Ep 101: 101 Podcasts To Hear Before You Die
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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This is Important. Tonight on episode 101, Kyle says things, I guess? Yes, dude. I was a hot first baseman. You couldn't concentrate because you kept staring at this adult man's ball sack.

It was either a bit or he's a pervert. Or a little bit of both. Strap in. Another one. 101. Dalmatians. 101 Dalmatians, here we are. Cruella DeVille. That movie is fucking... Would they ever make a movie like 101 Dalmatians anymore? I hope so. Didn't they just make Cruella, bro?

They did. Yeah, but I didn't watch Cruella, and I heard it was not. It was cool. I liked it, but it was less about how she's. Oh, yeah, it's psycho. It's psycho. The whole plot of the original movie is psycho. She kidnaps dogs to skin them alive.

alive and wear their coats around them. I know. It's kind of sick. It's a fucking... One second. What? Yes. How else do you think we get fur coats? Break it down. I know. I'm saying for a children's... She's not going to skin the dogs alive. She's going to drown them first. She's going to kill them and then take their spots. She wants their spots for her coat. It's hard when you're actually watching it with your kid. When you're a little kid, I think it's

pretty gnarly but I like that about Disney movies they like leaned into the gnarliness of like how I think we talked about on the first Walt Disney was super gnar that guy was so gnar dude didn't he cut his own head off and freeze it in a fucking yeah it's frozen somewhere man that's sick gnar dog and that's a fact he cut it off himself that's a fact Blake thank you for spreading that Patrick Harris

Hey, Cruella DeVille though, was your mind blown when you realized it was Cruel Devil?

I just learned that right now and it is melting my shit, dude. I was today years old. I was today years old. I'm sorry. It was cruel devil. I was today years old. Why is it cruel devil? Just think of the root words. It's crude devil Lee. Sorry? Crude devil Lee. Cruella DeVille. Just take from that. I know. Take from that. I know.

yeah i get it but like cruella is not cruel it just has cruel in it cruella devil cruella that's that definitely wait oh i thought i thought if you spelt it out it's yeah cruel no no i'm just saying it's like the no kyle what the fuck do you know she just made some shit up that's i'm

Kyle, that's obvious. Wait, what did you think? You just made some fucking bullshit up. I'm not making up bullshit. What are you talking about right now? You just said it said cruel devil. It doesn't. Yeah, when it doesn't, it doesn't spell cruel devil. Yeah, it's not cruel devil. Yeah, obviously it sounds like Cruella de Vil. But it doesn't say cruel devil. Oh, I didn't describe that. What the fuck are you talking about? So you knew that and then you acted like that when I said that? What?

What the fuck? Did I knew that it sounded similar to cruel devil or it looked similar to that on paper? Yeah. But is it actually cruel devil? No. Exactly. What did you think I was saying? That it was actually cruel devil. Cruel devil. Like you paused the conversation. Did you say, you said, dude, did you realize that cruel devil?

Cruella de Vil is actually Cruel Devil? Yeah, so what the fuck did you think, you dumbass? It's not that. Hey, Kyle, here's what I thought. I thought that it was like a Disney Easter egg where they spelled it in a way that when you look at it written, it's Cruel Devil. No, this is such bullshit. You guys are making this up right now. No, this is what we thought. It was Cruel Devil in a way that they would hide sex...

written on the wall in Little Mermaid or like the weird little things that... That was Lion King. All good teenagers, take off your clothes. Bro, we're talking about watching this movie when we're little kids. There's dicks on Little Mermaid's cover. Yes, there were cocks. There was lots of cocks. There were huge cocks. Which is so cool. The towers were cocks. That's so cool. Kyle...

don't spread misinformation about fucking we're gonna get flagged what the fuck are you guys talking about hey kyle just say allegedly and we can move on man just say i can't believe i'm having this conversation with you guys right just say it kyle kyle

All I was saying was how much was your mind blown when you realized that Cruella DeVille sounded like Cruel Devil? Play it back. Zero percent. I was five years old. Yeah. Zero percent. And how did you feel? And how did you feel? I go, yeah, that makes sense. I'm like, yeah. Hey, guys, I want to say that I don't even know if I ever put it together. To me, I just took...

it at face value, I was like, yeah, that's your name, Cruella DeVille. Because it's nothing. Okay, so Adam, now we can have this actual conversation without so many sidebars filled with dumb shit. Okay. Okay. So I didn't know that. So when Kyle said that, I was like, oh yeah, clever. But admittedly...

Okay. I was taken aback when I... It's not spelled that way because I thought it was like a hidden thing that how Disney does a lot of weird, cool, hidden shit where they put... It kind of is hidden. It kind of is hidden. Cool, like...

Teaching kids about sex like fucking perverted animators? You thought that was cool? Dude, but when you're a kid watching it and you find out... It's not allegedly. It's real. Yeah, but when you find out that they're doing this weird shit, like putting dicks on it... No, I know. It's not one of the... I know. Like drawing cocks on Little Mermaid. Yeah. Well, no. The cock is on the priest. I thought it was awesome. As a little boy, I was like...

Oh, shit. This is the coolest. Rock and roll. Kyle was talking about there is a scene at the end of Little Mermaid where it looks like the priest gets a boner when he's like talking. But a real thing. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today.

He gets the boner right there. But the real thing was that on the cover, on that fat-ass plastic VHS cover, if you look at the castle in the background, King Triton's castle, there is a fucking raging cock. Yeah, it's golden. As a tower. But it's so big, it couldn't be...

No, dude. Nothing. No, dude. Forget it. Well, what are the other ones? I mean, I know what you're saying, but it couldn't be that big, right? It's a cartoon. Yes, it is a cartoon. Yes. Okay. It's like the idea of a penis for sure. The other one is when the Lion King...

lays down into like... Simba lays down into a bunch of those... What are those called? Where you blow on them and... Like the reeds or whatever? Dandelions. Dandelions. Yeah, dandelions. Oh, I thought it was when Scar laid down in the dirt. It spelled something out. No, this is... It happens in the air. He's like his dick. His dick kind of falls out and...

Yeah, his dick hits first. You can see Scar's balls out the back. Yeah, he hits on the dirt and his balls just fucking just... You know Scar had some big swinging nuts for all the dastardly deeds he did. Scar was great. You talking about the worm bag? Worm bag.

Scar's worm bag was swang. Scar had a huge cock. That's why he was hella mad because he's like, why is Mufasa getting all the gas? Because my cock is fucking huge. But it's not always about that. I am king. I will be king. My cock is huge. My cock is huge. No, Simba. I don't know. I feel like Mufasa had the big dick energy if anybody had it. He was like, oh, for sure. Because nobody messes with my boy. Dude, he did.

Well, I didn't. I actually wasn't talking about his cock. I was talking about his balls. You know Scar has like a little dick, but giant. Okay. Giant nuts. Sure. For sure. Yeah. Those are not the same thing. You can have big balls, small cock. And that's why he can't like run that well and like, yeah. Yeah. Straight up. We need to respect the homies with the big ass balls a little more. I feel like.

The homies with the really big potato? My right nut is larger. It's much larger than my left nut. That's bad, and you should go to the doctor. You get a little bit of respect. You should go to the doctor for that, but that's another bag of worms. We've covered it. It was cold. He couldn't get a good grip on it. It's fine. Okay.

Okay. So there's the sex in the air. Sorry. Right? It goes in the air. But there's one from Aladdin. Blake, do you remember the Aladdin one? Yeah, Aladdin. It was the bee. It was just like, take off your clothes. Yeah.

Yes, that's what it is. Yeah, when he's backing up away from the tiger and he says, all good teenagers, take off your clothes. Really? It was the bee, I thought. I thought it was the bee when they're on the balcony. Is it a bee? I thought it was a tiger. I thought he was speaking directly to Jasmine when this went down. No, no, no. He's backing away from something. I thought, here's what I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of, there might have been. Let me see your hands, Adam. Hands up.

Okay. While you're describing this, let me see those hands, please. Because you'd be cranking down. I do love Jasmine. It was the bee when the genie turns into a bee and is going around and telling Aladdin to do certain things. And then they're on the balcony and he's talking with Jasmine. And then he whispers to come very close or something like that. That's what I thought. Okay. And here are my hands.

Okay. Okay, good. Let's see those hands. I will not show mine. Here's what I remember. Okay. I remember that he gets to her balcony on his magic carpet and she has like a pet guard tiger that like rolls up on him. That's right. Oh yeah, that's Raja. Yeah. That's Raja. Okay. And he's backing away going, all good teenagers, take off your clothes. And then she's like, Raja, no. And like calls the tiger back. And then I distinctly remember them fucking

What? Was that not? This ain't Aladdin. This ain't Aladdin. I'd watch that porno parody. No, because I remember I went over to some girl's house and they were like, you have to see this. And they played that exact clip to be like, did you see that? He said, I'll go to you to take off your clothes. Wow. And I was like, yeah. And you're like, should we watch it again and maybe listen up? No.

I mean, should we take off our clothes? Are we good teenagers? We're 10. You weren't a teenager watching Aladdin, bro? No, we were like probably 12. Grow up. And I remember these girls were like, have you seen this part of Aladdin? Yeah, but at 12, you're starting to perk up. You're starting to be like, ooh, I think girls are pretty cool. Bad joke. And who knows? Maybe this was their door in to necking. Man, necking. I know. I'm sorry. It was a bad joke.

I didn't hear you. Yeah, what'd you say? Nothing. What'd you say, dude? Tonight on episode 101, Kyle says things, I guess? I do, I do. What did you say? Kyle Mumblecore. Let's hear it. I can't remember. I think I said grow up because you were watching a lot when you were a teenager. Oh, dude. What an epic slam. And that's a joke?

Wow. Save that for when we do Epic Slams at the end. Yeah. Because you got to bring that one back. I can't save anything. Because I don't know where we go from here now. No, we're in it now. We're in it, bro. You're right here. You guys are digging on me. This is what it is. So let's just have a fun episode like this. All right? Go ahead. Hit me. Don't tell me what to do. Hit me. Back to my point of Disney movies being super aggressive. Like...

101 Dalmatians being all about like killing a ton of dogs. I feel like they absolutely wouldn't make a movie like that anymore. Like it's just not palpable to, no, those would not, those would not be the stakes of a child's film. Right. Right.

Right? Yeah, no. What's the closest they have come to that? Besides like the video... Oh, and we lost Blazer. Who cares? Moving on. Blake has had enough. I don't know. Like what's... I mean, because these movies these days are like sad, right? They'll be like a parent or like a divorce or something going on that makes like the opening first act of the movie very sad. So you care. Right. But there's nothing very like...

terrifying like that right there's not a lot of cruel devils in these kids movies anymore not a ton of cruel devils anymore not a ton of cruel devils that sucks yeah do your kids like the old Disney shit or are they like uh nah let me watch that new new uh

I think it's a movie-by-movie basis. Yeah, they like it both. They like them both. When they watch an old movie like that, are they taken aback by how real it is? Yes. My son put together that all their skin was going away when he was like, you know, that she wanted to kill them and take their skin. And he's like three years old, and he's asking why. It's like, what the hell?

And it was like, yeah, I don't know why this is in this movie, dude. Because it's fucking cool. Do people take dog skin? No. Yeah, because she's the bad guy. Yeah, that's the whole point. This is where I'm... And by the way, now the whole thing with Cruella is that...

In that movie, it was like her backstory as to why she was so cruel. That's so stupid. Explaining why people are evil in a movie and it's like, all right, but let's just, for the sake of having a 90-minute movie, maybe not get into the whole backstory of an evil person. Do we have to? Yeah, exactly. Why do we have to justify? On the Cruella movie with Emma Stone, that was a good movie and that was live action.

I liked it. I liked the movie. I thought it was pretty good. I think it was well done, but I just was kind of like...

All right. Sure. Yeah. Conceptually, like, what are we doing? We're spending this whole movie to justify why they made it so, like, violent, like, in the first one where you're like, when you really think about killing 101 Dalmatians, that is a violent thought, you know? So now we have to be like. And I like that that's even the name of the movie is 101 Dalmatians. And you're like, oh, I wonder why it's 101 Dalmatians.

Like that's a very specific number. Oh, cause that's the perfect amount she needs to kill and skin in order for her to get the perfect coat. Um,

And what's also weird is that she already has like a pretty big black and white fur coat. She does. Yeah, she's got a sick coat. Yeah, she's just like greedy. So like I'm almost kind of offended that she's like, I need another black and white fur coat. Like, okay, like this is a bad person. Yeah. Privilege? Much? Okay. You got money? All right. By the way, like she's super hot. You thought Cruella was hot? She had something about her. Really? Yeah.

Go off. No, I'm just kidding. Those chompers. Great joke. But God, they were like, let's make her despicable. Let's give her like yellow teeth. She's smoking that long cigar thing or cigarette thing. Yeah. Yeah. We're still talking about Cruella, pal. Welcome back. Hey, Blake's back. A little bit. You're back. What's going on over there, Beezer? Your internet sucks balls or what? Nope. Can't hear you. We cannot hear you. Can't.

I'm just glad this didn't happen on our very special 100th episode. I don't even remember what happened on that so long ago. A lot of really fun, good stuff happened on it. We talked for 20 minutes about how I...

Was a bitch who thought he was dying. And it turns out he just gets bad headaches now. Migraines. Right. Cool. Oh, that's cool. Migraines are your grains. I honestly kind of always thought like when people got migraines, I'm like, oh, that's...

Not real. Like they're just being a bitch. Yeah. Like a little bit. I was like, I get it. Headaches suck. Like, and you got a bad headache. I'd never been around it until Sarah at Workaholics on the writing staff would get them and just would have to go peace out into her office and like lay down in the dark. Yeah. Or would have to like go home. I remember back in the day she would like. We let her go home? Yeah. Yeah, we did. I can't believe it.

That's insane. Does this work? Hey, there you are. How's it going, bud? Yeah, and he's back. Fucking A. Terrible connection over here. Can we talk about Cruel Devil? Sure. Why did you do like a Scottish accent when you... Don't talk about the Cruel Devil. The Cruel Devil got in my microphone, baby. Um...

Let that one hang there. This is the episode where everything hangs, bro. Let it hang. Hang like my right nut. Yeah. Dang. So the guys with big balls, do they jizz more or do they have deeper? I love that.

I left and we're still here and I love it, baby. They have deeper voices, right? If your balls are bigger, your voice is deeper, right? Do you think that's a... I don't know if that's connected. I don't know. Well, you're saying it's directly connected to testosterone, correct? Well, I don't know. Is testosterone connected to the deep voice? Is that a thing? I don't know.

I don't know. I think so. Well, admittedly, when it's hot out, when it's like really hot out and your ball sack is, when your nuts are really hanging. Slapping. Yeah. You're slapping the sides of your thighs. That's the worst, right? Thighs? Like, isn't it the absolute. Th-th-th-th-th-thighs. Are you asking?

worse when you sit down and you're like sitting on your nuts. I'd much rather have cold nuts all the time. When you Belvedere yourself. Do people know what that means? Yeah, the Belvedere. I know what that means. I guess Mr. Belvedere, the actor, would sit on his balls all the time. Which, by the way, I didn't know what Mr. Belvedere was. It was a sitcom from Durst's childhood. Like the 70s. Late 60s, early 70s.

What are we talking about? We got a lot of good birds, bro. Epic slam. Epic slam. So it was a show about a butler or something from the 80s that Ders watched. Yeah, what was Mr. Belvedere about? Ders was alive. I don't even know what it was. But yeah, he was like a nanny that was a man, which was like a whole new thing, Adam. A whole new world.

I did that. He paved the way for you on Modern Family. On Modern Family, yeah. Hey, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Belvedere. Give your flowers to Mr. Belvedere. I'm going to save them. I'm going to save them. Here in about 20 or 30 minutes, I'm going to give some flowers. Good, good, great. Okay. We like that. But it was him. It was the guy who was like the announcer for the Milwaukee Brewers. What's that guy's name? The Milwaukee.

Or maybe he played for him. He was like this... Wait, what? What a deep cut. The Milwaukee Brewers? How would any of us know who the announcer for the... Yeah, like the baseball announcer guy. Oh, it's Bob Uecker, right? Yeah, Bob Uecker. Bob Uecker. Or Eubanks? Uecker? Uecker, right? Yeah, Bob Uecker. Kevin Eubanks was Jay Leno's guitar player. He also wrestled. The guy who just said they're gone. Dude, he was sick. Well, who was the... I mean, that's a real question. Bob Uecker. Okay, continue. Bob Uecker.

But wait, you guys don't know who Bob... Bob Euchre, I feel like, was just a guy who was famous for some reason. Wasn't Bob Euchre in those baseball movies? Yeah. Yeah, I think he was... Wait, is he in Major League? He was in Major League. He was in Major League. That's him? But wasn't he an actual... Okay, so he was a real baseball announcer for the Milwaukee Brewers. I thought he was. No, it can't be the guy I'm thinking of because that dude is so funny in Major League. There's no way that dude is not a comedic actor.

Why? That guy could just be funny. They can be both. Yeah. They could be both, man. Announcers, they talk a lot. They're funny, bro. Yeah. You know how many jokes announcers get?

You know what I mean, dude? Yeah, they're non-stop. I mean, by the way, like, I don't know. Look at this dude. By the way, he's what a cool grandpa. If this is the guy I'm thinking about, he has some of the best comedic reads in Major League. He played professional baseball and he's a current sportscaster and comedian. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was. It's the guy. It's the guy from Major League, Blake. Yes. When he hits the home run, he's like, ah, shit. Yeah.

Yeah. That guy absolutely rules. Is he still alive? Uh,

88. Still going strong. My God. Let's stop talking about it. We kill Bob, I'm going to be pissed. The curse continues. It's stopping here. Born in 1934. That guy might be the funniest part of the Major League movies. He is so funny. Agreed. And he's in the booth with John Candy. Oh, shit. Is that right? I don't remember that. John Candy's in Major League?

Major League One, at least. That's a major gap in my movie knowledge. Yeah, I don't remember that either. I don't remember that. I think. Well, anyway, he's on Mr. Belvedere and he just plays like a guy. Okay, so, but Mr. Belvedere, the reason you were telling this story... Oh, but Mr. Belvedere. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, Mr. Belvedere. Let's go back to him. About the long nuts. Apparently, the actor who played Mr. Belvedere... Christopher Hewitt. ...would often...

sit on his own balls and be like, ah! And then he would have to cancel the...

So they called it Mr. Belvedere. Bro, I already fucked up. John Candy is not in Major League. Thank you. I think so, dude. I know what he's the announcer in because I was in that movie, dude. Okay, my boy. He is the announcer in Rookie of the Year. I'm sorry. I got my baseball movies crossed. Come on, man. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. This is why we don't love you. Buddy. I'm sorry. It's okay. It makes sense. I love you, Blake. I'm unlovable. Pardon.

euchre big balls right euchre for sure big balls do you have a deep voice blake he had a register you know okay yeah i'm trying to think who has huge testicles i find that usually larger men have huge testicles we had this one um substitute teacher oh dude i know who you're gonna talk about his name was mr lobster like legit name or he just said call me that

His name was Lobster? Mr. Lobster. Oh, okay. He said lobster. He wouldn't stand to teach. He would only sit to teach. But of course he wore khaki dockers or whatever. And when he would sit down, it looked like this motherfucker had a whole...

Whole ass, two potatoes in the side of his pant leg, bro. Just like spuds, bro. Spuds. Spuds McKenzie. Like it was hard to pay attention to social studies because thank God he was a substitute teacher because it was distracting how large his testicles were. So you couldn't concentrate because you kept staring at this adult man's

Ball sack. Well, dude, the thing is, is like, yeah. Yes. Yes. All right. Yes. 100%. When you're like, what? We were like 11 or 12. When you're 12. When you're horny. Yes. Is that what you're saying? You're a horny 12 year old. And somebody's like, yo, check out this part of that dude up there. And you're just like, oh my God. That's a cool way to put it. You can't stop.

Adam, were we in the same improv class when that dude showed up in short khaki shorts and his no underwear and his balls were just hanging out? He's one of the teachers for like a moment. I want to say it was the guy. I would definitely remember that. That would be seared into my Snapchat. I want to say it was the guy who played the janitor on Scrubs. John Candy.

Blake. You've told me about this guy before. He came in to cover for our teacher. I think he's a Second City guy and was like, yeah, fucking I'll get back to basics and coach some kids. And he just showed up total manspreading and everything was hanging out. And it was so dark. So he knew.

Had to have. Oh, it was a bit. He might have been trolling. Yeah, it's a bit, dude. It was either a bit or he's a pervert or a little bit of both. It might be both. It can't be both. It can't be both. It can be both. It can never be both. It can never be both. Why could it not be? There's no such thing as an uber perverted bit. It's a joke. It's either rooted in sexuality or it's funny. It's a joke. Yes. I agree. I agree. I agree.

Is that the first time that's been said on this pod? I agree. I hope so. I agree. I agree, Anders.

That bro was a fucking weirdo. I think it could be. It can be too pervert. I think there is a little bit of a gray area there where the guy is a little perverted. He does have his nuts hanging out. But also. I'll take this walk with you. It's not his dick. It's his nuts. I think this was both. Nuts are not sexual. What? It's not my dick. I saw everything. Nuts. It's not sexual. It's my nuts. Yeah. What? Unless you like it.

It has to be separated. What's that guy's name? And by the way, this guy obviously was not doing that.

Allegedly. Don't look his damn name up. What's his name? Everyone knows. Yeah. Why are you calling them out by name, man? It was John Candy. John Candy. R.A.P. I don't know if it was this guy, but it was a guy exactly like this guy. Nice. The guy I'm talking about might have been the guy who like...

lost every role to Neil Flynn, whose dick was not out. Neil Flynn? Who's that? He's the janitor on Scrubs. He's the janitor on Scrubs, allegedly. He's the guy whose TV career we would all take because he's been in everything for 25 years. What is that one documentary where it's like, hey, that's me. I was in that or whatever. Did you guys ever watch that? Oh, yeah. With Tobolowsky or whatever? Yeah, it's kind of... Stephen Tobolowsky? It's just basically all the actors that...

are in everything but you can never like you know you don't know their names but they're literally in everything and they're always like amazing actors they just like and then you watch the documentary and they're like my name is this and you immediately forgot their names you're like all right what an effort they're like and after the documentary dude i'm gonna be like the star of the next avatar and everyone's still like fucking

It's the guy from Serial Mom who... And you're like, oh, that guy. It's like that person. But they are incredible. Who the hell is that? Who the hell is that? That. Who the hell is that? Who the hell is that?

Hi.

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Yeah, well, Stephen Tobolowsky has been in like... Who's that? He's from like Sneakers. He's the guy who's like... Oh, I like Sneakers. Yeah, sure. He's the guy who she goes on the date with and she's got to get him to say all the words that are just, my voice is my passport, verify me. Oh my God, that movie rocks. I just remember. Oh God, that movie kicks butt, bro. I remember so little from that movie.

He's the guy, he's Needlenose Ned from Groundhog Day. Oh, yes. This dude rocks. He's hella funny. He's super duper funny. Oh, yeah. This guy's a G. Oh, yeah. Dude, he's the guy in Spaceballs who's like, we can't do this. Dude is so funny. Jesus Christ, this guy's been in everything.

everything he's got to be from chicago i feel yeah yeah he's in groundhog's day yeah remember that shit uh we'll post him immediately on the instagram so you guys can follow along everybody knows him the scene i want to post the scene in from sneakers because it's so good she's like hitting on him and he's like a dork who all of a sudden reveals that he's an egomaniac and thinks he's the man and

And she's like, I can't believe I have to fucking put up with it. But you know what? She loves Robert Redford. Who doesn't? They've got long history. Damn, Sneakers. Great movie. What a great film. It's kind of like a Mission Impossible episode as a movie, though. It's kind of sick like that.

It's so good. River Phoenix, Sidney Poitier, Dan Aykroyd. God damn. Come on. Ben Kingsley fucking kills it. Ben Kingsley. What movie is this again? Sneakers. Sneakers. This is Sneakers? Dude, I don't even know if I've ever seen this movie. Really? I always pretend like I have when we talk about it. I'm like, yeah. I truly don't know if I have. Honey, what's the matter, honey? I had to lie about Sneakers again today, and it's just...

eating me alive. I feel like there's a gap between me and my friends. Adam, do you do that? Because I feel like I should have. I'm going to go watch Sopranos first episode for the seventh time.

Sweetheart, you're walking into the garage. Not even the first episode, dude. The entire series. David Strathairn, you will not be disappointed in Sneakers. Oh, there's literally... I've not even seen... I thought Sneakers was a movie about hackers. About shoes? About a kid who gets shoes who can play basketball? That's like Mike, brother.

That's why. Have you seen Like Mike? Motherfucker, if you're lying about not seeing Like Mike, I'm going to be upset. I have seen Like Mike. Yeah, I've never – I don't even know what this movie is about. You should watch it. It holds up. It's super good. It's about like hackers. Basically, it's about a team of people who are hired by –

like a company to see if their security is up to snuff because they're the guys who can break in. Yeah. But usually movies about hackers from the early nineties, the technology was so dumb. They have rollerblades. This is more than hackers. It's actually like breaking into and like infiltrating, um,

Corporate espionage. It's more like Ocean's Eleven. Okay. Let's give our flowers to the movie Sneakers, which evidently is a cultural touchstone. Adam, literally there's an episode of Workaholics called Snackers where we started writing it

off of the movie Sneakers. I know, and I'd never seen Sneakers. I just was like, you guys were like, yeah, snacks, and we have to find ways to get the snacks. I'm like, yeah, it's a heist movie. I got that. And Adam just kept nodding his head like, yeah, yeah, River Phoenix, River Phoenix. Yeah, yeah,

And when he puts on the sneakers, it's a wrap. So what snack makes me jump really high? Oh my God. Guys, it's not what I meant. I'm joking about the sneakers, but when they are sneaking,

Ooh, they get sneaky. That shit slaps. Do we even say in that episode, my voice is my passport, verify me? I kind of feel like we threw to that. Probably. Yeah. If we did, it got cut. Oh, it's not in the cut. My snacks are my passport. That didn't make it. Yeah, too much plot for TV, baby. You should check it out. It's got an all-star cast. It's very smart. Yeah.

it's cool it's a it's a fucking i don't know i would i say it's a classic you would you would i think it's a underground classic for sure yeah yeah you would the likes of that you feels pretty loaded there kyle you would yeah kyle kyle can name the seven movies he's seen on on one on one seven finger hand i know and they're all die hard half of

them are diehard. What? The movies I've seen? They're just all diehard movies. I've seen Die Hard? With a vengeance. Well, Ders is classics. I'm saying that as not like loaded like fuck you. I'm saying like yes, you would call that a classic because you reference it so much. It's a Ders classic. Just like Daryl is a Ders classic. Daryl's a Ders classic. These are movies that I don't know that I would have seen without having you as a friend. Sneakers is a movie that you see that makes you feel smarter, right? Yeah.

Which I think is a lost art. I think it's a genre we don't get enough of. Oh, God. No, but like, it's clever. It's a clever movie and you watch it and you feel like you're a smart person. It's well written and

And it has a cast that is absolutely legendary. And usually that makes you feel smart when you watch it. Legendary mate. I guess I don't have, that's when Ders was like, I guess I don't have to read. Or tell time. The book report. I guess not being able to read. Hunters, can we talk after class? You,

You wrote a book report on sneakers. Yeah, bitch. Call me Sharpay. I'm out. Send Mr. Lobsher's huge potato balls up in here. Bonsoir from Sharpay. Did you guys have any memorable substitute teachers that you can recall? Yeah, we've talked about Mr. Tan. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, Zach Sheffield. Well, I don't know what his real name was, but we had a dude who had like a...

Polish, you know, you're in Chicagoland. You got a bunch of dudes with crazy long Polish names that are like, you know what? Just call me Mr. Tan. And this dude in the dead of winter was straight leathery. Yeah. And it was like his whole thing, like his whole identity was wrapped up in his skin cancer. In being tan. That's fantastic.

And to this day, it's evolved. It's evolved. That's tan fasting. Yeah, substitute teachers were a weird mixed bag because a lot of times you're like, either you're like, oh, this guy is a degenerate who just is doing this for a few extra bucks, or it was... Cool. Yeah.

Not even a degenerate. This dude is a drug dealer. I mean, honestly. I'm going to buy weed off this guy as soon as the period ends. For sure. Or a retired teacher. Someone that was so nice and so cool, but something was a little off that made it feel like maybe that's why they couldn't get hired. They didn't wear underwear. No.

They couldn't get higher. See the Ridgeline. By full time. They had balls the size of potatoes. Honda Ridgeline poking through. I weirdly remember...

like a bunch of substitute teachers. We had a guy who played in the NFL who like just took the whole class to tell us what it was like to be in the NFL. And he was like, dude, I remember my first game. I got laid the fuck out. And I was like, I got to quit this. And he became a fireman. That's what a substitute teacher should be. That's why it was so great having one of those fucking loony tunes in your classroom. Because...

They never cared. They weren't going to teach you anything. They were just going to tell you a cool story that they tell every class. Or they're just going to put on Hoosiers and call it a fucking day. If they really stuck to the syllabus that the teacher left, then you were like, fuck this person. This person is not- How the fuck is spell syllabus? I won't even try. Oh, boy. Does it start with an S or a C? Yeah.

Oh, boy. It starts with an S. No, it's an S. I was kidding. It's a P-S. It's P-S. Okay. S-Y. Psy-libis. Psy-libis. Psy-libis. Psy-libis. Psy-libis. Psy-libis. I remember there was this one, what was wild is we would get this one substitute teacher and I think he just would say, just call me Josh. But he,

But he was an alumni. That guy was trying to fuck. Yeah, that wasn't me. He was an alumni from our high school. And he came back to teach our high school. That's a trip. Well, that's cool. I like when people do that. We had a bunch of ex-Wild Kits.

that taught at our school. Dude, you guys, I have blocked this. I blocked this shit from my brain, but my mom's. No, my mom was a substitute teacher. Do you remember that shit? Oh, God. Oh, God. Take back what I said. Yeah. I take it back. Dude.

Dude, that was so rough. Do you remember that shit? Oh, yeah. That was so rough. When the kid in class would have their mom come in and teach. I don't remember your mother being my teacher. My mom did it for probably two years. I forbid her. I was like, you're not teaching anything on my grade. She was on campus, but she was not allowed to teach my grade. She had to say no to those classes because it drove me bananas. So did your mom have a degree in education? Sweetheart, she had three degrees. Yeah, my mom was...

went back to college my mom graduated college when I was like eight years old she went back and did that when I was a young kid was it in education she must have gotten whatever you need to be a substitute teacher was it a third degree burn because sometimes I feel like you don't even need you need a certificate to teach yes do you

Yeah. Teaching certificate. Well, now I don't know about that. Substitute teacher? I don't know. But like to get a... You need like a teaching credential. Yeah. See, that's what I think. I think you take like one night class and they're like, it's fine. Just show them Hoosiers. Just they're going to watch Rudy. Just get in there. We need someone to look after these fucking Rugrats. Hootie and Roosiers. Hoosiers. Am I wrong? But is like...

Substitute teaching is kind of like a way of getting your hours. Okay, Dad. You have to substitute teach a few times to be an actual teacher? Am I tripping? Yes, and I think maybe even to get insurance coverage probably. At the same time, you're poisoning teachers to get jobs. You're hitting teachers with cars to get work.

Sure. You're taking them out. Have you seen the movie 187? And then you book the full-time job and then they're coming after you, but you know it. That's the movie I got to write. The Substitute. It's called The Substitute. The Substitute exists. Yeah, that's a movie. That's a movie.

Hey, we've already seen that movie. Shout out, Barringer. Great movie. Barringer? Fuck yes to Barringer, bro. Okay. Fuck yes to him. Fuck yes. Well, he's the catcher in Major League. He's the catcher, right? He is. It all circles back to Major League.

He's actually kind of the main character of Major League. The catcher is the main character. Oh, yeah. His knees are going out. What do you mean kind of? Isn't he? He is. His knees are going out. He doesn't know if he can catch anymore. That's a big deal. That's right. And he kills it. And then he was also in Sniper. He was in Sniper. If you guys remember Sniper. Here's a little factoid. My wife's ex-stepdad was an actor in Major League. He was one of the sports executives. What? Oh, my. What?

Shout out Jack McLaughlin. Wow. That is so dope. That's a strong name, too. How did he not become a fucking monster superstar with a name like Jack McLaughlin? He's a superstar. His nuts were too big. His nuts were too big. He was a Chicago theater actor, and last winter, during the holiday season, or maybe it was a Super Bowl. No, he was in a Super Bowl commercial. That's right. There you go. That's a top. Flowers for Jack. He was the old man.

in the commercial for like a bookstore like was closing down and all the community came down to help uh raise money for the bookstore and i think it was like toyota or something and that was a that was a super bowl commercial yeah let's just say my man is not fucking around

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Get you some. Get you some, Jack. I like that. What was up with all the baseball movies being shot in and around Chicago? Because you didn't like Cubs. You got the Cubs. It all revolved around the Cubs. Best stadium to shoot in or something? History. Wrigley is pretty cool. It looks run down.

Yeah, it's the right amount of... If you're ready for it to collapse on you. It was the right amount of kind of shitty that you're like, oh, there has to be history here. There must be. There has to be. You're telling me the only history is people just kind of come here and polish it. So they must have won like 30 world championships, right? It's been a long time. Well,

One every hundred years. Yeah, one every hundred years or so. Actually the most losingest team in history. Yeah, very bad. Very, very bad. That's why. It was so rusty in the 80s. I haven't been there in 20 years. I don't even know what the fuck it could look like now. Maybe they've given it a little polish, but man. I bet they've jizzed it since winning the World Series a couple years ago. Jizz it, baby. They give it a good jizz. I think they try not to jizz it. I don't know.

I think they're pretty like, kind of like with the A's, like let it rot. Yeah, but do you remember Dodger Stadium before Magic Johnson took it over, however many years ago that was, six or seven years ago? Kind of. It was real bad. Poopy. And then they did a little zhuzh. Zhuzh it up. And now it's much better. It's just a zhuzh, not like a whole remodel.

Right. I like that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. People were getting murdered, right? Or like, or left for dead. Yeah. People were getting murdered in the parking lot. Yeah. Specifically Giants fans. Yes. Specifically Giants fans. Fuck. Yeah.

There was also like seats that were behind pillars and shit that you couldn't even see from them. Oh, no. But were they cheaper? Probably. But there was like also there wasn't like screens everywhere. So even if you were in those bad seats, you couldn't like look up and see his screens. They put a screen on the pillars. Yeah. So it's just you watching TV. That'd be tight. How do we feel about the like netting? How do you guys feel about the netting that –

should or should not be put up alongside so babies aren't getting beamed by line drives. I like them. You like the Nets? You like the Nets? I like the Nets. He likes the babies. Because I've seen multiple people...

I've seen multiple people get taken out in stretchers. I think we were together one game when we saw someone get taken out in a stretcher and Magic Johnson went up and shook their hand. That's when we threw the run. While they were wheeled out? Yeah. Hope you don't die. You guys were there. It's when we threw the first pitch out. That's right. And we did that dumb bit where, not even dumb, fun bit where we acted like we were fighting to see who would throw the first pitch. You guys actually really sold it too. I think you guys were kind of actually fighting. Yeah.

You tackled the hell out of it. Truth and comedy. I'm not a fan of the Nets. I would rather go back to the bring your gloves and protect your fellow next to you. You know what I mean? But you can't. You can't protect yourself. It's so fast. It's impossible. Bullshit, Durst. What do you mean? Everybody should have a gun. What are you talking about? Wait, wait. What do you mean? You can't protect yourself. Now we're talking.

Now we're talking. That's not what I was talking about. Hey, dude, if he hits you in the face with a ball, you pull out that gun. When I was a kid, though, I felt a great responsibility bringing my mitt to the game. Good. And what I'm telling you is that on top of that responsibility, you can't. It's coming at you at 120 miles an hour and your reaction time. Wait, what? You can't? They only have the net speed.

to like the third and first base. I can't catch a baseball? No, Kyle, you can't. What the fuck are you talking about, bro? On the sidelines, you can catch that. Kyle, okay, Kyle, you must admit that there is a probability that you won't. Okay, if it's a pop-up... There's not enough me's in the audience. I agree with that. Kyle, I guarantee you, you can't. There's not enough of baseball stars who didn't play on their high school baseball team. Who chose to smoke cigarettes. Yeah.

The future Hall of Famers who chose not to play...

In the ninth grade. Yeah, that's where you get to showcase your skills, bro. Did you even play in eighth grade, Kyle? Did you play in eighth grade? Yeah, I stopped in high school. I was a traveling all-star team in eighth grade, okay? Traveling all-star team, baby. Did anybody try and convince you to stay on the team? Were they like, we need you? Or was it kind of radio silence? Whoa, don't pull this rug out, Durst. Don't pull this rug out. Yeah, did the coach call you?

No, Kyle could have made it. Don't pull this rug, dude. Hey, no, no, no. We know he can. No, it's cool. They can talk. It's fine. Oh, Kyle would walk by a baseball practice and be like, oh, but you guys wish you had me. And they're like, who is that? Who's that? This is my multiverse. You know what I mean? This is my multiverse. And it's all good if you explore it because...

That's what multiverses are put there for, to explore. So wait, did anybody reach out to you to get you to stay on the team? Yeah, did the coach call you even one time to be like, we need you? Yes, yes, dude. I was a hot first baseman. I was on the traveling all-star team. Hot? Like he wanted to fuck you? I was fucking good, bro. Still put me on first base. I'm not going to let anything get by me. That's not going to happen. Okay? I can run all the plays. I can do that. You got that long frame. You can't run the bases, though.

You don't need to run the bases fast when you're hitting home runs, playboy. When you're a power hitter, put me in number four, all right? Clean up. God damn. Yeah. This is turning me on. Kyle's not wrong. He was a hot first baseman. And why did you quit? Because you had to practice every day. To get better at the thing you liked? Yeah, you had to practice every day. I did not want to do that. I wanted to hang out with my friends. And probably at that point, I had found the video camera and I was making shit and I was falling more towards art.

Did you like any of the baseball players or was it just kind of not a vibe for you? I loved them. They were great. They were cool. They were my teammates. You couldn't film them? But it did start to get political. It did start to get to be like you had to be a coach's son to like kind of make it. Substitute teacher's son. It's political. There was a little bit of that. My dad wasn't a coach, but for sure, yeah. Who, you? Did you play baseball? No, I did another sport. What sport?

It's called swimming, bitch. That's not a sport. Oh, shit. Oh, what is it? Guys. That's not a sport. What is it? That's exercise. Guys. That's exercise. Yeah, that's conditioning. You were like a pro conditioner. Oh, guys. I'm just saying. And let me ask you this. When the Olympics come on, are you watching baseball or are you watching swimming? Durs, you know how much I love swimming, spinning, swimming. Yeah.

What are we talking about the politics? I guess I just don't know. If you're good. No, no. It was like coaches. It was coaches' sons, especially when it came to the all-star team. It was like, I remember being like, dude, what's going on? Every single player is a coach's son from different teams. So it was starting to be like, but I could see the marionette thing happening. I could see that. Adam's going to say what I'm thinking. Do we think that because...

I mean, it makes a lot of sense that the coach's sons would be pretty fucking good at that age, especially before you're growing super quickly. Yeah, but when you take a third baseman, when you take a... Let me talk. Because they've practiced... Hang on. Okay. But they've practiced...

with their dad every day. They get good coaching from the head coach. Constantly at home. I remember specifically they took a third baseman who was not a first baseman and threw him on the all-star team as first baseman. Do you remember his name? I'm not going to say it. Say it. No. Awan Leather. Say it, dude. Say it. I remember this situation. Who was it? Say it.

I remember my baseball bully. I remember his full name. He's not a bully. Say his full name. He just wasn't a first baseman. Say his name, Blake. He was a great third baseman. Not a first baseman. Switched me out with that first baseman. That's when I realized this is not... Kyle's fibbing right now because he's not saying his full name. Are you making him up? Right now.

Whatever, bro. You want the story? Oh, I thought he was going to say it. Here, Kyle, as soon as you say it, all this stuff that you're holding in right now is going to be out, dude. You need to get out. I'm not holding anything. I'm just letting you guys know the story. You are, dude. I'm watching you. I'm listening. I hear your voice quivering. You need to say his name. Well, you're trying to push me to do something I don't want to do. So that's the actual thing that's underneath this.

And what is that? And that is call out this child. I don't feel like calling out a real person for this. Like something that happened 30 years ago. We're talking about what? Like you said you had a bully. Call yours out. I do have a bully. I'll talk about him right now. Call him out. What's his name? Anybody who used to watch baseball knows that this name has even more relevance. But there was a guy on my team named Will Clark.

Fuck him. Fuck Will. He was on my team. That's the first baseman of the San Francisco Giants too. And he was fantastic. Yes, but this kid's name was Will Clark and he was on my team and when I would go up to bat because I wasn't... But he didn't grow up to be the first baseman of the San Francisco Giants. No, he's not the Will Clark. Imagine the chip on that guy's shoulder, man. Come on, give him some slack. When I would go up to bat

he and he was on my team i would hear him say oh here comes another out my own teammate that shit stuck with me bro yeah that happens bro i feel like that's baseball that's baseball that's what's my teammate man i know but i feel like that's baseball did you strike out and get out were you a good hitter i think i think you had a little bit of a thin skin situation shook me to the core i of course i struck out but before that before that did you get hits a lot like what

I think Blake might not have been... I was a stronger fielder. I was a stronger fielder. Oh, my God. I was so bad at baseball. In sports, there is, like, real talk. You know what I mean? But I was also a child. This is developmental stage. All right. We didn't want to ruffle your feathers. Poor guys.

My God. No, bro. As you get older, you become a better batter. I had no strength. I was Afrofetus. I was just a child, man. I know. So was he. So was he. Let's cut him some slack. Is Afrofetus a t-shirt? But why was he so mean? Bro. Because he's a kid. Kyle, say your guy's name. I don't need to. Say your guy's name. I'm not saying my guy's name.

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Customers may experience slower speed. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Dude, you want to... I have another deep-seated thing. I remember my bat... Yeah, all right. My bat... Dead...

It specifically said it was a T-ball bat. It was neon green. It said T-ball. And motherfucking Will Clark. Get a proper bat. They're going to make fun of you, dude. Will Clark saw the bat. He's like, look, his bat says T-ball. Well, yeah. It fucking shook my shit, bro. My mom crossed it out with marker so that fucking dude wouldn't make fun of me no more. Oh, my God. Buy this kid a new bat, dude. God.

He wasn't big enough to hold any, to hold a heavier bat. Who knows? Poor guy. He couldn't swing a heavier bat. Well, Blake, I feel like you had some thin skin. This kid was giving it to you a little bit. He probably was a little bit of a shithead, but it's all my fucking team.

but he's on my fucking team. Yeah, I know. That's fucked up. That guy's on my team. I know. Bro, so take me aside and say like, hey, you want to do some fucking workouts? Dude, I, the kids on my baseball team, I came back after my accident and tried to play baseball again in the, what, seventh or eighth grade. Uh, I,

obviously was the worst. My teammate called me the cripple. Yeah, that's sports, man. These kids, man. And they were right. These fucking kids, man. I laughed about it because I did suck. Your name's hard to remember. I did suck and I was crippled and I was a liability every time I went out there and I got it from their point of view. But also, hey, you know, I like to play. So I was giving it a go. Yeah, but don't you think you...

might have, would have had a chance to be better than you were if they were like, yo, bro, we back you. Fucking get up there. Well, I physically couldn't...

Your story is a little different. They're kind of wheeling you out and putting you by the third base coach and saying you're playing, but you're not actually playing. But Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake. I'm caught up. I mean, let's just go to another sport real quick. I'm going to build you up because you're my team. Okay, I'm going to gas you up a little bit. Pickleball. Because you were good at soccer.

Like, really fucking good at soccer. I see. I see that. Guys like me, I couldn't play soccer. I was not fast enough. I didn't have the wind, okay? I'm a 40-year-old pickleballer. You're smoking ciggy. And so you were really good at soccer, Blake. So you played in high school and maybe got a... Yeah, I was an all-star. I was select. I was selecting when I went out traveling. But here's my thing, Kyle. That's sick. You played in high school soccer. I did not know this about you. No, he did not. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Oh. Wait, wait, wait.

No, I wanted to fucking record videos with Kyle and smoke cigarettes, bro. I dropped. Nobody wants to practice. See, we both dropped around the same time. Yeah. And that's fine, too. You know, you can do all that stuff. I get that, too. I get that. You could do all of it. I did the comedy show. I was on the swim team. I smoke weed. Yeah, you could do it all.

You can't do it all. We didn't know, man. We got it. No, man. There's a fork in the road. You're either fucking smoking ciggies or you're playing sports. All right. Well, mine, it wasn't that. It was politics. That's what it was. It pissed me off, dude. Say his name. Say his name. I'm not saying his name. So Coach's Sons, man. Oh, wow.

What a coincidence. All the coach's sons are on the traveling all-star team. Blake, you quit soccer, and then did you miss the sport? Did the sport miss you? Did you get a call from the coach saying, hey, man, what are you doing? We need you. Well, my stepdad was my coach, but...

So, Kyle, how do you feel about that? We got one of these guys. And that was the sport that you excelled in? That's incredible because you are the exact – you were select. I was fucking good, dude. Yes. You were good. You were good. And you had that piece of the puzzle. You had a dad that was a coach. What position were you? I don't know soccer too well. Fullback. I played defense. So that's a lot of running. Yes, yes. But then as you kind of age up a little bit –

fullback sort of fades out. There's like you start to be a sweeper. So you cover the whole field. You cover the whole field because I was kind of just... I can see that for you. Did you do a lot of like, this is my house? Like, get the fuck out of here. Let's go. You started Let's Go? You were the first one to start that global phenomenon? Let's go.

Dude, I got some cool soccer photos. If you see the kid who I'm talking about, me, at this age, you'll be like, oh, my God. I like your swim photo the best. On the ladder. This is after that, so I have the afro starting to go. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. I look like a gymnast, a little girl gymnast. It's really cute. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.

So it goes back to the fencing, okay? Because that's where this started, right? The fencing in baseball. Oh, right, yes. And we absolutely... You were convinced that you shouldn't have it, even though... No, you're asking my opinion of it. Oh, the net, the net, the net. I know, but Kyle...

So then people who can't defend themselves shouldn't be sitting there is what you're saying. Well, you do get a chance to pick your seats, so you don't have to sit there if you're not ready. That's what I'm saying. So would you recommend like, hey, look, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Go to the bleachers. I guess I'm just thinking. I get it. I'm just saying I like to drink at baseball games. Sure.

Sure. Double fist. And talk with my friends. And it's part of the... Obviously, I'm watching the game, but it's a lot of bullshitting with my friends, catching up with people. I'm not paying attention to the game. It's mostly that. To stay engaged for three hours. For the four hour, five hours that this fucking game is going on. I'm kind of like, put up some nets.

See, I love watching it. Baseball stadiums are just bars with a thing happening in the middle of it. Wait, you don't like the sport? You don't like the actual sport? Kyle, say you go with a younger audience, say children, and you're having to monitor them. Now all of a sudden you're on the third baseline. No, no. He wouldn't do it. Are you engaged? Wouldn't bring them. No, I think that I'm just basically speaking out of like,

nostalgia, I guess, and my own upbringing where I'm like, I enjoyed that part. Yes, it was thrilling when the ball would come to your part of the stadium. Well, I enjoyed bringing my glove to the game too when I was a kid, but you could do that in the outfield or anything past third base or first base. The netting isn't up. Still a pop-up will come that way. Yeah, I understand why it's there.

I get it. I understand why it's there. Think about all the people who've had, like, fucking damage done to their craniums, dude. Yeah, Kyle. I thought you were one for the people, dude. Yeah, yeah. No, I get it. I get it. I get it. No, I feel you. Like I said, I was speaking out of my own history, which is not necessarily the most progressive...

form of thought, okay? I'm down with the progress. I'm down with this. Protect them. See, normally, I'm always that way. Whenever there's change or anything new, I'm always like, fuck that! The old way's better!

And that's, I think, an easy thing for humans to do because you're just thinking about your own upbringing and you're like, well, it's different than I am. Well, I had to do it like that. Yeah, so everybody should have to do it like that. But it is a very closed-minded way of thinking. And we're really evolving, aren't we? As a friendship family, look at us go. Here's how Kyle's going to evolve. Immediately after this episode, he's going to go start a net company. Yeah.

And just be ready to go and be like, I'm the official net provider of the MLB. Look at the gears turning. When those pickleballs start whacking some fans in the stands. It's actually made of pickleball nets, and the technology is such that the ball will bounce back into play. I don't know.

I am surprised at how long it took baseball to put nets up. I can't really remember it without them, but I am glad they're there. Where are they? Are they really up? Yeah, they're up behind the home plate. Behind home plate makes total sense. That's always been there. Behind the home plate, obviously. And that's where it always was. I'm not talking about that. But then all the way to a little past third base, I think. Yeah.

And I wonder how tall they are. I think they're pretty tall. It's just so you don't get a direct, you can have a little time. Yes. I know. Dude, people are on their cell phones. There's people that are getting fucked up at NBA courtside games because they're looking at their phones. Yeah. Those are hilarious. Those are hilarious. By the way, those are going to go away as well. Courtside seats are going to disappear. Once someone just like, it almost happened at a Lakers game or some game, a player is going to,

run into a pregnant woman, kill her baby, and there will no longer be courtside scenes. No, because each one of those courtside scenes are a... Obviously, a pregnant woman, that's not a person. That's an unborn... Okay.

Let's get into it. They're not going to get rid of that because that's the most expensive ticket in basketball. And the owners aren't going to go, oh, we're just going to not make an extra $5 million every game. If LeBron James plows into an 80-year-old couple and kills both of them, there will no longer be courtside seats. That is not true even a little bit. That's true. That's true. That's not true. Yes, it is. That is not true. Yes, it is.

No. What I will say, Blake, to Blake's point, if I may, to Blake's point, if it's difficult for you to get an abortion in the state you live in, you can just... It's a little more expensive, but go sit courtside at an NBA game...

And just kind of sit with your belly out and they'll get it. They'll give you a little... That's freaking dark comedy right there, dude. I feel like if you can't afford to travel somewhere to get an abortion, you might not be able to afford the courtside seat. Adam, you're missing my good point. Okay. And that is that this is a twofer. That's dark. That's dark. You get to go to the game and then also take care of your business. It's a twofer. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I get it. It makes sense to me, but I'm just saying. Yeah. I'm just trying to make a good point. Any take-backs, apologies, flowers, giveaways? Candy critiques? I have an epic slam for none other than

not the famous Will Clark, but the little kid Will Clark. You snuffed out what I may have become because I started to doubt myself. It trickled into my life today. I'm still holding it. I think we know our second guest. Will Clark from Concord, California. I think your dad's name was also Will Clark, also not

The San Francisco Giant. So this is a guy who was living in the shadow of his father. And he took it out on you. I'm sorry, dude. That sucks. And it affected me. And I'd love to talk to you. And I'd love to know who Kyle's guy is. I feel like, why don't you know, Blake? How do you not know who it is? I'll call you afterwards. I'll let you know, man. It's a cool name.

I don't know. Cool name. Okay, let's start going through the cool names, Blake. No, Blake doesn't know. Chuck Steak. Blake doesn't know who I played baseball with. He was playing soccer. See, he won't even tell me. Yeah. Wow. Secrets. I would like to give flowers to Kyle for... Cruella DeVille?

No, was that this episode? Sure. Damn, I dropped out. It feels like yesterday. All right, I'm sorry. Sorry, I just wanted to call it back. No, I would like to give him flowers for standing up for himself, for his baseball, even though we don't know where his skill set is now because he hasn't played in over 25 years. Got a hammer. So 25 years ago...

I like that you stood up for it. We were kind of trying to give you shit. Don't let us take that away from you. You know, it's OK. If you believed in yourself at that age, continue that belief, my man. Thank you. I love that for you. I wish I had that belief. Will Clark took that from me. So thank you for having me. Shut up, bitch. I went into a batting cage not too long ago, a few months back. And it was it was humbling. Mm hmm.

What do you mean? What speed are we talking about? I set it to 75 and was just like, nah. Yeah, you got to turn on that quick. Yeah, I was like, oh, no, I think I suck now. I used to be okay. Anything up over 60 is tough. In a batting cage, because you can see a person kind of winding up to throw. So in a batting cage, how do you... How do you time it? With the ball dropping. Yeah, a green light turns on. Okay. Yeah.

You get the rhythm of the ball drop, basically. Kyle, I've been swimming lately. Have you ever thought about going back into just doing like adult league baseball or softball? Yeah. God, that would be sick. You know, I've thought about it. I think about it a lot, and I think it would be good. I think it's a no.

Yeah, but I'm into pickleball now, dude. I'm into pickleball. I know, I know, but I get that. I'm high level. I'm at a high level in pickleball right now. I'm happy. And we're excited for you. Who said that? You're at the very beginning of a burgeoning sport. Who said what? Who said what? Who said you're at a high level? I mean, just watch me play with other people that are good, bro. Adam, you can't... So this is the second week in a row that Adam is just doing lines from the movie.

That we're hoping to save. Dude, I just read the workaholic script and I like it, dude. I like it. Do not blow the wad. You can't workshop it, man. Spoiler alert. Hey, I'm workshopping the bits, baby. Let me do my best. All right. Any takeaways, epic slams? Yeah, Kyle, I want to see you get out there. There's...

I'm happy to get out there, man. I'd be happy to play ball with you all, and I know I'm the best one here. I feel like you'll find the love again because everyone whose dad got them to play whatever position, the dads are dead now. Will Clark Sr. is dead. There is another thing, though. No one is there to stay in your way. The politics won't be there, Kyle. It'll just be best man standing. Even as you're talking about this, though, like...

To throw together a softball team, everybody on your team you got to kind of like. It's hella hard. Nine people. Pickleball, you're solo. Swimming, it's you in the pool. But if you're with nine people and seven of them you don't like. You don't have to like. Yeah, you do. Dude, you – It's harder. I mean, seven. Yeah, sure. If you hate –

more than two-thirds of the team. Imagine seven Will Clarks. Yeah, think about this poor kid. I'm so sorry that happened to you, Blake. That sucks. You were a fragile young lad who couldn't take it, man. All you need are two or three people. To play baseball? Oh.

Oh, two or three people you like. No, no, no. Two or three people that you like. That's who you chit chat with in the dugout. That's actually a great question. I'm going to go hit the... As a professional person on a professional sports team, I wonder how many people you actually like on your team.

Two or three. Yeah, I think that's probably a good metric. Especially in basketball. Football, maybe ten. And then if it's like a weird underdog team that wins a bunch, they probably all like each other a lot, and it's just clicking. A weird underdog team that's

wins a lot yeah where you're like why are they winning so much and you're like dude they like each other they all gel the team is really jealous mentality they go to big fun dinners together like you're talking specifically 2002 oakland athletics huh yes yes yeah you are you are that was a special couple did you guys see that what was it the was it a basketball player or football player where they're like getting blow jobs in the middle of a bar oh that was in australia it was a

It was a way. Oh, Australian League football. That's a classic way. Yo, what is this? There was some Australian football where like the dude, the teammates bet each other and the dude lost the bet and the loser had to suck in a public bar or something. What is that real? I thought it was a girl sucking the dick. I think it was the teammate had to do it.

It's like a very way-o situation. Dude, these Australians are way out of pocket. These Australians, dude. What's the name of the sport? One more time, the name of the sport is... Blake is right. Thank you.

Wow. And also there was somebody in the Oakland A's stadium way up in the bleachers getting a blowjob. And that was also a way out. So way I was catching on. We've been way out. I wish I forgot what way out means for next week. Yeah. Hey, guys, just go too far. It's a way.

over. That's a way over. It's a public sex act. It's a crime punishable by jail time. I guess that was another episode. And that's another episode of This is Important. Starbucks iced apple crisp oat milk shaken espresso.

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