Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
School lunches, I'm sure most of you have seen these things. It's a thing, it's mutant. I don't know what to call this. Just take a look at this, like bro, who is eating that? Absolutely nobody. The fact that this is a real image actually scares me. So school lunch. I mean, most of you have probably had school lunch. If not, well, you've never lived. On a normal school day, I had the lunchbox, I was strapped, I was ready with my fucking bologna sandwich or whatever the hell it was. And on some days I'd be like, fuck,
God damn it, I forgot my lunch box. And I was missing the extreme graceful presence of my bologna sandwich. But instead, I had to go and get lunch from the shitty-ass lunch line. I'd sit there for 20 minutes just to get some doo-doo-ass food with a side of baked chips. And I wouldn't even have time to eat it all. Like, that shit just drained my lunch, bro.
You can't forget the Doritos reduce fat. The fact that we had to pay for that is just a crime in itself. Like, bro, if you're gonna eat Doritos, don't be a pussy and eat the reduced fat. Like, it's still an unhealthy snack option. It doesn't matter. It's like motherfuckers who eat Oreo thins and think they're healthy. Dog, come on. You're not fooling anybody. Eat an actual Oreo. So in elementary school, I always got school lunch for the most part.
And they had the goofiest looking pizza. I swear, they could have just ordered Little Caesars and everybody would have been happier with that. Like, at least I wouldn't have even had to pay $2 for shitty ass pizza. I would have at least got something half decent. It could have been like Red Baron or DiGiorno for all I care, but this shit was even worse. Like, the cheese was just mutant.
Half the time, they wouldn't even cook that shit. One time, I actually threw up when I got home after eating it. And why did I continuously eat this pizza? I was in third grade, so I didn't know any better. I was just stupid. My mind was like a caveman. I was like, pizza, pizza. I don't know. I was on another fucking planet. Next up, we got the burgers, man. Like, again, they could have just got McDonald's and we would have been like eating the same shit. I don't know where they got these burgers from, but I don't know. It was probably like some shit Michelle Obama recommended.
I'm being a hunted. Like, they should have just gave us healthier options. Like, I would have been better off eating that. And it might be because, well, healthier food's expensive than like a raunchy ass chicken patty. But like, if you want some tender ass chicken, you're gonna have to pay for that shit. And I mean, that's what we get for going to public school. We're genuinely paying for prison food. But you know what? At least the school lunch progressed as years went on.
I went from sitting in the elementary school cafeteria, there was this stupid stoplight that would go off, and once it turned red, you had to shut the fuck up. And I was that dude, yes, I was that guy, who would, like, put my finger up to my mouth and start shushing people. Oh my god, you have no idea how much I look back and just regret that so much.
And then they would have us all line up. On top of that, it wasn't just prison food we were getting. It was like we were living in a prison. It was crazy. We lived in a prison for seven hours. Y'all better line the fuck up and head back to your cells. Like, genuinely, that's what I feel like what was going on. But then when I went to middle school, the school lunch was at least a little bit better. We got our stupid reduced fat Doritos as the option. There were Dippin' Dots. Those shits sold out faster than, like, blunts at a Snoop Dogg con.
The dip and dods is what I was looking forward to every day. I mean, in middle school, the pizza still sucked, but at least it was cooked. And then you could tell it was cooked because the crust was like burnt to a crisp. I wouldn't have to worry about my intestines giving out on me because of the school lunch, at least. Now with your school lunch, you were forced to get sides.
And you couldn't just get one side, you had to get two. And one of them had to be a fruit. Like, they would put a gun to your head if you did not pick up a fruit from that basket. Like, me and the boys tried to sneak our way out without a side. You know, the reduced fat Doritos were not good enough to pay for, but the fruits were free with the lunch. The fruits just looked gross, bro. They weren't washed, like, they looked like they belonged in the trash can. Like, I saw a kid one day come back with his school lunch, and he had a brown banana.
He was just like poking it with this fork. Actually, I take that back. We got sporks. Like what the fuck is a spork? Yeah, that's right. We had spoons and forks in one. I've never heard of such a thing in my entire life. They couldn't get any cheaper. Oh my God. It just amazes me how cheap they were. And I was sitting next to this kid at the time and he was just poking his banana with his spork. And when he poked it, it was all mushy inside.
I damn near got up and threw out my school lunch. That's how unappetized I was after seeing that. And I mean, although a lot of people were forced to grab fruits, they would just all end up in the trash can. So what was the point of that? One time a lunch lady got so pissed at me when I didn't grab a side and she just straight up yelled at me, the
President paid for these sides. My boy Barack, he was a problem on the court. I don't think I'd give a shit if he paid for a singular apple that I decided not to take. My boy a problem on the court, he's a big baller. I'm pretty sure he's got plenty of money to pay for more shitty ass apple bites or moldy bananas, whatever it was. It really was an experience at school. Skip to high school. I never even got school lunch a singular time. The only thing I've got is ice cream that tasted like water.
Like, that shit was trash, bro. Like, come on, get me some top-of-the-line shit like Ben & Jerry's if I'm gonna have ice cream. Like, if I'm gonna eat food that's extremely shit for me, at least let me have something that tastes good. Like, come on. Although the school probably wouldn't have been able to afford Ben & Jerry's ice cream, that would be the dream, though. That would be fire.
There was always that one guy, in high school at least, that was like, um, you guys have any vegan options? I mean, bro, this ain't a restaurant. They ain't gonna cook you up some fancy-ass vegan meal. You're better off just bringing your own lunch. I get if you want to maintain a certain diet, but I don't think the lunch ladies are gonna go out of their way and do that.
They're told to cook burgers chicken patties and doodoo ass pizza food really got people in the mood to throw hands I don't know what was good with that But you know as you know all the ambient talking was going on people were eating their shitty ass lunch because they had no other choice There would be those two kids that that were beefing, you know, the whole table would be like, oh, yeah They're definitely gonna fight and all of a sudden they're by the trash cans just duking it out Then there's that one kid with this phone out like
Like he's trying to make that shit on world star. Like that shit a puny ass fight. It's not going on world star. It's just two people like not even throwing hands at each other. They're just like moving around in a shitty ass fighting stand. They're both just shoving each other and barely pushing each other anywhere. I mean to top it all off we were all in middle school. So there were L fights going on. And then there'd be the principal standing on the stage. Yeah there was a stage at our lunch.
And bro would just walk around with his hands behind his back Then he would try and stop it and yeah, it would just fail miserably And not only that the vice principal thought it was a great idea to ban bottle flipping I don't know what that was about But i'm not even gonna get started on that back when that shit was a thing when I was in middle school They would also put memes on the lunch table. I don't know what that was about You would just see like doge chilling on the lunch table table like
Like, bro, we're in high school. Doge has been alive for like 10 years. The meme died in like 2015 or some shit. I would see like things like bad luck, Brian. It was crazy how out of touch the teachers were. At this point, it was like 2017 and they were still using shit like that. I was just completely blown away.
And current day, it's still trash. People are telling me everywhere they go to college, while some colleges is different. The food is just fucking boof. It's terrible. The chicken is mad dry. Like I almost broke my fucking wrist trying to cut into it. Think you're paying a shit ton of money like you'd at least get good food. But damn, I guess I was wrong. School lunch was either mid or just straight up fucking...
Like there was no in between. It's crazy how much food ended up in the trash. Like they had to make a movement to feed the pigs. That's how much food ended up in the trash. Like it was insane. When I got home and had a home cooked meal, it was like God's blessing, dude. It was like something out of this world, bro. I never appreciated food so much in my entire life.
In conclusion, where the hell do we end off this video? Bring your own lunch. And I don't know why schools won't stop giving out Sodexo. It's crazy. All I hear is people complain about food at their schools. It's ridiculous. But yeah, I'll catch you on the next one. Peace.