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This is the first time I've touched Inya all year. Oh my god, you're gonna be touching me in crazy ways tonight. Cause we're switching positions, hot and fresh in the kitchen. Wait, literally hot and fresh in the kitchen.

Guys, honestly, I have... I am going into 2025 with nothing but delusional positivity. I know last year I went into it with positivity and God damn it, did I get rug burn on my fucking butt from being butt fucked from 2024? Thrown to the ground. Thrown to the ground several times. But also we have to recognize...

That simultaneously, there's a yin and a yang. So many good things. So many good things. So many great things. That's what I'm leading with this year is positivity. I'm looking for the good things in life. And it'll find me. It'll find me. Please fucking find me. Good things, please find me. It is so funny being people who like...

prize our privacy because I feel like when we talk about last year being bad, it can sound so annoying to you guys. I really don't want it to go unseen that I am so grateful for the life I have. Like I genuinely feel so blessed and I said it in like a few episodes ago, but just no, just no, just no, just no, just no. But the fun part is last year, like I've been feeling like a teenager again in terms of like

When things are happening in my personal life, I feel like it motivates me a lot to do creative work. Mm-hmm. Which that is, like, the fun. You really have been drawing, like, drawing, writing, all that good shit. Yeah, it, like, really puts that pep in my step and it makes me feel alive, but that's because I am mentally ill and there's just something about a deep, sick sadness that makes me feel alive. Mm-hmm.

But that's not the vibe this year. No, no, no. Wait, should we do our ins and outs to start off the episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want me to start? Yeah. Okay. How should we do it so that we don't like cut each other off? Should we just go down our list and then we can pick ones out? Yeah, yeah. We'll go down our list fully. But I mean, also just chime in. Like we'll just chime in and it'll be fine because love is what?

interrupting exactly okay i just have okay so this is what i have i have what are we leaving in 2025 i have my resolutions and then oh i just deleted all of them um yeah i have resolutions what we're leaving in trend forecasting so should i just do what are we leaving in 2025 because i only have ins and outs okay so in 2025 we're leaving heart palpitations

Yes. Those are canceled. They're out. Like, I'm done feeling my heart skip three beats and thinking I'm going to have a heart attack. Wait, but you don't vape. You don't vape. Why does your heart hurt? It's got to be some other shit, bro. It's got to be some other shit. I'm stopping vaping this year. I am, like, genuinely committed to it. My puff bar died yesterday on the first, and I told myself I was going to stop. I had a very stressful week. Oh!

Y'all, like I really can't get into it. I cannot get into it. And sorry for cutting you off. But my life has been a living fucking hell for the last week. So has Inya's. Not spilling her tea, not spilling my tea. But just know these holidays were fucking scary. Fucking boots. They were not a vibe at all. Like I'm so glad I spent it with my family. And I love my parents and my family so fucking much. Yeah, I'm so grateful to have a family to go back to.

Oh my god, I'm literally gonna start crying. Imagine I just start crying for the first time over all the shit now. I've been, y'all, the shit going on, I have been internalizing and been laughing at it for far too fucking long and it is not funny at all. Yeah, it gets to the point where it's not funny. It's like so unhealthy for me to like process this, process it this way, but like,

We're just going to keep laughing. I'm going to keep shoving it down until we have some time away so I can fucking cry about all the bullshit going on in my goddamn life. But just know we're in this together. But heart palpitations out. Heart palpitations are out. Yeah, puff bars out. I don't think I'm going to buy a new one. I do have cigarettes and this is going to sound like the craziest thing ever. You are batshit crazy. But I think I'm going to like smoke a cigarette today and see if it even sparks joy. Don't smoke a cigarette.

Don't do it because it'll spark joy. I want nicotine so bad. You just got a cold turkey. That's like... No, I know. I'm going to buy a bunch of toothpicks and stuff because for me, it really is like I bite my nails. I always have something in my mouth and I just like...

I'm constantly thinking too much and I like to chew on stuff. If y'all saw the tips of my vapes, the teeth marks are crazy. I just chew on it. Also, it is so embarrassing. No, it is. Vaping is literally just embarrassing. It's just giving like...

ba-ba-bink like bottle like... Also, I just don't want us to be a part of like the testing generation. Yeah, like we all gotta quit. We've already given enough. We've already given enough of our money to that side of the world and tobacco. I feel like if we all are in this together, we can all step away from it. And you know...

Yeah. Right. Also, I saw that Gen Z is drinking like exponentially less than the generations, the three previous generations, like the others are averaging like $24 billion a year spent on alcohol. Gen Z, granted, only like half of us are of age are only spending $3 billion a year on alcohol, which is iconic. And if we could kill big alcohol and big tobacco, bitch, that's a vibe. But

Smoke your weed though. Hit that cart. I don't give a fuck. The carts are a different conversation. Smoke your weed. Do your heroin. Snort, smoke, or inject meth. Like either way. Like those are the good ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are the fun ones. But actually.

Actually... Cocaine, like all of that. My only... Literally, my only gripe with weed is... I'm joking, by the way, y'all. Yeah, obviously. But my only worry with weed is the memory loss of it all. And I genuinely do because I believe in science. Um...

I do believe in the idea of smoking too much before... I think it's like age 24 or 5 can really fuck with your memory and your cognitive ability. So keep that in mind. But also...

I'm not your fucking mom. Don't listen to me. Yeah, literally. Okay, so we are leaving eye contact in 2025. I agree. It's too much. It's too much pressure. It's like...

there's too many like Diagnoses that you can put around it and I don't fall in any of those fucking categories It's never that deep like if I'm having a conversation and I'm looking this way. I'm talking to you. It is not that fucking deep It's not disrespectful for me not to look in your goddamn eyes, and I don't know why people made it that way But like oh my god like it's not that deep we're leaving eye contact in 2025 also

We have to leave it in 2025 because you can't tell me. Or 2026, 2026. Or what the fuck? 2024. Yeah, I'm leaving all of this in 2024. You can't tell me to make eye contact with somebody because I take it too literal and I just stare people in the eye. Yeah, and then I overthink it. Yeah, I overthink it and I'm like... Yeah, I'm like, okay, am I creeping them out? Do they think I'm falling in love with them? It's also interesting because I feel like with people I'm comfortable with, I don't think about eye contact at all.

Like, I feel like I stare my friends in the face when I talk to them. Yeah. Like, I can't even look at you because we're talking about it. But I think we can, like, have conversations looking at each other. Stop looking at my fucking eyes, bitch. Literally. Okay. We're leaving Irony Poisoning in 2024. Um.

Ethel Cain said it best. We are in a sincerity epidemic. Um, no one's being sincere anymore. And I am at the forefront of the irony poisoned movement. And if you see me being irony poisoned and making a sarcastic remarks and jokes for all of 2025, don't say shit. I'm trying and I'm aware of it. And I want to be more sincere with myself and with y'all and with Ella, my friends and family. Um,

because I realized I was like really thinking back and I was like, okay, I'm in tune with my emotions. Like I, I know what I'm feeling and I like control can control my emotions. Like four years ago, that was a different story. But like, I can't verbalize like what I'm feeling. Like it's, it's, it's like a weird thing. Like in my head, I know what I'm thinking and I know what I want to say, but then there's like this like blockade, like that I just can't get out. And I'm just like,

we gotta i gotta work on that shit and that starts with being sincere i feel like you're really good at it when we're talking about things like i never feel like you're not good at just you know what it is is like comparison is a thief of joy because you are so good at it like you are like every time i hear you talk about like your emotions or like talking about your feelings about someone or anything like that like i'm like damn she's really good at like

she's just really in tune with her mind. And even like on the podcast, she'll go on these like tangents. And I'm like, damn, she's like just really good at it. And then like, I just am sitting next to you and I'm like, yeah, I'm sad because my family. And like, that's all I can get out. I really do think, I feel like with me, you're very vulnerable. So I wouldn't, it really is just comparisons. The thief of joy. Also, I always try to remind people that,

not only am I batshit crazy and OCD, so I can't not think about every single waking move I make, but I've had six, I think now seven years of consistent therapy. So it really is. I, I doing that once a week, I tell that to everybody. I was talking to my sister and she was talking about how she has such a hard time verbalizing how she feels, but she knows how she feels. It's very similar to how you'd say, but just like my sister, like when she talks, I'm,

I'm like, no, you don't have a problem talking. You're really good at expressing yourself. But it is just I because I've done so it's like I've taken a class. Yeah, like an acting class. Yeah, for emotions. I have a few, but I'm leaving them off because I wrote this list when I was sobbing on the floor of my bathroom. And we'll get into that. We'll get into that in a second. Yeah.

But the last one I'll say is unwarranted guilt. I feel like

I am a very guilty person for things that I had nothing involved with or like just I feel like I carry around a lot of guilt for things that literally do not matter or that I had no involvement with. And I am just leaving that in 2024. I am living a guilt free lifestyle. I'm moving on. Like I'm apologizing if I did do wrong, but like I'm not holding that guilt over me and there will be no more shame left.

No more shame. No more shame. You know what's funny is my top two are admitting you're annoying slash wrong and vulnerability, which I feel like kind of plays into that. I was just being annoying in the way I wrote it. But it really is that just...

if i'm wrong i am wrong i feel like i've started to realize because i am a people pleaser through and through and that is such a selfish and like self-absorbed act i don't think i do it that way on purpose but it does get to a point where it's okay all of these things and all of my guilt

comes back to me and how I feel like I'm going to be perceived for the thing I've done and said. Yeah, so it's such an ego thing. And I feel like it really didn't start as that. It comes from our fucking childhood and being the younger or middle siblings, whatever, whatever. But...

I feel that I can carry literally I will have nothing to do with some shit and I will say sorry 18 million times you gotta stop apologizing I say sorry oh I give out sorry's like I'm Mr. Beast giving out fucking $100 Hershey's chocolate yeah like I'm giving out feastable bitch oh my god I found out I found out Mr. Beast

received millions of taxpayer dollars from the Pentagon to get kids to fucking enlist in the goddamn military because we are in a military crisis, like, because no one wants to fight a fucking war, like, no-- like, everyone is just, like, over-- okay, whatever. 'Cause what have to do with me? I don't even believe in the shit y'all are trying to put me at war for, like, literally leave those people alone. Leave those people the fuck alone. Pissing me off. I want to throw, like,

I think an in for this year is throwing tomatoes. Yeah. I think we need to bring back like... Tomato, tomato, boo. Because I feel like so much of our society is reversing into these crazy ideas that feel very old school. So, okay, I'm going to bring back

the old school retaliation and I'm going to start y'all better start checking my back with tomatoes. Bitches are getting tomatoes and stones. Like we're going to start stoning people. Like we'll throw tomatoes at people where we're like this guy fucking stinks but we'll throw stones at people that commit heinous crimes. Yeah I think Mr. Beast is getting a tomato with a rock inserted in it. So like a dirt clog. A dirt clog. A dirt clog. Yeah. So it's like not going to cause permanent damage. There may be a cut. Have I ever told you about my dirt clog fight era? I'm not going to

I'm not gonna lie. I don't know what the fuck a dirt clog is. It's just like a really hard compacted mass of dirt. Like it gets wet and then it turns into like almost a stone where you can pick up a clot of dirt. And we would on recess, we found a big pile of them like for like three days and we would just have like wars where we kept throwing them at each other and they would hit you and like hurt a little bit. But they would burst into dust and it was just like really fun. Well, one day a kid...

accidentally picked up a literal stone and launched it at a kid and gashed his fucking forehead open. And knowing like the parents of the kid that had his forehead gashed open were like, we're pressing fucking charges. But the kid was like, mom, like that's going to make me so fucking lame. Like that made me a loser. So nothing happened. But yeah, I was almost the kid that threw the stone.

The first stone at the dirt wall. The first stone at Granbury brick stone wall. Yeah. Brick wall. Brick wall. Okay, I'll say my other ones, but just know that these are back in. Sorry, I'll stop interrupting you. No, no, no, no, no. You're good. These are good conversations. We're leaving showering in 2024.

- Are you gonna substitute it with something? - No, I think our human bodies were not meant to be showered. And I mean, I already left it in 2023, but I'm saying everybody else is gonna start joining. I literally think the only time I quote unquote showered last year was when we went to the river.

I guess I went to the ocean with Mason and Zamar and swam. But does that make it a shower? - No, 'cause you're not using soap, so it's technically not a shower. You're just like getting wet. I'm confused. Like you go in the bathroom all the time. - Yeah, I just hang out in there.

- True. - I know, yeah. I make it seem like I'm showering. I'll maybe wash my hands 'cause we're also leaving that in 2022 where I left it, like washing my hands. - But there's like sicknesses and stuff going around. - That's, I'm building my immune system, babe. - Oh, okay, honestly, I feel that, I feel that. Also, I just realized something-- - Pheromone maxing. - And we can cut this off.

if it's like too much but it's not even it literally has no details to it i've realized because both of us love hanging out in the bathroom and i genuinely think we like hanging out in the bathroom so much because we both grew up in huge families that we had to share all these spaces and the bathroom was the only place you got to be fully alone because i was just looking at you thinking about you hanging in the bathroom i was like i don't do that and i was like wait yes i do every night when i get ready for bed i am in there for like two fucking hours it's chilling it's a vibe it was stairs i love being in

there it was the stairs and oh best believe under the table were you under the table oh no that's weird i was hanging out under the dining room table because we had this table all the chairs would block it and there was this little center area with a glass piece that would shine light in there and i would just literally i would bring clay under there i would bring shit under there and i would hang out under there and i have the best memory from when i was a kid during like the house the

The fridge is about to explode. At the first house I lived in, we had these huge windows in the living room and it was a crazy thunderstorm and I was under the table. Like I had an iPod touch. I was like 14. I was under the table and orange is the new black. Wow.

Just came out and I was having that, watching that and playing with clay. And I remember like going to the kitchen and like putting it to bake and going back under the table and waiting. Also, actually, before I forget, I almost set my fucking parents house on fire in Miami because my dumb high ass was like playing with clay with my siblings, which was so amazing. Loved it so much. Um, made the cutest character. I made that thing we've been working on. I made it out of clay and it looked really good. Do you have pictures of it? No, because I put it in the,

the air fryer instead of the oven because I was like... Same difference. I was like, same thing, bitch. I... Natalie came in the room and Sabrina was there and she came in the room and she goes...

There's a lot of smoke in the house. Mind you, no one else noticed. My brother is sitting in the living room, literally didn't notice. And I had to go and run and open all the windows and fan out the house. And I went and told my dad and he just looked at me. He was like, you are so dumb. And I was like, yes, we know. And then he was like, did you get the smoke on? I was like, no. And he was like, okay. And he got up and he just started smoking.

doing it. You mentioned Oranges and New Black and I don't think that show gets the credit it deserves for making Netflix what it is today because that, that single-handedly changed the trajectory of Netflix forever. Like, they were making like little dinky shows. I think they had, uh, Who Was the Murderer? That like docuseries or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Making a murderer. Yeah. Um,

But like Orange is the New Black really revolutionized. I mean, streaming in general, which I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's really convenient. But it also costs so much money. Also, it's yeah, it's more expensive than cable. I miss cable. Like I genuinely I don't like decision making. It's we're all being played like pawns. Like I don't I guess actually it's like a very cheap mentality to just want decisions made for me. But I don't give a fuck. Why do I have to think about what to watch? Sorry, keep going because I'm like literally going to go on.

No, you're good. You're good. So my other one was, uh, not crying. I don't cry enough. Um, we're leaving that in 2024. I'm going to be an emotional baby. I'm going to be crying all the time. Trying to cry. I can't be the only girl crying. Yeah. And also I feel like it is like a really useful skill to have to be able to cry. But, um,

Just joking. Just manipulate. Yeah, just manipulate. Manipulate. Okay, then we're leaving Crushes in 2024, but I redacted that one because I wrote this when I was crying on the floor of the bathroom. But I got a text back, so we're cooking. Things are looking up. We're cooking, but I'll get into all of that after Inyo's list. Oh, my Inns?

My ends already said the first two admitting your annoying slash wrong vulnerability, not caring about tech specs, which is crazy. She just said that, but

I mainly meant that because I'm sorry I'm not a good texter. It's never going to happen. That's only for you. Yeah, it's never going to happen. Please know I love you. Wait, can I show you the way we text? I'll show you later. But like you tell me if I'm like over reading things. No, it is bad. Every time I open a text with anybody I love, I'm like, holy shit, I suck dick and balls. But I just can't. We text good. You know what it is too? It's like this is so annoying, but I genuinely...

I have decided I like giving so much time and attention to someone. And I feel like text is a barrier. I can't be fully like I can't be as fast enough because if you look at our texts or like me and Orion's text in our group chat text, we're all just talking at the same time. Like we're not really replying to each other because the way we all talk is we like to just be in each other's face. I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I can't do that over text. And if I see you in person and you're my friend and I am fully present, you should know I love you. A text back is not going to change that. Yeah, that's a good one. And I need to also get on that wavelength. Yeah, I just like... I feel like also...

Being a bad text backer or whatever, being bad at replying to text also is like remove the anxiety. I don't really care that much when someone doesn't text me back because I don't even remember I sent the text if I'm being honest. Like I send a text and I leave the app and I'm just like living in my own world. And then I'll be like, oh shit, that person never responded to me. That's crazy. Like I actually don't give a fuck about a text

back. I will say crazy shit in your text and I'll give a fuck if you don't reply because I know you saw it. Like, because I know I see everything on my phone. So I know you saw it. See, that's what drives me insane. I'm like, bitch, you saw it and you didn't respond. Like, because I see everything. Like, if I don't text you back, it's not because I didn't see it. I saw it, but I was scrolling on TikTok and I don't have the capacity and wherewithal to

exit the app put the energy into texting you and then sending and then going back to the video i was watching like i just need to be in perpetual rot state because if i break that cycle bad things happen i start thinking thoughts i start having thoughts inside of my head yeah and i can't have that i really i really cannot well that's why this year we're going to dedicate more of our free time to using our hands because the idol uh what is it the devil loves idle hands yeah i mean that's one of my resolutions which i won't get into yet um

Making coffee at home. I already do this all the time. But I mainly wanted to say it for y'all like invest in a little setup. It's like a self-care thing. I love like as much as I would love to just lay in bed and order a coffee one. I can never get myself to do it because I'm like that's awful and a waste of time and also a waste of money and the idea of somebody going in their car and getting me a coffee and leaving it on my front porch makes me feel absolutely batshit crazy. But also it's like a self-care ritual. If you have the time

Make a coffee at home, like, invest in your little setup. It's like doing your makeup or skincare or whatever the fuck. It's like... It's a moment to yourself. Yeah, it's like, I think that's why matcha also became so popular. Yeah, because it really is like a ritual. Like, rituals are very important, guys. We need to tap back in. That's an in, is rituals. Like, little rituals for yourself. But, like, not like... Not like big things, like little... Like, every morning...

one of my rituals is making my bed, tidying my sheets. - Opening the curtains, you don't have curtains, but like opening my curtains is ritual. - It's like, I wake up before everybody else, I clean up a little bit, like that's a ritual. Like little things like that, that's so in. - Yeah, just little things for yourself. You don't have to do your big one every day. That's like absolutely ridiculous.

watching the movies your friends recommend but i have to immediately follow that up with one of my outs which is recommending movies you already went to see in a theater without me and you didn't invite me okay that is also for me too yeah because i i didn't get invited actually granted i was in either other countries or states but y'all saw all of the major motion pictures without me and i

I'll never see it. Wait, what? Barbie? Bitch, I'm telling you, you're not missing shit with Barbie. Like, I am so sorry. I just like internalizing that. He loves saying that shit. Wait, because y'all saw something without me, too. But you were in another state. You see hella shit without me. You see hella shit without me. Should we kiss? No. I'm going to shove this banana up my ass. So you hit me and then you say you're going to shove a banana up my ass? And you're going to like it. Um...

A new in too is playing. Like not enough friends want to just play. Like I'm taking inspo from Rain. She's really good at getting her friends together and playing games and just not watching TV. When I go to Rain's house, it's rare we sit down and just like watch TV. We just play with our cat. We play with little things. We get like little kits to make fucking what's it called? Those like pop and cook in. Like I want to do more of that. I want to do more play.

playing with my friends. I want to go run around with my friends. I want to find a field and like chase each other and play in person. Like I want to play. And a second thing is that like that is dressing up and being loud. I feel like I really like my style. It's become very diluted and basic, but I think it's just been easier for me, especially with how busy I've gotten to be more simple, but I want to be more playful with my outfits. I want to be like more, uh,

Of a presence. And that's a whole other thing. But yeah, I just want to have more fun with my expression, with my clothing and my hair and things like that. And I'm trying to figure it out. I inspired you. You actually like kind of did. I'm like, oh, damn, like getting a fun haircut is a thing. Like it's a good thing. My rat tail. I need it rebraided. Yeah.

The rubber band fell out? Yeah. This has been braided. Oh, you have to take that out and wash it because you probably have like scalp buildup at the base of that braid. Oh, no. I like get up in there and scrape. It's really loose at the tip. At the tip. And that's honestly it for my ends. Like I have other ends, but they're more, I guess, resolutions for myself. Should we do outs? I did my ins and outs at the same time. Oh, shit. I'm dumb as fuck. Outs is...

I'm doom scrolling because I really want to get off my phone this year. I don't think I don't agree with the idea that the Internet and everything is the worst thing you can do to your brain, because I genuinely do think it's such a good form of connection, information, whatever.

But I do think I have an addiction to my phone like most of us do. And if I'm sitting around anxious, I'm like, I could be doing something. I just want to move my mind somewhere else. Even if that means to a bigger screen and watching a movie, that will be done. Yeah. One of my resolutions this year is when I'm bored, I'll read. When I'm overwhelmed, I'll write or draw instead of scrolling on iPhone. But

Like you were saying, I'm a huge proponent of the iPhone. Like, there's Kale Phone, Crack Phone. I want Crack Phone. Give it to me. Let me utilize it to the greatest of its abilities. Like, I want it to consume 90% of my day. But at the same time, I know I have life to live because I'll only be 17 once. Oh. Wait, I thought... I'm so confused. I thought you were 18. Wait, let me do the math. So... What year were you born? 2010...

Damn. So I'm only 15. You're so annoying. Well, I'm 14 in like nine months. So I guess I'm like technically 16. You're so annoying. Another out is holding your pee. That's kind of just to me. I have this really bad habit, especially because I'm always with my friends. I will just I hate leaving a room from you guys because leaving a room from the people I know means you miss 30% of a conversation and you come back and

Everything is completely different. It's an inside joke without you. Everything has happened. There's something being repeated that you don't understand, but I really don't want a UTI. Avoiding the doctor is another out. I want to go to the doctor more. Yes, that's one of mine. I am privileged enough to have access to doctors and I want to use it. I want to take care of myself. Let's get those executive physicals. Y'all, there's these physicals. Granted, they're so fucking expensive, like ridiculously expensive, but you can do them in Mexico City for like $700. But...

But there are these physicals where you go in and it's like three days of testing. We should just do that because I want to go back to Mexico. I love Mexico City. I love Mexico. I literally, I'm not playing. I love Mexico. Oh my God. Shout out Mexicans. Like y'all ate. The food is delicious. Y'all's city is Gorgina Grande. Like, oh my God, I love Mexico so much. And every time I go back, I'm like, damn, like,

This might be my favorite city I've ever been to. It's so good. It's so nice. Also, I'm sorry, like, Latin America is just goat. I really want to go to Honduras this year. But my family is, like, boring as fuck. They're Jehovah's Witnesses. Like, I want to go to Honduras to, like, go do the shit I did as a kid, which is, like, go play in the river. But my great-grandma is dead. And she's the one who lives by the river. Rest in peace.

But like, why? Why? I don't want to go to church. But maybe low key would be interesting because, oh my God, when I was in Honduras, when I was a kid, don't get on me for my pronunciation. I'm sorry. I like, I can't, I can't do it. When I would go as a kid, they would drag my ass to church three times a week. That's so cut. I don't want to.

And you know what I would always do my cheat code for getting the fuck out of the church is I'd be like, I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. So my mom would give me money or my grandma would give me money and I would run outside and go find a lady who was selling water because they sell water in bags. And I would just like go and sneak into my house.

aunt's truck into her back bed and i would lay there and like drink my water until my grandma came out looking for me she'd be like and yeah because she thought i got kidnapped um but really i was hiding because i didn't want to be in fucking church we listen and we don't judge every time i find money in the washing machine it becomes mine oh same it's mine every time i don't care that's just that's something i thought about and then um i don't know why i just said that

But you just had to admit your sins. That's the part of your in. You're being vulnerable. Yeah, I'm being authentic. My other out is staying up too late. I am a night owl by nature. I want to get better at actually sleeping. I just want to get my sleep in tune because I'm a really you do need that. I'm like a heavy sleeper, but I sleep wrong. I don't really invest in like good pillows and stuff. So I have like really bad back problems. I'm so excited to get a new fucking bed.

I know. I just want to like, I want to just splurge. And also with that, not staying up too late. I want to do more sleepovers in bed, which is why we're planning on getting bigger beds so we can sleep with our friends. And that also is partially within. But I don't want to stay up too late with y'all. Like I want to be better at us waking up and having a day together. Exactly. And then going to bed early together.

- 'Cause we always have nights, we never have days, but we're also like, we always say like, okay, we're gonna go do this, this and this tomorrow. And then it like comes time and we're like working or some shit. - I know. - That's what something we need. I need a schedule, but sorry, keep going. - Okay, this, okay. I really have to explain this one. This isn't out, public misandry is out, but let me explain. - This is interesting. - Let me explain. I will always hate men, point blank period, always.

do i have men in my life i love yes there is a balance am i the strongest misandrist no not by any means because yes i saw a baby girl and you're straight again let's just say don't let me in that room don't let me in that room i literally that's how i feel with nosferatu i'm like don't let me in that goddamn coffin because i will be eating the maggots off his dick oh my god true

His rotten fucking member. That's in calling a penis a member. No, it is a member. It's a lot. But I'm like, I just think men are too aware of it. And I am tired of them getting to go online and say the right things or just in person say the right things. It's like manipulation. Yeah. I feel like straight men are just seeing that and they're getting to manipulate it. If you're a straight man listening to this,

Be who you are. Be you. Yeah, be who you are. I'm not hating on you. Publicly. But yeah, I feel like I can't even go into detail. Like just the girls are together. No, actually see, even saying that, like I just don't want to be a public misandrist because I like the shock value of men coming up to me and then me being like,

But just know that there is a rhyme and a reason. I just don't want men to know what we're up to. Like men shouldn't have the right. Like they, we have to start treating it like a secret society. The Illuminati of misandry. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's that. And then my last out is mystery. I'm enough. It's done. It's tried. It's boring. It's over. Yeah. Like enough with the mystery of it all. I think I've been thinking a lot about my you. Yes. Literally. I've been thinking a lot about my age and my perceptions of what it means to be a woman. I kind of went on a tangent like this on the live stream the other day. But yeah.

But just my ideas of what it means to be a woman, what it means to grow into my womanhood and like how I am perceived in public and all these things that I think I had a lot of ideas of when I grew older, I would become more calm and within myself and be a little more like restrictive of the things I say and all these things.

No, no, because that is a ploy to get my ass to shut up. And one thing you're never going to do is have me fucking shut up. That literally is the patriarchy like locking you down. No, that's what I feel like. Because I'm like, oh yeah, when I'm older, I'll be just like this sexy woman. And like people will turn their heads. Actually, no, I realized that.

I don't like I literally don't I don't want to shut up I don't like yeah I want people to fear me and I don't give a fuck actually just don't don't it is scary I am being perceived as scary but I'll tell you later okay so uh trend forecasting for 2025 I came up with a few um

changing underwear daily is going to be in for 2025 like the thing is you keep saying a lot of hygiene based things that actually make me a bit worried for you yeah no you like i feel like

All of us, we, you, like everyone involved on my, on your soul, we're all like not changing underwear daily. Sometimes we go four or five days without it. And that's just like saving. No, I'm not doing that. On your soul, on your soul, we, we, all of us are not changing. You're like manipulating me. Now I'm really thinking about my underwear consumption. Yeah, you're, you're washing it too much. You're wasting too much water. Like, did you know the amount of water in a washing machine could fill an Olympic size pool?

One wash. That can't be true. That can't be true. Yeah, so every time you wash your clothes, you're filling an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Like, I actually can't tell if you're lying to me. Yeah, I'm being dead serious. So, like, just keep in mind. Yes. See, you can't say anything to me because I believe anything anyone says. Yeah, so changing your underwear daily is in. I feel like we've taken it too far and we just got to come back to it. I think we should just banish underwear. Yeah. Like, I...

I'm low-key pro not wearing underwear. And gray sweatpants on big, hairy men. No underwear. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel like Sambas are going to be... Sambas are in... I feel like jeans are going to be a vibe. Blue jeans. Blue jeans. White shirt. Firemen have more fun on the earth. Okay.

um okay cheetah print you're so annoying i actually was so curious i was like damn you wrote trend forecast like what are you gonna think that is how it's gonna be it's like bambi print is in we know it's been in babe um nike is gonna be in for 2025 um this is a very real one a very authentic one sincerity is coming back loving thy neighbor i feel like we've

a little too far. Oh, did you get that text too? From the car transport? Oh, no. I got a text while we were recording. We haven't chatted for a long time. When are you free to have a cup of coffee? Who is this? Send a pic. I am free now.

Because it's a bot. Wait, wait. What's your actual trend forecast? I'm curious. Love thy neighbor. Loving thy neighbor. I feel like it's going to come in in a very big way. I feel like we've been doing this hating each other thing for far, far, far too long. And I feel like this is the year of unity and union and respecting each other's differences. And I think it's going to happen finally. Yeah, I do want to be less judgmental this year, but that's a... That don't even sound right. That's a big...

internally i will judge everything everybody does forward facing that makes me sound so crazy i redact all of that um i reject that energy um i don't have any real trend forecasts like i think um i saw someone say like sailor wear like clothing i i

It's really niche right now. Like, I think for, like, the masses, it's going to be a thing, like, wearing, like, sailor hats and, like, blue and white collars and, like, that vibe. Okay, so...

This bot texted me saying, we haven't chatted for a long time. When are you free to have a cup of coffee? I said, who is this? Send a pic. I'm free now. I'm Stephanie. Haven't you saved my number friend Julia? And then she sent her picture. And then I said, OMG, hi. I don't remember you, but I want to touch your boobs. I see.

Also, this picture of this girl just on vacation. I know. Who is this random girl? Should we reverse image search it? Yes. Zero matches. What if she's real? There's no way. That girl does not have a brain. What if I literally just accidentally perked out? Sexually harassed a woman. Yeah. You can say, I'm gay, by the way. I just like playing with boobs. Oh, isn't this my friend Julia's number? No. No.

I'm gay, by the way. I just like playing with boobs. You're so annoying. Okay. And batshit fucking crazy. I found out over this Christmas break that there is a part of me that I did not know existed, never thought would exist, and I have gone full-blown fucking tweaker psycho, like...

stalker like literally stalker mode like it's and it got to a point I guess yeah you have all that pent up energy since you're not somebody who like casually has crushes oh yeah yeah I have a crush this is that's what I'm talking about I have a sorry I don't know if you wanted to put

No, I did. I have a big, big, fat, nasty crush. And I realized I was like, why is it called a crush? Like, why is it called a crush? It's because it literally crushes you. I never knew that. I just thought it was like a silly little name. No, it literally crushes me. Y'all, I literally like one night he didn't text me back.

when I like was like asking to hang out and literally I went fucking crazy. I found his family. I found every one of his siblings. I paid $30 to find his addresses of his old houses. I found out every location he's ever lived in. I found his ex-boyfriend. Like I found literally everything you could about him. Made a timeline of events in my notes apps of his life. Like- Wait, you have notes? Yeah.

I have notes. I have notes. Like I'm literally fucking crazy. The notes is great. Drew called me. I was in the middle of talking to my family. He called me. He was like, oh my God. And because of everything that's been happening, I was like, oh Jesus Christ. Okay. Like I walked away and I ran into my parents' bedroom's bathroom and I was like, what happened? What happened? He's like, I'm crazy. No, you have to tell them you fucking, how you got that information though. I paid $30 to subscribe to truthfinder.com.

I paid $30, y'all. And then it gets worse, y'all. I mean, to be fair, very, very crazy situation because... No social media. That's the problem. No social media and no...

I did find his Facebook profile from 2011. But that's what I'm saying. Every time somebody, anybody who has a crush, that IG is getting ran through. Tags, followers, blah, blah, blah. But like everything, everything. I'm Googling your name. I'm Googling your last name. I'm seeing, I am, I am seeing all. I stalked his LinkedIn. I am seeing everything, everywhere, all at once. But that's great. To spend $30. I can't even get on you though. Cause I would spend, oh, I would, the amount of money I would spend.

-to know people's business? -Yes, I was doing really crazy things. I literally went on cheaterbuster.com. Cheaterbuster. You find a picture of them and insert their name and age, and then it'll tell you if they have Tinder. So funny, Drew. Cheaterbuster.

Not because I thought he was cheating, but I was just like, is he like looking to date? Like, is this a possibility? Also, granted, he might actually be listening to this right now, which is also mortifying. But vulnerability, vulnerability for 2024. Well, I was so down bad. I literally I'm not going to say that one. I'm gonna save that. But this one I will say.

Oh, is it something you haven't told me? Yeah, I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom. Hadn't texted me back all day. I was like, damn, I really like caught feelings and this is like bullshit. And I was literally crying. Like I never cry. I was literally crying, but there was a lot of other shit going on. So it wasn't just that.

and I was like journaling in my phone because I was like when I'm overwhelmed I'll write like that's like that's what I was doing and I was writing all this shit down and I was actually being really truthful which also something I realized is bitch I still like why do I lie when I journal like I still like I make shit up when I'm journaling and I'm like bitch this is just for me like literally I have like an actual fucking issue but well that kind

make sense because it's I have I literally if you look at my last page of journaling I write about that because I wrote about that look yeah because it's like it's almost like a fear of you're putting it somewhere and even the idea and notion that somebody out there would ever cross a boundary and look at that

stuff is enough to keep you back from writing it exactly and it sucks so bad I want to get better at that too because there's a lot of stuff but there's also it's not like me lying like yeah it's just like I can't write it down yeah it's like not me lying it's like me like just being like like saying what I want to hear if that makes sense like something I find myself doing specifically with crushes is I'll like

make like I'll formulate texts where I get the response I want in return like it's really fucking psycho shit like I'll make sure the text is like a response that I want to hear I know genuine like insanity but bitch it's so embarrassing and it's really it's really really jarring but I was so beat up about it and I was like I just need someone to talk to about this and everyone was asleep

I had a full-blown conversation with ChatGPT over it. Oh, Drew. Like, I wonder if the chat log saved. It didn't save and I forgot to screen record it. Literally talked to ChatGPT and it was giving me advice and it was giving me good advice. Okay, good. Per. Because I give bad advice. I was going to say, like, I feel bad for Drew because I'm not very helpful during these times because I am the most horrible

forward person ever. Drew has been the butt of that experience. But if I like someone, I will just literally say it. The thing is, I'm talking to you because I want to fuck. No, literally. The thing is, is I'm like, I don't,

feel like I'm allowed to like him, if that makes sense. Not because, not because like gay or whatever, but because like, we've only hung out for a couple times. And I'm like, I feel like if I was like, oh, like I have a crush on you, like that would just be like so jarring and scary. So I'm like, what I'm going to do is just let it rock. And then when I go back to Texas and we hang out,

I feel like three times hanging out is like enough to be like, hey, like, I really enjoy our time that we spend together. I'm crazy, but not that crazy. Because the only time I've ever met someone in person and immediately was like, oh, my God, I have a crush on this person was more.

Yeah, but I withheld that information for a while because it did make me feel batshit crazy. That's the crazy part is it's different when you meet someone through someone or like a friend and you have a crush in that way. When you meet someone random, you're not expecting to meet them and you have a crush. That is when the psychosis really kicks in because it's one thing to be searching and find something. But when something just lands on your lap...

Literally. I'm like, I need this. I literally need this. God put it here for me and I'm a little schizophrenic and I genuinely think God put this here for me. Like there's no other way. Like it was meant to happen now and I want it now. I love this for you. It makes me very happy. I think he was born in May and I decided if you're a man born in May, you're gay. Even if you're straight. Like, oh, my birthday's in May. Yeah. All the gay people I know who like, even if they aren't gay. Like if a straight man is born in May, like you're gay. Yeah. Like that's such a gay ass month. Yeah.

So stupid. Well, I think it's time for me to tell this story. Maybe I have told it, but I've been thinking a lot about wanting to do my hair and all this shit. And I have such bad PTSD with anything cosmetic or like beauty related because I have had fuck ass experiences. And I don't think I've ever told this story, but...

One time when I was in Miami, it was after I graduated. I really wanted hair extensions. It was when my hair was like up to here and I wanted long hair. So I found someone and it was at Ulta Beauty where I went to go get my hair done, which is a crazy vibe. And I went and I got keratin, like not keratin, but the beaded extensions that they like get that little waxing and tip it around. I served another satisfied customer. Do you have pictures? I think I do. I think I do. But it's going to take me a minute to find them.

But I was so embarrassed that I took one picture and I went home. And this is how I'm such a pushover. I was in the seat. I was like, I love it. I love it. I paid. I tipped. I left. I went home and I got pliers for my dad and I went in my room and I took them all.

all out and I was so embarrassed because I had already told all my friends that I was getting extensions and they were like yes girl let me see the picture and I was like bruh oh my god the appointment fell through and I lied to everyone but I really need to find the picture. How old were you? I was like 18. It was like my first like big splurge of like I'm gonna get my hair done. I never get my hair done by someone else and that's why I have fucking issues but I really want to do something fun with my hair but I'm scared.

I think I'm just going to get into wigs. Yeah, for real. Like low key, I'm going to get into wigs. For real. That's my thing as I'm like, you don't have to like cut your hair all crazy right now. You can like wear a style or wear a fake bang and like see if it, like get a good one, spend good money on it and see if you like the way it looks and like, or if you're over in a week. Can you imagine me with blonde hair? That's kind of, I loved your blonde hair era. I just like, like, but that's also why I feel like a teenager again. I do have this picture of the night we watched Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Wow.

Sorry, this is going to take forever to find. Well, while you're doing that, I will talk about something else. I love you guys so much, by the way. I know. I love y'all. I love my friends so much. It hurts me sometimes thinking about everybody. And then it hurts me thinking about not being with y'all forever. And I don't even like having those thoughts. No, that's not going to happen. I know. The threshold's like seven years and we made it. It's like if you can...

sustain a friendship for seven years it'll last a lifetime and we're far past that so new year's eve was yesterday two days ago and like everyone knows that they wear diapers like everyone knows oh like at the front of like the ball drop yeah so they can like i'm not kidding i can't understand the vibe no that's like i really want their brain studied by science like i want all of them like before they're like

Before they leave, they can watch the ball drop, but we take their fucking brains from them and study them because like I truly believe those are the happiest people on earth because to put yourself through that, that's like the equivalent to me like having to run like an ultra marathon like you couldn't you literally could not make me do it, but like they do it and they love it and they're happy to do it.

But we all know they wear diapers. Like, that's like, that's the big thing. It's like, oh, they wear diapers and shit and piss themselves the whole time. What no one's talking about is the utter fucking stench. Has somebody reported on the stink? I haven't seen anybody talk about it. It has to stink because also all your bodies are pressed up. All your bodies are pressed up. Everybody's sweating. Everybody's shitting and pissing themselves. Like, it's literally got to be the big stink 2.0. Like, London is falling. Like, literally, like...

orb of methane gas make you diarrhea and shit crazy oh I know that New Year's Eve was stinking yeah oh I guess people wait in because there's performances right don't people perform so it's technically a free concert yeah I okay I get it no I get it like it's cute but I could never yeah but I'm also just like

There's really nothing I want that bad. I've realized and that's why I've been trying to rest in. I want a compound that bad. A compound for us all to live on? Well, yeah, that's the goal. Or like a chateau. I wish no one I knew had family they loved also. But like...

Oh, I hate how much I love the people I love because my dream would be to move us all into one city. Like, I know I want to live in the middle of nowhere with all my friends. I was talking to my friend. And now we're outside of a city. I was talking to Sabrina about it. I was like, oh, my God, if I could, like, build out a state. So then there's like this mainland and it's like me and all my friends. And then the town over, that's where all our families live. And then the town over is where all their friends live. That is what I want. So I think we're just talking about a commune.

What's so bad about that? There's nothing bad about it. Yeah, like I feel like when we talk about that to random people, they're like, oh, that's a cult. I'm like, that's literally not a cult. And literally what is? So fucking what? Like, I'm not taking anyone's money. I literally just like that's OK. Actually, that's what annoys me about fucking billionaires is you have all that money. And what are you doing? Getting on yachts? Boo! Boring! Tomato! Boring! You're so boring!

going to be a money hoarder, but you were using it so boring and it's because you don't have true connection and wealth. No swag. No bitches like, oh God, it

I literally thought the world was falling. I know. I just hate that like millionaires and stuff's vibe is going out and getting fucked up with strangers and getting more ego. Like, is your ego not filled? You're already like so famous and rich. A table at a club with bottle service. What? Can you literally like... Instead of that, how about you hug your loved ones? No, literally. Or like, how about you...

sit in bed on iphone like i know how about you pay for a therapist and wonder why that you were trying to chase high school terms of admiration in public like it just feels so high school like like i'm sorry you were a loser in fucking high school like we all know it like we can tell like based on the way you behave now but you have a burnt ego and you're in 11 on new year's eve yeah how about you heal your inner child's

How about you give my child a gun? Oh. How about you give my inner child a gun so it'll kill itself? I literally, okay, I think I have been losing it because the other day I couldn't describe how I was feeling. And the only way to describe it is it felt like somebody drugged me, knocked me out, hid a gun and a bunch of drugs in my brain for me to like ship them to a different country. Does that make sense? Like that was the kind of anxiety I had. I felt like I had a gun in my head.

Damn. Okay. Well, we're going to do media real quick. And then we'll probably just continue this episode on Patreon. We're trying something new. We're trying something new. But my media, bitch, wild robot. I'm not kidding. I know. Maybe we watch that after Wicked tonight. That might break my top four on Letterboxd. Like, I swear to God, like, I don't think it's like the best movie ever made, but I have never cried at a movie like that ever in my life. Like, it was like...

it was simultaneous like happy and sad tears and it's like i said not the best movie ever but like it just made me think about all the women in my life like made me think about myself as a caretaker for some of the people that i love like it made me think about like all the moms out there that like literally just destroy themselves to like raise their kids and like how like

friends destroy themselves for their friends and it's like their bodies are literally like mother's bodies literally physically fall apart to raise their kids they like break bones they like their immune systems get shot their skin gets all saggy like it's so dark-sided but they do it because there's some like love that we can't even like begin to comprehend for like

offspring and I don't know it just like that movie fucked me up. I'm literally fearful to have kids because the way I love the people I love so intensely like I was having a panic attack for reasons I won't say. Also I remember in an episode recently I was talking about that panic attack in Mexico and I was like I haven't had a panic attack in so long. I have

panic attacks at least six times a year. When I was talking about that, like I was like, I never have panic attacks. That was just a really bad one that like lasted a long time. But yeah, I do that all the time. Like I literally even yesterday when I was talking to you, that wasn't a panic attack. But like, when I'm talking about certain things, I can feel my heart like

start to clench and I have to sit down. Like I physically can't stand and I can't get the words out and I have to rush them out or else I'll have a panic attack. That is crazy though. That's how I've been feeling about Janet Planet. I already said Janet Planet last week, but I watched it two times when I was in Miami. It's been like my comfort movie and I feel like I never have that with movies, but it's just a movie I've been putting on and I really like the soundtrack and I really like the story. Like it's so good. My other favorite,

Media of the week is Baby Girl. Thank you so much because I want both of them now. Dick and vagina. I want both now. And my music media of the week is...

Walk a Thin Line by Fleetwood Mac and Miracleman by Bob Carpenter. That's honestly it. And still Doji's Tiny Desk performance. That was crazy. Because I still just, I just will play that and listen to it. Okay, I'll do three psyops and then we're dipping. Enya hears party and starts digging in her dirty clothes basket. Shut the fuck up. Lily Rose toy. Did you make that up? Lily Rose toy. Okay.

It's probably been said because it's so easy, but cuddling it. I've said this one three times, but it's just so perfectly. And it literally is how I felt on Crush Night. Cuddling a twink feels like you're laying on the Apple TV remote. Bones, bones, bones, bones. Okay, that's it. You know how I know I'm back in my bisexual bag for real? Because you were showing me pictures of a man last night that you think is hot. And I, for the first time, was like,

I'd fuck. Was it? Oh my God. I get it. Like, I literally get it. Like, I was like. I have to tell Kai. I was feeling a bit feral over it all. I have to tell Kai. Well, the bad news is someone locked me up because I think I might be becoming a whore. Yeah. I mean, enter it.

But every time I've exited a ho phase, I've been like two seconds away from being 5150. Oh, yeah. No, it's bad. No, it's I know it's I want to dye my hair and bleach it. I am incredibly optimistic out of like pure survival mode. And I am finding everyone sexy. Like, so y'all better watch the fuck out.

And he's gonna get you. But that was that episode. Happy New Year, everybody. Thank you so fucking much for tuning in. Another year of Emergency Intercom incoming. You're all the goats. You're all very special to me. And we'll just say some things are going to be changing soon. A lot of new things are coming soon. So just be ready for that. Be excited. Please.

Peace, love, prosperity, respect, health to you and yours. Sleep tight tonight. Bye.