Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Going back to school. Yeah, it sucks. No one wants to do it unless you're Nielsen over there. Well, actually, I'll have you know that I love sch- Don't make me knock out those goddamn buck teeth of yours. So yeah, unless you're that guy, no one wants to go back to school. And there's a lot of reasons behind that. I mean, the first day of school in itself is just awful. And we go to prep-
Prepare ourselves for the pointless knowledge that we're gonna learn all year and literally forget in like two days A lot of people say they can't sleep when they they're going back to school. I mean me I just knock right out. I mean in high school I couldn't sleep but now I don't give a fuck then I wake up to an alarm bro And that just pisses me off already We're already off to a bad start like I saw g grimy talk about this in his video Literally everyone just fucking stares at the wall. I don't know why it's just like a tradition
Like I was staring down the wall like it was my op or some shit, bro. And eventually like five, 10 minutes later, I snap out of it and I get in the shower. And then I get out of the shower and I try to walk into school with the drippiest outfit I have, bro. Doesn't matter what it is. I'm putting it on. I'm not trying to walk in like I'm straight out of one of those fashion shows. And then I go downstairs and I'm like, okay, how about we make ourselves a nice breakfast? Okay. How about we do that? And then my nice breakfast gets interrupted by guys, we need to take
pictures. You're going back to school. And I'm just sitting there like no one is trying to get pictures when they're getting sent back to prison. No way, bro. That shit's like taking a mug shot. I'm tired as hell. Like I'm not going to smile. I'm going to fucking school. It was a tradition every year in my household. And now if that's stand in front of the wall and get my picture taken, holding up the number of whatever grade I was in, like
hold up a 10. You're going in 10th grade. I'm just sitting there like, Jesus Christ, just let me go already. I'm having a shit day to begin with. And I really got to sit there and face the reality that summer is no longer going to be there. And I have to do this every single day of the week. When it was the day I went back to school, my parents were geeks because they were like, finally, I don't have to deal with his ass anymore. So obviously they were overjoyed. They were sharing it with their friends on Facebook. My son's all ready for
then everybody and their mom would share their kids going back to school. Because among parents, it was a celebration. That's truly what it was. That's having me think they're gonna throw the biggest rager of all time when I leave the crib. They're gonna have a birdies moving out party. That's what's gonna happen. And of course, with back to school comes the...
Oh my- Anyways, it comes with social media posts. Everyone's like, Day one's over. We survived. Going back to hell tomorrow. Yo, what's y'all schedules looking like? Literally everyone and their mom post their schedule on their Snapchat story. It really is a universal thing for real. Like you see this shit everywhere. Like I would always ask my homies what their schedule was looking like. And then I would just be left with disappointment. Wow, bro. They in none of my classes. That's just really how it always went. Like I could just kiss that goodbye. That wasn't happening.
And when I got on the bus, the bus driver was just as grumpy as me. And honestly, I felt that, bro. Uh, good morning. Good morning, asshole. Take your seat. And I'm sitting there like, damn, I don't even know who's in my classes. I'm in for a rude awakening when I walk in there. And of course, when I walk in, bro, the teachers have the highest energy of all time. All righty-dighty-doo. Good morning, everybody. We're back to school. How does it feel, everybody? We're back.
"Dah, that's okay, we'll get it out of you eventually. Now it's time to take attendance!" "Doo doo doo doo!" "What? Shut the hell up, bro! Godda-" And it's still like this when I go to college. I don't understand how. And thankfully, I'm no longer transported on a yellow Twinkie that smells like ass. I can just drive my car. And then the teacher's always like, "All righty-daddy-doo, everybody! What did we do over the summer? Anybody?"
No one. No one is answering because no one wants to be there. It's a pretty simple concept. You're gonna have to pull teeth if you want people to participate. And the teacher just starts to go over the syllabus. Like some motherfuckers be reading the entire thing. Literally, all you got to do is just do a brief rundown of it and then just send us on our way. That'd be very helpful. And as much as I'd love to just use my phone while they talk my ear off about the syllabus, I can't do that because they don't
Allow phones in a college classroom. That is ridiculous, bro Like i'm really out here being treated like a toddler. I'm little jimothy no phone like shut the hell I get it's a distraction and all but the end of the day bro is their choice now as for people in my classes when i'd walk into high school I'd at least know like some of the people in my classes, but in college. I don't know a single soul in my classes, bro
I would just do a little inspection of the room, you know, make sure everything's safe. No, no one's a school threat, you know, just just to be sure and then sometimes i'd see people with like the most exotic drip on and then as soon as they walk out of the classroom You bet your ass they're getting flamed like in high school hallways I just see people getting roasted because like the first day fit is supposed to be like your best fit like that's just how it is But then after the syllabus lecture it was time for ice breakers
Fuck icebreakers, bro. That shit is so ass the teacher will be like, all right Everyone introduce yourself name three things that are interesting about you and then one thing that you did cool this summer And i'd be like fuck dude, i don't even what are three things that are interesting about me I don't even know bro, and i'm not spilling the beans about my channel bro. Hell no So i'm just sitting there like oh fuck. What do I even say? So I just completely make it up. Hi. My name is birdie I visited family in nebraska this summer and I was like, oh
I was like, oh my... Nebraska? Out of any... Nebraska? There's like barely anyone there, bro. And it's just straight tumbleweeds for miles, bro. Three interesting things about me. Hmm, I don't know. Maybe the time I met John Cena. Yeah, it was a good one. I got into a skiing accident and broke my nose. And now I can't smell out my left nostril. And I actually ran my own restaurant. And then Gordon Ramsay came and he said it sucked. Because, I mean, let's keep it a stack. I don't know anything interesting about myself. Like, I'd be over there like...
"Uh, I have a dog." Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it just- it was not gonna work. It's gotten to the point where I come in with a prepared list of facts about myself, just like on a piece of paper. Like, I had every single possible bit of information you need to know about me on this fucking piece of paper. Like, I was not fucking with the icebreakers, bro. Hell nah. And then the next day, the teacher would be like, "Alright, take out your binder with 55 holes. I put it on the back-to-school shopping list. Hopefully you all got one." What?!
Like, since when does that even exist, bro? I remember one year when I went back to school shopping, I was looking for this exotic ass thing. I don't even remember what it was exactly, but I was just looking for it for so long. I went to every fucking store known to man to try and find it.
And then the next day when I walked in, the teacher was like, eh, don't worry about it. You don't really need it. I'm like, are you? You don't know how much I want to sock bro in the face in that moment. But anyways, they'd give us like the most exotic list. I swear it was like a fucking laundry list of items just so they didn't have to go and buy that stuff themselves. It has to be blue. It has to be exactly this size. And if you don't have that, I will not be accepting it. Like, bro, fuck off.
So at that point I was just accepting my fate. I was like, whatever. I didn't get this fucking laundry list of items. I'm done. But then at the end of the first class, they would hand out forms for picture day. I was like, oh my God, Brian want to do this is one of the worst parts about going back to school. Then my mom would be like, oh, picture days in a few days, you need an outfit. And then I would go shopping until I was looking like Ronald McDonald.
McDonald's straight off a fucking farm and then I would take a picture That was basically the routine and oh, yeah, and I also had to get a fresh cut too Like I was basically shaved almost bald sometimes and they were like that looks great birdie and I was like, yeah, it sure does Uh, thanks, you know, you're cutting his ass when your parents like it Then i'd walk in looking goofy as hell when it was time for picture day I would stand in front of the cameraman, you know He was getting a little bit too excited for some of the pictures. I'm not gonna lie to you
I mean, hey, bro, I looked like I came straight from Nebraska. So you know what? It made it look more believable. And when I would take a picture, like in elementary school and middle school, I had the most crooked teeth ever. Like I would just look at my pictures in the frame and be like, damn, bro, my teeth look like shit. And then my mom would have it on display for everyone to see in the house. Like it was kind of tough. Like one year, my picture was so bad, I literally had to retake it. And I wore a Bakugan shirt to the picture retake, bro.
I'm not making this up, bro. I'm so serious. I might have to just blur my face and show the fucking Bakugan shirt. It's so bad. But I mean, in high school, my pictures weren't really too bad. I would just smile awkwardly and move on. That was really it. And then when my parents would order them, they would order like fucking 25 of them. And they'd be like, oh yeah, we need a picture for everyone in the family. Uncle Rick needs one. Billy, your auntie Jess. I was like, damn, even my boy Uncle Rick is repping a picture of me in his crib. Who's that again?
Ah, it's Bernie. That's right. He's gotten so big. I don't even remember. And my entire family had a picture of display of me in a fucking Bakugan t-shirt, bro. That is crazy. But bro, after the first day, I was so mentally tired. Like I was not ready for this. I did not realize the life I was signing up for for the next 10 months. And not only that,
Bro, I came home with homework, bro. What is the fucking point of homework? There was just a bunch of things I had to get used to. Like waking up early to an alarm. That's really fucking annoying. Getting ready at a reasonably fast pace so I don't miss the bus. And if I did miss the bus, I'd be getting my ass whooped. And now, of course, I had to get used to taking in a bunch of
knowledge at once. Like I, I never learned shit over the summer. All I would do was just play video games and rot away. And then finally, when I was home, I had to do more work. I had to do homework, study. At this point, when I was in high school, I had my shitty retail job. I talked about in a video, I had to go to that after, and it was just a
Pain in the ass trying to balance everything on my schedule And i'm sure a lot of you with jobs in high school feel the same way like I was already drained after school I was not trying to go to work for eleven dollars an hour But obviously now that job is long gone for me I'm, just doing youtube in school and hopefully I can balance it this year and I would have to go to bed and do it all again The next day until friday. I just felt like I was living the same day over and over again Like I was actually going insane but to make it a little bit more bearable Here are some things that you should do when you go back to school
Join clubs or activities. You'll meet people that way, and if you're there and you have no friends or whatever the case may be, you'll meet people with similar interests. Don't chase girls or boys, trust me. The relationship's just not gonna last. You don't need one. Don't let anybody tell you that you do, and then we'll just get in the way of what's really important, like your academics and whatever you got going on for yourself.
If somebody tries to pressure you into doing something just don't give in bro Trust if someone brings you into the school bathroom and says yo, I got a pendulum Just say no and don't back down if you want to do it It's just gonna make the experience much worse if you really didn't want to do it in the first place And for those of you in high school, this advice is very important. All right, listen up stay strapped You don't want little timmies running around, you know what i'm talking about and for everybody going back to school Good luck out there want more videos to watch I have an entire playlist of videos just like this right here