A Special Holiday Sale for Garbage B*tches Only with Trixie and Katya
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Check, check, check, check, check, check. Hey ho, hey ho. What do you know? Stir nothing. I'm just going to address the elephant in the room. We're sitting in the same place where my bed used to be, where I've had sex with many, many, many men, including my boyfriend. Is that where all the two inches of crust on the ground is from? Yeah. Well, you can tell the bed was here for a very long time.

Yeah. And this rug was blue, but now it's an off-white. It's an off-cream white girl. Well, this is this. I mean, this is we're making do. We're going to make. We're going to use this room as a studio. I would say as far as making do, that makes it sound like country girls make do. This is a nice little. Yeah. Well, I guess this gorgeous pied-a-terre will have to do. All we can do is look out the Hollywood sign. Darling, it was horrible. We had to do the podcast in the condo.

How are you living for the fantasy of being not just on tour, but in your house? Sweetie, darling, when I tell you the way that I've been feeling, you will know how I feel. It's sickening. It is sickening. Thank you, Brandon. For the straights listening, that means good. Yeah. Yeah. I am not ill, although I look very sickly. I am not. It is sickening.

I love it. I grew up with a time change. I've been getting up at a nice crisp 4 a.m. Are you serious? Yes. I can't not. Today I slept until 8 and it was a miracle. 8 a.m. Had to get good and drunk last night to do it. But yeah. You gotta take a little goofball. We love to record. We love to record. We love podcasts. We love to do pods. But we do get copious notes sometimes of like, hey, can you not finger bang the microphone? Or like when I sub in my ad reads, hey, can you do what's on the page and also mention the product and maybe...

There's like, people don't know, like when you do an ad read, there's a call to action. There's a section where it is, you have to basically verbatim read it. And it's usually important stuff like the website. Yes. But also there's a wildly, there's a huge variation in the graphic design of these instructions. Yeah. Where sometimes it's like comic stands, giant font, and then like an asterisk with like fine print. You're like, what the fuck is going on here? Well, the other reason is because people like us who do fun voices, we're

So I'll be like, I'm a little garbage bitch. And then I'm like, what do I see when I'm in short? Exactly. Wait, who's the garbage bitch? I just love what I just did. Garbage bitch saves me money. I'm a little garbage bitch. And I love to shop on Shopify. And if you're a garbage bitch. Go down to Gelson's and pick up a gallon of milk. We're having a holiday special on milk. Ketamine therapy can be great for garbage bitches. I told David Silver, I said, I think that

since we now live in this palatial home, I think that it's time for me to have Brandon send you my list of dietary restrictions. So Brandon helped me send him a little snack list. I said, these are the items I pretty much want in the fridge at all times. Well, you know, the fancy people, like, you know, you know, the security systems that are all like remote, you can actually get, so in every entryway. You did it again. So sorry. I keep fidgeting. It's this. Oh, okay. So I'm just going to hold it like. When you're sucking cock, are you like. No hands ever. All teeth. Yeah.

Do you like to suck cock? I mean, for real. Like, does anyone? That is actually a really good question. And I think I want to, and then it's happening. And I'm like, wrap it up. I have to say I feel the same way. It's not because I'm lazy. I'm not lazy. Like, I'm very active, full active life in the bedroom. But sometimes sucking dick and cock is corny and played out. It depends on the cock, too. It depends on the cock. Okay.

Well, I mean, listen, if you have a, you have a micro and then you've got a huge giant King Kong dong. Well, two very different experiences. So it's, it's nice to go for a lovely walk. It's a different thing to run the marathon. Exactly. So nothing to hike Kilimanjaro. The best is when someone's loves, they want their, they want their dick sucked and they

And they have one of those fucking Pepsi can dicks where you're like, you're unhinging. You feel your jaw crack. Your eyes are watering. See, then it's just, it's all theater. Cause you got to get, you got both hands involved, your shoulders. And then it's like, you're kind of just like skirting the issue. You're just a part of it. Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're like licking it. It's not really going in your mouth. Cause I am fascinated by the people who lie on the back, head off the bed and then get throat fucked. I'm like, mama, you should be in the Olympics. There's food. I feel that way about.

I'm like, I wish I could take that. Oreo cake stirs. I want to get used. You need to go to the Ivy. Lay on the table with your head back and be like, I'll take my hors d'oeuvres this way, please. Did you go to the Ivy a lot when we were in the UK? I've never been to the Ivy. It's a chain in the UK, isn't there? Not a chain, but there's more than one. I thought it was an exclusive like Spago. They used to say in the 90s, like LA, like hotspot. I guess it's not. Oh, my God.

Hi. It's Eden. Eden with the food. Speaking of, yeah. Should we, should I go there? No, she said, I'm down here eating. I'm not coming in. Hi, I'm Eden.

I'm eating. I'm actually taking eating out tonight. You didn't go to dinner. I know that's so nice of you the two cosmetics team And I are all going to dinner but back to sucking dick and cock. Yeah, that's the thing we get it Do you like it? I do like it like I'm in a textbook of in the in a sex message or like a grinder I'm like I want to suck your cock for hours that maybe that's the problem. I over promise. I'm like I

You just lay there. I'm going to do all the work, which is not how I ever feel about anything, including sucking cock. So who is this person? It's like I get possessed by like, I want to service you. I don't even service my vehicle. You are like all the guys that left for war and you're just ready to work and you're ready to do whatever it takes to help your country. I'm like a little hooker in like red, white and blue with a wet pussy outside of a bar going like, are you going to come in and see me? But then when I get there,

Two pumps in I'm like Are you moving in? What are you doing? This is moving too fast for me Get out, out, out, out Yeah, I I don't know Here's the funny thing I don't love having I don't love having my dick sucked Can we be honest? Let's be honest I also don't care much for that And so it's like

Are we all pretending that we like to suck dick or want our dick sucked or we all make believing? No, no, no. I know people who will gobble on weenies like, and here's the other thing. I love to eat ass. Love it. I mean, if I had to pick like top five favorite activities of earth, eating ass is one, two or three. So you feel much stronger about eating ass? Oh my God. I feel very strongly about sucking cock and I don't care that you ask much.

But so we're saying I love to suck cock. I loved to her but the problem is hell sucking hell sucking cock I got veneers so I could just be more reckless. These are rubber They come out I told you that my my bass player thought that my teeth came out at night, right? That's fair though because no that's fair because don't yours dentures don't yours. Well, it's the off-brand

Wait, not to pivot. There's a new season of RuPaul's Drag Race. Oh. And there are twins called Sugar and Spice. And I'm sorry. I love good branding. Two twins named Sugar and Spice who do drag together work. Oh, you're a congratulator. Their Instagrams are CallMeSugar, I think, and CallMeSpice. Wow. That is marketable. What about Sweet and Spicy?

Yeah. You know those sickening queens, Sriracha and General Tso? What the fuck did you just say? Wanton, hot and sour. I'm trying to think. No. Or, you know, ketchup and mustard. Those sickening queens. Well, that's, what's her name? Tina Berger? Tina Berger.

She has the condiment game on lock. Cornered. No, but they are fierce. And Fina actually brought them to my attention because they're like on TikTok or whatever. Are they kicking shoes? Oh, no. I think they're like, oh, yeah, they're kicking shoes. But is it a lot of like, we're two boys. No, we're not. Yeah. It's like, oh, my God, I guess we're two hot dudes. But wait, we're sexy. Like, you know, co-eds. Yeah.

I mean, great. I don't understand. Like, I'm actually for the first time pretty excited to see if they compete as a unit, which I know that's stupid. They won't, but. I don't think they are. Do you get Burger King? Well, it smells good at least. I love. I don't care much for fast food, to be honest, but like a fast food milkshake.

It is fierce. And I did a lot of fast food when we were in the UK for a while. For example, what now? Like a late night, like McPlant, because they have the veggie burger there. Oh, man, that McDonald's is always lines down the block. McDonald's in the UK? Why is it that, oh, McDonald's. Americans love McDonald's. In the UK, you would think it's fucking Buckingham Palace. You think it's Black Friday. It's crazy. It's wild. It's crazy. And it's like 30 of those screens where you order your own food. Yeah.

When at, after clubbing, mama, good Godspeed to you. If you ever go Friday, Saturday night after one, 2 a.m. It is Lord of the Rings. It is. Or Lord of the Flies or whatever. Lord of the Dance. Yeah, yeah. It is a free for all. People are wild. They're screaming. They're fighting. You can't, it's just, it's just pandemonium. But we, in Poland, we went to, um,

I was like, oh, okay. Go to three restaurants. They're all booked up on an afternoon. Don't understand that. On a lovely gray afternoon. Yeah, a Tuesday at 3 p.m. Oh, we have no, do you have a reservation? I'm like, what? So we go to McDonald's, packed. Have to go to another McDonald's, packed. Crazy. Do you think that's like the culture of it's either sitting down, planned meal or get in and get out, bitch? It's either reservations for goulash or you like duke it out at the McDonald's.

Yeah, but they also have better vegetarian options. I mean, there's more vegetarian food in general. It's a different restaurant. It's a totally different restaurant. McPlant. Yeah. McPlant? It's called a McPlant. It's a plant-based burger. I don't love the name. But is it good? Yeah. I mean, it's a fast food burger. Is it like chickpeas and shit? No, I think it's like sort of a TVP textured vegetable protein. Fuck. Okay, wait. Sucking, digging cock. One last thing. Uh-huh. I'm very sensitive to teeth.

Yeah. Very sensitive to teeth. And I find that it's an unflattering mouth shape you have to make in order to really get in there with no teeth. That is a really good point. It is like, I mean, we own this. It's like, I mean, you really have to wrap those lips around.

Down and under And then bite Cause I mean Not bite You want some You want some friction So there's gotta be some Like amount of pressure Oh yeah yeah So you're kinda exerting Yeah and then it's like But this is gross I don't wanna get too gross I love sloppy head Okay so like wet Dripping No like with food No no yeah Do you know about the porn Where it's sucking cock But it's

Well, the gag is the gag. Gag the fag. Where the whole point of it is just someone on the verge of puking like... Have you seen Gag the Fag? So Gag the Fag is a series of pornos where it's... It's another Queen on Drag Race. Sugar and Spice and Gag the Fag.

Great drag name. Gag the fag. Hi, I'm gag and I'm a fag. Or gag and drag. Mean bean. Gag and fag. Okay. Anyways, so they, it is exactly what you described, but it gets to a level of, um, it's such a viscous, thick, almost, uh, puke like, uh,

Yeah. Where it is like, it's like ectoplasm. Well, that's the thing. It becomes, yeah. Cause it's not spit. It turns into, it's stomach lining. Mama, it's something darker. It's a placenta. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like gelatin.

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Well, every part of my life, I don't know how you feel coming home from tour. The mail, I'm not kidding, a stack this big. I spent two hours opening mail. I did too, with a letter opener. And then guess what I did? I wrote checks to pay bills. I wrote checks. Do you not normally write checks? No, I do online. I like writing checks because it makes me mentally feel like I did that. Yeah. Just hope, you know, put it in the hands of the post office. I mean, yeah, but...

A lot of times it's like, you want to pay your Los Angeles water department? Do you know your password? No, I don't. I surely don't. No, I don't. And I don't. And I never did. No. And I never will. Today, our accountant said, do you have a IRS account? I said, no.

I have no idea. Do you, Mr. Accountant, who pays my taxes? I have no idea. I have no idea. I went to our account. We have the same accountant. I went to his office today and I just had a stack of, what is this? What does this mean? It was like a reverse tarot card reading. It was like, well, what is this? Well, this is a piece of paper. Taxes. I love, and I sleep good knowing taxes.

I pay them all and someone is in charge of making sure they're paid correctly and I go to sleep happy. Sure. Living in the shadow of like, I don't know how to pay my taxes. I never have and I hope they never find me. A lot of people live like that. Yes. Yes. However, like I've, I lived that, lived like that for years and a lot of the drag queens back in Boston did too. But when you work for cash and also we didn't make a lot

But I'm saying people who are on the books. The government knows you're getting paid and you're not doing your taxes. Right. Just because you're like, even TurboTax.com, you're like, it's too much. Yeah, it is too much. Yeah. I mean, I tried to, I tried to like hook up a soundbar to my TV and I started crying. So, you know. Mary, every time, well, I guess now I don't watch movies in there, but.

Every time I've had to sit down and try to turn that soundbar on, it's a Google journey. It's a deep dive. I got to go bam. I got to go bam. I got to go like a scavenger hunt. I don't know how to do it. I need a cord, one that plugs into the bar and then into the TV, and that's it. I know. So I'm going to go get a new one. I was looking online. Sennheiser Ambio, $2,500. That's a scam, bitch. That's crazy. The new house has a...

I mean, David went off on this bed. It's a Casper and it's this huge, thick California King. He bought, he tricked me into buying expensive sheets and pillows. I need to palpate these sheets. Cause I looked on that website and I was like, no, no, no. Tell me, tell me exactly because I am deep in like my connoisseurship of, or my exploratory, um, whatever of the sheet world is deep and vicious. It's those, what are they called? Branded.

Now, is it a linen? Is it a percal? What is it? Hey, Brandon. Some of those duvet covers or those duvets, $2,000, $3,000. Well, I mean, to be honest, my sheets here were probably from Amazon. They're probably $20. Yeah, Target sheets, $25. But now that I'm laying on sheets from a company that their job is to make sheets, I'm like, whoa. Your skin has changed. Not to be...

white trash I got in bed it was like it feels like a hotel you know what I mean because my bed my sheets sucked and hotels have nice sheets so I was like it feels like a hotel I get back from tour and I'm happy to be in a hotel bed again I'm like well I love a hotel bed and it has the bedroom has one of those TVs that looks like a painting

Oh, wow. Is it magic eye? You have to squint to watch the TV? No. David Silver wakes up, immediately puts on Real Housewives of New York and just watches it in bed. Wow. Do you ever see the ones that have like, it's like a credenza or like at the foot of the bed with the thing that comes out? Vanderpump has that. Yeah, it's fierce. It's crazy. But I don't like TV in the bed. I'm a hard no on that one. I don't like TVs in the bedroom period. At the motel, David like fought me because he wanted to do screens in the room. I said, these should be no screen rooms. People are not coming here to watch TV in their room.

I don't know. Everybody has a computer, an iPad. They can watch Netflix on their phone in bed. I watch Netflix on my phone. I would much rather you have a whole projector set than watch Netflix on your phone in bed. Well, I just... I also... I think, like, when you have a bedroom and you go to bed and there's just a huge TV on a dresser, it's just... That's why the painting is fabulous. Especially if it's Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light. The painting's sickening. So, wait, wait. It's... Does it... So, there's...

How does it work again? There's one. Well, there's four of them and they're not in one room. We really like to feel the sound. We come to this place for magic. But it's like it looks like a painting. And then when you turn it on, it looks like a TV because it dims and it projects like based on the light in the room. Are you kidding? It looks like a painting changes. Yeah, it looks like a painting.

And depending on how bright or dark it is in the room, it dims to like match the room. And what's the sound? What's the audio setup you got? I mean, we've only lived there three days. So it's just the TV right now. Oh, okay. Okay. We don't have right now. The living room is a couch and a TV. We don't have chairs. That's okay. But you know what though? Don't rush into that shit. We're not rushing. Don't rush. But Dave and I are feeling friction in our lives because he's suggesting items that I believe are old maiden type of furnitures. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, okay.

Bill Gates type of furniture. But here's the thing about that. You can meet in the middle tower furnitures. Well, that's just a golden toilet. Yeah. But here's the thing though. I'm, I'm very like, I am taking it very slowly with the furniture because I want it for the rest of my life. That's what David feels. I mean, and it's true though. You don't want she, if you can afford it and you have a certain level of economic comfort, don't get cheap furniture.

No, you're right. Don't do it. And you know, David was like, why would you buy this house and then fill it with cheap shit? And I was just like, well, you're going to get rid of it. It's going to break or whatever. But money is still money. And I think frugality is virtuous. And so it's a hard when he's like, this is a $3,000 coffee table. And I'm like, mama. No, that's fine.

I'm telling you. He got to you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I spent a $4,000 couch that I have never one moment regretted in my life. I'm about to pay probably $3,000 to have it upholstered because it's ugly. But it's worth it. I'm going to have that couch forever. And it is such an integral part of my life at home. I bought a custom couch for that living room and then we moved. So now I'm having to have it reupholstered.

Oh, that's okay. They said the frame was built and everything. And now they're like, we're just going to, I said, well, let's pick out new fabric. It doesn't match this room. Yeah. You know, get ready for that whopping price tag. Cause you will gag. I'm going to gag. It's, it's, ugh.

Let's talk about, let's talk about something. Let's go back to sucking cock. I just, I like used things. I like vintage or like thrifting. Absolutely. Goodwill, you know, like Mary, this is a $5 chair that I've had for about 10 years. I play guitar on it. I love it. It probably has bed bugs. It was five bucks. I got it from a Goodwill. I love it. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. It,

thrifting in Los Angeles, vintage, vintage in Los Angeles is tricky because they gouge. They gouge. If you go to Salt Lake City, if you go to, um, anywhere else, really Kentucky. Yeah. The thrifting can be fierce. Texas,

Los Angeles? Yeah. Off the chain. Insane. It's insane. Fairfax Market? You like that broken dresser? It's haunted. It comes with a ghost and it's $30,000. $16,000. Yeah. First dibs? You ever been on that fucking app? No. First dibs? I was like, oh my God, I love that chair. It's only $25,000. Mira, I need second and third dibs. Cherish is the same way. Great stuff. Wonderful selection, but girl, please. I'm trying to buy some nice art though. There's this artist I like called Alex Gross. He buys, they're called...

Not coffin paintings. Anyway, they're cards, old portraits, Victorian portraits. Oh, sure. And he mounts them and paints over them. So it has like the face of some old Victorian man. And then he paints them to be Homer Simpson. Oh, funny. And they're really small. They're like cabinet cards. They're like this big, but they're expensive, but I really want one. Well, and they're limit. They're only one of other one of a kind. So I'm on the internet trying to find anybody who has one, if they'll sell it to me.

Here's the thing about this. This is where you can leverage your celebrity though, because we are, um, we have so many fans of artists who are fans of us. Like, um,

There's this, well, no, she's too expensive. But like I've, there are people who would like give you a deal that they, you know, much, much cheaper than they would sell at the gallery where they show it. And you can have a one of a kind piece like for, you know, cheapish. Well, I found a painting on the internet on Craigslist. The giant one? Yes. I got David to rent a U-Haul.

And David drove a U-Haul and we drove to Alhambra, California three days ago. He complained the whole time until we got there and it was amazing. It's huge. Is it framed? Yes. And it fit this, this, it's a wall this big. It fits the whole fucking wall. That's so fierce. And it was, it sounds like a lot, but it's 500 bucks. $500 is nothing. But it's the size of a, it's huge. That should be 50,000. And then we went to Home Depot and bought the kit to mount it for a hundred pounds. Yeah. Mounted it.

Can't believe we it's that's only $500 because this guy was getting rid of it. That's so fierce That's what I'm saying. I think buying all new shit is sort of like tacky and weird and cringe Well, but I knew shit's not good. The new furniture is not what things do you want new and what things do you want? Second or third hand, you know sheets new. Yeah everything else vintage used whatever because all the like quality craftsman stuff is like from the 20th century and

I mean, yeah. This place was built in 2006. It's constantly falling apart. Yeah. The house I moved into is from the 1800s. Yeah. 1800s? 1880s. That's why there's ghosts in there. Well, I haven't felt the presence. No, but you have the sight, though. So you're probably going to see them soon. I'm probably going to see them soon. Yeah. I hope they're naked. I would love to get, like, I don't know, the type of TV psychic where you touch someone and you go, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you haven't done your laundry in three weeks. Or, like, um. Ha, ha.

Did you just fart? Wait, you have diarrhea. I have this psychic ability where I can tell if someone's farted because I can smell it. You have the uncanny ability to tell whether someone's burped in your face. Well...

There's no way for me to forget it. We should we talk about burping? No, I want to talk about I want to talk about I just lost it mother. Could I say? Yeah, I love talking to you Things to talk about we have something you know, what have you done since you've been back though just exercising out Um, so they're working on I have some fabulous people redoing my backyard. I

Like, like as we speak, tilling and gardening and yeah. Oh yeah. Bitch. The new grass, um, new plants. These plants are out of this world. Gone with the wind. You're going to get a gardener.

I have a gardener. Yeah, you can't keep them alive. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mom, I'm not touching these plants. Yeah. We have irrigation. Don't even look at them. No, I'm going to look at them with binoculars from inside. And bitch, it's just been it's been nonstop fabulous. Oh, I saw Barbarian last night. Oh, let's take a break and talk about Barbarian. OK, we'll be back in a minute.

Okay, and we are back. So, Barbarian, I was a little late to the party, and when a lot of people are into this thing, like different people with different tastes, I'm kind of like, whatever, I'll get to it eventually. Watched it last night. I loved it. Also, mama, that was me in that tunnel. That was me in that tunnel. The woman? The witch woman? Yes! Well, here's what I liked about it.

It starts, you think, oh, this is going to be- I love the structure of it. You think it's going to be about this woman who's double booked on an Airbnb, which I guess could happen. Yeah. Interesting premise. Yeah. And also because that actor is widely known as playing Pennywise, you sort of think, oh, he's going to be evil. I had no idea. That's Pennywise. Oh my God. Skarsgård brother. So they put all that human makeup over his weird white skin? They could have just gotten you.

I was there. I was no idea. I was down a drain killing kids. I had no idea. Yeah, that's him So good actor so you sort of think oh this is gonna be this woman's gonna find herself endangered and then It when it shifts to Justin long who I love by the way, it loves me everything what up maggots? So fierce so funny. He was like was a he says but there is so many parts that movie There's a part where he's on the computer and he goes

hell yeah bitch he's alone talking to himself he goes heck yeah bitch he is so funny and also they play him like in the beginning you're like well not spoiler you think like oh he he's being framed for me tooing and then he gets drunk at that bar and he's talking about it like she wanted it she said no but she wanted it and then you're like oh he yeah they try to set you up like

maybe he didn't do it. And then you're like, oh, it seems like he did and he's not in touch with what that really means. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a very well-drawn douchey rapist character. But you still kind of feel bad for him.

you feel like you did that wrong. That's horrible. And you feel like almost like a child, like you don't even know how fucked up you are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he thinks he's a victim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And especially with the drunk phone calls, like, Hey, I was like, Oh God, that was like, Oh, I know this guy, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that woman, that giant woman, a girl, you know, when I knew you were going to love that movie,

When she bashed that motherfucker's head against the wall? No. The bottle? The tit. Oh, the titty suck. With the hair on it. Suck on this titty. In that bottle? Suck on this titty, bitch. She wants you to be her baby. Mama. Mary, that room with the mattress and just the baby VHSs, when she was like, I thought it was like, I got to call Fina right away. Yeah. And also not to be dumb, I didn't even know until they plainly spelled it out for me that we were jumping timelines.

I was like, that looks like that neighborhood, but it's different. You didn't tell the Reagan on the radio? I don't. Well, you know what that made me think of? What? Watchmen. But then I was like, I was like, anything 80s is Watchmen. But I was like,

Oh, it's because I thought, oh, maybe this is like a weird other dimension where it's the same street, but nice. Sure, sure, sure. I mean, it was it was fierce. Like, I mean, a little unbelievable, especially driving. But when getting into that neighborhood at night and then in the morning when she gets out of the house and looks around and realizes where she is, I would have packed my shit and gone.

Well, do you know what I mean? I loved, and this is like kind of the scariest part. It looks like they mounted the camera in the car to watch him stalk that woman, follow her home from the grocery store. Oh, that was real tough. It was like, whoa, this is real. Men do this. So how many generations of incest babies produced that fierce diva? Which one of my siblings are you talking about? My sister, my brother, me. I don't know because, you know,

Some people, they want their... There's areas of the world that aren't that populated where people don't necessarily move away. England? Yes! I didn't want to say it! I didn't want to say it! Sometimes they try to move away and conquer other countries. Honey, if you wake up and you're putting baked beans on toast...

It's because your mom and your dad were brother and sister, bitch. We got to stop dragging England. They're too through with us. They've suffered enough. They had to watch us. There was a lot of great little moments. I loved the structure of it because my attention span is so down to the nub these days. But I loved the vignettes that were all very compelling and had a nice structure. And then in the first bit where the guy's chasing her,

Like, don't go in there. You know, like he's chasing after her, trying to save her. To save her. Mary Dugan. I didn't really get that either. Chilling. Chilling. But then it was fierce when he's like, are you sure she's not going to come in here? I've been here 15 years. And then she comes, rips his arm off and beats him to death with it, honey. Sick man. Crazy.

I love a jab, a thumb in the eye jab. That was really insane. Yeah. That was funny though, because his like any, any sympathy you might've had for Justin Long's character was out the window when he pushed that bitch off the fucking tower at the end. I know, but it's consistent. I wouldn't have believed that he had some magical. Oh no, no, no, no, no. I love weird mom horror like that. Do you remember the movie? Ma. Do I remember the movie Ma? But also not Ma because it's not a mom movie, but do you remember Mama? Yeah.

how about mother i've not seen mother how about throw mama from the train wait do you remember mama where it's like that those two kids who are in the forest who were raised by like a ghost of a woman remember that like two feral children oh no i'm thinking about the one where they don't know if their mom is real it's i think it was like a danish i don't i forget i'll have to look it up it's fabulous no but you know what i think about too the visit honey

Where those two kids go to see their grandparents. I still haven't seen that. The premise sounds so compelling. Don't tell me anything. I won't tell you anything. I'll tell you this. What? It's got, um, it was Agatha all along. What's her name? Oh, uh, Catherine Han. Yes, honey. Fierce Tina. Yes, honey. Yes, honey. And you didn't like the menu.

You fucking bitch. It was... You know what? That chef was amazing. Yeah, her performance was so beautiful. And I... Hong Chao? Ate. Girl, Hong Chao. Chewed. In anything. Anything. In everything. Mary, did you see Downsizing? No, I'm going to watch that. Did we talk about this already? Yeah, because... Yeah, I want to see it just for her. Downsizing. Yeah. Hong Chao and Downsizing. Eats. Eats. Hilarious. Crying. So good. And they really... I feel like that movie was marketed as like a comedy. Like a Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Yeah, and it's not. It's pretty like...

Existential meaning of life shit. At 19, I graduated from MIT. At 22, I bought it. I bought it.

Lady true. Don't make me talk about Watchmen. We have to move out of darkness. Okay. We have to move away from the light when she's like, oh shit. And those frozen squid are just tearing her up. I read every consumable piece of media out there about Watchmen. There's no podcast. Yeah. Podcast. Damon. Well, here's the thing. Damon Lindelof or something. The guy who the showrunner, he did Chernobyl.

On HBO. It has an accompanying podcast. And Lost. Yes. And The Leftovers. Yes, you have. I try to get into The Leftovers. I've not seen any of these shows. Lost is a whole, don't even bother, but gripping, suspenseful. It was a cultural moment, water cooler talk, all that stuff. I'm not very smart, though, and I like to watch Super Nanny. I watched a lot of Super Nanny last couple weeks. You've got to watch Chernobyl because the way they do it is so incredible. It's so, it is. Is it sad?

Are you kidding? It's devastating. Is it funny? Well, you see people's flesh literally melt off their body. And that's hard. Yeah. But it's cool because they made an interesting choice where it all takes place in the Soviet Union, but all the actors are British and they just use British accents.

So they're not like, oh, we must check the generator because we have to do this. Like they don't do the phony Russian accents. Interesting. It's very effective. There's a Superman comic that I became aware of called Red Sun. And it's about an alternate history where Superman landed in Russia instead of America. That's fun. And he's like, you know, the champion of the world there. I got to read it. Zupa man. Zupa man. You like the man Zupa? Or Zupa Zupa. What else? What else? Oh, I watched Life After Bath.

i don't know what that is it's a it's like a zombie movie with aubrey plaza she dead she dies yeah it was all right she's amazing but kind of a snooze what have i been watching

I watched Uncle Buck yesterday while I was doing my mail taxes and stuff. Such a great movie. He is so funny, John Candy. John Candy, he's so great. Did you see Delirious where he plays a soap opera writer? No. Oh my God, it's so great. It's so, so great. Well, it's John Candy and Macaulay Culkin pre-Home Alone. He's like four years old in it. Macaulay Culkin is in that? In Uncle Buck, yeah. It's sickening.

So fucking funny. Would you fuck John Candy? I would. No. I would want him to be like my dad or my uncle. Uncle Bug. You know? You wish he was in your family. You don't want to play suck and fuck with Uncle Bug? Isn't he in Home Alone 2? Is he? Do you remember in Home Alone 2 when she's hitchhiking to get to New York?

She the mom like hitchhikes to get in New York I don't remember I don't remember and she rides in the back of like a trailer with a band a polka band He's in the polka band. She hitchhikes cuz they're middle upper middle class family Yeah, but the family's in Florida and it's like raining and there's no flights. Oh, right, right, right, right different times different times Yeah, you know, I saw a printout a printout. What is a printout? I saw a tweet a printout

I saw a leaflet on the street. You know, now because I don't want to be a supporter of Elon Musk, I just print out my thoughts and hand them out. And if you're lucky to get one, good for you. So if you're, yeah, Hollywood and Vine from three to six, I'll be there tweeting. They said they listed the number of new drag race shows this year, including all the countries and all the all-star. How many? It's something like 15.

It's like two seasons of drag race in one year and all-stars, a global all-stars, UK, Germany, France, Italy. Well, we're catching up because think about this. Sports. Sports. There's four different golf channels or more.

at any given time there's like a million ncaa um sports you know college sports huge professional sports i mean of every sport there's so many things to watch sport wise on tv all the time people are like sitting home between golf channels like trying to watch two golf games mama they're sitting at home they got fantasy leagues fantasy golf fantasy everything why is it called fantasy because it's not real

And so these aren't real players. No, no, no, no. So like fantasy football is you compile a team and it's based on their performance in the real world. But your your compilation of players. Becky from the Dolphins and like. Yeah. Also fantasy drag race to say like, OK, I get Naomi Smalls. People do fantasy. Of course they do.

Well, I don't know if it works the same way, but you know, Oh, do people, people do like bedding pools with drag race. So like a bunch of bags who are like sitting home getting mad watching it. Yeah. And then they death threats to your house. Cause you didn't win the wig ball. You didn't sweep at the wig ball. I lost the keys to my course. That hunty cost me the mortgage. Yeah. No, I wish you could have been at, um, Hunter's house with me, Andrew Joseph and like 10 other gay guys. We watched one of season 11 or something.

The amount of vitriol. It was like the worst night at the sports bar. Screaming. Screaming at the television. Yeah. Like, fuck you, whore. You dumb bitch. You worthless whore. Kill yourself. Wow. It was like, actually, we all had to be like,

Okay, maybe we should pull back. And you know, cause like drag is cool. Cause Joseph's straight brother was there. That's like, he's going to have the worst impression of gay people. Somebody, somebody, I, I'm like conservative now when it comes to supporting drag. Cause I'm so burned out from your MAGA. Yeah. Somebody today asked if I would go to a drag brunch this weekend. I said, absolutely not. Yeah. Absolutely not. Waterboarding that day. Yeah. Well, we talked about this when we go to drag things now.

That performer could be setting herself on fire and people are staring at us. And it feels rude. It feels rude. In certain contexts, especially during the day at a brunch, I don't want any attention on me. As an audience member, I never want any attention on me. Cirque du Soleil, don't come and pick me up. No. Don't come and fondle me. I hate that shit. Girl, when we were at Chicago, I said... Cabaret. Cabaret.

Cabaret. Cabaret. When we were at Cabaret, the dancers come up before the show and they're doing little wiggles. And I said, please don't come up to me. Like, please don't come up to me. I think I would have said like, I know like you're, you're, this is like your thing, but like, I can't be a part of this and you have to go to someone else now. Yeah. And I also, I'm not a huge fan. I mean, they're all amazing, but Cirque du Soleil does this notoriously where like, you know, they're doing, they're doing bits and characters and I'm like,

I know like you're hot and talented. Don't do all that. You know what I mean? Like, don't do this. Like just put on the hula hoop, Mary, you know, put on a little TR on the hula hoop, suck cock, suck a duck, suck a dolphins, duck cock, and just move on, you know, suck a dolphins, duck cock, keep stepping, honey, get on your little unicycle with a dildo sticking out of it and putting your glass eye and tell him to hit the track.

Okay, bitch. Okay, bitch. Get on your unicycle with the dildos to get out of it. You've seen Zemanity. Do your little skin peel. Do your little chemical peel. Do a chemical peel. Do a chemical peel. Fill in your eyebrows. Get out the yarn. Do the cat's cradle and go home. Okay, bitch. I don't know if it's obvious that I've never been to Circus Solo. I was like, what?

My god, have you been as the man of the ever? No, mommy. You got to go the sexy one You and I performed at that theater. We sure did like the bean shaped theater. Yes, beautiful mama There's a drag queen in that isn't there? It's usually hosted by drag queen first. It was Joey Arias That's when I saw it when I was here then it was Edie from New York incredible And now from for a while that was actually my dream gig because obviously you should do it. Well mama. No, I

Why? A, I don't think I... Not pretty enough? I don't think I could pull it off. B, too much work. C... And not pretty enough? Yeah, mostly not pretty. Way too fat. Not pretty. Not talented. But it's hard. It's a hard job. And Joey did it so well.

Well, he was like because I saw it early those shows like really evolved when they premiered they're notoriously not ready Um, but when I saw in the first like couple months, he was sensational. Yeah sensational um, but uh, mary The voice too. Do you think he did? He didn't I don't think he did the billy holiday thing Which is a bummer because it's so incredible it really like you close your eyes. It's fucked up. It's crazy. It's fucked up It's wild. He looks like the crypt keeper. Well, do you know what do you know what jimmy james?

Jimmy James. No. Jimmy James is that artist who's famous for doing Marilyn. Oh, that's right. He's a live singer. And so he would do Marilyn. He looked so much like Marilyn and sounded so much like Marilyn that portraits of him would get cease and desist from the Marilyn estate. And he would have to be like, this isn't you. And they'd be like, oh, yeah.

That is so fierce. So it's going to happen with me and Landon. No, it's going to happen. Yeah. Well, it happened to me and Sharon Stone from my Basic Instinct shoot. So yeah, she could sing. She can sing. Do you know Thirsty Burlington? Oh, yeah. I love her. She's so funny. That's a Cher, bitch. Yeah, she is so wild. And she sounds like Cher. Yeah. She's amazing. She's amazing. And you know, she never breaks character. One summer I lived in Provincetown with Diana Coney, my old manager. How do people in Provincetown not break character?

Girl mama, it's weird. Very eerie. It's it's it's it's corny tired. I walk up to Dina Martina. I go. How's your day going? She's like it's drape Like we're outside in the sunlight, but she never breaks ever It's drape. I'm gonna Joe do my show. Okay, so

Did you talk to Jerry? God. So, I lived with Diana and, you know, I was doing four shows a week doing my thing. It was between, it was during, I think right after All Stars. It was hard. It was a hard season. And,

She would come over. Who? Dina. Thirsty. Oh, Thirsty. Would come over after the gigs. In Cher? Yeah. And it was like house party. And she would come over as Cher in the Cher outfit, never break character. And Diana would call her Cher all the time. She'd be like, well, Cher is going to come over and we're just going to hang out. And they would put on Cher music and sing, just be Cher all night. And I wake up like, I come home from my gig like a little hungry, like a little tired. And I'd walk in and Cher would be in there like.

Just like Jimmy James. What if she started crying because her husband died in a skiing accident? That would be so strange. She's doing a deep study. Yeah. Cher's mom died. Oh, I know. But 96 had a good run. Or 97. Yeah. I mean, she looked great. You give birth to Cher, you're probably going to look pretty good in a dress, you know? Yeah. You get birthed by Cher? What do you think is going to happen when your parents die? Let's take a break.

You know, let's say, I'm not asking, what do you think is going to, I'm saying, do you think your mom is going to heaven? Or do you think your father's going to hell? Because if you don't love God, you're going to be burned for eternity. A burnity is what we call it around hell, actually. What do you think is going to happen when your parents die? Let's take a break.

I guess what I meant is, you know, Cher tweeted like, I can't sleep. And I was like, I think it is. There's no way to prepare for that, right? I mean, we've had people die recently. You know, Leslie died and a guy did a

duet with a couple years ago just died. And it's weird when people die. But I think when your parent dies, it's got to be very displacing. Well, I mean, it depends on how. Context. I mean, if they die in a car crash next week, it's going to be a very different story from my mom's sick, she's gone into hospice, yada, yada, yada. There's a progression. That's probably more common. Yeah.

Yeah. Like my grandmother. I mean, it is chilling to like, you know, when I visited my maternal grandmother in the hospital, I got a little prep. Like my mom was like, just so you know, she's not looking great. And I'm so glad she did that because when I went into there, it was like she looked like a corpse. Yeah. It was so shocking. So shocking. And she was always like, you know, a person who never like...

She was always cheerful energetic. She slept together. She's like one leg on the floor. She never really fully went to bed - well, yeah, it's hereditary Constant vigilance, but anyways, she was it was like oh this person is on death's door It was really sad. But um when my if my mom goes if she went prematurely Mama here go he'll come. Yeah, it's gonna be probably the saddest thing I could ever imagine. I

My dad? Eh, I'm just kidding. Both of them would be horrible. Horrible. But it happens. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I think no amount of like, nothing will prepare you for it. So you can't really think about it. I would grieve. And I think I would grieve in like the, probably the, it would be the, the, a tragedy that I could deal with pretty graciously or gracefully because I love them and they know I love them and we appreciate each other every day. And we all know that everybody dies.

Do you know something about this is horrible, but people don't realize nobody can fill in for us. If you and I were on a tour in Australia and someone, our family dies. Well, can we just leave a tour in the middle? No, Landon won't come. Oh, perfect. And who'd we get to play you? Ellen Barkin, if she's available. But you know, like I've had family funerals where I can't go because. Indispensable. Yeah. Because so many people work because of us. If I just canceled it, I mean, what am I supposed to, the amount of money, like if my mom died,

On a tour and I wanted to cancel two weeks of shows. So I'm choosing to go tens of hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt. Cause when you cancel a venue, venues make you pay back like tenfold. Yeah. It can be crazy. But so with that, if God willing, if that would happen, I'd be like, I would go to your dressing room and be like, I'm so sorry, but you're late for the meet and greet. Let's shake it. I know. I'm just kidding. Well, like I remember when my grandpa died, I went home the week before the funeral and the week after. Cause I was also like, well, everybody comes for the funeral. Yeah.

People probably need help the week before. Yeah. I think there's, it depends on like what needs to, the logistics because like sitting Shiva for seven days is something I'm not going to do cause I'm not Jewish. I don't, you know what I mean? But like, what is that? Um, it's when you, um,

You put on a... You change your name to Sh... No, you don't sit in shiva? You change your name to shit? Shiva. You change your name to shiva? And then you sit for seven days. You're lying to me. You sit shiva. It's a grieving process that Jewish people do. Seven days. Everyone? You never heard about this? Sitting shiva?

Yeah. Well, anyways, well, we'll look at Jewish, but he's alive. Okay. He hasn't had anybody die close to him. We haven't in the, I mean, not really. No, it's fierce. It's a very, it's fierce to have people die. No, it's, it's a fierce form of grieving because I mean, I'm, I don't, can't say from what do you sit like, like what's the pose? Um, you sit like, we start like that and they go like this. It's like a nagel. Yeah. And they do like a reclined and then upright. No, you, it, people come food. It's a concentrated, um, intense form of grieving. And I think some people think that it's like, you kind of,

you kind of get out of it's cathartic and you get out of your system in a way hereditary or not hereditary Midsommar seven days vocal cords gone I close the door I think I don't know in at least like Ojibwe what we would do is you're supposed to grieve the hardest in like

The days around the funeral because you're supposed to like it's a form of respect and also it's like a way of purging the grief like you're supposed to go in. It's also competition. Korean funeral wailing. Who cares the most? Who has the highest wail? I mean, well, there's like when the dictator would die, you know, people are so brainwashed. Like it's performative. Right. Like when, you know, the grand leader is like, you know, just throngs of people screaming their lungs out. Pretty wild. But who for? That person's unimpressed because they're gone.

No, it's for the spectacle of a patriotic spectacle. Interesting. But Mary, everybody dies. It's the only thing we all do. It's the only thing we all do. I know my mom, I was a kid obsessed with death. I used to always be like, probably a few times a year, I would get really sad as a kid because I'd be like, mom, someday you're going to die. You know, she's like, yeah, and I can't wait. No, she was like, what are you going to do if you die? And she would be like, it's as natural as being born. It's more natural than being born.

Because not everybody's born. No, I mean, people are born through cesarean section, forced birth, painful, horrible, you know, like left in a dumpster. You know what I mean? So many different conditions. And we all, of course, die in the same way, or die in different conditions. But you're just, you're going, I mean, it doesn't happen. Birth is crazier. Because I watch a lot of home birth TikToks. I watch a lot of home birth TikToks.

I didn't know how many people do it. In the water? Well, they already have kids. And the kids don't really know what's going on. So you'll hear like Cocomelon on the TV. And you'll hear the kids being like, I'm a little baby. And then you see the mom in yoga clothes hanging over a bed being like,

And the kids are like, mommy, I want a sandwich. Like they don't understand that she's going through. And then the husband's in the corner with like a bottle of water. Like, baby, you're doing great. You were made for this. You're, you're champion. And what about midwife and midwife there? Sometimes. Cause usually it's a kiddie pool in the living room.

And the birth song is like Guns N' Roses, Sweet Child O' Mine. Yeah. And it's a little birth. I'm not making fun of it. It's crazy. I mean, I'm sure there's different versions of it too. Like the Gwyneth Paltrow goop version is probably like a cedar tub with salt water or whatever. And if you're already home and let's say you have no preexisting health conditions and you're in a hot bath of water and I mean, it feels more dangerous that you're not near doctors to me.

Yeah, but I mean it depends like my my nephews birth was and the pregnancy was fraught with horrible medical difficulties And yeah, no, I mean if she I think she if my sister-in-law gave birth at home mama That would've been a wrap on all of them Well, and there's not like a lot of filming of births. There needs to be more birth surveillance But I'm saying these people sharing their home births. I'm like, oh my god the pain. Oh my god the screaming Oh my god the blood I watched so many of them and I was like, oh

This doesn't seem like even at a doctor, if it's scary and crazy, even at a doctor. Oh,

It's just scary and crazy. Mom, but there's shit flying everywhere. There's shit flying everywhere. Everywhere. I saw a video of a woman. She was, you know, in a kind of like a dog, downward dog, like, you know, with the pain pushing and kind of like, and then poop started coming out and her husband, Gerald or whoever, runs in with a kid's diaper, a clean kid's diaper and scoops up her poop while she's pooping. And then the other kids, it must've been like a really earthy family. The other kids are naked. They start eating the poop. No, they're naked. Oh, oh. And they're in bed just like, mommy, are you okay? And she's like, I'm fine. But she's like screaming. Wow.

And I'm like, if you're a kid and you don't know what birth is, if you're watching a birth, is it illuminating or are you like, holy fuck? I mean, I saw it like a video of like a tight shot on the vaginal opening, you know, tearing as the baby came out. And I was like, the way that I would have the only C-section. Take the leg. The only C-section. Take the leg. Take both of them. Take the leg and beat me to death with it. Mama.

Anyway. I could never. I could never be... I could never have all that hardware because the first time I got my period, any cramps, I would have been like, hysterectomy. My doctor would be like, you can't do that. I'd be like, okay, I'm going to kill myself. It's horrible, people. Every month, Mary? I know. Every month? I know. It's... Women just...

deal with it and they just have to deal with it and they have to deal with the public shame and not and not having tampons readily available falling from the sky which they should and they're like well it's this well I should plan for nausea this day and the next day I should plan for not doing anything physical yeah can't wear my white jeans some people have these extreme cycles where they have insane pain what is it

Endometriosis? Yeah. Where people have like extreme regular pain. Like two to three days or somebody four to five days a month or more. Incredible, like debilitating cramps and discomfort. If I get if I get body wash in my urethra, I'm like, I should kill myself. I had a paper cut while I was doing my makeup. I was like, I don't think I should do the show tonight. I know. It's fucking wild.

I don't have a high pain tolerance. I really don't. No shit, man. I have a high discomfort tolerance. Oh, see, I don't have that. Drag. Yeah. Running. Like a small amount of discomfort for I can do that. Real pain or illness. If I get a cold, I'm like, David, I think you should stay home today. You should just sit in here and look at me. Yeah, we need to find, get the notary over here. We need to draft this will. Yeah.

Speaking of we should talk about that soon a dying out last our account today was like you need to get your will together No, I know I said, what do you know that? I don't who've you been talking to you? No, I know I have mine on a notes app and apparently that is not legal tender. It's not legal It's not a legal document. Yeah, I know cuz you never know and listen I'm not trying to be morbid but like the chances of us dying on that bus. We're very high you think yes Think of it. I mean the the driver was fierce. What are the chances of you dying if we leave you at home?

They're greater or equal to that but I mean like but but it's just I'm saying like that there's just a many chances and also The bus Mary but the private plane I wouldn't that private show but it wouldn't shut up and it was a normal plane I was like great. Yeah, well, you know the small planes are scary We think we'd be like a kiddie pool with wings on it or something What if we went through all that trouble to book a private jet and then they just took two of us and left everyone else That'd be funny But no seriously like getting into a car in my neighborhood. I

It's just a death race 2000 every day. Yeah. So, Oh my God. Nope. We can't talk about cars in Los Angeles. That's a whole nother conversation. Okay. The driving here.

On the highway? Weaving. 90 miles per hour. No winker. Merging at 120 miles per hour onto the 101 into the fourth lane to the left. Crazy. It's so fucking insane. Passing between cars. It's so wild. It's so wild. I've never been on a freeway where it's like, okay, I got to go 70. Now I'm ground to a halt. And then I got to, it's like so bizarre. I know. It's really, really dangerous. And plus people are texting, Mary. They're doing TikToks. They're dying their hair.

They're like, it's crazy. They're on offer up or was it first cherished? They're on first dibs looking at limbs. Oh, I guess. Oh, that's it. Oh, we, we, we do have to think of a slightly more organic way to wind down.

Okay, well, we have only about a minute to do it. Well, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for joining us. By the way, we're thinking of doing a gallery wall of fan art here. Let me know if you think that's cool. Yeah. I don't know. And are you guys LGBT? Y'all LGBT. Don't make me drink alone. No.

Bye.