Diving for the Hopeless Diamond with Trixie and Katya
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Look at you. You look mad. It's insane. I can't stop looking in the mirror. I mean, I like... It's really... Oh, you know what it is? It's Glinda, but like...

It's like, it's assaulting. Yes. It's a violent, um, it's aggressively pink. Like it's, um, violently pink. Yes. It's, it's honestly, it's not inviting. It's not, it's, it's, it's, it's scary. There's something scary about it. It's not soft or like fluffy. This is not barbed wire Barbie. Yeah. It's, um, it's sort of like a experimental film, um,

Like the Oppenheimer experiment, the atomic bomb. It feels like the, I don't, it feels like it's not meant to be scary, but it's meant to be unnerving.

And it is achieving that. Like something dressed up so sweet that it actually turns your stomach. Sickeningly sweet. Yeah. This much pink and like this much blue eyeshadow. I think it's the saturation in like the shapes of the face. It really does give like makeup food poisoning. Yes. And like how high the brows are and they're like kind of straight across. I didn't even notice that.

- Yeah. - They're in the middle of my forehead. Fina Barbatal made this hair. - Wonderful. - She turned it out. - She sure did. - Last night I DJed at Heart, 'cause they had Aqua there. - Aqua, Barbie girl. - Aqua, who's playing in LA tonight.

Yes. I had a DJ gig because I did Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous at Heart West Hollywood. And I don't think this is a secret. They let me, instead of paying a location fee, do an appearance. So I saved a bunch of money on location fees. I was like, love it. You love to save money. You love a deal. You love to save money. Music videos are expensive. No, they are. And you pay for them. And I pay for them. But then again, you and I have had conversations with signed artists who've told us that they make like less than 20% of their own music sales. So...

It really like you have to pay for the video, but you do make more. So I don't know. But at this point, all artists are fighting over a fraction of a cent you get from Spotify. No shit. So who cares? Who cares? But you and I, or I did a gig last night with Aqua and Aqua Aquarium was one of my first CDs. I felt one of my contacts just move. No, that was the door.

Aqua aquarium I had that city and so meeting them was very thrilling because in 1997 I had their CD 97 was a great year for everything and I would say that that's probably one of the only bands that is a euro pop that I like I was gonna say it's pretty like Eurovision kinda I actually go to you would like some of it. I do I do like something It's a little bit more um hyper pops like Red Bull sweet like you like but do but darker sexier But I can get into like, you know little big

- Little Big. - Little Big, they're huge, a Russian band that's like very gimmicky, like Aqua. - Yes. - Very similar energy, crazy music videos, but their songs like . - Yeah. - . - And that's what inspires you, 'cause I've heard your writing.

So it's sort of like that. Like techno dancer. Oh yeah. Techno dancer. I will be your daddy. Shit like that. Exactly. I have small penis or I have, I have big penis. Yeah. And then it's like, I do what I love about Aqua is what I love about the B-52s, the male female call and response. That's what they do too. Where it's a girl baby voice who's like, and then the guy's like, that's literally little big. Yeah. That's literally like, it's like, eh,

It's gonna take more than one margarita. I'm gonna be your sweet senorita. It's like so crazy. It's so cheesy, but it's,

Viral on YouTube or whatever. Yeah. This looks viral on YouTube. It's viral for sure. It's a viral load. It's a viral load. Who's the designer of this gorgeous gown? This is Heatherette's very own Traver Raines who built this for me. And can you believe it? It still fits. Oh, my God. Well, it's stretch, honey. Well, she had a big ass then. She's got a big ass now. It's actually a little big, but I was thicker at this moment. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's not, but I love it.

What I like about it is it's what I liked about when I looked like this, what I liked about it was that I looked crazy. Crazy, yes. And this type of adornment looks crazy. And I liked looking crazy. Your colors are pink and pink. I was also very into asymmetry at the time. So all my hair was to one side, always a bow on one side.

Jewelry on one hand, like, I don't know what. That's so wild because you have such a geometrically symmetrical face. We want to. That's the goal. Is it to distract or to... Yeah, anybody who watches my YouTube video, did you just hear this person say that my makeup's symmetrical? Thank you. No, I mean, the blueprint is. We hope, yeah. Yeah, when you lay the foundation, sometimes it's not.

Are you good with symmetry with makeup? - Are you fucking kidding me? - You're not. - Hell to the fuck no. - No, it's hard. - Hell to the fuck no. - It's hard and you know what I found? I can look in the mirror and not see it and then later when I see a picture I go, are you kidding me? One eye is like. - I'm like, so when did I turn cross-eyed completely? Like have I always been cross-eyed?

I know. It's so crazy. And I don't, have you ever like eyeballed something? If you're doing a measurement, like on a, um, you know, a shelf, you're hanging a shelf or something. Oh, and you're like, I got it four inches wrong. I mean, it's like, so it's so embarrassing. That's like me with, I have to go. That's why like going left to right constantly, I feel like is good, but my face is so asymmetrical. I can't follow the natural shapes. Can I tell you more about the gig last night? Oh, sorry. So it was unbearably hot. Wow.

When I left, I got in the car and I'm sweating. I'm wet. My wig, this wig was dripping. I want to come. I want to come to these gigs and just watch with binoculars. I was so wet. I want to see you suffer. It was so wet. Every time I powdered, it got worse, like more. And then I'm sitting in the car and the club owner goes, well, we're trying to track down who had turned the air off. And I go, oh, someone was responsible for that. And he said they found out who turned the air off. And like I said, they will be dealt with.

He goes, yeah, we want to have you back in August. I go, yeah, I'd love to get on the phone with you and talk to you about air conditioning. I literally just said that. Karma is real and she will come for you. What is that thing that Kim Chi said about you and the fake feud? Oh, Kim's in a fake feud with me like every few months. Yeah.

I think right now Shay's in a fake feud with me. Perfect. What happens is Shay or Kim will text me like, it's time for another feud. This is what I think we should... And Shay or Kim will be like, I think this is what we should fight about. And then a week or two later, out of the blue, I'll wake up to Kim being like, you never change, bitch.

Yeah. You're still the same musty, dusty, no talent, having this fat bitch you always were. The truth will come out. Trust and believe. Oh, Kim and Shay love to be like, wow, you've changed. Money really changes people. I'm like, or you guys latchkey children? Are you guys poverty? Sorry, you never made any money. Sorry, you're all apparently broke. So I'm at the gig. It's so hot. And then I would come back into the gig because I love heart. I love that bar. So fun. Great.

Great dressing room. Great everything. Heart is that the new... It used to be Rage. Rage, got it. Oh, that's nice. Rage to Heart. Yeah, Heart Rage. Love wins. And then they have a big light wall. The LEDs and everything are amazing. But Aqua comes backstage. And of course, those are my first CDs. And Barbie Girl, obviously. It's a banger, right? Yes. And they come backstage and I get to hang out with them. And they're really nice. And I'm, you know...

and they're just pop stars, right? Euro pop stars. It's different. Yeah. Straight people and drag kind of. They're in like sequins. Oh, totally. Eurovision. Eurovision drag, which is so interesting because they're one of those bands that in America, they seem like they're like one hit wonders, but European and internationally, they're like,

The Barbie girl video has, I think, 1.2 billion views on YouTube. Fuck. Billion. Yeah, that's like the little big thing I was telling you about. And I said, wow, you guys must be having a crazy year with the Barbie movie and everything. And she said, you know what? She said, ever since we started this, every year has been a crazy year. Every year has been bigger and crazier. She said, but because Barbie girl was so big, people will always mentally think like as a one hit wonder. Right. Even though we've had so many charting hits, which is so interesting. I mean, it's like...

So, I mean, that's not... It must be borderline disheartening to have such a banger so early in your life. And then it overshadows everything else. Kind of. And even though that's a compliment, to have a song that endures is amazing. If you wrote Whip It or something, great. I know. I want to... I just... Anyway, it was... And then she was very nice. She kept wanting to kiss me on the mouth. With tongue? Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, not with tongue. But at one point I was DJing, right? And I'm DJing. And I turn and I flip my hair and I go to grab my headphones. And I reach over to grab my headphones. She had crawled under the DJ booth and was laying on the floor with her legs open looking up at me. And I was like, oh! And then she got up and was like,

And kissed me on the mouth again. And I was like, am I just fucking aqua tonight? Mama, you lost a little bit of weight and you are very sexy. And listen, everyone wants me. Everyone wants me. I think this fucking bow is falling out, isn't it? Whatever. It's fine. I don't think the bow is the problem.

Did you save your season seven finale look? I love that outfit. Of course. It's going in the archive or Bianca's drag museum or the dumpster, whatever. Wait, I was listening to the Russian version of Barbie Girl on the way to the studio the other day. It's horrible. It sounds Japanese. It sounds crazy. It's horrible. Do Russian people, when a super pop hit comes out, do Russian people go like,

I hope there's a Russian version. Do they care? I don't think so. So who's the Russian version for? Who's not listening to the original of that? Probably me. It's really bad. It's bad. It's bad. All the Russian language songs, like versions of, like, I Will Survive. Yeah, it's terrible. Anyways, so how old are they, Aqua?

They've got to be. Think about it. They hit in their 20s in 97. That's got to be. They're going to be in their 50s probably. They looked great. Speaking of in their 50s, can I tell you something? Yeah. I fucked a man in his 50s. Honey. The days of being a pedo are gone. I'm not a pedo, not a pedo, not a pedo, not a pedo. He's the pedo now. He's a pedo. He's a pedo. No. Well, not really. You're 41. We're peers. Peers. Men. Fucking men. Ah!

So wait a minute, did you find this on the internet? I found this on the internet. Grindr. Yeah, and I had seen his pictures before, and I thought, that's a very handsome man, I would like to do sex to him. Never worked out. And then we hooked up last night, and from the jump, he got out of the car while I was peeking through the door with my little towel on. Nude. Wait a minute, you answered the door naked? Uh-huh. With a towel on. Do you think you live at a French beach? It was like midnight.

It's the dicking hour. Also, it wasn't like, people weren't trick-or-treating. No, but I love that you opened the door. By the way, I hope I didn't leave dick first. I hope you had it around the tits with one on your head with a bang piece. And he opened the door and you said, you know, fuck me. I had Harry Potter sunglasses with cucumber slices under the glasses smashed up against the glass.

Fuck. So what, what, I don't want to be too like, I don't want to violate his privacy, but what was his first and last name? It was a, a name I've never fucked before. It was a new name. And his name, well, I'll just say it's like Richard. Never. It's like a normal name. Yes. Normal name. And he,

What did you like about the sex? He had a big fucking cock. Do you like that? I did. You know, it's funny. I never like, but it was all for the fool of like, I wish this guy's cock was bigger. But when it's big, it is exciting. But it was a big, the shape was like, it was uncut. He was an Englishman, but he's been here for a while.

And it was like, it was big. Like it, I, he, I couldn't get like Ram, Ram, a jam. We fucked each other. He fucked you up your butt, up my butt with his ding-a-ling. You got that dildo going on. Oh, I got the, I mama, I put, cause you had to dial it. Yes. I said, before you fuck me, hold on. I tiptoe like cat woman and Hathaway to the bathroom. I stick that jeweled butt plug in. I go back to the bed and I bend over. Like I forgot to, I dropped something.

Ding dong. So you let them know. Jewel thief. You know, like the jewel. You can see the jewel in my ass. The police are coming right now for you, bitch. She's in here. She's in here. The one with the jewel of the ocean in her ass. Yeah. Heart of the ocean. The Hope Diamond. Yeah. The Hopeless Diamond. That's your butthole jewel. The Hopeless Diamond. Fuck. Is that a good drag name? Hope Diamond. The Fart of the Ocean. Hope Diamond. Absolutely. That's great, actually. That's too good for drag queens to think of it. Yeah, yeah. Drag queens are like...

Like, Anita wig. Yeah, Anita dick up my ass. Anita bump. No more Anitas. We don't need to do all that. No more Ivanas. Ivana, Anita. Ivana bumping my dog. Do you think Mistress Isabel Brooks, do you think her first name is Mistress or Isabel? The first name Mistress, Isabel made a name, Brooks married name.

Cause I was like, is she mistress? Like Mr. And Mrs. I think that's exactly right. So what did you go? So if I, she was, she was over there and I want to talk to her. What'd I go? Isabel or what'd I go? Mistress, mistress, mistress. Yeah. Or mistress, Isabel, or you'd be like, mistress, Isabel Brooks, mistress, Isabel Brooks to the principal's office. Well, let me tell you more about my sex time. We've found,

Diamond in the rough. Now that's for real. I love found love in a hopeless place, but you remember Wendy? Um, I must have Wendy Williams, Wendy Ho. Yeah. Suck your dick in a public place. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'll never forget. Blow it. Blow my pussy up like the Taliban. Blow my pussy up like the Taliban. That is poetry. I don't care what anybody. You can fuck me on an airplane. So fierce. That was lovely. Because I didn't really know the original of that song, which was. Well, that's how you know good parody. Yeah. When DWV did That Boy's a Bottom. Right. It erased the original song in my mind. Yeah. It was. What was that? Wilson Phillips? Dead. Found dead.

Oh, yeah. Hold on for the Chick-fil-A. Yeah, exactly. Hold on. Hold on. Right. Hold on was then. So chow down. Chow down on Chick-fil-A.

- Man, it was also like an ironic dig at a Christian homophobic chicken company. - Yes. - Very strange. - I love when drag queens do like parodies, but they just download like the shitty karaoke tracks. So it's like shitty MIDI horns. - Come dump, come dump. I hear it and I know. - Padam, padam. - I hear it and I know.

I know you want to take me home. Well, I did. I was like, Siri, play Padam Padam by Kylie Minogue. Padam Padam by Kylie Minogue. Now playing. It's like. I remember my French teacher said on the first day of French, she said, it's Madame, not Madame, like Madame foot stuck in the door. Hello. That's the demonic devices. Seriously.

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The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

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Wait, talk about, wait, so sex. So you thought he was face, body, everything worked. Everything worked. It felt good to like, you know, when like a old apex predator sees one of its kind and like Savannah, you know, it's like, that's what I felt. I was like, I was like, oh yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm not like stealing eggs out of nests.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I'm we're old, we're grizzled. We're here together. We're doing this thing. And he was attracted to me. I gave him a boner. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. You gave him a boner. Did you do fucking did you sucked his dick? I sucked his dick. He loved. This is gross. I mean, he ate your ass, bitch. Did he rim you? Did he put his tongue up that ass, bitch?

Did he tongue that 40-year-old crusty crevice? 41. That 40-year-old donut hole? Jesus. 41. 40, wonderful. I ate that fucker's... Okay. It was just lovely. It was lovely. And a little conversation was peppered in.

Peppered into conversation Sort of like local Florence Fauna Local references Like it's like We were stopped At a long red light Hey look at that Actually that house Was built in 1927 And then we get back To fucking So you guys be in the middle Of fucking And stop and be like Architecture I think Florence P. Needs a new stylist Yes You know By the way she just came out In something Who put Anne Hathaway On the red carpet like that Yeah

It's funny watching celebrities like get money and get stylists and then doesn't always work out because some shit like Margot Robbie has a new stylist for this Barbie tour. And of course, every look is unreal. Unreal. Also, when you when you have a canvas and Margot Robbie is the canvas, you have no excuse. You have to actively sabotage. You have to really try and make that bitch look ugly. Yeah. She's like probably one of the top three most gorgeous women in the world. Yeah. After I think.

You and that. Oh, yeah. I thought you said three for a reason. Like there's you. Gorgeous devours cute. I wrote down something I want to talk about. Wait, I'm still not done talking about my sex life. Oh, tell me more. He, okay, got really, got romantic. Like I do romantic role play. I told you about this before.

Like, it's not like, yeah, spit in my face, fag or whatever. Like people do, you know, slap me, throw the microwave at me. It was like, like boyfriend kind of experience, like super, super intimate. It was very sensual. Like, I love you. Like, not like, not creepy though. Can I just real quick? Go ahead. So you, you thought it was a fun sex thing to say, I love you.

Now, respect it or I'll take it away again. Okay. Think about what you say before you speak into that microphone. I wish I had on the show, like, whenever you talk crazy, I have a little, like, uh-huh. And it just goes, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. Yeah. No, it wasn't like, I love you. It was like, that sounds insane. It just got, like, it was like, uh. It was like, uh. No, it's,

So she and I have been obsessed with this. I dropped you off. The way I went, repeat, repeat. I probably did it, Trixie, 40 times. To a point where I was like, okay, I need to stop because this is gross. So there's this song called One Hot Pleasure by an artist called Erika Jayne. And the beginning goes like this. Do it again.

Do it again. It's electric. Unfortunately, I think that sample sets the song up for, and it doesn't launch. Cause that sample is so good. I mean, it's what an intro, like a woman in her, like it's a promise at the time to probably upper forties. Like when they call your name at the dentist's office, Mr. McCook. That is so crazy. That is so amazing.

It's a great track, but that opening is so good. I have some notes. I have some notes. It's so out of nowhere. It's like, yeah, but also it's her. She's doing high drag. So I get it. But like, it's crazy. It's really crazy. We were in the car on the way back to, we went to Malibu and we were just playing it over and over. I'm telling you when I dropped you off, that's when it really kicked off. I was like, am I insane? I don't care. It's just crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

So how long did the sex go for? Oh God, mama, we fucked for hours. Did you really? Oh yeah. It was fierce. Oh, I was red, red in chest. Like, uh, I'm sorry. Neck and chest. Red, purple, purple. Because I just wanted to be like secure and solid. You know? Yeah. I was rock hard. You could have, you could have hung from my dick off the side of a cliff.

With one arm. That's fierce. Yeah. Can women take Viagra? Because if it's a vasodilator... What are they, for their fucking... Their boners? Well, no. The pussy gets engorged with blood, which makes it more sensitive. So I wonder if women can take a vasodilator. Maybe if they want like a big fat... Was it called Yaz or...

Yeah. Yes. Right in the clit lip. Well, say the injections in the clit. No. Yeah. My friend, let's call him Bob. He would fuck around with this girl who wanted to fuck him in the ass with her injected clit. Oh, I'm serious. And that's the sound she would make when she got it in.

I have watched a lot of different types of porn with different types of genitals trying to do things you wouldn't think those genitals would do. Unexpected. Let's say it's like an F to M situation that the person fucking-

The person with the sort of enlarged clit from hormones and stuff. Yeah. Fucking the other person in the pussy. Yeah. With the large clit. Fucking a pussy with a pussy. Fuck her right in the pussy. Parentheses. With a pussy. But that's what's great about sex. There is no limitations. Your imagination is your limitation. There's no rules and no boundaries. Although there are some age requirements. Dave and I have been having sex a lot.

you know what i think i was inspired by you you were i think yeah because you you kind of like you clued me in on what was going on in your sex life i threw up and then i made no no well i didn't tell you i was wearing this yeah no and i was like i was like huh i couldn't help but wonder why was i not having any sex and yeah i was like inspired we got we got nasty well we were also in the car and i noticed that you noticed that i was wearing a packer in the back i told eden she has to wear a

That is so crazy. Your poor 25-year-old assistant, female assistant, you told her she has to wear a packer at work. That is so amazing. And a corset. You can do miniskirts. There's no modesty rules here, but...

You're going to have to put in a packer. Yeah. Honestly, like I have a few Speedos and I've never worn them. You've never worn a Speedo? I'm scared. Why? You've got a big butt. You look great. No, it's like an afterschool special where I get a little confident and I put it on in my house and I look in the mirror and I go, maybe next year. It's always like next year, next year. You look great in a Speedo. But I have splurged on nice Speedos, cool Speedos and scared to wear them. But now I've been like,

Should I just get a packer and wear that? I mean, if I should be Miss Nasty with my little speedo on. Put it in the back. Yeah. No, the front. Double dick. Double dick Tuesday. Double dick Donnie goes to Ginger Rogers Beach and lets him have it. I went to Ginger Beach. Ginger Rogers Beach. Will Rogers Beach. Did you like it? I don't care for the ocean. Cold?

It was cold? Not getting that cold water. The ocean water is cold, Mary. The Pacific Ocean? If somebody describes the water as exhilarating, I'm not interested. Well, see, I'm used to like Maine and Massachusetts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Maine, Massachusetts Beach, that's like 60s, 50s. No, I know. Not Cape Town. Cape Cod, like P-Town. Yeah. People jumping in that ocean. I'm like, what? That's cold plunge. And crabs running around in P-Town. In the ocean. If you go step in the ocean, you can see them running around. It's scary. It's scary.

What if they clipped on my nipple? And then I have to jerk off. Jellyfish?

Are your nipples, wait a minute. Are your nipples sensitive? We just, that was a topic last night during the sex. Okay. We both, he had like, like hard, hard nipples. Can I ask, did he have the old, the old guy nipple play thing? Not quite. It's National Geographic. It was, it was more National Anthem, like Lana Del Rey than it was like National Geographic. But it was like, you know. It was an international anthem. They were perky, but not obscene. And they weren't sensitive. Yeah. But we were sucking each other's titties. Because a lot of the guys are putting like penis pumps, like a Hoover. They put the Dyson up to their nipple. Honey, breast pump.

Honey. They're breast pumping. Girl. Like, hand that rocks the cradle. It's really, really crazy. And then what I love is when guys say, are your nipples wired? What? Like, an electrician came in. Are your nipples wired? An electrician came in and, like, did a dimmer switch in your lip. It's like, I. Are your nipples wired? What do you mean? You look down and there's a car battery hooked up to your nipples? What are you talking about? Yeah.

Wired? Well, I know a friend of mine, like he has extremely sensitive nipples. Like, and I'm like, really? Like you could make him come by touching his nipples. It's crazy. I know someone like that. Yeah. I like that. I mean, I covered that. Yeah. But for me, I do hate when, okay, let's say you like your nipples played with. If we hooked up, which would never happen, no matter, that'll be the sound. Um,

If you have sensitive nipples, you would start touching my nipples. And then I have to stop the sex and go, I hate to tell you, my nipples are, it's just like, it's not sexy. It's like, it's a bucket of dead fish down there. For me, they don't feel sexy. You could be touching my shoulder. It's just, it's just skin. Whereas some guys I know like, That's a great tone to engage with. They turn hard in two seconds. Yeah.

That's such a crazy sound. It's so funny. To start a song. It really does not particularly signify good or bad. It could be evil. But you know what I mean? Like it's not. Malevolent. It's malevolent. It's malevolent. It's malignant. It's malignant. It's malignant. It's malevolent. It's malevolent.

I wonder, listen, I can applaud in music when people make strong choices. That's a strong choice. Well, listen, there's so much competition. And when you're not like an established musician, you're a housewife, you really need to make a splash on the international music scene. Oh yeah. You know, not everyone has had a number one dance single. You and I have, of course. Of course we have. And we are, you know, just, well, I just think she should have said it. She repeated it. Do you want to fuck that guy again? Oh, I'm so here's the thing.

Absolutely. I would love to. I would love for you to date someone your age. Are you kidding? I'm not going to say I manifested this because that's insane.

That's insane, right? We don't manifest things. We look for them and then we pursue them. Imagine being at home with like, I don't know, a pack of frozen blueberries and be like, I manifested this. No, bitch, you went to Gelson's. You did yummy.com delivery in 30 minutes or less. That's not manifestation. I manifested a husband. No, you dated him for years. I scrolled Grindr for 45 minutes and then asked everybody to have sex with me. This is the one guy who would. The oldest living person did. Who would play him?

Oh, great question. It's funny to say that unironically. Great question. Yeah, it would be... Pierce Brosnan. Pullman Domingo. Okay, okay. You get out of here. Why? You're not fucking... You don't like Pierce Brosnan? No, no, no. That's who it is. And I... But it... I don't know... You're fucking Pierce Brosnan. No, I... He doesn't look like him, but that's what came into my head. Abigail Breslin.

That's weird. It's not weird. It's not weird. Why? I'm psychic. That's the only person. We've talked about it. No, but like, it's like, think of a number between one and 60. You picked the number. I'm psychic. Okay. But he doesn't look like Pierce Brosnan. That's what's creepy about this. So why did you think of Pierce Brosnan? I don't know, but you said it. You read my mind. Isn't that bizarre?

I guess it's not that bizarre. No, I thought you manifested it. Who would play him? I would say, I'm going to say, I can't think of it right now, but in Get Out, Bradley Cooper, but he's not that blonde. Wow. Not Bradley Cooper. Bradley Whitford. And you think Bradley Cooper's in Get Out? Bradley Whitford. Do you think all white people look the same? Wow. Wow. Why don't you get out? I don't know.

I will and I'll go inhabit the body of a black man. Yeah, that was my takeaway from Get Out is that all white people look the same. All white people look the same and they have horrible deficient genetics and they want to snatch those black beautiful bodies. Well, between that movie and Hereditary, I love anything where old white people are the villain. Creepy villains. Mama. Creepy old white people. Creepy pasta. The old white naked people in Hereditary, nothing's more chilling. That's you and him meeting to congregate. That's me naked taking a break looking at my garden through the glass window.

Smiling. I feel for the person who sees that because they will be terrified to their bones. They will be chilled to their bones. Chilled to the bones. I would say if they do see that, though, they're trespassing in your backyard. No, no, no. You can see the house up there, the house up there. They just see a fucking- Jessica Biel deserves better. Yeah, she does. Is she your neighbor? No, Sandy Bullock lived there before she was super famous across the street. We got Jimi Hendrix back in the day. Stevie Nicks was up top.

Lindsay Lohan rented The facade of my house is famously featured in the opening scene of The Bling Ring I can't tell if you're joking I'm being serious I mean these aren't funny jokes These aren't funny what I'm saying Well it's kind of your usual thing isn't it? Jai Ho So you want to see this guy again He's in his 50s He obviously has a job Months from retirement Which is great He had cancer Well that's good he got it out of the way We had surgery two days apart

Isn't that crazy? Same doctor, Dr. Snibby. No, I'm just kidding. I think that's how Ben and Jennifer met. It's kind of weird. I was like, I mentioned the hip thing because I was fucking him. And I was like, I need to take a break. The grinding of metal against wood beats steel. And I was like, oh, you know. And then he's like, yeah, I have a fucking kidney cancer.

or whatever. During sex? Yeah. And I was like, oh, say it again. I'm almost going to cum. Who is your dog? Who's your PCP? Do you have blue cross? Oh, no. Oh, silver PPO plan. No, no. But he had an operation. Like I showed him my scar. He showed it, you know, operation. He asked me randomly, when did you have it? And I said the date and he had it two days before. Isn't that strange? You showed him your scar? Well, I was naked. Did you show him your gash? Oh, he was inside the gash. Yeah.

If you don't have cash, you can't pound this gash. It's Varla Jean. No, Lady Bunny tweeted today. I hate to be so blunt, but a lady must be up front. No cash, no cum. You don't know that one? No. It's Varla Jean. It's so good. Lady Bunny tweeted today. Billy Porter broke up with his husband of six years, and I'm still trying to figure out who gave me crabs. She tweeted that today.

Dreams and nightmares. That's Lady Bunny. What does the guy do for a living? Can you say? I will not. I'll say it off the air. Okay. Because he works for Fox News and he's a big MAGA supporter. Oh, it's Tucker Carlson? Yes! Are you fucking Tucker Carlson? Tucker Carlson! Tucker Carlson! I wrote down a couple things because I have to talk to you about something. Okay.

Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. No, bitch. I watched this new show. What? Okay. You just got to follow me. You know, on TV, sometimes they choose a sensational name for the show to get you to watch. Oh, my God. Is it with like... It'll be called like Pig Fuckers or something. Like, it will just be called something crazy. This is a show called Crack Addicts.

That's it? It's called Crack Addicts. But this is not... It's not intervention. It's a chiropractic clinic. It's like the Dr. Pimple Popper of chiropractic clinics. So Dave and I were like, Crack Addicts? So you're telling me the show with crackheads is called Intervention. And the show with back cracking is called Crack Addicts? And I kept forgetting the name. So I kept being like, what's that show, Crackheads? Crack.

Cracky? Cracky. I watched it and it was, of course, like, you know, satisfying because it's people who have like ailments and she cracks the shit out of their bodies and helps them. The storytelling was so good. I got so invested. I started out like, let's watch a show called Crack Addicts. That's funny. And then after the adjustments, I was like, shh.

She's a mom and she needs to be able to move so she can keep up with her kids. Ever since she lost her husband. I got so into it. But I thought the word crack addicts for the name of a TV show is out of pocket. It is absolutely out of pocket. It's Traisha. What show are you on? I'm on this show called Crack Heads. I'm binging crack addicts. Crack addicts. Yeah, we're binging. We're binging crack. I'm at home binging crack addicts. Crack addicts.

But I also can really applaud the marketing. Of course. It's sensational. Because the show is for people who love crack. Cracks. Back cracks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like cracks are really satisfying. I mean, but crack addicts, can you believe that? Intervention's called Intervention. They should call it butt comma cracks. Butt cracks?

No, but here's the thing about chiropractor, chiro, whatever the noun is. It's like not- I think it's chiropractiana. Chiropractice. Yeah. It's like, it's not snake oil. It's not snake oil. It's not medical school. Like this is not a, this is not like a- They're not doctors? Is that stupid? No. No, they're not doctors. So do doctors like look down on chiropractors or they like it? Many of them do. Really? Absolutely. They think they're, no, they think they're charlatans. Do you think they are?

I think that a lot of them are, I think, I think. Doesn't that fall into the, the like body work? Doesn't that fall into the, you know? Yeah. I mean, there's, I think there's more precision and training involved in this one rather than I, you would argue Reiki where it's more like energetic and a little bit more nebulous. Yes. Or acupuncture, which is like more, you know, Eastern esoteric, but like,

Chiropractor when they're just yanking you and saying because your bones are out of joint I I don't know a lot of people who are like very clued in to the medical community are like that's bullshit Well, it's probably feels great though. Until you break your collarbone during an adjustment I had issues with my SI joint as you know remember on tour it was bothering me where your back connects to your pelvis and My friend Kenden who always does my massages He sent me a bunch of videos that he got from his doctor friend about how to

Like release your SI joint at home. Like, so you can feel like a pop. I did the exercises the other day after days of joint. SI joint is like, I'm not even, it doesn't even move though. Days of pain. Gone. I got on the floor. I got the roller out and did the activities. The pain was instantly gone.

I've run every day since with zero pain. I'm not saying that means chiropractors are real. No, no, no. But adjusting, stretching, realigning is real. Sure. And also we're like hunched. I mean, we're living lives hunched with our necks like bent forward over the phone. I've been holding my phone like this because I'm like, I look so crooked. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me text you. This one.

It's horrible. Literally, I mean, I found myself walking into a wall at home. You know what I mean? It's crazy. It's crazy. It's not right. It's not right and it's normal for those Gen Zs. They need to really realign that behavior. Maybe with a chiropractor. You did. I don't know. Did you see the hot guy chiropractor on YouTube or Instagram? He did. What's her face? A drag race girl recently. Jada. No. I love everyone. No, you don't. I love everyone.

But I'm going to tell you what I'm never going to do. What? Get veneers, get a hairline surgery, get a chiropractic treatment in exchange for you taping it and putting it on the internet. Oh, okay. I like a little bit of privacy when it comes to these things. I had the same thing with the microblading. I felt very on the fence about it. Very on the fence about trading. I'd rather just pay for it. I know. That's what – I know.

I just pay for it. I know. I know. Cause I don't know what's going to happen to that content. It's my body. It's personal. And I feel the same way. I was knowing how much business that brings someone. So I have no way of knowing what the value is of what I'm giving you or if it's going to flop. Whereas with dollars, I know you want a thousand dollars. Great. Whatever. You know, um, I have to tell you about something else. I got a call from the, I get calls from Hilton, uh, um,

Perez? Kathy Halton calls me. No, my name is Bella Hadid. I get calls from them for telemarketing. And the other day I was at CVS picking up. And I was like,

Outside, this guy calls me and I had just finished a run and he calls me and he goes, hey, I know you work hard, but I got a great vacation package for you. And I'm not good at hanging up the phone. You're not? No, so I'm trapped in it. Your own phone that you pay for? But I don't know how to hang up at a telemarket without feeling rude. You're like, oh my God. Then you'd hang up. I guess. Yes. Yes. Yes.

So he's got a gun. Where are you going to go? I said, to where? He goes, Las Vegas. And I go, you called the wrong person. I said, I'm not going to Las Vegas. I said, I live in Los Angeles, which is more beautiful than fucking Vegas. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. I said, what else you got? I just want to see what else he was going to recommend. I said, what else you got?

Try again, honey. He mentioned, and then I forget what he said next. And I said, I travel for a living. I don't want to go anywhere. You chewed him out. Yeah. And then I said, what else you got? Yeah. You got a big hard dick you want to fuck me with? Try again. He said, what about Fort Lauderdale in Florida? I said, do you know what the politics in Florida? I said, it's borderline illegal to be gay in Florida. I said, I'm gay. Yeah. And I waited for him to answer and he paused and he goes,

Well, I don't know much about the politics in Florida. And I go, well, let me tell you. And I started lynching into a whole tirade about the politics. You held him hostage. Eventually. Yeah. Because I was like, I need you to decide to never call me. You're over three. I'm going to make sure you never dial this number. I don't have the heart to say, like, leave me alone, fucker. But I don't know why that voice. Leave me alone, you little pig fucker. Don't ever call me again, you little pig fucker. So leave me alone, you little pig fucker.

I tell him, Mark, you're calling him a pig fucker and hanging up. We'd love to do this. You big fucker. Yeah. We'd like to offer you a package. I bet you would like that, you little fucker. So then finally I go, well, I live in Los Angeles. I fuck pigs all day. And I didn't know what to say other than I also am very fortunate where I can afford to travel anywhere I want. So you should call someone else with this deal. If I want to go somewhere, I'll go somewhere.

So I said like, I'm not a good person for you to pitch this to. You should call someone else now. And this was a cold call. Yes. And that's how I got him off the phone was like, like as a salesperson, I want to coach you into calling people who actually fit that deal. Oh my God. I'm not going to Vegas. You're bitchy. You're helpful. You're, um, and you just move them on to the next. Yeah. I said, good luck to you. Yeah. As salesperson to salesperson. Good luck to you. Yeah. Good luck. Don't forget before you sell it. Have a great day. You got to buy it yourself. That's true. I'm also like, sir, would you go to Florida?

Like I was like, do you want to go to Florida? Do you realize what you're selling? Yeah. Do you know what he's like? Do you know what you don't smell that the shit coming out of your mouth right now? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, you want to go to Florida? I'm like, do you want to go visit the Titanic? Well, like I'd rather go down there to the Titanic than go to Florida. Yeah. I'd rather go down there and drown with a group of fucking yuppies. I don't want to be insensitive to all that because my God, how horrible that's people's moms and daughters and friends. No, no, no, no. Those people were, were made in a laboratory. They were made in the laboratory. We have no business down there.

We have no business down there in the ocean. I agree. We don't need to go to Mars. Thank you. And we don't need to go to the ocean. Say it again. And we also didn't go to Florida. You know, like-

Florida's the middle and still the worst, but we don't need to be on the moon. Moon? Which is great because I don't think we ever went there. Jupiter? That's a whole nother story. Florida. Or yeah, the deep Mariana Trench. Miss Mariana? We don't need to be scraping. They say something like 90% of the ocean's undiscovered. Yeah. Dark and horrible. We have no business down there. No business at all. Stay in your lane. There's no timeshares. There's spooky fish. There's high pressure. What do you think about peeing in the ocean?

- Peeing in the ocean or being in the ocean? - We were at the beach the other day and we had to pee and I didn't want to pee in the ocean. So I walked to the convenience store to pee. - That's a little crazy. - And David got in the ocean and peed. I said, "That seems..." - I love it. - If I was a fish, it'd be like, "Who's that?" - Right up the pee hole? - "They look funny. What are they doing? Are they pissing in here?" The human got in the ocean to piss and leave? - What do you think they're doing?

I guess they're pissing and they're drinking it. I mean, they'd go to the convenience store if they could, I guess. But I heard like a not... Perhaps not true like fact about this...

fish that's like attracted to urea, the chemical in urine. It's like, it goes straight up your dick hole when you pee. And I think that was just like a wives tale. People say not to pee in pool, you know. Fish can't swim up piss holes. No, these tiny little like long fish, like little teeny swordfish. They go straight up the dick hole. Sounding. Sounding in the ocean. Yeah. The sound of the ocean. Yeah, it's the sound of music. Do you ever want to sound? You want to stick pipe cleaners up there? I, knitting needles in my dick hole.

At my age? That's one of those behaviors where I go, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Well, it's just like, I love, it's like baseball's great. I can't, no, that's not a metaphor. That metaphor doesn't work. But like, I don't. Like we can go to the bar and get a drink, but I don't need to drink bleach.

Yeah. I like, I will do the ice bucket challenge, but you're not going to drop me off a helicopter in Antarctica with no coat. Right. You know what I mean? Like that's not. Wait, do you know about Mount Everest? I do. Did we talk about that? Oh yeah. Oh, we talked about it. We talked about it in private. In private. We talked about people frozen. People try to climb Mount Everest and just. Yeah. Frozen. And hopefully you just, the only, I know there's an undignified way to die, but you just hope that you, your final pose is something fierce. Yeah.

You know, like hope it's like a top model. Yeah. It's like, yeah. Have you ever watched top model? I've watched it while it was on the air. Dave and I were watching season one from the beginning of the day. Well, the budget is so fierce. You have about six judges.

around a card table. A folding card table. Folding in a garage. With one light. The lighting situation is one flickering bulb. And then the TV where they show them, let's show you your best look. Is a wheeled out... It's a 14-inch, not even flat screen TV. A fat back. A small fat back. It's one of those like high school multimedia. Like someone, the teacher rolls in the multimedia thing. And you watch it. Yeah, everybody falls asleep. Yeah. Oh my God. It's crazy. Humbling. It's really crazy. But she is... Tyra is...

Unlike no other. She goes for it. She swings hard, big, and hard.

And it's often to a very horrifying effect, you know. And, you know, there was a season, David was telling me there was a season where the judge was Twiggy. And at the top of the season, they were like, you know, Twiggy, part of how she broke through was having this iconic nickname. So this season, we're going to give you all iconic nicknames. And I'm sure some of them were like Legs, Duchess. David said one of them went by her last name and her model name was Houlihan. What the fuck is that?

Oh, well fucking stop the runway. Hooligan. Work it, Benny Hanna. What the fuck is that? What was your, what would be your model name? Um, uh, uh, Guglia. Yeah. Guglia. G-H-O-O-L-I-A. I think I would want something really like a hot first name. Like, well, I guess if you become iconic as a model, then you're like, you're Tyra. You're Adriana. I love, like, um, I just love the regular names like Karen Elson or like, uh, Kristen McMenemy.

Kate Moss. Kate Moss is probably the best. Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell is probably the best model names. I love Top Model because it's always a bunch of... It's a mix, right? There's always bonafide natural-born models where they've never really done it. And in front of the camera, it's flawless. And you're like, wow. But there's always one or two...

I'm going to say Hooters girls. There's always one or two like actual men's calendar, just jugs and like, and this, the prompt is to like, and every picture they're like spitting on their tits and jugs with cum on them. And they have their pussy two fingers spread out. And they're like, so it was a mascara ad. And you spat on your tits.

I noticed you kept drooling on your breasts, which were exposed to sell the mascara. So the prompt was for you to dress like a homeless person, which is the type of thing they do. Yeah, they did. And you chose to walk in with clamps on both nipples. And a dildo up your ass. And you proceeded to walk in and ask Mike Ruiz if his nipples were wired.

And then you had Jill Ben Simone put a car battery up to his dick. It is so crazy. I love. Fuck. It was wild. Models have a different life. A different life? A very different life. Rail thin. Yeah. Well, you know, it was striking. Like we talked about it before. Like, um, a lot of them are boot nasty, ugly, like, like scary, scary looking, but like, you know, like,

Yeah. I, you know, and you know, but Tyra, you know, I'd never seen that show till COVID and watching it for the, watching it as an adult. Oh, is everyone watches it like nostalgia, but watching it for me the first time is even if I'm in the room alone, it's a lot of me. Like is anybody else seeing this? Yeah.

Watch her talk show. You will curl your hair. It will curl your hair. Do you remember when she had Westboro Baptist Church on? And she goes, what did you guys call me earlier? A fag enabler. Ooh, what's that? What's a fag enabler? She wants to say faggot. She wanted to say it so bad. She's like, you hear that, Miss J? They said faggot. They said, get the faggot off the TV. I'm not watching that. What do you think of Miss J? Miss J.

The runway coach. She drags those girls. Janice, Miss J, Jay Alexander, and then Tyra. Well, Tyra was a little bit rude. Was it Sheil? No. What's the guy's name? Nigel? The photographer? It was Kamora Lee Simmons, too. Was in the first season. Oh, right. The owner of Baby Phat. So was Janice the second season? No, Janice was in one. Because Tyra would be like, yeah, you really got in there. And, you know, we were kind of disappointed. And then Kamora would say something really like,

you know, as a client, we would want you to be able to sell the product. And then they cut to Janice and she'd be like, you just look fucking, Janice would be like, you have a big square jaw. You have no tits. And then those droopy eyes on his fucking shoulders. That's all I could see. What's wrong with you? Go work at a construction site, brick. Meanwhile, Janice's eyebrows are vertical. Vertical. And Janice is of course,

Yeah. Gorgeous. I'm just going to say this is not bad to her. Yeah. Even in her heavy handed 2000s plastic surgery. Yeah. She still is Gorgiana. Yeah. Yeah. And but she turns him and goes like, you look like you had to fart. She's no. That's what you want to see in a show like that, though. You don't see you don't butter. When you uncross your legs, I expected to see testicles. Yeah. Where's all that fish in your pussy? Yeah.

What about the wood chips in your ass? Yeah. And she'll sit in the first seats and she was saying things like, you know, a little flabby for modeling, you know, like she's yes. Well, she's like, she's just the voice of the, the, uh, in the incorrect politically incorrect voice of like the casting department. But how are we going to have a discussion about bodies and faces and modeling without critiquing bodies and faces? So I don't actually think that,

That show by nature is meant to cross some lines when it comes to commenting on people's bodies. And it's an indictment of the industry, right? Because this is what, this is, these are the rules. This is what's established and we're not necessarily looking at why or challenging it, but that's the way it is. And that's kind of tough shit. But like, so. Yes. It's like, it wasn't unlike the opening of Triangle of Sadness when that guy's at that casting call. It was, it's worse. That was Triangle of Sadness was actually kind of tame.

Yeah. You know, Janice Dick and your son. No matter how gorgeous, I don't know if I could be the type of person where like,

- No. - 'Cause you could say shit about, by the way, you could say shit about this drag and I'd be like, yeah. - You could say a lot of shit about that drag. - That's drag. - Yeah. - But when it's like, your job is your body and your body's your livelihood and your face. - But also, and your body and your face are selling the million dollar global brand that needs to be at the cutting edge of fierce in like fashion, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like I was, I watched those like cheesy, corny runway videos where like it's Naomi Campbell versus Bella Hadid or whatever. And it's,

I don't have that, obviously. But that walk, that confident walk. The bounce. I mean, it's like, I am that girl. This pussy is red hot. And if you try to finger me, you're going to pull back bones. I feel that when I'm doing a runway. Oh, I never do. But I know I don't look it, but I feel it. I've never felt that. You don't. No, because I can't give it. I give Lobster, who's been like declawed and let out of the tank.

To go live a sedentary life. And dies on the way back to the ocean. Yeah. Yeah, no. What do you think about turtles being like born in the sand and finding their own way back to the ocean? 100 years old, these turtles sometimes. 100 years old. Not the babies. No, no, the oldies. Yeah. They can live up to 100. Tortoises.

Cold-blooded animals more instincts mammals everything has to be taught to us lizards and shit They know lizard brain right now automatic if anybody cares I'm in season 7 drag because of a video did today so that will be coming down the pike So enjoy that yeah, please enjoy that at your own risk enjoy that bitch Okay, go see Kelly Mantle. She's got tour Kelly mental calm for tickets your mind will be blown and maybe your dick as well work and

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