JB Smoove
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Because I listened to some of your episodes before this episode today. I thought, what if he's just pure that way you were on Conan sometimes? What do I do? How do I try to fit that in? Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

Today, I'm talking to a guy, one of the sweetest, funniest people in the business who is known for keeping everyone around him in stitches. And he does it all with incomparable style and grace. JB Smoove. I've had the privilege of working with JB on Curb Your Enthusiasm for several years.

Of course, you know him as Leon Black, one of the most hilarious TV characters of all time. He's an amazing comic. He's an amazing actor and pitch man. Can't wait for you to meet him. Here is J.B. Smoove. I was in New York, Mary and I were in New York the other day, and we walked over the grates, you know, in the subway and the heat coming up and the smell.

It made me so nostalgic. I actually love that smell. It's horrible. Yeah. But have you ever been cold and...

- I thought about laying your ass down on one of those warm ass grates when that steam is coming up. Have you ever done that? Like, shit. - No, I haven't. - What? - Did you spend- - You gotta think about it once in a while. I mean, you've been out there when it's bitter cold and you got somewhere to go and you can't get a cab, you're walking like, "Fuck, my hands are cold." And you see that steam rising up, homeless guys laying on it, you're like, "Shit, I'm gonna spoon that guy right now for some heat." You know what I'm saying? - Did you spend New York years

- I'm a New Yorker, baby. - Only Saturday Night Live, of course. - I'm a New Yorker. I'm a real New Yorker. I'm from North Carolina originally, went to New York when I was like six. And then I've been in New York my whole life until I came down there. - Oh, wow. Let me back up. How are you doing post-curb?

And you do so much. Curb was probably just a small part of your life, but you miss it? Curb was a small part of my life. Sometimes I got to set Larry straight and let him know that. You know I got other shit to do, right? Yeah. He gets a little cocky once in a while. Yeah. The more famous the show got, he got unbearable. Did he tell you the same thing? You're never going to have more fun than this show in your career? Have he told you that? No, because he didn't really talk to me on the set that much. You guys got to... Okay.

We had the strangest relationship. Larry's... Yeah, do me, Larry. What's the word I'm trying to... Larry's very amazing. He's amazing. Smart guy. Yeah. But I can tell he's always thinking. Yes, even when he's in life. Not racing mind, but very... What's the word I'm trying to think of here? Some people, their brains race all the time. They're always trying to think of things. But he's very, you know, centered.

But he's always, like, seeming like he's not protecting himself, but almost like he has this thing where he's very, he makes himself smaller. You know, it's like someone do that. They make themselves smaller. That's interesting. And they listen very intently. Yeah. You know, he listens very intently. And when you say something to him, he's thinking about what you just said. And whether or not he can use it in the show. Oh, yeah, sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah.

I always wondered what it would be like just me and Larry hanging, just me and Larry. And Larry, man, that's me and you go out and smoke a cigar at a little cigar lounge or somewhere. Did you hang with Larry other than show ever or much? Not much. I just run into him a lot. Yeah. Yeah. But when we were like down or we're in a car, I would just tell him crazy stories. Yeah. You know, things that he wouldn't be privy to.

I always thought that word privy. Now, isn't that also an outhouse? You ain't privy to that stuff. Is it? Yeah. Privy's an outhouse? See, we're learning a lot right now. Our outhouse is called a privy. How to stay warm in New York. Now I'm not going to stop saying that. Every phone booth is a privy. Every phone booth is a privy. A privy. I never knew that. See, I'm afraid that I'm not going to see Lair anymore because we don't have the excuse of work.

I invited him onto the show. I texted him, said, Woody Harrelson and I are doing this podcast. We'd love to have you on. And he went, you and Woody, God, that sounds great, period. Then, nah. See? And just nah with the period, not dot, dot, dot. I mean, he thinks. Are we saying selfish, self-absorbed? No, he just thinks in a certain pace. See how he went from, oh, that sounds great.

- Nah. - Nah. - 'Cause he was thinking in this, you know, not a fast think, 'cause he would've said, "Fuck no, quick." He said, "Oh, that's bullshit." He would've said that quick, but he said, he took a little time, he said, and he waited for you to ask him. See, but he's sitting there hoping your ass don't ask him. See? - Yes, yes, no, that's true. - So you had a little break there, got a little quiet, right? And then you gave him space, you gave him too much space.

I don't know why. You gave him thinking space. I should have said, what time can you come? You got to drive the conversation. And you got to drive the conversation. And give him not any out. I can't wait till you do it. Yes. God, see, you are good at selling things. You got to sell. Yeah. You got to sell. And don't forget. See, a lot of people do this kind of shit and they forget who the fuck they are. You almost forgot.

That I'm fucking Ted Danson! That's where you messed up at right there! You forgot who you were!

You humbled yourself. You crumbled down to Larry. You know what? We're joking, but you nailed me. You nailed me right on. I am such a pain in the ass. I'm so self-deprecating, which is another way to go because that makes the other people go, no, no, Ted, you're wonderful. It's a pain in the ass. Handsome devils should never doubt themselves. God, I wish people— You're a handsome-ass devil. People can see you with your hat right now. You are so fucking cool. I'm just going to be smooth. That's why.

See what I just did? Yeah. I can fix you. I can fix your ass, Teddy. I can fix your ass, man. I will hire you. I have you. You have dead motherfuckers on this show. I'll have you getting anybody you fucking want. You'll be sitting here fucking in a skeleton just sitting here while you interview their asses. Anybody you fucking want. Name them. Anybody in history you have sitting in this fucking chair. Well, you know what? Larry blew it, so we don't need Larry. No. You got it.

Get Larry on the show and then come be on it with me and we'll interview his ass. This is crazy. This is a whole different topic. Watermelon with some coffee. Yeah, it's a great combo. Three shots. Once again, be careful. No, no, no, no, no. It's horrible. Oh. I'm chilly and warm at the same time. It's weird. Okay, let me. Let's get back to you. Just three seconds on you. Just three.

Have you ever done anything for three seconds? Some people forget who they are. But go on, sorry. Some people forget who they are, you know? And I think, even when I was on Howard Stern's show one time and Howard was talking about his old neighborhood, he always talks about his old neighborhood, how he can't go back. I said, no, you can go back. You just gotta go back a certain way. I said, you're going back like you're worried about everybody fucking with you and wanting to

I said, you got to go with it like a regular person. I said, you go shopping. What people do, you go shopping. Get a shopping cart. You know what I mean? Grab one that someone didn't return. Grab one of those. Just grab one out of the parking lot. Just go in there and shop like a regular ass person. Pick up things. Look at this, you know, read the ingredients on stuff. Put it in your cart. Do regular ass shit and people will leave you though.

Fuck alone. You know, that's not a joke. That's true. When you start acting like you're going to be recognized every second, people look at that and say, hey man, I hate to be that guy. People always do that. People do that to you all the time? I hate to be that guy. I go shopping. I love it. I hate to be that guy. But can I get a selfie? I hate that. When they lead in with that, when they say I hate to be that guy, it's nothing but that. There's nothing else. I can't say, oh, I hate to be that guy, but do you mind if I put a thousand dollars in your pocket? I usually don't do this.

- One of those preferences. - Oh, they do that. Oh. - Yeah, yeah. - It's between those two. Those are the number, I think one of them are one, and the other number two. - I learned early on though, don't you always say yes? 'Cause saying no takes way longer to explain why you don't wanna have a selfie or why you don't wanna sign an autograph. - Man, people, no, it's, I actually do like being famous. - Like nobody minds doing it. I think people just, someone has to create a new in.

You got to get a new in. What do you mean? Hate to be that guy is not a great in. Do me again. No, I'm not following you. When people say I hate to be that guy and do it anyway, it's a weird turn. You know what I mean? It's like, I hate to be that guy.

but you're still, you're still doing it. Yeah. I know you're, here's another one. I know you're trying not to be recognized, but I, Oh, I know. I do know. I know you are. I like, I like, you know, I like, I like someone to walk up to me and say, Hey man,

I know you're living your life, man, but I love what you do, man. Keep doing what you do, man. And that makes me humbled. And I say, you know what, man? I say, my dad's a big fan of yours or my sister loves you. And then what I do, here's how I control it. I say, you know what? If she's a big fan, call her on FaceTime.

really? Yeah, call her on FaceTime and say hi to her. And that just makes it easier because now you're driving a vehicle. You're driving a car. You're not subject to, oh shit, I don't feel well today and somebody's already doing it. Or the dude who walks up to you with the camera already like this, hey, I'm hanging out. Look at this, J.B. Snoop.

I'm like, man, come on, man. How you come up to me with the camera already rolling? You're a prop. How do you know? Yeah. But if I'm driving, if I'm driving the car, I feel better. I'm in control. I can do it three seconds. That's the best part about it. Thank you for your love. Walk away. Fans in New York. Fans in New York are just so direct. Hey, Ted, get over here. Get the fuck over here. Here, give me a hug. Boom. You know, that actually is fun and nice. It's fun. That energy. It's fun. But you know what?

We have to give that to people because they are our supporters. They are people who love what we do. And it feels good. And what we do, laughter changes the world. It really does. People tell me some stories and I say, oh my God, that's great to hear.

man, the show got me through this. It got me through that. And you got to show people love because that's the purpose of what we do. Yes. And it feels good. People come up to you with a smile on their face because you made them laugh. You got to like doing it regardless of your check. You got to like doing it. It really is...

It's just part of what we do. We didn't choose this thing to be hermits. We chose to give people because we have a way of connecting to people, and you've got to have that lane in your life. People remember you more. Do you remember when all of a sudden you went from being able to walk the street and no one knew who you were to when all of a sudden you were getting a lot of attention? When was that? New York? Stand-up? Or...

When did all of a sudden- It's pockets because we do so many things that you get different pockets of things that, depending on what's visible. If I have a commercial campaign, people stop me for the commercial. Oh, I saw your billboard. Or if Curb is on, hey man, episode was crazy. I had an amazing episode. What's he really like? Oh, man.

Oh, man. How's Larry on? How's Larry off camera? How's Larry on camera? And I always sit there like, you know, he's Larry. You know? Yeah. I always say there's two Larrys. Yes. There's TV Larry and there's real Larry. TV Larry got a pile of shit and real Larry got a pile of shit. Just different shit. But, hey, man.

Hey, I owe him a lot. You know what? He's a friend, has been for many, many, many years. He's a friend who you invite to dinner and he says yes and he won't show up. But he's still a friend and he...

reinvigorated my desire to be funny because I had done several sitcoms after Cheers and Becker and I started to feel less and less funny and a couple of them didn't work and I went, oh, I'm through. Other people are funny and I'm just not that so I'm going to not do that anymore. And then Curb came along and we showed up, Mary and I, because he said, come, just play yourselves, come.

And all of a sudden, funny became something so much fun for me again. So I do credit him. He was a big part of my life. You know, I think it's genius to tap into the little things about life. You know, scripted work is amazing. I love writers. You know, I'm a writer. But there's something about being in the moment with people,

um tapping into these little things about life about people human nature all these things that's very connected to people you know i mean it's different it's different and when people know that you are you know you're scripted and you're reading you're actually just saying what someone wrote for you it's different yeah and that's why i think i'm speaking from the comedian side you know um

We have to connect to people immediately. You know, we got to sell ourselves. You know, anybody can tell a joke. Anybody can tell a joke, you know, but how do you take that joke and make it connected to someone? You know, you got to read energies. You got to listen very intently to what people are laughing at. You know, some people like gestures that people have at gestures. If you recognize every little thing that people love about you, it's your golf swing.

It's a golf swing that you have mastered to the point where you don't even have to look where the ball landed anymore. You swing, you hit, you turn around, you put the club away. The ball hasn't hit the ground yet sometimes, but you've mastered that. And I think that's another lane that I think Curb has given a lot of us. It makes what we do originally did better.

Because now we're in the moment. And also, don't think, people also give you more leeway because of Curb, you know? And they give comedians more leeway, stand-up comedians, because they know that they have a certain rhythm and timing that comes across very well and natural, you know? People can get very robotic when they're reading, memorizing a script. Like, exactly. Yeah. Exactly what I wrote.

Not take it and make it your own, which is a better way for anybody to work. Make it your own. You like someone, you hire them because you like them and you love their rhythm. You love what they do. And you apply whatever that's written right there. You make it fit them, not vice versa. Because it doesn't work that way. You got to get your timing, how you speak. Everything has to match your...

That's why you work with people who know how to write for you in your rhythm. You know how many times we've been, you know, waiting to find out what Larry's going to do. He's coming back, all those seasons. Right. You know, I would see Larry at an event or something like that, and he would tell me, I got some good stuff for you this season. And I was like, really? Yeah.

Because he knows everyone. So when he says he has some great stuff for you, man, that means he's really been thinking, how can I make this person shine as much as possible? And that is a lot of us.

There's a lot of us on this show. You got to juggle all these different personalities and fit what their character would do in this situation. That's a lot of people to think about unscripted. You know what I mean? They did work their asses off for like months coming up with the plot lines and everything. It's great. No, it's unbelievable. You know, if you laugh, look, we laugh at the premise

If you laugh at the premise before the punchlines, you got gold all the time. That's the aim. The aim is for the premise to be funny. When I'm on stage, if I'm performing, no matter what I do, the premise is what I get a smirk out of or someone leans forward in their chair. You know what I mean? That is what, that's the goal to me.

You get a laugh on the premise, you got somebody. You say, hey, you smiling, you laughing already at the premise, we're going to take it to the punchline. I think that's what is golden, and I think that's what we got put into an amazing position at on Curb because, you know, you read that outline, you say, oh, man. Sometimes I didn't want to read them. I didn't. I hate to read. I didn't start. I might have read last season, but the rest of them,

I would just get there and say, okay, what's, what's popping. Just tell me what the overall episode is about and what I'm doing. Cause I don't, I don't want to overthink it. Yeah. I, I spent a whole season once, uh, not looking at any of the outlines. And I, I was doing a show, uh, an episode where I get out of the car and I walked to this lawn dry cleaner and Larry, and I'm blanking on her name. Um,

famous actress who's standing on the curb. And I got to my mark early. I was too soon. And as I'm passing by, because I'm just supposed to go, hey, and keep going, I hear, oh, yeah, Ted Danson. He is such an asshole. And they both are talking about what an asshole I am. And I heard this for the first time, and I'm going, well, I mean, what? You know? And then I talked to Jeff Garland, and he went, you didn't know? What?

You are the asshole of the season. And I was like, oh, maybe I should read these. What are you bringing to the Thanksgiving table this year? A new take on a classic dish, fun game for the family, or perhaps a new language? As the most trusted language learning program for over 30 years, Rosetta Stone immerses you with an enriching experience. Whether you're traveling to a new country,

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Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash Ted and Woody, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash Ted and Woody to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Ted and Woody. Dude, let me go back to the beginning of you and stand up.

How did that start? Did you start writing jokes before? I've always been the life of the party. I was always the life of the party. If I had known in high school that I could really do this, oh man, I would have prepared myself. But I do think there's something to preparing yourself without structurally preparing.

preparing yourself and knowing anything. I think you become the life of the party. You become that dude. You become the guy that makes people laugh. The first one to dance at every party. You're that, you're that dude. You know, you're the loudest guy in the room. You know, you're either going to be a lawyer. You're going to be something. But I didn't, I mean, although I was a big fan of comedians, um,

comedic actors and all that stuff. I had no idea. What age are you talking right now? When you're talking, I'm talking about high school, high school age. Yeah. But here's the thing people forget about. You know, there's a saying that people use, but people don't know what it really means. You are what you eat. You've heard it before. You are what you eat. People relate that to food and it's not about food.

It's about what you're consuming through your life that makes you, that has given you strength, that has given you insight, that has given you all these things. So you are what you are. It's everything that's around you, things that you have accepted into your life. That's what you're consuming. So me, I got really, really, you know, I grew up in the projects of Mount Vernon, New York, you know, Boys and Girls Club Kid, all that stuff.

Meaning tough? Huh? When you bring that up, do you mean it was tough? Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. You hear the word projects. It's related to tough. It's related to...

you know, uh, being with, living in a building with a lot of people, you know, um, but good times and hard times. This is New York City. Right. You know, um, so you, you have to have a balance, I think, of things. Not that you have to, um,

but you have to know things exist. You have to know the context of things that you pull into your life. So for me, it was- Let me interrupt one more second, though. Because that's a talent. Not everyone-

has that point of view at an early age or knows that in an early age? Did your mother, did your father, did your, where did that ability to go, oh, I need to pay attention to what I'm absorbing come from, do you think? You just have to. It's a survival mode. You're in survival mode right now. New York is a fast, fast place, man. You know, you're, I mean, you're just, you see everything. As a young person, you see everything.

I don't know where you grew up at. Where did you grow up at? Oh, Arizona. My best friends were helping Navajo, riding horses, ranchers, that kind of thing. That's different. Beautiful. Beautiful. Different. Yeah, but it's a part. It's ingrained in you. It's a part of you in there that has gotten you to where you are right now. It has to. But I think there's a different... Now, if we switched up, I would do better than you would do.

I'm sure of that. I'm 100% sure. I'm just saying. Some people always say this too, man. Look, some people have to know a little bit about everything. And some people don't have to know everything.

Like, you know, I do, I use this all the time. I already say, you know, uh, black people can walk into like back then and blockbuster black people can walk in, in blockbuster and rent anything and watch it and fucking enjoy it. It could be a movie about submarines, uh,

It could be any damn thing. A war movie. It could be anything. You know, it don't matter what it is. We can watch anything and get it right. You can't walk in there and grab any fucking movie off the shelf and understand what the fuck is going on. You watch the movie Friday and you would not, you wouldn't be able to last five minutes because you wouldn't know what is happening. You wouldn't understand anything with that movie because it's,

Because I say you have to consume everything in order to be well balanced in your life. You got to be well balanced. So for me as a kid growing up, love and stand up, growing up in projects, I got a chance to, you know, and New York has a certain pace to it. So you get a chance to hone your skills as a person.

You know, I truly believe you got to sell yourself before you sell anything. You got to sell yourself. I saw you say that. You got to sell yourself. If you can sell yourself, people like you, you get a return call. You get, hey, there's my guy. What's up, man? You get that from people. That's what you want. And that lasts you forever. Forever. I feel bad you got labeled an asshole on that season. I feel bad. I feel fucking bad.

You know, I thought you were just saying in life. No. For a minute. When you started that sentence, I went, wait a minute. Am I labeled an asshole in life? No, not in life. I'm saying I'm using that as an overall, I'm painting an overall picture of how we are all part of our upbringing and what we consume through our life. So for me, I always wanted to make people happy.

Me too. Because it wasn't always great times growing up in New York in the projects. It just wasn't. I lost a lot of friends. Lost a lot of friends, man. It's rough, man. And people, some people don't understand that. That it really is a certain journey you got to have. But all these things make you who you end up being. Like at some point you got to land somewhere and you got to be that person you are meant to be for the rest of your life. For the rest of your life. Not that you can't learn other things and you wouldn't pull other things into your life, but you have to have a base

You got to have a base somewhere. So for me, comedy was that. Comedy really, my mom was funny. My mom is hilarious. My mom is funny. My brother's a comedian also. Think Floyd. My brother Terrence is funny. We just got a funny family. My whole family's funny. You go to my family reunion, you wouldn't get a word in because everybody wants to. I think I was the only one at that time

who was able to get on stage with it. My brother's been doing it 10 years now, but before that, I've been doing it 30-something years. So as funny as my family is, I mean, hilarious. I mean, I get lost in the shuffle because they so damn funny, but they would never get on stage. These North Carolina people would never get on stage with it, but they are freaking characters, funny characters, man. So all these pieces right here become a part of

you know, how you move and how you, um, how you construct your, your, your, your person, you know what I mean? And also you got to pull, there's so many things you got to do, man. It's like, you know, and you had to build character. I think you build character and it's, you know, I mean, I had regular jobs. I had to sell fire extinguishers, you know, what am I, my first job ever as 15, 15 year old kid, uh,

after school job was in a perfumery. I learned how to make perfume with this freaking 75 year old, maybe four foot five Italian guy. That was my first job I ever had. Were you mixing? I was doing everything. Wow. I was a perfumer. I was a little high school kid who knew how to make perfume, knew how to box it, knew how to fill bottles, knew how to ship it. I knew I did everything. Small company.

15-year-old kid responsible for all the responsibilities. And I loved it. And when that little dude, Ray Murata was his name, when that little guy, he's like, you pick up little things from people like that. He would pull a handkerchief out of his pocket and just pat his forehead. He'd just say, you know what? I always carry a handkerchief. You never know. You're going to sweat or you're going to cut your finger or a lady might need something.

That is so true. He always said that. Always carry a handkerchief in your pocket. That is so true. I said, I'll never forget that. Isn't that crazy? To this day, if I happen to have a handkerchief and Mary asks for one, she's so grateful. Isn't that something? Yeah. It's little things like that, man, that somehow you listen. And the world moved a little slower back then. Now the world is fast. So our old asses

You can't keep up with the speed of the world. Even though we have careers that we do, we still can't keep up really. We'll lose a young person sometimes in our dialogue. You know what I mean? In our description of something, we'll lose their ass and we'll get lost by their fast ass.

We'll say, what? What is it? I sometimes thank God that I came up in a time where the body of work was enough that I have name recognition. Good, bad, or indifferent, I have name recognition. Kids coming up now have to be social media, have to be to cut through.

And I'm not on social media. My brain doesn't go there or work there. I'm fine that other people do. I don't have that desire or knack or whatever. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Seeing the world, right? Yeah. And knowing the world that you started in, would you trade places based on everything you've ever done, right? Where you are now, would you trade places right now? If you switch places with a younger person,

Not just because they're younger and you can be on this planet longer. The journey that you've been on based on everything being, it's like making a fucking cake by hand. You know what I mean? You got to put all the ingredients in that shit, right? Now they make cakes with everything already in it. Just add water. Would you trade the eggs, the milk, the oil?

You know, the flour, all the things that go into a real cake with a cake you put water in. No, no. I'm so grateful for every part of my life. The fuck ups. Yeah. The cringing moments that I have many of. I would not be with my wife, Mary, if anything had changed along the way. I am so blessed. So blessed. Yeah. Isn't that something? Yeah. You got to think about that because it's different now.

Everything's different. Money's different. The time you have to do it is different. Everything can be done quick. You know what I mean? Yep. Would a young Ted Danson thrive? You know what would be really cool if you had two of yourself. One that lived already and another one, like a little copy of yourself. You know what I mean? A copy of yourself that started over right now.

And you can watch that little motherfucker move. See how, see if he's, just watch him and see how different it would be to watch this dude right here in this time period. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's different. There's something about you for me. You have kindness just radiating out of you. You know, I see you and I want to hug you. I just love you without knowing anything.

that much about you because of what you emanate. And you emanate? Yeah, whatever, put out into the world. And that's also an amazing thing to be able to be funny and kind. It's not always a combination that everyone has. Everybody can't get it, but you try to reel people in sometimes. You know what? I think that certain people have a higher tolerance for pain sometimes

Which is crazy, but people, some people just have a higher tolerance for pain and they know how to soothe you. They know how to tell you that they understand what you're going through. Some people don't have that. Some people don't have that shit. They make you feel worse.

You'll say, man, if you don't get the fuck out of my face, because you're making me feel horrible right now. But some people know how to. They're joy vampires. Some people know how to make you feel better. There's just something about it. And I think that's what we're supposed to be doing nowadays. We're supposed to do this. And I think in what we do, you want people to remember you. I mean, you got to say this. You got people to remember you as...

Someone that inspired, someone that made them laugh, someone to make them do everything that they needed for themselves at that time. You know what people, you know what you want? People have great stories about you. Good gracious, man. You want people to have good stories. Because, you know, I do think in some way, everybody, I think the word icon is misused a lot.

So I think people take the word icon and they attach it to people who are legendary for some reason. You know what I mean? But it's not. Icon means you locked yourself in as something that people can remember. That's interesting. That's the better definition for it. Not someone who's so big that they are untouchable.

An icon means it's someone that touched you in a way that made you remember who they were in that moment. And they become that person the rest of their life. That's an icon. Someone who gave, a fundraiser, someone who made sure they planted seeds all the time with people, that's an icon. Because they are remembered for what they did and how they were able to be someone that legendary and remembered here and gone.

So that's what humor is. I think that's what comedy is. I think that's what, shit, we were on a legendary show. Yeah. I'm talking about, you know how many people I've ran into and they say, oh, let my kid watch it. I'm like, what? This little guy right here? He'll be like a six-year-old kid. I love your character on Curb. I'm like, really? Yeah. But that's what, you know, that's what that journey, man, you know,

I took an improv class in, shit, it might have been 88, 89, maybe, because I wanted to be a comedian. I said, let me take an improv class and see what this is, this improv thing that I've been doing. Was this New York? Yeah. 44th Street and 9th Avenue, the old Improv Comedy Club. Oh, wow. I took an improv class, and literally after the improv class that summer, the club closed down.

I said, oh shit, I was supposed to get that in. I could have took that class anytime or I could have fucked around and thought about taking an improv class after the club closed. I would have had a different teacher. I couldn't even imagine having a different teacher. I had, what was his name from SCTV?

Forgot his fucking name. But that class was great. And literally after my class was done, that's- Is this before you'd gotten on stage? Yeah, that's the first thing I ever did was take an improv class. Oh, that's amazing. I said, I'm going to take one just to see how it feels. I'm going to help take the train from Mount Vernon all the way downtown. Every Saturday, I'd take that class, man. And I said, I want to see what this is that I'm doing that make people laugh in the hallways, that's making my friends laugh.

I'm just making up shit with them, but I didn't know the improv rules. I just knew I was just doing crazy stuff and surprising people with stuff. And I think once I realized that, I took that class, everything else was clear to me what I wanted to do. But yeah, and I'm done. I did so much stuff, man. A lot of firsts, man. You know, especially in the stand-up world, you know, uh,

Short attention span theater on Comedy Central. You're talking about one of the first shows they ever had. Apartment. I think I did Apartment 2F. I did Scar Brothers pilot. I did on MTV, one of their first pilots ever on MTV. I did so much stuff, man. Chris Rock show. Chris Rock. Chris Rock's TV show. Oh, I did that.

It's just like you do all the stuff you can do. And I think being versatile is the number one thing. I used to tell all my friends, I used to tell them, I said, man, don't get stuck just doing clubs. Thinking there's a way. There isn't a way. No. Yeah, I agree. I always told them, I said, do a lot of different stuff because you don't know what's going to be the one that's going to be the big one. And also, you become more versatile because

And I always bounced around and did a bunch of different things. Man, I did background work. Shit, man. Me too. I did background work when I first started. And I was thrilled. Get me in front of a camera, even if I'm in the background. Man, I was sitting there. Shit. I used to fight. I used to sit there and talk to the directors. I used to try to get a line. I used to try to get a line, man. I just wanted to get a fucking line. I wanted to say something, you know? And I was just...

I think all that, all that you had to do. Curb really did change my life because it reinvigorated my desire to be funny. But,

I did it. I've told this story before, but we watched the pilot of Curb, Mary and I, and Mary thought it was great. I thought it sucked. I thought it absolutely sucked, and I felt sorry for my new friend, Larry David. So in trying to be encouraging kind of thing, I said, you know, if you ever need us to play ourselves, we'd be happy to. And in that sort of idiocy, you know, I ended up...

Being part of something that changed my life. Isn't that something? Yeah. Anyway, come on, do athlete for me just for a minute. Because one of the times we were working, you came hobbling in because Ray Allen had ducked his shoulder and slammed you or something and really fucked you up.

But you were an athlete growing up, right? I played football, wide receiver in high school. But I didn't take it seriously enough. I was just, I was still. But you were good. You had the chops. I was good. Maybe not the discipline or desire. You know what? Here's what I think happens too. I'm a better, you would think it would be the other way around, but I'm a smarter athlete now. I wasn't, I was just going on energy, just doing stuff.

as a wide receiver in high school to the point where I never started because I was playing around too much. I didn't take it serious.

In the weight room, I was joking around with people, having too much fun, the loud dude, you know, or skip a workout or whatever it was, man. I got, man, I got, oh, man. Me and my buddy Todd, rest in peace, man. We lost him over the holidays. Man, me and that dude, we were late every practice, man.

We had to stay, like the team would be released and we would be doing freaking crabbing up backwards up hills, man. Because we were late every day. It was like the craziest thing, man. And he was horrible at freaking being on time. And I would still wait for him because he's my friend. And literally, I would wait for him to come out of his building and we would go to practice. And every day we were late going to practice, man.

It was unbelievable. But somehow, I don't know what that was for, but sticking by that dude, man, and being late every day and not, I don't know what would happen. But if I did projections, right, my projection would have been I would have been a New York Jet wide receiver. But that would mean I would have to, I probably would have to have met a different best friend, which is crazy to think about.

Right. Which is a best friend who was coming downstairs on time who always said, hey, man, stop joking around so much, man. Let's work out. Let's run the track. Let's do five laps instead of one. And you know what I mean? I think I would have been different. But if you'd gone that path, you'd probably now be sitting there with three replaced knees. Yeah. You know. So you're here. And that being said, I think I'm smarter athlete now because I understand the game more now.

I wasn't just going on to the plays. I think I'm smarter now. But if I had this brain, let me say, we can go back. If I had this mindset as an athlete back then, oh, man, I would have took the world over. How about basketball? Do me basketball. Basketball, let me tell you, that game, you know, I've done the all-star game, celebrity game a few times.

Because you're good. Because I'm good. I talk trash. I know how to get in your head. Physically, you're a good player. Ray might not admit this, but I got in his head a little bit, I think. I think I got in that man's head a little bit, man. I did get a steal, you know, and I play tough defense. Yeah. And me, now look, he's not a huge guy. I'm not a huge guy, but we're in the same range as far as weight. No, I ain't going to lie to him.

that fucker's muscles was crazy oh my god like hard like hard not muscular just fit yeah fit ass muscles I said god damn this motherfucker's hard and I would I would I started cheating a little bit he's a hall of famer I gotta cheat a little bit

I did grab him a few times. Was this full court or three? Put a body on him, huh? Full court, yeah. This is a celebrity basketball game. Damn. I'm chasing this dude all over the goddamn court. And we were winning. We had a good team. And they had a great team. But we were winning the game with a minute something left in the game. You would figure I could have survived the last minute and 30 seconds.

How do you play a game and get hurt the last minute and 30 seconds? Chasing Ray Allen around the freaking Hall of Famer. Chasing around the goddamn court. We were up by 14 points. All of a sudden, Ray got hot. Whop, whop. He just started hitting them threes, man. I said, somebody stop him. So I sat on the bench. I said, man, I got to get back in the game. He needs to somebody get in his goddamn head and make him fuck his confidence up a little bit.

I got back in that game, man. I started texting that dude all over the place, man. I didn't give a damn. I had to hold his shorts. I was cheating. I didn't give a fuck, man. You know what I mean? I'm wrapping my arm around his arm. I'm putting a body on him and everything, man.

That's when the football came in. That's when the football history came in. I started putting the body on him a little bit. He started running around. Then they cut it down to four points. That was a four-point lead with like a minute left. I said, come on, man. We can win this game. We got this game. Man, so I said, let me get on Ray. Let me cause some trouble. Man, I chased Ray all over the place. And he ran into the corner. And you know, that's his favorite shot from the corner from this corner.

Man, I chased that dude full speed. He got away from me. I got picked off and I ran around the dude and I chased him. And I said, man, sometimes if you can't block the shot, you got to put your hand in their face. And I jumped in the air like this to try to make a miss. And man, when I was going up,

And I started coming down. He was going up to shoot. And his whole shoulder caught me right here. Boom. Oh, my God. Knocked the air out of me, man. Have you ever had the air knocked out of you? Yeah, I have. That's not a good feeling. No. People use that as a metaphor. Did you know you? People always say, knock the air right out of me. People say that all the time. But have you ever felt the air knocked out of you? I didn't know if I was going to survive. Wow. The life came out of me, man. I saw myself.

A version of myself standing next to me said, he fucked you up. No, my life came out of me. My life came out of me. Yo, your lung is something, man. You need him. He caught me right there with that shoulder, man. That little hard ass. He had fucking like, his shoulders were like two bocce balls on his shoulders.

Now, do you think he knew what he was doing or was it an accident? I think he was being competitive. It's competitive. It's got to be a little competitive. The man's retired. He, you know, he was killing us. He was killing us. Now, we still won the game. What is it? You win the game, you lose the war. And believe me, my ribs lost that war. Yeah, you were out for a while from curb, if I remember. Man, I'll tell you what I did. This is crazy how...

we don't think we hurt enough. We just think, you know what everybody says when they get hurt? Oh, that's going to hurt in the morning. Yeah. And believe me, that shit hurt in the morning. I couldn't get out of bed, man. Yo, I thought a truck hit my ass, man. I didn't know I was hurt. I just thought I pulled a little something. Yeah. You know, so I went to the hotel gift shop, got some Motrin,

Loaded up on those Motrin, man. Took a few Motrins, pow pow. Yo, you would have thought nothing happened to me. Yo, it's amazing what that shit, it just- Oh, it worked. What? It worked like I didn't get hurt at all. Isn't that weird?

Medicine masks the pain. But weren't you out for a while? No, I'm getting to that part. So this is me. I'm still at All-Star Weekend. I got hurt. I took some Motrons. And I was already scheduled for several things because I was there. I had a private party, my own party for All-Star Weekend. Then I do the Legends Brunch, the monologue for the Legends Brunch.

And I was a little pain. So there was a sports doctor there. I said, hey, man, you know, I got this. I hurt myself the other day. But you know who told me? Man, we was on a bus going back to the hotel. And one of my teammates told me it was probably just a contusion. A contusion, he said.

Contusion. Probably just a contusion. Those don't hurt. Contusions. Contusions. Man, I ended up doing the party. I ended up doing the, so at the Legends Brunch, they had a sports doctor. I told him what happened to me. Oh, he said, oh, he said, well, you know, a lot of guys, you know, all these legends in the room, they all got knee problems and back problems. So he had a little bag. He said, I'll give you some Motrin.

Six or more. 600 milligrams. Good gracious, man.

600 milligrams, man. I said, what? I said, I got the ones in the hotel. It was like, like a hundred. He said, no, he said, that ain't shit. He said, that ain't shit. This right here, you won't feel shit for a week. I said, what? He gave me a few of those. He said, here, take a few, take a few with you. You got to travel. You got to travel and stuff. He said, when you get back to the States to see a doctor, it's, you know, man, I did that. I took that 600 milligrams, man, I felt like a hundred million bucks

Man, did not know how hurt I was. Ended up doing the whole weekend, did the party, did everything. Got on the plane to go back, all right? And dozed off on the plane. Dozed off on the plane. Didn't take the 600 milligrams. I went to sleep. Man, I woke up. I couldn't move. I said, oh, shit. I moved a little bit. I said, oh, fuck.

I had to use the bathroom. You know? I do, I know. You had to pee. I had to pee. And I was looking around. I was like, fuck. How do I get up and not look like I'm fucked up? I didn't want to look like that. No. But I knew by sitting there, I couldn't. It was hurting so bad. So I said, I just like grabbed the back of the chair in front of me. I just got up and I just walked real slow.

to the bathroom, played it off. I was in, I mean, the pain was unbearable. I got in the bathroom, closed the door, locked it, looked in the mirror and said, fuck, fuck, not right now. God damn, I couldn't. Man, I took one, 600. I said, man, maybe it'll kick in before I land. I slowly made it back to my chair, sat there, landed,

back in, landed, and I said, let me call my doctor right away. Called my doctor and said, hey man, I got injured playing basketball. The doctor gave me a 600 milligrams. He said, you know what, go get an x-ray. I go to go get an x-ray and the dude comes out from giving me the x-ray and he sent it to the doctor. Doctor calls me right around my phone. He said,

go immediately to the emergency room. Woof. Your lung is full to capacity with fluid. Wow. So I was internally, my fucking lung was fucking full of fucking blood and fucking. Wow. Blood. He said, your lung is full. Wow. He said, your left lung is fucking full.

go immediately to the emergency room. I go there, I said, oh shit. So I go to the, my wife takes me to the emergency room and the guy says, hey, your doctor already called me. And he said, sit on this, sit on this, this gurney. He said, turn your back. He said, grab the edge of that, that little table. He said, grab that and don't turn around. I said, oh shit. He said, I got to drain your, your, your, your lung. Figo needle. It's fucking needle.

Yeah. That's what the fuck this is. Yeah. Right here. That's how fucking big the needle was. The needle was damn near big as a Coke straw. You know what I mean? He said, turn around, man. He said, you don't want to see this. I said, fuck. Then he had a beaker sitting here, a tube in the beaker, but it was a big one. Big ass beaker like this.

And he took that fucking needle, I saw the holes attached to the needle. He said, he wiped it with some, you know, prepped it. He said, all right, man, hold on because it's going to hurt. Took that needle, put that needle straight through my back, into my lung. Wow. And hit that little button and that shit started pulling the liquid out of my lung. And this thing, this beaker,

Started filling up with freaking blood. It was fucking crazy. You saw the beaker this one That shit should not be in your view Fucking making a milkshake with some shit like a strawberry milkshake in this motherfucker Wait, wait, I said wait a minute now I was joking around a little bit so wait a minute So you don't want me to see the fucking needle, but you wanted me to see what the fuck is coming out of my lung. I

It's just better than this. It's like, it's just filling up with fucking red liquid. Like really? So it fills up.

He said, man, we're going to have to keep you in the hospital for a few days. So I ended up being in the hospital. To make sure it didn't fill up again. No, it has to. I have to. They have to see what's going to happen. Yeah. So I ended up staying in the hospital for a few days. Three days. They had to keep draining my, draining my. So I had a tube in my back. Yeah. In my lung that could drain it. Because they were trying to talk me into opening me up for surgery. I said, nah, man, you are not cutting me open. So you're going to find another way to fix this shit.

So I find another way to fix it, man. So I got out. They gave me some medications. It slowed down. I get out the hospital. I did three days. I don't know what the fuck I was doing. See, this is the cockiness of people. I get out of the hospital. I go to a friend's wedding a day or two after I got out of the hospital. And I get to the wedding, you know, doing regular shit, sitting down there, chilling, relaxing, having drinks, toasting my friend. And all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. I was sitting there like, what the fuck is going on?

I got a little dizzy, couldn't breathe. Then I went, I said, let me call the doctor. Call the doctor. He said, man, go back to the emergency room again. I go back. He did another x-ray. He said, you have twice as much fluid in your lung as you did the first time. Oh my God. Motherfucker said, sit down, man. I'm sorry.

That fucking beaker down. That goddamn needle again. I said, I don't believe this shit, man. He said, did it again. Bow. Filled one up. Took it away. Put another empty one up there and filled that shit up again. I love the sound effects. But here's the crazy part. Did not tell me.

That as it gets lower and lower you're gonna feel excruciating pain Didn't tell me that shit. Yo, it's like it's like someone took my freaking lung and crumbled it up Oh, she's like a fucking piece of paper. It felt yo, I almost passed out I said yo, I said yo, it's it's it's painful. He's oh, I should have told you that the second beaker is gonna be painful and

Yo, man, I thought I was, no, I said, yo, I said, yo, I'm going to black out. I can't fucking hold it. That's how painful it was. He said, okay, okay, I'm going to stop. And he stops it. And I was in the hospital for 11 days. Wow. With a freaking valve on my back to keep draining my freaking lung. So this is, it was crazy. It was like four or five years ago, maybe, or something like that.

I can't remember. What was that? Yeah. Maybe pre-pandemic, so probably about. Ray Allen. I hope he's listening to this. The pain he caused you. I called him and told him what happened. Shit. But that's the dust. Come on, man. I mean, I'm only 185. What am I, 185? 180? That's probably 180, man. You realize these top-notch athletes, how competitive they are. They don't lose. No, they don't lose. They do not lose. But it was a great experience.

but that's part of being, you know, I'm a little cocky too when it comes to sports. I'm a little aggressive. I'm a little cocky because I like to play.

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Fries, fresh for everyone. I wish Woody were here. Woody is one of the most competitive human beings I've ever met in my life. I love that dude. Yeah. I love that dude. Shout out, Woody. Shout out to Woody, man. I love that dude, man. He has to invite me to his bar. His bar. You've been to the bar? Yeah, yeah. Fucking bar. The Woods. The Woods.

The Woods. Let's give it a shot out. It's an amazing dispensary and bar. And bar. And how about those fucking tree houses? Yeah. Tree houses inside the restaurant. How do you do that? I don't know. But that's where I met Paul McCartney. Was there at The Woods. So, yeah, forever fond of The Woods. See, now who's one of your idols?

idols? Like someone you would look at and say, well, was he like on the list? Like, oh my God, this is. Oh yes. No, of course. Of course. Yeah, of course. Oh my God. And Mary, my wife, Mary became a, you know, a 14 year old teenager. She couldn't barely contain herself.

We went to SNL 40 and we just, you know, we ran into so many cool people. My wife loves Prince. God, I watched that. That was an amazing show. Oh man, to be there? Yeah. I'm talking about legendary people sitting there, man. It's like unbelievable who was in that room. The best part about whatever success we've both had is the ability to

to be able to meet some of those people. You know, it's amazing who you've got to meet. I'll tell you the story. One time I was in Craig's restaurant and was sitting having dinner with friends. And several times I've ran into people there. And it's always legendary people. One time I was sitting there and, you know, the maitre d', he's really cool. He loves the shit out of me. Every time someone famous comes in, he brings them over to my table and makes me say hi to them.

Sidney Poitier walked in there one time. One of the most elegant human beings on the planet. How do you get that elegant? How do you get that? I mean, he's elegant. I mean, he was like elegant. Like really, you feel him on your skin before you even see him. You say, somebody came in here. Somebody came in the restaurant. You turn around, fucking Sidney Poitier. And you almost hear his voice. Sidney Poitier. That was one of my great thrills. Hey, Jamie, you know Sidney? I said, oh.

I fucking love you, man. Yes, I know JB. How are you, JB? I love your work. I said, holy shit, fucking Sidney Poitier. Then he took me to the, one time he took me to the table with, it was a crazy mixture of people. It was like Don Rickles, John Mayer, and Bob Saget at the same fucking table.

And he took me over there. He said, you know Rickles? I said, I never fucking met Rickles. I would love to meet Don Rickles. So I went over there, man. He said, hey, Don is a Jamie Smoove comedian. I said, hello, sir. And I gave him a little shit. I don't know what I said to him.

But man, did he open the gates. That man proceeded to rip me a new asshole. And make you laugh at the same time. Man, I'm sitting there like, holy shit. First thing I said was,

Let me ask you a question, man. I don't mean to disrespect, but what the fuck are you three guys doing together? What the fuck is John Mayer doing here? That's a good question. John Mayer, fucking Bob Sackett, and fucking Don Rickles. What the fuck are you three? There's like three age groups here. Like, what the fuck are you three guys doing together? I can't believe it. But it was amazing. It was like, you just ripped me, man. It was so fun. And then, man.

Bob, man, let me tell you, I already knew John because I did something with him on Funny or Die. But Bob Saget, man, it's like you ever met somebody that you were supposed to meet a long time ago? Yeah, I know what you mean. You know, I was supposed to meet this dude a long time ago. Man, like we started kicking it and talking, man.

It was so like, I don't know how it works, man. But I do know sometimes you're supposed to meet people earlier than you met them. And then I was in Detroit doing a fundraiser. And in my hotel were like the Golden State Warriors. They were playing Detroit. All the Golden State Warriors were there. I ran into like Steph Curry and everybody was there. And they were honoring the legendary Detroit Piston guys.

you know, Rodney's and yeah, man, it was ripped and all those guys were there in the same hotel. And then Bob Saga was there doing a, doing a show that weekend. I'm in the lobby kicking it. He walks up to me and said, Hey man, we hugged, we hugged each other. We took selfies with each other, man. It was almost like, it's crazy, man. We, we stood there for like 30 minutes talking, like laughing our asses off, talking about silliest shit ever.

Like nothing we talked about was going to change the world. Yeah. But in that moment, it felt like we were like doing something for each other. And you're supposed to have that. Yeah. You're supposed to have that moment. I don't know how it works, but man, I was so happy that I met him that day at Craig's. So happy we ran into each other again.

And man, it was nuts. So man, it's like, yo, he said, man, we got to take the wives out to dinner one night. I said, man, we got to do that, man. Oh my God, we'll have a blast. And we're laughing our asses off at shit. Just like at us, at each other. Not like anything else going on around us. But man, that's so genuine. And you got something in common, but the shit that you don't count,

that you got in common is not important in that moment. We didn't even talk about stand-up one time. We talked about life. A kindred spirit. We just talked about life and us. We talked about who we, like, what makes us tick for 30 minutes.

Is that crazy? And then we didn't mention stand-up one time. All we said was why we were in town. Oh, we mentioned, yeah, I'm doing a gig over here. See, I'm doing this fundraiser over here. And after that, it was just a cool-ass combo. That's so wonderful. Regular ass, regular shit. Husband shit, kid shit. Regular stuff that we really go through that defines who we are that really matters more than anything. So if anybody out there thinks that, you know, this is,

a job we do that doesn't require work like this lottery or we just fucking just do something for nothing we are regular ass people me and that man proceeded to be friends and he would send me i could pull this i could pull his messages up right now and i save everything so what i do with my phone is every time i lose somebody next to their name i write r.i.p

So when I'm scrolling for somebody's number, I always stop and go, oh, shit. That must have hurt. R.I.P., man. That must have hurt. I got a lot of R.I.P.s in my phone. So I just try to keep their memory in my brain when I'm scrolling through. That's a great idea. Yeah, I put R.I.P., man, you know, with a heart or whatever. But that keeps me thinking about what was unique about them. You know what I mean? That's a great idea. So, yeah, so, man, we went back and forth so many times trying to plan this damn dinner with the wives.

And I felt horrible that we never got it done because it was supposed to happen. You know me now, you know more than likely our wives We got mad at us who would have been fucking talking like crazy You're having a dinner with all four of you I end up you end up talking and the ladies and them having their own combo. Yes, but man, that's how that's what would have happened Yeah

Sidney Poitier was just, I got to meet him twice. Mary had worked with his daughter, Sidney, his daughter, Sidney. And oh my God, it was like, he was sitting, I get down on my knees and I just sat there talking to him for about 20 minutes. And it was like a blessing to my life. And the other person was,

was Gregory Peck. I got to hug Gregory Peck. And this was all came through my wife, Mary, but it was just, they're two of the most elegant gentlemen in our business. And some people you meet that are not elegant, but somehow they touched the hell out of you. Oh yeah. The elegant part is not necessary, but their elegance was their spirit. It wasn't like how they dress their top. It was something about, it's something that man,

I ran into Lee Majors, man, the $6 million man. I thought I was going to lose my shit, man. I've never seen Lee Majors, $6 million man in person. I said, oh shit, that's Lee Majors, $6 million man. All I'm thinking about is $6 million man. Like, yo, it's Lee Majors, man. Because he's a part of my, you know, same thing with Bob Einstein. Look, man, Super Dave,

Come on, man. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. My hero growing up once I wanted to start acting was Dick Van Dyke. And I got to hang around him and get to know him a little bit. And it was one of the great joys of my life. I grew up without a TV. The first time I turned on a TV that was mine, it was age 28.

at college, and I turned it on at 11:00 in the morning, and there was a-- literally, there was Dick Van Dyke tripping over the ottoman, and I went, "Oh, I want some of that." People-- well, those who've seen my stand-up know that I'm a tremendous physical stand-up, you know, guy. I love physicality. 'Cause I like to present something-- it's kind of like the reversal of, you know, show and tell.

I tell and show. Yeah, that's great. That's my order of things. So for me, I love the physical. I love Dick Van Dyke. And it's the athlete in it. No one was a really good physical guy, but I don't think he got remembered for it was Larry Hagman.

That's interesting.

Of course, he's remembered for fucking Dallas more than anything. But man, that dude on Genie was hilarious. And I love Peter Sellers. Wow. Peter Sellers, I mean...

The Panther series. And before that. I mean, he's always been. I got a wide range of what inspires me. People understand that comedians, we are inspired by more than just other comedians. You know, of course, I love Pryor. I love Fox. You know, George Carlin was one that really turned it. I love Bill Cosby. I love everybody. Yeah. You know, but.

These are people who I actually couldn't believe I was in awe of these people because I found them. And Andy Griffith's show was one of my favorite shows. He was astounding. He was astounding. Let me ask you a question. Do you think I would have been a good Barney Fife? I think you could do anything you set your mind to, to be honest. Great Barney Fife.

I'd have been a great Barney, fucking Barney Fife. You know what I mean? Talk about funny. Talk about, I ran into him one day. Oh, you did? Holy shit, man. See, sometimes I'm telling you, man, you see, no, I'm talking about, I'm a huge Andy Griffith show fan. I mean, I watch it now.

I watch it now. Oh, it holds up. They'll show 10 in a row and I sit there and watch it like a schoolgirl laughing my ass off. I'm from North Carolina. You know, the show is supposed to be based in North Carolina anyway. I'm a North Carolina kid. You know, I grew up, you know, I know everything they're doing. I know everything, those characters, those people. I know everything about that show and I'm not even on the show, but I knew everything about that life. Yeah. Being a country guy. Man, that show is,

Brilliant, man. I'm talking about you. And I was in the comedy store one night and somebody said, hey man, Don Knotts is over there. I said, get the fuck out of here. I said, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, he's sitting back there. And he was sitting there. He was older, of course. He was sitting in a booth. He had a lady with him. Probably like an aide or something like that or whatever, an assistant with him. He's sitting there watching the show.

And I said, I had to do it. I said, if I don't meet this dude, I'll never forgive myself. I walked over to his table. I said, hey, man, Mr. Knott, I'm a fucking huge fan. I just want to show you your love, man, because, man, you fucking incredible. I said, I love everything you did. That's all I want to say, man. He said, oh.

Thank you so much. You know, you soft spoken man, you know, definitely old, older and you know what I mean? But appreciative. He smiled like, you know, and I was the only guy who walked up to him and said that. I said, I got it. I got it. I said, I'm sorry, man. I just got to tell you how amazing you are.

Don't you love being part of the lineage of funny people? Nothing makes me feel more, no matter where I am in that lineage, I am so grateful to be part of those funny people. I got to meet Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, all those people, Mary Tyler Moore. Just such an amazing lineage of people. Is it different?

for you when, because they have amazing people, amazing comics and actors who are, you know, brilliant, but they're too close in age to you. You know what I mean? Is it a different level of

You know what I mean? Do you put them on Mount Rushmore if they're too close to your age? No, I mean, I've cut myself out of so many relationships because I'm such a dink. Because like John Krasinski, who's one of my great John and Emily, great friends. But I refused to watch The Office for the longest time because I just knew it was fucking great. And I wasn't quiet.

great into my life. It was after cheers and all of that. And I, you know, it's, it's insane. I did the same thing with, uh, everybody loves Raymond. Brilliant fucking show. Yeah. And I didn't let it in because it was competitive in my brain or something. How do you like, like, how do you gauge that? It's hard because you know, me and Chris rock, we were like,

what same age almost but this dude is so freaking good all his specials were freaking i just sit there like this when he used to do the machine gun style walking back and forth tapping the microphone in his hand yo man i'm sitting there like oh he's killing this shit he's killing this shit boom boom boom

And you walk back and forth. Man, that Chris Rock, you couldn't... Yo, man. You couldn't... You were like blown out of your seat because the rhythm and the pace of it forced your laughter. It forced you to keep up. And man, that dude was killer. Now, it's hard because I got amazing friends who are fucking amazing. But...

Because they're so close in age to me and we're still doing it. You can't help but compare. You can't help but say, y'all.

Do I mix them in with my legends that I love? Do I take out? Who do I take off this freaking Mount Rushmore? Do I take off prior? You know what I mean? What do I do here? I think we judge things by how they affected us in our upbringing and inspired us to do what we do. But do you put people who are killing it up there because...

I do that with athletes. When Magic Johnson retired, I refused to let anyone else in after that. Isn't that crazy? I just loved that man and watching him play so much that I just- I have a hard time with the Chappelle's, the Chris Rocks. All these amazing people who I love, but I can't say they inspired me. I can only say that I respect them because they are fucking dope.

But man, the people who really like, oh man, when I saw Don Knotts, when I saw Richard Pryor one time, I was like, this Richard Pryor right there, man. I think you go back to the little boy in you. You do. And it's hard to do that with your contemporaries. You can't do that kind of perspective. You can't do it, man, because they're too close in age to you.

Holy shit, they're the same for a year or two apart. It's like, how do you put your contemporaries in the same sentence as these people who inspired you on your way up? It's like, you can't. As amazing as they are, something like you said, what you said earlier, you said that I couldn't watch it. I couldn't fucking accept it because I got a fucking show too. And I'm like, why would I watch this bullshit? Yeah.

Don't disrespect, but watch that shit. It's competition. As amazing as it is, it competes with what I do. And I can be supportive, but I don't got to be consumed by this shit to the point where I'm like, God damn it. What's that shit that people say? What am I, a shopper liver? Shit. Because you are still in the race.

You're still in the fucking route. Differently, though, I have to say, I'm 76. When I was in my late 60s, there was part of me that would feel like, oh, I'm still a player. I can compete. And then I started realizing when I'd hang out with really funny, younger, fast people,

fast, bright people. I could, and there'd be a conversation around dinner and we're just zinging around the jokes. I could go, I could go, here's the joke. I don't know what it is, but I know where the joke is supposed to be, but I don't quite know what it is. But right. Yeah. That's when I kind of

to enjoy my younger, brighter, funnier friends as opposed to feel like, oh, I have to not compete, but I have to be like them. It's okay to now admire people. Although, can I just say, I was scared to death.

because I listened to some of your episodes here and there, and you are so... Before this episode. Oh, yeah. Today. Yeah. You are so bright, fast, funny. I mean, literally, I thought, what if he's just pure...

that way you were on Conan sometimes. What do I do? How do I try to fit that in? Do I slip him something in his drink to slow him? Yeah, I should have had some of that. What's it called? Motrum or whatever. 600 milligrams of Motrum. God damn! Yo, you're getting 600 milligrams, man. You can't even... Yo, you can't even be a pain in the ass at 600 milligrams. God damn it. Ha ha ha ha!

That shit works, man. 600 milligrams? Shit, man. That ain't playing. But I think... Man, look. This is deep because... And this is the kind of stuff that I like to talk about because, you know, people always say people got to like you to like what you do. It's just what it is. You know? And I think that...

In the entertainment world, we, man, come on. Come on, man. Ted Danson, you are fucking legendary. You're a fucking legend. Maybe not iconic, but legendary. No, no. Are you fucking kidding me? No, that show is iconic. Yeah, it is. It's iconic. You don't know how many shows were in your, come on, man. You're talking about a kid. You're talking about somebody who fucking loved

Cheers. Love fucking cheers. But I also fucking love like WKRP and Cincinnati. I fucking love them. I can name a hundred shows that I freaking loved. But you don't have to put them in order.

Just got to fucking love what you love. I know. You don't got to put anything in order. People, we get caught up in putting ourselves in order with other shit that's good. So it's good. But you can't, you know what I mean? You can't put shit in order. People ask me, who are my heroes? It's the last person I saw last night do some performance I've never seen before in my life. That's, you know. That's what it is. That's what it is. So I don't, you know, look, I will say,

You know, any given night, anybody could be amazing. Yep. It didn't rain that day. You know, everything went perfect. They got a cab to the club. You know, oh, the good crowd in here tonight. You know what I mean? The microphone sounds strong. You know what I mean? The lighting, oh, good lighting today. Oh, shit, this is a great. And everything seems to be perfect.

And you just had the most brilliant show you ever had because other shit happened and other shit didn't happen. And that's just how I think life is. That's how careers are. I think, you know, look, man, I don't compare myself to anybody, but I know any given night,

I can catch it. I can fucking hit that motherfucking stage and find a window. And man, if you are allowed to do you continuously and you catch that all green lights, man,

You can murder anything. Movie, TV, stand-up, anything you want to do. Drama, it don't fucking matter. The right director, the right vehicle, the right everything. It all just comes in a certain way. Curb, I wasn't supposed to be on Curb. I don't even know my story. I wasn't supposed to be on Curb. I was working on SNL, man. I had to do things. See, I think people are afraid to make moves all the time.

You got to know what the fuck you do in order for you to have movement in whatever you want to do and you find to be amazing about yourself and what you do in particular. Man, I had to fire an agent, fire a manager. I had to fire people knowing. This was when I was a writer on SNL. Now, I went there. I went on SNL. I actually auditioned for SNL.

You know, um, oh four, you know, I was only at oh four or five or six, but I auditioned for a cast member, made it to the, to the NBC test. Um, so myself, Finesse Mitchell and Kenan Thompson, we was the last three left. Right. So I had to actually audition. So I, I actually made it there. Didn't, didn't get cast member, went back to LA, came back here and literally got a phone call a week later saying, Hey, you know, we picked, uh,

Kenan and Finesse, well, would you be interested in coming in as a writer? I could have said, fuck no. I want cast member, bitch. Fuck I want to go there and write for all them motherfuckers for? I'm a comedian. I'm J.B. Smoove. I could have been that dude and said no. But you know what I said? I said, fuck that. This might look good on my resume.

Because I truly believe in planting seeds for whatever's coming. Yeah, because you don't know. You don't know what, you know what I mean? Yeah. Same thing with taking that improv class. I put that little improv thing in my toolbox and said, someday that shit going to matter. Yeah, know where you want to go. Because you imagine if I never took the improv class or I never did this or never did that and I end up on the greatest improv show ever. Yeah. How do you even? Yeah.

How does that even happen? It might still happen. I don't know. But I do believe that you got to know what you do and what value you have. So, 0-4, 5-6, I did the show as a writer. I did Conan's show when he was still at NBC. Probably 10 times I did Conan O'Brien as a writer. He would call upstairs and say, hey, can we borrow JB? I would go down there and do a sketch and come back upstairs. I did a warm-up on the show. I did all this stuff. But that being said, I had...

I had to, my third season on SNL, I couldn't take it. I said, no, man, I got to get the fuck out of here. I got to fucking get rid of some pieces here that's slowing me down, that I felt like was slowing me down. Got rid of my agent. And I knew if I fired my agent, I am not going to be coming back to this show because I have nobody to speak for me. Agents keep you on shows because that's their job. They keep you on shows and they get commission. That's how it works.

I said, man, fuck this. I said, I don't care. I believe in what I do and I know I'll find something else. I said, I know if I fire this agent, they are not going to fight for me and I'm not going to be back on this show. And lo and behold, I fired my agent and I did not get renewed. So when I did not get renewed, I said, you know, that opened the floodgates. First of all, my wife told me I was going to be on the show. That's one thing.

And then everything else kind of fell into place. So I wasn't even supposed to be on the show. But I go back, I won't tell the whole story, but I will say I went, it just shows you that you got to make chess moves somehow. And you got to trust the process and trust what you do and what you bring to something in order for you to get there and do it to the highest expectations. Otherwise, you're just stuck and you will blame a bad decision if you don't show up and

And back up that bad decision. I think you have to be willing. You have to know where you want to go. Yeah. But have to be willing not to dictate what the steps should be in advance. Allow stuff to come out of left field. Yeah. And as long as you know where you're going, it'll fit in. Right. Exactly. Because in my case, if anything is out of order, it changes everything.

Let's just say my wife, you know, she didn't say I was going to be on the show. That's to the universe. That's different. Let's just say I didn't fire my manager. Let's just say I didn't fire my agent and I was still on the show. I would have missed that little window. And then my buddy passed away. I had to come to LA for one day for memorial service. And that memorial service got me here in that window. One day I was here. And that one day that I went to my new agent's office,

And ended up getting an audition for Kirby Enthusiasm. God, I love that. Now, what if my buddy didn't pass away? I hope you said thank you to your buddy who passed away. All the time. No, this is so weird. That season, season six, I got on the show. The rap party, my friend was a producer. He did This Is How We Do It, the song. And then I started saying, that's how I do it on the show.

And then lo and behold, at the wrap party, the theme song for the freaking gag wheel. Oh God, I love that. This is how we do it. So I said, holy shit. I just pointed to the sky because if any one of those things is out of order, I'm not on the show. I am not on Kermit Enthusiasm because there's no, I would have never heard about it if they had renewed me.

If my buddy didn't pass away, I wouldn't be in L.A. for that one day. All these things had to happen. And I say that because we are all part of our own journey in how we choose to move. But if we don't have character, if we don't have, you know, all these other intangibles that we need outside of talent,

It doesn't work anyway. I have really good agent. I have a really, really good manager. They're friends. I have really great angels. You know, I really do believe that. Yeah. Somebody is watching out for everything you do. It's great. You got to have it, man.

I think you attract those angels somehow. You attract them to you based on little things that you do. And I think you get like chips. It's like poker almost. You know what I mean? You're gambling really. You are gambling who you are. It's like you put those chips on that table and you're just like, sometimes you're all in.

You got to be all in sometimes. You got to trust that you fucking going to win no matter what obstacle comes your way because you have a high tolerance for bullshit. You know, you got a high tolerance for bullshit. You can figure it out. If you're going to keep your mind and keep your senses and don't panic. I tell young people all the time, you know, I do a lot of speaking at the Boys and Girls Club when I'm a Boys and Girls Club kid.

If you can keep your sanity and just relax and let it go, you can figure your way out of anything. That's true. And your decisions you make won't feel so detrimental to anything. You won't feel like you fucked up. You feel like this is just a move, but somehow, this is going to make sense somehow.

But you got, you better believe in yourself. Yeah. If you don't believe in yourself, none of this shit works. And you better come from love and not fear. You better come from love. Because if you make decisions out of fear, it never works. Yeah, man. Because you can crumble quick and blame yourself not succeeding on something else that has nothing to do with anything you're trying to do. Isn't that shit crazy? Yeah. Hey. We deep. We are deep. We fucking, we so deep. And you know what? This is crazy. And you said it earlier. This is the first time all of our cast members

We got personal lives. We do our shit and we go the fuck home. Yeah. This is the first time we really dove into life. I know. I can't tell you how much I enjoy you. I can't tell you...

It makes sense because before I knew anything about you, all I wanted to do was hug you. You have such a whatever, kindness, happiness, joy, funniness about you that all I really wanted to do every time I saw you was hug you. What do I know about J.B. Smoove? We always show love to each other. Nothing. First of all, look, you can't deny that we're both long-term.

lean, long-faced guys. Guys, yeah. Who fucking look good. Yes, that is exactly what it is. We walk into a room, people turn the fuck around. Is that Ted Danson or JB fucking Smoot? I don't know. Fucking what? I love you, man. I love you, man. I love you, too. Thank you so much. Me, too. We did this, man. This is fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, that's JB Smoove. Thank you so much for coming in, JB. Oh, by the way, JB is the host of a new business competition show on Prime Video, and it's called Buy It Now. So check it out. That's it for this week. Hello to Woody and special thanks to our friends at Team Cocoa.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to someone you love. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're so inclined. It means a lot. We'll have more for you next week where everybody knows your name. You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leal, and

Executive producers are Adam Sachs, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer. Our senior producer is Matt Apodaca. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grawl. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gann, Mary Steenburgen, and John Osborne. Special thanks to Willie Navarro. We'll have more for you next time where everybody knows your name.

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