you're bi
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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Immersement.

I don't know how to say this, but it's not going to just be me and Kai today. Kai's in the corner with his eyes covered because I told him not to look at me. Daddy's back. No! But Drew couldn't make it today, but it's okay. It is okay. Before you start screaming and crying and throwing yourself to the floor and saying that this hurts more than anything you've ever felt, we have a really, really good guest to replace him. Come on out, girl. Goodbye. Oh. Oh.

Being bi is real. Can I open my eyes? Yes. Oh, from the video. You dreamt that I wouldn't get that. Oh, from the video. Dude, say being bi is real. You look fucked up. You know what's fucked up is I've seen him in it long enough now, Kai. I've become fully like, this to me is the new norm.

Oh my god. No, really when I put this disguise on, like if something comes out of me, I turn into like a monster. We filmed, what was it, like afternoon of the movies? No. You don't have a mic. We went to fucking Popeye's.

We filmed afternoon at Arby's. So sorry, my friend. She's never been on a podcast. You're bi. She's only been on What Would You Do? Being bi is real. And she was used to the hot mics above her. She didn't think she had to do all that. No, this really brings something out of me I really can't explain. I turn into King Kylie a little bit. Yeah, she doesn't defend bi people for the joke of it. She means it. No, I'm pan.

I am asexual but panromantic. Oh, okay. I don't know what that means if I'm being honest. I'm attracted to the person. I fall in love with the person. The sex is meaningless to me. I have a lot of meaningless sex. Well, what do you do when you meet somebody who sees that as a form of connection and it's important to them? Sex? Yeah. Sex should have no meaning always. You don't like sex? No. But I am dropping a new lip kit.

Okay, I don't understand. Are you the girl who stands for bisexual people or are you Kylie Jenner? Kylie Jenner stands for bisexual people. I didn't want to say I wasn't saying she's like biphobic. I genuinely do believe there's a world out there where Kylie Jenner sees no issue with bisexuality. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. Could me and her sit down in a room together? There is an issue with bisexuality. And maybe she could teach me that being bisexual is real. I don't know because there's no proof to me. Right.

to me right what i suffer from is gluttony what i suffer from is pain and greed and shame no see the thing is i'm dropping a new lip kit it's uh for the girls obviously and it's for their pussies yeah the pussy lips for the vagina vagina is it gonna be like a tent um i guess you could do like ombre ombre lips yeah i mean a lot of it's we've

A lot of us already have the ombre down. A lot of people would be scared. A lot of people have ombre from God. A lot of people would be scared right now.

I can't look at you in that. I know, it's a bit jarring. Don't do that. Come here, yeah, come here. Yeah, come here. Come sit on my lap. Ew. I won't lie, it does make him really weird. Like, he becomes... Like, be prepared to see Drew become, like, weirdly pervy, question mark. Like, the wig makes him, like... This whole outfit makes him a bit perverted in a way I haven't... Kai cannot look at me. No, no. I've just become used to it, also. Like...

Also, ever since you did the kick, that guy who was arguing. K-I-K sexted with a 40-year-old man when I was 14 on kick. Yes. I mean, classic. Famously. Classic, classic, classic. Who's calling my phone? Who's calling my phone? Who's calling my phone? That was me when I got a random kick message from an unknown user and I still responded. From Bella Thorne. One of our friends, I don't want to air them out, was catfished on kick by Jaden Smith.

Yeah, you know, you know exactly who it is. He's been around a lot recently, but I'm not going to air his shit out. But he was telling me that he literally fell in love with Jaden Smith. Also was like 14. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, but it was the same fucking time you fell in love with Bella Thorne. And I bet we didn't say anything to each other. No, y'all kept it a secret. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no. Well, Bella told me not to tell anybody we were friends. Yeah. Well, I. She's like, don't tell anybody we're friends. What color are your underwear? Yeah.

I just want to make sure we're matching so that I can know we're soulmates. I actually don't remember if it got freaky like that, but like I don't remember a lot of conversations I had with a lot of people. Oh, no. See, the thing is, is I have been looking for this exact shirt for I'm not exaggerating.

Like two years now, I've had like eBay notifications set up for it. Like it has been something that I have been looking for for so long because it's the exact shirt that your bike girl was wearing in the year by video. And I bought it and I was like, Oh, I'm going to wear this for Halloween. But everyone was like, Halloween is like six months away. And so I was just like, or we were just like, whatever, we'll just do it on this episode. But like this, um,

this has been a journey putting this together we trimmed the wig today um like all of it why are you giving like a detailed thing of your outfit like you're on the carpet at the mat like literally like you're going into like the core of your outfit as if there's like because it's important there is history there is history and lore i have no idea what this shirt is josiah knew but i have no idea we really i'm not kidding we kind of have to give it up to cosplayers i've been thinking about it a lot and like

Make some noise for cosplayers. Like, for real. They're the new wave of historians in some ways, no? This is keeping history alive. Unironically, though, like, I really genuinely fuck with cosplayers. Like, y'all really, it's an art form, for real. Cosplay is, like, any kind of art medium or creative medium where it's, like, it's...

It has to be a burning passion or don't do it. Like actually that's not true because some people aren't like good at cosplay and they still like, it's sweet. And it's like an escape for them. I was literally just about to say like bad cosplay to me is more important than good cosplay. Like there, I said it like, it's like, you can feel like they really, really wanted to do this shit. Cause also like they really wanted to become this person. They really wanted to create this fit. And I love people creating things. Look, everybody,

I spoke to God. Your time consuming is up. You need to start creating more. You guys were talking shit about me last episode. What the fuck? Who are you? You fucking were. Get out of my fucking house, pervert. You said people that... Wait, let me look this up because I wrote it down. You said people... That have autoimmune diseases. No. You said you're sick if you're good at sex. Basically, you're a bad person, which is a shade that's Kai Newman shade.

- No, I don't think anybody on this planet thought, oh my God, Kai, like he's gonna hear this and be broken. They're gonna be like, oh my God, Kai's gonna hear this and be broken 'cause he's gonna be so ashamed and recoil at the thought of people talking about good sex 'cause he's like, oh my God, that's something I've never even partaken in. - No, I'm famously good at sex. - How do I act like I know what that is? - No, Kai is good at sex. - I'm famously good at sex. - He is, he's a munch. He really is. I could tell you. He makes me put a wig on though, it's really fucking weird.

Oh, I mean, to each their own. Y'all do what you do. It's internalized. We've talked about it. Pillow talk and shit. But hold on. It's internalized. It's deep in there. It's really. No, one thing about me is like I can't have casual sex because my pillow talk does go crazy. Like my my pillow talk is like not cute shit. Like literally we will have just bone and I'll be like, do you talk to your parents anymore? Are they are they in your life?

Do you think the way you navigate in relationships is because of them? Have they ever touched you in a bad way? Okay, what was I saying? Oh, we were talking about catfishes and getting catfished. And this is something I've been harboring inside for a very long time that I haven't really been brave enough to speak about. And it may not make the cut. But about two years ago, I was a grown ass man. Okay, just keep going. I was catfished on Grindr.

Which is like not like the craziest thing. That's like a gay agenda, like gay experience. Like it really is. I should have known better because I was in Texas and like this man was fine shit. And like we had like a full blown conversation. Like it was tea. It was tea. It was tea. We made plans to meet up at even. And then I screenshotted his photos and reversed image searched and found out that he was using this.

OnlyFans creators photos as his own. And one day, one day I'll be brave enough to mention who the OnlyFans creator was. Okay. Like, did you send anything crazy? No. Well, yes. Oh yeah. But not face, not face, but like body tea. Yes. But, um,

And we had some interesting conversations. I was going to say, okay, like hot take. We really did. Because I have been catfished. Like, especially as a teenager, I was a very lonely teenager who was a crazy person. Like, I needed to talk to people. I wanted to talk to people, but I was like very shy in a lot of ways. So I would just get into random conversations with strangers online. And I definitely was catfished a handful of times. But I don't look back at it as like a thing where I'm like, oh my God, that's so humiliating and shameful. I'm not kidding because I'm like-

There is still something about like human connection there. Like I still genuinely believe in that connection. It's like, okay, well, luckily I never had an experience where I like met up with somebody and anything happened. But for the most part, I would just really chat it up. And sometimes it got freaky deaky, but I don't really give a fuck. Like I was like dumb. Like what? No harm, no foul. Yeah, no harm, no foul. I genuinely... Unless like obviously don't go around catfishing people because that's fucking un poco loco. But...

I don't know. I had good conversations with the people who catfished me. Like they were actually very helpful people in my life. Did people use your pictures ever on dating apps? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, that part is scary. I think that started happening to me like three years ago. People have like made genuine connections with me and had no idea that it was me and that really scares me. I've had people Photoshop my face onto other bodies and then use that as the catfish. I mean, that makes a lot of sense why they would do that and not want to use your body. What do you mean by that? Because body is not T. Body is boba. It's boba.

Body is really good. Thank you. Thank you. Nobody is tea right now for real. Thank you. The purge is working Okay, so I Have I don't know. I don't know if I'm embarrassed by it ashamed of it or proud of myself for actually committing to it But I bought something really late last night and it has to do with you and I paid

$2.99 extra to get it delivered overnight because I wanted it today. I wanted to wake up to it at the front door. I haven't opened it yet, so I thought I'd unbox it with y'all on the podcast live. And I want to get y'all's honest, real reactions because it is pretty jarring, but you'll see why it involves you.

It's a giant bag of sour airheads. See, you had one in your car and when I drove it home from the nail salon, it had one bite taken out of it and I was like, oh, this is gonna go bad. So I ate the whole thing in one bite and I was like, that was the most delicious thing I've ever eaten in my entire life and I didn't stop thinking about it for hours. So I bought a giant bag of them because it was the blue one but I wanted to try the green and the yellow one as well.

You you propose that this is like when like a shitty boyfriend is like I got us the best thing ever That has nothing to do with me. No, why was there a sour airhead in your car?

I was at a 7-Eleven with a friend and they were getting stuff and I felt awkward. So I grabbed random shit that I saw in the airheads with something because I had gotten a water and the friend was like, oh my God, you're not going to get snacks. Don't make me snack alone. So then I was like, fine, I'll get airheads. And I got those and I acted like I liked them. So I ate one and then I was like, this actually is going to upset my stomach and it's annoying.

And then the other day I took a bite out of it because I was on the way to the nail salon and I was just like, oh, I don't have gum. I need something in my mouth right now so I don't bite my nails. I got something you could put in your mouth right now. But no, they were, please don't hit me. Oh, that's so embarrassing. I just pounced myself. Kai, you're going to have to see my butt.

I was a fucking. No, I mean when you edit. I like actually need to say that because that's not the first time this has happened in these pants. I really like these pants. But since I sit the way I do, I always get my foot stuck in this and I yank my own pants down and I just pants to myself on camera. Kai gets to see Inya's butt.

Oh my God. I'm not kidding. Actually, if you do see it, look out for my crazy tan line. I have the craziest tan line on my butt because I accidentally burnt the fuck out of my butt in Miami. I've had to blur both your privates multiple times throughout the history. Okay, don't say that. Don't cut that. Also, normalize calling it your privates. It falls out.

They fall out. Okay, it's not my fault. My privates always fall out. I know. Especially if I wear a dress. I was going to say, if it's a sundress in the summer, I see that shit splat on the concrete all the time. Me having to blur out your privates once every few episodes is not normal. I just want to say that. Oh my God. It's not a normal working environment. It's not my fault. My vagina fault.

And it's not my fault my dick and balls are so huge that they fall out of the bottom of my pants. Not shorts, my pants. Yeah, you guys have like really huge private parts. So I guess I wasn't thinking about it like that. No no zones. Mine's normal and perfect. We're calling them no no zones now. Guys, not to like bring up something else that has to do with my balls. Okay, you could eat these. You could eat these. They're peanut and tree nut free. No one in this room is allergic to nuts.

He's on his purge diet. Yeah, I can eat. Well, I can eat 12 things now. I added potatoes. Hey, guys. We want to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment anytime, anyplace. I am obsessed with ZocDoc. As I've been saying for the past year, I've been really trying to take my health seriously.

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Hey guys, we want to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Liquid IV. I plan on being at the beach all summer long. I am not a beach person, but something has gotten inside of me and it's not Kai. And I want to be on the beach all summer. And I even bought like this really expensive bag because I'm really financially motivated. So I will be at the beach all summer. But with that comes dehydration. And that's where Liquid IV

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It's in my bathroom. It's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and take all my vitamins and take all my medications. I knock it out and then I don't have to worry for the rest of the day about whether my water is actually going to be in my body because I know I've had my electrolytes and I'm feeling good. Get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use code EMERGENCY at checkout.

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- Oh, I got yellow. - Next time you talk about getting me a fucking gift, get me a real gift, you fucking bitch. - Yeah, Drew, this is all your fault. And these are hard. When it hit me, it hurt.

- Oh my God. - I'm not even kidding. - After everything I do for you, after everything I fucking do for you. - What do you do for me? You just bought a hundred airheads. Also, you and your teeth have no business having access to this many fucking airheads. - Sour airheads at that.

Like it literally, Drew, all he does is like my teeth, my teeth. No, okay, not all I fucking do. The last like month of my life, yes. He's like, oh my God, my teeth. Yes, the last month of my life, yes. But that's not all I do.

But I will say I ate the sour air head that's the sour air head and I literally like my body like Physically went up like three degrees like I got like a fever like immediately Like it was crazy. Also you eating the whole thing like because they were picking that up by the way We planned that bit by the way, I should add that and you're not actually mean well, I didn't plan that shit

I have a gun in my ass right now and it hurts so bad. But it's really small so it should be fine up there. But I'm kind of scared of it traveling upwards. Has that ever happened? Has anybody ever put something in their butt and then like it's gone up? Like just like deep in their colon? Yes, like all the time. Like gets trapped in there? Yeah. That's why they always say like make sure the base is flared.

Who always says that? Like, that's not like, that's why they always say look both ways before crossing the street. That's like, they don't say like that. They really do. Have you guys ever tried the frozen butt plugs? Have you tried that? You can make them. So, and they just like slowly disappear inside of you. What was it called? Like the poop one? You freeze like a log of turd. Oh, the Alaskan pipeline. Yeah. Yeah.

And yet this is crazy. I know. I can't believe they found this. Like, it's kind of embarrassing, but in this clip, I do sound so good. You literally sound amazing. You look about 35 in that, and you were what, like 12? No, I was 14. Whoa, that does sound really good. I don't know how I turned.

Yeah, you were probably 13. Oh my God, that was the best day ever. I loved this day. Who the fuck found that? Dude, Emergency Intercom Crave. They posted that. And I don't know how they found it. But seriously, I'm not that embarrassed because I genuinely do just sound so good. This was like I was really trying to convince my family to buy me that karaoke machine. Yeah, you were performing to let your cousin sleep over. Yeah, I was putting it to work. I just can't sing like that anymore after vaping. Try. Try.

No, I literally can't. Or should I? It sounds good. Thank you. You sound like a dying dog. Okay, right, right, right, right, right, right. Why is no one talking about my Core Life Power Elite Protein, 42 grams of protein in it? No one's commented on it. Yes, yes, I am putting on the pounds. Yeah, Drew's getting stronger every day. This guy is like taking a picture of us.

Yeah, he just took a picture of us. I mean, dead serious. I'm scared. This room keeps getting more and more disturbed. The infinite Jess, you with the wig, there's fucking candy and trash everywhere. Yeah, the trash being in your...

Fuck. I genuinely do. I'm so off today. It's the wig. It's the wig. The wig is doing something to your brain chemistry, bro. It's literally like squeezing your skull. No, it's the microplastics seeping into my body. Oh, yeah. It's from cutting the wig and Drew inhaling all of the microplastics from it. Whoa.

Yeah, if I'm all of that, then so. I don't actually believe in the Illuminati, but there is something so jarring about the fact that it's 2025 and there's still celebrities going to Australia for the first time and posting with the koalas. Like, why is that still like, like without fail?

A celebrity will get to a point where they're going to Australia for a tour and they will post up with those fuck ass koalas. And I don't they all have chlamydia? Dude, yes. And like, let me not say yes. So like with such conviction, I don't fucking know what's up with the koalas. Like, I don't I don't want to say too much on them. I don't know what they have. Not too much on my girl. But they're always there. And I'm just like, yeah, I guess when I was like.

and I saw Justin Bieber with the koala. That was amazing. I couldn't imagine how he even got to Australia. Like I couldn't have even began to think about the travel day he had to take to get there. But I was amazed by that. I was like, wow, he really is in Australia. He's really there right now. He posted this at 3 a.m. and it's a light out. What the fuck?

always that too they're always posting on that fucking timeline which like respect but um yeah i stop sending stop taking pictures with the fucking i don't give a fuck i feel the same way and we're guilty of this we're very guilty of this i feel the same way about a times square billboard i'm like okay yeah i'm like i'm like every time i see one now i'm like

I really, really don't give a fuck. Like I know you care and it's a special moment for you because I felt the same way with our billboard in Times Square, but they're all digital now. Like it's not really giving what it used to give. It's completely different than it used to be. Like it's like a three minute cycle. Like you're up there for like five seconds and then five minutes later you pop back up. Yeah, it's not like when it was a stagnant. But I'm a hater.

No, but seeing that billboard in Times Square was like oh my god. It was very special. It was so special But it's okay cuz I'm gonna hack the mainframe and I'm gonna put all the koala celebrity photos in Times Square Oh, that's a good idea. It's gonna be my attack on the Illuminati. In certain areas of Australia up to 90% of the koalas have chlamydia That's what it says on Google. Damn. That is crazy. So I know whoever is the groupie on tours in Australia

I don't know if they can transmit it to humans though. Yeah, because wouldn't you have to have like sex with the thing? Maybe. Some of those pictures are starting to look a little suspicious. I'm going to start...

I've been manipulating a lot of fucking people. I've been manipulating a lot of people. Why would you ever admit? Hold on. My ideas are coming to fruitition. And I am like getting into y'all's subconscious like very deeply. It is kind of actually insane to just admit publicly that you've been like manipulating people. I don't give a fuck. I'm in your subconscious. Yeah, they can't give it to humans.

Unless you like drink their pee or something. But even then the chances are. Wait, how long does it take to get through your system? You don't have to worry. You don't have to worry. Why are you worried about that? Because I was on TikTok shop like late at night and then somebody was talking about it's like a holistic thing. You saw that? Yeah, it's good for you. Apparently. Koalapis is really good for you. Allegedly.

um yeah that's you shouldn't be drinking koala piss that's but i think they test the pee before they it's illegal to ship out koala pee that has chlamydia in it now that has to be completely illegal so i should be fine they had to have tested it before they said it's definitely not fda certified and it does say not for human consumption on the bottle but oh but everything i most of the things i consume say that yeah true true i have um i have pica

-What is it called when you like pika? -When you eat styrofoam. -I guess I did have that as a kid because damn, the things I chewed on, still the things I chew on, now I'm an adult so I don't chew on anything too crazy. -

Fuck. Y'all, I went out to... I've like literally... I'm in my party boy era. I need to suck on an Android charger by the end of the day. -I feel that. The electricity. -Like I need to feel that. But I don't know if they shock you the same way they do. Outlets just don't shock the way they used to. They're really not giving what they used to give. The outlets, like it's crazy. Like an outlet, I don't have like the same fear in me of an outlet as I did when I was younger because it felt like without fail every time I plug something in,

When I was a child, I shocked myself, granted, because I always had my fingers on the prongs. Why would you ever do that? I don't know. I just was, like, very, like... Depressed. I didn't like the feeling of, like... I was just really depressed. I wanted to feel something. I didn't like the feeling of, like, trying to get, like, in the outlet. So if I wasn't looking, I would just... Or I couldn't see behind a cabinet. I would put my hands right there so I could just, like...

feel it go in. Like, I don't know if that makes sense. Like I would use the back of my hands to feel it and then just like push it through my fingers. And every time I did that without fail, I would get so shocked.

And I remember telling my parents that the outlets kept shocking me and they were like, that shouldn't be happening. And I was like, they keep shocking me. But now they don't shock that way anymore. I genuinely think I need to go to Chuck E. Cheese and get on that shock machine. The one that like vibrates so hard that it feels like you're getting electricity like shot through you. I don't want to get struck by lightning. I tried to kill myself last night. Are you serious? That's not that's bad. Why did you laugh?

I don't know. Yeah, you laughed at her. So it's like, how much do you even care? Not her. Him. My bad. Herm. Guys, do I have big feet? A size eight foot? Yeah, you got fucking big, nasty feet. Somebody said to me recently that I had big feet. I just realized I was love bombed. Yes. I didn't realize that that was love bombing. Yes. What were the symptoms? It felt so good, actually. Like, it really did. Because you were talking about it last episode. It was...

You know who. He immediately was talking about us getting married, our wedding, where the wedding was going to be, flying me out to Europe for our birthday, all this shit. Our birthday, our birthday. Yeah, because they had the same birthday. It felt good. I missed that high. Yeah.

I really do. The high of a promise. Like I knew, I knew it was all fake. Yeah. I don't know. But it was just like, you have high hopes for a living. Like literally what? High, high hopes for a living. Also at that point, like it, I mean, because of that person, it seemed like all of that was a possibility. So in my head, Oh, it was a possibility. Cause I think I was like, Oh my God, he's love bombing the shit out of you. Like, I think that's the first thing I said when you were in my room reading all of those. I was like, One day I'll go through the text, but I'm still scared of this person. Um,

Also, like really I'm actually scared of him Thank god. He doesn't know where I live. I know where he lives. Are you gonna go there?

i might pull up the thing about me is i think it's funny to show up at someone's house and it's really not like in my head if i tell everyone all of our friends are always like why don't you ever want to hang out and i'm like just come to my house unannounced and just say we're hanging out and i will literally yeah because like i'm like what i'm probably inside sitting on the bed with drew talking like what because we do the same we literally do the same like we just like show up in each other's spaces but i genuinely know i meant um

I am the kind of person to just drive by old addresses when I'm bored and I will like sit outside like with in Miami without fail. I go to my childhood home. We were evicted from every time I've seen that house every year since I like all the time since I haven't lived there. And I every time I stop in front of it and I take pictures of it, which I don't know if that's like, OK, to like admit, but like they don't go anywhere there for me.

I think that's fine. But I go and I just sit in front of it and I'm like, this has to be the creepiest thing I've ever done because I can't lie. One time they had their windows open and I was picky. I didn't go up to the window because it's in Florida and I don't want to get killed. But like from the car I was looking in because this window was a really specific window in my house. And

They had it the same way inside as it always been. And I want to go up to it so bad and be like, can I go in? But like, I know it's going to piss me off. Didn't like Janet Jackson do that or some shit? No, Jennifer Lopez attempted to do that. She went and that's exactly what would happen to me. Me outside of my childhood home, like. Wow. I'm still Ginny from the block. They're like, who are you? That's what they did to Jennifer and her team posted it.

It was a guy who lives in her house now. And she was like, I'm Jennifer. And he was like, oh, Jennifer Lopez. And he was like, okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is mortifying. That's me, bro. That is literally what it feels like to be me. Wait, I'm kind of obsessed. But yeah, I will like, also, if I've had sex with somebody, I've like driven past people's houses like that, too. I don't give a fuck. I just want to see. No, in Granbury. I've been in there. I've been naked in there. I have a right to drive by. No, I was about to say, literally, all of the like married shit.

Straight men that i've hooked up with in texas in their garages. I always drive by to see what's happening. Yeah, i'm just curious I had a lot of s in garages in granberry A lot, I like the smell of a garage so I could see that being a vibe. It's a vibe It's a vibe. Um, also i'm kind of loving talking about my uh, My escapades recently, but I ghosted a billionaire

Oh, the one you've... Yes. Yeah. I ghosted a billionaire guy and I didn't realize he was a billionaire until last week. Is this the one that you told me about? Drew fumbled our fucking summer. I know. I fucked this over. Drew fumbled our summer. We could have had the greatest summer of all time. We could have had the kind of summer Fitzgerald would write about, motherfucker. Exactly. Like, literally...

I mean, I could still tap in, I think. I think I'm like charming and charismatic enough that I could figure it out. But I just never responded to...

The thing is, as tempting as being with somebody for the financial benefits sound, specifically with a man, that seems so scary. Because I genuinely am so lucky that very rarely am I in a room with mostly men, let alone mostly straight men, and hanging out with my other friend groups. I always end up in a room every now and then where I look around and I'm like, oh my god,

No wonder it felt weird in here. There's so many straight guys, but they're really interesting to watch. If you hang out with straight guys that your friends have vetted, it's really fun because it genuinely is like going to the zoo. Also, I'm going to show Kai my billionaire and Kai's going to freak the fuck out that I would ever for even half a second not respond to this person. This is crazy because he's bad.

Let me see. You're bi. You're bi. You're bi. You're bi. You're gonna freak out. He's bad. No way. Hey, guys. We want to take a quick break for one of today's sponsors, Shopify.

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Um, okay. I have like a real, real bone to pick with society. Um, like it's actually, it's unironically like been on my mind a bunch recently. Who the fuck convinced us?

that Triscuits were an okay food to fucking eat. What the fuck is a Triscuit? You know exactly what a Triscuit is. It's like eating a fucking goddamn wicker basket. Like literally, I hate Triscuits. Same with those fucking mini wheats that you got. Okay, not too much on the mini wheats because I fuck with mini wheats. Mini wheats are good as fuck. The cream coating saves it.

But it really, it really, if they're not in milk, which I only eat cereal out of milk for some reason recently, not, it's not my typical, but recently I've just been eating handfuls of like cereal. But it tastes like I'm eating wicker baskets. It's so good, but that's the thing is I like the texture of that.

I like that. I like that. That's why I like mini weeds because it literally tastes like eating. It's like a mouth experience. You know the hydraulic press videos where it'll cut through a bunch of paper? Yes, yes, yes. Kai, for once we get along. Okay.

Okay, ew, that's like disgusting. Doing that is gross. Like a Triscuit is nasty, but a mini-wheat, don't play with a mini-wheat. Like a mini-wheat is so good. The only like food we had in our house growing up was like ingredients in like a box of fucking Triscuits. So when I was like starving and like wanted like food really badly, I would have to go into the cupboard that was above the microwave, which I couldn't even fucking reach. And my parents would hide all like the food in,

that they wanted to save up there. And I would have to like climb on top of the trash can to get up there to get it. And it would just like, I would be rewarded with like eating wicker baskets. I'm sorry. I don't know how to, I literally don't know how to describe it other than that. Like Triscuits are evil. I mean, yeah. Mini weeds are essentially like munching on a bush. Yeah. Like it really is. Like it is like very puby, but,

But I don't know. I'm like a texture person and I really like... I like the sensation of like eating a mini-wheats and then like I literally press my tongue up against the roof of my mouth because I'm like, oh my God, it's literally like stacking hay in my belly. Like it's fun. Have you guys had Dubai chocolate? No. Is that... I had a bootleg one from a corner store in Miami and it literally tasted like shit and the green inside was the color of Drew's shirt. I want it so bad. Like toothpaste green? No, it was literally like...

the most bootleg Dubai chocolate I've ever seen. And I was like, ugh. - My dad bought like Dubai chocolate from Wuhan, China.

Actually haven't asked them if you've eaten it yet, but It that the material the material the like food they put in there It's like basically filo dough I think but it's called something else it's called like kefir kefir or something like that Oh, they're like the stringy. Yeah when they fry it up I feel like it might have the same texture but that all that side is

That I want to chill on. That I'll let slide. I just like, I like, yeah, I'm a big texture eater. I feel like most of the snacks I eat. Oh, I tried these pretzels in Miami from what's that one company? That's like the gold bag company. Like they're like the pretzel people.

gold's pretzel yeah gold's pretzel wow um they have these like parmesan twist parmesan garlic twist pretzels i have made it an active choice not to buy them since i've been back in la because in miami i would get a bag and get high as fuck and it's both the flavor combo because my favorite flavor of like a chip or anything is a garlic parm like i

or like not garlic palm white palm white cheddar like a white cheddar like cheese is my vibe and i never really like give a about garlic but those are

Are so good. And the texture of them. Like guys seriously. Like this isn't even an ad. If you get them please. Somebody else. Because I've been having all my friends. I had all my friends in Miami try them. And none of them got the texture like I did. But I think I just am a texture person. But it's like the best. Because you get a crunch. I know your breath was hot as fuck. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. And it literally.

felt like chewing plastic like it literally you put it in your mouth and if your tongue touches it the coating that they have on those pretzels is so plastic like it is the best snack i've ever had but i had to stop myself from getting it because i have a you're the best snack where i really if i really like the texture of a snack like i can't stop eating it because if not i'll just like i bite my nails i was just ignored i held your fucking hand you slut bitch release me release me

I don't want you. Release me. I never had you. I don't want you. Release me. You're not even bad. Kai, release me. Do you want me now? No. You don't want him. I do want him. Look how easy it is for me. Oh, my God. To find someone. You want me next? Yeah, obviously. All right. I'll take anything. He's a slut. Wait, wait, wait. Kai, Kai, Kai, Kai, Kai, Kai. I've been watching this podcast recently and they only have two bits. Hold on.

Their podcast is, I always forget the title, but it's the guy Dylan that does the, if I were, were a girl, their podcast, it's Dylan and Colton. And it's called some of this is bad. I have been like, I've binge watched there. I don't watch any podcasts ever, but specifically theirs. And like,

The way they talk about the gay experience is so fucking funny and it's been like killing me, but they have a bit at the end of the episode where they ask all their gay or their guests, which are like sometimes gay men, sometimes straight men, but it's all like comics. Their bit is if you were a gay man, which one of us would you rather have sex with? But like, which one of us would you rather have sex with if you had to? And you can't cop out. You have to choose a man or just in general. It'd be you, Drew.

Of course, y'all talk, bro. And I don't want to have sex with you, you fucking nasty pervert bitch. Like, you're fucking gross. What the fuck? That was really mean. That was hurtful. I'm just being real. Oh, we can't be real anymore? We can't just be real anymore? And you got hurt. Like, what? No, I respect that. Because if you said me, it would have been completely inappropriate anyway. It would have been inappropriate even though you guys make me blur out videos of your private parts. That would have been inappropriate? Oh, brother. Just because we like to pay...

Me and Drew, okay, every few hours we do our genital checks. Free the nipple. And we just make sure they're still there because they fall off. Okay. And it's also getting free the nipple, bro. It's always been free the nipple. Drew, how many of those have you had? This is my third. I wanted to try all flavors.

I've had the green one, the blue one. The blue one is obviously the best. The blue one is always the best. And this one's like lemonade flavor. And I'm like, I fucking hate lemonade. You don't like lemonade? This one's the best one. I'm not even kidding. Wow. We spoke too soon. This is so good. Holy fuck. No, I like lemonade, but sometimes I really need to be in the mood for it. I wrote something down just to bring up. This is a thing that I thought of. And I don't know, maybe you guys will be interested in this. I realized that squirt...

is from asteroids. It's water from asteroids. Right? Isn't it? Because water's old. It came here a long time ago. Well, also... Do you know what I'm saying? What the hell are you talking about, bro? I wish there was a camera on you because your body language as you were saying that too was like so dead serious. I can explain. I know what he's saying. He's for real. And also, squirt, piss, and cum is also...

Yes. Well, it's also kind of how that theory of it's like the theory of every woman has DNA from like her mother, like to like an extreme level or something like that. It's like the mitochondria. Yeah.

So I am my mother. Well, all water's old, right? It just gets recycled. And there's a lot of theories like, how did water get to the earth? Oh my God, I've drank squirt before. Evaporated squirt. Yeah, water's just old. So squirt is that water from the vagina that squirted it out has been on earth for hundreds of millions of years.

And it's from asteroids. It's from space. I really, I love this. I love this thought experiment right now.

That squirt isn't new water being produced. It's recycled water. Also think about this. Every time a girl squirts, it goes into the groundwater and then it's filtered. An angel grows. Exactly. Here's the thing though. I'm just thinking about this right now. And you drink it. You've probably, to the women listening to this that have maybe squirted, there's probably the chance that that was already squirt from years ago.

Because it got recycled. You know what I mean? Like someone squirted and then it evaporated and it rained. I really just feel like I'm not going to say anything about this because the idea that some fucking freak out there could take anything I say and assume what my cooch gets up to. No. Do you squirt? No. Do you squirt? Wait, who has that? Can you get squirted? Nick Centineo.

Noah Centennial. Same fucking difference, bro. Let me see you make it squirt. Let me see you squirt. Make it squirt for me. Oh, I've been doing this thing to Inya and Josiah. Good girl. They fucking hate it. Good girl.

It was way better the other night you had that. I don't like it and I'm gonna smack the fuck out of you. Good boy. Like, literally. I'm not kidding. Sometimes, like, me and Drew need to stop sleeping together because it's getting to a point where, like, now we've been, like, we really, we function like a married couple in a way that is literally too funny. Like,

Especially when like one of us is in a mood. We literally navigate each other like a married couple. There's no way to go around it. And then if like one of us is in a mood and somebody notices it, like Josie would be like, like, I feel like to one of us be like, oh, someone's okay. And it's like, just don't fucking acknowledge. They don't acknowledge. Like me and Drew literally, we're just like, don't give him anything. And then we're like,

We really are a married couple. It's amazing, though. Like, we really, it's just, it was what was meant to be. Like, it's amazing. But we do need to stop sleeping in the same bed so much because I can feel Drew's daggers on me in my sleep. I can feel, like, I literally, like, I can feel, like, his eyes burning holes into the back of my head while I sleep.

I sleep in in his bed. This specific morning, yes. Every single... Like, I beg you. I beg you to sleep in my bed every night. I asked you. I literally sent you a text. You sleeping in my bed tonight, queen? Yeah. I want you to sleep in my room. But this morning, I was under... I wanted to record and get this... I was under a lot...

I was under, no, I really, I really was under a lot of pressure. No, you were, you were. And I do like, I genuinely, I love you so much. And I don't take for granted the things you do as the man of this house. Um,

And I genuinely did love that. But this morning, you laying in bed, like, not because I was like, she needs to help me do this shit or whatever. I was just like, she needs to get out of bed now because it takes her four hours to get ready. You got ready fast as fuck today. Congratulations. Clock it. Like, you really got that shit done. But I'm not kidding. When I straighten my hair, it literally cuts down my get ready time by everything.

so much because my hair is what takes the most time because without fail I'm not the kind of bitch to get up and like do my hair if it's curly like if I'm wearing it curly I always wait till I start to get ready which rain got on me and she was like you need to just stop doing that and I was like I know but like whatever um so I straightened my hair because I knew this week was going to be a lot and we straightened our hair together though so it was really sweet we had a night and like drew straightened my hair and then I straightened his hair and like it did cause a lot of smoke in the house

But I think it was just the heat protectant that I put on the hair because it looks so good. Well, it's not supposed to be smoky It melted. Oh, I'm sorry. Have you ever straightened your hair with your girlfriend? No, but I just know this stuff cuz I'm an ally to women and gay guys So don't point at me when you say gay guys. Oh my god. That's a straight boy Okay, really?

The thing is, if Drew showed up like this in my face when I was 18, 19, I'd be like, I literally need to have sex with him. And that was just- Actually. Not actually. No, the hair is too much. But like your hair was just like any other color or actually, I don't know. Like I was on some freak shit. Like literally any guy who was kind of like a girl, I was like-

Baby come through. I was not kind of like a girl. No you were not kind of like a girl. But you were very effeminate. Like I really liked effeminate guys. No I'm like really masked. Like all the men if you look at me. I'm really masked. Now I've come to terms where I'm like. Oh okay like. I do just have the disease being bi. And like I can like. Like. Stop.

It's so scary. What is he doing to you? He's just staring at me and like flirting with me with his hair. You usually love that. Why don't you love it? It's different with the wig. Hair theory. Hair theory. It's literally hair. Hair and glasses theory. Hair and glasses and science is real t-shirt theory. It's really a theory that we're like tapping into. No, but this really does like make everyone like violently uncomfortable. Like this look on me for some reason. You have to do the thing with it. The thing I hate. And I'm not going to look.

The sound is so gross. It makes it makes everyone like really look at me different and I'm like, well, it's because you start acting fucking weird. You literally start acting weird. He was acting so weird with me and Josiah, like every now and then he would just like literally get into this like extremely like he oh, he started moaning in the backseat at one point. Like, yeah, I'm not kidding. And oh, he started acting like he was touching his self, like his self. Her himself.

Oh my god. Well, I donated all of my rent money to Kaizenat, so I can't afford to pay rent this month.

You are so I will say it's really nice after a long day of work to go home and spend time with him Do you watch kaisen? I've never I've never watched it live, but i've seen I watched like all of my tiktok. I watched one with josh um Like a live stream, but I see all his clips. He's literally like the guy Yeah, he's literally so smart. It's it's actually kind of insane how like

- He was able to step up production, especially coming from like we've been on the internet for so long and it really does take a certain kind of like pep in your step. - Mindset. - And like mindset and grind set to get there and I just don't have it because every time I get overwhelmed, I just wanna put a gun in my mouth. - Exactly. - I wanted to bring up a TikTok really quick. Just take a look at this. This is me, wait, fuck.

Give me a second. Oh, this is me leaving Drew's house at 3 a.m. a couple of months ago. What does it say? This is what it sounds like when you're on your way home and it finally hits you. That was really the last time. It really was the last time. You know, when you see a TikTok, you get really emotional. You're like, that was so relatable. So that's what I watched. But you come here all the time because it's like your job to come here. Yeah, but he doesn't... But we stopped. He doesn't use me as a human fleshlight anymore. Yeah, we stopped. Why? He hates the wig. Because I'm...

That's not why. Have you not been taking it off?

I guess when I straightened his hair, I will say the kind of smoke that came out, I was a bit worried it would be glued to his head. And I think it's glued to his head permanently. I can't take it off. I think I melted it to his head. No, I really think there might be chemicals inside of it. No, I think you don't want to take it off. There might be chemicals inside of it. Yeah, I have gender euphoria right now. I think there's chemicals inside of it that actually do go to my brain and make me a little more loose. I feel like I'm on a shot right now.

Like a shot of alcohol? I'm not even kidding. If I wanted to do drugs for some reason, I think I would ask you. I would be like, hey, do you know anybody? I feel like you would know somebody. I don't even do drugs anymore. But that's what I'm saying. You could figure it out. I could. I'll figure out whatever you guys need. If you guys need something, I'll fucking take care of it.

Get me blow. I want blow. I want shrooms. I'm going to do blow and shrooms and then pop some Molly. Should we do blow on the podcast? Yeah, I think we're going to do an episode where instead of just like... A coke episode instead of a drunk episode. People are really so mad that I'm a like...

the kind of person who mentions how often I smoke weed and stuff. First of all, you guys are so fucking fake. I already mentioned I have OCD. You might find that I'm a bit fucking repetitive, you goddamn freak-a-leek. Two, fine, you're tired of hearing me talk about smoking weed. Okay, I'm literally moving up in ranks. I think I'm gonna do math. Exactly. Yeah.

I can talk about drinking, which recently I've been drinking with other people and that's really fun. You're drinking alone? I used to drink alone. I can't even get on you. I used to drink alone all the time. Really? It's so bad. When I was really depressed. Oh my God. My year of rest and relaxation, I literally, even in a YouTube video that...

I saw recently I was like talking about how I was like drinking alone like I was like I was actively drinking alone like I would have vodka bottles under my bed I said that in the podcast before though I couldn't go to sleep without a lot of melatonin it vodka vodka night night and the sleep time was 7am to 7pm drink all day and then no wait drink all night drink all night sleep all

I was out at a party with one of my friends. Anna Taylor Joy was there. Anna Taylor Joy. Anya Taylor Joy. Yeah, Anya Taylor Joy. She speaks fluent Spanish. She is like... She's from Miami. She is literally two feet tall. She's the smallest person I've ever seen in my life. It's really cutesy. She is fucking stunning, gorgeous in person. It really translates to IRL. I want her.

Like obsessed with her two things one did not see her not moving the entire night like she was walking somewhere always like ever she never stopped and stood to dance to stand and talk to her friends. She was always moving around to

I wanted to troll her so bad because I was in my devious lick era. Like I really wanted to like, I was like a little drunk cause and like the troll comes out when I'm drunk and I really wanted to go up to her and just like be fucking psycho. But my buddy was like, no, you can't do that. Like, please don't do that. Also like it really is that thing where like not only is she a girl, but you forget that you look like a straight guy. Once you come up to a girl, you would literally have to come up and be like,

Hey, queen. Otherwise, Drew coming up to like a random woman really does kind of seem like a threat with no like with no word spoken because you are hot. Also, your eyes recently. I'm not kidding. You've had like a glow and a twinkle in your eyes recently. I'm like, you're so cute. I'm full of life now. I know because I filled you up. Thank you. Kai, your turn. What do you want to say about me now? You look very handsome and your skin looks amazing.

And you have a perfect print. I was noticing that right now. Your print goes crazy. Thank you, Kai. All right, y'all. Sound off in the comments. Let me know how sexy, beautiful I am. My nail tech made my nails too short. One thing about Inya and her goddamn nails is it's going to go violently wrong every time. I don't think you've ever gotten nails in your life. I don't have a nail tech I like, guys. Like, sound off in the comments. The girls know what's happening. Like, seriously, it's a struggle. And like...

Actually, no, they look good, but I just wanted something more specific, like...

- Pacific. - Well, the girl who did my nails last time who I talked about and she really fucked with me. Oh wait, actually I have to give you an update. My nail tech, 'cause did you see the girl who was doing my toes last night? Remember on the last episode or wherever I talked about it, like the girl who hated me but did my nails really well, that was the girl. And yesterday her vibe was so different and I do-- - She was sweet. - She was so nice to me. She is so aggro with me, but I love her and she does a good job on my feet and my hands, but she only did my feet yesterday. She does this. She'll be doing my feet and go,

I know she was hitting the fuck out of you. She smacks the fuck out of me. I saw it. Did you see me laugh out loud at it? It was cracking. Like she smacks me the whole time. But then yesterday she was being so nice to me. And I genuinely, I'm not kidding. I don't think she recognized me from last time because yesterday I went in. Oh, you had curly hair. The first time I went in, I had curly hair. It was like.

not looking that good because I was too lazy and it was like in a side bun and I had like a hoodie on and no makeup on. Also, can I tell you something? What? You just hit one of my testicles with your hand. You touched my balls when you slapped my leg. I'm not even kidding. And it hurt. And I was going to let you rest not knowing, but I needed to tell you. I hit your knees. I didn't hit your fucking balls. You hit one of my, you hit my right ball. This is worse than when I gave you blue balls and you screamed at me. Don't give me blue balls again. Well, Drew's so lucky because the blue balls goes right to his hair.

Anyway, the thing she did yesterday that cracked me up. I love her so much and I actually hope she's in love with me. But she gave me, first of all, she gave me a free massage because I didn't ask for a massage. She gave me a free massage and we weren't talking and she was just like smiling at me and massaging my feet and my leg. But I, before I went in, I had smoked and like every time I smoke, I like rub my feet together and she had oiled my feet and my feet hurt. So I was rubbing my feet together and she came by and did this.

She's like, I was wearing my feet and she goes, "Grab both my feet and went." - Whoa. - And then walked away from me and my high ass, like, she did it, she was like, "Stop!" And like, 'cause she had just given me a foot massage, so she stopped and like squeezed my feet and she was like, touched my feet again and then kind of winked at me and smiled and walked away.

And I laughed so hard. I felt so bad. I like literally because it was so jarring because she'd walked away and disappeared. And then I just see her come back in my peripheral, stare me in the eyes, touch my feet. And she was like, and then just walked away. And I didn't see her for the rest of the time. But I'm excited to go back to her because I hope she treats me like that forever. Like a princess. She treats me like the mom I never had because she's like stern and aggressive and then gives me love. So Stockholm syndrome. So I hope she's in love with me. I have India Stockholm syndrome.

good everybody should with me um okay should we tap into media no losing you by solange oh my fucking god i've listened to that song i think more than any song i've ever listened to in my entire life i think that's one of the best songs of all time it is so fucking good it's sorry sorry sorry good and then this one like um

that it's like a big song on TikTok, but I've been listening to it and I was like, wait, this is a good song. And then I saw him perform and I'm like, oh wait, this kid's super talented. He's only 19, but it's that somber kid with the song Undressed. I was like, this is really cool for 2025. Oh, I've seen him. Yeah, and you've heard this song. Wait, let me get to the part. Oh.

But then he has this Back to Friends song, too, that I liked. But I don't know. Losing You by Solange is the one. And then what's the Michael Jackson part? It's the falling in love. Falling in love by Michael. Yeah. It's the feeling of love that makes me cry. Cry. Falling in love. Yeah.

Then I've just been watching the NBA. Rest in peace, Jason Tatum. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that, even though you get clowned on. That's really dark-sided, and I'm sorry that happened. And I am rooting for OKC. And if you're not rooting for OKC, you're gay. My media of the week is Welcome to Hollywood by Beyonce, Geezer by Aries the Planet, Chanel by Baby Sosa, Stars by Pink Pantherous,

Romance by Beth Gimmons and Rustin Mann and Underneath the Moon, Maggie and Ter Roche. And Bull in the Heather song. Ferrero Roche. And then for movies, I watched Pretty Woman. I am obsessed. I am obsessed. I would like that experience right now.

But that won't happen. I don't know what accent that is. Like ever since Italy, I tried to do like an Italian accent and now it's just like turned into whatever that is. And I'm sorry, but like I'm actually going to fucking kill myself soon. Bye. Bye guys. Bye.