C03 - Ep. 09 - Mission Through Middrus - Garden Variety Grilp
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Good day to all you degenerate titans! Stomp your way into the stinky dragon and drink up our latest leaf juice. Rock softly and carry a big stick. It's a mixture of moody matcha powder, a herd's worth of goat's milk, dried up water, a boulder of brown sugar, and topped with a vanilla Earthstrike. One swig of this huge hand warmer and you'll be shouting at the top of your reality-bending lungs.

Previously our adventurers were summoned by Sergeant Steli to find out their first mission: an excursion to Endridge Bay to find Fismum. First the four of them forged forward and reached the ruins of Rayzine. After some surreptitious scouting and learning from locals, they traveled to Tihi tasked to retrieve trees, but they found out they had missed the forest for the fiends. Bring over a brew and let's buckle up for this bedtime tale.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm your Dungeon Master, Gustavo Sorolla, joined by our four players. And I'm going to hit them with a role-playing warm-up question on Arrow. I realized that we introduced the concept of the Arrow in Campaign 2, and I don't know if I said what it stands for in Campaign 3. Now that we're nine episodes in this morning, I was like, maybe I should reiterate that. Yeah. Is it an acronym? Yeah. A role-playing warm-up.

See, I was wondering why the R was missing. Wouldn't it be our, our, our, our, our role, a role playing warm up. Our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our,

All right, here you go. Point blank shot. What is your character's favorite candy? Gotta do that at disadvantage if you're worth point blank. Roll a D20. I rolled a nine. Nat, 20. John, first. 10. 16. John, Blaine, Chris, me. Yeah, that was a nine for Doug.

Natty, what is your favorite candy? And this was sent by RedPanda1316. It's my favorite kind of panda. Hi, everybody. I'm John Reisinger, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock. And I don't think it comes to surprise of anybody, but I've got quite the sweet tooth. I love me some candy. I love me some candy. Uh,

Candy every day. Candy for breakfast, candy for lunch, candy for dinner. Your dentist must love you. We don't have dentists in our village. Chris, you play Gunther. That's what I was going to say. You're describing me, John. And, uh...

You know, it's hard to pick my favorite candy because that's like picking your favorite kid, which is easy for me because I only got one. But favorite candy, I'm going to ruffle some feathers. But I want people to keep an open mind when I say this, okay? I don't want no negative Nancy. Looking at you, Tove. Looking at you. Oh, no, I'm joking. Looking at you. No feathers ruffled. Tove is never negative. Never. I'm loving me some candy corn.

I said none of that, Doug. Doug, I'm looking at you. You can't see my facial expression right now. I'm facing outside the booth of your confession booth right now. I've decided it's not a booth, it's a campfire that we're having these questions, so that's why we're having a conversation. So basically I'm like undulit by the file right now, so you can really see the frown on my face.

Now, I know here's... Let me explain a little bit. Yeah, some people like wax. That's fine. Let me lay down the layers like a candy corn. It's got layers of color. And candy corn is something that not everybody likes. Not everybody understands. Not everybody gets what it is. But...

some people have a special relationship with candy corn. Some people have special memories with it. And it's not just about the taste or the texture. It's about what it means to some people. And that's what it means to me. Candy corn is special to me. So bad flavor? What does it mean to you? I'm asking you one more time.

more time, Tov, and we're going to have a talking to in private, okay? Well, technically, it was me who yucked your yum first. He started off, though. He made a sound. Giggies growling at Tov. Giggies growling at Tov. No, no. Roll for it. I feel like...

from the area you are, Natty. Correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like peanut brittle is a popular, typically a popular candy. I associate it with where you're from. Oh, yeah. Or some pralines. Pralines. Yeah, yeah. That's some good stuff too. This is a side tangent from the podcast. This is real life story, but John is

the first person who introduced me to reindeer snacks or I forget what they were, but they were like reindeer food, something that you make during Christmas, which was like, it's basically take like almost like a Chex mix kind of thing and just toss it in white chocolate and like,

powdered sugar. So then it's just like this like chunky chocolatey treat. It was so good. I've ever seen that before. It's not bad. Yeah. Homemade snack. I'm going to tell you one more thing that me and my kids made this weekend with, with their grandma, uh, the mother of puppets, uh,

The grandmother puppets. It was called like a hugs pretzels. We just took like the circle pretzels. You put a hugs kiss on top of it. You put it in the oven for a little bit so it softens. And then you press a candy corn into the top of it. So it's this little like...

This little layered thing of like pretzel and chocolate and candy corn. It was a nice little fall treat. And the kids enjoyed themselves. And I've got it in my house and I keep snacking on it. What is it called? A hugs? It's like a hugs pretzel. I have to see what this looks like visually. Oh. It's very tasty. Some people make them with the circle things. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Anyways.

That's what I like. Candy corn. We learned a lot. Yeah. Popcorn. Gunther, I think. I think it's Tolf. It was Tolf. No, if Gunther wants to go first, I think that's fine. No Tolf, you're up. It's your turn. I'm so sorry. Hello, you who? It's me, Tolf. I'm played by Blaine Gibson. He's a male orc barbarian level three. Right?

I am. I get too confused. I'm going to be so for real with you guys right now. I do not have much candy eating experience. I've never really exposed candy. But if I had to pull one out of my butt, I guess I'd say something like sea salt candies. You know, I know they make caramels with sea salt. Or saltwater taffy.

Salt water taffy? That sounds interesting, yeah. I would think that after your experience, Tov, that you would not want to get any real Neo-C salt for a really long time, you know? Yeah, you would think so, but sometimes you just develop a taste and it just doesn't go away, you know? I don't know. Fair enough. I was thinking that since you were a Viking, which is a little bit like a pirate, your favorite candy would be candied oranges because you need that because of the scurvy.

Oh, the scurvy. Ah, yeah. No, never tried that either. You know, you know. We gotta get you some candy. I gotta live life. You know, I'm on the land now. You know, I can try some things, live a little. So anyways, that's my story. Who's next? Gunther? Yeah, I'm Chris Damaris. You don't sound like Gunther. I play Gunther. The level three fighter male crook folk. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Also to be pulling out of butt. I like the juice of B. Oh, juice of P? B. No, he's talking about the honey. Yes. I heard pull out of butt, juice of P. And I was like, what is this?

You're traveling with a creep, Barbara. Fine podcast. I'm going to need to take that humor elsewhere. Okay. Yes. Thank you. Shout out to private parts. You mean sweaty private parts?

All right, honey. But it is the most delicious. I mean, that's, I guess, considered candy. My honeycomb. What's your relationship like with bees? You know, you guys are not too far off in size. You know, they're like the size of flies. And I know that you carry those around as like pets. Do you like bees? I like bees.

Bees, but they can sometimes not hurt. They can sometimes hurt if you try to eat them. You don't eat the bees, you eat their juices. So, Gunther, I just want to clarify here. Are you talking about...

just straight pure honey or is there like any kind of preparation? Like there's that candy from like a hundred years ago called a bit of honey. Are you talking about like that kind of stuff or just like a honeycomb? You take a bite out of it with the wax. Just honey. It's simple. They do those honey sticks, like the tubes of honey at like fall festivals and stuff. Those are yummy. I love honey. I bet due to Gunther's diminutive size, anytime he finds a honeycomb, he always says, honey comes big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is that? Is that a thing? I'm just saying. It's not small. No, no, no. Oh, man. Hey, kids, ask your parents about it. They'll get a kick out of it. Ask your grandparents.

Oh, man. Gus might be as old as some people's grandparents. I might be. I've thought about that before. Yeah. I mean, there's people who are grandparents at like mid-30s even. Not a lot, but I've heard it. Back in my day, we didn't have the internet. If we wanted to talk to someone, we picked up a phone. And if they weren't home, too bad. That's nice, Gus Paul.

I've told you about the time that I blew my kids' mind when I told them that DoorDash hasn't been a thing forever. Wow. How did we eat before? I think that's what they thought because I was like, we used to like, because they're just used to like, food is delivered.

all the time to our house. And I was like, that is not a normality for my entire life. And they're like, what? Yeah. Sometimes I think about that, like even just Uber or Lyft. I'm like, how do we get around another city? Like, what do we do? Taxis. Greyhound buses. Yeah. Yeah. Micah saying back in the day that we dashed. The door stayed. The door stayed. It was us who did the dashing. We dash. Hello, everyone. I am...

Barbara Dunkelman. Did you have anything else to ask, Gus? I forgot Doug hadn't gone yet. I'm sorry. Oh my God. Left alone again. Poor Doug Hill. Sorry, Doug. I would never do that. Favorite child. I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Doug Boone, the bugbear artificer, also level three.

And Doug actually has... If I'm allowed, I have a least favorite candy and a most favorite candy. Oh, I love it. That's good. It's more information. Learned about one of my favorite bugbears I've ever seen. Oh, thank you, Natty. Extra. I'm blushing. You can't see because of all the fur on my face. But...

I, so my, my favorite candy is Nudes. Specifically the Nude clusters. Because you are one. Hey. Sometimes you just got to own it. People call you names. You just got to, you got to lean into it. But then I just go with the really tasty. What's your least favorite? I just, I do want to, I do want to compliment Doug. Those gummy clusters, as the kids say, slap. They slap. They're Sigma.

No. The unarmed strike. And the candy that I find skibbity. It's like an inspiration, John. I love it. All right, everyone. The candy that is my least favorite is Tootsie Pops. And the reason for this is, you know, Doug conducted a lot of experiments while he was on his own. And one of which was how many licks to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop. Mm.

The classic question. And Doug did so many tests on these that he just got really sick of them that if he sees another Tootsie Pop, he might get sick. How many licks does it take, though? Yeah, do you still have your research notes? Yeah, on average, it would be 437.5. Wow. Not for me. I believe it. That's a lot of research. My licks are strong. For Gunther, it would probably be half of that, yeah.

Did you say your lips are strong? Licks. Licks. Okay. Frogs don't have lips. I was

How's that Uncrustable? It's so good. I've never seen Jesse eat an Uncrustable before. I did yesterday. They're great. Yeah. I've got a busy day. I'm not going to have time for lunch, so I've got to jam a few Uncrustables right now. It's carbo-loading. They're so good. Have you ever put Uncrustable in an air fryer? It slaps. Oh my God. Excuse me? Yeah. Hey, I got to go, guys. We've got to get this up early. It's pretty great. Yeah.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll see you next week with episode 10. Be right back. Gus is off to get some nerd clusters and Uncrustables. I never had an Uncrustable before like a week or two ago. And Blaine, I would see you eat them every now and then. Yeah, John, they weren't around when I was a kid.

But they've been around for like at least like a decade. But I don't have kids. Why would I ever have one? But I would see that Blaine would have them every now and then. Blaine doesn't have kids. And I was like, I should try this. They're really good. Uncrustables, call me. Or Smuckers, call me. Let's work out a sponsorship. I would love an Uncrustables sponsorship. It's so good.

Great pre-workout. Mm-hmm. Peanut butter. They're really good, Micah. Micah says he's never had one either. Oh, try them out. I read the other, Esther read and sent to me that I guess the NFL eats like 40,000 Uncrustables a season. The Denver Broncos are in the lead by like a huge margin. They suck up the Uncrustables. Wow, that's kind of cool. Yeah. I guess they are a good pre-workout. Yeah, I was like, if it's good enough for Blaine in the NFL, it's good enough for us.

As you know, you look to the tree like you're going to harm it. You notice that the two holes that are in the trunk have eyes peering out of them watching you. Oh.

Oh. Does it seem like the trees are in control here? Is that the vibe? Or that there might be, they're hollowed out fake trees, and this is a secret base. Might be Undarians. Who's in charge here? The gardener looks around nervously, and as he does so, a green-skinned devil about the size of a house cat pops out of the tree. Oh!

It begins flying around and out of each of the trees, another fiend bursts out and begins swarming, circling around you and your friends, Gunther. I knew it wasn't crazy. The gardeners look at each other and say, they know, get them. So Tolv had a 20, Gunther had a 21, Doug had a 14, and Natty had a six.

What did Private Parts have? I'm sure he's going to participate. He got a 15. Oh, nice. Well done, Private. Good call, good call. While y'all were doing your arrows, I decided to be smart for once, and I rolled initiative for all of the NPCs. Ooh. You mean you weren't fully paying attention to our arrow questions? I was somewhat distracted. I had other things going on. Rolling dice and eating smuckers, I see.

Maddy, what is your... I'm going to double check your dexterity modifier here. 15. Plus two. Okay. One of the NPCs also rolled a six, but you will be going before them. Tolv, you rolled a 20. One of the other NPCs also rolled a 20. Oh, yeah. You are going first. Right. So the order is going to be... Wow, you all had some really good rolls. At the top, we're going to have Gunther and Tolv, followed by one of the enemies, then private parts, then Doug. Okay.

So Gunther, you're going to be leading us off. I'm going to give you a little bit of a lay of the land before you go though. Lay it on me. Lay that land. So you all were in the tree sanctuary, right? And it looks like it's kind of a rickety building. These are things that I said last time. I just want to kind of make sure you're still picturing the environment.

correctly in your mind. The door was barely hanging on the hinges when you all came in and the building structure and walls seemed to be pretty precariously built and there was all the glass was missing. This building itself is probably about 35 feet across and about 50 feet long. So 35 by 50.

There's three trees that were set up like exhibits and a fountain in the middle. And the gardeners were milling about in various areas and the demons popped out from the trees themselves. And these are like flying little green-skinned devils about the size of a house cat. They look very mean. They got a mouthful of ugly fangs. In terms of like orientation, it's 50 feet long, 35 across. So it's like a...

A rectangle. 35 wide and 50 feet long. Okay. And then are we at like the bottom of that rectangle? Good question. Yeah, you all entered from the door, which is in the very south of that building. And then the fountain is to the north in the middle. And then to the north beyond that are the three tree exhibits, if you would call them that. So we're at the very, very north. You're at the very south. Oh, but you went to the north, correct? Because you were by the trees. Okay. So we're past the fountain? Yes. Okay.

You're pretty close to the fountain though. The fountain from like where you are with the tree since the fountain's in the middle, it's only 10 to 15 feet behind you. It's pretty close. Okay. Gunther, you're up first. All right. And I was right next to one of the trees because I went up, right?

So where am I in relation to the three demons? Well, they all popped out of each of their respective trees. So you're right by one of them. The next one's maybe five to 10 feet over. And then the one beyond that's maybe 10 to 15 feet over. They're all very close to you.

Okay, I'm just gonna go and attack the closest one. Gunther, I use you. So you attack the one closest to you? Yeah, it's flying in the air around you. Can I attack it? Yeah, go for it. That's a 23. That hits. That's 14 damage. Nice.

That's a lot. Yeah, I rolled an eight out of eight. Okay. And plus six. Wow. It's super effective. In all of your experience herding flies, you must be used to dealing with creatures that are flying about you because you so precisely target it and lash out at it and hit it and you cleanly slice it in two and it falls to the ground unmoving. Wow. You can really dance. Wow. I'll go to the next closest one. Okay. And I'll just, that's it.

Okay, so then you just hop over like five feet over to the next closest one just so you're threatening it, I assume. Yeah. Okay. And that's it. All right. Just making a note that this one is no longer with us. Gunther is built a little bit like Frogadier, who is a frog Pokemon. I'll take your word for it. We didn't have Pokemon back in my day.

Toll Europe, then one of these flying devils, then private parts. We had magic to gathering. Um, well, that wasn't until I was like 15, 16, somewhere on there. We had rocks. Uh,

- Okay, before I get into any action stuff, do I feel like there might be more things hidden or do I feel like the enemies that are about to attack or fight are all present and accounted for? - Roll call, is everybody here? - Make a perception check. - Okay. - Do you have danger sense? Would that help at all? - Danger sense? - That's more for like dexterity saves. - Yeah, that's fair.

I do have danger sense, though. Thank you. I was thinking more of a way of like a spidey sense. Yeah. Tov recognizes the council of barbarians. Much thank you. I'm sorry, perception, you said? Yeah. Voila. That is a 14. So just before I answer, is there something in particular you're wary of? Blaine, from a metagame perspective, is there something you're wary of? Because there is...

three entryways beneath the hollow trees.

that could potentially lead to like, I don't want to make sure this isn't like a stronghold and there's like a bunch of dudes below because that might affect if I like cover the holes or, you know, stand by them to pop a weasel or whatever. Sure. And you rolled a 14 on your perception check? Yeah. You think the trees are hollow? With a hole or they're hollow just to the ground? It's hard to tell if there's a hole to the ground. There could be more enemies in the tree or there could be more enemies below ground ready to come up. You think that the tree might just be a conduit of some kind?

Got it. I mean, these things are probably living underground, we've kind of discovered. Yeah, yeah. Based on our last experience. Plus, we heard mumbling last episode under the ground. But anyways, okay. That's good enough. Um...

I'm gonna hold off on the rage, guys. I'm gonna keep it cool. Alright, I'm not gonna rage, okay, everybody? I wanna hold those points for later. He's gonna do it. He's getting angry. No, I'm not. I'm really calm. I'm very cool right now. I'm just gonna take my warhammer and I'm gonna attack with two hands. Uh, probably the...

Fly demon, that's not the one that Gunther is face-to-face with. The other one. The other one. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I just rolled damage for some stupid reason. That's my bad. We'll keep that in mind if I make this roll. It's a 15. Oh!

Uh, that hits. Okay. Should I take damage from before or do you want me to reroll again? Let's just use that one. It's already there. That's an 11. And this was the one not closest to Gunther reset, right? Yeah. Treat this one like a pinata. And I hope I get some nerd clusters. Am I right, dog? Yeah. Man, I'm really craving some nerd clusters right now. Nerd clusters. You said. Honey, so good. Yeah. Fuck.

Yeah, you bring your warhammer down on this flying creature and yeah, lots of nerd clusters come bursting out of it. Whoa! Wait, those aren't nerd clusters. Oh, I'm going to be sick. It's on the ground, unmoving. It's an Uncrustable. Yum, yum, yum.

And then I'm going to move towards a tree and I don't know if this is an action or a movement or what. Was there any sort of, you said a conduit, like a doorway or anything like that? Was there any sort of like hinged door or any entryway? There's not like a hinged door. It's just like various holes on the trees.

Okay, I'm just gonna stand by those holes to kind of like get ready for anything that comes out. Sure. Since there are three trees, is there one in particular you want to stand by there about? Five to ten feet apart from each other, roughly. They're set up like in a triangle. I'm gonna go for the chortle chestnut. That one sounds fun. Okay, that's the one on the left, on the west side of the room. Oh, going left, yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Okay.

I'm going to make a note of that. That's my turn. I think the other day, Barbara, you asked how you keep track of everything when you're DMing. Lots of notes, lots of typing, lots of writing stuff down. My brain is not wrinkly enough for that. Very smooth. It is the flying demon's turn that is next to Gunther. It sees what you and Toll have done to its friends, and it is going to... Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Grrr.

It looks at you, bares its fangs, and tries to take a bite at you, Gunther. All right. I rolled a two. Oh, poor guy. It doesn't have any teeth. It's just soft. Oh, no. Teething baby tongue. Oh, no. All right. I might be looking at the wrong stat box. Sorry, one second. Oh.

Oh, I thought it was bite and then the thing. Okay, sorry. I just misunderstood the way the attack works. It inhales Gunther, burying its fangs at you, and then lets out some really bad halitosis in your area. Oh. Yeah. Ew. Make me a constitution saving throw. No, you could get like a prescribed mouthwash for that stuff. Oh, man. I rolled a one. I think they come from where Natty comes from, and there's no dentist there. Yeah.

This is slander. This is slander. I like it better when you roll the two, Gus. I'm just going to say it. Go eat your candy corns. Well, you see, that's the power of editing there, Chris. You could edit anything to come out of your mouth. I could say, I hate Gus. But then, you know, I might say love later in the episode, and then it would sound completely different. It'd sound like this. I love Gus. Thanks, Blaine. I really appreciate it. No, no.

No, no, no, the edit. Darn you, edit. I hope that joke makes any sense. Yeah, it's going to be good. All right. You take one point of damage, Gunther, from this attack, from the demon. That's not much. Stinky, stinky. Yeah, but now you're also vulnerable to fire and necrotic damage. Ooh. What was the damage type that you took? It's piercing. I feel like fire and necrotic would oppose each other, you know? Like, poker.

Like Pokemon types. And I'm sorry, it's not necrotic. It's just fire. That's my bad. I'm a mess over here. I ate too many Uncrustables this morning. I'm so full of Uncrustables right now, guys. That's sugar from that jelly. All right. So you take one point of piercing damage, Gunther, and you are now vulnerable to fire. Okay. Put yourself in honey. It can't move away or it'll provoke an attack of opportunity. So that's all it is going to do.

It is private parts turn. He looks around. He surveys the situation. See Toll's moved to the tree to the west and took out an enemy. Gunther took out an enemy and is threatening the other one. Doug and Natty have not gone yet. He's not even fighting. He's just grading us. He's like, mm, mm, yes, performance review. He's going to step over to you, Natty.

and say, I'll cover you when you make your move. So from a metagame perspective, you have advantage on your next attack roll. Wow. Thanks. Thanks, Private. Yeah, of course. Privates support privates. We privates got to stick together.

Why is everyone laughing? Take your pick. Doug, you're up. Then an NPC and then Natty. Could you re-describe the fountain to me? Yeah, of course. It was weird. Yeah. He said it was like... Let me see if I can remember. You said it was like... It was water but hard. Translucent water. Translucent water but like hard but not ice. Hard as a rock but not ice. And there's a coin. Which is...

which makes no sense. Yeah. Hard water, not an ice. We were A, buying Gus time, B, showing off that we listen. Yeah, I like it. Is it? Oh, I know what it is. It's gelatin. Well, it's making it hard though. That's what I'm saying. I was trying to think of how do you make water hard, but not freeze it. And I was like, oh, gelatin actually solidifies it. Oh my God, guys, is that Smucker's grape jelly? Oh my God.

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It's not even water. Smucklish. Did they ever do, is there, there's like a clear jelly, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Probably doesn't have the red die number, whatever. So this fountain is like, it's in the center of this building. It has a sculpture of a silver coin the size of a dinner plate etched with wind lines. And it smells of fish and it has still water. And there's a plaque on it that you all read last time that reads, Sacred Font of the Wind Trader. I spent all that time having to reopen the last module. I already had it open. I expected this and I just didn't realize it was the next tab over. I don't know what any of this could mean or how it could help us.

But I feel like we got to look at this maybe after the battle. Yeah. Okay. So we got the three trees up at the north. Gunther is fighting two of these. There's only one left that he's fighting. There's only one left. One left that you're fighting. One you took down already. And one took down.

Okay. But are the gardeners also fighting us? It looks like they're looking at you all aggressively. They just have not had an opportunity to do anything yet. Okay. I'm debating whether I want to burn one of these trees. If it's a potential entry point. Do it!

- Could I cast Firebolt at the tree furthest away from Gunther, just 'cause I don't wanna accidentally catch him on fire since he is vulnerable to fire damage right now. - Oh yeah, that would be fair. - So Gunther is by one tree, Tolv is by another. - Yeah. - So you'd go, that leaves my process of elimination. - My process of elimination? - That would leave the tree on the easternmost portion to be the one you would target. - Yes.

Would that be the hogwash hickory or the drizzle dogwood? That is the hogwash hickory. Okay. I'm aiming at the hogwash hickory. Fine choice. And I feel kind of bad because I know they're trying to like preserve these trees, but if they're entry point for bad people, then I'm going to try to hit it. Don't cross Doug. He'll firebolt you. I think I'm going to use my inspiration die for that one. Rolled a 10. Rolled a 10. Got a 20 on the way, girl. Okay.

Okay, cool. 16. Does that hit? Yeah, it does. We're just establishing in canon that Doug hates trees. So canonically, this makes sense. Yeah, 16 does hit.

Okay, well, I just want to say out loud that I don't hate trees. I just hate, you know, portals for demons. Wow, that guy really hates trees. It does 4 damage, but it says that if I hit an object that's flammable, it ignites if it's not being worn or carried. Okay, are trees flammable? No.

I think a little bit, maybe. We got a fire in this glass house. When Doug made his proclamation about trees, Natty, you noticed private parts started writing something down. Oh. Yeah, make sure to note that, okay? Doug respects nature. I hope we learn private parts can't actually read or write. They're just drawing pictures. Yeah, yeah.

With a whoosh, that tree ignites and flames begin licking at the branches. I always hated when people described flames as licking because then I just imagine little fires just going... I'm making licking noises, but I think the Discord gate cut it out. You were just showing your tongue to us.

And as the tree becomes engulfed in flames, three more little demons pop out from flying around with fire on their wings. This is like when you have like a hornet's nest and you spray it with something to like, you know, kill the nest and then all of the hornets start like leaving it. So I kind of half expected that to happen. So three of them? Yeah, there are three more that popped out and their wings are in flames.

Yeah.

- They're pretty cool with it. - Pretty hot with it. - Pretty hot on it. - I think that'll be my turn. - All right, so Doug ignited that east tree. Making a note. All right, that is Doug's turn. It is one of the gardener's turns. Oh, this is gonna be fun.

I like playing with my guys. That's what we used to, me and Micah would refer to when we were going to play with our action figures. We'd say, you want to play with guys? Whenever I would play, not with action figures, but just, you know, play with swords or whatever.

we say either play pretend or play like we're them. Like where it's like, if we're going to pretend to be like whatever, let's play like we're them. All right. One of the gardeners, I'm going to roll here. If it's evens, gunther, odds, tolls. Evens.

One of the gardeners looks at you, Gunther, and points, and unintelligible arcane words spew out of its mouth, and it seems like it overwhelms, it's beginning to overwhelm your mind. Make me an intelligence save, Gunther. All right. Hold up. What's that sound like, Gus? He's speaking in tongues, oh God!

Intelligence save? Is that what you said? Save, yeah. 15? Oh. For some reason, you get really angry that Doug ignited the tree and you want to go over and hit him with your weapon, but then you shake it out of your head and you decide not to. You're like, you don't know what came over you for a moment. Get out of my house!

It was just weird, bizarre. Power of friendship. Okay, and that is it for that one's turn. So it is Natty's turn. Then after Natty is the remaining two gardeners, and we'll go from there. Howdy, y'all. Hi, Natty. And don't forget, private parts is assisting you, so you have advantage on any attack roll you make this round.

I wish you had done that to someone else because I want to do something that wasn't attack. But I'm going to take, you know, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. And I'm going to do attack to use that. And I'll do what I wanted to do later. Just so you know, from a metagame perspective, the reason private parts chose you is one, you hadn't gone yet. Two, you're the team leader. Three, Doug is the medic. So logistically, tactically, you were the best choice for private parts. That's fine. I'm going to go with...

Yeah, that gardener. I don't like nasty talk. And I'm just going to hit them with a good old Eldritch Blast. Pew, pew. All right. So I'm going to roll for that. That's another Nat 20. Yeah, two in the same episode. Nice. This, by the way, I don't know if I described him. The one who did that, who was doing the nasty talk, as Natty said, is a scrawny gray dwarf wearing a bodice that's made of some kind of weird textured skin.

All right. Well, they're going to be a scrawnier dwarf because I'm about to blast off some more of them. So nat 20 hits. Yee-haw. Nice. That definitely hits. Rolling my d10, which is four plus three is seven plus... Ah, dang it. I always forget to do this. I meant to do hex.

Dungeon Master Gus, can I do my hex before I do my Eldritch Blast? I heard you do hex already. I don't know what you're talking about. That is correct. I cast hex on them. I hex you. That's what I said. And I place a curse on that creature and they take an extra d6 of necrotic damage whenever I hit them with an attack and they will take a disadvantage on... Is there any disadvantage that would help anybody here?

Okay, cool. No. Then they will take disadvantage on dexterity checks. All right, writing that down. Disadvantage against a Warhammer. I don't know. Disadvantage against stab. So they take the seven plus the D6, which is two points of necrotic damage. They get pushed back 10 feet and take three more damage,

from my agonizing blast. That's a total of 12 points of damage. Plus the crit. Sometimes I get an agonizing blast when I eat fast food. Eldritch Blast is a D10. Thank you. So 22 points of damage then. Do you do the roll plus the... In the description of Eldritch Blast, it is...

D10 plus three. Yeah, so then you rolled a D10 plus three and then additional max, so 10. The max is 13. Max of the die on modifier. Okay. And are they still standing? Yeah, you hit them with that repulsor, which knocks them back 10 feet and they slam into one of the walls that's supporting the building and the whole wall begins shaking and bits of the roof and the ceiling begin falling down. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

So they need to, as well as Gunther and Tov, all make dexterity saving throws. There's a tree on fire and the building's coming down. This is going to be a quick fight. I rolled a 15 for the dwarf. Will I have something called Danger Sins? Ooh la la! You have advantage on dex saving throws against effects that you can see while not blinded, deafened, or incapacitated.

Eat my butt. That's a 17 and a 15. 17. 21. Okay. Big pieces of timber begin falling down and everyone only takes half damage because everyone took or succeeded on their rolls. Should have raged.

- Stupid. - They are still standing? - Let me, I gotta add that up in a second. So that is 10 points of bludgeoning damage where everyone takes half, which is five. So five points of bludgeoning damage to the people I said. And yes, the dwarf is very bloodied, not looking good, but they are still standing. - Okay. - They're a little bit stronger. - Gigi, get 'em. - Gigi, Gigi, Gigi, Gigi. - Gigi, I choose you. - Did you roll to see if Gigi does it?

Oh, dang it. Every time. 19. He does what mama wants. That's mama's boy right there. If you failed, I was going to have him attack Gunther. That's my boy. That's my boy. Just like heat of the moment.

Yeah, that would be in character. I didn't specify who to get. Right. Okay, Gigi runs up and slashes him with his little bitty demon claws. And Gigi rolls a 22 on attack. That hits him. And that's a D4 plus 3. It's 4 plus 3, so 7 piercing damage. And a DC 10 constitution saving throw, or they take poison damage.

That is a failure, so they are poisoned. They are poisoned, and they take 2d4. I want a bigger d4 dice because rolling a d4 is the most unsatisfying dice to roll because it's just this tiny little pyramid. It rarely rolls. It just goes... It just kind of falls on whatever angle is facing the ground when it lands. You could roll a d8 and then just divide by two. I guess I could. I have a d8.

All right. So one, two is one. Eight. So divided by two is four. Oh, I guess if I'm rolling 2D4, that's the 2D4. Oh, that doesn't work though because it's like a bell curve. Four plus, wait, what's half of three then? So then that goes, that's two. So one and two is one, three and four is two. Six poison damage and they are poisoned for the next minute.

Gus was stoked. Like, whenever he gets this little glint in his eyes whenever math is, you know. You look at the distribution of roles that are possible with a 2D4 versus a 1D8, and you're more likely to end up with a middle number around 4 or 5. Gus, you're speaking my language.

English. That's why I did it, Blaine. You got to give Gus some math or else he sits there on his jelly energy and he gets jittery. I don't want to improv today. I want to do math. Mike's got some pretty cool looking diamond D4s. You may want to look into that. They look almost like fangs to me. They're pretty cool. That's fun. They are still standing? Yeah, this dwarf is looking way worse for wear. You would say barely standing.

Okay, I'm done. They're still standing. Thank Daya. That's it for Natty. That one is dead. Okay, so the gardeners. The remaining two are the other two gardeners. This one is a female human. And what's she going to do? I think she's going to run away. No, she's definitely not doing that. She has something special in store for you. Oh, okay.

Is it candy corn? No thanks. She plays out. I knew. I knew. Wait. I knew that as soon as I brought up candy corn, someone was not going to be able to let it go because people are way too opinionated on candy corn. And I know that triggers people. You just have stopped the sentence that people are way too opinionated. Yeah. Fair.

It's like that Bo Burnham sketch. Does everyone need to have opinion on everything all the time? I did a stream once where I did a ranking, a tier list of candies, and I did that specifically to trigger as many people as possible. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Candy corn does suck though. You know what's great about food? It's subjective. No, I'm just kidding. Okay, so this female human looks at you, Toll, and from her bag, she pulls out a bloodstone pickaxe that's wafting with smoke. She looks like she's targeting you.

Before you do that, isn't that Pie Aelomode's pickaxe? Did you steal that? It sounds familiar, huh? Oh, yeah. That's theft. That's property. Unless this is Pie Aelomode. No, she's not got the bubblegum hair. Does she? She's underground. This also is a human, and I believe you all know that Pie Aelomode, or you're told Pie Aelomode is an elf. Oh, okay.

What else, I think, specifically? Yes, you are correct. Take an inspiration die if you don't have one. You keep giving me inspiration die and I already got it. You gotta use them then. Must be hard. Must be difficult. What a tough life you must live. Maybe spend less time making fun of me about my candy choices and make some good jokes. Listen...

I make the greatest jokes of my jokes for the best. Listen, if you have the selection of every candy in the world and you pick candy corn. Not leaving this subject. Not my favorite candy corn is Natty's.

True. My favorite candy is dark chocolate. Actually, no, it's Reese's Pieces. Okay, good answer, good answer. E.T., yum. So this gardener pulls out the pickaxe. She points the pickaxe in your direction, Tol, and the pickaxe head transforms into a wind dragon wormling head. And it roars and exhales a big gust of breath at you, and it hits both you and Gunther. Yeah!

That got worse. Yeah. Both of you make strength saving throws. Dirty 20. I wonder if the wind dragon has anything to do with the sculpture of the silver coin with the wind lines on it. Oh. I'm in agreement. 16. There's some wind themes. You both make it. All right. So you're going to take half damage there. So you get buffeted with some bludgeoning damage. But you're taking half of this. You take two points of bludgeoning damage.

and you're pushed five feet back as well. -Wee! -And in addition, unprotected flames are extinguished, but they were not by the tree that you had caught fire, Doug. So your tree is still on fire. What about all the flying bugs? They came out of the one that was on fire, so they're not in the area. Okay. But since it pushes you five feet, it also kind of pushes the walls, and the walls start shaking again.

and little bits of lumber begin falling down again all around you. So Gunther and Tolv once again make dexterity saving throws. My goodness. You guys are in the bad place. Yeah. Seven. He has advantage on dexterity saving throws. Finally rolled poorly. Yeah. Yay. 17. All right.

All right, 12 you successfully save. Gunther, you do not. So that is nine points of bludgeoning damage. So if you take half, you take four. Because I really should have raged. I feel so stupid right now. And additionally, because you were hit by some falling debris, Gunther, you're knocked prone. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Just a dissatisfied grunt. Don't get so emotional. The female human sees Gunther knocked to the ground and a sneer spreads across her face. Do not smile at me. You want that sneer off your face as my friend. As you're on the ground. Do not. As the sneer spreads across her face, she looks at the other gardener who has not done anything yet and says...

Grego, get him now! And the other gardener, which is some kind of dwarf, charges over. It seems like he's going to take advantage of the fact that Gunther is on the ground. Does he pass by any of us while he's going in that direction? No. Better if he did. Because they were already kind of by the trees. Tove was by the other one. Natty is over there. Doug is there. No, there's a way for them to get by without provoking. Yeah. Everyone make a perception check for me.

Okay. 12. It was on a 15 and it rolled over to a five, so I have a 10. Okay. Eight. Seven. I feel like none of us passed, so I'm going to go ahead and use my inspiration die. See if Grego's going to let go of my ego. Nice. Got him. 13. Grego seems to disappear from sight. You lose track of him for a moment. And then the next thing you know, he's on top of Gunther taking an attack. So is that a misty step kind of thing? Metagame perspective, invisibility. Ah.

But then we see him again when he pops up by Gunther. Yeah, as he's striking Gunther with a war pick. And he has advantage. This is plus four to hit. That is a 22. That will hit. He brings his war pick down on Gunther doing... I rolled a one on damage. Three points of piercing damage. Yes. I'm starting to feel bad for Gus. Yeah, can I tell you this story? One time I went to a field day and they had that thing where you could throw the horseshoes, you know?

You have to like set the stake in the ground, right? In order for the horseshoes. So I was a kid and I grabbed the stake and I raised it into the air to get some pressure to push it into the ground. And when I did it, I slammed it into my forehead. I almost knocked myself out. So anyways, that's what I imagine Gregor just did. I mean, I've still taken 20 points of damage, so...

You've done a good job, Gus. Hey, don't give up, man. You're going to get it someday. Well, speaking of which, that's it for that gardener's turn. But now it is the turn of the three demons that emerged that are now on fire. They all die because they're on fire, have been on fire for the last few seconds. And they all lose happily ever after. The end.

Make a wisdom check, Doug. Oh, okay. You are the wisest of us all, Doug. You can do it. Nat 20 for a 23. Oh my God, the prophecy has come true. You think that fire may not be such a bad thing for these creatures. No, I know. I didn't have to do a wisdom check for that.

I'm giving you official confirmation. I just wanted to destroy the tree in hopes that nothing else would be able to come out of it, but clearly backfired. The biz, we call that insult to injury. Front fired. Hit!

- Fired, fired. - Fired, fired. It just fired. - Two of them close on Tolv. Tolv, make me a, let's call it a dexterity check to try to avoid catching fire from them. - I think I'm super dexterous. Swish, swish, swish, that's me moving around. Hello.

21. Wow. I just imagine you're like shimmying your hips. Like Johnny Bravo. I should have said make two dex checks because there's two of them. So make one more. I thought there was three of them. It's okay because I'm super dexterous. Two of them went to 12. Swish, swish, swish. Still moving my feet around. Still shadow boxing. 17. Okay. I'm too fast. You can't see me. John Cena. John Cena.

So, yeah, you managed to successfully avoid catching fire, but now they focus their attention on you. Make me two constitution saving throws as they try to take a bite at you. My gosh. It's 22. Okay. 11. Both of those saved. The number you're looking for is 11. So you looked out. You managed to only take one point of piercing damage. Oh, nice. Oh, no, that really hurt. I'm just kidding. It did not hurt so bad.

It actually, in fact, did not really. The other one heads over to Gunther. Gunther, make me a... Let's do the same thing as Tol. You make only one dexterity check, but make this one a disadvantage because you're prone. Dex check. Yeah. It probably should have been a saving throw, but I said check. And since I made Blaine do a check, I'm going to make you do a check as well. All right. That's a 22 and a 15. Yeah, you're fine.

All right. This creature, you know, comes over, flies, and it's like trying to fly around you and intentionally flap its wings on you and get you to catch fire. But, you know, Gunther, you're proactively stop dropping and rolling. So the fire just doesn't take. It's just rolling. There's no stop and dropping at this point. That's why he's already stopped and dropped. So it's just a roll at this point. Yeah, good call. And so he tries to take a bite at you. Make me a constitution saving throw, Gunther.

Eight. Oh, okay. So you take one point of piercing damage and you're still vulnerable to fire.

Cool. It's going to get you. All right. That's all of them. Gunther, it's your turn. Okay. And then after Gunther's tolv, the non-fire demon, and then private parts. There's a lot of combatants. Oh, yeah. There are. So there's the one that's on fire that just attacked me is the only one that's up near me, right? Correct. Okay. Can I get up? Mm-hmm. Getting up what takes half your movement. Yeah. And then I want to use...

second wind that's a bonus show available exclusively to uh on patreon and beacon check out more information at stinky dragon pod.com or beacon.tv yeah we're gonna be talking about this episodes and all of our weird decisions yeah shout out gunther great job uh so i do a 1d10 plus 3 to heal okay yes that was a 10 so that's a 13 healing nice

Gunther, you feel better about this. You were feeling kind of down, but you got up, you dusted yourself off. These are things that are looking up. And then I'm going to try and attack that one that's closest to me. That's like right there up on me. Okay, go ahead. 15 to hit. That's good. That's successful. Okay. All right. That is 10 piercing damage. Nice. You successfully connect, and just like before, you managed to slice this one in half, and it falls to the ground, smoldering. Nice.

- Nice. - So how far away is that fountain? - Pretty close. Oh, you got pushed back by the wind. So you were a little further away than I thought. Let's say 15 feet.

So it's like a jello. It's not actually wet, wet. I mean, is jello wet? It's hard, but it's not ice. Okay. Well, I want to go ahead and, I guess, kind of move back closer to the team if I can do so without provoking. Yeah, you've got enough distance. You should be able to move back. Who specifically? Because everyone's kind of like spaced out a little bit. Like you're going back to where Doug and Natty are. Come to me, Gunto. Yeah. Move back towards them in case we want to make a tactical retreat or something.

to get out of the collapsing building. Okay. You regroup with your friends. And that's it. Okay, great. That is Gunther Tolv, Europe. North America, South America, Africa, Australia. We're talking about continents here? No. You said Europe. It's a joke. Oh, jeez. Moving right along. Do you have an inspiration die? Because if so, I'm taking it away. Yeah. I don't, but I'll take one if you have it. Ah!

I've been using mine like a good boy. Haven't had to use mine. I rolled nat 20. I think you should give everyone else in the party an inspiration die except 12. Just stick it to them. There is nothing more annoying than slow internet. Especially in your home.

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ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So, a couple of days. I know.

When his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults? Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

I'm just going to start taking down the beams of the greenhouse. It all comes down on all of us. He's just swinging in a circle. You got to hide the evidence of anybody hearing that joke. Like Zangief just spinning around. All right. So I'm face to face with two of the flying guys, right? Yes. They are the flying ones that are on fire. You guys are testing me, but I'm not going to rage. All right. I'm going to try to hold it back. Sure.

Should I rage? Why aren't you raging? That's what I want to know. Because I want to save the points. Generally, as a barbarian, you want to rage at the beginning of combat. I thought that this was like a whatever combat situation. I didn't think it was going to be like the whole thing, you know? And then now it's just like some cost where it's like 80. Hey, Blaine. Yeah? You do you. I'm going to do it.

Rage! Says the person who hasn't played a barbarian. I'm just supporting my friend Blaine. He can play however he wants to play. Well, I rage. Okay. Got my goat. I'm mad now.

And then I'm going to use my war hammer to attack whichever one looks stronger of the two guys that are flying around me. They look the same. The one that's flying lower. No, I get the one with the high ground. Okay. Anakin. No, you're smart. Okay. They stop attacking you for a second and bust out into an arm wrestling contest to determine which of them is stronger. And the one on the high ground wins. Oh, congratulations. Eat hammer. I rolled a 12. Fuck.

But because I'm raging, then I get advantage or something. Don't worry. If you did reckless attack, you could. But don't worry, that hits. Okay. And then I do bludgeoning. Good Lord. That's a five. But I get two points of melee damage. So that's seven. All right. Don't you get like a rage? Didn't you have like electrical thing or something? Yeah, but that's a bonus action. I think initiating my rage is the bonus. It is.

Chris, wise about barbarians, also wise about trying to get multiple bonus actions in a turn. Good thing I'm so honest. What'd you call that, wise? Yeah, I was going to say, I don't know if that's the right word, Gus. Experienced. Yeah, you get so angry, Tolv, and you swat at the higher flying demon that's on fire, smashing it with your war hammer, crushing it, and extinguishing the fire that was on its wings, and it's on the ground, unmoving. Nice.

Nice. I'll understand if it's too much, but can I just yell at the other one to see if I can intimidate it? Yelling's a free action. You can do that. Okay. The nerd clusters spray out covering your face, Toll. I love the idea of when you kill a bad guy, it just explodes with candy. I love it. It's like a piñata. Whoever said that, I love it. It's a great analogy.

It's like I actually just watched the Suicide Squad and there's that moment where Harley goes on her rampage and at one point halfway through the fight it's just flowers are flying out of everybody. So good. It's a good movie. Harley Quinn. That's a very good Harley Quinn sequence. Yeah. You were gonna yell you said, Toph? I mean, yeah. What's he yelling? Oh, you know, angry things. Sounds something like this. Ah. Ah.

How's that? How's that go ever? I guess I could roll a d20 to determine the level of yell. Yeah, make an intimidation check. Based on the intimidation check. That's not bad. It's a 19. That's a good... That's a good...

Yeah, I stand by that. Micah says he'd be like, Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! And who are you trying to intimidate specifically? The one that had the low ground. No, the high, the one, yes. The remaining one. The low ground, the remainder. Gotcha.

Is that it for you, Tolv? Yeah. I was going to see if I could cast one of those cool spells that they did where they were talking in tongues earlier, but, you know, I've gone to it for too long, you know. Okay. Just stumble into magic words. Dominos, Marcos, Little Caesars, Papa John's. Ha ha ha!

- All right, it is gonna be Private Part's turn here. The battlefield has changed a bit since his last turn. He surveys it, takes a couple of notes and Gunther, you've returned to the group over here. He says, "Whatever you're gonna do Gunther, I have your back." - So for your next attack roll, you have advantage. - And I have your everything. - Was that a guidance or something? - It's like a help, it's like a help action. - Which is an action we all can take.

That's it for private parts. So that leaves Doug. And then after Doug is the nasty speaking dwarf. How close am I to that human? The human? Yeah, she had the pickaxe. She's, let's say, 10 feet away. What was her name? Gecko? Gestapo? No, there was Grego was a dwarf that she commanded to do something. Right. I don't think I said what her name was. Oh, there's three of them. I forgot. Right. Okay.

I want to take this pickaxe from her. You know what, guys? I think it's time to call in a little bit of help here. Oh. Oh. Do you have a son, too? I do, actually. Oh, my guys, I've been working on this for a while, but I'm going to call him in. I'm going to call in my steel defender. Oh.

Whoa. That sounds cool. Doug, I guess, calls on his steel defender who appears to be a small little metal mushroom. What? Guys, I would like you to meet Gambot. Whoa. Where does he come out of? That's a great question.

Where does he come out of? Like your purse? You have like a satchel? Yeah, like you pull them out of your pack, I guess? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I pull them out of my pack. So you reach into your pack, rummage around, and you pull out a gambot. A little robotic mushroom. I'm imagining it's kind of like a metal disc that I put on the floor. Yeah. Oh, okay. Cool. Like those little Mega Man enemies.

Yes. The little construction helmet ones. Oh, yeah. And bear with me as I'm still learning about this thing. But basically, he joins an initiative, I think, right after me. Okay. I'm putting him on the list. I'm not sure how it works if I cast him like on my turn, if then he goes right after me or if it's like the whole round has to pass. That's usually how it goes. I assume right after. You cast him and he goes after you. Okay. Okay.

As the resident expert of familiars and companions. Thank you. Yeah, that's... I actually... I don't know barbarians, but I do know having a little buddy fight with you. John's got a whole menagerie of little friends, little guys. And then I think that's my action. I think just like bringing him in is the action, unfortunately. So he's just going to stand, I think, in between me and the human woman. Okay. And I say...

You think you could take us? Well, I bet that pickaxe that you can't. I would take that wager. I like Barbara's little glance to the right and left to see if this was working.

So yeah, I'm verifying it does take its turn immediately after yours. It can move, use its reactions. Oh, I can use a bonus action to command it as well. Yeah. What's he do? So I want to command it to just take a strike at this woman. Okay. And I believe is my spell attack modifier to hit. So

So I see here, I'm trying to read up on it as well with you. I haven't looked at it before, Barbara. It looks like your Steel Defender can do a Force Empowered Rend, which is a melee weapon attack with a plus six to hit. Wow. Okay. Does he have arms or he just headbutt? Oh, he just headbutts. He doesn't have any arms. Okay. This is real simpleton. He got fast little legs. Yeah, his speed is 40. So like you put him down, he deploys...

You say attack and you point and he like lowers his mushroom head and charges in. Does he make a sound? Yeah, what sound does he make as he's charging? Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Does it talk? He's thirsty. No, he can't talk. But you talk for it. I talk for him, yeah. Hello, it's me, Gambot. I am ready to attack you. That's just Doug saying that and like giving a talking for his robot. No, I like that. He's got ventriloquism. But your lips still move. Roll a d20 and just add six. Yeah. Okay, cool.

I can see you trying to figure out what to roll. -Thank you, John. You know me so well. That'll be a 20 then to hit. -That hits? Yeah. It puts its head down and impacts with the female holding the pickaxe. -Then it is 1d8 plus 2 force damage. I'm going to roll that d8. That's an 8 plus 2, so 10 points of force damage.

Yeah, she wasn't looking and paying attention, so Gambot sneaks up on her and hits her right in the shin. Ow. Yeah, you get him, Gambot. I almost imagine it's like a spring-deployed head. You know, like it runs up and just goes... Like a battering ram or something? Yeah, like something you'd see on Robot Wars. He's got it all, yeah. He's really equipped. He's got it all. All right, is there anything else you can do, Doug? Nope, that's it. Okay, that's it for Doug. I can't wait to make Gambot plushies and get sued by Nintendo. Oh, okay.

No, this one has a spring action head. Totally different. And it's silver. Where'd it go? So proud of him. Okay, this gardener is in bad shape. Good. Y'all are watching it. And Gigi attacked, right? Gigi's right next to... Yeah. This one? Okay. It looks warily at Gigi. And then you see it. It's really mind-boggling. This gardener begins shrinking.

Oh. You're not going to want to do that around Giggy. He eats small things. Uh-oh. I didn't even think about that. We'll deal with that when we get there. I haven't fed him today. It begins shrinking and it lashes out at Giggy trying to make an attack with a dagger.

Let's see if it hits Gigi. Better not stab my nephew. Ooh, I rolled a two. I think that's going to be a miss. That's going to miss. That's what I thought. Yeah. Even with my Pot of Fire. Yeah, that's no good. Yeah, I know. Micah just wrote, what's going on? I mean, I don't know, Micah. My rolls are terrible. It's one of those days. I don't know. I hacked Gus's D&D Beyond. I thought for sure I was going to get a...

a TPK this episode. I was like, oh, I've got the deck stacked against me. I've got so many guys on my side and the rolls are just awful. Not today. All right. So it's Tiny now. That one's dead. Natty, you're up. After Natty, it's the two gardeners. Gigi is going to go first if that's okay. Oh, that's fine.

Yeah. And I wish Gigi had... Oh, man. If he's in a beast form, he could take a bite, but he can't because I want him to bite this little person as much as possible. But Gigi is going to claw them is what Gigi's going to do. Okay. Because Gigi does not like being stabbed.

Technically, Gigi wasn't stabbed. I missed. Gigi doesn't like attempted stabbings. Okay. Attempted murder. 14 plus 4 to hit. So that's 18 to hit. That connects. 2d4. That is 4 plus 4 plus 3. That is 11 piercing damage.

Oh, they're also poison. Do they, does the poison have to happen something during their last turn? Oh, the poison creature just has disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks, and I missed anyway, so that's fine. Okay, cool. Yeah, 10 constitution saving throw, or they take more poison damage. It doesn't matter. The slashing from Gigi's claws rip the tiny gardener to bits, and it falls to the ground unmoving. Good murder. Gigi, look, gummy nerds. I'm going to eat gummy nerds after this.

Does Gigi begin eating? Gigi starts kind of licking up a little bit of it. Yeah. All right. I need to know what Gigi thinks of Gambot at some point. Hey, Doug, you brought a friend for Gigi. Gigi needs playmates. Please don't be delicate. You know what, Doug? I'll tell him. That's the best I can say.

So since this combatant is down, I can use my bonus action to move Hex over to someone else. Sure, yeah. I'll move it to the one holding the pickaxe.

Okay. The female gardener? The female human. And so she has disadvantage on dex checks? Disadvantage on dex checks and will take extra damage when I use my Eldritch Blast on her. All right. Which I roll a... That rolled off my thing. That's not going to happen. That's an eight to hit. Yeah, that's a miss.

Did you say you had an advantage on this roll? No. That was last time when Private Parts was helping me, but now Private Parts is helping the frog. Can you have advantage on this roll? No, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. Hey, I have inspiration that I keep not using, so I'm going to use it. Why not? All right. That's a...

16 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Nice. Much better. Gonna roll a D10. Oh, I was like, why does it say 70? I rolled a D100, but that's seven. Plus three, so that's 10 force damage plus...

The necrotic, which is a D6. D6 is... So I rolled a one, so that's only one necrotic damage. And then they get blasted 10 feet back and take three more damage from the edge blast. 14 points total and move back 10 feet. Yeah. She slams into a wall.

which causes more lumber to fall, but it's not close to any of you guys. It's just going to affect her. Yeah, that's what I was totally planning. And does she drop the pickaxe?

No, she's still holding on to the pickaxe. Dang it. She needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, she makes it. She rolled a 15. So she's only going to take half damage. She takes four points of bludgeoning damage from falling lumber. She dies? No. Oh, okay. She looks up, anger in her eyes. The tree that Doug caught on fire is...

and then more fiends came out. I don't know if I want to ask this, but is Gigi near a different tree? Gigi's not necessarily close to it. Let's say Gigi's within 10 feet away of the next one over. Can Gigi run in and jump into one of those trees? Yeah, sure. Why not? Okay. Little explorer.

Yeah. Gigi's going to do that. All right. Yeah. We'll say the one on the far west, which I believe Gunther initially approached. Okay. Yeah. And that is my turn. Okay. It's her turn. The woman with the pickaxe who you have shoved over into the wall. I wink at her. Oh, she doesn't like that. She looks at you and says, If I'm going down, you are too.

You can try. She turns around and strikes the wall behind her and the whole building begins collapsing all around you. Big pieces of lumber and the wall fall down, begin knocking holes in the ground beneath you and the whole ground begins to shake and eventually collapse. Say it.

You all fall into a dark cavern below. You see four obelisks made of petrified wood glowing with fiendish runes, and you hear a boisterous yet posh voice say, I've felled this forest to its knees, and so shall you. All shall tremble before the Baron. Uh-oh. Oh.

Find out who the Baron is and what that means on the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. A Baron. That's so annoying when you fight a boss and you think you got them, and then they do that whole ground crumble thing, and you fall down, and you're like, oh, phase two. Phase two. Yeah. Hey, do we know how this Baron, is it B-A-R-O-N or B-A-R-O-N?

What's the other Baron? Like Baron Wasteland? No one tell him. It needs to learn. Is he red? Does he have pizza? Do I smell fresh oregano? It's Red Baron Pizza. Find out which Baron it is in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm just very hungry right now. B-A-R-R-E-N. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad-free?

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Acacia Landmack, and Sabrina Craig. These patrons directly support the show and get ad-free episodes, access to our patron-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen, and much more. Head over to StinkyDragonPod.com to support us. Can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. Listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them this episode, like Greg O'Liver, named after Oliver, Huna Muzik, named after MusicNerd07, voiced by Lauren Lance, at Lauren Lark, Kiyodai, named after Kiyodai, haha, get it,

The Baron, named after Shield Maiden, voiced by Hannah McCarthy, at HiHelloHannah. Private parts, voiced by Ben Ernst, at Halcyon underscore Ben. This week's Arrow Question was submitted by RedPanda1316. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon

I just realized I made a mistake. I'm about to rectify here. Natty, you gave this dwarf disadvantage on dex. Oh, dex checks, not dex saves. So I thought, okay, I thought maybe I had to roll that dex save again, but no, it's check. Okay, gotcha. Almost Blaine and Chris did there. Okay, well, let's calm it down. So funny.

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