Living It up for the Next Two Years Before It’s All Over with Natasha Leggero & Katya
01:15:15 Share

Okay, welcome back to another episode of The Bald and the Beautiful. Today, I am bald. She is beautiful. Oh, thank you. Yeah, we have an extra special guest, Natasha Leggera. Now, we never have guests anymore, but Trixie passed. I gathered that. Yeah, she passed away two days ago, so, you know, why are you laughing?

That's weird. Well, that's your producers laughing and giving me the cue. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Stop doing the laugh track. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, as a comedian, sometimes you do laugh when your dearest pass. So I wasn't sure, but I'm very, very happy that this is a joke. Okay. There's going to see, I'm very happy for your loss. No, but thank you so much for being here. First of all, I have to say,

I had never seen another period until very recently, i.e. yesterday. And it is so fucking funny. Like, laugh out loud funny. Like, obnoxiously funny. I was watching it while my new gay lover. We're, like, kind of doing sexy stuff on the couch. And you had another period on? Yes. And I have to tell you, like, I really like him. And we're very attracted to each other. But...

The attention was like squarely on the television. Yeah, it was so funny. It's like, I don't think that like,

I don't think that comedy is funny all the time, to be honest. But like, it is. We tried to really go for it. Yeah, you really, I mean, it's so, so good. And also, it's worth noting that Shonda Rhimes came out and told us in the press that that was her favorite show and her dream was to make something like Another Period. And then she did Bridgerton. But Bridgerton's not a comedy. But you know, she just has that golden touch. So what can you do? That makes a lot of sense, actually. But I mean, the whole like, the concept of comedy

you know, a turn of the century. It's like a Gilded Age. Gilded Age as a reality show is so fucking funny. Thank you. So good. Did you love doing it? I loved it. It was such a dream. And, you know, you never realize something's a dream when you're doing it. Yeah, it always seems like a nightmare. You're like, when will this end? And then you get five more jobs and you're like, oh my God, that was...

so much better than anything else. Because, you know, we were working with all our friends and the network, Comedy Central. I mean, the good thing was they didn't give us notes. I was going to say that I was like, this doesn't seem possible anymore. Like, how are you able to get away with so much blue material? I mean, it's really, really crazy. Especially that bit where you're the Irish guy

When there's the pageant and there's, I think it's your talent that the Irish song about the mix. Oh, right. Because we were thinking like people used to be racist towards the Italians and Irish people. It is brutally funny. I'm sure there's a lot of fun PC things in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's so, so, so, so good. I think our manservant got raped by like a woman. Ravaged. It was so, it was...

It was so funny. I mean, it's like nobody could ever believe that he'd been ravished because he was so ugly. You know, it is just so funny. It's so, so, so, so funny. Well, thank you. I'm glad you were able to get through the nine paywalls to watch it. Because it's not that easy to access. And, you know, that's really the hardest thing about producing TV shows is like if it's on Netflix, everybody sees it. Right. So how do you get something seen today?

You just have to put out a million things until you get on a streaming platform. Because Comedy Central, it's like, I don't know what cable provider I have. I have no idea. And it's 9,000 when they ask you. So I go to this, like the general, I go to like, I go all the way back on my TV and I look for this search thing. And then I search for it. And then it tells me like, oh, these are the only fans companies that have the thing. And then you have to pay $10 to watch it, but whatever.

I don't even care. Well, yeah, it's very frustrating. My husband's in charge of the tech support. And that is one of the main reasons I got married, I feel like, because he just like helps with all of that. But then he gets annoyed and won't help me. And I kind of give up. Do you how long you've been working with him professionally? Well, we have a podcast together, the Endless Honeymoon podcast. And, you know, I guess that's pretty. Oh, and we've.

I guess we're always kind of working together. We did this special. I was wondering, I was like, that seems challenging. You must really, really like him. Yeah.

That's an interesting way to look at it. It's just, it feels so inevitable. Really? I guess. Well, because then you're also like, there's so many things I want to ask him to do just about like the house. Sure. And like pick up this and can you close the cabinets? Right. I mean, the other day he like, and then living with a guy, like it's so challenging. Like we have three elderly chihuahuas that pee on everything. And he leaves out for a pee pad the other day. He's done this twice now. My new monogram towels.

on the floor and I come home and he's got it really neatly put out so it's like you know so it's not an accident oh right right you know it's not like he just threw it on the floor he's like this is where they can pee so it's like a lot of challenges like that do you feel like it's a vengeful placement that's what I thought because he also started techno DJing and I do not like techno at all because

Because, wait, are you a DJ? No, she was. Yeah, yeah, she was. Rest in peace. I feel like, oh my God, this is horrible. So he started doing like 90s techno from like his office and it's really loud. And I said to him the other day, I was like, are you trying to fuck with me? Yeah. And then he brought it up in couples therapy. He's like, I can't believe she thought I was like fucking with her. And I'm like, well, I just don't understand why someone would think like at 11 a.m. this was acceptable in a shared office space. Yeah. How old is he?

At 43? Yeah, at 43, I'm going to take up this really annoying hobby in the home. He is like always coming up with new hobbies. I feel like it's because like women, a woman as a mother, it's like there's no time. My hobby is like laundry, but like he's got surfing. He's into RVs and camping, DJing. Wow. It's like he's got all these like. Sounds like a hobo. Oh, my God. It's funny. Like I don't.

So wait, you've been married to him for? We've been married for seven years. I'm trying to work less with him. Okay. But we do have this podcast, which is really fun when we give advice. I love the podcast. Oh, thank you. And he's, you know, he was an AA for many years. He's got good advice. Oh, that's right. You know what? That's great. Married to somebody sober, that's, it's either great or, you know. No, and he totally is not judgmental. And he's always telling me like, he's like, you're not an alcoholic. You don't smoke too much weed. I'm like, okay, good.

And I'm like, I do smoke all the time. He's like, yeah, but you don't have a problem. Because like in AA, it's like people, you know, he knows people who woke up in Jerusalem with like a high heel in their eyeball. So he thinks I'm like totally fine. And he's always driving. You know, he takes care. That's perfect. Yeah. So you can get lit, crunk, and turnt, and then you always have a chauffeur. That's really smart. I mean, it is a nice perk. Yeah. I don't know how lit I get, but you know, I hate driving. Perfect.

I hate driving too. And I recently started driving again after maybe 10 years of not driving. And it is so terrible. It really is. Why? Seriously, why aren't people more afraid of it? Well, I am as a child, like having a child too. Like I don't want anyone driving her anywhere. I'm like always trying to walk places. And then I had a nanny who flipped her car and I'm just like... How did she...

- Like she just on the freeway. - Oh, I thought she flipped it over. - She flipped, is she dead now? Or is she still alive? - No, she survived. - How did she survive that? - I don't know.

Super nanny. Damn. But my kid was not in the car. Okay. Yeah. But then I never let her drive the kid anywhere. Yes. Driving is terrifying. I saw. So there's, as you notice, there's no sidewalks on the street. That's terrifying to me. I know. And I saw a young dad with a child on a bike. On the street? Yes. On this hill street with no sidewalks. You know, they have like a baby or a child seat on the back of the bike. I was like,

You're going to hell because that child is going to die. I mean, it's so wild. I know. It's so terrifying. And every time I get in the car, I'm like, okay, this could be it. But no, seriously. I know. We have to get over our fears, though. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think we just need to transfer the irrational ones to the rational ones. Like fear of flying. That's an irrational fear. Fear of getting in an airplane. Yeah, because you're not flying the plane.

Right. So what are you afraid of? But driving, we should actually be afraid of. Oh, and everyone's texting. And even if you're not texting, they are. They are. Yeah. So it's like you're, it's like we're in Mad Max and everybody's drunk and like, it's really, really terrifying. I was, like my first day of driving after I got my car, I would pull up to a red light on sunset and I looked over and there was a Jeep with no doors and a kid who was probably 17 smoking a joint and talk on the phone. Yeah.

And I was like, and it looked like a Hummer though. It was a giant like Jeep looking thing. And I was like, he could crush my car and I could, this could be it.

Yeah, my husband has a Tesla, which I'm driving today. I hate it. It's so awful. It's like a computer. You're like driving in the middle of the computer and then he drives it on autopilot and he's just constantly texting, but we've gotten pulled over. It's not legal to do this. Even though Elon Musk has made this feature like a part of the car. Yeah. And the officer was like, no, you can't do that. And then he just still keeps doing it. And also, I don't know if this is true and I shouldn't conspiracy theorize, but I believe that the CIA can hack into your car and then just drive you into a tree.

I'm sure you're right. I think they can. It's awful. Yeah. What do we do? I don't know. I feel like we should just live it up for the next two years and then it's going to be over. You know, funny, I've had that feeling for the last 15 years. Oh, okay. Well, then maybe I'm wrong. You know.

Maybe I'm wrong. It's just an instinct. Okay. So I have to like – so watching your stand-up and your like, you know, and the style of comedy you do and your point of view, I imagine I would guess that having a child –

may have changed your worldview a little bit. Yes, it sucks. And because it's like, I just keep talking about the child and then I'll say something she says to a friend in front of her. She's four now, almost five. And she's like, Mommy, don't tell people what I say. Is she British? She does have a British accent. Well, I kind of have like, I've always wanted to be a royal. So like, you know, I'm just always trying to like encourage her. Does she talk like that at home? Well, because her palate, her palate's really developed. She's always like screaming for caviar. Yeah.

Caviar, caviar, mommy. Do they have caviar here? I'm like, Nate, keep your voice down. We're to Black Lives Matter rally. Stop it. She's like so stuck up.

But like I had beef morning until I was 39. Sure. So, you know, I'm like totally down for her. So anyway. Oh my God. But oh, but she's been telling me to stop saying things. And then I'm like, oh my God, if she's like, if I do a Netflix special and like talking about her and then she sees it when she's like 12. Oh fuck. What if she hates me? Oh, what if? She will. Right? So I'm like, okay, I just have to be able to like tour right now. Yeah. So no one will record it. I'll make fun of her, do the tour. And then.

and give it up. - I think maybe, 'cause I've run across this, like, you know, I've gotten into hot water talking about people from my personal life on stage or whatever, on the podcast. - Me too. - And so that is definitely gonna happen. It's gonna be tough because I saw a massage therapist in Australia

And it was a one, you know, it was one where the. The jerk off one. Yeah. And and I raved about the experience later, but I had called him a hooker.

But no one knew who it was. It was nobody. All they know is this country. The country. I didn't even say the city, I don't think. And like I didn't describe him. I gave a rave glowing review. But because I was also once a hooker back in the day, I used the term kind of flippantly. I contacted him again to see if he had any like a recommendation for another city. And he's like, why are you going to talk about it on your podcast?

And he said he didn't know who I was anyway. So I was like, you know what? I just have to be very careful about who I talk about. And if you talk about your daughter on stage, it's a wrap. She's going to kill you.

Don't you think? I mean, I love her so much. And if she started like hating me because I was like, you know, talking about making fun of her, you know, the things she eats or the things she says. And I don't know, half of it's, you know, embellished. So, I mean, don't kids like sue their parents for putting them on Instagram? Well, I mean, I think that, I mean, most kids hate their parents at some point anyways. I know. Julia Roberts. Her kids hate her? I don't think they hate her, but I think they're probably like, they're not impressed. Well, they probably never see her.

That's true. She's probably like absent mother. I mean, it's like so hard to keep up with it all. And you know, if you want to still be involved, like every time I see an actress on a billboard with kids, I'm like, do they ever see their kids? Oh, it's probably just like an army of nannies. I saw Nicole Kidman once at the theater with her two kids, but she only stayed for one act.

- Oh wow. - You know, like of the Broadway play. You know, so I bet everyone's just so busy that it's like, you can show up. - Yeah, that's depressing. Yeah, you just, you show your face, you were there, and then you just go in the bathroom, drink cocaine, and then leave. It's so horrible.

Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.

Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wish lists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee and I would love to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings.

but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.

Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Wait, do you roll with like I'm imagine you you're probably you know, you're deep in the comedy scene But do you have liked? Do you travel in the like celebrity circles of Hollywood? No, I'm sorry wait in what way like Julia Roberts? Yeah, I don't hang out with Julie Ma John with her on Tuesday night. I Mean, I feel like it's been you know this is actually my books about like being like at the height of your like in your prime and

And then having a kid and hoping they can kind of like figure out how to be a part of your life instead of you being a part of like a kid life. And it's such a struggle because you want to be this glamorous person who just has a kid. Right. But then it's like there's all this pull to – it's very degrading having a child. Yeah. You're constantly being degraded. Well, it's disgusting. Yeah.

She started doing this thing of like, like grabbing like my neck, like underneath my neck when we're in public, like talking to me. And I'm like, do not ever touch my face. Not that part either. I know. And I'm like talking to my friends and she's like pinching under my neck yesterday. And I was like, I told you to never touch me. Like, stop it. You know, it's just like all,

And then they're pulling at you and you've got stains on your shirt and you're like, did you get your drinks and your medicine and you're like, food every seven minutes. It's just like, it's a constant. Ugh.

It's really challenging. Is she potty trained? Of course. She's five. No, I'm like you. I have no idea. Every year is a surprise. Like I was never around kids. I never wanted kids. I was like my therapist called it a situational breeder. So like if the situation presented itself to me in the right way, I would say yes.

And it did? It did. Well, I had frozen my eggs by 38 just in case the situation came around. How long do they last for? They can last, I think, for like at least 10 years or 15 years. And your uterus is good till you're like 60. Oh, yeah. But you got to do it before 37. But anyway, I did not want. But then when I met Moshe, I was like, oh, OK, he can fertilize one of them. Oh, he's definitely fertile. That head of hair?

It's so thick and full. It's gorgeous. He's very into his hair. Of course he is. I mean, men with hair are into their hair. And men without hair don't care about hair.

Yeah, I don't really care about hair. I wish he had less of it. It's always everywhere. Well, is it like some – I have this friend, Andrew, who has this like long – I mean, it's like, you know, trust me, commercial kind of hair. And it's like there's Andrew and then there's his hair. So you're having a conversation with two people when you talk to him. You know what I mean? It's like another entity in the room. I hate that. Yeah. Some people are like, oh, it's so great to see you in your hair today. You know? It's too – it's wild. So I have a nephew who's four.

Oh, so you kind of understand the age. I understand the age from like, but we don't, you know, he's in Washington, so we don't see much of him. But he looks exactly like me. And it's creepy. I mean, it's nice, but it's, genetics is wild. Yeah. I mean, he looks exactly like me. Interesting. So I just hope he's not. Why? I mean, that'd be nice. No, gay people, it's horrible being gay.

Well, I guess the nice thing is that now, hopefully, when you tell your parents, you're less afraid to tell your parents that you're gay. And there's more support. Of course. Because I feel like so many gay people I know never had support. But because of that, I think oftentimes now, I mean, you know, it's different in different parts of the country. But these days, yeah, a lot of kids, it's not even an issue. But that makes them less interesting. So now we have boring gay people.

Right. You know what I mean? What do you think of wanting your daughter, like hoping that she's a lesbian just so she doesn't have to be around like straight men all the time? I think that is a really natural hope.

I mean, well, think about it, men, like. Just the less men, the better, right? Yeah. I mean, if you, you don't have to worry about her getting pregnant. You don't have to worry about her getting RAPD probably, you know? I mean, not to say that someone, you know, but it's less frequent, I'm assuming. Yeah, it's so hard. And it's just wonderful to have someone around the house who knows how to like hang pictures and stuff. I wish I had a tool belt. Do you like have someone help you with everything? I got this guy off of TaskRabbit. He's so hot.

And he has braces. Hey, you better be careful. You might listen. Oh, I'm so sorry. I got this nice – well, I didn't just – This hooker off of TaskRabbit. Yeah, this fucking whore with braces. Oh, but he's so fabulous. And I have to – I have pretty – I'm not – I think creepy thoughts, but I don't do creepy things. But Lord Jesus Christ, I would – it's just – yeah, he's wonderful. And he does it all for you. And he's really good at everything.

See, I just feel like I wish I had a little more agency because I want everything to look exactly how I want, but I don't want to like sit in my house with someone for six hours and be like a total diva about like, I'm sorry, can we redo that? Like one inch to the right. I had wallpaper put up and the guy said he was the guru. He was nothing of the sort. And it took him about six and a half hours. He'd put it up. It was wrong. It did not stay up, but I said, it's perfect. And I just let him go and I ripped it off the wall.

it off you did yeah i mean what's it gonna do i i just don't have the like perfect yeah yeah and i think i tipped him like a hundred percent too and i just like get out of here and then oh my god i don't know i have no spine well that makes me feel better that you that you have someone helping you yeah yeah because i don't know how to do anything i don't know how to cook um i'm learning how to do like unload and load the dishwasher um but i don't know how to figure out the oven thing yet i'm 40

Really? Well, that's still young. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I don't like cooking and I have a friend who was like, I think you should examine that in therapy. She was like, that's not normal. Like, that's like a, that's a thing like to, that creates home. And I just, I mean, there's so much, I mean, cooking is so important.

It can be so laborious. Yeah, the measuring. There are cooks who just cook. Yeah. That's their job. Exactly. You know, if you were like mega ultra super billionaire wealthy, would you have a private chef? Exactly. Of course. Yeah. And also, yeah, I don't know. It's just like, I can't, I can't do it. If something has like, I like two or three ingredients. Oh, plain. Like that would be like a nice cookbook. Oh, two or three ingredients. Rachel Ray, hot dog nachos. Yeah.

30 minute meals. Is that hot dog? I mean, I can't, I don't think I could eat that. No, I couldn't eat that either. It's really disgusting. But you have a, you have, I hate it when people like just parrot back their things to the person, but I have to, the joke that you did, it was in one of your earlier standup specials, I think, where you were talking about being at the DMV and you

Oh, my God. Wait. That's like a cancelable joke now. Oh, no. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's fine. But sometimes people will send me things and I'm like, can you not send these around anymore? Right. It's just very stressful because I think –

It's easy to forget that the whole mode of comedy has changed and evolved for the better. And I think that 15 years ago, people were like, how can I shock everyone? And I feel like there was like a lack of empathy or something in the comedy world. How do you think it is now? Because I mean, male comics, I have to say, I struggle to like them.

I've never really liked male comics. And I just find women more interesting to look at. They're more beautiful. They have a more interesting point of view. Even my daughter, we were playing music yesterday and she's like, can you put on some more female voices? I want to hear women sing. And I was like, yes, women are better singers. But like, you're probably not supposed to say that. But at the same time, she's just like, like we were listening to Beyonce. Because I'm trying to play her like every genre of music. And so she was very, she's like, say my name. We're listening to Beyonce.

you know, Destiny's Child. And then when someone comes, maybe it's Jay-Z, they start rapping. She's like, that's their father, right? Like she, when the man comes on, it's like, they're dead. Go to your room, girl. Yeah.

That is so funny. So she loves Say My Name. And so she always wants to do that. So then I started playing her Beyonce. And then like all of a sudden like a man will start rapping. Jay-Z comes on. She's like, can we listen to something or just her singing? Like I don't want to hear them. So I do like that. She is going to be fantastic. I mean, I feel the exact same way about music. I listen to exclusively female vocalists.

Yeah. I find the sound of a man's voice grating. What are the, who are the men right now who are like a single male who you would listen to in the way that you listen to like Billie Eilish or. Maybe The Weeknd because he sounds like a girl. Okay. Yeah. But I mean, I don't think the music is up to my par for listening. I don't like it, but I'm just, I actually. Like Billie Eilish I think is cute and cool and I like some of her stuff. Yeah. Um, I'm trying to think. Um,

Are there like male singer songwriters? I mean. Charlie Puth, but it's very poppy. I don't know him. He's like a young kid. He's so, so cute. Puth? Puth. P-U-T-H. Is he British? No, he's American. And he's like this adorable, like...

hot nerd but he kind of gay baits on his social media like you know what I mean he knows like he's straight but he knows that the gays are like foaming at the mouth for him so like he'll post like a two second video of like his nipples or something you know what I mean things like that oh good for him yeah exactly I don't know I just hate I usually listen to foreign music because I don't like the stupidity of bad lyrics to interrupt my musical enjoyment right you know what I mean

Yeah, we were listening to Joni Mitchell and then she we walked into a cafe and they were doing the paved paradise. It's a big yellow taxi song, but it was some dude singing it. It wasn't the Green Day version, but it was like another young guy. And she was like, oh, I like the other version better. And she just kind of can hear it. So but I think I'm like pumping music into her all the time. So hopefully she'll be cool. I guess at five. That's like a really good sign. OK, good. Do you believe in astrology? Yeah.

Well, I do, but my husband does not believe in ghosts, astrology, angels, the supernatural, like anything that he can't like touch with his claws. He's like, that's not a real thing. Good man. So, I mean, I guess I think that some people have intuition and I think to say that they don't is a little ignorant. Okay. In terms of...

You know, being able to access anything in the spiritual realm. Okay. In terms of astrology, I don't really know or understand. I'm from Boston and I've lived here for about seven years. And it's... Oh, because how much people in LA love astrology? I thought it was a joke, but it is like... It is crazy. Well, I saw this clip of Lizzo the other day talking about like someone like Miss...

Miss astrology to her as an Aries and she was like truly upset about it. And I thought she was kidding. But then I watched it again and I was like, no, I think she's serious. Like that, you know, but because I'm an Aries. So I was like, oh, she really does not like Aries. And then I was like, what's wrong with Aries? See, it's kind of it is a little crazy, right? When's your when's your birthday? March 26. March 26. Okay.

So that's in Aries. I don't even know what my husband is because he like rejects it so much. I think he might be a cancer, but we've never, he doesn't know what he is. Like if you were like, what astrology sign are you? Does he know his birthday though? His birthday is July 6th.

That's cancer. So it is a cancer. Okay. So water and fire. That's the only thing I go by. Oh, no. Wait, he's water and I'm fire? Yes. Is that bad? No. I mean, water puts out fire and you need, right? That sounds really sexy in the bedroom. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Water puts it out the fire. The passionate flame is doused in like the cooling fire.

I don't know. But doesn't it have to do with like something scientific? I don't think it has anything scientifically because – The stars? The planets? The placement of the planets? Isn't that science? I think that's astronomy, right? Like I have a friend who's like a professional witch and she was in Salem for many years like reading cards and stuff. She knows all the mythology of it. A white witch? Oh, she's black. But like – No, but like – I'm just kidding. Okay.

No, she's a good witch. Okay, good. She's definitely a good witch. And she's very, very smart. And it's kind of like she treats it – I would say she treats it kind of like mythology. So there's all those stories and stuff that have lessons and yada, yada, yada. Okay, I like that. But, you know, Zeus wasn't real, right? But, like, there's all these lessons to be, like, gleaned from these, you know, mythological stories, I guess. Like almost like –

aphorisms or they're like things that you read to help guide you? Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, I feel like I know somebody who thought they were like a Gemini for half their life and then they found out they were a Scorpio. And I was like, so... And then their whole worldview changed. Okay, I will tell you one thing. My daughter and I would say my six best friends throughout my life have all been Pisces. And someone said that

I don't know if this is like very obvious, but they always say this, that you learn the most from the astrological signs right next to you. So I've always like taken that to heart that like every one of my friends has a birthday in February. Do you think that's just, my husband would say it's a coincidence and I'm an idiot. No, I would think that that's absolutely like the heavy hand of fate.

working in your life? I don't know. I think it's, I think if, I think in 200 years, it would be very possible for us to look back at astrology and be like, wow, they were really stupid or crazy or something. You know what I mean? Or like, or it's all like proven to be exactly true. And I guess we'll never know. Yeah. I just don't know. I just don't understand how like the day you were born could indicate that

Your whole personality. Well, it has brought me a lot of solace that I was born on the same day as both Tennessee Williams and Diana Ross. So that's much more important than astrology. Because you're like, oh, these are the parts of me. These are my kindred spirits who really...

Get it. Yeah. Those are your soul sisters. But there's so many famous people and so many amazing famous people that there's no way that you don't have like, like my husband, I think was born on the same day as David Bowie and Hitler or something. So it's like. Perfect man. I mean, I was born literally like minutes after Kirsten Dunst, whom I don't know, but love. And I mean, and.

And I feel like she looks like my sister. I feel like we're related. And I hope to meet her one day because I feel like there's something there. Okay, now what about ghosts? If someone's like, I saw a ghost in my house. I believe that people see what they see. Because I have seen ghosts. You have? Yes. However. In your house? In my house, outside of the house. You've seen them, not felt it. I've seen them with my eyes. However, it is very important to note that

I was under the influence of psychoactive drugs. That doesn't count. What doesn't count? The drugs or the ghost? Well, I mean, I just did ayahuasca and saw a lady motioning to come towards me. But it was because it was, you know, it was a vision from the drug. No? You wouldn't call a ghost a vision? I suppose you would. Maybe an apparition.

Apparition. Apparition. Yeah, yeah. I mean, do I, so I was, but it was like a very ghostly and I was not hallucinating anything else at the time. Okay. So it was interesting. So you entered a different realm because that's what I noticed when I did the ayahuasca. It's like, okay, reality is not exactly what we think it is. Oh, that's for sure. Of course. And to think that reality is just this is like...

Yeah, there's other realms, right? So when did you do ayahuasca? Recently. Really? Tell me everything because I'm very into this. It was really cool. Did you puke?

I did. And the thing I wasn't prepared for is we were very packed in. And then like, you know, you're sober, you're looking around. It's like this tight circle. You have two little like open like glass vases on one side of you and then two on the other side. So the one on to your right is your vomit bucket and your Kleenex bucket. And then the one to your left is the other person's vomit bucket and Kleenex buckets.

So you're kind of sandwiched in between their vomit. And then the other thing I wasn't really prepared for, because, you know, I throw up very neatly. I'm just like, you know, but all of a sudden you're having this vision. There's music and you just hear a man across the thing like because like you're hurling.

And men are just louder. It was just like, that was a lot. Cause you're already like, okay, can I handle this? Like I'm peaking. And then that happened, but it's, so it's not a perfect drug pretty much because of that. That's, that is the glitch in the drug.

Yeah, it's tough. I mean, I did it with about 150 people and this exactly what you described sandwiched, but we were also all wearing diapers. Why? They said you shit. They said you might shit. Yes. So I was fully diapered up. I was not taking any chances. I,

I did not hear of anyone shitting. No, no, no. I mean, enough people were had... I mean, maybe like... It's very rare, I guess, because I don't think anybody shat that day or that night. I'm not sure. But I was just so scared. And I was like, I'm in the middle of this... I'm in a parking lot in Mexico and I don't want to shit myself. So I put the diaper on. It was kind of fun, though, because it was freezing. Oh, my God. Yeah. Did you like... I mean, you...

The symphony of retching? Well, that was rough, but that wasn't as prevalent. Everyone did it at first, it seemed like. There was like 35 people. Then I was sitting next to this woman who, you know, she had a headdress on and she was from like some indigenous culture. And I was like, you know, which one? Can I move your vomit bucket a little closer to you? And she was like, oh, honey, I haven't vomited in 45 years. Oh, my God.

Because like I was just very like freaking out about the vomit, you know? And then I'm like, I'm not going to need Kleenex. Meanwhile, like my Kleenex bucket was like totally full from not just crying, but like wiping your mouth and thinking you're going to retch and like blowing your nose. It's pretty unglamorous. It's very unglamorous. You have these like masks on, but... Wait, you had a mask on? Yeah, well, they wanted us to wear like an eye mask because I think it's a very...

sedentary, but everyone's experiences were so different. Like, and talk about entering another realm, one woman, like, because we all had to say our experiences at the end, and we did it six times. So you do it three times that night. Wait, what? Well, it's an, you spend the night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you did three times. You got there at five. You did it at like 6 p.m., 8 p.m., and then probably like 1 a.m. or something. We did that too. We fell asleep. And then the next morning, we did it three more times and then left that day. Right. So it was kind of like you could really fit it into your schedule. I mean, you don't have to like go to Mexico and get diapers. Yeah.

Whatever you did. Well, they did it. They are sitting in some parking lot. We had, I mean, we're literally in this like, like a broke ass, like hoopsie van. I'm trying to like go up a hill, like a Rocky Hill. We get to this abandoned restaurant. It was very, very rustic.

Was it a good experience? Were you glad you did it? I never, I didn't, me and two other people, it didn't work. You didn't feel it? No. That happened to me. So the first time they gave me the amount, I felt the, the, the circle, I saw the circle come in and I felt someone motioning towards me and I got afraid. Okay.

Okay. And I was like, no, I'm not going to go in. I don't want to know what they have to say. I just got a little afraid. And then the two other times I did it that night, they gave me a little less and I never accessed that point again until the next day when I said, can you give me the same amount? Because there were other people there. There was one girl there who's like, yeah, I have a shaman who just sends me ayahuasca so I do it in my bedroom. People are like, what are you doing tonight? She's like, well,

like, well, actually going to be sitting in my room doing for eight hours. What about you? So she didn't feel it because she's her tolerance. And then I also heard if you smoke a lot of pot, you kind of have to stop for almost like two, three, two or three weeks. The girl next to me was like, she's she's a jealous person.

you know, ayahuasca can be jealous. She doesn't like weed, you know? So like they're like competing or something. So that didn't work at all. I think you would have just needed a higher dose. Well, it took me. So they offered a third pour for the people who had like by the second pour, it was vomit, like a symphony of vomit, right? Everybody's retching. People are moaning. It's like full theatricality. And me, the girl next to me, and then some other person were just kind of like patiently waiting.

And then so they offered us a third dose and we took it. I vomited, but nothing, nothing. The only thing that was good is that I was like awake and present enough to see the assistant of the shaman really getting down by the fire. It was so strange. Like at two in the morning, he's just started like boogie dancing like by the fire by himself. And that was very entertaining. But other than that. Because he was doing it too, right? I don't think so. I think he was just like being there to help and, you know.

Well, everyone was on it. Like even the shaman at one point, he bumped me and I was like, or I bumped him and I was because there's dancing and I was like, I'm sorry. He's like, oh, honey, I have no idea where I am. I'm just like, I kind of like that everyone. But it really made me believe that there's other realms. If you can access it from a drug, maybe that's ignorant. But one girl. So we all talk about our experiences. And this one girl was like,

I was in Nazi Germany and there was a wall and I was helping this woman had turned in some Jews and then felt bad about it and was coming to me to have her soul cleaned. And I always wanted to clean souls. And I'm just like, what is happening? Like these people were getting like full on. They were acting out these like lays or whatever. Like mine was not like that. What was yours like? What kind of visions did you have? Mine was more annoying. What?

Mine was like a to-do list. Oh my God. It was so annoying. It was like, sell your house. And I'm just like, ugh, like, come on. Shop for different clothes. But then,

And then at one point, I got so many to do things like, you know, finish your will. And so that I was just kind of like the last time I did it, I wanted a really big dose. And I was like, I asked the spirits. I was like, what am I past everything? Past my house, past my kids, past my career, past my husband, like past everything I imagine.

And I got like very, very strong information. Okay. And that was something that really kind of lasted for a lot. Like at least I was high on that for like two weeks. It's kind of come off a little bit. Yeah. But still it's like – I feel like I really enjoyed getting that information. I think it's great. I mean people – the weirdest thing about it is that it was discovered –

by indigenous populations in South America. But I don't know how they did it because it's one compound from a plant and then another to make it digestible. So on its own, because the psychoactive compound in ayahuasca is only like...

able to be ingested because it has like an MAOI inhibitor or something like that. But you only get that from brewing it together for hours. How the fuck did that happen? I'm so curious about that as well. I was just visiting in Santa Barbara and there's this coastal sage habitat and they talk about all the indigenous people who lived there, the Chumash Indians, and they would just like, this berry is used for, you know, astringent and this one is used for washing your hair and this one...

And like they all have these different properties. But how did they, did they just trial and error every single plant? That's a lot of fucking trial and a lot of error. Well, they were there for like thousands of years. I know, but even thousands of years with no like, how? Maybe they got visions. Maybe they. I think it was probably put there by ghosts. You know, or like aliens or something. I don't know. That kind of shit makes me think, oh, maybe this, you know, maybe there is like some of their.

We're being metal. Someone guiding you to it. I mean, who knows? But it's wild. The drug or the compound in ayahuasca is called DMT. And then you can do that by itself. That does not seem fun. Everyone's like, yeah, it's like for 20 seconds and you don't know where you are and you faint. Is that DMT? It's for 20 minutes. 20 minutes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's probably the most like intent, the 5-MeO version of it. It's called 5-MeO DMT. It's probably the most intense.

powerful psychedelic drug you can do, but it only lasts 20 minutes. And why should I do this? Because it's sort of like, well, it's incredible. I mean, I don't want to endorse or promote illicit drug use, but you feel like you die. But there's no pain.

It's not a party drug. Oh, no. You're dead on the floor. Yeah, you need someone there to catch you. Okay. Because you will fall over. And are you having a realization afterwards that stays with you in a positive way? Absolutely. You can. Other people, I think, get too scared by it because in about 45 seconds, you completely lose the sense of your body and the sense of me versus anything out there. So it feels like you dissolve into the ether. Yeah.

Wow. And there's no more you. Yeah, it's super scary. And it's thrilling. I wonder what would happen to someone like my husband who is sober, who doesn't believe in other realms. Oh, he would love it.

Because he did acid when he was like in sixth grade where it's like you just see colors and you're like, whoa, awesome. It's a kaleidoscope. And then he like had to go to rehab by the time he was 14 and so never got to revisit drugs in any meaningful ways like drinking strawberry 40s or whatever those like. What's like the strawberry alcohol you get from Boone's? Boone's Strawberry, Boone's Farm or something like that.

that. Whatever. He was just doing that stuff. So he never got to be like a sophisticated. Right. Which is what I want to tell my daughter almost like designer drugs, darling. Right. And wait, I didn't do drugs till I was like 30. And then now I feel like I can do them. Yes. You know, lightly. My, you know, I don't, I didn't, you know,

OD on stuff. Not that my husband OD'd, but... Did you grow up in the suburbs? No. I grew up in Rockford, Illinois, which is... It's outside of Chicago, but it's not a suburb. It's the second biggest city in Illinois. I just went back recently. My husband went there for the first time. We've been married eight years. And...

And he goes, this place has major get me out of here vibes. The second we got there, he's at a Costco trying to get a computer cord. And it was just like, it's rough. I mean, it's not as bad as a suburb, as they say, better from the gutter than from suburbia. I mean, suburbia feels really rough. I mean, it's rough in the strangest way, especially for white people. Because like you get, I grew up in this very safe place.

Like, never locked our door. Really? Yeah, never locked our door. But we were, like, squarely middle to lower middle class. Like, I never had, like, a car or a computer or anything. But we could always... We never, ever, ever worried about physical safety or, like, nothing. It is nice, but it's also...

And there's nothing like there's no like real world stressors to kind of like prepare you for a life of like pain and degradation. You know, there's just nothing going on. Just like Panera Bread. Yes, it's Panera Bread and it's Dunkin Donuts. And that's about it. So because of that, we did a lot of drugs.

Oh, fuck. You can't win because I'm always like, where can I raise my child? No, no, no. Yeah, but I wish we hadn't because it's so much better to do them when your brain is developed. That is a big issue too. Yeah, especially with the weed. I've recently learned this like, you know, especially now where the weed is so strong because there's like California weed is like,

It is not the 70s weed that people were smoking. What were people doing in the 70s? They were just smoking in the morning because it was like a cigarette with like a tiny bit of something in it. It was just like that little spark in a doobie and like, that stuff I think is like, I mean. Did they drive while they were high? Yeah, and they didn't wear seatbelts or have like airbags. It was just wild back then. It's not.

It sounds so fun. I know. My dad hitchhiked all the time. Sunset Boulevard was just like you just would get in people's cars. Yeah. I mean, I guess we can do a version of that now with Lyft. I was saying that the other day. I was like, so we just get into strangers' cars every day, multiple times a day now. For generations. That's fucking crazy. I know. It is pretty scary. When I was doing drag back in Boston, getting the taxi home in drag from the nightclub was crazy.

always a crash course in sexual assault because they were always something about cabbies at that place. They would come to pick up the girls and they would always try to like put my hand on their dick or like, I mean, all the time, all the time. Oh my God. Yeah. I was chased home by a FedEx truck once. Oh. Like chased. I had to run into my apartment. It was so crazy. That's horrifying. Yeah, but I was really hot and dragged. I bet. So,

I'm sorry that happened to you. Thank you. Actually, I haven't heard people talk about that, you know, because it's like so often I feel like all the victims are women. Yeah. I mean, some of them just look like women.

Right. Yeah, I mean, it's like for drag queens, especially, I mean, for trans women, it's like it is rough. Yeah. Because I don't know, there's something about men who when they fetishize what they consider to be taboo, they have this laser focus that's even creepier than their normal mode. They get even more horny. Yes. And also if they think that you have a penis, they kind of assume that you're – it's like I feel like it's kind of like you're –

You're one of the guys, but not so they can, I don't know. I don't even really know how to figure that out, but it is fucking creepy. Like I would be at a bar, a drag bar, you know, like after the show and a guy would come up to me two inches from my face like, can I give you a blow job? Really? Yes. Like, yes. And I miss that. I miss it. I bet, what was it like backstage at a comedy club? Pre-pandemic? Yeah.

I mean. In the good old days. Did you see that girl just got like hit in the head? I just feel like. Was a bottle thrown at her? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it just feels like it's getting more and more dangerous to like, dude, let's just not work anymore. Podcasting's nice. Podcasting's nice if you actually have some kind of point of view and maybe just like a modicum of understanding of like,

any facts because if you notice no like you notice people will be like so I stopped washing my daughter and I have to say it's so much better and then the post will be like yeah I'm never gonna wash my kids again

Yeah, the misinformation can really... Just because they have headphones and a microphone. I know. It's fucking crazy. I also think that people are noticing that like, oh, there's no one talking to the right. And like if we start talking to them, we could have like our numbers will go through the roof. How else can we compete? So people kind of are vague. They're not, you know, they're trying to like make sure that they can get as many... Yeah, those vulnerable flyover country people. It sucks. Yeah. So I don't really know what the future is in terms of...

in terms of that do you like traveling on the road being on the road I used to love traveling you know and that's the problem one of the things I talk about in my book too is like coming to terms with I use I'm trying to get back to my pre-child Natasha who had so much joie de vivre and would like go you know river rafting without a helmet and like go

Go to Africa on a spur. Like, okay, get vaccines put up and down my arms. Go the next day. And now it's like I'm constantly, like, worried about choking. And, like, you know, everything is, like, a fear-based thing. I mean, there's definitely a freedom in not having kids. And it's like I hate that I'm, like, not this –

anymore who had so much because I was never a scared person. I was just like, move to New York, move to London, you know, go to Thailand, go to Australia. And, you know, I just would never look back. And it's just sad in a way because I want to be that person again. But I mean, look at Madonna. She's normal. She's...

She's got like 12 kids. She's like in her bathroom at all times making a video, like a sex video with her trainer. Like what are our kids are like, Ma, I'm sure she has her own bathroom. But like, ha!

That would be funny. That was a shared bathroom? One bathroom in the mansion. 14 bedrooms, one bathroom. Yeah, that'd be so funny. Wait, do you look at what Madonna's doing and you think that's funny or cool or normal? I don't know. I mean, I look at it and I'm like, is she okay? But I've never been a huge fan. I've never been a huge fan either, but I've been gay my whole life. So I have been always aware. And there have been eras or moments of her career where I was like, oh, wow, that's awesome.

Like, I mean, I remember when music videos were on TV and they would premiere on TV and that was always a big thing because hers were fantastic. I mean, I remember, was it Truth or Dare? Seeing that at the theaters. Oh, that's a fantastic documentary. It's good. But it's just good. I remember her coming down the steps and rollers and asking the assistant, this was before cell phones, and she's like, any messages? And they're like, no. She's like, okay, I'm going to my room.

you know just to peek into the lonely life of a like a world famous diva exactly and I mean you know arguing taking the piss out of Warren Beatty backstage oh yeah it's just so it's like real Hollywood shit that's a great movie yeah it's awesome so I'm a fan I guess but I don't know what's I just feel like we've

I don't know. The sex thing is like just a little boring to me, I suppose. I mean, it's on the one hand, you can like applaud her for being consistent and not being like a sellout. But on the other hand, she's wearing trainers and a grill and asking Jimmy Kimmel to eat her out. You know what I mean? It's like... Remember she did stand-ups?

No. She did. She did it on a late night show. But why did she do that? She's just like, I can do it all. I think because when you're Madonna and you just, I don't think you're surrounded by a lot of no people. Of course. That would be my guess. Because I actually do know someone who worked with her, let's say. And he said that she's a very, very difficult person to disagree with. I know why I got off of her too. Hold on.

Bless you. That was so elegant. That's how I vomit too. During the ayahuasca. I mean, meanwhile, it comes through my nose and I break blood vessels in my eyes.

No, but I read her brother's book. Oh, right. And he was like, Madonna's wedding. She put me in the smallest room of the castle up in the attic. And then he was her quick change person. For the wedding? No, for her shows for a while. And they would get into these huge fights and she would like degrade him in front of everyone. But it just sounded like, whoa. Yeah. A lot of whoa. She's always seemed like a person you would not want to get

Within six feet up. Oh, and the other funny thing Christopher said is he's like, she always says that she was dropped in Times Square with $2 in her pocket, but my dad was paying for her apartment. Oh, that I love. I love that shit. I know. And who knows like how, and also it's like, was it really the smallest room in the castle? I mean, it's like the castle. Right.

Right. Like it's like very easy to be like, well, why, you know, why didn't I get this suite? Yeah. I mean, I just think that she is probably at a level of,

She's talking about different realms. I mean, she's probably in a realm that I don't think any of us could probably understand. Right. Of course. So let her just be in the dark in her bathroom with no eyebrows. Yeah, no eyebrows looking like. On a Tuesday. Yeah, with her grill and her tits and her giant ass and like just talking about her pussy with a lisp. It's like so, it's so wild. And also she put an ad on her Instagram the other day looking for a trainer.

Did you see that? Oh my God. What a funny idea. She must burn through these trainers like so quick. So, so quick. She probably just wants to conduct interviews for two weeks, right? Like just have men or like gay guys over who are like, I'll be your trainer. That's true. Cause I think there was, um, like in the eighties, I think she would famously like get in a limo and ride around New York city and just like pick guys, get, you know, pick guys off the street and then fuck them in the car. Wow. And, um, which is like, you know, that's really, yeah. Um,

And I think she probably still does that. She just has to go about it a little bit differently. I'd like to do that. I would too. I'd want to get to know them first though. I don't want to just pick like hot guys. Yeah. I'd like to like, I don't know how I would do it. Let me ask you this. So I'm always so fascinated with straight people in this concept of like cheating and betrayal as the ultimate like sin. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know what you mean. What is with that? Because there's nothing else.

Because we've, like, I've got to be, my daughter is, like, so important to me. Yeah. So I have this family and that's what it is. But... I'm making that work. Right. So the fantasy, I suppose, would be that he dies and that I'm free to...

Fuck some guy with a yacht probably is where I would go with that. Who's like hot enough. And then I can have the lifestyle I always knew I could have. That you deserved. That I deserved. But if you're, if Moshe like cheated on you with Blake Lively, let's say. I wouldn't care who it was with. Okay. At this point. After the pandemic, I'm like, go for it. Because I was like, no hot nannies, no.

And then now after the pandemic, I'm like, oh, let him be hot. Just come over. Give him something to look at. Madonna. Madonna can come over. I don't know if he'd be into her. But would you, would you feel like betrayed? Because it's always like. If he fucked Blake Lively. Or any, any woman. Yes. It would be, I would be like, okay, now I get custody. Oh, divorce. Like straight to divorce. Well,

No, I guess I would be like, okay, now I get one. Quid pro quo. Well, how does it work if you were in a relationship with a kid? I don't fuck kids. No, I'm sorry. If you had a kid... Yes, if I have a child in a relationship... Would you think you could still be in an open relationship with a kid? I mean, it's hard to go there if you don't. Oh, no. I mean, I think that... Well, first of all, it would be the how do I...

Well, yeah, I don't see why not. Because if you're in an open relationship, you're not having sex in front of people in general, usually. Right. So you just, as long as the child is not like watching, I don't see what's the problem.

Maybe we'll, I mean, he's always trying to push that. Open relationship? Or at least a three-way. Oh, God. That's so tired, though. I know. But that's worse because that's, like, inviting all of the, like, insecurities and, like, foibles and, like, missteps of...

That's just too clunky. It's such a good way to put it, clunky. And he doesn't have the wisdom to know that it can't be one of his friends. Because I'm like, no, that's like awkward then. No, you just hang out with your friends. Yeah. And then I was like, maybe like a sex worker would make more sense. Yes, that would make more sense. But at the same time, I feel like once we do that...

Or he was trying to say like, when I go to Burning Man, can I have it be an open thing for Burning Man? And I'm like, I'm already thinking five Burning Mans, five road gigs. Okay, now when he, if I let him do that at Burning Man, now when he's in Raleigh next week, does he think that he can like do something there? I don't want to have these discussions all the time. So it's like, it's almost like it's just easier to just be like, we're not doing that. I feel the exact same way. That's like...

It was part of the draw of being in a monogamous relationship. We're done. Like, we're not looking anymore. We're not, like, searching and, like, you know, making a mistake, whatever. Burning Man? Yeah. You went there pregnant, didn't you? I went there three times. It was not for me. And he wants to bring our daughter there. So I tried to do... She's five or four and a half. And I'm like...

That's why I said to him, what if you instead of bringing her because he wanted to bring her this year, you can just do that thing where you you have free reign. And I told him that this year kind of as a joke. And then my therapist kind of urged me to like get some clarification on it. I was like, I just told him it. Let's see what he does.

And then I told him, you know, right before we went and it was actually very sweet. He was like, oh, well, you know, you're the most important thing to me and I didn't really even think you were serious and our family is so important. So that was very nice. So he didn't do it, but I still don't want him to take my kid there. It's not appropriate. It's not appropriate for anybody who is interested in hygiene or like –

No. Feeling good. I mean, it sounds like a nightmare to me. There's dust storms. Yes. But there's drugs. Tons of drugs. Yeah. He's like, well, then why do all these other people let their kids go? I'm like, well, they're probably bad parents. There you go. So November 15th, the book comes out, right? Yes. So I talk about a lot of this. You know, it's a lot of like me trying to still maintain like glamour. It's a comedy book. It's not a self-help book. This is comedy essays. Yeah.

Not that boring are what to expect when you're expecting bullshit. No, but I mean, I like those books. You do? Well,

mean it helped me as a mom but you know I didn't know what to I mean there's so many books about and so many people out there like arguing for competing for your attention in terms of how to like raise your child oh my god it's fucking daunting it's so annoying and like there's all these like women on Instagram and sometimes I'll like save the videos and show my husband so she'll be having a fit and I'm like okay let's do what this what the thing says you know and so we'll do the three steps and it doesn't work

And I'm like, these people are just scamming people. I don't think anybody knows how to raise a child. There's no generation where we're like, yes, it really works to validate all of their, all of their, you know, fear. And because you're not supposed to say all these things to kids. Now you're not supposed to say good job. You're supposed to say you worked really hard on that. And you're not supposed to say be careful, you know, because that could like get them afraid. And there's just all these new rules that are like exhausting. No shit. So I'm kind of making fun of a lot of

that stuff too. That's great. Can I keep this? Of course, it's for you. Thank you. I have one for you too. This is... Tatum O'Neil. Now, is it true that her dad let her do cocaine when she was 11? Well, I think she won an Oscar at eight, so... Okay. But like people didn't know. Like we drink Red Bull and like... I don't... I mean, my mother was a nurse in the...

early 80s and she smoked at the nurse's station with the doctors. Yeah, yeah. So I don't think we should be so hard on her dad for like giving her cocaine. But maybe I should read all the information. Yeah, there's a lot of I think cocaine was the least of the problems. And like Jack Nicholson would bring like 12 year olds over and everyone would be like, OK, well, we'll just leave now. The golden age of Hollywood.

would. Before phones, you know, people just vibing. I don't know about Jack Nicholson. They were vibing, right? They certainly were. Actually, Stevie Nicks lived across the next door at one point. Stop it. Yeah, talking about cocaine. I love her. She's amazing. She doesn't still live there. We can't go over. You should have her do the podcast. Has she done it? I don't think anybody's over there right now. It was like somebody parked in my driveway and it was...

I asked the guy, I was like, oh, do you live next door? He's like, kinda. I was like, oh God, here we go. There's some weird shit going on over there. Well, that stupid husband of hers, what's his name? What's the woman's name? Kelsey, no. Not Leslie. It's not Leslie, it's Shelly. No, it's not Shelly. Veronica. Julia. No, it's, well, anyway. What is it? He's so famous. I know, it's so famous. It's like Terry or-

No, just look up Fleetwood Mac. Yeah, yeah. It's not Leslie, but it's very close. I know. It's on the tip of my tongue. Anyway, he has his new family. Like she looks exactly like Stevie, like when she was, you know, 27. That's so weird. And then I really didn't like him anymore because he had a heart-shaped or no, he had a guitar-shaped swimming pool.

Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay Buckingham yeah yeah yeah anyways well I won't I don't want to keep you too long this is so sorry Lindsay this is like such a great this is lovely this picture thank you that's my child and um

And yes, it's parenting at the end of the world. The pandemic was rough. But I tried to maintain some glamour. I hope that it's hilarious. And I was trying like, it's more like David Sedaris style comedy essays. You don't have to read it from the beginning to the end. But there are- No pictures though, huh? I'm sorry. The picture thing, it was like, it took so much more energy and I could barely write the book. You've got to hunt down high res. Did you do that? It sucks.

writing sucks it's so hard it is so hard me and Trixie wrote together and it was like my assistant had to have like a Glock appointed at the back of my head to get me to write anything and I don't know how to type well I go like this it's so embarrassing you should have just texted it I know I did a lot of it on my phone but um yeah it's terrible it's very it's very rough but did you have a nice editor I did and I'm so glad it's over and I'm never writing another one that's

Famous last words. And have you noticed how thin it is? That's, when we got our first one, I was like, I was like, a pamphlet. Great. A pamphlet. Now Sharon's, Sharon's is a little heavier. She kind of really went for it. But that's the heavier cardstock. Oh my God, I didn't realize that. You could do that. Look at, there's only 30 words on each page. Oh my God, this is big fun.

See, I should have done that. Large print. Yeah. I would also encourage people to do the audio book because, you know, we're comedians. Do you read it yourself? I read it myself, of course, although that would have been funny to have someone else read it.

Or like Kathleen Turner. That would have been amazing. Yeah. I would like. Stevie. Maybe Stevie would do it. Oh my God. That would be. Yeah. I would love to have an old, old like Russian woman who's been smoking for 50 years and can't speak English very well. That would be great. Wait. I don't think someone's done that. That's really funny. Yeah. I love it. I mean, especially if you're a voice person, you know, you've got a podcast, you're a professional, but you still have someone else do it. Outsource it. Right. Give someone else a chance. Yeah.

Give Glenn Close a chance. Yeah, she's so bored. Well, Natasha, thank you so much. We never have guests, but I'm so excited because I actually legitimately love you and I was so nervous to have you over here. Oh, well, thank you so much. This has been a dream and I love you too. Great. Where can they find you on whatever? Just go on my Instagram, although I just can't deal with TikTok. I'm sorry. I have a page, but I'm just like, my time is too precious. I feel exactly the same way. And,

And so on my Instagram. So you have a child. I have a child, yes. They're going to have a TikTok and you have to monitor that. No, I'm putting her in like a school that doesn't do technology. Oh, she's going to be like a Luddite or an Amish person? Oh my God. I shouldn't do that. No, wait, wait, wait. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no. I feel bad, but like, I just don't want her to go. Like, especially for girls, it's so terrible. They have to learn calligraphy. They have to learn sewing. Yeah, she's like polished wooden toys. She's hammering them.

Yeah, like squares and circles. Exactly. I mean, when you say no technology, do they have electricity? No, they do. It's just something I'm like toying with. I think that's a great idea because I was recently asked like if I would ever let my child have like social media, at what age I'd be like...

That's why I don't think I could have a child. 27. Yeah, 30. I know. It's really sad because like all these kids are getting depressed. I mean, I know someone whose daughter, they had to hire like someone to eat all her meals with her because she's anorexic now in high school from Instagram. Wow. And they're monitoring the food now. And it's like, it's just everyone's, and then it's just so, who knows where it's going to be in 10 years. Yeah. I mean-

Well, hopefully, I mean, you and I both grew up without having to curate an online persona as we developed. That's stressful. That's too much. And AI has been out since yesterday and they're already trying to figure out how to do porn fakes with everybody. So it's going to be so trashed in 10 years. We're just going to be a bunch of like...

brainless gutter people fucking robots no there's gonna be a huge split and we're just gonna be like the Amish Luddites cool people too I'll be there farming doing our thing using map like a map to get somewhere I guess drawing maps and then using what's that thing the Thomas guide and like a you know an almanac yeah an almanac

And then there'll be the people who just want to go there in their little pods. Right. And slurp their goo. Their goo and fuck their robots. Yeah. So maybe there'll be a middle ground that we can hang out in. I don't know. Yeah, I think you're right about that. I mean, with Elon Musk, like, taking over Twitter. I was just going to say that, yeah. He's going to trash the world. Robot fucking in, like, three, two, one. Absolutely. Well, I'll be there for it. And you know what? There needs to be something to make fun of. True. And also making fun of robots is...

I feel like that's a world where maybe we could do that. It's like guilt-free. Yeah, you don't have to worry about anything. Yeah, it's like making fun of houses or something, which is my next thing. Are you going to do another –

Do you have a, is it a Netflix special? Is it a Comedy Central special? I have a Comedy Central special. You and Moshe have one together. We have one together on Netflix. Netflix, okay. Yes. That's the one I watch. It's called the Endless Honeymoon Stand-Up Special. But the podcast is the Endless Honeymoon Podcast. And that is, you know, you can just see it all on my Instagram. Okay, fabulous. And I'll try to read Tatum's book.

Oh, you don't have to. I've been like actually very interested in her because of that story that my hairdresser told me. It's crazy. It's wild. I think, last thing, I don't think any child should be in a movie

Ever. Me neither. Never. 18 or over. I have a friend who is 25 and she was a child actor in Disney stuff. And I just talked to her yesterday and she came over and she was talking about how she's ready to have kids and she wants to settle down. And she missed her last two years of high school. She, you know, and I think that it's like she already experienced that life almost. And it's like, maybe it would have been better for her to have like,

I don't know. I mean, she's amazing and successful, so it's fine. But I just can't imagine being at 25 ready to settle down. Oh, I can. I was like at 32, I was ready to retire. Really? Yes. I was so ambitious. Really? The kid really got rid of my ambition. Thank God. Yeah. I know. Ambition is enough.

It's so overplayed. I mean, Trixie is so ambitious. That's why she's dead. You know, she worked too much. But good partner. Great. They're a good engine. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, she literally keeps me tethered to this realm because otherwise I would just drift away. That's awesome. And you guys have such an amazing, you're so funny together. I love listening to your podcast. Oh, thank you. I'm learning a lot. Yeah. We have a lot to say as gay, bald, white men. Wait, can I ask you something? Yeah. What?

i don't want to get it wrong capital of romania no no no was it um because it's like not top or bottom what's side oh side so like top or bottom is like i know what that is yeah what is it what is it what is it when someone's a side well like there's guys who want to be that's if you that you're a top right if you're wanting to get back to your bottom but if you want to just shoot anal all together you're aside oh you're never doing anal well not i mean

Say, yeah, say that's not your preference because think about it. I don't want to do anal. Hello? If you're a woman, I mean, why would you want to do anal? Because you want to please the guy so bad and his dick seems small.

Boom. That's usually when I have considered it in the past. I won't feel that. Go ahead. But it fucking hurts. No shit. And there's no prostate. So what's the fucking point? Okay. So side is like a shooing. Yeah. Because like it's I mean, there's a risk of shitting on the dick unless, you know, you're prepared, which takes time planning. There's no spontaneous anal sex. Not everyone has nail scrubbers in their bathroom either. You know.

Well, I'm just saying it's like you got to stick your fingers out there. No, no fingers. No fingers. No fingers either? I say no fingers because I don't trust anybody's fingernail situation. I know. I have somebody who has a – I know somebody who had a perforated colon. Yeah. Yeah.

See, I scheduled my C-section. It was scheduled for 10 o'clock, 10.07. I had great pictures. I had the baby. I was out of there. I'm not trying to like do that. To rip out the plumbing down there is horrible. Oh my God. Yeah. So there's so much more you can do besides...

Penetrative anal sex. There's so much more. I love that. Go on walks. You can go get ice cream. You know, like there's lots of other stuff you can do. I would definitely be a side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I love your podcast. I'm learning a lot. Oh, my book comes out November 15th. Yes. It's beautiful. I haven't read it because she would not send me an advanced copy, but it's a, I can't wait to read it.

Thank you so much. Thank you guys.