A Luxurious Stay at North Hollywood's Famous Shateau Marmont! with Trixie and Katya
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Well, I switched back to my mini wallet. This is like my summer wallet. It's just like it doesn't open. It's just this. Your summer wallet? Yeah, because I'm like careless and like carefree. I'm in the ocean. I'm kicking my legs in the ocean. So this one just has... You don't get wet? Yeah, I get wet. We need to run the pool. This just has my six debit cards and my ID. Just that? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not... Well, I'm not saying there's money on all of them, but I got them. Oh, guess who Uber... What's in here? Uber. Uber Drew. Uber Drew. Uber.

- Weed? - It must be. - Black tar? - I must have brought this to the beach. - Is that, what is that, hashish? - No, it's not drugs per se, but I do scrape some of it off and heat it up on a spoon. - Oh! - Oh! - We are on the pod, right? - Should we open those windows for more light? - She said, "Favor the pod." We are on the pod. Is this the intro? - Bitch, then why am I talking? - 'Cause you're a part of this.

You're a part of this, Tracy. Hi, everyone. It's just me. It's Georgia. We're here at the pod today. We're opening windows. But I just want to mention this week on TrixieMotel.com, we're running a promotion. We're going to do a bunch of stuff here. 10% off for the whole week. Trixie Motel tank. Trixie shorts. Trixie cup. Sorry, I'll stop trying to sell you things. Blah, blah, blah. That's it. Oh, no, I looked at your merch. That's lovely. Thank you. Thank you. You know what that looks like? Jennifer Lopez's sippy cup.

- Oh yeah. - She has a rhinestone sippy cup that I saw her drink out of myself. Can I, maybe you should get that stoned. - Love this Maybelline Express Brow Brow Mascara. Not sponsored. - Are we doing what's in my bag? - No, it's just cheap and good and I was on the way here and I was like, for how cheap this is? Affordable.

Great. Maybelline goes off, bitch. They do. They do. I'm sorry. And they give back to the community. And they give back. But like Desert Island, if I had to redo all my drag from like a drugstore. Desert Island. If I was marooned on an island that only had CVS and I had to get in drag for some reason. Maybelline, they're just so good. If a Russian billionaire invited you to his private island. Yes. And it was just a CVS and you had no drag.

Maybe we could turn you out. Yeah. We have a friend who swears that they were invited to perform for Rihanna while she was naked. Solo. Well, no, no. Rihanna was naked. Rihanna was naked and they were the only two people in the room. Yes. And she was, yes, hand plucked personally because she has a quality that you and I don't have. And we could never have. That no other drag queen could ever dream of possessing. Absolutely not. Can I say, I hope you intend to put this on the wall because I love this. That's my faps, Trey.

Wait, is this for rolling joints? No, fapping. You cum on a tray? Yeah, to that. To birds. Can I tell you what happened this morning? I woke up and I was just feeling, I don't know. Horny? No, the kind of horny where you want to do something to someone else, but you don't care if you get off. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Selfless? Yeah, I guess it was like horny but not about me. So imagine sex, but instead of centering. Submissive. Yeah, instead of centering myself as the white man, I centered the other white man I have sex with. You were queering your space. Well, I heard this morning, David was, because we've been on production calls for a certain TV show at 7.30 in the morning every morning.

- On Zooms. And by we, I mean David. - Okay. - I sleep through it. - You sleep in. - Yes. So I hear downstairs and it sounds like David's crying. And I go, "Is he crying?" And I wake up and I come downstairs and he's watching the Real Housewives. And I said, "I thought you were crying." And he was like, "No, I was on a Zoom." I said, "All right." So then we started doing stuff. I started-- - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So who was crying? - No one was crying. - Is that what got you hard? - I wasn't hard. I came down and I was one of those moods where I was like, it's like 8:30 in the morning.

I'm going to suck this guy's dick. It was in that moment I knew I'm going to suck this guy's dick. And that's all. And that's who I am. I don't know why you're so mad at me. Can I have sex with my boyfriend of seven years? Is that okay? No, you can't. I'm just concerned that you're doing things through selfless acts of sexuality. But I have to say, are you a morning horny person?

If I actually... After I work out, usually. I'm a morning horny person, but not always able to come an early morning person. So I might have a boner and I might be interested, but we might want to wait a couple hours unless you want to really put elbow grease in. You know? I don't wake up with people, so... Oh, okay. I heard crying and I went... Mama, if you're waking up with me in the same bed, you are not horny. You're the opposite of horny. Yeah, you're peeling away. You're like...

Horrified. Uh-huh. It's like the Terrifier. I just made them watch the Terrifier 2 kill scene. Oh. It's that. It's like when she gets scalped with the scissors. That's what waking up with me is like.

Wait, are you talking about two? Two. Because I watched one the other day for the first time. I had never seen it. Okay. Tell them about the song. Well, I stopped halfway through because I didn't live, girl. Mom, it's a horrible movie. I didn't live. But you didn't see the ultimate kill scene? I didn't live. Oh, terrible acting. Horrible fashion. The sweet shot. The effort of like colored gels. Listen, I've made cheap movies. I make cheap YouTube videos every day. I know about cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shoestring budget. Although, yeah. It looked cheap, mama. It looked like a Hollywood Boulevard era. Cubic zirconia. Mother. Leather. Not even nice leather. CVS flip flops, honey. Plastic stones. But you didn't see the moment where he strung up the woman, ripped her nude, and then sawed her from the pussy to the crown of the head?

in front of her friend? - No. - That was the ultimate gag of that movie. Sharon Needles recommended this. I was like, Sharon, like years and years ago, I was at my old apartment. I was like, I need something scary to watch. She's like, "Watch the Terrifier. It's so awful." And I watched it and I was like, "Sharon."

- I hate you for that. - It was really, really- - But Matteo, front of the pod. - It was short though, it was short. - Matteo and you have told me that two is the one, but I couldn't not watch one. I'm not gonna skip to two. I'm not an idiot. - No, you should skip to two. Because two though, it should have been half as long. - If you can't look back at your own work and be accepting that other people have different experiences, we haven't even gotten to Barbie. - Oh, I know, I know. - We haven't even been- - Oh, this is the movie podcast. - Mama, we haven't even retrieved the mop before we start to mop the floor.

I'm still walking to the closet, the utility closet. I haven't even punched the clock. I haven't even opened the front door of this house. I'm not even here yet. I'm still warming up. Walking up to Barbie like Nancy Drew, doing the review like, hallelujah! I'm not a reviewer. And by the way, me knowing about Barbie, caring about Barbie, does not make my opinion more valid than anyone's. No, we're gay. We have the right to just say what we feel. But I've seen it twice now. You have. I have. I have to also say,

This is, you know, like at a meeting where somebody holds up past the rock, hold the rock. I just want to say that anybody who the person I want shot and I don't really believe in guns, but sometimes I do. The person I want shot is the person who's like the Barbenheimer, the person doing a double feature.

Well, you see it's funny because like my boyfriend and I went to the movies and I went to see Barbie. But it's- And my boyfriend went to see Oppenheimer. And then we got in an argument on the way home and got in a car crash and we both died. Barben- Barbenheimer. First of all, who's going to see Oppenheimer? Mama. We done- Grueling long films with that thin man. Historical. Historical things that we know all the facts about. I can't take it. What is Oppenheimer? I don't even know what it was. The bomb. Is it a historical drama? It's a historical drama. The atomic bomb bitch.

- Mama. - Who's going to see a three hour great film about a bomb? - The thing is, Christopher Nolan turns the pussy. - Of course. - But of course he turns the pussy at a very trying length. - Right. - Tenet, four hours long. The Dark Knight, six and a half hours long.

Let's see. When I got COVID, I watched all those Dark Knight movies for the first time. 13 and a half hours long. What's going on with that? It's... Miss Nolan needs an editor. She has one, but she doesn't use their services to the full. Yeah. I don't get it. I mean... Well, you're more credited than I am because I like bad movies and you have like a film degree in shit. So you know shit. I just think... Listen, I'm at the point right now where I can... I think my...

attention span and taste level is a good metric for like pretty middle of the road quality. Like if I can sit through it,

It's probably a great film. Yeah. But like, my patience is tried after two hours in the theater. Tri-esha. The Terrifier? Mm-hmm. She tried us several times and she got us good. The length. Yeah, two and a half hours. The Terrifier 1 is two and a half hours. No, the Terrifier 2. Me and Eden saw it in the movies on tour at the theater. But when you're seeing a person...

A woman smearing blood from her crotch on the walls of an asylum, then giving birth to a clown head. You're not really bored. You tune in. You tune in. You're like, you're not really bored. You at least have questions. You're like, ah. But after two hours, two and a half hours of challenging acting, it got a little stale. Well, I just don't approve of the gay impulse to like have sex with butts.

Steve both those movies in the same day what is that I think it's like no but I think it's like his and hers towels it's like oh it's like hey I heard if you have a coca-cola and need a pickle it tastes like strawberries or like it's it feels like an ice bucket challenge it feels very trying try you should turn linkedin it's als it's the als the barbenheimer challenge yeah the pink ice bucket challenge also that's two hours oppenheimer's three hours honey darling what are we doing girl

Girl, when I start making- Are we helping out with our parents? When we start making films- Mama, don't you care. Don't you care. It's like, go- What did she say? You need to go help with your parents. Get off your phone and go help your parents. You need to get off your phone and go help your parents. Barney.

People with the Barbenheimer. Yes, if you did Barbenheimer, you need to get off your phones and go help your parents around the house. By the way, she's not wrong. She's so right. She's not wrong. If you're on Instagram Live chatting with your fave, you should be in the kitchen draining the pasta. Get the colander. Raggedy hip. More digestion. Ashtray.

Lana Del Rey's down at the fucking Waffle House. You have time. She's slinging flapjacks in Arkansas. She's not doing Barbenheimer. Babe, there is a tunnel under Waffle House. Are you chopping it up? What?

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

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Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Honestly, I think lately since I've been smoking more weed, I keep thinking like my perception is off because the simulation is getting weak.

The simulation is glitching, honey. Lately it's been like, if I talk about a song, it's on a commercial later. If Dave and I mention someone we met that we never see, we see them that day. It's been like the universe, no new people, no new songs, no new foods. It's the same thing over and over and over. But isn't that just your psychic abilities being more fine-tuned? I don't know because we all know that my perception of being psychic is also a lot like the way people pursue their own memory. So...

So I'm probably not psychic as much as I just remember things, but I forget that I remembered things. So I'll be like, how did I know that? And they'd be like, because I told you. I'm like, it's supernatural. So I went to see Barbie yesterday with the doll mafia. The dolls. Yes. A bunch of friends who are all are doll aficionados. It's a very elite club. You'll notice you weren't invited. I did notice that. However, I saw it the night before.

- Okay, yes. - Actually two days before. - So Andrew saw it with you. So Andrew was seeing it again and I sit down next to Andrew, we'd both seen it and he goes, "I'm so happy you're sitting here 'cause we've both seen this already." And I said, "Everyone's been saying, 'What did you think?'" And I've told everyone, "I need to see it again. I'm not sure what I saw." - Okay. - "I'm not sure what I saw." - What did you see? Is it in the room with us now? - I'm actually still not sure what I saw. - Okay. - But I wanna know what you thought of it. - Okay, so first things first, Margot Robbie,

is so mesmerizing. - Of course. - It's like, it's the Anya Taylor-Joy thing. It's just like all these closeups, very, now she's 33 and she was not wearing a lot of makeup. That was one grape I think Darien shared with it. The makeup was really not fierce. - I could have used, by the way, she's flawless. - Flawless. - I could, and I think that's probably why.

- I thought maybe it was art because in the beginning her skin's really perfect and as she starts to feel things she has like darker circles. - Yeah, she gets more human. - I thought maybe it was an artistic choice. - But I mean like just in general makeup wise across the board because mama Kate McKinnon's styling and makeup,

I was not here for that one iota. Really? Yeah. So as Weird Barbie, Kate McKinnon was giving punky Brewster after, like, it was very hokey pokey. Missing persons. Three little squiggles on a gorgeous face. She was not haggard enough.

disgusting, hideous in any way shape is Kate McKinnon. You wanted like, she was beautiful. You wanted Island of Misfit Toys, like Toy Story, Sid. I wanted like, yeah, like Sea Hag. You know what I mean? Like, like tons of makeup, like art pop bullshit. Yeah. That's what three little squiggles on a flawless face. That's what Andrew said. I wouldn't, I wanted art pop level. She was given Dyke-y, punk-y Brewster, like Betsy Johnson, like

It was totally giving Betsy Johnson. Betsy Johnson by way of like Harold and the Purple Crayon. Yes. Just with a little squiggle. Just squiggle. Oh, I'm quirky. I'm weird. I didn't like that. I didn't like that. But Barbie, like the earnestness and the sincerity at the beginning, I was like, ooh. And then the first joke came about like, does anybody think about dying? And I was like, okay, this could not have come sooner.

sooner because it was like such a I was like this is really this is really a lot that's so funny because for me I think the first 40 minutes of the film are like my favorite part both times well that's in the first 40 minutes that's what I mean yeah but then

The first half of the film, both times, I liked a lot more than the second half. Yeah. I thought the Ken song was so long and so unnecessary. I had to. Austin was next to me and he didn't want to see the movie. He was dragged. And I was like, I had to look away and hold my throat. It's just not for me. And we have to remember, this is a PG-13 film that, let's be honest...

At the end of the day, it is a commercial for a product. It is. So we're watching a night. We pay to watch a commercial for a product where they sell us toys. I mean, yes, it's a movie about a product. If the movie was about Coca-Cola, we call it a commercial. It's a movie about a product. But is that like the Nike movie with Matt Damon? Shoes or whatever it's called? Air? That seems straight. I'm not watching that. But it's literally a commercial for Nike. But then again, I'm watching the promos for the movies to come, right? Haunted Mansion.

recognizable IP being revived. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. No. Gran Turismo? You're telling me. Turismo. You're telling me. Turismo. There's enough straight people in this world that we need a movie about driving in a video game? That's not Gran Torino. It's Clint Eastwood. Wait, what did I say? Isn't Gran Turismo the video game? Oh, I didn't. It's a driving video game? Oh. And I was like, Andrew and I were like, I went, what? And Andrew goes,

There's so many straight people, they can make anything. - Resident Evil? - They can make anything. - I mean, all these movies, there was a good one, the Silent Hill video game. - In the background of Barbie, things that I was for and things where I'm not for. The things I'm actually not for, very slim category. I liked pretty much all of it. I was very here for the hair and makeup and costuming. My God, those costumes, my God.

Several times I was like, like gasped. The wigs. The wigs, gorge. The outfits, amazing. Actually, very refreshing to see good wigs. Lovely. We never see that anymore. I'm going to say something though, in terms of casting, Ryan Gosling is a little long in the tooth for that role. You don't have, you can say 75 years old. He's seven. He's literally AARP. And he was trying to give like,

I don't know. By the way, I love his performance. No, he's fantastic. He's fantastic. So funny. But there was, I could have dealt with about 40% less Ken in general because that musical number, it would drive my nerves to the, to, I was going like this, but mind you, mind you, it's the Grove. Everyone's in pink. Everyone knows who I am at the Barbie movie. Oh, you have to, I'm going, yes, I love this. No, no, no. I'm looking around to see,

of other people are like this nine and a half minute ken number mama but then it turned into the the twilight tharp lucinda child's like um buzz i didn't like that either you didn't at all you didn't like that at all i lived for that when they all when they became like formations no you didn't not at all okay the whole thing was try you should turn around okay it was so long and i'm sorry

If we're doing, if this world is requiring that Ken needs a song. - Where's the Barbie song? I don't care if she sings it. Where's the Barbie song? - Well, you know, those opening jingles, I did not care. - I didn't care for the Lizzo song. - No, I didn't either. - Caught my throat. I don't care. - I know, it's like, ♪ Here we are in the Barbie world ♪ ♪ Doing something I love that ♪ It's like, okay. - That being said, that Dua Lipa song goes off. - That was fun. - It goes off. - Yeah. ♪ Dance the night away ♪

- Yeah. - Conti. - Yeah, it's very Conti. - Contisha. - Also in terms of casting,

Patty Harrison would have chewed up the scenery and fucking Meg Stalter would have shat. Probably would have been too good. Chateau Marmont. Chateau Marmont. Truly, Chateau Marmont. A month stay at the Chateau Marmont. A month stay, a lifetime supply. Comped. Chateau Marmont. You and a friend will be staying at the Hollywood Chateau. They would have pulled focus. I laughed, I think, one, two, three, four,

six times out loud and can like I haven't done that in the movies in a while absolutely when Will Ferrell the owner of Mattel which by the way very smart on their part they existed in this nether world where it's not quite earth not quite Barbie land because that company was uh

It doesn't overlook the Hollywood Hills. It's not in downtown California. No, no, it's not anywhere. It doesn't exist. It's a drag version of itself. No, Mattel exists. It's in El Segundo. No, no, I believe that. But that office with those people was a neutralized, fictionalized,

like fantasy world, fantasy corporate world. Yes. Right. And so like, anyways, when he was, Will Ferrell was like, how much do you weigh? Doesn't matter. Like, I mean, things like that. There were so many fun jokes. Or when Will Ferrell goes, he goes, we've had two, we've had two female CEOs and I, some of my friends are Jewish. Like that's somehow related to

women in the workplace. It's so obtuse and crazy. There was some really good absurd absurdist jokes like, what would it's like if two wise trees started a podcast or totally acquire of 2000 young fathers. Weird.

Weird. I thought some of the visuals, Barbieland is dazzling. Yeah, it's lovely. It's like Wizard of Oz. It's unreal. And how often do we see real environments in movies anymore? It's all green screen. It was amazing. Yeah. Barbieland is amazing. The whole beginning is amazing. I'm not super satisfied with the main problem being that the Ken's

Hated it. The Kens play guitar now and like horses. I would have liked higher stakes, but. I, as soon as that problem was presented, I, I just like, okay, this needs to be quickly resolved, quickly, efficiently taken care of because this is not something I want to watch. It was a little, it was just a little overstayed. It's welcome. I thought. And then I will say, I love the Ruth Handler scenes, even though they were a little random.

There's a scene where she tells an old woman on a bus stop that she's beautiful. And she says... We never see her again. And she's like, I know. And we never see her again. And it relates to nothing. Okay. You know, the feminism 101 thing got a little like...

I get it. I don't know. But it was self-aware. As a non-woman, I do feel ill-equipped to critique whether or not that was successful because most of the women I know had a very positive experience with those things in the film. People were crying at the premiere because the first time I seen it, I'm in the room with Margot and Robbie. So every joke, people are like, ha!

You know, the first time I- Oh my God. You saw with Margot Robbie in the room. Nikki, Dua, Margolin. Oh, Dua Peep acting. Ryan was there. The whole cast was there. No Academy Award for Miss Dua Peep. Amirka Ferrer was there. No Academy Award.

"Hello, Barbie." I mean, talk about wooden. Mama, this table is softer than that acting. - The mermaid cameos, I was ready to break into that projector room, take out my beauty scissors and cut that room. - Yeah, the terrifier too. - It's horrible. - It was so bad. - It's horrible. The momentum comes to a screeching halt when a non-actor walks on the set and says a line. - "Hey Barbie, I love your world."

It was like, you want a sickening walk on roll on two broke girls. That's literally what it was. Yeah. It was like, hello, broke girls. Ooh. It was very bad. And I also just want to say, don't clip our critique of this movie and at tweet anyone. Don't tell like. No, do it. But they will. Do it.

that doesn't I don't get that I act so horribly it's fine we're not good we don't make good movies no we're just vibing but so anyways I think like oh you know what the thing that bothered me so much the styling was perfect but her bedspread the 899 Payette Sequin duvet cover oh yeah in her

Not by jail. Jail. Yeah. Even in the Barbie dream house. I don't care if it was true to a true to product or whatever. The flat feet scene didn't work for me. It didn't flat feet. That was funny. Didn't work for me. There's just a lot of it. Ryan Gosling made me laugh so much.

He made the smallest stupid things funny, which I really appreciate. Like so much of the laughs were things he weren't even saying. He was just playing it. I mean, he was really good. He's great. I think they CGI'd his body. You think? I think they Avengered him a little bit. I'm not to say... I think they probably juiced him. He's so beautiful. They sprayed him and then they also post-productioned him a little bit. Yeah, he's gorgeous, but I felt like he was 42 when he should have been 35. 100%. I think it would have been...

You'd think it should have been Amy Schumer. Zac Efron. But he's just as old, I believe. I liked it, though. I saw it two times, and both times I was happy with it. Both times I felt like it was long, and the Ken singing part went on so long. I knew about the gynecologist because you had told me, and I was preparing myself for legs in the stirrups, and like some kind... I was preparing myself to be like... You thought she was going to be... I thought she was going to...

I thought they were going to like open her pussy lips and be like, oh, she got a clit. Right. Oh, Barbie got a clit. So should they open the lips to reveal the lips? Is that what you're saying? Do you want us to wax your pussy hair, mama? Because you're a true pussy woman. Right. Well, I will say, I don't know this affirmation of womanhood being that she was going to the gynecologist.

Is also to say that all women have vaginas, which is very simplistic. It's pretty like reductive, right? It's pretty reductive. I love I do love the little the little rumblings of people who are like Barbie's pushing a trans woke agenda down my throat. I'm obsessed with it. By the way, if you think that movie's gay. Yeah. Have you ever known that Barbie is as gay as that movie and has always been?

Do you know who makes Barbie? Gay people. Yeah. Also, I like when they say we don't have any genitals at the beginning. Both Barbie and Ken. You know, just so you know. I don't have a vagina. I did live for when Ken's like, I like the attention and they're in those rollerblading outfits and everyone's making fun of them. And then some gay guys like, love that. Love that. I loved it. I thought it was a very successful film. America Ferreri did a great job. That monologue about being a woman was both times good. Although when I saw it with the actors and everyone,

You have to understand in the premiere, everything got a clap and a laugh because everything was someone's costume. The actors in the room. The joke by so-and-so that we don't think was very successful in the premiere was like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So seeing it in a room full of people with no skin in the game, except the shitty pink Target flip-flops they bought for the movie, like,

That's the other thing. I'm all in pink, you know, like going to see the movie. Everybody in droves of pink. I'm like bandwagoners. You know what I mean? I'm sort of like, we get it. The Fashion Nova was on fleek at the Grove. We get it. We understand. But now I'm afraid that pink is so big this year that for summer, the next year summer is going to be white linens. That's what I'm afraid of. I don't think so. Pink has never gone out of style. But Andrew's saying that this is going to make Barbie core like pop.

being goth where people do it all the time and it's not a trend anymore like people who wear pink all the time barbicore that's them right oh yeah that's like that pink lady on west hollywood exactly yeah the one yes the lady with the pink car yeah just the one well there's angling and then there's two the pink lady of hollywood okay but i liked it i mean it was fun out of five stars how many stars would you give it four me too i thought it was great i really did i mean i cried i

Zero times. But I felt things. I actually cried. I cried like three times. The end when Barbie and Ruth are talking about like, you know, like being human and how unpredictable it is. And it's like, it's an existential crisis movie, which like, if you don't relate to that, you should, you know? Yeah. That what, that what, that Billie Eilish song, what was I made for? Can you play a little bit? I love it. I don't remember what it was. I used to float. No, no, no, no. Oh,

Nails on a chalkboard. What was I made for? I don't think it's worth sitting here and listening to, but... Just give me a clip. I just want to do a clip. Maybe it'll jog my memory and make me cry. Oh, yeah. I think it's beautiful. Yeah, it is beautiful. Oh, the music video is so pretty, too. That song's great. The Doolopeep song's great. The costumes are great. Yeah. So much of it is great. So much of it is great. Will Ferrell was fantastic. Yes. The thing is, when you have a recognizable commodity, like, anytime you do a...

I'm going to take this IP and resurrect it. The people who love that are going to have something to say about it. And with Barbie, everybody has a relationship to Barbie. So everybody has a two cents. They were never going to make a movie that everyone loved. No. It was never going to be possible. Like Jim and the Hologram. But Jim and the Holograms, I think, was agreed to be not successful. I think Dooms from the start. Yeah, I don't think that. It's tough to make that not corny. Like you can never make a good gymnastics movie. There just hasn't been one ever. Jam. Jam and the Holograms. Jam. Jam.

There's a good gymnastics movie. No. What is it? Don't know. Yeah, there's not one. If you say stick it, I'll kill you. I'll throw that skull at you. There's just not, there isn't a good one and it sucks. Because I don't like sports movies. Well, I do, but in order to get, like, in order to do the gymnastics, you need actual Olympic athletes. They did it with I, Tonya.

That was amazing. They did CGI a lot, I think, too. Amazing, though. That was incredible. That was legendary. They could do that with gymnastics, but it wouldn't. I tell you, it worked me out. It worked, yeah. Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie. Margalyn. I saw her in Pan Am. She's just so beautiful. It's just, it's like...

Aye, aye, aye. And then her husband looks like her husband should have played Ken. Have you seen him? No. Oh, my God. Anyway. Hey, what else? I've been watching. Let's see what else I've been watching. For my birthday, which is coming up, I told David in advance that what I want is 24 hours of...

watching the office not in one sitting i want them redeemable over the calendar year whenever i want cathed in colostomy no no it can be whenever i want and it's how it can total 24 hours so if i'm like hey david tomorrow you're sitting on this couch and then we're watching the office for two hours you punch a clock you punch yes oh that's what i'm asking for so i'm kind of getting geared up for that i think you should dream bigger yeah but yeah but he he doesn't like that i watch the office all the time so it's sort of like

It's your thing. It's my thing. It's your Oppenheimer. It is. And I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Okay. It's done a lot of comfort programming. Would you describe that as something I would like to watch? I think at this stage, it's too late. Okay. I think you would react negatively to some of the sort of CW-esque, like supernatural love storylines. Okay. Is it like Charmed?

No, it eats Charmed for breakfast. It eats every other show like that for breakfast. It's the Sopranos of that type of show. It's just unbeatable. It's like the best tasting shit you can eat from the toilet. But it's not bad. The performances are so good. The writing is so good. The only problem is obviously now people have, let's say, complex feelings about working with Joss Whedon that are now more public. I don't know much about it, but I know that at the time as a kid,

A female driven like superhero show basically was the only one on TV. Right. Still one of the only ones that, you know, passes the Bechdel test. Does it really? Yeah. A lot of the storylines are not about men. There's lesbians. Oh my God. Lesbians on TV. Magic and monsters and Kung Fu and comedy. I mean, that show really has everything. Have you seen Kung Fu Hustle?

No. Have you ever seen Kung Pao Enter the Fist? No. That's turnt. Is it an animation? They took a bunch of old Kung Fu movies and edited and redubbed it to be comedic. Okay. And they only shot one character as a new character to make a whole movie from old Kung Fu footage. Oh, I like that. It's really cunty. Well, there's a recurring thing in Kung Fu Hustle where this boy has half of his butt exposed.

It's so weird. Kung Fu Hustle? Mm-hmm. Is it a straight movie? It's a Chinese slapstick kung fu movie. It's a straight. I say that like I don't, my favorite show is not The Office. I mean, it's, yeah, I mean, I don't think there are any gay fucking in it. The other day I asked David to watch Happy Gilmore with me and he was like, are you straight? Why do you like these movies? What did you like? Tommy Boy? Love. Tommy Boy is incredible. Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Water, yeah. Yeah. Waterboy. Little Nicky.

No, I'm not crazy about Little Mickey. Love Happy Gilmore. Love Billy Madison. Eat that shit up with a spoon. How about Click? We stan Click. Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler. What about Jim Carrey? Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. What film? The Mask. Of course. You know Cameron Diaz is 19 in that? She's very young. That was her breakout role. What a hot bitch. She's so fun. Yeah. One time I met her at a gig and I said, Did you really? Yeah. And she just put out that movie Bad Teacher.

which I think was her last feature before she retired. And I said, I just saw a bad teacher. Some racy jokes in there. I thought it was doing comedy. And she was not laughing. She didn't like that. So just making great impressions on everyone. Well, did you know that story about Paul Rudd at the finale of the last taping of Friends where he goes up to- Paul Rudd is in Friends? He was guest starred on it. Oh. So they're having a group hug, like a sentimental moment about the end of the show. And he goes up, he's like, we did it guys. And not one of them laughed.

Like as a joke, like we did it. Like, you know what I mean? Like he was a part of it. Not one of them laughed. I have been there. Yeah. Just a bunch of humorless pricks. Sorry, Jen and whoever else the friends are. Lisa. I think with superstars, you need to temper your expectation about their tether to like laughing at themselves and others. Sensitivity to criticism. Yes. Well, wait, wait.

You know what I bet? Shut up. Ew. Ew. I want to talk about your body. Oh. Oh.

- No, my body! - Which part? - Wait, my parents promised me the world and they didn't give it to me. - Do you remember the show called Sweet 16? - No. - Where rich kids would have their 16th birthday and cry if they didn't get like that year's car. - They get like the Porsche 911. Yeah, like, oh no.

- They get like the 2011 Porsche and cry. - They got me a Porsche Carrera 2022. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Love it. - It's fucked up. It's fucked up. - The inner workings of rich people love it. - Mama, we speaking of rich people, cut to Saturday night it must've been. I swear to God, it must've been Zendaya or Dula Peep up the hill

Having the ultimate rager. I cannot believe I just didn't go up and wander into the party. I cannot believe it looking back. I can't believe you didn't. What? Why would you want to? Well. To go hang out with the youths? Mama, they were youthful. And so youthful, in fact, that a young man was walking down the street holding his penis out of his jeans and pissing. Was it during the day? No.

That was not during the day. It was at night. It was a rager, a party. This man was walking confidently with his weenie out, holding it like... You saw it? I saw it clear as day right outside my bedroom window. It was actually extremely hot. I'm not joking. I think I would find that a little hot. He was probably like 25, 30. Very attractive in that light. You know, I couldn't see very well, but saw enough to see... Good enough for you. Good enough to see his...

probably huge dong spraying like a garden hose. I was like, is this like a prop thing? No, it was real. Well, why didn't you pull out your little Gollum act you do and crawl out there and say, piss on me, bitch? Well, I couldn't get there in time.

If you got this back little patio, hey, do you want to come out and hang out? Do you pull the trade out here? Mama, I was hoping somebody would wander up because that gate was not locked. Hello. But they don't want this old ass. Anyways, it was like limos, escalades, suburbans for three fucking hours. And then tons of people walking shit-faced around.

high as a kite completely blotto totally looking like hollywood gen z i was like whose fucking party was this it must have been the richest people you know in giant in giant hoodies with long nails and no makeup on there like i don't know who lives up it was wild but i guess it confirms that this neighborhood is not so much a family affair and more of a like house party wild kind of

part of town. Do you know what I mean? Well, that should make you feel good because now if you want to go out there and use a little JBL, like it's your life. Yes, totally. And if it's like, if I want to have sex on my pergola, you know, I feel we have neighbors and there's high walls with coverage and I'm back there naked all the time. And my philosophy is if you look over, you're peeping, you're peeping. That's how I feel about watching porn on a plane. I'm like, if you look at me, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

No, but I don't have an alt Twitter. So I follow a lot of porn accounts. And it always makes me laugh because they're like teenage lessee fans. Or I like it if I like a tweet of like a naked guy. They're like gross. Yeah. I'm like, I'm a gay man. I'm a gay man. Yeah.

"Gay man, you're a gay." I have been on the subway in like Boston or wherever and like used to follow a lot of porn people. Now I have to mute them all if I follow them. - Yeah. - Because opening up my browser on my giant iPhone and then like, you know, driving Miss Daisy sees like just. - I know. - Yeah, it's not great. - I know.

Well, they were so young, so hot, so wild and like they're full of life. They're full of life. You know what they want? You know what they want? What do they want? They want long, long nails. They want a vape. They want a giant hoodie. They want a giant hoodie. They want alligator clip, two strands of hair, two strands of hair, 90s sunglasses. How young are we talking right now? Then little 90s sunglasses.

And they want an expensive but ugly shoe. - Yes. Oh yeah, the bigger and the nastier, like those Balenciagas. - Yes. - Yeah, very, very nasty, very like awkward looking. - They wanna be breathless, breathlessly overworked without actually being employed. But what do they wanna do with each other? Party, have fun. - Are they doing cocaine and doing sexo? - I don't know. - Who knows at this point? - Because I don't necessarily think that straight parties are like sex parties. Gay guys.

It all turns into a sex party. Was it straight people? Yes, it was straight. Well, I think it was a mixture, but it was definitely a lot of straight people. What are straight people doing though? Like, like actually though. I think it was like a, it was a, what are they doing at a party? I think a famous person was hosting it because it was, who drives that many people? Well, they're there to be in the proximity of a famous person. Absolutely. I mean, that's what famous people throwing parties is. Would you like to be around me in a way that it's appropriate to be photographed? That's, that's, you know, old Hollywood. Who do you think it was? I think it was Zendaya. Jennifer Jason Leigh. No, no.

Penelope Ann Miller because people saw Big Top Pee Wee on TCM and were like, "Ooooooooh!" I don't know. I think it was Jennifer Lewis, the queen of black Hollywood. Probably. I don't know. I think it was somebody like Zendaya. A young, or like, what's her face? Charli D'Amelio. She probably lives in Calabasas. The TikToker? Exactly. Old. The TikToker I follow is weird. We have the same birthday at home. Do you know about the meat lover lady?

I'll tell you next time. Bye.