What Have You Done Today to Feel Proud? with Trixie and Katya
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All my sunglasses are sunglasses I've caught in pride parades. So everything is like Tito's or like, you know. Did you catch that in the Playboy parade? No, I was at a gig two nights ago. I had a gig. Girl, it's pride. First of all. And you. What have you done for pride so far? What have you done today to make you feel proud? Woo!

What haven't I done for, for pride? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. The list. I mean, the list is too long. I can't even get into it. So why don't you go first?

I walked into my house. I saw a child covered in shit, shoeless. And I flipped a quarter at them and I looked over my shoulder. I said, here's looking at you kid. And then what have you done today? And then I kept walking. Then I bumped into Kylie Jenner, gave her a Pepsi. Yeah. What have you done today? It's a lot of that. And then, and then, and then I was at a hookup and I was in a swing and

And well, we didn't have it. We didn't know how to suspend it from the ceiling. Of course. Cause I'm not an HGTV star. You're not an engineer. Right. Right. Then I was at the We Help Pride parade and I was keeping it fucking fierce, walking the parade with, um,

Who was it? Lisa Rinna. No, Polly Grip. Polly Grip. Not the queen. Dentures? The dentures. Yeah. I was in the fierce Polly Grip parade and I said, being gay, it's adhered to me, honey. And I can eat corn now. But it's from an ass. Because gay. So I'm on the parade. I have someone opened up and I'm just, I'm going in on the corn. There ain't no other way. Ooh, there ain't no other. So I've just been gay. You've been gay as hell.

Well, I don't think I can top that. However, I have done something very gay, a little bit unconventional for Pride. What is it? So it's a long story. Oh, God. Here we go. Let me put my headphones on. It's not connected to you. It's a different music. You got Paul Abdul from TED Talk on there. No, I... Okay. Microblading. So I've had some time off, as you know, right? Did you get microbladed?

Please let me listen to the, let me tell you the story because it's a, it's a, it's, it's a journey. Well, I noticed your brows look different today. I didn't know if you just tried something different with your cosmetics. I know you're a Maybelline girl. Yeah. You know, I'm one to peruse the makeup. I know you're feeling a little more open casket this time of year.

rather than an unlocked grave. You know what's funny? I was like, open casket. I was like thinking about open concept floor plans and I was like, open caskets are so crazy. Mary, that is so morbid. You know, why don't they just, I mean, why don't they just shoot the body out of a cannon into the lake? It's so crazy. Has anybody, anybody in the audience of this, has anybody been to a funeral where you saw a body in a cabinet? Casket. And you weren't traumatized by it? Well, no.

Because now, like, I love people in my life who've died. Of course. But now my last picture of them is them powdered down in that casket. Powdered and looking a little like whodunit and ran. And also a little suspiciously not like the person you remember because they're different now. Yes. They're a bloated, hollowed out, caked up husk. Yeah. I don't like that. Imagine the last time you see your husband is like his embalmed body. And, you know, you always hear this.

They did a beautiful job. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's not a piece of pottery. It was a beautiful service. It's like, that's crazy. No, they're talking about the job that the ballroom did. Or the makeup artist. Well, you know that they have to use special makeup. Number nine acrylic. It could be number nine acrylic, but it's called non-thermogenic makeup. Most makeup is formulated to blend based on warming up to your body heat. With a corpse, there's no body heat. But they do space heaters in the coffin now. I want... Wait. Oh!

Okay, so the Matthew Camp sex doll came with a butthole warmer. Oh. It came with a battery operated thing that you shove up the butt. So that it's warm when you put your dick in it. Electrical problems? Electrical issues potentially I'm thinking about. Oh, it's battery.

You can't get electrocuted from battery. You can't? I don't think so. Tell that to the fucking nine volt that I shoved up my ass last night. Tell that to the car battery clip to both my nipples. Okay. So open casket. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Back to microblading. So I have all this time off. I have like two weeks off. No drag. Crazy. Yeah.

And I've heard through the drastically different from your normal schedule. Shut up, baby. Shut the fuck up. Go on with your delusion. So I've had an extended period where I don't have to put on any makeup. And that's what you need in order to get microbladed. So I go in there and I do the thing and I get home and Trixie. What? I looked like I had something.

giant felt Groucho Marx brows on my... above my eyes. That's not this. No, no, no. This looks good. This looks good. It looked...

It was a shock. And I got home and Eden was there. I had to pull a sheet over my head and tell her, get out of here. And then I spent the next three days alone in the house watching Succession every episode. Do you love it? I loved it, but I couldn't. I was so, I was like, intermittently I would like look in the mirror and scream.

And the guy was amazing. He said, you have to trust the process. He told me everything, like everything, every step of the way you can expect. He's like, it's going to look darker. It's going to look crazy. Don't worry. Trust the process. I was ready to jump. Yeah. I was ready to find the highest place I could get and jump right off. But did you trust the process or were you in denial that it wasn't going to work? No, I, the process I...

No, I didn't trust the process. What was going on in my head was, "Oh, you just got a fucking face tattoo of two giant black caterpillars on your face." But it's not permanent. It is semi-permanent. It's like a tattoo, essentially.

They slice and then they... Yeah, they slice. I believe it's a blade. Yeah, it is a blade. Basically a semi-permanent dye on it. But you know, when I worked at the makeup counters, I would see women with tattooed eyebrows. A lot of Russian women. Yes. Oh, yeah. Tattooed lip liner. Tattooed eyeliner. It's a different thing when it's tattooed and when it's old because all black ink turns blue over time. And it bleeds. It fades. And people who just got their lip line,

Their lip line would be like a nice rosy red and then their dead gray lip color. Like you can't do lip liner tattoo and then like never wear makeup. It looks whack. Also, it's crazy to like, I don't want to get socks tattooed on my feet. I can put a new pair on every day. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's crazy to me, the lip liner.

I decided to do it because half the time I shave off half my brows and I look crazy when I do drag. You know what I mean? So I was like, oh, I think this will look more human-ish. I would do it if I had time off. Can I get up in there? Is this what it's going to look like? This is like a week. So it's going to fade or this is it? It's going to get actually... I think this is the stage where the skin has grown over it. So it's a little light.

It might get a little darker. I think it looks good. I think it looks good too. I actually like it. But the shock, Mary, the shock was, it was, I was depressed. Did you think it was ruined and it was going to be black? Did you not? I just thought, I was like, what the fuck did I do? I felt like I was in a bad dream. I was like, it was truly terrifying. I don't get scared of shit. I don't get scared of shit. But even though the doctor was like, just so you know, it's going to start dark. Wasn't a doctor. Wasn't a doctor.

Right, it was a tattoo artist, basically. Yeah, a technician. He's so hot, so wonderful, so skilled, so great. You only got a hot people. He did Janet Jackson. And that's what stole me because, I mean, we have very similar face shapes, very similar pigmentation. We both have a history of dance. So I figured, like, if he's doing Janet and she loved it, I can't go wrong. Yeah. And her brother is Michael, and you're kind of like him. Yeah, we both eat. Let's take a break. Vegetables. Vegetables.

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Ooh, there ain't no other way. Well, it is Pride. It is Pride. And listen, did you go to the parade for real? I've never been to LA Pride. I have. I avoided it. I think I was with a towel over the head watching Succession. But you know, it really, I think, was it WeHo Pride or LA Pride? WeHo Pride.

There's every county's got their own pride, Mary. Every county. LA pride. We hold pride. And then there's downtown LA pride. Yes. At this point, there should be a Los Feliz pride. Um, there's a Vermont Ave north of Franklin pride. Yeah. There's a, there's a, um, honey dip donuts pride. Um, the, the,

The talent, though. Mariah. They got Mariah, Grace Jones. Mariah who? Carrie, bitch. Last night was Mariah Carrie at Pride. What? Yes. Where? Girl, they totted her out, threw her out. The girl. They greased that pig up and put her in the window? Honey, they threw some glitter on her, threw it on the stairs and post-play on the track. What did she do? She performed. I guess I didn't see anything. And I'm not a Mariah stan, so I don't know any of the music or anything, but. You don't know Dream, Love Her, Come Take Me or whatever? I only know, um.

Heartbreaker. Yeah. I only know Heartbreaker because that's the music video with J.R. O'Connell. Oh, yeah. How about Loverboy? How about Honey? I don't know those. How about We Belong Together? How about Obsessed? Oh, I know that. Yeah. Do you like Mariah? I love her. She's incredible. I love her as a whole thing. And I love her songwriting ability because she's a fantastic songwriter. People don't give her the due that she's deserved. Yeah. Songwriter first. Yeah.

beautiful vocalist second the vocals are beyond it's untouchable eight octave range at one point crazy crazy crazy um but she writes them songs yeah then they had grace jones what girl grace jones out there she's i think actually almost 80 yeah hula hooping singing yes i mean was it that was crazy wait where i get outside outside in la yeah outside must

Must have been packed. A mob scene. I don't know. I wasn't there. Orville Peck did one night. Jesus. I slept through. I didn't even know what was happening. Everybody loves to text me, where are you during Pride? Like I'm here walking around. And I go, well, actually, honey, if you're at a Pride, it means you're not booked at other Prides. So, Caroline. That part. Tell it, sister. Tell it, Bible girl. Tell it. Tell it. Bible girl. Uh-huh. Tell it. Uh-huh.

Bible girl is my favorite thing on Twitter. Madonna stuns in you. Girl, the other day, Heidi and Closet tweeted, a lot of y'all Rue girls, I hear stories of you guys being bitches to people on the road and I'm so tired of hearing it. And Bible girl commented, but you know which Rue girl we never hear that about? Bible girl from season 15. Like,

Her whole Twitter is devoted to saying she's on drug race. She's like the troll. Capital T, capital R. Yeah. In a world where everybody's like trying to like, I hope the fans like me. I'm trying to behave a certain way. She's actively antagonizing and target. Yeah. It's really breathtaking, actually. She's amazing. But I had. Oh, I didn't. Girl, I have so much to tell you. Tell me. I'm right here. Hello. I'm listening. I had off last weekend.

Yes, you famously did. I flew to Milwaukee because I thought I'm going to spend time with my mom and stuff before I have my gig at my bar on Thursday. Okay. I'm going to visit my mom, visit whatever. I get there. I go to my mom's house. I'm washing dishes. I'm helping her do a little stuff around the house. And she's going, oh, yeah, you know, your cousins don't want to come over. And I said, why? And she was like, well, they don't want to get sick. And I said, what do you mean? And she was like, well, because, you know, we're all thrown up all last week. And I was like, okay, well, I'm here.

And I'm not in a hazmat suit, Val. Did she think you were immune? Mary, I'm in the middle of washing their dishes. Their dishes that I'm like, so the mouths that you touch these dishes to, I'm touching them. You got violently ill. Violently ill. And I thought, my mom's like, you'll be fine. And I wake up the next day. Pissing through your asshole. I wake up throwing up. Pissing through your asshole. Very little diarrhea. Oh, thank God.

waves of nausea so extreme that I couldn't sleep. When I would start to doze off, a wave of nausea would give me a chill so bad that I would like, oh. - What is that? What is that? What is that? Food poisoning? - I don't know. - Not food poisoning, obviously not. - I hate to be a sensationalist. I think it might've been the Novovirus that people are saying 'cause it's almost all like puking. - Novovirus. - I just had throbbing headaches and puking for two days. So I'm at my condo in Milwaukee in bed, just like, oh.

So horrible. Puke bucket? You had a puke bucket? Yeah. Large bucket. Puking in the toilet, taking pictures by the toilet. I took toilet pictures. Now, when you vomit, do you vomit out of your nose and do you break blood vessels in your eyes? Because if you don't, then you're not really gay. No. Do you go... But I was surprised how many times I was... When I would tell people that week that I was sick, I would be like, yeah, I was sick, whatever. And people would go, ugh, I hate throwing up. I'm like, yeah, everyone does. I know, but... Whoa. Whoa.

Yeah, right. I think most people hate it. It's not like going to the beach. Right. They're like, oh my God, I hate throwing up. I was like, yeah, everyone does. Yeah. Oh, I got stabbed. Oh, I hate getting stabbed. I hate that. Oh no. Oh, you're poor. Oh, I hate that. Oh. Wait, so do you vomit through your nose? Does it come out of your nose? Just the mouth. Just the mouth.

It hurts so bad. Throwing up hurts so bad when there's nothing left to throw up and your stomach is still seizing. Oh yeah. And it hurts so bad. Throwing up physically hurts. No one talks about that. Yeah. Physical pain. It's, I mean, it's, it's incredible what, like those involuntary, like those processes that your body's like, hang on, we got something to do here that you got no part of. It just takes care. It's like so scary and gross. Yeah. It's,

It's really horrible. It's like those videos of those escalators breaking where they go super fast and people like fly off them Maybe it's not like that in any way, but I think of it kind of similar I can't stop thinking about you in bed at like 1:30 in the morning with your phone three inches from your face watching car crash videos 100% my favorite type of video is like he would have never believed that this 90 year old man would beat the shit out of him That's my favorite type of video or like I

Is it in the TikTok voice? You'll never believe. Like the woman, do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. Once this woman flies out of the windshield, you'll never believe how much flesh hits the ground. Yes. Or like a traffic cam catching an accident that launches two people through the windshield. Of course I'm watching that. You kidding? That's must-see TV. David tried to sleep and me waking him up going, look, their face got ripped off. David's like, go to bed. Go to bed, wig. Yeah.

Go to bed wig. Puking back to puking. It's horrible. It's horrible. So then I never puke Thursday comes and I'm still a little sick and I have to get up and get in drag for the dead by daylight five hour live stream. And when you're sick and drag, when you're sick and drag for a five hour live stream, it is tough.

but I didn't want to cancel. It's also a live stream. You're sitting down, right? You're sitting down talking for hours. Luckily, weirdly, I was getting better enough that the conversation was a welcome distraction. Okay. When you're nauseous, but nauseous enough that you can push through it and forget about it. Sure. For the previous day, I was so nauseous that every moment watching TV bothered me. I had to just sit in silence and go,

That sucks. I have a pretty cast iron stomach. I rarely experience nausea and I'm so grateful for that. That's truly fucking horrifying. I know. So it kind of cut into my plans with other friends. It cut into some of my plans. Alaska was in town to work at our bar. We were supposed to get ready video together. I had to cancel because I was like, girl, you don't want to get what I want.

- Yeah, you don't want this no-go virus. - Didn't they get to have sex with the hot bisexual in my building I usually have sex with? - Oh my God, this is a true pride tragedy. - I know. Usually in Milwaukee, I have my little Rolodex. - Your little boop boopie doop. - Let's see, should I go, you know, have sex with the bisexual nurse or should I have sex with the closeted police officer? - Right. - What are my options? - What are your options?

And you were projectile. Do you projectile vomit? No, and I didn't have much in my stomach, so there wasn't a lot of retching. But you know how I know I used to drink a lot? I woke up nauseous and my thought was, I'm hungover. And I was like, wait a minute. Hungover without drinking, that's just cruel. Yeah. Vomiting is something that a lot of hungover people experience pretty much every weekend. I've only puked from being hungover maybe...

maybe once a year. You know what? I'm going to say something in movies. One of my, I'm adding to my pet peeve of a movie pet peeves when they have vomiting in a movie, you know how they just burp up like a mouthful of liquid. It's not like that. Mama. It's not like that. That's not puking. Where's the hose? Where's the hose? Because I know I was on that AJ and the queen podcast.

Show and I got puked on from a girl who had a prop. She had a hose with a giant oatmeal Ghostbusters backpack to projectile to actually vomit create the illusion of Puking now, how did you feel when you were cast on a show and they said great? We are having someone puke on you Well, I was like it better be on my tits and not and of course it was on my shoes didn't you want like like a

They show her puking and it cuts to you being fire hosed by oatmeal. Like full body. Like I'm horrified and it's going straight into my mouth. Yes. And down the tits. And then you're rubbing the tits. And then they look down and you have your cock out. You're jerking off with the oatmeal. Well, then Rue comes out because she's in the wings and she comes and slaps my pukey tits. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But it was cool. But anyways, don't do it. Screenwriters of the world, I know you're on strike, but don't, when you're writing into that script, don't do this. Make it real. Make it real. And also people don't puke from like the stupid stuff, like a situation. Like in the crying game, when he finds out that, you know, she has a ding-a-ling, he pukes. Girl, please.

He throws up from that? Famously. And then of course Ace Ventura spoofed it and everybody puked. I think people throw up from seeing a dead body. I think that's natural.

In movies, when someone's dead and they realize someone's dead, usually someone pukes. And I think that would be a natural response. You think that's a smell thing, though? No, I think that when one person gets food poisoned, the whole tribe instinctually throws up because they're like, I ate what they ate. That's why we puke when we see someone puke. Because what if we ate what they ate? I don't puke when I see someone puke. I don't either, but I think in theory we do. Oh, like crying?

I guess. Yeah. We do cry when we see people cry. I mean, it's a, it is definitely a trope in movies where like one person pukes, watch out. Everybody's hurling. You think Elizabeth Hurley, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, anyways, enough about puking. So then I got to do my gig at my bar in Milwaukee. It's fine. I'm barely alive. Whatever. The next day I got to wake up, fly to Salt Lake city, DJ there at 11 PM. Oh God. Then I got to wake up and fly to Kansas city to DJ there at 9 PM. They say Kansas city gig Saturday. Yeah.

- Was so turnt. - Was it really? - My God, it was this-- - Not in Kansas, by the way. - Missouri, which I was like, y'all need to talk to your branding people over here. - Yeah, talk to the-- - Kansas City not being in Kansas?

That's a little suspicious. Did they move it? It's up there with Paris, Texas. It's like, what are we doing? I don't know. What are we doing? So it's called the Power and Light District is the venue. Outdoor. It's like two layers, outdoor venue, restaurants, bars, all the way. So people can eat and drink at the restaurants and watch a show. And then the floor is all people dancing for Pride. And I go in there. I pull out my visuals. I basically did Solid Pink Disco, but with more Pride-centric tracks.

And I was feeling it so fucking hard. Girl, running, sprinting, sweating. I'm running. I'm rolling around on the ground dancing. And then I realized a lot of times when they have you at a real big venue, the table with the decks on it is very weight tested and secure. So you can get on it. Oh, you can get on the table. Coyote ugly. Getting on it, thrashing. Then I'm laid out in front of it with one leg off with my hair back, like thrusting, rubbing my...

Rubbing my tits. She's out of control. Rubbing my tits. Then, oh, something comedic happened though. I have these big fake boobs on because you know I do drag. Of course you do. And I reach over to stop to like I'm dancing. My big fake boob, achievement unlocked, stops the music. Oh.

by touching the pause button and the audience laughed. And then I did it again. And then I was doing it on beat with my tit. And it was so fun. And I was like, I didn't even know I could do this. I think you need a sex change. But then I started to really feel it. There was this remix of, um, I love it by Iconopop that I have. And by the way, I did a gig in Salt Lake city with Iconopop and I, we did a gig with them at Klarna Pride. Do you remember? Klarna, get in. And I said, do you guys remember when you did that show with Kati and I at

Klarna gig And she was like Yes We talk about that gig a lot They do No way Because it was kind of An odd vibe At that gig Odd Is an understatement It was an odd vibe It was It was like When you go for a job interview And you realize it's an MLM And they have locked the door Yeah

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's very that. It was very that. Yeah. So anyway, cut to the next night. I'm playing this remix that I love and I'm feeling it. And I'm like, this table can support me. I get up on that table. I'm standing above the decks. I'm thrusting. I'm rubbing. Then I'm bending over to change the, I'm like on top of the decks. Like, tell me the table broke. Tell me the table broke. It didn't. Oh, and it was, and then I was going to pantomime. Like I was going to run and jump off it. And people were like, yeah. I was like,

I'm not doing that. You shouldn't. Did you think I was going to run and jump off? Because, you know, they raised the decks for me and drag because I'm so tall. So they're like this tall. This is where they are. You think I'm jumping off that? All 320 pounds of you. Just reinforce the runway. But if you jumped like you're going to crowd surf and everybody's scattered and you belly flopped and died. Let's take a break. Oh, there ain't no way. Let's take a break.

How fierce would that be? Very. I mean, it'd be very fierce. Very. What a way to go. She died doing what she loved. Jumping. Belly flopping on the hard surface. Belly flopping on the hard surface. She died doing what she loved. That's the equivalent of Sonny Bono hitting a tree with unksies. I think he's probably having a better time. Yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you friends with Taylor Swift? Am I? I've never met her. Wait, have you, you've seen that from the trial, right? I can't get it out of my head. What trial? The Gwyneth Paltrow, it was skiing. My mind went there. The skiing trial? No.

No. Oh, this is when that woman was like asking too many personal questions about her life. She's trying to butter her up, buttering up the biscuit before she chomp chomps on it. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, no, I love your highlights of those. Are those home perm or like, you know, like how tall are you? Five, 10. Oh my God. I'm five, six. I have to wear four inch heels. It's a great. Yeah. Crazy. What was that about?

I think the technique was she was trying to like. It was litigation by way of Marianne Williamson. That's what it was. It's like, I'm going to befriend you and then I'm going to like catch you off guard because once we have a rapport, you let your guard down. Then I'm going to go in for the kill. Mary, it's Gwyneth Paltrow. She wasn't born yesterday. No. And if anybody's going to get gooped, it's not her. Thank you. She wrote the book. But the lawyer was like, are you friends with Taylor Swift? And I can't get out of my head.

why does she care what is that what is the relevance it was about like i think she went to a taylor swift concert blah blah it was just a bunch of stupid stupid but julia roberts just went to taylor swift's concert and she got her whole life really would you go to taylor swift's concert uh uh probably not okay yeah i mean i have to really love someone to go like because it's a stadium show and i noticed for me there has to be stakes i feel like i'm going to be able to see taylor swift for the rest of my life i thought you're vegetarian

But like when I see Blondie, it's because I'm like, this could be the last time. Yes, totally. B-52s. I'm like, this could be the last time. Right, right. With a young artist, I'm like, I'll go later. I don't know. I'll catch the DVD. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I always just feel like I'll go later. Would you go to see Beyonce?

I've been looking at these tour like little clips of these tours in the production level is on Real and incredible but that environment and it's on that imagine it seems very unappealing to me Oh, are you kidding bodies thrashing the bodies at the floor? Like I don't want it seems like the 12th circle of hell now Let's say I was good friends with the folks down at Procter & Gamble and they said we have a box seat in

For you at this stadium, she's playing where you can just come and sit private and watch it from afar and have some snacks. We'll helicopter you in and we'll helicopter you out. No parking lot. Yeah. Yeah. But I love, I do love to dance though. So maybe I would, maybe I would. I, I,

I was at this bar the other night in Kansas City after my gig, and there was this DJ duo called The Cinematics. And it's two gay guys, and one of them DJs, while the other one creates custom visuals on the fly to match the music. They, like, are perfectly in sync. And they were playing such good music, it was making me so fucking horny to dance that I wanted to dance so bad. But I didn't want to go bump into people, like...

I love dancing, but sometimes the thought of crossing that threshold into the room at a club where it's wet air, wet face. And I don't do drugs and now I don't drink. So now it's like drug people slamming. Slamming, yeah. There should be a people who aren't drinking area of dancing that has a little more space bubble. Yeah. How about this though? I don't even think you remember this. They used to smoke cigarettes on the dance floor.

I've never seen that. People used to have, when I went to nightclubs, especially goth clubs, whatever, you know, from 1999 to 2000, whatever, smoking cigarettes on the dance floor, dancing with a cigarette.

As a hardcore smoker, I could not even wrap my head around that. But were people getting burned? Hello? It's crazy. It's like, why don't you just have a machete in your hand? You know, it's wild. Can you believe that? No, I think I would be afraid of somebody burning. And, you know, I'm always wearing a lot of real silk. A lot of real silk. Real satin. In your bundles. Yes. And my lambskin. Yeah. I'm afraid. What if my natural, like...

My sewn in track. And you soak your tights in lighter fluid before you go out to the club. So it's like... It smells that way at times, to be honest. After these four little pride gigs, I just, I'm not used to...

When we were on tour, we have a bus and so things can get laid out and dried out. I wasn't used to packing wet tights and wet corsets again. I wasn't used to packing wet wigs. When you pack a wet wig that's covered in hairspray, the next day it comes out in a shell and you have to brush it out and redo it because while it's been in the suitcase, the moisture from the wig cap reactivates the hairspray. And so if your wig is crammed into a little ball, it comes out a little ball.

So it sucked having to pull out a wig and redo it every day. Oh yeah. How about a wet human hair wig thrown into a suitcase? You know what she's coming out as? Looking like an abortion. Yeah. It is like a twisted up fucking, it's like, it's horrible. What? What? Ooh, the rainbow. Evil Dead Rises. That's what that wig is. The scout. Yes. God. That was fierce.

I watched this film, I believe, called like, Would You Rather or something? It was like a Saw, like a Saw spinoff, but it wasn't Saw related. It was a Saw copy. And there was a- Was Andy McDowell in it? I don't know. No, that's Ready or Not.

No. What? Have you seen that? Yes. I love it. Samara Weaving. Of course. Samara Weaving. Yeah. Andy McDowell. That movie's amazing. Bashes Andy McDowell's fucking face. Yeah. Or head into the floor. It's fabulous. Were you gagged at the end when they all started exploding? Abso-fucking-lutely. I loved it. When you think it's superstition the whole time and then it. And then. Ooh, there ain't no other way. I love that movie. I love it too. It's really good. And you know, I relate to her in that movie. Like, come.

Coming into spaces where people are wealthy, but you're not wealthy and you didn't grow up wealthy. It's uncomfortable. And so I think she plays that really well where she's like, just trying to fit in. And when she draws that card and they realize they have to kill her, I was like, what about the beginning when it starts with,

When they were kids. I know. And the old grandma. Did you like her with the... Are you kidding me? And the eyebrows. The eyebrows. Miss Evil Auntie. Yeah. She was... That was me. Yeah. That was me. Yeah. Crazy. That's Pat. The only thing I don't like, I don't like it when a main character who is being pursued, they get a major hand injury. Remember when she like on the nail? Yeah. Yeah.

I hate that. Do you like in movies when they get stabbed through the hand? No, no, because it's a wrap. I love that. It's a wrap. No, I love it. I mean, it's dramatic, certainly. The beginning of Scream, Jenna Ortega through the hand. Oh, really? Yes. But then does she go in and survive hours and hours later? No, she spends the whole movie in the hospital. She's very injured. Oh, okay. Yeah. She's like very injured. She was also stabbed a bunch of other times. Okay, okay. No, but in the moment, that camera angle of someone with their hand up and a knife through it is always very...

Oh, bitch. How about this, though? So Mrs. Davis, a show on Peacock, the first it's Betty Gilpin from Glow Up. Icon. I love, love, love, love, love. So it starts out low, not glow up. Betty Gilpin competed on the makeup competition show Glow Up, which I'm guest judging on this week if you want to watch it. Ooh.

It starts off with this scene of these nuns in the 15th century, like samurais. They're warriors. They're fucking shit up. And this bitch gets stabbed straight through. And then she jumps. She leaps across the table to stab somebody with the sword that she's stabbed with. Oh, it's so fierce. She's like, well, here we go.

It's so fierce. A lot of good stabbing. Did you see her in that movie, I believe, called The Hunt? I sure the fuck did. With Hilary Swank. That's a huge spoiler at the end. Huge spoiler. It's a movie where it seems like a bunch of conservatives get rounded up and are hunted by liberals. By coastal elites. Coastal liberal rich people with guns. I thought it was such a fun flip.

Yeah. It's a little simplistic, but it was fun. I saw it in the theater and I thought I had a blast watching it. The gag at the end of Hilary Swank was very gaggy. I like them making like woke white people the devil. I think that's funny. Yeah. Because I mean, all people are trash. Well, do you remember the scene like with those two people who they're pretending to be convenience store owners, but it's of course all the game. Yes. And they're having that whole conversation about like, they're called African-Americans. Right. Right.

Them being horrible murderers, but correcting, like so funny. Yeah, yeah, it's very funny. She slayed. Betty Gilbert, mama. She slayed. She takes it. She takes it. She puts it in her mouth. She chews it up and swallows it. Otherwise known as eating. Like she goes so hard in that movie. The scenes towards the end where she's in the death match with Hilary Swank. It's so fierce. It's so fierce. Hilary Swank is making a sandwich when she walks in and she's like, is it interesting? A bread knife.

He's used to cut tomatoes and you're like, this is going to go off. It was giving me Kill Bill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When she finally meets Bill. Yeah, it was fierce. It was really fierce. I love Kill Bill. I do. I'll never forget the day because I saw the DVD and then I went to the theater the same day to see number two because it was in the theater. I'll never forget. I'll never forget it. It was just... Electrifying. Electrifying. It for me was like, whoa, movies can be something else, bitch. Electrifying. Why...

And it hits that good too. If you watch it today, it's like a 25 year old movie now. It's as good. Electrifying. Uma, if you're watching this, I'm sure you are. Yeah. Electrifying. Did you see now of his oeuvre, Tarantino, what are you a fan of? Have you seen him? Have you seen them all? Well, yeah. Kill Bill 1 and 2 are, I think, the beyond. It's the apex of greatness. I actually really loved Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I loved it too. Loved it. And not to be stupid, I didn't know anything about the movie, so I go in completely blind.

Didn't know anything about it You didn't know anything about Sharon Tate? I knew about that Oh okay okay And you spend the whole movie thinking she's gonna die Oh okay And then she doesn't Yeah so Oh so you didn't know it was a kind of revisionist No Okay gotcha gotcha I thought oh god we're gonna have to see her die Oh god she's gonna die Margot Robbie The scene where Margot Robbie goes to see her own movie It's so cute It's so sweet And Kate Berlant is in it Kate Berlant is in it So good The ticket lady The ticket girl I love the scene where the Manson girls are in the car And

Maya Hawk is like having cold feet. It's so funny. How about the can of fucking dog food at the face, bitch? Sickening. That, that, cause it's a long movie. It's a long movie. It's a slow burn. And that payoff is so good. It's so fucking juicy. And Brad G PG. Brad G PG eats and shits. And he just takes them all out to the dumpster. The part where he gets in the fight with Bruce Lee. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was Bruce Lee against that. Yeah. Sickening. And when he, well, he's, he's, um,

Brad Pitt plays Leonardo DiCaprio's stuntman. And the part where he's in the same outfit as him in a wig sitting backstage. Brad Pitt is so fucking beautiful. And he's honestly never been hotter than that movie. He's so hot in that movie. Yeah, because he's in fantastic physical shape. He's also like the best acting he's ever done. You know, I say one thing Quentin Tarantino movies do, they give it up to the stunt people.

Oh yeah. Um, as though we, um, what's her face? Mary, nothing beats death proof. I'm sorry. I take it all back. I think I like it even more than kill bill. Really? I love death proof. Oh, I remember seeing that in the movie theater and being seized with terror when she's on the front of that car.

Watching a main actress climb out of a car on camera. When she turns to the camera or she turns over and goes, watch this and climbs out onto the hood. And it's not a stunt double and it's one shot and it's the real actress. You're like,

Well, that's the, that's a woman, a stunt woman. I know. She's Zoe Bell. Yeah. Zoe Bell. Yeah. She's incredible. But the first, the, I'm not, I've watched the leg from the first half of the movie. I've watched the leg scene too many times. It's amazing. Too many times. And I can't think about putting my foot out the window without stunt man might come in girl and just the leg goes. Fuck.

flying yeah the leg and if it's gonna happen let it be the other one not the new one thank you thank you so good and uh kurt russell is so funny in that movie yeah and there's moments where he's pitiful moments where you're like he's kind of sexy in moments when he's actually terrifying like with rose mcgowan girl terrifying not i love that movie it the the how about with um what's your face in the boom oh yeah love that um uh

You're the one that killed my brain. No, it's Rosario Dawson. Rosario Dawson is so good in that movie. The leg, and then smash into the face. Also, the world building, the scene where they stop at the convenience store and they pick up a magazine that that girl's in and like the fact that they're working on a movie and they're off duty. Yeah. Such a good, it's crazy because the first few, the first group of girls is, they're not very likable and they're in, it's just, it's the tone is dark and it's. Yeah.

Yeah. Uncomfortable. Yeah. And then, then you have like, and then it's like the sunny. However, that sex dance in the bar. She wears a red bandana. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That butterfly bitch who plays Butterfly. So beautiful. Weird looking, but in such a beautiful way with her big eyes and big lips and tiny little nose. Is she the one that gets the tire scraped of her face? Yeah.

That Jungle Julie with the long hair is so good. That movie is so good. This isn't a movie podcast. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, yes, it is. Okay. Welcome to movie phone. So how about Planet Terror? Because I saw the double feature in the theater. Me too. Yeah, I can't believe I still like I can't believe I don't even think I went to the bathroom. Did you pee yourself?

I didn't know it was a double feature. I didn't know what I was going to do. It was my freshman year of college and my roommate, Mike, I moved to the dorm. I met my first friend, Mike. The first friend ever in college. No, my first friend at college was my heterosexual roommate, Mike. We met and he barely knew me. And he was like, hey, do you want to go to a concert with me Friday and then go see this movie with me Saturday? And I was like, sure, only friend.

So we went to Joanna Newsom together. It was amazing. Okay. I'd never seen Joanna Newsom. It was unreal. It was her in a 23 piece orchestra. 23 pieces. And it was amazing. Jesus Christ. And then the next night, I think we went to see death proof and, and the planet terror.

both of those experiences blew my mind. Yeah. Planet of terror. Uh, uh, is that my, not my favorite. Although you can't, you love the machine gun leg. Yeah. With Rose McGowan. But when Quentin Tarantino's in the movie, he's always so gross. He's so gross. He says like, he mentions getting his dick wet and I, that's when I almost hurled. He plays a creep very well. Yeah. I,

He plays a creep. And he's not a trained actor. I wonder if he's a creep. No. Well, we're going to work with Selma soon. We should ask her about From Dusk Till Dawn. Because From Dusk Till Dawn also is so good. Is that Robert Rodriguez? That's the same guy playing a terror, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quentin, he's so good in that movie. George Clooney's so good in that movie. Juliette Lewis in that movie. George Clooney. George Clooney. Lake Como. I was probably too young to see that movie. I didn't know vampires happened.

So when the vampires happened. Oh, you didn't. Oh, you mean like. There's no clue that there's going to be vampires until it kicks off. And suddenly you're like, what movie are we watching? Yeah. I thought it was watching just as like a sexy Mexican bar movie. No, it starts out like these two con brothers who are like on the run from the law and they hijack this family's RV. You're like, okay, it's kind of like a thriller or whatever. It seems very straight, whatever. Although there's also a very, it's a lot of violence in that movie.

Yeah, it's a horror movie. But I mean, also there's a major sexual assault towards the first part of the movie. Here's the thing about movies. They're filled with R.A.P.E. Yeah. Filled with it. Yeah. Game of Thrones, for example, you never watched that series, but that was notoriously R.A.P.E. Why? Well, isn't that also like Brothers and Sisters fucking? Oh, the incest was rampant. Rampant incest. Got no problem with that.

Well, your siblings are all really hot. Yeah. And we have a cute, I mean, no, my God, that's disgusting. We don't have to do all that. Listen, I don't want to fuck my brothers and sisters and mommy and daddy, but I, I would, you know, if anybody else wants to do theirs, that's fine. I don't,

I understand that family porn is very common. It's hugely common. Like seeing my stepsister jerking off. And I guess the step is what makes people feel like it's not that bad. It's right. I mean, it's a loophole. It's a loophole. It's a poop hole. What do you call that? It's like a...

If it's like step sister. Yeah. Do you think that's more of a conscious clearing thing? I think it's like a legal thing. But do you think these are the people who like, let's say you like porn of watching your step sister. Do you have a sister or do you not? I think it, I don't think there's any hard and fast rules with kinks and taboos. Interesting. Now, what if you're going to, what if you're. Do you watch gay, gay, do you watch gay brothers fuck?

do you like the part of real twins i have seen it you have i've have seen it there's there was um a czech or eastern european um i couldn't i was like like i couldn't believe it i was like like you know kevin yeah when i saw it because it was ages ago this gets porn people and then just but you couldn't for porn you could just say your brothers like no they were identical twins i know but

Without being twins, you could just have two people who mildly look alike. And in the porn, they can... Oh, they certainly do. You don't have to find real blood relations. No, I mean, just look on the street in WeHo. Brother, boyfriends. I mean, what do you call that? Twin... Boyfriend twins? Boyfriend twins. Oh my God, yes. Yes, yes. There's a lot of boyfriend twins. There's a lot of them. And that's what people... When I was dating... Oh my God, what's his name? Mr. Potato Head. No! No! Bitch! Bitch!

Who's that really beautiful hot skier? Yeah. When I was dating him, I forgot his name. We weren't together long. I know. Well, you had to block it out. I kind of blocked it out. Therapy. When we were dating, everybody was like, oh my God, twins. And I was like, you guys don't be gross. This is my lover. You know what I mean? You wear a hat. He doesn't like you totally, you don't look anything. Well, that's when Gus was like, I need you to stop working out and you have to shave your head. Cause I used, I mean, we used to be really like, yeah, they

You see me on a snowboard? You'd be like, Gus. Oh, no. It's Brian. Yeah. That's tough. Who do people say you look? Who of your celebrity boyfriends was your boyfriend twin? Well, it's usually Mr. Burns. Uh-huh. Or the cartoon. Or the really, really tall guy from Twin Peaks. The one with the sunken in cheeks and the crazy eyes. The one from Doctor Sleep. Lurch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The one who dies in Doctor Sleep. Yeah. Yeah.

They say, oh. Grandpa Flick. Grandpa Flick. I think that's his name. Mary, that, I know we've talked about it before. I know we talked about it before, but that scene, just in terms of talking about horror movies, talking about nasty, scary shit.

That scene where they are sucking the fear out of that little boy. Terrifying. It is really scary. You know what I liked about it? It's really scary. Kids never get killed in movies. No, they're torturing him. It's horrifying. They want him to be as afraid and as in pain as possible.

That's fucking nuts. It's horrible. Like you see people get butchered. You see people get fucking flayed and decapitated and all that stuff there. They want to suck all the fear and pain out of him. That's so wild. Yeah. It's pretty intense. That scene.

Yeah, and the flip side of that scene that's also really scary is when the grandpa is dying. Yeah. And he's like... And then he dies and turns into smoke and they all swarm him. Oh, yeah. So scary. That movie is so good. Rebecca Ferguson? Girl... Do you want to talk about eating at the fucking old country buffet? Girl, going in and...

Rebecca Ferguson decided, I don't want to be a girl that poops. No, no, no. I want to be a bitch that shits. Yeah, yeah. I want to go to every fucking buffet in Las Vegas. Yeah. And then I'm going to go a tour of Italy. Italy. And I'm going to eat every fucking meal. I'm going to downtown Disney. Yeah. I'm going to Hard Rock Cafe. I'm snatching bowls at the soup kitchen. Girl. Out of homeless people's hands. I'm eating so hard. I'm driving for Instacart and I'm nibbling on the groceries that I'm delivering to people.

Could you imagine Rebecca Ferguson showing up to your house with some green grapes and they're half eaten? She's like, I'm so sorry. There's traffic. It's fine. It's fine. Miss Ferguson, please. I can't wait to see you in Dune 2. I would love to do a series where we go grocery shopping with celebrities and they show us their favorite items.

That would be so fierce. Well, because my friend Sasha, the first time she visited L.A., guess who she saw at Gelson's? Angelina Jolie. Whoa. I swear. That's a big one. Angelina Jolie, black half-tan, teaching her kids about broccoli or whatever. Literally. Do you like Gelson's, the grocery store? It's beautiful. I do, too. I like Gelson's. It's very expensive, of course, but it looks like a fucking—it looks like a—

It looks like not real. I had my Hollywood moment two days ago where I'm on the cover of LA Magazine right now. Really? What are you doing? I'm in a picture. They had me. I'm on half the article. I'm on half the covers and George Takei is on the half. Takei? George. Yes. I'm on half the things and George is on the other half. Gotcha. And...

- Congratulations. - I was buying groceries and saw myself on the magazine and I felt like June Carter Cash. - Oh, that's lovely. June Carter Cash. - Just famous. - Oh, famous, famous, famous. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got to talk to George Takei the other day. I got to talk to him for a press thing. - He's gay. - Yeah, very gay. - Super gay. - Oh my. You know about that, right? He was on the Howard Stern Show and they asked him some really risque question and he went, "Oh my." It's so sickening. Can I play the clip?

We'll lead out with this. But we were talking about oppression and sort of like, you know, rainbow washing and sort of like how this, I will say as a message of hope for pride, I've been to three prides this year. The energy this year is electric. People want to go to pride because they can actively feel their rights being stripped away. It's sort of like, we're going to pride. My gig in Milwaukee, a 78 year old man came to the meet and greet. He said, me and my husband would never go out anymore, but with everything going on the news, we feel like it's important to support gay bars right now. No.

No matter gay, straight, or bi. Lesbian, transgender, life. That's right. I'm on the right track, baby. I was born to survive. No matter black, white, or beige. Chola or orient maid. Ra ra ooh la la, just shitting my pants. Do you know how many times I say it alone in my house? Ra ra ooh la la, I'm shitting my pants.

I believe it. It's like a conductor or like a band leader. It's like, no, it's rah, rah, ooh, la, la, just shitting my pants. So you say it in that cadence to no one. Well, it's not really to no one. Let's find oh my. Let me see if I can do it. Oh, yeah. Fun, right? Oh, my.

And I was like, you know, George, it's been hard because like brands have been like really weird this year about drag. Do you know what I mean, George? And George was like, without at all trying to slam dunk or one up me, George was completely successful in reality checking my gratitude because George was like, really? After Pearl Harbor, they went around in America, rounded up Japanese people and a

A man came to my front door when I was five years old with a gun and took me and my dad and my brother to an internment camp. And I was like, okay, I guess that's a little different than Target pride. I guess what I'm complaining about is maybe not as serious. That's fine. But they removed my t-shirts from Target. I know. I'm like, you're not hearing me. But that's why it's important. Older gay people have stories that completely check your gratitude. Yeah.

If you would listen to me for once, maybe you would get your gratitude checked every once in a while. I mean, especially since most of these prides, most of these prides started as protests. I do think that- That became parties, that became celebrated corporate events. Originally it was like, prides were borderline unwelcome. It was protests. You know what I mean? And now it's like-

Verizon wants to give your pride money, whatever. Before it was not corporate sponsored, it was almost an illegal activity, which I find very inspiring. Well, it's still illegal in many places to wedge your weenie into someone's derriere. Not in Tennessee anymore. Did you see the drag bill got struck down? Oh, that's right. I guess it's time. Play is back on.

Track then. Let the girls have their thing. Let the girls do their thing. Wiggle, wiggle, jiggle, jiggle. Get the dollars. If someone puts on a women's song and I move my lips along to it, I don't think you need to exactly call 911. No. It's just rah, rah, ooh, la, la. Just shitting my pants. Well...

There you go. Happy pride. Happy pride.