want to lay the fuck down. Yeah. I mean, but just I was so excited to be there. I stayed in it, but I want to be able to have that energy and that where I don't know if you seem very energetic. I don't.

have the energy a lot of times. And now that I'm starting to put health first, I'm feeling that energy. I'm being present in these places. So what does putting health first look like for you? Not eating like shit on the road, man. When I travel, I eat like dog shit. Yeah. I don't eat healthy. I don't, you know, it's like the little things, right? Like grocery shopping or meal prepping. Everybody says meal prep, but who the fuck is really about the meal prep?

A lot of people from what I'm seeing, but it's hard to do. It's like a time consuming task. I'm not one of them. I'm not about to cut up strawberries and fucking chicken breast and put it with broccoli when I could just go to Arby's and you know. Yeah. Yeah. But you're trying to do less of that. Trying to do less of that. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be one of those annoying, like I hate when fat people lose weight and it becomes like their narrative.

It's like losing weight is one of them things that people will see. You don't have to fucking tell them. Like I lost 50 pounds and I just had, I'm like, I'm not posting this on, you know, 50 pounds so I can get those reactions. Like, keep it up, buddy. Like, no. Go, King, go. Yeah, go. Like, no, fuck that. I lost 50 pounds. I can't tell. Like,

One day I'm going to just pop up and I'm like, okay, you lost weight. I see it. I'm not going to be able to see you no more. Turn to the side. Oh, shit. Oh, God. No, health is a good way to put it, though. I'm not interested in losing weight. I have no interest in losing weight. But I definitely... You said that, yeah. I do have energy. I feel very... I move my body all the time. I love walking. I love...

I love getting in a walk before I know I have like a really long day of sitting. I like eating, I like eating vegetables and things. Like I like, like you're saying, like before a show I used to, when I first started going on the road, I'd be like, Holy shit. I'm only in, I'm only in Dallas for 24 hours. I get one good meal here. If it's three hours before the show, I'm going to go have the most barbecue I can find. Cause I fucking love barbecue and I want to experience the city. Yeah. Learning not to make those choices is like, yeah. But I, I think for me, health is like,

Health doesn't necessarily mean weight loss. Health doesn't necessarily mean starving yourself. It definitely actually doesn't mean that. To me, health is like, do you feel good? Do you feel good? Do you have issues? Is your doctor worried about you? How many medications do you require to get through your day? Nothing wrong with needing medications to get through the day. It just depends on what the situation is. But like-

I'm not on any meds. My doctor has no concerns. I like my energy level. I feel good most of the time. So to me, I am healthy. You are. And, you know, people online have different opinions of that, but it's like they're not in my body. They don't live as me, you know?

But you seem like you don't let that shit, like, phase you or get to you at all. No, most of the time I'm able to, like, block that stuff out. I mean, there, of course, are days where I'm like, I would just give anything to not have strangers commenting on my body today. But, you know, you can't. It's, like, part of it. Yeah. It's just, like, you can't shut it off. Yeah, true. And as long as you don't do it, I think that's big. I think I do. I watch myself back. I be, like, overanalyzed. I'm like, oh, that shit don't matter. Like, you know, don't. That's in your head. What's in your head?

Like when you just kind of critique yourself and you see yourself like on screen and shit like that, you know? Oh yeah. I don't do that. That's what I'm saying. I'm at the point now where I'm like, I love me. I love the way I look. I love who I am. I love everything about it. I'm not trying to change or. Yeah. That has to get edited out. I'm sorry. Why would that get edited out? That's beautiful. No, that sounds too like, oh, I love my journey. Now I am role playing for Lizzo now.

now I am I'm doing method work now but no I think it's lovely I think it's lovely no cause I you know I want to keep it like funny and light but I I

I did get to a point where I just stopped hating myself. And not in a negative way. But, like, all those negative thoughts I would have, like, the doubt and all that shit, I've done too much now in my career to show, like, okay, hey, you're on the right path. Like, it's just staying the course and, like, doing the work. And all those things I used to convince myself of, like, oh, I can't do this, I can't do that. I've proven it. I've done that. So now I'm in, like, a place where I'm like, hey, man, look, just...

you're doing something right. You know what I mean? Whatever the fuck it is, just do that. Stick with the work and, you know. I think you're doing a lot right. I'm trying to, man. I'm trying to. If anyone asks me who my favorite comedians are, I'm like, Kairi Shabazz. I appreciate that. And it means more coming from you. I hope you know that. Like, the respect you get from us, I know you hate compliments and shit, but the respect you get from your peers, man, it's,

You wouldn't bullshit. You wouldn't fake. And I think you champion the people that you're around. And we appreciate that. And the cynical comic of me, I love the challenge when I'm around you because I feel like I have to maintain a level of like, you know, improv positive. Like I'd be trying to want to like bust your balls sometimes and like shit on you and you know, and, but I know like, I feel terrible. Yeah, I know it's love.

But do you? Like, I'd be nervous. Like, I don't know how to... No. No, I always know. Because the thing is, you can tell when someone's giving you... Like, when you and I give each other a hard time, I'm like... Yeah. We love each other. I'm like, this is my friend. Like, we're like... I would do anything for you. I know that you would do anything for me. Like, I respect everything you do. You respect what I do. You can definitely tell when people are like...

trying to friendly rib you, but they really do want you to be taken down a notch or something. And that is such a funny energy to me, because I'm like, why? Why would you be, why? Especially when you're in community with someone, it's like, don't you want all your community to win? Why wouldn't you want other comics that you're working with and doing shows with to win? That's good for everybody. Can I tell you one time I really did hate you. Okay. No, because I got to get out, because I didn't. I bit my tongue that day.

And I've regretted it for like so many months. What was it? It was back in Kansas City. And what was the name of the restaurant that was like out? It was like a late night diner spot. It was like they served like a- Town Topic? It might have been. Okay. You have to wait outside the window. Town Topic, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in Kansas City. It's freezing fucking cold.

It's right after the show and you say, oh shit, I think I smoke too much. I'm too high. And I'm like, oh, he just saying that. He's not too high. No, you are fucking loaded. So you are high as fuck. You enjoying life and loving life. Everyone's around you. They just feeding off your energy. And we go to get food at that spot. And it is freezing cold.

fucking cold i am the only one there freezing dying there's a line at this diner so it's like a 30 minute wait on food yeah so i'm like okay fuck we got to be in a freezing cold we got to get this food we got to wait we'll get the food go back in the car i don't know i don't remember any of this but i'm so nervous because you were fucking loaded yo high ass you get your food and y'all start eating onion rings and fries outside of the spot in the freezing cold yeah

I'm sitting there like, can we get in the fucking car? And I want to eat my grilled cheese and burger and warm. Why didn't you say something? I was too afraid. So I made you stand in the cold and eat this food? Because I didn't want to be like, because everybody was vibing. Everybody was like, y'all was having a good white time.

I'm being serious. Like, y'all are out there in the cold. Like, you ain't want to be the one person like, I am cold. Like, everybody else is in a group laughing and sharing stories and shit, and I'm in the car with the heat on. Yeah. So I'm trying to be a trooper. Like, okay, maybe Caleb will realize, like, it's late, it's freezing. Yeah. Let's get the fuck out of here. But no such luck. You were just high and giggling, shoving onion rings in your face. I had never been more upset at a human being.

Then that fucking day. But you were having a good time and you just had a good show. So you could stand in the cold and catch pneumonia. Yeah, a little bit. I had so much fun when you came to Canton City. Oh man, it was a fun fucking show. I didn't expect to like the city. Because people hype up their city. Totally. Everyone's like, my city's the best. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah. It really was a good city. And the best thing about that day, the best thing, my chauffeur for the day was Holmes.

Pulling up in a brown Audi. Let's go. On some new journey she's going down. I love when Holmes is in like a new journey or phase. You know what I mean? I want to hear all. I'm just sit there and just stare at her and let her just explain these new revelations and epiphanies. And I mean that genuinely. I love her to death. I think then she was just quitting smoking weed. I think she said Snoop Dogg had stopped smoking weed. She's off that by the way. Oh, she's back to it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

She was in my bed in Kansas City. We got so stoned a couple nights ago. Yeah. In my bed watching Hairspray with me. Oh, shit. Blazed. Blazed out of our minds. Another role you could... Oh, now we're talking. Okay, you'll do Hairspray? Oh, I would love... The John Travolta role in Hairspray? Get me in there. Yeah. I left on my iron. Oh, shit. I want in.

I always wanted to ask you this, too. Do you ever get compared to Cam from Modern Family? Yeah, of course I get compared to Eric Stonestreet. Oh, Jesus. He's from Kansas City as well. Get the fuck out of here. And his character in that show went to Missouri State and loves football. It's like a real, like, they jacked my whole shit. They did. You need residuals, man. You stole Joel's swag.

Yeah, they let Eric Stonestreet limp up his wrists and put on those floral shirts and jack my whole shit. But would you ever have a Mitchell?

Would I have a husband? No, not a husband. A Mitchell. What do you mean? Like an orange otter. Not otter. He is, but why are you locked in on the gay terms? Stop acting like it's not all over social media in the world. It's not that hard to own an otter. Sometimes I'm impressed by your allyship. That's all. I am impressed by your allyship. You love the community. You're real.

I know everything about, not everything, but yeah, I know stuff about culture and, you know. Would I do a ginger, would I marry a ginger guy? Sure, if the right one came along. Okay. Who do you see for, what do you see for my husband? Because I'm looking. I'm on the hunt. I want something that's not, that's not going to shock people. Because I think if you go with like a,

an Asian husband that's like on track. Really? Okay. Yeah, like you can't do a Mitchell. Okay, no gingers, no Asian people. It gotta be like a... We should probably talk about that off camera at some point. Maybe like, I don't know, it can't be a Samoan. I can't have a Samoan husband? It gotta be like a... I don't know if this is a slur, but like a Vato. Like a...

Like a cholo, like a... I don't think Vato is a slur. Dude, could you imagine showing up to your fucking fancy HBO meetings and shit, introducing your husband, like, eh, like he's just... Yeah, that one, that got close. Okay, that one's gonna hurt, yeah. See what I do podcasts, listen. If this was a practice podcast, please put it in the archives. I've dated Mexican guys, yeah, I'm down. Okay. Rock on. But like, real like, cholo...

No. When I think of a cholo, I don't think it reminds me of any of the guys I've dated necessarily. Yeah. But I've dated all kinds. I don't think there's a type of guy you could name that I haven't had a moment with.

Whoever you do date or marry, you have to share them with your whole friend group. Everybody would just immediately absorb them. They got to get along with my people. Exactly. That is the number one thing in dating that I'm looking for. When I go on a first date with someone, if I can't imagine my mom, my aunt, my friends from college, my friends from high school, my comedian friends, if every kind of person in my life wouldn't like you...

I'm just like, this isn't going to work. It's too much about, I'll never, ever, ever understand in a million years when your friend pops up with someone that no one in the friend group likes and then they stay with them. I'm like, we were here first. This person sucks. What, just because they're fucking you?

But then, see, my philosophy is, I like, my idea was like, you got your own thing that's separate. Totally. That's, and then we have our thing in the middle. Yeah. So I don't need you a part of my friend group. I don't need to be a part of yours.

Like family is different, but friend group, no. To me, my friends have to like you. Now, I don't need you to abandon your friend group. I want you to definitely bring your own rich life to our rich life. Like I want to build something cool together as well. You're saying that now. But I don't need you to necessarily be – I don't want you to become best friends with my friends. I don't want the breakup to get confusing if that ever comes. I know. That is tough. But I do want my people to – you don't need your friends to like your person? No. Imagine you hit homes up to hang out and she's already hanging out with her husband. That would be beautiful. No.

No, you say that now. You wouldn't like that? Wouldn't that be special? No, they met up behind your back. Not behind your back, but... No, not like that, but like... That's weird. Like, y'all made fucking plans already? That's cute. That's not, though. I like that. Because here's why. Here's my rule. I tell people. It's three things that happen when friends and your partner mix. One is obvious. They just start fucking. Yeah. Right? And they get together and they hook up. I don't think I'm at risk with Holmes, but okay. Oh, shit.

You never know. You never know. Yeah, yeah. They are pretty devious. But... And sorry, too, if I'm misgendering, Holmes. I have to. The other one, too, is that either they become really good friends. Yeah. And then, you know, it's kind of like that weird, like, you know, they're keeping secrets now and shit. Yeah. I sound like I have trust issues, but... I was going to say, it's seeming a little bit like you might have some baggage around this. No, because you...

you ain't grew up in where I'm from. Yeah, it gets complicated. Or they hate each other, right? And so now they can't get along and be in the same room. So I always think, like, just separate that. Like, this is us, we in love. I don't need anybody's opinions about what we got, what we got going on. Because I need you and I need to escape them.

Do you think this is a cultural difference? You said I didn't grow up where you grew up. Do you think this is a, what we're talking about right here is a cultural divide? Probably not, because I am projecting and assuming how you grew up. I just seen a lot of just grimy shit. Like, you know, like, I'm your friend, so if anybody, you would, I see your dude doing something grimy, I'm supposed to tell you. Yeah. Like, hey, Caleb, you know, your dude was, you know, him and Chase, you know, they went in the bathroom a little long. Like,

They were in there messing around. Okay. Yeah. Like, I want to have your back. But now imagine me and your dude, we cool now. We friends. And so now that loyalty is tilted on, you know, now I'm keeping secrets for him from you. Yeah. So I'm like, I think when the friendship tilts like that, then it becomes weird. It's like the loyalties bend. It's like, well, you my friend and they're my friend too.

I like that the angle you're coming at it from is loyalty. That makes it make more sense to me. I just like to keep it separate, then it's less messy. And then it's just like your friends, man. You want to be able to come to them and talk shit about people and vent. You know what I mean? You don't want that. Yeah. When you come home, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah.

Holmes came over, Kyrie came over. God damn, I can't stand that. Kyrie, I got to tell you, if I was dating a guy and I found out that you and him went out to lunch without me, that would just make my whole day. It would, because you're going to be eating good, nigga. You're going to feel left out.

You don't feel left the fuck out. If I found out y'all went to Golden Corral without me and shut that shit down. Now I'm a trashy hoe, huh? I'm just some trashy Golden Corral. There's nothing trashy about Golden Corral, my friend. Everything is trashy about Golden Corral. You're sick. You're sick. Now talk about insulting cultures. Oh, God. Me and my people are down at the Golden Corral. I got a game for you, Kyrie. What, is it sponsors? Don't read these. Don't read these.

I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if each one is true or false. Yeah. Okay? If you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars. Okay, good. This is huge. This is big. All right. Coffee is an Italian word for movement. No. False. Martin Lawrence's first special was You So Crazy in 1994. No. You're saying false? False. True. The unicorn is the national animal of Scotland. False.

No. True. All planets in our solar system spin clockwise. True. False. Only Venus. Fuck you. Cincinnati, Ohio was the first city to be lit by electricity. How are these fucking Illuminati questions pre-made? It's about Ohio and Martin and God damn it. Yes. False. It was Cleveland. Ketchup was once sold as medicine. This shit is rigged. You type that shit up somehow and fucking...

Ketchup was what? Ketchup was once sold as medicine. I believe that. That sounds true. True. The player in the NBA logo is Pat Riley. Yeah. False. No, no, you're lying. No, it is. No, it's Jerry West. Fuck. Okay. No, you know why I'm annoyed by that? Because I watched Winning Time and I was trying to think of Jerry West. Well. This is a pressure cooker. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Yeah. True. Willy Wonka was a real person. Get the fuck out of here. This better not be true. False. False.

There's no way he was a fucking real. No, because there was a book about him and he had slave Oompa Loompas. It was written by the nigga that wrote Peter Pan. There's no way. Are you sure? I'm positive. There's no way Willy Wonka. If you talk about Timothee Chalamet, no. Willy Wonka's not real. It's false. The smallest bone in your body is in your ear. True. True. Only 5% of the ocean has been explored. False. True. iPads are illegal in Romania.

True. False. The first hot air balloon took to the sky in 1783. I'm like, what is it when you just give up? I'm a defeatist now. What is it? What's the question? The first hot air balloon took to the sky in 1783. Yeah. That's true. The capital of Missouri is St. Louis. No. False. It's Jefferson City. The oldest bar in Sacramento is Old Ironsides. You piece of shit. These baited ass questions. True.

The fuck was Cleveland Sacramento Martin on there? God damn it.

I'm going to say yeah. True. Okay, how do you do? Eight. Oh, man. Just short. Just short. You did great, though. Thank you. I don't feel great. You should feel eight's really good. Willie Wonka's not a real person. No. Okay. No. That was fucked up of chance to put that in there. Yeah. What was it? Unicorn shit? Unicorn Scotland or something. So you're responsible for making the questions for that game. Yeah. Yeah.

Can we talk off mic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We will. Don't worry. We will. By the way, too, this is how I knew your podcast would be successful. What's that? When I watched it and there was a straight white man with a crazy laugh off camera. That's the key. That is the Tim Dillon method, man. You got to have a straight white guy running things off to the side, scream, man, she laugh. Yes. Could you imagine if you had one of your trans or drag friends running a, it'll be. Well, they'd try to take over.

You know, they'd want to be front of camera. They wouldn't be. Yeah. Right. We're right. And they don't understand podcasting the way that straight white guys, straight white guys are called to podcasting like a siren to the rocks. Yeah. It's their. Yes. It's their art form. It's their culture. I'm just a guest. I'm a visitor in their home. Of course. Yeah. They know how to do it right. No drag queen could be comfortable being off camera. No. Yeah. No. You ever hung out with a drag queen? Yes. It's horrible.

Well, they were pleasant. They're fine. But see, I have limited interactions, right? So it's only like in the green room. Yeah, and public libraries. And public libraries, yeah. Reading to the kids. Cruising places, yeah. I don't know if they cruise or not. Curry! Guess what? It's over? It was a joy to have you on. No, don't say that. It was a joy to have you on. I fucking hate...

podcast so much. This is a cruel... I'm fighting through this. No. I think you're one of the best comedians living. Fuck you for doing this. I love you to death. This is not my medium. I want you to tell the people where they can find you. Tell people where they can find you. Nowhere. I will be in my house, pacing back and forth, replaying this interview in my head, messaging fucking Chase or Chance to edit it. I forgot your name already. That's how frustrated I am. I forgot your goofy, straight, white name. It's Chase.

Why would you put me through this? You need to tell these people where they can find you so they can see you do what you like to do. I guess I held a gun to your head and made you do this. Follow me on social media. I have a show coming up August 6th at the Comedy Store. It's a new show. To me, I think it's going to be one of the best shows at the store. But yeah, come through April 6th. I should have a link somewhere on my page. It'll be there.

If y'all watching this. What's your handle on Instagram? Kyrie Boz. Kyrie, we love you. Thanks for doing it. No, this is absolute torture. Thank you. That was a HeadGum Podcast.