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cover of episode Stanford Psychologist: The #1 Psychological Skill To Master The Art of Influence & Transform Your Relationships

Stanford Psychologist: The #1 Psychological Skill To Master The Art of Influence & Transform Your Relationships

2025/5/21
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Caroline Fleck
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Lewis Howes
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Caroline Fleck: 验证是一组技能，旨在帮助人们感到被看见和被听见。作为一名临床医生，我接受过这些技能的培训，以帮助我传达接受，并帮助另一个人感到被看见和被听见。如果你想让人们倾听你，与你合作，与你一起工作，这非常重要。这些技能最初是为辩证行为疗法（DBT）开发的，DBT是一种针对边缘型人格障碍患者的治疗方法。我发现这些技能不仅对患者有帮助，而且对于改善人际关系至关重要，应该在小学阶段就教授。在DBT之前，心理学主要关注改变，但我们发现，要帮助人们做出深刻的改变，首先需要让他们感到被深深接受。即使我不完全理解或同意某人的观点，我仍然可以验证他们的感受。例如，我可以验证一个精神分裂症患者的恐惧感，即使我不认同他们的想法。验证并不意味着我同意他们的观点，而是我理解他们的感受。验证阶梯模型包括八个技能，传达正念、理解和共情，使对方感到被接受。最基本的是，即使我不理解或不认同某人，我也可以保持正念和参与，投射出不带评判的好奇心。 Lewis Howes: 我很高兴与Caroline Fleck讨论验证的重要性，因为这验证了我的人生经历。为了适应社会，我发展了一种验证他人的技能，这在我的事业和人际关系中起到了积极作用。我喜欢关于验证的对话，因为这验证了我的人生和生存机制。我很高兴与Caroline Fleck讨论验证的重要性，因为这验证了我的人生经历。为了适应社会，我发展了一种验证他人的技能，这在我的事业和人际关系中起到了积极作用。

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Dr. Caroline Fleck, a Stanford psychologist, emphasizes the significance of validation in human relationships, arguing that it might even surpass love in importance. She explains that feeling truly seen and accepted is fundamental for genuine connection and that without validation, love alone is insufficient.
  • Validation is a set of skills that signal acceptance and help people feel seen and heard.
  • The "validation ladder" is an 8-step process to foster understanding and empathy.
  • Copying someone's body language activates mirror neurons and increases trust.

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What if the key to deeper connections isn't in what you say, but in how you listen? Dr. Caroline Fleck, licensed psychologist and Stanford instructor, reveals the transformative power of validation - a skillset that revolutionized psychology yet remains largely unknown outside clinical settings. Her journey through depression and breast cancer gives her unique insight into why feeling truly seen matters more than love itself. She breaks down the surprising science behind techniques like "copying" that can increase trust by 25% and even overcome implicit bias. This conversation unveils a step-by-step framework that anyone can use to create authentic connection, navigate difficult emotions, and transform relationships - whether you're dealing with a suicidal patient or simply trying to understand your partner better.

Buy Dr. Fleck’s book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life)

In this episode you will learn:

  • Why validation is the foundation of all human connection and may be even more important than love itself
  • The "validation ladder" – an 8-step process therapists use to make others feel truly seen and heard
  • How mimicking someone's body language activates mirror neurons that help you genuinely understand their emotions
  • The counterintuitive way to handle your difficult emotions – feeling them fully without the narrative
  • A step-by-step process for self-validation that can transform shame into peace in minutes

For more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1774)

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