Shownotes Transcript
Hey guys, we wanted to take another break to thank another sponsor of today's episode, Quince. Guys, we're going on a trip to New York this weekend. New York!
- And I thought it was always gonna be cold, but for some reason it's gonna be 50 degrees one day and then 80 degrees in like eight hours. So I will be packing my lightweight European linens from Quince. - I travel so much at this point, which is a blessing, but also opens up the problem that I need a good travel bag.
Luckily, Quince has a first-class quality suitcase at an economy price. For your next trip, treat yourself to the luxe upgrades you deserve from Quince. Go to quince.com slash intercom for 365-day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash intercom to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash intercom
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm
I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com.
At Lowe's, pros save big on the supplies you need to get the job done. With the new MyLowe's Pro Rewards Program, get member-only deals every week and access to free standard shipping. Plus, members earn points toward exclusive rewards. Join for free today. Lowe's. We help. You save. Points are awarded on eligible purchases. Programs subject to terms and conditions. Free standard shipping not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusions and more terms apply. Details at Lowes.com slash terms. Subject to change.
Was that thing moving or what? It was really shaking. It was shaking so crazy. Chat, was it moving? Oh my god, we're back! Wow! Wow!
Famously, famously. Oh my God. I feel like it really, it does feel like I'm at somebody's house who I used to hook up with a lot. And then I just like randomly got busy and stopped seeing, but now I'm like bored. So I'm back at their house. No, it feels like I'm sitting on the edge of the bed before I hook up clutching my purse. Yeah, literally.
There is an energy. There is an energy. But we'll break through. Well, because we also haven't broken in this new space. Because we went on the break kind of right when we moved in because we just needed the time. And boy, did I have a time. I genuinely am like, I am so happy. I love my life. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. I'm so happy. I actually am in like a good... I'm in a better mental state right now than I was...
You are. Yeah, I am so much better. And I can't tell if it's your Lexapro? Prozac. I can't tell if it's your Prozac or that you're smoking weed all day, every day. Well, no. Okay. Like that must stop. Like that was a problem during the pandemic.
during the play because I was like, well, shit. Like, I guess I'll smoke. Just smoke. Which I usually don't have anything to do. But what I have found is I've talked about this on my own YouTube channel, but I have a hard time recording myself. And I've been blessed enough to be doing a lot of like deals with companies I actually really love. And but I'm scared of recording myself. So now I have to smoke to record myself because that's the only way I can feel like a teenager where I'm like, what?
It's like me taking three shots before every time we record. I'm blackout drunk. Every time we've been recording, I'm blackout drunk. And so the break was good for you. Exactly. I was drinking probably five shots a day during the break. That's way less than what you usually get to. Yeah, but right after we record, I go and down a handle, a fireball. Yeah, it's a favorite bar around the corner. It's walking distance, so I don't have to worry about anything. Yeah.
But damn, a lot has fucking happened since we've gone. Like a lot. I think a lot specifically in your life has changed and like happened. A lot has happened. I'm not going to talk about any of it. I'm sure y'all can guess. I don't think anyone can guess because it's the last thing anyone would have ever guessed. It's something that I famously am like, no. No, no, no, never, never, never. I can't see myself doing that.
But something has shifted. Something has shifted and it's probably Venus and Mercury in retrograde. But like I...
I'm confident. Let's have that conversation. I know, Drew. Literally, Drew has had a breakthrough that has literally made him feel so happy. You know what it is? It's so happy. I didn't see comments about my appearance and how ugly I was for a month straight. No, that's not just it, bitch, because you finally got a fucking haircut. And I've been trying to force him to upkeep with his haircut. And it's almost like, girl, if you dress up, listen. I like to think of my body like just plain, like,
Just me actually this is a hard thing to talk about because when I'm naked I genuinely think I am like so hot which is crazy me and Elsie were talking about it I was like we have the kind of delusion that in my head I'm like no no just wait till you see it fully naked then you kind of get the picture like it's normally they're opposite wait till I'm fully naked and I am propped exactly how I would anticipate someone to see me the way I pose in a mirror oh you can't believe what you're about to see you can't believe what you're about to see but
If you don't dress up that body, then you're just like a body and it's like boring. So you have to just put some pep into yourself because right now you look so sexy. Also, I put this jacket on last second because I was like, I'm going to put this on, but I did not intend wearing it the whole time because I have three layers on and it's already 96 degrees inside and it's loud as fuck. But...
Oh, this was my birthday gift to Drew. This small little artist that like a lot of y'all probably wouldn't know about. Like very small. Jack Marlowe. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay. But I have a story that I want to mention right off rip because we haven't talked about it in person at all.
Y'all oh my god, so many so many fucking crazy things have happened to me and thank God I wrote them all down Okay, so I me and Inya went to Missouri together to see my grandma and my family out there and it was really cute and we played in the snow and we like Ran around and it was it was really cute It was really wholesome energy and then she went to Miami, but I road trip back to Texas Road trip was chill. Nothing major happened like whatever and
When I'm leaving. Oh my God. Y'all, when I'm leaving, I'm at the airport in Texas. And the first thing I do when I get through TSA is I go directly, directly to the bathroom.
And I'm like, all of the stalls are taken, which is surprising because I'm in Terminal D at American or at DFW. Like literally the like it's which is random for the DFW airport or Terminal D. Yeah. If you know, you know, it's like it's a massive terminal. There's a billion bathrooms.
But all of the stalls were full and I like was going to go into a stall. And then like I'm waiting there waiting. And then a guy very suspect like pops out of the stall and I just go in right after him. And it was...
Interesting to me because there was no toilet flush. Also Josiah's in the room because Kai left town because he doesn't take his job seriously. Yeah he doesn't give a fuck about that. He doesn't give a fuck about you guys so remember that. Remember that. He's got his own little thing. We said we were going to come back and we're back.
Kai, on the other hand, wants to go do other things. Classic straight man behavior. He just wants to go out and run. Oh, you want to go run around and party while like literally the missus and misters are home. Let's talk about this. This job is so important. This job that we do. And difficult. And very hard. And we do all of this heavy lifting. And like the fact that like Kai would just sit back and like...
And edit everything and post it and stuff. Like seriously, you weren't even there for the struggle of making this art and like really being here and present. Important to like culture. I'll say it. I'll say it. But anyways, I...
I have where this habit was born of running straight to the bathroom was vaping. I go into the toilet in the airport and hit my vape. And so when this guy came out of the stall that I was going into and didn't flush, I was like, I was sus. I, a thought popped in my head. I was like,
That was weird, but he might have just been vaping. Been there, done that. So then... Literally actively doing it. I'm, like, chilling in the stall because I hang out in the bathroom. I know that's fucking weird, but, like, I chill in there. I know, Drew's drunk a lot of times, specifically in the airport bathrooms, which actually, after this story, genuinely has me thinking because you go to the bathroom all the time in the airport. Like, most of the time when we're in the airport, we get there early and Drew's in the bathroom the whole time hitting his vape. Yeah. So then...
I'm like chilling in there, hanging out, doing my thing on my iPhone, playing my videos loud as fuck because I literally don't care. Not shitting. I don't give a fuck. I don't shit in public. Yeah, I'll play my videos out loud and I'll shit. I don't give a fuck. No, I don't shit in public. And y'all are going to smell it, hear it. Ew. Like I'm going to activate all your senses right now, girl. It's the opposite of a sensory deprivation tank. If you want the opposite of a sensory deprivation tank, sit next to Enya in a stall. Specifically in an airport bathroom. Yeah. So then...
We, um, I like do my thing. I go back to the gate for a second and then the airplane's about to board and I actually have to pee this time. So I'm like, oh, I'm going to go back to the same bathroom. And y'all, yeah, the energy, the energy is nice. Every airport I frequent, there are specific bathrooms I like to go to. And that specifically MIA has the best airport bathrooms ever, period. Okay, continue. Um,
So she-- er, so I head back to the same bathroom, head to the exact same stall I was in, and the door was unlocked. I pushed it open, y'all, and I see a man with his pants down to his ankle up against the wall like this. Pants down to his ankle, ass up against the wall.
Dick and balls through the fucking toilet paper dispenser. Dick and balls through the toilet paper dispenser. Wait, balls included? Yes, dick and balls. Balls is crazy. Ew, you just saw his appendage like where the skin meets the body. You meant where the crease
you saw where the crease meets the body i didn't see his dick and balls but i saw him leaned up against the toilet paper dispenser with his pants around his ankle immediately i was like gay man cruising duh and then he like sees me whips around turns bright fucking red i've never seen someone turn that red in my entire life rips up his pants and like freaks out and then i shut the door and i am like
Like, I am laughing so loud outside of the stall. And then I was like, oh, bitch, I'm waiting right here. There were other stalls available. This is where the crazy behavior starts. I'm waiting right here. I guess, to be fair... He just sexually assaulted me. He just assaulted you also. Like, to...
It's a public offense and it's a felony because it's literally in like a government building. So I'm standing there. Not to be that person. I'm standing there waiting so they can see me so I can see them. The guy that I caught walks out. Oh, no, no, no. The guy that was blowing him or giving him a handjob, I'm not going to assume, was in the- You better be giving a handjob in a fucking airport stall. Girl, you don't know gay men. That is disgusting. You don't know gay men.
He the other guy comes out first straightest passing like rugged, rugged cowboy hat, like whole fucking fit on like blue collar worker guy walks out head down. Was he hot? Freaking out. Yeah, he was trained and like walks out.
doesn't wash his hands, my new or his face and just walk straight out of the bathroom. Then the guy. OK, yeah. Getting on the plane with like dick spit in your face is in your beard is crazy. Like I don't see I don't even take that into account. That's yeah, really chopped. And then the guy that I caught comes out and like head down, looks up, sees me, scurries away. Also doesn't wash his hands nor his dick and balls. But anyway, nor his dick and balls.
Crying, laughing at this point. And I cannot believe that of all people that would happen to me. But thank fucking God it happened to me. Because if it was any other person waiting in line or any other person going to the bathroom, like they would be in jail. They would have literal charges. If it was a child, like God forbid it was a fucking child that walked in on that. Like, holy shit, crazy fucking vibes. But it doesn't stop there. So I...
Go into the stall because I was gonna and I was gonna investigate cuz I was like what is going down here When I've been wearing that trench coat every day for the past buttoned all the way to the top buttoned all the way to the top I walk in so I find out that the toilet paper dispensers in the airport like That are the big silver metal boxes that have like keys on them. You can open them all the way in
it opens to the other side which is creepy as fuck but they're just randomly unlocked so like guys test the theory out and then I waited there I got on sniffies and I downloaded the app and I hit that guy up that was in the other stall and he came and gave me sloppy toppy before my flight what wait you did not
that part? Did you pay for it? No. Oh my god. He serviced me and worshipped me. Just kidding, obviously. But no, I was like, really, I was like, how does this fucking work? This is crazy. Well, like, I do my thing in the bathroom, go back to my gate,
Guess who's fucking on my flight back to L.A.? Of course he was going to L.A., the godless fucking country or the godless city of L.A. where all the evil gays exist. He is on my fucking flight. Also, no shade. Biggest fucking ass I've ever seen in my life. That's not shade. That's like he's working it. No. He knows exactly what he has. That's why he's getting service at the DW airport right now. I've never seen someone. Wait, was it the guy who was sucking or getting the service? Getting the service. Her.
I've never seen someone that anxious in my entire life, by the way. Pacing on the phone. And also, I was on the phone with Inya at the time because I couldn't believe it. Drew has his phone on speaker in public. If Drew calls you, don't fucking answer because
because he has the phone on speaker in public and he was in public with his phone on speaker talking about this man 10 feet away from that just committed a crime. I don't give a fuck. Like, I really don't care. And I was like, should I take a picture of him? So I took like three pictures of him to show in. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. You know what? To be fair, this is the best outcome is some random motherfucker is talking about you completely anonymously. We are not crazy enough to put any pictures, but I know what you look
like actually i fully forgot what he looked like i remember he was wearing like a light color pair of pants like maybe white pants yeah and he had a huge ass that's all i remember he has a huge ass like he's got that joint like a big fucking stinky butt that's full of the trunk and the trunk
no no it was it was head i mean i i don't know what happened but also wear white pants and be playing that game in the airport bathroom i don't think he was getting fucked josie was asking if we think he got fucked in the bathroom but also t is i was like maybe this is like a part of it like a part of the taboo for him like leaving the door unlocked and people catching him because i know that's like a thing like people like being watched or whatever well i mean that's
essentially what like couple accounts have turned into. It's like it's just the average American has now been taught because of how much media we watch to like low key be into voyeurism question mark. Like it's been trained onto us because one thing the US will do is it will employ the most mid average looking usually white couple you've ever seen because Americans eat it up. And it's like all that shit where it's like
I smacked my girlfriend's ass to see how she would like act or like I bent over in front of my boyfriend while he was playing games. Do you remember when we got the iPhone controllable vibrator and we went to public? Yeah, I did that. Yeah, that was so fun. Where was it? Buffalo Wild Wing? I was tweaking when it was inside of me.
We did it on me first and my butt and then we did it to you. And then we put it in my undies. In your bajini. But thankfully, I wore black underwear. So there was no like evidence that it had been in your butt already. Yeah, we got to shut the actual fuck up. But yeah, I caught a guy cruising in DFW. And I'm not going to lie. DFW stands for don't fuck women apparently. Ah!
I'm not going to lie. That was a very exciting moment in my life. Yeah, I don't think anything that exciting happened to me while I was gone. Well, a lot of shit has happened.
A lot of things. Well, someone hit my car today. That fucking happened, actually. Someone hit Inya's fucking car. This is the second time my old car never got hit. I finally got to a place where I was like, you know what? I can have like a nice car that would impress my parents and all my friends and also has the best sound system ever. Within a month of having that car, somebody hit the side of it and now someone just hit it again. Someone knocked on our door this morning and like, I'm not going to be mean.
But like Ozempic face down, like melting off his body. Like, and also like y'all think like- Like mind you the nicest man ever. Yeah. Yeah. But also y'all think like Ozempic face is like some molecular thing. No, it's because people just lose weight. People think I have Ozempic face because I became a woman.
Well, no, you have Ozempic face because you do Ozempic. I'm tired of sitting behind this fucking lie. This fucking lie. Enya does hella Ozempic. She does more. She does enough Ozempic to kill an elephant. That's not true. That's not true. Stop being ignorant. You're ignorant. You're being ignorant. No, people think I did Ozempic and they're like, she has Ozempic face. No, bitch. You've been looking at me since I was pre-pubescent. Like, I literally am just like...
I'm in my mid-twenties. Don't say that. Do not say that. Hey guys, we're going to take a quick break to thank another sponsor of today's episode, Rocket Money. Okay, let me paint a picture for you. You sign up for and you pay $12 a month for it and then you make your account and then you're paying this subscription monthly, monthly, monthly and you only use it never because you would never use an app like that.
but you're still paying $12.99 a month for this subscription. You forget about it, but then you're charged over and over and over and over and over again. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. That's where Rocket Money comes in. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
See all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. With Rocket Money, you can create a personalized budget, see your monthly spending trends, and get bill alerts if they increase their price or if there's any unusual spending activity. Or if you're getting close to your budget that will not budge, don't budge on that budget, babes.
Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of, whoa, half a billion dollars in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using their app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash intercom today. That's rocketmoney.com slash intercom. rocketmoney.com slash intercom.
Hey guys, we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors. Quip! Okay, I went to the dentist recently and I hadn't gone for like two years and
And I had probably been using the Quip for like what, like four or five months now? Yeah. And the way they told me, I had beautiful, stunning gums, stunning gums. I wasn't there. I believe it because of the toothbrush, but I think you're like, you're making it more about something you did and rather than actually just getting a practical good toothbrush that like does the job. Well, that's what I'm saying. The toothbrush did the job. But the hygienist was really bizarre. But...
She said I had beautiful gums and I think it's because of that. No, it is. I've never gotten a compliment on my fucking gums before. As somebody with a receding hairline and gum line, literally this has changed the game because...
I'm not kidding. A toothbrush that stops doing its job when I'm doing a bad job is exactly what I need. Every time I'm putting too much pressure, it just turns off and it's changed how aggressively I brush my teeth. I'm not that aggressive anymore, which is like an actual huge stone for me. The Quip 360 literally revolves around you. No, but it literally...
It actually compared to my old toothbrush. I wish I could show it, but I probably am not allowed to. My old toothbrush is literally like boar hair and like four inches long and like barely fits in my mouth. So I was not getting the job done. This. Also, it erased my gag reflex. I don't know. Fuck. Sorry.
Just for listeners of Emergency Intercom, get 20% off site-wide in a free travel case and countertop stand at getquip, Q-U-I-P dot com slash intercom. Free your mouth today and save 20% site-wide plus a free travel case and countertop stand at getquip, Q-U-I-P dot com slash intercom. Getquip, Q-U-I-P dot com slash intercom. Thanking you. Loving you. Thank you for keeping my mouth clean. No, I love it though. I love it.
I love it when you eat it. I love it when you eat it. I love it. I love it when you eat it. Oh, yeah. So he comes up to the door. I ignored the doorbell because I thought it was Josiah and I was like, Drew can't get it. Yeah, no. Everyone decides to ignore the doorbell. It makes me get it because I'm the furthest away. We had already set up and I had to get ready and get all beautiful for my girls. That's true. It was honestly perfect case scenario though because...
I'm glad that happened to me and I dealt with it. But like he was like, hey, is this your car? And I was like, yeah, it's one of our cars. And he was like, well, I just hit it with my rental. And I was like, oh, no worries. Like I could tell he had like really sincere energy. Well, he like takes me over to the car and he's like, yeah, I actually like built the house across the street and he's talking about it all. Well,
I mean, I guess I'm judging because he was in a RAV4, but like that's how Ellen saved so much money. Yeah, the editors, the editors. And spray on bitches too. As well, yes. There's not much to say to this story. No, the point of the story is this fucking video of Drew. He was taking a video of me.
Or he was taking a video of the damage and then he sent it to me. And it's... I was not... I was not prepared to be on film. Like, I was literally not prepared. -Oi! Action! Bro! -Yeah. -Yeah, you play, you pay, right? Okay, so a little car that I accidentally hit... -Me saying exactly. -I remember correctly. Okay. Left front damage and I've offered to this gentleman, what's your name? -Drew Phillips. -Drew Phillips, I'm really happy to pay for that.
Yeah, I showed him immediately, immediately like,
One, first of all, me saying exactly no idea what this man is talking about. If you play, you have to pay to play. Yeah. What does that fucking mean, bro? You were looking at your iPhone going down a suburban street and you hit a car. And he was also making it very aware to me. He was like, I have money. I'm a doctor. I built this house. I live in Park City, Utah. He was like, please. But also, I don't think he wants to go through insurance because he was like, whenever you take your car to the shop, just...
call me or have them call me and i'll pay for everything bitch i wish he hit my fucking car and it fucking exploded no i'm not happy he hit my car i that's i don't own that car that's not more i'm paying car like of course the one time i'm like because my last car yeah i'll flex on you bitches i was paying to own that ford eat it up
Yeah, and now my parents have it and they've already wrecked it three times. So imagine how I feel. And also your other car, the other car that you bought. Oh, yeah. It was sitting in a lot, Ford lot. It was a black car and it turned green. No, it was a white car and it turned green. They called Enya's sister and was like, oh, yeah, this car, it used to be white, but it's green now. How does a car turn fucking green? Bro, because my family doesn't respect me.
I met someone with veneer breath. I really did. And you know who it is. What is that? Is that just stink? Oh my God. Wait, so much has happened in my life. I don't know if I know who it is. So much has happened in my life. This one I specifically can't talk about for a plethora of reasons. Veneer breath. Yeah. Ew. Ew. Ew.
No, I was not don't even don't even say that about me. I mean, there's no evidence to back that you weren't don't say that shit I'll let my imagination tell like the thing is if you're not gonna be a fucking kiss and tell well Why the fuck did you tell me anything? Because now my imagination is running wild and I think you and whoever the fuck you're talking about did the nastiest shit I could think of because if I think about sex I'm like
me and my girls get pervy so no I'll tell y'all one tidbit of the story okay pervy consensually pervy come on guys like should I tell them the one detail out front of the gym or no if it's not the bottle it's the phone if it's not the bottle it's the phone there's one moment that I'm like debating telling cause this happened before a break actually
Whatever. We're cutting all of that. Well, I was lucky enough to go to Italy with my friend Rain. And it was so fun. But one of my like actually the day. Italy more like Liddley.
More like literally baseball. Wait, why am I literally in Italy right now? Literally. Why am I literally in Italy? Literally. But my most memorable moment from that trip, there were so many things that were really funny. But I was sitting outside by the pool and I didn't have a lighter and I wanted to smoke. So I went up to this guy who worked at the hotel.
I think he was a bellboy. He was, it was one of those hotels where like everyone's dressed like it's a fucking Wes Anderson movie. And he was a bellboy as fuck. Um, but I went up to him. I was like, Oh, do you have a lighter? And he was like, Oh yes, I have a lighter. Like, however the fuck you do an Italian accent. I really can't. Like, I literally can't. Like, how do you do it? Like, yes, I have a light. Hello. I have a letter.
That's better than what I did. Oh, hello. I have a lighter. Dude, you know who's really good at it? It's fucking rain. Because me and her, on one of the days, we went to this island where they sell glass. And a glass company sent a boat. Y'all had a blast. While we were in Italy. I don't read all my notes. While we were in Italy, we went to this event. And Adam.
at it it was like a bunch of mutual friends and me and rain had gone off and like smoked and then when we came back I said this I don't think I repeat this to you but to like a bunch of random guys about me and rain I go yeah well we just had a party of our own so I don't even go fuck about this party anymore and with the way like I just present myself or maybe I just like think everyone thinks I'm gay because I'm scared of the fact that I am gay whatever um wait we have to unpack that no so then no no
I said that everyone was like, like, oh, we just went had a party of our own. I literally just had the best time of my life. I could go home now. I'm so sleepy. Like I said, it literally made it sound like we went and did a bunch of coke and had sex. But that is not the thing I was going to say. Essentially, this guy, I'm going to insert a picture where we're going to have to blur the fuck out of it.
This bell boy was like, oh yeah, I have, I have a lighter. Also, we had to go back and forth because I said matches and I was like for smoking like fire. And like, I was like doing the whole sign thing. Cause like neither of us knew what the fuck we were talking about. Um, also every time I spoke Spanish, it just confused, like confused and escalated the issue. So I wasn't doing that. Um,
and he's like oh okay lighter lighter and he goes like this mind you he's carrying a huge water jug because he's going somewhere and I'm like oh my god this is the worst thing ever because I thought he'd be like yeah I'll be back with matches not like try to like tend to me in the moment and he grabs this lighter did I show you the one he sent me or gave me bruh
I think he just, like, had one of those moments where he was like, oh, yeah, I have a lighter. I can literally feel it in my tight-ass fucking pants right now. And he didn't think about the lighter that was in there. And he pulled it out, and it was this one. Oh, my God. He pulled it out, and, like, he, like, he had this water drug. So he's like, oh, yeah. And he's, like, holding it and going like this. Mind you, he's, like, around my age, like, maybe, like, 24. So he's like this and, like, patting around for it. And I'm just standing and, like, kind of trying not to look. So I'm like, dude, just...
It's icky. And he goes to give it to me. He goes, oh, you don't have to use this one. Like he like literally like pulled it back and was like, oh, and like started hiding it. And he's like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, what? And I like saw it and I started cracking up. I was like, dude, no, that is perfect. Thank you. And I like, and then he was like,
and like, like was had the bottle and was like going to walk away. He's like, I'm so sorry. I'll like, I'll like was basically just like, I'll come back with matches. I was like, it's fine. I can use this. This is perfect. And he felt so embarrassed. And he, I was at that hotel for three nights. He did not look at me. One. Oh my God. He was so embarrassed. He knew how like chic that was. Yeah. That was like a moment. But like, honest,
good because a straight man should feel like he's actually attacking yeah like that's very pervy of a straight yeah so it's disgusting and i'm actually gonna call and i'm gonna have him fucking yeah get his ass fine no i thought we were gonna key after that he brought me matches after and when i gave him back i was like it was perfect thank you so much he was like and like ran away yeah that is hilarious oh really because it doesn't seem like it is no that was so funny and yeah
Yeah, it was a really long story where it was like you kind of had to be there. Yeah, that was hilarious. What? Oh, cool, cool, cool. I'm just kidding. That was actually awesome. I did not know the lighter looked like that. I know. Also, in that picture, I'm covering her whole vag is out. So I think that's why it's not just like a girl with boobs. It is a completely butt naked woman on both sides. And I wish I've been saying this. I think I'm going to buy the Ray-Ban.
Metaglasses and just start filming everything because my interactions are awesome. Imagine I got the cruising on video. No, not in like a pervy way so y'all could see it. No. I would watch it back later. No. No. Please, no. Well...
Last night we were talking in bed and he just sleeps in my bed almost every night now. I know. It's a problem. We got a new big bed and it's amazing. Wait, did they not know about that? I think you got it after. Yeah, I got a giant, I got a king size bed, y'all. It's major. And it's the best investment he's ever made because literally I just can't stop sleeping in it. But you're not going to be able to for long. I'll tell you that much right now. That bed has been christened.
I know, which actually grosses me out. I've never had to sit on your bed and think about if you've done nasty stuff on it. And then I was like, ew. And I think he lied to me. I asked him if he washed his sheets. I know. No, I swear to God. I swear to God. I wash my sheets. And then right after I wash my sheets, Azul got eye boogers all over them and stained them. Oh, my God. Cry me.
Okay, we were laying in bed last night talking and I realized I can look at a person and based off of like the distance between their eyes or the distance between their nose and their mouth or the distance between their ears, like bone structure, bone density, I can tell that
how much of a freak nasty they are based off of just the respect Not more on their personality? No, just strictly off of the way they look. I can read them to Phil. Oh, also Safia, that YouTuber. Safia? Yeah, she and her husband hate each other.
I actually don't believe that. I don't believe that. The girl from BuzzFeed, I don't believe that. I think she... I think they're actually really normal. I think they are shockingly so normal because to me...
no they're not living like it's like a mr beast thing except i would never compare them to mr beast they're like actual like chill people no they're lit as fuck don't get me oh no but they hate each other i don't think they behind behind closed doors there's a little oh no yeah i think i i think she doesn't play about that damn job i know that's that's her but that's that's why i'm such a d like on defense of her because one thing about me is i think to date me is essentially like going to boot camp it's like
yeah, you're going to meet the best people ever and genuinely like love the colonel, but the colonel is evil. And like the colonel has a lot of issues and used to be in war. The colonel doesn't play about her job and I'm the colonel. So I think she's kind of like that. It's like, yeah, like sometimes the colonel wakes up and you don't have to tuck your
your sheets into your bed as tight because she's just going to be like, yeah, that's a good made bed. And then other times she's going to see a letter picking from under your pillow and read it to the whole courtyard or wherever they fucking sleep. But they make them all sleep in like those. You lost me. Well, I was writing a story. I was acting all your senses. Yeah, literally. We were doing imagination exercises. I've been trying to do that so I can like expand my mind and really like, I've been trying to world build. I'm building a world of my own.
you're fucking tweaking out but like for example josiah not a freak nasty based off of unstructure and yeah let me see i'm not i don't think i have freak nasty bone structure you have freak nasty bone structure me i'm not a freak nasty i don't have yeah wow wow you have to pay to play and i'm here with
I was so scared when he flipped it up to me. I was like, oh my God. Like, but I'm so glad he sent it to me. I almost asked him and he was like, do you want me to send this to you? And I was like, yes, please, please, please. Um, like chapel room, not a freak. Who the fuck is Coco? Who the fuck is Coco?
yeah who the fuck is coco we need to bring her on the podcast i really need to know what her life transpired to be post this we need to make like the marvel universe of people like that it's that girl it's the guy who kicked the abortion like turkish kwandale dingle turkish kwandale dingle i don't know who that is i don't know what you do the group leader they were singing that kanye west song enough
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. The kid. Nina. Oh, Nina, Nina, Nina, Nina. Nina fell off quick. Oh, that bitch is in the gutter. You guys. Bitch, you know who else? Oh, yeah, no. She is like...
She should have been... If Balenciaga really wanted to hard launch their esoteric weird comeback, they should have put her on that one. Her sitting next to Devin. That's what I want. I want Nina and Devin in a campaign together. I want to see Nina and Devin interact, period. They would have a key, though. I kind of think Devin is the kind of person that like...
You could put her in a room with anybody and she will walk out and they will have each other's numbers. Like that woman just has a charm to her that... She's perfect. Down to the last minute fucking detail. She would survive the colonel. But you know who else fell the fuck off? You know who else fell off? Greta Thunberg. That bitch is in the gutters, bitch. Like, sorry, bitch. Like, literally fell off. Kind of fucked up. Like, why didn't Loewe use her? Like, what? Also, Loewe... With all the, like...
what don't even get me started i have beef with laueve they stole from my girl ali spagnola they put it on the runway ali spag we're spaggets we're all fucking spaggets she did it first with the chia seed uh tuxedo then like four months later laueve put it on the tuxedo when she went to the wine tasting girl i'm a spagget through and through like don't even don't even when she went to the wine tasting on her jet and took the possum back give me your hand
I love you. And you're so special to me. I love you too. You're gorgeous. Oh my God. Thank you. You look really good today too.
Josiah, you're there. I love Josiah. We haven't been hanging. It's actually annoying. Josiah moved closer to us and he doesn't come over anymore. And that's exactly what we thought was going to happen. We predicted it. We literally were like, it's predictive programming. It's predictive programming. And now he's like, oh, he's like trying to sign that like I've been gone and I've been like work. I've been working for the fucking family. Yeah. I've been working for the fucking family. Putting food on the table, paying your rent. We pay Josiah's rent. Josiah doesn't pay rent. He said I get no money. He's saying I get no money.
Well, you get no money, no bitches, no swag, no swag, no bitches, no swag. That's in ya. I know. Also, you're signing. It's actually awesome. It works, actually. But what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Greta Thunberg fell off. Bitches in the gutter.
Her legacy being Lisbon and Lisbon lesbian and I shouldn't be up here. The thing is... So, like, so perfectly what's wrong with everything in this world because, like, she literally was that girl. She was, like, fighting for climate change. You're saying she shouldn't be up here, up there? Like, you're right. You should be in school and your parents kind of suck for not letting you just go to school and be fucking normal. Like, go to school, be normal, and then you can, like...
But poor girl, she was fighting for a cause that she felt so strong for. I think she's still fighting for it, but in like 20 years she'll probably be president. Fighting where? Because I don't see her. Wait, can she be president? Can she? I think you have to be like a certain age and you have to be born in the U.S. to be the president. She must have gone to school.
She was skipping class. Josiah said she didn't want to be in school. She did all that, like me faking sick to get out of class, me faking to be a climate change activist to skip class. Me claiming to be a martyr for a cause after finding out about what's her name? Casey Anthony? No, the one girl who she learned how to read and it was illegal. And she actually, she never, I guess she kind of fell off. Who was it?
Malala. Oh, Malala. See, actually, no, Malala low-key never fell off. Like, Malala is always that girl, Greta, you fell off because seriously, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, we, like, don't, like, what? No, I support everything. Don't get me wrong. No, I do, but, like, you know what I mean. I don't. She literally was in school. She learned about Malala. She was like, wait, there's a method to the madness. I really fuck with sustainability. Let me just see if this will get me out of class. And it worked. Skipping class by net spend.
I'm 27 years old. And I love that.
No, and you're doing the right thing. It's actually very smart what you're doing. No, actually, what you're doing here is actually really smart. What you're doing right now is really smart. Did you have roaches growing up? Yes. Oh, my God. We had fucking roaches that would fly around and like attack and shit like. Whoa. No, they would literally come out. Water bugs. Water bugs. They would attack the fuck out of us. And I didn't really I wasn't scared of them until I saw my mom attack.
petrified if you bring a roach around my mom she will literally like cut off an arm to get away well did you have roaches yeah but we had like the baby ones that like i saw a tiktok recently that was like a the tiny roaches are a sign that like the nest is huge and it's like a huge infestation growing up in our first house we had roaches and like there is a certain kind of terror you carry and
after having an infestation of roaches that never goes away because i feel like were the roaches getting in your house or were the roaches there to stay they were there we had roaches and mice oh yeah we had hella rats like i know the smell of a dead rat a dead rat and a cracker a dead rat and a cracker like to me it is all y'all know what i'm referencing
No, the girl when she's walking... The girl who gets hit in the throat? No, she's walking by the pile of Dr. Peppers and her friend put a fake rat on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a black toilet and I don't know who thought that was okay because I haven't seen like anything that's come out of my body. And now when I go to a toilet that's normal and like not a black hole of despair and I go to look in because you're supposed to be looking in the toilet to see if you're healthy. It's...
It's literally terrifying. I bet we could ask the plumber today if we can change it. I think I need to because it's very, very, very de-centering. It's destabilizing. Yeah, to wake up in the morning and poop. I don't know my health because I haven't seen my poop in literally two months. It's...
yeah you can't see anything i don't know the color of my pee i don't know when i start my period like oh wait let's have that conversation and you took a piss in my toilet like three nights ago it was it was the darkest urine i have ever seen it stank like it stank like bacterial vaginosis yeah fishy oh my god that's not true that's not
We actually don't need to start the rumor that I'm like one of those dirty, nasty girls because I take care of myself. Like I like literally like there's maintenance. There's maintenance. There's weekly maintenance. And sometimes, you know what? I'm in a bad place and it's not getting the work it needs.
But the bridge is back down. The people are reentering the city. It is bustling. It is alive. My body is back. No, and it takes care of herself. But she just had one day where that urine was black. No, it's bad. I haven't been drinking as much water because all of my... That's not my company. Those fucking binks. That's not my company. That's not my company. That's not my bottle. Don't yell at us about the fucking prices. That's not my bottle. They played their cards right. That's not my bottle. Yeah.
They used me. They used me. And I'm going to come after them. Not actually, because I don't give a fuck. But like, that's not my bottle. They just sent me the bottle for free against my will. Sent me things. And I'm so happy about it. But that is the only way I drink water is if I have one of those big, stupid fucking bottles in my hand. And I've been traveling and working and moving around a bunch. So all of my bottles have collected in my car. And last night I was brave and I took all of them out because seeing the color of my pee, I was like, oh,
Guys, I'm going through it. Actually, no, I'm coming out of going through it because I was. You're coming out. She had no idea that song would be huge with gay people. Or she did. And she had no idea it would be huge with straight people. No, I think she had that song written. She had that song given to her. Right? She wrote the song. Have y'all ever accidentally seen my balls and not said anything? No, because I would scream. I would be fucking disgusted. Really? No. Just needed to know that. I.
I have a dear friend of mine who is starting an underwear business and I've been helping her kind of get her groundings. And immediately when we start talking about website building, I thought of Shopify because Shopify makes navigating all the information that you are about to be thrown at or I guess thrown at you.
into one place where it's super easy to navigate. You can literally be home of the number one checkout on the planet and not so secret secret with ShopPay that boost conversions up to 50%. Love ShopPay. Shopify? More like...
I'm a guy. Okay. But seriously, any website I've ever built, I use Shopify. It gets the job done. It's super easy, super simple to navigate and really just makes running your business so much simpler and also assists in growing your business. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Allo Yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash intercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.
This is a message from sponsor Intuit TurboTax. Taxes was getting frustrated by your forms. Now, Taxes is uploading your forms with a snap and a TurboTax expert will do your taxes for you. One who's backed by the latest tech, which cross-checks millions of data points for absolute accuracy. All of which makes it easy for you to get the most money back, guaranteed.
Get an expert now at TurboTax.com. Only available with TurboTax Live Full Service. See guaranteed details at TurboTax.com slash guarantees.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.
Oh, but basically I was thinking about how I've seen yours and I've seen your bajini. Yeah. You've seen me. Yes. They fell out of your boxers. Morning. Oh, you've seen my prickly pear. Cause I don't give a fuck when you see me naked. And yes, and yes. Got a fur ball. I coughed up a lot of fucking, I felt like a cat years ago. Yes. Whoa. Well, um,
Catching Fire, Hunger Games, and Chipmunks Chipwrecked were filmed on the same beach. Is there any other slides or is it just that scene? Just that scene. I wish it was more. Why didn't they all film in the same jungle? Because what happened in Chipwrecked? I have no idea. I don't remember that movie at all. I really want to rewatch Shrek 2, which sounds like the most like Shrek.
ass thing ever but Shrek 2 was the best movie and it was the gayest Shrek movie and it was so good musically and musically and I saw screenshots of like the fake rodeo they made and now after living in LA this long I'm like damn I really need to see this because the best part about living in LA is now a bunch of movies I rewatch I'm like oh
- I frequent that street. - Me and Grand Theft Auto. - Yeah. - I literally like when I first moved here was like, I've literally been here in Grand Theft Auto. - Y'all better not play GTA in front of me because I already can't shut up about the fact that I'm from Miami. - Oh. - Like I've actually been there. - That's actually-- - It's actually funny before that was there, this was there. - It's actually a lot smaller in the game than it is in real life. - It's huge, you wouldn't believe it. And then you get there in person, it's not that much bigger. - Something we don't talk about enough and I wish Kai was here,
to get berated by us because we don't talk about this moment enough and I saw it the other day. -Is it Bruno? -San? Whoa. -Was that not good? No one caught that? Okay, I guess it was bad. -We don't talk about Bruno. -Yes. -That monster damage. We'll get back though. -That was good. You guys are sleeping. -Oh, but when people are commenting Bruno in the comments, then you all are going to feel left out.
um but something we don't talk about enough is sand literally falling out of kai's shoe like he lifted his foot up
And like a pound of sand dusted out and fell on the floor of our kitchen. Yeah, like it literally, it was like Thanos snap, like, but with his toes. It really was also because it was at his toes. It did feel like in a movie when someone starts disintegrating because it always starts from there. Yeah. Was he even at the beach? And why were those your shoes at the beach? Where did all...
- No, we really need to have a conversation about this with him the next episode. And he's gonna listen to this and he's gonna try to defend himself. But like, don't even hit my phone. - He's gonna listen to this and try to defend his honor. - Don't even try to text me about it 'cause we're gonna talk about this next week. Mickey17.
worst movie I've ever seen in my life. Have you seen it? Yes. Oh, I didn't know you saw it already. You see everything without me. You fucking hate me. Worst fucking movie I have ever seen. It is a satire that happened five years too late and the dick writing I have seen for it is literally... It makes me feel dumb and stupid in my head. I love him. I love...
I love The Host. That was, like, one of my first favorite movies ever. I remember watching it over and over and over again. So I understand, like, he has an obsession with, like, creatures. But, like, how do you go from Parasite to that? Like...
Girl, like I want to watch it. But like I sometimes I hate that for Creatives because when somebody makes something that good I'm like it's impossible no matter what you do next people aren't gonna be happy and I went into it expecting Not the best movie ever but not to be satisfied. Yeah, like I expected no I did not expect parasite by any means I expected like a super Americanized version of like whatever a creature film but like because I saw like videos about it but like
Damn, I did not resonate with me at all. Like, there were points in the movie where I was like, oh, I might actually get up. Well, because does every movie need to be about, like, some gay fucking, like, person with an iPhone? Yes. Wait, what? Because you said it just, like, didn't, like, maybe you just didn't feel like you were being shown in it. So I'm just saying, like, is that what it's going to take? Fucking gay! Ew, do the help! But you were doing your thing. It sounds like you, Elliot! No!
Wow, that was just science. It does sound like you. No, show the video. Pull up the evidence.
Y'all, I got a hotel for two days because I was expecting a crash out. I thought I was going to like literally be sad. And I was like, I don't want to taint the energy of the new house with sadness. Crash out. He fully did crash out and he crashed out over not getting a text back. And he literally was the craziest I've ever seen him at. Yeah. And he was tweaking out and he couldn't hear any positive reinforcement. So like literally the three of us were just sitting and we were like watching him lose his mind. And it was amazing. But that's.
That's good, that means I just have to get a really nice camera. So like for your big crash out, oh, we're making taxi driver two. - No, literally also you have the video on your phone. - And you're not gonna see it bitch. - But yeah, I got a hotel room for two days to crash out because I was like, darkness, darkness, darkness. I didn't wanna take the energy of my new home. And I did exactly that. And then,
Mind you, I get to this hotel room and I'm alone and I direct I go directly to the hallway closet, shut it behind me and sit on the floor of it for an hour, just like in the darkness, not crying, not being sad, just like sitting in the darkness. It's a nice hotel room, too. I should have explored a little bit. Should have gone by the pool. No, that was nice. I think I think the way you did it was perfect.
Sitting in the closet? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. I set myself up every fucking time, bro. I know. I just like scream my voice away, by the way. No, you've been losing your voice over the past three days. Should I like scream really loud and completely lose it? Would you lose it? I think, yeah, I think so. And I think like people with raspy voices are so sexy. Like imagine like meeting all the people in New York and I'm like, hey. That would be kind of cute. Hey, man.
Yeah, Mickey 17, bunk as fuck. I saw Barbie's movie. I have to see it. It is so fucking good. I know, I've only heard people talk about how good it is. It is the most wholesome, feel-good movie ever.
cry at the end like it was so good and barbie's performance was legitimately like one of my favorite performances i've seen i need to see it in the last six months like she went fucking ape shit and like not that i didn't know she had that in her but like to a certain degree i was like i was genuinely shocked i was like oh she's acting her fucking boots off like dude i'm so excited for like
Bob Trevino cuts hair. But my media of the week...
Next time somebody pisses you off, just set them up to give you head like the exact day you stop bleeding. Like on that day that you know if you did a few jumping jacks, you would like launch out like the last membranes. Just make sure someone gives you head right in that like radioactive state of disaster. And that to me would be the best revenge. Because what? You're going to be like the worst case scenario is that person walks away and they're like, dude, her pussy tasted like fucking ass.
ass. I'm like, yeah, I was on my period. Like what? Her pussy tastes like butt. Her pussy tastes like a butthole. Well, they are very close. That's so gross. Okay. The last thing I'll say is going to hurt Drew's feelings. Wow. But
Okay, actually not really because I don't feel this way about yours. But you know those wine bottles with the like the ones you have in your room with that flip cap? Those at a restaurant make me feel so fucking nasty for some reason. Like I just feel like a bottle shaped like that does not get cleaned the amount it should be cleaned. And to the extent it should be cleaned for everyone's nasty hands going in there. And I just think about like when someone has their earrings in for too long and it cakes up and gets flaky.
fucking disgusting which is the nastiest guy trait ever and i'm so fucking tired of men taking like effeminate traits and doing it and you're doing it fucking nasty you're getting a manicure of a color too dark but you can't see that there's dirt under your fucking nails because you're a fucking animal and you're not somebody who's scrubbing your fucking nails before you touch people nasty fucking monster and that's how i feel about men with earrings because they always get their ears pierced and they never take it out and it smells like fucking ass
crack of Notre Dame it's so fucking nasty but that is what I imagine for the wine bottle like things at restaurants is like it was just all that fucking gunk from now you're in back don't go to restaurants and they don't wash their hands and they touch everything and everything is fucking nasty and I hate those and I hate I know it's sustainability it is the ugliest fucking thing ever stop cutting glass bottles in half and making them cups because it's okay
bottle cut in half and i hate those cups and like the bottom of wine glasses is so the bull ugly the nipple like if i'm gonna suck on a nipple i'd get on my fucking iphone and make it happen she'd come to me and if i wanted to suck a nipple i'd be sucking hers oh that's so gross to think about
me suck guys my boobs deflated and i just have skin sacks and when i bend over it literally like i look like the woman from barbarian you know those like punching bags where you go boom boom yeah that's what i'm giving that's what i do and i'm not gonna do anything about it honestly like for a long time i was like i'm gonna get my boobs done i'm gonna get my boobs done honestly there's something like crazy about that for what literally for what because i'm the kind of person who i'm so fucking in my head that i every everybody i met i'd be like i got my boobs done
And then like it would be like a useless conversation because I'm just like weirdly insecure. I'd be like, can you tell I did something to
something to my boobs because I did something to my boobs you would make it interesting because you're very interesting thanks but I don't want to because it's like too much work also I genuinely think if somebody cut me open and I woke to that um I would kill myself well that's what I'm saying the drainage pipes afterwards like I don't think you could handle that's fucking disgusting I don't but I don't mean it's disgusting like girl if you get your shit done like kudos like I just can't because something's wrong with me and every day um wait my waking up my whole existence feels like uh the like I'm paralyzed
I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. I was just paralyzed. Every day, the reason I think I smoke so much is because last year I became so just like disconnected. And I think about how often I called myself stupid. It was fully just because I know too much and I don't want to talk. I literally don't want to talk about anything. And every day my existence has felt like at least one moment I wake up and I come to and I'm like,
That is what my existence feels like. Literally. But yeah, I really hate those restaurant nasty bottles. They're so fucking nasty. The cups and the bottles. I also hate like a restaurant dispenser, the plastic ones that like have the spring that they really don't work. And you know that whoever touched it last because you're about to do the same fucking thing.
is dig their hands in there. And I just think about how dirty. So I never use the top napkins because also those top napkins are rubbing against all the plastic. So like if I use napkins from something like that, I'll make sure to use the center of the napkins from the ones laid under it because the side ones have already ripped across and wiped down this fucking plastic contraption. You know what I hate is the soap dispensers that you have to go...
You have to touch? Yeah. You have to finger them? Or you hit it with your palm and it squirts it out. Those, because every once in a while, my fingers will graze like the mechanism underneath and it's like dripping.
dried cake up like soap that's been there for months if not years it's never been cleaned and it'll flake into the palm of my hand hate that hate that also i hate wet countertops more than anything in the world like literally a wet sink will make me lose my fucking mind like oh because all i can think like
Is the germs residing in the pools? Yeah. The pools, the pools, the body of the water, the body, the body's a water hold bacteria, the body's water hold bacteria, the body's water hold bacteria. The brain, the body keeps the score. You ever think about that? Think about that. But yeah, I, with all my time to myself in my brain, I have thought a lot about all the things that I thought normal and they're not because I don't think anybody should feel that way about wine bottles, but I'm sure someone out there feels that. They get it. Drew!
Wait, that a... Inya might be into bestiality fucking with a goat like me. Okay. Inya's coochie tastes like laptops. Sounds good to me. BPD this, BPD that. I want to be putting this P on his D. Okay. That was from Graystar.
-They asked me to call them Graystar Enterprises. That's what that sounds like. Your face right now. For what you're looking up versus the face of seriousness you have. -This is the face of seriousness.
Oh.
Anyways, we didn't end up finding her phone. We didn't end up finding her phone. And by the next morning, we realized her wallet was gone, too. She literally got pickpocketed in a gayborhood. We should send her a case. Yeah, we should. I'm literally such a good person. What the fuck? Like, what? I hear stories like that. And genuinely, I think send her a case.
No, that is crazy. Also, how did you not notice your wall being so caught up about the case that you don't realize your whole fucking wall is missing? Also, I think like you are the type of person if your phone went missing, you would destroy the night. I think if my phone went missing, the night could go on. And honestly, the night might get better. I would not destroy the night.
- If I was drunk, I would not destroy the night. - Oh, if you were drunk, but you're never drunk anymore, so you would destroy the night. - Straight pubic hair scares me so bad. That is not a bush, that is a weeping willow. - Right, right. I'm gonna pull your pants down. - I just read one that just like physically made me cringe.
Oh my God, imagine it was yours that made him cringe. Oh. Yeah. If we weren't Brockhampton's, if we weren't Brockhampton's stans together, please don't say we go way back. Me when I was the colonel of Brockhampton. Mm-hmm. I'ma fly a lucky follower out to my house to fuck them. Okay. I'ma fly a lucky follower out to my house to tell them my theories. Okay.
Would you break up with your boyfriend if you found out he could do the splits? Yes. UPS, United Penis Services. Dropping dick off daily. Okay, enough. I want to wax pussy for a living, but I'm scared of fuck. Oh, wait. I want to wax pussy for a living, but I'm scared I'm going to eat one and get fired. That's literally me. Okay, well, my media or... Yeah, media. Sorry, y'all. Those psyops suck. No, that was awesome.
I can't think of anything. Relationships by Haim. Love that song. Yeah, I was about to say that Haim song. That song is fucking awesome. No. Immediately no. Okay, wait. Actually, I'll just go through. The first six songs. I Touch Roses by Book of Love. We're Almost There, Michael Jackson. I Touch Rose Toys. Somebody Loves Me, Sister Sledge. Bye, sisters.
4-5-4. And Borderline by Madonna. Borderline Personality Disorder by Madonna. I really have only been listening to Salem. Like, only. That's a really scary vibe. I know. I know. It's like... Normally when I listen to it, like, it feels...
I can't say the reason why I listen to it, but normally when I'm listening to Salem, there's a reason, but I don't have that reason this time and I'm listening to it just for fun and I kind of love it. Oh, that is awesome. Was it a sad reason? No. Like no reason at all, really. I just like it. Asia by Salem. I'm a bit confused. Red Lights by Salem. I really like Not Much of a Life.
It's not much of a life. Oh, yeah. Is that Lana? Or am I literally? No, it's Salem. Oh, what? No, they sampled Rihanna. I like this song thrown around by James Blake.
Hell of a Ride by Nourished by Time. And then Gay Guy by DJ Assault. And just know there was a major event that happened in LA that we can't talk about because Kai decided to fucking ditch us today. But we'll talk about it next week. We'll go into it. But just know I'm a star. I'm talented. I'm a star.
People want to sit and look at me in my fucking face and tell me I can't sing when I can get on stage in front of 1,600 people and flawlessly, flawlessly. If you want to be me, be me. I'm on my crisp breathe, breathe me. Flawlessly sing Kitty Kat and Countdown. And Josiah's had you beat since he was 18.
Since he was on America's Got Talent. Wait, I just put something together that I can't say until after the podcast and you're going to die laughing. Yeah. But... Oh! Yeah. But, okay. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. We'll never leave you again. That is a lie. We will one day. We will one day soon probably...
We will probably vanish and there may never be us ever again, but there are. Fuck me. Fuck. That was disgusting. We may leave one day very soon. And I'm soft launching the demise of the podcast, but I love you. That's not true.
That's not Drew. Who would you believe? Me or Drew? I bet. I bet. Who does it better? Me or Drew? Me or Drew? I bet. All right. Peace and love. Bye, guys.