I Left My HVAC Heart in Florida with Trixie and Katya
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Hey guys. Hello love. Hello governor. We're in London. I almost said we're from London. That's not true. No, certainly not. I'm going to do something that people love on podcasts, which is to show people. Oh, be careful. Oh yeah. Riveting. Absolutely gorgeous pipes.

Well, we're here. Here I am in London for the fucking 12th time this year. Oh, no. Oh, did I did I did I detect an ungrateful tone in that voice, Miss Lady? I'm grateful. Listen, I'm happy to be here. It's just you know what, though, for the air conditioning sake, I'm happy I'm here in the winter.

Because you can't count on the UK to provide you with the air con, babe. Certainly not. However, you can also count on the UK to shut the doors tight and have the warmest kiki indoors when thousands of bodies get into some old rickety ass old maiden type of building. Thousands of bodies. Half of them have the blue haircuts. And the other half have a suspicious odor emanating from every single motherfucking pore of their bodies. Wash yourself. Wash yourself.

And maybe a front tooth that looks like it holds the future. The teeth is the least of my problems. I love a character. Teeth are fabulous or like character shoes. But like,

They don't smell bad. Oh, actually. They do smell. That's the kicker. So can you tell me about Labado? Okay. Okay. So I was able to achieve something that I never thought that I was able to achieve. I went to, so I go on Instagram a while ago for my favorite Ukrainian singer.

Svetlana Laboda. So her name is Loboda. That's how you say it. L-O-B-O-D-A, but you say it Laboda. And it's just so weird. Svetlana Laboda. Svetlana Laboda. She's Ukrainian. She sings in Russian. I've been listening to her for the past, I don't know, five years or something. This was a big moment for you. Huge moment. But here's the kicker. She announced an American tour. Miami, New York, L.A.,

San Francisco. Where do you think we are when she's in LA? Poland. Which is ironically much closer to where she's from. I know, I know, I know. I couldn't go to any of the other dates because we're on tour. This was the only date, Miami, that I could go to. So when we were in DC, I got a VIP table.

And then I was like, I'm not going to go alone. I would have gone alone. But since it was so close to the tour, I was like, okay, Eden and I will go. And then we needed four people for the VIP table. Well, can I ask, do you know a single person besides you who likes this person? Like, did you have anybody where like, oh, here's my friend who likes this artist? No, however...

Andrew and Eden are both ruthlessly and mercilessly subjected to hearing her music in the studio every day. So they're, they know they actually were singing along, but they were like, like Andrew knew the words just not when people speak Russian.

Yeah, so she sings most of her songs in Russian. Recently, she has a few Ukrainian hits. She was actually the Ukrainian entry for Eurovision in 2008, I think, in an English-language song, which was...

I think we're doing our venue in Warsaw. By the way, you can come see us in Poland. Our venue in Warsaw, I believe we switched venues because it's currently being used. Because the Ukrainian refugees. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, it was, we got the tickets. It was for a, in a casino in Hollandale Beach, Florida. Where the fuck is that? North of Miami, Miami Beach. So it was like 30 minutes from South Beach. And, ooh, girl.

Girl, it was... First of all, we went to the beach. It was me, Ethan, Andrew, and Eden. I saw that salt water douching right up your pussy. Mama, sand in the dick hole, honey. Like, I forgot going to the beach. When you really get all good and juicy down on the beach like that, it gets everywhere.

It gets everywhere. The salt in the eyes, in the face, in the mouth. Snow on the beach, salt in the dick hole, exfoliating your what's gone sour. It was so intense. It was so fun. Warm, warm.

Warm water. Well, can we be honest? When the whole world shit talks Florida, Miami is the nicer part. It's got culture. It's got architecture. It's got Cubans. It's got people. Huge Russian diaspora, apparently. Great outdoor mall. Lovely. So the Sport of Kings Theater at the Gulfstream Casino was lit. They had one of those Christmas trees that lit up all different colors and synchronized music. I almost cried. What's the game called? Is it Score?

Twist. Oh, no, that's in South Beach. Twist was fierce. I worked at Score once and that's where I met Rubber and Lisa. No, where's that? Lisa Limbaugh and Rubber. I think it was in Miami. Miami, okay. Yeah, so there's Fort Lauderdale. Lovely, gay, gay, gay, gay. That's where my uncle's former boyfriend tried to show me his penis. Thank you very much. I probably shouldn't have said that. I went to Fort Lauderdale, um,

Because I won a trip on Drag Race. Oh, yeah. And I went there once for three days. How did you love it? Yeah. I mean. Did you go to the nudie resort? I just would never choose to go to Florida. Like not for vacation, not for anything. Because it's just, it's LA but humid.

Like we already have good weather. 82 at night and 90% humidity. It's crazy. With her hair, she was like, I'm in hell. I don't know how the drag queens. Well, you know, Florida, I feel like I think of a lot of the naked girls. It's not fashion. It's survival. Yeah, it's survival. It's by necessity. Even the girls without perhaps the most showable bodies. Yeah.

The girls who don't quite serve the body are like, well, gal, I'm going to put on the necklace. I'm going to whip my cock out and I take my shoes off. And get my $40. Florida is where I have seen drag queens with no clothes or no shoes on. Naked. Well, it's a different set of policies down there. Brandon and I were at a certain bar once where the bartender leaned over and gave us money to go give the girl because she was completely naked with no shoes on and there was no tipping going on.

Are you sure she was in the lineup? I asked. I said, this feels like we could intervene. And it was a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, during a drag show, you do want the audience to feel secure that it's a show. And not sex trafficking. Yeah. Not a farm to table sex trafficking scheme. But we went down to South Beach the night we got there, went to Twist. Twist was fierce. Yeah.

Twisted the gay bar. Uh-huh. No cover. I've never been. No cover. Tuesday night we went in there. Did you dance? Oh, we danced. We danced. Do you like to dance? I do in a certain set of circumstances. If like it's, you know, well, if it's like music I like, which is never played at any bar. The older I get, the more now when I'm at a gay bar, I'm actually like, why are we dancing? Let's go dance. Yeah.

In my 20s, I never felt that way. And now post-COVID, I'm like, well, I'm already uncomfortable. I may as well go enjoy myself. You might as well look uncomfortable too. Yeah, but they had all these different rooms and most importantly, smoking areas all throughout. Oh, because it's like half indoor, half out. Yes, like four different rooms. I'll say this about Florida.

Because it's hot and putrid. The air conditioning is fierce, diva. They don't play around because- It's like Texas. Yes, because it's like, oh, the desert has water pumped in because they need water to survive. It's that vibe. It's not like these fucking-

These variable climates where it's like, oh, you know. No, no, no, no, no. When a heat wave comes, they know what time it is. Absolutely. I mean, Dallas, shit like that. You walk in and they have long, thin air con things above the door. So when you open the door, you're blasted with freezer air and you're like, I'm never going home. Also, a lot of the restaurants and malls, strip malls have those misties, those cold misties. I almost have to like stop from jerking off because it's so fierce. Devils in what?

They have those in Palm Springs. Yes. Yeah. In the motel, we have central air in addition to in-room units. So you will never be left hot at the Trixie Motel. By the way, teasing ahead, we have an at the motel episode we're going to do. Oh, yes, we do. There's going to be guests there while we're there. That's fine. And we're going to be probably by the poolside. Can you guys quiet down? Yeah, shut up. You should charge extra that day.

Maybe. I think we should. We can ask while they're there. Two or five dollars. Panhandle. Yeah. Now I have more questions. Hold on. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. So before that, so we went to twist and then on this gorgeous drag queen walks by tall black braids down her ankles. Braids down her ankles. And I was like, huh? I was like, that looks like Ebony XL that I know from Boston circa 2010. Yeah.

And sure enough, it was, she was doing a show there at one o'clock. I went over and introduced myself. And, um, I had known her from way before drag race. Ebony XL. Ebony XL. Great name. Yeah. Super, super talented, crazy dancer. She looks like, um, she looks like, uh, kind of like Grace Jones's daughter. Super glamorous. It hasn't aged in 20 years. I don't know how, but she, uh, didn't recognize me at first. Then she's, um, she's like, Oh my God, Katya, Katya. And then she goes to the bartender. This is Katya from drag race. The bartender was like,

Who cares? Literally. He was like Elaine from the 30 rock. Who cares? And it was so, it was so great. You know, who's the ultimate culprit of not knowing who we are, which is totally fine. Security at gay bars. But security is the number one employee. Who's like, who? I don't believe you. Yeah. Julia Roberts or George Clooney. That the only two people I know. Yeah. Yeah. But okay. So Labada, we go to the sport of King's casino. Um,

How many seats is it? Well, it was like a nightclub. It was kind of like Royale in Boston. It's a little bit smaller. Oh, okay. Okay. But tons of tables. Tons of VIP tables. Okay. Racket. A small kind of pit area. And Mama...

The real show was going on offstage. Well, first of all, we were earlier peaked in. Who was in the audience for that? Besides you. Well, me, my party of four were the only non-Russian speaking people. Absolutely. Oh, besides Jonathan Chibin, who's this food god. I've never heard of him, but I don't know him. But Andrew and Ethan and Eden seemed to know who he was. Anyways,

Go in there. Well, first of all, I see her rehearsing at 7 o'clock. Show's at 8. So from outside, I see her rehearsing with canes, with dancers. I was like, oh my God, I was so excited. You're like, this is going to be turnt. I was like, because I was expecting the bottom of the barrel. You never know. You never know. You never know.

Yeah. Bottom of the barrel. She could either give you like Cirque du Soleil or just like, you know, mud people. Two step. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so that was promising. We get in there. Show is one hour late. We have to buy a $200 bottle of champagne, which was the cheapest thing on the menu. How about a $800 bottle of Dom Perignon? I mean, listen, I know from... There was a time where I was getting offered a certain DJ gig at a certain...

in a certain Las Vegas and the base pay for things in those environments is very low. But if you're somebody who sells a lot of bottles and tables, the paycheck for the artist compounds like to the power of like 10 tables is this much, 15 tables is this much, 20 tables is this much. It's like logarithmic. Yes. It's crazy. Yeah.

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I mean, it was like people were just wandering at their leisure. But were they all like you where they were like, I can't believe I'm going to get to see her? Absolutely not. No, no. They were, they were, it was, everybody was surge. I mean, every single person had a nose job. Every single person had like, it was like the ratio of men to women, the women to men was at least 12 to one. Russian people?

All Russian-speaking people. Okay. Various, you know, Ukrainian, whatever. Former Soviet republics. It was... So probably like immigration or first, like... Yeah, they're all living... The huge population in Miami. Huge population everywhere, really. New York, LA. You know, Santa Monica and Fairfax is like little Russia in LA. Now, I don't want to generalize, but was it giving like...

A lot of makeup, designer label clothing. Honey, you can generalize. Because it was like... Because the Russian gals who used to shop at the makeup counters, they would come in done. Sweetie, I wish I could show you this woman. This various levels of sophistication to just like... This one girl had black...

I mean, she looked like me if I had to get ready, like if I had three hours to get ready just to do my eyes. Oh, so it's not always good. No, no, no. This girl had, she gave Trisha Paytas as a drag makeover. She had crunchy, bleached blonde hair, a loaf, and then pin straight extensions that went down to the waist. Alaska. Yes. It was, I was like.

Cause I was just finished telling the, my party. I was like, I should not. I'm so glad I didn't come in drag. Cause I would have been ogled and ridiculed. But then I saw her and I was like, well, maybe not. Cause she was giving very like a third time in drag, but she was a woman anyways. So many tall girls, skin tea,

E.D. boots. Like eating disorder boots. Oh, you know, the girls with the boys, the guys, the old men and hot young bitches. Yes. Because I'm imagining that it's like bottle service girls. Yeah. And like mafia people. Well, they weren't they weren't dressed up. They were very it was like mafia cash, like biz cash mafia guys. Just like derpy derpy. Is it like the Russian hooker dresses in L.A.?

Yeah. I mean, one girl, this like, there was a lot of tall girls, a lot of tall girls like plucked from, you know, there was a, one girl was in a hot pink ostrich feather suit with pants.

like ostrich feathers poking out. It looked disgusting. Um, but she probably thought it was rich. She thought it was fierce. And then another girl was in like a, um, a head to toe Chanel. So gorgeous. Another girl was in this fucking, so they're really giving colors and levels. They're giving levels and a great gradients of all the fashion spectrum. Good. Oh no, no. Some people looked spectacular. And then we get to the main event. Um,

Now it was called, it was built as a charity concert. Um, and, uh,

if I understood every word she said, I mean, she basically read Moby Dick throughout the night. She said just so much, there was so much pattern between numbers. Was it interesting to hear her talk? What she, was she funny? Um, well, I could not understand about 80% of what she's saying because it was all in Russian. Oh wow. The only thing she said, um, that day was on her Instagram. Hello USA. I'm so excited to be here. That was it. Everything else was in Russian, but it was a lot, a lot of monologues about Ukraine, a lot of monologues about women. Um,

about certain things. Like I could get pieces and pieces, but. Was your table depending on you? And you're like, I learned my Russian from her song. So until she starts singing, I don't know what she's saying. I mean, I was, I was screaming all the lyrics and stuff. I sat down for one song cause I didn't like it, but it was, it was interesting. This fucking yellow suit, bitch, this yellow fucking suit. Now I took footage. If you're watching the pod, we can show it on YouTube. Let's show it. Yeah. We'll show it here. Take a look.

Um, she wore this, so she has a long blonde hair. She wore this wig that I would wear. It really looked like a wig. It was a wig. It was, it was a center part, dark rooted, um, kind of like a wavy shoulder length, full haired wig. And I was like, Mary, what are you doing? It was just very biz cash. Yeah. It was, she's 40. She's just turned 40. Um, but like,

In her previous concerts and performances, she plays stadiums in some of these Russian pubs. She's really famous. Well, she's got 7 million...

Instagram followers. She's got, um, I don't know what her record sales are. I have no idea, but she's very famous, not with young folks, more with millennials and older generations, but, um, well, it's like Indian celebrities, for example, India is such a big country. You can have so many followers and then be famous. Not a lot of other places, but that's the truth about any other international act. And they, to break into the American or the English speaking markets is impossible.

But Russia, I mean, former Soviet... Russian-speaking countries are many and numerous. Yeah. Including the Russians in America. Including what? Like Russian speakers in America. Yeah, tons of them. Like you said, they exist. Tons of them. So much so that many artists can enjoy a pretty extensive tour of the United States. I went to one in Boston. The most famous singer. Packed. The place we were at. Most of the Russian people I've met are...

are in the service industry like when I worked in P-Town they would also be there in the summer doing a summer of like serving and they're like a lot of Bulgarians too and like Bulgarians and then I mean it's stereotypical but drivers like you and I were in a car once and you were doing your Duolingo and that driver was helping you with your Russian oh I love a Russian driver yeah yeah yeah you were like I forget what phrases you were saying and he kept looking in the mirror at you and then eventually he started correcting your pronunciation he was like why are you learning Russian yeah just like for fun well that's that's always the thing was like um

As I'm learning Russian, they're like, why? It's either, they're like, either you have a girlfriend or you're going there for like, for work. Those are the only two reasons. I watch a lot of those YouTube videos. This is so clickbaity, but I'm so susceptible to anything like this where it's like, um, guy who speaks white guy who speaks perfect Mandarin surprises the staff at a deli and he'll go in and he'll order in Mandarin and their face is always like, yeah.

They're like, why do you know this? And he's like, oh, I learned it with my girlfriend. And they're like, oh my God. And they're always in the videos. Super appreciative. Yeah. They're like, thank you for learning this non-essential. Well, that's, well, that's funny. Cause I was, I did the same thing the other day. I went into, um, uh, my, uh, what was it? It must've been the Kung Fu store. And I said, wow. Yeah.

Did you really? No, I'm not a Kung Fu store. But what's a Kung Fu store? I don't think there are any. But that's, I speak a little Mandarin. That's great. What does that mean? I speak a little Mandarin. Oh, and then they go, oh. They go, xie xie. No, I don't know. Well, you know, I got the, you know, when I'm in Montreal, I try to get fierce and they go, nice French. Nice French, honey. Nice French. Good effort. What do you want? A baguette? Babes? Wait, wait. Okay, quick. So the, the,

45 minutes of a fashion show and I'm falling asleep because it's like we were at the beach all day. The dancers changed? The dancers changed. They were in their Work the World season one costumes 25 times.

And actually during the body suits and stuff, body suits, a sheer coats that were removed, pony Gia gun, ponytails of the yaki variety. And at one point during the end, there was a strap, the two straps on one of the dancers costume broke and we could see full nipples for five minutes. Good for her though. You got to keep going. And she was a pro dancer.

You could tell, I could sort of sense that she knew and she was a little uncomfortable. The choreo did not say that she was, she was fabulous. And to funny enough, uh,

some of those dancers there were four of them were doing very different dances at certain points during the evening it was not it was not the most meticulously she would have she would have pages pages of notes yeah but that yellow suit i understand the ukrainian colors and her patriotism and her and her hometown was destroyed you know like she is it's really tough for a ukrainian artist who is

travels around Russia and has lived in Russia and she lives in Europe now, but to, to continue your career and, and she's very like involved. And do pop and not be 18. Right, right, right. And she's hard for anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Right. And she's like, um, but it was like Kylie Minogue. Imagine if Kylie, imagine if fucking Australia was like under a siege or something from Britain and Kylie Minogue can't just be like, you know,

Two hearts beating together. You know, you got to kind of like, I love Kylie Minogue. I fucking do too. I fucking do too. It's just such a common conversation to have with Australian people when they're like, is Kylie big in America? And anybody with a taste goes, not as big as she should be. Yeah. No, it's a fucking crime. Her songs are so timeless. And she's so wonderful. I'm such a faggot for her music. I'm such a faggot for her. That Affordati concert.

I cried. Girl, it's amazing. All the lovers? Yes. London, I love you. Can't get you out of my head. Coming up on the plate, the boiler plate. I love that song. I'm the one. Love me. It's just so fierce, so fabulous. Wait, wait, anyways. Hold on. I'm not done with my trauma about the yellow suit.

PTSD, rage, and female trauma. So the band comes out so excited, hour late, whatever, no opener. Hour late? The show starts an hour late? The show is at eight. The band comes out at nine. Mary, I've been there since seven. Clock is ticking. It's humid. You would have left for anyone else by then, by the way.

I should have known better. I don't go to enough concerts to know that time is the elusive, you know, the elusive Chanteuse comes out on her own time. But it was 8 to 11, so I figured, okay, probably 9 to 11. Anyways, the band comes out. They start playing something. I'm like, this is a little more rock vibe. And I was like, if there's a fucking opener, because somebody was on a microphone and was like, I am not going to sit through a male-led, a vocal-led opener for 20 minutes. So then she comes out and I'm like, what's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that yellow suit? What you got there, good. What you got on there? Lady, what's that suit all about? And it was a suit of a fit that, let's just say, begged to be revealed. It looked like she... Zara? Well... Zara? Zara, but H&M? She picked up a men's suit, a plus-size men's suit, and then foregoed a fitting? Yeah.

Yeah, she had a very form-fitting, what I'm assuming to be like a bodysuit, blue bodysuit. Listen, yellow and blue, the Ukrainian colors. I get it. I get it. I get it. We're not talking about the colors. No, I'm talking about the colors. Yellow is tough for a blonde. Yellow is tough for a blonde. I know. I love yellow.

It works for me. You're different, though, because you do yellow sequined payettes with boas and shit. This was fucking The Mask. Jim Carrey and The Mask. It was Dick Tracy. Jim Carrey and The Mask. And there were times where she would do this thing, like take it off the shoulders, and we're like, okay, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she'd put it back on. Oh, Mary Dugan. It was maddening. But I knew every song except one, the first one. I don't know. I don't like it. But it was...

It was, oh, the crowd. Were they singing? No, they were like a nightclub. They were ignoring her? Yes. They were ignoring her? Yes. There was one woman over on the VIP table who had a three-year-old child who was dancing. That was great. But everybody, all the guys, because it was like a 12 to 1 ratio, the guys who were dragged there by their wives or girlfriends could not care less. And they were just on their phones screaming. Everybody's having family reunions, drinking alcohol, having appetizers, meats and stuff.

It was chaos. But you know what though? Don't you think casino gigs in general are just a little left of center as far as the typical experience? But also Marcella was telling me that foreign concerts are not like in America. They're wild. Oh, maybe the culture is more like a get together. It's a get together. And also if you think about this, like it's a Russian community with outside of the country expat, you know, people haven't seen each other for a while. Maybe they're coming from other places. Maybe it's more like a drag show where it's like you can talk during it.

I don't know. Our drag shows are a little bit more. That's not an invitation to talk during our shit. No, but it was just, it was chaos. And there was a bald guy right next to me and I was trying to get my dish, but I had a great time, but it was, she did one costume change and it just left a little bit to be desired because it was another baggy fucking leather suit. And I was like, Mary, I've seen your other work. I've seen your concerts. Wait, what did your table of non Labada fans think of it?

Andrew lived, I think he cried at one point. Really? Yeah, because he was drunk, probably. And Eden and I were bonding over like... I've seen him cry. Yeah, he cries at the drop of a hat. Ethan likes music and he likes Lubbock, actually. So it was... He's a music publicist. Oh, right. And Eden was very into the fact that like the dancers were out of sync. You know, when was she singing versus not singing? Where was the track? How much of a track? But she played the drums.

That's cool. Fiercely too. The suit made sense for that. It was like a butch moment. She gets down, but damn that fucking suit. Did she have a big gay following? I would imagine, yeah. Gay, lesbian, lesbians? Yeah, I would imagine. I really don't know actually. Not young folks. Did she clock any other gay guys there? Three, maybe. Maybe her stylist. There was her stylist, that food god guy, and maybe like four other ones. But they could have just been Euro trash.

It's hard to say. That's amazing. Yeah. There was one guy who was so like this bodybuilder guy who walked like this, like,

That was fun. Too bad she, you know, it's a bummer. She could have come seen us. She could have come seen our show. Maybe. Do you think she knows who you are? Well, she reposted me on her Instagram, but I think just because I have a blue check Mark, you know, and she was reposted a lot of other people and she's done that in the past, but wait, what do you think about the blue check Mark going to be on Twitter? It's going to be purchasable flop Tina. I'm, we just got to get out of there. I honestly, I don't want to sound whatever, whatever, whatever.

It means something. Well, I get afraid of expressing myself because I feel like I get raked through the coals and I'm always scared. Elon Musk is a fucking idiot. But I mean, I just feel that if you have a blue check, it's because- You're a public figure. You're a public figure or you have some sort of recognition because of your-

of your career or your artistic prowess or like whatever. You're famous. And now we're making, we're saying that money can make your voice seem more important. We're basically acknowledging that that's true. And it's the worst thing about America to begin with is that money makes someone important. Yeah. And so I think money will buy a blue check. Well, I think that they're trying to do the opposite. They're trying to use a small amount of money to make profit so that everybody's equalized.

So does that mean that celebrities now will have to pay for the check? Or can people buy a check? Both.

What is the point? Exactly. I think he's trying to generate revenue or something. Then again, I know people who are like journalists with dozens of followers who are verified. So like really, it's not even about. No, it's about authenticity. It's about authenticity. It's not about fame or richness. No, no, it's not about because I know many, many, many, for some reason, the porn community is always jilted because I know porn actors with hundreds of thousands of followers who don't have blue check marks.

Interesting. Yeah. I'm not sure what the, I'm not sure exactly what the rubric is, but I think when the journal journalist case would probably be for, for, um, authenticity and, um, clarity of like the source is, you know, I don't want Twitter to get mad at me because sometimes they do have to help me with problems, but

i think twitter is the worst place on the internet and i think it's really fine if we all leave absolutely i think it's really good if i could get one to go that would be the one i would say i know it's a bummer because my instagram has not been working for the past few weeks and so i've been spending all that extra time on twitter which is not doing anything greater for my like overall well-being it is twitter is the worst place on the internet and but you can curate the experience to your liking

No, but Twitter is a place meant for extreme reaction, extreme like snap judgment. Misinformation. Yes. It's the craziest place on the internet. It's the people who hate things the most on Twitter. It's probably worse. I don't even remember being on Facebook. I don't do that. Yeah. I haven't done that in years. So the only reason I still have it is because my Instagram is linked to it and posts to it. Yeah. And plus I know that I have like

Oh my God. She ran into somebody in Milwaukee who was like, I friended you on Facebook. You didn't respond. I said, where are you from? Do you know my login? Cause I don't bitch. It took, it took me when we had to do advertising on Facebook for the tour, it was a process of two years to get into there. I don't even, I could have run and folded a pyramid scheme in that time. I know. It's crazy. Let's take a break. Let's take a break.

And we're back. And we're back. What do you got there? So I have this wonderful, fabulous new book that, so a couple of weeks ago or something, you were out of town. So I wanted- She came to your house. She came to my house, which first of all, I was so nervous because my house- You thought she was going to walk in and be like, hi, poor. Well, not that. Just like, hi, ugly. Because- Hi, ugly poor. Her house is, I haven't been to it, but I've seen pictures. It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful.

She has incredible taste, taste that I love. And, um, and she's, it talks about in the book that, which I had not read because they wouldn't send it to me in advance. So that was always fun, fun to do an interview about a book that you haven't read. Um, but she, uh, I did a ton of, I know who she is, Natasha Leggero. And, um, but before the interview, I, um, did a ton of research, watched all the roasts and, uh, I watched a whole season of another period, which by the way, so funny, um,

so funny. It's, um, there's three seasons. I think it's a, um, a, a comedy show. It's like a turn of the century, um,

Drama or comedy that's in the style of a reality show. So it's like Downton Abbey as a reality show. Fucking. I mean, I don't like comedy shows, to be honest. I think I would love that. It sounds like Reno 911. And there's all the people. Michael Ian Black, Thomas Lennon, all those people. It's so funny. I gotta watch this. You would love it. It is so funny. I was having sex with my man friend on the couch and my focus was being pulled more and more towards the TV.

It was real. That's not a dig on him. He's very, well, it's hard with sex cause you don't want it silent in the room, but you don't want something that's going to pull focus. Yeah. This was pulling all the focus as I was trying to pull his, you know what? Pull his focus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was so, it's so funny. So, so, so funny. Christina Hendricks is in it. Um, they got a lot of great guest stars, but anyway, so, um, she came over and I was so nervous and,

because my house was not in a state of whatever. She was so nice. She arrived right on time, a little bit early, to be honest. And then we had a great chat for an hour. And yeah, I've been reading the book and it's very funny. She had a child when she was 42, froze her eggs and stuff. Yeah, she's 48 right now. Really? Looks so beautiful. Good for her. Yeah, she's really awesome. You and I had our book come out.

Yes. Yes. We bonded over that. She, I guess what she said, she, when she got the book, she was like, I couldn't believe how thin it was. Thank you. I was like, I, I thought I wrote the cheesecake factory menu. I wrote the skinny licious menu and that's unfortunate. Moby Dick was just to be a turnout to be a pamphlet. And we didn't get New York times bestseller. We did not. We surely did not. I wonder if she, I don't want to sound ungrateful or whatever. I wonder if she will, this comes out November 15th. I wonder if she will.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but we already did it once. And I don't super care if we get it twice. No, because guess what? It's like they say Grammy award winning artist, New York Times bestselling author. It's just you make it once and it's there forever. It's fine. And we're not in danger of writing a book ever again. There's certainly no way. There's no way.

When I have to sign paperwork, I'm mad. When I have to do a docu-sign, I'm mad. Yeah. Like I said, I have unlearned. I've just been looking at the pictures and there aren't any, so I got through this real quick. I just become illiterate. You've been drawing your own. Yeah. Fuck. Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing. What is it? By the way, we're in London. We just got here this morning.

And we start the show tomorrow at Wembley Arena. Wembley Arena. You know, we're continuing the trend of having a hiatus and then coming right back to one of the most important shows of our lives with no preparation. Why are we doing that? Why are we doing that? Why are they doing that to us? Why are we doing that? The last, like, we started with Radio City, which was psychotic. Psychotic. And this, like, we're starting with Wembley. Yeah. Do you know what the other problem with that is? What?

It makes you have this endorphin and like rush at the top. And then you go down to hall. Yeah. We're never going to Blackpool or Leeds or like down to Kitchener. Yeah. Westfordshire to the, to the five and dime parking lot. Yeah. No, my, my thing is that is this is, I'm a little worried because adapting a show, a theatrical show to a venue of this size is going to be a little challenging. And I don't know if we have enough time to do it, but I guess we'll find out. It's going to be fine. It's going to be, you know why?

We have the funniest drag show on tour. We do. And we have the best fans ever. We absolutely do. And we have the best dancers and the best fans. Yeah. And it's great. I don't get nervous at all. This is the first stage thing I've done where I don't, never even crosses my mind to get nervous. Yeah. Well, it never crosses my mind that they won't like us. Right. I do get a little nervous, but I get like, I get the pre-show jitters or whatever.

Diarrhea. Yeah, diarrhea. Yeah. Do you say gonorrhea or diarrhea? Both. I shoot gonorrhea out of my ass. Last Monday, I had a college gig in Columbus, Ohio. Uh-huh.

And I haven't done a full hour 15 of standup pre pandemic. Yeah. And I was shitting bricks all day. I was like, Oh God, do I even remember how to do this? I was like looking at my material and like looking at what songs I was going to do. And when I'm by myself without my band too, I play by myself. So then I have to figure out what songs am I going to play by myself and

And I'm using my loop pedal. I don't know if you've ever seen me use my loop pedal. So I'm looping with my pedal. That's a lot to think about. And I have buttons that add harmony, buttons that loop. And I have to get the loops right or they don't work. And I have to tell you, I had a fucking blast. Was it a triumph? I thought, honestly, it was going to be like, here's me trying to resurrect this stand-up thing that I used to do before COVID. And I got up there and I was like,

not only did I used to love this, I was really good at it. I had a great time. I cracked my own shit up for hours. Oh, wonderful. For hours. How long was the show? I went for probably like an hour 20. Oh, that's fabulous. But you know, to be honest, it was an hour 15. It was an hour 15. Even better. But you know, I, I was like, Oh, I hope I have enough to fill it. And then by the time I started to think that I was getting the 10 minutes off stage. I was like, I guess I'll

Love that. And you know, if it's, if the show is flying, it means it's going well. Absolutely. When it's mama, when you're like, are we almost halfway done? And it's been five or six minutes. Yeah. There was some summers and there was some times in P town where I had maybe 15 people in the audience and I'm like, well, we're here for 50 more minutes. I would just do a circle of sharing at that point. Let's share. Yoga. Yeah. Yeah. People on stage talk about their trauma. Absolutely. Wait, where were you for Halloween?

I did something very unprecedented, which is wear a black dress and a dark lip. Yes. Did anybody recognize you? Well, I went to Milwaukee and I did my Halloween gig there. And I wore like this pink Bride of Frankenstein troll doll thing. We did that thing together. And that was fine and lovely and gorgeous. And then I went to L.A. because I had to do the Boulay Brothers Halloween. And I put on truly a black dress from ASOS. Wow.

A black shoe, sheer black tights. Cat ears? Not even. Not even. And a dark purple lip. Did anybody recognize you? No one. And I was actually a little bit scared for that because that was probably my biggest DJ gig to date. Maybe not the most people, but the most like, this is LA on Halloween and the boules are here and I can't mess up. And I'll let you know that I ate.

I picked the right songs. I slammed in the right amount of like Halloween sound effects where I wasn't playing like spooky, scary skeletons, but I was playing like vibey, haunty shit without playing like monster mash. Like Deborah Cox. There's a stranger in my house. Well, when I got to Boston, cause that was a seven to nine gig. Then I could pull out some of the corny. So then I played like somebody's watching me. Oh, okay. Shit like that. I'm sorry. You know, rimming kids aside, um,

That Thriller song is a BOP. Well, it is. It

It really is. Yeah. But you know, not everybody thinks that he did it. And I think that's why people still play his music. I was at twist and I was just like, they were had the thriller and they had it on. They had the Jennifer Garner movie on what it appeared in some Jennifer Garner movie with Mark Ruffalo. Oh, 13 going on 30. Exactly. And I thought, wow, this is just, it's an amazing song. Yeah. Now, if he was a try guy, he would have been killed already and should have been and should have. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I wonder, I think that guys, um, the adulterer, the try guy adulterous body,

His charred remains are still on view in the public square of Columbus, Ohio. That is totally what's happening. I got to show you a picture from this gig. Okay. I got to show you a picture of something too. This is me in Boston getting my shish at the Royale.

Oh my god how exciting Oh you are a slut Oh that's also me Let me show you this Well that outfit you wore to the signing was really You looked like a tramp and I loved it Slutty There's a really good video of me thrashing on the fucking floor Look at me on this table Oh my god you got turned crunk and lit It's to Thriller I think too actually Yeah isn't that crazy That's great

Can I show you something? I love to DJ. I love to tour. You love to tour. It's like a reverse orgasm. You dushed. Yeah. That's what it feels like. You know what that's what it feels like? What? That's what my tushy feels like because I don't know how to turn down the water pressure. Oh, right. Yeah. I have to go. And even then, pressure washed, asshole, skin on the floor, blood in the toilet. I think I'm going to have to dilate this tour because I'm telling you, I have a...

You're dialing in too? I'm going to have to. Listen. David and I have been apart so much. I've been having so little anal sex. It closes up. When we want to have sex, I'm like... Yeah. If you don't use it, you lose it. Yeah. And you have to get the knitting needle to poke the skin that's had the layer over the hole. I used to be able to do it. Now, my... Unless your dick is a pesto cavatappi. Pesto cavatappi. Pesto cavatappi. Like...

And now it's like, you know, let's say that David and I have a very healthy sex life because we have been seeing each other when we are going to have sex. I'm like, ah, I used to be able to just snap right into this. And now I'm like, Oh, bottoming is hard. I'm like, I'm so I've got the preparation thing down pretty much. Like I, you know, I just do the rectum. I don't want to get gross. Like, like I'm not doing that colonic irrigation that all my friends are into. Cause they're all like on display at the Met while they're having sex. Like, but the,

So there's never a problem with cleanliness. It's just that, God damn it, it's too darn tight. It's too darn tight. Am I going to have to become one of those people who wears a butt plug for an hour before the sex? Yes, or during bed, in bedtime.

Oh, before sex. I've done that. I pre-gamed. That's what I mean. Am I going to have to pre-game? Yeah. And then, but still, I have a, let me ask you this. Because also a certain amount of pain doesn't turn me on. It takes me out of it. Thank you. I'm not one of those gays with the pain. Right, right, right, right. Does this, does that feel good to you? Not pain, no. No, no. I'm talking about, what does that mean? The dick going in and pound the drill.

- Yeah. - It feels good. When it's working, yeah. - What is working? - Like when it's relaxed, when you've used the right amount of lube, when you're taking your time, it all works. But like I said, when I was like, when I'm having sex all the time,

It's easier to get into it. But when you're not having sex all the time, it's harder to get into it. I'm going to take that water bottle and stick it in my pussy when you leave here. I guess. Maybe porn has given me unrealistic expectations too because when I see the bottoms in porn, I'm like, am I supposed to be able to do that? I saw a video on Twitter the other day where the guy had four hands in him. Four hands. Four hands. It looked like that meme of the people holding hands in a circle. Like,

There were four hands in her. That's like a weird team building exercise. I don't know. But I saw this is not very large but this is the size of the penis that I had on a previous leg of this tour and this went up my butt with the most it took a while. It took a long while. I mean it took a long while and then got all the way in

That was it. If he was like, you want to take it in and out now? Go to the library. Get out of here. This is not going to work. I couldn't even imagine that. And these guys are getting oil drilled. They're getting Texas tea. But they are...

I know. And they're like, am I gay? I know. It's like Jasmine Masters, girl, I'm not that gay. I don't know. And I'm just curious. Like, I know it's performative. It's porn. But what is the pleasure element of it? I'm curious. Am I going to have to get an anal surgery? Anal paralytic.

Or a gauge my hole? That's what it is. Yes, I think we have to gauge our holes. Gauge our holes. Yeah. Well, if you see us on this tour walking funny, just know that it's because we have two pipe bombs shoved up our asses. It's because I have a bum hip and also a can of Coke shoved up my ass. You know what's been feeling great for me? What? The back. Yeah. Good. My pain is gone. Good. I went to a chiropractor. Yeah. 12 minutes later. Yeah. Pain permanently gone. Yeah. Gotta love it. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time.

My skin looks okay. I put on a lot of self-tanner and this is the manifest. Look, I look tanner than you. Yeah, geez.