Adam Is A Blind B*tch So Here’s A Best Of
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Let's goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hit us with the science, Blake. He was hitting us with the science before. Oh, the highly anticipated. Uh-oh. Well, we didn't hear it. It's science. What was that? We didn't hear it again. I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear it. I was talking over it. Can you do it again? Okay, the highly anticipated. Give it to us. Okay, go ahead and do it. Do it now. It's science. Did you do it? Sorry. You got to shut up for a second, all right? Okay. Hey, everybody shut up.

I'm shutting up now. Shut up! Shut up! It's science. There we go. There it is. I heard it. Absolutely anchor Mandela. Absolutely anchor Mandela effect. Yeah, that is the anchor Mandela effect because that is not at all, not even close to how I remember it. No. The delivery is so casual. And that's the only time he says it in the movie? No.

There's another part where he talks about like women's brains being smaller and he's like, you know, it's just science stuff or something.

Oh, was that the one with the delivery of like, it's science? No, there's no one that goes, it's science. That's crazy. Because that's the impression that everyone did for years and years. Who did it that way first, though? Who was the first person to be like, it's science, and like over-enunciate it? Because that person's funny. The most legendary frat bro of all time. It's science. He took Anchorman and made it his own, and then the rest was history. Yeah, it's drunk brain. It's like...

coming together like I saw it. It's science. It also could have just been Baby Nooch. It might have been Kyle's brother. Oh, it's my bro. We were playing beer pong and he was like, it's science. Yeah, it could have been. Shout out to Baby Nooch. It does seem like somebody was just a little drunk and was trying to remember what they were saying and were like, it's science. And they were like, whoo!

like, whoa. It's science. It just dumped out of their mouth and everyone's like, wait a second, what? He's like, it's science. I want to be on you. Ooh. So are we doing this? What was that? I just need to like set myself like up. I just need to be ready for this. No, those were the two. Those were the two. Okay, cool. God did the twig. Look at the Irish. Hey, yo. Yeah, yeah.

Lucky Irish. Yeah. That's a cool way to end every sentence. Yeah, I was in this fucking accident the other day. This car almost hit me, but... Lucky Irish to you. Lucky Irish to you. Lucky Irish. Lucky Irish. Hey, check it out, man. I got a curly fry in my regular fries. Lucky Irish. Lucky Irish. Hey, look, I got a hamburger patty on the top of my...

How come that never happens? It's just fast food orders. It's just that. Oh, you just said you got a hamburger patty on top of your hamburger? I ordered six nuggets. I got seven nuggets. Look at the Irish. You always get one curly fry, but you never just get like a hamburger patty on top of your chicken sandwich by accident. You're like, whoa. Yeah, there's never an accidental patty. That's so good. What?

Check it out. I ordered a pie, apple pie. I got a McRib. But can we get serious real quick? Years ago. Let's get serious. Guys, let's get serious real quick. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Serious time. Sometimes we joke too much. Today, I probably won't be using a soundboard. I'm going to be doing like Foley.

And then what is that supposed to be, Blake? Sloshing. It's science. Oh, dude, I was thinking, you want to hear some Foley that I was working on right before this? Check this out. You ready? Okay.

Yeah. Cool chirper. Kyle just did a fake bong rip in Chokes. That was supposed to be a bong rip. It was committed. I was committed to it. Committed. Here, I can do it. Hold on, I got it better. Here we go again. I got it better. Here's Blake. Where's your lighter sound, bitch? Adam, are you going next? I'm going next. I'm going next. Okay. What do you want to hear?

EW! Damn! EW! This dude's a super head! EW! This dude just sounds like he's giving bombed-on. That's a little bombed. That's a little chirpy. Yeah, it's all about the follow through. Mad hit! Alright, Anders, are you participating? Mm-hmm. Okay. Ooh, good. Okay.

I drank the bong water. Right. Now, see, that was a real short hit. That was a short, short hit. Short hit. Can I go again? Yeah. Can I just show you what the bar was? Watch this.

Well, you're using a real lighter. Yeah. Right. We got nothing. Why are you choking? Smoke weed every day. Okay. Well, that was amazing. Any other? Any take backs or apologies? Hey, another great episode of This is Important. I just got water all over my screen.

Dude, just brush your teeth, but then have some night-night juice so you could go to bed. What's night-night juice? The shit you drink? Well, that's what I'm naming it, and I'm probably... Okay, cool, cool, yeah. So you want him, in order to brush his teeth at night, you're telling him to get addicted to sleep aid.

Exactly. It makes sense. Have liquid Z-Quil. It's delicious. It's science. Mix it with the sparkling water, put it on ice, and about a half hour before you want to drift off to sleep land, sip on that. Sip on some Z-Quil, some night-night juice. You call it night-night juice just to ease the problems, huh? You're like, this is...

And then when I mix energy drinks with soda water to cut the taste of the energy drinks, that's my go-go juice. Guys, I like to drink a little sippy-sippy jug every night. Yeah, it's a handle of vodka, but I call it my sippy-sippy jug. When I do heroin, I call it my little pokey-out juice. My pokey-sticky. Yeah, my pokey potion. It's yummy. Yeah.

So you guys don't suck dinky dinky for Pokey Ouchy? Yeah. I thought we all did that. Not yet. So you're telling me you've never sucked a dinky dinky for Pokey Ouchy to get money for your Pokey Ouchy? You never put a dinky dinky in your squeezy poopsie? Yeah.

I like to take a dinky dinky in my squeezy poopsie for a little of the Pokeyokey. Yeah, my dad wasn't there a lot when growing up. Oh, really? What happened? Well, he was out like sucking dinky dinky for Pokeyouchie. Oh my gosh. What was he doing when he wasn't doing that? Well, he was taking dinky dinky in his poopy oopy. Wait, what are we called? A rocket dog receiver. Oh, hello. Hello.

So you are going to Fuddruckers. You just got the part of Abe Lincoln. Yes. Because Daniel Day can't come back. Yeah. Daniel Day isn't going to do the sequel. Yeah. Yeah, I'll do Abe too. Yeah, you're doing Lincoln. It's not called Abe. It's called Lincoln. No, it's Lincoln too, and then it's Abe.

it's Abe in New York yeah Lincoln to Abe in New York Abe in the city like babe in the city Abe in the city and I and I stop in a in a Fuddruckers and I say set in the scene and it's is it back in the day or you've somehow transported time and you're it's current 2021 and you are going to a Fuddruckers it's Austin Powers I was like thawed out

They're like, we... Nice. Yeah, they're seeing that the world is in such turmoil and people aren't getting together. And they're like, who can we give Earth to bring the people together? Well said. Okay. Let's thaw out Abe Lincoln. This is my pitch in the room and they bought it in the room.

Okay. Abe in the city. But he's already done. They're already like, they're talking about taking statues of him down. Okay. Well, Abraham Lincoln. They canceled Abe Lincoln. So it's, that's even better because they bring them back. Cause they're like, this is our guy. And then Abe has to do like a reckoning. Exactly. And the back half of act two is him being like, fuck. Yeah. I'm not perfect. Sure. I've got the hat. I've got the mole. Yes. But I can be better. I can be more.

Yes. I'm just like you. I go to Fuddrucker. Right. Yeah. Because I'm in the city. Because I'm Abe in the city. Yeah. Okay. So I'm the waiter. All right. I'm the waiter. Okay. And do you want to call action, Kyle? Okay. Here we go. Ready? And roll sound. Okay.

Rolling. Quiet on set. On a bell. Roll cameras. Hey, and Kyle, what is... So real quick, just a quick question about my character. Who are you again? I'm the waiter. Oh, I know. Yeah, I remember. What's up? And so am I from the South or what is... Maybe I'm from... I just moved to the city and maybe I'm from South Carolina. Maybe I can kind of take... Well, Abe just moved from the city. So you're kind of...

He's in the city for the first time. It's Abe in the city. It's kind of his story. But you are at a Fuddruckers that just recently got the ostrich burger. So you're kind of pushing the ostrich burger on Abe. Okay? Okay. But mostly I'm asking about my fun accent. So what? Yes, of course. That's why you got the part. Okay, okay. No, you have to do it with the accent. Otherwise, I don't want to hear it. All right. Okay. And maybe one of the things that we... I have a question for the director. Are we still rolling sound? Yeah.

Hold on one second. Are we still rolling? Still speeding? I'm booming over here. Okay, we're still speeding. Yes, Abe, I'm going to speak to you in character because that's how Daniel Day did it. I'm just wondering, like, maybe that's something that my character and Adam's character can kind of identify with. Maybe he just moved from South Carolina. I just moved from Chicago. Okay. All right. Great. Let's find it. Let's find it. Let's not hash out everything. I just want to know, am I doing my South Carolina accent?

This is how I was on Workaholics. Like, you'd be like, hey, I got a funny thing to improv. You'll say this and then wait till you see what I say. And I go, no. Just roll. Okay. You're still rolling? Still speeding, Anders? Okay. Come on. All right. Anders, roll sound.

I, Hey, I'm rolling cameras, honors, roll cameras. We're rolling. Okay. Ready? Background action and action. Hey y'all. How you doing? Welcome to Fuddruckers.

Let me tell you a little bit about our specials before we get started. Do you like... Squawk! Uh, what? Do you like... Squawk! Squawk! I'm not quite sure what that is. Oh, excuse me. Oh, you must not be from around here. I actually just moved to the city myself. I am from South Carolina, and I just moved to the big city. I got a little place down in...

The Lower East Side? South Carolina, one of the original unions, of course I know of this place. Oh, that's right. Ooh, you got a fun accent. Yes, it's... Where are you moving from? Illinois. The great state of Illinois. Oh, I love it there. I love it there. I was thinking about either moving to the Windy City or the Big Apple, and let me just say...

I took a bite out of the big apple. Okay. Oh, what is that? A worm? Okay. So did you want a squirt burger? Actually, I'm here for your... It's an ostrich burger. Let me stop you there. I don't want a fucking ostrich burger. I want a malt. Okay. I want a malt. Okay. Sorry. Gee whiz. Throwing so much toot at me. I guess I'm in the big city now. That's just part of the pudding pot that I must suckle upon. Yeah. Yeah. Alright.

All right. Okay. And let me go get your malt. Now, is that chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, or banana? Or is it pistachio? Did you want chocolate swirl? We have caramel. What else we got? We got Oreo. I'd like rhubarb. Please. Rhubarb. My favorite. Growing up on the farm as a youth in Illinois, that was my favorite snack. Or mulberry. Okay.

Now, are these like, these seem to be like a little bit like old timey sort of, do they even have mulberries anymore? I, I, I don't know. Every night I, I cry myself to sleep wondering the same thing. Where have the mulberries gone? Oh, it seems like you have some mulberry. I've abandoned my boy. It seems like you have some mulberry in the side of your head. What it, sir, you have an open wound.

On the side of your skull, it looks like there's a mulberry juice is flowing out. What is that? I'm Abraham Lincoln. And that's a cut. Oh, wow. All right. That was good. Kyle, they were just getting going, but okay. Well, we strayed a little bit there. Oh, my gosh. I know. I'm sorry. It's always so hard to do that. It's hard. It was.

Run the take. I mean, and Blake was so in character. When I was looking at his little box on our Zoom, I was like, is that Blake or is that Baberham Lincoln himself? Baberham. I guess Abraham was a little cuter than I thought. He's a real Baberham.

Oh, I have a weird thing. I rented this truck, this Ford F-150. Hell yeah. I like those trucks. Because I'm in the south in Charleston shooting The Righteous Gemstones next season coming at you. There we go. But I rented this Ford F-150. It's bright red. There's this fucking cardinal that keeps flying and hovering right by it. It sits, it looks at itself in my rearview mirror or in the side mirrors. Right.

And then picks at itself and then shits all over it and flies off. The mirrors are ruined. It's been out there for like three days. The red pickup truck is like a giant God Cardinal. It has to like me and Chloe were just talking about this. I'm like, this bird thinks that I'm in charge of a giant other bird that then he must try to fuck. But then he gets a little mad at himself and he's like, well, am I fucking this thing or I'm going to shit on it? And he's like, both.

What, he's pecking at the rearview mirrors? Has he ruined it by pecking? At the side mirrors. He's not inside the car. You should let him in. Didn't you try and fuck and shit on the Lincoln statue in D.C.? Because you were like, it's a god, you guys. And you just started dragging your balls across it? I could see that. No, I tried to eat him out. Oh, that's right. You tried to put the legs up over your shoulders.

I could see that for Blake. Whenever Blake gets really good and drunk, he's always trying to vandalize something. Yeah, perfect. He's like, do you think I could run through this window? And we're like, please don't try. He's trying. Oh, my God. I know I'm the worst. I'm sorry. I would like to publicly apologize for any time I've got a little Irish in me. Look at the Irish to you. Swedish.

Well, when you walk through those little things at LAX and it spins around the like x-ray machine that like does the full body scan, it can see if you have a ton of balloons, a little cocaine nugget up your asshole. A little dick. Yeah, for sure. What are they looking for in those things? What is that shit? Yeah.

Yeah, I thought that was for metal. I thought that was for metal and like guns and stuff. Yeah, but it's you. Have you ever seen the video of you? Yeah, you can see your dick. It's like you're like transparent and you can see your dick. You can see your dick outline? You can see the outline of your dick. Yeah. It looks like it's like taped to your leg kind of thing. Wait, are you serious? They can actually see your penis size? Yeah, dude. Yeah. What? Wait, that doesn't seem fair. That was the whole thing. People were freaking out. This is not good.

That's why a lot of celebrities won't go through the thing. Like Charlize Theron, allegedly, I might be making it up, but it seems like it's her, was like, I'm not going to walk through that. You're just going to look at my titties. What? You're just going to look at her titties. Penis. Yeah. Look at her penis. Are you kidding me? That's like x-ray goggles. Allegedly her penis, according to Drew. Yeah, you can see like...

Are you kidding me? Like, it's like layered, but it's, you can make it out. You can see what it is. You can see it. It's definitely like what we imagined when we were little kids and we were buying like spy gear. Did you guys ever have like the My Spy gear? That was like... The x-ray glasses? Of course. Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah, and they're like, x-ray glasses. You're like, dang, I wish these worked. Yes, dude. I could see so many boobies. I wish this was real. I could finally see like...

Gloria's big old wambos that works at the gas station. Gloria. Gloria, that's so real. I just remember at the gas station down the street from my house, just Gloria had just some wah.

Wompers. Gloria Swampers. I want to be on you. Gloria has to be the biggest boob name I've ever heard. Oh, she had some. I remember we would talk about it. We would like go in there and be like, oh my God. No, to each other. I mean, we're also like seven people.

eight years old. We're there to buy like suckers, but we were like, Oh my goodness. Suckers. Suckers. I was deep into suckers. Fuck yeah. I just imagine like a line of like six, seven year olds at the gas station, just like sucking on suckers being like, Hey Gloria. Hey Gloria. Meanwhile, her tits are just laying on the counter as she's standing upright. Is she like a big woman? Uh,

Is she a big woman or like a thin woman with giant jugs? No, she was a thicker. She was thicker. It was proportionate. They rested on the counter? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad really fucked with Star Trek. He would with Captain Picard. That was his shit. Next generation. Yeah. And he rocks that quite a bit. Yeah. What did he like about it?

Sex stuff. I literally know... Yeah, probably those sexy-ass aliens. Now I'm listening. Big old titties. This is before we had internet, so he probably was...

If I know what my dad's, then it's divine. Okay. All right. I guess we'll never know. Did they have sexy-ass aliens on Star Trek? Yeah, dude. He was probably down there just cranking it, dude. That was a quarter of the show's appeal. It was just like, and this woman with gills? Huge rocket dogs. No way. Huge rocket dogs. It wasn't even that they were like sexy women. It was just that they were like...

half fish or like oh yeah i feel like i just said that what no i think it was because they're sexy he said gills he said what big rocket dogs they didn't have it wasn't even about the rocket dogs oh it wasn't it was actually just the fact that it's species yes it was a different species it's the same reason why why what's his face fucked dren dren

Exactly. No, no, no. Sorry. You said species. Natasha Henstridge is like a freak of nature beauty with absolute rocket dogs. Yeah, but was he, what was his character? Was Adrian Brody's character attracted to? That's a different movie. I know. What are you guys talking about? I'm just talking about fetishes. You guys are bouncing around so much. I cannot keep up. He said species. Yeah. Now he's talking about a different movie. I was trying to liken Adam's dad to Adrian Brody's character and species. It was a pretty big,

bad. It's not species. The name of the movie is not species. What is it? Oh, Spice. My dad was down there for sure jerking off allegedly to the hot alien babes. Whether they had gills or no gills. The Carnations. The Carnations.

That's for sure why he liked it. Yes. And also, Captain Picard, bald, white guy, kind of looks like my dad. Like, you know, if you squint hard enough, they could be brothers or something. He's probably like, yeah, I'm Captain Picard. I'm like a cool ass dude. Is it Captain or is it Lieutenant?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Yeah, it's Captain. Yeah. I don't know if there was any lieutenants. I don't know if that's right. I just said it. Who knows, man? I like to just call people Lieutenant. Lieutenant. That's your chief? Yeah. That's your like, what's up, big dog? What's up, chief? What's up, Lieutenant? All right, Lieutenant. Lieutenant.

Are we afraid that now that everyone knows our mom's middle names, they're going to know the maiden names? Your passwords? Yeah, they're going to know all the security questions to all of our bank information. Let's talk about our first cars and our favorite fifth grade teacher. Our pet's names, our favorite foods. I mean, that shit's so easy. Busted. Busted.

Sorry. Just let the computer pick your password and then recognize your face. Isn't that how you guys do it? Yes, I do. But I'm kind of confused as to why they think that like those things that are so easily discoverable online are like valid, you know, whatever. Also, I never get it right. I get the name of my favorite food wrong every time. I'm like, what do I like? Right. I like spaghetti.

Because I'm not a child. It changes all the time. That's hilarious. I'm not like a child who's like, I only like

like chicken fingers like no I like a ton of shit dude when you answer those questions really you have to log it because one day you'll be like ribs that's my favorite shit right and then like the next week it's raviolis yeah or you're like don't acknowledge a real ravioli run for a few months and then you name it ravioli then you get off the ravioli kick and you're like right I don't fucking even like ravioli but fine

You'll be like, my first pet was Sidney the dog, but then when you answer the question, you'll be like, it was my hamster. You're like, no, it's not. Motherfucker, it's Hammy the hamster. It was Hammy. Hammy's. I don't even know my own security questions, dog. I might need security. I got the flag, player. I got the flag. I got the flag.

Right.

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Good morning! We're getting extra dark today. I was just going to get into my Tom Likas. You're on the Tom Likas show. Welcome to all my bitches and all my bros. And I want to tell you this morning we might be getting darker than your black coffee because we're talking about death.

And it's Whip About Wednesday, so let's see those WAP doggies flapping out the windows. In high school, we had a security guard who was a bigger woman with just some real rocket dogs. Pod racers. Rocket dogs. I'm so excited!

Little boys are so awesome with their names for breasts. Like, their names are just... Crazy. Do girls do that with dicks? Like, are girls just like, they have a hell of names? Or they just have like one name? They say penis, right? They just say wiener. Coach Swanson has the biggest rocket dog.

They call the wiener rocket dog. Did you see Coach Swanson in his gym shorts? Yeah. His rocket dog was flapping all over the place. He was running and his pants fell off. Is he a bigger man? Well, as far as I can see. His womper. Did you see his womper dripping out of his baseball shorts? Dude, I was at the airport. I saw Blake from workaholics walk through the x-ray. Right?

His dick is so small. His rocket dog is a rocket puppy. I didn't see it on the x-ray thing. Like, I didn't see his donker on the x-ray thing. His wombat is really small. It's a willy wombat. It's not a whopper. It's a wombat, if anything. When it comes out at night. Whoopsies! Whoops!

I think people were freaking out when that stuff all came out. And then as far as like the frisking, people were like, I don't want people feeling my body. It's like, yo, they don't want to feel your body. Like they're just there. I'm sure there is some one highlight of the day for every security guard. But besides the highlight, nobody cares. Right.

It's just a weird job. It's just a weird job where you're grabbing people. As they're frisking, they're like, just want to let you know you're the top so far. Okay, you can go through. What did you say? You've got the best rocket dogs we've seen so far today. You could go through. Keep your shoes on. Oh, yeah.

So basically we're saying like the girl like shoves the man down, like throws his legs over his shoulders, like pulls his dick up through his legs. I'm listening. I don't think she doesn't need to be like violent. I don't think Penny Devine, my mother was violent to my father.

I think my dad was like, honey, let me get into our baby making position. Hang on a second. Thank you, Adam. I think my sister has the exact same attitude as I do. I feel like Brittany Divine and myself are very similar people. Really? I think we're both made in this Amazon style. Yes. And...

and this is just how they make babies. This is their baby making position. Oh, the thought of somebody just being like, honey, let me get into our baby making position real quick. Then putting his legs over his shoulders on her back and then pushing his boner backwards. So people can predetermine their child's like demeanor based on how they screw. Yeah, that's cool. That's what we're hypothesizing right now. I'm so excited.

excited I believe it's science yeah it's science we're not done with it dude the fact that we really leaned into it science tells me it's still good

Yeah. Give me a hell yeah. It is. I will. I will give that a hell yeah. What do we think Steve Austin, how do you think his parents did it? Oh, dude, his mom stunned her to his dad's dick. Yeah, okay. Stunned. She definitely stunned it. I asked, you answered. Well said. Yeah. But that means that, well, it was just, because a stunner is where you basically like hold over your shoulder and then fall on your ass. Yeah, so I would assume it was like.

He was holding his dick on the shoulder. No, no, no, no. It's more like the mom was like kind of like holding the dad by the neck and he was like kind of holding her in a sitting position. So it's like a stunner and he's just stunning her onto his donker. So it's like a fall down doggy style.

ending up in something like that. Is this all wrestlers? Was Razor Ramon conceived by the Razor's Edge? Yeah. I feel like they all have to do their finishing blow. Also, we're talking about career choices as opposed to... What did Hacksaw Jim Duggan's mom do to her death? Just take a two-by-four? No.

Oh, yeah. The Undertaker tombstone, baby. The football takedown. Jake the Snake. Jake the Snake was actually my father. I was born in the pit of vipers. My name is Rog. Tom Likas is kind of a dinosaur of radio past. He was super, super chauvinist in the time when Howard Stern was killing it. And Tom Likas, I just remember he was so...

He's brutally mean to women, but I was like, this guy must be fucking the hottest, richest bro on planet Earth to just get away with this shit. And then I looked him up on the internet. He looks like a fucking dork. Yeah. Like a total lump. But then you're like, oh, this checks out.

It makes sense. It's never like a hot, cool guy that is horribly chauvinistic. It's always just like the troll that lives in their parents' basement that is the meanest person alive. Tom Likas was like a holy fuck, what am I listening to? He was so mean. I remember one of his tips. He would give guys tips.

Oh, it was called Lichus 101. And you would call in and you'd call him dad? What? It was so weird. Yes, he was fucking weird, dude. Because he's like, if you didn't have a dad to teach you how to behave like a lot of you pussy whipped bitches do...

I'll be your dad. And they would say, hey, dad. You guys have to listen to him. He was so flagrant. I'll listen to Ders do an impression all day. Oh, man. Oh, Ders is the next. But he would be like, okay, so what you do is you get your ATM receipt when you have the most money in your bank account. Right. And what?

You give your number on the back of that receipt to some bitch. To a dumb, unsuspecting bitch. He would say hang out at an ATM and wait for a receipt that had like 20 or 30 grand in it. Hang out at an ATM. Oh, somebody else's receipt. And carry that around and then he goes, watch how these miserable bitches...

We'll call you the next day when they think you're rich and then you fuck them and then you leave them and then you win.

And this was on public radio, right? This was on the radio. This was on public radio, just scrubbing through, tuning through. You catch this fucking asshole. Women would call up, and you got to give it to the guy. He had a gift to gab, right? That's a skill. That's a talent. But women would call me like, Tom, you're so fucking sad. You're obviously never getting laid. Excuse me. How ugly are you, you fat bitch? What's your height and weight?

And he'd be like, Jesus. He's like 300 pounds. You're a porker. Oh, he's a whale. But he'd be like, doesn't matter. I'm rich. Yes, he's so gross. Here's the best thing about the whole story. The way this king was dethroned was like he was walking out of some club in like Canada or the Midwest and a dude just like hit him with a

bat and he's like, all right, I'm out. I'm done. That was like, wait, really? Yeah. He just got attacked. He got like beat up. I remember hearing why because because he like made fun of this guy's girl or this guy just decided to assault a fat old man or

No, he knew who he was attacking. It was just like, he was just, yeah, I don't know. Maybe it was a bit of karma. The guy was like, enough is enough. Yeah. I'm like Latino women. Line them up. I want to snort them all like a line of cocaine. He was weird. He was the worst guy to get advice from. It rolls a little easy off Durst's tongue. I don't know if you're doing it, if these are quotes or if you're just channeling it. I like sniffing beaver.

That's how I roll. That's how I roll. Durps was raised by Tom. I hear you guys shitting on, but like, honestly, the things you said made sense. Oh God. Look where I am. Like it's one. If you see a woman in a pool, she better not have a top on it. If she does, you kick her the fuck out. Gosh, what a weird, it's a droll party, not a pool party.

Just if we could clear the air with Kyle's confusion, though. Species was a movie, but the movie Kyle was talking about with Adrian Brody where he fucks an alien is called Splice. Splice. Splice. I love that movie. That was totally my bad. I wrote it down to apologize later. I know better than that. I really do. Splice is a wild ass movie. You must watch. But Dren...

Dren, the thing that the dude fucks, arguably hotter than any human woman. Yeah, but was that his motivation in the movie or was he just so enamored with the species, the new thing that he built?

He fucked her. It's not the movie Species, though. We're speaking of Spice. No, but it is a species. It is a species, right? You can still say that that's a new species. That's where I got fucked up. Absolutely. I think he was just trying to fuck. You think so? You have to watch the movie. It evolves into that. I don't want to spoil it, but we did by saying he fucked her. Well, right. There's spoilers. Yeah, sorry about the spoilers. It's so good. And weirdly, the fish...

The, what is it? Lady in the water. Secret of water. Oh yeah. Whatever one best picture that year. Yeah. It is like the same thing. What was that shit called? Lady in the water. Right? Way worse. No, no. It was called like, that's in Shama. That's the story of water. The shape of water, the shape of water, shape of water, the shape of the sound of the water daughter. And it turned out, guess what? The shape of water was, what was water was shaped like a dick dog. Spoiler alert.

I'm sorry. Wait a second. Is that water shaped like a dick? Swing. Yo, the best video ever online is where the cop is frisking that guy and he's like, okay, what do you got right here? And he like jiggles his dick and he's like, that's my penis, sir. That's my dick. All right. Yeah, that's my dick. All right. Moving on. You know what happened to me? Oh, damn. When I was on tour. Somebody grab your Jon Hamm. Have we heard this on the pop? I'm.

I don't know. I know. I think you guys have heard this story. I don't think we've told this on the pod, but, uh, I don't think I know this. I was wearing like tight pants and my dick was flapped to the side and you could just make it out. You could just see my dick. I was having a good showing, a good dick day. I'm sorry. You're what? You're, you're rocket dog. My rocket dog. Yeah. Sorry. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So just so you know, and, uh,

They were like – it read that there was something in my pocket and I turned my – I'm like, no, I don't have anything in my pockets. And I like turned my pockets inside out. And the guy is like, okay. And this white woman goes, no, no. What is that? What is that? There's something in your pocket right there. And I go –

That's my rocket dog. Listen, white lady. You know what I mean? And then this black woman who was right next to her lost, who was also worked at the, what do they call them? TSA? Worked at the TSA. TSA. TSA, yeah. TSA. Lost her fucking mind. Was like, oh shit. You've never seen one.

Like, and then I never felt better in my entire life. Even though I have a very medium sized dick, just having this black woman compliment on the outline of my dick made me feel really good. You turned your pockets inside out and pulled your dick through your pocket hole? No, I'm no, I turned. Can you?

Yeah, Blake, that's what I did. Can you do that for the pod? It's science. No, it looked like I had something stuffed in my pants because my jeans were too tight. What happened was I was on tour. I think my ass grew. So then therefore made the thighs and ass region cling on to –

my dick and ass region. It pushed your balls forward. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. You know how it goes. Yeah. And, uh, shouldn't have put the pants in the dryer, you know, shrunk them. Yeah. Science, you know, shrunk them. Dude, you're becoming your dad. That's up there with, uh, get your pecker hard, you know, get your pecker hard, shrunk them.

Should we take just a moment to talk about Donald Sutherland? I don't have much there. Really? I don't have much there. You're serious? I think that's enough of a moment. We just gave it to him. Yeah. Sick. Wow. You millennials. Zero appreciation. Hey, tune into Durz's old man podcast. Wait, what's the... Okay. Okay.

I'll take a moment. What's the movie that Donald and his kid are in? Donald and Kiefer. Aren't they in a movie together? Life. Isn't it like a time to kill? Aren't they in that movie at the same time? I don't know. But Donald Sutherland in Backdraft. Yeah, Donald Sutherland fucking rocks, dude. Without Limits is a movie about Steve Prefontaine. I highly recommend it. Wow. Yeah, dust that off if you can find it on VHS. DVD Blu-ray.

Yeah. I mean, mash? Fucking mash? Mash, bro. Clute? Guys, Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Clute. It's him and Jane Fonda getting freaky. Damn. Freaky! Cool. I like that. Yeah, dude. How's our Target demo feeling right now? Yeah, Jersey. Target demo's like, let's go dig. Animal House, when he shows his butt, he's a professor. It's fucking good. Yep. Thank you, God!

There it is. Yeah, he did play a cool, creepy professor in Animal House. Yeah. I know he definitely looks cool in photos, but yeah, I don't know his work too much. I bet he's awesome. I bet he's awesome. He's so good. He's great. He's father of Kiefer, and Kiefer rocks, too. That's what I'm saying. He's also 85 years old. Yes. That's old as fuck. He passed away, didn't he?

No, no, no, no. He's on a show right now, I think. No, he's still crushing it. Oh, my gosh. He looks cooler than ever. He looks like a regal, like an old Siberian tiger. Okay. Can you guys give me a minute? Ders. Ders is jerking off right now. What is going on here? We don't have video, but Ders is jerking off right now. I'm taking a trip to Sutherland.

Down south, bro. I like it. That was great. Good for you, man. Good for you. Good morning, everybody. Good morning, everybody. This AM, we're talking about Donald Sutherland. And his son, Kiefer. Hot or not? If you guys want to chime into our Instagram and vote, who do you think is the hottest Sutherland? Donald Sutherland, hot or not?

Something about being away from your house and away from your, like, regular routine that you're just like, who cares? I'm a naughty boy. Let me gobble. Yeah. Dude, it's the worst. And then once it, like, fucking pops up.

pops out with me. Like, it's just like blue. All of a sudden there's hell of more space, dude. Like it just feels very quick, but not in your pants. Nope. My belly, my, my, my wiener is your rowing machine. Just like where you put bags of fast food when you're done with them. It's like for holding. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I used it. Like I use it for like,

maybe four or five, six times and then I'm like, nah, this ain't for me. I'm going to hang wet clothes on this now. Yeah, exactly. It's fucked up, but I'm fighting back. Is that row machine close by? Can you show us that row machine? No, it's in the other room behind the corner. It's at Goodwill.

I sold it on Craigslist out here. I needed extra cash. He lied to us for no reason a few months ago. I was like, yeah, no, definitely. I'm working out. I've got a row machine. I went at it with a pure heart, but then you do these 14-day quarantines and it's like fucking A, bro. And now your heart's not pure at all. It's filled with grease. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just exactly, dude. It's slobbed up. Hey, I want everybody to approach your workouts with a pure heart. It's so important to approach your workout. Kyle, I'm looking behind you. Did you hide the Oculus? Were you like, I can't. It's taking over my life. The Oculus is right back there. I use it every once in a while. I actually played ping pong on it. And is that a bottle of lotion next to the Oculus? What's up?

What's up? What are those beads? And what is that lotion near the Oculus? Oh, those, uh, nothing. Hey, and we're being serious now. Yeah, no, that's long. Uh, they look like those pincers that you use to pick things up when like you can't reach it. What are those? That's a deep fake.

Those are my deep fake beads. Deep fake anal beads? Yeah, those are my deep fake anal beads. This is a goof. I just can't turn it off. I can't turn off the visual effects once it starts. Yeah, that makes sense. Funny that you guys saw that. It was very funny. Very funny. Funny that we saw it. And the lotion? The lotion is totally computer generated.

That is CGI lotion back there, and it looks so real. Yeah, it looks real. That's what's so crazy. I could probably squirt a little if they're... It's hosing your face. You got the Marvel team over there. Yeah, yeah. State of the art, baby.

Right.

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chain video rental place. That sounds like the place that you grew up by, Ders. A similar sort of rental house. They gave me as many movies as I could rent for as long as I wanted. And they canceled that after like three years, after I rented like 5,000 movies in three years. They're like, you're walking again, bitch. I see you walking in here. Fuck it! But no, I mean, yeah, there was something special about it for sure. And also, what was cool that wasn't Blockbuster...

But like the local rental house, they had like a little curtain section that like you would act like as a kid, you'd act like you're lost. And you'd be like, whoa, what's back here? And then the person would have to be like, hey, you can't, you're 13 years old. You cannot be in. You're like, whoa, sorry. Sir, you cannot have your hand down your pants in that section. Sir, hey, young boy, you can't be jerking off in this. Put it away and get out of there.

And that was great about being a kid is you could always like act like you don't know what you're doing. You're like, I'm sorry. No, this is jerking off. I don't even know what that means. I'm confused. Weird. Dude, I have such a distinct memory of my little, little brother accidentally walking into that room. And then I was like, what did you see in there? And he's like, it was some movie where like worms were coming out of a girl's butt. And I'm like, oh, shit. What the fuck?

What kind of movie did he do? I'm guessing it was anal. Right. Yeah, for sure. But also, he didn't clock that it was penises? No, he was very young. When you're super young and you see all that stuff in a porno magazine or whatever for the first time, you're kind of like, why is it like that? Oh,

That is something funny, though. Like in your local area, there's always that one person that is always out walking that all the neighborhood kids call like a specific name. Sure, sure. Kyle was that guy growing up. Kyle was still that guy in his neighborhood. There's the smoking child. Yeah. Yeah.

If my son is wearing too tight of pants and you can see the perfect outline of his red rocket... It's red. I'm sending him back upstairs. Hello!

Yeah. Go back upstairs. I can see your outline, brother. I can see your goddamn rocket dog. That's like those Halloween costumes, like those adult, like Spider-Mans or whatever. Like, they show the outline of your penis so hard. I'm not... Yeah, they do. Sorry, hard was the wrong word. Those are for children, though, right? Like... No...

Dude, they come in adult sizes as well. But those are just for fat kids, right? No, dude, it's for adults. Like an adult Spider-Man costume, your dick is going to be the outline. Well, I think they're assuming if you're an adult and you wear that Spider-Man costume, you don't have a dick.

You're dickless, dude. What do you mean you don't have a dick? Yeah, what the fuck? You can see it in a costume. What the fuck? Just because you're wearing a costume? What? I can't be Spider-Man? Not if you currently have a penis. What's up with that? I think that's what they're saying, man. Yeah? Got a little spider bite. My favorite type of fries...

are the crinkle cut. And I'm thinking of like the bag that my mom would buy and she'd fry them herself. The Ore-y-da? How do you pronounce that one? I thought it was Ore-y-da. I thought it was Ore-y-da too. But Ore-y-da is tight. Yeah.

It's a great name. And I think she probably just used too much oil. I bet she was just like not measuring shit and was just like, fuck it. Tons of oil on it. And it was just like mad crispy and delicious. Big shout out to Penny Devine or Penny Cobb. Also, Penny Cobb. Is that not the cutest name you've ever heard in your fucking life? Penny Cobb. That's.

That's cute. Swing! Just relax, dude. She's your mom! Very cute, very cute. I'm not trying to fuck her. I'm just, that's cute. I want to pet her like a puppy. Blake painted that picture for us with the swing. Can I just close that gap? And this is not an offensive thing. Sure, sure. What's up? But be serious. I think I'm 100% serious. I think Penny is a super cute name. Right. Cobb? Cobb. No. Okay. Double B? What's wrong with,

Cobb is not a cute name. Right? Cobb. Cobb. What's a cute last name? What's a cute last name? Featherstone. So Penny Featherstone. Fuck, that's not a name, dude. I'm sorry. If a girl walked in, whatever her first name is, if her last name is Featherstone, she's got rocket dogs. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Exactly.

Dude, Penny Heatherstone? Well, that's sexual. Penny Cobb, that's not a sexual name. That's like a... That's Garbage Pussy Featherstone. And you're still like, she's an angel. Yeah. And

Nice Bieber. Yeah, I get that. You asked, I answered. Well, that's not cute. Featherstone itself is cute. My favorite French fry. That's not a cute last name. Featherstone isn't a cute last name. No, Featherstone's cute. The problem is you went from cute to rocket dogs to great fucking...

Yeah. To fucking like, we're talking about, you were just like fucking straight up. Cute is porno.

Cute and porno. It's science. Cute is. You were equating those two. I'm saying that seems like somebody walks in and you're like, whoa, that's a cutie. Well, yes, I guess like Penelope, what was her last name? Featherstone. Penelope Featherstone. Yeah, you're like Miss Muffet sat on the tuffet. So that's cute. Hey, Andrew Dice Clay. Rover took over.

Blake's smoking a cigarette wrapped around his head. Hey. Luck of the Irish to you. Yeah.

Can we just go to the origin story, to use the parlance, of where you have come up with the concept that adult Spider-Man costumes show your dick off too much? It's science. We all know it's science. But is this from your last Halloween? Have you been Googling shit and you're looking for the right one that doesn't show your rocket dog? Yeah, well...

Sometimes, no. Like the characters that I would like to be, like say, you know, like Frieza from Dragon Ball Z. For what? Halloween? Halloween, man. I'm not just dressing up. I don't know. We don't know, Blake. We haven't seen you in a goddamn year. No, we don't see you anymore. You're just talking about in life. You never mentioned Halloween. You're just talking about the characters you would like to be. I'm talking...

I'm talking about Halloween. I can totally picture you walking around the crib in a costume, just like kicking air and shit. Yeah, just being like, yeah, this is the character I am today. Yeah, I thought I heard a noise in the house. Just with silly string in your house, just shooting it from your wrist.

The real question here is like, what's up with the, why don't you just wear underwear underneath that like tucks it up? What's the deal? That is the real question, me undies. Why aren't you wearing underwear underneath your Spider-Man costume? It's science. At Halloween, around kids. Just like, is it around kids or is this like a sexual thing you do with your lady? Yeah, thank you, Adam. No, this is the thing. To really be, to answer your question, like maybe I would have to wear several underwears because I have a very divine dickhead.

What is it? What does that mean? Several underwears? What does that mean? Talk to me. I love it. I love this. This is great. So you're working with a total knob is what's going on. You just have a door handle.

Yeah. You have a ball at the end of a rod. It's just you can tell. You can tell. Yeah. It's like it, you know, looks like a mushroom. I love it. You can tell. I think that person over there is a man. I think he has a dickhead. He's got a ridge. You can tell I'm circumcised.

Does that make sense? Well, then who cares, man? I guess you have that dope donger. Just flaunt it, man. Don't be worried about it. Don't not be Spider-Man since you want to be Spider-Man so badly. By the way, if you flip it straight up, you don't see the head necessarily, right? Why don't you tuck it in the underwear? It doesn't check out, guys. Also, then you're going to have to be a boner all the time to tuck it up like that, right? Not if you rock your underwear a little lower.

Oh, you just like strangle the fucking little thing? Yeah, but this is also Halloween, you know? So like, it's just things are, things go out the window. Yeah. No, that's true. And Spider-Man said that. Blake's worried about his ridge. Yeah. I like that you're talking, we're in March and you're talking about Halloween? Yeah.

Yeah, bro. It's never too early to come up with your... You don't have... We should be talking about shamrock shakes. You're like, it's never too early and you're going with just the standard Spider-Man costume. Well, I gotta figure out a way I can wear this thing without being a sex offender.

And they invited us over and we're like, okay. And we go over there and these guys are just pounding tequila. Wow. And it was a couple weeks ago and I'm like, okay, yeah, I guess it's tequila o'clock. And I just start hammering tequila and get really drunk and like come back to the house. I slept on the couch. Chloe made me come to the bed at like 5 o'clock in the morning. And then the next day I'm like, how did I get so drunk?

Like, I got so fucking drunk. And normally I don't get – like, normally I remember, you know, like, even when I'm drinking, I usually am not blackout drunk. And I'm like, I know I took a lot of tequila shots, but I feel –

I love it. I feel like I should have – I shouldn't have blacked out in the way that I did. You're concerned. This is abnormal. It was a new blackout. And that was a couple weeks ago. And I've been like – I bought them a bottle, a really nice bottle of tequila because I'm like, I feel like we stayed there too late. Like was I being weird? And Chloe's like, no, you were being fine. Like it was totally fine. I don't – you're having a case of like the Sunday scaries or whatever the kids call it. What? Yeah.

and like they say, go back to, let me write that down. Yeah. What the fuck is that? No, they say Sunday scares is like the feeling of you fucked up over the weekend. Like you got too fucked up and you said something or did something. It's also the anxiety of going back to work and the anxiety. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I was like all anxious and weird. And Chloe's like, you were fine. Yeah. And then I saw the dude last week and he was like, dude, last weekend got a pretty fucking out of control. And I think he's like going like, yo man, you got really drunk at my house. Right. And I'm like,

I'm like, yeah. And like, again, I'm so sorry about that. I don't know. You know, I would like to come back over sometime. Like, and he was like talking to his other friend and he was also there that night and was like, yeah, I can't believe you busted out the acid.

Who did? You did? No, his homie. His homie. No, the other guy. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I'm like, ha ha ha. Huh? What? Yummy. He was like, yeah. I mean, that was a real turn of events at like 11 o'clock at night. And I'm like, say what now? And they were like, we did acid. And I'm like, I didn't. I've never done acid. And he goes, you sure as hell did the other night. We all took acid together.

Wow. So I just took acid and he goes, I busted it out thinking that no one was going to do any. And you grabbed it out of my hand and fucking plopped it in your mouth like a lunatic. Oh my God. Wait a second. I think I knew one person that had a pool.

There's not really any pools in my town. Really? Maybe there's like 10 maybe out of 80,000 residents. Is that why you chose the sport of swimming? Because you saw it as like an uphill mountain. You're like, I'm going to do the sport no other kid can do. And I'm going to be the best at it. Yeah, Blake. Yeah, what made you choose to be an elite level swimmer? Yeah, how did this start? Let's unpack that.

I think it's that time. Hey, and if you're tuning in, it's that time. Oh my God. Pool Talk.

It's literally worse. It's worse than, um, it's worse than you think. Basically my brothers swam and my parents were like, well, we're just going to drop you off too. Oh, that's the most dirt story. It's also a cheap, uh, activity. You don't have to buy shit, right? Uh, yeah, but it's, it's not, I wouldn't say it's cheap because yes, all you need is like a speedo and some goggles, but like, uh, you got to pay for the pool time kind of thing. So it's not super cheap, but, um,

Yeah, so there was like a big pool and a little pool at the high school where we had the club team. It's like as expensive as gymnastics. Sorry. Yeah, I don't know. Everyone listening, is it as expensive as gymnastics, cheaper or more expensive? I would imagine it's about the same as gymnastics. What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? You don't know. What are you basing this on? Conceptually, it's like the same.

My favorite cut of fry, and this is going to kind of rock the boat a little bit. I'm sorry, guys. Oh, shit. Get them. Sure. Always does. And I'm being serious. Get them, dog. Hit us with it, Blake. Tater tots. Not French fries, though. Get them. You know what? It's a technicality. I'm sort of with you, Adam, but I am kind of in the realm of like, yeah. No, that's a hash brown. What? Is a fucking hash brown a French fry? The fuck are you guys talking about?

talking about? Okay, that's fair. I like where you're going. Is a hash brown a french fry? That's the question. I like hash browns. Is a hash brown a french fry? No. You just told me about a tiny hash brown, not a fucking french fry, playboy. That's true. You just told us about a nugget of hash brown that you consider a french fry. Yeah. And I'm asking, if that's a french fry, then is a hash brown a fucking french fry? Right. Blake, kill yourself. Yeah, Blake, fuck you, dude. I'm just wondering, where do you draw the line, dog?

Kyle, we're drawing it. I know. I want to know. Put your dick away. It's out. It's not coming back. Stand down. Soldier. I wanted to talk. So tater tot does not count. Okay. Tater tot doesn't count. Okay. Then I'm going to maybe I might rock the boat again. Oh, get him. All right. Good. Good. Potato skins.

Let me gas you up, Blake. Barbecue chicken potato skins. Gasging you up. Hit us with it. Criscut fries. Waffle fries. Criscut. Good call. Waffle fries. Those are great. That shakes the boat. That rocks the boat. Yep, that's good. I'm with you. I don't think that rocks the boat. I think that's well within the boat. We all have disagreed with that.

Yeah, the boat seems pretty fun. The boat was fun. It moved it in a... Yeah, it shook it up. It was nice. It did shake it up. Thank you. Personally, I liked a little bit of boat rocking. It keeps me moving and balancing. I like it. No, boat rocking would be like celery. And we're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And you're like, celery. What are you doing to the boat? Stop.

rocking. I like celery and you're like, that's not French fry. And you're like, yeah, but it's the same size. It could be, it's like the same. Yeah. Okay. That would be rocking the boat. Like dehydrated peas. No, copy you. There was no rocking of the boat. Copy you. Now we're just saying stuff. Okay. Thank you. Nope. Understood. Asked and answered.

I remember the first, like my mom was getting something at a grocery store. And they, it was right by like where I had to stand next to my mom by the checkout. There was like porno magazines and they were like down low by me. I just grabbed one and opened one up, not even thinking. I'm thinking I'm just looking at a magazine. And I just saw...

Some big old wambos. And my heart stopped, dude. My heart stopped. Yeah. Oh, damn. Now I'm remembering the first time I seen a porno magazine. Yeah. I was like, it like, it stopped my heart. I like put it back right away and I was petrified that my mom saw me look at it. Right.

But then for the rest of time that we lived by this store, I would always be like, hey, you want to stop in this gas station? Yeah, we could just go there. We could always just swing by that one. Weird, wild stuff. Dude, totally. We could just give that one a go. That one's pretty cool. That one's pretty cool. And we could definitely, I believe they have your Diet Pepsi at that

one though I have a distinct memory of getting I think it's called TV week back in the day where it was like the TV listings for the week and you could kind of like scout out what was going to be on TV and there was like a corner page ad for like HBO trial or whatever and

And there was a woman in like a nightie with like the shoulder strap, the shoulder strap kind of going off her shoulder. And you could see like a little bit of the curve out of the titty. And I remember being like, Holy shit. Like, yeah. Do you remember silk stockings that was on USA? I mean, dude, I mean, I had a, I had a black and white pair.

television that I got at a garage sale for like a dollar that my mom let me put in my room when I was like a little kid. And I, I was like, it's so I can watch basketball. No, it's so I could watch silk stockings. Cause I was convinced every time that they were going to show nudity. I was like, they have to, they have to this week.

They have to this week. They have to. But they just kept showing stockings. They've been teasing it. They kept showing those silk stockings. Yeah. Which did it for me. Yeah, that's why we all have weird stocking fetishes. Was that a USA original? Or was that a Showtime that re-ran? I think it was US...

Thank you for that. There it is. Thank you for that. God damn. I was so stoked to hear it.

What do you guys feel about a Game Over Man supercut? Because we left a lot on the floor. Dude, there's definitely... The director's cut was like 2 hours and 20 minutes or something like that. And the thing ended up being 1 hour and 30, 1 hour and 40 minutes. Should we reveal...

something that completely got buried in the edit that just got lifted out. Oh, well, there's so much. And audience, we want you to hang around. We're about to reveal a secret from Game Over Man. Tune in right after these messages. Game Over Man.

Right.

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Wait, that's how you go out? Oh, no. And we'll be back after these messages. Yeah, that works. All right. That's cool. That's a hard cut. Yeah, that makes sense. I was just going to say, like, one of the things that got lifted out of the movie is that Blake... This is a huge reveal. This is a huge reveal, by the way. Blake's character and my character...

Our brothers. Yes. Right. The whole dynamic. And there's a whole backstory where like you meet our parents in the beginning. You meet our parents at the end. Well, everybody's parents. We have this whole sibling rivalry that we lifted out. Wow. You meet everybody's parents in the movie. And when we shot it, it was. You meet everybody. Well, you meet a grandma. You don't meet.

Alex's. You meet grandma, but then at the end you meet Alex's real parents. Oh yeah, you sure do. You do. All that shit that was out, all the story that was outside of the building, like the parents coming to see what's going on with their kids was gone. Without using names, can we tell the best fucking story about how we weren't able to get a specific actor

into Canada to play Adam's on-screen father. Sure, sure. Well, you can say names. You just have to say allegedly before or after or during or in another podcast. That's true. I think we could just leave the name out because I also don't want to dash anyone's hopes about their favorite actor. It was Tom Likas. True. It was Tom Likas.

Tom Likens is my father. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. So yeah, we had a bunch of stuff we lifted out, including like Adam's parents' storyline, which is that they abandoned him to live with his grandma so that they could go...

be porno actors and producers in Vegas. It seems like a dream. And he was raised in Los Angeles. And then when we got famous and rich at the end of the movie, we were on TV because of the whole hotel takeover. Terrorist attack. They showed up at the very end. And it was Air Force Amy and this other fine actor. Yes.

Oh, you guys muted me? That's so, okay, then I guess you won't know his name. But we tried to get this porno star who everyone knows into Canada to play. Who everyone knows. Adam Seth. Everyone knows him. You love him. You love his work. He's arguably the best actor. You love his cock.

You love his cock. Yeah. He's got great lines. Beautiful helmet. Hell of a ridge. Wouldn't you say, Blake, as a helmet guy? His ridge is very vascular. Very nice. Oh, I need some Borat. And he's got an amazing Bill Murray impression if you've ever seen the Ghostbusters. Oh, now you've given it up. Okay. Yeah. Well, there you have it. If you've watched This Ain't Ghostbusters.

Ders will talk shit on all of Hollywood, but leave a porn star's name out of the equation. Exactly. Who am I talking shit on? The Rock. He'll be like, I fucking hate The Rock. Adam Sandler. Okay. There's no difference between. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Your golden God. You're telling me there's no difference between me being like, oh yeah, I don't like watching The Rock workout on Instagram. And then me being like, well, this guy was almost convicted of murder and couldn't get into Canada. So I'm not,

I'm going to leave his name out. Yeah, but then you get so close. Don't make me do that face of the dude on the Bulls documentary.

No, dude. It's all right. Gas your boy up. Gas your boy up. Gas him up. Hey. It's all good. By the way, he is way more. I'm way more of a fan of him than fucking The Rock. Here we go. Here's the truth. That's it. Here we go. Here's the truth. Anyway, we couldn't get him because there was like, I don't know what the real details, but allegedly he was wanted for murder. Not wanted. He was acquitted. He was acquitted. Kick ass.

So you were drunk enough that you would do acid? Because do you think you would have ever done acid before this? I don't think. I think I probably, I mean, maybe, but it would have been like, we're doing acid. Exactly. So how drunk were you that you were like? It's not going to be a drunk decision, which evidently it was. And then I think that compounded with how drunk I was. And then it just like blacked out most of the night. From the taquiza. Yeah.

I mean, honestly, Adam, I had a similar like I think I have also done acid when we were in Vancouver. Remember, dude, remember we were like kicking it at like Seth Rogen's like apartment and there was the homie there that was like, yeah, I've got acid. It's all good. And I had reached the point where I was drunk enough where I'm like, yeah, fuck it. I'll do it this time.

And then we like went out to those clubs and shit. And it was just, you were talking to Seth's dog for a while. Wait, were you taught? Are you, I'm not going to be, I'm not going to name names. Were you talking about that, that director dude that was there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, remember he was like a psychedelic bro. He was like – like when you're going into that world, you really want somebody who acts like they've been there several times in your life. Because he's from the tech world, right? Yeah, yeah. And then he – yeah. Yeah, I felt very comfortable doing it, too comfortable, and I was already like –

kind of shit face. So I'm like, this is the guy. This is my guy. Let's go. First time for everything. Wait, but you don't remember the effects it had on your mind. Neither of you remember anything about doing the trip. No, other than like, Chloe was like, yeah, you were being really weird. Like you would not go to sleep. Like I was tired. It was like one o'clock in the morning. I was going to sleep and you were like,

around. Tweaking. You like wouldn't go to sleep. I was like, was I still drinking? You were like, no, you didn't want anything else to drink. You were like just drinking like water. And then I finally – I must have fallen asleep around 4 or 5 in the clock in the morning. Yeah, I think I had a similar thing. It felt like you're like kind of like just on a good one sort of. Like I remember we were just like dancing and clubbing and like – but I didn't feel –

super out of my mind. But then again, maybe me and Adam are just like really good at doing that. Yeah. Maybe we're just great at it. You possibly could be, you know, I mean like, dude, my father, it's his, it's his favorite drug of all time. Like it's supposedly a great, a great experience.

Well, I think it might have been a great experience if I could remember even doing it. If that's the kind of experience you like, experiences you don't remember, which I'm a fan of. Experiences you almost don't have. That's also mixing it with like a high quantity of alcohol. Yeah, a gallon of tequila. Well, to be fair, anything I've ever experienced, I've robbed myself of like pure like drug experiences because it's always kind of mixed with alcohol. I have a problem. Yeah, yeah.

That's a bummer. I like kind of the sad comment and then thrown in the yeah. I have a problem. Yeah! So you guys have both done acid now unbeknownst to yourselves and you don't even remember the high, the trip, the whatever. The addict's career. So now are you more inclined to do it again? I know!

Do it again? Am I what now? I'm not going to say it. Just shut the fuck up. Are you more inclined to do it again or are you like whoopsie daisy? Yeah, I guess I was never. Are you having some Sunday scaries? I guess I'm going to ask it. Is your night night juice having Sunday scaries? Oh boy.

Dude, no weed. So sad that we just couldn't afford more weed. Does anyone have a bowl I can scrape? We used to scrape. Blake, I think, scraped like this giant fucking ball of resin. Do you remember that shit? Yeah, so what we would do is like boil the pipes on St. Patrick's Day. Right. Science. And you would just get like...

Yeah, it would actually ruin whatever pot or pan you use to boil the pipes in because all of the – Yeah, and it stinks like shit when you do that. It fucking really reeks. Yeah. It's just like tar. It doesn't season the pan? Actually, macaroni be hitting the next day. That ramen extra spicy. That roni. That's the move. Fucking resin hits, dude. Shit, we had so many St. Patrick's Days that were just – remember when we just got a keg for like seven friends?

And it was just like, I've mentioned Teddy a few times, but he's a legendary friend, but he just like fell asleep on the toilet. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Teddy. It was in the morning, so people just like piss around him or shower around him. Oh, yeah. Just like asleep, sitting down on the toilet after just...

drinking so much beer. What's cool is that you guys are like, leave him there. He's fine. He won't die. Dude. Craziest man. It is amazing how often we thought our friends weren't going to die and how we were right every time. The fact that we didn't just lose a buddy in the hallway because we just allowed him to sleep there and... Hey, we're lucky. He bombed on himself. We got lucky. We got lucky. We rolled the dice. Well, Blake's got a spidey sense. We know that. I got something. I got something.

He's got a prominent ridge. Oh, my God. A defined head, okay? A defined head, a.k.a. the prominent ridge. It's science. It's science.

Here's what we do. We all take photos of our bodies. Hear me out. I'm listening. And we sell it as an NFT. The only way that we will reveal whose butthole is whose is if it sells for over, and let's name a price, whatever we think is a fair amount. Mm-hmm.

60 bucks, 100 bucks. Oh, it's a four-pack? Yeah, we could say $1,000. Is it a four-pack of buttholes? Yeah, it's a four-pack of buttholes. I'm into that. But you will post it, and it's free for the world to see, but no one knows whose butthole it is. They'll just be like, we think it's these guys' buttholes.

But then we will reveal whose butthole is whose when someone buys it for X amount of money. And this is a really good idea. And Isaac, our manager, our ginger manager is listening. Look at the Irish to him. Make it happen. Let's work on this.

Adam, any take backs or apologies? I do stand. Double down. I do stand by everything I said on this one. Maybe Kyle's the oldest guy in our group. I always thought it was Ders. He's the oldest soul. I know that. Yeah. Is that right? The oldest soul is me. You don't think so?

No, I can actually vibe with that. I get it. That makes sense. I think you are. I'd say you're the oldest soul. Yeah. Who's got the youngest soul? Who's the youngest soul in our crew? How do you define a young soul? Is it just like immaturity or is it like you have a youthful energy about you? I heard somebody say one time about somebody who just kind of wasn't fully like engaged with people and like kind of-

Kind of like, yeah, like somebody like you. Somebody who's just kind of like 2D, like doesn't really get too deep. They call them a young soul. That's the hardest insult I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, young soul. I didn't think it was going to be an epic slam on somebody. I don't want to epic slam my homies. Because if you're a young soul, it's like you have, like when you're an old soul, you seem to have this life experience. You're a wizard. Even though you're young. You're a wizard, bitch.

Yes, exactly. Old as fuck. You can't defeat me. And if you're a young soul, it's as if you have no wisdom.

I would say. But you also don't get hangovers. So yeah, it's kind of fucking, I guess I'm a young soul. It's a tight rep name. Young soul. Youngest soul is either Blake or Adam. Who is it? Is it Blake or is it Adam? Blake's the one who's drinking a Bud Light right now. That doesn't mean I'm young. That could mean I'm old and I've given up on life. That means he's soul lit. It's three o'clock. Three o'clock on a Tuesday. And I'm still going to send it. Right. And you're,

deep. You're already deep. So you're definitely still think of yourself as a very young go hard. What? Which obviously equates to a young soul. Hello. It's happy hour somewhere. Hello. Adam, you might be a young swole. Hello. Oh.

A young swole? Thank you. Young swole. Yeah. Adam is a young swole. I can feel that. I'll take that. A young swole hard. Adam has a youthful energy. But Adam's out working. He's working right now. He's doing adult stuff. Blake, on the other hand, is kind of just chilling, man. I mean, I'm clocking in at this podcast. I'm hitting this board like nobody's business, man. Hello! Hello!

Well, I didn't want that to be an epic slam on Blake or myself. Now that Durr's put the parameters of Young Soul as your 2D. I don't make these things up. I just think that that's what it is. Look, I can get deep, brother. If you want to get deep, get deep with me, all right? Go ahead. Get deep. How deep can you get? Tell us about when you told me about how we're all moon dust and stuff.

Tell us about that. What is that? Well, I don't know if it's necessarily moon dust, but it's definitely stardust. We're all formed from the same matter from the Big Bang Theory. Come on. For sure, bro. Are there any take-backs? Hello! Bazinga! It's science. Hey, that being said, does that sound like a young soul or does that sound like an old soul? That's a young soul. Fuck it! That's a young soul.

yeah see the guy the guy got deep guy watches one episode of star trek and thinks he knows the fucking universe man he's like i don't know if it's moon dust per se but it's definitely some kind of like dust that came from like out there in the world you are so dumb the word definitely was great it's definitely this though yeah i don't know about this but it's definitely

this. Then why'd you say the first one? Hey, maybe the secret of the universe is at the bottom of this can, man. I don't know. Oh, boy. Blake, come on back. Hello! That's an old soul there. Give me a hell yeah!

It was Jansport or bus, dude. Yeah. It was like, or you got the cheaper one. Yeah. Kmart was wall to wall with Jansport. You could get black, you could get green, you could get red. I will say that like when I first started to see kids with the roller bags,

I was like, nerds. Like I would. Yeah, for sure. Like for sure. At my school, you're getting punked. I don't know if you would get full on your ass kicked, but you're definitely getting punked. Beat his ass. I feel like if you're rolling a bag around, somebody's going to kick that fucking bag. Yeah, they're kicking the bag for sure. For sure. And you got to go up and down stairs. I don't understand. Yeah.

I don't understand. Well, then you can put the thing down and grab it by the handle. Just like, I know, but that's like, that's like you're going through the airport. It's a fucking nightmare. I mean, all you need is a belt to go around your books and you just carry them. That's the sickest dude. That is the sickest. Yeah. Hi,

You know, there's some dude in Brooklyn is running around like that for sure. Absolutely. Are these roller bags that you're talking about? I don't have a frame of reference of these things. It's a backpack with the roller bag. Roller bags. It was like at the airport. Like a suitcase. Like the airport. It's called a roller bag. It has two wheels at the bottom. It has the handle that goes –

People fucking... Yes, children across America definitely did that 10 years or so ago. No frame of reference. Kyle, you don't even acknowledge the suitcase I'm talking about? Like a roller bag? I don't know what you're talking about. A roller bag. Like a carry-on suitcase. No, that's what I'm saying. I understand the carry-on suitcase. I just don't have a frame of reference of people taking that shit to school.

Mr. Dorsey had a motherfucking one, allegedly. He's a teacher. He's a fucking teacher, though. Goodbye. Well, there were many Dorseys. Okay. Click on the link. Anna just sent you something. Here they are. The roller backpacks. Roller backpacks. Here we go. I hope this fucking... It's not that hard to figure out. You know it. Yes. Yeah. You love it. Jesus Christ, I love this print. The computer forward, I'm not going to say nerds, but like...

The homies that were already like rocking laptops at school had roller bags. Wait, you guys had friends that had laptops at school? No, we didn't. This is a false. Blake's making shit up. I remember a kid bringing one to school. Huge flex. But at the same time. Yes, there were laptops. What the fuck is that?

I feel like you maybe stayed in high school longer than me or something, dude. Well, it's possible I was held back for math. Yeah, dude, there were not laptops at my high school. I specifically remember the kid. His name was Robbie. He had a laptop. He had a roller bag. I don't remember his last name. It was Robbie Laptop Roller Bag, bro.

Dude, this might be a made-up story from your acid trip. Roller bag Robbie. I feel like you're making this up. Like you're getting it confused with college or something. College. Because this is not occurring. I don't know why you think it's so out of the realm of possibility that a homie in high school had a roller bag and a laptop. It's the acid. It wasn't. The only bags that were rolling were fucking bowling bags, bro. That was it. All right.

Blake, I think you're thinking of college. I mean, we all went to college and dude, we got Dells. It's science. We still thought we were in high school when we were in college, so that's fair. I got a gateway computer. Do you remember that shit? Oh, shit. Gateway country with the cow. With the cow box. That's a sick computer. That computer fried after like three months. I think I got like three of them before I was like, can I just have my money back?

For real. Well, Anna is saying, our producer Anna is saying that these roller backpacks, they were for kids with back problems because books were getting too heavy. No, I don't buy it. Who the fuck are these kids? Well, that was my question. Well, for sure, books were crazy heavy, but that's why you have them.

kids drop off some of these books carry the one or two books you need and then go back to your locker nah only dorks use lockers i don't buy it because people hike around with giant fucking bags with like the waist straps and shit and like you just strap it tight and you're fine if anything you're getting stronger it's it's bullshit and that's and that's why the youth of america is so fucking

weak nowadays because they weren't strapping it tight like we were. Blake, since you remember these bags, could you put these bags on your shoulders as well? Or were they strictly rollers? No. Yes. Yes, you could. Look at the picture. See, Blake has no fucking clue what he's talking about. She just sent it to us. We're all looking at it. Everyone at home is freaking out. Blake, you're making up stories. You have Mandela affected yourself into high school for two decades. There was no roller bag, Robbie. Dude.

So I made up this guy. I made up this kid roller bag Robbie with the laptop. He's like, Hey dude, you know what I think it is? I think this is from when you did acid, your acid and it's sort of like melted that part of your brain. And is this my weird like fight club where Kyle would watch me go into like computer lab? And then I'd be like, I wasn't there. I was,

No, I was with you guys. I was smoking cigarettes at school. No, you never smoked cigarettes with us. You never did that. I did. I smoked Capri's, dude. You remember that? Yeah, I do remember. That's the only, that's the only smoke you would smoke was a tiny little Capri's, which was sick as fuck. Dude, I wanted to be friends with my homies so bad because they all smoke cigarettes that I was like, okay, I'll smoke, I'll smoke Capri's. You know how you also stayed away from it too, is you were like, I only smoke Capri's. And then you were like, I only smoke with my feet.

And it was like, what the fuck? What's going on? And I have shoes on right now, so I guess I can't, bro. But then he would do it every once in a while. He would put a cigarette in between his toes and light it up and smoke. And it was so funny that it was like, hell yeah, dude. This guy's great. Did I do that?

that. If he's gonna smoke, it's gonna be a ha-ha. You know what else I did? I got one of those long ass, from the Halloween store, those long cigarette holders. Like a Cruella de Vil filter. Yeah, that's tight. I just wanted to be friends. And you're asking if I had the roller bag? You fucking don't.

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