Langoustes Avec Serviettes Assorties Avec Trixie et Katya
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Did you see the movie Mama? Uh-huh. You did? Mama? Mama? Just like a shit stain? I'm talking about Mama with the two girls from the woods. It's like now. Yeah, yeah. I've seen that. Did you like it? Yeah. I didn't like the ending very much where the little girl dies. Oh, I haven't seen it, but thank you.

I wasn't going to watch it. I watched the trailer. I saw Jessica shit stain in that horrible wig. And I said, no, thank you. Yeah. You know, she's great. She's got the range, but I'm not interested. Jessica Chastain. Yeah. Jessica shit stain is what you called me yesterday. Jessica shit stain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was right. And I should say it. Yes.

Jessica Shitstain in Zero Dark... Squirty. Zero Dark Turdy and Jessica Shitstain in Zero Dark Turdy. This is why nobody wants to be friends with us. This is why we're friends with each other. Mama. And that's tenuous at best. I love when people are like, I want a friendship like yours. And I was like, shoot for the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you could see somebody twice a month and make some money. Yeah.

Totally. But you know, I had a really enjoyable day yesterday while we filmed because we had not seen each other in quite a while. It was fun. You were really good yesterday. It was fun. I was motivated. I was like present and I was ready to talk to you. Yeah. And interested in exploring topics. I love days like that because I just have to ask a question and then sit and listen.

Right. Because you really, some days you will really go in and I'm like. Because I loved those topics. Yeah. They were broad. They were expansive. I had experience. It's tough because we've been doing that show so long. It really is hard to think of a topic. Yes. It's extremely hard because we've, we started kind of with big abstract concepts that

You know, we could revisit them, of course, but we're, you know, I don't know. There's just everything under the sun. Yeah, we've done doctor, but now we're like, what about nurses? What about nurse practitioners? Yeah. VPNs. Wait, that's wrong. LPNs. Licensed Practitioning Nurse. Is that what it's called? LPN, Licensed Practitioners. Okay, what about an LICSW? What's that? A Licensed Social Worker. Oh. How about an LMHF? Mary, what about SoCal Gas? They came to my house the other day and they said...

I said, "Hi." And they said, "Hi, do you have your gas turned on?" I said, "Yeah, it's like through Los Angeles Water and Power, right?" And they said, "Nope, it's gas. It's separate. Your gas has been on and we're here to turn it off unless you call and set up an account." Called and set up an account. And now the gas is still on and everything's been great.

Wait, so they were mad because? Because the old person moved out and then I moved in and didn't start like a new gas account. And they were like, oh, it says there's no account here, but the gas is being used. And I was like, that sounds like me. Yeah. Siphoning gas from the previous tenant. Well, I love to sit in the hot tub and turn on the little gas fire next to the hot tub.

There's a gas fire next to the hot tub? There's like one of those conversation pits where you put like a gas fire next to the hot tub. And I'd love to sit out there and look into the fire. It's so decadent. It's quite decadent. Well, there's at the new fancy gym I go to, there is a display of LED lights and vapor that looks exactly like fire.

So imagine it. Orange LED lights, a strip. And they're trying to make you feel like you're doing squats in hell or what? No, no, no. It's just a feature before the locker room. It's just like a... Oh, I thought it was like everywhere. I'm like, this sounds like a KFC commercial. Like in a hot yoga class. Yeah. No, but I was like, oh, that's so cute and clever, kind of tacky, but fun. Yeah. And you don't burn the house down. And you get to think of like, every time you walk by, you think of like Chaka Khan through the fire or like Disclosure. What a fire!

Yeah. Or you know what song? I'm a fire starter.

an iconic track. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, "Who didn't start, we didn't start that fire." - Yeah. - Billy Joel. - It was always burning. - No. - It was always vapor since I went to the gym. - Yeah. - And now that I saw the B-52s, I keep thinking of every song as them. So I'm like, "We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world was turning." - It was a rock. Wait, how was the show? You saw it twice. - Twice. - Okay, so I fly to-- - Break it down, break it down. - I fly to Atlanta with my own money.

But you know, normally the time when we're traveling, somebody else is paying for us. So my own money. And I go there and I bring Mateo because he loves B-52s because it's nice to have an older friend. He's almost 50. Yeah. So he knows B-52s from like his youth. Are they all 52 or they didn't? 73? 75? Try 73 and 75.

Fred. Fred. Linda. No. Glenda. Kate. Kate Pearson is the redhead. Cindy Wilson is the blonde, usually. Fred is Fred Schneider. It was a rock. Yes. Lobster. One of the original members had passed, and one of them I believe is just not in the band anymore. Had passed on the opportunity or passed away? Passed away. Okay. He was gay, Ricky, and he was the guitar player originally. He died of HIV. So Marie Presley died today, man.

Yeah. Sorry to interrupt you. I know I had her record in high school, her Lisa Marie Presley record. The Naked Gun, deadpan actress extraordinaire. Also, I happen to know my friend Mike knew her personally and said she was the nicest woman he's ever met. Lisa Marie Presley? Are you thinking of? I'm thinking of Lisa Marie Presley. Priscilla, Priscilla, Priscilla. You're thinking of Priscilla. Priscilla, she's dead. No, Lisa Marie Presley died, not Priscilla Presley.

Priscilla is the mom. Lisa Marie Presley is the daughter. Lisa Marie Presley was married to Michael Jackson. Lisa died? Yeah. But Priscilla is still alive, the mom? Yeah. Isn't that sad? That's like when Carrie Fisher died and Reena Reynolds, Debbie Reynolds was still alive. Isn't that sad? Horrible. Isn't that horrible? Well, because I had Lisa Marie Presley's record when I was in high school and I was so good. I loved her. Wasn't she in Mars Attacks or that was just Lisa Marie?

Yep. It's confusing. There's a lot of Lisa Simpson, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa turtle. I was thinking about Jennifer's the other day. I got all up in the thing about it. You know, so many Jennifer's. Oh, so I'm at the concert. Okay.

I get there. And what I didn't expect was I thought it would be on the younger side. Didn't expect to be the actual youngest person there. That's great. Loved it. But we're talking people the age of your mom, your dad. Grandmom. Gooning on light beers and tequila sours. We're talking two songs into the show. Smashed phone on the ground. Head in lap. Someone's mom like this. It's Margaritaville, isn't it?

- They're wasting away. - It was so, they were, it was like music is time travel and your uncle Stephanie, your aunt David. - My uncle Stephanie. - Yeah, and your aunt David, they were transported to their youth. - Okay. - It was a time when, you know, a peanut farmer was in the White House. - Yeah. - I don't know if that's true. - And the tin roof was rusted. - Yes, and they were thrashing. I mean, and then I have an aisle seat the first night, right? I'm over here. This woman comes up and she gets really close to me and she goes, "I'm good.

I'm good. And I was like, are you aunt Diane? So then she tries to scoop past me. This is a science eating. She tries to come up from the back little poke coming through. She, she, she tries to get it next to me and Mateo. And then she grabs his butt and leans in and tries to talk to him. And we eventually had to just like,

Like body check. But I don't get the kind of security was kicking people out of the aisles because safety. Yes. So they're telling your mom and your Aunt David to get the fuck out of here. There's a fire Mary. You're going down. Yeah. So that was crazy. And they were so good. I mean, they're in wigs. Yes. 70 year olds in wigs and sequins singing these songs that have stood the test of time. They came out. Private Idaho started and I started crying.

It's not My Heart Will Go On. It's not a sad song, but just the spirit of, oh my God, it's them. They're there. It was so good. That's so fabulous. Through my little finagling, I got a friends and family pass to go backstage after. Yes, I did all of them individually. Well, not the window pass. Fucking all of them individually. Were they lovely? Yes. Yeah, really? Yes, all nice and beautiful. And they were like, we heard you were coming. We heard you weren't coming in drag. And I was like, well, but all of people's moms and dads,

were in B-52's outfit. Everybody was in the leg Avenue, 60s girl, mini dresses with shitty beehives and go-go boots. And it was like, so Mateo and I are surrounded by like aged Trixies. Basically. I was like, this is trippy. That's the ghost of Christmas future all around you. That's cool though. So I got to meet Cindy and I love Cindy Wilson. And I can't, I got up to her and I said, I have to tell you, I love her.

You matter so much to me. I was on the, I got so scared to meet them. I almost left three times because I was, I don't know how people do meet and greets because it just fucking scares me. And then I go, I love you so much. And she goes, well, thank you. And I said, I only pay attention to people in wigs. Thank you for always wearing wigs. And she said, well, I'm always in a little wig. I gave her a hug, got a picture with her. And then I talked to Fred Schneider and I was like,

You know, I got a show tomorrow at the Eagle. I'm DJing at the Eagle tomorrow if you want to come. I was like, sexy, sexy guys on the dance floor. And he said, well, what I want is a man to come back to my room.

Like, I don't want to go to your club. I want men to come to me. Well, I'm straight. Imagine if he was straight. So the second time, was it just as good or better or worse? They changed songs. Oh, fuck me up. They changed songs. What did they change? Well, they added Channel Z, which I love. They added a bunch of songs they didn't play the first night. And Mateo and I were like, should we even go again? It was amazing, but it was the same things last night. Yeah, yeah. They had new costumes. Moon River? New costumes, new songs. They do Moon River? No, no Moon River. Oh, damn.

It was just, it was amazing. New costumes, new songs. Yeah. I mean, they still played the mega hits, but they changed the B sides. And so it takes a lot for me to get up and go see a concert. I'm not a very good goer. And so it was so worth it. And then I went and DJed at the Eagle where it was about 125 degrees. Hot Atlanta, baby. So hot. But the guys there,

were so hot. Big, muscly, chubby, hairy men who eat food and finger each other while they dance. It was so fun and crazy. Picking each other up like six packs. And it was so hot. I don't know. Mateo's in like a little leather fetish outfit, so he takes most of that off, so then he's basically naked. And then I'm in this exact t-shirt, a thick Carhartt t-shirt. Probably soaked through with sweat. It was saturated. I mean, it's, you know, it's...

Thank you. That's been out for a while. Yes, it has. And I was summoning the courage to say something. And tonight I'm going to another concert. Well, a show. I'm going to see the Mean Girls at the Pantages. Oh, my God. That's fantastic. My friend Sydney, you are going out. You're a little Miss Social Butterfly attending events. Well, my little friend from college is in it. And so me and some of my other friends from college are going to support to clap clap. How tall is she?

Sydney she's short like how tall maybe five seven five eight that's short I think so for a girl well Kylie but I think I'm petite that's why I think everyone's really short you have a very skewed sense of scale I have body dysmorphia in that I think I'm skinny and tall mama I'm so jealous of the B-52s doing the changing up their sets I went to Labada and she wore a yellow suit I'm never gonna forget it for the rest of my life she wore a yellow suit Mary yeah I know I told you and I told everybody and I say it again

Yeah. Two nights in a row wasn't nice. So I've never seen a show two nights in a row. No, they go on in one outfit. They're married. They're 75 years old. Hey, listen. And what I didn't expect to us when you see a show the first night, you get to experience it. The second night is almost better because you know, the lay of the land, you know, when you want to plan a pee break, you know, they're going to open with this. They're going to, so it was actually even better the second night. It was so good. I loved it so much. The B-52s.

You got to imagine like they had this unique party male female response sound that no one had ever done. Yeah. And it's all very like straight 80s MTV world. And they are complete faggots in wigs and sequins singing crazy music. Malicious gay faggotry. Singing songs about aliens. Yeah. And everyone's like, you guys are weird. It was a rock. Exactly. Lobster. Yeah. Even I'm like this music is bananas. Yeah. I love rock lobster. That spoke to me.

Oh, you don't know. I'll be alone in my house and I'll be like, everyone had matching towels like all the time. It was a rock. By the way, a pro tip karaoke, rock lobsters, great karaoke songs, all yelling. Absolutely. People at the party. You don't need to say hello. Thank you. Everyone had matching towels.

Everyone had matching. Was that what the line is? Yes. Matching towels. Everyone had matching towels. At the bathhouse. There's these moments in the show where I almost go like, there's something wrong with me that I like this music so much. Why? There's a whole ending where they're like, here comes the surfboard. And then they're naming all these animals and then the women are doing the sounds. So he's like, there comes the dolphins. And they're like, like, it was like.

These are someone's mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa screaming about marine life. Yeah. And I'm crying to it. Well, think about, I think it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Think about 400 years ago, 1400 years ago, people were painting flat pictures of giant tittied people with no necks crying.

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Music, mama, I was thinking about this in the car. If I didn't have music, crap. So quick on my life. So quick on my life. - I'll say this to you too. You and I should challenge ourselves to go to more shows because when I'm in the audience of a show,

It inspires me to perform. And I forget how much of being a performer is fueled by seeing performances. Yes, yes, yes. However, I don't see enough shows. You know what? Funny thing you should ask. The problem is the people that I like, for example, Lana Del Rey, we're used to. I don't want to see her live.

I don't want to deal with her horrible fans. And you wanted to see Labada. And then what happened? Mama, I got rude and rotten audience. Talk about in the aisles, egress, no egress in that place. People were, although the fashions were crazy, the people in the audience turned it way harder than she did on stage. But it was disappointing. Yeah. I want to see, like, I like vocalists. I like, I want to hear it in my headphones. I want to hear it on my stereo. I want to like watch a sunset and cry. Sure. In a movie. Yeah.

You like music in a movie? Oh, God. Yeah. My dream, one of my dreams would be to have a song in a movie somewhere. Absolutely. You're, you're absolutely. Bones and all. They should, they should have tapped you. Bones and all. They should have. I mean, I don't even eat ass and I'm certainly not eating people's asses. I don't know if I belong in that movie. You ever done eating bones and all? Oh, I'm the person who's like fucking rim me. And they're like, will you rim me? I'm like, that's gross. There's so much wrong with me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And time is running out. Mama, time is a flat circle. We ain't got nowhere to go. No, music makes the people come together. Yeah. Music makes the bourgeoisie. Well, that's like my earliest memory of Madonna, I think, is that or Die Another Day.

Those are your memories of Madonna? Yeah, because when I was that young, that's what was on MTV. Oh, what an unfortunate situation. Well, I think that's why... You don't care for her very much. Yes. But usually that's why, like, let's say gentlemen of a certain age in the gay community who love Madonna, you have to understand they experienced...

The best of Madonna. The most beautiful. The most beautiful. And the most compelling. The most all that. The most well-written, not by her, songs. You know what I mean? Yeah. Best production. I love Beautiful Stranger. That's funny. It's my favorite Madonna song. I mean, she's got some. Take a Ballad is probably one of the best ballads of all time in pop music. So beautiful.

I don't know it. Take a bow. You don't know him. Take a bow. The night is over. This masquerade is. You're right. It is gorgeous. Shut the fuck up. Also, this was the heyday of music videos on MTV. Big budget music videos, events, premieres. I know. So gorgeous. A bullfighter. Fucked a TV. She fucked the TV. She put the sheet on the TV. Okay. Fucking the TV. Have you ever seen the documentary?

For the truth or dare. Of course. Do something else. Do my, yeah, do my brows. Yeah. Warren Beatty. She's a ball buster. Madonna is a ball. He looked afraid of her backstage. Yeah. He looked, it was like a mixture of like, I, yeah, it was like a fear and also kind of like, I don't know if I should get involved with this broad. She's trouble. He's sort of like, he's sort of like the energy backstage. She's sort of like, well,

That's her. Yeah, I guess. Well, she was great in bed, but I don't know if I should continue this. She's really... Everyone's wild and crazy. Sandra Bernhardt? Yeah. Ran into her in New York, literally? Like bumped into her? Did you say hi?

I was so terrified because she looked like she was going to strangle me to death. Yeah. I saw her backstage at that comedy thing. I loved her there. I thought she was fun. Yeah. I mean, in person, I was like, thinking to myself, I know this bitch doesn't want to talk to me. But I was like, I love you so much. She's a New Yorker. I love you so much. She's a New Yorker.

She's looked 45 for 30 years. That's a really good. I think it's good. It's, and I don't mean this as a read. It's good to not look 20 when you're 20. Right. And that way it all evens out. It all comes out in the wash. And also not exactly known as a classical beauty. Right. But so just preserving the, the features of her face for identity, identification purposes. For future use. Yeah. Is a great thing, you know, for future use. Would you go to Turkey?

For work done. Are you going to Turkey? Let me ask you. I'm scared. When are you going to Turkey, bitch? Fucking Thanksgiving. I think I'm like the last person to not go to Turkey. Yeah. I'm supposed to be in Istanbul getting my nipples chopped off and glued to the back of my head or some shit right now. But they're going to be pluck, pluck, pluck in. Yeah. I would. Everybody had matching hairlines. Well, I'm on. I'm currently on my, my note, my no drinking journey. It doesn't matter. Well, Oh, flying to Turkey with no alcohol.

- No, no, no. I'm saying I'm seeing what no drinking for a while will do to me. Who knows maybe in six weeks, I will be Bradgy PG. - Bradgy PG with a gorgeous luscious mop of thick, healthy hair. - I'm not a surgery shamer, but I believe that the best way to transform myself is diet, exercise, sleep and water. I do. And so- - Speaking from the mountain top. - You have to look, the call's coming from within the house. - The call's coming from the moon, mama.

It's all about astrology. And from Istanbul. Would you go to Istanbul? What are you going to get done? I would never go get the hairline surgery in Turkey. If I'm going to Turkey for a hairline, I'm going to go with a toupee, have them sew it into my scalp with permanent thread. Yeah. And then that's it. But no, no.

We know what the aftercare is like. It's brutal. That's the thing. If I was ever going to bite the bullet, I would try to do it here so I can go sleep in my own bed. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not the, no. It's so expensive here. Immediately after is not the problem. It's the weeks. It's the months. When the scabs fall off. The incessant itching that you cannot scratch or it might not grow.

I don't want hair. I don't either. I don't mean to be like... I don't either. I never had good hair. Fucking bald is fierce. I don't think being bald is fierce, but I personally don't care about having hair. No, being bald is fine. I'm not a woman.

Like if I was a woman losing my hair, I understand that's a different thing. Being a man who grew up around bald men who isn't a bald man, it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter to me either. It is absolutely fine. Perfectly acceptable. There are many examples of gorgeous, sexy, hunky role models of baldies. And a lot of ugly people with hair. Oh, thank you. A lot of ugly people with hair. So this is why I am continuously like...

surprised at the like men are terrified of this gay men especially and they need this turkey trip they need to this Thanksgiving trip to Turkey for their hairline more than a heart transplant I know it's an emergency well do you remember that meme that's like no gay has three a good father a strong hairline and like a mortgage or something but it was like 10 things and I didn't have any I had the money I think but that's it and I was like

I think my worst hairline is, I mean, who fucking cares? Who cares? I don't need to. Would I like to be very hot? Yeah. I think everybody would probably love to be hotter than they appear to be. But until people stop fucking me and until my standards drive up insanely. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't, I don't have that bone in my body that like looks in the mirror and hates myself. And I'm not saying people get worked on hate themselves. That's not what I'm saying.

But I don't look in the mirror and go, if I change this physical thing of myself, my life will be better. I don't ever think that. Yeah. I mean, there are certain surgical procedures in which a very significant change can occur for the better. Of course, it all has a limit and you just move on to the next thing. Right. But like, I would say if I had a gray tooth. Yeah. I mean, you know what I mean? I have big, fake plastic teeth.

Plastic? They're not plastic, but I have veneers. But like, I didn't used to look in the mirror and go, my teeth, ever. Lazy eye? Cross-eyed? Glass eye? Mary, one of my eyes, these are two different fathers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eye on the prize, eye on the highway. They're not even related, the two sides of my face. They're not even in the same hemisphere. I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm also cross-eyed. Completely cross-eyed. Yeah.

Courtney Act is wall-eyed. What's that? Her eyes will look like this. No, apart. Apart. Not like this. No, hers will look apart. Well, if she does this every day for five minutes, it probably... She could train it. Yeah. If we want to talk about people who really need to become beautiful, she's been disgusting for far too long. You know, and that is like...

you know, the true talent of her enormous list of talents is right at the top is the ability to withstand that level of ugliness. I know. To power through being so butt-dirty.

dog ass ugly i know and to go on television and like around the world i know different networks looking like looking like whodunit ran miss potato head run over looking like like she would scare a buzzard off a shit wagon yeah yeah body gross face disgusting yeah she is clapped bald clapped

She went to Turkey. And she's not a good person. Yeah. And she's a horrible person. She's a horrible person. And she kidnaps children and tortures them. Maybe we should go to Turkey. I don't know. But can we just have Turkey come to us? Can we get Postmates Turkey? I'm going to Morocco. You are? Yeah. Not for hairline, just for fun. I want to Thailand. You do? Bangkok? For hookers. How about little popcorn in my car? That says I'll see you later. Oh. Yeah, yeah. I learned like three things in Thailand. I just got booked in Japan. I'm going to Japan for the first time. Tokyo?

I've never been to Asia. Oh, that is exciting. It's very exciting. How many days are you going to spend in Tokyo? Like one. Oh, come on. Well, it's the last day of a trip. So I think I might try to take a week off and just visit. Yes. Because I've never been there. I think they got Pokemon restaurants. Hokkaido.

Mom, I think I had everything. Yeah. They have like Bourguignon in a vending machine. Well, when I shop at Fiorucci, I'm, I think an extra large. So I'm, I'm, I'm ready to be a 5X in Japan. No, no, you get two XLs and you just stitch them together when you get home. I know. No, it's not that fierce, but you got to go to Hokkaido Island. What's that? It's an island where they built the time machine.

Spaceship in contact. Just kidding. Just kidding. It's fake. It's fake. Okay. But it's, you got to go to, I don't know. I just have friends who live there. It's, it's the cool thing about Japan is that it goes like wintry Northern all the way down to tropical climate. Wow. I hope I get somewhere not hot and not cold, just normal. Temperate. You know, not to be an idiot from hell, but when I was in Milwaukee for two weeks. Yeah.

It is cold. I'm going to say that the cold is rough. Yeah. Something about stepping outside in the morning, having 35 degree air hit your face.

It is cunty. Well, it is cunty. Yeah, because cold therapy is real. We need to get into that. Wait, we've talked about this. You've done cryo. You know it's unbearable. Not cryo, not cryo. I'm talking about cold plunge. It's unbearable. You know this, right? I am absolutely aware of this. As a person who finds no, as a person who cannot withstand any degree of discomfort at any time for any reason, you think I'm going to spend 30 minutes in a cold plunge? Probably not. No. No.

But it's huge benefits. And there's data on it. There's the research is out there. But it's unpleasant. Yes. But sometimes doing something unpleasant for a moment will yield many pleasant results later. I think that's true. Yeah. I ran six miles today. Six miles? Six. Over here to Hollywood and back. Now, what are you listening to on the headphones? I was on work calls. I was on the phone with Michael Grinspan, our agent, for a good 30 minutes of it.

He said, are you running right now? I said, no, I'm eating. I said, I got a multitask here to make this worth my time. Yeah. You're like Michelle Pfeiffer in I Am Sam, that high powered lawyer who like does stairs on it and she times herself just to get it in. Yeah. So crazy. Now, what was I listening to? Oh, this. I like this punk song right now. This like punky, punky, cool song. But that's in French. I'm going to share it with you now. Hey, I've been getting into male vocals recently. Why can't we do a show where we just play songs from our iPhones?

It's called a drag show at Hamburger Mary's. Oh, yeah. I know not to like age myself, but I come from a time where you would bring a freshly burned CD. Me too. With your tracks in the order that you will perform them. Of course. And now I think they just either email music or flash drive. Flash drive. Yeah.

Or they say, can you download it, honey? I don't have electricity at the house anymore. Were you good at sending your music ahead of time? Because I don't want to blow myself up here. I was the girl sending it in the nick of time. I was leaving the house burning the CD. Of course. I lived upstairs, mama. Yeah. I lived upstairs. Sometimes I go get another CD between numbers. But when I took a break from Dragon then to do the show in Oregon, I remember –

Um, they would not, the file wouldn't transfer to the DJ. So I said, well, please download this, this file specifically because there is an N word in this other one. And I'd rather really not do that. So make sure, mom, and there was two N words in that song. So that was tough.

caught you and you were up there while it happened. You said, I specifically asked for the censored version. Yeah. But here we are. Yeah. So I put on the clan robe and I just played it up. He just ran with it. But yeah, you can't, uh, the DJ, Oh God, I don't miss that life, mama. I don't miss that life. The DJs have it worse. I had to DJ. I DJed at Jacques for a week. What does that mean now? Mama, listen to me, listen to me. We're DJing food service.

Is I could never do it. I don't have the heart or the skill or the talent or the gumption or hands or anything. Nothing. I couldn't be, but in DJ at the drag bar, because when I lived upstairs, they were like, Ooh, great. When Larry calls out, we can just, you can fill in. I was like, so was it off a computer? It was off of a mixer from, I believe turn of the century. Yeah.

You were operating a mixer? Yes. It was like, do you know how to work it? I did. I did adequately. And of course everybody wanted their music sped up plus eight. And then, you know what I mean? I was like, okay, okay, okay. And then I got yelled at by the fat bitch misery because her work me down, down was a little too slow for her. Not speed. It wasn't at chipmunk, you know, speed. And I'm like, work me down, down, work me down. It's like, I was like, oh my God. And it was just, it was a,

$40. I know. $40. And you have to be there the whole time paying very close attention. Before and after. For 90 minutes, bitch. I know. Mama, I said, I did it twice and I said...

The other day, the Eagle, I played from 11 to 3 a.m. Yeah. And not to be a princess, but I was like, this is a lot. And Matteo was like, this is minimum. Matteo was like, I'm used to playing this long all the time. That's the crowd, Mary. You know what I had too? I had four bachelorettes on a Wednesday night and then four drunk drag queens who gave me scratch CDs. I know. It's not very gratifying. There's nothing better than...

Play this track. And then when it starts skipping, go to track 12. And you're like, okay, Charlene. Or when they were like, so I want to do like 10 seconds of this song as like an intro and then skip to the next one. But then I need a little time to change. So I'm like, you think we're live mixing here? Do you think if this is the Tonight Show? Am I Mark Ronson? What is happening here? No, no, no, no, no, no. You looked compelling. Maybe you looked like you knew what you were doing.

Oh, I surely didn't. And I played the volume so loud one night, everybody almost went. I need to... I'm in my journey of getting extremely thick and thin. Tiny waist, giant arms, all that. Because for DJing, if I'm out of drag, if it's hot, I...

The other night I thought, I almost am able to overcome my own body shame and I'm almost ready to get naked. That's how hot it is. Oh mama, you, Sue, I got the easy thing for you. A beautiful pink mesh top with a bra underneath. Bam, that's your DJ outfit. Okay, I was out of drag. Oh. So that could be quite shocking. Okay.

Oh, no. Drag DJing. Mary, it's about to be the only body curtain that goes to the pussy. Okay. That opens like a bell when I open my arms. The lady bunny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, good old lady bunny special. One big wig that is duct taped to my head. Yeah. Staple gunned to your head. I don't know how she does it. I wear big wigs too, but hers are another level and they never move. No, because there's a lot of pain in there.

It's a lot. She must be in serious pain. She is. She is. She goes like this. I know. But, but, but, but, but, but, but AIDS. Yeah. Like it's, um, it, there is a technique she has, like they are, they are glued very bad. I mean, it's not good. It looks painful. It's painful. And it probably will. It's probably, probably the, the thing that has been giving her the most brain damage. Yeah.

People think it's the drugs and the syphilis. It's the glue. It's the glue. It's the huffing of the glue. Yeah. Drag is crazy. Drag is fierce. Drag is crazy. Drag is so wild. We got 10 more tour dates? Season 15, honey. I haven't seen it. Have you seen it? I've seen a little bit. Have you really? A little bit. I saw some of them. I saw maybe 12 seconds, 12 minutes. But I'm going to watch the viewing party tonight. Oh. And my goal is...

Because when me and Andrew are together watching Drag Race with other gays, there's a tendency for some evil to come out, for some negativity to be spewed and hurled. And then it's an infectious kind of vibe where we all turn homophobic. It's gays watching a TV being like, kill yourself, bitch. Go to hell. Kill yourself. Yeah, exactly. And it gets dark. So we're going to sit across from each other and then hopefully just try to keep it positive and cheer on the girls.

Oh, you know what I did for the first time? The day I had to DJ at the Eagle, I went at 11 a.m. to see Megan by myself at the Ipik Theater. That's a perfect time. And I got to tell you about the Ipik because I'd not been to an Ipik. I love the Ipik. It's fully flat. Fully flat. It's a planetarium. I mean, I'm staring up at the sky and then there's a food menu. It feels like a choking hazard. They lay you down and they give you nachos. And so I'm watching them. And by the way, they told me exactly when the movie starts so I could walk in after the trailers, which

which was so cunty. Fuck. Listen, fuck trailers. Wow. 15 minute long. Like these trailers are long. They're for movies. I can't see for two years. Yeah. I say fuck the commercials. First and foremost, that was a, that is a crime that never should have been perpetrated. But in the trailers too. Yeah. I'm watching my YouTube. Yeah. Never movies that coming next week. No, it's in like 12 months. What are we doing? What are we doing?

Show me some. I want Maria Menounos to give me some more trivia. Absolutely. You know, in that laugh. Do you know that laugh? No. She's got this signature annoying laugh. Sounds like a hot laugh. Sounds like it's really. Oh, my God. I'm so turned on. It's like, how does she shoot out of my cunt?

Oh my God, I had this dream. This is so gross. I'll skip it. Skip it. No, I want to know. I had a dream that I was a little like old baby who had orgasms out of my butt and went to the doctor and told him about it.

You know, some people will call that a nightmare, but you called it a dream. So what is that? Dreams. So I saw Megan. Okay. What did you think? Ryan Jordan Alvarez slayed Tina. He needed more. They should have given him more to do. I just think it's incredible. Playing straight. That it's like, it's like, fuck Avatar. Fuck bros. Fuck all these movies.

Gays are like, all right, it's Megan time. - Yeah, it's M3. - The gays came through for Megan. - Yeah. - In a way that they don't come through for anything. And I love dolls. I love horror. And you know what else I liked about it? The movie was trying to be what it was. It wasn't preaching. It wasn't too scary. It was comedic. It was gay without being gay.

There's not like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not like, you know, there's not like F words in there. Yeah. Yeah. It just was Brian Jordan. All of us was great. Only thing is I, there are a few points. Um, a, it was the screenplay was gorier, which I felt I left feeling like, Oh, this is PG 13. I understand why I didn't like the PG 13. Of course not. This should have been way more. It should have been violent. Mama, when she took that, um, that, uh, uh, uh,

whatchamacallit, paper cutter machete. Mama, that should have been drawn out for three minutes and we should have said blood everywhere. Paint the town red, ho. I know. Paint the town red. Also beginning, spoilers, beginning the movie with a dog kill is a little ballsy. Off screen, of course. It was off screen, which I didn't like. Well, right. But also dog kill, yikes, downer.

you know kill the margo martindale impersonator first i mean it made more sense that it was like killing a dog first then killing makes sense you know yes yes yes and i really i really lived for um there was a moment where i felt like oh the edibles hit or something because when she started singing titanium mama i was like people what am i watching we're

The whole place erupted in hysterics. It was so funny. I went at 11 a.m. and there was only two other people there because, you know, I refuse to participate in loud theaters. I know. We had a great communal viewing experience. There's probably about 40 of us at the Grove. And it was 10 of us were all together. It was hysterical. The titanium, the songs were so unexpected, so funny. But girl, that, God love him and God bless you. I hope you're not a fan or whatever. Probably not. The toy director guy, I think his name is Ronnie Chung or something. Ronnie Chung.

But A, so hot. Sure. B, distract. I've seen his stand up. I know he's hilarious. Oh, I'm sure he's hilarious. But Mary, he was not. He wasn't acting on the level that the other actors. So it was sort of like, oh, shit. You're not really an actor. Really bad. Yeah. Like it was breathtakingly bad. It was fast. It was like strange. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I took a big swing and it was a whiff every time. Now, if you had kids, would you get a Megan?

If it didn't kill people. I would be the Megan. I would get the Megan to replace me. You know what I mean? Sure. Just get a Megan as a kid. Don't get a kid. Thank you. Well, I'm surprised. So what I thought was interesting because, you know, Andrew told me a producer had said years ago that all the scripts on the table were for robots in the next few years, five years or so. And it's proving to be true. Because this Megan is what.

Child's Play remake. It was about like a toy that's like syncing with Alexa and killing people. It's like Terminator and Chucky. But the thing about the first scene where the bully at that alternative school tour gets on top of her and it gets a little dicey. He slaps her and it looks...

Like a sexual assault scenario is taking place. You know what I mean? But I think at a PG 13 level, that's how they justify a murder. They make it look like a bad person. Well, I know, but I mean, that angle is so all like, Mary, people are pedos. Megan is a sex object to men.

And that wasn't even explored. You know what I mean? Like that's where I obviously not for me because I'm a. People want to fuck Megan. No, men want to fuck little girls. Yeah, they do. And she's very, she knows everything. She's very capable. She's bendy. Mama, that back bend. Did you like that aerial cartwheel? That no handed cartwheel? I kind of didn't understand what that was all about. I know they kind of alluded to like they were learning a TikTok dance in the thing together. But what was that all about? Was that a seduction scene? I think it's just smart marketing, to be honest. Yeah.

I mean, did you see all the Megans running around LA? I sure did. Group of Megans. Yeah. Good for them. Yeah. And Smile had good marketing too with the, at the baseball games or whatever. I like that now it's not like, um, the way to have a movie, uh, do well is to do some real life stunt. Yeah. Not just do like Nathan for you level freak shit. Did you watch The Replacement?

Nope. The rehearsal. I did. We talked about this. I don't think we'd know. We did not. Have we talked about the rehearsal? No, we talked about it. Okay. I watched the rehearsal on an airplane. We were coming back from, I don't know where I was. Maybe, maybe, maybe Australia house in Montauk. I think Australia, the lake house, the Montauk, the lake house in Montauk, such a long drive. And the, um, not the replacement, the, the rehearsal, the rehearsal, it starts like, Oh, this is fun. It's a little, it's a little awkward, funny. Yeah. He's going to help these people do things.

It gets so fucking crazy. And the envelope pushes so far. The envelope turns into a Staples mailer. The Staples mailer turns into a shipping container. And then the shipping container turns into a tugboat that goes down straight over the cliff. The scenes where he was going to his fake bar with fake staff to relax, I was like...

Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it was so brilliant that almost was like, am I too stupid for this? Cause it's kind of blowing my mind. It's, it's really, I mean, it is like pushing the envelope for like conceptual, like what if dot, dot, dot, and then they did it, you know, but, um, have you seen, you've never seen Nathan for you? Oh my God. This was, he, so he did a series. Um, yeah, there is. So there was some controversy as to whether people, um,

think he's manipulating these like whether he's mean or a bully or whatever there's some interesting writing about it but Nathan for you was this program where he would approach businesses with ideas about how to improve their you know sales it's like a um for example he would go into a froyo place and be like I think we should have a flavor yeah um and then also the gold from that show was when he was talking to a clerk at a convenience store and the clerk mentioned off the cuff that

You drink, if you're scared, you can drink your grandson's pee. He says this? And so- Does he mean it? Yes. And Nathan is never, never breaks character ever, ever, ever. He's like so deadpan. He's so in control. He's so like steering the ship.

It was like he's spontaneous moment. He also lets things play out. He's not really manipulating people. He lets, he creates a scenario. He's a predictor of behavior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's all like behavioral experimentation. The scene where he's teaching, where he's teaching an acting class. And then the next day hires actors to play the class. And then he plays the kid. I know. I was like, and then goes to the guy's apartment and moves in. I,

What about the woman he lives with? The woman he lives with and then the child. The child who ODs. I know. That was like, I was like, this is truly off the rails. And when the little boy who was playing him got so attached to him, I was like,

This is really unlike anything on television. It's like post-reality reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is post, post, post-modern craziness. But you do get the sense that it's like, maybe this is a bit unethical. Everybody has a waiver, of course. But what does a waiver mean? You sign away the right to chop your balls off. Well, let's say you're on RuPaul's Drag Race. And let's say, I don't want to say make people look bad. Let's say that something you did that was unbecoming becomes a focal point in an episode. Right.

No, but didn't set it. No, no, no, no, no. But it's not that it's just, it's, it's presenting false scenarios. It's, it's tricking. It's, it's deception. It's, it's, you know what I mean? It's pranking. It's that kind of thing. Drag Race doesn't do that.

Do you know what I mean? Like we're going to do you think he was misrepresenting what he with the experiment? Do you think he was misrepresenting what was going on? We're going to build this house We're going to see what it's like to live together and we're going to have this kid and see what happens I mean, I did get the sense that he as a creator Did not know what was going to happen once him and this woman got in this house together Yeah, I did get the sense that he really didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah, because you can't predict

That she's going to be a crazy 5G conspiracy devil theorist. And super religious. And like, you can't predict that. But you know what though? No, they, I mean, I think he probably. But super religious people, they watch her say that shit and they're like, good for you. Staying up for yourself. Exactly. She was actually quite pleasant. We watch it more like that.

If somebody that, if everybody that religious was that nice, the world would be a different place. Totally. That's tea. I loved it. It was amazing. I mean, sneaking the kid out at night because child actors can't work that long and putting the mannequin in the bed. I know. It's diabolical. How about with the garden? The garden, he had, there was a scene where like they planted vegetables from the grocery store. Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary. It was fierce. And then they had the sticker on them. The sticker on it. And I just like, it was...

It was so fierce. But you got to watch Nathan for you. You'll die. But you know what I really gagged for? The woman that he chooses to be wives with, husband and wife with, she seemed to enjoy it. What was the paid gig? She was vibing. Yeah. It's a paid gig though. She loved it. Yeah. All those actors are paid gig. It's like, you want to do cater waitering or do you want to do Nathan for, you know? Yeah. I did like that when he wasn't around, she basically ignored the kid. Like love. What about the gold rush? The gold treasure. Grandpa. Grandpa.

The gold treasure grandpa. What are you talking about? It was episode one or two. This guy, so a brother was having a dispute over an inheritance. Oh, I remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he wipes his ass with a diaper. It's just he will go that extra mile.

And it was so fierce. It was so orchestrated. It was like so wild. But it's crazy because in television world, let's say you pitch basically...

Chopped the TV show, but you change an element. Yeah networks will be like that's a little too wacky We're gonna play a little more safe season. HBO. Did he pitch the HB? How did he get to make that it's is one of those magical things I'm like something on television that is truly one-of-a-kind. Yeah, well, it's amazing Well, I think because of because of the success in the in the concepts of like Nathan few this was like just a dialed up crazier version You got to watch it. You got to watch it. I might marry him. I

A lot of people, he's a very, he's a sex symbol. He really is. He really is. I looked it up. He's a sex symbol. Yeah. He's very desired. There was an episode where they, anything for you, the grandson pee thing was amazing. The guy in the first episode who earnestly is worried that his friend from trivia is going to hate him. I was like, it was really sweet. It was so funny. But like building a bar.

Building an exact, the concept of the show, building an exact thing so that you can play out every flow chart version of what might happen. Yeah. The people texting nothing on their phones, the extras. You know what I mean? What about the woman eating the fries? Yeah, yeah. Like that was, it's fierce. I was on this plane and every 40 minutes or so I would just go like,

And then the workshop, the acting workshop where they have to go do a trade and then present it and everybody's clapping. It's fucking bizarre. But you know what though? We live up. Well, I don't want to say where we live, but that workshop over there, that acting workshop, I guarantee they're doing that weird shit in there. Acting is crazy. It is crazy. Today you're going to bring in a personal item that belonged to your grandparent and you're going to sniff it. And on the count of three, you're going to start crying. It's like they all do weird shit like that. Today we're fucking dead possums for fuck's sake.

- For laughs. - When I was in college, I did something called a sense memory exercise, where people would close their eyes, and instead of telling a story, you have to be like,

The leather of the car is warm on my legs. I feel this. It's about what you feel, taste, smell. And it's a way to connect to like the reality of what's happening. I bet there was a lot of RAPE stories. I'm sorry to say. We're talking sophomore year in college sitting there. This girl. Love her. Feel the roadhouse whiskey on his breath. Good friend of mine. Yeah. She retells the horrific car accident she was in, in which she almost died.

She's telling us I hear the glass smash on my left side and I feel it cut my face. She's crying I'm like is this an elective? How much credit are we getting is are we acting or we reach retraumatizing? Yes. Thank you trauma trauma hostages. Yeah

Hey, well, listen, that was a wonderful- Go see Megan. Go see Megan. Go see, watch the rehearsal. And go see the B-52s. They're going to be in Vegas doing the residency. And please encourage us, Fidlana Laboda, to ditch the yellow suit. I think she has already, so maybe we won't troll her for that. But music makes the people come together. Hey, listen, comment below. Let us know what's your favorite song. I love to comment. I love to- Wait, what's your favorite song right now? Right now, my favorite song. What's on the- Is there anything at the top of the rotation in the past few days?

What's yours? Mine is called, it's, there's three. One is by Zvonky. It's a Russian artist called Galasa. It's so good. Zvonky. Zvonky is the name. I think the lyrics are kind of cheesy, but, and then the other one's Izzy Carmine, Up and Down. It's the perfect gym song, mama. It's so fierce. Izzy Carmine. RuPaul, I love Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was listening to my run today and I was like,

Everyone loves RuPaul's music. Okay, but people like his music. Yeah. Why does no one talk about Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous is, I think, far and away the best RuPaul song. It is so country. You think it beats Supermodel? Yes. I think it sounds like if Dua Lipa recorded it exactly today as is, people would be like, this is the best song in the world. But because it's a RuPaul old hit. Right. Yeah.

Maybe he doesn't own the rights. Maybe that's why they don't put on drag race and stuff. But it's, I think he's as good as supermodel. I think he's better than supermodel. No, I know. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. How do I look? How do I look? And there's like all these pussy cunt sections where he's like speech where he's like, get my Blackberry. I need to text message my modeling agency. It's so crazy. Yeah. Buckle fat removal, lipo, like the whole list. It's great. Yeah.

Hey, bye. We'll see you in Turkey.