Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Family functions. Yeah, this video just had to happen. And I think it's safe to say for a lot of people, depending on what their family is like, their experience is much different at the function. The family functions are really a hit or miss experience. Your family's filled with flat earthers and crackheads, then yeah, chances are you're not gonna enjoy the function. And if your family just flames your existence, yeah, no, that's L's for you, my guy. Some people can't even step into the function without getting flamed. That's crazy. But anyways, this is kind of how it goes for me.
So before I get ready for a family function, my mom makes sure that I'm looking pristine. Okay, I'm looking amazing for this function. If I'm getting ready for the function and my mom sees a piece of hair sticking up. Oh, it's wraps. If my room's not clean and people are coming over. What if they go upstairs and they look at your room? They're not gonna look in my room, bro. Like why the fuck would they do that? I don't know. It just never made sense to me. Or like they're gonna notice that one piece of hair that's sticking up. Like, okay, bro.
Before I walk out the door, just a little inspection. Make sure everything's good. And make sure I just look amazing for the function. Because it really is an event of a lifetime, bro. And when I pull up to the function, everybody's like, how's it going, kiddo? And I get to the function, you know, I dab everybody up. Nah, nah.
It's not like that. I'd be giving them firm handshakes, bro. No dead fishes out here, bro. And as soon as I walk in the function, you know, the small talk commences. They ask me about how college is going. And some of them even know about my channel. And yeah, it might be awkward for them watching this video. Now, I don't know what it is, but like people just be telling the same jokes all the time. Oh my God. How tall are you guys? Yeah. So I'm like 6'0 now. Holy shit. These kids are growing like weeds. What the fuck? Hey, look at this guy. Hey, he can paint the ceiling. Ah, ah.
I'm telling you what, Bobby, you gotta sign this kid up for basketball. Joel Embiid's got some competition, huh? Joel Embiid's a bum! Okay, Rick, shut the fuck up. You're on account for the goddamn beer. The functions be wild, bro. Like, everybody's talking. Like, I don't even gotta open my mouth, so I just stay quiet half the time. When people ask me about some things, well, you know, I tap in, of course. And people do the talking for me, so I'm just quiet. I don't really gotta say nothing. And most of the time, it's not like I can really add anything relevant to the conversation. Like, half the
the time they're ranting about someone or something that I have no idea about. So what, what, what am I going to ask? So I just sit there and you know, I don't mind sitting there. It's fine. You know, I like spending time with family. When my parents get on my head about socializing, it kind of annoys me because I just don't know what the hell I'm going to say. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this, but bro, it is a blessing from Jesus Christ himself. When your cousins pull up to the function, it's just on a completely different level, bro.
Even though a lot of my cousins are way older than me, those are like the closest people to me in age at the function. So obviously I feel like I'd be able to relate to them more. Like a lot of the times at the function, I'm sitting with my cousins. But sometimes things get a little bit heated at the function. Whenever somebody busts out a game, oh shit, it's like all or nothing, bro. You gotta fucking put your life on the line for this game. Hey Rick, I bet this kidney that you won't win this fucking game. And if you lose, you give me your kidney.
All right, that's a deal. Get your ass over here. Obviously, it's over exaggerated, but you get the point. Everybody's really competitive, okay? And one time we were playing this game where we had to unwrap a saran wrap ball, I guess. And the point of this game was there was prizes in the ball and then whoever unwrapped them would get that prize. And the grand prize was a $50 grocery store gift card.
There were some lottery tickets where you could win up to 10 grand. So obviously everybody was juiced. Like everybody was getting their shit together and try to win all these prizes. And it was fun. You know, the game was pretty fun, but holy shit, was it competitive. People were getting a little hostile, screaming obscenities at each other. Hey, we're
"Rick, why are you fucking slow? Unwrap this shit. Let's go!" Meanwhile, Rick is like pushing 80. Obviously, he's not gonna be unraveling at lightning fast speed if he's pushing 80 years old. Or sometimes they would just like scream random ass jokes too, like just out of nowhere. "Hey Jared, that's the size of your nutsack!"
It was pretty entertaining, I'm not gonna lie. My family had a lot to drink that night, so obviously that made it a lot more entertaining. Sometimes when my family would come to my house, they would play the Wii. Because, you know, everybody was just raving over, like, how crazy the technology was. And I mean, it was 2010, I think, so obviously, yeah, the Wii was like the craziest shit out there. Everybody was like, hey, hey, Rick, you know?
We gotta play this little weed doohickey thingy over here. Then somebody comes up to me. He's like, I bet I can beat you in Mario Kart, kid. So obviously, you know, we run up a squadron of the four of us and we just fucking cook up the track, man. No, no. Everybody did that.
Everybody did ass, including me. I was fucking shit at Mario Kart, but I somehow still got first place. After the time, like my uncles were driving into walls and shit. They didn't know how to play. Hey kiddo, am I winning or what? Of course, my little greedy ass wanted to get first place. So of course I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing a good job.
a good job and i was telling him to keep driving into a fucking wall and drive backwards yeah i was a little shit now a little bit of birdie history now we got some family that lives over in italy so every time you know we're at the function sometimes like one of my family members is on the phone somebody from italy they basically just like pass it around the table and tell everybody to say hi and they introduced me hey this is hey this is birdie and duck
My sister's kids. Hey, I mean, I say hi. Obviously, I don't fucking sit there, but I don't know who they are. Like, I guess they'd be knowing about my existence. Now, I don't know what it is about my uncle, but he loves taking pictures. Bro whips out his phone like at every function, just starts taking videos, pictures. And yeah, man, you got to savor the memories, right? But it gets to a certain point when you're taking videos of like irrelevant things at the
function like me looking at my phone for example like oh yeah man look i remember when birdie was looking at his youtube analytics oh yeah man where did the time go you gotta clear the storage at some point bro there's definitely a lot of scraps in there he has over like 10 000 photos and videos bro it's wild but sometimes you know there's an occasion where i'd be getting cooked up at the family function like my ass is never safe at these functions and sometimes my mom just be spilling my entire life story to people and they know shit that they definitely should not know at the
function one time my cousin was like yeah yeah i got a boyfriend now then everybody starts looking at me and duck and is like you guys have any news for us and i was just sitting there like a fucking idiot and i was just like uh no like no girls be in the vicinity of birdie and duck like it's just not happening so i basically had to spill to the entire function that i got no bitches like it was tough and everybody starts getting on my head flaming my ass nah it wasn't that bad
Or sometimes people would just ask me at the function like hey, yeah, you got a girlfriend yet? And uh, i'm like no and then people would be shocked. They would be like really? Oh my god How do you guys not have everybody would be shocked surprisingly? I mean i'm not exactly like the best looking dude out there, right? But they're acting like i'm a girl magnet, bro I'll just start bagging tens whenever I fucking walk that's for me like what to say back to them shit I don't even know and sometimes
some of the most random topics be popping up at this function yeah the other day guys i got this i got the steak and cheese sandwich and you know it was this big yo that's crazy but like i don't know what what are you even supposed to say to that and sometimes people just be pulling strings for like things to say to me because i mean they don't really know and you know that's that's kind of fair enough i am kind of like 40 years younger so i i mean i i wouldn't know what the fuck to say to me either how's it
How's that tennis going, kiddo? I quit tennis like 12 years ago. But there's one function in particular that goes crazy. And everybody turns up and it's over the summer. And I guess we'll call it the rave. Because Jesus Christ, it was basically like a rave. Like you walk around and like everybody's, everybody and their mom's there. Like every, they just invite everybody they know at this point. And they just all show up. Some dudes I barely even know be showing up. Like I just know them by their Facebook.
But I don't even know like who they are. Like apparently I just I guess I just have a big ass family that I was not aware of. Like bro I'm not even kidding. Yeah that function it was basically like a rave. Everybody would turn up. There would be lots of drinks going around. Like everybody's grabbing a shit ton. And at these functions in particular. This is when the conversation gets a little bit crazy. You know at the functions like for the most part. You got those surface level NPC type conversations. You know it gets past the level of hey.
Hey, billy, how's your mom and the kids they're doing good. Yeah work's going good too Nah, bro, get rid of all that shit It gets wild and some of you might be thinking bro Like half your family probably plays bingo in their free time Like how could they possibly be getting lit but they do trust me Whenever there's a big occasion like that like at somebody's wedding or the rave as I called it Everybody just be on the dance floor turning up his shit and i'm like damn I did not know these people had it in them
And they go from like NPC-esque conversations to conversations I don't even want to get to. Yeah, I remember that time with this girl like in school. Yeah, she was going crazy in the back. Bob, not right now. The kids are around. Bro, I'm 20 years old. I'm not a little jit anymore. Like I got stubbles going. Like I'm a fucking grown man. It's not like I'm gonna be scarred for life if you talk about that shit, bro. Like I've heard so much worse.
All in all, even though I'm a drone on my phone half the time, I do like spending time with my family. And I like talking whenever I can add something in of value, you know? A nice little life lesson for you guys, don't take that time for granted. Unless your family's a bunch of flat earthers and crackheads, then maybe.