We All Need a Necklace That Says “Winner” with Trixie and Katya
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We're back. Hey, hi, hi. Hey to the folks. How are you? Hey. Hey. We're back. Spice Girls. Spice Girls. Who's your favorite Spice Girl? Um. Is that a trick question? It is, baby. But. Really? But.

Now that Mel is a colleague of mine. Yeah. And a close personal friend. Close personal friend. Yeah. Bestie. I told you about the goats, right? Yeah. Fucking hilarious. Goats. Fainting goats that are hilarious. She has fainting goats. She said, I have those fainting goats from the internet. And I said, oh, is it like, I guess she saw them. I said, are they funny? Do they really faint? I said, she goes, it's fucking hilarious. I mean, I'll never forget. I love her accent. She says every day she kicks open her, her,

her kitchen windows and scares the goats and says, good morning. And they faint. No, that's not true. That can't be true. Does she have video? That's her daily. Am I still scary? If you know, I didn't even put that together. Wait, what is the real story behind scary spice? I mean, what's the deal? It's so crazy. Well, I'm sure that leopard print, that's not scary. Well, if I know my spice girl, like storylines. Yeah. I think that these are,

Nicknames were picked out for them by some kind of music reporter who didn't know their names. Okay They were originally called spice. Okay, and then people kept saying the girls from spice the spice girls And then I think some reporter was like, oh, there's the posh one and then the ginger one He didn't know their names. Okay, and then they just ran with it But that's like that I think that is like reinforcing my the point. Um, I I think that's scary

Scary? What's so scary about Mel B? I would say gorgeous Spice, lovely Spice, beautiful Spice. I had a good time working with her and she never hit me once. No, could you? Why is she so scary? I have a black eye. She never stabbed me. Oh man. The Spice Girls. Listen, can we talk about the elephant in the room? Posh? Oh, this one? We're back in Los Angeles. Oh, okay. I walked into my house the night we got back. I stood in my kitchen and spun.

Spun my arms out like Maria. Yeah. I French kissed my furniture. I went, and then I did tongue. Yeah. It was great. It's sickening to be home. Hollywood right there. The sign. The sign. It's lovely. Unfortunately, I forgot that this part of the year at LA is really disgusting. It's going to look like this for four more months. This part of the year? Look at this. I mean, the sky. Oh, but I like the overcast. It's a welcome change. We have to leave in two and a half weeks. How's that? Mary, Mary.

We're at the show in LA and everybody's circling up and doing like the, I'm 15 for a moment. Like do it like, they're like goodbye to you, vitamin C graduation. Like can you believe the tour's over? The end of an era. Oh yeah. Is everybody here on crack? 50 shows left, yeah. The way I see it, we gotta, don't even unpack. Don't even unpack.

Don't say goodbye Don't say goodbye to me Unless you're never Going to see me again Girl Thank you It's called see you later See you later Tinta Mm mm Mm mm

Yeah. YouTube theater was nice. I liked it. Until we got up there. I thought it was extremely hot on that stage. It was hot, but I like that. I don't know if I like, I don't know if I'm undecided about historic theater. Like, you know, usually no AC. Or like new theater kind of looks like a convention center. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No character, but maybe AC. I don't know. The floor was concrete. Yeah. Ugly. Yeah. Ugly.

You know, I don't know. It's YouTube theater. I thought, oh my God, are we booked here because we're YouTube celebrities? And they said no, that YouTube just sponsored it and owns the name or whatever. I said, okay. Like the Charles Schwab Pavilion.

Yes. Well, I met a bunch of people from YouTube and I was like, I'm a YouTuber. I was like, I have my million play button. And they were like, what is your million play button? We give a million subscribers. Is there like an actual club? Like what is the most, um, uh, like how many, who's the most famous person on YouTube, by the way, as far as numbers. Yeah. Probably Mr. Beast.

How many has he got? Do you know who Mr. Beast is? Okay, you and I gave him an award once at the streaming awards. Oh, Mr. Beast, of course. Kevin, right? Kevin Beast? Kevin Beastie. Yeah, Bob. I mean, the Beastie Boys. Oh, by the way, we got to talk about that club we went to the other night. All right. You know what? I'm going to say this as a... Wait, okay, Mr. Beast, 106 million subscribers. Wow. That's crazy. But he has a channel where he's like...

He's like, today I'm giving away 10 Lamborghinis. You know what I mean? Yeah, that like Dubrovnik guy. He does the same thing. Yeah. What is that? You go from like, I used to pick my nose online and then you're giving away Lamborghinis? That's so crazy. But now like the kids, the youths, their aspirations like on career day, they're like, I want to give away Lamborghinis on YouTube.

Automotive philanthropy is something to strive for. Yeah. I'm sure he's really, I'm sure he's nice and I'm sure he's funny. I think he's pumped. I'm just going to say it. I think he's pumped. No, I don't think he's gay. No, no,

Nobody with that many Lamborghinis is gay. Isn't anybody with that much money sucking cock, though? No. You're going into space. You're going to cry and stuff. No, you're sucking cocks. No, you're sucking cocks. If you're rich enough to just be a little gay, everybody wants to be a little gay. So if you're so rich, yeah, they're sucking cocks. Oh, he just looks like Bob Regular. He just looks like a Bob Regular.

I think he's pumped. He's not pumped. He's not pumped. Mama, he's pumped. He went to brunch and he got pumped. So we also got to talk about you and I had a wrap party. They... All right. They organized... The tour organized a party at a place called Dave's Break Room. Something like that. What was it? I...

I contacted the producer of the show weeks before. I said, hey, you know what? You should organize an after party if you haven't done that already. It was like, okay, great. We'll work on it. Where? Maybe West Hollywood. Blah, blah, blah. Cut to a 45-minute Uber ride to Koreatown. That was fine with me because I live over here and so do you. We have to come this way anyway. Okay. Oh, that's true. We were in Inglewood. Yes. That's true. Okay. So the issue was – 145 minutes in the Uber. I'm all for theater. I went to Terror Vault. Okay. Like I know theater. Yeah.

That was not standing in the, in the dumpster alley near the smell of dead cats waiting with what waiting with straight people. Oh yeah. Like when I see a bunch of cool straight people, I'm like, we need to get the fuck out of here. Like, like, like when I see like an influencer girl, that's true. And you know what? Did you notice the couplings?

I'm like the hottest bitches with the ugliest men. That is LA. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like this hot, hot, hot bitch. And then this guy who was wearing like, it was like Ronnie inspector. He was wearing like, I'm like a Ronnie specter wig and a drug rug. And I was like, what are we doing? Well, you know, it's LA. We walked through, we walked through this back area. It looked like a kitchen, industrial kitchen. Everybody's waiting on a loading dock. I get in there. I have a painting. I'm carrying a large painting. And I, and I'm like, fuck.

What's up with I'm going to the after party. Where's the after party? I'm not waiting on a loading dock. I go right in. Then she tries to say, do you want something from the trap door or whatever? There's like a vending machine. A vending machine. That's a really a door. She's like, do you want anything from the vending machine? I was like, yeah. And then it was a joke. Well, that was her bit. Like you want anything with a vending machine and then open. Great bit. Although I'm not going to lie. That was exciting.

I didn't get it. When we finally, when the door was revealed and I would have never known it was there. That was exciting. And you know what else I loved about it? And I'm going to say this. I saw you walk in. I saw your face and you left immediately. And I understand. But what I did enjoy about the night, we weren't at a gay bar. And so nobody wanted a picture with me.

And so in that sense, it was nice. If I want people not to take pictures of me, I'll go to my own bathroom. Right. You know what I mean? But I'm saying it was not a full bar. It wasn't many people there. I know. And it was a bunch of private karaoke rooms. I went into the karaoke room of a stranger. The what room? Karaoke room. A stranger's karaoke room. I thought it was public. And after now, I was like, oh, that was their little private party. You just blended in. I walked right in. There's straight people singing. High school musical. High school musical.

Fucking high school girl singing high school musical. I walk in and the girl singing looks at me and she recognized me and then she takes a picture with me. And then I realized this is, this is not public. This is private. Oh, okay. So I left. I, but there was like some kind of like, um, rock band situation going on in there. And I was just like, they were singing beastie boys. You want to fight?

Oh, you're right. Yeah, I wasn't into that. But also, I was like, I thought it was going to be like a little private little setup and, you know, like, but yeah. I had a blast. Okay, good. I sang with Tracy. We sang a lot of music. A lot of great music sung that night. I did Work It by Missy Elliott. Okay. Wait, is that Sex Me So Good? I say blah, blah, blah. Yes. But it's kind of a flex when you're doing a rap song and you don't have to look at the screen. Oh, yeah. Everyone's like, wow, you're cool. And you do all that good dancing too. Yeah.

Well, I'm there and I'm dancing and I'm like, there was more slurs in the song than I remember. So I also did some silent sections. I was going to say, did you omit any words? No, I jumped. I will say I did some like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, it's tough. Yes, if you don't want to get canceled by Flap Tina bestie No, so our dancers just laughed at me while they like skipped sections. They're like, okay good for you. Um, but you know I'm always fascinated by dancer type personalities because any dancers like backup dancers or Professional dancers really hot people like that with great physiques. It's always about half a half tablespoon of alcohol and

They climb the walls. Do you know what I mean? I suppose, yeah. Dance people turn up so fiercely, so quickly. They do get, yeah, they bloom and blossom in the nightclub. They do crazy shit. They do crazy shit. They do. Hot people in general, like when it's... I know, what is that like? When the world is your oyster. When the world, when it's not about them, and this isn't to our dancers, this is to all hot people. When it's not about them, there's a shift, there's a seismic shift where they're like,

Oh my God, this isn't about me. Oh yeah. Like what do you mean? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's disorienting for them. Yeah. How could this possibly be? It's a seismic gravitational pivot. And they're like, they're, they're like, um, Marty McFly, like hand disappearing. And they're like, oh my God. It's usually a call to action though, because that's when they ratchet up the drama a little, a little more to get back in the spotlight. Don't you think? Yes, I do. What happened? What happened? I don't know.

We went to see Terror Vault, which I, that was thrilling. I was so tired and I was jolted right back to life that night, screaming, screaming. If you're in San Francisco, I mean, I'm sure this comes out. Oh, it's after Halloween. No, no, it isn't. If you're in San Francisco, go see Peaches Christ Terror Vault production. It's basically a haunted attraction.

It's a 45 minute experience with a narrative. Tableaus. There's all different tableaus that you step into and people acting right inches from your face. We screamed a lot. Screamed a lot. Sometimes they're touching you. They shocked me. I had the necklace on, which meant please touch me. And then they strapped me to a thing to put a lot of like blush on me and then shocked me with the e-stim thing. It was crazy. Scary. They got like cottage cheese all over my blouse.

Well, and this is my trauma, right? My trauma. Trauma. I don't like it. Horror movies, something scary happens and people laugh. I don't like that. And I understand that people's response to fear is sometimes laughter, but mine isn't. Mine is to be, I watch a horror movie like this.

Yeah, if we're having a communal experience, you need to go with the appropriate response. Which is more, huh, right. Yeah, not like, oh, you bitch, you fucking bitch, you serve, like, or at a haunted house. Yeah. If we're spooked and scared, we don't need to, like, talk back to the haunt people. You know what I mean? We certainly don't need to sass the actors in front of their face. Yeah. So it was a little, it was a little, um.

Yeah, it sucks. It sucks. Not to my taste. Yeah. Also, I have, I'm like such a goody two-shoes from school. Like, I don't like people who misbehave in particular ways. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, talk when the teacher's talking or whatever. Like, it's rude. I don't like rudeness. Yes. Or like saying jokes to the movie theater screen. What's the point of that? Girl, don't do all that. No.

Shut up. Shut up and be scared. But they should have movie theater experiences where it's like, oh, this is a silent showing where nobody's going to talk.

But that should be all of them. Everybody. There's literally every movie. But in LA, I wanted to see Halloween ends last night and I wanted to go down to Hollywood Boulevard to the TLC, TCL, not TLC. TLC theater. Yeah. And I was like, I'm not going to go because I'm going to be mad when people start talking to the screen or like laughing. Yeah. When I saw Smile, a bunch of high schoolers were just having like their little varsity meeting in the back. Varsity Blues back there. We were there. We were there.

No, no. This is when I went the first time. So the night before. Yes. You saw Smile, Two Nights at a Row. I did. It was like in a nearly empty theater except a bunch of like rabid Randy high schoolers. And I was like, you'll need to do this somewhere else. Go rent a hall, the Elks Lodge. But that's what I mean. There should be a showing that's like, this is the fun showing for people who want to chat. It's just a screensaver. And then for people who want to be scared because it takes me out of it.

I get scared and then someone laughs and it breaks my momentum. I know. It's horrible. How am I supposed to keep jerking off when people are laughing in the back row? Yeah. Cause I'll, I'll go along with it. If I pay my money to be there, I will go along with it. I don't need to. We go along with what? The, the vibe. Anything.

But like, I'll go along with, if you're trying to scare me, I will meet you. I'll be scared. If you're trying to make me laugh, I'll laugh. You know, like, I'll go for it. Yeah. And so anything that's sort of like pulling focus from up there, I like that. Not good. Not good. You ever shit your pants in a movie theater? Sorry, would you ever shit your pants in a movie theater? No. For $10? No. Okay. I thought too long about that. I was like, that was the pregnant pose. I'm, um, I guess we'll take a break. We'll take a break. Yes, break. Break.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

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Okay, we're back and I'm hungover. Okay, we're back with Matthew Camp's ding-a-lang right here. I got hungover. Did you drink weed? I think that's possible.

I ate edibles. I ate edibles. And let's say I pushed it. Well, what does pushing it mean? I think like I took some and then fell asleep maybe before the beat dropped. And then I think I woke up a little tired from it. Oh, is that, that happens on edibles? Really? It happened to me.

You take a little too much. Reductress. It happened to me. Too much edibles. And I woke up feeling cranky. But it wasn't too much edibles in that like it was psychoactively unappealing. So I didn't think I'd be hungover, but I am hungover a little bit. What was the edible experience like? Well, I'm okay. My friends at Sonder who make marijuana, they make these marijuana pop rocks, these edible pop rocks that I quite enjoy. And they sent me a bunch of flavors that haven't come out yet.

So I've been trying all these new flavors, doing my due diligence. Of course. Your research. Yes. And I just got a little fierce, got a little fierce, spunky and fresh. You didn't try to put them up your butt, did you? No, no, no, no. I watched Halloween Ends.

While I signed a book, I sat here and fucking signed books for hours watching Halloween Nights. And it's great. Was it? I thought it was fine, but I don't know. Again, I'll go with what's being presented. Yes, I appreciate that. Because the movie that came before, that was a turd in the shape of a movie. It's better than Halloween Kills for sure.

I wouldn't say it's as good as the first one. Spoil it for me and everybody. Does she kill him? This is like a big spoiler. Do you want to know? She is him. He's her. He's her. It's Jamie Lee Kermis with the mask. Finkle and Einhorn. Einhorn and Finkle. No. What is it? Spoil it. Do you really want to know? Yes. I don't care that much. Do you really want to know? My God, now I don't want to know. Let's move on. No. What is it? What is it? Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. It ends with...

She does too. Oh.

What'd she do? Fry his face in the frying pan? He tries to kill her in a kitchen and she stabs one of his hands to the wall. I saw that in the trailer. To the butcher. Stabs the other hand down to it and then knocks the fridge down on top of his leg so he can't move. And then she slits his throat, slits both his wrists and bleeds him out and watches because she's like, you're not coming back, bitch. Now that's interesting to me. And then the granddaughter is like, no, bitch, we're finishing this. The whole town goes to the auto wreckery

The whole town, the sheriff, they show victims in the last few movies who survived. And Worry pushes his body into a chipper and you see him completely...

So like he's not coming back. And they take their plastic bags. They cut, they cut all the juice and they, Oh my God. I thought I'm saying it was a satisfying ending that after 43 years, you see Laurie Strode pour his body into a wood chipper. He is done. She's like, he not coming back from this one folks. Oh, but that's really intense. That's almost kind of funny. Yeah. And that was satisfying.

And it opens with four years after the last movie. So it's like Laurie being like, she's kind of moving past her trauma. She's being a real person. And then it's like the whole city blaming her for Michael existing.

Like there's a scene where she's leaving the grocery store and some woman's like, my sister can't speak. Her throat was slipped by Michael Myers and this is your fault, bitch. So like the city making her feel bad about it. It was fine. It was fine. I'm going to say that you should see it. I'll watch the last part. No, the main focus of it is like a new character. And I think that's what people are going to find hard to deal with.

Somebody who Sally Struthers. Well, like the theme of it is that like evil is like an infection that spreads in this town. And so it follows somebody who is sort of like the next Michael Myers in a way, like a micro Michael in training. Micro Myers is like a little micro Myers. He's like killing people like, sorry, I'm a trainee. Something bad happens to him on Halloween.

No Judy Greer. Bummer. I know. World famous Judy Greer. Love her. But you know, I can appreciate that somebody in a horror movie dies and stays dead. Well, you know, cause you never know. I love that. I ruined it for you. I know that I, now you've saved me the burden of having to go see it. Cause I'm not, I don't want to go see it, but I just love peacock. Fuck. It's on peacock. I called David and said, can I have your peacock login? I'll fuck you.

And I realized it was already on this TV logged in. So I was like, nevermind. It's a really nice movie. I saw it on Peacock. We got to see the Terrifier part two. I got to see the, but I got to see one. No, you don't. You see that later. You have to tune into Black Diarrhea. Okay. I'll tell you something. I'm not going to spoil it because it was quite shocking, but there's a character shows up on the scene, very unannounced, very unbelievable. And she sprays out some black diarrhea on the floor of a laundromat.

And I had to turn my hat sideways and look to my left and right and say, wow, gee whiz, I've never seen that before. It was really great. Black diarrhea spraying. She sprayed black diarrhea on the floor of the laundromat. I've never seen that. No.

Right. Thank you. Never seen it before. No, I have not seen that. I've been on my intervention kick. Why does the, why does diarrhea? Why does excrement such a taboo in these movies? We used to see this gross. Oh, right. But it smells bad. People are flayed alive. I think that we're wired to have like a, a,

a grossed out reaction when we see def, def, def, uh, excrement or defecation, defecation, defecation. I think we're wired to be grossed out by that. And that makes sense. Cause that way a caveman's not like, what's this? I'm eating poop now. Well, they need to talk to some people in Germany, but yeah.

Mama and Los Angeles. Everybody, every 10 is into scat. Every 10 is into scat. If you're hot, you're being opened up and you're eating piss. You're digitally extracting large nugs of defecation and you're eating them and you're using a fun little word like scat to describe it. Yes. Yes. I saw a guy on Grindr recently. It was like, I'm into like light BDSM, but the profile picture was like,

A mummification of leather, like suspended from the ceiling. And I'm like, okay, what is light? This is light BDSM. What do they do? What's the further version of the chop the head off? Chop the head off and fuck the stump. Yeah. It's just like, whoa. Yeah. I'm into, I don't know. Yeah. Vanilla. What is the most vanilla thing you can imagine? Little whispers.

little kisses little kisses i think the funny thing is how many guys aren't into kissing which is like the most normal but like you can in my mouth we are not kissing we are not kissing i draw the line at intimacy you freak yeah but you got a hard turd for my mouth that's so crazy yeah teach their own but the terror fire is a two and a half hours of unbelievable carnage like i couldn't each kill was like and it kept going and going and going like for example

He grabs the girl, he slices her head, rips her scalp off. And then he slashes her in the back, grabs the thing of bleach, pours the bleach on her. Then he grabs the thing of salt, pours the salt on her. Then starts rubbing it on the head, on the back, just on the exposed side. And then he like chops the fingers off. Then he like breaks the leg and the breaks the arm. Then he like rips the arm off. And it's like, it keeps going and going and going. And then the mom walks in and he's got to like a thing. And he's, uh, she's like a mangled little stump and he's still like poking at her. It's crazy.

I guess I gotta go see it. You gotta go see it. It was shocking. See, like, that's the type of movie I would be okay seeing at, like, a talkative movie theater. Because it seems like it's not really scary. Well, we, it was scary and it went to scary, gross, and then funny because we had to laugh. Had to laugh. Also, there was more queer representation in the Terrifier Part 2 than there was in Bros.

Yeah. That clown is so gay. But you know what? And I don't need Sir Ian McKellen tweeting me that if I don't see it, I hate gay people. Or that if you don't see it, we're all going to the gas chamber. Girl. Girl. Girl. Yeah, but Art the Clown is very, he's giving very like stand, like gay. He's just like, like after he slices open some woman, he's like,

He's doing like antics. Oh my God. He's doing like comedy. He's got bits. Yeah. Gay silent. He's Rip Taylor. Art the Clown, aka Rip Taylor. You got to see that black diarrhea. My leg is asleep. Jason. Oh, Jason. Jason Sox. Now, who do you think would win in a fight, Jason?

Or Michael? Well, I think at this point Michael is like... Woodchipped. No, Jason is like supernatural. Oh, okay, yeah. Jason's really unkillable because I think it's kind of supernatural. Okay, Michael's not supernatural. He's Bob Regular to me. Yeah, he's kind of just like a really intense Bob Regular. If anything, maybe he's a little bit like Splice. Not Splice.

Split. Split. Oh, okay. Splice is a crazy movie. You've seen that show? Yeah, they fucked that thing. They fucked the daughter. They fucked the alien daughter. Well, nothing's dangerous. I got that Drop Dead Gorgeous DVD at Amoeba the other day. They gave me a $100 store gift certificate. And I said, if you just give me this DVD, I'll give you the money back. You got a DVD player around here? I have a PS4, which plays DVDs. So I'm excited to watch it.

Alabama. A-L-A-B-A-M-A. Girl, the accent. I told you I've been watching Intervention. And it's right with Midwest. Well, they're in Canada this season, season 21. And a lot of it's giving. Well, it's Canada sometimes. It's almost like.

it's almost um irish canada oh yeah i guess again i live in vancouver it's kind of like that but they have some wisconsin area kind of sounds and it's like they're doing their like little thing and it's sad and i cry of course i cry every episode by the way so if you think i watch the show as a joke it's not a joke to me and it's really hard because so many of them

They relapse. Yeah. But some of them, the show is like, and then they're like, they've been sober since this filmed. Do they really? Yes. Yes. Even when the hoppers and stuff? Well, it depends on the drug. When we're talking meth, when we're talking like fentanyl, it's like they enter a six month program, they're gone in two weeks and they don't hear from them since. Yeah. You know, but that's because the family actually sticks to the rock bottom. Like, you know what I mean? Because that's the thing I've learned. It's always...

When somebody has no job and no income, it's like there's a web of reasons why that person can continue to access a drug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, if they have all that free time? The mom being like, I'll give you money as long as you don't promise to use it for drugs. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. It's like, please don't go spend it on candy. Yeah. Or they're like, well, I don't like her using in the house, but I'd rather her be here instead of under a fucking bridge somewhere. I mean, it's like.

I'd rather you do in the house. I'd rather you do in the house. But they have the super Wisconsin accent. So I'm laughing because they're doing like the sorry, you know, and it's like, so you have a letter to read and it's like, Hey, you were always my older brother. Ever since you were born, you were a light in the room, but that light has gone out.

Oh, no. The accent's, like, so strong. Like, hey, we're going to fight like hell to get chibat, kiddo. That's, like, that would be the same thing with Boston. Like, it's really hard seeing you like this, but we got to, you know...

Josh is just out there in the yard naked again and we just don't know what to do. They got to do all the interventions in like central Ohio where there's no accent. To get maximum. They got to do it back where Mary's town. They got to get it, bring it home. Just toss a lot of water on it. Yeah. She's a, my daughter, my daughter is home and she has, she drinks only water now. No more alcohol.

Good for her. Yeah. Wait, Amy Poehler, speaking of Bostonians and also something else, we met her. We did. She came to our show. Okay. What about this?

I heard that she listens to the Balton Beautiful. Yeah. Which is really crazy. I think she hate listens to it. Oh, she's like, let's see what these fucking fags have to say. Yeah, these F words, these stupid old... No. And she said, we should work together. I said, work on what, Mary? Where? At the Dunkin' Donuts? I shifted the orange Julius. Work on a meatloaf? Work on a lovely drawing? She's like, we should work together. I need my bathroom deep cleaned. Yeah. I want to get some tunnel group put in our... What?

What the fuck? I was happy she came. You know who else reserved a ticket? Bette Midler and she didn't come. She's on her Hocus Pocus tour. She would not show up because that movie flopped. She didn't want to show her face. Did you watch it yet?

The thing I like about Hocus Pocus is that it's two times the fun. You know what? You can wait to watch it on November 1st because you don't want the Halloweenism to amp up. You want to know what the real tea is in the cold light of November. We love Amy Poehler. We love Amy Poehler. I've won. 51 years old. I asked her right to her face how old she was. And she's beautiful skin, wonderful personality. I'm a big fan of hers. And we had a lovely interaction.

Yeah. She said she's about to go on the road with Tina and she was like, I'm trying to figure out. I was like, Oh, she was trying to figure out what to do. Yeah. She's trying to get inspired. And I said, just put on some sparkly dresses. Yeah. I said, it doesn't even matter. Put on a flashy outfit. Yeah. Yeah. You and her have a lot in common. Cause you both go on the road with Tina. Yeah.

Oh, Tina. Yes, girl. I love Tina as well. I would love to see their show. I wonder what they do. I would imagine it bears some kind of resemblance to what they did at the Golden Globes, which was dynamite show-stopping entertainment for 10 to 15 minutes, if you ask me. Yeah. Yeah. It was really cool that she came and she brought some of her production people. Yeah.

There's a lot of Orville Peck was there. Yeah, he's always there. He's always trying to steal the drinks and food. Heidi in Closet was there and she shaved her head. She shaved her head at the show? No. She came bald and she was like, I'm bald in solidarity. Okay. I think it was a pitiful turnout from the girls, I'd say. The drag queens? Yeah. Oh, none of them come. They're all busy. All haters. They're all busy. Busy doing their scrapbook at home wishing they were what? Trixie and Katya live.

No. None of them come. Priyanka came. Priyanka came. To be fair, I don't invite anyone. Yeah, I tell them not to come. I don't invite anyone. I don't call and say like, my show's here. Yeah. Can I get a ticket? Who's this? And just hang up. My real close friends either buy tickets or don't care about me. They're so sick of me that they don't want to see me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if they didn't procure a ticket, they're not interested. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's like a tertiary person I've worked with twice who's like, can I get six tickets for free? And I'm like,

i like it when the stars do it though like real hollywood stars can i get tickets absolutely i'll snatch them away from a person who's not a star and give them to you yeah i'm gonna kick beth and susan and their tricksy and kacha merch out of the front row kick him out so that um soleil moonfry and uh and um uh dennis quaid can sit in the front oh wait it doesn't he have a young um nepotism son who's on isn't his son on the boys dennis

Dennis Quaid? His, I wouldn't, yes, the Jack Quaid. Jack Quaid, okay, okay. Yeah, he's Huey and the Boys. Okay. He does a good job. He's hilarious. Yeah, it's great. How many, I'm looking at this stack of, I'm a little disoriented though because in the book, Huey is from Scotland and has a super strong Scottish accent that's written into the character. Oh, like, follow me on Twitter. Yeah, and in the show, he obviously doesn't. He's just like, hi. But the show is totally different. They just take the idea of like, what if they were real? What if the government owned superheroes? And they're,

All of it's different. Is Elizabeth shoe in the books? I mean, not her obviously, but the character. Uh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's just all different. Okay. All different. And it's like in the show,

If it's implied sexual assault in the book, it's a graphic illustration of a 13 page, like a fold out poster. Yeah. Or like the violence is like, wow, she stabbed her in the book. Oh, they're ripping faces off. It's like fire too. Yeah. So the violence is obviously greater. Um, they do really wonderful work in the show. It's very splashy and very like, um, it's great. It's really great. It's a great program. I'm glad it's a hit because it's, um,

It's exciting to be into a show that I think will be on for a while. Yeah. Like Cheers. Everything seems possible. Cheers was a good one. Mash. Cheers. Oh, let's take a break. Let's take a break. And then now I'm reading Preacher. Okay. And now what's that? Is that about preaching? It's about a preacher and a vampire trying to kill God. Oh, that sounds great. Yeah, it's fun. Why don't they pitch that in Hollywood? That was the original Trixie and Katya live plot. Yeah. Or like Bros. That sounds like a great Bros plot. I still haven't seen it.

Let's not waddle into the discourse here. I got to see it. T.S. Madison, eight. Simone from Drag Race, the winner of Drag Race, effervescent cameo. Bowen Yang, hysterical. Yeah. Joe Kim Booster, I don't know if he was in it, but he's just hot in general. I'm just a hater though because if it's not horror, I'm probably not going to get up and go to the movie theater.

You know, that's just really the only genre I show up for. And maybe that's my own trauma. So we're done the second American leg of the tour. And now we're going to the UK and Europe. American leg. American leg is done. Now we go to UK. Yeah. It's going to be, it's going to be,

Can I tell you? No. Yeah. Tell me. So I got Halloween gigs. Okay. Because last year my appendix came out. So this year I have to make up on my Halloween gigs, which is fine. I love Halloween. She is a man of her word. And if you see me at the Halloween gigs and I'm, you know that I'm happy to be there, but know that if I hadn't had these gigs to make up, I wouldn't have opted to do Halloween gigs in the three weeks between our tours. Okay.

So that's tough. Yeah, that is tough. That is tough. That's hard. And I go straight from the 31st Halloween in Boston to...

I go straight to New York to shoot for a couple days for something else. And then we start the tour. And we don't come back until almost Christmas, bitch. Yeah, I know. This year's done. It's really over. We missed all of it. The year has played out. 2020 has played out. But you know what? I'm going to go see a musical concert. And I've never really done that before. You're going to see Laboda? Laboda, yeah. It looks like Loboda. I thought it was Laboda. Laboda. Yeah, it should be Laboda. But, you know.

They're weird. But yeah, I'm very excited. It's in a casino. I have a VIP table. Yeah. Is she famous here? I mean, she's famous in the Russian community, Russian speaking world. Who's going to see her here? Russians? A lot of Russian speaking people in this country. Okay, really? Ukrainians, everybody. Former Soviet people. A lot of people. So is she like the... Is she the...

The Kylie Minogue of Russia. I would say she's more popular than that. Really? I think so. Dua Lipa? Are you lying? She's older than Dua Lipa, though. She's my age. She's pumped. She's...

Lips half the face. Yeah. Lips half the face. Why don't you try to meet her? She's going to, Oh, are you kidding? I'm, I'm doing everything in my power to meet her. Like whether it's like from like SWAT team to like Pratt falls and clown shows, I need to meet her just to snap a picture or something. You should apply to like security at that casino. Work a few shifts. I,

I'm going to the radar. I'm going tomorrow. I need, I have a lot of groundwork to do. I want you to do everything that an assassin would do, but when you actually get up to it, instead of assassination, it's like a nice compliment. Hi, you would look so beautiful. I love your last album. Can I have a picture? Yeah. Yeah. She's great. She's awesome. She's she, she does. And I don't know that she loves that.

Because our ding-dong song outstreamed her boom-boom song on Spotify. And she doesn't like that. I don't think she would love that. But I don't know if she does that. I don't want to put words in her mouth. But she does read or see my Instagram stories. You know when you tag somebody and it says, have you seen it? Uh-huh. She's seen it. And she reposted it once. Well, listen, not to be a whatever, but if the drag queens are paying attention to you at all, it means you're doing something right. Yeah. Whether we're making fun of you or worshiping at the altar. Right.

Yeah. I mean, I would have a hard time believing that she didn't have a sense of humor about showmanship because she's a drag queen. But she sings like she cries. Like she cries things. It's amazing. Like what? Like she wails. It's really emotional. Are you going to dance at the show?

I'm going to scream every word. I'm going to sing every word at a very loud volume probably. Uh-huh. I don't know. Do you like to dance? No. I'm just going to do like arms. Maybe probably just get really, really excited. We'll see. We'll see. She could be very disappointing. I'm having a late in life dance renaissance where now I like to dance when I go places. If there's dancing, I want to go dance. Okay. Describe the scenario because I'm having a hard time figuring out where you could go dancing. Okay.

I like to go to, let's say, like Hot Dog Sunday at El Cid. Oh, yeah. Like a nice gay dance party. And if it's like 5 p.m. and no one's out there dancing yet. Yeah. Oh, bitch. You'll lay the groundwork. Yes. It's like I love like we were at karaoke the other night. No one's singing. That's what I'm singing. Sure. I'm going to sing while no one wants to hear me anyway. Yeah. And then I'm just going to get out of the way and move on. Sing like no one's listening. Because then all night I can go. Somebody's just saying I sang.

Granted half you weren't here and it was a b-52 song. That was all speech spoken. That is somebody saying yeah, y'all are really I don't know about uh Karaoke, but dancing is great. We had some crazy meet and greets on this tour. I

Yeah, we had some insults hurled at us. We've had some. A lot of. We had one yesterday. Two days ago. What was that one? That girl said you're prettier than she is before she brought up and walked away. You know, it's like. And also she's obviously lying. It's like. She's. I know. But listen. Then we had somebody say. I'm very fragile. We told people about that. Yeah, we told him three, four times already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had the Trixie, the fake Trixie.

That was a pretty good one. That was great. Oh, and then we had the lovely woman who gave us $20.

Love her. $20 bill. $20 bills. Well, there's that one. We had her in Vegas once. There's that one drag show goer who always brings every drag queen a crisp $100 bill. Oh, yes. She was in Phoenix, I believe. Last for my solo show. In an envelope. In an envelope. Crispy bill. Crispy bill with your name on it. Like a Christmas card from your grandma. Yeah, fabulous. And then our friend, the doctor, who always gives us some kind of cash. I just hung up. Yeah, I just hung up the gorgeous framed cross section of a high heeled foot.

Lower foot. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. She gave me a Dave and Buster's gift card. I think I'm going to go this afternoon. That's a great idea. I love to put in my AirPods. And then go to Dave and Buster's. Blast house music. Yeah. And play Dave and Buster's. Play Dave and Buster's video games? Oh, I'm like pushing kids. I'm like, you're done. Wait, you're kids there? At the Dave and Buster's in Hollywood. Oh, I thought it was an adult arcade, but they serve liquor.

They have kids there sometimes. I bet you can go with your parents. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. Well, the first leg of the tour, I was on a big Dave & Buster's kick. There was this game called SpongeBob's Pineapple Arcade. And if you collect all seven of the character cards, you got the prize, which was 3,000 tickets. And I went to about five Dave & Buster's on tour, and I finally got all the cards and redeemed them. 3,000 tickets. What did you get? I got a necklace that says winner. Isn't that great?

I just need to feel like we're laughing. I worked so hard on that. I was like a serial killers monologue. No, I spent so much money trying to win too. There was 3000 tickets. I went all the locations. Finally got it. Where'd you get? Winter necklace.

It's so crazy. You know what? I have my stack of swan shark cards in there. I'm going to go to the Hollywood one today and I'm going to win again. You should. You shouldn't throw it in the face of young. I love that. I love the zombie arm where you put the quarter in the zombie arm, just swipes and hits one of those pucks. And they say like 20 tickets, honor tickets. Like I gotta get into this game. I love this other one where, um, it's called like pop block where it's like a giant combination lock and the things that could have

and you have to touch it on the, when you touch it on the light, it goes back the other way. I like games like that. Oh, fun changing directions. That's fun. It's fun. Do you dance Dance Revolution? No. Is that old? That's old news? I don't really even get how to play it. I think it's just like a dance where they tell you to dance. It looks hard. It's super hard and it's not fun.

I look hard. I have my little rounds. I have my little like places I like to go. Ski ball? Yes. Basketball? Duck hunt? Duck hunt? Clowns? Furry clowns? Oh, okay. Where they're like, you know. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Love that. Black them all. There's this game where you have ping pong balls and you have to

It's like Beer pong Yeah Love that Okay Beer pong with no drinking These are all like Real analog Old school type of like Yeah I'm not gonna like Sit in like a slot machine And like push a button I want something physical Oh I did that And let me tell you Was it depressing Kelly loves it

Yeah. I mean, I guess it's a strange thing to love shoveling money into a furnace, but that's what it is like. I mean, at least with the furnace, you get the fire crackle. Yeah. With the slot machine, it's just like, why don't I just empty out my wallet into the trash? Emptying out my wallet into the trash. But sometimes people win. Nobody I know has ever won, but some people win. Sometimes people win. And I guess that's why people keep doing it. But it's very, very strange to me. And you can't smoke. Yeah.

My mom and my stepdad worked at the casino. What did they do? Blackjack? In Wisconsin, at least, they're only on the reservation. But is that everywhere in America? They're only on the reservation? No, no. They have casinos everywhere. They do? Las Vegas, Atlantic City, right? In Wisconsin, I think most of them are on reservations. That could be. And they have to be owned and operated by...

Native Americans, don't they? Yeah. That's like a reservation kind of like reparations scheme. Yeah, I remember my stepdad was a security guard and my mom, I think, was some kind of, maybe a dealer or something. Ugh. It's dark and horrible. I'm sure it's just stupid and boring. Yeah. Yeah, it's like working at the mall probably. He's playing cards. You know who loves it? Straight guys.

I think straight guys all have a dream of being like a professional card poker poker champion they want to wear sunglasses and have headphones in and like win a million dollars yeah it's like shh shh shh

That's cool. Jennifer Tilly playing poker. That's cool. Yeah. Why don't you ask? Why don't you ask Sharon Stone in Casino if she thinks that's cool? Yeah. Ask Ginger before she takes all those pills and kills herself. Does she die in that movie? I'm not sure. I don't think she does. I used to love that scene where he's like showing her her closet for the first time and it's like a store. Yeah. Ginger. Which, by the way, we're looking at stores right now for something else.

But I toured the storefront that right now is a clothing store. It's all racks and shelves. And part of me was like,

I wish I had my drag set up like somewhere that looked like a store. Oh, yeah, I guess. So when I go get in drag, it's like shopping, time to go shopping. Clueless, living the clueless. I mean, that's great though. Sharon Stone, actually, Billy B was telling us a story about Sharon Stone. She has this dry clean conveyor. You know, at the dry cleaners, they have the conveyor belts that go all the way through. She has that in her closet.

Yeah. Wow. Like for her outfits. And she, you know, puts her leg up on the thing and just presses the button and waits for the outfit to come. Do you see that video I sent you of her talking about Indigo Dye? No, no. I heard you talking about it though. And I don't believe it. It's true. You got to watch it. She's great. Listen, she's, she's, she's, she is the moment. She is the moment. And she gives us so many. This is what it takes. Yeah. Yep. Folks, this is what it takes. This is what it takes. Mm hmm.

Oh, we're done. Oh my God. Speaking of Sharon Stone, it's time to go home.