We are the CEOs of Fierceness with Trixie and Katya
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Alright, welcome back. Welcome back. I need to talk. No, listen, you shut up, bitch. You shut up. I haven't said anything. Hello. What's on your mind today? I gotta tell you what's on my mind. I was scrolling. You know, the

Oh, hello, everybody. Hi. Hey, we're in drag. We're in drag. All of you who are stuck on the 405. I mean, many of you probably don't watch us. We are in drag. Should we describe our looks? Yeah. You know what? I was thinking today. I was like, if I were hosted to the pit stop, I was like, the one question I'd be like,

So for the two or three people on this earth who still have not heard about you, how would you describe your drag? Or how would you describe yourself? That's what I would say to each guest. But then it would go up each one. So for the guests in the middle of the season, it would be like, for the three or four hundred thousand people on this earth who still don't know who you are. And then the last one would be like, so for the two or three people who know who you are. Or you know what I mean? Like it would just be getting worse and worse and worse. Right. Yeah.

I don't know what you said. I was trying to follow it. I could see your eyes. But I wasn't thinking about anything else. I was trying to listen. Yeah, no, it didn't make any sense. But I didn't get what you said. It's okay. So the point is I watched a clip of All Stars. I haven't watched, I haven't caught up with this, I haven't watched any of the season. I just saw some of the workroom entrances. And I had, I've been trying to reduce my screen time, first of all.

And you're starting with Drag Race. Well, this is like, oh, this is a great reminder of why I should reduce my screen time. Because I saw a clip of their little group musical number. And I have never been more horrified in my entire life. On the grounds of like... Of it being so bad that I can't even imagine if I were on that season.

What I would do. I can't imagine. You know, like it was the thing like what would you say to little Brian? I don't know how. I don't know how I would have answered that question because you can't offer something ironic or you can't take the piss out of it. They wouldn't allow you to do that. I know. They would not allow you to do it. How would you do that? How would you do that? You know I could do it.

You could? Because I cry from everything. Okay, so you wouldn't have a problem doing something really like maudlin, sincere, and schmaltzy?

I mean, I think now you would struggle. I think now I would struggle. I would have struggled back then, but what I struggled with this morning on the telephone is what I'm about to fucking show you right now or play it for the people at home just in case y'all have not been keeping up with Drag Race. Now, Trixie Mattel is an employee of Paramount Plus and this distance from the comments being made by... This fight is for equality. I have super power, you and me. Ooh, we're legends.

Stand up for what is right. Please listen carefully. I'm not the enemy. I'm just a super queen expressing my authenticity. It's Angie V on the track and I gotta keep it real. Drag is love and it's something that we all need to feel. Listen, we ain't gotta hurt, baby. We just wanna heal and reinvent the wheel.

So shout out to Plastique Tiara who looked...

Pretty incredible. And her verse didn't make me want to immediately break a window and then take the shards and then stab them in my eyes and ears. I was like, oh, I actually was... I'm going to play it because it was not terrible. I mean, it was... It was like...

I don't remember it. Cause you do put stuff, but I kind of like blackout after. Her, her voice is much less assaulting on the eardrums. And she looked, she had this giant ponytail, of course. So she was really doing leg stuff. It was like kind of fun. The,

The other three, I think, should be in a women's penitentiary for the rest of their lives. Well, you know, these are not exactly things that these would— Okay, men's penitentiary. Well, these are not exactly things these drag queens would do on their own. They're not writing songs about, like, the power of drag. It's like a drag-risk thing. They have to do it, you know. If RuPaul has you trapped there and says, you're going to do a song about how much drag is great, you have to do it. I would say, like, drag is the thing that makes me squirt.

Drag is good for earning. It's good for Bert. Yeah. You know what I mean? Something like that. It's like, I have a wig and heels and I'm fierce. I like gay stuff. Don't you? Yeah. Yes. I'm not a trans woman. I'm a gay guy. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I like to get fierce and wear my bra. Panties on my legs. Yeah, like, panties on my legs. I go, hoo-wah. When I don't believe in myself, I put glitter on and I put on heels and I walk down to the club. Yeah, fierce. When I think I'm not enough, I jump out a window and kill myself. You know what I mean?

I'll put on lashes and put on lipstick and suddenly I'm someone else and I feel fierce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lashes blush and some lipstick. I go down and I suck that dick. Yeah. What's the real version of that? Like razor burn and cash tips. Yeah, yeah. Staying up all night. No one loves me. Yeah, yeah. Bleeding on the face and I'm confused. I don't have a boyfriend. Can't get fucked.

Dropped out of college, cost dressing, and after the gig, I take money from men. I'm a little bit good at lots of stuff, but that's not enough for me to feel enough. I don't know. It's just so bad. Corn's on my feet, damaged liver, getting fierce at the gig. No, no, no. It's give me one margarita and I'll soft my leg. Ah!

That was too much. That was too much. And I think that's what it made me feel like. It made me feel like it made me think about that audio in that by comparison, it's

Sweeping the Grammys. If your tea is sickening and your boots are fierce, put on a wig, Miss Honey at the Library. With the kids that you're reading to, we're not groomers. We're just fierce. It's like very... Give me one margarita and I'll saw off my legs. It's chat GPT. It's chat GPT. But it's not chat GPT. It's non-union writer being with a gun to their head. That's what it feels like to me. It is...

I think we got to listen to it again. I mean, I'm sorry. I think I suffered so much this morning and I'm going to make everybody else. No, it's okay. And I just want to say that I, I just want to say that I, I, I'm not a part of this. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't love it.

Please listen carefully. I'm not the enemy. I'm just a super queen expressing my authenticity. I'm the real OG. I set the bar and made her story. With a voice so loud, I'm standing proud. Political unrest and controversy. Rejoice in love. Just wait, you'll see. Don't try it. Just bite it. Be heard, be seen. So pound the pavement and unite it. One.

That one's just verbs. That one's just verbs and nouns. With all due respect to these queens, that one's like they put a bunch of words from the dictionary in a pinata and hit it and things just fell out. I know. It makes Roxy's verse in Reggie Rochu look like Maya Angelou. Well, Reggie Rochu is kind of a strong... Is it Reggie Rochu or Reggie Rochu? Reggie Rochu is kind of a stronger... It's kind of a stronger track. It's a stronger track. Well, because there's no...

Yeah, I don't know. It's so good. It's good. It has a good beat. Hey, Kitty Girl's good too. Kitty Girl's fun, but Reggie wrote you... I always say Reggie wrote you. Well, no, because...

read you because wrote is the past tense it's read you wrote you oh it is read you wrote you yeah yeah probably yeah yeah yeah you're the writer you tell us thank you i still get checks how much you get like three cents i get like one a year for kitty girl it's one percent i think it's one percent of the publishing right whatever what it says the other drag queens boy names as the publisher yeah yeah so like kennedy i was like who's ruben i know and i was like who's something felicia no that's roxy yeah yeah i don't remember bb's name

I'm afraid of saying drag queens names because I don't ever know if somebody considers it like a dead name. Let's take a break. Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you. You watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need.

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The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

Can I tell you something? Please. So I did a gig a few weeks ago at Netflix. Well, Netflix had the Netflix is a joke comedy festival. And I think they asked maybe both of us or just one of us to do this. I don't know. But I said, of course I'll do it. I love Netflix. Netflix always comes through with the air conditioning. And it's like an hour long commitment, a little drag show. I went out, I did a number, I introduced everyone. And then there was just a drag show. Oh, you loved it. It was easy. The air conditioning was great. But I like woke up to like a Twitter flurry the next day that was like,

Clips of the drag show being like, sis must have got her bag. Like her doing drag lip syncing, they must have really came correct with the coin. What? What does that mean? I guess people were surprised that I was doing a drag show. Because you're a... I don't know. Aren't you a drag queen? That's what I mean. I'm like breaking news. Isn't it unusual for us to do all these gigs where we don't lip sync?

That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I had a really good time and I went home being like, that was so fun. I miss lip syncing. I miss like performing like that. Well, sis, did you get your bag sis? Well, that's the other thing. All the comments are always like, especially gay men. They'll be like, sis must've got her coin. You know what? I said, you know what? You are not my accountant. Yeah. And also, you know what? You faggots out there. I got a big ass fucking, I got the biggest double fist and boner to pick with all y'all. What is it? All y'all. All y'all. All y'all.

Your fucking basic pieces of shit need to shut your fucking mouth sometimes. I know. It's crazy. It's crazy. And I don't know what it is with drag that compels people to talk about the money we make. Also, they really... I don't know what it is about drag that makes these faggots jump out the window. I don't know. I mean, I...

I don't know. Like Trixie Motel starts. Drag is the thing that makes me free and I'm going to my turn. I can't get, that song is so dark sided, bitch. Show it to me, Rachel. Don't show it to me, Rachel. Don't show it to me, Rachel. Don't show it to me. I don't want to hear it, Rachel. But I had a really good time. You had a good time. You got your bag, sis. I did. And the pay was good. I got both people. That's great. People don't dare tell people home about that money. Of course not. Come and rob you. But I don't know what it is that compels people to be like,

And should I talk about how much money we make? Well, I think people are just nosy and they're in a, they're, you know, people are just nosy and they don't give a shit. Also, let me just say a lot of the shit you and I do. I don't know about you. A lot of the shit I do is not paid anything in drag often. Oh, I don't relate. That's what I mean. Like I'm less obsessed with the money I'm making than it seems to be. Other people are, I don't know. I don't know. Um, well, yeah.

I don't know. I had to get in drag today for the first time in like, wait, were we in drag the other day? Oh yeah, for Netflix. Yes, we were in drag the other day. Oh, you know what was funny? Last week. That was challenging for me. Drag? That day. Both of those days. We have long days. They're long. We film for Netflix long days. And oh my God. Oh, so this is what I want to talk to you about.

I read this long-ass piece in The New Yorker about dating shows on Netflix. What did they talk about? Well, they talked about everything that you and I have discussed privately and publicly about our experience on reality shows such as Drag Race, the quarantine, the producer, the long, long hours, the manipulative... They say on ice. They say on ice. I didn't realize that. It's a lot of the...

Well, I guess it's not, it wasn't a huge revelation for me, but it definitely did. Some of the things that we've seen on while reviewing the show on Netflix turned out to be producer. What do you call that? Yeah. Interference there. They're producing. Yeah, exactly. Producing. They're producing. And I don't know. It's just like,

And they were talking about how, like, so this person, I think that this, these two people that they were focusing on were on the first season of the show. And then of course on the fifth season, it's a whole different ballgame because people are going on not with the,

sole intention of falling in love. They want to hawk, you know, sugar, hair, vitamins on Instagram. Right. You know what I mean? So for the first season, they probably got a casting notice that was like, are you looking for love? And that's all the info they got. Yes. People probably went to, let's say love is blind. Yeah. They didn't know it was going to be blind. Yes. This was, this was the show. Any of that. This was the show. Love is blind. And then perfect match. Yeah. Perfect match to have to handle all those shows. They probably get a fraction of it for the first season. Yeah. But after a few seasons are out, people go in like,

They want to be Instagram famous. They want to get 100,000 followers. Well, then they'll match with someone whether or not it's a match because they want to stay on the show, which I don't like. Just go home. If you don't match with someone, just go home. And I think at this point, I don't think that there are... Well, I guess I don't... Would you do a dating show ever? Are you fucking kidding me? For real? No. Would you do it in drag?

Um, I would do it in drag if we were going to do like a surrealist piss take on it, but not a real while. I think we can tell people for a while we were working on a show for Katya where I was going to host and we were going to do to Katya with love. We're men, gay men, lesbians, and everyone who's attracted to you in general, whatever their presentation is, we were going to do a competition style dating show that was,

taking the piss and that we knew these people are not getting married to you and then we're conceiving every season would start with a funeral where the old person is the other person died yeah now you're looking for love again i think that would be so great and i'm actually frankly i'm a little bit surprised that there doesn't it there's not like uh there's not a fucking a parody of one of these shows on the air but they said that this format goes back to the 50s

Really? Yes. Yeah. It's not a new thing. Not by any means, not a new thing. On TV? Yeah. Yeah. It's not. Like what shows are like. I forget. I have to read the thing, but it's a, I'll send it to you. It's a really great long read. It's fabulous. And they were just, they were just talking about how they get, there's threats of lawsuits because they can't talk about the show and,

After it airs, they get slapped with a $4 million lawsuit. There's like the NDAs are so crazy. I mean, the producers are so intense. It's very unethical. It borders on harassment. It borders on like – what was the word, the term they were using? False imprisonment. I mean, it's pretty intense. But a lot of it, I think to the average reader, would probably be more shocking than it was to me because I –

I experienced intense panic attacks on the first season of Drag Race where I thought I was going to die. And I was like, oh, that's a panic attack. I hadn't ever had one before. Same. I've only had them on Drag Race. Yeah. I mean, and they're like, because you really, and they talked about the quarantine and the isolation creates this really un-

realistic, but intense pressure cooker situation where you really do think that things are much more important than they really are. And it's true. Definitely. Yeah. Definitely. They, I mean, you're, which I get. And also as a viewer, I want these competitors behaving like it's all real. I want them fighting for their life. I want their emotions heightened. So I get why they do it.

Yeah. I don't think it's great though. But also, but we're on a, we're sorry, we're on a, a talent based reality show, which that is, that to me is all the difference because yes, you want the, you want the stakes to be high on, on a reality show like this, but I don't want the stakes of living to be high. Well, the thing is, if I was, if I created, uh,

Drag race. Would I trust a bunch of drag queens to go home with phones and access to internet and not tell everyone what exactly would happen that day? No, because you can't even trust these drag queens to not talk while they're not on camera. Right. I get it. Yeah. Because in reality world too, if you talk off camera about something, you end up having to go on camera and talk about it again and then it feels fake. And then these people are not exactly Shakespeare in the park level actors. Right. So they're not, if you say, Hey, can you pick this up? They're like, Oh yeah.

Hi there, Trixie. Ooh, I'm angry about what you said the other day. You know? I heard that you're also doing Mr. Clean for Snatch Game. I have a problem with that. I already have my white t-shirt on. Ooh, you're making me angry, sis. Yeah. I'm not good at fighting like that either.

Ooh, you really hurt my feelings yesterday when you... Ooh. I'm very submissive. I just lay there and take it. Like in bed, but also in conflict. Damn. I just take it. Okay. I just take it. When are you going to get fisted? I don't want to. Are you sure? And I think it breaks your asshole. Let's take a break. I just feel like it doesn't break everyone's asshole, but I think for me there would be a danger of breaking my asshole.

And I like poop the size it comes out now. You don't want it any bigger? That angel hair pasta. That's what I want. Sorry I brought it up. Back to fisting. I mean, some guys have those short fat dicks with a huge head. It's like being fisted. Oh, you know... Those guys have those mushroom dicks where when they put them in, it feels like they're putting it in basketball first. And then when they pull out, you feel like you've been gutted. I was recently chatting with some... I was chatting with a man on one of those apps...

And it literally was a thin stalk and a huge mushroom cap. They love it. Who loves it? Everyone. God. I was like, you're going to plunge my toilet? No, it's like a lollipop. I don't. It's a fucking double bubble. No, it was a plunger.

Yeah, it was a plunger. And I feel like the physics of that is going to... It's like a French press up your ass. Yes. Do you know what I mean? It feels like a giant piece of concrete on the end of a piece of rebar. It's like jagged. It's not... Like somebody walked up to...

a construction site and got a piece of rubble and said, bend over Leslie. It's, I don't, I don't love that idea. I don't love that idea. I'm fine with just call me old fashioned. And I've realized that in Los Angeles, in Los Angeles, this is conservative. This is close minded. This is Laura. This is Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's Laura Ingalls Wilder. Sarah Plain and Tall. Via like, um,

you know, Arkansas State Senate or whatever. I just want to, I just want Amanda hug and kiss. Like I just want to touch, hold, kiss, touch. And if we are going to do anal, I want kissing, then oral, then some light fingering, then slow that like, I don't, I don't. Yes. Well, what about what I sent you the other day? The guy at the Scientology place. Oh, I loved that. Somebody on Grindr messaged me.

I was in New York and they said, meet me at the Scientology Museum. And I said, for what? And then they said, oh, I'm in the second floor bathroom. And I said, are you for real? And they said, well, I actually usually go in the movie theater because there's movies playing for free all day and no one's in there. And I said, you're weird. And then 10 minutes later I said, what movie? Because I thought, what if it's the Lady and the Tramp or something I'm into? Or like Citizen Kane. They said, Dianetics book one. The guy said, at this point I haven't memorized anything.

I mean, I think there is. I'm not into Scientology, but I don't think we need to be jerking off in their movie theater. No, and also there's like, just go to the public library. Well, that's gay people though. Not only are they only into fisting, because anal is like too normcore. Yeah, French kiss. They also can't do it privately anymore. Gay guys are like, well, why wouldn't we go down to the Gelson's?

And I'll lay over a fucking display of cantaloupes and you can, you can gut me. Well, no, it's like, um, it's like, do you want to come over? Uh, no, I want to go to the home Depot parking lot. You know what I mean? Like what was, are you nuts? A hundred percent. We, we met like we're, I mean our story, my cock at the American dollar store. It's like,

You know, when we're at a party, we're like two years. It's our wedding anniversary. And it was like, how did you do it? Like, well, you know, like every other gay man, we're so cliche. We met fisting at the Home Depot second floor parking lot. Yeah. He took a foreskin. He did a foreskin shot out of my cock at Disney at the Ikea showroom. In the Ikea bedroom showroom.

Like, like call me old fashioned, but I only have six in the bedroom of an Ikea showroom. So I met him at the Disney store on Hollywood Boulevard and he rimmed me. Yeah. He was the guy with the snake. He shoved it up my ass. He put, he fed the whole boa constrictor up my ass just with the tail was coming out. And then I got it. And then I ran around Hollywood Boulevard with just the tail out. And then the snake's mouth came out of my mouth and then he ripped it out and then he fucked me again with it.

We went down to the Madam Tussauds and he fucked me over the Josh Brolin wax figure. So we kind of had a three-way, really. And I said, oh my God, is that all you? Mama. I think that I truly do feel for the men who like, you know, when we were, I could, half the crowd I could tell was like kind of gay or maybe like a third of the crowd was gay when we saw Dune 2. And I know those sandworm scenes. I know what they did to those men. I know what those sandworms mean to those men.

They're like, Ooh, I wish I had that on my ass. That sand to see. I wish I had that giant worm up my ass. That Tim, that Timothy little bird body riding that thing. They want him to get fucked by the sandworm. They want the sandworm to knock him over and then just to have him like legs open and

overhead like a pretzel and that worm just goes straight up his little rickety body. Well, cause the, the it's, it's a metaphor. They see themselves as Timmy Chalamet. Yeah. They see the sandworm as like sexual freedom. Yep. And then they see the sand as like adversity. That's true. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. You see the videos of people fucking those popcorn buckets, the sand, the sandworm popcorn bucket. You know, I haven't. And I think people just put their cock in anything. Well, I know. And it's, you know, it's funny. I have to, Oh,

I need to talk to you just I need to talk to you a little bit about Madeline Ashton I want to paint a picture to you and I want to see if you know what this picture is okay so I'm like imagine I'm like a very classically handsome like shirtless very barely clad guy or or the same version of a female okay just hot universally hot okay

You walk into the frozen food section and I'm right here. What do you do? Do you know what I'm talking about? You find me at home wearing this. What's the vibe? Oh, that like clickbaity Twitter. Yes! Like you walk in the locker room like this. What do you do? Yes! Oh my God!

I hate it. I hate it too. I hope they all die. I hope they all die. I hope they all perish. I hate it too. And it's also like, also it's like gym shorts and it's like, yes, what do you do? It's like, well, I don't sexually assault you at the store. If that's what you're saying, I'm picking up half and half sugar and a couple of bananas for, for a snack. I'm not raping people at the supermarket. Well, not just that. Sometimes it'll be like, Oh my God, it'll be the,

anal bead up the butt and they're like, you walk into the GameStop and I'm behind the counter like this. What do you do? But they're not like that. That's funny. This is what they are. No, but they're not trying to be funny. No, but they're not. No, no, no, no. I'm saying what you're describing is funny. It's heightened. Well, I'm doing comedy. Okay. Well, I don't want to do comedy. I want to do social commentary. I'm trying to do the intersection between specific and exaggerated. Well, you're doing a great job. Thank you. Okay.

Let's take another break. No, no break. Don't you dare. Let's take a break and you go on TV. And they screen wipe. What about young Sheldon? Let's get back to the story. I was just telling that. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. No, I want to go back to talking about people talking about sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the thing that's almost –

The thing that almost saves it for me is that it recently occurred to me that absolutely many of them have fake dicks. They're packing. They have packers on. What? They have packers in their pants. The Green Bay Packers. Yes. They have packing dicks in their pants. That's their packing peanut. They are packed up. They have – they're like – there's a few of them and they all for some reason – I don't know what the sort of –

I'm sure that logistically it makes perfect sense. They have several different Instagram accounts. Okay. Oh, I think you know why? Because many of them, they're like in preventative, they're doing damage, like preventative damage control because I think eventually they always try to push the boundaries of what is allowed on Instagram. Oh, girl. And they love to be like, Instagram hates gay people. I'm like, you were actually sucking cock on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had all your fingers spreading wide.

wide open your hole. I saw your goddamn brunch. It was bright red. It was bright red on Instagram. It looked like bolognese. It was marinara on Instagram. And then they always say, like, formerly 630K on whatever. Oh, that's the best. Is that so funny? Is that so funny to me? And I don't want to be insensitive, but I'm always like, well, that was then and this is now. Do you know what I mean? Like, I feel so, like, so what, bitch? You're a has-been thot? Yeah.

No, seriously. What the fuck? You're like a failed thought. And you lost it all because you were trifling. Yes, you were trifling. Yeah, yeah. You were sucking. You were bullwording Instagram. Yes. Like for real. Just keep it on Twitter where you can show red. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And what if you just become a person who posts their dog or their lunch on Instagram? That's fine. I know. All of us. It doesn't have to be one and one all the time. We're not fake if we just save different facets of ourselves for different contexts. It's context dependent. You don't walk into the orgy with the same energy as you walk into a library, you know, a children's library or children's hospital. I'm just as comfortable in a ball gown as I am in a t-shirt.

as I am at a tennis warmup with this, with sounding with yeah, the sound of music.

That's the best is when it's like a complete, like we're talking a bulge, hard nipples, dick pulled up, dick almost out. Knitting needle. And it's like, you come home and I'm your roommate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you do? What do you do? It's like, well, I don't, I don't, I don't rate my roommate. I go into my room and I do whatever I need to do. Yeah. I catch up on some emails and I play a little spiral, the dragon on PlayStation. I say, why didn't you do the dishes? You fucking piece of shit. That's what I do. I don't come home and assume that because you were in your underwear, it's go time. I know.

I don't even assume I can't stand it. It makes me so – it makes me irrationally angry because I don't care what these people do with their life. I guess clearly I do. But it's just – I'm like this is what people aspire to these days. They love it. They love it. They can't get enough of it. And unfortunately I think for – oh, God. This sounds so okay boomer. But –

It doesn't, it is a legitimate unironic pathway to gaining more social capital. Yeah. It's, it's, it's like grim, but it's so two dimensional because what I, sex sells, sex definitely sells. However, the way you present yourself on the internet is also what, yeah, this ain't sound. This is like clearance.

I also feel like they, it's not even clearance. It's like, oh, that was slightly damaged. It's like, no, no box item. Yeah. It's um, it's what is it? It's um, it's the shit that they give to the, um, the, they don't even, I mean, it's not even fit to go apples. Yeah.

It's dog food. It's dog food, bitch. It's like, no, it's the sawdust that they put on puke when somebody throws up at a concert. That's what it is. God. Gross. Let's see. Yeah.

No, you, you, you take a podcast with me. You, you walk into a podcast room and I'm like this, what do you do? You're like, fire me. I don't think you know that your actual cock is out. No, I do. It's not my cock. It's black.

Wait, is it underwear? Yes. Oh, I thought it was your actual dick and you were just like, I hate these people who show their dicks for attention. And you think I have like, I've been abusing myself so much that it's black and blue. I thought maybe you put it through the George Forbid.

I don't know. Yeah, my cock is grilled up. I grill it up. It's charbroiled. It's charbroiled. What's wrong with you? I have empathy because I do understand that Instagram is owned by Facebook, which is classically like, I understand that. Because I've gotten in trouble on Instagram for things that should not have been in trouble for. Like when I called those real faggots.

Oh, hate speech, but that's different. Hate speech is a little, I mean, it's such a clear, come on. Me and Jack calling two whales faggots. Those whales don't even have Instagram. Whales? They're not even going to hear about it. Whales? Did you say whales? Whales.

I got banned from Instagram for calling two whales faggots. I thought you were talking about large people. No. Oh my God. I was like, how dare you? Those goddamn whales. Oh my God. I was like, damn, you are really, you are leaning into the fat phobia, you bitch. No, bitch. No, this is some Madagascar shit. Oh my God.

This is some geo planet. Honey, this is a Bill Nye. Nat Geo shit. It was an article that was like, these two whales have bonded for life and the internet's gone crazy. And I commented, faggot. And I got a hate speech strike. Because that, listen, I mean, come on. I understand. Yes. They're...

I get why the robot of Instagram saw that as hate speech. But I just want to say when people comment that on my fucking Instagram, it sure does. That comment lives there for years. Thank you. So why are we protecting the whales? Thank you, Bob. Bob, please. Fuck the whales. Fuck those. I thought you were talking about two overweight people. Could you imagine if I just commented like those whales? I kind of can, but not really. No, I can't. That's crazy. I love fat people. I know you do. You love me.

I love all fat people. I love all body types. But then again, my perception of like, like I, I understand that this is sort of, I have a blind spot to this, like men of all sizes. I have like an opposite proclivity. I don't love scrawny. I don't love skinny. Okay. So I'm totally fine with chubby beefy. I'm fine with all that.

Hello, I'm Heather McDonald, stand-up comic and pop culture expert and the host of my podcast, Juicy Scoop. If you're obsessed with Hollywood romances, reality TV drama on and off camera, and celebrity gossip, this is the show for you. In each episode, I dive into the juiciest, most salacious, and

controversial pop culture stories of the moment. And I give my opinion in the most comedic way. It's based on my own Hollywood experiences working on television shows and of course my own experiences with the actual stars themselves. You're also going to hear from a range of guests from actors to comedians

to comics to reality stars like Countess Luann from New York Housewives or Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules and now The Valley. So if you want the scoop on the hottest gossip, you've come to the right place. Tune into Juicy Scoop wherever you get your podcasts. You'll thank me later.

Listen to this gig. So I had a lovely day with Miss Yang yesterday. We went to see this boring ass French movie and then we had, we like got some, we walked all the way back from Beverly Hills. Lovely. I mean, it's so like, Los Angeles is wonderful weather right now. And we were strolling and talking about rehab and like, you

You know, because at one, you know, back in the day, she has had her, you know, little struggles with this. Everybody in LA has had some kind of run in with meth of some kind, either firsthand or secondhand. Totally. You know what I mean? And,

I just finished the Fallout series, which I loved. I can't believe when I recommended it to you, I thought you were going to say, no, I'm not watching that. But I knew you would like it if you tried it. I'm really happy you liked it. I'm a little desperate for entertainment these days. I loved it. It's great. The style, the sound, the soundtrack. Loved it. But the ghoul? Yeah. Fierce. That's who we saw.

Oh. On our walk home. And I'm telling you. The cowboy ghoul. The cowboy ghoul. Uh-huh. He. The dude that we saw on the street, he was walking down the street right past us on the sidewalk with a palm open and a laptop. A laptop on his open palm. The actor? No, no, no. This guy made the ghoul look like he was about, I don't know, 110 pounds overweight. Oh.

This dude was like, no joke. I'm not joking. He was like 6'5", 140 pounds. It was... It was one... And I've seen everything. I have seen and been everything. It's shocking. It was...

I really honestly felt like, and listen, I, when I walk, I walk home. If I walk more than if you, I mean, literally if we're in the middle of Hollywood, if you walk more than six blocks, you're going to see some shit. You're going to see some shit. I'm not saying everybody mentally ill or unhoused is on drugs, but you're going to at least see some shit. Yes. You're going to see some wild shit. You're going to see some mental illness. You're going to see some drug use. I've seen both. The other day I left my house and there was a, a, a guy,

I don't know their gender and I don't know if they know. So they were, they turned away from me, pulled up their shirt, pulled down their pants and they had a syringe in one hand and obviously they were shooting up somewhere in the crotch area.

Maybe the vein in the leg and the inner thigh or something, but it was so brazen when the sunlight is out, the California sun beating down on a crackhead. It's really wild. And especially the behavior that you would just, you just assume is going to be some kind of like effort to shadow it or whatever. It's so shocking. Yeah. It feels so bad because if you're doing that, if you do that in front of people outside, you're gone. You're absolutely gone. This dude was a skeleton with tish gray skin.

translucent tissue paper skin stretched over these visible, visible bones. I was like, Andrew and I were like,

We like took our breath away. It was like so fucking crazy. It's a buzzkill. It was so crazy. And I was like, holy shit. He was like, I was like, well, that's some two weeks, two weeks away from that pretty much all the time. You know what I mean? And really it's crazy. What's more shocking is, I mean, I know you know this, that person might've been,

Not looked like that, not that long ago. Two weeks. Truly. Two weeks. That's all it takes. That's all it takes. If they were consistently using and not eating, that's how fast you would deteriorate. Yeah. They could be up not eating, not eating at all, and up for five days. Also probably not hydrating. Of course not. No. Yeah, no. A lot of- No, a lot of things going on. And certainly no showering. Certainly no like, yeah. It was just really, I mean, you could see, and also what a difference two weeks can do.

Right. Like if you have two weeks of food and rest, it's crazy. It's just crazy. It's not to be a buzzkill. I hope whoever that person is, it's, you know, it was wild. Um, but also I wanted to talk about Shogun. Have you seen Shogun?

The series on, I think it's on Hulu. It was on FX or whatever. It's a Japanese samurai show. No, is it the slave? It's so fucking cunt. Wow. It's so fucking cunt. It's so gorgeous. It's so entertaining. It's so well done. It's so well acted. It's so cunt. I love high, high end movies.

It's like, it feels very much like that prestige drama Sunday night on HBO energy. That's that HBO has not been delivering. What do straight people love? They love Game of Thrones. Yellowstone.

Straight women. Are you fucking kidding me? Mama. Kevin Costner in the... But they jerk off to it. The straight women jerk off to it. The older women jerking it. Jerking it. Let the old ladies have their jerk. Crystal Pepsi bottle up the pussy. Zima. Zima up the pussy. Empty Zima bottles up the pussy. Zima warrior princess. Zima...

I've been watching Tabitha Salon Takeover Which is kind of like that show That's a little too highbrow for me What does she do when she busts through the saloon doors of a salon? Well she'll usually call them And she'll talk to the owner And she'll be like come outside Because she's Australian She'll come outside and I'm going to pounce you and chop your dick off They'll be like oh my god Because after the first season she's a celebrity So when they come out they cry because they're starstruck And she's like I don't know why you're smiling

Cause she's like Gordon Ramsey. It's like, he asked you to make you a grilled cheese sandwich. You better start crying. Yeah. Cause she's there to rip them one. And it's crazy because she will be like, she will read them so fiercely because she'll not just read their service and the way they dress. She'll walk up and pick up a haircut and broke, comb it through it and be like, do you see this big empty spot right here? And she can tell mistakes in their haircuts from like,

Not even touching the hair. She's like, I see a hole here. So she reads them on their skills. And of course they're all crying, but it's this weird mix of these, these, um, what about the living, breathing human being? Who's, who's being like, who's, well, there's a person in the chair. That's what I mean. I watched your consultation and you never took your client's hair out of the ponytail. How do you even know what the haircut is? And how do you feel like, you know, without taking the hair pony out and the girl goes right on camera in front of the woman, she goes, well, I was always told not to take their hair stuff out because it looks like you're looking for bugs.

And everyone's like, and then Tabitha goes, if I wanted to look for bugs, I'd go look in that cooler over there because there was roaches in it. Yeah. Because the consultation is so much a part of how you figure out what someone wants. But if you don't investigate enough, then you do what you think they want and then they don't like it. And then you blame them for not knowing what they want. Did I ever tell you about the time that

I went to my mother's hairdresser and I say hairdresser because I need you to know that he was indeed a gay guy. Right. And I had at the time, Kurt Cobain hair. Do you know what that looks like? It's like blondish kind of rocker. Rocker with like a middle part. Yeah. I mean, it was a little shorter than that, but it was a grunge haircut. Okay. Essentially. Okay.

He blew my hair out. And while it was happening, I, I, I, I, you know what it was? I was so homophobic at that moment where I was like, I felt like it looking back. I'm like, did I even know I was gay? Did he make me gay? Did he turn me? Did he turn me? He had, he was blow drying my hair with a round brush, like Prince Valium in Spaceballs. Lady Bunny's hair. Oh, it was like,

He would, I was like, I was like, so do I go? Am I Jessica Lange? Am I? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Am I Marilyn Monroe? Am I like, am I, am I going to be a, like a page boy cosplayer at Siegfried and Roy's house? Am I Charlie Bucket? Yeah. I mean, yeah, it was diabolical. And I assume. And you were blonde, obviously. Blonde, bleached blonde.

And it was literally like, it was this, it was literally this. It was like, it was like this, but imagine this more like literally like, um, like round brush and round brush in like this. Like, and also, what did you say? Of course you didn't say anything. I was fucking horrified. And I, at that time I'm into Satanism. I'm like, I've got, I'm like got the J's. I'm like this. I'm not a, I'm a, I'm a school shooter.

essentially. You're not a school shooter because you're not even going. No, I know, but you don't walk, not to be insensitive, but you don't walk in to shoot up a school with a blowout. You know what I mean? That's like low on your list of priorities. You're thinking about bullets, guns, bodies. A shooter's never gay. Exactly. Shooters are always straight guys. So I think that I was that and then he turned me gay. So maybe it's good for everybody. But as soon as we left the salon, I was like,

I was like licking my hands and like trying to mess it up. I was, it was mortifying. It was mortifying. It was so. How old were you? I was probably 13. And were you with family? It was with my mother. What did she say? She was like, she was like laughing because she knew how much I hated it. I mean, I understand that finishing is a big part of haircutting, right? I think like. Oh my God, it was crazy. Haircutting. Yeah. When you let clients go and their hair's not styled, I think that's jail.

Because sometimes people will just cut the hair and then like send them home. I would have loved that. The finishing is honestly as important as the haircut, I think. I think that's why it's, that began my like, my absolute dread of any haircut situation, the trauma. Right. Speaking, we've talked about this, banter with a gay hairstylist. Vacation. Vacation. All they talk about is vacation. All it is. That's all they talk about. Or drag now. They want to talk about drag. Yeah, but this was before drag. It was literally, I mean, I, listen, I was,

I could afford a vacation when I turned maybe 33. So every year up until then was talking about a thing that I never experienced. Right. But they all, all they want to do is go on vacation. So we're going on vacation. Where's the next vacation? You know who else is really into vacation? Botox gays. Like the injectors. Oh really? All they do is go on vacation. Yes, all of them. Oh, well thank God I have more vacation. Vacation shouldn't bother me with that shit.

I don't know about gay guys. Can I tell you what I did last weekend? Tell me. So I wanted to treat myself in one of my all-time favorite musicals is Little Shop of Horrors. Oh my God. You started jinxing it. I took the red eye. Okay. Bought myself a ticket. Okay. With my own miles. You didn't ask her for a comp. No, I did. I bought a plane ticket. Oh, you bitch. Well, PEG art managers. What are you whispering about, you dykes? Oh, fuck.

Our managers represent Jinx, so they got me a ticket. Okay. And they said, like, would you be comfortable taking some pictures after for, like, promo? And I was like, yeah, sure. So I flew myself out. Okay. Flew down. Yeah, yeah. Delta One. Delta One. And it was the red eye to New York, so sleepy, sleepy. But you're sleeping, though. Sleepy, sleepy. You're sleeping. Sleepy. And then I get there and I go see Little Shop of Horrors. Jinx was... Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. I mean, it's all these professional Broadway actors...

the professional costumes, all that. Jinx fit in exactly like she is a professional theater actress. But she is though. It's not that I didn't expect her to be on that level. It's that, wow, this person who has a whole other career in drag is just as amazing as everyone on this show. She slayed it. It was amazing. I believe you because I remember seeing her on that cruise like 14,000 years ago and I was like, that's the most talented drag racer. No question. No question.

It is really no question. I love everyone. No question. But she's, she is out of, it's out of the, it's out of this world. And she used to be, let's say ugly. I was going to say like her, what is going on with my bangs? I feel like her look wasn't as put together. Of course not. But now that she looks great, she's funnier than all of us. Better singer than all of us. Yeah. And she looks awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, her glow up was like pretty immediate though.

I mean, she looked boo-boo the shit. She looked like a shit can on her season, but she got that right together pretty much right away, didn't she? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I had a hair in my eye. Hold on. You did. You did.

No, but I mean, but think about Jinx on Drag Race that's going back to season five. She was crunchy. Sure. A little crusty. Not great drag. Pretty bad. But so talented. The singing. The talent though. I mean. She's playing Audrey, which is a woman's role. She sings 95% of the show in the original key.

And she's using her head voice. She sings somewhere that's green. You know that song? Sure. There's a musical, there's part in the musical where Audrey sits and sings about how she wishes she lived in the suburbs of Seymour and she could have a simple, beautiful life. Crying. She was crying? I was crying. Everyone was crying. And then right before, spoiler alert, she dies in the movie and gets fed to the plant. And she gives this monologue that's like, Seymour, I want you to feed me to the plant so that it'll stay big and strong and all your dreams will come true.

And she sings like a reprise of some of that scream where she talks about being the plant eating her and being dead.

sobbing. Yeah. Sobbing. That's great. It was so good. So funny. The singing, she looked awesome. She's trim, very trim right now. And obviously she had FFS and is on hormones. So like it's very, it's, it's jinx with like extra, extra shot of femininity right now. Yeah. And she just, she was amazing. Good for her. I mean, she, I mean her talent side of this world, out of this world, out of this world, I guess is, um, porn star. No,

Yeah, it was Sean Cody and... But Corbin Bleu is a porn company. Or Corbin Fisher. Yeah, it was Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher in the show. No, Corbin Bleu, I guess, is from Disney. I'm such a trash bag. Gross. Shoot me. High school musical. I've never seen it. Sorry. Okay.

She was in it. She was good. It was just, it was amazing. I'm so glad. I mean, she is incredible. And I was in New York for less than 24 hours. I just flew right back. Look at you. Jet setter. Only thing is I had to get the room for three nights. And I guess because I travel with you now, people think when I travel alone, I need nice accommodations. The room was $1,900 for three days. Yeah. Would you say the four seasons?

The Intercontinental Times Square, 1900. Times Square? Because it was a block from the theater. I wanted to stay close to the theater. You don't stay in Times Square, you freak. Well, I didn't want to go to the show and have to like hitch a train. I wanted to be able to walk a block and be there. So I stayed like a block from the theater. Okay, but just for future reference, let me clue you in on something a little fun about New York. The trains are fantastic, especially when it's not the dead of summer.

Just FYI. Mary, the trains actually run in New York. They're good. So you can stay anywhere. I mean, not anywhere. I was there for like less than 24 hours. I just wanted to see it, go to bed and leave. Okay. Well, as long as it's not that, but you remember the money bothered me.

$1,900 for three nights is expensive. It's expensive. I'm more of a three-star girl. That's like $700 a night. When I'm on my own, I'm kind of on the cheaper. You're at the motel six. Yeah, cheaper. You're at the Dunes Inn, the motel with the door open and your legs up in a sling going. Well, do you remember we used to stay at the Hudson, which was kind of a flop. Kind of a flop.

No offense, Hudson. No, the standard. Which one is the one? What is the one that we always stayed at with the Voss that Brandon Voss always booked us? I've never done that. I like the standard Highline. No, it's not that. I think it's the, there's one where it's like this trendy, super trendy, like you go up a huge escalator. It's always the Drag Race. It's always the one that we're booked for Drag Race events.

And it's like this, it's a super stupid, you know what I'm talking about? You're thinking of the Hudson, which it starts with a huge escalator and the rooms, you open the door and the door hits the bed. Oh yeah. And there's no counter space in the bathroom for makeup. Because the room is about a foot and a half square. Yeah. It is the most bullshit piece of shit, fucking ridiculous hotel in New York. If we're talking small spaces, I would rather just stay at like the Yotel in New York, which is at least...

and clean. Okay. Well, I mean, the other one's clean, but you wait about 35 minutes for an elevator. But Yotel, you can check in without seeing anyone. Get in and out. Well, then also it's like you have to contend with the, I don't know, the 4 billion decibel DJ set that's happening every night until 3 a.m. Do you know what I mean? I'm such an old maid. God damn it. Just kill me. Take me on a bench. I hate staying at hotels where there's music late. I don't. Call me crazy. Call me old fashioned. Go to a nightclub.

In my day, there were men and there were women and there were hotels and there were nightclubs. Right. Yeah. And I say, you know what I mean? Well, even at the Trixie motel, we don't play music late. I was sure the fuck, hope not. Because although, but you know what though, your, your motel, there's nobody staying at your motel. That's not there to have a fun time.

Like there's all different types of reasons somebody could be at the Hudson Hotel. All different types. Right. We're not having more people. A funeral. Yeah. A wedding. A business venture. An execution. An execution. An anime con. Circumcision. Whatever. That's such a brunch drag joke of like anybody getting married, divorced, circumcised. Oh, God. You should kill yourself, right? Should we go back to – there's those certain jokes that just –

They hit at brunch and they... Bird fan? I've kissed a cock or two. Oh, are you getting married? Oh, does your husband have a huge cock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what that is. Or let's see the ring. Oh, this tiny ring, you poor bitch. I hate all brunch jokes. Testicular difficulties. You better drink hard because it takes... The more you drink... The prettier we look. I hate that shit. I know. I'm so happy that...

I think that we've grown many, many, many light years, not away from it. I think, yeah, away from it. We don't ever have to do that again. Well, and I hope the new generation of drag Queens has new brunch jokes. They're not doing that shit. Although maybe they are. Well, maybe they're, Oh no. Oh no, no. The pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction that they're talking about how drag is dangerous and the transformation will set you free a life of authenticity. Yeah.

When I was hosting locally, I was here to be mean to people. Phoenix just spit on people and that was like Medal of Freedom. Give it to her. When I used to read bingo and people would win,

You didn't want to win when I hosted bingo. All right, you fat ugly bitch. I was like, oh, look at that. And this is the only good thing you have going in your whole life. It's this shitty little thing. You suck. You suck and your teeth are horrible. That skin. It seems like you lack education. I noticed you came here alone. No friends? You don't want to win at my bingo. Yeah. Anyway. Well, thank you so much for listening. I hope it wasn't too negative. I don't think so.

I think they're used to us being this negative. I think this is who we are. We're the same. Coming at you next week. Stay tuned. Hey, hey, hey, folks.