The BEST Night of My Life
36:48 Share

Hello! Good morning everybody. I wanted to film today's episode for you in my car but I cannot find my keys anywhere and when I say I have looked everywhere. I may never be able to drive that car again and the worst part is I have two sets of keys to stop this from happening and here I am, it's still happened. Good thing I don't have anywhere important to be. As those words have left my mouth I have realised I have to go pick my dog up from the vet because she's just had surgery. They're gonna call me honestly any minute.

So this is bad timing all around, but wait, I'm wearing two jumpers and now I feel like, now I feel icky because I was going to wrap up warm to go in my car because it's cold today. And now I just feel icky. I wish I could show you my outfit. I'm pretty cool. Pretty cool. Yeah. The story of today is I woke up at like,

I don't know, half eight. And I went to bed at like three because, oh my God, because I went. So, okay, wait, let me tell you about last night because that was the best night of my life. Like I...

I have always wondered when I'll be able to say like, oh, I had one of the best nights of my life. Cause I've never felt that way about like any night I've ever had. Do you know what I mean? I've never like enjoyed clubbing or going out, even like nights where I've gone out and had a great dinner with like family and friends and we've laughed and we've got drunk and we've gone home and I've been so happy. I'm like, yes, these are amazing nights. But like, I wouldn't say it's like, oh, the best night of my life. Like something so amazing happened. Guys, I think yesterday, like last night,

was one of, will go down in the history of my life as like a top, so far, it's like a top three night, probably top one. But like, I shouldn't say that. I should be like, no, that night I spent with like my family laughing was like top one. Like, no. For now, last night was one of the best nights of my so far little life, right? And what I did was

I have been a passenger fan since I was 15, maybe before. Like, I... No, I must have been 15 because I remember who introduced me to them and I only knew them when I was 15. It was my first relationship.

Bro, Passenger has been top three of my played artists since I was 15 every single year on Spotify. Like every single year he's been top three. Now, reason for that is not just because I love his music, but I have an anxiety playlist and it has four songs on it. Passenger makes up two of those four songs. I know what it is about songs. I think it's the BPM in them or just something that I have them associated with.

But they are the only songs that can help me down from like my heart racing. Like if I'm on my way to having a panic attack, I will always put this playlist on. And I don't know what it is. Like it's nothing to do with the lyrics. It's nothing to do with anything like special. Something about the way they sound. And I think it's because it's been like what six years of me doing this that my brain like associates them with being okay now because like I've always survived.

I listen to them every single time I'm going to lose my shit and it works. Now, the one song on that playlist that I click first, listen to first when shit's really hitting the fan, it's not Passenger. It's Ed Sheeran and it's Small Bump. And maybe that is not the coolest thing that's ever come out of my mouth, but I fucking love that song. And I think the reason that it calms me

is because when I was like 15, I had like one of the worst, oh my God, cute. I had like one of the worst nights of my life because I had really bad emetophobia. If you don't know what that is, it's like a big fear of vomit. But for me, it wasn't just like a bit scared of it. It was like, I had just been homeschooled for three years. I had just been housebound for three years. I was literally agoraphobic. And then for my final year of school, I'd found a really good therapist. Finally, me and my mom had found the right therapist for me. And then I was like,

Everyone was like, you need to go back to school to get your GCSEs. So halfway through year 11, I went back into normal school and started to go, which was terrifying for me because I didn't leave the house out of fear of catching an illness. And then suddenly I was leaving the house all the time. Then my sister comes home with a stomach bug. Oh, nightmare. And I'm chilling at night, whatever. I'm on my phone. And then I hear her throw up. And I was like... And then I shove the only headphones I had at the time, which were these...

They were stringed ones and they were pink and they were probably from like WH Smith. But they had those little rubbery bits on the end that like basically made them like noise cancelling, like earplugs. And I put them in and I put my phone up on full blast because I did not want to hear it. I cannot. Oh, my God, I could not hear it.

And the song I had just discovered at the time was Small Bump by Ed Sheeran. And I just really liked the song. So I played it on repeat for, I think, three days. I didn't take those earphones out for one second for three days. ♪

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world. Feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online or visit the website to find a store near you.

This episode is brought to you by Vitamin Water. So much of what the world is obsessed with starts out in New York City. It's a place full of style and character that has something for everyone. With a range of flavors to meet any kind of taste, it's no wonder Vitamin Water was born there. Colorful, flavorful, anything but boring, Vitamin Water injects a daily dose of vibrancy into a watered-down life. Grab a Vitamin Water today. Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of Glasso.

The next day, and this is still in my mind the biggest feat of my entire existence, the next morning I got up and I went to school. Partly because I didn't want to be in the house, but you guys don't understand how, maybe you do, and if you do, I'm actually sorry, but like, if you understand how scared I was to leave the house on a regular day,

Because if there was two things, one, I could pick up a sickness outside of the house, terrible, terrifying. Then I would get sick, what, a day later, a couple days later. Or I could have previously had an illness that is now going to occur to me. I'm going to come down with it while I'm out the house. Then I'm at my comfort zone and that just can't happen. Right. So I'm like, fuck, I very well could have caught whatever this is from my sister. She's obviously very unwell, but I still went to school. And that is the craziest thing to me. Like, would I even do that now? No.

Now I'm probably just a bit lazy, but like I got up and I went out. I remember, I remember taking my school uniform from my room with my earphones still plugged in, like these long stringy pink earphones plugged

And I picked up all my clothes and I went down to the downstairs bathroom because there was no way I was going to go in the bathroom my sister had been throwing up in. So I go all the way downstairs to the bathroom. And then I, with my earphones still in, managed to put all of my clothes on. Jumper, blazer, hoodie, whatever the fuck my school uniform was at the time. I put everything on without taking a single second of those earbuds out of my ear, washed my hands vigorously and went to school. And then I also had to go to therapy that day, which is

a very interesting therapy session because he was also like this CAMS guy so I remember I went in to my therapist appointment that day and I'd seen this guy for like a couple years because the state like forced me to and then they were like he was like well I think you're all better like I don't think I need to see you anymore and I was like you're so right I'm so better bye and that was like the worst day of my life because it was definitely a day where I needed a therapist to be like are you good and I'd have been like no but I coped with it like an actual start I don't know

Yeah, I'm not even that cool now. Like, I'm not even that put together now. Like, now I'd be, like, crying in a ball on the floor of someone I lived with who was, like, vomiting all night. Oh, God. Anyway. What the fuck was my point? Oh, so basically, yeah. So I went to the passenger concert last night and...

Oh my God. Like it was in a church and everyone had to be seated. So we were all seated in pews and I actually didn't sit because we were at the top. There's like, I was a big church and there was like a top bit, like in a stadium. And we were like at the very back cause we came in about 10 minutes late.

And I was already a little bit wine drunk because I don't drink, right? But from the second I knew about this concert, well, even before I knew about the concert, I was like, if I ever go to a passenger concert, I'm bringing a glass of wine and I'm going to stand in the corner, I'm going to cry. So that is exactly what I did. And I'm not going to wrong because I was in church and I'd had a lot of wine, but I was standing there and I was watching, but I

It was the most magical experience of my life. Like, hearing that song, oh my god. And he is so talented. It's actually... It's actually fucking insane. And I usually don't go to a concert for the right reasons. Like, usually...

If I'm going to go to a concert, I'm probably going because I fancy the person or like there's some kind of other like evil, teary motive that I have of the night. Because this is going to sound really bad. I actually don't really give a fuck about music. And in addition to that, I don't give a fuck about hearing music live. I have my phone for a reason. I don't know. I'm a pessimist. Same way. I hate theaters. I hate watching movies in the cinema. I don't want to go to a live music concert unless I'm a huge fan. Like,

I went to Sabrina Carpenter and I enjoyed it. I went to Passenger and I enjoyed it. I can't name you another concert that I've been to that I genuinely give a fuck about. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just there for fun, but I'm not like, oh my God, I love this song. Like, that just, I just don't care. Oh, actually, you know what? I tell a big lie. I went to, I'm not sure how you say the name. I think it's Paris, but they spell it P-V-R-I-S. And it had that one girl in it, Lynn Gunn.

Oh my God. But again, I did have an evil ulterior motive that night because I had a massive crush on Lynn Gunn. And that's the only reason I went. Equally, I used to go to a lot of Declan McKenna concerts purely because I had a massive crush on his drum girl. I think her name was Gabby or Gabrielle. I just go to look at her. I also liked Declan McKenna, but again, like ulterior motive. But this one, I just went because I just wanted to hear the songs. And it was crazy. I've been the biggest fan of him for the longest time.

I didn't even know what he looked like until like this year. Like I'd never wanted to, I'd never been curious. Like I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know anything about him. I didn't want to know where he's from, how old he was. The skeletons in his closet. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know if there was a bad interview. I didn't want to know anything. I just wanted to listen to his music because I feel like this is so cringe and you'll have to forgive me and just forget that I said this after I've said it, cause we're going to move on very swiftly. But I think that he literally taught me how to love through his words. Now listen, that's really cringe and embarrassing. It didn't come from me, but like,

The way that he talks about love in his videos and videos and his songs, the way that he talks about love in his songs and just the way that you can just tell that he loves these people that he's singing about and the way that his his mind, sorry, nearly broke something. And the way that you can see that his mind is working and the way that you just you can just tell that he is working genuinely. I'm pretty sure he like formed the way that I love. And it helped that I found out about him during my first relationship because I'd obviously listen to him all the time and his like love songs and shit.

That is cringe. That is so embarrassing. But I don't know. I like songs that guide my, I don't know, guide my emotional state. I remember when I was like, I don't know. I remember I read this thing once and it was like, music shapes the way people see the world by a certain percent or in a certain, it was like a, it was like borderline academic, what it was saying. And I was like, I remember at the time, that's not true. Like, because I could sit here right now and listen to like five hours worth of Screamo

Like, I don't know. Or like I could sit here and listen to like angsty, like pierce the veil kind of music, My Chemical Romance. I could sit here and listen to that, but I'm not going to view the world any differently, I don't think. And then I have gone back to that thought probably a million times over the course of years since I've heard that statement. And now I think it's so true because like the music that I've listened to consistently for years is

is the way that I think and it's the way that I feel. And that is why I'm so proud of myself for having great taste in music. And I'm not pretentious about that. Like I like pop music. Anyway, so other than the fact that I got to see Passenger live and obviously that was genuinely the best night of my life. And the fact that it was in church and it was just him and his guitar. Oh my God. Anyway, it just so happened. And this was unbeknownst to me until it happened. That Ed Sheeran was there as well. Listen, I'm not going to be lame.

But those two men, unfortunately, they are accompanied by Justin Bieber. I was 15 when I made the playlist. It's not my fault that it still calms me down. They are the two men that I genuinely think birthed me. Like one of them was pregnant. One of them's a dad. I don't know which way it is. They won't tell me. But they both have calmed me down. Genuinely. What was it last year? I think...

It was like 600, was it 6,000 minutes that I'd listened to Ed Sheeran. And I'm only listening to one song, like no offense, but like I'm only listening to Small Bump because it's the one on my playlist. It's the one on my anxiety list. And I think I did the math and I was like, God, how many panic attacks is that? And it worked out to about two a day. So it's not that bad. Yeah, I'm thriving clearly. But like seeing them together, I did not know what to do.

It was a very, very, very, very surreal night. I will probably never recover from it. And then they sang a song together. Luckily, they did not sing a song together that is on my anxiety playlist because I think if they did, I probably would have committed a crime or just cried. Or both. Probably would have committed a crime while crying. I don't know. I don't know. But luckily, they just sang Let Her Go together.

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world. Feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online or visit the website to find a store near you.

And then I went home and on the way there and on the way back, I sang passenger songs in the car very loudly and very well, might I add. And it was just like genuinely the funnest night I have had in years. Like, no, it wasn't even like fun because we didn't like it was just fun to see him live. I don't know. Like, I usually do not care to see people live like at all.

I am really nervous that the vets is going to call me because they're due to give me a call literally any second and be like, she's ready. The reason I'm in my mom's house where I grew up right now and not my flat in London is because I... First of all, I needed a break mentally from that flat because the way it pisses me off is surreal. Like...

When I moved, like, and I'm not going to stand here and complain because I'm very, very lucky to even have a flat in London. Like, it's insane to me. But I don't know. I don't think I have autism. I don't think that I have it. Because, like, ADHD, like, I get it. I see it. But I was like, no, there's no way I have it. Like, I would have been diagnosed. Like, there's no way. Like, I have autism.

Bear in mind, guys, I am someone who has had interventions my whole life. Okay. Like from age four, people have had to be involved with me. Okay. Cause I struggled as a child. I've always had some, someone on my case from somewhere like a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist is always someone involved with me. But from, from four, right? Like this shit has been going on for me for a long time. And so I was like, no, if I have anything, trust me,

Trust me, it's been picked up. Turns out, no, why did no one tell me I have ADHD? It's not even like I have a touch of it. It's like I scored very highly on those tests, right? He was like, I really don't know how no one's picked it up, given your history. And also, you've done a great job at handling it. So you should really like give yourself a fucking break. And I was like, oh, I'll cry about that later. Anyway, I don't know what it is.

I cannot handle noise. When there is noise that is out of my control and out of place, it unleashes an anger in me. It's like I get so overstimulated and I cannot cope.

And I can cope with most things, but I cannot cope for some reason with the slightest amount of white noise. I don't know what the fuck it is. If I'm in my flat and I can hear the road outside, I don't care because I get that it's a road. It doesn't worry me. I'm like, no, that's the road. An ambulance could be going past, blaring at sirens. I'll be like, all good. The second I hear my neighbor take a step, I don't know why.

I can't handle it. It literally makes my whole body tense up. I genuinely feel my ears prick up. Like I'll hear them scrape their chair across the floor and I'm like, oh, I don't know what it is. And basically I said this to my landlord because it's something I've learned about myself the hard way. Because I used to just like live in crappy flats at university. And I was like, why am I so miserable and stressed all the time? And I'm always like filled with rage. And it was because my housemates were obviously loud. Like, of course they are, it's university life.

like of course they are at university like people are gonna make a lot of noise at every hour of the day and I could not handle it like it made me so upset that in my final year of uni I lodged with a family with a they had a curfew and I was like I fucking love this they went to bed at 10 because they had a kid and I just lodged with them in their spare room it was really it was it was it was great but it was it was really nice but anyways um

So like I know this about myself, right? I figured this out at university. I cannot handle noise from unknown sources. Or I think what it actually is, is when it's unexpected snippets of noise. Like with the road, there's always going to be cars going back and forth. It's like a consistent flow of noise and it doesn't bother me. But when it's like a scrape of your chair leg here, a cough here, a random loud footstep there.

you're running your vacuum now. Now you're running your washer. I lose my fucking mind because I don't know when to expect it. And it's just like a never ending tour. It's like, it's like, what is it? It's like, it's like Chinese water torture for me. Like you never know when the next one's coming and it hits you. And when it hits you, it's like someone's punched your entire body. And I'm like, Oh my God. Like, it's crazy. I can't do it.

And my dad is the exact same way. And he has autism. So I don't know, maybe that's something to look into. But anyways, so, oh, so I said this to the landlord upon viewing the flat. I was like, listen, I have an issue with noise. Like I, it's like an abnormal issue with noise. I cannot do it. You need to be honest with me. Will I hear my neighbors? Like, can I hear my neighbors? And bear in mind, my flat is top floor. So I should only have

downstairs neighbors creating noise, which is much more tolerable to me than upstairs neighbors creating noise. Cause like that hearing footsteps above your head is the worst, but like for some reason, noise doesn't really travel the other way. Like I never hear my downstairs neighbors walk around. You know what I mean? So I'm like, look, noise is an issue for me. Just let me know if it's not the right flat for me. I will continue looking. Someone else is obviously going to take this flat. He was like, no, you'll never hear anything. Like I've lived here before myself. It's really quiet. And I was like, perfect. Love it.

You know what the worst part of this whole situation is? Someone else offered more money than me on my flat. And my landlord was like, hey, like there's a competing offer. Do because I offered below the asking price is that there's a competing offer. I prefer you as a tenant. Do you want to offer the same as them? Which now looking back, I got scammed. But he was like, you want to offer the same as them? It's asking price and then I'll give it to you.

I oh my god saying it out loud I'm actually so stupid I definitely got scammed anyway so I was like okay fine asking price it wasn't that much of a difference anyway so I was like fuck it I am bored of flat hunting I like this flat he says it's quiet he's a nice landlord I'm just gonna take it it works for me so I move in and on day one I'm woken up at 6am by the loudest noise I have ever heard in my life I like jolt out of bed like what the fuck was that

Next door, the wall that adjoins my living room and my bedroom, I share a wall with them, is undergoing major construction works and has been for a year and will be for another six months. And when I say major construction, the first two weeks of 6am starts of drilling and banging and

I thought, fuck it. I do need a sleep schedule reset. I don't want to be a Karen. And I just felt bad complaining. So I was like, no, I need a sleep reset anyway. I am just going to see the bright side of the situation. The good thing is, and the reason it didn't piss me off that bad, is they stop at 3 p.m. every day. And then it's quiet and it's lovely. Other than the various other noises you actually can hear from that apartment, which I specified I didn't want to hear. But it's fine. They stop at 3 p.m. So I was like,

I'm not going to complain. You know, at least I can get to sleep at night. Yes, they start early in the morning, but I'd much rather be woken up than prevented from going to sleep. You know what I mean? So I sit with it and I'm like, this is fine. And then one day on the fifth hour of them drilling directly into the wall that I share my living room with and being unable to think or film anything, I was like, I'm just going to go ask when they're going to be done. You know what I mean?

So I go down and I'm like, hey, I live next door. I was just wondering, because I can't find planning permission anywhere. I was just wondering, what are you doing? And when are you going to be done? Because it's loud. And they were like, oh, sorry if it bothers you. We're done in February. And I was like, oh, OK, cool. February is six months away at this point. I'm like, OK. Let me tell you how to do your job.

Because obviously I know. Fuck. God, if people would just let me run the world, things would just be so much better for everyone. So I came home because I was like, you know, they have to do their jobs and I have to do mine. So I need to...

do what's going to work for me. So I just came home to the countryside because clearly I can't handle a city living. So I came home and it's much nicer. It's perfectly quiet. And I, well, the actual reason I came home is because my dog has to get spayed today. Poor little thing. She's probably lying on the table right now.

But what I was really scared of is was that she was going to just like die because I have been seeing TikToks all week being like, yeah, my dog went in for a basic surgery and just dropped dead because of the anesthesia. Pardon, I have indigestion. I don't know. I love being home. Like I've realized about myself that I am truly a little country girl. I love the city and I want to live in the city because I have like this vision of like

I don't know, just, I just don't want to say that I spent my 20s in the countryside. Like, I don't want to have to say that. I want to feel like I'm independent and just doing life. Like, I want to feel like, I don't feel like I'm living life when I'm down here. I feel like I'm taking a break, which is great because I often need that. But like, I do like city. I do like the city, right? I like city living. But every time I come home, because home is more of like a

I guess because I don't live here anymore. It's more of like a game when I come home, like cosplaying country person. And I hop in my little car and oh my God, let me actually, I hate, hate when people tell me that I need to get a new car. Guys, it's not about what I can afford. It makes me so angry. I'm like, she can obviously afford a new car.

Yeah, no fucking shit. I could afford a new car when I worked minimum wage. My car is worth 400 pounds. Or maybe it was 500. It's not the point. Of course I can afford a better car. Of course I can. But I don't want one. I really like my car. I really like my car. Like, it is a weird little thing that I have with that car. Because, like, I've had an old crappy car before and I fucking hated it. Like, I had a Peugeot 107.

which is like not old enough to be cute, but definitely old enough to be crappy. And I just hated it. And the interior was ugly and it leaked and it wasn't nice. I wanted a nice new car.

couldn't afford one, bought the car I have now and I just like it. I like the way I feel when I'm driving it. Like when I was a kid and I would see like the cars that my friends' parents would drive, they all looked very similar to the one that I drive right now. And so that's kind of what I envision. Like when I grow up, I'll have one of these, right? And now I have one. It excites me. Like I can't explain it. It fucking excites me. Every time I get into it, I like it. I like the color. I like that it's green. And I find it fucking funny. Like I like what I like.

Leave me alone. Why does my car bother so many people? It's not that I can't afford a new car. Duh, I can. Everyone knows that people make money off YouTube. It's not hard. I'm not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes and be like, oh no, I've never done a brand deal. Bitch, I just like the fucking car I drive. And here's the thing. If I needed a car...

like to go back and forth from like work every day. Like I would have 100% had to get, like I would have to have a new one by now. Like even I used to, the place that I worked before I started all this was, it was exactly an 11 minute drive from my house. I know that because I would leave with exactly 11 minutes to spare before my work started, before my shift started. And if I was still doing that commute every day, even just 11 minutes, I would have to get a new car, but I'm not.

Like I drive that car once every couple of weeks and the furthest I go is Starbucks. I don't go anywhere in it. You know what I mean? Like it is, I mean, actually, no, I do because when my friend is home, so my like proper little hometown friend, she was my friend from school. Basically, let me explain this better. The way that I met this girl is so cute. So I moved to my sister's school and I had no friends for a whole year. I had no friends. Then I went up a year

Which meant I was like in the same part of the school as my sister, like the older kid part of the school. And I said to her, well, now I'm just going to hang out with you all the time because I have no friends. And she was like, absolutely fucking not. No, you're not. And on the first day of school, as I'm like tagging around behind her, she takes me and she puts me in front of this girl. And she's like, this is my sister, Madeline.

Be her friend, please. Because she's like following me around. And then she walked off. And that girl is one of my best friends to this day. And I love her so much. And anytime that she's home, because she's a vet student, so she's like still at university, we basically drive around together.

aimlessly for hours and hours it's always been something that we've done we just get in the car and we drive both of us have dogs now so sometimes we'll walk them but more to the point we'll just get in the car and we'll put the heating on and we'll drive we'll get like a mcdonald's drink and we'll drive around on the forest for hours because we really live in the middle of nowhere and it's so cute to just drive around but it's also just like soothing you don't have to talk or you can talk it's just nice we used to like hop out of this one place and go sit on the rocks it was it's just like

So soothing to me. And I'm going to try and do an episode in my car with her if I ever find my car keys. Guys, my mom, I just texted my mom and I was like, hey, we can go pick the dog up at three, by the way. And she's like, okay, shall I drive us? And I was like, oh, I'm glad you fucking offered because genuinely I...

Watch me go out to look in the car and they're in the ignition from the last time I drove it three weeks ago. I would not be surprised if that's the case. Also, I think I'm lactose intolerant. My tummy hurts because I had a bottle of Cocoa Pops before I filmed this. Also, it's been kind of relaxing, like strangely luxurious filming this in my kitchen because normally I would be like shivering in my car, but...

Yeah, I'm pretty warm this time. Anyway, guys, I have a therapy call in 10 minutes. Wait, it could be right now. I have it in my calendar. It was either 2.20 or 2.30. 2.30. It is so lucky that I just remembered that. This is how you know I'm not thriving right now because yesterday I had my scheduled weekly call with my therapist. And then at the end of it, he goes...

Are you free tomorrow at half two? I'm just going to give you a call and check in. I said, what? I've been seeing this man for two years. He's never done that. He's like, no charge. I just want to check in on you. Just 10 minutes in the middle of your day. I was like, okay, sir. Okay. Like, that's not normal for us. This is not how our relationship works. But yes, call me. I'm so scared. Also, I didn't do what he fucking asked me to do. Oh my God. He's going to yell at me. I didn't do what he asked me to do. Basically, he sent me to a psychiatrist.

And then the psychiatrist prescribed me my medication. He was like, you need to write to this person and get it. And I was like, yeah, 100%. I can do that. I'm capable. I didn't do it. I'm not capable. And both of them are going to be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, it's not hard. And they'll make you feel so much better. Also, it's not actual medication. It is homeopathic medication because I don't like real medication because...

It's not that I don't believe in it. It's just that I would rather go down other routes, personally, unless I'm in, like, a genuine crisis, and then I'll take whatever they'll give me. But, like, I don't know. For long-term stuff, I prefer homeopathy, even though I don't actually know if it works. But I think because I was raised on it, I feel comforted by it in a way. Or, like, I feel like at least it has a placebo effect on me. Like, it definitely at least does have a placebo. So I'll keep taking it just for that, you know what I mean? ♪

But it's weird. Sometimes I'm like, obviously you don't believe in homeopathy because the vets that my dog goes to, there's a normal vet and then there's a homeopathic vet. And I would never in a million years take my dog to the homeopathic vet. The gate of fucking hands off her. Absolutely not. Anyway, I don't know if I have that much else to say to you guys today. I've been eyeing up the packet of oranges that I've balanced you on the entire time. I really want to eat one.

Also, I'm having beef stew for dinner tonight. Try not to be jealous. I know it's hard, but I am having beef stew. My mom cooked it last night in preparation for my return today. And she called me up yesterday and she was like, good news. I've cooked you beef stew. I've bought you a bottle of wine and a packet of cereal. No one is ever going to compare to my mom. Like I see why so many grown men treat their wives as if they're their mothers and just secretly want to fuck their mom's.

That was a completely not okay thing to say. You're going to have to take that out. Like, I just love my mummy so much. Like, this is why I get stuck. Like, I'll come home and I'll be like, mom, I'm just going to visit for like one day. And then five days later, I'm like still sat in her living room. And she's like, when are you going back to London? I'm like, oh, I don't know. No current plans to, you know what I mean? And then when I'm back in London, it's weird. I'm like, I'm never going home again. I love it here. Then I have to come home for something. And then I'm like, I'm never going back.

But I actually do, I love London. I like London now that I have a gym membership, although I'm a little bit embarrassed because I haven't been in two weeks. It's just a little bit too far. My gym is a 20-minute walk from where I live. And the weird thing is, where I live in London is so congested all the time. Or just like the roads are all small and it's just a badly designed part. You can walk for 20 minutes or you can take a 20-minute Uber.

It's the same amount of time and I do not understand why or how. But the Uber to the gym is like £10 and that's a dangerous price for an Uber to the gym to be because you'll see £10 and in the moment you'll think, well, it's obviously not the end of the world. It's only £10. But then when you do that twice a day every week, that very quickly quite literally becomes the end of the world.

I've never done it. I just know that once I start, like if I got an Uber to the gym tomorrow, that would be it for me. It's like skipping a lecture at uni. You can't do it once. Like you'll, cause you'll never, you'll never get out of the trap. If you do it once, you're going to do it a hundred fucking times. So I walked to the gym and that is really very off putting to me. Cause like, yes, I want to go to the gym to work out, but I don't want to just work out. Like I don't want to go for a fucking walk. I want to go to the gym. So like,

Like I told my mom, I was like, yes, a 20 minute walk. She was like, but you're going to work out like a 20 minute walk is great. I was like, no, it's not the point. Like the walk there is not clean and hygienic. And in a gym setting, I'm not really going to the gym to work out. I'm going to the gym because it feels like I'm going to the gym. So no, I won't go for a walk or for a run because it's not the same. I'm going to the gym. I'm not going to work out. I'm going to go to the gym.

There's a fucking difference. I'm going to go. I'm going to shut the fuck up. Really bad tummy ache. That's what I meant when I said that. Ouch. But I eat and I think I'm lactose intolerant. Remember when I said that? I think I'm lactose intolerant because right before filming this, I had a massive... Well, I did not have a single. I had three massive bowls of Coco Pops with cow's milk. And it's not staying well. FYI. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to go. I love you guys a lot. And I will see you next Monday. Gizzy kiss. Oh, no. Okay. Love you guys. Bye.