At a Taco Bell with Mario Lopez & O.J. Simpson with Trixie and Katya
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Hello. Hi. Sorry I'm late. I'm so tired. Are you really? Yeah, I'm exhausted. Well, I've been filming that music video for the last week and it just came out and I'm so proud of it.

What are you talking about? What? You didn't hear it? Padum, padum. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Padum, padum. Yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, I know that people kind of associate me with big ideas, lofty thinking, philosophical kind of corners. I was like, let's keep it simple. It took us forever to find that damn car, you know, and I was like, I want to go, I want to dance on a moving car. But they said it's too dangerous because it was supposed to be called Vroom Vroom. But then we changed it to Padum, Padum.

- It makes me think of, remember, have you ever seen the movie, "The Hunger Games"? - Yes. - Okay, they live in Pan Am. - Yes. - And there's this scene where Katniss is giving this speech to Pan Am and she goes, "Pan Am today, Pan Am tomorrow, Pan Am forever." - Well, that's pretty much the vibe of the song. - "Pan Am today." - Yeah, yeah. And then it was like, "I'm tired today because I was in the studio doing the Hindi version, papadum, papadum." And that was like a whole thing. We're kind of concerned that it's not gonna be very politically correct.

But it was a huge hit. I mean, I'm not going to be able to police their Hindu pronunciation. Hindi. Hindi. Sorry. Pronunciation. But I hope you can find somebody who can. I hope so too. You know, there are some artists who speak multiple languages and they record their highly popular pop albums in multiple languages. Like I remember it blew my mind that Christina Aguilera had like Spanish language. Yeah. And then stripped in Spanish. I remember being kid and being like, well, Shakira, yeah.

As a kid, it didn't occur to me that somebody could know multiple languages. So I was like, she must be just getting a coach and someone helping her sing each word in Spanish. It must be magic. It didn't occur to me she knows Spanish. She must be a wizard. Well, I prefer Shakira's Spanish language songs much to her English. I think it's clear that in English, it's a bit of a rough translation at times. With Ms. Shakira. Yeah.

Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with mountains. Mama, let me look right into the camera. If your breasts can be confused with mountains, you need to get a mammogram yesterday.

The Sierra Nevada is across my chest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You maybe want flowing molehill, molehills or is it molehill? I don't think it's molehill. Make a mountain out of a molehill? That's a small one. Is it a molehill? It's a molehill. Yeah. Or is it a mohill? It's a molehill. Is it really? Yeah. Like a hill that a mole comes out of. Yes!

And if your mole looks like a hill, go to a dermatologist. And if your mole hill is grassy, you have to mow the mole hill. God. Mama. What about, girl, we got so much to talk about because we are two of the only living people who didn't go to DragCon. And DragCon's cute. DragCon's cute. But staying home is gorgeous. And gorgeous devours cute.

I was... Where was I? Oh, I was in New York for the GLAAD Awards. So I was in drag for free somewhere. Yeah, you were in drag. I was somewhere in drag for free. Mama for free, not getting paid, just being a humpty dumpty little like statuette. And you know I don't like losing, but I lost. And I'm happy to lose to we're here because we love the girls, we love the dolls, we love the divas. But...

When they said we're here, even though I heard, you know, if you go to these award shows and you're connected, you're mildly connected, you can get the tea. And I got the tea a week beforehand that we didn't win. And I said, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I'd never been invited to the GLAAD Awards. So I was thrilled to be there. Thrilled. Thrilled. You met a lot of stars I saw.

Or did you? Maybe that was at the awards here in LA. That was the Vanderpump Gala. Oh, the doggy dog. Save the dogs. Save my dogs. Yes. Is it her dogs that get the money or all dogs? So Vanderpump Dog Foundation since 2016 has saved like

2,500 dogs lives. They save 500 dogs a year. Plus they provide like, you know, if you're on a budget and your dog, you see a spade and neutered, they can connect you to a vet that will do it for a reduced price. Shit like that. Wow. So we went to the gala to raise the money. Ha ha ha.

That was star studded. Okay. Very star studded. And you will get- Mario Lopez. Literally next to me. Extra, extra. Next to, and you know what? Are you serious? Yes. David Silver goes, Mario Lopez. Are you fucking kidding me? Yes. Are you joking? Extra, extra. Wait, did you really not know that? I had no idea. Yeah, it was actually Mario Lopez. What?

- I can't believe you guessed that. - I am psychic. - Literally, I would be like all night long, you would have to, you should have to kick me out 'cause all night long I'd be like, extra, extra. I wouldn't be able to stop. Like if I saw Lady Gaga, I'd be like, oh, there ain't no other way. And I wouldn't be able to stop. I would not be able to stop. Fuck. Mario Lopez? - Well, the GLAAD Awards was fun.

harvey guillen hosted and it's fun to cut up and kiki with her and i had an incredible joke that i wrote that got to play wait i'd love to tell you about it now so i come on stage you know those little award shows it's like shitty banter that's not funny and everyone's eating like a half-eaten piece of fish and they're like whatever they're like waiting for the after party with the free booze that's all they're waiting for they're like get me to the stoli lounge where i can get an enema with a alcohol soaked tampon give it to me now and it's like you know it's uh it's um

talent executives and stuff like like uh what do you call it network executives and stuff like Harvey Weinstein and they're all out of town in their gowns the executives of the networks yeah yeah yeah and then they get wild because you know they all have dogs and kids of course so after dark they all smoke weed and get crazy yes but

So I'm sitting there and I have my little jokes and I go, Harvey, Harvey, I know you're hosting a show. Wait, you presented? With Harvey, yeah. Okay. I said, I know you're hosting a show, but I have to tell you about this new idea for a show. And he was like, are you sure we're in the middle of the show? And I go, okay, get this. You would play a character who's like subservient to others. And he's like, okay. And I was like, yeah, but the people you're subservient to, like...

stay out all night and wear makeup and elaborate costumes. And he's like, oh, that sounds just like my show, What We Do in the Shadows. And I go, no, no, no. This is about drag queens. It's What We Do in the Eyeshadows. Oh my God. That's so funny and corny. That's really corny. Did it get one laugh? Of course it did.

And then they literally said, thank you, Trixie. And I walked off. And I walked off like Vanna White. I delivered my one shitty joke and left. You pointed to the exit, then fell into a molehill. Exactly. That's all I had to do. Mary, that's horrible. Did you write that joke? Yeah. I thought it was funny. What were we doing? The eyeshadows?

I thought it was funny. Like... You should have had a fart sound queued up. Let's close the door in the spiritual realm of that event. Because again, I lost. And I'm happy for everyone who won. Fuck them glad awards. Let's talk about Vanderpump Doggy. Yes, Bob walked up there out of drag. And we all clapped while he took his award. While I sat in the audience in drag. Out of drag. Mama...

Girl, girl, Bob, I know you're watching this. Put on the fucking wig, bitch. Let me tell you something about Miss Bob. I saw a clip of Oprah Winfrey interviewing Madonna's sister, who I had no idea she had a sister. She has a sister. And I looked right at the screen. Madonna, I mean, Bob looks like Oprah Winfrey. Oh my gosh, the resemblance was uncanny.

Bob and Oprah Winfrey separated at birth twins separate at birth decades apart mama this is alternate universe get some imagination now Bob has something I don't have which is great style a lot of drag so but I mean Bob can still turn a look okay grandpa take the sweatpants off and go home yeah get the fag off the TV I'm not watching that

So Bob, of course, looks good out of drag, excepting an award. That's the difference. Because if I have to go somewhere. You would have turned a look out of drag. You would have gotten a fabulous little suit and some weird hat. But it's honestly more work for me to figure out an out of drag outfit. I understand completely. Bob getting an out of drag outfit together is almost more stress, I think. Yeah. So then we go to the fancy gala. Well, they're both fancy.

But it's the, and this is my third gal on three weekends. Now, mind you, three weekends ago, I had to go to that LA LGBT gala. Yes, that was the one. Where I told you I was drive-by robbed. I didn't tell you this story. Oh my God. Wait, wait, this is the one with Donatella Versace? No. Oh. This is the one with OJ Simpson. What? I'm kidding. That's right. I know.

Well, you were serious about Mario Lopez, so I figured why not. I'm at the Hungry Jacks. No, I'm at the Taco Bell in La Cienega with Mario Lopez and OJ Simpson. Shut up. In the drive-thru on your feet. Yes. On my knees. Blow Jay Simpson. So...

I suck this car. Stop. Stop it. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. So three weeks ago is the LA LGBT Center Gala and they're honoring Leslie Jordan. So of course I'm going to go. Yes, yes, yes. And, but I didn't tell you about this part. No. The host is T.S. Madison, who's fucking beautiful. Incredible. Great. I did tell the story. No, no, I know this event. I know this event. I know this event. So she's hosting. She's amazing. Every time she comes out, we all clap. She looks gorgeous. She's hilarious. She reads the prompter. We all love what she reads the prompter. We love the whole hosting thing, right?

We love the whole thing. Yeah, we love it. We love it. And she is she comes and she's walking on the audience and she's going there's a whole section where after they've done the auction

They just walk the audience and they ask. They shake them down for cash. They on the microphone go. They shake them down. They on the microphone go like, so anybody at this table? We're looking for $5,000. Come on, it's for your cause. You, sir, you're with that nice lady. It's kind of like, don't you think she'd be impressed if you don't? It's like kind of razzing people to donate. And by the way, it's a room full of people who are rich.

They're really rich people are peppered in and this is a good cause. So because it's for the LA LGBT center, I'm like, oh my God, rob us. Yeah. Like extra, extra. No, this isn't the Vanderpump. Okay. Okay. Okay. Different gallery. So this is, this is before, this is the first one. And this is why I went into the other one. So she, she walks by, she's walking by me and I go, God,

Cause I can't, I don't like being called out by anyone like that. Cause it scares me. Yeah. Um, so she sees Simone and she goes, Simone, didn't she just win a hundred thousand dollars on RuPaul's drag race? And she walks by me and I go, she sure did. She should give some money. And then, and then, uh, so on her way to Simone, TS goes, a matter of fact,

ladies and gentlemen one of the richest drag queens in the world is in this room trixie do you have 7 500 and everyone started clapping and i'm about to give them 75 extra now the kicker is that's not that much money the kicker is i went in prepared to donate five okay so i only got weaseled but it was for a great cause so that's why i was just like just do it whatever i don't know doesn't the organization turn everybody gay

Grooming. Groomer. That's grooming. No, okay. It's actually the LGBT center is actually the world's largest queer nonprofit. Oh no, no. Yeah. No, most money. Most volunteers. Everything from like help for queer. Philip McCarty. Was he organizing that? Helping to organize that Philip McCarty? I don't know. I think he was, he's a fabulous, fabulous person. Oh, okay. That's all. He was in, he was in media, um, a journalist. And then also, is he rich or famous? Cause otherwise who cares?

Can you help me? He's really sexy and very nice and very talented and wonderful. Anyways, that was the robbery. He got robbed. That is a shaking down tactic, but it works. Yeah. No shit. It's a good cause. We all, if you can afford to give to that organization, you should, but wait, wait, wait. So let me ask you this though. What if, um, what if,

And you have no business going to those type of fundraiser events if you're not prepared to give. Okay, that's okay. That's my question. Because I'm like, what if you are the type of person that you lease your Bentley and you put up this whole front, but you actually have 400 grand in debt, credit card debt. Don't go. Okay, so you wouldn't go.

So you wouldn't go at all? Well, like I said, I came ready. Between Dave and I, I said, I'll donate this much. And then it's kind of like each of us donating $2,500. Also, didn't the ticket or the seat cost money? Usually those fundraisers, like at the Met Gala, it's like 30 grand or something to show up or whatever. I'm sure it is, but we were invited. Okay. And they were instituting an award. Could I have gone? But they wouldn't have let me go. No, they would have let you go. You think so? I just didn't invite you. Wow. Orville Peck invited me as his plus one.

And then once I got on the list, they gave me an invite. Okay. So originally I wasn't invited. I was the plus one. Oh, I gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. But then I got my own invite, but it was for Leslie Jordan and they did something called like the Leslie Jordan, um, artistic achievement award that they now will award every year in Leslie Jordan's name, which is very cute. Yeah.

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So then the following weekend, then I go to the, the GLAAD Awards. It's in New York. Cause now there's two, there's LA and New York. So I got to go to the New York one. By coastal elites having all these galas. But luckily it was the weekend of drag con. So I kind of had like a mental out. Like I got to go do this other thing. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not even LA for drag con.

So I got to go do that. It was fine and fun and gorgeous and sweet and cute. And you bump into people, you know, and it's fun. It's the New York minute, just like Mary Kate and Ashley. But the thing about those award shows is you got to dip before people, if you're in drag, you have to dip before people get drunk enough to start taking pictures.

So you got to get out. So right at the end of the show, I grabbed my bags and ran and drag, ran and drag. And then Maren Morris chased me to the elevator and she's a country star. Okay. And I'm glad she did. Cause I got to meet her, but I just sprinted. Cause I was like, especially now that I'm not drinking. Yeah. Oh, Mary. I bought a marijuana vape.

but i'm scared of secret vaping inside i'm like scared so then i'm like at the dinner and have this i bought a if the vape was the size of i don't even know like a boop boop like a car unlocker yeah so little yeah i had to get out of there you blow it into them blow it into um you blow it into your blouse i'm in a gown you blow into your purse oh that looks normal big purse yeah you pretend like you're puking oh i'm so sick yeah or down the back of somebody else's gown there you go now we're talking so then this weekend

It was the gala, that Vanderpump Dog thing. The doggy daycare. That was the celebs. Okay. So extra, extra. And then who else? Rebecca Romijn. Oh, star. Jerry O'Connell. Star. Married. Lovely couple, by the way. People from Vanderpump Rules who I don't know. Tom Sandoval. Yeah, that kind of people. Yeah. Yeah.

Mario Lopez. Extra, extra. Mario Lopez, who looked about 12 years old in the flesh. It was incredible. The devil has done its work on that man's face. Perfect face, perfect skin. He was so nice. Love him.

He helped host the event. What a fucking bro. I bet that he... Girl, he went up there. He introduced everyone and did the microphone thing. Flawless, of course. Flawless. Flawless. Flawless articulator. Yeah. And then God smiled. God has smiled on me. Because... Don't ever say that again. Because... Because...

Guess who gets seated next to me? It's fucking Steve-O bitch. Oh, that's right. I saw your post on Instagram. And I never knew who anyone is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, jackass, you fucking dude, bro, idiot. And not to be whatever, but my brother and I, who's my brother's heterosexual, we never had anything in common. But you love watching people get punched in the balls. We both love jackass. So as a kid in a trailer in the country, that was like one program we both would agree on.

So we watched a lot of Jackass as a kid. I liked Jackass. I would watch it. It's amazing. It's so watchable. Very watchable. Who wants to see... I mean, you don't... Who doesn't want to see somebody's balls get electrocuted or like...

mauled by a bear or stung by you know like right it's just it was great it was great to kiki with her and all that and then steve-o yeah i love her okay love her she love her and you know guys like him where they're straight but they're so wacky oh yeah i have like zero fear of them thinking they don't want to talk to a drag queen oh yeah they don't give a and he came alone so i took that as a oh a

I think he's sober too. Yeah, he is. So I took it as a license to kill because he and I were the only two people at the table not drinking and he came alone. That's fierce. So I was like, my favorite color is pink. Anyway, I'm from Wisconsin. I just started. You just punched him in the balls. Yeah, I just grabbed him. I said, so you're Steve-O. Should we stick something in your skin? So I had this dinner fork. Should I shove it up your pee hole? Yeah, totally. Totally.

Do you like, what about Johnny Knoxville though? Was he there? No, but he's so gorgeous. My God. So beautiful. Stars, more stars, more stars. Fucking Paula Abdul, bitch. Holy shit. Tiny, tiny. And she watches the Trixie YouTube channel. Get out of here. Yeah. So she DM'd me during COVID. Oh, that's right. I remember that. And she was like, love your content. And I thought this is probably a fake account. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

But then when I bumped into her, she was like, I love your videos. Was Kylie Minogue there? No Kylie Minogue. Kristen Chenoweth. Oh my God. But just as good. Yeah. Kristen Chenoweth. Five foot and a whisper. It was crazy because the week before at the GLAAD Awards, Idina Menzel sang. Is that her? Yes, that's her. And then this weekend, Kristen Chenoweth. My God. Who's next? Who's also in Wicked? Lea Michele's next. No, I think we're working through the Wicked cast one by one. Did you see Wicked? The musical? Yeah. I've seen it two times.

You loved it. It's great. I mean, Stephen Schwartz, who wrote the music, it's this beautiful like Broadway kind of 80s pop score. And then obviously it's a retelling of the events of 9-11. Oh, yeah.

I hated that show, but I don't like music. That was the news. That's not a show. They played it over and over and over again. You're like, they kept playing it. God, the reruns. Oh, my Lord. Not to be funny. This isn't funny. I remember exactly where I was. Of course, when you saw Wicked. I was at Wicked. No, um.

The, what originally in the show, this is so horrible. I'm not even going to say it. So I was in seventh grade in science class and my teacher, Mr. Slattery, it's like 8am and he rolls in the TV. I don't know if they do this anymore, but back in the day, the teachers had a TV on a three tiered stand. Totally. Totally. Absolutely. That you check out from the media room. Absolutely. Whatever. Yep. And they plug it in. And I remember it was like, this is science class. And it felt, it felt like,

I was equal parts too young to understand terrorism or 9-11 or what was happening. But also old enough to know that, okay, we could probably watch this with the sound off. Like maybe it's traumatizing to show you. Really? You had that thought at that time? It felt like maybe we shouldn't in school be dedicating the whole day to watching this. Okay. Interesting. It felt a little...

Scary. Okay. And a little looks traumatizing. Not traumatizing, but I remember being like, whoa, this is way more serious than anything else we've ever done at school. Sure. Like this is very serious. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You were how old? I was in seventh grade, I think. So how old is that? 13. 13. Cause I was, I was then I was 20. Yeah. That was 20. We were in college when it happened. Yeah. Visual language, 8am Tuesday morning. There's like, we can't go through the class because there's been a terrorist attack in Boston and New York.

And then we went down into, we left the class and then we went down into the dorm and watched the TV and everybody was crying. It's crazy. Scary. That's what I mean. I was young enough that it was, um,

It was actually so scary that I don't think I was old enough to understand it. And that scared me more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, whoa, the adults are really upset, but I'm 13 and I'm mostly like. Well, it was crazy because that was our first day of my first day of art school. And I was like, it was so early, 8 a.m. class. And I was not excited to be there, but I was also excited to be at art school. But then, so when we got word that the class was canceled, I was excited. And then we learned why. And I was like, oh, shit. Yeah. Scary. Yeah.

I never flew on a plane. When people talk about like airports before 9-11, I never flew before that. So my idea is that you used to just grab your rifle and just walk on the plane and sit down and that's it. Yeah. I mean, you don't check your bags. You carry your knives with you in your hands. No, I don't.

Please don't even get me started about TSA. Girl! I cannot. Girl! I cannot! Girl! I cannot deal with the farce. The fucking farce. It's a fantasy. The fantasy. It's a performance. It's drag, actually. It's drag. It's the worst drag show I've ever been to. Everybody puts on their costume and they pantomime safety. It's so...

It's make-believe. And then one thing... In a country where there's gun violence every day, where there's gun violence every single day domestically, people are shot. Children are gunned down every single day in this country, and yet we have to take off our shoes. No kidding. And I have to take off my laptop, and I can't have a glass and a bottle of water that I bought for $13 in the fucking airport. No kidding. When you go through TSA and they pull out a bottle of water and they look at you like you are the Unabomber. Like you are Osama bin Laden. The Unabomber. And you go, it's...

literally lemonade. I'm dehydrated. It's 7 in the morning. My piss is brown. Yeah, my piss is brown. I've slept four hours. I did wiggle wiggle last night. I was at a club in a wig until 4 a.m. Yes! It's so...

Fucked up. And then people, it's just so fucked up. The costume. And I want to say, I also respect them for what they do. Good for them. No, it's a, everybody's worthy of dignity. But mama, this whole structure has got to go. Of course. And I've never once given them an ounce of lip or attitude. You don't do that. Nobody wants to be at work. Nobody wants to go to work. Have you seen the amazing clip of the guy?

This is guy standing with his arms out and the agent is like rubbing him and is like, what is this? And he goes, that's my penis. I've jerked off to that clip. Yeah. I've jerked off to that clip. Let's take a break.

Because he's palpating that thing for a little too long. But why is he hard at the airport? Because, guess what? I'll tell you something. Because he's not hard, he's like half hard. But why is he half hard at the airport? Mama, why are you half hard in the morning? Why are you half hard in the car on the way from the airport? No, but like the penis gets hard. No, no, no, no, no, no. You can control not getting a boner at TSA. We have talked about this at length from walking through the airport. We've talked about the plane. Yeah, plane and walking through the airport as well.

Well, when you're hard, no one knows. Well, because it's a little peanut. Because it's so small. It's a little peanut. It's a little acorn. People think you're carrying a pipe cleaner in your front pocket. Do you have an acorn? One single acorn in their hand? Is that a Zanny bar? Is that a Zanny bar in your lace panties? Do you have... Are you wearing bike shorts with a Tic Tac in there?

Is it two gumballs and a tic-tac? Because your balls are so much bigger. But not that big. I'm saying bigger. No, no, no. But he was like, he didn't need to be doing all that because he was doing this. He was doing that, Mary. He was doing this. The kicker is he's male. Yes. You know what a dick is. You know when you're rooting around in the cellar, there could be some mold.

You know what I mean? You know what a dick feels like. By the way, a warm...

Ooshy-gooshy, but hard dick where the dick is. And you're grabbing it going, what's this, sir? We better get the x-ray. That's my Snickers bar. My extra large Snickers bar that I forgot to take out. Do you want a bite? Yeah. That's my semi-erect penis, you fucking pervert motherfucking TSA piece of shit. That could be a Snickers commercial where it's like Liza Minnelli. And it's like you turn into a total diva when you're hungry. And it's Liza Minnelli with a big Vanny boner.

And then she bites into it and turns back into like Earl or like whatever their friend is. Why isn't she Liza? Why isn't she Liza? Start spreading the news. Wait, did you? I'm sure you didn't watch it, but the Liza and Goldie. So, I mean, this is too late. They did it. Liza Minnelli and Goldie Hawn did a special on CBS.

Years ago, 1970, whatever. And it was like an hour-long special. Basically, Trixie and Katya live. They did. And it started out with them like, hey, we should do a show. Real singing, real talent. Real everything. It started out with them going to the show, each of them individually driving to the studio. And they were like, I'm worried about the other one. I'm worried about doing a show with her because she's so much better than me and vice versa. It was so fierce. And the whole...

fucking the whole thing ended up with them doing all that jazz at the end. It was like, I wish I had watched this two years ago.

Yeah, yeah. I watched it on YouTube. It's fucking incredible. And we could have plugged ourselves into it so easily and do a parody of it. Like, we could write it today. Let's do it. Yeah, it's fucking, it would be so great. You would be Liza and I would be Goldie. Because Liza, like in this universe, Liza is the great singer, the great talent. Goldie's like the charming but not very talented blonde. And, you know, it's like, it's so perfect. And they're so amazing. And you said that's you. Okay.

So they're kind of going against type. They have a serious acting scene together. And it's interesting because, no offense to Goldie at this point, Liza acts her off the roof. Like off the roof. It's so fascinating to see Liza acts her off the roof. Well, she might be off the roof. But yes. She's on deck. She's on deck at the Radio City Music Hall. She's on deck for tea time. Yeah.

Should we shut LA down? We should shut the whole city, the whole country. I think it's a wrap. The country itself is a wrap. I'm watching Yellow Jackets and I'm seeing them crash in the Canadian wilderness. And I go, if only it was that easy. Yeah. If only I was hacking the leg off. Sure you had to eat your friend. Have you watched it? Oh, yeah. I'm not up to date on the second season, but I lived for season one. Mama lit Tina. I had off this weekend. So I watched it.

You loved it. You loved the whole first season. Are you into the second season now? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you are. Okay. Next week is the finale. And then I'm, that's it for seconds. Did you love the second season? Cause okay. Cause you know what I'm struggling with with TV and TV, especially I don't like a lot. Okay. And, and sometimes like if there, you know, like you said the other day, if it's a movie that's supposed to be Oscar bait or prestige or like, you know, you don't, it kind of turns you off a lot of these shows. I'm like, you need to grip me more.

Like, mama, you're boring. Well, something I think, without giving away anything, something Yellowjacks does really well, and you've seen season one. Yeah. I think the world's seen season one, so I'll talk about that. But like, you can't tell moment to moment if what has occurred with these women as teenagers is bona fide, mystical, occult thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if it's like mass hysteria. Yeah. Hunger. Delusion. Delusion. Yeah. And I'm at the end of season two now, and they still...

have left the viewer guessing without pissing me off. Because I've been wanting to watch Lost. Oh, you haven't? And I've never seen it. Oh, shit. But I've been wanting to watch it. But I've heard from Damon Lindelof of Watchmen that he said in that show, he sort of at times frustrated the audience by leaving them guessing too long. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? And so I'm afraid of embarking on Lost and being like six seasons in and being like, what is up? Mama, wait till you get to the ending. Yeah.

And then wait till you get to the ending. Is it a dream? Because at the end of Roseanne, it was a dream, and I don't like that. I won't tell you, but mama, it's a slap in the face. Have you ever watched Roseanne all the way through? I have not. In season eight, they win the lottery. What? The Conners win the lottery in season eight. Yes. And they become the Beverly Hillbillies? They become multi, multi, multimillionaires. And so the last season is...

And a half or so is them super rich. In bourgeois? You're kidding. They're super rich. What? It's crazy. That's insane. It makes almost no sense. That's crazy. And then, in the last episode, you find out that. The lottery was a dream. No. Dan cheated on her. And she didn't win a lottery. And the whole lottery storytelling was her way of dealing with the fact that her life was still shitty. So then the last shot is her back in her old shitty living room being like, yup, it was all a dream. What?

that crazy that's that's just insanely weird and dark for that kind of show especially since i mean i know that roseanne's politics aren't exactly um miss america level no she's a lunatic but that program season like one through five is absolutely incredible okay laurie mccaff and jackie incredible like um

What's his name? John Goodman? Yeah. Is so good in Roseanne. Roseanne's so good in Roseanne. So is the daughter and the son. It's a great cast. It's fabulous. And more than other shows, you believe that's a family. Yes. A real family. Yeah, a bickering, kind of poor white family. Absolutely. Yeah. Anyway. Damn. Well, I mean, the whole...

I love in a show where you got to have some kind of, and on a cliffhanger, like fucking mayor of East town that I hate those. It's like, I hate shows about cops. I hate shows about, but every season, every like everything's about cops. Everything's about cops. It's like enough already. But every episode ended on a cliffhanger. Fabulous. All the acting superb. So much action, so much, but like a lot of these shows,

They're too slow of a burn. And when people say, oh, it's a great show. It's just you got to get through the first three episodes. I'm like, what? Well, I'm not suffering through three hours of bullshit to get to something good. Make it good from the jump. Well, sometimes it's things like budget to first seasons of shows. Normally, first seasons of shows networks pull every risky joke. They don't trust them to do weird things. They don't give the money. Yeah.

So a lot of times season two or three is better because they have more trust from the top. Yeah. They swing bigger. They spend more money. Yeah. So like Buffy, for example, Peaches Christ has never seen Buffy. And I said, you should watch it. It's so good. Because it develops. I said, but the first season is a very...

Budget CW. Okay. Even though the writing is funny and stuff. I said, but once you get going season two, when they have a little more trust in money, it kicks off and gets so good. Have you watched Buffy? No, I've never watched Buffy. You're looking for something to watch and you've never watched Buffy? Buffy? No, I've got to watch Succession. Some like Buffy? I've got to get into Succession. Girl, you don't have to watch Succession. That's what I kept. I saw the guy doing coke. I saw him getting shit in the bed and getting in the helicopter. I was like, that's it. Not to shit on straight people.

But straight white people arguing about who's going to inherit money. Mama snore, snooze Tina. I'm just like, this shows for straight white guys who have like a fantasy about being rich and powerful and rich, powerful, but also right. Cause they're like, it's right. It's like, I shit the bed. I could be a millionaire. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mama. I love, I love the shows where like game of Thrones, for example, there was the perfect ratio of magic to realism. Did you see the coffee cup when it happened?

I sure fucking did. You did? Did you clock it? I did. I don't know if I clocked it in the moment. I clocked it like... After you were aware. After, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I clocked it in on Twitter maybe 20 minutes later because that shit was like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, crazy. They went hard on that show for a coffee cup. I think you would.

The most expensive show in the entire history of the world. It was probably one of the actor's cuffs. Yeah, of course it was. But you're not clearing the frame for a fucking cuff. Wasn't it snow and like a white cup on the floor? No, no, no. It was in a fucking medieval looking hall. It was in a medieval looking hall where they're having medieval fucking dinner. No Starbucks around. But you know what though? I bet there's a Starbucks in like the Louvre. No, not the Louvre. Like, um...

Chateaus and shit. A Starbucks? Yeah. In Winterfell in the year blah, blah. There's no, this is another universe. It's the flagship. Yeah.

The show's in Seattle, right? Yes. Portland, Portland, Portland. No, but there's a perfect amount of like, you know, there's something mad. There's magic, of course, going on, but not enough where like anything can happen. But then that show dissolved, devolved into, it's the most spectacular imploding of a show. In a bad way? Oh yeah. Oh really? Oh my God. I thought people liked the ending. It doesn't.

Mama, the season, I mean, I watched it all as it went on. It was spectacular. I was obsessed. Sunday night, must-see TV. Incredible, incredible, incredible. I watched season eight, episode three, probably 15 times. You did? Yeah, I was in Singapore when it aired, so I had to have a Spanish friend download the torrent and then send it to me in my hotel. I watched it at three in the morning, standing up, circling the computer.

Not on drugs. Right hand to God. I was so gooned. So gooned out. And after episode three, the show just went. Do you know what transfer addiction is? Sometimes when people, let's say, get their stomach stapled and they can't abuse food. They turn to sex. They become sex addicts or alcoholics. And maybe if you couldn't twirlina the poquina and get on deck. If nothing was on deck.

Perhaps. You will put on your white lace front wig and wrap a bed sheet around yourself and fancy yourself the mother of dragons. When in fact, you are not a mother nor a dragon. And there's a game involved, but no thrones. Transfer addiction.

Was that an HBO show? Of course it was. Money. Mama, money, money, money down. Money down. They were shooting on three separate locations. Yeah, well, yeah. They were shooting on three separate locations. Croatia, Ireland, and fucking Malta at the same time. Mama, three separate locations. It was episode three of season eight took over a month to shoot. One episode. One episode. And then everybody complained it was too dark. They couldn't see it.

You know what I'm fascinated by? What? I love when you have a mega hit show like Game of Thrones, The Office, Breaking Bad. Seinfeld. And I love when the actors, because in real time they shoot scenes out of order, episodes out of order. They don't know what happened in the show.

I love a video of like Rainn Wilson being like, what's your favorite episode of The Office? And he's like, I don't remember any of it. And the fans are like, don't you remember when Dwight said this? He's like, not a moment of it is retained in my mind. Wow. Don't even remember being there. Don't remember Steve Carell. Don't remember cast. I don't know my name. Usually the actors remember like. They don't remember anything? Well, they remember like casting.

they remember like their process of like casting they're like i remember reading with steve for the first time whatever okay but then season one and a half and beyond it becomes why don't they remember because every day is normal they go to the same set okay with the same people in the same outfits that's why tour is so draining because it is groundhog's day it is we are putting on the same outfits and going and saying the same things to the same people over and over again

I know. It's wild. It's great when I'm on stage and I'm listening to Kelly Mantle talk and I look and I'm like, show 60 and I go, it'd be great if she just broke her leg. It'd be great if something happened that could make me feel. Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if I went backstage, you know those ropes at theaters all backstage? If I took an ax and started chopping the ropes and sandbags started coming down. How many times do you think when I went up there

When I'm just dangling up there above the, above the, the, the proscenium. How many times do you think I wish that things now? How many times do you think Busby would just like blackout? I thought that's why you were putting on the weight. Yeah.

Because you wanted one of the rigs to... Could you imagine? Are you kidding me? I imagine every fucking night. I wanted it so bad. I wanted to go... And then I wanted to... I would fall, but I would somehow head first. Skull like a watermelon. No, this is what's going to happen. Like a watermelon. Because I don't want to break both my legs and my hips. Skull and neck crushed into the torso. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then... Because the head is occupying... Yeah. Head is occupying space in this. Mm-hmm.

Oh, innards. Innards out the ass. Out the ass. Or no, no, no. It's in people. It takes a moment because there's like tension and pressure and gas. And once the people like really lean forward to see if I'm okay. Yeah. And it's a explosion of innards out the ass into the front row spraying them. With diarrhea. No, no. With organs.

Yeah, but if the organs are coming out, whatever poop is in you is coming out too. Well, that's just a moose boosh. Then everything else is just getting fucking rocketed into like four, five, six rows back. Oh, yeah. I know we've talked about it, but not if and when you die of a death. What did she die of? It was death. What did she die from? It was death. Oh, my gosh. The way I will have a Red Table Talk book tour.

You don't even know. By the way, speaking of Vanderpump, I'm watching these, you know, because that's such a big show and I've never seen it. Me neither. It's a huge show. Sorry to say, it looks kind of boring. It's massive, right? It's so many people watch it, but I've never really seen it. I've seen it over David Childer here and there. Just straight people working at a bar? They work at restaurants and they have their personal lives, basically. Wow. Fascinating.

I've never seen it. Okay. They don't do it. They don't make anything like they'll make little outfits or like have competitions. It's one of those reality programs where it's just about people's like relationships, work lives. That's a very popular style of show.

People love that type of show. Yeah, I mean, that's Seinfeld. It's just that it's written well and acted. There's the cheating thing, I guess, that happened. Oh, well, cheating for straight people is huge. Cheating for straight people, as you know, is... It's huge. It's like there's the crucifixion. There was 9-11. There's Sandy Hook. Then there's cheating. Yes. Cheating is like burying kids under your porch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like up there. Yeah, yeah, alive. Burying them alive. But I saw that the, I think the woman who had been cheated on

I think she's doing like a basically... Out of the darkness tour? You took the words out of my mouth. I was watching and I said, okay, I know cheating is tough. Lying to your spouse is bad. But you're not Sidney Prescott. She's not Sidney Prescott. Her whole family and friends weren't murdered. Like...

You're not Sidney Prescott. You're not Sidney Prescott. You not Neve Campbell fucking bitch. Get over it. Guess what I watched for the first time two nights ago. What? Wild Things. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Did you pull it? Did you pull it? Yeah, I pulled it. No. David said he pulled it, though. I. David said, yeah. This was back on when it was on TV. But there's a lot of hotness involved. It's huge. Matt Dillon. Steamy. Matt Dillon.

Holy shit, Matt Dillon. Two hands with that one. He is so hot. Two-hander. He is so hot. In that movie. His face...

His body. He's a bad boy. All of it. You know what I mean? He's a bad boy. He's like, you don't want to take him home to your mother. Do you like Neve Campbell as the goth slut? I love Neve Campbell as everything. Yeah. I love her as everything. Yeah. Did you like Denise Richards as like the... I love Denise Richards because she is such... She's everything. She's a fucking cunt. And she knows how to play a cunt so good. Yes. So good. She knows how to play a cunt. God, with her face. Her face.

Her face acting is fabulous. And she's one of those people, you know, in real life, she's probably like sweet. She's probably a regular woman. But on camera, she knows exactly how to dial in that cunt behavior. I mean, A Drop Dead Gorgeous is so iconic. It's so iconic. A Drop Dead Gorgeous is how far you can push a character like that before you go too far. Yeah. She goes right up to the edge. Right to the edge. And she does it so fucking well. I think Kirstie Alley goes over the edge in that movie. But Denise Richards goes right to it. Yeah.

It's amazing. Yeah, she's fucking amazing. It's fucking amazing. I don't know if she gets as much credit for being as good of an actress as she is. I don't know. I mean, don't even get me started because that movie in general missed the... The newspaper was not delivered...

as far as how high quality that movie is yeah they skipped that house yeah it's so good yeah the writing is so good well that's the that's the that's the like the um plight of kiki dunst is that like she said it herself that all these movies that are so iconic are not appreciated as they roll out yes and it's such a shame because her her filmography her resume is

Extraordinary. Yeah. Extraordinary. Bring It On is so good. I'm sorry. Everything she does. Melancholia. Virgin Suicides. Everything. She's so good. The guy who plays in Bring It On, the love interest. Her love interest. Mario Lopez? No. Her love interest in Bring It On, he's the guy who starred in Swim Fan. He was also at that event the other night. Jesse Metcalf? Maybe. I don't know. But David-

Jesse Bradford. Okay. David, he was at the event the other night and David, of course, got a little martini in him and went up to him and said, I have to tell you, you're in the best movie of all time. And he goes, which movie? And David goes, bring it on.

But I always think people who made movies that long ago, they must love getting it. Nobody wants to, everybody wants a compliment on something they just did. Yeah. Or something so long ago that they've separated themselves and they can, they can see it for what it is. Yeah. But if you compliment someone's like hit song from five years ago, they're like, Oh yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Blah, blah. Yeah.

I mean, that's what I mean. People are coming at me like a little too hard for Padam. And I'm like, listen, it hasn't really, it hasn't charted yet. Let's just like control ourselves. I mean, the video is great, but let's just like. There's nothing to not like about Kylie Minogue music. I like that song 10 out of 10. Kylie Minogue. Isn't that song Kylie Minogue? My song. What are you talking about? My music video and song that I released last week, Padam. Oh. I'm doing a bit. You're doing comedy. I was like. I did it.

I was like, she's going to hate finding out that Kylie just did a song called Penem Penem. You don't think we look similar in that video that she gave my vibe? You don't think so? With the all red and the pink eyeshadow and the red lips and the wiggle wiggle, wiggle wiggle, wiggle Tina? You don't think so? Are you nuts? Are you twirling the pookie? You know how sometimes they smear Vaseline on the lens? Did you smear it on your TV too? You don't think so?

You didn't see that? Something. Something. I don't know about that. The close-up shots? I mean, she's so... I mean, she's going to be 55 at this point. Oh, she's absolutely unbelievably beautiful. Stuntina. Absolutely beautiful. I just did a music video and it was one of those... You know that thing where you're on one of those spinning boards and they throw knives at you? Oh, I saw you. Yeah, it's incredible. Okay. I had to be on one of those. And they really threw the knives. Well, it's magic. So there's other ways of doing it. But...

It made me think of that clip of Kylie Minogue. She's flat on that record. The CD. No, it's the CD case. And she comes up like this. The CD case at the Brit Awards. Yes. Fucking iconic. Can't get you out of my head playing. And by the way, that song, doesn't matter what gig. No. I can bust that out. Banger, banger, banger. And people turn slutty. First three seconds. First two seconds. Oh my God. Last Sunday I had a gig and the DJ after me, Ty, he goes, sometimes I like to pick somebody in the audience who's not dancing and I make it my own.

to find a song that that person will dance to. And he points at this guy, this white guy with a button-up straight shirt. I said, I guarantee you if you play Shania Twain, he will dance. And Ty like spun out of this song he was playing and went right into... And the guy turned up. Oh, drunk white guy, this...

Let's go, girls. Like offbeat, at our own tempo, own time. And we were cackling. That's so funny. By the chorus, he's like, uh, uh, uh. And I was like, knew it. Damn. Knew it. Who knew? Well, on that note. Well, on that note, hey. Man, I feel like a woman.

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