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It literally, it smells like rotten milk. I thought y'all found it.
and like you and Josie opened it up and like... I know, you were like, what did you open? What did you open? Girl, I walked into the room and I like went to like mess with the camera and Josiah was like, what is that smell? What is that smell? And was like kind of blaming the smell on me and then I made a joke being like, oh, that was my balls. That's my balls. He was like, your balls smell milky, Drew. Like something's seriously wrong. And then we put the pieces together and Kai fucking sprayed hella liquid ass water
All over the bathroom. I wanted to do a workplace prank.
Literally gassed us out. I know. You kind of like. But I immediately like caused. He like hot boxed the fucking studio. Like it literally smells like pure shit and fucking ass. And also what's worse is it was how many of y'all like five, six bodies in this room. And we all ran out and wafted the scent down the hall. So now the house just smells like an ingling of shit. What is that smell? What the fuck did you?
Wait, I didn't leave anything in the bathroom? What the fuck did you do, Kai? What is that smell? What the fuck did you do? This is traumatic. What is that smell, Kai? I sprayed liquid ass in the bathroom. Why? It literally smells like when I got bullied as a fucking kid. Woo, fuck! Kai, that's crazy to do. That's really crazy. Get in ya. In ya!
It was liquid ass. That is f*cking gross dude. That is so nasty. You know it really stains your nostrils.
Oh, fuck! It doesn't get better. Josiah literally being like, it smells milky. Josiah really rationalized me smelling like milk. No, I thought it was something in the hamper. I was like, yo, there's a mildew or something. I was like, oh, I'm going to do something nice for Kai. Like, I'm going to go grab his phone from the bathroom. I was like, yeah, of course I'll do that for you. Wait, he sent you in there? He sent me in there. My voice cracked because I was so shocked by that. That is crazy.
Because I know damn well you got a spray in and you knew it was overwhelming and you were just committed to your three little fucking sprays and you did it. And I know damn well you knew how bad it smelled. The plan was to spray it into the toilet and then come out and be like, can you grab my phone? Yeah.
And then you would think that I was like really sick moments prior. That was my knee jerk thought. My knee jerk thought was like, oh my God, Kai. And then I put the pieces together. I thought you shit in the bathroom and you knew it smelled so bad that you sent me in there to smell it. And I was pissed about that because I was like doo doo flakes like going in my fucking brain, like brain eating amoeba, like doo doo flakes. But I guess it's a given to take a yin and yang. If you think about it, literally everything is a given to take a yin and yang because he set up our...
throughout our house today and then just decided to immediately eradicate the good thing he did. Yeah, after I was being nice to you, bitch, never again. Never again. Because even when I was like complimenting Kai in the hallway when it came out of my mouth, I was like, ooh. I was like... Yeah, and you complimented my midriff. Yeah. He was doing it on purpose.
It was like, actually, like I was looking at you, like I complimented it because I was like, honestly, in this moment, you are the closest to me I've ever seen you, which is just like you want to compliment so bad. And like, I could see myself in that. So no, Kai was giving bodies tea. I was giving. Well, I'm always giving body is tea. I just like who said that every now and then. Like I have always consistently. Did you say that since birth? Actually, that's what the doctor, the doctors are like, wow, this is going to be a gorgeous woman.
They diagnosed you with body tea. Body teas morphia. That's what I have. You heard of body dysmorphia? I have body teas morphia.
It's like not good. I can't lie. It's like not very good. But well, I got my nails done again. This is, I guess, is going to become my new thing is like every time I get my nails done, I tell y'all why and how I got here. This was actually intentional. And the woman who did them absolutely fucking hated it. They look like shit.
I feel like I just saw you in a Disney movie. Does that make sense? And you would eat the part up. You would eat it up. It was you if you were straight and evil. If. If. Come on. Neither of those need an if. He is straight. He is evil. I am evil and straight, Kyle. I was just trying to add to the bit. Okay.
- Hold on, wait, let me read this. The nail woman hates you. - Oh yeah, the nail lady hated me when I first got there. She was vibing with me, but I was getting my nails and my toes done at the same time. And I have a really like, I don't know how to position my hands. I'm like so overly aware when they're like going in the machines because I'm very quick with my emotions and so many times
I have fucked up every time I get my nails done. I fuck up the work and it completely shifts the vibe I have going with this person because what's crazy is I was vibing so hard with her when I got there that I said vibe so good. I want to show my nail tech my phone. Wait, do you have two notes? No, this is just like a newer one. Sometimes I can't find it and I'm like, fuck, like I might as well just start. I was like, holy shit. And yeah, also it's three and
No, it's just like I have like a better note. Okay. Also, like so quick to crack your fucking neck and look at my phone. This is my phone. Don't fucking say that shit to her. They put the eye in front of the phone because it's mine, actually. Oh, my God. That wasn't cool. Oh, my fucking God. I am gay, but I'm not a fucking stereotypical gay person. I'm not a, oh, my gosh, let's go get some shoes. Gay. Nor am I an, uh-huh, honey. Gay. I put...
I don't put makeup on. I do not refer to other men as girls. I don't own a single Prada bag. The only rainbow I fuck with is in my Lucky Charms cereal. And I do not worship Beyonce, Gaga, or Madonna. I enjoy sports. I like getting sweaty and dirty. Hello. And I love the Lord with all my heart. I just happen to be a man who likes men. I am gay. I'm believing that.
Why would you bleep that? Yeah, I went so bad about that. Be who you are. It's crazy how Kyle wants to call me gay when I'm a straight man. And it's crazy he wants to call me straight and bleep out my identity when I'm gay. And he wants to call you straight when you're gay. It's not that hard to understand. What is so hard to get about that?
What is so hard to understand? It is so fucking annoying, bruh. Oh my god. Also, one of my notes was, are lice not a problem anymore? And then you showed me that nasty fucking thing. Like, I don't even know if we can show it. It's fucking gross. This video is crazy. And I don't want to put it up, but it's this woman who's basically fingering her mouth and there is a single lice crawling around her peach fuzz.
And she was like giving, she was giving sexy. She was like serving and she was like eating and she is a beautiful girl, but like, I don't know if it was rage bait, comment bait, or she just wanted me to masturbate. Yeah.
sorry um that was actually like really good yeah yeah if you've seen the video you would get the like it was really good um it was like really good no but she just had a single life it looked like a single lice roaming around pubes essentially it's it was gross it was her fingering her own mouth from the side it was the craziest video ever and it was on instagram wait guys hold on we're how many seconds or minutes in are we
We're only 30 seconds in. Wait, but for real? Nine minutes and 30 seconds. We haven't made a joke about having sex with each other yet. Yeah, that's true. That's pretty impressive. I don't want it like I'm over that. Yeah, we're done with that. I'm tapped out. I'm having a love search for you guys. That's to yourself. Okay. I love you so much. I literally was in such a dark place last night. Oh, man.
And ironically, though, I was really scared. I know. I felt really bad because I had the best night of my fucking life. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. For some reason, when I get violently depressed, my knee-jerk reaction is to text Kai how depressed I am. Oh, because you guys are trauma bonding. I think that might be what it is. Are we chemically bonded yet, Kai, would you say? I think so. Yeah. I feel like we're... And we are also N-Yet, whether you like it or not. Mm-hmm.
Back up. What the fuck? I know. Sorry. Kai, like, tried to maintain eye contact with me for that, and I looked away. I literally, I, like, did not give that to him. Me and Kai had a moment in our room where, like, he looked at me. In our room? Who is the R? Because it could be us, but I think it might be y'all. It's mine and Kai. It's mine and Kai. Well, I sleep in y'all's room every night. In my room by Frank Ocean, and he...
looked at me and then like there was like a moment of awkwardness and like he looked away really quick and I was like what the fuck was that guy and it was real it was real what did you say I said you're getting too attractive where it's actually kind of intimidating to look at you and I mean that and I don't mean it in like
A homoerotic way. Well, you're making him mew all over the place, so. I just can't stop mewing. I really just can't stop mewing. Yeah, you guys are both just looking so yossified recently, and I feel like you're leaving me in the dust. It's just, I can't stop getting work done, honestly. Yeah. You do. We actually, that is the topic for today's episode. We're addicted. Like, I'm addicted to what that needle did. Like, I'm addicted. I'm addicted.
I'm addicted to what that needle did. I've never gotten anything done because I genuinely... It is not from a high horse. It is genuinely one of my OCD fears is I think I have bad luck medically and cosmetically, which is not true. I just had too many weird experiences.
But I have had like the worst. I've had another satisfied customer extension. Most of the time when I get my nails done, it's bunk. I've had my hair fried by like multiple people, including myself. So I just have always had this inkling in my heart that,
That if no matter if I went to the top of the line, I would catch them on a bad day. Like I just have a feeling it's like the way I feel about how I felt about flying airplanes because I fly. Apparently the new rehearsal is really good and it's all about plane crash with Nathan Fielder. Rolling my eyes. Really? I'm playing hard to get. Is he single? Nathan Fielder or me? Nathan Fielder, bitch.
What about Drew, though? Wait, Kai, can you explain them the work you've got done recently? The work that I got done? Mm-hmm. What worked? The work. The work Drew put in? The work that you gave me? Yeah. Yeah, Drew. I got, guys, I'm sorry, I'm being coy. I got bone stretching surgery. Yeah, Kai stretched. So now I'm 5'11". No, but you were originally 5'2", and now you're about 5'5".
I hate that Kai is 5'5 and has 6'3 energy. No, because it doesn't... That's exactly right. 6'3 energy is crazy because you're like 5'5, but you kind of have like 4'8, size 6Y shoes. I literally have 6'3 energy. Everyone agrees. This literally isn't a joke. 63 years old. This isn't a joke. Kai wears a size 6 shoe. That is a joke. Oh, no, yeah. No, every time he's here, like...
I see his shoes and I'm always like, dude, who is here? And I'm assuming maybe like... Who's toddler did it? Like someone has a girl over. Yeah, I'm usually like someone has a girl over. I should sneak around and boom, it's Kyle. All right. It's all really funny. But guys, I have like a very large masculine footprint. I low-key think I have big feet.
I saw a guy's feet for the first time the other day in a long time and they look good. No, that's not like you need to chill because in the last episode you were talking about his feet and you made him pull his feet out. Or was that in the Patreon episode? The one where he sucked them up? No, no, no. That was Patreon. Stop. Because I wouldn't put myself through that. So don't even put me into that equation. I wasn't there. Okay. Wait, but can we go back to what I said that you ignored? I was in a very dark, violent, sad place the other night, last night.
It was really scary. It was really scary. And it just came on quick. I was, I had such a good day. I was laying in the sun. What? By your own fucking demise. Like he had the option to have the most beautiful. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not blaming this on you, babe. I'm like literally. No, no, but I'm saying it all happened so quick. Like.
It did. I was laying in the sun. You're talking about like an off Sunday. I was laying in the sun. It was Easter. It was 420. I had such a good day. We ate a plate of fruit. It was nice. I ate fruit. Yeah. Which is rare for me, apparently. That was surprising. Apparently.
And then I get to my room and I'm laying there and then it just comes on and I'm like really sad. Text Kai some really weird shit. Weird sexual stuff. I forgot he was at Coachella. I always I always I was at Zed when I got that. And you looked at it and ignored it. I did. It's called Boundaries. It's called Boundaries.
I just didn't respond him within 30 seconds. It was bullshit. To Drew, that means. Bro, the best part about my brain is because I am so forgetful just in general. I was going to curse, but I'm trying not to curse as much because I got told recently that a walk away from meeting me was that I was really funny, but I curse a lot. It was somebody who interviewed me. They didn't say it like a bad thing, but they were like,
wow she really curses yeah she can curse they clocked your shit um so i'm trying not to i did i texted kai this really sad shit he ignored me and then i texted him five hours later and said if heaven is so good why isn't every christian killing themselves to get up there and then kai said it's because suicide sends you straight to hell and then i said god forgives that's exactly right
And then I tried to book therapy. I really did. I literally tried. I was like, you know what? It's time. What stopped you? Because try? Oh, trust. We'll get there. I was literally booking my therapy appointment. And I was like, yeah, literally, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to do it. And that's a big step. Yeah, I know. That is insane because I've been trying to.
I've been no literally even to venture in that territory I've always been like girl this shit is not for me and then I had a revelation when I was journaling I was like girl therapy didn't work for me when I was like undeveloped and high on drugs like of course it wasn't gonna work for me like maybe it'll work for me now as an adult so I went to book it apple pay
Did not let me pay. It would not let me pay for therapy. Oh, you could have gotten up and typed out your information and everything. My wallet was on the other side of the room. Or like called. Y'all know how far that walk is. You probably should have like pulled off it. No, vouch for me. You know how far the walk is from my bed to my desk. This is like it, um...
Apple Pay literally got my ass. They literally, it was a sign from God and you know how I am about signs. I'm like, oh, Apple Pay is not working. You seriously have OCD. It's not enough with the sign.
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But yeah, are lice still a problem? Because lice were a huge problem when I was growing up. And I feel like I've talked about this, but like... It's just because kids aren't around us. It's still a thing. Yeah, but none of my cousins, like, I don't hear any gossip about any of my cousins or anybody. Because I have, like, younger... Wait, did you? Were you the one that told me that bacterial vaginitis is an STD now? Mm-hmm.
That's crazy. Because a lot of women have it reoccurring because it's been transferred to the man and like both parties have to take antibiotics. And usually most times like...
Men are fucking nasty and will literally still try to like have sex while you're itching and burning while you're an actual literal thing. Itching and burning, itching and burning, burning and itching, burning and itching. Like literally. Like monostat should be instead of. Oh my God, when you took monostat. If they really wanted me to start like putting more quarters in the parking meters, they should just like instead of making me pay like $50, like.
They genuinely should just sentence me to monostat. Like if you sentence me to monostat, I would stop immediately. I wish I could feel the pain a girl feels when they take monostat. Like why? Just to be closer to women. Just to put yourself in my shoes. Yeah. No, but literally the way you were acting. I put myself in your shoes and now I have athlete's foot. Yeah, literally. Now my feet stink. Now I have crushy toe syndrome.
What the fuck was I saying? Oh, no. The way you were acting when you took monostat was the craziest. Like that looked like it was so painful. It was bad.
Inya was riding me like I was twerking on Inya in the kitchen about two hours ago and I farted on her vagina and gave her bacterial meningitis. Did you actually fart on me or were you joking? I farted on you. I don't know that I care like honestly. Like it's not that big of a deal. These jeans are like thick enough that I think it'll protect me. Inya, I woke up and your face was this close to mine. And I know my mouth was wide open and it stunk. Your breath was crazy. Your breath was crazy. It was crazy. Have you smoked my morning breath?
no i really don't have yeah i think i just naturally have rank morning breath because i snore so i'm an open mouth breather when i should do mouth tape no because if god if god's purpose was for me to sleep with my fucking mouth open god's plan no that actually is a good idea it does it supposedly helps it helps a lot actually
-No, that's like torture. Literally, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. -If there's a will, there's a way. I will figure out how to breathe through my face. -Seriously, because this snoring, I know it's not good for you, but-- -Your snoring can be bad. You're teetering on sleep apnea at some points. There are some points when you wake me up from snoring and then you don't breathe for 10 seconds. You're choking on the back of your throat.
and i get through you do power through but you're losing brain cells it's it's the combination of the weed and the sleep apnea that's why you have ocd no that's that's been that's been a thing that's been a thing you pointing out the chewing thing was crazy because i really have not thought about that
In so long. And you used to like rage, like literally rage if you chewed around her. Like literally rage. But it wasn't like to be funny. No, it was real. Oh, it like, like the thought of it still, it makes me like, it feels like somebody is genuinely trying to hurt me. I hate that. Like seeing-
But she started taking her medication and I realized, I was like, oh my God, she literally hasn't complained about that with anybody once in the last like six months. And I know some fucking chompers. Josiah. You know some eaters. Kai's a munch, y'all. That's what he says. Please don't out me as a munch. I don't really think that's true. It's true. Yeah, so I didn't book therapy. Okay, because your wallet was on the other side of the room. Mm-hmm.
No, I still want to do it. I was like filling out a questionnaire about the type of therapist I wanted and I checked LGBTQ plus I wanted a gay therapist. I feel like that's a vibe. I feel like gay people are more in tune and I said man or woman. I don't give a fuck. I needed it to be a woman. No offense. Sorry. None taking. I'm not telling a man any of my fucking business. Are you serious? I always check the options of really hot women.
Busty. Busty. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-mm.
Well, we tried to host an Easter egg hunt at our house for Easter and we sent out texts and no one responded. We literally were people serving the burgers. That was literally us. Actually, we invited three people and we were like, why did no one come to our Easter egg hunt? No, we invited, I told a bunch of people and then a bunch of people texted me about it and I got really overwhelmed and I was like... And then the morning of, I woke up and I was like...
Oh my God, he has risen. I feel amazing. Like today's going to be a gorgeous day. We built like outdoor chairs and we were sitting out there and I was like, yes, bring in the people, like bring in my girls. But like by then everybody had moved on. And I didn't text anybody about it. So I really. I guess actually, yeah, I sent out one like text with no real planned in our group chat. And then when I got responses, I didn't say anything. Hmm.
um but we were like people with the burgers y'all know that picture yeah you know that picture yeah that was literally did you know that him and the people who ate paint graduated from the same high school really sum cum laude how do you say it summa cum laude i think i think that's right some come a lot from servington university
That's disgusting. But yeah, they went to the same hospital. Oh, wait, no. Didn't he die? I was about to say hospital because I'm pretty sure he died. The pain grandpa? The grandpa great pain. Yeah. He's fierce though. I really love that that's his legacy because I'm pretty sure... Oh, we've talked about this on the podcast because you... Why are you laughing? I actually think it's sweet. No, just the image of that with the pain around his mouth. Well, to me, it's like...
I feel like I have so many pictures of my friends, but for the most part, they are fucking ridiculous. Well, I found this post and it resonated with me in the craziest way. And I'm going to read it and I want to see if it resonates with y'all. Okay.
damn when i was a kid i really didn't see the big picture or think any of this life shit was cute my dad used to tell me to rake the leaves and i would pray he would die that night i literally thought he was or i never thought he was teaching me only trying to kill me that really resonates with me yeah why would i felt about picking up mangoes in the summer like no literally that's when my dad would take my dsa or when my dad would take my dsa
No, when my dad would take my DSI away from me, I would pray to the devil that he died. And I stink like fucking dog shit lately. I've been thinking, but every time like the heat starts coming back, I'm like, damn, I got to get some chlorophyll in me because I just smell like a... It's the chlorophyll. I haven't been taking chlorophyll. And then I have this chemical that I buy off of eBay that's actually prescription strength and it should be illegal. And I'm kind of airing out my shit right now, but it's called dry saw. And I dab it on my armpit every day.
once a day at night for like a week straight and give myself chemical burns and I burn like my sweat glands away in my armpits and it literally keeps me scent free for a year. - You're definitely not supposed to be using that. The people who are selling it are definitely selling it for like the collectors. - Well, I buy it from Canada. You can buy it OTC in Canada and they ship it over, but it works. Like I don't smell for like an entire year straight and I think it's just time for me to re-up and like burn my armpits. - No, I kinda like stinking, no?
Like, I'd rather take chlorophyll or something or just, like, drink more water, get, like, a good deodorant. No, I think... Because I think a lot of people just need to go back to wearing fucking deodorant because, like, a normal deodorant... And I am pro, like, no aluminum, what-a-yadda-yadda-yadda, but I don't know. I was about to say the exact opposite. I vape, so I really think I need to just, like... I've... The only deodorant that's really worked for me in the past few... Like, at least year because as I grow older, I just, like...
I think I stink a bit more, no? Like, why? Like... Oh, I haven't smelled you. Did you smell me yesterday? Well, I also always think I stink. That's like a huge thing. I'm like... Did you smell me yesterday? No. Did it smell? No.
Did it, man? Wait, this is kind of random, but you're just talking about something stinking. Have you seen this? We all touch shit before. I've never shitted in a tissue before. You touch shit every single day if you shit. Like, you don't wipe yourself? It got shit in the tissue when you wipe yourself. You don't know how to get the... Why are you touching the shit? The tissue is for the shit. That's what I'm saying. You grab shit all the time in the tissue. No, no, no, you're not saying that.
You don't. Yeah, you wipe. You're not wiping. You grab the shit. You don't grab. Why are you grabbing shit? Hold on, hold on. Do you got shit stuck in your ass while you're taking? Are you telling me that y'all just let the doodle fall in the toilet? Y'all don't catch it every time? Yo. I am about to leave, bro. How do y'all take a shit?
I'm about to see this shit wrong. I'm... My stomach is turning. Wait, no, wait. Actually, though, he has a point. Do y'all not catch your shit out of midair? I love that. I don't even think that's a joke. The visual? I'm pretty sure he's, like, dead serious. Wait, so he's shitting? He's shitting? I think he's shitting into his hand. Yeah, like this? Oh my god.
Like, he's shitting like this, like, through the front, pooping into his hand. I think so. With toilet paper on it, right? How did you find that? Is that because I mentioned knowing somebody who wipes from the back to the front? No, you're just talking about, like, stink. You're just talking about stink. Oh. What? Like, no. It's so funny watching that video, and I can, like, see the moment where his body gets hot. Yeah, yeah. From, like, embarrassment. His, like, stomach stinks. But Scurzys, my body is hot hearing this. And, like, I am, like, feeling, like, for some...
No shade he handled that like really well like he really he was like damn I fucked up and like immediate like it could have been way worse if he started like Like walked I would have like started screaming. No, I would have killed myself Like that was when I found out that everybody wipes after that crap
It's actually not fucking funny. And we need to talk about how there is a new age of this, except it's just virtually. So people think it's OK. But like the whole like paparazzi magazine frenzy of like when they would really get up in people's faces and like say obscene things to them to make celebrities have gnarly reactions. But like what is funny? It's not funny, but like any video of someone like coming toward the lens.
I would have literally been facing like, stuff like that. While Frosty had like phones and stuff like that, like, there, like, who's enraged being filmed, your initial reaction was always like, fuck, I'd like to hit the camera. And I have to say, like, my reaction in that moment, if I had made something that humiliating, I would have literally been like,
- I don't like the title, it's like scene red. - We're back, hey, audio cut out. Sorry if it sounded weird as fuck for a second. We used the camera audio.
Because I just don't think that that's that funny anymore. It just doesn't bring me the same joy it did 10 minutes ago. So she's not going to say it again. I'm an ever-changing woman. Thank God I didn't start my new topic because it's a doozy. No, but what we really need to talk about is Amelia Earhart. Okay. Well, yeah, they left her fucking stranded. She was sending out... Well, no. Like, why, though? Like, why was she doing all that traveling? Do we know? Was it just, like, to do it?
Does it matter? Or I guess, well, I think the whole gag was she was one of the first women to do it. Like she was like kind of stunting in a way, I know.
I just know, like, I can't really say much on the topic, but I do know I grew up going to Amelia Earhart Park in Miami for everyone's birthday party. A big block in, like, history class. But didn't she get eaten by coconut crabs or something like that? Oh, I think so. I did watch a video about it because I was interested in the crash, but she was sending out...
S.O.S. But I think they realized that much later on because when she originally crashed, they had no way of locating her. And then later on, they found remnants of the crash that they tied back to her. And then later, like, I think it was just the technology wasn't up to speed enough to be able to, like, track her and help her. But there is the crap thing is a theory.
But she did land on like a... How did someone come up with a coconut crab theory? Someone lying and then other people believing it. So basically what I probably just did because I don't know enough about her to be saying everything I just said. So nobody repeat anything I just said. Imagine you just ran into this random bitch in a coffee shop. Oh, apparently she was one of the first users of MySpace. Oh, Amelia Earhart? Yeah. That's actually really interesting. Wait, that's crazy. How'd she do that?
I don't know. Did they keep her brain like AI kind of situation? She was an early investor in MySpace. I don't know. Whatever. I think she was married to Tom. Oh, yeah. From MySpace? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Tom is a time traveler. He used a Rubik's Cube. Hasbro. Did you guys see the new open AI model? You're insane. No. Did you see the new open AI model can pinpoint exactly where you are? Have you seen this?
No, and I hate it. I literally... People have been like just putting a picture of them in front of a
Corner of a building and then it'll figure out exactly where it is. Well, I mean it's probably just using the metadata from the photo now. No, these people are like extracting the metadata out of it and like screenshotting it. Yeah. God, I hate AI. It is so unholy. Yeah, I don't like that. It really feels like we're opening the pit to hell. We constantly see all this like bad stuff that it does and I'm like, where are the cures for cancer? Yeah, where's the good shit that it was supposed to do? Well, Kai...
was texting me last night and he said one of the craziest things ever and I went along with it and I was like sure I'll let you have this but the further away I got from that moment the more I was like I digested it I ate he said that Ed Sheeran was tradie he's looking good recently oh fuck me bro dude do something protect me
Oh my god. Don't say shit like that ever again. That looks so real. I fell onto the fucking mixer and it turned Enya's voice into a robot voice. Well, that's what happens when you mess with somebody. Wait, can you do like an evil voice? Wait, how the fuck do I turn this off? Oh my god, Kai. You've destroyed everything. No, this is your fault. I'm sorry. You hit him in the face. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? No, it's fine. I mean, my nose is bleeding. Oh my god.
Do you have to pee? Oh, yeah, but I can't use the fucking bathroom. No, I bet. I bet it's good. I'm not going to be the one to check it. I'll check it. I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I can't. Like if something is scary, a man should be checking it. You release some of the girl. No, you stood up and you sat down in your sit air and that's what you're smelling.
That's crazy because I stood up so technically my nose got closer to your mouth and then that's what it smelled because sitting right here I don't smell the smell I was smelling anymore. I think that was your Bronson. I don't smell the smell I was smelling when I was smelling a smelly smell. I think that was your Bronson. Oh, shut that. Oh, shut that. I'm going to buy like one of those fans you get at Disney and then if somebody pisses me off on a hot summer day I'm going to wear a pad for like seven hours and then sit like this and hold the fan right here.
Blow your rotten period air on them. Mmm. I like it. Mmm.
My dad got scammed like crazy, by the way. My dad famously gets scammed by Instagram ads all the time. Like he bought something that he thought was going to be like a six foot by like three foot life size shark. That was an RC thing. And it came in the mail and it was like a three inch like plastic shark toy. I can't lie. That's kind of my vibe, too. Yeah. He buys a bunch of shit off of Instagram. Wait, do you have photos of it? The shark? Yeah, like...
what he thought it was i'll i'll find them but he got scammed again it's like way better this time so um my dad five years later finally got fed dubai chocolate ads and he was like oh i'm gonna buy dubai chocolate because it's a dubai chocolate ad on instagram so he buys the chocolate he was supposed to get three chocolate bars no he got
two that are like this big how much were they they were 60 fucking dollars for two chocolate bars get this they were shipped from china not only china wuhan china covid's birthplace what's covid no actually that is a good question what is that in yeah what it was like oh the pandemic it was really young when that happened so i like barely remember it
Oh, really? Yeah. Zoom classes sucked. It wasn't as good as normal classes. Graduating during Zoom. I actually genuinely do feel so bad for kids who had that. Like, I can't believe that was a thing. But I guess the more I hear like my cousins and shit talk about it, they low key fucked with it. Like they were so down to be back at home. Like all of my siblings wish they could go back to taking online classes. I wish me and Kai wish we could go back. Yeah.
We always used to do those pranks, right? Yeah. With the background, the green screen. Yeah. We would invite people in to troll our class. It was seventh grade. Like, of course we're going to be rowdy. What?
Of course we're gonna be crazy. Like, of course we're gonna have fun. We're only in seventh grade once. No. I think I'm gonna die in the next couple months because I've been wanting to start this new series on the internet where I, like, do rejection therapy. And then one of them is to ask if I can go skydiving. And then I have to go skydiving this year. I literally have to, but I think I'm gonna die from a great fall. So I think it's all just, like, coming together. My death plan.
Like what are you talking like just don't go fucking skydiving. I literally have to. Skydiving to me is ridiculous. I genuinely I see no benefit. Like I see no benefit. It's the adrenaline dump babe. Just go to fucking sky zone or something. Like what? Go to that indoor. Go jump on a trampoline. Yeah literally I'm not kidding you'll probably get the same kind of joy. Like no? Yeah honestly.
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I kind of want a trampoline, but something about having a trampoline, just like to me, I can only see the end of a trampoline's fate when I see a trampoline. It's one of those things that's like it's dead before it was even born to me. It's like ripped. Yeah.
Yeah, before it's even out of the box. It's sun bleached. The microfibers are getting all in the kid's hair. You use it twice. Somebody's leg is popping through. They hurt their ankle. Someone breaks their collarbone. Someone gets pinched by the hot metal springs. Yeah, your foot gets caught between the springs. It pinches your skin when you get in. You know what's crazy? That's adulthood. You see the bad before the good.
I'm flipping the script. To be fair, I saw that shit. The last time I think I enjoyed a trampoline without being absolutely terrified of it was when I was like seven or eight. And then I saw my cousin literally like break his ankle. And I was like,
Oh, so they just break. Oh, so one day it just gives out. One day it just gives off. Like, hell fucking no, bitch. That's fucking crazy. And most motherfuckers don't have their fucking trampoline high enough. At least no one in my family did because every time they broke, like, somebody's foot hit the... Whatever body part it broke through is hitting the ground. You know, it was so T was...
that were in the ground. I had one friend that had an underground trampoline absolutely loaded beyond belief. Like 24,000 square foot home. Those were the kids that had like the refrigerators that were like huge industrial stainless steel style. Yes, literally he had that. The wolf...
Were they called Wolf? I forget. Yeah, it's something. But I remember going to like kids' house and being like, this is different. Well, nuclear bombs being the reason that the bikini bottom exists is crazy. Bottoms who wear Speedos have always existed. Thank you very fucking much. Honestly, thank you for checking me.
Because that was crazy of me. And I really appreciate that. You said nuclear bombs are the reason Bikini Bottom exists? Yes. Like Bikini Bottom SpongeBob? Yes. Make an atoll. Like they would drop bombs and it was like a nuclear test site. And then there's like a rabbit hole you can go down where it was like, what if all these creatures are just like irradiated like...
sea creatures that like just gain consciousness from like the radioactivity. So this is a theory. This is not like the creator said this. Well, Bikini Bottom is in Macon Atoll, which is like a nuclear test site. I think it's like an American nuclear test site or something like that. Why the fuck is there actually a place called Bikini Bottom? Oh,
Oh, so they named it, the SpongeBob creators named it after the test site? Yes, or I think the SpongeBob, I'm not fully versed, but I know there's... You're versed? I'm not versed. You're versed? I'm a side. I'm a side.
No, I don't know. Someone look up the conspiracy and write it in the fucking comments. I love Nickelodeon conspiracies. Like the one about Rugrats where you can draw all of these connection points to the fact that one of them, I think it's Tommy, is having some sort of
schizophrenic experience. In Rugrats? Yeah. There's this whole... There's like a rabbit hole you can go down. I believe that because the orange seeds or is it watermelon seeds? Like Chucky eats watermelon seeds and what's her nuts? That evil fucking bitch eats
Angelica tells him that he's gonna grow like oranges or watermelons. I think it's watermelons in the episode. Tells him that they're gonna grow in his stomach and I had just finished fucking up an orange and I was the kind of kid and I still am
but I'm not a kid like I'm actually really I love watermelon seeds I eat any seeds I just like what I'm not like unless they're like huge and like an avocado seed is so fucking good so good it's so good um
A beach pit? Like, oh, give it to me. That episode was freaky because I think he has like a nightmare during his nap that it happens. And that episode I was watching after eating a bunch of orange seeds and I genuinely watching it felt like somebody had like, who put LSD in the tangerines? Like who put LSD in the fruit punch bowl?
Nuclear testing at Bikini Atoll consisted of detonation of 24 nuclear weapons by United States between 46 and 58 on Bikini Atoll in the Marshall Islands. So it was called Bikini Girl and then Bikini Bottom, the bottom of Bikini Island. That's the tea. Like what? I don't know.
And that's why Karen is a robot. And that's why James Charles got turned into an AI robot. He did. And yeah, I'm not kidding. He literally did. Well, there was a tornado in Granbury. Did anything bad happen? I don't think anything bad happened. Being around a tornado, well, did anything bad happen or what? I don't think anything bad happened. Because there are some tornadoes that like they really don't.
They don't bother anybody. It was nocturnal and I think it blew through like... I guess it destroys the fuck out of random crops. Yeah, it blew through like the middle of nowhere and taller. Sorry, I'm not laughing about the tornado. I'm laughing at Kai laughing at something else. Continue, continue.
I think it blew through like a construction zone, like where they were building a bunch of houses. Because the debris ball on the radar was massive. It was like fucking crazy. That's insane. So there's a tornado. It was actually in Toler, but I called Madeline and Steven and my parents to warn them. Because I was watching Max Velocity Live and then I saw, boop, boop, boop, new tornado warning for Hood County.
That's where I grew up. Oh, shit. Oh, my God, guys. Seriously, life. Oh, wait. Should I talk about my amazing day? Because you were going on and on about how, like, oh, yeah, the worst day of your life. I had the best day of my life. I had the best Easter. I had the bad hour of my life. No.
the bad hour you talked about it like it was an eternity you literally spoke about it like you were banished to an eternity of like longing and solitude oh it was that's what my whole life feels like and i was supposed to smoke weed within you for the first time in five years on 420 he wasn't gonna do it i was gonna do i swear to god i was gonna do it and she ditched me to go to have the greatest time of her life apparently i invited him multiple times
But I had the best time of my life. I went with friends to a lookout and we all smoked and danced and it was fucking awesome. And then we went home and we watched Black Mirror. We ate bomb ass food. And then there was a long piece of hair in the dessert and we all wanted to throw up. That's dessert. The hair. Aren't there people with like hair fetishes? Like, I don't know. I wouldn't know. I would not know.
I do fuck the tailpipes of cars. But yeah, I just had the most gorgeous day ever. And like, maybe I'll put in a video, but I don't know. Like sometimes I just like, I might put it on my like IG story, but it's for my eyes only. But it was so, so sweet. Also, it was my first. This is so annoying because yes, like I am grown as fuck. I get it. But it's my first 420 where I actually can smoke weed without having a full blown panic attack. And it was so sweet.
I was psychologically prepping for three days to smoke weed. I really was. I was doing the work. I was taking five HTP. Like I was really like the serotonin in my brain is not going to be depleted for weed. No, I just literally made that up. I wasn't taking that. Um,
So you're lying. You're not like making, you're just lying. But no, I was psychologically preparing. Well, you're lying and you're kind of being manipulative because you're saying it to me like I bailed on you and I like got rid of all this prep work, but you didn't do any prep work. Also, Drew never mentioned that he was going to smoke until the day of. That is simply not true.
Oh, might I add, Drew is obsessed with male validation. Yeah, you heard it here first because I didn't hear a word of Drew smoking until he was talking to someone he has feelings for or like has a little crush on or whatever. That's not my business. And all of a sudden, Mr. Hotshot is going to smoke weed and he's like going to smoke weed. He is not going to smoke weed, bro.
Girl, no, I really was. I really, really was. He was just going to waste my weed because he was going to get scared as fuck. He was going to hit my fucking weed and ruin my vibe. No, I remember telling you like weeks ago that I was going to smoke weed with you. I'm not even kidding. I wanted to. Yeah, I'll believe you, but you also say that a lot. Did you know Skittles dropped their own version of freeze dried? It's Skittles brand. They're selling it now. Really? You can buy them at gas stations.
Crunchy. Very yummers. Well, I would always wonder when I saw them at gas stations, like how that isn't a copyright issue. It probably is. Because I feel like there's no rules anymore. You can just sell whatever you want. I mean, there literally are no rules anymore.
No, they just announced it yesterday. Bro, who gives a fuck? Like what? Weren't they good? I never had them. I'm kind of like. I loved it, but they were, it was good for like three bites and then like got old very quickly. Skittles just kind of fell off for me a long, long time ago.
like Skittles were just like they don't work but like I would suck the fuck out of a sour Skittle like don't let me around some sour Skittles they fell off for me too and then even in adulthood I still love candy I eat the fuck out of candy but I will not go near a fucking Skittle ever again in my goddamn life and it's literally because like
All of the ingredients in them that are like banned in every other country. And I don't do that with any fucking food ever. But for some reason, Skittle stuck in my brain. And that's a lot coming from me. I'm a garbage disposal. That's just not what's really going to strain me from eating something. We know. And he's an eater. Drew, sigh up. I really have to pee. I think I'm going to get a UTI. Yeah, you should go pee. Is ash cheeks one word? Well, no, I can't. Is ash cheeks one word or sir...
Is ash cheeks one word or should I spread them apart? Fuck. You block someone, then all of a sudden Juicy Toot1234 starts viewing your story. That's really good. I will say one thing. I will always stand by. I don't give a fuck if I have no business watching your story. I will watch anyone's story at any point from my main account. I'm like, what? I...
It's like taking a walk in the park. If you're there, I'm going to see you at the park. And also the joy of seeing like the quality of life. I don't even know how to describe it. The rush and thrill of a random person seeing your story. Like I'm giving you something. I'm getting something. It's like... No, like literally like seeing someone that shouldn't be viewing your story. Viewing your story gives you this like rush and this feeling. And like you get to gossip and talk about it. And it gives them... Like it gives you like...
Life in a way it feels like I like giving other people Jimmy Neutron went into the fairly odd parents universe Yeah, that's what it feels like. Yeah If you're brave enough to be at the point because most of my Like snooping around on Instagram is genuinely out of pure curiosity and boredom like I just don't care and I think that's why I don't care because I'm like I'm not up to some devious fucking act where I'm like, oh
I shouldn't be here. I'm just like, what? What's the worst? Like, I don't follow this person. They're gonna be like, why did she watch my story? Because I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how I ended up here. Most of the time, I'm just on my phone and I just like let my mind explore. And I actually I let my body explore my phone and my mind to go somewhere else. For the most part. It's like a very, it's a disconnected form of entertainment. Okay, I'm gonna start saying media. My media of the week.
Media of the week. I love Butterfly by Marina of, what is it, Cuntopia by Marina? Contessa? Cuntonics? Cuntismo.
Butterfly and Cupid's Girl. Those are my three medias. I really, really, really like those songs. And I very rarely like modern day pop, but those hit for me for some reason. They are really good because it also just feels reminiscent of her older stuff, but it feels so... It's nostalgic without feeling like she's trying to date back. It's fresh nostalgia. Those are my three songs. Well, mine are... Oh my God, my phone is on 1% and I never remember anything. Fuck, I don't...
Bad Idea, Raven, Linnae, Do It, Nelly Furtado, Damn You, Prince. You were listening to the same four songs over and over again. Rich Off, Pokane, Rick Ross, Headphones On, Addison Rae, I Know, Jay-Z. Headphones On is really good. Kai agrees too. The lyrics were some of the best lyrics I've listened to.
I feel like usually when I listen to music, I don't listen to the lyrics, but yesterday I was listening to it and I was like, this is really fucking good. And that damn music video too. Yeah. It's so good. Also, uh, what's, uh,
Her song, Diet Pepsi having 350 million streams. Does it really? Yes. Is that not so insane? I know. I was like gagged. I mean, deserving. I love Addison. But like that just... That's a big number. Yeah. That's a really impressive number. That's nearing your body count. But continue. It's not even close. I mean, no, dude. Like...
Not even close. Drew's fucking disgusting. More than 350 million. Yes. More than the population of the United States. No, and in music, that number is fucking phenomenal, but compared to Drew's body count... It doesn't even come close. Come close at all. Yeah. Oh, the rehearsal. Nathan Fielder is really cool. Still haven't finished White Lotus. I still have two episodes left. I'll probably forever have two episodes left. I started it. Just like Succession. The season of White Lotus, like...
It's really polarizing. I don't know if I like it or not. I'll have to finish it before I decide. I can't lie. I'm starting the third season without finishing the first or second one. I didn't watch the second one. But I really like it. There are some parts I don't really understand, but I kind of de-gaff because I think the writing is really interesting and funny. Yeah. I also love the girl with the gap tooth. She is a star. I can't wait for her. The guy she's with is really scary.
Oh yeah, he's having his moment too in real life. He does have that energy. Okay, thank you guys so much for watching this episode. Oh, we didn't even introduce this episode. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Goodbye.