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Health class. Oh my god. I've been saving this one for a while. So yeah, as you all know, health class is buttacheeks. I don't know what's more awkward, a middle-aged lady talking to you about puberty or a doctor checking... yeah. Actually, you know what? Never mind. That one's probably more awkward. But for me, health class started in fifth grade. One day, the nurse just came into our classroom unannounced and was rolling in a box TV. Everybody was so hyped. They're like,
Let's go! The box TV's coming out, and you already know it's a W day when the box TV is rolling out. Everybody was confused, like, why is the nurse here? And then as soon as she walked in, the teacher made an announcement. Okay, alrighty, everybody, pay attention, pay attention. Uh, so today, we're doing health class for the last couple of hours of the day. This is gonna be interesting. Heh heh heh.
And well, it was interesting to say the least. Okay, so you guys may be experiencing some changes. Changes? What do you mean? Am I evolving? Now that's right, Timmy. You're growing up. And for the girls, there's a nurse in the other room. So all the girls went to the other room and all the boys were just sitting in this room. So you guys are going through some hormonal changes. So today, we're going to be talking about the eggplant. You don't know what you're talking about. You just said it.
Hey, Timmy. Not another word out of you. Same goes for you, Jonathan. Thank you, Mr. Jones. Anyways, back to what I was saying. And yeah, you get the point. It was pretty fucking awkward, wasn't it? But anyway, she goes on to explain that we're going through hormonal changes and we're getting to that age now.
She put on this documentary and like every couple of minutes or so she would pause the documentary and give like some sort of commentary on what was going on. Like one of the scenes was the kid at school, right? He was musty and they were like, "You need to put on deodorant." And he's like, "What? Deodorant?" Then the teacher paused and was like, "So now that you're going through these changes, your armpits start to stink and they start to grow hair." And one of the kids was like, "Oh no, no!"
Don't worry, it's a natural part of being human. And in summary, it basically translates to: "You stink, put on deodorant." But it was really sugar-coated. This next scene went over my head, and years later, I realized what actually happened. The kid was going to sleep, and then he woke up, but there was like a tiny puddle.
Like, on his covers. And I thought he peed the bed. But no. I didn't know what happened. And everybody watching this video, yeah, we know what happened. Another scene, Brody had a voice crack, and it was embarrassing, alright? It was unfortunate. And shit, I mean, there really isn't anything you can do about it. And pretty much, the entire plot of the movie was just about going through puberty, and the kid going into the 6th grade, and it was just really fucking awkward.
And I was covering my eyes half the movie because I was scared of the sixth grade and puberty. So there I was in my seat with like my hands over my eyes. And I was like curled up into a ball. But at the end, the nurse was like, you made it guys. It was like the end of Tower of Terror. Like you'd take a picture in front of the
I survived sign. She was acting like it was a hype moment. Like let's fucking go, bro. I survived health class. Then the school day was pretty much over and on our way out, the nurse stood in front of the door and handed us all a bag and the bag had deodorant, a tooth
Brush and toothpaste. She's probably talking to the teacher like damn these kids smell I'm gonna have to hand them some deodorant or something at the end of this. Yeah, I know Tell me about it now middle school We were required to take a semester of health class basically each year and now one of the greatest highlights in my middle school health career Right my presentation on ebola, man
It was fucking, it was great. It was awesome. It sucked. It was like just text plastered on a screen. That's all it really was. It may be like two janky ass stock images throughout the entire presentation. It looks like one of those goofy ass presentations that people make on TikTok now. I somehow passed with an 80, which blows my mind. Yeah, I really stood there in front of the class and I was like, so class, this is Ebola. It was quite the highlight, I must say. It was a 10 out of 10 presentation, bro.
The next unit was about how children are born. And one day she put on a movie and it basically just shows a fetus growing into a human. And then all of a sudden she paused the movie. And I was like, oh, what's going on? I want to see the fetus growing up. And she's like, okay, everybody, just a quick warning. It's about to get a little graphic. You're sensitive to that kind of stuff. Close your eyes. All of a sudden it just cuts to a scene of somebody giving birth.
Yeah. I probably should have kept my eyes closed, but I peaked. For some reason, my little ass was curious what giving birth looked like. I don't know why. When everybody in the class peaked, everybody was like, damn, I was not expecting to see it. But yeah, the entire class was mortified. After that, she was like, well, that's just a warm up. Here's what a C-section looks like.
And we were like, oh, that's crazy. She really thinks I'm about to watch. But regardless, she still put on the video of the C-section. And it was really disturbing. I really don't want to get into it, bro. I was traumatized when I left the classroom that day. I was walking out of school having goddamn vapes.
visions of the film bro i really was going through it after this skip to high school health got really serious bro now it's actually starting to take a lot of these lessons into consideration well some of them they actually taught some pretty important shit that i could actually use outside of school for once like literally every other class in my school except i don't know like a finance class like i could never use any of that outside of school like what the hell am i supposed to do with a quadratic formula like tell me when's the last time you used that shit bro
Unless you like teach math or something. Other than that, why else would you need it? Freshman year, we got into dating violence. Sophomore year, man, it was interesting. We learned about STDs, how to stay strapped, if you know what I'm saying. Keeping it safe, if you know what I mean. We learned a little bit about that. But the funniest part was he took out like this, it was like an STD card game or something. It just made this shit a lot more awkward, bro.
He passed out a bunch of STDs on cards and he was like, all right, anybody got chlamydia? Who's got chlamydia? Anybody? It was really bad. And then one kid would raise his hand and he would have to explain to the class what chlamydia was. You had to find somebody else with the matching card. Yeah, it was weird. I don't fully remember the concept of the game, but all I remember is that it was weird as hell and it made health class a lot more awkward. Hey, the duck, you got chlamydia. So do you.
"What's up with you, Birdie? Can one of you guys explain what chlamydia is?" And we were both like, "Uhhhhhh... What?" "Yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry." And we were just not gonna explain it to the class, 'cause shit, it was awkward. And I know Bro was trying his best. The curriculum kind of forced him to do it. He was a goaded teacher. And it made the class more bearable. But the card game was still awkward.
Junior year, we learned about that Zah getting faded and all sorts of other substances. And the project was for this unit, we basically had to make a skit. The teacher assigned us a substance and we had to make a skit out of it. Mine was nicotine. And it went a little bit something like this. Yo, bro, I gotta put you on. Vaping is just amazing.
You have some, have some. Damn, this shit hits. Yo, Birdie, you want some? Um, actually, vaping is bad for you, and I'm going to tell the teacher now. Yeah, that's exactly how it went, and I was the snitch, unfortunately. Yeah, vaping is bad and all, but there's no need for a snitch. That's all I'm gonna say. I mean, shit, it really is their choice at the end of the day.
In my senior year, we did CPR. And this unit went crazy. Because we had to do a whole ass CPR routine, like, in the middle of class. He put on, like, a film where it would demonstrate what you do. But nah, that shit's important. I was making sure I got every note down on my paper. I was making sure I really knew, man. But then he had us all do, like, a CPR test. Where we had to give CPR to a dummy, pretty much. And he had us go out in the hallway separately.
He was like, all right, kiddo, give it a whirl. And let's just say I fucked it up royally. I was going and he was like, ah, you forgot something. I was like, what? I did? Like, I just started. You forgot to say he's not conscious. Call 911. I'm not going to say that in the middle of the hallway, bro. Like, I'm sorry. I don't want anybody to scramble for their phone and call 911. Like, what are you
think that sounds like in the middle of the hallway, just unannounced. So on the back of my mind, I was like, shit, I probably shouldn't say that. I was doing chest compressions, right? I was pinching the nose. I was going off. I had to get up and close in person. I'll practically make out with the goddamn dummy. And one kid unfortunately fucked it up so royally. Bro said, and he's dead. Like afterward. I mean, shit, there's already enough pressure going on. Like there's no need to say he's dead unprovoked in the hallway. In conclusion, health class, it's a mixed bag.
Want another video to watch? Watch this video on screen. Anyways, I'm out. Bye.