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Live from Radio City Music Hall, it's the SNL 50 Homecoming Concert featuring performances by Arcade Fire, The B-52, Backstreet Boys, Bad Bunny, Bonnie Raitt, Brittany Howard, Brandi Carlile, Chris Martin, Dave Grohl, David Byrne, Devo, Eddie Vedder, Jack White, Jelly Roll, Lady Gaga,

Well, welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I feel like we should explain ourselves a little bit, because we kind of just, like, jumped in. No. But we're...

in Big Sur, it's Valentine's Day when this episode comes out and we're just doing a cute little walk through the woods. - Oh, motherfucker! - What? - Oh, I just slapped myself in the fucking eyeballs with this goddamn Elphaba broom. Oh my God. What do you think Travis Kelce is doing right now? Did you see he had to leave in that stupid ass suit? - Yeah, he probably fully expected to win and then he had like a glittery blouse on.

- Bruh, in a situation like that, you stand 10 toes down and you leave that stadium like, I don't even give a fuck. Like you have to, like he should have just gone back there, done a line of coke or gotten blackout trunk within five seconds and then walked out like, heckin' fuck bro. - Bruh, yeah, like I feel like for the first time ever, I don't feel bad for the losing team in the Super Bowl. - Me either. - They're a bunch of clowns. - Last year we were like, I feel so bad for them. And this year I'm like, good bro, good riddance. 'Cause didn't they win last year?

Yeah, they've won like five years in a row. Get over yourself, bro. No, literally. Also, I feel like winning that much low key, then what are you even trying for? But maybe people just get addicted to being on top.

I think that's literally what it is. And also, like, they were expected to win and they literally just played, like, the worst game as a team they've ever played in franchise history. Wait, actually, it was, like, not only, like, a loss, but it was a bad game? Yeah, it was boring. I didn't watch it, but from what I've heard, it was boring. Well, you can't pay me to watch football. No, literally. Actually, haven't you been to a football game in more recent history? Yeah, I've been to two. Two? Yeah, I've been to one with Orion. Oh.

I went to the LA Chargers game and took an edible for the first time in like five years and got really scared and thought about jumping over the balcony and it just was replaying in my head over and over and over again. And then I thought that everybody knew I was high and that like I was gonna get thrown out of the stadium and I was gonna make Orion look bad.

And I just kept panicking and I took like a corner of like a 5 milligram edible. It was like maybe 0.25 of weed. We should just like drug you against your knowledge and give you like one of those edible like drink options.

Mixtures. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. We should just give you one of those and tell you that it's a fun, like, drink and see if it's placebo, if you actually are going to lose your mind. Yeah, try that on me one day. Dude, that would be... But I feel like I'd know. Imagine I broke you, though. Like, I would kill myself. I know. I was going to say, I feel like I'd know immediately, like, once I started feeling it, that it was weed, and then I would be like, oh, my God, my friends drugged me and they're trying to kill me. Yeah.

Or like it would be, what did I say yesterday when I was eating snacks? When I was like, oh, it probably won't hurt my stomach, but I'll sit around for the next three hours and think about if my stomach hurts. Is my stomach hurting right now? I feel like at this point, that's you when you try to get high. It's like you get high and you're like, am I going to be scared? Like, am I scared yet? Literally. Literally.

Literally. But, like, I don't understand weed because everyone's like, yeah, there's, like, 30 minutes of me, like, thinking I'm going to die. And I'm like, how is that even relatively fun for anybody? I, yeah. These trees are so beautiful. I don't think they're real. They're so pretty. They were literally made to climb up. Like, we are actually... It's like the call of the void, too, in a way. It's like we lived in trees when we were, like, apes or...

monkeys and like we swing around them and I just want to be up there. Yeah, I mean it's also like Hunger Games. Like I feel like in Hunger Games, PETA would have been up this damn tree. He would have been blending in. He would have made himself a stick. He would have turned himself into a stick with like mud. No, he'd literally be where we are but like

Wait, that clip, like, when it happened in the movie, like, I was gagged because I was like, oh, my God, he, like, really was able to do that? Like, what the hell with just, like, river rocks? Like, what? Okay. And then, like, as an adult, I see it now and I'm like, it crosses my suspension of disbelief in the craziest way. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Well, no, the tea is...

PETA PETA PETA PETA should have been the first cover boy like literally he made it fucking work he beat that fucking mug in the woods he had full drag makeup on he deserves to be crowned RuPaul's Drag Race yeah crown him crown him crown PETA wow I mean he did an awesome also discography like going from Hunger Games to Five Nights at Freddy's I can't lie it's kind of goaded don't even mention that movie to me that's drama

Drew was supposed to be in the movie. I was supposed to be in the movie. Well, I have the rumors going around that Euphoria season three is for me. I'm Nate Jacob. Is it for you or you're in it? I'm in it. I thought you said it's for you. I did, but. It's about you. Yeah, well, don't tell the people that. But I'm apparently in it. I think I'm in it.

You think? Also the way my story looked... Why do you think you're an it? I can't even say but the way the story looked is it was like I who started the rumor I'm in Euphoria season 3 and then the next photo I posted on my story looked like me on set like trying out outfits for the show. I didn't even think about that. You like behind a trailer. Yeah, it looks like I'm like on the lot filming lot. Well, it's Valentine's Day. And you didn't give me a gift. Where's my gift?

I feel like we should just talk about love for a moment. That's my gift for Valentine's Day. We just have to talk. Yeah. I'm done eating your coochie. Can we please go to dinner for Valentine's Day? I'm hungry. I want real food. That's not you making me a plate. Your butt is not food. Love, bro.

Well, I have trade in my DMs right now that I'm scared to respond to. I know. I just wish you had it in me. I mean, because up until recently... Actually, I wouldn't say I'm scared to respond to. It's just I'm scared of it becoming something.

Is it because you're fearing the end already or it just sounds too overwhelming to have to deal with? It's way too overwhelming. To have to deal with somebody else's emotions? Yeah, also I've never really been in a super serious relationship so the idea of starting now really greens me the fuck out because I'm like, what? I've lived all my adult life like

Essentially alone. Yeah, and now I have to like figure out how to be in a fucking relationship like hell No, that's too much. So I'm just like girl. I got my friends like I don't need all that shit Okay, so like, you know how this year's the year of reframing. Mm-hmm. Let's reframe that and

And think about the monologue from Call Me By Your Name, which is like, I'm not trying to say anything about you, but it's just like the best monologue about relationships I've ever heard. With the dad at the end. Yeah, when he's talking about like you go through all these relationships and you lose a part of yourself, you lose that fire to give your all to somebody because you realize how much work it takes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I would argue that you are maybe the perfect contender for a relationship because you've had to do all your communication skills with your friends. Like we have hard conversations all the time. I think about that all the time that I got to like,

watch all my friends go through their relationships and like make mistakes and like say things they weren't supposed to love like deeply and love correctly and I got to like learn how to like be in a relationship like vicariously through like all my friends and I'm like in that aspect I'm lucky and like you were saying like we've already had like so many hard conversations like about

um just life and shit and i know how to like like because when you first met me i was a emotionally inept like i was like i was a neanderthal like i really had like the emotions i mean i had emotions actually i don't even know if i had emotions that was low-key sociopathic no i think you've always been emotionally intelligent but like it's like

more than anything also like you just split me open you cracked me open you crack that shit i bent you over and dug around yeah she's digging in me for my emotions digging in my emotions no but i was gonna say i feel like when i met you guys i

I was still pretty emotionally inept in terms of communication. No, you weren't. I mean, like, you were light years ahead of everyone. That's, like, one thing about you is you've always been, like, like...

I feel like a leader in that sense in our like friend group like like in that Brockhampton video in the beginning when I was like you taught like me how to love platonically I genuinely believe that like I genuinely do mean that well and still to this day well and you taught f*cking Josiah, Orion, Josh, Lucas, Christian like you taught us all how to like love each other as friends well that means a lot so thank you

But the real tea of that is come over here. Let me finger you You're not gonna hit bro. You can say all that shit. I'm not letting you hit I call couch I call couch and you once that damn couch so bad. No, I want to dig in my friend tonight Let me dig in. I just want to dig around instead of saying I want to dig inside of you

ew um but the realty of that is i do think i've always had like an intense capacity for love but until i met you guys you guys have made my habits in terms of what i define

as love and what I think I deserved you guys have fully switched that because I feel like when I first met you guys I was like super shut off in terms of friendship connections I've always been very emotionally vulnerable in terms of like the romantic sense which I think is also like why growing up I had a problem where I had a crush on everyone I knew because I knew I could like love people very deeply but I have and still have a hard time separating the two especially when like

I only have sexy friends, so it is really hard. Like, it literally, like, especially when I was growing up. I mean, you're really just talking about me here right now. I mean, you're my one and only. The way we literally are. I know, I was thinking about that in the bathroom this morning because I was like, damn, I kind of want a family, but...

I just don't think I want a family romantically, but I wish humans were more simple. Because in my dream world, I would have a kid with you or Ryan. But then I'm like, damn, that's still a kid that you have to split with somebody. But I would rather split a kid with one of you. Because we know how to share. That's the thing. We live like 50-50 and there are things... Never mind, that's just going to go into misandry. I was going to say that. Like a man should... Whatever. Whatever.

No, a man should be actually useful. Literally, like, damn. I don't even think that's misandry anymore. It's like this idea, like, it's literally, men have never been fucking useless. You know what I'm referencing is the marriage story monologue What's Her Nuts did in The Office. Like, do you know what I'm talking about? No.

- Do you remember it? 'Cause all I remember is like, "Every day I wake up and I wish you were dead!" - "Every day I wake up and I wish you were dead!" No, the one, I forget, what's her name? Josh, you know her name? - Scarlett Johansson. - Laura Dern's monologue when she's talking about men, and I'm like, "See, that's tea." And it took us, but the idea of a good man has only existed for 30 years, that's the realest shit I've ever heard because 30 years ago, men were just like,

supposed to be like beating up their wife and kids and like being an alcoholic that was like what a man also what's crazy is we're still at the idea of a good man we haven't gone there yet we still i think steven is a good man oh yes steven steven like my sister's husband is a good guy that's like a one in a that's really a one in a million but like also like a mat just imagine me in a fucking relationship in it like realistically like think about me like going to someone's house

Like, that doesn't track. Like, and, like, think about them coming to our house. That's, like, that is the crazier part, but I will say that's the crazier part for all of us. Like, all of us are, like, bringing anybody into our domain is really, like, it's like the Royal Rumble. Oh, my God. Should I say what I thought? Yes. Wait, hold on. Let's preface it really quick. Okay. So, I've been getting into...

WWE. I mean, I say I've been getting into it, but I've literally, for like the last eight hours of my life, I've just been watching YouTube videos of it and learning about it. I mean, that's getting into it. You're teaching me and Josh. What is it? I believe in Joe Hendry. Embarrassingly, he's the reason why I wanted to watch WWE because he's fine shit. And I looked him up and I was like, wait, wait. I'm glad you admitted that, honestly. But, uh...

The Undertaker's like, I've just been watching walkouts because I think like in my head, it's the year of reframing like we've been saying. And I like always like saw like WWE and I was like, girl, like fuck this shit. Like it's obviously fake. And then I'm like, oh yeah, duh, it's fake. Like why can't I enjoy like they're actors. Me about movies. I just don't like movies because they're fake. Yeah. I just don't like that shit. I just don't believe them. Wait, also I had this idea. So, you know, wet t-shirt contests.

Yeah? We should start having open book concepts where like girls read books and show their minds instead of wetting their white t-shirts. Anya? Open book concept? Contests. They like read. They like really- Are they reading in the white t-shirt? No, no, no, they're reading in like- Then I don't want to, I don't care. Bro, you're such a boy.

Can we wet your clothes and see how they cling onto your body? You know that's a full thing, it's really scary. Oh, but... People like that shit. What? Like, wet clothing clinging to body is a full subgenre of, like, a kink. Ew. I mean, I guess it tracks because of latex. Yeah, it also makes sense because, like...

If a bad bitch posts a picture in a wet shirt, I'm looking. Josh is very silent. He's looking away awkwardly like, what? Josh is like, dude, what? Like, that's like wet clothes. But I've been getting into WWE. So I was like, like mansplaining it to India and Josh and like showing them clips. And I'm like,

if they were acting, they're amazing actors, but they seemed interested in it. And something that I've always, always, always, always been obsessed with is basketball. Well, we started talking about basketball in the NBA and shit. And Inya finally admitted that she thinks she could... We are crossing a line because I said this would never be public knowledge.

Oh wait, I thought, I thought that's what you were saying, like... No, that's what I'm saying. Okay, actually, we can leave this in.

Because I do have to just battle with this. Like, it really is. It's coming from a very teenager place. Sorry if I literally wasn't supposed to say that. No, no. It's funny. You know what it is? At the end of the day, like, it's kind of like the conversation about the baby bangs. Like, I want baby bangs because I don't want straight guys being like, yeah, she's chill. Oh, I do remember you saying you don't want this. I don't want people to be like...

Oh my god, I'm actually gonna have a stroke thinking about it. If I was out in public and a random guy came up for a picture and he was like, you see the game last night? I would shoot the person. Like, I literally, like, if I had a gun, I'd be like... But that's, see, that's the tea is, like, you, you, me and you go over to Devon Lee Carlson's house because she likes basketball. And we, we hang out in these safe spaces only. True. But...

Me when I'm teaching my baby how to eat solid foods instead of breast milk. Chew. Chew. Oh, my new name. We're going to start calling me Drook. Wait, because of Duke University? No, just Drook. It's just like it rolls off the tongue better than Drew. Drook. Drook. Drook. Well, I'll just end up saying Duke because that's like a dance. No, Duke. No, Duke. No, Duke. Can you stop me, Duke? Duke. Duke. Duke.

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Yeah, we started talking about MBA and then Inya brought this up and I didn't want to hear it until she

told me while the cameras were on okay well i have drew doesn't know this information because we were trying to decide if it was actually funny or i had to tell josh first because i don't want this whole gag that i'm stupid to be a thing because i'm not stupid don't play with me like you saying this whole gag like you weren't like i'm not the one i'm spearheading the rumor that i'm stupid you're heading the movement well it's because it's like

The rumors just get out of control nowadays. Why is there a rumor that I'm stupid? The person who started the rumor. But this is really embarrassing to admit. And the reason why, like...

the NBA or the reason why sports are so underwhelming to me in general is because I thought, so I thought, say you wanted to be a basketball player. I, in my head, the reason the Olympics were such a gag is because it really was the Royal Rumble of the world in my head. I thought- That is kind of true. No, but listen, it gets deep.

I thought and I thought this up until like last year or something I'm not kidding because and that's this is why the Luca whole thing confused me so much because I'm like She thought it we were talking about Jokic Well, yes, I got all the white guys confused I don't really know like because the thing is really when y'all show me pictures and stuff I'm like looking but I'm seeing through You're you're not you're hearing but you're not listening. No, I'm I'm looking from here, but I'm not looking from here Yeah, like this isn't connected most of the time. Um, but I thought

I'm trying to, like... I feel like I explained it perfectly to Josh last night. Essentially, I thought that if you wanted to play basketball, you're from Texas, you had to play basketball in high school, which, yeah, usually you have to, like, start from a child because, like, sports are weird and crazy like that. So...

You do basketball in high school. Then you go to a good college in Texas. And then you play college basketball. And then you just move up to the Mavericks or something. Like, you have to. I thought you had to stay in your team from your state. Because I was like, well, yes. Like, duh. You're like, why are you reffing a state that's not yours? And I think even as, like, I thought, like, the whole switch off thing. Like, I remember when I do know LeBron was at, like, what? The Cleveland fucking, like, Cleveland Beavers.

Really? Yeah. They are not the beavers. They are literally the beavers. I was going to say... No, they're not the beavers. I swear they're the beavers. They're like the clovers or some shit. Yeah, they're the...

Fuck, what are they? Okay, so he was on the Cleveland Beavers and then I remember he got switched to Miami and I thought that was history in the making. I was like, damn, he's not from Miami and they're letting him play on the Miami team. Like, he must be good. Like, wow, he must be that good. And I still didn't think anything of it. So I thought the Olympics was such a gag because I thought of it like I was in debate. You do debate and you do it like

you can get up to the nationals if you win like competitions in your area or whatever. You get to nationals and then you do countrywide like- - Countrywide. - What are they called? Like statewide like championships. Like, yeah, like a championship, whatever.

But I basically thought, like, states fight against each other with, like, the people they, like, born, right? Like, I thought it was, like, some medieval time shit. So I always was like, dude, sports is really weird. Because, like, what do you mean, like, I was born in Miami and I had to fight for my fucking right to be a Miamian? Like, that's what I... Oh, okay.

But that's why I thought it was. And then that's why I thought the Olympics were such a gag. Because I was like, yeah! Because it was like all the forces coming together. Like literally the countries are fighting, the girls are fighting. Okay, something else I wanted to bring up is in the last episode, I explained that I got scammed by my favorite rapper. I got scammed by Edward Skeletrix. But it worked out in my favor because I got a DM from the company saying that

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I forgot to send your stuff and they're sending me an extra special Edward Skeletics iPod. It's probably gonna have like malware in it to give you a virus. It's gonna have tracking information and they're gonna like, yeah. Oh, you shouldn't, you should not be leaning on this. It's like this wood is a little damp and it's gonna fuck with your leather. I know when I was laying down I could feel it seeping through but I was like, whatever, I'm committing to the bit.

But yeah, we gotta get you in a relationship, sis. We gotta get you in a relationship. I mean... Actually, I take that back. I really don't think... My tea is I don't think anybody needs a romantic relationship, but maybe that's coming from somebody who's very lucky in that region. I don't think I need a romantic... I mean, because I already have a romantic relationship with you. So I think, like, I think we're just going to end up together forever. Well, yeah, but we just can't have sex anymore.

I know that's just what marriage does. Well, you but also every time we have every time we hook up I get a UTI or a yeast infection or BV. I have a dirty dick like I know and I beg you I'm like you signed up for that dude Sometimes I'll literally run the sink water to warm and I'm like, please there's hand soap and the sink water is warm Just like a little rinse and he refuses the the tea is is if you think your boyfriend's uh cheating on you Smell his penis

And if you smell vagina, obviously he's cheating. If you smell hand soap that isn't yours, he's cheating and he thought he was being slick.

I'll be damned before I smell a man's dick. I'll be damned. I'll be damned. I'll be damned. Like smelling it like it's a cigar? Yeah, just smelling it to see what's up. Like if I'm getting that like ludicrous in terms of thinking I'm being cheated on, I'm cheating. You're being cheated on. If you think you're being cheated on, you're being cheated on. Like your intuition is mostly right. It's Valentine's Day and we're about to ruin like 8,000 relationships. Ruining relationships. Well, the real tea is...

And this is going to be like the craziest thing I've ever said, but specifically for women, I grew up really, really, really like fearful of being cheated on. And I've had so many experiences where like a line is crossed and I feel uncomfortable in all these things.

But the best part about growing up is it will not kill me, which is like very brave to say. But I feel like so many young people, especially in this like, in this day and age with iPhones, like so many people are in these weird situationships. And it's like Rain put it perfectly is like the idea of like,

Relationships are so weird because yeah, when you're with that person, you feel so confident and everything is awesome. But when they leave, the confidence is gone. So you're actually not confident. You're just like faking it with this random person. And I feel like if you find yourself feeling like that, and I feel like when you get cheated on, that is a huge thing. Like,

People become really attached to those people because it's like well This is a source of comfort and confidence and like what am I gonna do without it? And you should put that time into yourself and the people around you because it won't kill you But also like if you get cheated on it's your fault. I'll say that much right you aren't putting out Yeah, you're not putting out you're not cooking the meals, right? Like you're not washing the dishes doing the laundry Yeah, and that goes for men too. No, I really I really do live in the fact that a woman cheating is

- Is okay. What did he do? What did he do? - Well, yeah. I feel like it just takes more to get pushy. I don't even know why I brought that up, but I was just thinking about like, I feel like Valentine's day is for some reason, specifically for young people, the day a lot of people find out like, oh, okay, this is not- - This isn't it. - I think something else is happening here. But that shit's a scam, bro. Every day is Valentine's day if you spread love to the right corners. - I love you. - Preach.

Me and my boy toy. This is my boy toy. Wait, fuck, I saw... Me and my girl trade. Wait, I saw something... My girl trade. I saw something that was, like, a guy... I am your girl trade. But can girls be trade? The problem is you say trade so much that I started to say trade, and I sound like one of those bitches who's like, that's trade, and it's like, but you don't know what trade means. But it's like we do it with every word. I just...

Girls aren't trade, but I just think it's funny to call girls trade. That's what people thought until they met me. Yeah, girl trade. Like to me, this log is trade. I'm humping this log. Like this log, like this one is... Specifically, specifically like the layer of moss on it is like very hypersexual. Yeah, it's like clean cut. Yeah, it's she cleaned up for you. She got ready for me, bro.

I wish we had a house in the woods, but I will say I don't know if I could actually survive that socially, but I feel like I've become a hermit more like you the past year. I've infected you with my hermit mentality, but it's not as bad as you think it is, though. Like being a hermit? Yeah, I think everybody just needs their year of rest and relaxation and whatnot, because...

Well, I feel like the problem is I get like a bit cabin fevery and I feel like that's... I used to be like, damn, why does Drew get so hyper at the end of the day when I come home? And it's because you have fucking cabin fever. Yeah. Because you've been inside all day and I've been outside exploring the world and having fun and I come back and Drew's just like...

- Woohoo! - How was your day? - I used to like leave the house for the first time in three days and like be like, oh my God, I feel so good. Like why do I feel- - You have the best day ever. - Why do I feel so good right now? And it's because I ate a meal

before midnight and I left the fucking house. And you spoke to humans. Yeah, I like, I interacted with humans. I guess you could live in the woods though and still get interactions just like on a smaller scale. Yeah, and it's like more meaningful connections because like the worker at the, what's that, Safeway that we went to was like so...

Like that was such a cute conversation to have. I know, it was really sweet. Get up in there. I'm scared of the webs. Do you have your phone to shine a light to make sure I don't get webs in my hair? Yeah, I think you need to go in there. Um, wait, it's kind of scary. There might be like spiders everywhere. I need to back my ass up in there though. Or bats maybe. Yeah. Bats? Rabies. Because can rabies kill you? Yes, it's like the most deadly thing ever.

Like you- How have we not gotten that shit figured out bro? Like rabies? That's the thing is people- not a lot of people get it but like people are like like they get rabies and they fucking like- Go crazy. Get allergic to water. Like you try to give them a cup of water and they like freak out. Like they hear running water sounds and they start hissing. Like it's really crazy. Dan we really haven't gotten very far because what do you mean? You start hissing at water. Bro literally. Literally.

but I want to live in the woods really badly because like I was saying the Safeway guy I thought was like such a wholesome conversation and it was just him like to another he was like probably like 55 and then this like person was checking out who was an actual dickhead that I was like genuinely upset by his energy they were talking about the Kendrick Lamar halftime show and

hearing their perspectives like as like middle-aged white men like was so interesting to me because it was like oh like literally these this is like the average Americans like reaction to this and like the dude checking everybody out was like dude I thought it was awesome and like once you learn like the history and the lore about like

like what's going on and it becomes significant and it becomes fun like da da da da da da da da da and I was just like oh see this guy's like just wants to have like a cute conversation yeah Can we just talk? Can we just talk? Can we just talk? Talk about Kendrick Lamar performed at the Super Bowl and it was a very major moment um enjoyable fun but what it really made me think about and what it really dredged up for me

was um y'all remember that girl that says my last stroke just went viral um that like meme will insert it here well she i think we're gonna cross oh it's just a uh it's just a wire um well she like before that video like went super super super viral everywhere

Um, I had like found it like not to be that guy but like and you can attest like That was like a very major moment in my life was that specific video? And so I messaged her on my instagram and we were dming because she had followed me and I was like, oh my god, like I Love your video. I think you're so good at singing like Do you want to make a song together because I was making a lot of joke music at the time and well, she

Messaged me back and was like yes, let's let's collaborate on a song and I was like, okay. Yes, let's do it So I'd message her and was like, okay Well, I'm gonna like find the beat and then I'm gonna send you the beat with my verse on it and then you can just do whatever you want like freestyle but like Specifically singing that style because it's awesome. We're gonna make magic well like we deem deem back and forth and then like a couple days go by and I like

hadn't had the beat yet. So I messaged her and was like, hey, I'll have like the beat and stuff ready tomorrow. Like if you're ready to lay a verse down. And then she didn't respond to me for two days. And I was like, damn it. I like fumbled like I should have just like messaged her like quickly ready. I should have had it all ready to go before I messaged her. Well, then she messaged me back or I messaged her saying, hey, what's up? Like you ready? And then she messaged me back saying, well, actually, I

I have a manager now. Off of that one video, she got a manager and she said, they were thinking that I should be paid $20,000 for this verse on your song. And I was like,

$20,000 for a verse from like someone with a meme like girl. It's crazy how like having a bad team around you will really have you putting in all your chips to cash out early when you could have just been chill. It could have been for the love of the game. What happened to the love of the game bro? Like people need to love the game more like for real. Think okay if y'all actually gave a fuck you would treat your life like squid game. Where's the love for that game?

For the love of the squid game. Fuck Josh, you're not gonna fit on this bridge. Yeah Josh, you're too wide. Should we? Oh. Actually Josh, I really am not comfortable with you stepping on here. We're all on it at the same time. Yeah, because you're too big. Back up. He's working on it. You know what I want to do at one point in my life? You know that you can like...

work at a national park and live there for the summer to be on wildfire watch. That's what Quinn did. Really? Yeah, that not Quinn Blackwell, but there's like this TikToker guy. He like worked at a national park like for a year. Yeah, I've seen girls who do like fire watch. Like you go up and you get dropped in the mountains. Yeah, we should go do fire watch. I would love to do that this summer, actually, especially after all the fires here. Like it'd feel nice to contribute in that way, if that makes sense.

because I stay up all fucking night anyway. So imagine I just got to be in a fucking cabin on the top of a mountain looking out for fires, but also I would be smoking weed up there and one, convinced that I'm going to start a fire and two, terrified. Yeah, you'd literally start the fires yourself.

- Yeah, of course. - Oh yeah. - Oh my God, what the fuck? - We're actually recording an episode right now. Do you wanna be in it? - You can get a pic though. - Whoa, dude, that'd be a big flex for my friends. - Yeah, you're in it. - Question, have you guys seen any banana slugs? Like I-- - No, but I did not know they were out here and I will be looking. - It's 'cause, no, I went all the way to the falls

Oh, can you go through here? Yeah, it's just you can't go around, which is the shitty part because it'd be a lot easier. So you have to go through it and then back. But the falls is cool. And I'm like looking for banana slugs. And I feel like a video game character because I keep stopping and asking someone and they give me little hints. You're piecing it together. When you get to two idiots who know nothing, you're like hitting A. You're like, OK, enough.

Next cut screen. But they said something about Buzzard Roos, which is why I'm like beelining there. But then I was like looking at you guys. I was like, you guys look a lot like Drew and Ennio. It's probably very strange to see us in the woods. I know. But it was so cool. Yeah, it was good. What was your name? Tracy.

Tracy! Tracy, I knew your name. Nice to meet you. And I like to be the- Adrian, nice to meet you. The whole idea of getting older and getting dead serious is so played out to me and that's why everybody has this crippling obsession and fear of aging because everyone feels like they have to rush into this character and I don't think it's that fucking serious. I don't think anybody needs to know how deep my brain goes.

Other than my friends. That's real as fuck. Like I can make poop jokes for the rest of my life. Exactly. But I'm not a millennial. Also like not even that but I don't know. It's just not that deep. Why have I never seen a 5'2" man in real life? That can't be real. I've literally, I've seen shorter and I've seen slightly taller but I've never seen like a 5'2" man just like walk past me. Yeah.

I feel like that's pretty rare. Yeah, but... Like a man that short? I see like four two girls all the time, but I never see five two men.

There have to be. I mean all of them are wearing... Oh, Kai Sena. Oh, true, true, true. They also all wear like boosters on their feet. Yeah. They're all... Do you know what it is? Every motherfucker who's still wearing a Chelsea boot, I know it's just because you're short. Like, that's just ugly as fuck. You have no... It's because you're tiny. Like the Chelsea boot is the real ask. The Chelsea boot era, like can we please...

Can it be chopped? Like, can we, can we give it the boot? Can we give it the Chelsea boot? Can we give Chelsea the boot? Can we give Chelsea the boot? And that's on Faro. Something I'm trying to get better at is my self-control, which is highly intertwined with

with my spending. And that is a perfect way to take a break for our sponsor of today's episode, Rocket Money. I have a really bad habit that if someone tells me to watch something and I'm by my computer, oh, I don't have that subscription-based

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i love you so much i'm so glad we're here in the theme park right now dude i literally can't are in the nature's reserve right now i wish we were at disney in line for a ride like this bro this is crazy that for me this genuinely doesn't feel that crazy you know it doesn't feel nor oh i mean now these people coming by are really gonna think we're a couple like we for real look like a couple i mean every single person that sees us thinks we're a couple because we basically are

Oh my god, we literally look like fucking like we were perving out. Like when I walk past- No, we were about to start humping each other. Yeah, when I walk past people doing the same thing, like I'm like, "Oh my god, they were about to fuck." And then when they walk past us, they're gonna walk far enough away to be like, "Bro, they were about to fuck." We interrupted them having sex. Yeah. And now we look super sus. I know. Um, what do we say to them? Should I pull them aside and be like, "Dude, I'm sorry. I swear we were about to do this." Yeah. Howdy y'all. I'm good. How are y'all?

Oh, is it Gracie Abrams City? That's fierce. The dad really did not fuck with our energy. I mean, we are. Tonight, after I proposed.

Low-key mad annoying. Because the thing is, I will always see couples being like that in public, but I won't actually give a fuck. I don't care. It doesn't matter. As long as I don't see your fucking junk or your lips, I don't give a fuck. I'd prefer to see their junk or lips, personally. I think camel toes need to come in. In a very major way. Can't.

challenge we need camel we need gray gray leggings challenge we need moose knuckle challenge oh wait a moose knuckles for a guy yeah a girl's is a camel toe yeah we hate that i want to drink this water so bad it feels like a very up and sick joke that god would put this water on this earth and i can't just drink i mean you could probably drink it but it's just like

you're risking getting a brain-eating amoeba. - They just wanna fear monger us. - Bro, yeah, they don't want us to drink the free water. - That's what I'm saying. Like, I genuinely, like, obviously don't go drinking random water, please. Like, I'm not saying that. - It's like the raw milk, like, please. - Yeah, it's like the raw milk theory. Don't drink raw milk. Don't fucking drink random water. But deep, deep down in my soul, in my caveman soul, my body tells me that this water is,

- I know, I agree. - My gut is telling me I could take a few sips and I'd live. - Yeah, I mean, you definitely could. - Yeah. - But it's like giving like, is it worth the risk? Like we have clean water.

But like, why do we have to pay for water? Why do we have to pay for water, tampons? Yes! Why do I have to pay for pussy? Yes! Like, I'm tired of like having to pay for it. Like, it should just be free. I mean, but then like how would we even make our situation work if you weren't paying me anymore though? I mean, if I was married to you, it would change. I don't know. You still have to pay me. I would marry you if you paid me. Would you pay me to marry me or you just expect to get it?

I expect to get it. That's ridiculous. Uh, what is it? Hey, my name is Nicholas and it's so ridiculous. Hey, my name is Nicholas and this is ridiculous. Got mad gummy money and it is deliciousness. Where's that from? Uh, it's like the first vine ever. Oh my God. My hand is also freezing. Wait, that literally is us.

This is Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Didn't he shoot his friend in the face with a gun? Wait, did he really? I think so. Bro, all those freaky ass motherfuckers have done some weird shit. Yeah. But that was like the first Vine ever made.

- Not actually, but like-- - Oh, is it that guy who ended up making like, "Good or nice girls finish--" No, no, no. - No, no, no. - Same genre of white guy though, right? - Yeah, he had like long hair, grown out beard era. - Oh, I know, I know. - He would like open the app and like log in for the first time. Don't let go. - Let go of my hand. Anybody wanna see a picture of the hot dog I had last night? It's pretty perfect. I mean the photo, we won't talk about the photo, but it's the contents of the photo that matter.

Jen emoji can't even make an emoji. And you got gourmet hot dogs, like $2 hot dog buns, and then...

Spicy mustard and shitty ketchup or Heinz ketchup. It was good. Wasn't good as fuck though. Oh, I was getting there. It was really delicious. But the duality between all the complex flavors was very interesting. And I just want a wiener. Like I don't want like a, like a all beef hot dog. I want like lips and assholes like from the pig or like the ear cartilage in my hot dog. I want that from like you.

My lips an asshole. You don't want to go today? I'm just worried about it getting dark. Like... You're scared of the dark? No, I just like in Hawaii... Wait, you're scared of the dark. I'm not scared. I'm not scared of the dark. Domingo is scared of the dark. Domingo. Me when I say I won't be horsing around the first day of the job. I can't do a good horse sound. That was awful.

should we race should we all race should i run i can't run on camera that's up look how running on camera she is like look at her what's up guys my name is yeah i just bought what is this about again like a hundred thousand acres of land i'm gonna marry who knew the podcasting game would get me a national forest guys thank you for supporting

this land means a lot to me. I'm going to knock all this down. She's funny. Down to pavement. She's silly. And I'm going to make. She's cute. I'm going to make a Walmart. She's buying the land. I'm going to build a Walmart here. I'll do a Walmart. I'll do a Tesco for my British folk. Oi, oi, huzzah. Thank you for coming. Say she's funny. I don't know. Why do I keep saying huzzah? No, you're supposed to say ba-doink-a-doink. Ba-doink-a-doink. Huzzah. And that's what

And I put that on what? I put that on Pharaoh's family pyramid. Yep. Huzzah. I put that on Pharaoh's family pyramid. I feel like huzzah should come at the end. And I put that on the Pharaoh's family pyramid. Oh, no. Huzzah should come. It has to end on pyramid. Did you ever have to do PT? I think I've talked about this before. PT, like physical tour. I fuck off. Thank you so much for doing that. That literally hurts so bad. It literally means everything to me. You're thanking the tree? No.

Okay, I'll, no, I'll talk to you later. Stop, stop. Get his ass again. Hit him. Seize him. Guards. Not the challengers! That hurt really bad. We're back where we started, y'all. Wait, wait, actually do that. Get on here and walk and we'll do that down here. Wait, what? Like, lawnmower. Is this a good workout or am I going to hurt my back?

It's probably a good workout for your shoulders. You're gonna get nice and broad shoulders. Okay, go, go, go. Wait, keep going. I'm going, you're not going. Now, how cool does that look on camera, bro? Does that look sick, Josh? Wait, hold it. Keep holding it. This is our Vogue shoot. We love you.

We love everything you do. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine. Happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day. Do you know that song? No. Happy Valentine's Day. It's Outkast. Guys, seriously, we're forgetting the greats. Wait, what is my media? I've been listening to a song on repeat. Probably the fucking Challenger shit. I only listen... Atticus Ross. Yeah, I only listen to...

Social network soundtrack. Oh, bitch. The Fame by Gaga. Oh, yeah. That's what I was blasting. And I'll say, boys, boys, boys, paper gangster specifically.

Gangsta. Like was I not blasting that shit? Then we were listening to abracadabra on full blast because that's a banger like old Gaga's back Oh also Addison Rae. She is I mean I say it every episode but like just prepare for AR1 like it's gonna it's gonna shift things It's gonna be groundbreaking some of you aren't gonna understand it at first and that's okay but once it hits the mainstream and it's on the radio because it will be getting radio play

- Oh yeah. - You won't hear the end of it and she's going to take over and win best new artist at the Grammys in 2026, calling it now. - Like the thing is I agree, but she's not gonna let you hit so you can like actually stop. - Not everything is about me hitting. I mean, it is. - Exactly. - But. - Gotcha, gotcha right handed. - Gotcha bitch. - Okay, Drew Psyop Corner in the woods. Somebody asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I have never heard of that kind of bacon. Is it new?

Also, why is that the best you've ever enunciated any sci-off corner on the planet? I accidentally showed some weakness earlier today. It was disgusting. I would not recommend it.

I wish my coochie had alopecia cuz I'm tired of saving- Fuck! I wish my coochie had alopecia cuz I'm tired of shaving big Wanda. Isabel the Great sent in potentially the best user submitted psyop of all time. He doesn't play about her name, bro. Just came in 3.14 seconds. I call that a cream pie. A cream pie? 3.14159

- Gag on it. Isabel the Great, you cooked. Bitches always tell me I'm too chronically online and I need to touch grass as if my hand isn't already on my bush right now. - As if I'm not twirling my pubes. - Yeah, we really need to bring back like public twirling of pubes, Zara. That was from Eduardo. - I think I'm gonna like go to cosmetology school to become an esthetician and I'm gonna start a laser or a waxing company.

Um, but I won't be, I'll never remove a bush. I'll just do kind of like lineups and stuff. Oh, like a fade? Yeah. A coochie fade? One time. A low taper coochie fade is still massive. When I was like 18, 19, I was at...

target with my friend cyrus or maybe like i hung out with cyrus after but i went and i got that like razor like a coochie razor like a ass razor because i was genuinely committed to doing designs in my bush because i was so bored and i tried and it's like way harder than you would did you ever do a heart i tried and it looked like an arrow yeah it was pointing down to the party ha ha

Yikes. Dude, what scared me was my own echo. It sounded like a bird. I know. We're like in this beautiful park disturbing the peace. Imagine I literally just jumped off and dived and killed myself. Like, what would y'all do? Like the big finale. I'd honestly smoke the joint in my pocket and then go home. I wouldn't even give a fuck. It's like, no, I mean, yeah, if you killed yourself in front of me, I would kill myself next.

And then Josh wouldn't kill himself, he would use the footage and submit it to Sundance. Yeah, he would Logan Paul us. No, he would Logan Paul us, is what he would do. He would take our ideas and claim them like, yeah, it was like this whole idea from the beginning that I had orchestrated. They said they wanted to kill themselves in this very big, beautiful fashioned way and they needed me to document their last moments together.

And then that's... What is John Paul and Logan Pork doing now? Are they still fighting? John Paul and Logan Pork. Brother wrestlers now. Thanks, guys, for tuning in. Peace and love. Happy Valentine's Day. I hope if you didn't have a romantic day, you had a platonically gorgeous day with your friends. And remember that...

Little sweet sentiments aren't just for Valentine's Day and aren't just for romantic partners. You should give it to everyone you love because who knows, they could die tomorrow and you will regret forever not doing that nice thing you thought of doing. And that is the real source of all of my kindness to my friends is I am constantly terrified that they will die if I don't say I love them. - I mean, I do think I'm gonna die this year. Your hair is so beautiful. - Thank you. - It feels really pretty. I think I'm gonna die this year, y'all. - Can you turn around and pull down your pants and shut up?

I know damn well you're not pulling your butt crack out. Yeah. I was going, you said to. Thanks for watching. And scene. Our big break.