Trixie Mattel is Lazy Barbie
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- Wait, Trixie Mattel. - Yeah. - You're on the show, I'm so excited. Drag, makeup, music. - Hey, what's going on with the drag? - Real estate. - Yeah. - What can you do? We're still trying to find out. - We're still trying to figure that out.

Like I feel very much invested in your downfall. Right. You're somebody who I view as not an enemy so much as like I think I want to humble you a little bit. I love that. Yeah. I have terrible skin and I'm bald. Does that help? You have beautiful skin and you are bald, but you're also bald and beautiful. You had pretty broski on here. You're used to bald people. I have girl.

She and I... The shit she and I send to each other, that's like, this is us. The last one was like, do you know that scene in Absolutely Values where Uncle Fester has the girlfriend who's bald? Yeah. Come on. This is us. Baby girl. Baby. This is us coded. She and I just got together the other day and she wanted to do a video where we put on cosplay makeup and we did SpongeBob and Squidward. Yeah. Well... But God forbid she researches how to apply a prosthetic or anything like that. So you have to do it all. Yeah.

She's not. No, no, no. I didn't do anything. I watched her flop. She, she, I'm helping. I'm helping. This isn't, we're here. Yeah. I'm not fucking getting in drag and being like, I'm not going to help you. Let me help you, girl. I want to do a version of we're here where we show up and just ruin lives. We show up and you're like, oh, um, so you're divorced and you have a bum knee. Well, let's do baby bangs. Yeah. Some face tattoos.

uh you're gonna work at a call center yeah and um we're gonna remove the muffler from your car so it's gonna be super loud it's gonna be tough to go through the neighborhood people are not gonna enjoy having you around totally and like we're gonna show you how to we're gonna redo your living room but it's like all plaid or it's like something really assaulting why would that kind of go crazy though an all-plaid living room i would really love is that fucked up of me i would like it in very conversing uh

Yeah. I think something like that would work if you did all different scales of plaid. Would be fun. I think that would be fun. Yeah. Okay, wait.

Trixie Mattel. Yeah. You're on the show. I'm so excited. Drag, makeup, music. Hey, what's going on with the drag? Real estate. Yeah. What can you do? We're still trying to figure that out. That's the thing. People are like, you have so many businesses. I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what I'm good at. Which one do I like though? I love to come in swinging with an enthusiastic B minus at everything I do. No, you're very good at everything you do. It's actually very distressing. I want to know about how you decided to buy a fucking hotel. What was that like? Why did you do that? Well-

Let me take you back to when a peanut farmer was in the White House. Yeah. Jimmy, we're telling Jimmy's story today. Yeah. So basically, Dave and I, when we first started dating, we used to go to Palm Springs as our little trips when we first started dating. We'd always be like, oh, there's always nowhere good to stay here. You either stay at a shitty hotel or like a lifeless Airbnb. You know.

And so then we'd always joke about like, oh, it wouldn't be fun to have a rental here. We could call it the Trixie Motel. Ha ha ha. And then COVID happened and we were at home watching Very Brady Renovation. We were watching A Simple Life. We were watching a lot of those type of shows, like Famous People Flopping and like Renovation.

And I was like, oh my God, we should do the Trixie Motel. So we should renovate it. And David, because he's a TV producer, was the one who said, well, let's make it a show. And I was on Zillow and there was one pink motel that was seven rooms that was zoned as condos. So it showed up in a residential search. And I was like, oh my God, this is like made for us. Fake kismet, yeah. Yeah, so-

It became like this joke that we took too far. Because at first it was like the Trixie Motel. And suddenly like, I remember we were at brunch and he was like, why does it ghost? And I was like, what? He's like, they accepted our offer. I was like, oh my God, we really have to do this now. Yeah. $2 million is a lot. Fuck, we're an escrow. Yeah. Oh God. Is $2 million a lot to you? Because that's like nothing to me. I'll throw that. I feel like...

It's like nothing to you because you have no concept of it. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could never know what that's like. Right. Yeah. To you, it might as well be like a billion trillion kajillion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's like the way that kids kind of envision outer space. Right. Like when you're a kid and you think $20 is rich. You're kind of there.

You're kind of there. But ever since RuPaul went on Jimmy Kimmel and called me rich, everybody thinks that I'm literally Jeffree Star. Everyone thinks I get in my flying Lamborghini and I go down to my miles and miles of farmland that I own. You do not have the same money as Jeffree Star, just the same politics. I wish I had the same teeth. Same teeth? Yeah. Do they have good teeth? I think so. What is Jeffree Star?

I don't know who this person is. I just know that they sold elk meat at one point. I just say they about any... If somebody even has long eyelashes naturally, I say they. Safe now. Because you're not going to get me, bitch. You're not going to get me. You're not going to get me. This thing recently I bumped into this person.

And it was like bright orange baby bangs. It was a little face tattoo of animal print. That's a real telling thing. Animal print tattoo on the face. I was like, all right. It was like baby bangs, animal print, like gauged ears. And I was like, hi, nice to meet you. They, them. They, them. And she was like, yeah, you clocked me. Okay. Yeah.

You got my ass big. Well, they were, she, they, but they were like, yeah, you clocked me. I was like, all right, work. And I was like, is that me profiling or is that me using context clues to try to be super sensitive? That's kind of detective monk. It's like you're really, you're zoned in on something queerly. You know something about queer people that even they don't know sometimes. Yeah. Here's something I don't want to go away. I feel like we still live in an era where if you, if you tell a straight guy, I thought you were gay, they're offended. Yeah. I never want that to go. I like that.

I love that because now it's no longer okay to be offended. Yeah. It's like, why'd you think I was gay? It's like, why are you offended? Yeah. They're like, why'd you think that? Not that I care, but why would you, why, what made you think that I want to change it? Right. It's like, if somebody was like to me, like, I thought you were straight. I'd be like, you did. Oh my God. Let me wish my hair behind my ears. I'm going to tell you something. You're not going to believe in. You're not going to like it. What people think I'm straight a lot. Straight at what? Straight driving, straight, a straight liar, a straight thug.

All of the above. Like straight at what? People think I'm heterosexual, Trixie. It happens. You're single, right? Yeah. Well, if you had a boyfriend, everybody would know. That would do it. Yeah. Let's take a break. But I mean, if you are single, if everyone knows you had a boyfriend, there's a tell. They go, at least that person's bisexual because they're with a man. Well, I think the tell is my kind of whole energy. I can't ever believe that I get cocked as straight. But it happens usually with like...

Like women who aren't in on the joke. Like I'll do like a bit on stage where I'll be like, oh, I was having sex with this woman the other night. And it's to me clearly a joke. And they'll be like, whoa, I didn't... I thought he was gay. But now I think he's straight. I was having sex with this woman the other night. You ever do that? Have you ever had sex with a woman? No. Never? No. Have you ever considered it? No. Okay. You know what? Actually...

COVID was long and dark. No. And I feel like I exhausted all the gay porn on the internet. And then I started watching bisexual porn. And then I started watching porn of two women. And then I started watching solo female porn. And pretty soon I was like jerking off to just solo female porn. I was like, am I straight? Is this what straight married men feel like when later in life they start being a little gay? I was like, am I just...

Did I convert myself? Did I do everything gay? Did I finish all the side quests? I think if anyone's at the end of homosexuality, it's you. And a late stage terminal stage for homosexuality. You've run through it. Yeah. But I mean, I feel like women's bodies are pretty universally beautiful. Oh, not over here. But no, I've never been with a woman. Really? And I've never kissed girls. I've never done with girls because I always knew I was gay. And I don't want to like fuck with anyone's storylines.

I think when you know you're gay, but you're like sleeping with girls anyway. Yes, you have trauma, but like, I always felt like, all right, I know I'm gay. So I'm not going to like pretend I'm not and then pretend to someone I'm being physical with that I want to do this. I'm totally on your side. I've said this for years. I would feel like traumatizing a woman. It's bad.

It's bad to do that. A lot of us do that. I did that. But I don't think I did it. I totally get why we do it. We're also trying to convince ourselves. I get it. That's part of it. Also, I kind of think there's something, too, and I wish more straight people would try this. I've got to where I am with my sexuality by trying everything. And I think trying is good. I like trying and experimenting. Maybe you eat pussy? Oh, yeah. What's the vibe? I don't like it down there. Pussy, to me, it felt like a prison sentence. You know, I feel like we are post, like, I feel like 90s TB gay is like, oh, my God, it's

Pussy gross. Like we're not doing that. But I'm back there actually. But I think it's okay to acknowledge that like when you are gay and not attracted to a pussy.

Yeah. That wouldn't be a pleasurable, exciting experience. Well, no. I was on Pussy in high school. I was doing Pussy. And then I was off Pussy for a long time because I was like, oh, I'm gay. But then I got back on Pussy briefly because trans guys came out. They released trans guys. Right, right, right. And when they dropped Trans Men, I was like, oh. That was huge. Yeah. When they dropped Trans Men, I was like, this is changing everything. I remember seeing it on CNN. Yeah. Yeah.

Wolf Blitzer. So then I was like, I'll try pussy again because I like men and these are men. And then I was like, oh, it's the pussy I don't like. Oh, I definitely could be with trans men, I think. Yeah. I never have. Yeah. And the opportunity has never presented itself. I also would have a fear of feeling very like open to it. Yeah. And then finding out in real time that it's not for me. And then I would feel like I'm using somebody as like an experiment.

Well, I've been there. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I believe I would be into it. But what if I find out in real time I'm not into it and then I kind of like, not disrespect someone, but kind of. That would be my fear. You're very thoughtful about sex, I'm learning right now. It seems you're very thoughtful. How long have you and David been together? So long. Seven years. Seven years, which for gay people I think is a lot. Yeah, it's a hundred and gay guy. Yeah, I think it's a lot. You guys have been together for a hundred years in gay guy.

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Well, guys, I'm just going to be honest with you. A bunch of them are sold out. But some shows that aren't sold out, I believe one of the shows that I have next week in Chicago still has some tickets available. Houston, Fort Worth, and Dallas all have tickets available. Please go get those. And those are my only upcoming live shows that aren't sold out for right now. I don't know what to tell you. The venues only have so many seats, and there's a billion Kaylebrities in the world. Ha ha ha ha!

Okay, I'm sorry. I love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in. Please like, subscribe, share everywhere, and follow us on every social media. And frankly, you know, kind of be sycophantic about the pod. We're trying to build a cult-like presence here where eventually people will get harmed. Thank you. Goodbye. But I also wasn't even, even when I was drinking, I would maybe get drunk and more flirtatious, but I was never hooking up drunk. Really? Yeah, one or two drinks. I like don't have the focus for that.

and like making out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of just like... Like if I have some inkling that sex could happen to me, I want to be stone cold sober. Happen to me. Happen to me. Yeah, it's going to happen upon me. Yeah, it's going to happen to me. I want to be like 4K crystal HD a part of it. I agree with that. Because I want to be... I want to perform. Yeah. I also don't drink on stage. You know, like try to... No, do I. Present your best self. I don't ever... I don't smoke before shows. I don't drink before shows. Who are these people? For...

These people smoke weed and go on stage. Good luck to you. Yeah. Good luck to you. I don't even understand people who smoke weed and go out. Well, I'm doing that. What do you do when you go out? I mean, don't you feel like the whole room is like... A little bit, but it's nice to just be somewhere other than my brain for a night. I can understand edible and go out. Yeah. Edibles fuck me up worse than weed.

When I eat edibles, I feel like my blood is made of cement. I feel like I'm dying. I've died. I've come back to life to die again. Yeah. I don't feel good. Edibles don't work for me. Do you remember how we met? No. I was thinking of this today. You and I did a comedy show with Very Gay Paint at the Silver Lake Lounge. I do remember this. Yes, yes, yes. Well, you just said you didn't. I do remember now. Okay. Let's take a break. Yeah. Let's take a break. This is not going well.

Yeah, it was really fun. I remember getting in full drag and I remember the comics waited outside. Outside. Yeah. Our green room was just the outdoors. It was an outdoor patio. A picnic table. Picnic table. Yeah, I mean. Everyone was like, I can't believe you're here. And I was like, me neither. Yeah, you were like, I can't either, bitch. I'll say no next time. I don't really. The sirens. I asked them to come.

We're finally going to deal with you. Am I FFS? Yeah. Thank God. We're finally getting your FFS. We're finally getting FFS. We've been dying for you to transition, and if you won't do it on your own, we'll do it for you. I don't think I would transition, but let me tell you that there's been times in my life where I've thought about it, and if I ever did, the way...

All of the surgeries. Bitch, you would suck. What happened to me so fast. I understand that transness is not about surgery. They're independent from one another. Yeah. But for me personally, the way it would be Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit, Man of Lepore. Yeah. Overnight. Yeah. None of you would be able to fucking take me. No. It would be, I would be so insufferable. You would be so good. I would be so naked.

Well, you're already pretty tough to be around. You would be, I think you would be so, you're already so hard to be around, so negative. But if you were a beautiful trans woman, I think you would be almost criminal. You said something to me. Do you remember what you said to me? You said to me at, we were at a holiday party together where I just saw you on Moon and Spot where you were talking about the same party, Fruitful Party. But you said something to me that was so funny. Do you remember it? You said like, I think I said something like,

What did I say? I said, oh, I'm exhausted from, you know, maybe I, you said something about me not having sex. I think I said, I joked that I was a slut because you said I was dressed slutty or something. You said sluts have sex. And you said this in front of other people. Do you remember this? You really came for me.

That's why you're on the show. I think sometimes when I'm testing people, I go too hard too fast. No, it wasn't too hard too fast. I'm trying to figure out people's sense of humor, and that's a big swing. I like that swing. Sluts have sex. You said sluts have sex. That's so mean. At a holiday party. Love. Santa Claus was there. Love. I'm like the old...

At these parties. So like the first time I went there, me and Lucy Davis just posted up in the guest house with the wine. Yeah. I was like, let's let the 20 year olds run and be a muck. Let them Tucker themselves out. Right. And we'll just be in here waiting for it to kind of die down. Well, of course. And I'm obsessed with The Office, my all time favorite show and the UK office. So I was like, all right, we'll get about this much into the wine and then I'll have the courage to ask her about The Office. Yeah. I was like, just so I was like, so.

Why aren't we talking about The Office already? And how did it go? Did she receive it well? Oh, she was super nice about it, yeah. I mean, a show like that, that UK Office, have you ever watched it? Oh, it's a slight. It's like, I think it's like one season, one and a half seasons. Is it your favorite TV show? No, The American Office is my favorite. The American Office is your favorite TV show? Yeah. That's my fave. Buffy's an all-time fave. Of course. Powerpuff Girls is up there. Of course. Roseanne, I mean...

Oh my God. Retro Roseanne. The original Roseanne. Oh yeah. Bitch, I was living. Cause you're from Milwaukee. Yes. And are you from outside Milwaukee? Smaller town or in the city itself? I'm from far Northeast Wisconsin, but I moved to Milwaukee when I was 18. Yes. But growing up, did you, I don't know what your family is like, but watching Roseanne on TV, I was like, that's my fucking family. Like that felt, it was so Midwestern. And so like, I adore, and she was in the original show. So goddamn funny. Where he met calf turning in Emmy winning performance. Oh my God. Every episode.

And that's the thing. Like, I had never as a kid seen, like, loud, fat mom with a poor family. Yeah. With real problems. And, like, I don't know. I know that...

You try to separate the artist from the art. I wouldn't exactly say I have aligned views with her now. Yeah. But early Roseanne, the conversations about gayness, about like poverty, like I was like, wow, this is important to me to see as a kid. There were queer characters on that show in the Midwest where we were both growing up who were accepted, but they were made fun of just like everyone else. Oh yeah. Nancy. And that was important. Nancy. Leon. Sandra Bernhardt, whose girlfriend for a while in the show is Morgan Fairchild. Yeah. And...

Leon, yes. Leon Karp. They're gay and they're made fun of for being gay, but not in a way that's like, you know, it wasn't weird. But it's the same way Roseanne gets made fun of for being fat. Yeah. It's like, but you're still, it's your show. It's like they were all still a part of the community. Yeah. It was real. I fucking love that show. I think it's one of the best TV shows ever made. Yeah, I really imprinted on that. And like, obviously I didn't really have a dad and John Goodman to me was like mentally, I was very into TV dads. I got very attached to Mike Brady, got very attached to, um,

What's his name? From the Beethoven movie and from Clifford. Oh, God. I don't know. Odin. Something Odin. If it's like a good TV dad, I like mentally imprint. Yeah. That's my dad now. Oh, same. I was also... My dad was not part of the picture and John Goodman and Roseanne was like... Yeah. I was like, God, imagine having a dad like that. Yeah. Wouldn't that be fun? Totally. I also don't know if you feel this way, but Roseanne, the humor in that show of like... In the original. The original, the original, the original. The humor in that show of like...

like dragging, gathering people, dragging people, but doing it in a way that everyone knows you love them. Like Golden Girls. Golden Girls massively informed my sense of humor. And like the dynamic of like Darlene and Roseanne being really similar. Yeah. And the way like they have this, I mean, Sarah Gilbert, I watch the Connors now still. And like that ensemble is so strong. You really believe these people are real family. Yeah. It's amazing. It's so good. Yeah. It's fierce. I love it.

Love it. Love it. What else do I really love? I mean, I don't know. I don't watch a lot of television, believe it or not. I believe that. I watch a lot of reruns because most of the time when I watch TV, I'm getting in drag. Yeah. So I can't put on something where I have to like lock in. How often are you getting in drag? Mary.

I think people think I'm joking four or five days a week. That's so many. Yes. It's a gift. But the older I get, the more I'm trying to space it out because I just can't handle it. I can't handle it. It's so much. My body, my skin, everything can't take like more than four days a week now. Yeah. I start to get really volatile. I start to have bad thoughts about drag, bad thoughts about all of it. And I start to be like, all right, you need to like pull back.

You know? Yeah. I, how many, I'm sure a God, a fucking billion people have asked you this question and I try not to ask those questions on the show, but I have to ask it. What, how did you, how did you get in? Like, how did you start drag? Well, I never got a call back from my group interview at forever 21. No, um, I did.

I was 18 and when I was 17, I bought a copy of the Rocky Horror Picture Show from like a shop co in Marinette, Wisconsin. And I took it home and watched it and it blew my tits off. I just had never – I didn't really have the vocabulary, but like a man dressing up as a woman and being in charge of the room, there was something just like put like centibite Hellraiser chains in my brain. It was like I am so into this.

And then I went to college and I joined up with like the local Rocky Horror Picture Show midnight showings at the Oriental Theater. Milwaukee has like that theater has the world record for the most showings consecutively on the original 1975 movie reel. It's like a very big deal.

And so then I was like in college and then I would go do Rocky Horror and like put on a Frankenstein mask and fake blood and glitter and high heels and scream. And it was a good environment to like dabble in cross-dressing and like play with makeup and wigs and characters. And then by the time I turned 21, that's by the time I started kind of doing the Trixie thing.

more pink more blonde kind of like that kind of thing yeah that's just kind of how i stumbled into it because you you moved to milwaukee and then you you got a bfa yeah i got it my biggest shame is that i went to school for musical theater i know it's really actually so musical theater give it up delicious like it's like the longer i get away from that the more i'm like musical

It's really, you're better than that. But like the problem with musical theater isn't musical theater. It's the people who do it. For sure. It's the people who do it. For sure. It's really like. It's my closest friends and I have a hard time with it.

It's fucked. It's fucked. Yesterday I was on my walk and somebody drove by listening to the Stephen Schwartz musical Wicked. Blaring, blaring, blaring. And I just was like, girl, pull over. Put in your headphones. Turn the car off. I really thought I was going to be like, if you stop the car, it's going to be like the Godfather song.

When his wife gets blown up in the car. I want to know if this is true or not, because it was in the research that Chance, my producer, did for the show. Did you run a thousand miles in 2022? I sure did. Why are you doing that? You're a runner? Yeah. Do people know this about you? I did not know this. Yeah. You know, what are the two most annoying things? I'm talking about doing a marathon and being vegan. Yeah. I'm a double. God damn it, you're doing both of them. I'm a double negative. And gluten-free. You're gluten-free as well? No drinking. The sirens. The sirens.

The sirens are back. So Trixie's going to stop for the sirens every time. You guys won't be hearing them. We'll put them in in post. We'll plug them in in post. It's a clown car. It's not even a real siren. No drinking, no drugs. Does weed count? No, weed doesn't count. Okay. No drinking, no drugs, and no alcohol, and no meat, no alcohol.

And no gluten and no dairy. So dirt, seeds, and air. Gay people used to be fun. What happened to us? I have no idea. We really used to be like you and me. I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I'm like mostly sober. I'm like mostly chilling at my house in Kansas City. And I'm like gay people used to be like they used to do like Studio 54. Yeah. And now it's me and you. The Peloton is my crack cocaine. Yeah. Jerking off is my whiskey. Like I kind of have my own –

I gotta tell you. Just touch me. I'm here, baby. Dole makes these frozen bananas in a light shell of dark chocolate. It's a pack of four of them and they are only 100 calories. I'm on it. And I go off on this shit. I've had these and I love them. I go off every night. You don't know. That crackly, thin dark chocolate, like that frozen, the way it crackles in your mouth. Yeah.

Or like that magic shell you can put on ice cream. Yeah. You know what I'm fucking talking about? Yeah. That shit makes me so horny. Yeah. Like you just pour it on there and it hardens up and then you're like cracking through it. Yeah. I need it bad. It's Fierstina. I need it bad. No, we talked about shows we liked. Now, if there was a show you could Thanos like disintegrate it from existence. What show are you like, get the fuck off the TV? I'm not watching that. Survivor.

I'm so fucking sick of hearing about this fucking show. I don't care. They go into the woods and they have, I don't, they, there's a tribal council. I hate, I, when people talk, I've never seen an episode when people talk to me about survivor. I'm like, I don't give a fuck that these idiots were dropped into the fucking woods and survived and they voted people off. They were mean to each other. You guys, there's a way to play the game that you're asking. I hate survivor. I don't ever want to hear about it. Yeah. And honestly, it feels a little dystopian. Like,

Honey, we live in Hollywood. There's people on my block playing the real survivor. Yeah, they're really surviving out here. They live outside, bitch. Yeah, they are out there. There's a real survivor. Yeah. It feels a little dystopian in a way to like pretend to be tribal and have no money. Yeah. I don't know. But you know, some people love it. You know, Sia, the artist Sia, she's a friend of mine and she watches Survivor and she picks up the phone and calls them and gives money to her favorites just out of her pocket.

What? Oh, yeah. What? This is like a well-known thing because on the show, I think they even give away like the Sia prize to like, it's like a miscongeniality. Yeah. I think she gives like a cash prize to people she wanted to win who didn't win. Sia is a benefactor for Survivor contestants? I guess. Yes. That's what she told me. I had no fucking clue about this. And I think on the show, like Sia is sort of like, they've talked about like Sia will send money to people as like the secondary winner, like her winner in her heart. Yeah. Yeah.

That's, first of all, we need to bring back patrons of the arts. I love that she's doing this. But second of all, that's nuts. I've never heard that in my life. Yeah, I don't know. No, no, I could never do shows like that. Traders, anything like that, I couldn't. What's a show you would snap and get rid of?

Emily in Paris. Okay. Garbage. Okay. Garbage. We watched it. Katya and I have that show I like to watch on Netflix where we, I can't believe we just did our hundredth episode. We get paid to sit and watch Netflix content and truly shit on it. Yeah. When that show started, I was like, oh God, we're

oh God, we're being so negative. They're going to be so mad that we just sit here and shit on all this stuff. But then they kept showing us like Lindsay Lohan Christmas movies and stuff. And I was like, well, what do you want us to say? They want this. But they want us to shit on it. So it's fine. Yeah. And we watched Emily in Paris and I was like, oh no, this is so bad that now anyone I ever meet who says they like this, I have to turn them off. Yeah. Like they no longer exist. They're dead to you. Yeah. It's like you...

are not a human being anymore. Yes. They're okay. So people who like Emily in Paris are subhuman to you. I mean, it really was like, Oh,

I have a – okay, this brings up a good question though. It's the Madam Web of TV. It is. It is. Well, don't – do not get me started. Okay, on the topic of saying mean stuff about the Netflix shows, I feel like you are actually genuinely in real life such a nice and warm person. You're actually a nice person. But I feel like everyone wants drag queens to be mean. Do you ever just want to be nice? Okay, I actually feel the opposite. I feel in the era of RuPaul, everybody say love. We're here. We're here.

All drag content is about drag...

drag queens being positive and loving and wanting to help everyone. Is it? And I feel like Katya and I lead a very important front, which is we are B-minus humanitarians who are full of flaws and only care about ourselves. Yeah, okay. And I honestly, I'm flattered that you think I'm so nice, but I feel like we're always so upfront about kind of representing the worst parts of human beings. Yeah. I mean, Trixie's not a good person. Really?

I don't think – I think that you as a person are genuinely kind but maybe not nice. I think, yeah, you'll read. But I don't think you're like a hateful, mean-spirited person. But I think people want drag queens – it's interesting that you think that people want drag queens to be nice now. You would know more than me. I'm not involved. I do. I do think they want us to be nice. I mean we live in a world now where like – it's like a world of like drag queens being very PC and very lovey-dovey and very like – Really? Yes.

I guess I'm only watching drag live in Chicago. So I'm only getting like the weirdo Queens in Chicago who are, you know, dressing like a potato and rolling down a flight of stairs or something. Like I'm the Chicago drag scene is very wacky. It's nuts. And I love it. It is when I used to work in Milwaukee, I would say, you know, I did okay for myself in Milwaukee, but when I went to Chicago and started working in like my early twenties, that's when I was, I really like found my tribe because the drag Queens, they were so weird.

And everyone was so gifted and so different. Chicago is a drag market that really values personas, like your thing that you do. And honestly, being weird was sort of like an asset there. Totally. Whereas I feel like in a lot of drag markets, being weird was like the thing you had to make up for. 100%. Do you know Dairy Queen?

No. I'm obsessed with her. She's one of my favorite drag queens. She's in Chicago. She's an old friend of mine. And you might have seen her stuff on TikTok. She was dressing as the devil for a while and doing Miss Devil TikToks. But my favorite number of... Well, maybe not my favorite. One of my favorite numbers of her is that she dressed really, really... Got a really lifelike costume of Roz from Monsters, Inc. The paperwork monster. Wazowski. Yeah, she was like Mike Wazowski. And she did a whole number as...

And that's, to me, that's Chicago drag. Yeah. It's like weirdo, like insane weird shit. Yeah. Kim and I were talking about this and Kim, she and I were saying like back in the day, it was honestly about making each other eye roll. It wasn't even about the audience. It was about making the other drag queens be like, oh my God, you are stupid. You're not even funny. You're dumb. Yeah. Like it really was a time of like,

Unless you're doing drag race, drag is not really being paid attention to anyway. So it's like, how can we just make each other like...

Like, how can we annoy each other? Like, troll the art form with our drag. And I love that. Yeah. All we had was Garage Band and A Dream, different times. Back in the day. Back in the day. Back in the day, back in Milwaukee. There's so many drag queens now, though. It's different now. I mean, you really can do anything and find a home for drag. It's big. There's so many drag queens. It's big now. There's so many. Every... That musical theater f*** you hate, he's a drag queen now. He's a drag queen. The most... I mean...

It's really wild how many drag queens there are. What do you think we should do about it? Are you cool with the number growing or should we put some limitations? I'm fine with it. Like, you know... I did in my head think, of course Trixie doesn't care. She's chilling. Yeah. No, I don't care. I do feel I love all of it and I love more of it. I wonder...

I wonder what's next. Like, I feel like I think we're about to birth like a new, new thing with drag. I feel like the industry is what it is. And the type of drag that exists is what it is. I'm wondering like, what's the next, I'm always excited to see what the next new generation of 21 year old drag Queens like does. Yeah.

That's really interesting. I'm always excited to see what they come up with. What are they doing? I'm not seeing them. I feel like the drag queens I see are all pretty – like my age, pretty established and they're doing their thing. I'm not seeing baby drag queens. Oh, I did actually – I did just see a baby drag queen, Essence, in New York. She did a Bell House show of mine and she did – she's a black drag queen and she did a really long Rosa Parks bit where she –

It was completely insane. But she came out and she had like a little like... She was just holding a purse and dressed like Rosa Parks. She sat down and she just sat for like a very long time. I love stuff like that. It was fucking... And the audience went on this real rollercoaster of like... They're laughing because it's been two full minutes. And now they're dead silent because it's been two and a half full minutes. And then they're laughing again. Yes. I love shit like that. Oh, it was great. There was this queen who did...

Honey LeBron, she did this number once. You know that song? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Ah, that song. She did that looping for like minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the song just never started. Yeah. I love that. And she just walked around taking money. And then the song. And then one time Dina Martina did like, some say love is the rose. Yeah. She did the rose. That's it. Yeah. She just did the five second version. Done. The love shit like.

that i love that but you know i love short mixes like i mean a lot of the drag contracts will like contract in like when you're lip syncing that you have to do like a three minute mix my mixes would always be like two minutes and 59 seconds yeah because i'm always like i'm looking to get out there get what's good and dip before i start to look too sweaty see you later yeah i love that you know what is uh what is tricks me tell what is so true to you it's the point of the pod what is something so true to you you guys you guys why do we stand at concerts

Oh, okay. Why do we stand at concerts? There's chairs until it starts and then we stand. Why? We all could see when we were seated. We all could see. And now we all can see the same amount, but our legs are going to get tired. That's it. You don't feel as a performer that it's nice when people get energized and want to be...

standing and like into it and dancing you'd have them you'd have them sit I mean like for solid peak disco for something that's like a dance event you should stand and dance right but I'm talking venues where there's seats yeah and then we stand up when it starts yeah we have seats you want people we have them you want to stay seated why don't we use them yeah why don't we use them I think you're just getting older babe

I think you're just getting older. But I never liked it. You didn't like it when you were young? We have seats. The show starts, then we all stand. And because there's seats, we're kind of flush up against the back of a front seat and our legs are getting cut at the knees by a folding chair. Why don't we just all sit the whole time? Because unless it's my favorite song, I will sit and then I feel truly like the Grinch at a concert because everyone around me is standing and I'm like...

You're peering through arm slots. I just don't know why we're doing that. If there's chairs, like let's... And I don't love concerts in general, but like I just saw the B-52s last year and it was like we all were sitting and then it started and we all stood and I was like, but we could have all just enjoyed our favorite band.

crossing our legs and sitting. Well, let me tell you something. I'm not going to be comfortable regardless because all of those venues, the seats are horrible. There's not enough leg room. I'm tall. There's not enough leg room for me to have my legs out. I'm too fat for the small little chair. Whether I sit, stand, no matter what I do, and I go to a lot of concerts, I'm uncomfortable at every single one. I've never been comfortable at a concert.

And I keep going back. I just think there's a lot of dancing you can do seated. Yeah. And we could all just be more relaxed. And concerts feel long. Yeah. And I think part of why they feel long is because we're all standing for us. I would support it. I'll support your mission. Unless it's like a dance show. Yeah. A DJ thing or like, I don't know, a dance artist. But something like, I just went to see Madonna last week because I did that little cameo on the show. And I was like, I know she likes us standing. Yeah.

I got to sit in a little area and sit and I was like, I'm having such a good time. Why? Well, the show is great, but also I'm not have to stand for two hours. Yeah. This is awesome. Yeah.

You did something in the Madonna show? They have like these cameos where they have drag queens come on stage during Vogue. And I flew in to Austin to do the little cameo. It was really crazy. That's really crazy. It's Madonna. It's Madonna. It was pretty crazy. Did you lose your mind a little bit or were you cool about it? I think I was not in touch enough with what was going to happen until it was happening and then I blacked out. Yeah. Because it's Madonna. And she's singing Vogue. And she really sings live. And so Madonna says, hi Trixie, and gives you a hug and keeps singing Vogue. And you're like...

My first drag show I ever did, I did the song Material Girl. So it was all very crazy to be like, this is Madonna. You've had a lot of those moments though at this point. Are there other ones you can think of that you're like, I've had a few, but I think those moments where you go, wait, what the fuck is going on? What is my life? What is happening? Yeah. I mean, fame doesn't really impress me, but if I like you, then I can't handle it. Yeah. People like...

her people like um the b52s i met them all of them and was just like i can't handle it yeah can't handle it stuff like i just met honey dejan the other day i love her couldn't believe it i was just like oh my god um kathy griffin her specials were early like big openings to me about like being a performer and telling stories doing comedy and she interviewed me for your interview magazine i was like this is so crazy

That's pretty cool. For Interview Magazine with Kathy, that's sweet. Amanda Lepore every time. I just can't believe I'm in the same room with her. And then RuPaul. I stand that RuPaul shit. I love it. I love RuPaul. And every time I'm around her, I just am like...

This is RuPaul. It's RuPaul. It's RuPaul. And you guys are like, you guys really, really know each other. That's crazy. I don't really know her. Okay, good. Okay, good. I maybe see her once every couple years. Yeah. If I do something Drag Race related. But I mean, she knows of me in the world.

world, but we don't really know each other. When you say she knows of you in the world, I would think she really knows you. I think she knows my face and my name. When I have seen her, she'll ask about little elements of my career. Yeah. Because she does follow the girls a little bit, so she'll know that one of us did a TV show, and she'll ask about it. But I don't really see her much, because I don't really do Drag Race anymore, and I haven't seen her since probably...

Pre-COVID? Oh, wow. Yeah. Interesting. I mean, I worship that shit. I love RuPaul. Her career is amazing because we talk so much about people like falling off or like careers doing this, but like

This also accommodates your career to have so much dynamics. You can have a big surge and then take some time for yourself and then come back. I think we think of being a performer as like you have to be at your height at all times. But like RuPaul, I mean, has had huge points of his life where he's just focused on himself and stepped away and then came back and had a huge career again.

Michelle doing seduction and then going away for a long time and then coming back and being Michelle Visage. I mean, I'm very inspired by these people whose careers have done this and it's a totally positive thing. Yeah. Because I feel like we talk about people's careers doing this and we always Iggy Azalea told me this once. She said, people love to see a plane take off and they love to see it crash. That's it. Oof.

And that's how celebrityism is, I think. No, really, truly. But that was... Iggy Azalea said that. Yeah. It's kind of poetic. It's really beautiful. Yeah. She was talking about, you know, like perception of that stuff. And she was like, people love a plane taking off and they love a plane crashing. Yeah. When it comes to like the public eye. It's really crazy. I really admire people who like...

you in a way, Zach Galifianakis, some of my musician friends, especially musicians more than comedians a lot of the time, but people who have access to fame and all of the stuff in LA and New York and that kind of thing and still have their thing back home and still have connection to whatever place they feel grounded in. Yeah, Katya and I are very lucky because we get a very comfortable level of fame because we don't look like that all the time. Yeah. And

people like love us but we can still we can like go to the grocery store and be a person yeah I can't imagine like you're Taylor Swift you can't go to CBS I'm not saying CBS is the end all be all but I love CBS yeah and like you like if you're Madonna you can't

How do you even go to the doctor? Yeah. How do you go to the dentist? They come to you, I think a lot, or they're like really private, specialized places where you have to go. It's so, yeah, it sucks. Your life is like taken from you. I have been describing fame recently as a famous, a process of separation.

You're getting separated from who you were before everyone was telling you about yourself all the time, positive and negative. You're separated from actual real life, like going to the dentist and the fucking grocery store. You're separated from the people you love because you're constantly working. Fame is just this process of separation where your life gets smaller and smaller and smaller until you feel like you're on an island.

And I think people who are mega ultra famous like that, like A-list, it has to feel like that. Yeah. Like I said, I mean, Katya and I, and I guess Trixie is like I get to be so lucky because I can go to the Trixie Motel and be very famous. Yeah. But I can go to the Apple store and no one cares. Yeah. I just can't imagine these people, their life. I remember hearing a story that Jennifer Lawrence has to – like when she goes home for Christmas, they have to like put –

covers over their windows because paparazzi would like try to photograph her and her family for christmas through the windows of their house i'm like that's so crazy and sad that fucking sucks yeah so i don't know well you don't want that but what i ask people on the show a lot what do you want what is what do you what do you want in like where are you going from here you've got a million things going on what do you actually want surface level there's a few things i want like immediately there's this place called mr charlie's do you know about this the fake mcdonald's

Yeah. On the, it's over by blood. So yeah. Yeah. And they have a vegan like happy meal. Yeah. But they've been out of gluten-free buns for like a month and I need them to get that shit together. That's like to me being out of being out of a gluten-free bun for a month, the Uber eats app says sold out. Is that my camera?

Stop it. Get the buns in stock because some people are like kind of sick of it. Yeah. Some people. Some people. I'm not going to say who. That's what I want right away. We're actually in the process of slashing prices in the Trixie multiverse. Like there's only seven days in the week and I'm trying to just maximize the time I'm in drag, do the most and have the most time off. Yeah. I need more time off. I'm taking a three month sabbatical. I don't know.

I love you taking a three-month sabbatical. I literally, you told me like two things before this recording and I said, do you fucking take a nap ever? You've got to take time off. You're doing way too much. Sorry to your fans, but you need some time. I am. And I always thought like workaholism was a superpower. It's not. No. Maybe it's a cancer. Honestly, at a certain point you need to like

It's like kind of a form of self-harm to overwork. Yes, it is. What are you gonna do on your sabbatical? Um, well, I'm still doing the podcast in the YouTube channel, so I'm still working but yeah, I really want to go to Japan Really? I really want to go to Egypt. Yeah I've always wanted to go to Africa. Yeah, one of my dreams is to go to Africa I really want to go to Alaska I want to go to Milwaukee for like a good three weeks and just chill because I have a little house there and just chill out I want to exercise

I just want to like chill. I want to read books. I really want to read Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat. The what? That Anne Rice novel about the gay vampires. Oh, I don't know it. Yeah, I want to read that.

I don't know. I just got that Stephen King book, The Tommyknockers. And starting a Stephen King book is such a process because they're so big and like not overwritten, but you really have to like do a rails of Adderall for the first five chapters to get invested. Because in the beginning, you're like, oh, my God, this is a five page section on the history of the dairy farm in this town. Yeah. Like, oh, my God. It's like so late. Yeah.

What else do I want to do? Well, you're going to come to Europe with me when I'm there. Yes. That's decided. I want to have pool parties. In LA? No. Yes, in LA. Yeah. I have a pool and a house in the big backyard and I've never had any pool parties. Have a pool party. Yeah, I want to have a pool party. You should get merch.

Just get merch for your pool party. I've been trying, all my friends who throw parties recently, I'm trying to get them to do merch. And I just think it's so funny to get extremely specific, like you invite 50 people over, extremely specific event merch for your 50 guests. Yeah, the Caleb Huron Backyard Cookout 1997. Literally, like a foam trucker hat that says, Trixie Mattel had a pool party on July 13th, 2024, and I was there. Yeah.

I think it's fucking hilarious. So then I'm selling things to my friends. I was kind of thinking you would give them out, but if you need the money, like a merch booth where I'm like, stop by. That's even funnier. Yeah. Stop by. Um, but also I want to do, I don't know. I have some dreams and goals, but honestly, at the risk of sounding, uh, making everyone hang up this podcast on me. So many of my biggest, wildest dreams have come true so early in my life that I'm

I didn't think this far ahead. I'm with you. Everything cool I ever thought could happen kind of already happened.

I relate 100%. I was not planning on getting, I wasn't planning on getting this far in general. I just kind of never, my whole life when I was a kid, I never imagined myself being this age. I didn't necessarily. You think you'd die? Kind of. Yeah. At certain points. I just growing up gay in Missouri, I just didn't know. I think what it was, if I had to pinpoint it is I had literally no example of what my life could look like because I was around no gay people and nobody like me. And now I'm here and I'm like, Oh, everything just kind of feels like gravy. I'm like, this is cool. I got here. Rock on.

Yeah. It feels good. And I don't think people are going to hang up the pot. I like, I'm liking this vibe. I like you telling the truth. Yeah. I'm in my post work era. Yeah. Like the last 10 years of working with Katya, who literally has a volatile response to any amount of work.

I'm like, she's onto something. Yeah. Cause I'm so extreme. I'm like, it's my day off. I'm going to schedule a real quick 12 hour work day. Yeah. That's not good. That's not right. So I'm trying to be more like her. She really values comfort and like creative juices and time off and taking care of herself. Like she really values work-life balance. Yeah. She does not live to work. And I really think that she has that figured out and I'm trying to adapt like more of that.

I want to see you relaxing. I want to see you relaxing bad. Even as a fan. I'm like, I want to see you fucking resting. I want to see some pics of you in Africa on a fucking safari. I want to see you chilling out. Because you deserve it. I'm ready for that celebrity era where I work like one day a week, but I'm breathlessly exhausted. Yeah. This is so LA. People who have rich parents are like, I've been so busy. I'm like, with what? Yeah. Yeah.

You don't work, bitch. What have you been doing? They've been at Erewhon. They went to the park. That's the thing that I love about LA, and I mean it. I love this, is that people are exhausted by having no job and just doing social obligations. Like, oh, God, I'm so sorry. I just, yeah, I was...

I had thing after thing this weekend. I had like a brunch and then a... It was like a brunch and then I just got in from Marrakesh and you're like, okay. Yeah, it's so funny to me and I actually adore it. I think it's camp. I think it's hilarious. Yeah. I love...

People who don't work but feel exhausted. I love it. Yeah. It's really awesome. It's chic as fuck. It's chic as fuck. To be doing nothing. It's camp. It's chic. It's all of it. To be doing nothing and be like, I'm absolutely beat. Yeah. I, last night, pulled out this box under my bed and had to go through all my turquoise jewelry.

And you're like, wow, are you okay? How did you do it? How did you get through? Are you going to be okay? How did you manage, babe? Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm like, oh, I was up in Fildrek at 9 a.m. Well, again... Doing the pit stop or some shit. I need you to find a happy medium between the sorting of the turquoise jewelry and...

you being like having 17 000 careers a day i don't like that for you i want you to find something in the middle but it's very barbie she's a pilot she's a nurse she's you know i've done she's president yeah you know tricksy's tricksy has like 40 jobs tricksy is very barbie yeah i wonder if there's a barbie era where she goes on vacation and doesn't pick up the phone a little bit like a lazy barbie lazy barbie oh when i tell you guys when i when i disappear from the public eye

The way I will be off the grid, no cell phone with a beard living under a waterfall in like greater Wisconsin. Like it will be so extreme. It will be survivor, man. I'll be survivor. What keeps you connected to Wisconsin? What keeps everything? I love Wisconsin. I'm like the unofficial spokesman of Wisconsin. Um,

The cheese is fierce. The beer is fierce. The Packers are fierce. Milwaukee Bucks is fierce. The bar culture. All the bars and restaurants have their own beers, own drinks. The snow is kind of fierce. Milwaukee as a city is great. Madison's great. Green Bay, Appleton Air is great. The country in Wisconsin, the countryside literally looks like postcards. You live in like a postcard. Yeah. It's crazy. I love Wisconsin. I mean, yeah, we got like serial killers and stuff, but...

I would say the real serial killer in Wisconsin is alcoholism. Yeah. You know, it's a lot less likely, you know, you're going to get serial killed.

Than you are. Libra failure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, cause I remember this article that was like the 20 drunkest cities in the United States and 14 of them were Wisconsin. Obsessed as it should be. People in Wisconsin are just, they're not here for a long time. They're here for a good time. And that's how it should be. Yeah. Everybody in Wisconsin is like, you know, by 30 you have literally two bum knees, a glass eye. Yeah. You're on the iron lung. Yeah. You know, you're like, uh, well after high school football, I embraced drinking heavily and now I, um,

you know, I just play cards on the weekends. That's it. Yeah. And you know, I went to beauty school and I was very grateful. Love the Avada Institute of beauty and wellness, but you also can get the same licensing by going to a salon and apprenticing. Yeah. You could get paid minimum wage to learn to cut hair. Yeah. And get your license. Why would we, why would any of us go to beauty school? I don't get it. In college. I got my hair cut, cut it a beauty school because it was like five bucks and I was so broke. Um,

And I went one time and this girl, I felt a pain in my neck when she was doing it. And she went, I'll be right back.

And she went and got her supervisor. And her supervisor was like, I'm so sorry. Obviously, the haircut's going to be on us. And I'm going to try to fix this. But there is a pretty big cut in the back of your neck. And I guess she had tried to like razor the back of my neck for some... I don't know why you would do it. But she had tried to like razor off the hairline and had just like sliced my back of my head open. And I was bleeding. And it was tough. Yeah, I saw some shit in beauty school, honestly. Like...

When I smell like a perm or something, it takes me back like Vietnam to like... The other thing is beauty school is like 18-year-old girls shaking hands, cutting people's hair. By the way, if you're going to beauty school, it's truly the most...

Let's just say you should have an open mind when you get in that chair. Yeah. But people who are very particular, why are you here? Why'd you go to beauty school? Like, why are you, if you're particular about your drivers, why are you at the driver's school? You know? And I saw some shit in beauty school. I saw some real shit, bitch. I mean, people, the blood, I can't tell you like when you're cutting a men's haircut and you're trying to like, and you cut a huge hole on the back of some guy's head and that's where you become Meryl Streep. And you go like, I'm just going to step away for a second.

And you go over to your instructor and you're like, come on here. Help. Fuck. And then you tell this instructor how bad you fucked up so that they go over like, let's just check it out. It's looking great. I'm just going to. And the instructor can usually fix something without you having to let the person know that they went off the tracks. Yeah. That's the back of their head. Yeah. So like everything fine back there. You're like, yeah. Oh, it's great. It's great. Thank you. I can just see your brain. That's all. But it's good. Yeah. You know,

I don't know. But things happened one time. Oh, my God. Because I used to trim guys' eyebrows. And when you trim a guy's eyebrows, you comb the hair directly up. And then basically, you would take your scissors and everything that's longer than the brow, you would go in and trim it off. And I tried to do it with clippers because I thought it would be cute. I cut off half this guy's eyebrow. No. And the way I did a comb over. Yeah. The way I got hair gel and back, took the brow hair and combed it over and was like, well...

Guess I just have to hope that he's planning on leaving the country tomorrow And he's never gonna come back here and beat the shit out of me because I mean I cut his eyebrow Did he notice I never saw him again. You never saw him again. I never saw him again Well, I got on drag race while I was in beauty school So I was in the middle of beauty school when casting called and was like we need to talk to you tomorrow So I had to leave in the middle so I didn't actually get to finish beauty school So now I gotta hear that fucking grease song every time I tell a story You should go back

You should finish beauty school. Make a show about that. Kind of like Revenge Body. Yeah. Where I go in there with like clad in the trappings of a rich person like furs. Yeah. I don't know what. Yell at them for me quitting. I don't know why I would go back. Yeah. Do you mean to get my education? I think you should go back and finish school. Like Billy Madison. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We should do that reality show where we send you back to beauty school and see if you can hang. I did have an idea for a reality competition show called Beauty Schooled. Yeah. Where people are basically in beauty school. They have no training. Like, we're cooks. And we're putting them through beauty school on the show. Where they have to do things like perms and fucking trimming bangs and stuff. I'm here for that. Could you imagine people giving shitty bang haircuts and crying on TV? Well, it'd be like Ink Masters where they get...

Have you seen Ink Masters? They get people who've never done tattoos? Well, no. They have tattoo artists, but they give them really specific, crazy challenges, and they get real-life humans to come and get them. And then they rank them. So they'll have like five people come and get a thigh piece from five different tattoo artists, and then they'll be like, that one looks the worst. And it's a real person who has that tattoo now. And it's like, yeah, we challenge them to do something they've never done before, and then they give you a bad thigh piece. Isn't that nuts? I honestly...

I don't pity the fool when it comes to tattoos because I am like, girl, every time you get a tattoo, you're rolling the dice. You better really like that artist. You better really like that artist and really not move and really put sunblock on it and all that. Yeah. Or I don't know what you want to happen. Luckily, Trixie gets tattooed a lot and luckily...

It's an easy tattoo. It's all lines. Yeah. You know, compared to like, if you were Courtney Act, a tattoo could just look like a woman. Yeah. But a Trixie tattoo is pretty easy to pull off because it's just like white lines, black lines. Triangles. Yeah. I see it. People have a lot of cool Trixie tattoos, but I don't have any tattoos and I'm always very flattered because I'm like, damn, like what if I come out as a serial killer tomorrow? We're going to drop you. And then you have tattoos of me. Yeah. Are you planning on doing that?

Move in silence. Don't announce your moves. You know, if I was going to do it, I wouldn't tell you. Right. And I would get away with it. I actually fully 100% believe that. And I believe I would too. But there's not that many active serial killers in the United States. Cause the other day I was, um, I reread this book. I love, um,

um about like final girls and i was like are there any real life final girls i was like i wonder if there's a story on the internet about like a girl in college who all her friends got murdered and she killed the killer none of that really happens yeah um usually the killer kills everyone yeah that's kind of how it is yeah there's not like a lot of horror movie scenarios where people get picked off one by one and the person gets caught yeah it's usually random victims yeah

Like, you know, if it's a friend group and someone's killing off people in the friend group, it's like you want them to catch you. Yeah. First of all, I'm also going into hiding. Right. The second that three of my friends in one friend group are dead, I'm like, I'm out of here for a bit. 100%. Y'all fucking figure it out. Especially like if you're friends with Sidney Prescott. Mm-hmm. Which I never would be because she's a high drama bitch. The second someone gets a paper cut, I'm out. See you, Sid. You want to date Sidney Prescott. Right. And then be surprised when you get shot. Don't be. Like, I'm out.

Do you know what they should you know what tv people should do? They should do a reboot of charm school and have you host it. Do you remember charm school with monique? Yeah, of course you would body that have you ever seen top model? Uh bits and pieces i've been watching david showed me top model this year. I'd never seen it tour That shit is amazing eight up eight down even eight um I feel that the conversation about which parts of it are not pc are a little tired because that show is 20 years old

Also, shut the fuck... I've had it. Old shows are not going to live up to today's standards. No. Stop. People will be like, this aged like milk. Shut the fuck up. Go outside. But it also means progress. Yeah. That's a good thing. That means the world is different now than it was 20 years ago. Great. Also, we need to get back to comedies. We don't make comedies anymore. Where are the raunchy comedies that actually make jokes about stuff? I'm like, this...

We need to be making fun of stuff. Everyone's going to be okay. If we make jokes about each other, everyone's going to be okay. But people are obsessed now. All the young people shows or the meetings you fucking have where I try to pitch jokes to these people for TV shows. And they're like... No kink at Pride. Ooh, no. No kink at Pride. No kink at Pride. The second I see a nipple at Pride, I'm fucking leaving. I'm out of there. That's not what this is about to me. Bring the cops in.

It's pride. I want us to go to the library, put on some nice slacks, drink a glass of orange juice and watch the news. Hello. That's what I want. Just a quick class of OJ on the news. You know what pride is. This is what I'm obsessed with. I think I talked about this on the ball and the beautiful, but I'm obsessed with Tik TOK consultation videos for hair where they're like, okay, let's sit in the chair and the person sitting and the person always has a fucking mop with just box hair dye. It's a mess. And that's why they're there. They're there to get fixed up and we love a good before and after. So you got to start with the mess. Yeah.

And then the woman or whoever is always like my pronouns or whatever. And the person in the chair says my pronouns or whatever. Love it. Progress. Love it. Love it. Love it. But then they say, can I touch you? Can I touch your hair? And I understand that there's consent involved.

How are we going to cut the hair without touching anyone? I mean, like at some point, it's like. How was that going to happen? Isn't it implicit in walking in here? Can I touch your hair? Oh, touching hair is part of this? I'm out. No, fuck no. I thought you were going to read from scripture and my hair was going to cut itself. Like what? Trixie, have you ever heard of a show called Style by Jury?

No. There is an old reality show called Style by Jury. I think it's maybe on YouTube or something. It was a show that was on television. And what they do is they bring in some horrible broken person that looks disgusting. And they put them in a room. So if I was the person, which I never would be because I'm gorgeous, in front of me there would be a two-way mirror that I can't see into. And behind it is a jury of 12 of your peers. And they are...

They are filming the jury. So you're just sitting there and the jury is going like disgusting teeth, needs a nose job, like hair is filthy, like truly like ripping them apart. And then they will later on show the contestant like what the jury said about them. And that's how they convince them to go on the journey. And then they get them dental surgery. There was one woman, Trixie. There was one woman.

Put it in. Insert it now. There was one woman who said she was also afraid of swimming and they said she's busted. She looks like a mother of four and she has no kids. What's wrong with looking like a mother of four? Well, in this show it was bad. And she said she was afraid of swimming. They told her she was getting a haircut. They took her to a pool.

They took her to a pool. They walked her in and there's a pool and they're like, you're going to swim today. Well, that's one of my favorite things about Top Model is the makeover. Yeah. Because let me tell you, if you're on Top Model and you have long hair, get ready for your aggressive little spike haircut. Guess what? There's a pixie incoming, bitch. Get ready. Get ready for Tyra to actually give you a six-year-old Dutch boy's haircut and then tell you to your face on camera that you look like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. Yeah.

She loves to be like, you're going to look like Mia Farrow and Rosemary's baby. And this person is Dennis the Menace in this haircut. Not Dennis the Menace. And this, you know, it's always like Kimberly from Nebraska who's been attached to her long, beautiful blonde hair her whole life.

sobbing and sometimes they get the haircut and then quit yeah so they get the haircut for nothing and they're always trying to justify too the clips I've seen on top of my head they're like I definitely see what Tiger was going for and like I do feel like it's gonna open up it's like bitch you are traumatized but also I'm sorry they're usually right oh yeah like they take the girls who are too soft and too pretty and they give them edge yeah and then the girls with too much edge they kind of split the difference yeah I think and I will say this about

It's a lot like Drag Race where Tyra's a little insane. Yeah. That bitch knows what she's talking about. She is on it. She has been Tyra for years. And she's a performer. I would listen to her if she tells you, hey, that look will actually get you booked more. Yeah. She's probably telling the truth. When RuPaul says, oh, just make it funny and it'll work better and you'll be able to sell your book or whatever. She's probably telling the truth. Yeah.

She's never going to lie to you. Can I say something crazy? And I wonder if you'll give a fuck at all about this. I have never seen an episode of Drag Race. Really? Yeah. Never won. Let's unpack that. Let's unpack that. Because at a certain point. I've never seen it.

So you're a pick-me girl? No, bitch. I'm not a pick-me girl. I love the term pick-me girl. I'm not a pick-me girl. I was watching fucking Love is Blind. That's my shit. Love is Blind is my shit. I want to host that so bad. I would love to host a dating show because I love love. I love love. You'd be great at a dating show. I get so invested. I cry watching those dating shows. Love, love, love. And nobody holds those bitches to the fire like I do. I'm going to hyperventilate. I forgot what I was talking about.

You're talking about wanting to host a dating show. Oh, I like blacked out. Okay. In those shows, they recently had the finale of Love is Blind and they kept calling each other a pick-me girl. Yeah.

But that show by nature is people dating and saying, pick me. So I love that. Yeah, obsessed. And then they were saying, you're not a girl's girl, which means like you value your female friendships more than male friendships. Not if the show is about dating, male-female dating. I'm here for the guy. We should all not be girl's girl. Like if you're a girl's girl, go over to the ultimatum queer love edition with the lesbians. That's the girl's girls. In a male-female dating show environment.

You might be a girl's girl at home, but now's the time to be a dating, a boy's girl. A boy's girl. Because you're dating on TV right now. Yeah. Did you watch the Ultimatum, the queer love edition? I've never seen any of that. Bitch. It was the best, some of the best television I've ever seen in my life. Why? Because the show Ultimatum, I feel like I'm the commercial for Netflix right now because all we watch is Netflix. Yeah.

Basically, it's a show where let's say you and your wife, because everyone thinks you're straight. Let's say you guys are, one of you gets to marry, the other doesn't, and you've been given an ultimatum. And it's like 10 couples like that. You all get together and you date each other's spouses, like round robin. And then after a week, you all get together and you have to pick someone else at the table to be your temporary spouse for a month where you live together and date and have sex and all that.

And then at the end of it, you decide whether or not you want to go back to your relationship. This is on television? Yes. What? Honey, yes. And then if you think that's crazy, the lesbians, it's gas on a fire because these perfectly basically happy female couples mix and matching round robin, like Red Rover, Red Rover, send your girlfriend right over. I'm going to

pussy yeah is so fucking crazy and they're like living together dating and the lesbian drama is like i can't believe you won't sleep in bed with my dog like it was so fierce and then sometimes i mean the beauty of it is sometimes couples learn that like the grass is not greener at the end of it i love who i'm with and we're getting fucking married and that always makes me cry i

I love it. Yeah. And then sometimes this is the catalyst that gets people out of a relationship that's run its course. So the show is sadistic in a way, but it creates change in these dynamics where like something's got to give. Yeah. So it makes people realize to really choose each other or not choose each other. And a lot of times it's overdue. Do you think you and David would survive a show like this?

I think if he didn't want to be with me, he would have left already. It would be done already. Yeah. The show wouldn't cause this. Because we moved in together last year. We waited six years to move in together. Wow. Yeah. We opened the motel before we lived together. Whoa. Yeah. I have problems. Space problems. And when we got together, I thought like, of course it's great to live together. How annoying I am. I can feel it. Yeah. I can feel it. What are you being annoying about? What is your problem? I'm so annoying. If you don't pay attention to me.

I'm coming in for that attention. David will be watching TV peacefully and I will go lay directly in front of like the line of sight from him to the TV. I'll go lay this close with my face and smile and be like, do you want to talk about something? Cause I'm here. That's so, I noticed you haven't talked to me in a while. So annoying. I would love it, but that's so annoying. You're so right. Like I'm in the sunroom doing my little watercolor, listening to my headphones. Um, and I'll just be like, I'm in here.

He's like, okay. He's like, and? Totally. Totally. Yeah. But okay. Awesome. Yeah. The longer I'm just like, I'm so annoying and poor him. Poor him. But like I said, he would have left already. Yeah. He would have been gone. He would have been gone. I would never do a show like that because even having David on Trixie Motel, that to me was always like the final frontier of my life I was not interested in sharing. Yeah. But we did season one. The network was like, well...

Home shows, rental shows are all about the family unit. If you're going to own this motel with your partner, you got to have him on the show. That's half the story. So it was really weird and weird to have him on TV. And that is strange. I never thought that part of my life would be very public, but it was actually fine. Yeah.

- Well we have a segment for you. I have a true/false segment for you. Are you ready for this? - Yeah. - What's gonna happen is I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. There is a right answer. And if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you $50, Trixie, which I know. - Is this really real? - This is real. And it would go a long way for you right now, I know. - Who else has won it? - Oh God, who's won? - How many do I have to get right? - You have to get 10 or more out of 15. - Okay. - Okay? Here we go. - I just poked myself in the eye. - Well don't do that.

Okay. France used the guillotine for capital punishment until 1981. False. True. Computer mouse speed is measured in mickeys. False. True. Wait a minute. Let's take a break. I don't like this. You're in it now. Barbie's hometown is the fictional town of Willows, Wisconsin. Isn't it like Willow Creek or Two Willows? I'm going to say true. It's true. Dolly Parton's husband's name is Stedman Graham. True. False. Carl Dean. Doritos are flammable. False.

True. True. The Philippines have the most islands of any country. False. False, Sweden. Larry Bird is the all-time leading scorer in the NBA. False. False. It's LeBron James. Did I already lose? No. Goats have rectangular pupils. Did I already lose the money? No, babe. Okay. True. It's true. Oh, fuck. I want this $50 so bad. Colgate was founded in 1806.

True. True. Cindy Lauper has a black belt in jujitsu. That's true. That's false. I thought if I confidently said it, you would just go along with it. I was like, you said it so confidently, I reconsidered the answer. Yeah. Humans share 50% of our genes with bananas. That's true. That's true. Can I tell you this? When we did the Netflix standout special with all those queer comics, they didn't invite you. That's horrible. Yeah. Cindy Lauper was supposed to... Cindy...

We did that queer comedy. You weren't there. You weren't booked. Oh, I'm sad. I kept asking where you were. I said, where's Caleb? They said, who is that? Well, people thought you were straight. They thought you were straight. Shut up, bitch. They thought you were straight. They said, who is that? No.

You are such a bitch. They said, Cindy Lauper was supposed to be there. She was supposed to end it by singing Girls Just Want to Have Fun with Rosie O'Donnell while Rosie O'Donnell played the drums. I know. And Rosie O'Donnell was playing the drums to Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And they were like, Cindy's not going to be here because of a COVID scare. We need you to sing Girls Just Want to Have Fun. So the special ended at the Greek with me singing Girls Just Want to Have Fun while Rosie played the drums. Yeah. And why not? The audience was like... They're like, what? What?

They were like looking around. They were like, I think they were looking for like Tosh.0 to come out and be like, we're just kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke. Exactly. It was crazy. You're not storing your way out of my segment. Humans share 50% of our genes with bananas. Did you answer that one? That's true. That's true. New Orleans is the capital of Louisiana. That's not true. It's Baton Rouge. Correct. It's false. It's Baton Rouge. Yes. Phantom of the Opera is the highest grossing Broadway show ever.

I think it's cats. False. It was Lion King, but I'll take that as false. We've got two more. Human noses and ears never stop growing. That's true. That's true. Blue whales eat 500,000 calories in one mouthful. Honey, call me a blue whale. Me and the blue whale. Yeah. True. How'd she do? Let's go! Congratulations, honey. I know times have been tough. Oh, my God. Maybe we can get you some makeup or something. I don't know what you...

People need, but I really needed that. Trixie, thank you so much for being on. This was a blessing. I can't believe I have to leave. I can't believe you have to leave, but you do. The police are here and they're going to escort you out, but I'd love to see you in some other context sometime. Yeah, I love hanging out with you. Well, you know what you should do? We should do a week where when you're in Milwaukee, I come up and see you and then you come down to Kansas City and stay at my place. Girl, Miss KC. Come down to Kansas City. What's the bar there? Isn't Mohart from there?

I think... Who's from Kansas City, Brendan? What was that bar there? We went to a bar there that was really nice. Missy B's? Big bar. It had like a balcony upstairs, an outdoor area. Oh, you're thinking of Fountain House. Maybe. Maybe.

It was so fun. It was a gay bar? Yeah, yeah. We had a really good time. Yeah. Kinsey is awesome. There's like seven gay bars in Kinsey. It's a very gay town. Yeah. People don't know this. It's lovely. Yeah, it was really nice. You should come see me. Let's make it happen. We should hang out. Okay. I love you. Thank you for doing this. You're going on tour in June, is it? Yeah, June. Instead of doing a bunch of Pride gigs this year, I'm basically traveling with my party, Solid Pink Disco, and dropping it in cities during Pride. Yeah. So your Pride has a little adjunct faculty party. Hell yeah. A little extra party. So...

All over New York, Silver Spring, Maryland, Philadelphia, Boston, Nashville, all kinds of cities. Oh my God. I'm going to come to one. Yeah. They're really fun. Everyone, the whole audience head to toe wears pink. Yeah. All the visuals are pink. All the go-go's are in pink. It's like, and it's all disco music. It's, it's amazing. Maybe I'll come to Nashville.

It's so fun. Oh, I'm going to come. This is so fun. It's really fun. And your podcast and your YouTube. Everyone knows where to find you. Everyone fucking loves you. I'm your biggest fan. At this point on the internet, if you haven't seen me, you've actively avoided me. Yeah, you're almost out of it. I'm like trolling. I'm like a Mormon. Like, have you heard the good news? Like, I'm coming to, you know. You're on there. Door to door. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we love you. Thank you for being here. Bye.

We'll cut all the stuff the fat phobic stuff you said and all the classes stuff as well. No, you can keep that. Okay And I can and I can dub it I can read up it if you want Oh my god, thank you so much. Of course, um, if you could you have like five minutes to do some patreon questions? Yeah, but time we I've never seen it. Sorry. I breezed right past that. Oh, not a lot, baby I was like she don't wanna talk about it. Oh, no, I've never seen it. Why?

I just never have. I don't know. And I'm a friends with a lot of the Queens. I love, I love. There's an opportunity here for you because now you can go in and like respond to it in real time. You could watch it for the first time and do another pod, like recapping it for the first time, knowing nothing. And have Queens on. Yes. Cause, um,

Nicole Byer did a show where she recapped like newcomers. Yeah. Yeah. You could do that with drag race. That is a really good idea. Trixie. And you could get another gay person who has never seen it. Yeah. Straight person, straight guy or something. Yeah. And go through it. And you could do like, you could honestly do like a season at a time. You wouldn't even have to do episode by episode. That is a really good idea.

I might need to do that. Kati and I are going to recap season seven, I think, because we haven't seen it in 10 years. Yeah. Was one of you on it? We were both on it. You were both on that one? Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay.