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cover of episode E571 Adam Devine

E571 Adam Devine

2025/3/27
logo of podcast This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

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So that it just feels good and that you enjoy it and that you keep it and wear it for a long time. Yeah, those are really great. I want you to check them out. They're at TheoVonStore.com. And thank you for your support if you choose to purchase one. Today's guest is an actor. He's a comedian. He's a writer. He's, hell, he was hit by a damn car.

You know him from Workaholics and the Righteous Gemstones. He has his own podcast with the guys from Workaholics called This Is Important. It's always a fun time with my friend, Adam Devine. You just shower or is it the rain that got you a little wet?

I just showered, unfortunately. It looks good on you. I'm not afraid to say it. That wet look looks good on you, Theo. You think? Yeah, I'm not high in line. Let me see it. Pull it up. Let me get a gander at it. Oh, I don't know. Oh, damn, son. Yeah, I could just... Sorry. No, don't be. I like it. I haven't heard it in a while. I saw you stretching a little bit. Was that what I saw? Yeah, you did.

You got to stay limber for all the sitting we're doing. I'm getting at the age now where I can't sit for too long, dude. Really? Yeah, that sucks. What do you mean? Yeah, just sitting just fucking bothers me.

It bothers – yeah. You know, I do notice – I thought about this. Like we're not supposed to just be sitting around. Like imagine to say you went in the woods, right? Yeah. And you saw all the animals are having fun. Yep. Right? They always are. Yeah. Most of them are. Some of them are beating, killing. There's some – Yeah, some of them. But eating is fun though. Yeah. Most of them are having fun. Yeah. Yeah, there's violence. A lot of it's by the streams. And so you know kind of –

That's fun. Yeah, it's fun if you're into that. Yeah, and I think most animals, and I'm also into water. But that's where things get violent is down there. Oh, shit. That's what I'm saying is I think nature's a blast, right? Yeah. You see it. They're herding the animals. The woodpecker comes down. He makes noise, and people are like, get the fuck out of here. We want to sleep in. But you don't think for him that's kind of fun, though? It's just like, wake up, motherfucker. Yeah, he's obviously been using or whatever. He's one of the—

Animals that got a hold of a bag somewhere. Absolutely. Who else is rolling up like that? Just so early, just slamming their head against a wall. Yeah. And then taking off. Yeah. Unless he's like Morse coding a message from the heavens or from like ACDC or something, you know. But, you know, I'm sure every animal, they all conjoinively hate that MF-er. Conjoinively, I think they are.

When they see unless one person had to get up early for work and he's like, guys, I had to invite him. Yeah. And this we also we started to talk about this because of stretching.

We, I'm just saying, so stretching like is, um, Oh, you said sitting down. Yeah. So I'm just saying, yeah. I don't know if we're supposed to be sitting down. Like say if you went into nature and you saw a bunch of animals, they were doing stuff, scratching their backs on trees, eating berries and tickling each other or whatever. And then there's one animal off to the side who's sitting in a chair and he's vaping or working on his computer. Yep. You'd be like that. Anna, something's not right. It's not, he's going to have some achy hips. Yeah.

Because humans, they weren't sitting back in the day. That's what I'm saying. I mean, rocks, they're not comfortable. We have all these – we've made all these comfy chairs, get us all sloven, right? So that's what – I live in Orange County, so I drove up here to do this, among some other things. But I drove up here, and it took like an hour, 40 minutes. And then I get out of my car, and my hips are like – Yeah, my body starts to – the top starts to lean forward. Mm-hmm.

My top half of my body will start to lean forward like that. Yeah. Well, do you know, my body fell apart, dude. You know, I was hit by a cement truck when I was a kid. Were you really? I was, dude. And how full was it? It was a full cement truck. No way. Even if it wasn't a full cement truck, that's still fucked up. But it was a full one, dude. Full ones...

really bad i think 32 tons something like that oh my god yeah dude it's it hit me i ran over the like the first under the the wheels and then spit me out i flew 500 feet dude you're lying truths oh my god what's the longest field goal ever kicked that's insane bring that up yeah i probably i mean it has to be more than five no maybe not how long is the 66 yards so quick math

I think that's 1,000 feet. Quick math. No, what is that? 188. 188 feet. Oh, my God. So that's like more than double. Yeah. Wow. Oh, my God. Wow. What did you land in? I skidded up the street or down the street, however it goes. And I was hit in one county. Mm-hmm.

And I landed in another county because the street was like the dividing line between the counties. Still count. Yes. Still counts as, as a cool factoid. And is this the style you got hit by? Would you get hit by? Yeah, it was a similar style. Yeah. So I got taken under those wheels. Those Peterbilt are nice, huh? Yeah. That's a solid truck. Um, and now what happened were you, cause I have a friend who got hit by a train, right? And he's doing, it's funny. Oh yeah. I agree. Yeah.

He was doing great. He was listening to, I think, a lot of Morissette or something, walking with his headphones on. And he's like, isn't this ironic? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, don't you think? Because it's like listening to my song getting hit by a train. The craziest thing was he'd been listening also to Train earlier. See, that would actually be ironic. Yeah. But I think that joke only works if he had been listening to Train earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we dialed that one in. Yeah, we did a good job. But yeah, you believe that they're noise canceling and then you're like, no, they're not that noise canceling. He couldn't hear a train coming.

That's wild. But it's effective is all I'm saying. Those heavens are effective. Yeah. So you're walking – where are you when this happens? It was Omaha, Nebraska, and we were going across the street to get candy or whatever. And I mean true facts where we were going to –

We would steal pages out of Playboy or Penthouse magazines. And we were like, you know, 12, 11, 11. And, uh,

So that was our move. We would go there. We'd rip out. I don't know why we didn't just steal the magazine. Because the ripping sounds loud. It's way louder. But in little kid brain, I was like, it's not as bad if we only steal a few pages. That's fair. Like it's where we're going to get in less trouble if we get caught. Right. Like I got one page. I only got a couple of pages. I got like half a tit here, mom. I didn't steal a magazine. It's just a magazine.

magazine you still have the rest yeah yeah and they say they they buy it for the articles mom so i left the articles so uh we would do that and so my one friend was across the street or my two friends were across the street and they say come on and i took that as coast is clear

Coast wasn't clear. Yeah, three cementrics are going up the hill as two are coming down. And I couldn't see the other side of the street. It was like suburbs or new houses were sprouting up all over. So three were coming up, two were coming down. He yells, come on. I'm like, take his word for it. Walked out behind the third cementric.

Boom, bam, hot damn. Did you even have a second to see it or you were just lights out? I don't remember it. This is all what people have told me. My friend could have thrown me in front of the cement truck for all I know, but I don't think so. Danny Hendricks did not try to murder me, I don't think. Danny? Yeah. Or Dan-Dandy.

Or Dandy. Yeah, so that's like you have to me. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I don't think so. He's a good guy. But is he? What does he do now? He I mean, dude, I don't know what he does right now. Danny Hendricks. There he is. Wow. Great job, dude.

Staffy Ninja helps the medical labs located in a track, exceptional talent. So that's it. You know, he's got a real job. That's cool. He's got a nice smile. Yeah, he does. Very nice. Handsome guys got, uh, you didn't have to put his smile back together off of a street curb either. Yeah, that's true. Like I had to cobble my self to get back together, but, but, uh, yeah. So from that, all those injuries, uh,

And now, like, my body's just all fucked up. Well, how long were you in the hospital for, man? I was in for, like, a month and a half. But then I had, like, two dozen surgeries within a short. Dude, my legs are all fucked up. Look at this. It looks like uncooked chicken. Can I show you? Yeah. Does it gross you out? No, it's okay. I can see it. Okay. Wow, okay. That's a real deal right there. That's a flat. Yeah, that looks like some uncooked chicken meats.

Damn, homie's got a flat on there. Yeah. And is that a... Wow, can I touch that? Yeah, yeah, touch that. Oh my God, that's magic. It's really smooth, right? This is what like older ladies, this is what they want their skin not to look like, but to feel like. Yeah. Right? Touch it again. Oh, that's off-road skin. Yeah. But that's kind of smooth, right? Yeah. Touch that again. I don't think you're getting... Yeah.

Let me touch the underside. Yes, get the underbelly of it. I can't feel that, Theo. The underside tickles me a little touching it. I can't feel that. You can't really? No. So a lot of nerve damage. Was that thing just hanging on? What happened? Because that looks kind of rekindled. It looks like... And then this side isn't as bad. That one has a dip in, it looks like. Yeah, because this is like the actual muscle.

And then it dips here. Oh, my God. You know what it reminds me of? That Body Wars thing that comes to all the exhibits, you know, Body World. I think it's called Body World, I believe. And it's also – Body World is pretty incredible, man. It is kind of fascinating. There's one where they spliced a pregnant person. You have to. Oh, you have to splice a pregnant person. That's a new way to do a gender reveal, I think. But –

The exhibit is set up so that one starts at the skeletal system. It's an exhibition showcasing human bodies that have been preserved through a process called plastination and dissected to display bodily systems. It opened in Tampa, which is – I wouldn't have expected that.

There's a – Tampa, they allow a lot of stuff. Yeah, but it seems like a – I mean it seems like a thing that would sprout up in like Boston. Like some Harvard people were like, yo, let's start up this thing. Right. You know, Tampa –

It doesn't feel like it should. That's a good point. You know, but they may have won. Somebody won it in a lawsuit. I think it probably had to start in Florida, maybe based on legalities or something. Yeah, it was it was a divorce. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, someone's like, well, I'm I'm keeping the exhibit. So.

That idea we had, I'm keeping that and I'm running with it. The exhibit displays internal organs and organic systems, body stage and active poses and fetuses in various stages of development. It opened in 1995. Guess when I was – ran over, dude. 1995. You're lying. Uh-uh. Oh, my God. Maybe they read about me in the paper and were like, hey, I have an idea. Yeah.

Let's take this show on the road. Let's take it on the road. It's a hit. Yeah. I thought – I wonder if I – I won't shut up about getting hit by a symmetric. I hope I didn't retell that story. It's fascinating, man. No, I don't think so at all. And here's a little bit of Real Bodies exhibit, and you just get to see the texture. That's what this reminds you of. You have a very kind of beef jerky from the knees down. But smooth. But smooth. No, it's nice. It's not a hard jerky.

Well, it just also seems – you seem strong. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Do you think your body had to – your legs had to be stronger after this because – It was a ton of physical – like years and years and years of physical therapy. And what sucks now, dude, is I'm back in the physical therapy grind. Because of it? Yeah. Whatever happened – like three years ago, I was shooting this show in Germany and I like was wiggling around and I kicked my leg up and –

I was like ping and something pinged down here in my groin. I was like, I got my balls popping out, you know, like you have a hernia and like my insides are oozing out.

Not oozing out. They weren't. So then it was just something like got tweaked. And then it was just like bing, bing, bing, bing. And the muscles all got fucked up. And so I had two surgeries. I was like, it's my hips. I'm going to have – so I got hip surgeries on each side. It wasn't the hips. So it's been three years of like trying to cobble my body back together. And I was so fucked up and I was so tight and tense. And I was getting these spasms. I went to the doctor. The doctor one month before my son was born was like –

You're dying. Swear to God, Theo. He goes, you have stiff person syndrome, which is a real disease. It sounds like a boner joke, but it is not. And he's like, you got stiff person syndrome. And that essentially the like average lifespan of someone with stiff person syndrome is like five or six years. And I was like, I'm dying. I'm dying. So for a solid couple months, I was like,

My son is just born. I'm going to die. And what are you feeling like? You feel like a gingerbread cookie kind of style or like how stiff are you at that point? I'm a lot better now. I was so stiff. I couldn't like I could hurt. I like I would move and everything would go crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack. And it hurts to just move at all. And I would have these crazy spasms.

And like it would – they would have them in my stomach sometimes and it looks like I'm pregnant, like a little fucking arm is pushing out. It was wild. Bring some – stiff person syndrome. This is a real – It's a real – Celine Dion has it. So then I go through all this testing and then they were like, you know, we don't think you have this. We think this is from your accident. And I'm like, OK, thank God I don't have this.

And then I go through another six months. I'm on the set of The Righteous Gemstones. I'm not getting any better. In fact, I'm getting worse. And I tell Danny, I'm like, dude, I have to dip. I have to go see the stiff person syndrome guy. And it was so scary because he's the guy that's going to tell me if I actually have it or not. Oh, really? And I'm there. It's after hours. And they saw me special, you know. And I just hear his little click, clack, click, clack.

of his old man doctor shoes and he comes and he has those eyebrows that are like wizard-like. Yeah, like the eyebrows that like a bird will land on one. Yeah, absolutely. And you know if you have eyebrows like that, you're like – you have wisdom, right? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, people who trim their eyebrows are obviously dumb as fuck. Yeah, you're not. Yeah, dude. You got to let those things sprout. If you're lucky enough to have some wiry brows –

And so he comes and luckily he tells me I do not have it. So thank God. But it was like a wild ride where I'm like, I think I'm dying. It's like a verdict. Now I'm like –

It's from my accident. It sucks, but hopefully I can get better. So some of the mental fear is gone away because you got the verdict. And then I think from that, some of the physical has gotten a little better because the mental because I'm not just like because I wasn't sleeping. I was sleeping like three hours a night. I was just going online, sitting on the toilet and watching TikTok videos of like people with like that are like, I'm living with stiff person syndrome and it's.

I'm living an okay life. And you're like, oh, this is – I'm doing good. It's like I'm doing good. Somebody set me on a counter so I can look at the children or whatever. Yeah, totally. Totally. You're like Elf on a Shelf, dude. That's exactly what it was. And I'm like – and it's – I feel so bad for these people. And also in turn I'm like this is going to be me, dude. I'm going to like – my wife is just going to have to like wheel me into the living room as I watch my like little son –

walk for his first steps. You know, I think it's going to go like that, but luckily it's not. So that's been, since I saw you last dude, that's what I've been doing. And that's so stressful. I can imagine, man. I'm so sorry to go through that. Yeah. It's unbelievable. And where you started at, like, so that's why I was stretching. That's why you can get dysplasia too. That's one of the things that, um, so dogs get a lot. Well, a lot of Australian shepherds get it. My friend Scott has an Australian, uh, shepherd.

People say I'm an Australian shepherd as a human. I could see that a little bit. Dysplasia refers to abnormal development of growth of cells or tissues, which can be mild, moderate, or severe and can sometimes be a precursor to cancer. Oh. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I thought that was when your hips get all tight. Yeah, let's look up hip dysplasia. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, hip dysplasia. This guy is trying to upsell us. I thought that would always be like a kind of a cool name for like a 90s hip-hop group.

Hip dysplasia. Yeah. Hip dysplasia, a condition where the hip joint does not develop properly. Yeah. Resulting in abnormal fit between the ball and socket of the hip. The exact cause of hip dysplasia is unknown, but it may be related to genetics. Yep.

Position during pregnancy and history of hip dysplasia in the family. Don't have that. Thank God. God, dude. Yeah. Now, were there things where you're having to roll out your legs and stuff? Like, tell me some... I roll out every day. Dude, I have to roll out. Yeah. I carry around, like, the ball. The ball I really fuck with. I do...

I do acupuncture once a week. I do body work at least once a week. I do a thing called functional patterns, which is – it teaches you like how to stand properly using weights and different kind of things. And then I do regular physical therapy.

And that's about it right now. But like – and then I do chiropractor that hooks me up with like this machine that zaps you, like a TENS unit, like a stem pads. But like this is supposedly like the hot shit machine that zaps you even more. I don't know even what it does, but I'm like doing everything. So like right now when I'm not currently working on a project, it's like –

Five days a week all week physical therapy every week physical therapy type stuff. Yeah, man Yeah, that's like having another child. It's almost like having another child It's like having to take care of yourself like that is really extensive It's so annoying and then like I might do this movie and it shoots in South Africa Yeah, and I'm like running around and it's like an action sort of move and I'm like, oh am I gonna fuck myself up again? So now I'm like looking at projects

With a little side eye going like, can I handle this shit? Yeah. What about a calm project? Yeah. I need a nice chill. Peeping Tom type of thing. Oh, if I could get a Peeping Tom gig, dude. That's where I'd really shine. Hit him on the ladder.

letter. Yeah. If I'm just perched up in a tree, but I have like a nice chair, like a deer stand, you know, and, but it's just me and it was just like ogling someone. That'd be a good gig, dude. It's Sydney Sweeney or someone in it. I don't know. Or your wife. Yeah.

No, but look, it's just acting. Yeah, it's just acting on. It's just acting, babe. Oh, yeah, if you got January Johns in there, you got – who else can you put in there? A lot of people. A lot of people, dude. Rear Window, that's a – That's in Hitchcock, wasn't it? Rear Window? I think so. Yeah, that's true. Rear Window I think was about butt stuff, wasn't it? That was an early – An early anal film. One of the first anal films.

I think it was about proctology. It was like a proctologist. Oh, was it? Oh, I didn't know. A proctologist can't get his act together. Man, that's so wild. Thanks for sharing that, dude. When you were a kid, how long did it affect you? Like say after the accident happened, how long was it like a daily thing that affected you probably? Oh, for sure. I couldn't walk for about two years. But then eighth grade?

Your homie played football. Oh. Yep. Really? Yeah, it was so bad, dude. But they were like, yeah, he could play. And then it was just they made me an offensive lineman.

I can't move. It was just like, but I was pretty strong from all the physical therapy. Go around on it. Don't hit me. Yeah. But my mom, my mom was like so worried about me. Right. So she put shin guards on me and arm guards on me. So I was hitting people like, yeah.

You're like a soccer player. My dad was like, take your elbow and jam it underneath their chin. So it's just me going like, and they're like, and I actually, I was like kind of decent. Like it worked. It worked. You were the only guy out there who was just fucking high. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

what? That's crazy, dude. And the devilishness of your father to then... Oh, dude, my dad's a dirty dog, man. To guide you like that. Yeah. My dad, like, I don't know how your parents were, but my dad, I remember as a kid, I was getting bullied, you know, a little bit. I'm sure, dude. Yeah, but before, before the accident. Before? Yeah, I don't know. It was just like, there was a bully, right? Oh, yeah. And my dad was like, dude, does he...

he picks on you. Is he a lot bigger than you? And I'm like, he's way bigger than me. He was held back a grade. So this guy was like a fucking monster. And he was in like fourth grade. He's held back. He's a big dummy. Just let the dumb go with their friends. Let them go. That's the scary part when you keep, you're like, hey, this kid's coming back and now he's going to be, now he's mad. Now he's angry. Because everyone knows he's stupid. He's angry and dumb. Yeah.

Yeah, so now he's in my grade. And he... Fee, fie, foe, foe. Yeah, I smell the blood of Adam. And then he is like picking on me. And my dad was like, hit him as hard as you can in the face and then run away. He's like, try to knock him the fuck out. And then...

He's bigger than you. And I'm like, uh-huh. He's like, then get out of there. Right. So the next day, I was like, he was picking on me. And I just was like, blah. And I punched him right in the nose. Did not knock him out. But he didn't attack. He cried like a bitch. Yeah, he did. Yeah. And then I think I became his bully.

Which in turn – I've actually heard – I've told this story on my podcast. This is important. And I told that story and then I found through the grapevine that he thinks that I was his bully. He doesn't remember bullying me. He only remembers me bullying him afterwards because afterwards I just took my dad's advice. So he was like –

talking shit in class, I just got out a book and hit him in the back of the head. Yeah. Yeah. And like he was talking shit at the top of the stairs. I fucking kicked him. And he fell down the stairs, dislocated his shoulder. Yeah, dude. So I think I was like fucking really violent. Yeah. It sounds like you don't remember things correctly. Yeah. It sounds like you were a violent guy. It does. It does. But I thought in my head, he's the aggressor.

Maybe not. Maybe I'm a little piece of shit, but I thought I was in the right. But I was like, I'm smaller, so I have to be more violent or else I'm going to be the one getting my ass kicked. Yeah, we had a kid at after-school care. We went to religious after-school care because they would donate it to you if you prayed a lot or something. So a mom would get a couple prayers in, and then you got free care for the kids or whatever. Good deal. Oh, yeah, so she was hitting the –

Urinal or something? No, it's not a urinal. What is it? Where you pray. Confessional. Confessional, right? Way different than urinal. Yeah, definitely. God, I hope this – God, please make this piss come out right.

I'm so sorry. No, it's okay, dude. But yeah, so yeah, she would put up, she would like make a bunch of deposits in the confessional or whatever. And then they gave you free childcare for the afterschool, right? And we had this one kid named Jeep was his name. He was named after a vehicle, right? Yeah. So they named him Jeep. I was like, well, that's not how it works. But my buddy Scott's daddy was like, you know what? If he'd be a meanie, go up on that upper deck and hum a piece of concrete off at him.

And did you do that? I don't remember if we did it or not, but I just remember that advice being like, that is... Aggressive advice. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, Jeep was problematic and he would body slam other kids and stuff.

Yeah, it sucks, dude. Yeah, so – But everybody had a bully, man. But you talked about on a new podcast. You have a new podcast. Wait, I know this with the guys from Workaholics. You guys started a new podcast. That's right. It's not new. We've been doing it a while now, but – But did you re-pick it up or something? Yeah, we've just – we don't promote it. So we've just been doing it in silence. Okay.

Yeah, no one knows about it. It's called This is Important, but it's, yeah, me and the Workaholics guys, it's super fun. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun, dude. And what a way to keep that thing alive. What a way to keep an experience alive. Yeah, it's just a fun way to get together. It was during the pandemic, actually, we started it and we were like-

Dude, we never see each other anymore. We're bored. Let's just crank this bitch out. Bring up a photo of the gang right there with the pod. Yeah, I'm disimported. We're actually pitching a new show together. Really? Yeah, so the boys might be back.

Yeah. That's so cool. Yeah. We're, yeah, we're a great group. You got with too. Yeah. Yeah. It's rare that you have a show, right? Like work all, which was such a hit. And then you now get to have an experience where you guys are still kind of together, even podcasting. Right. And with Jim stones ending, um,

What's it like when something like big like that ends? Like what's it like when a project that you've done for a few years ends? Like I know even just doing a small movie that it was like the last day. It felt like the last day of school. And it was like – and we weren't even – we were kind of close, but it had only been maybe 30 days. But this is years of your life. What's that? Dude, it's way different. Like a movie – doing movies is so fun, right? Like it's a lot of work, like way more work than people –

They think it's all glitz and glamour. It kind of sucks. It's a nightmare. Yeah, it's a lot. It really is a nightmare. It's a living – you're up and you're down and you're up and you're down. You're almost like a zombie that has to do some stuff. I love it though. I love like putting all the little pieces together and you feel like you're the quarterback of a football team and the whole crew is working together and everybody is working for one common goal. But then when it wraps –

A movie, you really only spent like two months together or however long. And so it's like saying goodbye and it's difficult because you've made friends with some of these people. But then on a TV show, it's years and years of your life. And you really form like real friendships with some of these people. So I like that better in the way that – like some of these crew people, I'm going to know for the rest of my life. And then –

It's just nice to build a relationship. So that's what I love about TV and I'm like – I'm trying to pitch another show with the Workaholics guys and working on a few other projects that I hope I can get off the ground.

TV wise because it's nice just to have something that you can come back to every year and grow with the characters and have it morph over time. Like Gemstone's ending, like that show was a wild ride, dude. It got us through the pandemic, through two strikes, through all these ups and downs, all this turmoil. It was nice to come back and have this be –

you know, kind of home base. And I know you just recorded with Danny a couple weeks ago. Yeah, it was great. Oh, isn't he the best, dude? He's so great. I was a little bit nervous. I wish I had just talked about more regular stuff. We talked about like

some family stuff it was great yeah it was great you know you just always kind of have your druthers you know yeah yeah but i didn't know i had no clue he's gonna be like there's not a ton of stuff out there about him well he he likes to be mysterious you know and it's good he does a great job of it and he was talking about how like by not having social media and all that kind of stuff it just keeps him it lets him have his brain space for himself he's like you have to have time to be kind of just where your brain's not doing anything you know and he's so good about like

Doing what he does and not feel I think it's so easy just to be like I have to be everywhere I have to be doing I and I I feel this way sometimes I'm like

Why don't I have a Snapchat presence? I'm like, fucking Snapchat. Who am I? Yeah. I'm not like a 14-year-old TikTok girl. Like, I don't need to be a pedophile. Yeah, you'd be a pedophile if you had one. Yeah, I don't need to be a pedophile. I just want to. Everyone's doing it. It is Hollywood, man. It's Hollywood, man.

Yeah. So he's – and he's just the coolest boss, man. Is he? Yeah. You meet him and you're like – I was the same way. You're a little – on your heels, you're a little intimidated, right? Because he's such a presence. And I remember the first time I met him, I was – it was at an after party with

for like This Is The End or something. And we were doing a movie that Seth Rogen produced, Game Over Man, which I did with the Workaholics guys. And so we were there at the after party and I was trying to smoke with Seth, like go toe-to-toe with him. And I smoke weed. I'm good at smoking weed, I would say. Not as good as Seth Rogen. Yeah, he looks like he's part of a joint. Yes, he looks like a human joint. And so I'm like in a fucking...

day is fully crossfaded. And also he doesn't drink, but I do. So I'm like just guzzling vodka while still trying to keep up with him. And through this- And you have stiff person syndrome. So you're fucking- This is pre-stiff person. Okay. This is pre my stiff. But-

Out through this cloud emerges Danny McBride. And he's on like my Mount Rushmore, you know, a favorite comedian. And just seeing him walk up, he just has this – everything that he says is his character. So it's like – Yeah. It's just him. Yeah. And I was like on my heels. And so I go, you're Danny McBride. And he's like, dude, yeah, I know. And he's like, hey, man, nice to meet you. And then I looked at him and I said –

You're a bright shooting star. What? Like, what the fuck, dude? You're a bright shooting star. I said... I told him you're a bright shooting star, which I think is like a... Native American type of thing. It might be a Native American, but it's also like, I think, from...

Boogie nights or something and so I could said you're a bright shooting star and He's like yeah, okay, man And I grabbed my girlfriend at the time and I was like we have to leave to leave and she was like I'm having a good time Why are we leaving? I'm like, I just called Danny McBride a bright shooting star. Yeah, and she was like you're right. Let's get out of here

Like, yeah, fucking you're out of your mind, dude. Let's get out of it. But he but when he cast me on the show, he did not remember that. I think he also was pretty crossfaded as well. So he didn't remember that. He might have been cooking with Seth. Yeah, he might have been also cooking with Seth. So dang, dude, that's crazy. Yeah. So thank you. Thank God. Yeah. Are you ready to win real money this March mania tourney?

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Check out the Ramsey show weekdays on YouTube podcasts, or click the link in the show notes. Yeah. He just like, I don't know. It's tough. Cause you, it's tough. Cause you want to impress him, but you also want to just learn about him. There was a lot of little stuff and to know that he liked Ramsey.

The directing side and the thinking about and the program that he thinks about that more than it seems like he does probably the acting side. Not as a judgment or anything. No, no, no. That's right. That's the stuff that he talked about why he even got into things. That's the stuff that he likes the most. He's like, I won't really go back and watch things. I like to just –

be there in that moment when things are trying to, are chaotic and how do we figure it out? And I was like, wow, that's kind of fascinating. He's a really smart guy. He went to film school first and like, so he came into the business wanting to be a writer and a director.

And that's what I wanted to do too. And I remember telling my mom, I'm like, I think I want to go to film school. That way I can learn the other side and then put myself as the lead in projects. And then I could have all the creative control. And my mom, bless her heart, was just like,

You're an actor. Just go be an actor. He was like dunking on me a little bit like, okay, dummy. Just go be the actor. Yeah. You've already been hit by the cement truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not push our luck here. Okay. Yeah. Next, all you need is a lumber truck and it's a wrap, dude. Yeah, dude. A freaking steamroller.

Dang, dude. So Jim Stones is – but no, yeah, getting to see him. Well, it was funny because I went in the lobby and they were waiting in the front room. And they're like, Danny's here and we're trying to get ready a little bit and it's been a long week. And I go in there and he's just pretending that he's sleeping in the chair. It's just so funny. Kind of something a kid would do, you know? Yeah.

He's the best. It was just like, you know, I walked in there and there's been a hundred guests in there and never once has one just pretended that they're sleeping. Dude, he'll like when you're on, he likes to keep things light and fun. And but he's also just like he's like a little rascal, you know. And so you'll be shooting your side of a take. Right. And it's over his shoulder and he'll just go. Yeah.

Like as you're trying to act and you're like, what the – like, dude. And he's like the guy that will break the most. Oh, yeah? And I think it's like to keep things light. And also he just thinks like he's such a good – like such a giver that like he wants you to know that he thinks it's funny. So –

Yeah, he gave me a cock light, a little light that can do cocks with it. That's sick. That was great. You need that, honestly. He had like a little wiener laser or whatever. It was like – you know how they have that light you can shine on somebody at like a – somebody who's giving a conference or whatever? Like a laser pointer. Yeah, and you shine it on them and then like – Circle his dick with it. Social security comes up and rescues them or whatever so they don't get shot or whatever? Yeah. Well – Secret service. I don't think social security is wrong. Sorry. Yeah.

Actually, Social Security apparently is taking it out of business or whatever. Yeah, it's nowhere to be found. So it's just going to be your grandma being like, what? I need this to survive. Here's a cock light instead.

Yeah, that's what Social Security is going to send you a gift each month. Yeah. Like, hey, we don't have money anymore. They took that. But here's a cock light. Those days are over. But yeah, I mean, maybe for some people worth it. What about this labia nightlight? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, this was it. It projects five different dicks. And I didn't know that. He didn't take me through all the cocks. He showed me that one right there. I feel like this is something that you need to spend some time with. I feel like you got to dust that one off and play with it a little bit. I brought it to Las Vegas with me this weekend.

And I was even using it during some of the fights. I would low-key – people didn't know it. Oh, that's fun. But like there were some of the fights where I would flash a cock on somebody. Which is crazy. I'm sure you get weird gifs like this all the time. I get weird shit constantly. Like where they want you to talk about it on your podcast or they – you know what I'm saying.

I just got this – it was like offensive. There was this dildo company or something, like a sex toy company, and they sent me one that it's to fit over your dick so you have a bigger dick. It was called the Little More, and you strap it onto your dick so your dick is bigger. And I'm like, why was I singled out as the guy –

A little more. Yeah, I think, is this it? Maybe, maybe. Yeah, so you strap it on, you put it under your nuts through a little hole. Oh, you put your nuts into it as well? Yeah, underneath so it can stay on. Oh, I see. So you kind of put your nuts through a hole and then it stays on top? And then it stays on top. So do you even need to use your own? Not that I've tried it on. No.

Not that I know everything about it. Is it a 41 regular? What size is it? It's a 42 short. It's stocky like me. Just a short, stocky little. Yeah, that's exactly. It was amazing. I like a little more five and a half inches. That's so sad, dude. If that's your little more. Hey, you know, I guess that person would really need it.

Like it's a smart car. Totally. Totally. That's, that's something that your wife or girlfriend gives you. I like that. That one sold out. Oh yeah. That one sold out there. They ran out of those. They're like, that means you have to have like a four inch dick.

And you want to rock up to five and a half? Five and a half. Yeah, for like your wedding or whatever? Yeah, for a big event. I wonder if I would like – I guess it's kind of nice because then your wiener could not even have to be erect. You can kind of be soft as long as you're able to fit the mold and just rock this thing. Yeah, that's good if you're like – you're a little jet-lagged. You're a little tired. Oh, yeah. I've been jet-lagged for 20 years then. Yeah, and then you're like – you don't –

really want to give it up but then you know but these women crawling all over you know oh my god it's it's exhausting oh you gotta smash them just to keep them off the ceiling fan you know for real i know i know exactly what you mean no dude i'm married i have a one-year-old baby my wife is like please stop yeah touching me for for 18 more years do not touch me

There we are. We're a beautiful family. We're a beautiful family. Wow, dude. That must be nice to have a beautiful family. It is. Is that a real picture? That's a real. That's our living room. Yeah. Y'all have a boat? Yeah, dude. You're lying. God.

Oh my god. That's what happens when you have stiff person syndrome. You're like, you know what? I'm basically a retiree now. Now I just stretch. I do like yoga in my backyard and then I take boats out. They just tie you to the front like in that – what about Bob? Yeah. I'm exactly like that. Your character in – congratulations too on your family. Yeah.

Thanks, dude. How soon after a wife has one child do they want to – is there a strategy there that starts to come in? Like do we have another one immediately? Do we hold off? Yes. Because you don't want to have an only child I don't think. We don't. We want a two-banger, the one-two punch, and I think we want to try to go fairly soon just to –

Pound it out. Yeah, keep the things going. Once you're used to doing diapers, I'm like, let's keep this thing rolling. I know how to do whip. I know how to do this quick like. You don't want to get out of the diaper phase and then suddenly you're like, oh, if I do this again. You have to dust them off or whatever. Yeah, you're like, yeah. But like how do I even –

Yeah. What are we doing? What are we doing here, dude? Yeah. I guess that's true. Knock them all out. We just had Candace Owens on. She has had four kids in a row. One, two, three, four. She's on her fourth child right now. That's a lot. Per year. So it's just like – Oh, that's a lot. Yeah. At that point, you're kind of running a distillery it seems like. Yeah. That's too much. Well, I feel like it finally got to the point that like my wife is allowing me to touch her –

A little bit. Right. Like sometimes. So then I know if like we run it back and have another kid, then it's off the table for another year. Yeah. You know.

So that sucks. But it kind of fits. So with your Gemstones character, your Gemstones character is now fully a homosexual male, right? That is right. That is right. And what's that been like? What's that journey been like? Like how did you get – did you – My wife doesn't love it. She's not super attracted to that guy. Yeah, it was – you know, it was –

It kind of seemed like it was going that way. And it was really fun to play like a character that had like a secret, you know? A little secret that I didn't want to divulge. So it was nice this season. I'm out. I'm proud. And I can just like be –

Because I don't know about you, but I have like some gay family members. And when they finally came out, it was like they were they had a new lease on life. They just seemed happier. They like a new personality emerged from their cocoon. They broke out of the hetero shell and now they can just be gay. Yeah. And so it was super fun to play that. Dang. Yeah.

Yeah, and do you have to – did you have to like channel any specialty or special gay folks or do you call a gay that you – or a gay person? Did you contact some other gay people? Did you take like a small like a weekend retreat or something? Is there any – No, I didn't. Yeah, there wasn't a lot of gay – Like channeling. Yeah, it was mostly just acting. I didn't go on any gay retreats.

Not that I'm opposed to it. No, I'm just wondering, did you... And do you have to ask, like, is there like a...

Because sometimes with some black stuff, if you want to use the N-word, you have to get a pass. Yeah, you really need a lot of cosigners on that. Yeah, definitely. Like a lot. There'd have to be like a long list. It was like all these people said I could say it. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, I was just wondering, do you have to get a gay pass from an acting guild or anything to play? No, I think I just did it. I hope I don't get in trouble. Yeah, fuck. Now that you're kind of airing it out, I'm a little bit like –

Did I do them dirty? But I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah. I have some gay friends and they were like, it's great. You're good. Fantastic. Yeah. Because I think I walked the line of being a little flamboyant in moments, but then not in other moments as a gay man. Yeah. And as your character, let's bring his character up to here just so we can get a gander at him as well. I also have been pulling some look.

The last couple of years. For sure. My fashions are on point. Yeah. I think there was it was not shocking. I don't think to people that your character could have this going on. Yeah. Because there's also there's always a surprise gay person in a lot of religious families.

Absolutely. And look at this. Look at that guy. Look at that sex pot. I mean, that guy could be 7 or 41. That's exactly how old I am. And this guy's been fucking...

This is unbelievable that this even exists. Yeah, dude. I know. It was such a fun character to play. You know where I channeled the character was a lot of wrist work. Like I just do – because when you're acting, for me, if I'm not playing like Adam DeMamp from Workaholics was pretty similar to myself, just the more manic version of myself, you know?

So I didn't have to do a lot. But other characters where I'm like, he's different than me. I have to find something where I can click in physically. I found like just doing different things with my hands. I would be able to channel him in ways that I that isn't me. Yeah.

I can totally relate to that. Like sometimes when you go to costumes for a part and you'll try on different ones and then you'll put on like a certain outfit or something to have you in. You're like, oh, this is kind of it. And you start to feel a little bit different or you'll like kind of like if you walk around. You hold yourself a little differently. You strut around a little differently. Yeah. For me, it was on Gemstones. I got – they gave me these – well, I actually requested them. You know how like –

certain people will wear glasses even though they don't have anything wrong with their eyes. Yeah, I'll do that. It's like a fashion thing. And so you put them on and just like... Look at these. I'll leave them to you right now. Well, those are sunglasses. You just look cool.

Oh, you're saying just any type of glasses? Just like regular glasses. Okay. No sun. Window glasses. Regular window glasses. And you put them on just for like a fashion sake. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've done that. Yeah. So that to me, when I put that on, I like became a different character. Yeah. I was like doing a little bit of a thing. Yeah. And that's how I morphed into –

Kelvin Jamstone. Well, a lot of, there's a lot of gay activity in nature as well, you know, if they... Back to nature, dude. By the stream, they're either killing each other or they're fucksing. They just had two humpback whales, if you can find that, having sex, and they're both males. So this is... So I'm just saying, gemstones...

inspired them is not the only people that are finding themselves. Yeah. Right. Two male humpback whales are seen mating off the coast of Hawaii. Of course. Yeah. Obviously. Oh dude, I'm in Hawaii. I'll fuck anything. Yeah. When biologist Stephanie stack first saw the photographs of two humpback whales mating in the warm waters of Hawaii, she says her mind was completely blown when I realized that it was two males. It was not what I was expecting.

I thought, oh my gosh, this is incredible. Says this is the first, she's a biologist at the Pacific Whale Foundation in Maui, which sounds like a

that Doge is going to bust soon, says this is the first time humpback whale sex has been documented. She co-authored a paper about the rare sighting in the journal Marine Mammal Science. Yeah, Elon's going to be like, so we've given $2 billion for gay whale porn? Yeah.

And we only have one photo. Yeah, one photo. If they had a lot of films that could make money on Pornhub, then we'd keep it going. But we got one pic. We got one. It's not worth it. You can't even open up an OnlyFans. Yeah, that sucks, dude. That's ridiculous. You know there's an OnlyFans? I just saw this morning one of the girls on Harry Potter started an OnlyFans. Uh-oh. Yeah. I mean, I don't know –

Her? I don't know. Potter's got less hair. That's all I'm saying, dude. That's all I'm saying. Allegedly. And these are rumors. I don't remember the girl's name. It wasn't Hermione. It wasn't the number one stunner. Oh. Jessie Cave. Jessie Cave. Hermione. Jessie Cave. Harry Potter star Jessie Cave says she's now an OnlyFans now and her reason why is pretty understandable. Yeah. It's understandable. I think she said she wanted a new roof or something. Like she was going to.

Do some home remods? Oh, yeah. Which, by the way, I've done some home remods. It's expensive, dude. It's 50 racks for a roof. It's probably 30 racks for a roof, maybe. Yeah, dude. No, I just did it. It's 80. Nuh-uh. 80 for a roof? 80 for my roof, yeah. How strong is it? I guess a really strong one. There's, what do they call those, clay...

What are they called? Three Little Pigs Roofers. We used to have that group. Oh, I don't know. Yeah, we didn't get that. I wonder if I could start an OnlyFans just showing off my calves. Oh, yeah. You know, I only got four toes. Nuh-uh. Fell off in the bathtub, homie. After the accident? After the accident. Oh!

My dad was missing a nut or something. One of his little arms or finger. Finger, they call it. Hand arms. Yeah, one of the hand arms. Dude, I got hit by a Trans Am when I was a kid. Not to the effect of you. With Trans Am, does that have the firebird on it? It was Silver Trans Am. Bring it up. Silver Trans Am 19...

I would say probably 85. Put up an 85 Trans Am. Well, that's kind of sick. That's a cool car to get hit by. It had an aftermarket hood on it. And Joe Dirt was driving it, and that's why you're like, I've got to work with Spade. I got slammed right into Joe Dirt. This is sick, dude. I actually wouldn't mind owning that car. That bitch was tough. Yeah, that's a sick car to get hit by. But you have a cool old car, don't you?

No, I used to have, I mean, not even old. It was like, I just didn't buy a new one. I used to have a Camaro. Oh yeah. Did you have, yeah, I had a, but it was like 2010. Yeah. There's my foot. There's my foot. That's my foot. And it's darker, huh? Yeah. I think it was just the lighting. My it's, it's pretty normal looking. I mean, normal for my legs. It looks fast. Yeah.

Yeah, it looks like those toes can grab something. Like I can reach out like you throw me a ball and I go, yeah, just snag it out of the gear. But they can't catch things. They're just regular toes.

It fell out – it fell off. I've told this on my podcast, but it fell off in the bathtub when I was masturbating for one of the first times in my life. You're lying. Seventh grade, I was masturbating. I just learned that my penis did tricks, and I was playing with it, and it fell off in the bathtub, dude. Baby girl, why? Yeah.

Yeah. And what, I don't understand how did it, were you taking blood flow from that area into your wing? Like what was happening? It was, it was hanging on by a thread and they said that it was either going to

Grow like attach and and it was gonna be fine or more than likely was so shard charred It was just gonna float it was just gonna flop off and it was I mean this is gross But it was maybe one of the first times I ejaculated and I'm in this bathtub and I'm like oh this is gross There's stuff in here now I'm in this bathtub and then I see the toga little toe just floating in the glunk Yeah

And did they meet up? They were, yeah, they were swimming together. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty nasty. Why? Kind of a nasty dude. You would think that it would be able to help it. Yeah, all of a sudden it just like regrows. Yeah, all of a sudden it grows a toenail.

And then it turns beautiful pink and I just reattach it. I screamed out and then my mom came in and it was like, oh, well, and I'm like my toe. And then she's trying to fish the toe out. And I'm like, get out of here. Get out. It was it was wild. Oh, yeah. Did you tell your well, now your mom knows what happened. Have you masturbated since then or no? Yeah. A few times. A couple of times. Yeah. Yeah.

I do. I do. I'm not afraid to admit. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. It's normal. I like it. I don't like it that I used to like it. And now I'm like, what are we doing? Yeah, I understand that. And I get that. And that's how a normal man should be. But I'm like, when I'm away, like I get a wife and kid at home. Now, if I'm on the road doing something, I'm like.

Daddy's alone. Yeah, you know some sweet treats come for some hand magic They stopped giving lotion in hotels a lot of hotels. They don't have the lotion nearby really these have a small free thing of lotion They used to always have the lotion now the last few hotels. I've been in nice hotels. Oh

They don't have the lotion. I think too many people were jerking off. They were like trying to cut the jerk off numbers. They're trying to knock those down. I wonder if there's a shortage or something. Yeah, maybe. It's probably Doge. Yeah. Like, what do we do? We're spending all this money on lotion. Like no more. We spent four billion dollars on lotion. How do we subsidize lotion, dude?

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Yeah, it is funny. One of them was like $2 million to eliminate some of the alphabet from Mozambique or whatever. I was like, what? Isn't Doge a meme coin? I thought it was. So it's funny that it's also like we're going with this for the name. Whoever owns the Doge coin is probably kind of stoked that they're getting all this free pub. Free publicity for sure. Because they just started advertising it.

Yeah. Rock bottom, dude. You know what? I will say this because they need different types of because your gemstone character, his job is he's youth pastor.

Yeah. Well, now I think he's just – he runs like a sect of the church called Prism. So it's very inclusive. So like if you're gay or non-binary or whatever, something – someone who's been othered by society, you now can join Prism and God's light will shine through me and I shoot the rainbow onto you. Ooh, baby. I love that. We need that. We need –

Like when I was younger, there's only like a couple types of gay guys kind of there was like, or it just seemed like there was now we need more like, you know, you need more. There's all different types. Yeah. There's all different types. Now I understand what you're saying. Like when you're a kid, what you see on like movies and stuff, there's only like, like a secret gay guy. Yeah. There's a secret, like don't tell. And then like a guy, gay guy who's so straight that you're like, he's not gay. And then,

the most flamboyant man alive. Yeah. And then a woodpecker. And then a woodpecker, yes. Yeah, a guy would just come to, yeah, a guy was like, waking people up. Yeah, will not shut up about how gay they are. Yeah, he keeps just talking about Jessica Simpson all the time. I mean, if you were to pick...

That would maybe the last pop star that I was going to think you're going to pull out of the crate. But yeah. But now there's like gay construction workers. There's gay like people that are archers. Yeah, I think there always kind of was. But now you know. Now you know. Yeah. And now you can even in church have a gay section of church, right? Apparently, according to –

The Righteous Shemstones. I don't know if other churches are doing this. I think they should. They should allow if there's just, you know, or maybe they don't have to make it exclusive or include just make it. But I don't even think you need a section. Right. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But now there's more like, yeah, there's just more gay people everywhere now and more common. I like to see even more like I would love to see gay train conductor or. That's what my dad was. Really? Yeah. He was a train conductor. Uh-huh.

Yeah, I think – you know what I'm sick of is you watch a movie. I wonder if he hit my friend, dude. I mean now that you say it, it rings a bell for me. He didn't hit your friend, but he did – he has murdered people. Really? Yeah. With a train? With a train. Unreal. With a train. Yeah, he would say that you go – he was like, it's so gross, obviously. And my dad is so funny. He's like, yeah, tell you what. I'm like a little kid. He's told me this story. He's like –

hit a hobo. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, what? And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, oh, is he alive? I'm a little kid. So I'm like, is he alive? And he's like, no. Looked underneath the train. I'm like, geez, looks like ground beef. I was like, we could make, grill up some burgers with this bum. And I'm like, geez, chill, dude. This is a human being. Who wants a bum on a bun? Yeah.

Yeah, so he's murdered. Bum fights? How about bum with fries? Like what, dude? I can't believe that. A happy meal. A very unhappy meal. Where was he? In what district was he hitting people in or what section of the country did he even? I think this was Iowa, Nebraska zones. Yeah, so that's a good area to if you know.

I feel like bums be passing out on train tracks there. If you were to think of like a classic –

be sleeping on train tracks, that would – you think of that area. That's the realm. Yeah. Why do people – it amazes me that people get hit on train tracks. It's like that's the only place – you can be five feet away from there. Just don't fall asleep there. Like why there? I don't know. I wonder if it's warm. Maybe the tracks are – they conduct some warmth because the trains go up and down them. Maybe. I was just also maybe 15 feet away. Right.

Right. Right. And maybe or and cover yourself up. You know, there's usually rocks along the side. Just cover yourself up with the rocks. Yeah. Off to the side. Right. Stay warm. That seems I agree. Yeah. Look at this warm guy on these rocks. Yeah, dude. I think. Do you think you would be a good homeless person? I think you get the hang of it quick. I think I would commandeer an area of a park. That's what I would do. I would find a park.

Stay in it for a couple days and see like an area where nobody really goes. See, that's the hard part because in L.A.,

There's people everywhere. You got to go – and maybe some of these fires were – I mean I don't know. I'm not pointing blame, but like it would make sense. I know if I was a homeless guy, I'd be up in them hills, man. I'd be up in them hills. I'd be covered in like coyote skins because I've gone on some hunts, right? And you're just – and then you have a little bonfire and you're just roasting coyotes and stuff for food. Yolks, they call them.

Roasting some Yotes. And then you maybe have your own little barbecue stand, but only for other homeless people. And they're like, oh shit, I got to roll up in them hills, get some Yotes, get a Yotes burger. Ron's slinging Yotes, yeah. Ron's got a fresh batch of Yote on the grill. Yeah, so that's kind of what I think I'd be doing. So you'd be high-end homeless then? Well, I think if you're going to be homeless, you want to be high-end.

end but they're gonna call the police immediately poor people would be like oh there's a you know that's gonna be me in a week but rich people like get this guy get this guy out of here but you have to be so up in the hills they don't even know you're there and you're and you're you know you're killing yotes so you're like doing a service like rich people don't want yotes around because they kill the dog they kill like little dogs and stuff you

You could tell him straight up, hey, I'm going to be back behind your house. I'll live back there every now and then. If you have some used Burberry or whatever, throw it back there. I think that's how you have to do it because you don't want anyone – no one wants just someone living right behind their house and they don't know the guy. Like you want to be like, hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up? I'm Theo. I'm going to be living directly behind your house. I'm going to be on the lookout for yotes. Yeah, I'll be calm. I'll be quiet. I'll fend off woodpeckers. You'll sleep. If you got like a dirty blanket or something that you don't want anymore, toss it my way. Bag of limes or something. But I'm not asking for anything. I'm not asking. I'm just out here. I'm protecting your home, honestly. If you hear somebody singing Jewel once in a while, that's me. Yes. Just singing these foodies.

Foolish games. Yeah. And also that's a beautiful song. So they might, they might. Yeah. I think there is a way to live symbiotically with homeless people. I think the problem is in some districts, homeless people start to battle against each other. Yeah. Homeless territory. Can you bring up some of that? I don't like that. Territorial fights. Oh yeah. There's straight wars, dude. Well, there's a lot of that.

And there was a group of homeless people that attacked a Renaissance fair one weekend. Really? You couldn't tell who's who? Like you don't know who's fighting who? You're like either he's Renaissance guy or he's homeless. I know he's covered in fur and eating a turkey leg, but –

That's either a turkey leg or a yote leg. I'm not sure which one it is. The yotes are thick. That's all I'm saying. You got some thick yotes in them hills. Let's go to this quora right there. It says the top one. It says, do homeless people ever get territorial? Yeah, dude. Most hobos have a campsite tread softly. They know their area extremely well. And I've seen a couple of really interesting alert systems. Alert systems. I've heard of some being booby trapped. I've never encountered that myself.

Okay, and I like that on this forum we're bringing back the word hobo because I don't think hobo is a derogatory term. In fact, if I was homeless, you know how now you have to say there's like a new term for homeless? It's called like unhoused. Unhoused, I think. Right.

I think hobo's better. Hobo's like a fun, like, you think you have a stick and a knapsack, you're riding the rails. Yeah, it's like a more fun term, I personally. Who's got a tangerine for Danny? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, that's the kind of shit, yeah. Oh, God, being a hobo. My buddy rode on trains. He jumped train cars for a little while. I think that'd be fun to do. He said one of the problems is, though, this is one of the big mistakes that hobos make.

Because are hobos technically people that ride the trains? Is that who it is? That rings a bell. Bring up hobos. How do they travel mostly? My dad said that part of his job was to go up, walk up and down the trains and kick them out. And my dad was like, I'd let him sleep. He's a good man. It's just crazy. You're dead. What's up, Dennis?

That your dad hit people with trains and then you got hit by something. Yeah. A hobo is a migrant worker in the United States. Hobos, tramps, and bums are generally regarded as related.

But distinct, a hobo travels and is willing to work. A tramp travels but avoids work impossible. A bum neither travels nor works. Yeah. So, yeah, bums, that kind of – I mean you don't want to be called a bum. If they call you a bum, you're like offended. I don't travel. I don't work. I don't do anything. A hobo is like, hey, I'm getting out there. I'm mixing it up. I'm willing to work. Yeah. I'm willing to work. I'm willing to work. I'll travel. Yeah, will travel. Yeah.

But the whole – I think one of the things is a lot of them die in the train cars because they close the door and they don't realize that they can't unlock it from the inside. Yes, and it gets super hot or super cold. Yeah, and also my dad says sometimes there are grain cars and you can climb up and then the grain is like open and you can climb in and then you sink into the grain. No. Yeah, so they'll die that way too. Yeah.

Took your coat off and stood in the grain. I don't know that song. Was that something you just made up? Crazy like that. This is Lemore Jewel. Oh, dude. I wish I knew more Jewel. I wish I had a deeper knowledge of Jewel. You know, my house was just broken into the other day, dude. What? Yeah. My house was... The house we just saw the photo in with the baby and the boat in the yard? Different house. Different house. Wow. I have a house in Hollywood. Wow.

And, yeah, they broke into my house in and out in under eight minutes. Pros, dude. That's a long – eight minutes? Eight minutes. Bang. Adam Devine, cops take a scary spill. This is the second part of this story. Okay. So then I get – they rob my house, and then they totally destroyed my security system. By the way, security system didn't do shit. They dismantled it like that. These guys are pros. They just came in. They cut some wires. It was done. And –

Then they were gone. So I'm like, I've got to redo my security system. So I pay for them to come and set up the whole thing again. And, uh,

And then the cops come because they didn't do it right. The alarm goes off. I'm out of town. So the cops come. They're checking the property. This poor cop falls 15 or so feet like trying to check out my property, breaks his arm. No. Gun goes flying. Baton goes in a bush. Dude. Did they catch it? It's a gnarly fall. No. So when the alarm goes off –

There was no one there. I get a call and the cop's like, hey, do you mind if we walk through your doors unlocked? I'm like, oh, did I get robbed again for the second time in two weeks? And he's like, can I walk through your property? So I'm like, sure. He walks through. I don't get a call. And then my neighbor calls me and he's like, hey, is everything OK? He sends me a video of this. I'll show you later of this cop.

Absolutely eating shit. I felt so bad for him. Also, like, you don't want the cops to hate you. Right. And did he fall off of something, off of a ledge or something? Yeah, so how they broke into my house was also where they were checking. You can climb up the side of this hill to get in my bedroom, and they, like, smashed a window to get in. But the cops, when they put the window back in, my contractor didn't lock my door like a fucking bonehead, right? Yeah.

So like a true hobo move. That's more of a tramp move. Yeah, that is a tramp move. That's a tramp move. Bomb move almost. Almost. I won't say that because that's too offensive to my contractor. But that was a tramp move, Greg. God, why'd you do it? Yeah. So the cop went what? One cop went in the house, didn't find anyone lurking. And then the other cop went.

I guess he was being a nice dude. He was like, I got some mud on my shoes. I don't want to tramp through this guy's home. So he tries to climb back down, split splat, falls 15 feet. He gets up, his arms kind of dangling like this. And the other cop is down there. He's like, are you okay? He doesn't say, you know, when you're in a lot of pain, you don't say a word. Like a lot of like, you make a sound that doesn't have any sound. Yeah. It's like,

And so he didn't say anything. And I was like, oh, this guy's, he's not feeling right. Yeah. Felt bad for the poor guy. And did the burglars steal a lot of things that were important or no? No, they, I mean, it was just like TVs and shit. Not even. They were like, they were like in and out in eight minutes. They stole like my wife's purses and stuff, which by the way, I didn't know how much purses were. I was a little offended that this woman has this many purses. I was like, oh, there's just a few purses. And then she told me how much purses cost. I'm like,

you gotta stop buying purses lady yeah damn you're not gonna have anything to put in the purses yeah exactly i'm like the point of a purse is to hold the things that are important but evidently the important thing is the outside i didn't know that that's kind of crazy it's kind of an anomaly for what life is like or whatever i don't know if anomalies are right word but that's unbelievable dude yeah yeah so it sucks his second time that house has been robbed i'm a little bummed hmm so i wonder if that's just happening more now do you hear your neighbors and stuff talking about it or yeah so uh blake

In his neighborhood has been a lot of thieves in the midst as well. They're saying it's like gangs. Like gangs are coming in and they know their shit because these guys took my internet down. They had an internet blocker. So they pulled up, disconnected the internet. So that way the alarms won't go off or anything. Yeah, and so they – well, the alarm would go off, but the ring cameras went down. Oh.

So, like, I didn't even know. I didn't even know it was robbed until my gardener was, like, cleaning and was gardening. And he was like, Mr. Adam, I don't think there should be a hole in your window. But it was right after those big winds we had, the El Ninos. Oh, God. The Santa Anas. You've been through a lot. And I was like, did a rock fly through the window? Yeah. What could have happened? Yeah. I was like, yeah, what flew through? Did a mango? Did an orange? Yeah.

Fly through this window? Was it a run by fruitine? You know? But it wasn't. It was a criminal organization. God. Yeah, dude. I wonder if they're tracking people, knowing when people are out of town, especially if they're actors and stuff, if they're working at certain times or just. Yeah, maybe. It's a brave move just to climb up somebody's balcony and see what's going on. Dude, it was at 821 p.m. Like a time when people are out walking dogs and stuff.

So, yeah, they would have been home. Yeah, it would have been home. Yeah, just Chito Vera just had somebody pull up on him. You see that video? He's a UFC fighter and he was working in his truck. This is pretty crazy. Professional UFC fighter Chito Vera was working in his truck as a man with what appears to be a knife tried approaching him. Oh, dude. I mean, first of all, you see this guy working on his truck. He's got neck tattoos. Yeah, this dude pulls up, pulls a knife out right here. Oh, look at that. Crazy. Yeah.

Oh, he's so lucky he didn't get shot in the back.

Like just like murder town USA. It shows you two UFC guys that they're ready. They think defense first. Dude, he has a shotgun just laying on his front. Like that was so easily grabbable. Yeah. Well, that's – I mean you're ready. You're ready. Those UFC guys are ready, dude. If you even fucking whisper to them wrong, you hit the wrong octave during a secret and those guys will fuck it. They just – all of a sudden they just got like throwing stars just like –

Oh, they will remodel the way you breathe. You have to really... You got to be careful around those guys. They're severe. I feel like I couldn't... I mean, I own a gun. It's so tucked away. I would never get to it. You got to put both legs down. Put like this. If you don't know if it's really a strong kickback, have your wife lean against your back like this with her arm up. Yeah, so it's a lot to do. Right, but you guys are prepared as a team then. Yeah. And you got to pop off. I think if somebody...

You know, I don't know. It's like if somebody came in your room, what would you do? Say you wake up, right? You think there's somebody in your room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to think I'm ready, ready to go. Say something first. Good evening. What do you do? Well, I was home. My alarm kept fucking up because they when they redid it, they they fucked up. So it would just go off, which is terrifying. And I'm up there staying by myself. And it was like.

1 a.m. I'm like trying to go to sleep and all of a sudden the alarm goes off after the burglary after the burglar Burglary and I I go hello. Yeah, I like lower I like Like lower I lower my voice. I'm like sound not like me. I sounded a little try. I I mean it's so I'm like hello and

I've got a gun! I'm like, I don't have a gun. You sound like Peter Griffin, dude. I've got a gun! Yeah, I sound like a guy who didn't make it on The Sopranos. Like he auditioned, but did not get cast. I've got a gun! I've got a gun! Oh! I'm doing a bad dice. Hey, watch out! Oh, I got a gun!

I'll shoot you. You start playing that video from Home Alone. Oh, yeah, yeah. You dirty animals. They're laughing so hard in the other room, the burglars. Yeah, they're still stealing all my shit. Just like, this guy's good, man. We got to steal from here more often.

Will you keep, will you keep a home? Um, God, you've had a life riddled with things, man. Yeah. I didn't realize that I'm riddled. You've had a lot of riddling going on. Will you keep up? Will you keep a home in Charleston? Are you glad to be gone from Charleston? I'm, I'm going to miss Charleston. I wish I would have bought a place there just so I had more of a reason to go back all the time. Uh, but, and also not a lot of crime there. So I probably would have been safe. Um,

Yeah. Have you been, have you spent any time in Charleston? I lived in Charleston for a while. Oh, you did? Yeah. I hitchhiked up there to chase a girl that I was in love with that,

I almost had – I didn't have to get a cease and restraining or whatever, but it got close to just loitering late at night. That's OK. That's OK. It was a little rear window situation. We've all been through some things, right? Yeah, yeah. It was college times. You were practicing for an upcoming role of a stalker. What? I was just – this is – I'm an actor. I'm researching a role. Yeah.

Like, we haven't been, we haven't seen you in any roles. Yes, I know I'm only 17 and I'm not, I've never acted in anything, nor do I have a career. How do you expect me to get a role? Yeah, I've got to practice. But that was, yeah, I love it there. I mean, it's amazing. Yeah, Danny McBride said that you and Tony would go and work out a lot over there. Was that a real thing? Yeah, we were, he's like a fucking...

true athlete. He's got like a real jawline. Mine, mine like ebbs and flows. Yeah. Look, he's all jacked. Look at that guy. He's real jacked and juicy. Uh,

I'm less jacked and less juicy. But I do – what's weird is we work out together all the time, and his body morphed into that. And I look like how I look like, you know, like a regular guy. Yeah, like a guy. Like it's just a guy you see, and you're like, I bet he eats cheeseburgers. Yeah, I hope that guy's okay. Yeah. With me? I think people are like, yeah, I hope that guy's – you know. Like you think I look like I'm not okay? No, I think you seem like –

Like, oh, I hope that guy's okay. I'm trying to think of a job that I would see. Say if I saw you, oh, mailman, son of mailman, proud. Son of a mailman who's trying to make his father proud. Mailboy. I like that. Mailboy. And I'm not offended. Yeah. I'm not offended by that. Okay. Yeah. I appreciate that. I think that's a fair assessment of what I look like. Yeah, I think I look like –

Where you're like, ah, maybe that guy works out. My neighbor hilariously saw me. She's like a – she's the daughter of the people that live next door to me. And she was like 22 and she saw me working out in my garage. Sometimes I work out in my garage and I have my shirt off. And she stopped and she goes, oh, hey. And I'm like, hey, how's it going? And she goes, wow, I didn't know you worked out. Offended, dude. That's an offensive thing to say to someone. Yeah. Yeah.

So, but I do. Yeah. It's like if you show some of your wiener, like a chick your wiener, like I didn't know you'd have a wiener. Yeah. Like, whoa.

Yeah. Okay. I think it's fairly obvious that I would have one of those. Then I need to get some different clothes, I think, or some gel. Yeah, spruce up. Yeah, grow the facial hair out a little bit. Or spruce down. Yeah. Dude, can you believe that male is still a thing? Getting male. Can you believe that right now as we talk, sometime today, a man, a grown man or grown woman. That looks like me. You're just trying to make my father proud. Yeah, that looks like you. Yeah.

I like – that's what I'm making my father proud. He's like, he's going to see me delivering this mail and he's going to look at me and be like, look at this bright shooting star. He's going to see me as Danny McBride at that party walking through the cloud of smoke. You're a bright shooting star as I slide into mail through a slot.

uh yeah but can you believe somebody's gonna do that today instead of just emailing us and telling us what they need to tell us someone is going to drive over to our house yeah that's right walk up there risk getting attacked by a dog because that's their that's all they do all day is battle dogs hate mailmen battle dogs battle senior citizens and gangs that are like male yeah they're like give me that male yeah by the way there's never anything good in mail it's either like a ticket

It's like, oh, I got to pay this thing. They finally tracked me down. Or a coupon. Or just a coupon for a place you never want to go to. Like, hey, you want a car detail? Drive two and a half hours to this place and I'll give you $15 off. You're like, oh, I don't know. Is that worth it? I feel like the gas is going to offset the discounts, but.

And there's even a lot of the things now it's like, are you interested in foster care? It's just like that. It used to just be like discounts on avocados and stuff. But now it's like the mail has gotten really, really crazy, man. It's gotten pretty rogue. I feel like, yeah, for me, it's all just like, Hey, do you want to buy your neighbor's house? Yeah. Cause it's all just like people go in like,

Here's a house in your neighborhood that you can buy. And I'm like, I already live in my neighborhood. I'm trying to move three houses down. I already live in this neighborhood, dude. Quit fucking telling me about a house that's nearby. You know? That's so true. It's like if I'm living in a house, you would think you wouldn't come advertise to me to buy a house.

next, like next door. Or like maybe go like, hey, do you want to live somewhere cooler than, like if you're, it's kind of a whatever neighborhood. Yeah. And you're like, you want to live in like a slightly better neighborhood? I'll think about it. Yeah. But it's like literally my neighborhood.

You've done some fun things, man. You got to do some wrestling recently. Is that right? Oh, do you see that, dude? Bring it up. Yeah, dude. I did some fucking chokeslam. AEW. You did a great job. I know. I saw that right there. AEW. Righteous Jim Simms star Adam Devine hits up AEW. Wow. What was this like? Is this a stiff person? I don't think so, Jack. Is that a stiff person? Those jeans are hanging on. Yeah. Those jeans are hanging on by a thread right there. Oh, butt cheeks. Kaboom! Woo! Flexing with all my might. Flexing with all my might.

You'd have been a good wrestler, man. Thank you for saying that, dude. Or a mailman. Look at this, dude. Now you guys all kind of look like Tony right there. I feel like you're all giving a lot of Tony Cavallaro energy right there. Yeah. I got to get Tony in here soon. Yeah, get him in here. He's a good guy. He's one of a kind, man. Yeah. He checks in on me all, like not all, but every couple of months he'll check in and just say, hey. What a sweetheart. You know? He's just a sweet man. Do you know him?

I know him pretty decently. Yeah. Yeah. Good. I do know him. I really – yeah, he's an exceptional guy. He just – he has a way of always staying positive it seems like. He's one of those guys that it's nice to – I collect those guys like as my friends. I like to have some people that just hype you up because Adam Ray is like that as well. Adam used to open up for me on the road all the time, and it was nice when you're on the road.

To have so, and you know, you're kind of like, oh man, we got to travel again today, yada yada. To just have someone be like, how great is this? Right. How sick is this theater? Yes. You need somebody to be the positive. You're overwhelmed. Hype you up and you're like, yeah, it is sick. Look at us go. Get in here, buddy. Yeah, I've got guys like Amir K comes with me. Oh, yeah. Amir's a positive guy. Lee Kimbrell, he comes through. The Kentucky Nightmare, I think is his nickname or something.

Kentucky Wolf Cat or something, but he comes through and they're both have good energy. Just pause it. They're like...

Let's go do something. And I do too, but it's like, yeah, I just get like – I feel like both – we're pretty positive, guys. You just got to get ready for the show though. It's like I spend a lot of my time taking care of myself like you're saying. Stretching. Stretching. I'll get into town. It's like, yeah, stretching, get in an ice bath, trying to work out, get in an IV. You fucks with a cold plunge? All of it. Dude, me too. I was in it last night. I like a cold plunge. It's so nice. What you keep your cold plunge at? Me? I keep it right at about 54. Ooh.

I'll do 10 minutes in there. 10 minutes. I keep it at 40, and I'll do 3 to 5. Ooh, 40 is baby, baby. That's cold. That's ice, ice cold. I really can't stay. It's cold outside. Isn't that song just about rape or something? They said it was allegedly about tricking a girl in a stank. Oh, that's you? Yeah, there I am. That's at your house. Yeah, it's at my house.

Yeah, dude. That's a nice one, huh? Yeah. Renew. They're great, dude. They are? Yeah. Renew cold plunges. They're pretty fantastic. I got a blue cube one that I keep in my garage that a friend of mine made, but they're both – Yeah, they're great in cold plunging. It's the kind of thing, though, that I wish – now that I have it, I do it less. I feel like I used to seek it out. Oh, really? Yeah. Now that it's there, I'm like –

I could get in it right now or I'll get in it later. It'll be later. Yeah. You know what I should do? I should just crank the heat up on it because it's so cold. It's like you get in it like your joints like. Make it a hot bath in there, you think? Just make it 52 or whatever. Oh, yeah. I like doing that for 10 minutes. That for me sets me in a good range, you know. Isn't it weird that now we're like all about health and fitness, but it catches 10 years ago and we were just like.

Little scum buckets. Oh, God. Just out there. I know myself, I was just like gargling with vodka. Just like... What were you eating? Oh, dude. Just going for it. Just every night. Were you drinking a lot? I drink... Yeah, I would drink a lot. Wow. Where were you drinking at? Well, just like at that comedy club or whatever. Like back when I was... I mean, maybe not 10... Yeah, maybe 10 years ago. But like that's when Workaholics was sort of peaking. So probably right... Yeah, you've been working for a long time. Yeah, like anything...

Yeah, but anything like back when I was in the comedy clubs all the time or like when you're on the road all the time, that's an easy place just because you're in a new place. You're like, well, let's go to the bar after the show. Oh, yeah, that's for sure. Yeah. Did you guys drink at AEW? Who do you guys fight in AEW? Did you fight? Because I saw Big Justice out there. Oh, yeah. I was I was looking at the Rizzler and I'm like, I might be able to take him. You know, I saw him the other night. Yeah, he's nine years old. Rizzler's everywhere, dude.

Oh, I think I offended these guys, Big Justice, because I said I didn't even take a bite of the cookie. And then I said, look at Big Justice's eyes. He's upset. Because I gave it three booms without tasting it. And I guess you're supposed to give it five booms. What? Who has time to do five booms? They do.

They have all the time to do the booms, dude. And I didn't know. This was at the Super Bowl. I might have been a few drinks deep. Yeah, for sure. You're touching the back of a child. I'm touching a child. Look at my face is hanging a little bit. Dude, this looks like literally a Christmas card from Epstein's Island right here, dude. There's a fucking...

There is a brave Italian, which some people would say like kind of the Magellan of Costco. There's a Costco Magellan with a child. Okay. With just his son. Yeah. Okay. That is his son. I believe so. Okay. I believe so. Yeah. And then there's Adam Devine who's had a couple of drinks at a Super Bowl. Yeah. Lurking, dude. Would you – if you were – I mean, real talk. If you didn't know Epstein was a creep –

and he invites you, he's just a cool billionaire that you met at a party, and you're not getting any weird vibes. He asks you, he's like, hey, I got this jet. You want to come to my island? You got nothing going on that week. You'd go to the island, right? Yeah. Me too. When people are like, check the logs.

I'm like, not everybody because even creeps got to take a day off. Like even you're not fucking the kids every day. Yeah. If you're a pervert. Yeah. That's a probably a seasonal or like, um, yeah, it's a special event for them. It's like just when your dudes are there to party, it's like, but otherwise you have to also have like regular people regular because here's the thing you have to keep up

the ruse that it's a regular place where people go to have fun. That's what I think. So that the guys who do go and perv or the females that do go and perv out there, because it could have been men and women doing it. I'm not talking about the young people. We don't know. But the adults...

They need to be able to trick their spouses into believing that they go there for fun. And they're like, you've been there the one time. You know it's a chill place. There's coconuts. Yeah. There's coconuts and trees. There's a ukulele. There's that guy doing the ukulele. There's the fire dancers that come out and perform. Yeah, there's a lot of young kids whose parents aren't there starting a band or whatever. Yeah, they're just starting a band. Yeah. Yeah, they're just, you know. This is getting dark.

Yeah. Sorry. There's a character. Yeah, there's like a guy just doing funny. Yeah, it's just doing little artworks where you're like makes your nose too big, something that kind of offends you, but you're like, it's funny, right? And everyone's like, it's really funny. And you're like...

Okay. All right. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I see that. And I'm like, I don't know about, I don't think all of them are creeps. Like for sure. Some for sure. For sure. Some are, we haven't gotten to do there. There's no way we're ever getting the real Epstein files. It's been redacted. It's being manipulated right now. So much because some of these politicians are,

Are probably on it. Yeah, they're on it. And they're like – and whether they were the ones doing dastardly deeds or not, who knows? I don't know. But if your name is on it, like if your name was on it, you don't want it out even if you didn't do anything wrong. Even though you were just there sipping on a smoothie, just having a fun afternoon on this cool private island. I haven't been on a ton of private islands. I would like to go. Yeah, I got invited to one one time. I think it was LeVar Burton.

Yeah, maybe he's a Reading Rainbow guy. He's got a private island.

Does he do the Virgin Airlines or whatever? No, no. That's – LeVar Arrington maybe? No. That is not his name. It's not LeVar even a little bit. Richard Branson. Yes. Very much not LeVar. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you went to – you went there? No, they were doing something. He has an island. There was something there and they – Yeah. I somehow got invited. Oh, sick. It didn't seem like something that was for me maybe. I don't know. It seemed like – Oh.

Okay. So maybe you wouldn't go to Epstein Island. Maybe I would be the one to get tricked.

But here's the thing. Say you're at Epstein Island and you notice these weird... What do you then? You just stay on the tennis courts or whatever? Like, what would you do all weekend? Yeah, you're just like... You call yourself the pickleball king. Yeah. And you're just always just over there trying to not see some shit. Playing both sides. Yeah. There's no one to hit too because everyone's like, uh... This back dark room seems a lot of fun. God. Yeah, and also like the Diddy White parties. I'm glad I was never during that peak. Like, I was talking with my boys. I was like, dude, if...

We threw out a different vibe in the workaholics days when it was just peaking and that we get the invite. Like, hey, do you want to go to the Diddy party? I'm going all white, everything. Well, if Shamar Moore would have been one of the –

one of the workaholics or if you'd have had like a probably a more of a black cast member urban cast member then you might and say you there's then there's a chance to get invited more plugged in right there griffin was a little bit more griffin than eric yeah absolutely then i think then yeah you could have been invited and then if you get there then what do you see they just brought up druski in a thing did you see that i did but he then came out he's like dude i was nothing to do with it was like in 2018 i was living in my mom's basement i'm like yeah that's probably true

But it's just crazy. Why? But why even let that leak? You have to start thinking if something gets leaked, why are they doing like because it's all some manipulative tactic, you know? Yeah. And so I don't know. I mean, who knows? Obviously, there's victims and people were doing dastardly things. But you never heard anything about that when you were. No, I did. You know, I just wasn't cool. Like I didn't get those invites. I for sure would have gone there and just like kicked it.

by the fucking... Nachos or whatever. Just eating... You know they have a seafood tower. This is a diddy party. You know there's towers of seafood. So I'm just eating there, eating crab legs, licking up the butter. They're like, someone's trying to tag me in to the orgy just covered in oil. You do that thing. You point at your legs. You're like, I can't because of all the scars. I can't. Dick chopped off. Dick was lopped off in the accident. Yeah.

You do that thing where, you know how break dancers, they start to do the break dance, but then they don't get going. That's what you do. You're like, oh, shit. Oh, pull the hammy. Pull the hammy right quick. I can't get in the orgy. Yeah, dude. That's what I would have been. I would have been like in the vaping section on the side of the orgy if they're like, oh, if somebody gets hurt, if a couple people get hurt.

Oh, you're like, you're deep on the bench. It's like when they put in the water guy from like to make that three point shot or they put it down syndrome, got to make the six pointer or whatever. They tell him it's a six pointer. That's what I would have been in. You're real deep on the bench when you come. But then you hit that, that money shot. You're the hero. You're the hero of the whole party. People go crazy. Did you, um, did you get to body slam big justice? Did you see the Rizler? You fight him too. I didn't fight the Rizler. No, I, and, uh,

Yeah, I didn't get to fight any of the children, which I was bummed. I was bummed. Yeah. Because I'm like someone needs to take these kids down and I'm about their size, dude. I'm not that – but no, I only chokeslammed an adult male. So that kind of sucked. But if you got a chance to remodel the fucking skeleton – dude, I love this phrase, remodel.

model or one of these of one of these boom babies yeah take them down yeah did they move in front of you got the boom now right who's got the boom now bitch did they steal the boom uh uh did they did they boom in front of you or not there's a lot of booming they're booming all over anywhere they go they're booming dude have you not met the boom guys i never i met the risler the other night at dinner i saw him oh dude that dude he was drinking dr pepper yeah past 8 45 i'm like he's a wild man

Yeah. I mean, these kids are off the rails. But I like that it's a new generation of superstars. Oh, there you are at Craig's. A new generation of superstar children. Like this used to be like Corey Haim. Right. Oh, yeah. He's the Macaulay Culkin of our time. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

But it seems like they're not going off the rails. We'll find out here in 15 years if he's going to have like a sad tale about his time. Well, how does it end? Yeah, that's the thing. You have to look 10 years in the future. Because he's a superstar, dude. He does this maneuver. People go wild. He was crazy, man. It's his –

You know? Yeah, you're right. Look, someone already beat you to it. They knew exactly. The internet, undefeated, man. You have a good idea, it's done. It's up there. It's already, they already did it. It's done. Yeah. Was there a movie that you wanted that, like, well, yeah, the Rizzo, I mean, I'll tell you this. He definitely seemed like his grades were failing. Somebody's like, his grades suck. That's what I heard. Oh, really? Yeah. Word at Craig's? Yeah. Yeah. People...

There were people who were passing around those pot pies they have at Craig's and they're like, hey, before you take a bite of that, just know the Rizzler's grades fucking suck. Suck, dude. Dude, he had a little tattoo that said, fuck social studies. Oh, damn, dude. That's rough. That's a wild tat to have at that age. So obviously he's been going through a lot, you know. He said these lips haven't seen a school lunch in two years. That's what he said.

So obviously he's living high on the hog. Dude, I don't even know. I thought he was mute because all I've ever seen him do is, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to, it's the shh. He does too many things though. Kind of. I think, I think, I think it's just this, right?

And he's showing his jawline. That's what's kind of cool about him is he doesn't have much of a jawline, but I like he's just like, I don't give a shit. I got the Riz. So come at me. It's like a good way to build up self-esteem for children that are out there.

Some people are saying he's Young Gravy. He's the actual Young Gravy. You know, Young Gravy was at the wrestling event too. Nuh-uh. Yeah. And Young Gravy was at the Super Bowl where I was also hanging out with Big Justice. So that – I mean – They're running in the same circles, dude. You guys have the same menstrual cycle or something. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. But that's crazy. And –

But here's the craziest part to me is that Big Justice isn't related to the Rizzlers. So I thought they were brothers, dude. I thought they were brothers. These are just two social media kids getting together, doing their social media thangs.

Dude, years from now, there will be like these baseball card signing things where it'll be like, they're Rizzler. You and me will be there. That'd be sick. Water baby or whatever. Some baby that survives on like a... You know, I think I'm going to do a thing with Topps.

To have a baseball card. Really? Yeah, you should. I bet they'll make a baseball card of you. It's kind of sick. It's kind of cool. It would be kind of cool. Yeah. And then there's these kids, MD Foodie Boys. Everybody's been watching them. I like those MD Foodie Boys. I like them because they're so sincere about like, have you tried nachos with jalapenos? Yeah. It's actually pretty good. Yeah. Let's watch one. I'm just a, if I had to choose, it'd probably be like pepperoni, but I'm not a big, I'm not a big, I'm just a regular cheese guy. Yeah.

I just do cheese. I don't, I don't do, I just do cheese. I don't really like pepperoni. I'll do pepperoni, but same thing. Like, yeah, big pepperoni fans. Dude, this is the podcast and people love it. And I also love it. They're just so sincere, man. How can you not have a, how can you, was there an age where you didn't like it? You just didn't care. It's,

You're riled up. You're riled up right now, dude. I don't know if I've ever seen you this riled. Well, I don't understand. It's like, you're the foodie boys, but what are you talking about? Whoa, dude. It's okay. No, it's fine. No, I like it. I like it. It just fucking irks me because...

Talk about some food. Talk about some rigatoni or something. Talk about some – See, well, this is the genius. You start off – They're little kids, right? So they're starting off with like hot dogs. Like what condiments do you like? Do you like on your cheeseburger what condiments? Mostly condiment-based. Now they're moving on to pizza. What things do you like on your pizza? And then as they grow –

The dishes get more complex. Like a tiramisu or something? We're going to grow with them and their flavor palettes. I think that's what people love and relate to because it's – because you're not going to them for an actual like – this is the – they're not like chefs. They're children. So it's just kind of funny to watch these kids sincerely talk about whether they like pepperoni on their pizza or not. Got it. Yeah. Well, I just think –

Yeah, I just, I don't know. There's, yeah, I guess, am I hating on children now? What am I doing? You're right. Yeah, it's okay. I'm excited for them. It's okay to hate on them. At least do soup or something. At least I want to see them evolve a little. Like a Spacho or something? Well, just a four-minute conversation about...

Pepperoni on – but no information. That's the thing. It's astounding to have four people and walk away from each conversation they do with zero information at all about food. I understand what you're saying. About food at all. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. But I think – I wish them luck. Yeah, I think they're – I mean they're runaway.

I mean, I'm sure people look at my career and are like, what is he doing? Like, this sucks. Right. Like, why doesn't he do X, Y, Z? I'm like, I'm just doing me, baby. There they are right now. But how does it end? McLovin, that kid. McLovin, No Name. What's the one? McGriddle is the middle one, right? Chubb Perm. Okay, you have No Name, McGriddle, Chubb Perm. Yeah. So that's also, I think that's a, isn't that a trans wrestler? Yeah.

Yeah, it seems like it could be. He's got an earring. He's kind of the bad boy of the group, which is kind of sick. They're basically the new kids on the...

On the block. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever have an ear piercing? Did you ever? Yeah, I had two of them. Did you? Yeah, I did too. Fuck. Yeah, dude. That shit was so fun, dude. Yeah, dude. It was weird. And it would close up and you would still force something in it on days you needed to feel cool. Dude, I would. Yeah, I tried. I wanted to get a gauge. I wanted to have like, I wanted to be that guy. Your characters had that, haven't they? I wanted a lip piercing. Yeah.

I wanted the whole thing. I wanted to be punk rock, dude. I mean, I'm fucking, I got an article star tattoo. Oh, you did. Well, you have a lot of, um, you seem like you've been through a lot. Yeah. Like a child of a Vietnam, like a Vietnam veteran. Somebody, you know? Yeah. I've, I've, I went through, I am happy to say I never went through like, you know, some kids were like, oh, I went through an emo phase or I went through like a golf phase. I'm glad I didn't go down like a weird path where you're like, yeah, I'm, I wore a lot of fishnets.

in seventh grade or whatever. I'm glad I didn't do that. I had like small waves where, yeah, I would bleach the tips of my hair. Right. Yeah, I got a piercing, you know, in the left ear. You ever pierced your nipples or no? No, I never did the nips. You do? No, I never did that. No, you never did the nips. That was a little while for me. That guy who did that was starting to be, he was doing a lot of drugs and he was secretly probably touching men in his car or whatever. Yeah. Men who wanted it. Yeah, I, I,

I had a friend, not a friend, a guy I knew in high school. Not a friend. Not a friend. He pierces his dick in high school, dude.

In high school. And I know for a fact he wasn't getting laid, but he was saying like how good it's going to feel. And he was saying like it feels so good. And I'm like, I know you're not getting laid, dude. We're both 16, 17 years old. I know that. And also what kind of piercer –

is seeing a 17, 16-year-old boy and is like, let me – I'll be the one to get in there. The whole thing was bizarre. Do you remember when the first guy hooked up with a girl and then the next weekend you guys all went out or something? He like suddenly had a condom in his wallet or something. Or it was like suddenly he was like – he would be like, if the girls come, let me talk to them. Just like – Dude, it was seventh and eighth grade. My one friend started –

Having sex with our other friend. And it was unreal. And it was years, dear God, years before the rest of us were catching up. And so he like he was like the immediately went from like this kind of he was chub perm of our group. And then so and then suddenly he's got this swagger to him, dude. And there's no catching up. Yeah, there's no catching up. Mm hmm.

Yeah, there's nothing you can do to suddenly be in the cool group. And then, like, he was able to talk to older guys now suddenly. Yeah. I'm still rollerblading, you know? Like, I'm not. I'm still like, hey, watch me backwards rollerblade. Is this sick? And they're like, no, dude. We're now having sex with girls. And I'm like, oh, so you don't want me. You don't want to watch me, like, fucking swerve these cones real quick? Yeah.

With these hips. He's like, I'm working on my hip movement right now, dude. Yeah, yeah, dude. I was a little blader. I was a little blader boy. Were you? Yeah, that was a little bit of a phase. Oh, my God, dude. What happened to you? Dude, you're learning a lot about me, dude. What happened to you? There's so much that occurred. Dude, well, I couldn't – rollerblading was easier in like eighth grade, was easier for me to do than a lot of other –

I couldn't skateboard. Like my friends were skateboarding. So I could rollerblade because it was just a smoother movement and easier on my joints. So I was already like an old man thinking about my joints in eighth grade. So it's just me like wiggling my hips, skateboarding behind my friends. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. It wasn't that offensive. You don't have to be that disgusted by it. You're right. Absolutely. Yeah.

Were you wearing knee pads and stuff? No, no. I'm still a bad boy. Yeah, dude. I'm still like wearing fucking chunky corduroy pants and like a fucking sick Metallica shirt with the lightning bolts. You know, I'm still fucking cool, dude. I still have like a bowl cut, but my hair was too. I like still I have my hair is too like buoyant. So it just went like this.

Oh, yeah. It was just like a little – like the tip of a dick. It was like a little dickhead just like right here. And I could pull it. I could pull the hair. It was so buoyant. I could pull it and it would go down to here, dude. And then you release it and it goes – Damn, you had a beautiful thing going on. Yeah, I was looking good in the eighth grade. Man, you've been through a lot, man. You've been through a lot, dude. Do you –

Do you, will your stiffness, is it getting better? Is it getting worse? Do you feel like over time? It's getting better. It ebbs and flows. I have good days and bad days, but, uh, it is getting better. Uh, so I'm still hoping to, oh, to be in Marvel, uh,

if they give me a call. I got a lot of shit. Last time I came on here, I was like dunking on Marvel saying that they ruined comedy movies because everybody wants to watch these big budget things. Dude, people were very mad. My agents were upset at me. Really? Since you said that, everyone in the world has agreed with that exactly. Including a lot of agencies. It's like, well, look, if we can't get them in a Marvel movie, what are we going to do? Yeah. I mean, we've had a lot of great. They were very mad at me. They were like, don't.

Don't fuck with Marvel. Like, I cannot believe you said that on that podcast. I'm like, I wasn't dunking on Marvel, dude. I was just saying I wish there were more comedies, but they don't make comedies anymore because everyone wants to see a $200 million epic. Well, if they need like Mailman or something, then Marvel will come. Thank God. If there's a Mailman superhero, I think I'm the guy, dude.

What superhero would you be? Making your dad proud. Yeah. I would be someone that, like an unexpected superhero, where they're like, this guy, he's not a superhero. This Normcore little bitch boy. Smoothie man. Yeah. Soy boy. Yeah, soy boy. There he is. Yeah, little soy boy. There's so many heroes now, though. It's like, are these all heroes? I feel we're getting a little exhausted on the heroes. 100%. Yeah. Well, even...

A lot of people are saying, who was it just came out and said that they're not even – it's hard to even have independent projects these days. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to get a few independent movies off the ground right now. Are you? Yeah, and it's tough, dude. I didn't – I've never done an independent movie. I've always done with a studio or with Netflix or with someone like that, someone with them deep pockets. How much budget do you need to make an independent movie though?

I'm like – I'm looking for like $7 million to $10 million. That's a lot of money. Yeah. This is Mark Duplass right here. He's made a lot of great stuff. He's made a lot of independent movies. Time for a big announcement. Oh.

For those of you who know our company, you know we love risking our money and making things independently that the traditional system would never make. And we've done it for years with movies like The Puffy Chair and The One I Love and Safety Not Guaranteed and documentary series like Wild Wild Country and Evil Genius. And we're doing it in television now with shows like Room 104 and The Creep Tapes and Penelope. But the problem is these distributors are telling us how to value these things the way they used to. And honestly, we're sick of it.

And we know that you value these things. So, we are going to be bringing you our newest independently made TV series, The Long Long Night, directly to you, the audience members. It's interesting. Click the link below or in our bio. You guys did your movie independently, right? Yeah. And you guys put your own money out? Yeah. Woo, boy. Okay.

Well, thanks, dude. Yeah. What's the name of it? Do you have a name? It's called Busboys, yeah. Busboys. Sick. So it's just Spade and I both worked as busboys in Arizona. I thought you were both hit by buses. I was like, this would have been kismet. Oh, man. It would have been crazy if we were all here right here. Get Spade in here. He just pops out behind the curtain. He's like, I'm crippled. And we have a dolly that moves you around. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm just pushing everywhere. Yeah.

So what's next? Your family's growing. Do you take a little time off of work? When did you guys finish Gemstones? We finished a few months ago, like three months, four months ago. And I've been just dad mode right now. And I have a movie in development at Netflix. I'm selling this show with the Workaholics guys. I got another show that I'm taking out. Wow. So it's a lot of like production, like pre-production stuff. And you know how it goes. It's like,

We're going to make the movie. And I have like a couple movies that are in development. We're like, we're making the movie. And then it takes years, dude. Yeah. Years. And you think it's happening and it takes so long. But for me, I love it. I love doing it. But yeah, I still have that itch of like wanting to just get out there and get something done right now. And that's why I do the podcast. But with the Workaholics guys, this is important. But I also miss doing stand-up, dude. Hmm.

I was going to say, would you consider going out and touring again? It's such a that's such a grind, though, once you have a family and you're acting and stuff like that. I feel like it's a tough grind. Well, because it used to be like a fun escape from the grind of producing and starring in TV and movies, because then you're you're like, well, now I'm going to go on the road with my boys and it's like a party and we're going to go for a few months and I'm going to do a ton of shows and it'll be great. It's like a little escape from my regular life of acting.

And now like with the family, I'm like I just feel like a dastardly dog. Yeah. Well, your wife had a freaking kid first of all, which I don't know if she should have done or not. But her choice. I think she should have. Yeah. I think she should have. But yeah, once she did that, it kind of put you in the hot seat. Yeah. Yeah. And also like being around – That's supposed to be some kind of a joke. Yeah.

I was like blaming having a kid on just her. Yeah, it's her fault. What do you do with having this fucking kid, huh? Yeah, how dare she? Actually, she slipped that one by me. I just thought she was gaining weight. I'm like, look at my plump little Betty. She's looking all sexy, a little round mound. Look at her go smuggling a little basketball in there. And then out came a kid, dude.

It was wild. You just keep tickling her? Yeah. Like, hey, thank you. She's like, don't tickle me. Something's going to pop out. She's like, oh, man. She's having spasms in her belly like I do, looking like a little handprint coming out, just like me.

Yeah, dude. It was wild when she had it. Our son Bo turned around when they pulled him out. He looked right back at me, dude. It stopped my heart. Everyone says it's like a transformative thing to see your son or daughter be born, but it stopped me dead in my tracks. He looked right at me like, bitch, what just happened? I've been all cooking up warm inside, and now I'm out here all cold. He turned around and was just like,

Like, I'm the captain now. Yeah, it's like, I steer this ship. I rise. Uh-huh. Yeah, it was pretty wild. Dude, the origin story of humans is pretty crazy that you climb out of some woman's belly, dude. It's like Greek mythology type shit. It's the vagina, though. Well, yeah. Some of them come out the belly, dude. Actually, no, you were right. You were right, because it came, my wife had a C-section, so you were right. The perverts go out the vagina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I did. You? Yeah, I'm a little freak like that, dog. I'm a little freak like that. Skeet, skeet.

Yeah. It's a party. Do not lick on my leg. That's what I did. That's what I did.

You're supposed to read the... It says on the wall in there, do not lick on the way out. I know. I read it and like, watch me, bitch. I'm gobbling. I'm gobbling up the world. Watch me whip. Yeah. Watch me nay-nay. Watch me nay-nay. Oh. I almost said it at the same time. Adam Devine, man. Dio Von. Thanks so much, dude, for hanging out. So fun. I'm glad to see you're physically doing okay. Your family's growing. Thanks.

We got to keep making fun. You have to keep making fun stuff. This was one thing that I thought was really exceptional that Danny McBride said. He goes, you know, I don't know if Hollywood knew that they wanted Eastbound because people are always like, why don't they make shit like Eastbound and Down anymore? You always hear that kind of stuff, right? And he's like, nobody was asking us for something like Eastbound and Down. Nobody was asking us for something like Vice Principal. It was like we just made it and then said we know this is funny and then they jump on it because –

you can't expect them to think of the next thing there. That's not what they do anymore. He didn't say that's not what they do anymore, but that's what I start to realize. They don't have that creative thing anymore. That's our job. That's our job. Our job is to give them what we think is the funniest thing. And that's what we did with workaholics. And we're going to try to do with this new show. If we actually get to make it is like you make what you think is the funniest and what you and your friends would laugh at and what you want to see is

What you want to actually watch. Yeah. And then hopefully other people get on board. And I, you know, I feel and I think you have a finger on the pulse too is we know what we like and it seems like a lot of other people like what we like as well. So, yeah.

You know, I think you just have to make shit that you think is fun and funny and what not even what other people want to see because they don't even know they want to see it until you make it. Right. So that's it. That's the thing. And that's a lot of things. It's like.

if you wait forever to get somebody to sign off on your thing, then it might not happen. You just have to go and try and figure it out. And investing in yourself. That's what I realized. Like if I lose investing in myself, I don't really fucking lose. It's like, and at least you did it and you had that experience and you know, the nuts and bolts of creating something now. So if you decide to do it again, you can go, this is what I would change. That's what I would do differently. Yeah. Uh, and also the, like, like, uh,

With people making something that they think other people would want to see, that's where you lose. When you start to go, I know that they want to see this type of show. Like this is what's selling or this is what – Oh, yeah. I think that's when you get in a little trouble. Like make what you want to make.

And then hopefully that will catch on because as soon as you start to like go down the path, then it's derivative. And people are like, didn't we already see this show? We've already done this. Then you're just kind of – yeah, then you're just a follower. Yeah. But yeah, it's tough. It's tough to figure it out. And obviously you and I are – we're speaking from a place where we can afford to try and make a project. So it's like not trying to sound like knowing that there's not a barrier to entry to that for –

regular folks. It's lowered so much. I agree. Yeah. I agree. It's so different now that you can get a camera, you can get a phone, you can figure something out yourself how to make things, you know? Well, it was like when we did workahol- not to just keep harping on this shit, but this is my experience, is when we did Workaholics, it was the barrier of entry had just lowered. It used to be like to make something like that, it was-

$100,000 to make, you know, to even make a short film for $50,000 or whatever. And everyone had to put it on credit cards and like to try to make something that maybe would work. And you had to slurp off some producer somewhere. You would have to. You're constantly gobbling. Yeah. You're constantly gobbling. And someone wants you to use silverware when you blow them or whatever. I'm like, how rich is this guy? Oh, my God. Fucking pour some Grey Poupon on that bitch and do some gobbles.

But now, you know, it's just – it was just like a camera and some lights, and we were able to shoot something that Comedy Central was like, what you doing over there? You know? Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know. I'm trying to sound inspirational to people. Yeah, me too. I feel like it's a lot of word salad for me sometimes. But yeah, I'm just trying to be a fucking inspiration. Yeah.

I think you are, dude. Survivor of Cement Truck. Uh-huh. You know, the guys fought in the AEW. The fourth season of Righteous Gemstones going on right now. New projects in the works. The podcast, you can lock in, listen to Adam have ideas, think about things, share everyday stuff on his life with some of the stars. Yep, this is important. Anders Blake. Kyle Nwachek. Yeah, he's been off the pod. He's been directing shows.

Happy Gilmore 2. So that bitch is busy. Too busy for the pod. Must be nice, Kyle. Must be nice. Adam Ryan, thanks so much for hanging out, dude. Best of luck, man. Good to see you, brother. You too.

Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life. I can't in my bones, but it's going to take.