Trimming the Tree with Ropes of Milky Goodness with Trixie and Katya
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Hello, governor. Hello, governor. RuPaul on Drag Race UK. That does not get old. I love when RuPaul walks up to them and it's like... Three things she says. Where you're supposed to say like, so, you've really been struggling in the competition. If it's UK, RuPaul walks up and goes like, um...

I don't like, like, please, sir. I want some more. He does Oliver Twist. Yeah. What's the other one? Spice Girls. He does like a sporty. By the way, the craziest thing happened today. You know, I'm a little bit psychic. Yeah. I today was at the gym where you were. Yeah. I was working out. I was working out a little bit harder than you. Just a little bit stronger in my upper body because of all the golfing and Mar-a-Lago. But the golfing and Mar-a-Lago. I was I said, I'm going to text Mel B.

Texted Mel B and then I look up and the Spice Girls were on the TV a second later And then I had another psychic episode two days ago somebody who works on this tour. Okay? I won't say his name because I don't know it He's been on tour with us for a year for you. I'm not clear on what he does who he is Could have any color hair. Yes, no, it could be gay. He gets on the elevator and

And I already have my button push. He gets on. I'm on six, I think. I push four. He goes, how'd you know it was my room was four? I said, I'm telling you, I have these psychic flashes and I just knew your room was four. Your floor was four. Oh.

Wait, you did it unconsciously. I hadn't spoken to him or anything. He got on. I just pushed for like a bellhop. Yes. But he didn't tell me what floor he was on. Mommy, you got the gift. You got the gift. The house in Virginia. Bones and all. Bones and all, honey. You got the gift. Bones and all cannibalism. So when? Well, you don't have to start eating people yet. But when are you going to open a psychic shop? I'm not going to eat anybody, but I am going to DM them about it.

You should open a little psychic shop. The problem is it's unpredicted. It's, it's, I don't know how to go. So if you ask me, what are the lotto numbers? I don't know. No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing a lot of numbers. Like, um, okay. So it just strikes when, but for no reason at any time. Yes. It's like walking through the, walking through the world. And then I'm like, have you talked to your mom today? They're like, no. And I was like, I think you should talk to her.

I just think you should talk. It's unwarranted, unprecedented and unreliable. And unmonetizable. Yeah. So that's how you know it's the real gift. Yeah. So what if I set up a little table on Hollywood Boulevard and people come for readings and I go, well, how much time do you have? Because it could be days. Yeah. Yeah. But listen, be like, I have the gift. So we just have to kill time until the real thing comes in. But I will definitely improvise in the meantime, you know. Do you know what else is the gift? What's the gift? Gratitude. Gratitude.

As much as Wimberly... No, it's true. It's true. Sometimes the last thing I want to hear on this tour is somebody gorgeous, stunning, like Wimberly going...

Gratitude. But you know what? No, it's true. She's right. Mama, she's right. She's right. So I told you about the trans woman who was exiled from jocks, right? Across the street, she would yip and yap certain things that she would yell platitudes, platitudes. Like if you were trying to, so it's a long story. What's a platitude? So platitude is like a empty, um,

like a phrase or a saying that has kind of like no meaning in a way. So like people were like, you know, you're better than this, Emily, you're better than this. Cause she's harassing them. She would go platitudes plat. And so that's what I hear in my head. Whenever I hear gratitude, you hear platitude, which is, which is the opposite. Almost like it's sort of like nothing you're saying is matters. Nothing you're saying matters. And it's all meaningless. And I have this voice of this woman in my head and it is so haunting, but she also yells, leave Erickson.

In just any other, like, because the door made it Swedish. I'm sure this woman wasn't. It was me. She wanders the streets and yells words. Well, blonde. Hmm.

thin, very striking pale face, changes into khaki pants behind cars. It's very, very, you know, she could have a whole lifetime series. Anyways, gratitude. Gratitude. You know what? I was thinking about this today because I was thinking, how can I have all my dreams come true and then sometimes feel the need to complain about it? Do you know what it is? What? It's rubbing the skin off as performers. Rubbing the skin off. Performing is an ejaculation. There's cum everywhere.

ropes,

Ropes of milky load. That expression has always turned my stomach. Yeah, it's a nurse rope. A solid as a liquid. Do you know what I mean? Ropes of cum. Ropey. Ropey. Ropey. Ropey. We're not doing ropey. We're not doing ropes. We're not doing ropes. I want my cum clear like water or blood. Yeah. One or the other. Don't give me ropes. Not a healthy white load. I don't want white ropes. I want clear ooze or red, red blood.

Grape jelly. Black shoes, white ropes, red blood, clear cum, shouldn't be allowed in the theater. But if you jerk off too much, you rub the skin off. Yes, of course. And when you tour and you perform like this. Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay. It's a metaphor.

Okay. I've been watching Breaking Bad and I was researching what happens to the brain when you're, I mean, this is new information to me, but what happens to the brain when you like bombard it with these dopamine rushes and how the chase is futile because your brain is so exhausted. Your brain's not going to do the same release again. And so when you perform this many days in a row, even though gun to your head, you love it.

It's not the same as if you do maybe one show a week where it's like, this is my eighth day load. Oh, Lord. Yeah. This is my eighth day rope. Your jizz is going to feel better. Your comb is going to feel better if you haven't done it in days. But if you're jerking off five times a day. You're blowing sawdust out there. That's what I mean. You're throwing lemon. You're throwing grapefruits. You're scraping up ropes and throwing them out there.

I understand what you're saying. I completely agree. We were doing this show one day a week. We would go out there like this is the moment. How about this? When it's six days a week, a month.

There you go. 12 good times a year. Yeah. Why don't you come up and not see me sometime? Yeah. Couldn't get tickets? Yep. Nobody could. Better luck next year. No, we do it. We do it. 15,000 seat arena. Yeah. Once a month. Two weeks of rehearsal. It's a lot of rehearsal. A lot of rehearsal. And then one week of decompression afterwards where we do songs and share. And by the way,

And by decompression, it's like weighted blanket therapy. Oh, absolutely. Because like you said, because there's only one, you know, with Peaches Christ always talks about the post-show blues. Oh yeah. I don't get those blues with this show. I get the post-show. Hey, hey. But like, but that's for real. When you need money, now's a good time to ask. Coming out from Chicago, I'm like, oh, you need anything? Got 12 minutes to get it. The way I dance during the last number of the show, when we have like two days off,

Oh, with the smile. I'm like the smile. It's the smile. I'm like, cause sometimes I'm kind of like, you know, but two days off, I'm like, I know it's terrible, but, but I've been trying to think about it. Cause I'm like performing is magical. I love doing the show, but when you do it this often, it's impossible to feel like every moment is the height of magic, you know? Yeah, of course. Of course. And also Christmas comes once a year, once a year, Santa climbs up on that chimney and

What would the Who's do if in Whoville it was Christmas every day? Oh, they would probably. Yeah, they're probably. Oh, God. Martha May Who would look ragged. Yeah, yeah. Ragged, ragged. Well, listen to this. So think back like on your favorite shows or whatever you wanted to see as like a youngster growing up and now put into your head the fact that your favorite performer or band or whatever probably experienced a version of this, of the show you saw where like,

I love you. I wish I could be here all night. And then they turn around. Let's get out of here. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, that is unthinkable to me because it was like for me, it's magic. There's like everybody was there doing their best and being like incredible, like, you know, Cirque du Soleil or whatever.

Those contortionists were probably like, oh God, I can't wait to go home and like, you know, jerk off or like, I can't wait to go home and watch, you know, Family Guy or whatever. And it's not magic for them. Yeah. That's so terrible. But it's honestly a lesson in like, you want to make more money, wear a suit. Like, do you want to make

a little less money and enjoy it more. Yes. There's also a version of that. You, you are, you're self-employed as a performer. Yeah. And I think that's why like the B52s, for example, they just, well, they're, they're grifters and liars. And I'll say this on the air, live on the air. They said that this is their farewell tour. And I was finagling with our previous tour manager, Bales. Which one? Oh,

I was going to say, there's so many previous tour managers. Yeah, our tour managers are here for a good time, not a long time. Not a long time. Not a leg, anyways. You know who we need? Gus Spring. Who's that? That guy from Breaking Bad. Oh, Gus? Gustavo. Oh, my God. The chicken guy? Yes. Oh, the chicken manager? He would get all those motherfuckers right together. Oh, you don't like that? Box cutter. The two twins will come with the axe. They were hot. I would let them out.

which cut me up i i wouldn't say i've been learning spanish but i've been locked watching breaking bad and saying back what they say in the show that's fair have you watched better call saul no but i'm gonna watch it now you have to watch it because it's one of those rare rare instances where a spin-off is

greater or as good or better than the actual fucking show. I'm going to watch it because my brother who's an attorney says he loves it and I feel like if lawyers like it then it must be if lawyers like a show about a lawyer then it probably is good. Yeah. Because it's always like a doctor watching House who's like that would never happen. Right, right, right. Or like Ally McBeal. God, that's so frustrating. What was she? Women and men in the same bathroom? Wait, what is Ally McBeal? Ally McBeal was a

A show with Calista Flockhart. It took place in a law firm in Boston, but it was quirky. But she's a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all lawyers. People like it. Oh, interesting. But she probably inspired a lot of women to be lawyers. I think so. I think that she inspired a lot of people to use unisex bathrooms too. That was the big sort of like set piece of the show. Do you think you would be a good lawyer? Absolutely not. I would not be. No. Maybe. I don't know. Jason and I were talking about how in, or no, was it me and you? I don't care.

how on a witness stand, I would just be like, tell them whatever they want to hear. I would just be so like controllable and coercible. I wouldn't,

I'd be the worst witness. You'd be like, where were you on the night of? Well, I was sitting home. I killed him. Yeah. I'd be like, well, I killed him. I think. Do you want me to? Yes. This is a traffic citation court. We're just looking for a little ding on the side of a fender. I was like, okay. Well, I did do that and I also killed the family. Yeah. Yeah. I know. But I'm learning a lot about law from Breaking Bad. Okay. Such as? Well, I'm also learning Spanish, like I said. See? Yeah.

The other day I was watching and the guy goes, blood for blood. And I went, so good. It is. So like I am catching on. It's my, it's my babble. Yes. It's my duolingo. It's going to stick better too. Cause you're going to have all those like, uh, terrifying, horrifying, like a bloody, um,

Of course

And Paris, they were so thrilled when we throw little phrases. Sure. If we could do that in Spanish. Mama, we got Latin America. We got Central America. We got Southern United States. We got España. We've got plenty other places. I'm not saying French is useless, but like today. Mama, French is the UN. Today I was watching, it was a leader in Senegal. There was a,

A fist fight At like a UN meeting Leaders of Senegal Mama Those French are They're ornery They really are Senegal Senegal Have you Wait I'm gonna go to Africa this year Girl we gotta Journey to Africa bitch Oui I'm gonna go to Africa But no wait Back to Spanish It's so shameful It's And it's so Living in LA Beautiful And where we live now

I just, I feel, I honestly feel a little embarrassed that I'm 33. And if I had prioritized that language younger. How are you going to know though? I don't know. How are you going to know? How are you going to know? We're all going to be speaking German in a year. Yeah. We're pretty soon. The world will be one giant arm of China. Oh my God. The, can I just say. It's the Christmas episode by the way. Oh my God.

Oh, speaking of which, Merry Christmas, guys, and happy holidays to you. Happy holidays. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. I got to tell you, Vanity, she made a video the other day, and she said, because her handle is Wigs by Vanity, she said people DM her, and they come up to her and say, Hi, Wigs. You're my favorite drag queen, Wigs. Love you, Wigs. Wig. First name Wigs. First name Wigs. By Vanity. By Vanity.

I think Bai is her middle name maybe? She's Bai. That's crazy. Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

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I don't know if this is actually real, but when RuPaul said he plays Deer in Deer Evan Hansen. I hope that's real. I think it's real.

Paul loves words though. Like I remember on what's the tea, which is so old now. It's like, there doesn't even exist anymore. You did what? 12 episodes of it. Yeah. 12 episodes. I was like the, um, Johnny cars or the, the Ed McMahon of it. Pretty much. Or Conan, the other guy who sits on the couch. Andy Richter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, when I saw Michelle last, I was like, I said, are you guys having to do what's the tea again? And she was like, I don't know. We want to, we talk about it. And I said, well, cause I was never a guest.

So I just think it's funny. It's fun. It's so fun. I just think one time I did it and Michelle wasn't there and that was a hoot because Ru is just nuts. You know, she is. She loves RuPaul. We'll be like, how do you, and what's that word? Say it again. Yeah. Yeah. And can you spell that? And you're like, the word is orange.

What are you talking about? She really does like get stuck on these elementary like vocabulary phrases. I think she maybe has like a linguistic learning disorder. She loves words and she gets really wrapped up in like, no, where does that word come from? Yeah. Say it. Say it again. My name's Steve. Yeah. And was she the one that smoked the weed? Yeah.

I love what little nuts about us she recalls. They're fractured memories of a time of bygone era. Crimes of the future. And I don't think she was very clear on them during that time. No, no, no. So the hazy mystery of it is very unclear. Is she the one with the ears? Yeah. Was she the one that dragged her pussy on the stage and left a stain on the floor? Yeah. I don't even think she knows. Well, here's the thing. I don't know.

I don't know. I would lose in a drag trivia contest. I would lose. I just saw something where I saw three drag queens in a cosmetics ad and I said, crazy. I said, they're beautiful. These girls. I said, it's great for them to get this gig. I mean, these unknown drag queens, they're gorgeous. And then I went into the comments and it was like, oh, these are winners or like top queens from another. I said, oh,

Work I honestly I haven't seen an episode of Drag Race Since I did Pit Stop last So whenever that was Three years ago, two years ago Wow, really? Girl, I ain't watching Why do you hate drag so much? Why do you hate gay people? Listen, I had to step away from Watchmen

I think I consumed everything there is to consume on the internet about Watchmen. That's very brave of you. Because you know when I like something, I don't just like it. You like it until it hurts. I go deep. I stay up late. I think about it all the time. You talk about it all the time. And I talk about it all the time. So I had to move on. Okay. So now I'm watching Breaking Bad. Again? Well, this is my second time watching it in my life. First time was maybe 2014. Oh, it's 2014? Okay. 2015. I mean, it's fantastic.

It is but the emotional labor. Oh my god, as soon as you start to think something you're like all these characters I care about they're getting on the straight and narrow Oh God, Kristen Ritter is heartbreaking that one that though the plot Kristen Ritter is the Girlfriend of Jesse who would the Jessica Jones apartment? Yeah, Jessica Jones so gorgeous so gorgeous heroin though mama heroin he lets her aspirate on her own vomit

Cause she was gonna bribe him or she was gonna blackmail him. Yeah. She's like, um, it's so fascinating. I just watched the episodes where I'm now Skylar has the car wash and they're trying to launder the money. And he's like, here's $700,000. And she's like, we own a car wash. Yeah.

working at the car wash. They might never get rich. She's like, are you telling me by the end of the year, you will have made $7 million? And she goes, we couldn't launder this with 50 car washes. Jesus Christ. I'm not going to say- Do people do that? Do people do that? I think people launder money. With jewelry stores and whatever. They definitely do, but- Well, I think it's harder when it's good sold.

But if it's something like a nail salon, hair salon, services, you can't really track it. Bars, I'm sure. Bars, yeah. Go to my bar. Our books are squeaky clean. Thank you. Squeaky clean. Very on top. But I think, I don't know much about money laundering, but I'll tell you this. I would do better than they did. What do you mean? I know that they're supposed to, the whole point of that show is there's no bad people. There's people making bad choices. That's what makes a bad person. Sure, sure, sure. Right? And so I'm watching it and going,

That's not how you should have done that. Yeah. Amateurs. Go bury the money in a hole. Also, how much money do you need? Cook the meth for three months and get out. See, that's the problem though. I think that's a real interesting question that is too difficult to answer. Well, obviously... Because he wanted to pay for what? His treatment or something? He thought he was going to die from terminal cancer within the year. Okay, so he wanted to leave them some stuff. So he wanted to leave his newborn and his family. I'm not saying it's right. But I mean, there's a character he cooks meth with who's like...

He's like, I'm a libertarian and I feel like people are going to get this drug on the street anyway. At least with me, I know they are buying exactly what they. Oh, absolutely. I think that's fantastic. Just get a breast pill. I just took a breast pill, but I know what it is. I go to Jesse. He gives me a breast pill. And I just, I, the, the ethics of like, um, I don't know. It's well, there's these, um, people in Canada who were buying drugs from the dark web, testing them and then redistributing them.

Because there was like so many testing them. Yeah, because there were so many fentanyl contaminations and like overdoses and stuff. So people were like dying from cocaine, like dying from cocaine, like a beauty review channel. Hey, guys, it's me. Welcome back to the channel. So they were taking this press pill I got from Senegal. Let's just hope there's no fentanyl in it. OK, here we go. Yeah, no, but it was like but so they were like.

Here is absolutely one gram of cocaine. No cutting agents. You know what I mean? Right. Which is never available on the black market. So it's an interesting thing. I don't, I'm not saying I would ever do crime because I, you know, my biggest. I think you should do crime. Second act. I have nightmares.

That I have accidentally reported income wrong and I go to jail. Or put the wrong thing in the recycling bin. Exactly. So I will never, I'm not a rule breaker, period. That's good. But when I watch the show, I'm like, fools. You should have made your little money and got out. Because what are you doing? But at a certain point, I mean, that's the character, right? He does it for the power trip. And I think when straight guys watch it, I think about straight guys a lot. I think that they're watching it.

They're not watching it to see moral decay. No. They're jerking off to, I'm bald and dumpy. What if I became powerful? What if I became a fully realized evil genius character? Yeah, well, guess what? It's not going to happen for you. Bob the Drag Queen told me to watch that show.

And I remember I watched it for the first time and it was like, it's so intense. Yes. It's so intense. It's not light. No, I watched that better call Saul, right? Like in sequence. And then another crazy, then another show. Um,

Fucking with that what was his name Walter Bryan Cranston with his yeah that in New Orleans He's a judge and it's a dark horrible thing. I needed to watch like the Wiggles after that Yes, but it's almost like French literature or something where it's not good prevailing It's like here's this character and we're gonna watch their life get worse. I love that shit you do I love it when it ends tragically horribly with no good feeling. Have you seen call me by your name? I have seen the sex scenes I watched it for the first time of the day because I

Oh no I have seen it I remember At a certain point I have to go You can't just re-watch The Brady Bunch movie every day You need to expand To new films Yes There's so many good ones out there I had to put down My baby blue Which was Marsha Taylor Or what's her name Christine Taylor Christine Taylor I had to put down My baby blue And step away And I had to Try a new movie And I went to Netflix Award winning movies So I watched This movie called Call Me By Your Name I had not seen it Did you What did you think about it

Tell me. Pedo. I mean, it's giving pedo, right? The whole time I'm thinking, this is an underage actor playing an underage character. It's a bony bitch, that motherfucker. That's a bony bird boy. I mean, I, underage, had relationships with adult men that I don't consider, looking back, harmful to me. But I did feel conflicted and sort of like, this is a kid. I thought he should have been younger. This is a kid. Well, he was, what, 17? Yeah.

Yeah. And maybe, I don't know. I don't want to say 30. Well, it was definitely a May, December type of thing. Yeah. Maybe an April, November. Yeah. But I thought it was like kind of the mood piece. Very sad. I expected something. And then at the end when he gets married to a girl and he just...

I literally laughed at the end. It's a long shot of staring at the fire, crying while the credits come up. I laughed. It was like, yeah, it was kind of like too much of a, just like a mood piece. And can I say, if I'm going to watch something gay, I'm waiting for the nut.

Not the nut, but like it is a long film. Oh, I know. And I'm like, something gay gonna happen. Something gay gonna happen. Oh, something gay almost happened. Nothing happened. Something gay gonna happen. And then when something gay did happen, I was like, oh, it's a kid. A bird boy with a bony ass. Yeah. He's like 42 pounds soaking wet. I mean, do you think he's attractive? Well, I don't think he's attractive. He's not my type. Right, of course. But like, would I put him in a cosmetics ad tomorrow? Yes. But he's not my type sexually. Yeah.

Maybe that's the other reason I wasn't gagging for it. It was, I don't know. Two straight little straight guys. One a cannibal, one a little bird boy going at it.

So crazy. But one plays a cannibal now in a movie. Well, no, I mean, he's just in all those weird cannibal texts. Oh, that's right. But the other one plays a cannibal now. See, you meet Armie Hammer, cannibalism is in your future. Yeah, we hate this person for DMing cannibalism. Yeah. Then this person's going to play a cannibal. The vicious cycle of Hollywood. The vicious cycle of Hollywood. Speaking of Hollywood, Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas. I went Christmas shopping yesterday and I got you a present. Ooh. What'd you get? I got you some fragrance. Oh, okay.

I didn't think you were actually going to tell me. What's the point of a present? Well, you don't know which fragrance it is. It could be like shit, you know, a stay larder or Avon or whatever. Pink sugar. I got you three discount bottles of pink sugar, extra large. Well, thank you. I got you something really cool. Did you really? Yeah. No, I think it's cool. It's not.

Super expensive, but it's like a one-of-a-kind piece. Well, you're entering the bracket where I have to inquire about what is your super expensive now. What is your super expensive? It's not about money. No, no, no, no, no. Expensive isn't about money? Gift giving? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just curious about, it wasn't super expensive to me. It means like, oh, we're just like...

Not over $100. Oh, this was, this is an original piece from Etsy. Well, one of a kind. I'm sure they make them on per order. Like when people order them, it was a few hundred dollars. Okay. But it's not crazy. I was like, I don't know. Well, last Christmas you got me a pair of, or maybe my birthday, you got me a pair of shoes that was like. What's money? What's money? What is it? What's money among friends? Numbers on a paper. Are you doing anything for Christmas? Girl. Mom.

I sit in here in this bed and I goon out to the thought of Christmas because I'm going to Palm Springs. Oh, that's right. Oh, wait. You're driving me. Yeah. You're driving me. I am. I'm just making sure you remember. Yeah, you're driving me. Just making sure you remember. You and I are going to Palm Springs. That's right. I don't want to say when, but if you're staying at the motel in December, you might see us by the pool doing a podcast. Yep. Peeing in the pool. This might come out by then. And then I'm staying with David's family. And David's family, they know how to do Christmas. Mama, they're so...

The Jews know how to do Christmas. The Jews know how to do Christmas. Because they're impartial. They see it from the outside. They do Hanukkah and that's fun. Yeah. And then when Christmas comes, it's like in America...

we're obsessed with the tradition of Christmas. So like, oh, put out that old disgusting rag doll. That was grandma's. So it means something nasty. Whereas David's family is like, don't put that on the tree. It doesn't go with the colors. Yeah. Yeah. They're not, they're not swept up in that whole Jesus stations of the cross. Like, you know, virgin Mary thing. Make it nice. It's like a Nordstrom window in your home. It's beautiful. These hotels in the UK in the Christmas time, fierce, gorgeous, stunning, absolutely gorgeous Christmas trees everywhere in the lobby. Yeah.

We need to bring Christmas villages to America. Every city's got a Christmas village. I know. I don't think that they would do well in America. I think Americans would tear that shit down. In LA it wouldn't work. It'd be somebody bent over shitting...

Literally There would be Ivy drug use By the mulled wine And then there'd be like But the cotton candy There'd be people Fucking Fucking and sucking It would be Child trafficking By the frito It's like too much Yeah It'd be Miss Wendy In a mini skirt

With a 40 in her hand, work in the corner. Yeah. Being like, Santa told me you were bad this year. Yeah. I'm going to take that license plate and slap you in the face with it. Also, there's like the one Ferris wheel would be always broken. It just wouldn't be a mess. It'd be a mess. You're going to laugh when I got David. Well, one of the things I got David. What? I got him a year subscription to Masterclass. What?

You want to make more money? That's great. That's great. So he can choose any, he can choose any classes. Yeah. He'll have access to all of them. All of them. That's fantastic. Cause he's into interiors and he's into drink making and there's all this stuff he likes. And spiritual enlightenment via RuPaul. So that's going to be coming handy. Yeah. I will say there's, there's so many classes and some of them are really suspicious. Well, it'll be like a home cooking with Ina Garten. It's like, Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. And sometimes it's like,

Millie Bobby Brown on transcendentalism and you're like yeah or um Chinese aphrodisiac cooking with Renee Zellweger yeah okay it's a little like um a brow lift with carrot top it's like two thousand dollars I don't know how much they are but they're quite expensive yeah I've inquired into the ones I think like David Lynch had one on directing or something but

It was, I think it's $250 for the year. Oh, that's not bad. No. Masterclass. David, if he wants something, he'll buy it for himself. So he's so hard to shop for. I know. I'm the same way. Because it's, it's like, it's hard to shop for people like that. Yeah. They'll just, they want something. They'll get it. Where do I get my fucking nephews? I mean, I'm going to check in with the parents, Paw Patrol, whatnot, everything like that. But did you say Paw Patrol? Paw Patrol is usually what the kids are into. Yeah.

Is that a show? Yeah. Oh. It's where like animals are policed. Is that if I thought that was like a party at the Eagle? Yeah.

Well, it sounds like a pop patrol. Take a breath. Pop patrol, honey. Summer tramp, pop patrol. Yeah. I don't know what to get the little kids, but I want to get them something like memorable, wonderful, dazzling. Well, I mean, you could get them something that's like not in memoriam. They're not dead, but like whatever the version of that is where you like make a donation in their name or to hurricane relief. Have you started like a...

College fun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We got a little dirt. We got a hole in the ground. Make a shoveling money and make a fat. So get them a little toy or something and then make a fat little deposit into that. That's what I've been doing. They don't need toys. Children get thrown away. Whatever. And also, I feel like by the time it gets there, they'll probably lose interest in it. I mean, yeah, it's just junk in the junkyard. Can I ask? Yeah. Are you having separation anxiety from your new home?

Are you, are you, does a bear shit in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic? Absolutely. Yes. And I want to show you. So your desire to be home has only compounded now that you own it. Right. And not only that, but there are people actively making it better, which is great. So, I mean, I actually, it's a good thing that I'm not there because it's so noisy, but, um, I just, I think about lemons all the time. I think about how they feel in my hand. I think about going out onto the porch and grabbing a lemon from the tree instead.

It's too bad you don't drink alcohol. And I don't say that to a lot of my sober friends, but there's nothing like fresh Meyer lemon in a fucking cocktail. When you have somebody come over and you go, do you want to drink? We don't lime or lemon. Yeah. Boop. Yeah. It feels fresh. So I'm here. Yeah, I know. It feels so content because you know what people did before Gelson's, they grew food, they grew food in there. Yeah. In their backyard. It was called a corn maze, but originally it was a maze maze because corn is called a maze.

This original corn maze was a maze maze, honey. Oh, you. Oh, you. Christmas. Do you have holiday ham on Christmas? No, of course you don't. You're a vegetarian. No, I go down to the Silvers. What are they making for you? What are they cooking up? David's mom makes sugar creamed scotch, rolled out, shapes cut out, everything. Fuck it up. They make Christmas breakfast, everything. David's sister will have a signature cocktail.

That she'll have picked out for that Christmas Oh wow that's fierce And she plays bartender and whatever you want Like eggnog martinis or whatever And because I'm the guest All I do is like wash the morning dishes and take out the trash And then sit around That's so fierce Well they should like I imagine they circle around you because you're a Christian

No, usually I have to pay them back. I have to play guitar for them at some point. There's like an unwritten rule. My other question to you is, oh my God, I just forgot what I was going to say. I saw the glass onion.

It's the glass onion. Have you seen Knives Out? Yeah. It's a sequel to that. Oh, did you love it? I liked it. I thought it was entertaining, but I think like most movies these days, it was 20 minutes too long. Mary Dugan, we are connected to a cinemaplex. I know, the view. A cinema movieplex. Yeah. The movies are back and they're right over there. Well, I took some pictures of the showtimes today and I wonder if you could advise me on what I should see. Okay. So the options are,

This film called Pray for the Devil. Okay, that looks like a fun home movie. Okay, it starts in 10 minutes. I'm probably not going to make it. No, no, no, no.

the menu love it go see it run don't walk run don't walk to see the menu run don't walk to see the menu loved it it was actually one of the movies that I've loved I loved it from start to finish and I haven't felt that way in a long time well if we're talking about men in cinema that are not that I'm not attracted to because this has nothing to do with pedophilia because this is an adult man the man in this from X-Men first class

The gentleman in the menu. What's his name? Ray Fiennes. Is that his name? The chef? No, that person. I don't know who that is. Oh, Nicholas Holt. So hot. I love him. So hot. You won't love him in this movie. Well, I shouldn't give anything away. Is it Big Fat Cock? He's so cute. He's so handsome. Yeah, he's so hot. So, so handsome.

But menu five stars. Five stars. In X-Men, he plays Beast, Hank McCoy. I hate that character. It's so stupid. No, I love it. I'm a beast, but I want to look normal. And I want to fall in love with him and be like, no, I want you to be normal.

I want you to get on top of me with that giant blue dick and blow my eyeballs out of my skull. Put that dick so far from me that my eyes shoot out of my head. I want it. I want to be like the coroner needs to be like vacuuming out blue hair from my inside of my body for weeks. Absolutely. And by that, I mean, I want you to slip one pinky in and me to go, stop. You're going to stop. Ow. Ow. What about him and Mystique? Why didn't they get together? Both blue. Blue babies. Could you imagine? Yeah, of course.

Wait, don't they use her blood to make it so that he can look normal? Isn't that the whole thing? I don't know. I forget. X-Men, whatever. I've only seen those films once. Yeah, they're not that great. Well, I watched another movie that was fine and not that great. Which one? It was great. Which one? It wasn't great. It was called The Wonder...

Victorian Starving Girls Florence Pugh Friend of the Pod No I would watch her give herself a pedicure I don't care She's so talented Every movie she's in they go Then we're going to have this long scene of you walking Away from people toward the camera Trying to hold it and crying So you're going to have a long shot of you going Yeah And I love that

In emotions. They're great. I want to watch a movie, cry myself, pretend that I'm in it. Oh God. I cried while I ate the other day with food. That was really special. I haven't done that in a while. Which hole were you putting it in? Well, I was shoving it through the back hole. No, I was eating soup and spicy soup and then I started crying. It's chic. Did you look at our Spotify podcast wrap, by the way, for the year? Ooh.

have been listening to it in a very how should I say unhealthy manner don't you think we're actually some people's number ones we're in the top 1% of subscribed to podcasts wait wait what yes hold on how do we do that and we are the top we're in the top 1% shared podcast what people share our episodes a lot we don't deserve it isn't that great thank you everybody for listening to our show thank you so much merry Christmas to us shit we put out 1500 minutes of content on this pod this year I think wow

1500 what 1500 minutes of pod Oh really Is what we put out I believe Isn't that crazy It just seems like Flash Also seems like it goes on forever Either means there's a lot of pods

Which is probably also true. Everybody has a podcast. Everybody has a podcast. So thank you for listening to ours. I know you have only so many hours in the day and your commute is only so long and you choose to use us and that's great. I think most people do listen to it on the commute. Don't you think? Yes. I think the LA is like literally keeping podcasts afloat because of the long commutes. Two hours to work. Have you furnished everything in your house? I meant to talk to you about this. Yes. I only need stools for the kitchen counter and I need some outdoor furniture because we're getting rid of all that. And then some wallpaper.

paper and some like you know things as like we go I didn't want to go crazy right away because I wasn't able to fully transition it into witch hut because it was a 1960s kind of modernist house you can still go kind of dark sided yeah kind of dark side is the key though I don't want to go like full-on like why is there a witch living in this house

Totally. It's not in the woods. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I don't know. It's great though. It's like I could look at wallpaper all day long. What do you want? I get bored. What kind of wallpaper do you like? Something geometric, but fun, but kind of like moody, tight geometric or big. I want something bigger. I had stripes. It was a little beetle juicy. The wallpaper. Oh, vertical stripes. That seems a little crazy. I liked it. It was only on one wall, but the wallpaper guru installed it and it came off the next day.

mama guru of what that's what i'm trying to say like i think it was like guru by um yeah like i don't think he knew what that word meant yeah guru is like the wall is good at it yeah it was so bad and took forever it's hard we had wall shop do all of our wallpaper trixie cosmetics yeah and it's perfect has never moved to mine is it very expensive they have so many

No, I know. They have so many. They have so many wallpapers. It's crazy. There's this one I want from my office in the new house. Is it a mural? No, it's a Gucci wallpaper, but it's so fancy and cool. It has like lion heads on it and stuff. Yeah, I've seen that one. I've seen that one. Don't buy a designer. I know. But if it's a small wall like this size? Oh, yeah, absolutely. If it's a small wall, yeah.

Just one more. I think I'm going to have some local kids come over and do a mural in acrylic paint. That's probably the best scenario. Hand painting. Yeah. I'll hold them by the legs and they go boop, boop, boop. Do you like in-home murals? I mean, I've just bought a Celli or Da Vinci or something, yeah. But I don't think like a... You wouldn't have somebody come in and paint something? I don't think so. Unless they were a very talented classical artist.

Okay, you know they take to separately long when we did him at the motel They took one of them took 15 hours for three four of us. It's a giant painting. It's it's a giant painting You look at it and you go. Oh, it's just shapes. No Mary when we did that Flamingo wall on Trixie Motel. It was like the pressures. It's there forever. No mistakes It's cute and all until 40 minutes in when you're sick of it and you're like, we're not even scratching the surface horrible. I

Plus you have to either freehand it or project it to trace it. Oh, that's smart. You didn't do that? No, we did project it. But then just even penciling it is a whole process. Then you turn the lights off and turn it on and you go, and then you have to mark what all the colors are going to be so you don't paint things the wrong color. Oh, right. It's because you make mistakes like that so long. Yeah. Honestly, this is the new house. I was like,

I'm gonna have to hate something a lot because the motel took it out of me renovation style. Oh, I see. I see the new house. I'm like, it's so pretty. The new house. We have some, I'm going to change the fixtures, but I'm like those stairs. I can't change anything. Sumptuous mahogany woodwork. I know. I love those stairs so much. I'm going to fall down those stairs and die. You are. Yeah. Like just like, um, what's her name from Dolores Claiborne. What about a lovely portrait?

Could we get you in like a linen Ebenezer Scrooge pajama outfit and then a holiday photo shoot? And then I can be Jacob Marley. Wait, wait, for what? Just life. Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, I had the giant fat lady with her pussy outframed.

So she's going to be prominently featured. I was like, oh, this might be too much. She's huge. She's six feet by something. And you made that out of your own volition in college or what? Yeah, in college for drawing class. And they required you to make a giant one? No, no, no. I was just like feeling extra. And the teacher loved it. His name was, he was an English guy. He was kind of whatever. He loved it.

The students were like, you are weird. Wait, when you presented that, you presented that in college and you had to talk about your process. Yeah. I was just like, Oh, you know, I created this character. Her name is cherry. And here she is. She's got a, she's got a lot going on downstairs. Sorry about that. And it's a bunch of straight people and stuff in there. Like art. What is it? Art one-on-one school. No, it's drawing. It was like drawing. Oh, so it was majors. No, it was like art elective. It was an art elective.

So you're at an art elective unveiling your rot pussy manifesto. I thought it would at least be like funny or not. If not funny, then like, wow, school's so boring. Can you describe what it is? I don't think everyone knows. Um, so it's basically just like a cartoonish oil pastel drawing of a very large woman, uh,

Who's squatting with her knees open you see her whole labia and there's a lot of warts and bumps and stuff going on It's like decay. It's gray. It's gray lips and then some sores and stuff and she's also holding her breasts, you know But she's got brown teeth I'm just obsessed with this being an elective and people are just like I'm just trying to get through midterms and you're like anyway, here's this I really wanted to just unroll it. That's the fun part. You just You know, I mean it's dramatic

Because it's in a role. Giant art is hard to come by. No fucking shit. And also, art in a home is tough because what do you go to? Go to the art store? You're going to go down to the art store and get your art or whatever? So you have to know the person or whatever. It has to be some kind of like... Craigslist? Yeah. There's an art section on Craigslist where people are just getting rid of paintings or sculptures from all different eras. And then you got to get a car and go pick it up though. Well, that I got.

That's right. I'm going to get an Uber to take me to what? Like...

Sierra Bonita to pick up a giant pussy pain one day you come down. Um, you call me up I'll come over to your house on the car pick you up. I'll take you to the convenience store You buy a candy bar. I'll drop you home. That's gonna be huge for me This is huge for me. I think this is a big big solid move in the right direction for both of us You know, Kelly Mantle went bowling last night. I did. Yeah with Jason. Yeah, I think Kelly's good at bowling I think that she she was I think she won around last night, right? Didn't she win?

You think she's bad at bowling? She was terrible. Oh, you were there. And she ate?

She served. Yeah. Good for her. Yeah. Well, she's not much of an actress. That, by the way, so getting tired with material of the show, ground to a halt the other night when you sneezed and then you're like, sorry, I'm allergic to bad acting. That was so funny. It was in the middle of Kelly's- That was so funny. So funny. Not a monologue, like two paragraphs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I sneezed in the middle and I don't know. I'm just-

I was looking for something. We're going to feel something. Orville Peck called me and was like, are you at the point in the tour where you're like purposely making changes to keep it fresh? I said, at this point, I think we're actively skating around the material. Yeah. Yeah. We're avoiding it. We're making fun of it. Making fun of it. Avoiding it. Yeah. Hurting each other. Hurting. Personally. Sandy. Yeah. That last show in fucking North Carolina is going to be real boo-boo. Real boo-boo.

So if you have tickets, you're going to love it. By boo-boo, I mean wonderful. I'm just looking forward to Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Well, who isn't? Clearwater, Florida would like a word as well. We're doing all the major cities. Oshkosh, Clearwater. Indianapolis. Miami. Low ticket sales. Why? Miami's never a good market for us. Never. Why is that? I don't know. Too many hot, sizzling Gloria Estefan fans there.

But the gays don't live in Miami, do they? Yeah, they sure do. Well, why don't they care about gay men don't like us anymore? Well, I went to a club in Miami in November. Love it out. Yeah. No, no, no. Just a gay club. Twist. Lovely club. Went in there. Nobody wanted to have anything to do with me. It was fierce. I thought I'd be like, oh, you know, I don't want to take pictures. Nobody wants pictures. They don't like drag?

Don't know didn't like me maybe I'm but Brandon I went to a club in Orlando once that was formerly known as the Parliament House and I do too. I did boy party there once you did too, right? Mm-hmm And the humidity though, that's right Miami Motel. Love you. Palmin house. Yeah, all right, she's gone. Anyways. Oh good. Yeah, I mean not good but

We were there once on like a weeknight and there was a woman performing. It was a woman doing drag naked. No shoes on. Boobs out. Pussy out. No shoes on. Who was the drag? Maybe a dozen people there. Is the drag in the hair, the wig? I guess it was just the essence. Attitude? It was the attitude. And the bartender gave us money to go give her because there was no transaction being made.

It's sort of like if it's a store and everyone's just looking and no one's purchasing. It's tough. It's a direct show. The bar turner's like, go give her money. I'm like, I fucking will. Pity tips. Yeah. Pity tips. That's tough. No, just naked woman. You sure she was a drag queen? She didn't wander off the street? No, it was a naked woman.

It was a naked woman. It was a naked woman with maybe earrings were the drag, like chunky earrings. And that was the blush. Maybe. A bottom lash and some earrings and complete nudity.

Well, that's Christmas. That's the magic of Christmas. Did you see Fina was on Delta's podcast? No, no. Oh, God. What did they get into? I can't wait to listen to it. I can't wait to see what these two people talk about when they get together. The surly and irascible weather patterns have found each other. The number of ice cubes, everything. Nobody's safe. The attitude of the clerk at the drive-thru. Well, the clip was Delta being like, you know, if all drank is valid, when you say like,

Your drag is old school. She's like, well, yeah, it is. But what's wrong with that? She's like, what's wrong with wanting to wear like nice hair and jewelry and perfume and put nails on? Yeah. And she's right. Yeah. And she should say it. Absolutely. All drag is. I mean, why do we have to say valid? Valid.

What is valid? It's like I'm a professional. Well, somebody paid a dollar for your services. Yes, that makes you a professional. You work professionally if you sell your services for money. Your Halloween costume is valid. Absolutely. Your pants, your shitty chinos from the dollar store are valid. You know, your neck brace is valid. Everybody loves your brown hair. So who gets into drag for validation? I started drags at other drag queens. If you want to get validation, just go to a parking structure and get a ticket.

Yeah, or do like take some adult karate where there's like, here's your belt. Take adult karate. You know, here's your belt. Yeah, you get a series of colorful validations that add up to something very huge. What's the validation in drag? A drink ticket? Well, it's like, do they really mean my drag is good? Because that's...

off the table and it's subjective of course and speaking of which merry christmas merry christmas just a little bonus holiday episode you know not to over promise but when we finish touring in the spring we look forward to going back to one episode a week i think we can say that with

And without teasing too much, we now have a place we will be consistently recording in. Yes. With consistent camera work, visuals, the same set every week. It's basically going to be like a television show now. It's incredible. And CBS Studios was so nice to give us all of their lots access to it.

Every lot they have That was huge It was huge Yeah and also Well I know We're on the Paramount lot Our studio is actually In the tower The water tower It's a lot of pressure But I think we can Rise to the challenge The Streamys are Sunday Oh my god Well what We can't go If we don't get That editing award I know I'm gonna have to kill Bob Streamy Yeah I'll have to kill myself too I'm gonna have to strangle The piano wire

i'm ready i'm ready to do it i think we should we at least wins i mean we got best unscripted before okay that was great i felt like that was the constellation prize but that was just me this is our third best nomination editing mary we need to get editing yeah don't you think yes of course but we've also had best show three times this is our third nomination

Well, I just think that the real crime is the editing. Editing should be acknowledged. It's so fierce. And also in this YouTube world, it really paved the way for and inspired other people who have become successful on YouTube. Not to say that they've ripped us off, but like they really created something. Yeah. It's a moment. It's a thing. I never feel like our show. I mean, maybe the editors feel different, but I think when our editors notice their style being emulated, I don't think they're ever offended. No.

It means you have an impact. It means people appreciate what you do. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Absolutely. Well, Merry Christmas, everybody. And I hope you have a really happy holiday. Bye, wigs.

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